A Mystikal Element with Dr. Lindsey Eminem (Ayo Edebiri)

dearly beloved, we are gathered here today. Not for a union of two people, but a union of everybody. Everybody here listening come on down to dog like methodists and watch. The Easter Sunday, put off for charity. We, of course, are raising money this year in Jesus' name, for all the youths in need around town. Simply one dollar per sunk putt. Fifty cents will of course go to the clubhouse. Fifty cents going straight to the mouths of those hungry, hungry children hundred hunger hippos as I call

them. Lord, please give us the strength to sink those putts. And raise those dollars

for these hungry, hungry boys and girls or hippos. Come on. And please Lord, I hope we're all looking good out there on the course and if you need to be, hit up the pro shop right for you compete. We got in some new hats, knickers, socks, clubs, and bags. Lord. Bless me, bless you all. Bless you. Hey, man. Amen, but

keep there. Amen lord and keep going. Of course. I'm going, man. Lardi Lardi.

Look who's?

Look who's turning forty.

Happy birthday, lord.

Happy birthday, lord.

Happy birthday. Every forty

a little joke we make about the Lord on his birthday is it's Lord's two thousandth fortieth birthday. You're over the hump, Lord. Lord, you are over the hump. You're over the hill. I got you for your birthday, these reading glasses.

Lord. Get them more.

Lord. Here is a card with a beautiful young woman on it. And on the inside, it says here's some reading glasses for you to see this beautiful young woman on the front of the card. Because your eyesight is going at your delicate old age of forty, sweet Lord. Sweet Lord.

Lord.

Lordy, Lordy. You're turning forty. Happy birthday. We got you those funny little candles that won't blow out when you blow them out. A little bit of a prank on the Lord. Let's hope it doesn't set him off like it did. Me, at my fortieth birthday. Or I couldn't blow the candles out and thought it was a long issue. And had a bit of that.

You stormed out to the hospital?

I stormed straight to the hospital short of breath. From the big blows and got diagnosed with Too Jewish.

Saint Anthony

of course.

It's San Anthony.

Very tough hospital. A lot of racist doctors.

But I got a second opinion from Bethlehem.

Oh, confirmed. What were the results?

Way to Jewish. And I got kicked off of Duc Cross, Jew Shield insurance.

Lord. Lord. Lord.

But this is not about me happy fortieth birthday, Lord, Lord, you're turning forty eight men.

Amen of course.

Amen, but we're continuing

on -- Yes. Amen.

lordy -- But not over here. -- lordy.

--

Nope. Stay on the line, lord. We're still coming to you. Lordy, Lordy, look who's forty, Lord. I hope you got my back brace. I sent you. Because, of course, your back's going out because you are two thousand and forty, Lordy, Lordy. Look, or who's forty. No. Now, Lord, I wanna also thank you for this week's Cerman, which we are going to turn off the sermon and turn on Toy Story five. Of course, was able to procure a new cut of Tor Story five. Minus a lot of the animation, but with storyboards and most of the story line, Lord. I of course being sought out

by the law for stealing this from

a computer farm up in Northern California. And I would like to go ahead and preemptively let my lawyers know, Shamona Hehe and Yowg. To please be ready for the impending lawsuit. Lordy, Lordy, you're forty, And remember, to use those reading glasses because your eyesight is not. What it used to be, amen, but continuing on.

Amen. Don't go anywhere, Lord.

Lord, before you get on with your day and enjoying your fortieth b day. Just wanna let you know My gift to you is gonna arrive a couple days late Lord because I just put it in the mail. It's not because I forgot your birthday Lord. It's because I got busy, couldn't make it to the post office. Lot been going on in my life, Lord. Yes. Happy belay. You'll get a I did write happy belated on the card because I did believe it would arrive a few days later, Lord. But Lord, thank you again for allowing me to live with me to

put the address. Or did you just write happy belated?

I read happy belated Lord, and that's gonna be extra belated. A Lord. Hank tight. Belated. Yeah. Hank tight, Lord. Look at it as a surprise on the horizon. You got no idea when it's gonna show up. You're gonna open your front door, Lord. There's gonna be a box of a letter box. There's gonna be a letter. Right there in the mailbox, Lord.

No idea. No idea.

You have no idea. You have forgotten you had your birthday, Lord. You'll open up your mailbox. You pull out my card, Lord. You'll open that card.

Forgetful in your old age. And now,

i wanna let you know Lord that I did buy my card before Moisha. It's gonna look a little familiar to the joke that Moisha sent you, but I swear to you, Lord, I I got my card before moisture, Lord.

Not a competition.

Lord, that's just the second card coming twice. It's not your brain going in your old age, Lord.

