Live from Peecast Blast with Commodore Jaxley (Paul F. Tompkins)

way are 3000 feet from you.

Holy crap! I can tell you all are, uh, cute crowd, though. Que man Howard, stop. They are, though. Look at him. Look at every single person in here. You're

pretending like he's gonna have sex with someone who wants it. How anybody, man will, literally Who? Anyone. Okay, a couple. That's exactly what I like, right? Hey, this is bad. You can't come right out at at the top of the show and say, Who wants to have sex with one of us? Well, this is more.

We did anyway. Guys, we are the host of the teacher's lounge. This is the teacher's lounge. Of course, man. We never heard people clap for us with more. That's interesting. I know. It's usually boo boos or silence. I'm of course. And Howard Levis. I was a biology teacher at Hamilton High School. Obviously a lots happened since then. Uh, still gotta love for biology. Still gonna love for my buddies. We host the show together, So why don't you introduce yourselves to

That's right. My name is Sam. Weatherman.

Former big applause for saying whether really

of crazy limos eso a student government teacher as well as a spiritual guru.

Yes. And you got a new haircut. Oh, you noticed. Thank you so much. Yeah, I just figured, you know, do it up a little bit from the show. Yeah, nothing looks good. Thank you. Some housing, but somehow the crowds, somehow the crown of your head is at the top of your neck. Uh, yeah,

Well, I took a long map from yesterday. Till this morning.

You didn't get aired. You You slept for way, Teoh.

Yeah, I slept for 16 hours and it looked just like this.

Amazing. Thank you. Thank you. Bye, guys. My name is Bill Cravy. Okay, Okay. Thank you very much. I'm holding a basketball. So, you know, I'm a basketball couch. I used to coach a college basketball. I was fired for throwing a lot lasagna at the opposing team's coach. I think poisoning poison ledges, lasagna, and I Fred it to the other team. Is that the story line? It's been a

couple of moves with that

basketball. Absolutely good. Really. Price. This ball is regulation tested. Thing is how there What is that? What am I trying to say? I don't know. Remember this is how much air is supposed to be in this book you don't see is as I say. Um, yeah,

I taught Padre Theater teacher Feminist. Uh and ah, divorced man. Yeah. Your labels, Those air, all my water. I don't believe in labels anymore for men.

He's been talking about this for 24 hours straight screaming, no more label,

no more. I read an article. So

you skimmed a headline. You see, I

popped up a twitter. I got the 1st 3 letters and I understood on I should first

three letters. Yes. What were they? We don't even know. This article was about labels

guarantee. Well, I'm not gonna label the article.

That's good. Well, damn, we're we're really excited to be here in Los Angeles. Obviously, we aren't from here. Angel City of Angels. Real cool city downtowns. Beautiful, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. Smells good. Looks good.

That's really being revived. Yes, absolutely. It's a brochure. The timeline this rival is on. I love

a revival is you don't provide homes for all the homeless people nearby. You move him aside and say, Hey, 20 something white. People want to be here now. Eso We're building stuff for them. Yes. Eso move further, further.

I went to six coffee shops on one block today and spent $200

eyes. Awesome. Did you drink those coffees now? They tasted horrible because you like you like the pot of coffee made in the back of pollutant Conference. You prefer a a light roast made in the dirty coffee maker of a Jiffy Lube? That's right. Yeah, for

oil change. Coffee? Yeah. Courthouse, coffee courthouse. Here's what I like

you like public. You like coffee that a company made trying to save money, right? Like it's like we're going to use the same grounds all day long, maybe even for tomorrow. You know

what? I'll dio you know, you get the big red folders. Can some people water down their coffee? All water down the grains with dirt before

you cut your Kofi coffee? Like a drug dealer? That's a great idea from the earth. Yeah, Yeah, we had a tough time getting here. Uh,

sounds like a set up.

Just jokes on you. I have nothing classic

Cravy start before you know, the end

of the sentence. We'll know what a tough time getting here. He's got some these guys. Flu. I remembered something. The stage. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah, way. Do you think? I don't know. This is this solid? It iss it is. But then we'd be in front of the monitors and we got to hear ourselves, right. But, you know, these guys flew here. I was shipped in one of those crates that you see backstage at a concert. Uh,

you're at a bit of a detour on the way

I did. I ended up on tour with Shania Twain. That's right. That's right. And I

were her bass speaker for the tour, Right?

