Seekers' Lounge
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Street-Side Beef-Side Jerky Stand

Originally aired: February 4, 2021

Four cooks discuss how to improve their street-side stand.

0:00:53 Unknown Speaker #1

Beef jerky. 2 of the saltiest words any road dog could ever utter. Apart they have their own meaning. Beaf, cow, moor. Jerky. The act of being like a jerk. A

0:01:10 Unknown Speaker #2

meme, put together, beef jerky. Now, that's 1 mean cow. Has anybody tried any of this Pepper teriyaki jerky? Have you all

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tried any of it yet? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's

0:01:25 Unknown Speaker #4

a good step. That's a new 1.

0:01:28 Unknown Speaker #2

I don't like it when they do these hybrid flavors. You know what I mean? When I'm no. I want pepper or I want teriyaki. When you put start putting them together, you start being able to value the individual flavors, you know? The teriyaki jerky. Obviously, best seller, pepper jerky. I obviously don't go off the shelves fast fast at all. You throw them together. Which 1 takes more weight? You know what I mean? Listen, I don't mean to have

0:01:53 Unknown Speaker #4

you wanna taste the nuances of the pepper? Well,

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i guess you don't wanna you know?

0:01:59 Unknown Speaker #3

I guess you don't want my new flavor salt, pepper teriyaki, do you?

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Salt pepper teriyaki's already salt. Roger? Yeah. Teriyaki's a salty flavor already, and you said salty. Teriyaki

0:02:12 Unknown Speaker #4

pepper. We gotta make this separate. We gotta set like a vendor time for you and then as restocking time. Because it's hard when you're restocking and also selling. You know what I mean? Me? Yeah. If you could just sell us new flavors when we're restocking flavors.

0:02:33 Unknown Speaker #1

Sorry, I'm late. Sorry, I'm late. Sorry, I'm late. My son took the car again. I'm sorry. I apologize. That's

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the fourth time this

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week. I know. Know it's a You just did a new key hiding place too. Well, here's the issue is

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was

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it in the rock? In the did you put it in the rock?

0:02:56 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah. It's I put it in the rock by the front door. But

0:03:00 Unknown Speaker #4

you moved the rock?

0:03:01 Unknown Speaker #1

And then, well, I I had a pigeon You

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it has to be I had a pigeon

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issue, and I threw the rock at the pigeon, and it broke open. What's what's I'm sorry. I am late is the point. My son keeps finding the key.

0:03:17 Unknown Speaker #3

But to be fair,

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he co I needed him to cosign on the car. So it's his car too.

0:03:23 Unknown Speaker #4

I mean, he is he is the money in the family.

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My damn credit.

0:03:27 Unknown Speaker #3

Charles, while we were

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having an

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issue, Barry does not like double flavor. I was trying to add a third flavor with salt pepper teriyaki. He also thinks teriyaki is salt when it's a classic to bless you. Sorry. Just say just hearing the name of that 1 made me sneeze. Well, dang, I looked at you and turns out Yons aren't the only thing that's contagious. So our sneezes with me. Damn. Yeah. Listen.

0:04:00 Unknown Speaker #2

Listen, this It sure is. I'm sorry. To cause trouble. I know we need to

0:04:03 Unknown Speaker #3

have What do you think Sesame

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chicken

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tastes like? Sesame

0:04:09 Unknown Speaker #2

chicken? Yeah. That's, like, kind of it's a it's that's also pretty salty to me, maybe

0:04:15 Unknown Speaker #3

see, you can only taste salt. What do you just want salt jerky? What do you want?

0:04:20 Unknown Speaker #2

What do you what do you no. I don't

0:04:22 Unknown Speaker #3

want salt I'm about to quit and go back to the birthday cake store. I'm about to quit and go back to the birthday cake. They ain't going to. You know, we're They ain't going to Yes. They were I'm a pipe and

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master.

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I pipe cream. I put it on the base.

0:04:37 Unknown Speaker #1

1 of the great curses of life that you can pipe super well but the only cakes you wanna make are salt pepper teriyaki.

