Welcome to Last resort, the podcast where billionaire jet setters eat prey lovers in a family of five. Just looking for a nice getaway, can tune in to get the inside scoop. On the goings on, at the currently unranked off beach, Gulf Coast vacation spot, in the beautiful USFA, subtle shores, resort, buffet, and offshore casino. I, of course, and Scott skipped Powell. Here, with my four cohorts, well, three cohorts.

Hello. Dwayne the rock newman over here, crooner, spooner, sixty Mooner.

Yeah. Which is that's a new sex position you came up with?

Yeah. The you go from spoon to sixty moon, baby. I'm excited to try it.

Which is when an elderly couple shows each other their butts? They moon each other and they can't climax.

They moon each other and and they both get off and it's all in my new book of Dwayne Sutra. Or karma pneuma? We're still working on the title, but it's all different positions for crooners and stuff.

You said you have the pictures done.

The pictures are done, and it's all it's all sex positions for the for sixty five and above.

And I

saw a lot of the photos of the book, and it was you and a woman escaping sort of a a a stick figure drawing, kind of a clear

drawing of I wouldn't say escaping, the woman was there by choice and changed her mind.

Right. Right. There's no

there's no kidnapping type of stuff in there or anything like that. But yeah, it is a lot of it's based on real experience so then a lot of the book is what do you do when you're by yourself and your date remembered you know She

didn't like you.

That she didn't like you. Yeah.

Or a past lover. Right? If these are old folks, you

know, you're right.

You're thinking of someone who you loved more, maybe.

Yeah, there's one of me with a with the past lover and a current lover in in the moment deciding this is not where I saw my life. What have I been doing for the past thirty years and that's the one if you look there where there's a hole in the wall because she ran straight out the wall straw.

They are all stick figures, but you can really glean all this info for I mean, it's well drawn for sure.

Yeah, it's well drawn and you know the people know this, but for a while, I only dated skeletons. And so the stick figures are the most accurate version of the people I was into and the, you know, the type that I have, I guess.

Right. I remember you going to many a haunted house with you, you had butterflies in your tummy. What you love? You love butterflies. You love this small thing.

We love butterflies that way people. I love butterflies. I love, you know, nature. I love a sunset. I mean, I will stop the car and pull over if you if there's a sunset and you're driving.

You you

are so You're welcome back

by beauty. I am.

But I I I mean, I could talk about Beauty all day. I could obviously talk about karma Numa, my new sex positions book. But let's let's introduce everybody.

I'm sorry. Yes. My is Sydney Powell, of course, guest entertainment, head captain, runs the ferry, and head head of all entertainment. You know, I do the surfing, I do kayaking, and I also have to watch the rental shack.

Yes, rental shack's been getting ran sack recently.

That's right. I've been really sleepy, and it just seems that people keep sneaking in And I I would've thought, you know, these are big kayaks. They're tough to steal, but we've really been seeing them fly off the

shelf. There you are. Your hat over your face Classic crumbs

up on the log. Position. That's right. Well And even though I

didn't caught it. I put on

some Kenny Chestney, and I pull my hat down, and I knock out. I mean, there's just nothing you can do with little Chesney on the radio, and you got the salt on your mustache from

this from the scene. Around town is, like, the guy who watches the rental shack is a classic Chesney.

Everybody knows everybody kinda follows our hay bale or straw delivery. And when the straw is delivered, they know you're about to bite down pull the hat down and just nod off and, you know, like like moths to a flame, they come

and they

transact the shack.

Well, I'll

you're so sky high every morning taking people out, catching groupers and and swordfish and stuff, and you're coped up out there. When you get back

to say the

least. You conk out and

people are coming

in and they're getting the inner tubes and stuff.

I hop in my car, you know, before I run down and get more gas for the boats. I'll put my two black feet up on the dashboard and just kick back to some chest knee, and I'll fall asleep for two, three hours, four hours, five hours.

Yeah. Your feet get so dirty. Hours. Your feet get so dirty. People are studying them now. Right?

That's right. Absolutely. Absolutely. People are fascinated by how quickly my feet can go from clean to dirty and how also how long the dirt will stay.

Right. There's a lot of videos of monks sitting and watching the videos of your feet trying to figure out wow, he can get over a fire even better than us.

That's right. Yeah. Yeah. I don't I don't actually walk the coals, but I do often forget my flip flops on the boat and have to walk across our parking lot which has been kit compared to hot coals. From the boat, through the parking lot to the rental shack, I pretty much have fused the the first two layers of skin on my feet into a soul of a shoe. Yeah.

Because he's also tried to use one of those sort of foot peels. You know, the things where you sort of put the -- Yeah.

--

the chemicals in a bag and you tie them around your feet, And last time you did that, you were the only person who's never had any skin come off?

None. None whatsoever. All that happened was that smoke started to come out of the bags and everybody in the room got sick. Whoa.

So you kind of had a tear gas situation with your foot bags.

Yeah. Well, when you're out on this you you're out on the water and you're just getting salt, and you're getting chum blood. And then you walk across that hot parking lot. And, you know, I don't know what happens. Some people say it's a chemical reaction. Some people say it's creating elements we've never seen before harder than charcoal.

Yeah.

Right. And how many and could because and you you actually had scientists come and discover because you say some people, there was these these were separate groups of scientists who came Well, first, they're all scientists.

It all started with the associates giving me the ranking for blackest dirtiest feat.

Congratulations. Of your class.

Thank you so much. I gotta I gotta give it up to the associates who are watching us with a close eye knowing how many strange records we're gonna

thank you, Associates.

But then, yeah, definitely have to give it up to the scientific community for coming out from Florida State to make sure you're coming out.

Yeah.

Thanks for coming out scientists.

Thank you so much for

coming out. Joe, you know all about this, Joe. You've had oil stains on your body that have lasted for weeks, I've seen.

Oh, my god. My skin is absorbs oil, and I've actually had three or four liver transplants from just how much oil I get on me. My my my liver runs like an old model t, just puffing and popping. You if you listen they can't listen to my heart with the stethoscope anymore without it busting out their ear drums because it sounds like it sounds like an old boat in there.

Well, you had to get a second opinion from your doctor, and he sent you to a mechanic. Right? He said that you he he thinks you might need an oil filter, not another liver. You've gone through too many.

That's right. Anytime I'm feeling bad at all, I just show up to the Bolt counter at

a Napa. And they put some

they put that little car computer in me, and it says, like, your airbags dead. It says all kind of shit. Yeah. Yeah. Hello, everyone. Dro yep. I put an r in it. Yep. It's Dro now. But I don't even really go by my first name, but I did have it changed. Drojap Jap? You took the

r from the middle one and put it on

i did. Don't know. For a name change, you only get the letters you have. So you gotta do

some scrubs with the group.

Yeah. That's right. I did a sweet true this week. It's drove jop cloth. Yeah. And, no, I didn't get my granola cereal mixed stuck with rocks. This is just my voice.

Well, that is just your voice, but I also think the first part's true. You did here.

Well, I pulled that because that did actually happen. Yeah. I can't just make shit up, you know, off the top of my head, but that yeah. I do constantly well, I store my cereal in the the incoming dock. Here at the back of the last resort -- Mhmm. -- at subtle shores. So I've always They're receiving doc. Yeah. You know where the eighteen wheelers back up, and there's a little piece of rubber, and they bump on it. Yeah. I've never seen

you get a grocery delivery before.

Also, don't

i would say you take ordering in bulk

to a new level. Listen, I have so many damn potatoes. I got too many potatoes. Do you know that I've got potatoes so old.

How old are they?

Thanks for hitting that in here. This is voice. You do what I wanted. They grew those little pasty little things. So big.

How how are they?

Are they?

That a giant That is green, lives all the potato things.

Oh, okay. We should address this. If your little boy is going up to the green giant on top of

the potato and stealing all his gold stuff, he is phi five full flam with us.

Okay. He's been coming down and he is upset. So make sure if you've stolen the dryants, rolled in a swan, or a fruit that lays the golden egg or golden.

