Street-Side Beef-Side Jerky Stand

Beef jerky. 2 of the saltiest words any road dog could ever utter. Apart they have their own meaning. Beaf, cow, moor. Jerky. The act of being like a jerk. A

meme, put together, beef jerky. Now, that's 1 mean cow. Has anybody tried any of this Pepper teriyaki jerky? Have you all

tried any of it yet? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's

a good step. That's a new 1.

I don't like it when they do these hybrid flavors. You know what I mean? When I'm no. I want pepper or I want teriyaki. When you put start putting them together, you start being able to value the individual flavors, you know? The teriyaki jerky. Obviously, best seller, pepper jerky. I obviously don't go off the shelves fast fast at all. You throw them together. Which 1 takes more weight? You know what I mean? Listen, I don't mean to have

you wanna taste the nuances of the pepper? Well,

i guess you don't wanna you know?

I guess you don't want my new flavor salt, pepper teriyaki, do you?

Salt pepper teriyaki's already salt. Roger? Yeah. Teriyaki's a salty flavor already, and you said salty. Teriyaki

pepper. We gotta make this separate. We gotta set like a vendor time for you and then as restocking time. Because it's hard when you're restocking and also selling. You know what I mean? Me? Yeah. If you could just sell us new flavors when we're restocking flavors.

Sorry, I'm late. Sorry, I'm late. Sorry, I'm late. My son took the car again. I'm sorry. I apologize. That's

the fourth time this

week. I know. Know it's a You just did a new key hiding place too. Well, here's the issue is

was

it in the rock? In the did you put it in the rock?

Yeah. It's I put it in the rock by the front door. But

you moved the rock?

And then, well, I I had a pigeon You

it has to be I had a pigeon

issue, and I threw the rock at the pigeon, and it broke open. What's what's I'm sorry. I am late is the point. My son keeps finding the key.

But to be fair,

he co I needed him to cosign on the car. So it's his car too.

I mean, he is he is the money in the family.

My damn credit.

Charles, while we were

issue, Barry does not like double flavor. I was trying to add a third flavor with salt pepper teriyaki. He also thinks teriyaki is salt when it's a classic to bless you. Sorry. Just say just hearing the name of that 1 made me sneeze. Well, dang, I looked at you and turns out Yons aren't the only thing that's contagious. So our sneezes with me. Damn. Yeah. Listen.

having an

Listen, this It sure is. I'm sorry. To cause trouble. I know we need to

have What do you think Sesame

chicken

tastes like? Sesame

chicken? Yeah. That's, like, kind of it's a it's that's also pretty salty to me, maybe

see, you can only taste salt. What do you just want salt jerky? What do you want?

What do you what do you no. I don't

want salt I'm about to quit and go back to the birthday cake store. I'm about to quit and go back to the birthday cake. They ain't going to. You know, we're They ain't going to Yes. They were I'm a pipe and

master.

I pipe cream. I put it on the base.

1 of the great curses of life that you can pipe super well but the only cakes you wanna make are salt pepper teriyaki.

You know? Tacking you back. They're

not taking you back. If you would compromise on the cake flavor, maybe bring you back because We

already took you back

from the cake store. You piped my tenth return ceremony cake. So well.

And I love them -- You -- having that party. You retire more than Jay z. Well, you know, sometimes you just gotta It's not the

same. If you

quit the DMV, it is not the same. They don't want you to come back like they do a rapper.

Well, you've also done several fired and retired.

But, yeah, I did a fired and retired another fantastically piped cake, by the way. Thank

you. Put all these

words on there. But yeah, someone will say you're fired and I say, you can't fire me. I retire. And it's a fire retire.

Yeah. Those those parties don't hit quite as hard, but there's not as much reverence. Well, you look.

We Can I say something? We're all here. I know I'm late but we are in the red fellas. So we gotta change things up here. Okay. Yeah. This business -- And I and -- we are a beef side street side beef side jerky

stand. Beef side. Yeah.

Street side, beef side. And nobody comes to us. Nobody

can you explain to me what beef side means again is that Do we only sell pork? So it's like beef adjacent? Yeah. Well, no. We it's Or sides

of beef. It's anything you could determine as beef sides. So anytime someone comes in and you know the drill, we say what does beef side mean to you? And if

not something

we've done so far, we add that to the list of things we do.

Okay. Right.

Obviously, that couple came in for their anniversary. Last week, and they wanted to have a nice beef side dinner. So we

set up a We set up a tea

side of a cow. We put a 2 top next to it right next to the bathroom, best seat in the house. And they sat down. They had a nice little beach side dinner sitting next to that bloody dead cow. And that Well, lots of your time. They had a nice

time. Mhmm. I do wanna apologize, and I think a little bit of us being in the red this month, is that I did that saved by the bell themed episode that took place at beefside for instead of Bayside.

