Gift Wrappers

Twas the weeks before Christmas and all across the city, People flock to the malls for gifts that are pretty. From food courts dispensers to kioskalore. The malls where kind shoppers find their favorite store. They'll box up your presents for uncles and nieces, new shoes, a nice watch, or just Reese's pieces. A bag with a bowl. A ribbon so dapper. We salute our heroes, the Christmas gift wrappers.

Okay. So this one will just be Christmas paper. Does that does that work for you or were you looking for more like a snowman?

Oh, just regular Christmas is fine.

Yeah. Whatever is the fastest Yeah. Yeah. If I could get these five packages done by I'm gonna be in them all for another hour. So

--

oh. -- if I could come back and and grab them, then that'd be Thank you

so much. Yeah. We can do that.

Yeah. And it's gonna be one dollar per package. Is that okay? Wow.

Awesome.

That's cheap as hell.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's perfect. Thank you so much.

We'll see

you in

an hour.

No problem.

Yeah. Thank you.

This is my absolute favorite time of year everybody is just

--

--

it's beautiful.

being so giving and kind and loving and it's just my I just can't I I just it brings such joy out of me.

Would you guys like a c's a c's candy?

Really? Yes.

About a box earlier. I don't know which with? Of course. Does

does anyone like the ones with the cherries in the middle,

or can I take

that one? I hate them. I don't inside

of the

pack, but no thing. You guys.

Feel free.

Oh, yeah. Thank you.

Yummy. It looks like you're really liking it.

It's my favorite kind of candy.

That's awesome. I love this whole the thing I love most about this time of year is just the holiday spirit. You know? Mhmm. Everywhere you go, the generosity, the kindness

--

mhmm. -- the twinkle in someone's eye,

mhmm.

And for me it's just great because it's I love fifteen days of I love my kids, but fifteen days, it's me Carlas with the kids, and I'm just here with the pals. You know, we get to catch up on the year and see what you've all been up to. This is so exciting.

And what I love is that they allow us to make our own schedule. And I I don't wanna work a regular forty hour week when it comes to the holidays. There's packages that need to be you

put in almost thirty minutes this week.

I see. Yeah.

But for me, it's not work. I do it at cost. I simply do it at cost. They just pay for the paper. I'm here for me.

Yeah.

You get a lot of joy out of that.

I do.

And that's great. And

and is that the policy here or is that just something you do?

That's just me. Okay. That's just me.

Okay. Because I do notice that your price was different from the price on the front of the counter here.

Yeah. I give pretty steep discount.

It's about that thirty dollars a package. In a pretty

deep discount.

Yeah. They seem I don't

even think one dollar covers the pay

i was surprised he didn't appreciate it more. You know? Yeah.

I think he was surprised.

Of course. A lot of people are. But I'll tell you what, the surprise on his face was all the joy I needed.

Well, he hasn't paid yet. You could always get a little closer to the actual price when he comes back. Maybe. Maybe.

Hi. Do you wrap shoes out of the box, like individually?

Oh, I actually love

because I

--

oddly shaped package. That's my favorite kind of thing to read.

--

He

loves a challenge?

Yeah. I honestly when when I'm buying gifts for my kids, a lot of times, I'll unwrap the or I'll take the actual thing out of the box, I'll take the Legos, honestly, wrapping a bunch of Legos not in the container, but it's really fun.

He wrapped it or a nordic track.

The other day. Wow. It's unbelievable. Yeah.

Maybe it seems square.

Yeah. Well, I do want this to be shaped like a shoe because I want my son to know that he's getting shoes. I wanna I like the image of the shoe when they're wrapping

for Instagram. Is this the shoe, this old boot that looks like it was caught out of the bottom of a lake? Is this a punishment present? No. No. Is it basically coal?

Excuse me?

Is it coal? Is it basically coal?

you think like a bet like, I'm gonna give it a nice shoe to the good kid and a crappy shoe to the other kid.

Yeah. Like Oh,

Yeah. Are you doing, like, punishment presents?

No. This is not a punishment. We had we have to tighten our belts a little year because I made some bad investments.

I see.

And so this was the shoe I I Let me guess crypto. Yes. Yeah.

