Welcome to Last Resort, the podcast where billionaire jet setters eat prey lovers and a family of five. Just looking for a nice getaway can tune in. To get the inside scoop on the goings on of the one hundred and thirty sixth best off beach, Gulf Coast, vacation spot in the beautiful US of a, subtle shores, resort and buffet, and soon to be, offshore casino. I, of course, am, co owner of subtle shores. Scott skipped Powell here with my three good buds. Introduce yourself, fellas.

You're here in the dulce tones of croon and Duane Neumann over here. Good morning, Vietnam. One.

Excuse me? I was just the first croon. Oh, wow. I usually do --

that's right.

-- croon could

croon count.

That's right. Well, my name folks is Sydney Powell, of course, your guest entertainment and boating excursion leader, head captain, surfer, kayaker. I also manage the lockdown.

Yes, sir. Hello, Joe Young, head of maintenance. Everybody calls me drop calls. How you guys doing? Oh, man.

I'm doing great. Feels like we've had a nice productive week. You know, never never a dull moment at subtle shores.

Never?

This week was no different. Obviously, big big prep week for the opening of the offshore Ceno in a couple weeks, so we had a lot to do there. Spent a cup a couple more had a couple more sessions with the parsley

orrega, yes.

Orrega, yes. Parsnip? Lee Pars. And we oh, yeah. It was Parsnip. It might have been Par Snip. I forgot Par Snips. We still gotta ask him. We'll make we'll clarify with him.

Now we bumped up to one thirty six from one twenty seven last week, That's a tough blow.

Obviously, it's a blow. We did, you know, we released the first two episodes of this podcast And since they've come out, we dropped twelve spots.

Yeah.

Right. It's so a lot of people are drawing a correlation, but I I've said and they always my manager always says this my we say it in the music industry you got us take a step back before you take a leap forward.

Yeah. That's true. Yeah. And he said that at your signing. Right?

Yes. Yeah. It was it was muttered under his breath to himself, like he was reassuring himself. And obviously, this is my infamously suicidal manager.

Biggest Most failed suicide attempts in his class.

Yes. The associates did A lot of people said it was a cry for help because of my career.

Right.

I don't know.

Here's my question. How often do the associates do their judgments? It's like the sports power rankings. How have we gone up and down with mostly downs?

Well, much.

As everybody knows that the Guinness Book is a yearly output. The associates actually have a a actively updating website that you can go to

--

right.

-- every month of the day. From JD Power.

Yeah. It's kind of like, you know, like, there's a website, did duke lose dot com, where if you go to the University of North Carolina, you're a big fan of this website. Mhmm. Because you go there on the day of Duke games in tells you immediately if Duke lost, and if it's a yes, you're happy, if it's a no. You're sad.

Which I guess we should mention should you go to subtle shores dot com? Yeah. We're hoping to get a yes.

Yeah. We're

we're right now on six hundred and fifty two nos in a row.

And I'll say this. Whoever owns that website you you're you're hiding shuttle Settleshores lose dot com? No. It's it's it's should you go to Settleshores dot com?

Yes. Yes.

Yes or no? And it been up for a couple weeks now, and I'll tell you this, whoever owns that website. I will find a way to hack you

--

mhmm. -- and I sweat you you'll get docs

well, that's okay. We know where this threat has gotten you before. What? Anonymous took you down.

Well, okay.

And they do And I'm the first for

i was gonna say, I'm the first person that anonymous ever came out publicly. They demasked demasked. In in in public. I got I actually got shoulder tackled by a kid named Stephen. You know what's crazy?

It's just a mask of their face.

They look like

they all look like that.

Shakespeareian actors, you know, mustachioed. Kind of Yeah.

I heard it's part of the negotiation. They all have to sort of look the same to

be part of the group. Know, like, I was like, did he take the mask off?

Well, I I guess I don't know if we'll we'll cut this if I'm not allowed to say it off and check my NDA, but my plastic surgeon does all the autonomous faces. No. When you join anonymous, yeah, you go to my plastic surgeon and he does the face for you. Wow.

Yeah. And that must be nice for him because he's just got a template.

It's it's perfect. Yeah. It's an in and out. Obviously, I tried that out for a few days and it didn't work out. But it's like it's like a haircut it grows back. A couple weeks.

Yeah. I feel like I can see the remnants of when you tried to look like that, but you do look somewhat back to yourself.

Thank you. Thank you.

Yeah. I didn't know if face is I didn't know face.

That's true.

I thought hard lines would be more attractive than they are. You you your face as hard line.

Yeah. I was trying to go because I was around I was always rounder just genetics, you know. Right. It's different. People are born different ways, and I wanted a little more of strong jaw, strong eyebrows, strong.

And this -- Lips. --

strong chin. Very strong.

I'll say Litto is would pale in comparison.

He's chopping his licking his chops at that gym. He is belly

up to the table fork and knife in hand.

We're never that people refuse to do work on Leno. They say, no. It's like changing the Mona Lisa.

Right. We

could possibly touch your chin. I don't wanna be the guy that messes it up. Yeah.

Leno's been trying to get a chin drop for about sixteen years now, and people will not it it's kind of a Mhmm. But the but the we all know the plastic surgeon, Hippocratic others. You won't change a beautiful face.

I heard that Linno was actually born with a nineteen seventy seven Corvair in his channel. No. Wow. Wow. That sparked his love.

So someone did work on him once.

Apparently, as a baby, he got sent through the Chevrolet -- Mhmm. Essentially, Troy. Wow. Wow. Wow.

That's why he's got that

they built a short head. -- bear in his chair. Or bear.

I do wanna spend a little more time on the plastic surgeon's Hippocratic oath, because what is it that What are their standards? When do they turn people down? What are their responsibilities? Are they fiduciary?

Well, And I've discussed their fiduciary responsibilities, of course, a lot ever since.

For the listeners, not for me, can somebody give can somebody give the listeners not me a definition of fiduciary?

Well, obviously, it's a

has that has anything to do with cleaning out your nether regions?

No. It's not douuciary.

They they do have Yeah.

There are fiduciary. Because I've been trying to

get a fiduciary appointment at the

well, at Goldman Sachs. At Goldman Sachs. And they won't do it.

But you accidentally put one at Golden Sachs.

I booked one at a brass, a a woodwind in brass. Shot. I got a douche at Goldman Sachs. Saphone? No. Gold golden Sachs. Golden Sachs.

Which is a bad wheel.

And I also invested with that. They immediately lost it.

Their minds.

Yes. They lost their minds. And I ended up inside of a spit soaked tuba for about two weeks.

Oh my god.

Oh, there's nothing more discussed in the inside of a wind or or brass instrument. It's it I think that might be the grossest place on there.

In the belly of a tuba for almost two weeks.

I know. I remember that.

Yeah. I remember that.

Yeah. Yeah. That was

god taught me a list.

Yeah. That's the it'd be super new testament that story is in there.

Well, we could all hear you in the tube but banging on the old edge, and it was coming out of the hole. So it'd get me out of here. So Yeah.

Get me out of here. Get me out of here. People were passing by in the town. It's all written down in the super new.

Super new.

Yeah. Which we are in every room at Settle Shores

-- Right. --

resort and buffet and offshore casino to be to come. It does have the super new testament in the shower, so you can read that there.

