The great American roadside motel. Famous for its access to ESPN, HBO and Cinemax if you're lucky. Who among this hasn't? Immediately walked through the door, removed the comforter off the bed. Taking a lukewarm spritzy spitty shower and gone right to bed, praying that the next day will be a little better than the last. I know I have at this exact location.

Ring bring. Hello, front desk.

Hey. Hi. Hi. How you doing?

Good. Hi. What can I help you with?

Hi. This is Alan Stephenson, room 02:15.

Okay. What can we do for you?

I'm wondering I I wanted to call in a wake up call for 8AM. And I'm just wondering, did my partner call in a wake up call already for room 02:15?

No. I'm happy to do that. I we actually haven't done wake calls in a while. But, yeah, definitely. We

oh, will you

be up at 8AM? Or would somebody up there by then? No. Yeah. I'll be yeah. I will be up or leave a note for the person, definitely.

Okay.

So there'll be a wake down there. You know

what, I'll just go I'll go ahead and put an alarm in my personal phone and I'll I'll be the 1 to call you back. I will

be here. Okay. That's nice. Okay. Yeah. I think that'll work. It's just Okay.

I don't have anything on record from your partner. Is that something you want to schedule as well? You wanna schedule

a second 1?

Or

yeah. Could you

well, I'm just a little worried my let's let's do 1 for my partner -- Okay. -- at 06:30 for the for that 1. Okay. And would you like

me to call a personal phone or the room?

Let me give you their number actually. That's a good idea.

Okay. Perfect. I'll write that down here.

Okay. That is 610.

Okay. 6 01:02

312

03/01/9542. 95 42. Were you a little worried that was close to your number? What was the hold up there?

No. Just was trying to think of how to say the number in a way that was as clear and crisp as possible. My my partner is currently getting more ice and so I thought I would try to rush Carl before they get back here. Okay. We have a little issue where they get

up, you

know, that takes them a while to wake up in the morning and do the

whole routine

and I'm I'm ready right away. Shower, shit in a shave, but not in that order. Okay.

Do you

wanna talk to your partner about this, or is this something that

you should

handle? No. 06:30. The phone number you've been given is perfect. Okay. You got it. And what would

you like me to say? Is there a message you'd like me to just say into the phone when they pick up?

That's great. Maybe it's an emergency. Maybe get something that'll make panicked

a little so they won't be able to go. Yeah.

Okay. 06:30. It's an emergency. You

know what? Actually, they're their uncle is a little ill. So say it's a it's about your uncle. It's an emergency. Oh, wow. That'll be scary. Well, and then you give them a second but then it's a it's a oops wrong number or just kidding and I think they'll be so freaked they won't be able to go back to sleep anyway.

Okay. Okay. Sounds good. I have all that down. There's been a health scare with your uncle at 06:30AM and start with It's an emergency see.

That's great. And will you be there for checkout? Because this is tip worthy. This that you've been very helpful here.

Oh, thank you so much. Yes, I will. I'll be here till 330,

zach for me.

No. That's me. Can I

don't?

Anything else? Yeah. You're released. Thank you very much.

Thank you so much. I'll see you at 8. Best. Hi. Fantastic. Hello?

Hi. I'm I'm sorry. This is this is Mark Galoway in room 02:22. How does she know it? Hi. Has my partner called down to get a room service order

yet?

I don't believe I don't know your partner, but no, not to your room. No.

Oh, okay. Well, I guess I'll go ahead and put in mine. For room service. I'll do the or you do I I just do room service with you. Right? And I there's a separate number to call?

We're a small motel, so I can go take care of it -- Okay. --

past

the kitchen. I'll I'll go with the burger medium. And a side of fries how big is that side of fries? Do you think I could share that with my partner, or should we get extra

yeah. It's a basket. Okay. That's a basket.

Like, big basket or like like like is it

it's a small basket. It's 1 of those frustrating baskets you get at a burger place?

Oh, okay. Frustrating basket. Then I'll do I'm gonna do all I'm gonna do my own order of those. So it'll be the burger, the fries. Okay. Also

large basket

or a frustrating basket. I'll jeez. Let's do a let's just do a frustrating basket. I think I'll be overwhelmed by my large basket. And then Do you guys do, like, sides of condiments? Sure. Okay. So I'll do a side of ketchup.

How big is yeah.

I'll do a side of ketchup -- Okay. -- side of ranch, side of mustard side of

you're on the side of mustard. Yeah. Is it okay if we just do a packet? We usually don't put mustard in the

cup. Sure, I guess. You know

what?

I'll give you up. From your response, it sounds like you really want it. Cool. And then also, can I schedule this delivery, or do you kinda just do it as soon as it's ready?

Sure. What time would you like it? Are you sure you wanna wait for your partner, by the way? I don't know why you put it in

separate rooms. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. They're out getting more ice. So I'll just have them do their own when they get back. I'll have my what time is it now? It's, what, 04:55

in the afternoon. Oh, okay. I was 04:55. Excuse me. My watch was dubbed. Oh, and see on the wall there, 04:55. My wife just died at 03:30.

