Twas the weeks before Christmas and all across the city, People flock to the malls for gifts that are pretty. From food courts dispensers to kioskalore, the malls where kind shoppers find their favorite store. When shopping with family, the children all howl the spouse needs attention, their stomach does growl. The days all seem endless one thousand tomorrow's. Dad's one place of solace, his favorite. Subboros. Wow. What a slice.

Oh, yeah.

What? You know, these things keep getting bigger and bigger, it feels like, kinda.

They do. It feels like a quarter of a peach here. What a deal.

Oh, am I the only one that got the zedie?

I see I saw you walking over with that foil can't surprisingly delicious.

Yeah. It'll foil

plate. Is CD made to order or is it

well, it's scooped to order.

Yeah. Yeah. It's good. That's good. I prefer Zidi where the cheese has been sitting on the noodle for a while under a heat lamp.

Oh, the whole point

is that it's been baked. Subar has never been better. Yes. Never been better.

Market pressure. You guys know. I've always said that. You know, you put pressure on the market. I think it's all the other sort of mall pizza businesses that have opened up here that have sort of force borrow to up its Yeah.

I mean, ever since you started investing in the market, you've been very aware of how it affects chain.

Well, you know a lot of people when they when when I told everybody I was going all in on Subaro. They were like, it feels like that's a forgotten business. Feels like the idea of a mall in general is sort of a forgotten business. And I said,

tough to see much expansion.

Exactly. But you know what?

Food court's never going out of style. That's what you said.

Absolutely not. And I get it. This one, obviously, is it has a few empty -- Yeah. This one is. -- empty sort of pusks. But I'm telling you this SPARO has never been better. And I am not worried. I am going to make a huge return on the seventy five k I put in SPARO.

What the year look like for Sbarro? Have they had more stores? Do they have less? What number are they up to?

Well, they are saying that the sort of store store count is shrinking, but quality of store is increasing. And these are all That

was in the Subaro announcements -- Yeah.

--

which you follow. I'm on their I'm on their investor calls.

Right.

I get their monthly sort of There was a big

garlic knot announcement this week.

They was. They said they said we can no longer afford to produce garlic knots.

Oh, that's not what I thought.

Well, they're not selling. I mean, they look selling.

You don't

i mean, come down.

Great but they don't sell much. But I look at that as not at the we're not downsizing. We're

sort of

refocusing all of our energy

on -- efficiency. --

the the piece they resist on. The pizza, they resist on

so you don't need a nod if you have a pizza. It's the same thing but without the cheese and the tomato sauce.

Exactly. I

liked your rhyme. I heard your rhyme.

Are you

still doing the poetry?

Everyday. Every day, I wake up in the morning, I brew myself a pot of coffee. And I write some poetry on whatever I'm inspired to do. Wow. Rimes, things like that. Yeah.

That's weird. You write about rhymes? Yes. My poems are Not only do they rhyme, but they're about rhyme.

Well, you've simply fallen in love with rhyme.

Well, then once you started morning was a a b b, and then it said

why don't you talk to me me? Me cover me. Right. Right.

Yes. Poetry about rhyme.

Yeah. So in that so that one is all me having a conversation with the rhymes. Right.

So now

why Right. ABB. Why don't you talk to me me?

Right.

I am Bicma pentameter. Why don't you come over her?

I don't even know how you have the energy for this stuff. I mean you're doing keep you safe way to eat versus

of a pot.

Yeah. That's true.

Yeah. That's that's how I get the energy. I don't it's tough to sleep with the newborn. Yeah. Honestly and I I don't know if we've discussed this and I but do not go to Dr. Feldman for vasectomies because

really?

He talked

me into

i have an appointment next month

for my V. Cancel it.

What happened?

Well, I got a newborn. So

well, God knows we all want vasectomies. Oh my god.

I actually you know, I I I told you this before you went, I told you this before you went to Feldman, and I said, last I heard, the last vasectomy he did. He didn't tie the tubes. He shortened the tubes. So the little sperm's got less

more positions.

To swim. They're more they they've they've they're less tired.

Your first is probably shooting out of your weiner like a gosh dang cannon.

That's what I

told you right now. The shortest tubes. You've got the shortest tubes in history?

Historically, I have the shortest tubes in there.

Well, you already had pretty short tubes too to, you know, anatomical.

Yeah. You have a short tube.

So yes. But my tube was born I was born naturally short tubes. So they were already I mean, I have five kids.

