Welcome to last resort, the podcast where billionaire jet setters eat, pray, lovers, and a family of five just looking for a nice getaway, can tune in to get the inside scoop. On the goings on, at the one hundred and twenty seventh best off beach, Gulf Coast vacation spot in the beautiful US of a, subtle shores, resort, and buffet. I of course am skip Powell.

I am cronin Dwayne Newman. Hi. Hello and good morning everybody.

I am, of course, Sydney Powell, Head of guest, relations, and entertainment.

Hello. I am Joe Young. You can call me drop cloth and I am head of maintenance.

That's right, folks. Thanks so much for tuning in today. You probably already heard. We, unfortunately, drop three in the rankings

at this resort.

Now when you when and you said we were a hundred and twenty fourth last week, in this area, because I think there at one hovering around one hundred is just a man's house

that's true.

It happens to be close to the beach that people park at. So the buck Yeah.

He and MB's just the parking spot.

Well, yeah. Lyle's house added a lemonade stand, his daughter did, and they shot past us on top of one hundred.

And look, I'm not one to criticize the work a child, but that is just about the most sour lemonade I've ever had in my life. Add a little sugar, Denise.

That's awesome. Believe we had

an lemonade stand in the same week and theirs got the bump. What happened there, Skip?

Well, a lot of people have been complaining about our lemonade as well. They say just tastes like sugar water. And I'll say this.

There's not much lemon in it, they're saying.

Let's let's just say

simple, sir.

The Grove is on the way. We, of course, thought it'd be cheaper to

we like

it to the shore. Yeah.

We so we we planted a few lemon trees, not thinking about how long it would take for those to grow. Also, not thinking about the climate. We, of course, have trouble growing lemons in Well,

we wanted to grow our own. We didn't wanna buy these mature trees, because we've been burned with that. Before.

Exactly. You know, we our Sydney and I growing up, our father did own a a Christmas tree farm -- Yep. Mhmm. -- which a lot of people Farm.

Go ahead. Sorry.

What'd you say?

Farm.

Yes. It was a Christmas tree farm.

Well, they bear they bore fruit. Yeah. These Christmas trees.

Potentially, yeah, you sold them

the Christmas fruit. Yeah. And was it fruit cake or or what was this?

Well, a lot of people say they they were just pine cones and what we had was a pine fork.

And we're pretty sure it was an unidentifiable fruit.

Yeah. We we know that those are just sort of see, unidentified

you guys kept submitting it to museums. Right?

Of course. We wanted to get the lowdown. You know? We had all these very tall Christmas trees that were dropping unidentified fruit.

Well, my question is what is a fruit? A fruit falls from a tree bears a seed. That seed goes into the ground and another tree grows. That's exactly what happens with a pine cone. You don't. And I've tried to eat one of these things. A lot better going in than it is going out.

Yeah. You were less about the taste of something and more about its actual ability to grow another plan.

Genius,

yes. Genius. Genius families. Problem with ours was ours was more of a lemonade sit instead of a lemonade stand.

That's right. Right?

That is true. We sort of had just a sort of gingham blanket on the ground with a little sort of Well,

i thought you guys were a little hard and fast with those rules. If someone wasn't sitting, they gotta eject it for the lemonade sit.

Well

and so that it you're you're killing your customers.

Well, we wasted a lot of money on those ejector seats.

Yes. I and wasted is exactly the word I would underline, man.

Which is

okay. Well, you did kinda go cheap because they were just Honda Civic. Under a tire. Right?

So they still cost us a lot of money. We went cheap for ejector seats. We've been expensive for chairs.

We've all seen the viral video of the man in the back of the Jiffy lube hit getting ejected off of the tire or just me?

Which, of course, it was used in the neighbor's movies That was another place where the viral video was sort of enacted in a Right.

One of our favorite things, taking a viral video, throwing it exact into the plot of a movie.

Well, and I think this is something we need to learn from the lemonade

--

exactly, Sydney.

--

if the people don't like it, the exact way we make it, we shouldn't jump to punishing nope.

As it The Helavac coming in, the Halifax sucking up the beaches again as you can hear.

That's our helicopter you. Again, I will underline the wasted money part of this. Okay. I just feel like some of the things that we're getting to discussions about and I I call them complaints, but I guess we're calling them discussions from the customers -- Yeah.

--

is, you know, the coffee machines in the rooms are just Too big? Too big.

Oh, come on. We had to go full six feet.

We had to get one of those vending machines that's in an office that dispenses coffee for true.

No, we didn't.

So much less, we

did because we want our customers to have choice. Listen, when my brother and I decided to make subtle shores, we said, this is gonna be different. Mhmm. Everyone's gonna have exactly what they need, and it's gonna be self serve.

Go big. Or go home.

And you invented that phrase.

I did indeed. I'm the first person who ever said it.

I love it.

I can't be true. Yes. It actually is true because when my brother and I were just young ones, we were putting together Halloween costumes. Mhmm. And I wanted to be the incredible hulk and our dad was

he made you go as the incredible She hulk.

He did? He said, we don't have enough material to make you the hulk, so we're just gonna make you

she hulk is more material. She has breasts.

Right. But she's less

yes. She did.

There's less bulk.

Yes. She did. Absolutely.

Yeah. That that

we've all seen the pictures.

Well, you guys want a lot of the the what it would they were called the unfortunate costume contest. For sexiest kids' costumes.

That's true.

That's right.

Also, I had a problem with being entered into a sexiest kid costume contest in the first place.

He made Migo as Shewerewolf. Mhmm. Yeah. Of

course. You guys ended up actually on stage at the big apple. Right? Give it a little dance

for some trouble.

We were at the big apple. Was upsetting.

And this is not New York City. This is a truck stop. Sounds a big apple. Right?

It's a truck stop with with a haphazard stripping pole.

Which I obviously know because I I played a few new years there in a row when my booker was getting confused. I played the big apple and I was doing the ball drop.

Oh, yeah. You also played the windy city. Right? And where was that?

That was at a Wendy's. The

yeah. Wendy's. Yeah. It was the only Wendy's that's big enough to house an entire ZIP code. Right?

Yeah. That was that's the huge Wendy's in eastern Washington state. Wow. And it is also they've got one of those you all know it. We've discussed it before amongst ourselves, but one of the tornado sheens with dollars that you get at a magazine drive. Uh-huh. And so that's why it was so windy also.

Well, I take your note on us wasting this money, and I think it is time you know, let's take this serious. Yeah. We've been here, we've gotten our feet wet. It is time to take this serious. It is time to show the guests what they came here for and give him some fun.

And that's yeah. And then we've we've we've enacted that philosophy at this point.

That's right.

You know, you guys, obviously, we've spent this past week with this new business consultant, which is very very exciting development

i I will say I did not think I was gonna like this guy.

Me either. You never Came in grease

hair -- Yep.

--

beautiful suit. Mhmm. Honestly looked great. And that is the first sign that I'm not gonna like somebody.

Yeah. You know, you don't want somebody to come in and immediately make you feel bad about yourself just upon

you must feel bad every time I walk into a room. Number one room.

No. It doesn't what somehow when you walk into a room, I it's on I'm on the face. I'm happy to see you, of course.

Well, okay, obviously, we're not looking up at the pristine face. I don't look at day over sixty, do I?

I don't know, man.

Okay. Well, oh, call it my plastic surgeon. If I look over sixty, I get my money back. So I gotta call the guy up.

Feels like this is not the first time I've heard you make claim and you're sort of testing your password searching. You're getting a lot of free work

because Your botched come out yet.

No. The the net they're getting a lot of issues with back and forth with the network sensors on my botched.