It cost us a ton of money.

That cost us a ton of money. That was not Mark Paul

gossler, by the way. I don't know who you paid all that money, but that was

that wasn't? Or no. No. And that definitely wasn't

belding. That was not belding.

Well, I no. That was Belding. Now that was Belding. It wasn't No. You didn't

get a single real cast member. You just added beef to bay. It

was it was Danny Divino and

ron

jeremy. Which hey,

congrats on the get, I will say.

Well, Devina looked really good in the blonde wig. He looked gray, and he played he also played screech, and Jake played the family. I mean,

you 8. Let's be honest, you did save a lot of money by having those 2 double up on the roll.

Thank you.

On the rolls for cracks. I mean You had them split roles.

Yes. Yes. Yes. I was not about to spend a ton of money on roles. We all know that. Okay. So what are we so fine. I will back up and just do pepper. I'll just do teriyaki. Mean, pretty soon, what do you guys want? You wanna wanna not dry it too and have it just be regular water beef and not have it be jerky. What next? What next? I'm about to go back to the cakes

store. They won't. I think I think

if you go to the cake store, I'm retiring. I'll do it.

Listen, guys. We don't need to get so

how are you gonna leave? Because the car is gone. I just looked out

right there. The car is gone. Wait. How could it be God? Let me check under the welcome mat out here. Key's gone.

You put a rock fell under the mat. It's a big old bump. Alright. Well, what

happened this time? You have more pigeon issues or what? What

i suck at hiding keys from my son. Alright? I am so

and you gotta stop cranking these pigeons.

I am in a prank war with the pigeons. They crap on me. I crap

on them. Which I still think you lose by the way. I think that ain't a victory for you because it gets on your hand. You know?

You gotta sit you you you get up in those power lines all day, waiting for them, waste your damn day, burn your shoes. Yeah. Get shock. Go to hospital.

Dye, come back, call it a retirement. You can't keep doing this. You need to come to work because listen. Your excuses while they are valid are still rebelled. You know what I mean? They're invalid. While they are valid, they're invalid. Because it's gotten to be so much. You ain't never worked. Let me take issue

with 1 of those things. I did not die and come back. I retired and then I came out of retirement. I didn't die climbing up an electric wire to try to grab out a pigeon. Yes. You did. My shoes got electrocuted and my socks were wet due to a puddle issue. And then I got electrocuted in

bed. Well, we've talked about the rules. If you want it to be classified a retirement, you have to say it before it happens. You cannot fall off another thing in all the time. I hate that rule.

I hate that rule.

That'll be your choice. That's the whole deal. You you've been fired by life 5 or 6 times. And you can't trudge through a puddle and call

it a puddle issue. Okay?

You already saw you playing in that thing in a big old slicker in a hat like a child. I was at the time of my

life, and these pigeons crept on me and I said, well, 2 can play that game. So

on a sopping wet, rainy day, you climbed up to the top of a telephone wire and thought you would take a shit on a pigeon. See, I got a mind to write you up for this because if people I hope you weren't wearing a beef

jerky shirt.

Hang on. I hope you weren't wearing a beef jerky shirt. Stop it. See, guys guys, I

think these We can all run each other. It's

the problem here. We

don't have equal responsibility.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. You put a head down. I don't know.

I think that's the problem with this store is we quit writing who are you I'm writing all 4 of you up, and that and 1 of them

is me in the mirror. I

ain't done the

fair's fair. Alright.

Right? I know

nothing. Listen. I

am right. See, this

is the problem with this store. No. I'm gonna write I'm gonna write how about this. I'm gonna write us all 4 because we're all causing trouble here. That's the problem with these stores. We spend too much time at each other's screen. I

agree.

Not enough time not enough time working on the product. For example, if we started give it maybe, maybe. If we started just being a little more clever with the products that we sold and stop selling such salty stuff, I mean, even the free water right here is salty. I'm taking a sip right now, and this tastes like tears or ocean. It's Well, if you

don't salt the beef, if you don't salt the beef,

it doesn't it doesn't it

doesn't do. It's dehydrated

water.

It's dehydrated. Water, man.

I I I'm willing to talk about some issues that we with the business, but we can't start changing fundamentals like the salt water. Agree. But people come here from all across the world to get a nice cup of thirsty dehydrated water, gratis.

Pretty soon you're gonna

want me -- thirsty.

