Santa’s Workshop

two the weeks before Christmas and all across the city, People flock to the malls for gifts that are pretty. From food courts to Spencer to kioskalore. The malls where kind shoppers find their favorite store. A wistful kid's dreams grow wonder as each nap. They bring up sweet pictures of old Santa's lap. A joy for the children which present to pick. They all come together to chat with St. Nick.

Hoe hoe hoe. Welcome on down, little one, and what is it that you would like for Christmas this year?

Go. Go sit on his

lap, Robbie.

I don't want sit on his lap, dad.

We've been in line for thirty minutes.

It's okay. Little one.

Come on over.

It's Santa. It's Santa Robbie.

Okay. Hi. Hi, Sandy.

Tell him what you want.

Hi, Santa. My name is Robbie.

Hello, Robbie. My name is Santa Claus.

Nice to meet you. I I would name is Robby.

You wanna hop up on the

old lap? You're you're standing two feet from him. You gotta get on his excuse, can you help my son up on on Santa's lap? You're Yeah. You work here. Yeah. Yeah.

I I usually I try not to hold the kids or grab them, but if if you want me to

oh, you got my permission.

You got my hold up. Grab

Alright?

him. Hello?

Grab him hold and put you up on the lap.

right here.

I'm saying

I'm saying this big ol reindeer. Come on up. Okay. Come on up. I used to be scared like you. You know that?

I'm not scared.

Oh, well, not like you. I guess scared like nobody.

Robbie. Get up Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm Well,

i don't need to get the reindeer out from behind the

why can't you pick me up?

Dead? Alright. I'll pick you up here. I want some

there you go. Alright. Welcome to the last little boy. What is it that you would like for Christmas?

Clearly scared.

I want I want -- Travis.

--

i want my dad I want my dad to get his call fixed.

Oh, my. No. That's not what I got he said complaining about my Altima that keeps breaking down. That son, no. You need to ask for a gift, you know, like a train

or like legos, not things that your dad has not yet figure out what to do. Okay?

okay.

--

Okay. I guess I would would just I guess, a bike

yes. Okay. And what kind of bike would you like? A b m x

or Schwinn? I guess one that can get me from my house to my kindergarten because Okay.

So it's a lot about how your dad can't drive

you anymore.

Listen. I don't quite the the transmission went out in my Altima. Eighty thousand miles? No. Not at eighty thousand. And I haven't been able to he's missed a couple days of school because I just

well, how did you get to the mall today? We walked. We walked. Okay.

I'm sure it's a short walk. Yeah. We just live across the street at the at the place that's across the street that's all the big fancy apartments with the fountain in the middle. We we were we Whoa

ho ho. I go there every Christmas.

Yes. He goes there and he comes out

of the road. Exactly where to drop off your bike.

Okay. Great.

Yeah. You can get a bike. And what anything else?

I guess. Don't

be scared whatever you want.

Shh. Travis. Doesn't seem like he's that scared? Just let him do his process.

I guess I would also I guess if if we can do I would get a maybe a big, like, a big backpack or a bag, one that One that is insulated so that when my dad does Postmates deliveries, he can do cold stuff too because he always has to turn down cream shop next to us.

Well, surely, postmates gave him the little bag that's lined with silver.

The bag is on the fritz. It went out at eighty thousand trips.

That's understandable. No. I mean, it's really

it's really crazy that I racked up eighty thousand trips. I have a little bit of a spending problem, son, don't wish for things that help out my work.

But dad, I don't want anything for me. I want things to make all life as a family battle. These are

not necessities. These are luxury.

You know, you're a sweet little boy, and you know who you remind you of me of? Myself. I always wanted to give a gift to everybody but me. But now I'm stuck doing this horrible job. Santa. You should really learn to respect yourself. Go a good trade school. It's kinda

i agree with him.

I love you. Get a good job so you can support yourself and don't worry about it.

I wondered why this was shorter than the than the Santa in the middle of them all. What is this? Real Santa?

Like, of course, I'm real

no. That like, I mean, like

santa Oh, ho. I see it says Santa keeping it real up above you, and Travis is just You're just a a reindeer that walks around on his hind legs?

Well, no. I'm a reindeer that stays in place, but then some dads don't wanna lift their own damn son, so I'm a reindeer that comes up.