They played the baby. Hey, you screens the sound.

My voice is shot. I was doing the low end of man. It feels like a woman. And let's just say cameras for your lower were using Start Really? My okay. Down style.

Your Some people say it's pretty. It's a little crazy

about dare you. It's ridiculous. I was born with it, or it's a disease. It's one of those two. That's a tough debate there. But how would you guys fly?

We had a great flight. We spent 45 minutes flirting with women that do the clear thing next to pitch. TSA pre check. Uh, you know, it's It's like there's the free check. But then there's a thing called Clear that they haven't explained yet, but they're there to be like you can get in quicker. Clear. Yeah, clear.

There's regular, reject and clear,

which is privately owned, and they get beautiful women to get old slobs to be interested in. It looks

like a chime, and I

always get to the airport very early on. So I had time to chat and learn a little bit about it.

You get you whether you have a flight or not.

Absolutely. I'll get there early for everyone else's fight.

Why? You

know we're near an artist you love to. People watch. Uh,

you never take notes. You come back and you have nothing you're having telling your character.

I don't know. It's just talking about the airport, the traffic, the yelling. The couple's hating each other.

I feel like you're at home.

Yeah, you get all of the cultures in the world without having to leave the comfort of your city. That's nice. Yeah, that's so I go to an international terminal, and I'll shame everybody for a while. Be like that's not how we do it here. Um,

what are

they doing? That you can give them that note? That's not how we do it here.

Probably simply carrying bag.

Exactly. I mean, right away. They're doing it wrong. Uh,

you demonstrate how, Todd properly. Carry a bag real quick. A nice visual joke for anybody who's listening to

this. Really? Only

you always try to cram a too big suitcase into an

overhead. Yeah, I could. I enter the plane first on, then take the longest. Uh,

well, you do stole involved valor right

up top, right? You say you were in the military, and you just show them a picture of a uniform show. You just show them a picture of a military uniform and say I wore this

one. Yeah, I wore the uniform. Well, I was the first ever person to be dishonorably not let into the military.

I remember. That was a

hard time. Yes. Play itself out. You Some

people, they just say no physically, you're not fit enough, you know, But no harm. No foul

for me, it was about my morals. and honor system said your dishonorable man. So I said, Hell, I'll go in there and do it myself. Go

in there and do it yourself. So you have a militant more solo? Yeah. You went to Vietnam 35 years too late.

Yeah. Yeah. And then I was immediately captured. Uh,

By who? Immediately, How fast

between wheels down and capture,

uh, wheels down is already very nice of you to receive.

So the plane was making an approach to capture

The plane was making an approach, and I was on a plane with a bunch of POWs coming back for the first time. And they captured May Levi's American POWs captured.

They said, Don't do what you're gonna dio

come in here. Don't do it.

Was McCain on that? Came. McCain led the charge. Okay,

Yeah, he's a maverick. We had a Really We both have a similar arm problem. So we had a rockem sockem robots style fight.

He's a maverick.

Who was controlling you? You're indicator doing rocket sockem robots on the plane.

Who's controlling? May. It was a rowdy 13 year

old. Wow, what a story.

But we have so much show to do. We could talk about today. Yeah, we bring our guest.

Wants to hear the rest of the,

uh let's bring him out. Do you think this is our

We had a great guest plan.

Yes, unfortunately, they couldn't make it. Yes, so way apologizes. You here to see Ira glass? Um,

you are someone who just perfect fifth your glass and us

way. Mounted with that is good carbs. Send us an email subject line. Ira pass, which is

that came after he had agreed to do it once. And then he said later on, he thought better of a said I passed

Way. Come out.

Oh, yeah. Uh, guys were so excited to have this guest here. He's a good friend of ours. Ah, real good guy, Honestly. Just a beautiful man. He's a friend of ours. Back from Hamilton High School. He was the sailing instructor at Hamilton, and his name is Commodore Jack's. Lee

Yeo. So, everyone. Where do I sit here? That's when you take the middle Commodore in the middle. Yeah, you're steering the ship, so I'm forced to look back and forth with space. Yeah, I tell you this.