Okay. Just say it to my face. Just say it to my face, Wayne. Just say it to my face. Don't fray it has a question for somebody who's kids out there. Just say it to my face. I know you guys

think lunatic.

Then it's not Dennis, you can't time.

Stow to the

cold and tense. Climb. Yeah. Right.

Dennis? These giants walking around

saying tick, talk, talk, tick. I smell the blood of a Luna tick.

That's clever. I think that's clever.

And I'm

sure that somebody

else would vote.

We all know his father's dumb. Okay. He's saying Well,

it could be any of our kids then.

Do a

roast of you skip.

Well, it

could be

any of our children there.

The giant The giant had me roll it on the floor a lot.

Well, I'll say this. I'll say it now in front of everybody. My son is not climbing up the beanstalk and stealing the giant's gold stuff. If he was, I would see it. You can't hide that much gold. Okay? There's nothing in the house. Our house is full of nothing expensive. You guys know that. So there's absolutely no way that he could hide anything gold in our house unless he's got some sort of storage room or something. Right. And he's too young to get one of those. They won't let you. So

i think

we should just drop it.

If you're listening at home, And you're on maybe your fifth week listening to the Settle Shores podcast wondering, when am I gonna pull the trigger? When am I gonna go ahead and get my tickets to go down to Settle Shores? Just know, we're continually adding attractions. We now have a not so jolly green giant, who is well, he's v five full funming around. But He is still an attraction.

Oh, yeah. We're making money over the giant.

The giant the giant and I are doing kind of a friars club like show, which is pretty great. And he goes around and he gets a ripples with everybody. Me Mai Mo Muu, this guy looks like a tub of goo. And it's been a lot of fun to just watch him do he can do crowd work depending on where you're from. He does does great rhymes.

And this is a really interesting role for you because you're sort of his sidekick and the sidekick for the first time.

I disagree.

What?

I think that it's a it's a dual show. Okay. I mean, Obviously, with the billing, we couldn't figure out top billing, so our names are written on top of each other. And it's a little hard for people to know what the show is, but Do you guys you know this sidekick that I obviously do the opening second number and I also do the closing second to last number.

So guess, just when you're watching and there's a there's a giant, green giant walking around with the microphone roasting the audience, and you're sitting in the background sort of supporting with Croons. It just feels a little bit like you're, you know, the Andy Rictor.

Okay.

No offense. I I think Andy Rictor's cool.

Annie Richter Salerius. Yeah. I mean, I feel like that's a compliment. I mean, some would argue he's better than coden's. Yes.

Well, if I'm the end director then why when he's doing his set, am I standing behind him doing little puppet strings on my waist?

Well, that's weird for us because that you're doing Conan's bit

because I'm the lead. I go out there and I do that and I do, you know Do headlines I do headlines from the back. Did you and by the way, did you guys see this? Did you hear about this? You don't need to move

to us here. Come on.

You did a top ten list?

Really, try

to get a bottom. You also did a then the the audience did a bottom five list.

Yeah. They

were all shirts of yours?

Which is weird. It was the bottom five things we've ever seen.

And it's so weird how they get on so the same page Even though they're all meeting each other for the first time.

You sell the whole thing in unison, the audience did. What syllable for syllable, they gotta be.

Yeah. Yeah.

But, hey,

that's that's another great show because it's comedy, it's music, and it's something you've never seen four. Come out and see the green giant featuring croon. And, you know, you're gonna love it. We really, really love it.

Yeah. And I As you mentioned earlier, Scott Skip, you Scott Skip. Scott Skip? He always did so Scott skip, and he hits the skip, which I love. You said we're unranked, and that's because they're counting the votes.

Well, that's what that's what we're assuming. They did say I I'm assuming there's two reasons. I think we are now technically a new business. We've changed our name legally. Adding an offshore casino to the end. So the paperwork's going through. They obviously you know, people maybe wrote in Suttle Shore just resort and buffet instead of offshore sure casino. So I feel like this is just a clerical error. There's no way that we could've completely dropped off the list, or they stopped reporting us as a resort because the changes we've made have been Well, we

were ahead early on. We were very ahead early on in the count. Is that true?

I sources inside. I've had a few people watching there I'm calling them Count challengers. There are people who sort of go to where the votes are cast to to sort of see where it's playing with this. They're account challengers. They they do kind of have, like, they're kind of goth kids.

Boy, mister Shushu. Is if they wanted the count to be fair, why did they have it when the sun was out? That's my big question. Because our challengers couldn't be there for the count when the sun was out. And obviously, they did it during a full moon. So a lot of our challenges were ravaging people eating, having ripping their clothes, growing hair,

yeah. It's so unfair.

Well, also, there's certain these meals that are packed full of garlic. At the election counting. And it's like, okay, so we get it. You wanna stink us out.

Once they once they got the Stinking Rose involved, we knew that there was some going on.

We

knew there was something And I truly I get so frustrated when I hear that in order to be allowed into the counting room, you've gotta have a heartbeat. I don't understand why. Not James.

Unfair. That disqual yeah.

It disqualifies a huge portion of people who support us and who vote for us.

Regular people are regulars, everybody.

Yeah. Seriously, Frankenstein. I mean, it's just there's there's all sorts of people who deserve to have their voice heard.

Hey. These count challengers, they take too long to count the damn votes.

Yes.

Then they're one. Two.

The game isn't way too long. A familiar cadence for sure.

So where are we at?

Gotta give it time. Did you

guys see that big tall guy who wasn't quite a count, but he was there sort of watching things too. Kinda Kind of feathery Yeah. That's our lawyer,

alan Big Birtuits.

Big Birtuits. Oh, I hadn't met him yet.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bertuitz has helping us out and he's doing it with the count and he kept an eye on stuff and he's very litigious and feathery and the delightful on Well,

i hope our lawyer's litigious. I really do.

Yeah. Yeah. Last one, we fired our own litigious lawyer, folks.

Oh my god. This guy would not litigate anything for and it's like, okay. Well, you're taking the ten percent. That's for sure.

He was

like, I don't wanna piss anybody off.

Yeah. We hired a we hired a non confrontational lawyer.

This guy A

lot of people say that's

just an accountant.

Yeah. The judge said,

i think this guy's guilty and the lawyer refused to object because he didn't wanna ruffle any again, feathers, big birch width.

Big bird.

But, yeah, this cow's bullshit. They need to hurry up. Let our people in there. Maybe they could help.

Like I said, I'm I'm assuming it's a clerical error, but but big Burtzowitz will get to the bottom of it, I'm sure. And and if he does it, then, you know, he'll have to answer to us. You know? Yep. Like, we're we're We're we this whole week has been about owning owning our business. We've been on the

whole of our past mistakes, and we are grandly open. Right? This is grand.

Despite the chaos that you guys have heard about, the past five episodes, the Grand opening party really, really worked. Am I wrong about

that? It worked.

It definitely worked.

The party worked

i I didn't wanna say it was a success because I felt like What?

Well

right. But it worked. Got all the thing all the things that we expected to have happened, happened. The everyone was paid.

The porta potties arrived. Well, say that.

Yes.

They arrived and they and they worked, technically.

There was no water that blue water that you put in on I forgot to order the blue water. So Well, that's how they

catch you.

People, too,

you thought you'd have to order the blue water. Who who who thought you'd have to order the blue wall? Well, that's

what you don't know about these industries, like with Xerox. They don't make any money selling the copier. They make money selling the service. It's the same with these porta potties, couple plastic walls, tiny grates that definitely don't do enough to let the air out on top, and then you're paying handover fist for blue all the time.

Well, I didn't. I also forgot that you had to order the vents. So ours were were unvented. You have to order

the vents to be cut out of the yeah. The sheet. So we had what we're called the air tightest Andy Gump's ever invented.

And I don't know if you guys noticed, I'm sure you did, but the base model comes with heat.

Yeah. So it seems like a huge expense.

We're just talking about the whole shore casino. I mean, it's tough for a whole shore area heated heated porta pot.