Yeah. Lord, I'm sorry for putting you in a position where you might question your head, Lord. But Lord, thank you so much, Lord, for everything you've done.

And Lord, we just want to let you know, we have seen you riding around in your six cylinder Mustang convertible. And you're not fooling anyone, Lord. We know you're forty.

Lord.

You're not twenty, Lord. Lord. You can wear it every Just go jet black, Lord. Lord, and your mustache and goatee is way too dark. It's you just the just for Christ, that you're using ain't Foolin. No one Lord.

Lord, what do you and that new girlfriend have in common? What do you even talk about?

She is

so much younger than you Lord. Come on, please. We see right through it.

You're over the hill, Lord.

But we love you. Lord, you need to quit trying to have fun. You're done. You're done, Lord. You're forty. You're done.

We've all got regrets, Lord. You can accept those regrets, but trying to relive a life you never had. It's just too much. And it's sad. Lord.

It's sad. If we're not happy,

you're not happy to Lord.

And in his name, We pray.

Yeah. We pray. Amen. Amen and out. Out. Mass is out and the call feels on. I got a couple see is on my chest that I got to get on. Grab me some grace. And bore me a cup of

that, Joe.

Welcome to the freakiestamps. Maybe let's

was Donna really leaning into the keys on that organ today?

Donna. She was flashing. Keys.

Great work.

Donna. Sound good.

Yeah. Donna, you could tell she was using her feet on that one, hitting a few base notes along with the top note. We appreciate that, Donna.

Yeah. Thank you so much, Donna. But folks, thank you so much for tuning in for episode three of the Preacher's lounge. Story of Jesus, four part Easter mini series. Of course, week one, we talked y'all about the birth of Jesus, Last week, we came back at you, talked a bit about the life of Jesus. Learned a lot about this sort of the ins and outs and the sort of back back alley dealings, not back alley dealings, just the the little known facts about our lord. And and we're gonna continue that tradition today. With episode three, where we will discuss Potentially, the saddest part of the story of Christ.

But necessary.

Yes. Necessarily the saddest. Not necessarily

the saddest, but it is his death.

don't know if it's the saddest.

But I

Not necessarily the saddest.

Necessarily the set.

There might have been something in there that that was a little bit sadder, but, folks, we're gonna talk about it today when we discuss Christ's betrayal, and his subsequent death by crucifixion, which, of course, as you all know, is a very painful way to.

It's by suffocating from across.

Is it?

Wait. Leaders, Clinton.

Was it death by suffocation? This is news.

I was under the impression that it was heaviness from the cross, crucifixion. It was a cross suffocation, a crucifixion.

Across suffocation. -- crucifixion. Or as we say, not crucifixion. Preciction. That's a little easier to say.

You're going from the Latin.

Because you you, of course, put the nails into the hands and the feet and you would eventually die from suffocation because you're not able to hold yourself up. And breathe.

Oh, wow.

Because that's what we do normally with our hands and feet. We we hold ourselves up to breathe.

And I just wanna let you guys know I decided to come to you straight from the sun. Straight directly into the sun.

That's okay.

So I behind you, and you've got a bounce guy, right on the other side of

the camera to deal

with a little bit of flare. Right?

Well, as you know, I I'm pastor of Omega church, So, I gotta be looking good up there. You know, I've got about, you know, seven to eight thousand people in person. A sermon. So while

your attendance fluctuates by a thousand week to week, that's that's that's absolutely insane.

Well, very low attendance through the pandemic. Course, because the doors were closed.

Yes. It fluctuates about a thousand depending on what we're studying that weekend, if anybody's interested or not. You know, when we're going through some of the Jona and the whale, people are there.

Because and and and if I'm not mistaken, you might I think you are first church that does a teaser trailer for the following Sundays.

That's right. Mhmm. I go into iMovie and I course, don't pick movie, I pick trailer. And I make the most basic trailer you have ever seen But, I try to throw in some just some hooks. And I take some liberties. I take some liberties with certain stories to get people in the sea. I mean, you guys have seen my trailers, and I'll add characters, I'll add a slight story line, I'll add a mystical element, to get people in the seats. And sometimes What's that?

Watch yourself a mystical element. Right?

Oh, right. Yes. Put a wet towel up under the door. Stuff like that.

Alright. Oh,

like, Usually, a lot of people show up when it shake your ass.

A lot of people show up. Not too many people familiar with putting a wet towel up under the door though. What? That's

my favorite. Put a wet towel up under the door. Because you don't want the smoke to get out of the hotel room

and Right. But yeah. So it's heavily mystical. And that'll get people in the seats. I'm wracking my brain for some other mysticals.

mhmm.