0:04:45 Unknown Speaker #4

You know? Tacking you back. They're

0:04:46 Unknown Speaker #1

not taking you back. If you would compromise on the cake flavor, maybe bring you back because We

0:04:51 Unknown Speaker #3

already took you back

0:04:52 Unknown Speaker #1

from the cake store. You piped my tenth return ceremony cake. So well.

0:05:03 Unknown Speaker #3

And I love them -- You -- having that party. You retire more than Jay z. Well, you know, sometimes you just gotta It's not the

0:05:12 Unknown Speaker #4

same. If you

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quit the DMV, it is not the same. They don't want you to come back like they do a rapper.

0:05:19 Unknown Speaker #4

Well, you've also done several fired and retired.

0:05:22 Unknown Speaker #1

But, yeah, I did a fired and retired another fantastically piped cake, by the way. Thank

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you. Put all these

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words on there. But yeah, someone will say you're fired and I say, you can't fire me. I retire. And it's a fire retire.

0:05:37 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah. Those those parties don't hit quite as hard, but there's not as much reverence. Well, you look.

0:05:45 Unknown Speaker #1

We Can I say something? We're all here. I know I'm late but we are in the red fellas. So we gotta change things up here. Okay. Yeah. This business -- And I and -- we are a beef side street side beef side jerky

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stand. Beef side. Yeah.

0:06:03 Unknown Speaker #1

Street side, beef side. And nobody comes to us. Nobody

0:06:07 Unknown Speaker #3

can you explain to me what beef side means again is that Do we only sell pork? So it's like beef adjacent? Yeah. Well, no. We it's Or sides

0:06:19 Unknown Speaker #1

of beef. It's anything you could determine as beef sides. So anytime someone comes in and you know the drill, we say what does beef side mean to you? And if

0:06:27 Unknown Speaker #3

not something

0:06:28 Unknown Speaker #1

we've done so far, we add that to the list of things we do.

0:06:32 Unknown Speaker #3

Okay. Right.

0:06:33 Unknown Speaker #2

Obviously, that couple came in for their anniversary. Last week, and they wanted to have a nice beef side dinner. So we

0:06:40 Unknown Speaker #3

set up a We set up a tea

0:06:43 Unknown Speaker #2

side of a cow. We put a 2 top next to it right next to the bathroom, best seat in the house. And they sat down. They had a nice little beach side dinner sitting next to that bloody dead cow. And that Well, lots of your time. They had a nice

0:06:55 Unknown Speaker #3

time. Mhmm. I do wanna apologize, and I think a little bit of us being in the red this month, is that I did that saved by the bell themed episode that took place at beefside for instead of Bayside.

0:07:10 Unknown Speaker #1

It cost us a ton of money.

0:07:11 Unknown Speaker #3

That cost us a ton of money. That was not Mark Paul

0:07:14 Unknown Speaker #1

gossler, by the way. I don't know who you paid all that money, but that was

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that wasn't? Or no. No. And that definitely wasn't

0:07:21 Unknown Speaker #4

belding. That was not belding.

0:07:24 Unknown Speaker #3

Well, I no. That was Belding. Now that was Belding. It wasn't No. You didn't

0:07:29 Unknown Speaker #4

get a single real cast member. You just added beef to bay. It

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was it was Danny Divino and

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jeremy. Which hey,

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ron

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congrats on the get, I will say.

0:07:40 Unknown Speaker #3

Well, Devina looked really good in the blonde wig. He looked gray, and he played he also played screech, and Jake played the family. I mean,

0:07:52 Unknown Speaker #2

you 8. Let's be honest, you did save a lot of money by having those 2 double up on the roll.

0:07:57 Unknown Speaker #3

Thank you.

0:07:58 Unknown Speaker #4

On the rolls for cracks. I mean You had them split roles.

0:08:01 Unknown Speaker #3

Yes. Yes. Yes. I was not about to spend a ton of money on roles. We all know that. Okay. So what are we so fine. I will back up and just do pepper. I'll just do teriyaki. Mean, pretty soon, what do you guys want? You wanna wanna not dry it too and have it just be regular water beef and not have it be jerky. What next? What next? I'm about to go back to the cakes

0:08:28 Unknown Speaker #2

store. They won't. I think I think

0:08:30 Unknown Speaker #1

if you go to the cake store, I'm retiring. I'll do it.