Well, I'll do mine at 08:00 tomorrow morning. And then Your burger and fries? Yeah. And then Yep. You know what? Let's go ahead and put in an order for my partner as well. I'll they'll just do the same thing. They'll do the same thing, large basket of fries, but let's put theirs in for 06:30AM. It just kinda takes it takes them a long time to Each So

same thing. Burger, large basket of fries, 06:30AM.

Yeah. Same sides as well if we could. Okay. And burger, well yeah. Same same thing just to an hour and a half earlier. Perfect. Okay.

You got it. Sounds good. Thank you so much. And do I did you just charge it? I had another call. Can I go?

Yeah. Just charge it to the room, I guess. Really

gotta get out of here. I'm sorry. I got your room service. Thank you so much. Hello, front desk. What can we do

for you? Hi. This is Brad. Waiveys in room 02:40. Hi,

mister Waverys. What can we help you

with? Yeah. Is there anyone in the pool

currently? Yes. I'm not sure. I don't currently have a view of the pool.

Oh, you can't peek out.

Well, I guess I could. Yeah. Do you want someone to be in the pool or no?

I'm just wondering if my partner's there. Okay.

Let me see. Let me let me walk around the desk here real quick.

Okay.

Nope. I just see looks like about like a 14 year old kid in the pool.

Interesting.

Okay. Well,

it's my partner.

No. Okay.

It's not my partner. Alright. So

anything else I can help you with?

Yes.

What time does the pool close?

05:00. 05:00. It's

probably

early. Okay. You guys shut it down at 5? Yeah.

We shut it down at 5. Actually, should probably go tell pretty soon because it is 04:55.

Okay. Okay. Bring

bring. Oh, sorry. I have another call. Can I let you go? Sure. Okay. Great. Front desk, what is it? Hi. I'm at the

ice machine, and I think somebody thinks it's the pool. Someone's swimming around inside of it, kind of splashing and laughing.

And it's just created a bit of a line and

obviously a bit of a to do. And it's it's Okay. Are you sure?

No.

No. Because it's so crazy. Yeah. Yeah. But Somebody is I I thought that's what was happening. There's a line and I kinda that's what I kinda I think that's what's happening though. Yeah. But I'm not positive. I am not positive. This Well,

is it a I guess, is the request about the line at the ice machine, or do or should we send a maintenance guy down

there. Is

the maintenance guy a good negotiator? Good at explaining to somebody that the ice machine is

in a pool? He's actually not very personable.

I didn't wanna generalize, but it's, you know, I've met a few maintenance guys. They're a little

sure. Up, I have a call on the other line. Can I let you go?

Do you have, like, 3

minutes? I really have to go. I'm so sorry. Okay. Hello, front desk. Bye. What is it?

Hello. My name is Robert, and I was wondering, has my partner Alan Stephenson called in for a wake up call for me?

Actually, yeah. No.

No. Okay. Well,

i

would like to place 1 for him. Okay. Okay. Let's pit let's hit it at 05:15. 8AM. Yes. Okay. It's it's tough for him to wake up sometimes. Mhmm. So I want to get him stirring as early as possible. And let's say second 09:11.

Okay. That's the message. Okay. 05:15 second 09:11. Would you like me to start with it's an emergency?

Yes. Or just start with it happened again. Oh,

no. It's happened again. Okay. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I won't be here till noon for tips just in case that was

oh, yes. This is always be something I'd like to see you on the way out and give you a tip. For for sure. Good. Thank you so much. You've been

really wonderful on the phone.

Thank you. And I love that frustrating bass get a fries last night. That was it really hit the spot. Thank you.

Good. Yes. You're the first person to say that. Can I let you go? Absolutely. I'd love to go. Thank you.

Okay. Thank you. Okay. Bye

bye.

Bring, front desk. Hi. I believe my partner put in a order for room service a little bit ago. And --

okay. -- they put it I can't remember, Steve. I can't. Okay. Well, I do have 1 room I

mean, Yeah. Well, yeah. It's the it's for sure that 1. We just don't use each other's first names very often anymore. We've been together for so long. We kind of just you know, I've honestly forgot his freaking name. So I I'm not sure. But, yeah, the 1 you got. He he mentioned to me that he put it in for tomorrow morning at 08:00 and 06:30AM. 8AM. Yeah. That's absolutely great. That's absolutely crazy. He obviously It

sounded like hogwash to me too.

Yeah. So can we do it for 2 days from now at 06:30PM and 6 That sounds more

like it. Yeah.

And 6PM, respectively.

Sure. Absolutely. Which 1 first? It's the same meal, but Let's do mine first. Okay. You got it. What was your

name? Oh, god. Your guess is as good as mine, honestly. Nobody's called me by my name and so long. David.

You sound like a David. You

know what? I think that is my name, actually. Now that you now that I hear it out loud, now that I hear it out loud. From

now? Yeah.

Yeah. Now that I now that I hear it out loud. That's wonderful. Yeah. 2 days from now, around 6, 06:30 for both. Okay. And if my partner calls you back, Whatever he says, don't change this. Don't change this order. Okay? Are you

sure you don't wanna talk to your partner food is food and meals are such an intimate thing. I don't know why you'd wanna I'm gonna have to let you go. Hello. It's

a desk. Hey, it's chance. I'm in the pool. I just need some towels.