These Normalize short tubes.

Yeah. Please. Hopefully.

The shorter the tube, the larger the harder the shot.

That's right. I mean, they're going straight in. It's just physics.

Yeah. There's less drag.

Yeah. And so he kept He kept external the same length. Thank God, but he shortened the two even more. And because he said it was too short to tie.

Why I heard that sometimes on some of the more difficult internal tube ties, they'll just tie the whole thing.

Yes. Well, we he showed me that there's an external bow.

He showed me the AT and T's as an option. And I I considered it. But at the end of the day, I thought it would look really weird.

And occasionally, he'll get the side of scissors, and run it along, and it'll curl

up quick. You'd like

to spell them? Yeah. I'm not gonna spell them.

It's great. And funny.

Where you

have curly cute.

No. I do not want one. No. I want my straight line.

I'm just saying what he

offers. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I'll let you say, I love my son. I love it. Hey.

He sees with your wife right now, they're out shopping.

Just because you love what you got, doesn't mean you gotta want more of it.

That's exactly right now. Let me tell you. You're not gonna love this kid once he's going to college because

--

oh, yeah.

--

boy, let me tell you when they're

a kid.

They come home with new ideas.

Well, new ideas. They come home asking for the tuition check, and you're just like, listen. All the money's tied up right now. I'll do my best.

So you didn't have a plan to pay for your sons.

Well, I did. But it's a longer term plan than what it ended up

i had totally expected when you said you don't want them you won't love him as much when they got to college that his personality changed but the issue is expensive.

It's that very expensive.

So they they hound him for the money

-- Yeah. --

in class?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I told him to not put my name on any of the paperwork. So he's sort of going, and I'm sort of shadow shadow spending to

and this is landlord University.

What it's called?

Yeah. My son got

so they knocked

on the door.

Hey, congrats on him getting in.

Yeah.

It's That's impact Yeah. Yeah.

It's pretty great.

It's cool.

The wait list is apparently

he got it in the early decision. Right?

Who did he get for finding the cheapest dishwasher one zero one?

You gotta

because you because you went there. You're pretty familiar with most of

the Yeah.

Yeah. Well And there's is there still fluorescent lighting throughout the college there?

There is.

There

is. And and and the funny, the craziest thing is every fixture in the whole place. You can't find a bulb to to replace if they go out because it was the cheapest thing. The bulbs come from a different country or something. Yeah. They don't have the right inputs.

That sounds about right.

Now I

remember when you were in low flow four zero one.

Yeah. God,

you almost didn't make it out

of it. It's a tough class. It's so hard to find a, the low flow, shower heads, that flow, that low. And then b, the little, you know, the handles that can never get the temperature where you want.

Right. Right.

But, you know, that's that's why that's how the masters do.

Yeah. Now is he taking garage full of landlords junk eleven o one?

Eleven or one.

He's That's a very advanced

he started it.

For college.

Yeah. He started it, but it was a little too tough, and he dropped it out for the first couple says a little too tough.

Because you have to learn to be so rude for that one. You have to learn to

know You know, my my son's a sweetie.

I'll tell you what, this new watch, I'm loving Yeah. That's nice. I'm loving it.

How's your a few times today, it sort of set off an alarm while we've been walking around the mall. Like, Is it like counting steps

or Oh, I have a ton of alarms now. I have a ton of alarms because I never have to check my phone

--

oh, nice.

--

to get them off. So I'll do an alarm for go upstairs. I'll do an alarm for don't forget to eat in one hour. So you probably heard this tomorrow. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

It was about an hour ago. That's awesome. Yeah.

It was awesome.

Do you ever find it's tough to have your family just so close? Like, it feels like on your watch, you can't get away from it.

Well, it's boundaries. You gotta you gotta say, hey, I answer the text when I'm ready.

We've been together most of the day working on our little side hustle.

Yes. How and how is that? So you get chargers from warehouses and then you resell them on Amazon, phone charges.

Yeah. We get the little charts. Cheat ones.

Cheat. They're seventy five cents a piece.

Yes. And

we and we I mean, that's an expensive one. That's the one that you plug in and it lights up the lights in your van

--

yeah.

--

when the beats play.

That seems not necessary for almost everyone on earth. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, we sell a beat fucking idiots for twelve ninety nine.

Yeah. And that's at the lowest. That's at the lowest.

Yeah. How many do you sell a week? Depends

you know

could be ten, could be thousand.

