Firework Store

Sadness, hurt, sorrow, fear. When I'm feeling emotions like these that I cannot otherwise access, I need to blow some shit up. That's why I go to this. Exit 42 location.

Hi. Yes. My son wants a star spangled banner 7 pack. Do you guys have that?

Oh, yeah. We do. If you actually, if you go you could you actually just grab. It's a self serve thing so you can Okay. People just you kinda come in and you just grab whatever you want. You bring it up, and I I check it out. Don't take too much, though. You know? There are there are Take too much? Is there a commitment

of how many

i

mean, it's just you We just don't take any responsibility if if your display sort of goes overboard and causes any trouble, we don't want you know, we just don't want to, you know, say that we condone over the top fireworks displays that result in fires or anything like that. So we just we we try to limit what people got. 7 star spangled banner doesn't seem like it's too many. So yeah. Okay. But can I get 2 packs of them? 2 packs of 7. Are you saying that there's I shouldn't be that patriotic?

much patriotism

How

do you want me to have?

Me and my son. It's not Son, son. Where

are you, son? Son?

That's not what I meant. Sorry.

I fell in I fell into 1 of the vats of fireworks over here.

Hey. Trying to reach Now what I take get in the you get in the black cat bowl. You don't get in the black cat bowl.

I was trying to reach in and I fell in. I didn't get in, daddy.

You got a black cat and a

cherry popper in your hair. Oh, well, I don't know. Alright, daddy. I I got a cherry pop up cherry popping. Daddy?

Hi. Can I get 10 piccolo pizzas?

Yeah. You could just grab again, you

pickcolo Pete Singles?

Okay. Again, you you guys have access to the store. Also, I don't know if we sell them as singles. Okay. We don't do Lucy's on on Pick lopets here, so you have to buy the I

want singles.

Okay. How about it just 10 pack Don't have

another place. This place sucks. No. No. No. No. No. Hang on. Hang on.

Listen. Listen. We just

have to be we have

to be desperate. Wow. No. I'm not it's just we have to be kinda particular because, you know, they've they've made the laws a little more restrictive on fireworks around here. So I have to keep a record of everything that I sell and everything like that. So it's just it's it's it gets a little bit more complicated, so I have to be a little bit more on top of things. But

10 people We just need to know we just need to know I mean, what are the city's guidelines on patriotism. Is there a hard line of how many star spangled banners I can give off? Can I play the national anthem? Can I have multiple red, white, and blue streamers on top of my roof?

What is it? I don't think anybody has any problem with how patriotic you are. Okay, sir? You can be you can be as patriotic as you wanna be. It's more about the danger of the event. Okay? So I'm no one's attacking your patriotism here. Okay? It seems like you think that

you know what? Give me 20 piccolo Pete singles. Okay. You can you listen. They

come in packs of 10. I'll get can

sell you just 2 packs of 10? Sure. Because okay. I could do that

i

for you. My dad wants to be, you know, acknowledged for how patriotic he is. I think he'll kinda quiet down if you if you point out maybe the tattoo he has or the hat or the cape he's wearing. I think maybe that then he'll he'll be a little less combative.

Is the cape supposed to be a patriotic thing? Yeah. Is the and is the cape supposed to be a patriotic thing? Or is he trying to be a superhero? It doesn't seem patriotic.

Is this a wonder woman a patriotic thing or a marvel thing?

Wonder Woman's actually DC. And I think it's, you know, it's all super

wonderwoman, is it Marvelel?

No. No. It's DC. Yeah. It's in the DC.

Wonderwoman is in the shared universe of Superman and Batman.

there a place to put down a shield in here or not? And a lasso? Where am I supposed to put this while I shop?

Is

Debt, it's not because they hate patriotism. It's because most people don't carry those things around with them.

Yeah. And if you need a place to put it, there is the umbrella, the the wet

umbrella. Could I check my lasso, please?

You can put it where we put all the wet umbrellas.

Lasso? Okay. I'll put it where the umbrellas are.

Yeah. There's there's none in there, so there should be plenty of space for your lasso and your shield. And and and it I I think your tattoo and your your get up is nice. You look good. Thank

Well, well, well. Thank you. Golly. It's almost fourth of July, and I can't get anybody to notice anything about my damn outfit. We know that.

you.

Yeah. We noticed that Sun, come on. Let's

go let's go. Apparently, it's self serve, and you have to dig around in this motherfucker. Come on.

Okay.

Okay. So here's your 20 piccolo Petes here. It's 7 99 per pack, so that's a total of let me see. 15 98 plus tax. Sorry. I don't have a register or a calculator or anything. I have to do it on the account. The tax is 7 percent. So goddamn it. 6

you this is how you do every transaction? Fuck.