Yeah. Of course, every page is plastic lines, so that way you can flip peacefully

in the sheets. It's

kind of a loofah situation. You can clean with it.

Yeah. A big announcement. Because our financial advisor was looking for more ways to for us to partner with companies. You know, if you stayed at a nice hotel, maybe they'll have all Aveeno in there or I what are other nice soap companies?

A chocolate at the pillow.

Chocolate of you know at the pillow.

Chocolate at the pillow brand.

So we partnered with, you know, we partnered with Lufa

--

yeah. -- to do our new testaments in the shower, which is very nice.

Yes.

Who else did we talk to? I can't remember if we got We

talked to Dove for a little while.

Yes. We we talked to Dove. They

were the ones that said absolutely not. Right? We kept calling them back?

Yeah. They said, have you seen any of our advertising before, like, sort of questioning it as if we had no idea what their whole company was about? And, obviously, We have all seen their commercials, just regular people getting getting cleaned up. We thought

we thought that was good for us. Us all in our tidy whitey saying, we totally get your end. Yeah.

Yeah. It was confusing when they said no to me. I I fully expected it. But then it it's actually a a good segue for this week because we've all actually spent this week doing our part to sorta get the word out about Settle Shores, announce the big grand reopening. The re debut, you could say, of our offshore casino, making commercials, print ads, Internet memes. We've tried we've tried our hand at everything this week folks, so there's been a a lot. You've probably seen it. Online. It's a bit we've had some We've

made a big splash. Absolutely. Kim Kardashian liked one of our photos

--

that's true.

--

then she unliked it shortly after. Yes.

And Kardashian liked about thirty photos deep at three thirty AM, and it was like Kim, what are you doing on our account this late?

My guess, if I'm being honest, I think it was Kanye.

Interesting.

I think it was Kanye looking for a little vacation destination, folks. If you're hearing us, you might see Kanye here.

Folks, and here's the big news. You might see Kanye you'll definitely see the first few iterations of Rob Kardashian's hologram. That's right. It's official. We got the fur you everybody saw Kanye parts here.

Put it.

Yeah.

These things cost money, folks. And once they're made and not used, they hit the open market.

That's right.

So be emcee ing your shows for the

he'll yes. So he'll be introducing me. He'll be doing craft work.

He grows a big duffel bag away at the beginning of your show.

He walks in with a big duffel bag, throws it into a a car very broadly and noticeably -- Right.

--

and then he peefies for thirty minutes.

He does a couple

of big peefies. A couple of big peefies. I I that's to me, that's the exciting part. It's like, get why the family wouldn't want this. Fab This is more of a comedic turn around.

It was

more about the people.

Well, it's not a far Like, when he farts, it's big and it is more of a pee pee.

It's a pee pee pee. It's just a It's

dirty. It's stinky. It's long. It's loud.

It's a beefy.

It's like a you know a big burp. It's like it's like one of those.

Yes. Well,

you want people to hear it.

We're doing it. To bell.

Everybody remembers my, you know, celebrities always will do a sesame Street. I did one with big burp. That was a pretty fun episode, I thought.

And that one was deleted.

Yes. I don't know if anyone saw it. They ended up releasing on on YouTube.

You also came up with stuff of a film like this. Right?

Yes. Not fulfillment kiss who lives in a basement and makes little movies.

But I think it is an exciting weaker subtle short for

all the new promotions. Yeah. You know,

obviously, we are big on the celebrity tip. People are saying that this could be the new celebrity destination in the dirty south.

Well, that's what all of our media That's what all of our media has been pushing.

And we should say. We are in the northern hemisphere, but they are calling our area the dirty side.

That's right. Yeah.

The dirty south portion of town. Yes.

Yeah. As as I said before, you've probably you've probably seen a lot of our our media. I'll call it media. It's because we did a lot this week. Of course, I filmed a few commercials. I thought You know, what a what a good way to to sell the place by doing some commercials with my family. Showing showing the world out there that, oh, this is a family place where a family can come.

I'm

sorry I couldn't make the shoot the way. I apologize.

Hey. No. It's okay.

The rest of the family was there though. Right?

Well, you said nuclear. Right?

I did say nuclear family. And so it's it's me, my wife, and, of course, my son, Dennis, which if you've seen the the commercials you probably understand that what we ended up getting was not what we went what we set out for.

And these were cheaper commercials in that. They were straight to air.

That's true. They we had ten minutes in a studio. We taped the commercial, one take, We tried to rehearse it. Obviously, I couldn't wrangle my kids, so he didn't he didn't do anything that I wanted him to do. Mhmm.

I I will say that he helped us more than the commercial would have. Him going off on you. Be What was a viral hit? He's been auto tuned saying daddy loser.

Yeah. Yeah. Of course, that's I'm referring to the daddy loser commercial. Which -- Yeah.

We sort of buried the lead the lead on that one. Surely, you've seen the daddy loser commercial.

Yeah. I mean, obviously, you saw daddy loser kid on the Ellen show

--

right.

--

where she brought him in and he humiliated her employees and she applauded.

And I'll tell you this, Ellen, it's kinda up for you to specifically disinvite me when you're having my kid on your show. Yes. I I what my kid's just gonna go there alone?

What was that like getting that disinvitation. It was a forget the date. Right?

It it was a forget the date sent to me snail mail. Yeah. A snail mail forget the date. I'm at the airport, my mailman, my the mailman comes into the airport.

Come along. Car

the mailman, Carl Malone walks into my gate at the at the airport. I'm obviously, I'm impressed. I'm like, oh my god. That's Carl Malone. Turns out he's got a snail mail letter from Ellen to hand me as I'm boarding the plane to Los Angeles.

Wow.

And I gotta turn around.

And then you got somebody popped up out of a box that scared the shit out of you. Right?

Yeah. Yeah. Out of a carry on. The person in front of me in the line.

The first person So Ellen came all the way there in a carry on just to scare the shit out

of you?

Indeed, she did. Wow. Really. Yeah. It was it was pretty frustrating for me. I, of course, am facing assault charges because I, in shock, sort of, popped her one

--

yeah. -- which I it was not it wasn't

i think you have a strong self defense kit.

Yes. She possibly And then you robbed her house in Santa Barbara?

In self defense.

Allegedly. I allegedly I allegedly did all of this. I allegedly robbed her house in Santa Barbara.

But that's only because you care about subtle shores. It's only because you care about the guest experience -- Yes. -- the resort. Right.

Yeah. And I said, I in in the court documents that were filed, I said this I said, this can all go away if she just plugs subtle shores on her show.

That's it.

I said, you guys will drop this suit if she just says it. Yeah. And

they're like, we don't want it to go away. You want it to go away.

Yeah. It's like, that's not how this works. You're the one who should be offering us something, not forcing us to do something. And I

said So Ellen did offer you a public humiliation.

She did. She said instead of an apology, why don't you come on the show? And I was like, is this an invitation to the show? I get back to the airport to go to Los Angeles

-- Okay. --

to take my public humiliation on her show. Her show.

And then there's a guy

waiting to drive you.

Yep. I get there. Guy has a sign, has my name on it, spelled right and everything. I walk up to him. I yeah. I walk up to him.

Which is

rare for you.

I walk up to him. He takes off his hat It's the mailman again. He hands me another disinvitation. I'm already in Los Angeles.