Let me tell you this. Commodore you're gonna have a lot coming at you from all angles. Constantly and probably at the same time. So get your ass ready.

All right. No way. We're good sharer. Yeah, we share the state we share, and it's grounded.

Commodore of the hell are you?

Normal? I'm normal. And lately things were going great with sailing team. Yeah, that's good. And they're going to get even greater because we're adding motors this year. Regulation of the boats with motors is

this regulation. I mean, the sailing team, you know, that is wind powered. Uh, voting.

That's good. That's swim power boating along the terms. Do sales.

I've sailed before in my life. Tell

me about it. That's a lie. No, come

on. You don't think I've sailed? Very. Are Jackie's

it? Hey, common. Or how well he knows the terms said

I said the name waste voting. What? There's nothing else to prove. What, you want to show you? Pictures on my

skiff skiff that it's called a cell phone, huh? Self. You can't pull up pictures on

a boat bill. A skiff is a type of boot

things. Guy knows his stuff. Well, Howard, that gracious commands ungracious guys sticking out tongues? No, fellows. What? Sam, you're not even involved in this? No, Please don't do this. Take of you, Not Hey, you know what? I scared. You know what you win always wins.

So now you're putting motors in these boats? Yeah. This is just

you put you put a motor on a boat, not

Excuse me. I don't know much about it. Surely this was to get in and out of the dock. And then once you're out sailing and competition, they'll sail. They'll turn on the motors

off. Well, no. I mean, the whole idea of the motors is to give us an edge.

So your your your performance enhancing your boats

if you like. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. These air pe's these air performance enhancing engines. Yeah, that we're using. And I feel like that's gonna that's gonna put us over. The top would be quite

so few. That's called I'm the Commodore. Not yes,

that I used to being interrupted. Yes. So few of the schools in the district have sailing teams and the one other school that we ever have a competition with, you know, they have that ocean liner, and I think That's unfair, right?

I do. Dio I think that's crazy.

And they put sales up on it. But I feel like I feel like there's something else that's powering that boat because it's massive. It's like a city.

Yeah, yeah, it crosses the finish line just sitting there, getting to the Oh, it's not problematically. A sailboat nudges it forward, so raises over.

Do you think your small sailboats with these little engines will compete?

Now? I didn't say what size the engines are. That's interesting, Sam. Okay, because these engines, you say they're little, but they're small,

big, big, obvious distinction.

I'm eating my word

in the sailing world. He got Sam.

Yeah, I gotta get my one word.

What Comet are I scared you?

You should be Because, Bill, I'll kill Julia

Keel. You'll kill us.

Why did you kill Hall you or kill all you? What did you hear?

I heard I heard a little bit of both.

I don't wait, Todd, I don't know what one of those is key. Oh ho! Kill

hall. A keel haul is when you tie someone up to the boat and dragged them from the keel, usually drowning them to death,

usually usually, but oftentimes teaching them a valuable lesson about seamanship and politeness.

If they survive you five, which they often do, here's what you do. You tie the guy up or girl, let's meet our why May is your sexist No, I am not sexist. You're not sexy.

Wouldn't tie up a woman because she was a woman. You know what I mean?

That is sexist, Howard. What if she did something really bad? Yeah, You have to tie her up. You're being sexy. Changing.

Tie her up at me for two. Don't enable this, Everybody.

Look, there are many instances where it's OK to tie. Woman. Maybe I'm a gentleman of the old school

train. Jags train tracks if you want. If you won't pay a rent crime, she's late on her rent. Their train tracks nearby. You'll get that read

if she's aware. Wolf, listen. Yeah, I need you to tie me up, no matter what I say. Don't release me from this room, okay? If she's, uh what? Go ahead. Go ahead. Well, joke's on you. I got nothing.

I don't think it will be satisfying good cause, but let's say you're in a basketball game with their and you both go for the ball at the same time and you're both holding. It's a jump ball that you're tied up. Yeah, I think that would have been equally unsatisfying if I had said it right away.

