Christmas Tree Lot

twill the weeks before Christmas and all across the city, People flock to the malls for gifts that are pretty. From food courts dispensers to kioskalore. The malls where kind shoppers find their favorite store. Though trees live in forests, some jungles, and parks each Christmas we chop them for joy they will spark. And chopping in nature, a thing we do not. So pile in the car for the Christmas tree lot. Oh, I think this one's cool dad, but this was gonna be too big for the living room.

Yeah. Yeah. I think you're right. That's a pretty tall tree.

It's so

big. And and I liked it. It kinda has those those those the leaves that are kinda, like, white on the bottom. It, like, looks so cool, and the ornaments are

gonna look super cool. We could do that at home. You just gotta buy a can of that flocking stuff. We could have a white tree if you wanted.

No. I wanna But

let's keep looking. Right? This one's a little too tall. Wow. Yeah. Dad. Dad. Dad. What about this one?

about this one. What do you think? Do you think it'll fit? I don't know. I don't know if we could get the angel on the top of it. It might be too big.

Oh, that's the thing

What if we did a different top ornament and did I

love the

the the the angel is awesome. The angel is

an awesome ornament, but it's so tall, and I know that grandpa made it, but it's four and a half feet tall.

But it's like a life

science child topic.

I know.

But it's

we gotta put it on. Boys, let's not fight. Especially the year after granddad died.

Yeah. I guess so. But maybe it's time to move on. He moved on, maybe we can move on.

Well, you know. Dad, do we retire Grand Cross four foot tall Angel topper? I think that for the first year

--

because it should put grandpa's model of himself on top of the trees. Yeah. It's it's very much his likeness. I know. And and now that we know that grandpa is an angel, Right? It might be a yes. We do. It might be a nice dream. He was kinda bad. He died on

per role.

Come on, guys. Hey, we're not here to talk about grandpa, rest in peace. Alright. We just gotta find a treat Is

that Tom and the boys?

Oh, mister chao.

Oh, the heck are you?

Mister chao. That's okay.

Not a lot. Hey. You kids trying out for the football team this year?

No. I'm not going to. I'm tired of getting cut. Hey.

Yeah. What's going on with the field? It's like it's really like, there's a lot of roots out there.

Well, we dug up thick roots and this season, we were promising the kids minimal cuts and we've got extra padded uniforms.

So Okay. Sounds pretty good.

I mean, kids could be as tough on the field as your dad and maybe even as tough as your crazy grandma.

Oh, well. Oh, Randall hey, Randall, thanks. I appreciate it.

We'd love to have you on the team but what while you're here, Is there a tree that you're enjoying?

Isn't that cool? Your coach is working.

Chap. I

didn't know you worked this a lot.

Well, I get I I I thought I was doing a really cool thing like in Hollywood where they signed for points on the back end. Right. I decided to get paid by the web, and it's been a tough few years. And I would love for you boys to travel. For the tea.

But hey, I'm sure you get paid by

the tree here.

Right? You're on commission. What was your deal here?

What's that? What?

What what deal did you make?

Paid by height. So I wanna introduce you to my favorite tree. We call this one big

ben. Whoa.

Is that because

it has a

clock get it?

It's definitely ticking. What is it?

We can't figure it out, boys. We can't figure it out.

Dad, can we get this one,

we could put it in the in the garage where we get a taller ceiling. That's Say yes. Yeah. That's a pretty good idea.

Yeah. But I

think we're gonna want it in the living room. Right?

But, dad, it's so obvious that coach really needs to make the sale here. Oh, no. No. What if we just

and I'm hoping for a lot of wins. So What

if we just bought it and we put it on the back deck?

Okay. You guys wanna do outdoor Christmas issues. Outside tree. Well, hey, this is up to you.

You're using the deck after all that's happened out there. That's nice. To move on.

Yeah. Nice to move on. I mean, granddad really went nuts on the deck. But we're trying to make, you know, recontextualize what it means to us, the dick.

That's really alright. Well, Big Ben is the perfect thing to do. It's a huge tree that ticks for a reason we cannot figure out, but we hope it's just a normal clock inside.

I don't know. Maybe it's a little too tall. You got anything close to it? Yeah.

To Big Ben? Yeah. Sure. Huge birthday over here. Whoa. Now this you couldn't go

huge bird.

How do you mean?

Well, big, man. You can have two bigs. Right? They're not really in comparison. Big birth is a famous Yeah. You always had two b b

yeah. -- and

--

you did an h b.

Oh, well, shit.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be honest with you. I'm second job.

That's fine. No. No. No. You're right. That was a bad name. I overthought it, which is what I did with some play in plays last year on the field. I think I think things a little too far down the road.

Just do the simple thing.

Yeah.

Speaking of planning for the future, what

about you maybe need to know all of

all of the constraints of what we need. So as you know, coach, our the our Christmas tree topper is a life-sized replica of our grand father as an angel.

Yes.

And so the tree has to fit in our living room, which already size. Four feet tall.

Yeah. He was a monster on the football field.

Mhmm. Yeah.

But he was larger than four feet at one point, but as he age Yes. Started to go back one more time.

Got the

looks a little bit like Yoda, but that's okay.

A little bit.

Yes. And with each bank robbery, it really took a toll on his spine.

Because he tried to sneak into the bank in those little money bags. Right.

This is not about my father. Okay?

No. No.

Why don't we just get a tree? Yeah. Randall, I promise you're gonna get a sale today. Coach, will you run

us through

will you run us through your play twenty laterals again?

Well, it's just like That everybody was feeling too complicated? Everybody on the field touches the ball almost twice.

I think it needs a code name.