Pretty soon you're gonna want me out of this wheelchair because my legs have dried up into crisps. Is that what you're gonna want? Well No. I think I do my salt

i don't think you

need to get into the salt vat when you're salting things. I think it

yeah. That's a cleanly

you are you are salted. Your first fly fishing. Smash it around like grapes.

No.

You have Out of those, it

looks more like you're fly fishing. Where you sort of stand in there. You wait in there a little bit.

I wish. I wish I could still fly fish. Throwing the salty. And I'll

be honest, we don't need a great place every day. Okay. We don't need someone to fall out of the vat every day going, 000, because it again, it cuts down on our productivity. Because someone has to come pick you up, rub your feet, you know, get you back to normal because you're

way

and hollering, then we're not stocking beef jerky.

Yeah. Well, let's go back to basics. A foot rub. I think

i know. But he demands it. Well, what

well, let's go back to the basics. What was our best seller right when we opened that put us on top? Plain, beef, plain. Turkey. Jerky. Plain beef jerky. Okay.

Yes.

Plain. You just take a steak. You suck all the juice out of it, and you throw it out. You throw it. In a vacuum sealed bag. Well,

no. You don't

take And what it is You don't do? Nice

steak. And he You don't

what it is due when you opened it up for the first time. When you opened it up, what did it do to people around you?

them out.

Past

Pass them out.

That's very nice. Away

from our tradition. I'm It was smelling salts, plain beef jerky, passed them out.

Yeah. Past

i think

we got by the way, I think got hosed on the smell and salt. They're supposed to wake you up, not pass you out. I think we got reverse smell and salt.

Well, I think can I be we got a few problems and we all know it? But 1 of the things I think we need to figure out is we have 1 person with an extreme salt aversion. And we have 1 person with an extreme salt obsession.

Salt aversion. Hey.

And then we got yours on. We always

got yours on the jerky salt. Parodies, which I think you're doing really good.

Is

your son able to He's going around trying to get you booked.

Right? That's what he says, but I'm certain to think he's not doing it. I'm starting to think he's going to the disco. Because what have you sent out a demo with him? Because I loved ray of beef. Quicker than a ray of beef. Thank you.

You're welcome. I love

that.

I love that song, man. I can listen to that at a at a Super Bowl. And I feel like I'm thirsty now. Yeah. I feel.

I see see, I think we're just I

think we're doing the wrong thing. Did you just hear Ray of beef? That's genius. Let's leave this store right now and get on the road.

Just sing recipes. You think you could? You think we could? You think we could at least do, like, I don't know, local fairs or something, you know, go on the road like a circus It's genius. I don't

know that my throat can handle that much thing and I'm drinking a lot of the salt water over here. I could maybe

do a show a week. Oh, my gosh. I'll stand in the background. I'll stump around on salt. You'll sing Ray of beef. Well,

that's maybe good. Maybe we could do a Friday night. You know, madonna's here. I'm afraid. You know, you could dress up. I'm madonna's here. Madonna's

here.

That's

how you feel about this. Wow.

And, I mean, seriously, I mean, Visually the difference between you and

her and all that.

You are the same cone of the scene.

That's not a leaf. I Let your body move to the beef. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A salt. Come on. Beef. What do we think? I I know I'm not a writer. No. Book it. I I took care of books. Book it, madonna's here. Book it.

Hey, madonna's here on Friday. These Fridays. Every Friday night, x 42, these jerky

store madonna here. Get the chalk. Write it on the front window, madonna's here. Okay. Yeah. Alright. I already Wait. Did you write did you write on the window with chalk? Madonna, how do you spell it? TFLECBAD. Right. Hang on. TFTFCBDLAZCBDLAZ. Yeah. Madonna's here. It goes with baby, I can see. My daughter's gonna be What are you talking about? Are you confronted? What? What? Say the comma and look at those letters. How's the spell? There is no z sound in Madonna. That's an s at the end there, my man. Okay. You got You got me. Put an s at the end. It's an STEBELS. Madonna's here. Me. Yeah. What happened to CBD? I mean CBD, b. Alright. Alright. So that's 1 good idea. That'll definitely bring you -- What? --

there's a pit there's a pigeon outside in the car trying to run me over.

Don't do it.

Uh-uh. Hey. He's mad. Don't yank. He's mad. He's mad. Go out there, confront him. Confront him. Hey, Matata is here. You can't do this around here. We're trying to drive a business.

Uh-huh. Alright. That's it. I'm getting in my head.

Cut on 1 of your cover on your case. Out.

Oh, no. Oh my god. What about his name? I'm retired. I'm retired.

No. You had to say it before. Whenever you're dying. Yeah. You're dying. Say it

before. You're dying.

God, should we help?

We're tired.