So Malone revealed himself by simply taking off his hat.

He did. The Superman reveal. Yeah.

So he's not only your mailman. He sounds like he's Ellen's personal mailman.

It sounds like he does a lot of errands for Ellen.

Carmelon and Ellen being friends, there's no less of a surprise in my life. It makes perfect

sense to me. Absolutely. Eating popcorn together at that tennis match.

Yeah. It was well, Edward, when Malone lost stockton, he I mean, he saw an opening for a little white person in the life that he went with that one.

And wasn't cute when they walked away. She sat right on his shoulders like a little boy sitting on his dad -- Right.

--

and on

her dad.

God, that was great. Well

but we you know, obviously, I hate to hear this type of stuff. My whole thing was that you have me on this show and it doesn't tarnish my image, it improves it. And, you know, being associated with now an alleged assaulter and a a house robber is tough for my image. But I will say something that's good for my image here at Settle Shores is obviously that I can't think of anything right now.

Well, what about your new coat? You got that new coat for

your show.

New big park

cuckett

parker -- Yeah. -- that you're making part of your identity kind of.

What's that? Yeah.

Kinda making it part of your identity.

You just saw that Liberach movie.

Yeah, I saw the Liberace movie and I've gone parker Liberace so it's fancy, it studded, it's a parker with tails, and it was in my my the addendum to my writer and -- Right.

--

you know, I think it's really added to my performance. I don't know what you guys thought of my last show, but I feel on. I felt like I had it felt like twenties again.

The the fire we extinguished from all the candles you had on stage was a tough start to the show.

Okay, so I want to address this. My Parker obviously knocked over a lot of candles when I did my twirl. A lot

of candles

and the whole stage was on fire. And obviously, we had had the water removed from the sprinklers because if the water goes off, it melts my face. And so I do want to address the asphyxiation problem. Mhmm. Not getting

that's good. That's good.

But I think everybody that made it through that show that didn't have to go to the hospital, they cried their eyes out. Yeah. It was an emotional show. You know some people lost their parents that night in the audience and they stayed to watch their favorite crooner make a a crumb. Two. That's that's three.

Is that three?

You missed one. I caught it.

I appreciate that.

Now Make them

dwayne, you're talking a lot about this coat, but I feel like you're sort of you're you're forgetting your most important contribution to the sort of the last week, which, of course, is the jingle that you made for all of our radio ads, which a lot of people say, radio ads are dead. We disagree completely. So we had Dwayne, of course, record a couple of different jingles for Suttleshores, resort buffet and offshore casino. And I'll tell you this, when these ads start running, I I'll guarantee it right now. We jump up at least one spot in the associate's list.

I'll say six spots.

I would

hope I mean, but people love Dwayne Newman.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. I agree. I agree. You know? And it's now I'm a man. I am a the salt of the earth is what people are starting to see. We had drop cloth come in and help me engineer. So we're releasing on our TikToks and behind the scenes videos in Josh Foth and I?

Yes. It's it's you know, he we had to ground him a little bit. So what better than a greasy mechanic to be sort of a --

that's right.

-- Duane sidekick.

And you guys are walking around drinking cranberry juice everywhere.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We sipping on crayon.

We figured out this dog, phase four twenty guy, and we're like, oh, we understand how trends work. And so we're we're sipping orange juice.

Yeah. We're riding down. We're falling down exit on ramps on skateboards. That's We have not yet nailed the one take big dog failure to win.

I did I did wanna it did I did hear that you actually were responsible for somebody getting creamed on the off an exit ramp?

Yes. We we Well, we were responsible for our own creaming. We got hit.

And I I wanna say about nine minutes ago, you said this is a great segue, and that made me think of a great segue into how I fell off my segue trying to exit the freeway. Obviously, the segue got run over by a smart car. Which wasn't too smart to me.

No. To RIP, that smart car.

RIP, the smart car. Yes.

But it it is now a job car riding around town.

It's now it's it's a dumb car and a dumb driver due to some brain damage from the accident.

That's right.

And that'd be careful of that car. It is driving into things all over town.

The car was a giddy. Watch a parallel park.

Watch out. But yet, Dwayne, I've really enjoyed filming with you.

This is a great working relationship. And, you know, when we said put drop cloth in as the engineer, I kind of hesitant. Do you have a phone even? Do you use technology?

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. I have a CB radio that I have on a little buggy.

Oh, those are just as good.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're good. I mean, because you gotta be on my channel, say meet me on twelve, and we'll go over to twelve, and we'll have private conversations. And when

you say meet me on twelve, what channel are you on, Rich, really?

Oh, I'm on two. Yeah. Two's sort of where everybody is, and then you if you wanna have private conversation, you meet me on twelve.

Well, drop Gleth and I use the CB all the time when I'm on my run out to the casino and back to the shore. Because it gets a little lonely on that ride out to the casino, not that it's long. It's the normal amount of time. It's a ferry. It's a short ferry ride. But, yeah, I get on the c b talk for two, three hours because I get so lonely.

Yes. There's an there's an oil Well, the our An oil rig? There's an oil rig that was foreclosed on

halfway to the Yeah.

So we didn't get it. It is not a long ride to our offshore you know, before the two to three hours of the ride. Yeah. You know, you you might get a little lonely, but we'll have customers on there.

Yes.

But the oil rig is a nice little kind of I I would say a pit stop. PIT stop.

Because we do actually ferry their employees.

Yes.

Yes.

Yeah. We ferry we fair the employees.

And of course, we pick up gas because it takes all the gas in the boat to get halfway

--

yes.

--

which is to the oil rig. And then the other halfway, we get out to the casino. Now, the great thing about the casino that I think we're underselling, it is far enough offshore that it's an international waters.

Yeah. That's right. Yeah.

That's right. So obviously, once we figure out the pirates -- Mhmm.

--

it's gonna be incredible, but you could do ever you want on there.

That's right.

And we this is probably a big announcement. We're we're making it kinda westwards world style.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

Well, and I'm starting to form a relationship with these pirates. They have boarded my ship enough times on the way to the casino that I feel like we're finally starting to make some headway.

Uh-huh.

For the first ten trips, Sure. They stole everything on board. But they left the ship, you know?

Right.

I think so that I could get more materials and bring it halfway out there so that they could steal again. But these pirates and I, I think we're we're starting to have a relationship, you know?

Yeah. I I which is I would say, I think we've all had our own Stockholm syndrome in one way or another. Sure. And I think that's probably what you're going through right now.

Well, you know, they haven't killed

yeah.

You know, and so I'm starting to love them and I'm starting to think that maybe some of these guys might be interested in being ferry captains, you know, because we're gonna have a lot of boats back and forth from the offshore casino.

Now that's interesting. We hire the enemy and make them the friend.

Well, they do say, hey, keep your enemies close and or your friends close and your enemies They're

not gonna wanna steal their own product if you know what

i mean. Yes. Okay. Alright. So, a big news we could say it on the air, we're about to hire some pirates to Captain the fairy to for wars. Yes. So never been safer. The enemy is the friend. Yeah. The sheep hired the wolves, and now the wolves are our buddy.

And I'll be honest.

What

the fairies have been improved because they've stolen the first few of my boats, and of course I had to make them more operational than they were.

Yeah.