You're a crypto bro. I could tell.

I but you know I I just went too hard. I had I had a few drinks with a younger guy at my company and I took his advice on the exact probably wrong day of the year. Oh, no.

Happy to the best of us. Yeah. You bought Shadowcoin?

I bought Shadowcoin. Yeah. No. I bought Shadowcoin. I bet against a shorted game stop. That stuff. A shorted Tesla. No. Wow. It's been a bad year, but we'll pick it up. But right now, luckily, I caught some stuff fishing. And I just wanna wrap it so it looks special for my kids.

Were you the guy that was heckling the Internet in ninety nine?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my god. I've almost made it past everybody knowing me, but in every town, someone remembers me.

And you don't use it to this day. Right?

That's just a point of pride. I really should. I need it so bad especially for this crypto investment.

How do you do the crypto stuff if you don't if you don't use the Internet.

By phone by phone, which is the issue because it all moves so fast.

Yeah.

So Well, I think the boot should really make everybody a lot happier or anything.

Thank you.

Yeah. And believe me, I'll do a really good job. I'll leave I'll individually wrap the laces so that you can see the the the details of the laces. Obviously, there's only half of a lace here, so it won't take nearly as much time.

Yeah. For me, go ahead and wrap it.

And I I am so self conscious about it. The more you describe the present, the more I feel really bad.

Okay. You don't

have all four of us talking to you?

But just and just It's fine. One quick clarification. Sorry. Just the last question -- Yes.

get started, Do you want me to wrap it so that the sole separating from the boot is noticeable or do you want it to seem like the full boot is intact?

before I

--

I would like the boot to look intact.

Yeah. I'd like it to look good first.

So we're

playing a little trick on your kid. Okay. Great.

Alright. You

know what, sir? Can I say something? Yeah. I think come Christmas, you're gonna have a wish granted.

Oh, wow. Thank you.

Not baby.

Sure. But I I really like that energy.

I have a lot of negative energy around me right now.

Yes.

Yes.

Mhmm. I'm currently investing in COVID not being a thing.

Where are you doing that?

What's that? Where

are you doing?

You can invest in anything.

You can bet you can bet on anything. We are deep into it being a thing.

But the tides gotta turn. Nothing goes the same way

for And

also you look sick.

Plus that haircut, no offense.

No offense, but it seems like your hair has COVID.

Yeah. My hair is spike protein.

And they're each copper.

It's something else though. It's something else.

I know Pantine Provee is really supposed to help with the proteins

in your hair, but yours are just really Looks

like you're using Pandemic Provee. Sorry.

But there are a group of scientists, like, in the background that seem to be looking for your hair, and they're following it and trying to put travel ban on it.

Oh, get out of here. I already had a bad year.

Sir, you know what? This is gonna be free of charge.

Hold on.

Wait. It's gonna be thirty

yeah. I'm doing the

For an ill shaped present is fifty. Yeah. Yeah. Don't make this gratis.

math here.

You're right. I'm sorry.

Don't let me do this. If it is, that would be great for me.

You know what, actually.

My wallet's on life support

right now. With what?

A ventilator. It's not a ventilator.

You know, actually, I think I'm actually gonna clock out. So you know what, Roger, you can actually take this one. I'm gonna clock out for the day. I think I've had my my fill.

Hey, yes, are you

Yeah, Amir, to get these rat.

are you oh, go ahead.

Oh, okay. It's

presents. Yeah.

If you

do one more, are you are you refereeing that soccer game now? What's that? Are you about to be refereeing that soccer game?

I I do have to ref the soccer game.

So Oh,

Okay.

they unblock balled you?

Well

oh, you got unblack ball.

Well, did you

have to promise you wouldn't gamble on the games anymore?

I well because

they were pretty staunch.

I did. I did. I honestly, I had the option of that here. Really bad off

while refereeing. You had a big cigar.

Well, let's just say the the gambling is attached to the drinking, which is attached to the not cleaning yourself.

Big cigar. Shades on, Pat, two phones, a roving poker table, and

and you would referee on a moped.

Mability is important in in in that situation.

You would run over children with a big, huge poker table mounted to a moped with other players the table.

They turned that image of you into an n f t.