We're talking a heated, ventless porta John with no water in it.

No blue water.

Okay. They're

full. And they and they did come full, but they didn't say it before.

An add on?

That's what we paid for. We paid out the ads to get a hold.

It's like a tip jar. You want people to see some in there so they know that it works. They don't have We're

gonna have a wine outside of the club. Yeah. You can't just have an an empty line or an empty club.

Be with

me. Is this a porta potty? I don't know if I take a shit in this or what. I

don't know. I joked in. It's hot as hell.

And then they get in there and it's sealed up hot as hell, full to the brim and they go, Okay. I know I'm in the right place.

Oh. Yeah. I made it. I made it. And I hope that, you know, this thing locks from the inside. It didn't. They lock from the outside, which we learned the hard way.

And I'll tell you what, these ones I don't know if we ordered them wrong or what, but the con convex part that's normally at the top of the porta potty was accidentally at the bottom. So these things tip over like those punching bags sense here.

Yeah. Yeah. They do come back right up, but they do flail.

Flail is the word I would use. Yes.

Yeah. And you know, unfortunately, it was the windiest day of the year. So so and that's

not on that.

It's not on that we saw Gailforce wins. And, you know, we had fun. We painted clowns on the outside of the porta potties. People can come up and punch them. I mean, I I thought overall it was a win.

It kinda looked like a car dealership with the little inflatable tube, man. We we we took toilet paper and made little arms on some of them, so they kinda, you know, waved around in the woods.

Kids a lot

of people are saying a lot of But we're we are calling the porta potty situation a win.

It's a win. Hey, I'll say this. It worked. Based on the interactions we've had, Andy Gumpf is dumber than his brother. This guy, is it possible to deal with his his return policy stinks pun intended. Yes. And we're we're definitely gonna have a word a better business bureau about Andy Gump.

Well, thank thank God for some of our temporary fences. We went to his brother. We got forest gump fences. Yes. We are foursquare tools. This is better.

And those run away.

Then well, they worked a little bit better. I didn't say they worked all the way better.

Yeah. They were on our way and they show presidents their ass.

That's right. While we didn't mention this, Nixon came by.

Oh, yeah. How about that?

All the other resorts on the list? Did you

have Nixon?

And and we do have to put this to rest. He is a crook. He is a crook?

He is alive, and he's a crook.

Apologies to everyone who's robbed by Richard Nixon at the event.

That's right.

We we're trying to we've got Alan, big brochure, it's on suing him. But, yes, Nixon is a crook and he robbed everybody. And of course, George Bush was there and came with a bunch of new taxes. So the presidents came and lied, I would say top to bottom.

Yes. But George Bush was there to hang our banner for grand opening Mission accomplished.

That's right. And

that was nice.

He I was surprised that he's really let's just say he's gained a little weight and doesn't fit into the flight suit as much you used to be able

to. Yes.

Yeah. He's packed on a few.

I choose to believe his story, which is that the flight suit shrunk in the wash. We've all had it happen. You've shrank your your a costume or a thing that you used to wear. You wore you wore it. Ten years ago, you washed it to get ready for the event. It comes out of the wash, and all of a sudden, you don't fit it in anymore. That obviously happened with my grandpa's tuxedo at my wedding. Yes. And it's happened

it was very obvious.

And also your grandpa's tuxedo at his funeral, I I guess they they threw it in the wash again.

Right. And his call. Right?

Yes.

And I don't know how you throw that in the wash, but it was little

that that was the pressure wash. I think you when they pressure washed it because it was so dirty. Right. It kinda Oh,

yeah. You guys your

family reuses a coffin. Right? They just throw it down there, and they bring it back a year later?

Well, honey, let's be honest. The year with your fibula?

Yeah. Well, ish. You know? And and and tradition is tradition, guys. Listen. There's only You're

so Your

bones are too. Your bones are only down there for so long. Okay? Decomposition is a process that doesn't when you're like my family, decomposition doesn't take very long. So Usually, about nine to ten months after being in the ground, we'll dig up the we'll dig up the body, throw it back down there in a rubbermaid, and then take the coffin. Because at that point, the body's had its time in the coffin, and we like the shared sort of experience. Okay?

And before we move on real quick, I I do wanna just say much respect to George w Bush that things are coming out.

Thank you.

You know, we always love him, and we always love when he shows up. So thank you so much.

We always shouldn't

we are obsessed with your weight, and we're sorry about that. We we mentioned it in front of you. We introduced you. That way, Dwayne did a pretty pretty intense introduction for GW.

And a pretty intense character, I would say.

Oh, the what I was being I was playing a character, you're saying? Yes. That's true. Well, I followed George w Bush around with a big tuba or a bassoon. Right. And I kinda played a waddlers song like, don't dad don't bother about other dad don't. And then whenever he stopped, I said, wide load coming through.

Right.

And it's already so hard for George w Bush to go in public already. He's is and should be humiliated for his whole existence. And so now it's even worse based up because of the whole weight thing that we're doing to him.

But anyway, big shout to him for coming down. Thank you so much.

We love you, Ginopp. We love you. We only rest of the legends we love.

And I guess other big news in just, you know, subtle shores is often popping. This week was the big grand opening. And I wanna say, the offshore casino really turned around. We got that thing tipped over and drained mostly and it was really working.

It was interesting to see what happens when a when a floating casino like that is full up of people. You know? Because you you you don't know how deep it's gonna sink once it gets full up. Mhmm. And we sort of reached capacity

only needs a ballast. You gotta have some type of ballast in this thing or else it's plopping around, you know? That's right. And we had some ballast.

But I will say we what we are always wants to make lemons at a lemonade. I couldn't remember any songs from the album.

Three.

But and so depending on the name change situation, if it's not too much of an inconvenience, We do want to announce that we are now subtle shores, buffet, offshore casino, and underwater cemetery. So that's big news for everybody.

Huge news. I think we're we're trying to bring in a new crowd on accident, but it's really working out.

Yeah. Are you tired of the normal thing you do after when you die? And I'm you wrote this way.

That's right. Word for word, you got your needle to keep going. And maybe hundreds never hit the

after a little. Under water grave. Six feet not enough, we'll take you ninety feet below sea level, and then another six. And, yep, we'll put you in there and lock you away forever.

That's right. Beautiful Adread. I couldn't have done it better myself.

And we're thinking that this is a great way to have a funeral because you usually funerals are drab and sad, and you don't go on vacation for them. But we're thinking that this could be just a great way to flip the script, if you know what I mean.

Yeah. Are you trying to have a destination funeral? Then this is what you gotta do, you know?

You know, take your take your loved one on one more trip, you know, before or after.

Yeah. And it's not all death and pain here. I do wanna say that we had some big winners in the casino. Somebody hit Bing on the Mike and Molly machine. Mhmm.

Yeah. And they disappeared.

Yeah. So what once we find that person, we will be giving them their million dollars and congratulate.

Yeah. And and I'll also like to congratulate the lovely newly wed couple that put their whole life savings on on thirty one. On the roulette table and hit big. Also, once we find them as well, we'd love to congratulate them in person. Yes. So so congratulations to them.

And there was an old lady who struck it big on the Mike and Molly slots.

Mhmm.

Mhmm. And she's gone.

Did we know?

We're on there. We're on it. We're

on it.

We do. Yeah.

And we all wanna say, we have some of the largest sharks that circle the casino, and it's an attraction. It's on purpose -- Mhmm.

--

and they're growing rapidly.

Well and then that few, of course, are now starting the the the shark watching tours.

Mhmm.

Yes. A lot of people a lot of people say whale watching is a thing. You say, you know, shark watching. We've we've I think we we've talked about this now.

It's been very successful. Absolutely. Because whale watching is beautiful, but it's not scary enough. You know what

i mean? Mhmm.

So we do shark watching with what you've heard of as glass bottom boats, but we do bottom missing boats. Yes. And so the shark can come right up in the boat, swim up in the middle, almost like deep blue sea where the shark comes into the lab.

And now tech tech I mean, I'm a I'm a tech y guy. You know? So I'm always interested in this kind of technology.