Yeah. I mean, we try to go to people where we we go to where, you know, people really need their charger, and they've left it, and we jack the price.

Airports -- Airports. -- places. We wholesale. We scour the city for just cheap merch.

Yeah. It's it's called inside the airport law. You can you can profile people based on their desperation

--

yeah.

--

and then just charge them I mean, we charge Gouging

price scalps.

As soon as I see someone hurriedly feeling the pockets of their bag, I know. It's a sales order.

Yeah. We charge

someone in on

this thousand dollars for a charger Where were they? Where were they?

This was Dallas Fort Worth, I think.

They're you I feel like you've told me this story. They were they were in the midst of a of a catastrophic natural disaster, and their phone was dead, and they were being crushed by

a a landslide. Yeah. It was a landslide.

Wow.

So we skate down landslides on skimmerbush. We

it's actually really sick.

It's awesome. People take pictures of us and post them in the little coffee table

have you

seen us on Skinboard weekly? Yeah. He says. Yeah.

I don't We get bored weekly.

Oh, my god.

There's a

list of antennas. For a weekly magazine.

Enough time to Yeah. It's the thinnest paper. You can throw it down while you're running and slide all the way home.

So Skimboard magazine is

itself a Skimboard.

Yes.

That's awesome.

And it is a paper, not a magazine.

Yeah. So Man, man.

But, yeah, we

at the Subaro, Come over whenever you're done at Charlotte Ruth.

Yeah. Bria, bring the girls over. I haven't seen them in a while.

Yeah. I'm sorry. I think they're just they're getting out of hand, so I gotta corral them over.

Yeah. You guys ever I I have

to you. Heaven daughters, you know.

It's that daddy daughter love there's nothing like it.

Yeah. You've got a house full of boys

and your house is is it's smoking.

It's not possible.

It's rumbling at all.

There's always ember.

They say nature versus nurture, but I think boys just are crazy. I think there's nothing you you could do about it. Certainly, nothing I can do about it.

I see you guys out in the yard sometimes in a tent, you and your wife just trying to get some shut eye

yeah well it's the only way we can catch forty winks because inside the house it is you got Fortnite in one room You got I I mean Michael is doing TikTok indoor skateboarding.

Oh my gosh.

Sam just discovered Ben Margera, so I'm red all

over. Sucks.

Oh, yeah. He's spaking you on the toilet all the time.

Jack, I can't get a free moment. My wife is crying all day.

Well, at least they're creative. Lisa are

very good. I just want them to use it for something a little more you know I mean Sean is a science genius And the only thing he does is little rockets on the backs of my shoes that I don't know about until I walk out the door.

Oh my god. I'm just getting a notice from Bloomberg saying that Sabar is introducing Bruschetta? No way. Canning the garlic roast yeah.

You better get out now, my man.

Hang on.

That's a tough thing. He better get out now. A shillingate, a tomato mixture.

Oh my god. Down into the right.

No. No.

Down into the right, much like, your penis after My

little penis. Yeah. My little tube.

After your beset.

Well, hey, fellas. I really appreciate we can all carve out this time when we're all shopping at the mall Yeah.

This is nice when we all see each other here at the

it's so important. Well, by you know, I I don't know. We were gonna do the I fly later, but with the Subhash news, could you still afford it?

It's looking like it's it's sort of tanking through in my my brother.

Come on. Get in the outdoor skydiving with us and let it blow your eyelids.

And you gotta buy the damon.

Buy the dip buy the dip. It's pretty dope.

Why to do it.

What else do they have

on the docket? Other than brachetta. Is that only announcement? I just give them the headline.

They're gonna start selling napkin's outfit for

okay. Okay. Well, that's napkins.

They They're selling napkins. They're out there

at an all time Greece high.

Hold on. Gree oh, more grease? More sitting in Greece? On this on the pep

what city? Oh, I'm sitting here. Fresh parada. They're trying fresh parada as a sign in an appetizer. Oh, my god.

So You gotta sell yesterday.

I I wish I could, but my broker's out of town.

Oh, my

god. He travels too much. Yeah. She's gotta keep his phone off.

He out all last week. He's been

out actually since January. It sucks.

Just going up for Scott.

Yeah. I know it's you know?

I said to get a new broker. I think your broker has broke in.

Well, you know, I wish that I had read the contract before I signed it. I didn't know you had to.

Lifetime? Yeah.

Lifetime

that sucks I've signed a few of those.

It really sucks.

