Cracker Barrel

When a drive in man thinks about barrels, a lot comes to mind. Oil, shooting fish in a bunkies. Big big old chest.

To end of a shotgun. Somebody saying bear and then kind of add an l to the end by accident. And of course, the name of this, famously delicious establishment.

Hey, thanks so much for joining us here at cracker barrel y'all, and I do apologize that the dining room is so packed out today. There was a race down the street. So, we are of course swamped. And I know y'all are 2, 2 tops, but I was wondering if you wouldn't mind sitting together, we can pull 2 of we can pull a table up to the checkers table. You know? Are you okay with

this? I I gotta check-in with you. Are you okay with

this? Oh.

0, yeah. I'm yeah. I'm fine. I'm

fine with it. Honey, are you okay with it? Yeah. I'm fine. I'm fine with it. It's alright. Alright. Good. Okay. So we're gonna

yeah.

Yeah. Go ahead. I

guess we're fine with it. I was is all I was going

great. For follow me.

rather eat and wait, I guess, what I'm saying. It's not ideal, but, you know, I'd rather

I'd

yeah. No. I mean, hey, how's it going you guys?

Hey. What's

up? Hey. How are you guys? Good. Good. Good. Okay. So here it is. And as you'll notice, there's 1 1 that I have moved the checkers off the table, and you do have access to the golf tee game. So, I hope nobody's an ignorant, Ramos. So, I'll be right back and I'll get y'all drink orders. Okay? Thanks. Alright.

Thank you.

Alright. Well, I guess we'll just try to have our own private conversation.

Yeah. Should should men sit on this side or should

we -- Yeah. -- flop them? Or Well, whatever

you want, Angel, would you like to sit next to the lady? Or would you like to sit

gentleman or next to me? I'd like

to the

to sit next to the gentleman. Alright.

Yeah. I think I'd like to sit next to the gentleman and look across at my lady. Yeah.

is What's your name, sir?

Well, this

My name's Clint. Hey, Clint Angel. Nice to meet you, Angel. I

get a terrible grip there. Thanks so much. Yeah. Thank you.

Okay.

I I wasn't super impressed with your grip. I didn't

wanna throw something out. I know. I was focused on your grip. I was focused on your grip. I feel like

i didn't

do you wanna throw out 1 more grip at me?

Yeah. I feel like this time, why don't I land? I'll be the 1 that's landed on. You be the grab

honey, don't turn this into a contest. Don't turn this into a contest, honey. Please. What's your name, ma'am?

Wow. What a look. I'm Sarah. What? Oh, look. Damn. Clint through a hard left. Look. Go ahead. Throw a shake at me, Clint.

If his grip's anywhere near as hard as it looks. Hell, yeah.

Hell, yeah. Hell, man.

to meet, Angel. Really nice to meet

Nice

you. Really nice to meet you too. Alright.

Honey, babe. I'm sorry about that. No. Alright.

And I am Alice and just a little curtsy here. Oh, wow. Very low curtsy.

Oh. Nice job, honey. Nice job. Yeah. This is lower.

Thank you.

Very low. Nothing long.

My my my legs have 2 joints in them so I can get pretty close to

the wound.

Oh, your character is

beautiful as well.

Thank you. Oh, wow. You got kind of an ostrich leg. Yeah. Yeah. I

have a I have a 1 sort of what I call my knee is sort of in the regular knee place, but I also broke my my shinbone when I was younger and the doctors when they it. They put a hinge in there for some reason. And so

she broke a femur too. She broke a femur too. That's

also Yeah. So hold on. There's 3 joints on 1 leg and then there's just a knee on the other 1.

Right. Which and if you've you've ever seen a curtsy, then you know it's all bending 1 it's only bending 1 leg really. And So I can I I can sort of bend with my 3 joints in my right leg, and I can sort of touch my my butt to the floor and still be standing flat on my foot? Wow. That's pretty neat. Yes. She can. You

should see

her in the line dance down at cowboy hats. Oh, capital

oh, y'all got cowboy hats? We love cowboy hats. That's a Saturday night. Yes. Absolutely. I can't believe I haven't seen you guys at cowboy hands.

Yeah. Maybe we must you know, maybe we did.

Yeah. We didn't know each other there.