Of course, few

weeks ago. Hahn. The technology behind these boats, I find impressive, because they do not have The technologies.

I mean, what wait. We're all techies here.

We're all techies new downgrade. We're all tech.

Anakin, Anakin. Get out of here.

We're techies. We're techies. These are tacky beaks. Okeydokey. You know?

Anyway, we're not, you know, I agree, Skip. You are a huge techy and you've been helping us out and you've got a lot of exciting stuff going on on that shark watch.

Yes. No. I do. Of course, everybody's heard of a metal detector. I have sort of outfitted each of these boats, I sort of created a a sort of I it's a shark detector. It's a it's a sort of radar that shoots out of the bottom of the boat that shows you every shark. The the test run that we ran on it, there was more sharks than any other fish. It was kind of like when the radar pulse hit, it was you know, it's red when there's a shark. It's blue when it's just open water. The ratio is about eighty percent red, twenty percent open water, which to me means I'll tell you this. If you do a shark watching tour, you're definitely gonna see a shark. A lot of times people sell you on a whale watching shore. You won't even see a whale. It all depends on if they have you know, mating season or if you're in their migration path, folks, we can tell you this. You will get close-up contact with a shark if you take one of our

and we

have all different packages. We have just the viewing from the boat package, of course. We have the the toes in the water package, which is a little bit more expensive, but also a little bit more immersive,

you know. It's like we have the space

down pack. Exactly.

Do the sharks come up and eat all all the little skin off your toes, all the dead skin, and you're sometimes your feet and the rest. But

that's right. And I don't know what it is about where we situated the offshore casino But the associates have said, it is nature's most popular spot for sharks.

Oh, yeah. I I'd like to say this. I'm very excited about the shark tours. If anyone knows David Attenborough, get him the fuck out of here. He's walking around and he's just talking and talking and talking.

Right. I overheard I overheard him recording some Vo for a segment last two or three days ago. And I I It was the weirdest It was just the weirdest sentence I've ever heard. He said, any person who would come within feet or a half a mile of this location should consider themselves dead. Mhmm. And I was like, what is that? First of all, come within a half a mile.

Then how's he

doing it, buddy?

I'm there every day.

How's he still alive?

Yeah. Where's the

freak everyday? I heard him mumbling around on the beach the other day recording some BO, and and he was like, I know this sounds crazy. But you know how the great barrier reef is disappearing? Part of me thinks they've brought. A piece of it here. And I was like, what? That can't be he's onto us. I mean, that's not true.

And true.

I also saw him walking around mumbling to himself just to sort of put out the candle on Attenborough. I know when he's voiceovering on Planet Earth, he sounds fancy and cool. The guy looks like a bum. He's walking around the beach mumbling into a recorder by himself.

And

sure it looks cool when you put it on fancy video. But he's just a crazy person.

So lucky to have that accent because he looks like trash.

Yeah. So if you see At andborough, if if you basically see like a big sack of linens walking around, That's attenborough, spit on them, throw something at them, get them out of here. We don't want them to feel welcome at all. And going back to the shark tour, I do wanna ask really quick Sydney, and I think this is probably unrelated to the shark stuff. But have you found the human growth hormone that you spilled?

No. No. And it was it wasn't just human growth hormone. It was

any animal growth.

I think it was Yeah. It was AGH, Any growth hormone? Any. Any.

Yeah. Yeah. Obviously, because a couple of the sharks have now won the tour to water. And they were

excuse me real quick. I'm gonna go dip my dick in the pool. Well, I

guess we have to take a break real quick. Every once in a while, drop cloth has an impulse and he has to do it immediately. So we're gonna run and take a little break. Sorry. You need

to do it real quick. You got it.

I wonder where I left my miniature potion. My potion that makes things tiny. That's at the pool and I lost it. Yeah, we'll see.

Breaker breaker come in. Where are all my friends at?

We're right around the corner, Sydney.

That's right. We're so close to you but we're still using these amazing c b radios from c b g b's.

Shut on. They're not they're not they're not

there's just something

that sounds more official about your friendship when you're doing it over the air.

No. No. No. No. No.

No. No.

No. No. No.

That's right. You know, it's sometimes you're you're just far enough away from a friend that you can't you can't have that one on one conversation and you miss that sort of interplay.

Sub Zero.

But with a CB radio, it's like your friend is right next door.

Johnny Kate.

Come in, Sydney.

Go to six. I think there's someone on our channel.

Mhmm. K.

Hey. I'm over here on six now. I think we're alone now.

Okay. Just switch to six. Are you there?

Hi. I think you're on my channel. These CB radios only have a few channels, so you have to make sure you don't encroach on someone else's.

And we're back on channel one. That's right, folks. These CB radios have a distance of one hundred and twenty five yards. Kano. And six different channels to choose from.

Long antenna included. Carry it with you everywhere you'll go.

E Honda not. Finish him.

Vinnie shimp.

E Honda not.

So folks, Get on down to the CB radio store, CBGBies, and get yourself the best short range CB radio money can buy.

CB Geebies, we had to switch it up.

Alright, folks. Thanks so much for sticking through the break. I really appreciate it. And we just wanna come back here and and let you guys know, you know, with the grand opening, you know, the reach got wider. You know? People heard about the resort, and people were interested. We had a few reviewers from local newspapers and newspapers from general area that came through. And you could say, we solicited them. A lot of those came from direct mailings where we asked people to come, and enjoy the resort and and and post their reviews online or write them in their papers. And so we just wanted to sort of take this opportunity to to to jump through a few of these because it's always nice it's nice for us to know where we stand at all times. Right?

Yeah.

See, did did did anybody wanna jump in and and

oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I could do mine first. It's an interesting one. It's a it's not exactly a review, but it is a nice mention, I would say. Oh, okay. A prestigious paper. So this is a New York post blind item. You know, there's blind items where the little secret celebrity stories they don't reveal who the celebs are. Yes. And it's very exciting for, you know, gossip heads.

And so you're just gonna go ahead and reveal who it is by admitting that it's about us?

No. It's not about us. It's about people that we're here, which is the

site Oh, good. Good.

Like a gossip out there.

Great. Great.

Alright. And it's definitely not about anyone we know?

Well, I don't wanna rule anybody in or out because that, you know, it It's a spoiler if you rule anyone in.

Oh, yeah.

It's a blind item. So let's go into it. Unviewed, let's say.

Yeah.

A certain friend's co star was seen swimming with the forgotten obviously Jewish Christmas crooner. Witnesses say things got a little hot and heavy when the crooner accidentally lit his shirt on fire while smoking a cigar too close to a drum of massage oil while wearing shoes with fifty pound ankle weights to bulk up his quote, toothpick calves. So that's exciting. That's awesome. Yeah.

Wow.

So that's gotta be about you, Dwayne.

Well, I don't know.

You are swimming with Shwimbo?

I was yeah. I don't know. I don't I don't wanna reveal a blind eye if it could be any friends co star. It could be

well, we do know who was here. We know who was here. Well,

that's where I

was here. Swimming.

Yeah. You

think the blind item was too obvious that they're doing over there?

Well, I I didn't like this blind item. Because they said the obviously Jewish.

Yes. Great. So what so to me, that means it wasn't me. Though I I did happen to light my cigar, a little too close to a barrel of massage oil and I did light myself on fire and swimmer had to carry me. To the fire department because they

are no longer doing calls to

us.

Right. Yeah. They sold their trucks.

They

and

they where they've they've put us under the cried wolf?

Yes. We're under we're under the cried wolf.

We've been labeled cried wolf. Yeah.

For fire departments, Better Business Bureau, police departments.

Which I think is unfair because CryD Wolf is when there isn't a fire. We just have a lot of fires. It's They may not be up to their standards of fires, but they Also,

i'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. You know who's cried Wolf List I wanna get put on is the health department Because I am so I am incredibly tired of waking up every day and having another representative

--

yes.

--

from the health department knocking on the front door of the resort

--

yeah.