Oh, they

they wanted to blur everything.

It's

gotten to a point where showing face on TV makes something on n c seventeen.

And now in what in what direction? Because, you know, some things get rated n c seventeen for sort of sexual sexual connotations, some things get rated n c seventeen for gore.

I get I get

your face is gold.

I just And we shouldn't

be saying this to our friend and performer. He's gorgeous folks.

Come on gas, spend

money in the lounge.

Well, yes, I get gore and I get R o d, of course, which is reminder of death. If you remind people too much of death, then they put that rating way up. It's looking at me. Remind people that time moves one direction, unfortunately, and it's towards the grave.

That's right.

But the good news is that when that Bosch does come out, it'll tell my story, and I think I'll some sympathy, of course, about the butt issues that I

you wanted to go smaller. You wanted to get a butt reduction?

Yes. I said the pendulum swings one way and then the other. So when break the Internet came out obviously, Kim Kardashian put her champagne glass on a butt. I said I'm going the other direction.

You went concave.

And I went concave

so your butt cheeks sort of go in from your back yard.

And so

if you look through my butt, you know, the person you're looking at's face looks huge.

Yeah. Right. You could use you could use your ways to burn ants. Right?

Canon do, unfortunately.

Unfortunately, Well, and that was -- Yeah.

--

we

do have to apologize for the folks in bungalow sixteen.

Yes. So yeah.

Accidentally, you were taking a morning walk and burnt down one of the palm trees right out side there. You cut it down.

Yes. So I broke down the aunts in room sixteen because of the Paul drew situation.

Oh, so you were looking for ants. You found a a bunch of brother's sisters?

You said any any antle do?

That's right. I was I was wasn't disturbing on my day.

And I meant to say daddy's sisters, not brother's sisters.

We all understood. But joke's still in.

Okay. Good.

But what what I digress and two. I do I do wanna say Don't make me regret merging my bank account with the businesses because we

listen, we don't. We all have that fear. You know, when we all took on responsibility here, We all we all had that fear that we would be at we would end up in a worse place than we started. And I'll tell you this, guys, based on the suggestions of this new business consultant, I think Which did

we talk about the hair in the suit?

We did. We did we did mention it. I don't think we can emphasize quite enough.

You really had a reaction when he walked in.

I mean, I am a sucker for a a big pinstripe suit.

Mhmm. You

know, it's it screams class. And he he rolled up and he quickly said, why is the lobby closed and most of the rooms closed? And I said, I'm going over the sprinkler system. Right? And he laid into me. Yeah. He laid into me and I

because the sprinkler system works exclusively when there are not fires, but we're having a lot of trouble with fires happen, the sprinklers turned off. It's like a reverse. Yes.

Well, the sensor is active.

That's which is good.

And the sensor's opposite, which is yeah.

It was in stalled backwards.

There's a slow on opposites day, unfortunately.

Yes. I, of course, had

that counts.

Yeah. I was Yeah. I was wearing shorts instead of long pants. Right.

Which can disorient you.

Long sleeves because I normally have the short sleeves on. And I installed the sprinklers on opposite day too. So, yeah, we had a problem with that, but I think they're working now, so that's good. I flipped the valve around. So that's good.

It's such a simple fix.

Yes. I unfortunately, as you guys know, the grass grew down, as I installed the sod that day.

That's right. That's right.

I was, of course, the it's the only day every year my son calls me to tell me he loves me. Because because he calls

you the rest of the days and says he hates you?

Yep. Every three hundred and sixty four days a year, my son, Duane Newman junior which is not what he goes by anymore, calls me to say dad, I hate you and I say, first of all, things acknowledging on your father.

Yes. And really quickly, your real name is Wayne Knight, but you changed your name to Duane Newman. You're -- Because

--

course, I am Wayne Newton's brother. There's a lot of our family aren't going to be associated with each other and so petulately changing our name.

I have to say, I'm I'm really sorry for that. I'm really sorry your son calls you and says that to you. You're a great guy, and

you don't deserve that.

Thank you.

As a man who has issues with his son as well, I can tell you that it it truly just doesn't feel good. And I feel like I can empathize with you in a way that maybe our other two friends here can't, as they are not

i was the first one to apologize. So, obviously, I can empathize with him. What are you talking about?

I'm just You just stole his empathy.

You're not the only one with empathy.

Okay. I

think I think that empathy stealer. No.

He's an empathieser.

No. You know, can I say, I've really taken to your crooning? And sometimes I walk around and this is crazy because I know I'm just a fun time guy, but I croon.

Hey. Then that's the whole thing with crooning is you want everyone to think they can croon. Yes. If you croon so well that people think they can, you're doing your job right and I've heard you croon around the block.

And I can't, you're saying.

No. No. I'm saying crooning away my friend. I'm not threatened by you. I love to hear anyone crooning because it means that crooning is not dead. Which I, you know, a lot. Obviously, when my album came out, the the New York Times front page, Saturday night dead, they said.

Right. And then when you go back to a six, it said crooning is dead. When you follow the headline to the second -- Right.

Yes. Yes. I made it which a six is the furthest I've made it onto the New York Times besides the criminal.

What you are using? You're all kinda

leave with you. And it's also not a police blotter or anything like that. It is the criminal page.

But but, yes, but there have been an ink plot before as well.

Yes. I've ink plotted on the times. I've been a Sudoku a few times.

A very an intermediate to heart also.

Yes. Intermediate to heart Sudoku, if you Because my my if you do the numbers right, it spells out my name. I don't to explain it. Obviously, I make the Sunday Crossword about once a month -- Right.

--

if they lose her or stuff like that.

You think you're a great clue.

Yeah. I'm

a fantastic clue. But we gotta go back a second and just discuss your son

--

right. -- Dennis The lunatic has not you haven't gotten him under control. And I I don't know. This is maybe a way we can use this this podcast is maybe give us some feedback of what you all think open the conversation. Do people feel about corporal punishment on kids? Spanking. Yeah. Because my dad gave me the belt regularly, and it's not something that's nice to talk about. But we were a classic family, you know. Yeah.

And now your son hates you and maybe they're maybe they're related.

I wonder if I should have belted my son more. Obviously, what and it's not it's the way we would do it is by

you wonder if you should have?

We in our family, we put the belt on a little too tight. And that's the one you know you're getting punishment. When you get the belt, as your dad puts the belt on you and he cinches it one hole too tight.

Well, that's that's not so bad. I thought you were No.

So you weren't spanking him. You were putting the belt on him and giving him a little tight place.

A little tight belt. So you're telling me a little more, you're a little more self conscious. I see.

No. I just I I I think this is actually very good. If anybody if anybody has any issues with Dennis, my son, I'm not gonna call him the lunatic, although that's what he see he has been been referred to around here. Well, as

you can see, my hand is soup super glued to my stomach. So that's obviously Dennis. Right.

Dennis, of course, does does the old trick where he puts superglue on your hand, and then he tickles your belly with a feather while you're asleep. Yes. He'll also he'll tickle all sorts of different spots on your body to try to get you to stick your hand to yourself.

Well, one day, he accidentally I was sleeping face down, and he tickled I'm not gonna go there, but I got my hands stuck in my butt. Okay? And

in your butt.

Yeah. It's where you tickle.

Well, and we checked on security footage and couldn't see him coming in or out of your room.

I'm pretty positive what was happening was that this lunatic kid came in and tickled me with a fact. You can't

keep blaming Dennis The lunatic, your butt play. It's alright. You like

a little butt butt. Why would I have had super glue all over my own hand?

It was a post panic

--

okay.

