The Tow Truck Drivers

Well folks, We spend a good 20 weeks together, and I'll be honest when I say. It's been the best day, 20 weeks of my stupid life. And what better way to end our journey than what the most respectable gosh dang job the American economy has to offer? The tow truck driver. 1 last time. This is Gene But Holt. Say it good bye. And how did Parkers. We'll see you at exit 42. Thank you so much for the pickup. I I for the ride and everything. It's my

son's civic and he said there was gas in the tank. And I ran. I plumb ran out and I

i apologize.

No. Hey. It's no big deal. You can never trust your kids though, man. Let me tell you that. There's 1 thing I've know I learned becoming a father was that all your kids are gonna do, they're gonna try to sneak snake stuff out of you. They're gonna try to throw candy in the cart at the grocery store. They're gonna try to try to take an extra chicken breast to dinner. They're gonna you know, they're gonna try to try to watch an extra episode of TV before they go to bed. I mean, kids are just duke machines. You know what I mean? Sweet.

Yeah. Those all sound I I was worried that you had like a huge issue with your kids but those all sound pretty low stakes. I think kids just, you know, They need boundaries. They're also kind of trying to check and study what their boundaries are. You know

what all the doctors say, the psycho doc the psychological doctors, they all say, If you don't snap when the stakes are low, when the stakes get high, you get run over. That's what all the psychologists say, so If you don't snap If you don't snap when the stakes are low, you'll get run over when the stakes are high. So As soon as your kid does something

never heard a child psychologist encourage a parent to snap. I think that the the I need That's my my dad flew off the handle a lot. I I didn't find it very helpful. No. It's kind of why I became a poet was to try to explore those feelings.

i've

I was gonna say you look like a poet, the sweater, the the corduroy pants, the glasses, the goatee, and the thin mustache. I mean, the little the little notebook that you carried, obviously,

right

in constantly. I also overheard you when we were on the phone. You were on the with dispatch. They passed you into me early, and I heard you're rehearsing something. It sounded like a poem. None of the words rhymed in it. But it was it

sounded really heavy. Have to rhyming poems, actually. And it wasn't much bullshit.

That's bullshit. It ain't a poem if you don't rhyme, dude. I'll take that 1. I'll take to the grave with that 1?

0, you know, it's it's different things for different people, and I I don't wanna go to the grave. I just want more gasoline in my car. And, you know, I find that you maybe the arts would be a good way for you to snap. Is there any way you artistically inclined or any sort of arts that you appreciate?

III like art. I like the arts. You know, I you know what I think is the most beautiful thing. A slider. What? Baseball pitch. A slider.

Thanks, Robert. I just I I slipped down in the ditch. I I was going to turn around, and it

it slid me down, and I I think I busted a tire rod.

just

Yeah. Whatever you need, man. I mean, we'll just hook up the winch and get you out of there. I

don't think it's gonna roll. I think you're gonna have to tow me. You think straight up? I think straight up. I mean, I'm looking at this tie rod here and I don't think it's gonna go. I mean, it's My daughter's civic, and she she I don't know. She must hit a curb with it or something, loosened it up, and then I finished it off here in the ditch. I

was gonna say, what are you doing out here? The Civic anyway, where's the truck?

Listen, man. I did this on purpose to meet you here. Are you sleeping with Kim? What

the hell is this? No? Nuh-uh. No. Are you with my ex wife? So you're telling me you got out here and your daughter's sipping. Hector it in a ditch. Just so you can I got a little question I got a little carried

away with the excuse, Robert, and I rolled the civic

in the ditch? Hey. From tow truck driver to tow truck driver, this offense. This defends the shit out of me. Don't do it. What are you thinking? Listen, we used to meet up tow each other's trucks tow each other's tow trucks for fun, and here I see you're up at the bipping bop. With Kim. You're eating. It's in, Mary. I would not have been an affair if that's what you think. It's not an affair. I don't I'm not saying it's an affair, she's not with me anymore, but you're my man. Hey, you're my man too. Okay? She scratched a different itch for me. You're my buddy. You know, we talk about tow trucks, grease. Sometimes the football. Sometimes, you're collectible football. Sometimes, we're talking about my football, and I appreciate your listening here. But Kim, Kim is interested in my poetry. Okay? When I saw you, when I first saw you, I was like, he looks like a poet. You did? Yep, sweater vest, no shirt underneath, tall top hat, Abraham Lincoln style, big I forgot I forgot the first time you saw him, he wasn't at work. T w's. Staying in the back. Titty whities. Yeah. I was walking I was walking out of a busy luncheon, luncheonette. I was walking out of a busy luncheonette. I had just scarfed with Kim. Yeah. What? You're scarfed with my wife, and it's not luncheonette. The first time you ever saw me. I was walking But you

dare scarf with my wife and a luncheonette.

We're doing out so late. Driving out so late at

night.

I was I was headed to my boss's house. He needed some stuff printed out and he doesn't know how to use his computer. So I was going to get some stuff for him and and, of course, flat tire.

Not just a flat

tire.

The thing blue. I mean, I've never

seen a tire, so -- Yeah.