It's just everybody

well,

you guys there the night it burnt down.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Why do you think it burnt down? Oh, you. That was you? Well, we don't know. We don't know. That was how are 6 guys out back and we don't know who started it. There

were 5 or 6 guys with gas cans out back. You were 1 of them.

That you got them right? Well, it was gas can night where if you bring an empty gas can, proven you ran out of gas on the road, at some point during the week, you get a free beer.

And I told you, as you know. I've already told you, my husband my husband turns everything into a competition, and he was out there. He was out there trying to make it seem like He had run out of gas the most times this week, so he hadn't 4 or 5 death kids.

The week

of the week of the week

of guest tonight, you cannot get hole to triple a. Everybody in town is running out of gas that week. You

think I'm showing up to gas can night on a full tank? You out your goddamn mind. You kidding me? Run out of gas on the way to gas kid night. That's right. Wow. I I try to I try to time it. We run out of we run out of gas right on the off ramp. And we just kinda throw it in the neutral and roll into kilo

i saw you guys silently cruise up and hit the stop sign out front with the gas can. You

hear about Joe? Hey, check out my Prius. Check out my Prius.

You hear that? That joke. Yeah. I fell out laughing at that. So I do know you. This is great. This is awesome. I

wish it was more back in here

more often. Miss with the crazy leg. What's your

name? Honey not crazy. No. It's scary. Crazy. It's just got 2 drinks and a door hinge.

It's pretty crazy.

Sweetie. This is my wife's guardian.

Guardian and an angel.

Yep. That's right. White.

Was that your given names and that you just found each other or you guys sort of change them or something?

That's right.

It seems like y'all little name, but yeah.

You like our smile. I do. I sure do. Hey.

Is this? I mean, I gotta say you got us beat when

it comes to smiles. There's you got you got a cute little couple things. On. Yeah. We turn sideways, and we try to look like a little tiny waxing moon. You know what I mean?

Exactly how you look. We

look like the man in the moon and and

we did. We need something like that. No. You know, because I can't

thanks so much for waiting. Can I get y'all something started to drink? We haven't even looked at the menu we've been getting on so well over here. Oh, good. I'm on perch. Oh, see. Okay. Can I should I y'all want sweet teas? Can I start y'all with sweet teas? We got diet, Dr. Pepper. We have Sprite. We got Coke Okay. We do. You also got that strawberry lemonade? We do. We do. You want strawberry lemonade here?

I'll take 1 of the I'll take a lit strawberry lemonade and a sweet tea.

Okay. Strawberry lemonade sweet tea. Could I do

aAA strawberry Arnold Palmer? Straw Arnam Palmer?

Good. That's

good. Fame. My girl's fancy.

She is fancy.

I guess I'll do a decaf dumpling gravy.

Did it. Okay. Good. Good. And do you want do you want that sausage, beef, or chicken.

I'll take it beef. Yeah. I'll take it

black. Beef cap. Decaf beef. It's kinda like -- Be careful. -- point, man. You know what I mean?

You sure you don't

think caffeine. Wanna go check

you sure you don't

want caffeine in that?

The beef is enough. If I add caffeine to the beef, then I'm gonna be you don't wanna see me. I will be

on a wire.

Alright. And I'll take a mule sweat. Uh-huh. I'll take a mule sweat. Let's imagine you're here with me. Okay. Good. Good. So a mule sweat is beef drippings? Beef drippings. Yep. Cornbread crumbs and those old time candies and water. Old timey candies and water.

Where there's where

there's where there's I always get that confused Alright. Great. So we'll take we I got y'all, and I'll be right back

with you. Thank you,

dear. Thank you. I cannot before you go, can we can we just go ahead and put in a preemptive round of of what is it called? Potato casserole,

yes. You want the hash brown castle? Just 1

Well, I'm being persistent. No. No. I won't. Do you want that

for everybody.

do you want that stank? Yeah. Stank on the side. And can you make mine decaf? Decaf, hashbro cast roll with the stink on the side.

That's right. I'll

do a double shot in mine.

Double shot?

Yeah. Okay. Cheets. Alright.

Okay. I'll be right back.

Wow. This is I mean we don't get a lot along with a lot of couple. Something about me and Angel. I don't know is we're a little prickly but I am loving this kinda double dates here. This is not just Can I ask I didn't hear about the race that made it so busy here? Did y'all know what what the race was? I didn't even see on my hand.