--

blame on Dennis.

And and but play is okay. I mean, me being in the industry, You you do all sorts of stuff because fans wanna do stuff you hear stories. Frankie, Dino would always talk about about play. Mhmm. Drake, we all know, does it. I think it's you should be comfortable with something like that. I am. Okay.

That's not what happened. The lunatic came in and tickled my feather and butthole.

Well, listen, I'm gonna you guys this. My goal

solar bubble.

What do

you know

what I mean?

I had a I had a sort of one on one consultation with the with our consultant, and he mentioned

about your son about

what is his name? Was it was it Parsnip? I thought it was Parson. Parson.

I thought it was Nutmeg. What is his name?

Parsonate. Parsonate. We'll think

of it. Was it oregano?

Erega. Yes.

Yes. A regga yes.

It was a regga

yes. Okay. So our business consultant a regga yes. Yes.

No. No. It wasn't. No. It was food.

It was food, but it was not a reggae yet.

We can use oregano. Yes, if we want. Carrot?

No. Karen.

Karen. Is it a woman?

It's definitely a man in a in a nice, beautiful pinch striped suit with his hair slicked back. Parsnib. It might have been It

was Parsnib.

It was Parsnib.

And we're right back to the beginning of March.

But I had a one on one called consultation with Parsonip. And he and he said one of the first order of businesses, he actually suggested I send my son to boarding school. And I'll tell you this.

That's great. CoSign.

I I have to agree.

Hey, sorry.

For my right hand covered in superglue cosine.

I'm just I you gotta you guys have to understand what that would mean for my family. We haven't spent more than a couple days apart for his entire life. You know? He's he's ten years old or or so. And and he he hasn't had a day without his mom and his dad in his whole life. The idea of sending him away to boarding school. I mean, that feels like such an extreme thing. If I'm thinking back to me as a kid, if I if I had gone away to boarding school, who knows what happened? You know? Mhmm. Me and Sydney had had a rough time as kids two had our issues. We did. But we made it through because we had each other, and I'm afraid if I send this kid off to boarding school, he's gonna end up in solitary. He's gonna he's not gonna Confinement. Yeah. You know?

That's prison. They don't do that at a boarding school.

I I don't believe so.

Have you been Can

i can I

make a little armchair psychologist, head shrinker here?

Sure.

Mhmm. I think that you're actually you can't last without him. I think that's what you're saying.

It's interesting that you say the same thing my that my wife says. And I because I I feel like you've had a conversation with her because

because she

wants to send her to boarding school for sure.

She's actually

are you still getting coffee with Skip's wife?

Yes. She's a dear dear friend, and she's a dear friend of mine. And we like to chat, and we really have not to feed her.

And you guys will do long coffee dates.

I love coffees.

They hold on. They're not dates, though. They're just chats.

We're just talking Chook them to the house.

But I'll let

i better watch your back, Skip.

You do not have to worry.

You guys know me. I'm not a jealous guy.

I I That is true. You're almost too not jealous. Yeah.

I I say everybody live your life As long as she comes home to me, at some point, it's fine.

Well, and I I said the same thing to Fred Dirst at Woodstock ninety nine. You know, we the in this industry, If you love somebody and they come back home to you, who cares what they're doing? Which fan they're hanging with or whatever, you know.

Yeah. Exactly. And that's

how I thought you were there, you were the mud man. Right?

At Woodstock nine ninety. Yeah. Added mud. I was a little down business wise, so I started mud business, and I did woodstocks. I was doing warp tours.

So you bring in mud for people to slide around.

What's a great business? Because sometimes you run out of mud as long as you have a

hose What

if it's not raining? Yeah.

Exactly. And that was that's kinda my pitch. That's what it said on my business card, way new one get your mud, what if it's not raining?

That's right. Well, I just have to say, listen, after parsnip coming through, I think it really put us all put us all on notice

--

yeah. -- that it's time to

approve this place.

Yeah. Mhmm. I fixed a hole in two boats -- Mhmm.

--

two boats -- Which

is famous for history.

Sitting on the dock. Mhmm.

He's trying to give us he's trying to lean us out.

Yeah. And well, because as as He said, you know, there's a little bit of stink on Settle Shores. He says the reputation of the resort is, you know, not one obviously, we're hundred and twenty seventh on the the associate's list of best resorts

--

and climbing.

--

and well, and falling. And so Well, numbers I guess number The number slide. It's yeah. The directional issue here is interesting, you know. He did say it might be best. For us to try to rebrand, for us to try to to to potentially shoot some new ads, to potentially renovate. So we've all got we've all got some tasks in front of us for the next few weeks.

But when we first started this, I think we all thought, hey, resort life. Mhmm. You're gonna go down there and work, but you also just kinda live the resort life. No. This takes work. Yeah. And we are ready to do that work. And I've been seeing improvements from each and every one of you guys.

Thank you.

And I really appreciate it. This is the first time I've ever taken myself seriously in my whole life.

And I can vouch for that.

But I just want to say, that I appreciate you guys.

Yeah.

Okay? And from now on, I'm gonna stop drinking on the boats.

Hey. Okay. Step.

And from

now on, I'm gonna start eating breakfast.

Wow.

Hey.

And from now on, I swear to God, I'm not gonna sleep on floor.

Small changes. Let's do small cabinets there. Just a little coffee.

And I'm gonna drink water now.

It's a

great I I'm all yes.

You know what? What if we all just today? Today, we all just commit to drinking a little bit of water.

Let's drink water.

That's an easy actionable choice.

I is this including the water that melts into my my tithes? Because I'm now a number six that's probably my eighth couple of water.

Yeah. I'll do crystal light, but I'm not going straight down to water.

Okay. Well, Chris, that is the taste growth for both of

you guys.

Mastering I

know you used to do your mottize no ice

--

yes. -- straight liquor. And I know you used to have only drink warm soda.

Yeah. I like it hot out of the back of a car.

I hear you, buddy.

I like my yeah. I like my dairy cokes hot out of the

back of the car. Just not good

for we need

you we need you to get to water, you know? I saw you one time last week you peed in the toilet, dude flush. It looked like you had peed motor oil. It was black. Yeah.

Which I for me, that's a man's peed. That's a guy. That's how I

well, you guys know, you can jump a boat off with me, and you can also use my p to to gear grease some gears. I know. I mean, I can go down to the basement and I can fix a eighty watt electric motor simply by taking a leak.

Well, as long as you got a soda.

I noticed in in the budget, that you that you submit for your department, I noticed that there was actually no line for motor oil or or w d forty or any of those things

that norm no. There was a section, but it was empty.

I've been part of the handyman empire for so long that my body is actually starting to create some of my supplies.

That's beautiful.

So like oil, w d forty, my ears, are almost like a silicone lubricant, a dry rub that you can put on the waxes.

I know the same thing. If I do enough cocaine and then sleep on the dock, and dry out enough

--

yeah.

--

the salt crystals start to form around my lips, get me re high.

Wow. Wow.

Salt life.

Yeah. When I actually

that sounds more like cocaine life.

Well, cocaine salt life.

And now, well, guys and and we should say, we're taking baby steps because we we have a sort of we have a sort of date on the books.

Literally for some of us, obviously, you haven't seen my botched yet, but I'm taking baby steps every day. Due to my new petite feet.

Yes. Very small.

Well, they had they botched your extra large feet.

They went the other way. Right?

I wouldn't. And I clearly showed them. I said, this is Shaquille O'Neil shoe. I wanna fit into that. And I don't know where

you sort of ended up with the sort of legs of a dinner table.