--

But yeah. Of course, I came here with my cross in my hand.

One of the best. People really showed up where I came here I came here with my cross at my hand. Yeah. That was a good one.

But it's But yeah. You know, your church does fluctuate. But it's still huge numbers. You can give or take a thousand when at a mega church. If we lost a thousand at my Christians for Jesus Church, we would definitely be in the red.

And you you you have lost a thousand two weeks ago, there was a

yeah. Go ahead.

Two weeks ago, you had a big dip in your in your attendance after a after a mid sermon gaffe?

Yeah. There was a bit there was a bit of a mid sermon gaffe. Where I was telling well, it was a whole sermon. A couple things happened. Some factual and some more physical. So the factual thing is I was tell a lot of people felt that my story of the death of Christ was just the story of Passover. Obviously, I have the Christ plate behind me that we passed around the church and everybody. You know, there's the lamb shank to represent Christ's beautiful strong arms. The egg to represent Christ's love for getting gains at pro getting a lot of protein and stuff. Christ ate twenty thousand calories a day and about a hundred, two hundred ounces of water because he was so Of course. His workouts.

Christ Christ looked a lot like Joe Hogan.

Yes. They called him no neck, no hair for a while.

That's

that was a nickname, of course, but it it really flew around that time.

It stuck.

It stuck.

It was a and a lot of people say that when he that was kind of Jesus's dark period, you know, that's off the rocks. But when we say, maybe his death isn't the saddest period, no neck, no hair is up there.

Would Jesus move to Austin?

Yeah. Right? He moves well, that was for he wanted the tax break also.

Right. Of course.

And you trust me Jesus kept Austin weird. And so yeah, the the first gaffe was I passed around the Christian plate. Everyone said this is the seder played for Passover and I

said Right. Right.

Well, you you're wrong. I that's obviously Hebrew which Christ spoke on that. Of course. And then obviously, the other gaffe was as I was running to pick up the plate. I fell a a face first into Barbara Bush's lap. It was an exact scene from the film naked gun but it happened to me.

Oh my god.

Yes. We had the Wow. We had the the first lady. It because it was a sermon. It was Camp David. Mhmm. And we it was for all of the leader, the living and dead

this was a different Camp David though. Is that right?

I'm sorry.

Sorry. We just go ahead. You said it's for the living and the dead. Right?

So we dug up everyone who's great. We have access to as far as American leaders. And we got so whoever taft was there, Roseville was there. Wow. Yes.

And are they are they fully decomp I this is a a crass question, but are they fully decomposed?

A lot of people ask that. You'd be surprised. For example, Abraham Lincoln, the hat went away, but the beard got longer.

That does surprise me.

So he's almost unrecognizable. Yeah.

A lot of people said, oh, Santa got skinny and they were like, no. That's like

so his face looks the same, but

a lot of people A lot of people said, Oh, Santa got skinny.

A lot of people. I heard a a lot of rumblings of it. A few people would call me and say, oh, I said I got something. I said, no. I actually heard that already. So, yeah, the you know, I did a sermon about the death of Christ to all living in dead world leaders and felt like passed around a passover seder plate and fell face first into Barbara just lap one.

Well, that'll put you in the red. That's a tough

mhmm. -- that's tough. So you're rebuilding your congregation, and this week was low numbers. But you had a couple people there?

--

Well yeah that like I said in the red so it means we had negative numbers so it means you know there were literally like the absence of space was there.

So there was a slight black hole that we're preaching to.

Yes. I preach to a a quasar, I guess, is whatever it would be as many black hole. And that was because people left my church so fast it created The the the form of basically two stars colliding. Wow. Wow. Apologies, of course, to Buzz Aldron who got sucked in and we're hoping we we were hoping he's still in this dimension or in a dimension we can find but he was there to find God and we lost buzz.

Wow. So buzz altering skeleton got sucked into the black hole that you created from having such a bad a a sermon.

That's exactly right. Okay. So I lost buzz in that way and you lost buzz in the sense of on your Toy Story five DVD. It was not Tim Allen's voice but scratch track done by, I think, just the sound guy.

Yeah. It was just a a a guy doing a lot of whole. And

doing his own improvement thing.

Yeah. I think one of the sound guys thought it was just that he was supposed to do Tim Allen's, you know, late eighties routine.

And and it works for me. But this is not about the death of Buzz Aldron or -- No. -- or or movie theaters. This is about the death of Christ. Right. And it obviously has affected us all greatly when we

heard about it.

Yeah. I think god for it every day. I'll be honest. I thank God every day that he died because it was a necessary part

of him accepting our sins.