-- did you let me ask you this and to be honest, I won't judge you. How long did you drive after the tire blew?

Well No judgement. You're not gonna judge me? No. Well, the tire blew this morning, but my boss has been running me ragged. My boss has been running me ragged. So I was headed to pick up his laundry when the tire blew, and he he had a meeting. So I ran it on the rim for a while. And then then I had to go to Atlanta for him in the middle of the day. To get his a new cell phone for him. So that must have been 2 5250 miles each way.

So

that's probably that's probably what wore the rim down. And then that's when I had to pick up his daughter at the airport.

Oh, Christ.

And it was weird because they said, you have to get her you have to drive up next to the plane and go as fast as the plane. And she's kinda jumped. And I was like, what? And they were like, it's the only way the plane is damaged. So I had to save her life, screeching on the tire. And then I came back from the airport. And then I think that's when the axle caught fire. Uh-huh. So I extinguished that. I got home. He said, Dino, your car, and get the horsepower off of it. Set it up to a front set it up on a dyno machine and run the front tires as fast as you can, a hundred miles an hour to to get the horsepower. So I did that. And then I think that's what, I think that's what kind of chipped into the the center of the car. Mhmm.

got it got very deep. So anyway, long story short, after that, I went home And he said, okay, I need you to I need you to bring I need you to come over here and get my printer. So that that's basically it.

Yeah. It

Well, I'll tell you, I ain't never seen this before. No fronts. Oh, really? And no backs. Where'd old SARS

go?

I wish I knew. Honestly, I I came out here this morning. It it must be it must be a robbery, a theft of some sort because you don't lose this much of car without somebody doing it intentionally.

I agree. I mean, it looks like it's up on blocks here. Some you didn't do this.

No. I didn't do it. And I'll tell you this, before you go making accusations, there are people out there --

did you do this? -- who

would no. I didn't do this I did not do this. There are people out there who would want to do this to me that I am aware of.

Oh my. Oh my god. That's -- Yeah. -- that's

complicated. Would you? I'm a I'm a wanted man. There there's a bounty on my head You think

the police did this to you. You're wanted, and you think that this you think this is what

i don't think I don't I you know, I think there's probably some police that are involved, the crooked ones maybe. Or maybe some of the good ones, you know, maybe my reputation precedes me. I know I'm pretty unassuming. I know I don't look like the kind of guy who would have people out to get him, but I definitely am. I'm not I was

gonna say you look like a poet, standing there, sweater vest, tall hat, 10 gallon at least, maybe 16 gallon hat Tidy wide.

I haven't had short sandals.

Yeah. Short sandals. Yeah. Yeah. This I'm trying to not draw too much attention to myself because as I've said, there's people out there who want to get me. And I look much different than what I did a week ago. So if you if you --

well, that

is too bad.

yeah.

--

So I'm gonna need black hair. Did you just do

that? I did. I dyed it with fuck you.

Oh, gosh. Oh, god. The cop just came in through a molotov at you, but it wasn't lit.

Yeah. I'm covered in gasoline now in broken glass. So please so please, sir,

could

you put your cigarette out? Put that to you. I was fucked up.

Yeah. Could you put your cigarette out just in case somewhere

i'm so sorry.

Yes.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was it was a Virginia slip. It was a long 1. I'm sorry.

No. Don't let the ambulance take

me. Don't Why are they involved with the cops?

I've seen this man before. No. Please

don't, sir. Good care of you,

sir.

And let's just say you'll never write a mean poem again. Well, thanks. I wasn't sure if we could fit the whole family in here. Thanks for for letting us all ride with you. It would've been hell to try to figure

out how to coordinate. Stinks

in here bad.

Tyler, No problem. No problem.

Here, like, so bad.

Tyler. I'm sorry. I I had a chili dog in here earlier.

Oh,

yeah. It smells like pooded bad.

Yeah. Well

you you definitely pooded, sir. Okay. No. I think that's just the chili dog. Could you get your twins? The chili

dog

made you boot, bitch. Excuse me. I'll pull this tow truck over, and I'll spank your bare ass. Hey. Yeah. Right. Try and find it. Dad. You do not spink another

man's wife. Alright? I'm so sorry.

Dad. You're gonna let him spank mom? No. I better spook up just because it stinks from a chili dog. You're gonna let

this guy

dog you and hit mom.

Tyler, I am speaking up. These are not my twins. 1 is my son and 1 is my wife.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just I couldn't see on the other side of you. I heard that energy. I thought it was another another valuable boy.

Honey, maybe you could be a little more polite. He

should not spank you. But if you were a kid that is the type of behavior that would deserve I'm sorry. I lost my son a couple years ago, and I've been itching to discipline. I know that's not the Oh, wow. The instinct you should have after losing a son missing a disciplining someone, but I apologize. No.

Yeah. Disciplined

for you. Eat a vegetable stinks in here,

cheese. Okay. I do eat vegetables. I just didn't in here, and actually

do have some Which ones? Which vegetables did you do you eat? Farts?

Punning? Punning?

Pining? Miss, I would pop your mouth.