Well, they thought you meant that you wanted your whole body to fit into the shoes. Yes. And you caught them they work their way.

Very well.

And and I find this attractive, but but you are you do have hooves.

Yeah. And I find it very attractive

as well.

I find it attractive.

Well and that has been my argument. Is it?

I find you attract him.

Thank you.

That's so wrong.

Yes, you will see me clomping around. This is I don't know if we want to get into this, we haven't yet.

This might be

i thought it was gonna be a crooner, but it wasn't.

Well, that's the thing when you're a crooner, you're always keeping people on their toes. Maybe.

Yes. There it is. Five.

I don't wanna get into this. There there but there's been some controversy controversy.

Yes. Now which is sexist.

Thoughtful of you to say that.

Really sexist this new term of yours.

No. Controvershey. I say Hurstree. I say controversy. I call God goddess. You know, it is I am a

how do we love it?

But you really heavily use controversy.

The negative one.

Well, because if it's if I am having a controversy, it's never with the man. Men do never bring up their problems with me, but the women continue to. Okay. And and I'll say this also. Women love me. Don't we ladies the women out there that come by the room.

Quiet from the pool. Yeah. No one even turned. We are out here by the pool, DJ Miles Miles DJ. Yes.

But there's bits of controversy obviously over my Christmas albums that came out last year and one of the reasons I partnered with this business, of course, that a lot of people have accused me of being Jewish.

They come up and they say, we know.

Yeah. It's an accusation. It's a strong accusation.

And and, you know, my birth certificates have come out with my Yeah. We we have several, first of all. Yes. Well, I've been Well, they

were reissued and they were reissued when you legally changed your name.

Reissued when I

changed And how

how could

they tell your from your birth certificate that you were due? Was it a Jewish birth certificate? Last name.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Obviously, before Neumann, I was Nuckman.

Okay. So you was Hold on. Your name was Wayne Knight. So at one point, your

well, that is your name before that was Newman.

Let's just go over this. It's what It can't be too complicated for me.

Okay. Well, yeah, I guess so because that is what we said to those boarders way Right?

Right.

Yes. You

changed your name to Dwayne Newman.

That's a really important number. Before all that

dwayne Newman.

But I I guess I was being a little bit misleading. We Wayne Newman, my brother.

Mhmm. Wayne, yes.

What's that? Wayne Newton. Wayne Newton, my brother

--

yes.

--

and I were both born Jewish as the Nuckmans. And we both wanted to get away from our heritage, so we could put out Christmas albums. Not shame. Just there's more money in Christmas albums, the chronic albums. But but bring that all back around. It's also the reason I I point to my cloven hooves and I say, how could I be Jewish? How can I be Jewish? I have the the hooves of the devil.

So is this?

Is that a sign?

I am as Jewish as a goat or the devil.

So the feat -- Which

a lot of Christians would say

yes. A lot of Christians

would say

--

the feat Surgy was kind of a gentile proof thing or what was it?

No. It was a I would say it was a silver lining to a huge mistake. I wanted huge feet, like, Shaquille O'Neil. And I ended up with tiny little hooves and I said, well, we could spin this and I've got the best PR crew in the gig gig.

That's right. Because you're not a part of any game. Yeah. You have the best And your PR won your gig.

And this the the the contract is gig by gig. Right?

They

won't represent you for a month or so. No.

They won't take me on for a long time. They won't be on retainer.

And there's a lot of bold that specifies this is a gig, not a job.

Yes. Yeah. They don't want to be on their book. They don't want their other clients seeing they're working way

they pay you way under the table.

And you're gonna and if you're gonna meet them, it has to be in a well lit area?

Yeah. Well, that's that's in every that is in everybody's rider with me.

But you have to wear a disguise.

Mike in a Luvs gas station or something.

Yeah. I have to show so I show up into the Luvs in one of my different disguises to meet my You're exactly even because they are so scared of being seen with me. But because what it will do with their PR.

And they're scared to be seen with you pre their PR.

Pre their PR. It won't be well, it's they turned down a lot of my PR requests. Right.

You know, I

said the stuff you've seen is just

what they

were saying.

And the company you work with is technically a crisis PR company. Right?

Like, they were there for enron They were there for enron, Blackwater.

Yeah. To Halliburton. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Halliburton Exxon

around the Beldes.

Yes, sir. And the Valides, they've they worked with a lot of the bad boys of history, and they still Speedy. They said we've do we worked with b p

and we

still won't be with you. Well, it's

because you killed off about five hundred thousand ducks at one point. Right?

Yes. Obviously, and I I did a beach concert where my singing

they had to wash off the with Don detergent.

Yeah. And and and by the way, Don does not pay me any anything for those commercials. Wow.

No. They used clips.

Those commercials were shot at your county.

They Yes.

Slip from your concerts in their commercials showing them wash the ducks off.

Yeah. And and I I, you know, I bet they pay boo Bla when they use him singing, you know, Everything's better now, and he sings to the ducks and it heals them.

Well, thank God they pay him because he helps you out.

Well, at end of the day, yeah, jokes on them because Bubele is loaning me money. I obviously drive around the least Bube Play mobile.

Boopley, of course, paying for your Hyundai.

Yeah. If they if they didn't pay Boopley, guess what? I'd have to pay rent on that backhouse that I stay in that buble lives in the front house with my wife.

X wife or wife?

X wife. Yes.

And have they found you back there yet? Or you still got the bed underneath the couch?

Well, I I had a close call the other night, but I convinced them it was ghosts. Luckily at buble and my wife, for a little bit, they believe in the supernatural. So Little did. Right. Yeah. Yeah. They're a lot dense.

Booble Booble came in for a nice meal the other night, and boy was he entertaining, but just a just a schmuck.

Yeah. He came into corroborators and really really dined. Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He did.

Which is very nice of him. That meal was just keeping a float I think right now.

I think

that's at this point. Yeah.

I I would we don't we discussed a little bit, you know, your line items and how you're not putting some of that. So I mean, maybe we should I'd like to get people a behind the scenes of running a business maybe. We can all talk about our line item budgets here. Yeah. And just to tuck on the air, you know, what we're cutting for.

Now that was something that that Parsonsib said. He said there needs to be way more transparency. You guys stop gotta stop keeping secrets from each other and keeping secrets from the business bureaus. So so the partner And really, we're excited.

Yes.

We're not hiding any of

those stories. Not at all. Of course, I I did Go ahead. I had to add Internet to the budget. You know, we'd, of course, been

operating for

a while.

We have been stealing we have been stealing from a neighbor.

We've been stealing from the public library that's next to the resort for the last few years.

A lot of people ask about the location of the resort, and one of the big reasons we're here is because the public library and Wi Fi is it was close. Hey.

And I'll tell you this. Good on them for getting whatever sort of router or modem they have, because I'll tell you this, I can get I can I can access their WiFi? From across town.

Can I tell you this? I snuck into the library with a long ethernet cord, and I ran it out to the boat. I can get WiFi two hundred feet out into the water. Wow. And it's not WiFi. It's core.

He has to say.

You know, I can get internet.

That's hard line.

That's hard line. I'm downloading and uploading on the sea.

Fantastic. Yeah.

You're you're inheriting a shit ton of movies out there.

While pirating a ship.

Yeah. It's interesting.

Well and the issue with that is a lot of people through town when you when you end up going out onto the water, a lot of people getting tripped. They're walking and the Ethernet wire is going getting

it ends up getting sort of buried by a few by an inch of Sanders. And they're walking through, sinking in, they get caught, They fall.

We've had a couple of lawsuits, but I'll tell you what, the Internet is nice.