History will be, uh,

I like that because there's a basketball out here. Proof proof that there's just certain

things you couldn't indicate to an audience with words that you have to let them

see. Almost like That was a joke for the basketball. You like this?

Levin is 11. That Wilson.

It's funny how Bill you came out with that basketball as if it was a really important thing. And now it's just tossed aside behind us, not even featured at all. Most people in the audience probably can't even see you

feature the basketball. Somebody does objects. Yeah, feature. Good feature. Good feature. Get enough. There's a toll man over there. Threw it right back. Today is to get right back at you. We're seeing No, no, no. You come back. You know, he had that coming

here. He's got a mic over there. He wants to come out bad.

Hey. Hey. Said we told him No, no. Uh, Commodore, a lot of people are saying that that sort of stooping to the level of sort of souping up your boat soup, the soup stooping to soup is not an honorable thing. Yeah, you're gonna be

stoop to soup if you're eating a soup on and stooped down to eat it. That's right. But you know, it comes to sailing.

Why did you just pick the soup up? It's districts. Strongest man on earth. Dad, you're so weak. So you can I saw you get weighed down by a ministro knee the other day. Yeah,

yeah, yeah, they gave me. Well, first of all, I was hoping they would at least give me one of those lighter spoons. But now one of

those lighter spoons talking about

pick up a spoon and you got to be pumping iron Schwarzenegger to get it to your mouth. You know the ones, the ones that you screw PETA lobster with

those tiny food market. What's that? The smallest spoon on the market Black market.

Now you guys know a pirate, right? Yeah. Yeah, Well, look at your dress. So that's

why that's why this is no big deal to me putting an engine in a Ah, I'm a black market, which I'm very familiar with their spoons so light that you have to hold them down to you. Wow.

Wow. There's anti gravity boots.

They defy gravity. I would say they're anti gravity. They support it. They're in favor

of their favor of gravity. But they just, you know, are are an interesting

Yeah, there's that spoons. They are organized,

their disinterested in

gravity. Okay, right. That makes two of us.

Because it told you down too much.

Yeah. I say 9.8 meters for shut up. Miles or meters? Meters. You're OK. Uh, a zai. I'm sorry. I didn't know that you were a pirate. I think I had a stereotypical image of pirates in my mind. I

was waiting until I was 10 years to reveal

it. Oh, So how long until you're 10 years is a pirate? Another 15 years.

So you were waiting, but you just figured Never mind

continued. Or is it as a a teacher? Okay, I got you your There's nothing they can do. I reveal him a pirate. I've killed men.

Yeah, well, I know what a compare it does classically back in the day. You know what? The plane. It's great, by the way. Terrific. Thank you very much. This is a way. Really good one. Thank you. It's a good one. Thank you so much. You don't

have to wear a wig. I mean, we all just

You are way have to wear wear being

honest with ourselves. And here we are.

Be honest. Here, let your freak flag fly. Here.

I get it. I wanted to cover up my my brown hair. So I put on this week. That's got a little bit of great.

Yeah. Yeah, Well, the breaker brown hair is discussed. It's a weird kind of brown.

Me? Yes. Jesus. You have a pronounced brown spot. Yeah, just the brass

is browning. Is that on your That's your mom's dad. If he's if

he has around, you have around you seeing pictures of mine. He

has too many to me. What of your mom's down? You have those pictures. Why do you have so many pictures of his granddad?

Yeah, Why? Todd

work. That's a hard thing to justify. Right? Right. Um but you know, you you want to know what all your friends ex family our family, family family looks like so that you can see them becoming that person. You could be proud of them,

right? You know who was just a really great to figure out some of this emotional stuff with original guest. You know, someone who's really what? We had an original guest before. You know, It was Ira glass. Yes. Unfortunately, she couldn't make it A

Yeah. You get Megan, by the way of a lot. Didn't know

the 85 year old concert purpose that we wanted to

have. Yes, yes. She hit a long she's

beautiful, constant harpist that you couldn't be here. You couldn't make it. She said she said my car and out of ira gas.