Oh, I think we're letting this kid away from us.

Listen. Get off of his lap. Get off of his lap.

Let's piece?

I'm getting a picture while you're up there. No. Yes. No. You should been up there.

No. We don't want a pic we're gonna go to the real

world. Oh, that picture isn't for you. That's

for the fucking cops.

Travis has a camera that he takes pictures and I don't quite know what they could What

do you mean for the cops?

You're clearly neglecting this kid.

I am not.

Is this child protective, Santa? We're keeping it real.

This is CPS, child protective center.

Well, no. But we do have a voice we get a we get a real window into parents' lives.

So My dad, no. No. My love my dad, and it's not his fault that everything is bad right now. It's been a hard time. His transmission went out and has not been able to do as many postmates deliveries and stuff. And I I know that on Christmas you should post ask for things that you want. But what if the thing that I want is a thing that I think would make my dad's life easier. Like

i think it's about time to get you out of here. No. You're gonna get everything you want. I

give it back

my son.

Give me back my

son. Sir, this isn't a time to reference taken. Not

taken. I wasn't.

Lance the other one. Right? So

i I I wasn't referencing it. I was getting gravely because I got angry. You were taking my son.

You were doing Mala Gibson's ransom. This guy's at Gibson Head. No. That's all. That strike too, buddy. No.

Uh-oh. You're on Travis's camera again.

And let me how did you get here? How did you end up working for CPS?

I don't work for CPS. I work for Santa. I'm a reindeer who has the ear of CPS because we get to see a little window into how parents are are with their kids.

Is this like a you do bad so you have to work here type of situation? Are you guys bad parenting? What are you

talking about? You see, it would be like giving an arsonist their job as to stop fires. Of course, that's not what a it's

that sounds like a great job. You have to you have to do some time.

You have

to Play work here because I thought I could lead a life as an artist. Well, nobody wanted any of my crap. So I'm poor until December. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Hello? Some of us have been waiting in line for a very long Hi.

Oh my god. Hello?

Let's move you along, son. I promise

you the schwinn. We're going to the Santa in the middle of all, the real Santa. Good luck.

There isn't a real Santa code.

Ho. Ho. Ho. What would you like for Christmas little one?

A fifty two lottery tickets.

Why don't you hop up on my lap here?

Alright. Hi, Santa.

Oh, hey. How are you?

I have great I'm so happy to meet you again. I don't know if you remember me from last year.

Well, I recall the voice. But I don't exactly remember your name. Share with me what it is again.

My name is Leonard, and I watch fifty two bars.

L e t t e r e d. I know your name is comprised of letters. What is it spell.

What am I saying?

My name is s a n t a, and it spells santa.

My name is you missed hearing me, Sada. We got into it last year. I don't wanna get into it with you this year.

No sand time. That's Sada. That would be s a d d a. That's how I am January through November. Santa is who I am this month, s a n t a.

I want fifty two lottery tickets. So don't even have to be winning lottery tickets, but I'm too young to buy them. So I watched Saturday lottery tickets.

Oh. Okay. We might be able to arrange that. Okay.

Son. Hey, son.

You get the tickets? You get the tickets from the guy?

Dad, I'm on his lap right there. Who is this? I'm working on.

I'm Gary looking, man.

This is my dad. This is my dad. Let let it seed you.

Welcome letter Lennard.

L e m n I d?

Yes. My name is Leonard Namoy senior.

Interesting name. So fifty two Lotto tickets for the young one. You're not for the dad. Isn't that right?

Yeah. Those are for me because I win the lottery. That's always been my dream setting.

Let me ask you a question, Leonard. How did it go last year with the fifty two tickets?

Well I got them and then my dad said well I have to be the one to cash these in because you're too young and then he wouldn't set in the kitchen and every like ten to twenty seconds I just had him go Fuck.

Watch your mouth kids.

You know, the lottery is a tough gift. You're just giving someone a chance, but it's not necessarily gonna pay off.

I told him we should ask for winning lottery

tickets from

Excuse me. Who's this guy with the camera?

santa Clara.

travis, our reindeer. Don't don't no pictures.

This is

A viewer of the kid. That's a whole idea.