And I'll tell you this to these people who are suing us, there's no way you got hurt falling on sand. And I don't mean to be confrontational on on but I am just about sick of these frivolous lawsuits for people who are getting injured at this resort.

What do kids play in?

Sand.

That's right.

So how

could you get hurt in sand and water?

The only things on Beatrice sand and water, two things that you actually cannot get hurt on.

So And of course, for those of you who have been to Settle Shores and are saying, well, your beach does not have sand. We're working on it. We're going through the line items right that right now. And right now, our Sonde is working well enough until we get the sand in.

And Sonde is, of course, sonde for son. Yeah.

It's a mix of sod and shells, which, by the way, if you've eaten our beef arm with breakfast and then you need to vomit, you can vomit right into the sod

it's perfect.

It's perfect.

So we have WiFi. We're working with some Belkin. What's the Do we have Belkin?

We do not have Balkin. We have Balkin. It's a Bulk. Okay. It's a it I'll admit it's a knockoff.

It's WiFi from Europe.

Yes. It is. It's from the Balkans. It's actually I don't know how they get it here. I just

and then know how we get the Internet anyway. These are questions I do not need the answers to.

Okay? And that's what we're men's men. You know? We don't look deep into these details. We, you know, we just Show

me a solution. I won't ask you a single question.

Utility, it's

a very cheap, unsecured network that we loaded all of our financials on too, and it's working great.

Right. And I'll tell you this, guys. Anybody who stays at our hotel gets the password.

Anyone. Yeah. You

can have it. You can have it. So congratulations, and we don't change it. Don't worry. It's you should come back another time, same password.

Yeah. Yeah.

It'll be the same time I understand.

So we we put added the the bulk and Internet to the wine item budgets.

Parson have said you gotta have your own Internet.

He said he

said. It's illegal. And did you have to take any hits did this pull anything out of your budget

that you liked? It did. It did. Unfortunately, We cannot put any new chandeliers in and a lot of people say, originally, when I started installing all these chandeliers or say, this doesn't seem like the kind of place that needs chandeliers

--

right.

--

it seems out of vibe.

Aesthetically confusing is

what all confusing, the the reserve seems to be a little more rustic.

Were you thinking you were gonna add more chandeliers? I thought we had a whole meeting about this.

I was I thought look, I walk into the the the lobby, and I see that big chandelier up above me. And I think this place has class.

Right.

Okay? And I figured But then there's the one just to the left of that.

And I wow, holy crap. These guys spent this much money on chandeliers. I bet everything here But

then there's one just to the right of that.

And I which is where the original one was. Yeah.

And it's

hanging off the bottom of the original Shandalee.

It touches the ground.

Yeah. So it's a centerpiece for the room. Listen, guys, I wanted Settle Shores to be something unlike anything anybody had ever seen. You can go to Sandalls if you want.

Can I get honest with you for a second, my brother? You're my brother and brother.

Yeah. Please.

You're not fancy. I and neither am I. And this is not the fancy shore. It's subtle shores. We provide entertainment for families and regular folk.

That's interesting.

So if

you're regular, come on down, guys.

Don't walk into a, let's say, a cracker barrel and expect to see somebody, like, an attendant in the bathroom.

Wow, Zach.

Did you guys read the script that my wife read to me last night because this is exactly what she told me last night. Is everybody hanging out with my wife? And she just

did she have the script at coffee?

Well, we do lunch. Shipping?

Well, we well, I gave her some notes at Coffee on the script because she's doing a script loosely based on, obviously, her life. And she's a fantastic writer, and she just needs

is there anything about the villain? You gave her notes on the villain of her script that she's writing about her family? Who who was in it?

Well, This room scoop.

I think it's scoop. Yeah. An angry man named scoop in the basement. Right? Wow. Shooting propane tank.

Yeah. The villain lives in the basement in the story. How can they get him?

This is interesting.

No. That's that's that's why you all read it. I said, no notes. I said, this guy feels really, feels scary. He feels tough to deal with.

That's tough. That's tough.

Just ignore all this crap. I I'm just gonna say Please don't. Yeah. No. No. Seems pretty punch it at you. I'm taking the notes This is the same

as your don't Google me theory. Is telling people to ignore it will make them ignore it. But I think it's actually making people

more work theory. Only become an issue when you really think about them. Okay?

I just got a text. Someone asking me to forward quip.

Oh, yeah. Hit me with that. Stop. I'd love to give notes. Yes.

You got it.

I listen. I parsed up said similar things about about how we need to decide on the vibe. He said -- Mhmm.

--

this place looks like a sort of rustic sort of coastal off coast sort of getaway. Lean into that, make it feel a little more like a sportsman's lodge, like a place, something like that, where people come in and they're not confused about what you're trying to give them.

Well, this is a great first step. You've added WiFi instead of buying more chandeliers.

Right.

Now maybe if we can sell a few of the existing chandeliers or maybe take them apart put them on the beach of stones, something to make them not disgusting looking for the room they're in.

And I heard that sound you made at the idea of reselling them. Don't hort chandeliers. You're not gonna there's not gonna be another occasion where you're gonna go, I wish I had my trailer.

You know what I'll even say? I'll even say in our current time period, chandeliers are done. I don't think people need chandeliers anymore. I think we get it.

I'll say this though. How many times have you thrown out an old USB cord or some some some little thing And then six months later, you're sitting there, and you've got a peripheral that you need to collect -- Right.

--

connect to your laptop. And you're like, where's the USB cable that I threw away six months ago? I threw it away six months ago. Right.

And

that's what's gonna happen with these chandeliers. I'm telling you now, in six months to a year, we're gonna wanna build a ballroom we're gonna wanna have some sort

of I

wanna build a ballroom now. I wanna have a ballroom. Yeah.

Well, it would've been I actually needed a small lighting accoutrement for my house that I was living in before I moved into the worksite trailer. And It was around the same time that hurricane Andrew was about to hit and you went and balled up all the chandeliers. Why would it's not toilet paper.

Yeah. Your -- Okay. -- your doomsday hoarding is expensive and unnecessary. It's good for the rest us looking at the other stuff. Yeah.

What else did you buy? Faberge eggs?

Yeah. I did. I see Allman's. Yeah. I I bought almond. I bought bitcoin. I bought I bought some different types of cars. Listen, guys, I am I am prepared for the future that I want. Okay? Mhmm. I want a future where I need these things. Okay? And so I'm sort of trying to will into the existence, a subtle shores that makes us money.

Let me ask you, what's the next step after the WiFi for you because you're front of house, you're the first thing people see, you're the greeting. Uh-huh. What's the next thing you're gonna do to improve the guest experience? Because guys, We want you here if you're listening.

I I mean, yeah, the number one crooner in the world is telling you come to settle shores we want. You're here, baby.

I think I'd already posed the question. I don't think you need to insert that you were the number one kid.

I just gotta let people know that that, you know, it's not these shitheads who are poor here, I come also and I enjoy things.

That is right. I will I will say I have to big up you here. You are a wonderful crooner. And some people have even said it was worth the true drink minimum.

Yes. You are

a great

singer, and you're one of the town's biggest classes.

Absolutely. There's where's that?

Which is big in a resort town.

Huge, huge. Yeah.

I say it's I'm not a class, because I'm a libertarian. And that's what I believe. But what is, again, to the customer experience, what are you doing at front of house? I'm looking at this line item budget and I'm just not seeing a lot for Well,

because a

lot of the things that we're working on right now are sort of infrastructure things that maybe don't cost money, but they do take time. So for one, we are going to create a database of rooms so that we know which ones are occupied and which ones are not.