Yeah. Yeah. And if anybody's still looking to buy it, it's it's available.

Nobody's pretty spectacular here, guys. Don't know. COVID hair guy, don't.

You're not gambling anymore? Or you just tricked him into thinking you weren't?

I I am not I'm not doing I'm not doing gambling in the way that I was doing it before.

Yeah. I see two crisp spirit airline tickets that say Vegas coming out of your top bucket. For today. Yeah.

So you're

gonna go gamble and

then come back and play

I'm not gambling on kids kids soccer games anymore that I'm refereeing. You can't carry

the game.

you have a carry on with you.

Uh-huh. Do you want me to open and show you what to type? Yes. Any up, fellas.

Cheese. Is it folded out? Yeah. It just drove off. It's terrible.

Yeah. Here's the thing. I could still do everything, but I'm not attached to it anymore.

Oh, that's that's a really very expensive technology.

Yeah. If you see those other scientists back there

--

yeah. -- you know how Postmates is trying to do driverless cars

now

and driver those deliveries where there's a little robot that goes down the sidewalk? Yeah. The little BBH. These robotic scientists are developing a mobile sort of autonomous betting scene.

You know, I did see BBA delivering a DoorDash. Mhmm.

How the how the rich have fallen.

Oh my god. BBA was so rich.

So you were throwing your kids soccer game later.

Well, that's the cover. Egg That was my cover

i'm going

to make.

Yeah. Oh, sir. Excuse us.

I need to get these wrapped, these presents.

Sure. Did you wanna do one before leaving?

Or

no. I gotta go.

just can't really tell who you're standing in front of. You're kind of ten feet back from the table.

So you

Any of you guys. Any of you guys.

Hi, Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. I'll I'll

wrap before. What do you need? So this one's going to my wife. This one is for my daughter, Katrina, and this is for my daughter, Ashley. And that's for my son.

Okay. Beautiful jewelry box here for your wife.

Thank you. Thanks so much.

Thank you.

Christina, Ashley and your son Rosetta. Did you say your son's name?

Yes. Rosetta.

And as one of these a gag gift or

yes.

Okay. Alright.

Yeah. They're all gags.

Even a big nice jewelry box.

Yeah. Open it up. Okay. No jewelry in here. No jewelry in here. No more jewelry for you.

like a oopie cloth, but a jewelry cloth. Yeah. Kind of jeering her her jewelry habit.

Oh, it's

her not to buy anymore.

I'm just telling

I would hate to get this present.

It's a gag, my man.

Come on.

Do they get you gigs?

Yeah. Yeah. They're constantly getting me gag. This one's

a little more straightforward.

Well, they here, open up my wallet. Alright. No more gags. Don't get us any more gag gifts. That was my gift last year. I see.

Stay phone. They thought they found the only way to communicate with you, but even that did not work.

So most most of your family's communication is just notes through gifts.

It's kind of, like, in the form of a parent, but through little recorded voice notes it or hope it what happened when you opened them. Mhmm. So, yeah, there's my two daughters, my son, Rosetta.

Yeah. We can get this wrapped up for you. No problem. Right?

Absolutely. ASAP, a rap. I don't know.

A rap

as soon as rap, possible.

Oh, I see. Alright. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Alright. Sounds good.

ask you a question, sir? What are you what are you shopping for here in the mall?

Can I

Nothing. Nothing. I'm just here to get these wrapped. I bought these all online, but I don't like to wrap stuff. It's really hard for me to wrap.

You know, that's really interesting. We don't usually hear that, but that's okay.

Not our AP. No. Not our AP. I could do that.

You do, I

could do that.

I could do that. Yeah. Yeah. Would you like to Oh, my name's Sylvester and here to say, I don't even really know what day. It is what? Is it on? Do I have to go to prayers on?

And that was wrapping.

What do we think about that?

You know?

wearing a name tag. This is Paul. So does the wrap start with the lie right away? Or's the

Well, you're

That was right.

name tag? Right. I I bought this shirt from a vintage store.

Oh, okay.

So my name's Silvette.

It's really cool.

It's it's cool. Right?

I really thought you worked at Thank you.

I am headed to prison though. Prisson. Yeah. Oh, wow.