And I know what people are thinking. Oh, are these pirates? Do they do they look sort of we say pirates, and you think peg leg No. Long coat, Johnny Depp, I mascara. Right. Are they more modern? No? No. They're exactly what you're thinking.

Yeah. They look sort of like Davey Jones. What's that one from pirates

of the

caribbean with the technical face.

Yeah. There yeah. There's some technical face ghosts on there. Don't be scared because there are friends now that ghost pirates are as far as we know,

we're gonna hire them. Here's the thing. If you're Camp Crystal Lake, And all of a sudden, Jason's just hanging out playing cards with you all, and you go out at night, he walks you back to your cabin. Are you gonna be scared of getting killed by Jason? No, he just took you for everything you had in Black Jack.

And you are one of the great crystal lake survivors. So this is from experience. It's you befriend the killer and you pointed out people to him.

That was that was it. I kinda gave him me inside scoop. I sort of said, you know

you sharpen the machete.

I shot well, hey. If you don't

he was meant to give up. His machete was too dull and he said, I think I'm done right now. I got you.

You're like, I gotta winstone right here, my man.

I told him I told him, listen, man. Don't give up now. You're just getting started. You've got a long career ahead of you.

I've always said, you've seen the potential in everybody. You can be the right way to send it.

You I mean, you brought us three lunatics. I'm in up here, but

seven eight. Four or six.

Those were

two separate

ones. But, you know, yeah yeah, I think that is such a good trick -- Yeah.

--

to you -- Yeah.

--

is you're never trying to improve. You're seeing the people around you that need improvement and you're giving to them.

Yeah. Exactly. It's and that's the thing for me is, like, I don't ever I'll never write a person off. Mhmm. And that a lot of people say that that's a bad thing about me. And I'll sort of keep everyone in fact your harbor and abuser?

I think that's a family thing. We are both so open hearted that we will never cut anybody off re. Me and these pirates. Could you help

jason move into more of a corporate world kind of I did. I did. Like that Well, bail

well, not everybody knows that Jason originally was Jason is now Jeff Bezos.

That's right. That's true.

Yeah. Jason Bezos.

So I which obviously explains hair and face.

Overall demeanor will be

used to murder. Son. Isn't his son with him at award shows?

I don't know.

That's tough.

But, yeah, you I I I all that to bring around to say, I don't know if we've said this on the air. But I personally wanna thank you for bringing me aboard to Settle Shores. I know we have our differences and and presentation of the place and how this podcast runs But my ICDB, my international crooner database -- Yeah. -- number has gone up since I started this. Right. And a lot

well, I mean, there's only a few people on the website. It's about six people. So

there's six you know, when we lost Pavaratti, who a lot of people said that's not a crooner. But crooning is the is what is crooning but American Opera? Yes. Ten. Ten. Ten. That's ten.

That's ten.

This was actually a lot of people from that website originally because a lot of people took themselves off. Pavarati said, don't wanna be associated. It.

Yeah. That was Nancy Hammer passed on Kruiter database, which I didn't you know, obviously, I started the database. Right. And it's a shame start a thing and then be at the bottom of it. Right. So I moved myself off mostly from people leaving the database. Gaga went off. So, it's still Seth McFarlane at number one and me at number two.

Which I think is a fair rating system, no offense to you, but he really is the crooner we need in the world right now.

Very true.

And, like, I don't know if you doing stewie during your shows is gonna stick it to him.

Oh, shut up, Lois.

It's just not quite there. I mean, I Uploaders.

It it does kinda feel like when you keep talking about your ex, you know, and how

how bad they are.

It's like, well, you're still talking about them, you know.

Shut uploads.

I also think Okay.

Well, now that wasn't even the voice there.

I'll say this. Also, I think you can't call a a a a piece of your act that you do and you say the same line. We say one line is Dewey. I don't think you can call that an impression.

Okay. Alright. I'm gonna pour myself another My Tuck because I've got a little angry and I think you should shut up lots.

Well, folks, you heard it here for first. Stui the crooner. Come down and see him.

Yeah.

You can get tickets for this show almost any night of the week. Yes. Nice. I mean, literally.

I will be falling down on a skateboard in the background and smoking a big reefer joint. Yes. Absolutely. I will be toast and off a big j behind him and drinking multiple gallons of ocean spray.

You know yeah. Okay. I was I was like, who is this still the the four twenty dog face guy, or is this a family guy guy that you're being, but I'm letting you join my act to kind of bring in that self of the Earth vibe. Yes. So it's it's like a magician's assistant, obviously.

Last and I'm obviously bringing in the salt of the water vibe. When I come on late soaked, having just been pushed into the ocean.

Yes. So we're doing your ocean soak. Luckily, somebody shoves you into the ocean. Today. Absolutely. At least.

Part of my routine.

We we kinda have an open deal. If once that happens, come on in to the are we calling it the Grand ballroom now? What is the name? The Grand

spiscuits ballroom.

Grand hits the lower room.

And we're hoping to get a sponsorship.

Yes. Build Barry Build

it, boy. He build it. They will come.

That's right.

Yes. There's a man who looks like the pillsbury doughboy there --

mhmm.

-- who is associated with Grans because Grans is a pillsbury product. Mhmm.

Mhmm.

I believe.

Yes. That's true. Yeah.

It's

very true. So pillsbury, if you're listening. We got something for you.

So we've done a lot of the work.

There's an overweight, very pale man and a chef's hat. Right. That's hanging out --

yeah.

A lot of people

think it's

a suit.

A lot

of people think it's the suit of a of a guy who is made of dough -- Right.

--

not to pale man.

Payole man chef's hat in the grand's biscuit ballroom.

And the the one unfortunate thing, and I really do have to we're working on this. Please do not poke his tummy.

Mhmm. Everybody assumes

no. He will punch. Yes. Everybody assumes if you see the grands the pillsbury doughboy, you're allowed to give him the old who, who, you're not. He will punch you right in the face.

Please, folks, we cannot stress this enough. Do not poke the pillsbury doughboy in the stomach.

It is an attraction, but only to view, not to touch. It's like, think of it this way. It's a fine art piece.

That's right.

Except it's just a fat man and a hat. But that's okay. All sizes are beautiful here at subtle shores. That's another one of the things we've really been stressing at our poolfront Beachfront area. There's no body shaming. We want to allow anybody to come as you are, you can come big, you can come small, you can be fat, you can be tall, that's what we say

--

that's right.

--

down by the bay.

That's a and with the I'm so happy that the rhyme is what ended up we put it up there. Thank you. Because good for kids to remember. Yeah. It's good for adults. It's got a child like playfulness. You did it with the obviously with for the Jacuzzi, we don't care if you have diarrhea in the past half hour. So we did a nice little ride to that. Yeah.

Come as funny. You can be sick as a dog, Yeah. Absolutely still going on.

And if Yeah. Like, if you diarrhea, you can still tryeria, the hot tub. We had some trouble with that rhyme.

Yes. One of the harder words a rhyme, which everybody obviously knows from my album, seven songs in the restroom.

Because that's how you were discovered People forget that from episode one.

Yes. People have forgotten that already, I'm sorry.

You were in the bathroom, disguising

the sound, disguising your poop. Decizing your poop

and LA Reid walks by.