Oh, yeah. Try and find it, bitch. Or

did you have a tiny butt? To mom. Sir, your wife does have a tiny butt in tiny mouth just so you know. Okay. Sir, you're we are in a situation where you were helping me. Pointed

it out. Look. I I just wanna say, I empathize with you. You you lost your son, and so you haven't been able to snap for 2 years on a kid. But you're not gonna snap on my Sun Tyler or my wife. Okay?

I'm dying to snap. That's what I love. Psych psychiatrists say you should snap every now and they say it. Oh, you're not set. I'm sorry. That

this guy's taking over your role in the family. Like, this guy's the new alpha or something.

You would love that. Wouldn't you, Tyler? Yes? Well, you're not gonna get it. I'm still your dad. So I'm still your baseball coach, which means you're still right center fields. Okay?

Oh, are you good. Dad. Bench me, please. No.

You're gonna work on that arm. You're gonna work on that arm.

Catch or throw.

You coach the the miniastros. Right? Yes.

Yeah. That's me.

Oh, yeah. I've seen you out there. You you were ejected from the game?

Well, yeah. There's of a disagreement between myself and the Empire about the score and the amount of balls and strikes. You can say, mom.

So you had an

issue with the score and Your wife was the The umpire of

my wife. And I got into it a bit.

She tossed her out.

I've never seen that. In print, the Empire comma, my wife.

That's

interesting. Anyway, is it left up here? Is it left?

Yeah. Yeah. Hard left. Hard left. Hard left. Hard left.

Oh, we're going over. We're going over. Oh, it's okay. I'm gonna call Robert. I'm gonna call

my friend,

robert. He's gonna come and flip a bunch of chili on me. Yes.

Tyler.

Sorry. When you flip this truck, did you fart? Geez. I did not

i did not. Hey. I'm calling my friend Robert.

Hi, Beep and Bob. Can I take your order?

Hold on.

Robert? Yeah.

Robert. Or is this Robert, or did I call Bippenbop or both? This is someone named Robert, and you did call Biffenbosff. But Oh, is this I'm sorry. This must just line up perfectly I think my ex wife is sleeping with a man named Robert, and sometimes they go to bip and bop. What

does your ex wife look like? Her

name's Kim, Tal, Abraham Lincoln a hat.

Oh, yeah. Sable 6, the poet and the beauty. No. Hey. Hey. Your ex wife's beautiful. This guy's a poet. They're at table 6 right now. Would you like to speak to him? Well,

no. Tell

him to come up around

the corner on my life. I just wish I had a wife. Oh

my god. I just heard some I don't know if

you wanna hear this, but he's proposed.

No. Face face timing.

You won't take it down on IP. To ask of you, will you marry need.

Oh my god. This is gorgeous and it's a poem

because it pops. Robert. Robert, it's me on FaceTime on on the Robert who works at Bippenbob's phone. Look at me. Hang on a second. Hang on a second. Don't you do this to me? You and my wife. What do you say? Hang out a second. What do you say?

Yes. No.

Kim I shrugged. Yes.

I'm sorry. I heard it. By betrothed. You guys are dressed the same. Let's see if he rides with the truth. He might ride with the truth.

My betrothed. You are about to be disrobed. No. No. No. They're getting naked in a pack, lunch and that. No. Oh, God. I just had an accident again. You remember the first time? You remember? It happened just

how do you stay with me? He just messes t w's. He just messes t w's in the middle of the, I guess, the the consummation of the proposed t

w's, oh, tidy ways. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey. Hey. Leave him, Kim. He messed his TWs.

No. Never. It's a hard no from your ex wife. I don't know if you

heard it.

Robert.

I think the family I tipped over in my tow truck is dead. Are you guys alive? Oh, they're dead. I killed these people just to try to lure Robert and my wife here. Wow.

That's the same thing I have with your son.

Well, honey, let's go.

I mean, I hate sad in this already in this already low moment for you, but I think it makes sense that she would leave you.

robert. You follow them. Hey, Robert. Alright?

Hey,

Hey, Robert. Why

don't you take

my Why don't we take my car? Which

property did you sorry. I'm

talking to you. Me you.

Yeah. And I'll drive walking

fast. I I borrow my nephew's Civic.

Oh, that seems like a great idea. Why? It's too cedar. Dang. This thing is souped up. Get in the

car. Yeah. Just be quiet. Get under a bunk. Alright? Excuse me. You're not gonna take fast turns

in this. Are you?

Excuse me? Hang on, sir. What are you doing in the car, sir?

Oh, no. She's found out that us blankets can talk. Good. Good. Good. I've always been in here ever since you used me to keep your thyself warm during the storm.

Bling. Good. That is good, miss.

Good use of thyself. It really makes you sound like a blanket. You really are an

artist, baby.

I can't wait to disrobe you. No. It's it's you my ex husband on his FaceTime? No. I am a blank friend. Who lives on its shoulder and tells these good or bad things.

You should be so Like an answer, a dead guy in the background. Right, Greg? Is it I had family. Oh god.

Jesus, they're bleeding out bad.

I'm a baby. Let's see. I'm an ace hero and go disrove. Don't disney my shiffer robe. It is

disrove a poetic thing that's gonna keep trying to disrove.

Baby, come on. Can you