Oh, yeah. It's a it was a it was a footrace. I actually I don't I don't wanna brag. I did compete in it. A lot of people -- Wow. -- a lot of people are saying it's unfair because I have extra extra spring in my right leg. And I put that in quotes, but I do have extra spring in my

right leg. It was it was horrible out there. People yelling at her. People people calling names. Well,

i'm sorry people are so mean to you because it It's okay. You know, it does seem unfair, but III do remember looking at the I I know what the race is. I I looked it to leaderboard, you were pretty low on there. Well, sabotage. Yeah. I'll

say sabotage. I I think I was sabotage. Yeah. They,

you know, have many stars on this. Okay. Go

ahead. No. You go ahead. Well,

just, judging, by looking at yours, is that they've kept throwing banana peels in front of you?

Judging by looking at me?

Yeah.

Lady you let's put

Okay.

the clause away. What

makes you assume that he

getting along. It was an on question, you got banana peels on it.

Sometimes Angel is my guardian, you know, thank you so much, Angel. You're welcome. You're welcome, buddy. Honey,

i think the pills look great, and I think you gotta keep them. I think you gotta wear them as a badge, honor. And I

yeah. Because if you if Yeah. If you admit that the thing that people did to you hurts

you, they win. Okay?

I've lived my whole life -- Mhmm. -- from accident until now. Not letting people know when what they did hurt hurt me. Because because if you let them know, the bully wins. The second you start crying when the bully says the mean thing, The second you start crying, when somebody comes up and pushes you and pushes you out a window and you fall and you break your leg in 3 places. The second you let them know that

but the accident was Guardian, I'm trying to tip your hair.

Thank you. So

we we know more people here than I thought. You gotta tip your head, Deborah, on the walks back. Here we go.

Yeah. It's like everybody in town is here. I mean, it kinda looks a little bit like cowboy in

here. So it's familiar. Real quick to go back. It does look like cow boy hands. I'm seeing a couple of gas cans, must have a similar promotion going on. Real quick. The accident wasn't you breaking your leg. The accident was the doctor installing the hinges.

Well, I I would walk. I would call both of them accidents. 1 1 was sort of a, you know, came upon me

got both

of them on that 1. Got both of the hats on that 1. We

appreciate it. We do. We

appreciate it. Hey. I thought you missed a tip. Was just letting you know.

No. The original accident, obviously, where where my leg was broken, was frustrating. But then the the second 1II choose to not look at the second thing as an accident when when anymore.

they fixed my leg, they just made me they made me a superhero is what I like.

When they when

Yeah. It's not an accident. It's just, you know, we don't have the best insurance. So instead of using medical stuff, we had to go to the Pick n Pull

oh, and so it's just what they had there.

Yeah.

We got a you know, instead of a new kneecap, we had to install a piston. Pisted -- Whoa. -- crassler.

Okay. Well, that explains the spring, and you, you know, you're added a little bit of a -- Mhmm. -- some tone.

Can I ask you Angel and I have not been able to figure out, you know, for line dancing to show off that spring Where have y'all been going since cowboy hats you since you burned it down? Where what do

y'all is there Well, we've been laying low a little bit. We've been thinking about the next place to go. I mean, obviously cowboy hats is the premier line dancing club in town.

Mhmm. You know what I

mean? But we've been

thinking about

going down to rusty spur.

Uh-huh. Wow. Okay.

No saddlebacks. Yeah. No buses. Saddleback.

Belt oh, we

went to belt buckles 1 time a couple weeks ago, and it wasn't -- Yeah. -- it just wasn't the right vibe for

us. Uh-huh. All stitched up. Yeah. Felt a

little too tight. Belt loops.

I would not be caught dead in Belt loops. You kidding

me. Okay. Here she drinks. That's yours. There's Arnold Palmer with strawberry. We got a -- Thank you. -- gravy, extra shot, mules, mule.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be annoying. It was a decaf beef gravy and the x extra shot was for my hash brown casserole. Don't

worry about being a lot. Guardian, that makes sense. That's frustrating.

No. We gonna get it for

her. If I drink I I'll tell you, you don't wanna see me if I drink this beef gravy with an extra shot.

That is my bad. I'll go back a kitchen, I will change this right now. Why don't you why don't I take y'all food orders back with me just so we can get it all in

1. Alright. We're

gonna do that. Please sure.

Okay.

Can I start anybody off with some string bean juice? I'll take a large string bean juice. Absolutely.