That's gonna be awesome for the

that'll be great spreadsheet, I think it is gonna be really helpful once one

no more someone's in here.

Yeah.

Yes.

We would well, a lot well, we kind of just had like a sort of like, a key is in a bowl situation where -- Mhmm.

--

because keeping track of all that stuff was sort of outside of my wheelhouse, we didn't have a tech guy. And and and that was part part of Parsons's thing. He's like, this isn't stuff that tech guys need to do. This is stuff that everyday human beings can do to make the experience better. So we're gonna have a database so we will know which rooms are occupied.

There was obviously That debacle where we were all kind of taking on a little bit of work when we didn't have enough staff. And so we were each switching off the front desk, and we each rented out the same room and ended up having about eighty families in one room by the end of the night. Right?

Yeah.

And it

was the old keys in a bowl situation, so it got pretty fucking wickiest.

It was awesome that we were able to pay

for that mistake, because CBS bought it. Eighty families in a room -- Yes.

--

and and it aired for a season.

Eighty families in a room is going strong. Will Arnette, running up the cast their

unfortunately, your agent did our deal, and we did not get many residual payments on them.

That's right. My my agent does not believe in back end.

Well, it's

always because you have no ask. Is that why? Is it because you that's why it's perfect

for you. We fit together was the self for being. I didn't I didn't know he meant that also.

Because your agent has a big bulbous rotund button. You guys stand back to back and fit together perfectly?

Yes. We are. Yeah. Ying like

a yin yang Yeah. Sometimes people put you around their necks at couples.

Yes. Couples. Yeah. Couples. Best friends at summer camp. Yeah. Best friends, bracelet.

A yin yang?

Sorry. Yeah. Buddhist.

But Buddhist are big on your necklace.

But Buddhist? But Buddhist? I've been around a Buddhist neck for a while.

My age or deny. Yeah. Well, I put a put a sword and I could say this symbolizes the duality of the universe, and we'll say that'll be three ninety nine in a minute. A meaning. Like, you're you're acting on a put his neck to get sick.

Yeah. But, yeah, I

think that's great.

I think

that's great. And and and this is

sort of an parsenib sort of note for this week, which was make changes that you can make without spending money

right now.

Right. And we're all doing that. Fixing the boats were a big thing for you, Sydney. Drop class I

had to get rid of my boat bin.

Yeah? Or did

you did that save us any money?

Well, yeah. It's a guy named Ben, who goes and gets votes

for me.

Oh, right. You're more than both.

Like, ball boy, but it's boat, Ben. Yeah.

He runs there any time any time I drop a boat. He runs as fast as he gets,

picks up the boat and he gets to

the other side and falls and hits this wall. We've all seen the video.

Absolutely. Google it.

Google it. Ball it, ball, boy, falls hard, recovers fast, but he's hurt. That's the title of it.

But that's what

i re titled it.

And this is Ben or Ben. I'm trying to get her his name correct.

But Ben.

B e

n. Alright.

Both Ben. Well, I'm sad to see Bolton Ben go

because Yeah.

He was he was really good for me because as you guys know, I keep nails in my mouth and and shit like when I'm gonna Yeah. And I I line them up like a guy smoking eighty cigarettes. And I'm falling.

But

that's right. The associates screeched to a halt when they saw how many days ago.

The associates came in and gave me a biggest mouth in my class. No. Yeah.

In your high school class.

In my class, we went back and we shot a superlative photo. I spread wide.

That's a wonderful superlative.

Yeah. We recalled everybody's yearbook. Yeah. Went around, found them all.

I got big yes.

We

recalled it. Well, people were having accidents with them. The brakes were going out on some people's

right. Right.

And now that all so that photo has ended up being a a sort of photoshop meme that's gone around where people have been, like, sort of photoshopping whole things into your mouth as well. Right?

Yes. Like when I find the shrimp at the party or something like that. Yes.

Yes. When I come home and my wife cheating on me, with best friend, that was a good one. Which was actually your face.

Also, when I come home and my wife ready,

and I'm not sure it was I'm not sure what she was ready for, but this man was surprised me. I was and but biggest mouth biggest mouth yeah. That was really cool of the associates. They actually winded and dined me, which was awesome.

No. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Like, did they take you where'd they take you?

The best hamburger in its class restaurant that they

it was they took you to a JD power spot?

Well, they we went in disguises as all of JD powers' mothers.

Genius.

Thank you.

How could we tell how could they tell that their own mothers are chewing up?

We went under we went under eight hours of of superhero makeup.

Their mothers are all superheroes.

Do super wear? Do super heroes wear expensive makeup? Someone just looks like a guy.

I guess some of them do. I'm sure Superman's hair takes some time.

Yes. We all were we all looked like Superman.

And, mom,

superman. So the associates are so mad at JD Power. When they're wining and dining people, they're gonna put in their new their new spread, they take

it

to JD Power restaurants dressed as their mothers

--

yes. And we we say things from their childhood that'll trigger them, you know, like why did you

really dig a deep.

Yeah. We we got we do research.

These

associates have been burnt by JD Powers. Oh, my god.

They are pissed off. Yeah.

What the associates drove most of the Chevrolet's. And the JD Power would always rank them best midsize sedan.

They're like, oh, I'm the name.

Yeah. And so I've been hanging out with them a lot yeah, boatman is gone. Mhmm. And that's tough for me. And that's, you know, that's almost forty thousand a year.

Yeah. Right.

Which I took a hit And he's apparently He's watching me, Parsonip's taking a look at my tools, seeing what I need. Do I need this lathe? Well, do any delays.

Because because you spend I would say you do spend a little too much time on the lathe trying to make the perfect bed post.

Well, you it me to make something to to that the doctor could base your feet off of. Right? Yeah.

I wanted you to play some feet for me. I did My

name is the perfect machine

to make the flip. I made some well, no. He's got fucking bold ass ass table leg feet.

Work with my hooves. I had to bring in something to the doctor. Because I'm try I'm I'm now in my fifth surgery to reshape my hooves into something a little more full. Each one more botched than the last.

And so You they're doing a season on you.

Yes. They're doing twenty four episodes of drop of drum cloth of botched on me. And so, you know, keep checking out. And it is it is crossing over with my season of What's the one where you're on drugs? Intervention.

Oh, right. Yes. There are

people who are I

don't think that's the show where you're on drugs, the show where you're on drugs.

Well,

for me, it is.

It's just an hour of you tripping. Right?

Yeah.

You're like, these people are acting weird around me. You go on drugs. Letters.

Yeah. You go on drugs to other people's interventions?

That's right. I show up and I say are you sure? You don't wanna do this anymore? And it's kinda the other end of it. And they they eventually people see me in my table foot hubs.

You gotta show both sides.

Well, yeah. I pulled back face, my little my I would say corpse teeth is what people are calling over. They say, maybe I don't want this. But as speaker of line item, Scott Scotty. Right? I know it's gonna be Scottty, Sydney, Scott. I'm sorry. You guys look similar. Does everybody else Totally.

Yeah. I have the long, natural hair and, you know, the, of course, sunk his skin and, yeah, my brother looks

a little like He keeps

it high and tight military pair cut.

That's so weird.

Really looks that much like at all.

Okay. Yeah.

That's

well, he just he's the kind of guy that when you see him in the front of the house, he makes you look comfortable. You check into a guy with a crew cut and a buff Well, yeah. There's a a buff look. And, you know, this guy's gonna make me feel sick.

And so

what there are a lot of people

who are

the the most common thing said to you is, excuse me, officer, where's the front desk? Right? Yeah.

And this is at the front. Yes?