Thank you. God for killing your son. Trickin your son to go down there and put and don't telling him about it when he was about fifteen.

Yeah.

Yeah. Because I don't think he knew Until it's about fifteen. Is that correct?

Talk about bad issues. Yeah.

That'll give you some bad issues.

Yeah. You gotta think about it. Thanks a lot.

Thanks thanks, daddy. Talk thank you, dad. For killing me, geez, dad.

Well, you gotta think about it, you know, from from Jesus' perspective as a young man, I mean, knowing that you are the sort of Christ, Messiah, incarnate, I think, would be a lot on your brain. So I'm sure God when he was, you know, Jesus was was sort of growing up, wanted to just let him be a kid. But once he was old enough to bear that burden, he let him know. And You know, of course, the the sort of inciting incident of the story surrounding today's episode is, of course, the sort of thing we all know about, which, of course, is the betrayal

of course.

--

of Jesus Christ, who he thought was his friend, Judas, which I know I can relate to now because after the last couple weeks, I've been betrayed. Multiple And I've actually been able to You've been betrayed

--

at a few suppers, in

fact. Yes.

In fact, I actually Somebody claimed your banana pudding is theirs?

Yes? That that is the the the most egregious thing in a pop up. Folk story. At a potluck folks.

And they received a lot of accolades. Is that correct?

Yes. And at a potluck folks, the the cardinal sin, original sin, of a potluck. He's not bringing anything, and then make it taking a bold face slide and then reclaiming everybody, and just claiming a dish that's on the table as your own. Knowing that me, but Davis, I'm not the kinda guy who's gonna call you out. I'm gonna let I'm gonna I'm gonna turn the other cheek. I'm gonna take the high road. And I'm gonna I'm gonna allow you

to -- And correct me -- -- take

credit for my pudding.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it was your ex wife's new boyfriend.

It was. It was I agree.

Wrong on that.

No. No. No. That that's you I could be wrong.

No. You're a hundred percent right. And correct

me if I'm wrong. You're doctor has said, you have got to stop turning the other cheek?

Well, he he said that Multiple times, about different things.

Yeah. He says the anxiety It's

been hit thirty times in the face.

Yes. Yes. Yeah. It's it's you know, But I I've never been the kind of person who can who can confront people. We all know that. Of course, my my home is currently being excavated or or remodel my church home. It it it there's they're building what I think is some sort of big box store on it now. It was buried last week. And this week, I I woke up, and there was a parking structure.

When you say some sort of big box store. Is there any signage? Is there anything that can clue you into what store?

Well, I'll say this. The the signage is all blue and yellow.

Okay. That's going the center direction.

And the signage is all blue and yellow. Everybody who's working on on the project as wearing a blue polo. I'm thinking it's gonna be a best buy. I can't get a straight answer. It's it's really

it could just be a Georgia Southern University Eagles Stadium. Oh,

now that could be

a little too specific, but it's blue

and yellow. Also, could be a napa auto parts, hurt going bigger these days.

That is true. I didn't

think about that.

It could be a blue is better than yellow store, which we're all familiar with. Right.

Could be a Blue Angels Air Force merch store. Wow.

Wow. That could be the one.

I am really wracking my brain and I can't even come with a a store with us. You guys have great color memory.

Could be a fuddruckers.

Could be

a huge new fuddruck.

Oh, yeah. Yes.

Fuddruckers. A good way.

Either way, folks, if you are trying to come to Davidson Home Church, just make your way through the construction site this Sunday, I tried to put up signage, but they keep taking it down. So And

have they have they been Scheduling wise, have you figured out for for them to not do construction during your sermons? How how has the sound been?

I've I've had to start doing cue cards for the audience. I I do the show and not write. Saying

sermon. You're showing them two

cards and they're all shaking out loud. They were just steps. I stand up there. I say, guys, there's no point in me saying, you're not gonna hear it. So just go ahead and read

it. Right.

So I stand there with the card front of me.

You got Wally from S and L. Right? To do the cue cards for the audience?

I did. Which was insane. I can't believe he said yes. But, yeah, he's sort of While

he works like he will work. While he works

i mean, he works until one he he works until one or two o'clock in the morning on Saturday, then he had straight over to Davidson Home Church and Oh, he

did he did the cue cards at my wedding vows for sure.

Oh, yeah. You could not remember your vows. You kept saying who is she?

Well, I get nervous if I'm putting on a show. You know? It can be natural face to face. But -- Right.

Right. -- you

get me in front of an audience and all of a sudden, I think my wife is, you know, keenan. Of course.

Of course.

But I I'm I I think again, the story of Jesus, the betrayals, the perseverance. Yes. Holding our sins. But -- Mhmm.