I got an email to so I just I just got one. And you guys know Ira. She dabbles in Catholicism, right? Yeah. She's like, she she tries it out. Uh, and she was like, I'm sorry I can't make it. Are a mass show the holy day of obligation? Yes. Yes. Really? I expect her to be so leered. The team out. You?

Yeah, is unrelated. You know she loves she loves pancakes. Love banking surrounds him. in syrup. Right? And I think she went a bit too far. Said sorry. Can't make it Ira molasses. And then there's a B S e s.

I think it's weird that she would send you one. That's actually clever. The rest of

it? Yeah, it's it really raised the bar, and all of us are because I got another one from Yeah, I didn't get one yet. Has

not gotten one.

Yeah, and she said I just You memorized it. I think this one wasn't in the title. It was a long body. It was kind of annoying. Um, and she said, You know, I'm a student first. I love to learn. I feel like I haven't been learning enough. Sorry. Can't make it IRA class, class class. She's gonna be in class. Well, you get what I mean.

These aren't working. Let's keep going. Way

I actually did just get I just actually got a

You did. I just

got a bus. Yeah, I got a buzz on my phone, but I know what it says. I'm not gonna take it out. Okay. Uh, it was again a long body kind of preamble.

Teoh phone where the alerts are Morse code Subtle way

taking me a while because I've been getting it.

You have to look

at your phones. He said great. Super super Sorry Was healthy yesterday, Uh, got quick. Sick. Had to run to the hospital. Staff

were changing the changing it now way she's doing this.

She get loose with her own.

She just wrote to me. I got a text message from her. Good. So whats app? She said Sorry. I need some more paper for my DND session later on. IRA graph.

So we owe somebody Raise your hand if you booed. Yeah, we do not like confrontation. Yeah. What? See you in court. So

we'll see your ass in cords.

Just your lawsuit were very litigious.

Very interesting. What was just deemed unacceptable? Yes.

It's good that that's the end of the bit, though. Way

we were talking about that. Um I just got a report in my ear.

Uh oh, my God. You on? Did you steal that KT l a micro.

I stole on ear piece from a k t. L A reporter. Um and, uh, this just in. Unfortunately, Ira can't be here today. She was trying Teoh join the going simple section of her band, huh? On they didn't let her in, so she's pretty sad. Subject line. Cryer. A brass.

Hang on. Hang on.

Another one about something very similar. OK, go ahead.

Now you go.

Because she sent me something about the band and the symbols, and she told me ira crash, uh, into May. Yeah, she was, I think, making a musical reference.

Matthews. You know, remembering, huh? Why do you say I'm just remembering posted? She left.

She's really covering her bases. Just find everybody. Is

Ira glass. 85 year old concert harpists, right? Not so fast. It was supposed to be the guest for this comedy festival.

She said I'm sorry. I ate a bunch of mushrooms. Oh, no. And now I think my neck is really long. High

giraffe. Oh, my God. Wow. Wow. Wow. Somehow acceptable. We're so glad

to have you here. Where? Yeah, We want to talk to you. Sure. We want to. Anybody questions. Wait. Just a

couple segments. We had planned way our time way

got a whole half hour.

If our perfect. So we have time for both segment.

I'll answer any question you want to ask me.

Yeah, Talking about questions actually is interesting. I have been preparing a segment,

talking about questions. His interest up. Yeah, that's a good question about

Here's what I like. I like questions where that goes up.

No. What do you guys let's talk about? How are you? Okay. Questions. Thank questions.

I'm answering that question. Sometimes.

Me, too, because I'm bad. But I don't want to slow down someone's day. It feels like it feels like you're being asked to lie. Yeah,

plus, there's an implication that you have to ask them afterwards. That's true. It's like, How are you? I'm bad. See you later is

one second. I'm texting this to Seinfeld.

Oh, God. Seinfeld's new, By the way, Seinfeld's new tour. It's all us. It's all right. You go striding and then telling everyone about

Do you ever cover how he was 40 years old and dated a high school student?

That is, that is the big, big check. His big

over it's a bit cold. I'm normal. And, uh, it's all about that kind of experience he's had and the relatability to an audience that's being $100 to see him. Uh,

no. Well, I'm a smoke earlier and it derailed us. So let's we'll get back on track with an actual segment. Uh, yeah. Sorry to be so direct.