Well I I tell you I am so sorry that's a lot of money you just lost too or

oh, it's alright. My son's gonna make it back when he becomes a landlord. I'm just

--

that's tough.

--

starts Lucky. We're trying Lucky.

I felt yeah. I just couldn't get that last credit for having a friend who can do everything. And doesn't do anything right now.

Well, it's hard. My guy, there's no uniform will show up.

This quote Philip's coming

over and he he doesn't know how to text.

Oh, the last test yeah. The last test on looking looking just weird enough that the tenant is afraid to open the door when you knock. It's it's I passed

that with fine color.

I took fixing your fridge Friday at nine PM, two zero one, and I flunked.

Oh, that's

tough. Well, because you always wanna do something Friday, and I it's hard for you to be free.

But I have to stay there because the fridge.

My How'd you do with lying to your tenants

to be aware?

Oh, that one I could I didn't just sign up for. My son my son showed me showed me a report that he did on ignoring a termite diagnosis Oh. And oh, diagnosis. I was I was four.

You got diagnosed with that, right,

at the doctor's office. Doctor fulfillment.

You're the first you need to get Right?

You said doctor Philbin. Right?

Regus diagnosed you with termites?

Well, and I said Regus, I'd love to ask the audience. I'm Yeah.

And you did.

I did. And it's Well, you phoned me, and I was like, make sense to me. Your whole your legs are full of holes.

First, you typed one letter at the time at at a time into your computer. I was like, I only have thirty seconds for this photo and then you're like, I got it on Google it. Yeah. But yeah. I got termites.

Yeah.

Well, all my problems will be solved once the sun gets out of school. So it'll next Christmas maybe Here

comes the son out of school.

That's not a rhyme, but it's artistic.

It's artistic. I'm very inspired by some of the old artists.

That's cool. Yeah.

Yeah. That. That's really cool. Yeah. Now What you call the Beatles. Right? Old artist?

Yeah. I thought those guys are the oldest artists.

Oh, shit.

Look at that lady. She's digging around in her purse. Excuse me.

Oh, hey.

Excuse me. Is your phone

dead, ma'am?

Your phone dead? Well, we happen to have a UCBC right here for forty thousand.

No. For

that Jan. Yes. Jan.

Or -- Now

--

fifty dollars.

Get out of here. I go.

You gotta let everyone else know you're serious. They just saw that. We don't wait around.

That's right. That's good.

Yeah. We did a classic barter. Yeah. And then we shoot You

say a number, let them assume that it's American. So if they say yes, you make forty. Exactly. If they are shocked, she

said, yeah. We're not crazy.

And then when they say no, you say, shit. Yeah.

It was a classic negotiation.

This was all YouTube tutorials.

You guys have seen me at the auction.

Mhmm. Mhmm. Well, the video went viral.

Oh my god.

That was the that was the auction that actually sold the least amount of things.

Yes. I was at CEMA. I was at CEMA.

CEMA a big car auction.

Exactly. Yes. And I I I was bitten on a z twenty eight. Wow. I raised up, I said, forty thousand.

Wait a job. Wait a job. You said, well, yeah.

Well, yeah.

It's sold right away.

They didn't give us a going once twice three times.

Forty thousand sold, then you know it was gonna be you. Was so mad. Yeah.

And it's too late to say, yen. So I got that bad ass car, but I did have to get a I had to Unfortunately, move out of my place. Yeah. But luckily, my landlord helped me.

That's very nice.

Well, you didn't have to move out of your I mean, your wife kicked you out.

Right? Well, after I quickly bought the z twenty one eight, my wife kicked me out and started dating the landlord.

Oh, that's -- Wow.

--

tale as old as Tom.

Who amongst us?

Can I see a show of hands here in the food court of dads waiting for their wife shopping of who whose wife broke the landlord? See you.

I think that's every man in the food

court. Wow.

I fly. Four thirty two. Your fly is up.

Oh, that's us. That's us.

Go ahead and drink a lot of water because you're about to be dried the fuck out.

Oh, we actually got the reverse I fly that sucked to the floor.

Did you

all get that? It's true. I didn't

know they did that anymore.

Yeah. They're you know how they'll turn the the coasters around backwards? They're sucking people to the floor.

I don't know if I wanna get in there, guys. These people are trapped in my class.

Will that fly?

No. We can't do this.

I think I'm gonna get another zedie.

Alright. Hi, sir. Would you like

let me get another let me get a zedie.

Sorry we're out of business actually. What? What?