--

this is I feel like you are being really punished for all of our sins. I feel like they're really landing on you. And and the question is how do you respond? You know, so far you have done it with zero grace and I am wondering if you're gonna either stand up for yourself or speak out or do anything about it. But right now, you go

to your

church and there's construction happening, and your your flock is reading your sermon off of cucumbers that Wally from us cucumbers. Yes.

I didn't mention that. I guess words going around that I They're cute cards.

Right? Not coupons. They're cute cards?

You wrote out a paper.

I ran out of paper. A few cards. Yeah. It's

so how do they how do they write these cucumbers that become cute foods.

You sorta you just burn it you burn it in. You burn like I do. It's a it's a process, you know, I made a

i feel like it would be real. Really small.

Yeah. I made a grill top that has my my sermon on it, and I sort of Mandalin, the the cucumbers into thin strips, put them on the grill, high high heat.

Well, now I'm getting hungry.

Burn the survey.

Well, you know what they say these days, it is tough to keep everybody's attention. You gotta you gotta preach in new ways. You gotta tell stories that people here.

And there's nothing more appetizing than grilled cucumbers.

Yeah. One hundred people. Get the water out of them. That's why I didn't know for a cucumber.

Now Lindsay, I'm wondering what the response has been to the new clubs at dog legs eighth day Adventist Methodist Church, where you can now get you can put with a one a a a cross putter or you can you can drive with a one cross instead of a one iron. Now how are people finding the the handles on those, the the blasphemy of it, how are people doing that?

Of course.

Well, so far, they've seen that the blasphemy has been, excuse me, has been fine. It's more it's more the shin, the shin injuries. Because when you swing the cross, Of course, to hit the ball, you hit it with the long broad end. But then the perpendicular has been chunking people's shins. They get a chunk out with a blade or or a bit of a a bit of a bone. You know, depending on how strong you are, some people been knocking their own bone out of their leg a

little bit. Wow.

So people are swinging your your your golf clubs, and it's basically cutting their legs off is what you're saying.

Well, they're not

off, but into. Yes. You know, it's like if you got a blunt force trauma, someone would kicked with a leg really hard with a four by four, a piece of wood or something.

And you Well, it's got

mixed reviews for sure.

I also heard speaking of the death, the Lord was crucified between two thieves. You're you've set up threesomes to go play with two criminals?

That's absolutely right. We are And

that's been a problem.

Well, it has been a it has been a problem our

country Between two thieves, nine holes. Right?

Yes. Yes.

And I oddly enough, the problem has never been with the thieves. The problem has been with the one person who was untrusting of the thief. And then they end up, you know, just hitting them with the club or telling them to back away or something. I think it's part of our congregation, and I'm telling our congregation they need to be a little

bit more upset. People are unnecessarily hard on these thieves and criminals, and they strike them first.

Well, I think they should really be taking their anger out on the people who are running program, me, the rest of church -- Yes.

but not the people who

--

have been asked to come do this crazy program.

Right. I don't think I

don't think

feed. Is it a Craigslist post, a Facebook group, or or or Right.

It's a Facebook group. Yeah. I'm on I'm on what's that thing called in the neighborhood where y'all talk next door.

Tell us your secrets?

Well, I'm on both. I'm on next door, and then tell us secrets. And next door is great for thieves because everybody posts their ring doorbell footage, and you can just hit up the thief. Oh,

you know, the one you just process that. Yeah. You So it's those two databases that sort of cross checkings

--

--

to to see if somebody is in your neighborhood and also see. Okay.

mhmm.

Yeah. So the course has been getting torn up. Everybody's getting hurt on the first, second t, things like that. But Right now, all we have really left that's in good shape is the putting green

and the little chipping range.

Mhmm. Right.

But, you know, that seems to be good enough for people. So again, Forget that most of the courses in shambles, forget that the church is really shrinking and come on down and putt. But this weekend for the competition

phase now. A lot of credit because your sand traps are empty. So I I do I do think that the thieves are maybe stealing sand from you or like that.

Pay, I don't know. If they want the sand, they can have it. That's fine with me. It's a lot of work, man. It's a lot of work. Those would call course, damn it. It's hard, honestly. I quit the church. I'll be honest and I just went into the No, I didn't. It's a golf church.

Right.

Or this is a golf

church. Okay.

Well, listen. If you if you're if you stop everybody that's stealing two, three bags of sand a day. You'll be there all day. What else do

you suggest to do? I don't know what they're using the sand for, but it is important to them. And here's what I will say.

Green all day.

The laugh guards have never been busier. I do feel like it's the lifeguards from the beach are stealing the sand to bring people to the beach. Because the sand the beaches have never been Sandier, and the lifeguards have never been busier.