That's right, crooning and pooing. So, yeah, we we'd be doing the rhymes, but to bring it all back again. I I all the way to the beginning, thank you so much for having me here. It's really reinvigorated my life. It's reinvigorated my relation with my wife, and I'm not even trying to rhyme there. Yes. It's just great news.

I think up with all the gratitude. Oh. A recent grad.

I've been meditating. I've been meditating. I've been meditating. I joined

i love that. Here?

Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

I found it way too hard with all the noise.

It is very difficult. I say. And I've got the earplugs in. I've It

seems like you're setting your earmuffs on over

the corner.

I do feel like that Shavasana has been a little bit for show. Because it's very public where you're doing the meditating.

Yes. I'll do a five to ten hour lay down in the in the lobby. Or I'm in my full meditation gear. I'm in my Lululemon, which by the way

your concave butt is it's really working with.

Lululemon's show off the bod, and they just make anyone look good. Right. Myself included.

Well, you're concave, but it's it's such an advantage because you can sit on anything You can walk right up to it and standing slot right onto a table.

Somebody has read my dating profile. They were using

they were using yes.

They were using your body in a claw machine at one point, and your butt would pick up the stuffed animals. Is that right?

Yes. But I

was just a gig.

It was just a gig, and I ended up getting fired because I was singing too much. They said you're a claw. You're not a singer.

Well, a gig is a gig and and you can kinda get confused. I've done that. Sometimes I'll be chartering, and I'll be thinking that I'm doing a tugboat.

Oh, that's That's

much different.

And what is the difference? Because I I'm not much of a boatsman. What is there between a charter and a tugboat?

Well, a charter Huge difference. Huge difference. One is hard labor, usually tugging trash

-- Yeah. --

pushing a larger boat around.

If a boat breaks down, a tug boat will come and pull it back into shoreline.

So it's like the tow trucks of the sea.

That's exactly right. Thank you.

Yeah. Which are the sea trucks.

And that's a question, which are the sea trucks, the tugboats? Yeah. And a charter is where you're actually taking people out for an enjoyable time. It smells better. There's usually a destination involved, and often you're not supposed to be drunk.

Oh, that's interesting. Oh, I would say most of the time, if not all.

I agree. And you turn down upon a sponsorship with Rowgain this week, and they wanted to call it the rug boat. Is that true?

That's right. I turned on the sponsorship for the rug boat because my hair is real.

Right. Kinda. It's new needed.

If you start down the sponsorship,

we had somebody ask us for a sponsor ship, and you turned it down.

Well, yeah.

But they wanted to turn the whole boat into a into a rug.

Who cares, Sydney?

And they wanted him honest.

That's so much money.

I am not going to pilot or captain a toupee. I'm sorry, but I won't do it. I don't think enter

the whole boat into a toupee or they just try to put a little rug on top.

Well, they wanna put the rug on top of the captain's area.

That sounds funny to me. That sounds like a funny good vehicle. Well, it's

not a funny boat. It's a work boat.

Okay. I think you should I I'll say from now on, if somebody approaches any of the four of us with a with a business proposition, a financial opportunity, I think we gotta it up together. I don't think we can make these sort of solo choices. When we're in the situation that we're in, guys, we gotta think about the greater good. Okay?

I think you're right. I apologize, Paul apologize. You know, that was a that was an area for income and and I just wasn't thinking.

Yeah. I mean, how are you still getting gonna pay for something like gotta be a million,

two million, three million.

Well, the offer was two million to turn the boat into a road

boat. We really do.

We really needed that much

real time. But then

the boat would have been silly.

You're not already doing a tugboat when you're doing supposed to be doing a cruise ship. You know? It's it's already silly.

You might give you and I'm not saying that your hair is not real.

Thank you. But How would it be this long? I agree.

And how would it hit the floor? Exactly. If it wasn't real.

And it's bleached.

But I would say fake it and say, like, oh, this was rogging.

That's the most confident thing a man can do.

To confidently change their hair?

Yeah.

To show up one day and everything's different.

It's all different, don't worry.

I'll call the rogaine guys back. I you know, they were chomping at the bit, so I bet they're still interesting.

Well, did anybody else turned down any offers this week?

You're asking that questions as if you turned down an offer this time. I just,

you know, this new rule, which we all share with each other a good new rule.

I just wanted somebody else to take the bullet.

Did anybody else do it before anyone else gets too?

Pantsed me at the grocery store and manscaped ran up to me being like, we would love to sponsor your hairy hairy butt. Okay. And I said my butt's not hairy.

But it is. I I I I just we can't keep lying about our hair situation.

Right.

Alright. I mean, and I know it's easy for me to say due to my hairless from the neck down, beautiful head of the hair from the chin up. But for you Head

of the hair from the chin up. You do have a full head of the hair.

You do have a lot of hair front and back also.

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, everybody. And I but I we we could use Manscape again, in our bathrooms, if everybody could manscape in the restroom -- Yeah.

--

the ladies listening to this would say finally, my husband will come out of the hotel bathroom man sketch.

Well, I don't think you understand. Go ahead. This was not I know it seemed like it was, but this was not the hair the the trimmer.

The hair

and trimmer coming. The male

this was masculine shrubbery. Is what this was.

Manscaping.

Yes. Manscaping.

How what makes a shrub masculine? Baseball card, shape,

olivetree was one of their products. Interesting. You guys have seen the website.

Yeah. Yeah. I I saw shrub because I was one of my neighbors has this. I live next door to a very masculine man. I won't say who. It's Alex Rodriguez. Okay. Volicious say he's hit a dinger or two in his life. And his name it was Nick Nam rhymes with Jacob But I'm not gonna say who it is that is my neighbor, but he has a landscaping he has a landscaping out front and he has a gorgeous, I think it's a a fir tree. Uh-huh. But it's been manscaped to be mad at you instead of feeling sad. Which is really nice -- Mhmm.

--

when you walk by. You really feel the masculinity.

Wow. Okay. So it's just, like, kinda making a face and point and, like, pointing.

Yeah. But clearly but you could see that it's just that it's feelings You

could feel it. Yeah. Yeah.

It's not

necessarily visual. It's somehow they give a tree an attitude.

Which is pure.

Yeah. I've I I really wanna get the weeping Willow tree that is you holding bolts while your dad changes the tire shape.

That's good.

I love that one.

That's a wonderful tree because you could tell in the way you're holding the boats that your dad's never gonna teach you to change the tire. He's just gonna use you as object told boats you might as well be a garage.

No. I'm right. I'm accept.

I pulled the website up here. I'm looking at the website here to

see some

of the other products.

And this is manscaped dot.

Dot lawn. And so if you go to manscaped Island, the first thing on here, actually, it's It is sod that doesn't let you get a combo at a fast food restaurant, and

you

know it says sandwich and drink only. Really?

Just save.

Today may be a dollar.

It's a

buck twenty.

And someone should, by the way, tell that sod that we drove way out of the way and spent more money on gas get to the cheaper, fast food place. And that the drink

is the biggest waste of money. Yeah.

That's right.

It's all it's hot.

Hit the side and have a water. Yeah.

Yeah. I know.

I somebody should tell this Son's dad to change these ideas.

But so, yeah, that's another turned down opportunity. We could've used landscaping on front of us.

Well, I will try to call them back. You call back Rogan. We'll call them back. We'll call them back.