Yeah. And also also a lot of people run into the lobby and report crimes to me.

But, yeah, you guys are sorry about the Dave confusion, but I Tell looking at your line item budget, and you have given up your all your seam meals, which is was a big thing for you. You'd cook and catch and and eat on the seat.

Yes. Yeah. I I was spending a lot on bait. Of course, I

always Pogies.

You you had you

were spending about fifty dollars a day on Pogies.

Yeah. Well, I don't really wanna just catch you know, little flounders and stuff. I'm trying to catch Marlon.

Right.

So Marlon, were you saying Hogies? Because what they

eat is,

what they eat is big hoes. Right. If you Yeah. That's what I said.

Did I say pokeys are man hoes?

No. Yeah. If you wanna catch a big fish, you gotta hook them with a big meal. Yeah. So I'll get, you know, a Philly cheese steak or, you

know And now, how do you when you're when you're when you're fishing with a cheese steak. How do you keep that together on the hook?

Saran.

I was gonna say

saran wrap. You wrap it up, but you leave one open. Shine too, pitch their eyes.

Little little saran wrap. First of all, steaming hot hoagie, that you wrap it in saran wrap, put a little glitter on it to give it a little bit of that fish lure shine.

Of course.

And then you put it on a hook and you try to bait tomorrow.

And you've got about thirty five, like, full of doctors.

Thirty five loungers. Thirty five Philadelphia Philly fans and no Marlons yet.

Now, but here's why I think you're having issues with the Marlons. Is you're a tough guy fisherman and you I can catch up Marlon on a I I don't need a big line.

Right.

So what pound how many pound line are you fishing with here?

Well, I'm

on a half pound line.

Half of

that test. And they are snapping when it Well, yeah.

There are six hundred pound fish and ammo. Excuse me.

Because half pound test is technically spider web. Actually,

actually, I've heard Spiderwave was actually thicker than half.

Spiderwave was actually one pound test.

Okay. I'm on

a half pound test.

Just sort of baby hair. Dasty Spider, web web a weak spider.

Tasty spider webber, baby hairs, what is depending on what brand you go with. So, yeah, I have gracious cut down my budget on that. I'm not buying the line. I'm not buying the hokies. Oh. I'm not buying the ranch dressing. I'm not buying the French fries. I'm not buying the brownies, and I'm not buying a large fountain Coke every time I go out.

You are still getting the taste of cakes.

I still get the taste of cakes. And I have ordered fountain cokes to be delivered to my house. Right.

And of course, you got to keep your vayenas. The vayenas still go with you out there. It's sauce just Yeah.

The the vikings, which many people call Vienna's. No.

No. No. No. There's nothing

better than popping a vayena on the sea, popping a can of vay man. I'm just stuck in a bit.

Well, I'll

tell you what I've been doing. I don't need to catch all these fish out there. I got my little Hibachi grill,

some

vaina Sastres, I'll tell you what, and that's all you need. Yeah. Obviously,

if I'm sorry, honest.

There are some sergeants on there. Also, you catch a couple of Grooper. Nah. Okay. Now you got half a meal. So I'm cutting back on that stuff, and I appreciate you seeing it. I am trying to live off the land a little bit more or the sea as it were. Mhmm. I've been eating lobster.

Yeah.

I've been eating.

I feel like that could be a problem. No.

No. I've been catching it. I've been catching Okay. Okay. Okay. I will say this. What I need to really lock down next is my boat budget. Mhmm. Because I am going through these things, like hot cake.

Which is in it's quite honestly insane. The because boats are notoriously not even notorious famously, a a -- Right. -- item that you invest in that you have for a long time.

Well, I'll say this. I got sixty boats because I'm buying used, and I think as a boater, you know you can refurbish anything. Another fiberglass on there, and it's good to know.

Nothing lasts better than something that's out in Saltwood. That's insane. Use jet skis, use boats use outboard engines. They're gonna be good.

I've always said the only thing with better resale than a car is a boat. Because people think, oh, it's got a hole in it. I can't use this anymore.

Right.

I'll take it off your hands. It's People say, hey, the prop fell off the motor, but the motor's broken too. That's sitting in I'll take it off, Chris.

That's been sitting in my backyard for so long. It's practically part of the yard now.

There will always be a man who does not wanna deal with this problem, so he buys a bunch of different stuff. Alright. There will

always Hey,

you're looking at it.

I absolutely I mean, I'm looking at four of them. Yeah. Because there's a mirror so one's me.

I'm trying to get better. And you do always carry that and peer around with you.

Well, yeah. When you when you look this good, you gotta see it all the time. I've also gotta know if any of my hair is out of place or anything like that.

Well, I know. Dwayne, you kinda your schedule took one of the biggest hits by Parsonibs. Is that correct?

Yes. Parsonibs said that we can't do a show an hour if people aren't attending them because I I'm

really sorry. Is it parsnip? Or is it parsnip? Snips.

I I I thought it was plural. I thought this man's name was either plural or possessive.

Yeah. And I wanna go back and just say, I have saved it my phone. I looked it up. I do have a regular yes saved it my phone. Yeah. So I I don't

wanna rule that out as soon as possible there. You guys could be a regular yeah. Me neither. I checked I I just checked my email to see the email that

he sent. And his his email

is is actually parsley at

g mail dot com. Now that honestly makes a lot of sense.

Parsley. Parsley.

Parsley. I'm thinking maybe his name is Pars, and his

last name

is Lee. Parsley. Parsley. Parsley. Parsley. Parsley. Parsley. Parsley.

Parsley. Parsley.

Parsley. I think

my I think his name might be Parsley, or it might be parsnip.

Well, what does he think when I keep calling him a reggae? That must be Yeah. Where did we get a reggae? It's the one got crossed somewhere, and I hope he does not mad

at me.

Let's don't ask him. Let's just let's just

i'm trying to make sense of this because I do know we did first meet

him

at corroborators, and we all were eating a nice pasta meal.

Yes.

And I do believe one of us made a joke when they asked if we'd like oregano. I believe someone said, Orega, yes.

That's a

joke. We just liked the joke so much for for

so much. Right? He made the joke and we like,

so do you think our waiter also wasn't in bolognese? Well, no. I I well, I know him. I thought it was bolognese. Wow. I

i actually do know for a fact that that waiter's name is bully bully bully yes. Really?

Bully, yes. So Bullier's was like Bolier's?

It might have been bully's. I just don't know how to pronounce it because I actually am the person who,

you know

well, a bulk gaze is what you're gonna be hearing cheered. When you come to my now, medley hour. We've taken all of my hours of the day and it is all one hour now. Right. And so I'm putting everything into one hour. So that's the croon and answer, that's the crudent at noon. That's the Mary Crounsmas. It's all one hour. The litigious hour? The litigious hour. The crudent

a, I believe.

The crew yeah. The crudent answer. Yeah. The crudite we're still doing.

And this is all because, of course, parsnip or parsley, whatever.

Parson

par snips -- Arris.

--

told us we needed to start renting out that space

--

right.

--

for events and other because it's you know, a lot of hotels and resorts, they'll rent out a room for a convention

or a

or a, you know, a a flat earth. Meeting or something like that.

Yes. Yeah.

We found a lot of those here.

Yeah. So we rent that space now. So anybody out there, if you're listening, Eleven out of the eleven hours of the day that that it's open, that that space is actually for rent.

You can rent

it for your event party.

I thought we came to a very nice compromise where we just really pushed me on the event. So that if you're having a I can turn my all my songs a flat earther songs or whatever your event is, I can Weird

out in the missing. In ten

minutes, I can weird out them, or normal Dwayne Neumann them is my, of course, care Durall. My songs are normal.