Are we done with the questions?

No question. I want to discuss.

You know, you sound with your

derail. May well, start whenever you get your paper,

brother. Jesus, guys, open that thing. You so direct. But this is one of the most passive aggressive things I've ever seen. Please crack open that wax seal. That's the sound of cracking. Or do we have props, or do we not have problems?

I actually printed out some questions. You guys know I've been trying to get into the advice game cause I need something to sort of keep me busy. Everyone knows. Yeah. Yeah. So I've been seeking out people to sort of ask me relationships and relationship and sex questions because I'm I'm a pretty big time

That's been seeking out questions. So you can be so you can give advice trying to force it. Actually, what

happened to someone finds a lot of people come to them for advice and they go, Maybe I'll start a tumbler or something for that.

A lot of people do that. But you're saying I

don't make people ask me for

going a different way?

Yeah, I had I didn't force anybody to write questions down. I just sort

of solicit them. Solicited some question. You have questions

to ask me. I posted on Craigslist on Assam. People

within you tried to sell a couch and with in the body of the post your like, Also, do you have any relationship questions? Yeah,

and it works. So fuck you, Uh, anyway, Damn, I'm trying t tied you. I want fantastic. I'm trying to start a little segment I want I'm going to try to start doing. It's just called dear Howard really clever. Uh, I'm asking people to just sort of ask me they're sort of sex and relationship advice, and I give them

my people to ask you these

questions. Yeah, guys, what's the problem? Well, we're talking a lot about how

this bits getting set up and not doing the

big I agree. It is a bit yet, really. So far, you've just been annoying. Really. I pulled paper out of

my pocket and you guys couldn't tell a hat.

Let's do it because I want to answer some sex questions.

I was related enough. I'm always

giving answers to sex questions that are being asked. I finally having opportunities is all right,

E. I like to answer sex riddles. Oh, so I solicit. If you have any sex riddles, send them in to me. I'll do my best. Answer

them. Uh, you're a sex finks.

So anyway,

the strict asked, he solved

the riddle. Right? Wait. They go to the speaks to solve

riddles. Thinks they tell the Sphinx's riddle. The speakers, like let me see. Let me see. And if

they just laying in the desert rating

for us, can you repeat Pat? But slowly. It is

the idea, then, that if the Spinks answers the riddle correctly, they can enter the

sort of treasures in Total Side Point. It's just like for fun. What do you call that? A script? The thing that's not part of the plot. It's just for fun point.

Like whatever this part Yes.

Yeah, yeah, whatever the last five minutes have been. Uh, Anyway, we're gonna do this little segment called Dear Howard. I got a couple questions. I I will hopefully have answers, But you guys also feel free to weigh in. Uh, but we'll just start out with with one here. Dear Howard, thank you so much for opening up your mailbox to the world and helping to normalize sexual idiosyncrasies. More man like you have dealt with their sexual issues in a healthy way. Should be speaking up anyway,

You wrote this, huh? Europe? I came from

someone. My question is, is it normal to experience emotions other than joy when getting intimate with your partner? For example, the last time I orgasm instead of shouting Oh, yeah, or yee hah! I just started softly crying. I wasn't sad. Or at least I didn't feel sad. It was almost like wires got crossed in my brain. And instead of feeling euphoria, I felt the same way. I feel when my friends make fun of me, almost like I'm ashamed of just existing anyway. Appreciate your answer. Love, Beavis, Monroe, Seattle.

Even think of a person's name who is not a cartoon, that this is like a do. Mrs. Ramirez was my Commodore. Your question. I

see you're friends with Howard.

I'm not. I didn't know it was the same. Howard.

Really? There's another Howard Levis, who spells his last name like the jeans with an apartment. And

you know I can't read. I just do the pirate alphabet.

Well, just it's all

it's all semaphore.

I don't know what some before is.

It's It's a budget dump gestures. Okay, you do with flags.

Does it? Is, um, the letter after Q.

Oh, good, good. Well, Howard, Well, anyway, yeah, Howard, I think that I

ejaculate. I start crying like crazy, but

I feel happy. Yeah.