Alright. Very good.

I, of course, am content is go I'm going to continue to pursue getting some sort of funds from Ellen from some for some something. Mhmm.

Well, yeah. It's an interesting thing again to tip take being sued and say they can drop the case if they give you sponsorship. Hey, we'll see. That'll be interesting. We'll see

what works out.

Dwayne, you're not gonna get out of this one though. You turned out some money. I could tell, by the way, you've been talking about this.

Oh, no. Okay. I hate to say it, but Uber reached out to me.

Okay. One of the biggest new corporations.

They wanted to both do like a deal with cheap car rides to and from the airport. And sponsor all that, and I said, but I drive my own car. Everyone knows I drive my own car everywhere, I don't need someone to drive me around,

when you see pictures of me

driving, it's not me in the back of a car pretending with a little plastic wheel while someone else drives. It is really me driving the car. So, yeah, it turned around. Can I

tell you something, Dwayne?

Yeah. But I won't listen. Uber.

Uber as a company

--

hello. Hello.

--

has so much expendable income. They bought legislation in California.

Crruiting right over

your I know I did the commercials for that.

Week have taken their money.

You did independent contractor of the musical. Right?

Yes. Yes.

It's people are saying it's the new death of a salesman.

Yeah. Yeah. We scabbed everything. It was kept to the modern worker. It was kept to the modern worker.

I was gonna say. It was

a literal death of the modern worker. Yeah. Top to bottom scabs from director to lighting design to music. Everybody's scam. Completely nonunion. Nonunion. No health care. But everyone if you ask most employees Most

people hurt on set.

Right? Oh, If you ask the employees, it's better for them this way. Mhmm. They have more free time. They don't want healthcare. If you're talking to people on the ground, they don't want health care.

They don't want it.

No.

What do they want? It's

cheaper for the audience. It's only two dollars a play. So we're undercutting every other play. It's the it is great. It is the Netflix mentality. Why pay anybody any money other than the people at the top? I of course made seventy billion dollars.

Dwayne.

Well, we're We share

we share. Your bank account. You made -- Where are

you hiding it?

--

billion dollars You could

unknow how much money these Uber, Lyft, Postmates. Yubhub. Yubhub. Which is Yelp and Grubhub out there. Yubhub, Matt?

Hey, man. Powerconsolidates says, love her.

Where is this money doing?

It's in the bank account. Did you not see it?

No. It hasn't posted yet.

It might not have posted yet, which is a shame because you know what they're gonna do. They're gonna overdraft us before they post it. They're gonna take our little purchases that over draft us.

If you're anybody like this Uber corporation, I'm I'm starting to feel like we're not gonna see any of the seventy billion.

No. It trickles down, baby. This is trickle down. I got the seventy bill and it's gonna go into the company. I haven't paid a dime of taxes since nineteen thirty eight.

Well, so you're eighty two.

Well, no. I mean, that's familial. So my parents didn't pay taxes. You hire me. Their

tax dodging.

Yeah. I was I was dependent six years before I was born. They wrote Wow.

Wow. Because they were planning on having Yeah. They were playing on having you Yeah.

I mean, we all know how to cut corners. I've helped us with the taxes here cutting corners. Oh, hey,

now. And you were the first dependent with a capital d?

Yeah. That so that was a capital d dependent, which means they could write me off for the ten years before they were even planning on me. I see. Yeah.

And that was that was legal because you were so high maintenance.

Yes. As a baby and before, obviously, my parents didn't go bankrupt with the capital b.

That that must have been really tough, but I'm so proud of you to go from nothing to some

let me thank you. And that's what we're all doing here.

That's what I'm

excited about. I mean, these boat tours, your son getting famous, humiliating you. The whole thing has been amazing. I think it'll there's a lot of excitement about subtle shores. Am I wrong about this?

No. I'm gonna say, before we just breeze past this, that seventy bill if it doesn't post by next week, you have some explaining to do.

Okay. Yeah.

I agree. You have explaining to do if it doesn't post by next week.

I'll explain if it's not posted by next week. I will have some explaining to do, obviously. But we'll have the seventy bill in the account. And just and we're getting more. I'm talking to Chase about banks are good, which is a great musical that I'm working on. Right. Yes.

And that's the Chase Bank, not just

no. Chase Budtinger, the point guard for the University of Arizona, so I'm not asking,

well, telling

me the same. Yeah.

And he's getting to see it. Wow. Interesting.

But I'm I am I was not I'm gonna be honest. I was excited when we started this. The first two episodes of this podcast I was not excited things looked back. See

you're kind of holding this seventy billion hostage to see see how things go.

I'm excited now, and let's see how things go. But things are moving in the right direction. This deal with the pirates is so exciting.

I can't refuse president

on And

and what are we four weeks away from the grand reopening?

I think less. I think I think we're just two or three.

Now can we talk through the offshore casino? Sure. Oh, were you planning on food? No. No. No. No. No.

No. That casino will be done. We have chips. Then soon there will be poker chips. Right now, there are just lays.

Yes. So what and the the you're doing are you staling the chips? You're staling ruffles, and that's we're gonna use, you think they'll be hard enough in four in two weeks?

Yes. We're staling the chips to use as interim chips until we get the plastic ones made and delivered. But I gotta say, those lays are working.

And if we don't, we have two cops on a motorcycle that we will use instead.

Yes. We're definitely getting Eric Castrada and the other guy from chips and you'll you'll go all in with them. Now in Vegas, one of the things I love or Reno or any casino, Rino or any casino. That's where I've been banned. But what I love is if you're gambling, you get your drinks for free, you know. That's right. Normally, you do. Okay. So this is not a sale for our offshore casino. What it Well, not yet. Is it a

we're not positive. Okay.

Let's let's trying to get a liquor sticker. I feel like we need to not make too many promises about this off store casino on on the podcast. I will

say we have some fantastic

rum rest recipes that we are trying out right now. Yep. And as soon as we nail down the rum recipe, we will have rub. And

yeah. We have a functioning still.

Yeah. We have a bunch of still. We're still trying to source ingredients. As we said last week, we like to go straight to the source. We don't like to We don't like to buy the product with our lemon grow for a lemonade stand. That's also coming in. But the rum, also, we're directly trying to sort it.

This is pirate rough. Yes.

Yooho Ho.

Oh, this is pirate rum.

Yes. This is Yooho and a bottle of rum.

Okay. We're

working on mass producing at right now. So far, we've got two bottles.

Big Cheers and wooden glass is spilling most of the drink. That's what we're talking about.

That's right. Well, it's a real experience because when you're on this boat, ferry, going out to the casino, you have time to kill. So much time that you say, why don't I try on a new life? You know what I mean?

I I I don't exactly.

Well, you're on the sea. You're probably getting sick. You're probably in an unfamiliar place. You don't trust the captain. And you're saying I gotta get out of my own mental head space.

So you're saying this boat ride will be a great place for people to consider all of their life regrets brought them to that point in time.

Absolutely. And to pretend that you're a pirate, that's really what I'm saying. Okay. So you can yohoho in a bottle of rum, right on ship.

And here is a thing that I'm pretty excited about. Is we have got a lot of like I would say like the Don Draper's of the world. People trying to leave their life behind. And and saying, maybe I'll just be happier as a pirate. That's right. And we've turned some people.