0:08:35 Unknown Speaker #2

Listen, guys. We don't need to get so

0:08:36 Unknown Speaker #3

how are you gonna leave? Because the car is gone. I just looked out

0:08:40 Unknown Speaker #1

right there. The car is gone. Wait. How could it be God? Let me check under the welcome mat out here. Key's gone.

0:08:50 Unknown Speaker #3

You put a rock fell under the mat. It's a big old bump. Alright. Well, what

0:08:56 Unknown Speaker #4

happened this time? You have more pigeon issues or what? What

0:08:59 Unknown Speaker #1

i suck at hiding keys from my son. Alright? I am so

0:09:03 Unknown Speaker #3

and you gotta stop cranking these pigeons.

0:09:07 Unknown Speaker #1

I am in a prank war with the pigeons. They crap on me. I crap

0:09:11 Unknown Speaker #4

on them. Which I still think you lose by the way. I think that ain't a victory for you because it gets on your hand. You know?

0:09:19 Unknown Speaker #3

You gotta sit you you you get up in those power lines all day, waiting for them, waste your damn day, burn your shoes. Yeah. Get shock. Go to hospital.

0:09:33 Unknown Speaker #4

Dye, come back, call it a retirement. You can't keep doing this. You need to come to work because listen. Your excuses while they are valid are still rebelled. You know what I mean? They're invalid. While they are valid, they're invalid. Because it's gotten to be so much. You ain't never worked. Let me take issue

0:09:51 Unknown Speaker #1

with 1 of those things. I did not die and come back. I retired and then I came out of retirement. I didn't die climbing up an electric wire to try to grab out a pigeon. Yes. You did. My shoes got electrocuted and my socks were wet due to a puddle issue. And then I got electrocuted in

0:10:07 Unknown Speaker #4

bed. Well, we've talked about the rules. If you want it to be classified a retirement, you have to say it before it happens. You cannot fall off another thing in all the time. I hate that rule.

0:10:18 Unknown Speaker #1

I hate that rule.

0:10:20 Unknown Speaker #4

That'll be your choice. That's the whole deal. You you've been fired by life 5 or 6 times. And you can't trudge through a puddle and call

0:10:28 Unknown Speaker #3

it a puddle issue. Okay?

0:10:31 Unknown Speaker #4

You already saw you playing in that thing in a big old slicker in a hat like a child. I was at the time of my

0:10:37 Unknown Speaker #1

life, and these pigeons crept on me and I said, well, 2 can play that game. So

0:10:43 Unknown Speaker #4

on a sopping wet, rainy day, you climbed up to the top of a telephone wire and thought you would take a shit on a pigeon. See, I got a mind to write you up for this because if people I hope you weren't wearing a beef

0:10:55 Unknown Speaker #3

jerky shirt.

0:10:56 Unknown Speaker #2

Hang on. I hope you weren't wearing a beef jerky shirt. Stop it. See, guys guys, I

0:11:01 Unknown Speaker #3

think these We can all run each other. It's

0:11:02 Unknown Speaker #2

the problem here. We

0:11:03 Unknown Speaker #4

don't have equal responsibility.

0:11:06 Unknown Speaker #3

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. You put a head down. I don't know.

0:11:11 Unknown Speaker #2

I think that's the problem with this store is we quit writing who are you I'm writing all 4 of you up, and that and 1 of them

0:11:17 Unknown Speaker #1

is me in the mirror. I

0:11:18 Unknown Speaker #2

ain't done the

0:11:19 Unknown Speaker #4

fair's fair. Alright.

0:11:20 Unknown Speaker #1

Right? I know

0:11:21 Unknown Speaker #2

nothing. Listen. I

0:11:22 Unknown Speaker #3

am right. See, this

0:11:23 Unknown Speaker #2

is the problem with this store. No. I'm gonna write I'm gonna write how about this. I'm gonna write us all 4 because we're all causing trouble here. That's the problem with these stores. We spend too much time at each other's screen. I

0:11:32 Unknown Speaker #5

agree.