Yeah. When we would say we're doing

twenty laterals. Turnary laterals. On hike.

Yeah. Yeah. And and and always calling the play from scrimmage always cause trouble.

Yes. Yes. These are all very interesting notes that I would love to hear when you were both on the team this year.

Right.

And I gotta say it's so nice see you all here. Tom, send my regards to Jane as well.

Thank you. That's very sweet of you. Yeah. We're doing okay. You know, it's been it's been a bit of a tough year since we lost dad, but I'm hoping that this Christmas really really makes us feel like a family again. Yeah.

Well you know what will make you feel like a real family? Gigantic birth though.

A second birth though?

But it's so you can do two birthdays, but you can't do two big b's.

Okay. And I would love to have your kids around for the planning of the the football players because I could tell you think straight and right down the line. This is

really helpful. I mean, like, I loved two hundred yard punt that you made us do.

Which I don't really even understand how it

It just requires

works.

such insane probability because you you have kick it from the one.

You don't understand the play.

And then it bounces off the uprights and comes all the way back down the field.

I would love to have you on the team. You don't in the play. And I could explain it a little more deeply to you.

Well, I don't know if we want gigantic birth. It's a little doesn't have as much green on it, and it's very tall.

Yeah. It

looks like a dead pine tree that was struck by lightning and that's really tall. Okay. Fuck. Okay. Well, let

me go let let me go talk to the manager and see what I can do. I'll leave you guys to chat about it for a little bit.

Oh, he's going to talk

to the manager a really high school. It's like a it's like a car lot.

Hey. Now kids, listen. When he comes back over here, I wanna just make sure we're not giving him a hard time. Okay?

We're not an I wish granddad would've killed him. He's always showing up and being weird.

I know. I I you know, if I'm on

granted killed the wrong. On the porch.

I know. He killed the wrong guy on the porch. Well, himself. I know. You know that.

I know that.

Wait. I thought he was so proud.

I can't believe they still have the doll of him on parole.

They think he's alive. We quit We got them, bud. Well, this is what

we always talked about gun safety. A gun what has to be pointing the right direction. Yes.

Oh my god. Why do we have a doll of granddad? What we know We know the angel is on parole right now.

Well, it's because boys, I I thought I could get away with it, but that's not a doll. What? It's a taxidermy. What?

No way. So that's that's stopped granddad? You couldn't bear. Telling people that granddad killed himself on the porch.

That's an accident.

That's an accident. He was aiming at someone else and

he shot his shoulder off because the gun was pointing the who's

trying to kill your coach, who wouldn't let you win the football team.

He was trying to kill your coach.

I noticed I noticed he really made

it seem like he really wanted us on the team now, and it makes sense. Yeah. Because he knew granddad was gonna kill him because he didn't want us on the team. And now he's overcompensated.

We do what granddad couldn't do. I don't Should we kill him right here? I don't think so. I I really think like grandbam. No, sir. I'm feeling great. Garrett, please.

Garrett, don't do when your coach comes back. I'm shooting him right now.

Garrett, you don't have a gun. Shit. I wish you did. What if we got

down one of the biggest trees, and it landed on coach.

Well, my manager said he didn't understand why I was going over to talk to him because there wasn't a tree you wanted yet. Well,

why don't you show us your biggest? Tree.

Okay. Sure. Well there's a lot of great trees here. Let me just sit down. My Dinty Moore be stew because this one, I need my Were

you bragging about the brand? Beef stew is kinda beef stew, man.

And this is Denty LESS.

It says denty less. It's small.

It's a cheaper hand.

Okay. Your family really has it out for me, I could tell. Anyway, son, will

you just move right over a

year ago?

We could almost follow the sound of the thucking to find my favorite's true. Very large person.

Very large bird, a landed up coach.

He's not dead. Oh, no.

She is really her shit.

Come up. Come up. Come up. Stop on the tree. Stop on

the tree. Stop on the tree. They're not near there.

Gramble always said cover their mouth if they won't go.

Okay, grandpa. We're too RN. Yes. Do this stuff. Do this. Nice grandpa.

Ask him what he would do.

Grandpa. Well, how would you kill coach?

Hard to gun towards him, my family.

He sounds like the witch.

What what is that gram? That was

like What goes to gram? I thought.

It's coming from the denty last chance. Grandpai. Is that you?

The vampire, are you a stew?

Yes.

Fuck dad. This is I gotta be honest. This is disappointing.

Grandma? I'm

a can of sheep's too.

Why? Why should you go into the can of sheep's too, dad?

What's the after lunch? Hi. What's the afterlife like, grandpa?

Oh, bitty with some potatoes.

Kiss, kiss, kiss.

Frowned again. I shot him, Donna. Should I get him again?

I guess we have to Keep stomping on the tree. Keep stopping at

this tree. Okay. You're dying.

What is your wait. I think it's at

this point.

That's just a lesson learned. I think we just need to leave them all. I think let's go. I think

he wants to give us one last play he wants us to run. What is it?

Call the cops soar in the ambulance. Or No.

No. What is a play? A perfectly simple play. I

am dying.

Oh, it's like it's like the barking dog in basketball. You have someone go in the corner and bark like a dog. Everybody looks over there and goes, what's going on? And then you score the land.

Is that the name of a play?

My whole life sucks.

Okay. We're leaving. Let's go, grandpa.

Good leadership, son.

I thought a good thing happened. To be from beginning to end. Now I'm dying under a tree.

Merry Christmas coach. Merry Christmas coach. Christmas coach. Come on, grandpa. He's hopping. He's hoppin.

He's hoppin. He's hoppin. Dink. Doing? Grandpa, we're so happy to have you back.