And do you have a group of friends whose routinely mean to you as well?

Yeah. Other other sailors, Semen and pirates.

Every time I Liggett, Sam, his hair is fully different. It's a full new do that way. We got eighties Travolta going on right now. That's a new do. I like

a regular head of hair that could change in the moment based on how you're feeling

being the shame. Take the rug off.

Uh, well, since you're here, uh, way handsome, we can maybe give you advice in real time. Yeah, I think that's normal.

Right? Well, that's normal. What makes

it more eyes that the word normal is not welcome in the bedroom? Uh, you know, everybody has their different idiosyncratic sees. And if you're going to shame them, do it outside of the bedroom. So they don't feel bad

about one of its of thing that you don't want to do. But it happens to you. That's not really idiosyncrasy.

Okay, So decrying. You're saying Yes. Okay. Um, I

don't

know. I might recommend seeing Ah, therapist and old sex therapist. Which one?

Todd, Your therapist is a mannequin.

Okay, listen, uh, we could talk therapy all day. I brought I brought a play that deals with some of my therapy, so we'll get into that later. Yeah,

your advice for this person is I think that's normal.

Yeah, Beavis, I think that's normal. Uh, that's

not very good. He wrote. The question was so much longer. Okay,

Beavis, I think you're fine. Uh, you sound like you're doing good, But

what do you mean it though? Because the way you're saying it seems sarcastic.

I mean it, period. Uh, with the next one, the next question, Dear Howard, again, it's

here. Howard again. Isn't another question from Beavis?

Uh, should be. Now I'll

say this. I'll say this. I don't think it was But it for sure, is now. It's really spectacular what you're doing to make guys who have weird sex histories feel better about themselves. I know I, for one, see a guy like you who worked through all his dysfunction and is now a big time sex player as an inspiration. Six player. And I think it's so cool that you have so much sex all the time, even more than your friends, you're cool. Anyway, my question is this. The power dynamic in a relationship seems to be very tricky, and I time finding the happy medium. Sometimes when my girlfriend asked me to sleep on the floor instead who are king size bed, I feel like she's exercising her power in an unhealthy way. What I would like is for us to sleep in the same bed. But of course, that's a lot to ask of a partner. Any advice? Uh, any advice on how to approach this subject without ending up in the doghouse? Literally. Anyway, appreciate your answer. Love. It is but be is Miss Monroe from Seattle. Object in again, even though I thought the joke originally was gonna be funny

before we get into this. Let me just say I was kidding around. That first letter was not mine. I obviously was joking and maybe didn't fully grasp.

Right thing is true. It's just not anymore. Not gonna change. Truth is

food. And sometimes the new truth is funnier than the old

trigger. I don't know. It feels like you're writing those. I'm beginning to suspect. Now you are writing these Jason Commodore Jackson wrote these around. Now you wrote, um I have a lot

of emails to to self help people in column to start with long sentences, talking about how good that person is, praising the

Let's not obsess over who wrote it and get to the actual advice of the peace established. I did not write that 1st 3 kicked out of battle onto the hard floor sometimes, and he wants to know how they could broach that subject with his partner. Ah, in a way that doesn't get him kicked out of that house.

Okay, well, as a man who's been in on Lea Loveless marriages thistles good. I have a lot of experience with this, and I find that if the two greatest words that every man should learn our I'm sorry. Uh, why

are you saying it was a weird attitude?

Because women love it. Women love to hear That is all we

want to hear. Sometimes ladies

way like it, Teoh. Like someone said, The

apology. Love to apologize to because it's someone admitting a weakness. And they're granting you the higher status. Yeah, that's exactly right. Yes. Yes, it's primal.

Eso just say I'm sorry and great.

Awesome. Just I'm sorry. Keep doing

things as they are. Yes. It sounds like you're fine. Way the doghouse, though. What? You see the doghouse? You haven't had a dog in years. You haven't

had a relationship

in years again. Yeah. Yes, I have tons of them. I'm cleaning up. Um, the last relationship you were in just I was in a relationship with a dominatrix named Mistress Trina.