Oh, sir. Okay. You have 1 more minute left, so really start swimming.

Yeah. No. I'm taking it up until 5PM, buddy. But I need some more towels out here. There's not any towels. This is chance.

Okay. You got it chance. Thank you so much. You've been wonderful on the phone. Hey. Okay. I gotta hang up. Goodbye. Hello. Front desk.

Hi. I I am in the pool, and I I would like AAA an order for for a for a frustrating fries. It's towels. So I I just from the sound of

your voice, I might have a little bit of bad news for you. I think you're in the You're out of a great price. No. I think you

may be

in the ice and you sound frozen. I'm sorry? You I think you may be in the ice machine. Oh, I was I was that's what I said when I got in the pool. I said this feels cool like the ice machine it, but it was a bit of a a bit of a roast of the hotel. You

understand what I mean? I do. And get may I ask real quick. Is this Billy Crystal order over the phone?

You know that it is.

Okay. Wonderful. We'll get you in order those frustrating fries out to the pool, aka vending machine. And I've got to hang up in anticipation of the next call.

I've got

to tip you all the way out of here. You got ringing, Billy. Hello, front desk. Hi. I'm in the pool and there's a corkscrew in my back that's pushing some M and M's into me. I don't know what's happening. But it hurts really bad. I need some towels and possibly some band aids. My name is Riviera.

I have no

idea what you're talking about. A a quirk I'm pushing Yeah. It's got there's corkscrews everywhere. They're pushing chips on me. How?

That's Hi. I ordered a 7, the gentleman inside the vending machine and he is not coming out. I've shaken the vending machine. And he is just in Oh,

0, bring

me back. I'm sorry about that. You've gotta go. Goodbye.

How are they?

Front Hi. I think my partner called a little bit ago and changed the the room service order that

i put in for us for 2 days from now. Right.

That's absolutely stupid. Can you actually just do it ASAP, actually? Just send it up if

we

wanna keep it in yeah. We'll keep it in the fridge here until we wanna eat it in a couple days.

Okay. Absolutely. Changing that to ASAP. You'll have 2 burgers with all the fixings, a full mustard cup, and 1 small frustrating side of fries and 1 large basket.

Awesome. That's so great. Also, just I think the chlorine's out in the ice machine. So you might wanna you might wanna check it out. Because We will check on that. We're gonna have 1 of our our pool

guys

head over shortly.

Oh, pool guy or ice machine guy. I'm

sorry. I've gotta hang up on the telephone desk. Excuse

me. I'm in the pool, and there's dust in it and hair. And it keeps coming in, and there's some type of loud noise pushing air in it. It's and I'm getting pushed. Sorry. Back and forth. I keep hearing people say housekeeping. Hurry. Say, I'm drowning in the pool. Help me. So you're stuck inside of me must be very small. Puriemari. Puriemai. Goodbye.

Hello, front desk.

Hi. I'm pretty sure last time I talked you, I told you not to change the room service order no matter what happened with my partner calling to change it. And it sounds to me like he changed it. I don't

mean to be It should be there any moment.

Okay. This isn't gonna work for us. You have to code blue or whatever. I don't know. Cancel the cancel cancel cancel cancel.

86 hit. Well, 86 hit. I'm so sorry. It's just that you sound so much like your partner, and neither 1 of you knew either of your names. So I wasn't sure who to listen to or who I was talking to.

That sounds like a personal problem. You should get your ears checked. Goodbye.

Hello? Hi. Yes.

I'm looking at my watch here, and I believe I've slept 23 or 24 hours and you didn't call me to wake up? I'm sitting here. You're supposed to call my partner at 06:30 and me at 8 for a wake up call. And it is 05:01PM and I didn't get 1. I fell asleep after our call and now I've slept for 24 hours.

Sir, it simply has not been any time. You told me about 5 minutes ago, and those calls are still scheduled for 06:30 and 8AM. I do wanna give you a little bit of a heads up. You're gonna get a prank earlier call in 05:50. Now don't tell your partner I told you because I we'd really be in hot water. Okay?

Well, this is just an Have

a nice day. Well, hang on. Bye.

Francesquilleaux. You son of a bitch. It's Alan Stephenson's partner. You

ratted me out. You ratted out my early call. I swear to God. Are

you guys in the same room talking to me?

I'm down the hall on the hall phone. You know, that weird phone that's, like, right in front of the elevators. Absolutely. It doesn't work without a quarter,

but technically you don't have to pay.

Time. Bring. There. Sorry. Don't you dare.

Hi. The room service guy came here so fast. He blew the door off the hinges and knocked my partner out the window.

Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry. I

am so

sorry. Would you like another

burger? Bling, bling,

please. You're hung up on. Hello, buddy. It's

chance. I'm still in the pool. Shoot. I haven't gotten out there to close you down at 05:02. You didn't. Yeah. Chance,

fuck off. Fantastic. Hello?