Could you just give me hang on a second. 16 Here.

You go outside. 10 7 percent is 7. You need some space? So

can you just give me just give me 18 bucks and we'll call it even? I think that might be

how about 16? 16? Yeah.

Fine. 16. I think that that yeah. Just 16 bucks. I'm gonna crimp

these I'm gonna crimp these and turn them into little bombs.

Wait.

Big ones. I'm gonna crimp these so they don't go ee. They go boom.

Please don't say that. If you've told me that can't sell you this merchandise. If you've told me your plan

to use fireworks, it's I see you later, please don't on your conscience.

Don't tell anybody you bought here. God,

shit.

That's

the fourth guy this week.

Hi. Hi.

How are you

doing? Hi. I'm great, sir. How are you?

I'm good. I am not an undercover representative of the city. I am here to buy some fireworks. Okay.

Okay. Start over. Start over. Come back out. Come back out.

You know what? I just remembered I forgot my coffee.

I hate to bring I hate to break it to you, but the the earpiece you're you're wearing is way too loud, and I could hear someone in your ear. Are you are your ears okay? Because it was it was he's ill.

Come back out. Come back out. He's blown out. Come back out. It's obvious. Let's go. Come back out. You're

blown, sir. Sir, just take the earpiece out. You've been you've been made. Just take the earpiece out. Okay?

I bet you know what? Just let me talk to Let me talk to him.

Give him the earpiece. Give him the earpiece. Give me the earpiece. Okay. I'll put the earpiece in. Hello? Hey.

I'm here to just buy some regular fireworks.

Why? What did you say? You're here to buy regular fireworks?

Just a pack of regulars. Yeah. Pack of regulars.

Your guys And that's me talking. That's me talking.

I

put the earpiece hand, man. You are blown.

Soft that bone. Take the earpiece out, pass it to the next guy. Your give it I'm blown. I'm sorry. The only

other person here the only other person here is dressed in the wasn't a woman. Hi. It's me. The second person in the van. Your your your earpiece is now in the Wonder Woman's ear. Hey. Get that

man that man dressed as Wonder Woman with the sun given the earpiece.

He's got it.

What is this? I need the earpiece. Hello? 1 pack of regulars. 1 pack of regulars. Hello? Hi. I'm looking to buy 1 pack of regular fireworks. I don't work here. I'm here with my son. This is Wonder Woman. Right? Yes. This is Wonder Woman. Thank you for noticing. Well, Wonder Woman make it happen. Buy me 1 pack of regulars. Let's see if this guy will let you do it. Am I a double agent, no? Absolutely, woman. Absolutely. Finally. Fuck finally. Well, you're a single agent. You're a single agent.

agent. I'm a single agent. Okay. Okay.

You're an

Hello. Yes. I'd like a pack of Wibbly woos, please. I'm gonna tie them together and blow up the loove. Okay.

Good

story. Good story.

You've told me exact what your plan is before you've purchased the Wibbly Woos, so I'm not gonna sell them anything

different. I think I've been made. I think I've been made. But bail. Bail. Bail. Bail out. In May. Bail out. Bring bring get your piece back to the van. Let's go. Yeah. Bring the earpiece back to the van.

Hi. I got my I got the coffee from earlier, and I'm back here to grab some fireworks.

What are you reading right now?

David Foster Wallace, infinite jest. Really?

Yeah. It looks like you dropped the ear earpiece and they gave you a script and you're just reading it out of a copy of infinite jest.

I guess you're misunderstanding what you're seeing in front of you.

Oh,

really?

hi. It's me

I'll take

wonder Woman returning earpiece to the band. Absolutely. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. We appreciate it. Those great work out there.

Have

you ever thought about being an agent? I have. I really have. I really have. But, unfortunately, I've been made. I've been made. But I think you have an agent in there. I think you have an agent in there. No. Well, it seems like you know how it works. If you get made once, you have to quit forever. Okay.

you so much for your service. We appreciate it.

Thank

So wonder woman took my microphone instead of my earpiece. So I'm hearing everything bad, but I still have earpiece there.

admit that you're you. He doesn't know.

Don't

Oh my god. They put too much latte in his coffee. I'll be right back. Too much latte.

Great. Well Okay. Okay. So I think we have many infinite jets. Alright. Everybody, let's have a meeting in here in the van. Okay?

Is it just me too when

you're in a sudden here? It's to I've been made It's it's Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman's in here. Hi. Me, And the other a Airpiece, man. Airpiece, man.