I'll just have the sizziness.

Juice from the string bean, or is that water that has been soaked in string beans, or is it more of a blended string bean?

This

is your time at the breaker barrel. Yes.

That you must be your first time. You are an ignoramus. Shut up. Would you call me? Excuse me. What'd

you call me?

Honey. Honey. Easy. Okay. I

it's from the game. It's from the little tea game, the little

god bless you see. No rain moose. Okay. Okay. It will be funny. Okay.

That's the boil off of string beans. So you boil the string beans, you serve the beans, and then you boil off the juice. And you

picture for the table. Picture

of string bean juice for the table. Good. Choice hot pipe and string bean juice with a ladle in the center. Good. Good. Anybody else wanna eat

that?

Yeah. I'll take a large hash brown casserole. Okay.

Going doubling down on the hash. Good choice. And then let me also get a sound of it. Do you want that a big square or long

can I get a messy chop? Can I get a messy chop?

Okay. Messi chop. Great. No problem.

Do y'all still do the do y'all still do the the the runoff from the slaw. Can I just get a bowl of the slaw runoff?

Yes. Good choice. Okay.

5 She got a sweet tooth. She's always

had a sweet tooth a 5 gallon bucket of slaw, runoff. So

that's, like, mayo and cabbage water?

May mayo cabbage water with a bunch of sugar sugar. Yeah. It's vinegar and milk. Yeah. They're vinegar. Vinegar. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. You'll and you'll get a little chunk of cabbage or carrot in there every now and then because it makes it through the strainer, but But it's good. It's good. It's good. And I'll

take I'll take the triple fried catfish. Okay. Triple fried? And do you wanna throw that 1 more time in the fryer? Yes. Okay. Great. So, extra fry. You

know what, there's an executive, but can we go ahead and get a basket squirrel tails for the table? Great.

Basketball of squirrels tails. Mhmm. And do you want those cooked or straight off the squirrel? Straight off the squirrel, please, with horseradish. Okay. Straight off the squirrel with horseradish. And

we'll take the horseradish

straight off the horse also. Okay. Thank you, Guardian. Thank you. That's right. Is that alright with everybody? Oh, yes. You take the words right out of my mouth. That's a great choice. Okay. And for you, ma'am, Do you do a tour of

italy here?

No. No. That's Olive Garden. Okay. Well,

what can I get a tour of the South? A tour if I could Alabama or something like that?

Yeah. You can have the tour of the South,

that. You can have a walk around the woods. I said I'll do that. With the tour

i'll do

of the South.

Okay.

Alright. I'll be right back with that. Bye y'all.

That's a little

bit of pet, doesn't she?

Yeah. She really does. Her my guardian really really weren't hitting at

Oh, I don't like the way she flirts with my man when she comes here talking about his order back and forth.

all.

Hey, listen. What can I tell you?

When you ain't got no shirt on in the cracker barrel that Gary girls come. The

I can't.

dead or girls come.

That is true. That is true. Hey.

Take take this shirt

off, please. I'm sure. Hang on us again. Nice.

That's why a shirt over your hat. Who? About cold. It's easy to take over with that big hat.

Cold.

Well, our our brains are practically touching over here. If, you know, you grab across the table, you also get the guy next to you. Now, Am I being presumptuous, or can I ask? Y'all ever go, Muddon? Y'all ever

go Muddon? No. Because I'm sure, so I'm sure you saw our car on the way. Yeah.

II0,

It was We got a 93 tours there covered in mud. Okay. So the answer is yes. And also how? Well, we got the 1 wheel drive installed, and

yeah.

the mood, shoot us right out of the mud once we get stuck.

What we get going about 90 miles an hour and we hit the mud, and we screech to a halt. But listen, it is fun for everybody watching.

Where do y'all might or maybe we've seen you around? We're we're usually out behind the the butter barn or we'll go into the deep Henderson's Woods for the modern. Where

do you all go?

Oh, Henderson's Woods is nice. Henderson's Wood

well, last time we went We found this new spot. I don't even know if it's named yet. It's just if you go down if you go Oh,

down in Buckville.

Yeah. If you go you gotta go down yeah. When we went down to Buckville, you go past the, what's it called, bullshit chores,

yeah. Bullshit shorts. Yeah. Bullshit shorts.