Okay, that was the last one. Have you had a relationship? He had any data? Anything recently you could talk about This still is about one day and and will decide if that was

a really OK. Well, uh, the other day, I went to the public library. Okay. Bad start. Uh huh. I learned at the start. Uh, but then. Anyway, I was looking through the young adult fiction books. Uh, Jesus Christ

looking How you do? Yes, of course. Ah, is that you look like a pedophile. Okay, So

scouring for pictures. I was looking for the fourth Harry Potter book.

I've seen you in the library in the young adult

section for the picture. What is? But

what is this mess? Your hair is great. You know what? Let's move on. Let's move on

your sexual history.

I asked for help and me in the library of hanging out a little bit. Uh, in what context? She sort of led me to the section where Harry Potter is. She showed me the Siri's. Uh, she showed me the fourth book.

It's just made it. What made

it so difficult to find the Harry Potter section of the young adult fiction section?

Probably my own stupidity. Uh, but I try

for yourself. That's

your call. Um, but I think we're done with it.

Yes, I know there's more. No, there's more. Wait.

Five more minutes. So we should read

5 25 minutes. Let's really quick. Let's read my play. I've been working on a play for a long time. Really quick. I love to do a live read.

Is it quit? Should we really stage it?

Oh, I think this audience will love a little sticky on some pages. Weird

fun Confidential is written in a pencil. On it.

Confidential. Don't share these

confidential in pencil

Read. Uh, Todd? Yeah, Sam, why don't you read my my therapist? Of course. On Howard. Why don't you read my ex wife and stage directions for you? Yeah. Thank you for that. I'm very excited. There's a world premiere right here. Some

people say the best lines are the ones that don't make the screen,

Do they Have not seen this. And I am nervous to read. Todd.

All right. There's a stain on the first page, and then Todd has written. This was this was a blood and pull with an arrow pointing to the

state. It's not right that that was his on the world right over here.

That was his booger sheet. He was putting boogers on it.

All right. For Los Angeles City of Angles. Inspired by a true story written in Caltex and then Google

dots you never used. Find out you're half

by Theodore Padres just playing several acts. Parentheses could be a movie with a few changes. Close parentheses. Exterior. City Day. We open on the interior of a city building at night. It's an apartment building. To be specific. Our main character, Todd Padre, sits in his apartment. His extremely shattered life spread around him. His razor phone rang. Rig MiGs. He uses his hands to open the phone. Let's Todd split stage. We see Todd Therapists on the other end. If this is a movie, we cut to the therapist office or we could do split screen to, I'll be directing. So no worries.

Todd. It's your therapist.

What do you want?

I'm calling to apologize. I was wrong about you. Todd

sips his whiskey playing it cool.

Apologies are for losers and rude Children.

Reminder Punch this up. Well, I guess I'm both. I did some research, and it turns out you're not an avoidant narcissist who's so scared of your true shadow South that So you push everyone away and create false drama in your life to avoid self reflection.

I know.

Well, if you'll actually accept my apology, I'd love to actually start paying you to be my therapist. I think I'd be extremely helpful for me.

I'd love to be the bigger man here. So sure you can come by my place.

Oh, thanks. I really need this. I've learned so much just listening to you and therapy.

Here. Take down my address. Its 14 87 eat shit Avenue. Todd

hangs up his phone. He takes a sip of his PBR Parrot Bay rocks. He throws on an album to celebrate Thelonious Monk Monks dream note illegal. I have his elbow. We don't need to buy the rights. I'm not sure that's the way that

we're. I don't think they were just playing the way we play live.

There's a knock on the door. Todd uses his feet to walk to the door that opens it with one of his hands. You're surprised to see his ex wife Angela on the other side?

Angela, my ex wife. Why am I not surprised? Can I come in? It's raining cats and dogs outside. I noticed it was raining extremely hard all day. Yeah. The weather report said there was only a 20% chance of rain.

Have you noticed this meteorologist jobs and nobody holds them accountable I mean, can you imagine if you were a detective and you weren't and you were that inconsistent at your job? I think it's on something like this. There's a 60% chance that this guy did it. What an interested audience laughs. This is great camera.