--

saying, you've you've you've dodged us for the last three weeks. We haven't been able to inspect the premises. Okay? We're crying wolf.

People are getting sick from your hand towels.

No. Whoever is reporting us to the health department, those people are crying wolf. There's no signs of rampant -- Right.

--

bacterial infection.

Well and how about this?

On our reserve premises.

Let's say this. If people are getting sick from the hand towels, Which do you want? Do you wanna be excited that you're using a hand towel that we got from famous baseball football and basketball players right after the game? Do you wanna use a used -- How

do you value?

--

colonial hand towel? Or do you wanna not get sick? You can't get them both, folks.

Yeah. What do you want?

And speaking of, you know who I wish maybe would take us off their cried Wolf list is the department of fish game and wildlife I would love for them to come and take care of the Wolfs.

Totally. It

it to me, if I could say one constructive criticism, it's that we shouldn't have brought in wolves to take care of our allergy problem. I think we went too far with that.

Yeah. They said there are crying wolves there. Right?

Well, yeah. Well, first of all, because we figured we didn't budget for food for the wolves because we figured they'd just eat the algae and they'll be fine. Little did we know wolves don't eat algae.

No. Not So they

haven't taken care of the problem. No. And so they are crying

the thirsts for flesh.

Yeah. Hunger thirsts, the whole thing. They're they're juicing us. They're well, not us, but they're juicing people. They have a But

folks, that's that's one review. Okay? It's our grand opening. And plenty of people have come down and commented positively. I've only read the beginning of this one, but let me just share this one. This is from an influencer. So very modern, very cool.

Cool.

Their name is Travelbug forty two.

Ray.

Travelbug forty two writes as a full time influencer and travel journalist, I've never received so much engagement.

Pretty good.

Wow. Every post I made accidentally had something crazy in it, and I didn't realize it until it was too late. Okay? Well, that sounds like her fault, not our fault. At the buffet, pretty good, mostly cold food. The one thing I was really excited about was the chocolate fountain. But when I posted my selfie, I realized there was a man the back on a stretcher in full traction. Again, check your photos, that's not us. So I moved on to the beach. I found a beautiful palm to sit under and even better an umbrella with drink service. That's right.

Gorgeous.

So I took a pic of my toes as you do, only to realize later that the same man that was in traction before was under my seat and ruin my toe pick. Please do not sound off in the comments. Okay. But on our part, nice umbrella, nice drink service. Yes.

Everything's beautiful. And yeah, we're sorry that a man coded a few times. And also his rule is for some reason, no EMTs.

And let me just finish off the review because I'm sure it ends good. Needless to say I was not having fun, and that's okay. Need Sure. So I went back to my room for a surefire vacation pick. A balcony shot with the ocean in the background. I inspected the pics endlessly and realized this was this one was guy free. But just as I posted, a huge vacuum cleaner helicopter came by carrying the man in traction, banged him into me on the balcony, knocking me off and forcing me into traction myself and I am writing this review from the hospital next to the man in traction. I am dead. I don't think the last part is even possible. So -- Wow.

--

it's not submarines or lies.

Last words.

Well, I mean,

written last words. Now I'm stupid. What is traction like, indirect?

Pretty much locked to the headboard to make sure that his

neck Gotcha.

There's the halo that's attached to the shoulders with the arms that are attached to the sides. It's basically someone whose entire body is broken.

I'm still stupid. So this woman was here, influencer, taking pictures And every photo she took, there was a man in traction in the background. Like Same, man.

And I will say I will say to our credit, it sounds like it was the same one guy. It's not like we have traction guys all over the place. And I'll

and and the man I'll turn him around on her.

To be intraction. So her photos are ruined. I'm I'm confused. Yeah. I

think it's probably just a funny Halloween costume. I don't think it's any I think you're right dropped off. I think he's just pretending.

Oh. And I'll be listening.

I think or go ahead, skip.

This guy's just got sake.

Could skip?

I'm just gonna say, I'll also just say, on the off chance, that this is what a man who is here and he's in traction and he's enjoying the casino, and the buffet and the the facilities here. I'll say this. What a positive. That a person in full traction can come to subtle shores, resort, buffet, and offshore casino, and have fun here. This is perhaps Steveos. Accessible resort that's ever that has ever lived.

Now now I know what your in traction is. It's how I sleep.

Yes.

Now I know. I I sleep well like a motherfucker.

You've got attraction yourself. Well, I get and we don't know how he got it. We have gotten some we've had some issues, let's say, with our no diving sign being a little confusing because it says diving exclamation point and then it's supposed to look like a head shaking. But we don't think people are getting that. So a lot of people are diving into the shallow end.

Well, yeah. You have to walk by it. And and see the We're labeling

people think we've well, it is one of those those three d printer things that's what what are those things called? Where you look from one angle, the like, they used to put

them on BHS cover classic magic guy.

Oh, mammogram.

We've been getting some feedback that a bunch of our signs are a little bit confusing the no swimming if you've had diarrhea on the last fourteen day sign.

Yeah. We've talked about that.

Yeah. Getting a little bit confused. Our pool turned brown for one week, but but it's only because we think people were reading the sign wrong.

Yeah. Because you walked by the time diarrhea only pool. Yeah. It says yeah. It's says do not only diarrhea. And people were like, oh, so if I diarrhea, I pee too. Well, yeah.

Because here's the thing. We, for a long time, didn't care about the diarrhea thing. We've talked about that. But due to health health department, Narks. We realized

one, two, three o'clock, four o'clock, Nark. That's why I was

about to help you, Mark. Yeah. So we had to put up a a no diarrhea for the last fourteen days sign.

Right.

And then that's really frustrating. I think

you should go back and check, but I think we engine diary in every episode of this.

Oh. Well, isn't that a little treat for you fucking sick of?

You fucking sick slobs. Love us talking about diarrhea and we are giving it to you.

You do. You guys like

we don't like talking about it. You may hate it. We hate talking about it. Well, I got a little review here.

Spend it out drop cloths.

Put it out.

Jot cloth.

It's come a a review coming at you from Droe Jop cloth. Settle shores, more like I'm not so subtly sore. The giant I will say this.

This guy's a good writer. I'm interested in

this Yeah. I mean, wow. What an unbelievable turn on that first sentence. The giant stepped on my foot. And I think it's broken. Okay. He hasn't been to the doctor yet, but he thinks it's broken. I'd say if the giant stepped on it, you damn right, it is. Also, The stairs down to the pool are super slick. I do feel like they are purposefully

slick and are being filmed to submit people falling

down them to America's funniest home videos.

I fell pretty hard and saw

someone dressed up like me and my family claiming they were me to Alfonso Riviero in the video and won ten thousand dollars. Okay. Now

that's one review. That's one review.

Yeah. It's It also sounds

like a net positive. God, like, a net positive.

Yeah. If it's if it if his real family won the money, that's a positive. Yeah.

Oh, and by the way, which do you want? Want that to not happen or do you want a nice ten thousand dollar umbrella to take photos under?

Exactly. Now that tough. Okay? We went all the way out to Burbank, California for that filming.

Oh, yeah. And they don't do it all in one thirty minute take. They do a lot of different takes. It's a four hour taping with just one slice of pizza in the middle. And I

was gonna say the snacks are atrocious.

Yes.

And the warm up comic was

i hesitate to call it snacks.

The warm

up comic was.

Well, the warm up comic was not enough, and I had to start doing some broader stuff.

I agree.

So because you gotta do jokes for everybody. And so I tried to look up people and and see, like, oh, whose name will probably be, like, a little bit not hard to pronounce not easy to pronounce, and then I would fuck with them for half hour. It's one of the most beautiful things about a sitcom tape.

Yes.

But back to the review.

Yeah. But but, I mean, I I I don't know what to tell this guy. I mean, like, if the giant stepped on your foot, you need to go. It's weird. The the the giant stepped on his foot But the majority of the view is review is about America's funniest home video step.

Yeah. Maybe you should've been running down those slick steps and falling so hilariously with your broken foot. Me thinks you were trying to capitalize.