No pictures. Alright. Hey. Give me it. Leonard?

Give me it. Leonard?

Give me the camera.

Give me the camera. Get him. That camera is not part of the thing that's just Travis's camera.

I take pictures for child protective services. For some reason, all the bad dads. Seem to wanna come to this animal with the short line

that says way cheaper. I think it's because it's by the sweet factory.

Alright. Leonard Leonard Lanny junior. We're getting out of here. We're getting out of here.

Oh, son. Get up there.

Oh, ho. Oh. God. Damn. Who do

we have here? Hi. My name is Jason, and this is my son, Lil j.

Hello? Hello, Lil j? You look like a full sized man to me.

Yeah. I'm in the ninety nine point ninth percentile for children's growth. Ninety nine

point ninth. Yeah. What a strong young

i'm thirteen, and I'm six foot two, three hundred and twenty four pounds. Big boy.

Well, why don't you stand right next to know.

No. And Amy.

Yeah. Big

wallet in those pants.

My son's got a big wallet. He's stacked.

A big size. Yes. He is

stacks. I want. My son's wallet is stacked. God, I love these sweets. I want a This better not be a front for CPS.

I want a an eighteen wheeler.

Yeah. My son's gonna start driving. We got him a fake

if you see that the dads are gonna be very just a majority, they wouldn't skip them.

Why'd you what what was that flag?

I just took a few pictures. I can't tell if the dads are gonna be participating to work. I mean, looking at the line, I think they're going to me.

Yeah. The kids seem pretty out of it, and the dads seem pretty engaged.

All the dads in line have a Bluetooth in their ear.

Bob, then it's all dads.

So let

me get a big tooth, Sarah.

Yeah. Yeah.

I swear to god, it's like, monster to a flame with these bad dads in a CPS line.

I love that this line is short. And the line in the middle of the mall is so damn long. It's bullshit.

Well, what is it that we can get for you today? You want an eighteen wheeler for your dad to drive as a cool Peterbilt.

Peter Bill.

It's for me.

It's for my son. I got him an illegal c class.

Stop shifty around.

Yeah. Yeah. My wallet's stuck.

Oh, I got two big boys on my lap. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Smile, son.

Alright. Well, you'll have a Peter Bill coming this way. Travis, you're getting these phone

yeah. Yeah. Double

one. Okay.

Double the need for

thank God. CVS is nowhere. See you idiots later.

Well, ho ho ho. Oh, what do we have here? A nice little girl.

Hi, Santa.

Hello. And what's your name, little girl?

I'm Mary. Can I pull on your beard to see if it's real?

No. No. No.

Okay.

Well, you can.

No. I don't want her if you don't want me to. That's okay, Sam.

Oh, what a respectful little girl.

Thank you very much.

What would you like for Christmas this year?

What would I what I want is a pony, if you could get me a pony,

wow. That's a big ask.

Sorry. Is there, like, a window of things I can ask for?

Like Usually, it's something that can be purchased at a store, but that we make at the workshop. Oh. We usually don't give living things.

Well, I guess if I don't know if this counts what you're asking for, but for my Dad did not leave me here from nine AM till seven PM every day.

Oh.

Travis, snap a picture.

Shit. Why are

you taking a picture of my daughter?

Oh, dad, you're early.

What is this?

This is a

this is a sting. Shit.

I knew I should've gone to the long Santa Life. How long

have you been in the sweet fact? God. Damn. Damn. Cara miles.

But

sir, I think It's

a sweet bakery, sir. CPS,

sir. You have to pay for those, sir.

Shut up. And I thought they were samples.

No, sir. The person standing in front of the store has the sample tray. You just took those out of out of the dispenser.

Okay. Alright. Alright. You got me. You got me? Okay.

He said a pony was not a reasonable thing to ask for and had to be and he could buy in the mall.

Yeah. They don't do live things.

Stuff they can bill, honey.

I just wanted to dream big like the book I read says

how about a little pony doll? Oh, yeah. You seem a little let down. How about a little pony tail?

Yeah. Santa can get you, your hair pulled up.

I mean, you could be the horse. Santa, any Alright,

you, honey. Around down.

Come on. He's better not be going straight to CPS.

How do they all know?