Which is, of course, it's that pasture with all those bulls and that that's 1 where you can mud, and it's I don't like that place because you can't tell if it's mud or if it's poop.

I don't think it's mud.

Yeah. I don't either. But we went down here to yeah. We we found a new spot. Well,

we learned that mistake the hard way. We thought we were muddy. We were driving around in pure shit. It was a tough day. We thought we were muddy, but a but apparently, it was overfed cows. It was overfed cows who had just made all in the field.

But

they had moved the cows, so we didn't know.

Anyway, we're tugging

around in that shit. I get stuck in the snorkel. I had to take it into Bobby down at the 76.

Oh,

yeah. Bobby will get it fixed up quick though. Oh,

yeah. He's the guy. Now

i'm gonna I'm wondering about Bobby. They're not both glass eyes, are they? I think so. Wow. And then he is a master. I'll tell you that much.

The way he's got that glass blown too. He got his eyeglass blown.

I thought so.

Well, he had the 2. He had the 2 glass eyes, and then he said, well,

this is I took a big stanky hit out of 1 of his

eyes. Go.

Execute little thing y'all have.

Hey. We appreciate that. Yeah. You

can give so we can tip to whoever walks by. And if I if 1 of us misses the tip, we tip on behalf.

Hey. It's me, Bobby. Who wants to take a rip off 1 of my eyes? Oh, Bobby. What's up, buddy? Take a big gravity hit. You can't do it this year. Take a big gravity to hit off my eye. Come on. Alright. I'm just in front with you. Here we go. Damn. That gives us both. Hi. I'll shoot to see you, Bobby. Good to see you too. I'll see you down at the 76. Excuse me. Alright. I am high as hell. Damn. Bobby really is crazy. He a good guy.

Bobby, Bob, are you talking about yourself? No. I think Bobby Bobby and Angel both just took a hit and and maybe body switched. Yeah. It's the point

bobby. No. That was Bobby. That was Bobby. That was Bobby. That was Bobby. Bobby left. This is Angel. Hey, y'all. Here's your food.

Thank you. Oh, thank you. Yeah.

You go. That's that. The hash browns, and there's just Everything looked right to everybody. Yeah. How's it? Get you owe anything else, some butter, sour cream, all right pickles,

i'm good, but can we just before we dig in, can we do a group prayer? I know we just met today, but I just figured -- Mhmm. --

let's

really lock in this to me, new friendship, if I'm being honest with

you. Do you mind if I stay for the prayer?

Of course, please.

There's no such thing as too many people sharing hands for

and you're part of the friendship. I gotta admit.

I appreciate that. Well, Our God, who art in heaven -- Yep. -- hallowed

be thy name --

mhmm. --

popcorn. Mhmm. Sweet.

I'll take it I'll take some.

Oh. No. Pop quick next prayer. Oh, 0, okay. My father, Halby.

And Hollow be thy love. It for it is under your guide in sweet Lord. That we meet friends and break and break brown, hash brown, popcorn.

And you are a wolf. And we are the sheep, and you roam around us, and you don't need us, but you could if you wanted to because you are all powerful. And we walk through the shadow of the valley of death and in that valley is filled with the stankiest bullshit. But you don't put up with it and you sweep it all under the rug, and you hide it away from his sweet Lord popcorn.

Honey bring us home. And

that Lord, That lord is why.

come here together today.

We

Let

me grease

you.

Pull up butter on you.

Oh, there we go. Good. And that's why we've come here together today, Lord. Not expecting anything out of this day other than just a race

-- Wait. Wait. -- and

a meal. You're a little more better on me. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Use the gas can. Anyway. Oh, no. Oh, no. You're gonna buy. You don't fire. Lord. It's cowboy hats all over again. Lord. No. Praise. Lord, please, please, lord, let the fire die, Lord. Lord, let fire and run a dog. Say you goodbyes,

clint. Say you goodbyes, Clint. Baby, I think it's working. Keep praying.

Lord. Oh my God. Ladies on 5. Or The bean

juice. Get the bean juice.

Oh, the bean juice. Wait. Wait. It's weird.

It's hell. Baby, we almost lost you. Gosh. That God for the wind off the cowboy hats.

Hey. I'll tell you what, if this ain't just like every cracker barrel experience I've ever had. I'll tell you. It is a wild time coming here for brunch. Excuse me,

ma'am. We'll take the check.

Yeah.