Yeah. Why did you go home after the giant? Snapped on your foot. Obviously, you're like, damn, this pool looks nice. I'm a go down there.

And congrats to our giant for winning seventy five hundred dollars for a Klutzie giant. Steps on Guy?

That's right. Second place.

Yeah. Well, I'm sure that's one review. I'm sure Scott Skippo, we'll have one that we

could be able

to handle it.

Yeah. I actually I I was excited. I It worked. We we Yeah. We did. I'll I'll say this. I actually haven't read this. I just saw that we I saw that we had this review in the Gulf Times Journal. So I I'm gonna go ahead and just read it side unseen. We'll see how it goes. Yeah. No. You haven't

seen this. Right?

Yeah. I haven't seen it. I'm gonna read it. Yeah. See, that's on

the page.

Yeah. I'll be on it. I didn't I promise I won't. I'm gonna read exactly the words that are on the page.

Alright.

And it goes a little something like this. I'll be honest.

A little something like this.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I thought Dwayne was gonna do rap.

I I should have. I should have.

Yeah. That's alright. Alright. Well, go this is what it says. It says, I'll be honest, I didn't actually know this place existed until this week. And I wish I could go back in time and keep it that way. Now that I know this place exists, I'll fear for the safety of every man, woman, child, and animal that's ever spends even seconds on the premises. It's almost like when you walk by a house.

Or true signaling?

It's almost like when you walk by a house and see a mistreated pet in the front yard, you just wanna set it free or bring it home with you. That's how I feel about the people who work at this resort.

He wants to take

us home? Wire.

All that said, the food was pretty good, TBH. Though.

Hold on. Yes.

White brownies for the win.

Hold on. Who is this?

Let me finish the review. It's it's been ran by somebody. All that said, the food was pretty good, TBH, though I still hope that this grand opening is followed closely by a grand closing and a grand forgetting. Signed Jean Charlotte. Oh.

The big man.

What? The

big Our favorite reviewer.

Oh my god.

I've been I this is the best review I've ever gotten from Dean Charlotte.

That's true. That is true. Charlotte Charlotte has given it to you pretty hard a couple times.

Shailesh said your hair was crazy. Right?

This son of a bitch.

Shailesh said you're hard to look at?

I'll be this asshole.

He also he he said your glasses are thicker than his,

which is like, hey. That's not an owned, Charlotte. Yeah. You're so ugly. Your glasses are thicker than mine.

I think it was a little over line when he said more Jewish than me. I picked up that.

Hey. But you know what, Jean, we still love you. We gotta give it to you. We love your little Oscar jokes. It's awesome.

He said he said you look like you're on that game, guess who. Right?

That's right. All of this. James shot sent to me. It's separate reviews obviously for because I made some appearances in movies. I had my fledgling acting career. I did my own musical movies. So, you know, Charlotte's had opportunities.

Right. Just Also, I think I think those reviews, to me, yes, I hear the negatives, but I hear it as one big positive. People wanna write about us. People wanna tell about their experience at subtle shores, because what is the point of vacation? What is the point of relaxing

--

and

--

making memories?

Yes.

And I'll also say this. I think The reality of the situation is this resort is is not a place that's fit for a ninety four year old film critic. No. That's that's We

that's true. It

was. We

never claimed

it was.

Gene, we love you, Charles. This place just isn't for you.

The only thing that we've claimed is that this place is safe for twenty six to twenty eight year old men that are in great shape. That's all we've ever claimed.

Yeah. You gotta be able to take a damn hard fall and not hurt your back. I thought that was gonna be greedy Gary.

Greeta Gary, I I will say I have seen him around the resort. He, of course, left that beautiful review about losing family last week.

I think he felt it done.

Yeah. I've seen him around resort, and he has changed. He seems looser. He keeps sucking down those pirate fingers like it's no tomorrow, and he seems happy.

Yeah. Greeted Gary and I shared a a blended white Russian, and we got to talk and and The guy, first of all,

he's People drink.

He's not greedy with the laughs. I'll tell you that much. I could not I could not get this guy You

couldn't shake him. Right?

I couldn't shake him.

Well, we

had to trick him. He tried to get in the cab with us and go home. We tricked him. Right? I couldn't shake his ass.

That's right. I couldn't I couldn't you're welcome

by the way. I was

like, somebody's got a crush on Dwayne. And Dwayne, you haven't gotten late in years. I was like, what's wrong, Dwayne?

Well I'm hoping this comma pneuma is going to change that for people when they see you know what what all the positions I've got, but It's been a while for me. Let's just say I have to go through a bit of a price spill. Didn't

your your doctor said your dick is technically hibernating. Right?

Yeah. My doctor said that which is the good news is it's it saved up a lot of stores, you know, before the hibernation. Which explains why it was getting so bulbous.

Oh, yeah, Bobous. Bulbous and Bired is allow play in the streets, we'll get rid of any pest that's around your house for extra side money.

And, yeah, my doctor said that I was just say I'm a little worried about the polar ice caps by doctor said that he did see might be just kind of floating and it looks a little thinner than he would have hoped and it's almost sad and sickly. So we'll see how how things work out with that.

But again, that's one doctor giving you one medical opinion.

That's right.

But if you want, I got a great auto parts store where you can get a second opinion.

Yeah. I got a second opinion from doctor Pep Boy, and You know, he said he said hibernation also but he said that all it needed was a couple the catalytic converter needed to fix. It's gonna cost me an arm and a lot

of weight.

Oh, god. The cat, it's gonna be a weld on that's gonna cost you at least two hundred and fifty.

Well, someone suggested that you need a boil change Right? That they take off one of your coils and replace it with a newer one?

Yeah. Boyle change, lube, the whole nine. And so I never know if you're getting ripped off because I don't know anything about my body. It's not a thing

well, you had a ten w whitehead. Right?

That's correct. And so I I don't know what they're gonna end up doing with that if it's a pop situation or I have no idea but I'm a little worried about that.

Don't let him take an advantage of you up there. Let's take advantage of you.

But folks, if you're listening at home and you you know, obviously, we're excited. We're excited about where things started, and where they've come. Hell, since the beginning, we've added a whole new portion. You know? We've added a whole new offshore casino and we are not done despite all the hold ups and all the

push ups. And despite what I know that our financial records leaked recently. And so people unfortunately, are well aware of the financial situation.

Assange's just won't quit. Will he? Yeah. Why did you leave someone else here?

Yeah. Here here's an idea. Why don't you get a scissors leak on your hair, my man. Haircut.

Yes. That's such an awesome burn, Dwayne. Oh, yeah. I've been doing I

a lot of people said, my birds are better than the giants. I don't know if you guys agree the the unjolly green giant and I were kinda have burn offs. And I I thought that one was pretty killer. Thank you.

You're welcome.

But no. It it it's frustrating that people know this sort of financial situation that we're in now with such complete criteria.

Because you took a lot Liberities with the write off, Scott Skip. Right?

Well, because here's the thing. I think you could clash if I almost any expense we make as a business expense. You guys saw our our our returns leaked, obviously, and a lot of people are sort of are scrutinizing our returns on Twitter. On Instagram, and it's it's honestly, that that's honestly, I'm really pissed that this screwed troop has has popped up. And it's specifically -- Larry.

--

it's specifically for subtle shorts. It's these losers on Instagram who've started this little gang where they like to take screenshots of our tax returns, and then write little exposes, trying to get the government to come investigate us. And I'll tell you this

and it's like

every I

was just gonna say every write off on the books is legitimate. Okay? It is legit Yeah.

This screwed troop is coming for us, and they got no no ground to stand on.

It's such bullshit. It's this little online community of, like, a hundred thousand people.

Yeah. That are, like, smart. And yeah.

And my car I don't care. I'm not fooled and I'm not fooled. Yeah. And I'm not fooled by government email addresses. Anybody can have a government email address. I don't care that your account is is is actually supposedly affiliated with the IRS or the Department of Homeland Security. Or or if you have a dot gov email address. I don't care. I know that this is just some stupid online trick that's trying to scare us, and it's just it's not gonna work, you know? Scruit Trin'

if you don't

get the hell out of here.