That's right. We have a couple permanent converts. To settle shores as a lifestyle.

Yeah.

There are

a couple of people who came down here and have never left.

Yeah. It's like it's like running away with the circus except in this time, it's it's running home. And it's so

far. And it's and it's

cool and good. Yeah. It's cool good and fun and and productive and good.

Well, I I am excited about the a casino. I mean, because see, I was born and raised in a casino, and so that is where I feel most at home. The recycled air, the energy. The possibility. I mean, I used to hit the casinos with Frankie and Dino, and it was just, you know, I think about those

and those were pets?

Yes. That was Frankie was my little chihuahua and Dino was my little chihuahua.

And they, of course, were named after the stars.

They were named after the stars, Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin, who I never got a chance to work with their meat. That's sad. Frank and Dino and I, we had a lot of good times together. Obviously, my But

you did have some run ins with them. That weren't necessarily

yes. Well, they had some mob ties. And so what I did know at the time is if you released a cover song that they weren't happy with, they would break your legs. And so yeah.

And you did my way.

I did my way. And for for Sunatra is on record saying this, it was nobody's way. My version of it. And they broke my legs.

That's gotta hurt.

They put cement in my mouth and threw me in the river. Wow.

Just a little bit, though.

I wish. I wish. About a baseball's full of smoke. A baseball's cemented. So it was a warning and it that is the true honor. You haven't made it in this industry if you haven't been attempted murder by one of Frankie or Dino's guys. Elvis obviously tried to run me over.

And they threw out the horse head that you sleep with?

That hurt. So they came to my house and they took the horse head out of my bed. What's the stuff doing? And I woke up the next morning and screamed my lungs out because that is my comfort horse. It is a stuffed animal. Yeah. It's a stuffed what's it called? It's

a stuffedy quine.

It's a stuffedy quine. So, yeah, I saw it in a high school production of Equits.

High school production of Equals.

I'd tell you that thing got shook sound. So Well, that thing got

shut down fast, but then you were like, well, where's the horse?

What are we doing with this horse that really just stunned me? And, you know, we were naming out tabloids.

Jerking off a horse.

Yeah. Well, if we talk too much about it, it is just upsetting. Correct. Is about a love relationship between a boy and his horse being a red famously did it. And this was obviously a bunch of high school or so. But you

said you've never seen a performance like that of the horses?

Yes, the horse blew me away and I fell in love. It was like, you know, it was like Brad and Angeline on the set of missus and mister Smith. Always say the woman's name first.

Kinda you're so respectful. You know?

You're so respectful.

But fellas, I I I again, I have to bring it back. I am just in a great mood about this place tonight. I don't know what it is.

It feels like, you know, we were a little scared. First step so the bank on our heels, it felt like there was no hope. Episode two, we had a parsnip, parsley Yeah. Erega. Yes. Erega. Yes. Come in and and turn the ship around. And so and now it feels like the ship's finally headed in the right direction. Our goals it seems like we're all on the same page about what we need, which is money, Yeah. So No. We So that is not the one.

Employees. We are hiring We should talk about that. That's true. We maybe read our job posting?

Yes. Yeah. We should. I we are, of course, we're we're hiring All positions? All positions. There's listings for front desk staff, which, of course, we require graduate degree or

graduance

or or higher.

And this is all. You can find it on monsters dot com. Mhmm. So it's all kind of unemployable stirs that are applying there, and we will give him a second chance, which you obviously, you've done with Jason Freddie

--

yeah. -- and myself. Dummer. I'm I would say that I'm giving myself a second chance. This this this this whole thing for me was We

should talk about your big business failure before this.

Oh, no.

Don't you think?

Well well

before you because this I think this is like a Tony Robbins experience

--

yeah. -- from the depths you're coming out. Huge.

Yeah. Obviously, you know, the the property owner and all that kind of stuff wasn't really my first business venture. Right. I, of course, did have a a large business before coming in here to start subtle shores, which I, of course, I build helicopters. Yes. I I

and and unfortunately, it did fulfill the one promise of the premise.

Not a single one took off.

No. These were,

you know

they're too big.

You know, they say that penguins are flightless birds, I'll say that my helicopters were flightless birds as well -- Yes. -- and the

penguins of helicopters.

They were the penguins of helicopters.

And both in shape. Yep. In inefficiency. Right.

And I, of course, I out of the gate got a government contract because I made big promises I made huge promises, cheap cheap assembly, cheap labor, cheap parts. Yeah.

Great.

A lot of people were cheaper

people who got a

bird there. What is this guy doing? Putting drones on PT Cruisers?

Right. And that was what I say is the the blueprints looked a lot different than the sort of finished product.

Yeah. It ended up looking kinda like a a high schooler forgot they had the the homework due tomorrow.

Right. And and one a lot of people said, it does feel like that is exactly what happened here. It felt like he got a government contract And then one week before you were scheduled to deliver three million military quality helicopters. You woke up with us. It startled, and you got a pad of paper and you went to work a week before they were due, not having a factory, not having employees, not having source material.

And you said I mean, you said this, you said George w. You could stand on a ship and say mission accomplished because these are coming out and we're gonna win And so he did.

He did.

Obviously, good for you're good for the George w Bush.

Yes. On his mission accomplished tour, he took the banner to your house?

He did. There is a picture that well, it did see the light of David. It was quickly deleted because of everything. And so yeah. I I disappointed my bed friend, George George But

ever the Gimbal businessman, you didn't just take those three hundred million helicopters and let them sit. No. Ever You tried to turn them into boats.

Right. And and and this these may

not fly. Yeah. But they'll float. That's what you said.

And they didn't. No. It was it was frustrating because I figured it's a helicopter. It's hollow in the middle. It holds air. You just plop it in the water. It'll float easy. Right? Simple. I call these helicopters boats now. Went to the navy, said, give a look at these. Got a huge contract on some amphibious vehicles. I didn't realize it what amphibious means. That means that it goes on land and it goes on water. These things didn't do either.

You ended up shifting from penguin to frog and now we've got these frog shaped PT Cruisers at the bottom of the ocean. Obviously, an whole ecosystem has been built around them.

Yes. So at the end of the day, it is a win. The they say my my structure rivals the great barrier reef in size and biodiversity. They said it's changed nature forever. They did. And they say it when they say it, they're not it doesn't seem like it's coming out as a positive. But I think you have to look at this as a positive. There are three hundred million frog shaped boats at the bottom of the ocean that now house life. And, yes, they were full of gasoline and oil. When they went down.

Well, and these blue whales washing up dead with your boats in their stomachs, they could've killed me. Yeah. Exactly. That blue whales could've killed me. And

and and Greta Stunberg gave you a stone cold stunner at the UN the other day.

She did. Is that true? She did. And I'll say this.

I was so mad from you and she

i was actually excited to

she was so mad from her boat right over here that she stone gold stunned you.

And I have to apologize for Greta. I'm sorry. It was such a choppy boat

ride. That was my blessing.

You are chartering her back and forth to help her save gas. And I think that's a that's great. But she's cranky when she arrives to port. Yeah. And she's especially mad at you for killing all these whales and she stunned your ass, drank a big beer afterwards.

This is what Settle Shore promises. Action. We have pirates. We have casinos where you can actually win. And sandwiches.