There's original Hang on. You almost said agent, but then you replaced it with earpiece, man. Are you not call your soviet. I just

want everyone to know which agent I am. No. That there's 2 earpiece men, Wonder Woman. Hi. The original agent who was made And we've got the man inside the the fireworks store. So we need to land him. Okay? He has been selling fireworks like an m effort and making people blow shit up around here. Self serve, are you kidding me? This is crazy. This is crazy. Alright. You're gonna go back in there, and you're gonna get it done.

Alright. But first, wait. So easy to

are you sure you don't need my help? No wonder woman. We don't need your help when 1 By the way, what about my what about my son? I

think you grabbed an umbrella instead of your last

oh, shit.

Oh, shit. I've left my lasso. Son. Son. Where's into my son?

He's outside the van. Last night, I sobbed.

My son is the only person who hasn't been made. Use my son. Yes. I don't know. No. Let's just send back an original agent, but let's give him a little haircut and a little clothing chain. And there's no and a bigger earpiece. That way, he can hear us this time. Good.

Yeah. No. I can hear you just fine. I think there's an issue. I think your gain is way up as yeah. I think we could turn the gain down a little

you weren't saying what I was saying to say. Who where's the barber? Where's the barber? Is the barber still in here? We didn't bring the barber. We're gonna have to we're gonna have to sheers ourself. Alright. Sheers ourself. Sheers ourself. It's

time for Cheers ourself.

Here we go.

Hi. I'm I am here for the first time. You're

vanilla ice. You're vanilla ice. And

i am. I'd like to stop, collaborate, and light some fireworks. Some vanilla ice. Oh, I could tell by your haircut.

This is what really?

Yeah. Yeah. I I didn't wanna say anything,

but Great workfellas. Who are you

talking to? So much. Can

you call us, by the way? Go my buddies

here. Did you just talk into your own back? Why did you lean why did you lean

back so No. I was I thought the Ninja Turtles were behind me, but they're not.

Oh, yeah. They're not. This is a TriNet stand.

Okay. Well, I'll take Okay. Get 1 large oh, ah. Get 1, March?

That's so loud. Oh, sorry. What is going on? I was just

recording. I was

recording and I Hang on a second. Hang on a second. You're not vanilla ice. Are

you?

You've been

mad You're not vanilla ice.

I have to be right back. Say

your m c hammer. Really quick. See if it was Say your m c hammer on the way out.

Yeah. I was pranking you. Otherwise, I'm actually m c Hammer. Okay.

Back to the van. God damn it. You ruined it again. Wonder Wonderwoman, you're not official here. We should really use my sons. Where in My son is in there somewhere. Okay.

Hi. This is Glen Henderson reporting for the Lou from the Louvre where a man has just used 20 crimped piccolo Pizza to blow up the most beautiful museum on earth. I'm standing on the shards of the Mona Lisa. What's the man

who did it? Oh, and if I have a first person here Either 1 go him first. What's happened? What happened in here? I grew up in Louvre. I'll tell you a second. What happened is the team boo. Boo to this man. Boom. I'm sorry for interrupting. I'm French and I'm mad. As a rude

jeers from a French man to the man who just blew up the Louvre with a few piccolo pees that he crimped.

Sir, what happened? Well, I've always been the crazy guy. And I said, wait and blow something up my whole life. And When I went to the fireworks then on 19 42, I figured, okay. On you do is fly to France with these crimp them, put them underneath all the corners. Loaded up.

What is this? 6482.

Hey. Please

who doesn't know what I support you is. I don't really either. And then another 1 who wants to say something.

Wait. Excuse me. Oh, who's that? McRonsa. As a favorite music But tone. I mean, let's blow that up. Again,

say that again, McCrae? Our

favorite museum has been blown up for a second time. Oh, it just blew up again, and I hear what happened. No. It it was years ago that the the roof was exploded. And

then -- Oh, really? -- by a sad weatherman.

By Sam Wezaman.

This The big nightmare was in the loop. The

big nightmare was in Zuluth, and someone blew it up, it looks like someone's Second time. Is Macron okay? Let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a quick question. Macron,

are you okay?

The the badi badi.

Oh, no. No. That's so cool. I'm like Mcpigged. I'm

reporting you from The Louve, which has been blown up about the new top story, Emmanuel Macron. It seems more like Emmanuel McPigg.

What these cease? That was the perfect sign off. Go ahead and end the process. You've been made. You've been made. Let me get on the field. I swear I can

do it. Okay. I'm gonna take a quick break. We're gonna cut to commercial because it appears my coffee is a little too I'll be right, Rick, with a new haircut and I'll be a different guy.