It's log off. You could log off.

Log off screen. Log off. Log off, please, you Scrutes. Because I'll tell you this right now. I don't have to prove to you that my son's roomba? Dyson. And Hoover are real. They've all got their own Instagrams and they are dependent. Okay.

Yeah.

They are dependent. They depend on me.

Yeah. You started Instagrams for your son's vacuums? What's that? You started Instagrams for your son's vacuums?

You will know. Those are my dependents. Those are my dependents.

Right.

Roomba, Hoover, and Mike Dyson. And they are, you know, they They all have their own Instagrams. They're blowing up bigger than mine. Right.

And if Mike Dyson isn't real, then why did he also bite your ear off? That's what I don't get.

If he's not real,

why what happened to your ear?

A lot of people are trying to say it's because I was trying to I I thought that a a skin tag was dirt and I tried to vacuum it off of myself. And vacuumed my whole ear off. And, of course, it was

long enough that it got wrapped around the little mechanism.

They're using here as a thread. They're using you vacuuming your ear off for promotional vacuum material. Right?

Yeah. They said this this thing is so strong. It rips your off. It's stronger than a bike Tyson, biting holyfield.

And of course, they do it in that wonderful accent.

Which one?

This is the most powerful vacuum ever. Oh, yes.

Oh, yes. Plastic hat and blue trash.

Yeah. That's any of these British voice overs, the Orbitets no. What's the gum? Orbit gum?

Yeah. Do not.

Voice over?

Yeah.

Yeah. That that dirty mouth more like dirty voice over artist.

Classic classic.

You do not We've all been in audition rooms with British people who stink that shit up. He's like, you got a gorgeous voice, but you need to wash that ass.

I'll tell you what, drop glass, you couldn't couldn't have said it better yourself. That's universal.

That's universal. British people don't wash their ass.

Oh, no. I did a I did a little voice in a cartoon where a new movie coming out where Dreece Elba plays the main character. It's a a like a suave young dog and I he comes across a singing crooning trash can. And so they had us in the room together, and Elba stinks. He's got to wash that ass.

I hear you. I hear you. And and it's definitely not us.

Yeah. If you know

around a British accent stinks.

It's not the stink bouncing off of them and coming back to us like the playground insult. It's not that at all. So if you know anybody British tweet at them and say, wash that ass. No context. Because now they need it.

They need the advice. Yeah. There's all these things about British people having bad teeth. Teeth are amazing. They gotta walk in the ass. Yeah. God. Yeah. Jorge too. So hey, Scoop Troop. Is that what it was? Scruit. So hey, Scruit troop? We're inscrutable. Come and

get us.

That's us.

Come get us.

Prior taxes from our cold dead hands. Because they are I do sleep with them in my hands are cold and legally dead. So come and get them.

Well, I am really excited to be sort of through the grand opening and into subtle shores just existing.

Yeah. I I think that that is a great point, Sydney. We need to sit we don't appreciate things. Right? We need to sit and appreciate the work that we took to get here and just take a deep breath and say, hey, we're open, baby.

Yes. Yes.

We fired

out most of the king. We don't expect that many more. And

the party worked. And we are ready for business. Come on now.

I don't know about you guys, but I'm on a great little food routine with the buffet. Every morning I walk in, I just get my simple breakfast, you know, cottage cheese and berries. Then I take a couple things to go. You know, a full pineapple, a quesadilla, some chicken fingers, a white brownie,

yes. A

large smoothie, four sandwiches. And I head out to the boat, and I have a great day.

Yeah. And you you it was mentioned earlier in the review, but we got the world's first all cold buffet.

That's right. That's right.

The food is fantastic. I mean, it's not just a waffle bar. It's a chicken and waffles bar, which is exciting.

You can make

your own chicken and waffles.

That's right. And the

chicken We have an unextended fryer.

The chicken cooks the waffle for you. That's the craziest thing about it.

Yes. It's not chicken and waffles. It's chicken with waffles. So it's chickens cooking them.

And I think we have those chickens pretty well trained. If they don't eat your waffle, they will dip it into the fryer. I guarantee it. That's right.

Pretty good.

And sometimes I think

this week we're gonna get a waffle.

Sometimes they capuchin there, and you'll get a chicken too.

Oh, and then by the way, that chicken's free. We don't even charge you for the one that fell into the fryer right in front

of you. No. No. I hope you like feather. You know? I hope you like feathers.

I hope

you like, feathers and blue.

Seven. And I hope you like, seeing a chicken die a horrible death? Well, it's not like a lot

their situation where they slowly die in the boil, they die pretty much instantly. They're so it's not it's it's it's

it's great for them.

It's a great test for them.

They dropped in the seams immediately because the oils Yeah.

Just think about the alternatives. Getting their their little head, like, their throat slit and bleeding out. That sounds terrible to me. Here's We're just falling into a fryer and immediately dying. Sounds like a nice

oh, well, our salad is

the new humane way to do it. Sydney's

well, they're lobbying to change the death penalty. Yes. They're lobbying to change the death penalty for human beings also to to Yeah. You can

cannonball into the fryer.

Yeah. And

you can control what dive you do. You don't have to adjust cannonball. You could also do a heck of a drive. You could do a corkscrew, jackknife, you could do whatever you want.

Congulate, guys, or Get your act together on this. We have a bill before Congress right now. That will change it so the death penalty is fried to death, but you can pick your own way of getting into it.

And And you can pick your own batter.

And you know support And we don't wanna talk about cannibalism, but you guys make us do it.

But, no, this is not cannibalism. We're not gonna eat these people. This is a way to go out your way.

Yes. You have it your way.

It's it's Spons

by Burger King.

There is a sponsor at the d at the d p, the death penalty now.

Well, that's who that's who sponsored the bill, the king. The the king sponsored the writing of Oh,

the king is a lobbyist. The king is a lobbyist. Yeah.

I mean the king is the reason that they just changed the name of fat to trans fat. That was the king, wheeling and dealing. Let's just say There were a few extra whoppers in Mitch McConnell's pockets that weekend.

Oh my god. Yes. Yes. There were That's why he looks like he is. Now he only eats whoppers.

That's right.

He's been doing a supersize me for forty years.

Obviously Job

cloth or job cloth. It it it kinda sounds like every so often. You're, like, being electrocuted

or something. Going on with me. I have got to get to an auto zone.

Yeah. There's a bad You just need a tune up.

Because sometimes when I say something, it sounds like I'm lifting a cinder block.

Yeah. We gotta get you on that the lift maybe and check under your hood there. That's the thing is we just check it. We need to get you right high on there and get a better look at

things. Or just create a little cave underneath me that I just drive on top You know what I mean? Yeah.

That way, you could be you doing your work in the garage underneath the car, and they could be underneath you checking things

out, like Exactly. Exactly.

Yeah. Oh, I mean what and it's happened for years. If I'm ever, you know, I feel like the wife's putting on the bachelorette. I'll go out and I'll work on the drop cloth for a few hours and just, you know, tool around in there and then I'll come back hit.

Yeah. You put a carburetor in my mouth a couple months ago when your wife was watching Queen's Gambit. That's right. It came out a couple months ago. And that's a show for everybody.

Great. It's for but not for me. I don't watch any shows about chess. I've I said this from day one. No shows about chess. Check Well, yeah.

You hate Brooks. Right?

I am not a rook fan. And I would say that

forever. Keep your rooks

on all

for me.

There was a there's a brief moment where Nick and was like, I am not a rook. Right?

Yeah.

Wouldn't get up alright.

Well, because I was like, get him out of here because he was dressed up with the little castle had and

all that.

Yes. Right.

You thought it was a costume party. So I I do want to again, somehow, we got into the fact that a few people have been fried obviously Scott Skip's son, you know, Fred Scott skips a little butt and put them in the fryer. But we're past that. Things are actually good here. Wouldn't you guys say?