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope these last gifts are Yeah. Welcome.

Yeah. Alright.

Let me try this one. Even though we won't see each other much, I'll always love you.

It's ain't It's nice.

It's a gag. I'm saying goodbye to my daughters.

That is a good one. Excuse me.

Excuse me? This is the wrapping station. Right?

Yeah. How are you doing Merry Christmas happy holiday?

Merry Christmas holidays. Do you guys do food?

Do we wrap food or do we serve food?

Do you wrap, would you Can you wrap food

I suppose so. Yeah.

here?

I'm good.

Just so you know, it won't keep, you know, inside Redwood probably -- Oh. -- imperishable, but -- Oh.

it's really not our business to say, but I would assume, yeah, we'll keep.

--

Oh, no. So what what is it? I just bought a really expensive dinner for my wife, and I'm not gonna see her until Christmas.

You didn't wanna take her to dinner? You just wanted to give her the dinner?

I was just here, and I saw I saw At the restaurant down the mall, I saw what was on the menu, and I knew my wife would like that. But she's out of town for another two weeks. So I just went ahead and bought it, and I

that it gives you Maybe

if you freeze it. Mhmm.

I don't know.

Yeah. Well, well, I tell you what, we will wrap it, and we'll accept your money. And then what you do with it after that's up to you can freeze it. You could put in the refrigerator. Christmas is only a week away, so maybe it'll keep. Yeah.

Maybe if we wrap it on the plate, and the top of the paper doesn't touch the food.

Maybe it'll be

we're very good at wrapping. It will not be as good as it is right now. I understand that.

I messed up.

Hey, it's okay.

I missed that, but yeah.

Down thirty five thousand dollars.

Whoa. Whoa. Did you go to salt bays? Yeah. Oh, you went

to salt bays. Yeah. That's pretty big. You got the big bings. I You got top of the bay?

Yeah. I got the prefix. I got

the prefix menu. That's too much money.

Too much on a dinner for your wife, but you're not gonna sleep.

I haven't seen her in weeks. I wanted to do something special. I bought her a car last year, and

how much was the car?

Thirty five thousand dollars.

Oh, so you have a stipend. You

have a goal. Yeah.

Well, I I don't wanna help you

with gullible, Bay? From TikTok.

I am. I

am You are.

Yeah. I'm a guy I'm a guy on TikTok who I I end up getting I I I end up spending money and then let other people spread salt on me.

Yes. You you buy you buy bad things, and then they sprinkle you. You're -- sea salt.

You're so dried out, gullible, man.

I know. You think this is what my voice sounds like? What can I My lips are so dry that they can't move?

What did

salt I think of you showing up at his restaurant. Did you guys have a little face off?

Shut that to jing. Yeah. To jing.

Well, he and his whole staff did say ching when they saw me. But yeah. But it's okay. We did a collab. We did a collab. Where my tiktok in his shop?

That should

build some clout. Yeah.

He he it's going on his

take an advantage into buying these clothes?

Yeah. Do you like them? No.

They look at spaces. Say Louis Vuitton, but they're not.

Yeah. They're

a loony a tune.

Oh my god. Not the bag. It's just loony badoonies.

Yeah. It's it's it's it's unfortunate. I should have known. I should have known

because opportunities.

When when I should have known because when I went to the cash register and to check out,

i swiped my card and

the man said, badi badi. That's all.

He told you that's all?

Padee Padee, that's all, folks.

I think we'll I think we will wrap your thirty five thousand dollar meal

for free.

But I think you should just eat it fresh and you should enjoy it.

No. Yeah. Something though you wanna share it with us. What if you sat down and we all ate your wife's Yeah.

Yeah. And you don't you you get some too. Yeah.

Oh.

Well, I guess that's another bad idea.

Alright. So this will be your plate, and this will be ours.

Hey. What's up? We're here with gullible Bay. We're eating his dinner in front of him.

Gulp. Wow. Okay. It's all gone, gullible, man.

I also just wanna point out he's wearing loony fatuities. And I hope that you're realizing, don't I mean

i do feel like we should say, Benip, Benip, it's all gone. It's it's the food is all gone.

Plus sip of soup.

Shoot.