You did a great show for all those Chinese tourists that were in town.

I did a fantastic show for them.

And you take parody songs and renormalize them.

I renormalize parody songs. So, of course, I took I took the White stuff. Uh-huh. And I turned that into the right stuff.

Which is then, of course, just to cover.

Well, it's a good news. The way I

prove her,

weird weird al charges less money for the rights of his songs. So if I'm doing a cruver, I don't have to pay as much as I would pay originally to the new kids

on the spare use parity law, to go back to the original on a weird outcome. Wow.

Yes. So, of course, that's

why is weird al's instrumental, but it's renormalized.

That's right. It's got a cordial vibe. Of Amish paradise -- Yeah. -- gangster's paradise.

Yes. Of course.

You know, my cruver, sorry.

You gotta call them cruisers as well or otherwise If

i say even just saying cover right now, now I have to pay Coolio three million dollars. Which is very uncoolio and I said it in court and I'll say it here.

And I will I will just say you merged your bank account with us earlier that is only one way. Correct? We do not now, oh, Julio, you're in on this, but we're not in on your life.

And of course, I did get it on the record that I got butt fucked on the merge. But it's and that is on the record. That's on

the record. Now what does that mean when someone puts that on the record? Do they just write it down?

Do they write it down? So yeah. And then I have it somewhere. I was away on the record.

Just for your sort of people And

you walked the the jury. Right?

I walked the jury. Yeah. So I've I've watched thirteen juries which I this is what you're saying is they left the case.

Right. And, yes, they didn't like the term.

And the

the

last the thirteenth jury was actually a jury made up of all the alternate from the twelve other jury.

It is.

And that was the that we finally got a jury of my peers. Yeah.

Wait. It was a jury of your fears. Right?

It was a

jury of my fears. I misspoke. And so it was It was obviously it was my my son was there having a greater career than me.

But he was the foreman. Yeah. He was

he was Well, they got He was the four son. Yeah. Blaie. Buble was there, my victory, my fears, my wife, a car accident? Your teeth falling out? Was it yours? Teeth falling out showing up to school naked and and everybody pointing and saying we knew. Mustard? Mustard was there.

Mustard was there.

Mustard was the one that wrote the Tell all book, of course. I am by the way, do not get mustard around me. It's in my writer. I it's not that I don't like the taste of mustard. I am scared of the stuff. Right. But

wouldn't it be safe to say? That through all these life experiences, you've become a better crooner and a better entertainer.

Rooning is all about experience. Some people think it's just singing whatever. But it's

some people think that.

Some people think that but

i've I've

never thought that. I've thought it's a real Why don't you give us another clue?

Class crooning is class. Talk to me. Cruning is experience. Speak with me. Yeah. Cruning is pain.

Oh, I love that part. That's when you eat all of those little short pieces of celery and the Crunate. Right?

The Crunatee, yes, take a little Crunate break. Right. Audiences hate this part as watching me eat in the middle of my songs.

Well, because you don't stop singing.

No. You ain't trouble dancing? I do a trumpet scene.

It honestly sounds disgusting.

And we'll know.

But it looks wonderful. Yeah.

It's the same thing as a ventriloquist artist doing the drinking while the dummy talks -- Right.

--

don't even know

i'm eating longer. A bad. Like a like a bad

don't even know I mean

well, you do keep saying don't don't any of these dummies in here talk while I'm eating.

Oh, yeah. I've been I've been talked over by a few dummies. I've had a few shows ruined by Ventura Christ dummies.

I think we're getting off track.

I just wanted to make sure.

I wanna make sure that we all remember here that we're making this for the prospective guest who we're so excited to see. If you come on down the subtle shores, we have plenty of oil -- Yeah.

--

the boats work, and I'll tell you what, we only have four too many chandeliers.

That's right.

And we

have WiFi. And and here's

and we're happy about these changes. We really are. You know, it's leaning us out. You know, I did have to fire both, Ben, and that was tough. So I sent him a text. At about midnight, and I let him know his fifteen

year career was over.

And I'll be honest, when I first met Parsnip, I did not like getting notes. Parsly alright. Yes.

You think his name is Lee Pars.

I thought it was

lee Parks. And his email is Pars Comalee as fun.

That's what

i thought.

Well, when I met Parsonip, I did not think I was gonna like these notes. I I went straight to the boat and I fired off every flare gun I ad because I was so angry.

Right.

Which is why there's so many of those in the line item now.

That's right. I do need to buy some more, and I also need some boat hole patch kits.

And also some apology

--

i need

some apology flares.

--

to send to yeah. Apologies flares for the fire department that came to save you.

Yes. So - But you were upset.

-

all that notwithstanding, I really think his influence has made me more serious and made me more ready to really have fun with these guests.

And I'll tell you this. I think we all we all say to ourselves, you know, we're gonna turn things around, we're gonna get to another place. We're gonna get to a place where this this place making money. It's gonna we're getting a return on our investment, and to ensure that, and that we are continuously making steps forward. We part parse parsnips, parsley, and I have Lee Pars.

Lee Pars? Yes.

We've actually I don't know if I've told you guys this yet, but we actually did, go ahead, and get a date on the books. No. A month a month from now. Yes. You're

dating person? No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. You can make your move. I mean, nothing. No.

A month from now.

We got a date on the books. We got a date on the books one month from today. You guys Suttle shores, Resort, and buffet, will have a grand reopening -- Yes. It will. -- a coming out party once

you say,

yes, it would.

Where we will be unveiling to the world. We're gonna stay open throughout because we need to keep the the wheels greased, and we need to keep making a little bit of money here and there. We are gonna have a sort of grand reopening business.

What's happening at this grand reopening? Yes. It is a hotel wide buffet in the lobby. Yes, it is a boat parade. All of the boats with our beautiful crooner, captaining the yacht.

I'm tapping the yacht and I'm doing all boat themed music for a day.

And of course, we are introducing along to follow the buffet in the title. Let's say it together -- Offshore casino. -- that's right.

That's right, folks. International waters. There are no rules.

We checked into it. Team miles off.

Seventeen miles off. You hop in one of our little skiffs. And we head out there.

Takes a while to get there, but I'll tell you once you get there, the water is nice.

It's a rough ride, but it's smooth sailing once you're there. Settle short casino.

We're gonna have all your favorite games, Black Jack. I I crapped.

Black back.

Black back.

Yeah. We can't have

the official name.

Yeah. We are

jack black.

Jack black. Jack.

Jack black back white Jack will be there.

We have back a route.

Back group,

we will have the currency exchange bar. We'll have crap.

A crap. Crap. Crap will be a

lot Singular.

North Dakota to hold them is pretty exciting.

And a lot a lot of people I know you're listening right now and you're thinking, these sound like games I've heard before, why what's the deal?

Shut up.

Yeah. Shut up. Don't

worry about it. Slut machine.

Slut machine, Pullette. Oh, it's all there.

And obviously the most exciting part part is, I know a lot of you out there wondering, will I ever get to see a bunch of hungry great whites? You've gotta go through a lot of them to get to the casino.

That's right. And yes. And, yes, we chum the water

--

yes.

--

to make sure that you get your show.

And you had a line you pitched. I won't be the only great white here.

That's right. I will be the greatest white of them all.

And I saw you had it by saying, I won't be the only great white here. I'll be the greatest white of the month. Okay. Do you think that's too

much on top?

I just think we had it with the first half.

Yeah. Well, you know, we'll take the gall. I won't be the only great white. I'll be the greatest white of them all. Number one white. But

come on again, this is about this