0:11:33 Unknown Speaker #2

Not enough time not enough time working on the product. For example, if we started give it maybe, maybe. If we started just being a little more clever with the products that we sold and stop selling such salty stuff, I mean, even the free water right here is salty. I'm taking a sip right now, and this tastes like tears or ocean. It's Well, if you

0:11:55 Unknown Speaker #3

don't salt the beef, if you don't salt the beef,

0:11:57 Unknown Speaker #4

it doesn't it doesn't it

0:11:59 Unknown Speaker #3

doesn't do. It's dehydrated

0:12:01 Unknown Speaker #5

water.

0:12:04 Unknown Speaker #3

It's dehydrated. Water, man.

0:12:07 Unknown Speaker #1

I I I'm willing to talk about some issues that we with the business, but we can't start changing fundamentals like the salt water. Agree. But people come here from all across the world to get a nice cup of thirsty dehydrated water, gratis.

0:12:22 Unknown Speaker #3

Pretty soon you're gonna

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want me -- thirsty.

0:12:25 Unknown Speaker #3

Pretty soon you're gonna want me out of this wheelchair because my legs have dried up into crisps. Is that what you're gonna want? Well No. I think I do my salt

0:12:37 Unknown Speaker #2

i don't think you

0:12:38 Unknown Speaker #1

need to get into the salt vat when you're salting things. I think it

0:12:42 Unknown Speaker #4

yeah. That's a cleanly

0:12:43 Unknown Speaker #3

you are you are salted. Your first fly fishing. Smash it around like grapes.

0:12:48 Unknown Speaker #2

No.

0:12:49 Unknown Speaker #4

You have Out of those, it

0:12:50 Unknown Speaker #2

looks more like you're fly fishing. Where you sort of stand in there. You wait in there a little bit.

0:12:55 Unknown Speaker #3

I wish. I wish I could still fly fish. Throwing the salty. And I'll

0:12:58 Unknown Speaker #4

be honest, we don't need a great place every day. Okay. We don't need someone to fall out of the vat every day going, 000, because it again, it cuts down on our productivity. Because someone has to come pick you up, rub your feet, you know, get you back to normal because you're

0:13:16 Unknown Speaker #5

way

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and hollering, then we're not stocking beef jerky.

0:13:20 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah. Well, let's go back to basics. A foot rub. I think

0:13:23 Unknown Speaker #4

i know. But he demands it. Well, what

0:13:27 Unknown Speaker #3

well, let's go back to the basics. What was our best seller right when we opened that put us on top? Plain, beef, plain. Turkey. Jerky. Plain beef jerky. Okay.

0:13:39 Unknown Speaker #5

Yes.

0:13:40 Unknown Speaker #2

Plain. You just take a steak. You suck all the juice out of it, and you throw it out. You throw it. In a vacuum sealed bag. Well,

0:13:46 Unknown Speaker #4

no. You don't

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take And what it is You don't do? Nice

0:13:48 Unknown Speaker #4

steak. And he You don't

0:13:50 Unknown Speaker #3

what it is due when you opened it up for the first time. When you opened it up, what did it do to people around you?

0:13:59 Unknown Speaker #2

them out.

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Past

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Pass them out.

0:14:03 Unknown Speaker #4

That's very nice. Away

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from our tradition. I'm It was smelling salts, plain beef jerky, passed them out.

0:14:11 Unknown Speaker #2

Yeah. Past

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i think

0:14:13 Unknown Speaker #1

we got by the way, I think got hosed on the smell and salt. They're supposed to wake you up, not pass you out. I think we got reverse smell and salt.

0:14:21 Unknown Speaker #4

Well, I think can I be we got a few problems and we all know it? But 1 of the things I think we need to figure out is we have 1 person with an extreme salt aversion. And we have 1 person with an extreme salt obsession.

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Salt aversion. Hey.

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And then we got yours on. We always

0:14:44 Unknown Speaker #3

got yours on the jerky salt. Parodies, which I think you're doing really good.