Yes. We are not overpriced. We are

not overpriced. The games are weighted in your favor, folks. You can actually win these.

Let's don't again, I don't think we should be making these kind of promises on the air. Okay? I don't think we need to sell people exactly what they're gonna get need to leave a little bit

bottomless sandwiches.

Here's the thing. We can't do bottomless Well, we can't Here's the thing is the Yes. The bottomless sandwiches have left laps a little mess seal.

Yes. Because it's basically opposite open face. No bottom breath. It's opposite open face.

Exactly. You can use Open

it open face. Guys, here hit the record hit hit stop record.

Okay. Okay.

We can do a lot of things if we do, you know, little word tricks.

Right.

So bottomless sandwiches sounds like unlimited sandwiches. Right. But we just mean it's the top bread and everything in between only. You know?

That's really nice.

We should lie. That's really good. What about what else is like that? Bottom was

bubos. How about, marvelous mimosas. At the at the buffet, we'll do bottom most mimosas. How about we we pour it in the top? Pours right on their lap, and we have to get

what about

bottomless one take one? Yeah. So Bogo. Bogo. But bottomless one get one. Yeah. Bottomless one get one.

So if you're not wearing pants, you get something for free?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, guys. Let's close this and finish the recording. Let's get back on.

Let's really sell this for our potential customers. Okay?

Yes. I think this how about this? We can all why don't we all four take take take a swing at a concise, subtle shorts pick pitch. Right. Then we'll just pick the best one, and that's how we'll end the episode. Okay? So we'll get back to recording and because let's go around the horn. All of us can sort of throw out our best pitch.

Oh, So hold.

Now don't remind me. I've been around the horn a lot. Okay? I was stuck in a tuba, so please don't.

Oh, and don't remind me. I've been around Cape horn many times.

Yes. He has.

Okay. Let's let's oh, you're oh, sorry. Sorry?

Well, no. I've just been I was gored by a bull's horn. That's right.

That's right.

And you were trying to get around the horn, but unfortunately, whenever I They

were right through. I was You were just holding a red

piece of paper. Right?

Sure. Look at that.

I will no. Yeah. I got evicted in the middle of the running of the bulls. So I I was holding up my eviction notice and the full star right there looking

at that. It's the one day you forget you live right on the bull run-in Pampelona.

It was I would say it was a theme.

You were also taking a -- It was a theme. You were just taking a small hike when they rolled those cheeses down the hill. Right?

What's that?

You were taking a small high school kids rolling those cheeses down here.

It's a more niche

it's a more niche festival activity in in the UK where There's a small town where they do a cheese rolling where they you change

the cheese one. That's what that was. Yeah. I was taking a small hike, and I ended up getting rolled down a hill and served on a platter. It's a it's a little piggy.

You were also taking in a nap that day when they did the big tomato stomp in Pinespania.

Yes. You were stomped we

all remember I was stomped up and served.

Usually, they don't serve the tomatoes, but you look so good.

Yes. Alright.

Listen, let's just get back into it. Everybody I okay.

Obviously, I was there for the public of the scarecrows.

And by therefore, you mean front and center.

Front and center, I was trying to hide in a cornfield because I was on

the run.

I got caught up in the public of the scarecrows in Omaha.

Oh my god.

Alright. Alright. I'm gonna go back live.

I'm gonna go back live. Okay.

Reporting in three two, one, hit record. Thank you.

Yum.

Anytime he yawns, he crooned. Yeah.

I'm so tired.

Okay. Go ahead. Oh, I'm starting? Oh, yeah. I can start. Hey, guys. It's drop calls coming to you live from Settle Shores. Just wanna say, we're gonna have a great, great. Offshore casino coming in two to three weeks, you will love it. You are sure to get rich.

That's right, Luke. Book your trip to Settle Shores now in two to three weeks somewhere in there we're gonna have a grand opening for the International Waters Casino. The games work, the money's real, and it's safe to get out there.

Five, six, seven, eight, in two to three weeks. That's roughly the time line. We're gonna lose our money too. Bigga. Our big gamblers. Thanks.

Okay. Yes.

Our slots never win.

Ratin. I

can't say

that. Okay.

At Black Jack, you'll rule.

There we

go. Yes.

And drinks are. Ten dollars plus on a c tip. That's my pitch.

That's beautiful. It was good. And, folks, Yeah. Everything that these guys said. Also, you know, if you're a celebrity out there and you have any interest in sort of partnering with the company, definitely hit me up or us up. No. Don't hit me up specifically.

Yes. CC us all on that email, please.

Yeah. If you're ever seen,

i'd love to have you.

Just CC all of us. Otherwise, we won't get back to you.

And while I have your year talking about celebrities, Ellen, this is for you specific. Uh-oh. All you have to do to make this go away is send it.

Your lawsuit against? Yes. Our friend.

Yes. All you have to do to make this go away is say the name. Say our name on the air. Rumpuschutzkin. Hey, our name

on here. So you Rumpel's still skin on there?

Exactly. Yeah. Rumpel's still skin or subtle shores will take either because that our our corporation is sort of incorporated as Russell

we're we're Russell still in ink due to a little deal we made with this motherfucker. It's little motherfucker. It's motherfucker. Oh, by the way, if you see this fucking guy

--

yeah. -- who's got a old And

let me tell you

if you see

still No. When let me tell you when you see him, you'll know it's him.

I still skid. We're coming for you too. Yeah. You

can hear what he's

still skid. Tell all our firstborns, we miss him.

Yeah. I

was gonna say, sorry, I'm not as gung ho on this one. It hit me pretty hard when I had to give up my call.

All you have to do is is say our name.

Say your name. Say your name. When you're on the TV, talk about the still skin, Helen. Why don't you? Say our name. Say our name. We're acting kinda crazy. You look like a baby. Say our fuck

oh, take that still, can you look like a baby?

Listen, folks. You heard it you heard all that. You heard

it all. You heard all that.

We're not gonna edit it. We're gonna wanna repeat it. No.

We said we're all gonna do one pitch and pick one, but you hearing it

yeah.

No. It was all good for you. Please be

idiots. Just relisten to it.

Just come to the resort.

Yeah. Come. Come on. Seriously. It's fun. It's good. It's cheap as hell.

Kids eat free before five AM. We just invented that. Kids are free

before five AM. Yes. Your kid can eat a little bit. You've their asses up, you can bring them down.

After it's gotta be later than midnight and before five.

You guys, I just got it. I got a text for Parsonip. I think he's I think he's listening and he says gotta cool it. We're freaking out.

Parsonip's listening live?

I think Parsonip's listening live. He says we gotta cool it. We're freaking out.

Okay. Sorry, Parsip.

Parsip. Let me just

say this.

Lee Parks.

Settle shores is good. And it's one of the best resorts even if we've been ranked as the worst.

Yeah. Not yet worse. I like Settle Shores is good.

Maybe that can kinda be the rebrand. Settle Shores is good.

Yeah. I like that.

Great.

I think it's nice, concise, simple to the point. You know exactly what it

well, this has been a great app. I I'm closer and closer to releasing that seventy billion. But I -- Yes.

--

we'll see we'll see how we are next

alright.

Well, folks, thanks so much for listening to another episode of Last Resort. And until next time, enjoy your show.