The beaches have never been sent to you. And it is beautiful. And if that's what I have to give up for our town to find some joy, I'm fine with

Well, you know, you know when you go on vacation and you're not really sure, you haven't done a ton of research, but you're going to a beach place, and you get there, and the beach is mostly rocks, and you're like,

it.

i might have put the

this plane right now.

clock on

Yeah. Like, I okay. I can do it. It's fine, but the beach is pretty slanted. It's pretty steep, and it's mostly rocks. That's what our beach is. So I think people are bringing in sand.

But I will say, luckily, all you have to do is go get the whole family Aquasox, and that way you can walk us down the beach, is those beautiful rubber shoes.

Yes. Nobody looks cooler than when they're in Aquasox.

And these are these are Jesus themed Aquasox. Right? Then they'd say if Jesus had worn these, his feet would have been clear on the cross, or he would have been more comfortable on the cross? Is that what

it is? He can

he can really walk on water with these.

I think that's something that we we should talk about is all the people who blame Jesus for the reason we might crucify.

Well, most people were saying this is your own fault.

It was a tough time.

Cursive excitement.

Yes.

If only you would have had Aquasaw Tom

we wouldn't crucify them had their Aquasaw side, and they were like, you should have these. They were walking over pebbles, and he was like, oh, ow. And they were like, we're fine.

yes.

--

He's Yeah. That one guy who stabbed him in the side and all the water came out, he didn't even get his feet wet.

What up? That red water came out.

Well, folks, we could talk about this all day long, but we have someone as a guest, of course -- Yes.

--

to really shed some light on this in

a way that we are maybe not even able.

Yes. Yes. I I I like the last week is that that we took a break and everyone thought of how they were like Jesus and that they were imperfect I think now, if I take a break and think of what you could do with your own water songs. That's right. And then go ahead and

take it. To prevent your own death.

Log on to walk on water socks dot com and use the promo code preachers.

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While we hope you've all thought of at least ten ways and go ahead and write down ten ways if you haven't already that you can use your water socks at walk on water socks dot com. Promo code Preacher for twenty five percent off water socks for children and elderly. But as we talk about the birth death and life of Jesus Christ, today, it's the death, and joining us is a guest who we're very excited to discuss just that with. It's doctor Lindsey M and M. Hi, doctor. Wow.

Hi. Hello. Hi. How are you? Hello.

And -- Thank you so

much for -- praise God as well. Thank you all.

Thank you for taking time out of your very busy schedule. We can see that you're obviously in your off s. You are taking patience today, but -- Yes.

--

you took a quick break. Mhmm. You were just going over some x rays,

and thank

you so much.

Don't worry. Thank you as well.

Oh. Oh, I'm oh, I just heard you were in a room with a patient and you just shushed them.

Well, she was being loud.

Right. Right. Right.

And I wanna and I'm speaking with you, men. And I'm so grateful once again for that opportunity. And she needs to know her place. So

right. Right. Yes.

And we offered a lot of times. We offered night times. We offered weekends. And you said, no. Let's Wednesday ten AM.

Yes. I've yeah. Well, I just thought this would be the best time. I'm sorry.

And And we did see a little bit of the pre roll before you started recording, and you said, I have some good news, and I have some bad news. Hold on. I'm gonna record. So this is why to pause -- Yes. -- for this patient.

Well, I know she's got a lot of free time in her day. And if she doesn't, she can say something. Okay. And it's crickets. So

that is very good boundaries.

It's very poor. I think a lot of doctors have been warped. Frank, when I say buy TV, that you have to be this sort of sexy giving doctor, And I you show up in my office and here's what you're gonna get. Number one, I'm ugly as shit. I looked bad. I stick like a piss.

Smart, smart.

And number two, you're in my office. If you want some sort of special diagnosis, if you want some sort of nice nines. Oh, here's a lollipop kiss a knee. No. I mean, it hit Jordan knee with a hammer and it's gonna kick off me. Like a damn rocket.

Right. Right. The Piper extended so many people's knees checking their reflexes.

Yes, sir. Thank you very much.

That's very treat a you treat a lot of broken noses from self kicks. Right? It's it's your number one treat.

Well, it's my specialty. And I thank you for mentioning it because out of the best a country at it.

Yeah. That's

a problem that I've caused. Yes.

So and I I love I mean, you can find doctor M and M online. The it's the only doctor that looks like shit and stinks like piss. And And Really current market. You I feel that you could only exist in the American insurance system because some people just have to go to you because you're in every network.