0:14:52 Unknown Speaker #5

Is

0:14:54 Unknown Speaker #3

your son able to He's going around trying to get you booked.

0:14:59 Unknown Speaker #1

Right? That's what he says, but I'm certain to think he's not doing it. I'm starting to think he's going to the disco. Because what have you sent out a demo with him? Because I loved ray of beef. Quicker than a ray of beef. Thank you.

0:15:15 Unknown Speaker #4

You're welcome. I love

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that.

0:15:20 Unknown Speaker #4

I love that song, man. I can listen to that at a at a Super Bowl. And I feel like I'm thirsty now. Yeah. I feel.

0:15:44 Unknown Speaker #2

I see see, I think we're just I

0:15:46 Unknown Speaker #3

think we're doing the wrong thing. Did you just hear Ray of beef? That's genius. Let's leave this store right now and get on the road.

0:15:57 Unknown Speaker #4

Just sing recipes. You think you could? You think we could? You think we could at least do, like, I don't know, local fairs or something, you know, go on the road like a circus It's genius. I don't

0:16:10 Unknown Speaker #1

know that my throat can handle that much thing and I'm drinking a lot of the salt water over here. I could maybe

0:16:14 Unknown Speaker #3

do a show a week. Oh, my gosh. I'll stand in the background. I'll stump around on salt. You'll sing Ray of beef. Well,

0:16:24 Unknown Speaker #4

that's maybe good. Maybe we could do a Friday night. You know, madonna's here. I'm afraid. You know, you could dress up. I'm madonna's here. Madonna's

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here.

0:16:35 Unknown Speaker #2

That's

0:16:35 Unknown Speaker #3

how you feel about this. Wow.

0:16:38 Unknown Speaker #2

And, I mean, seriously, I mean, Visually the difference between you and

0:16:43 Unknown Speaker #3

her and all that.

0:16:45 Unknown Speaker #4

You are the same cone of the scene.

0:16:47 Unknown Speaker #3

That's not a leaf. I Let your body move to the beef. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A salt. Come on. Beef. What do we think? I I know I'm not a writer. No. Book it. I I took care of books. Book it, madonna's here. Book it.

0:17:06 Unknown Speaker #4

Hey, madonna's here on Friday. These Fridays. Every Friday night, x 42, these jerky

0:17:11 Unknown Speaker #3

store madonna here. Get the chalk. Write it on the front window, madonna's here. Okay. Yeah. Alright. I already Wait. Did you write did you write on the window with chalk? Madonna, how do you spell it? TFLECBAD. Right. Hang on. TFTFCBDLAZCBDLAZ. Yeah. Madonna's here. It goes with baby, I can see. My daughter's gonna be What are you talking about? Are you confronted? What? What? Say the comma and look at those letters. How's the spell? There is no z sound in Madonna. That's an s at the end there, my man. Okay. You got You got me. Put an s at the end. It's an STEBELS. Madonna's here. Me. Yeah. What happened to CBD? I mean CBD, b. Alright. Alright. So that's 1 good idea. That'll definitely bring you -- What? --

0:18:13 Unknown Speaker #1

there's a pit there's a pigeon outside in the car trying to run me over.

0:18:16 Unknown Speaker #4

Don't do it.

0:18:18 Unknown Speaker #3

Uh-uh. Hey. He's mad. Don't yank. He's mad. He's mad. Go out there, confront him. Confront him. Hey, Matata is here. You can't do this around here. We're trying to drive a business.

0:18:33 Unknown Speaker #1

Uh-huh. Alright. That's it. I'm getting in my head.

0:18:35 Unknown Speaker #2

Cut on 1 of your cover on your case. Out.

0:18:40 Unknown Speaker #3

Oh, no. Oh my god. What about his name? I'm retired. I'm retired.

0:18:46 Unknown Speaker #4

No. You had to say it before. Whenever you're dying. Yeah. You're dying. Say it

0:18:49 Unknown Speaker #3

before. You're dying.

0:18:54 Unknown Speaker #4

God, should we help?

0:18:55 Unknown Speaker #3

We're tired.