Well, I'll tell you this, actually. I train in Wales. And I did my trading there. And it made me believe? And it made me believe, they made believe, went. Yes. I was very disappointed because I've always always wanted to stand on a cliff and I just Googleed and saw there's so many cliffs and whales. And I went there on the make believe, and they said, we have health care here that's good or whatever. You wanna leave? And I said, well, don't worry. You'll you'll you'll rue the damn day. And I think And

then you pissed yourself and you've never washed since.

And I've never watched since and I never and I do look in the mirror and I make sure I make it look worse each time.

Oh, so that's intense how you got to where you are now. It looks wise.

Yes. Yes. Absolutely. I think a lot of women are sort of told you have to look beautiful. And then also some women actually don't get told that at all. And so I sort of made it my own room, my own extreme. I think the best thing about medicine medicine is that it can be as extreme as possible. And also one of the things about religion that I love so much is it can be stream as you need it. And so I said, well, let's push the damn limits. And let's make this work for me and for my patients. Because I think this isn't talked about in the medical field as much, but it should be talked about a lot of patients They see a a beautiful handsome doctor, and then they lie. They say, oh, actually nothing's wrong with me. I don't I don't have

leak it out my damn button. That's

to to

like Exactly.

And the patient sees me, and they say, actually, doctor doctor Lindsay, Lindsay, I've had poop leaking on my damn belly button for six years now. And I've actually had poop leaking on my eyes as well. And I say, you're in the you're in the waiting room, but they confessed to me immediately. They just show me these things immediately.

And these are tough tough diagnoses in the first place.

It

is. Yes. Very hard to diagnose. These things which you understand. I'm very very very keen very keen observer that you are. I'd be surprised to hear if you're not a doctor as well as well as a preacher. Tell me.

No. I am just a preacher, but I see we both have the same first name. It seems like you have a big connection here.

Lindsay. I think that's random. I think that's random.

Lindsay has had poop leaking out of his belly button though before for sure.

Well, yes. Of course. Course. Who who am I gonna?

Tell me.

Oh, yes. I mean, a big Thanksgiving dinner afterwards. You unload you you go one more loop on the belt buckle. And, of course, you get the napkin on the belly button.

And it's, like, city.

Leak city. No.

No. Doctor Minema. I I wanna get us on topic here.

Yeah.

Because a lot of people out there are probably saying, why would the preachers bring in a medical doctor to discuss the death of Jesus Christ. And and I think what we're looking for here is a lot, we know the emotional story. Mhmm. You know, we know we know the the lead up, we know He got he got in trouble with the with the law. He was crucified. He was crucified, and he died. But we don't know what actually happened to him, what he was going through. Medically and I think that's a point of perspective to to show our audience What exactly Jesus did? What he went through for all

of us? From a medical standpoint.

Yes. And, you know, people might not know this about me though, I'm sure my patients were listening. Thank you for your support. As well as my fans, which I do have two Brian secrets. And my friend Kelsey. And I know that they're staying. So Seacrest.

Yeah.

So Seacrest and a bird old friend of yours. Are you your pet?

Yes. I know. And I don't really understand why there's any confusion or for the prime.

And are they Yes. Are they fans of your doctoring or of the art you do on the side? Well,

i would say, first and foremost, me as person and personality probably. And then secondly, it probably would be a tie between my art and my in art practice craft. Right. Which

to a lot of people just looks like popsicles glued on to a piece of paper or popsicle sticks. But but for you, it's art. It is art. Metabolic art.

Practice practice practice craft. Right.

Yeah. Pract card. Okay. Correct.

Which

that is, m n

so they were they were a fan because you famously went on the show, the doctors, and it was immediately canceled. Right?

Yes. I do think that wasn't totally connected, and I think there is there has been an inquiry to the library of congress, and they're looking into that. But, yes, I did a surgery on TV whatever. And well, little little loopy, let's say, for lack of a a for more medical term, we went a little bit loopy. This did.

It was incredibly loopy. It was on the loopiest surgery set.

They're supposed to You left a bunch of dish washing sponges inside of a person live on the doctors.

Yes. And then their organs went out around them outside in several loops around the arms and legs. So that is why mainly medically we call that loopy. And that's what I give to somebody. And

loop City.

Yes. Thank you. Somebody's been listening to the medicine. And is repeated the tombs. So that's basically what happened anyways.

But that person I mean, what the they should thank you in some way because by the way, Guinness is back. And Guinness

is a bit

to be the weirdest thing anyone's ever lived through.

And that person that person went on to die.

Yes. It's true. Which is. You don't have to be late. It's a miracle. It's a miracle to die. And I would so fascinated by by death. In addition to my doctoring and, you know, my I would like pursuit. I also am a prehistoric forensicsologist, which because I I take a a medical look at people who have died in in the past, and I figured those things out. So, like, Lucy, the the first human, you know, like, we all remember Lucy. Oh, yeah. Human.

Miss right. Right. Yeah.

Yes. So she died, and I figured that out.

Oh, no.

Yes. I figured

that out. You figured out that she does. We weren't aware of her death, and then you said, you know what? I think this I

did that.

Did you sort of figure it out again? Is that what it is? Because we all, I think, learned it.

They bring you to to bones and to corpses

uh-huh. -- and they'll say, is this thing alive or tired?

--

Let's get a second opinion. Jesus opinion. And so I checked that And I and and Jesus is -- Yes. -- death.

You you pronounced king tut dead.

Dead. Dead on dead on percent. We noticed him dead. Yes. And But you

knew it immediately.

Oh, so. Yeah. Well, people were unsure because, obviously, the whole mummy situation and the wrapping. And he's like, oh, maybe there's something where he has a name, Spooky Okey, something specific. And I said, no.

pretty sure I'm pretty sure he's dead. And Spooky Oopy is not is not medical, but it is scientific term. And and so I

Is that

well, because you showed up first and people were a little dubious because you were a little confused and you first pronounced they roll toilet paper dead. And they were like, that's not him.

Right. Right. It's something else. It's something else. But I knew I was in the ballpark, which I think is important too. That's what you would that should that's what the myth and the lord should be. Is that I You know, I was in the ballpark.

So right. Jesus Christ.

Yes. That one is very special to me and I find that one because I actually was on a birthright trip and I'm not Mhmm. I well, I'm not Jewish. I snuck on. Let's say. And what I got on, that's what's most important. I found my way onto a birthright trip and okay. Fine. We want the story. So I was in the airport.

I don't think anybody

and I was supposed to be defined. I'm sorry. Okay. Anyways, I was at the airport, and I was supposed to be on the plane to Florida because I was supposed to be headed on a cruise around the bottom of all America to Alaska. And it was pretty beautiful. Yes.

I've heard of these around the bottom. Cruisers are supposed to be

face mask.

On the bottom of it. Go top Alaska, then you just buy another plate of black to find your tiny little plane. You know those small planes they always have

oh, yeah. You fly puddle jumper back from Alaska before.

Yes. Yes. Exactly.

I love that trick.

Uh-huh. And it's really cheap online if you look for it. And so Anyway, I found it and I booked it

to you. It's the only trip that no one's ever made it back from.

Well, you know, from I had to investigate obviously, but anyway, won't believe it. I've got on the wrong flight. And anyway, I found myself in this group of young Jewish teenagers saying, like, what about this birthright thing? And they go, What are you doing here? And I said, Bob, go on with you. And nobody said anything about it, really. So anyways, end up on birth. Right?

No more questions. Yes.

And so

you never If nobody asks you for the details of a story, and then you choose to volunteer the details. It's usually because there was some sort of crazy thing that happened. Oh. Not yourself.

No. Nobody regular. And so anyway, I'm on this dang birthright trip with everybody. All my friends, because as we know, Even though I look like shit smell like piss and and, you know, obviously, just talk talk talk like a horse. You know me. So Anyway, even this despite all this, I'm very charming and personable, and I'm really glad, you know, there's some distance between us because honestly, you're in a room with me. You smell me. I'll just You go crazy. You go feral. So, you know, it happens. It's a totally safe. And so obviously all these teens are freaking out about me and like, know what I'm saying? Well, relax, relax, roll friends here and whatever. And so, you know, we're all hanging out on the birth of my trip. And anyway

you better want it.

I get lost again. No. Don't worry. I get lost again. And I'm pretty saying, hey, wait, boy, what? Stop you're getting lost. And I'm like, no,

no, no, no.

It's such People saw there getting lost. They saw you getting lost, and they tried to stop you, and you you continued on.

And you she thought you were getting one.

Jesus's tomb. We don't believe in Jesus, should I say?

I gotta check it out. And they say, okay, you later, blue. You're getting lost. Though. And I said, don't don't. I probably just wanna talk to Jesus as two, as they did. So I find myself in Jesus as two. And obviously, nothing's there because the bible or whatever, but there's a little bit of forensic stuff there. That I am able to deduce. And following that, all his little dusty, little dead prison crumbs. I followed him to this garage, and then I did some reading, it's some math. And The

Right.

cross was still there.

Outside by the way. And so I don't know this stuff in the damn desert. And then, I said, why gotta get back? I got pigeons to see. Because the reception was really good. And so Ryan

my perception in Jesus' tomb

is probably a five g.

Like That's five g's. Right?

Career level