They're right. Yeah. And we

need to appreciate good things. I'm gonna keep repeating We need to appreciate it.

And stop harping on the bad Yeah. I think that that's that's the big thing. I think we need to over the next week, I think we need to obviously try to solve the wolf problem. Yeah. But, you know, not harp on it. It's just it's in the background. It's not the thing we constantly think about. It's not the thing we have to worry about all all day long.

Yep. I'd

like to do this. I'd like to end this with one thing we're each grateful for right now. With the way subtle forest is going. Because I think We don't practice What

happens at group Thanksgiving's.

It's great. It's a ton of pressure And so I will go first.

Thank you

so much. Somebody has one.

It is so brave.

No, go go go for it.

I'll say this, I'm grateful for our love, I'm grateful for beauty.

They're right. They're both right there.

I'm grateful for this beautiful for friendship. I am grateful that my my five a night shows, only three of them reverse sold out. And that's

and that's that's, of course,

when That's beautiful.

And and just to be clear about what a reverse sellout means, that means that the contractor who put the seats into the auditorium takes the seats out and and just makes it so nobody can actually go in.

Well, they they don't make it that way. They see the ticket sales and they end up breaking down the seats.

They say it's a bad use of chairs. So they revoke the chair.

They revoke the chairs and it's a little bit in my opinion, it's a little bit to humiliate you and make you realize what happened there. But two of my shows got three to three hundred people in them. So that's huge.

Anywhere between three and three hundred. We couldn't get the final cast, but we know it's the first three.

Well, nobody would let us know any would let us in the room to witness the count so we don't know. Right. As soon as were down low. You couldn't see the crowd. You don't know. As soon as

it seemed like it was gonna be three people, the smog the the smog machines, not the fog

machines, doing a smog machine.

Oh, yeah. Well, that's for my yeah. That's for my drive through Hollywood. So I do a whole show where I kinda do a song about all of Hollywood. And I really turned the theater into the feeling of driving from Hollywood and Highland to Hollywood and Vine. And it's really beautiful. Gorges.

It's really beautiful. The lights, the piss, the smog, it's it's quite an experience.

Oh, you're talking about my last song.

That's right, the piss, the souvenir? Well, I think that's beautiful. Thank you so much, Dwayne, for sharing what you're grateful for. I guess I'll go next. I am really great for every day that I get to be out on the sea. And I'm grateful to be able to feed the sharks, and I'm grateful that we're in a place that we can all be working together, and I'm grateful that my stomach bug is gone.

Good. That's good. And it ended up being a cockroach or what was that?

It was a cockroach. It was a cockroach in my stomach that wouldn't die. He'd lived there for six months. And I'm just really glad he's gone. He came out my belly button.

I was gonna say, he did not die. He he survived.

Oh, no. He's still around. He's just not with me anymore.

Matrixic. That's a Matrix bug. I've been saying it since day one, the Matrix bug does.

I know. But I'm great I'm grateful

that's really beautiful, Sydney.

And I'm grateful to be able to dip my toes in the salt every day.

Wow. Yes. Not as

hard to see.

The salt. The salt. The salt. Excuse me. Yeah. The salt. I keep a little

well, that's part of your stink bags that you put around your feet.

Yes.

That are legally they or they've been they've been made illegal by the Geneva Convention?

The stink bags.

Yes. Yeah. It's chemical warfare, they say, when I walk around.

Now those assholes, they don't know.

I know.

I'm thankful for Vaina Sausages, and I'm grateful for the company of Vaina Sausage. If you're hungry, all you gotta do is grab a little bit of Vaina, and it will

that's beautiful, Joe.

It's really beautiful. That's a beautiful drone.

Straight forward and beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. Drove job clothes. Don't forget it. And what about you used

to get the

disgusting thing for me?

Because, you know, you're kind of our emotional core. Yeah.

Come on. Bring his hope.

Well, I think I'm most thankful for the fact that over the last week, I feel like I've been able to sort of Just see how hard the people around me work and and see how my my my my wife and my son do love me. Mhmm. I I think they you know, I have I I've been able to to to spend a little bit of time with them, and I'm grateful for yeah. I'm just I I'm grateful for the the the fact that I get to live each day. You know what I mean? The the fact that I get to wake up every morning and and and be here and be with you guys, and have a have have have some stuff. Honestly, it's it's hard for me to think like this. It's hard for me to think to get in touch with my emotions You know, because you're fantastic.

Great. Well, isn't your number Yeah. You can always say sausage.

You say sausage. I thought it was really nice. I like hopeful that you think your wife and your son love you and that you are alive. That's really nice. And I think that's wonderful.

At the bare minimum, thank yous, and great and I think that's good.

It's a great place to start.

And I think your wife and son do love you also. I I mean, you know, we were all we did kind of a fun little group coffee with your wife the other day. And it didn't come up at all that she doesn't love It didn't come up at all.

Yeah. Not at all.

Well She was not did it come up saying, did I come up?

Now you came up right at the end. I don't think you realized it was us, and we all sorta scuffled away.

Oh, no.

Oh, yeah. You approached and we ran off.

Oh, yeah. You definitely came up. Yeah. Which is great. You did came up that day.

That was awesome. Yeah. You came up

came up and we left.

Okay. But I was talking about more. Did she talk about me as

well? Whoa. Whoa. Wait. Wait. Uh-huh. Were you in Hawaii eleven She's up there with oceans eleven? Yeah. No.

I wasn't in I wasn't in hot there, though.

Okay. Will you That was Scott Khan. Okay. What? Well, we I for a second, I thought we talked about you a lot. But, no, that's

something else.

Yeah. No. It was Con.

Scott Con.

It was a conversation. That's what we met up for.

We were having a conversation. Wow.

Yeah. We've got a cut Interesting. It's a funny a funny name for our text chain is conversation, and we'll we'll chat about

you guys are all on a text chain with my wife.

Well, you do you like Scott Con even? We could put you on there if you do.

Yeah. We didn't even know you liked it.

Tweater from I have never heard

you say anything about this. Wow. From

varceny Blues?

Oh, the last time I heard

you talk about Scott Con was when you introduced us all to them and showed us all your favorite Scott Con movies, but instead it's never come up.

I think, Scott, I I I love you so much. I I would love to see you express yourself more and tell us what you want. You know?

I I want I want this resort to be what I've always envisioned into.

Yes.

And I And what we work every day for it for it to be. And then I and then I sit here and I hear all these reviews, and I think about all the bad stuff that's happened. I think about the fact that we're being circled by Sharp. Literally. They've bored into the the the land. Yeah.

We've made lemonades with it and turned it into a tour.

Again and let's let's play that one more time. You can dip your toes. Knees up to waist in the sharks. Do we have do we have the full body swim yet?

We don't have the full body swim yet. We're waiting on the cage. So far, all we can find is one with a big hole that a shark was strong enough to burst through. We're thinking about using that one, but we're just not sure.

There was obviously the batting cage we got by accident, and that was shooting sharks at people. And so that was a little tough.

That's right. That was a really that was my shot. That was a really

that was fun being the umpire, though.

Yes. The umpire the umpire on the boat, I I I'd like to read a review by him because he had a great day.

Yeah. He did.

So yeah. What what that's your want, Scott Skip. Is this place to be successful?

I want that too. Yeah. I think that week when the votes finally get counted.

Hopefully.

Mhmm. We will be up, and you will be on cloud nine. And I'm hoping

this group

will be dealt with. I'm going through our Twitter. I'm gonna make tomorrow. Late tomorrow afternoon or the next day, I'm going through our Twitter, and I'm making sure there's nothing the screwed troop. Can get us for.

Good. That's great. That's great.

Well, yeah, you're gonna be very, very happy. Next week's got skip. I promise you we got a lot of stuff coming on the pipeline, and they're gonna count the votes, and it's gonna be great.

And all I want tell you guys, you know what we'll you know how I'll consider the next week a win? I'm gonna put a very a very definite they an expectation that we'll make it so that next week is a win if we can break double digits. And if we can break a hundred on the list, After all the voice voice are counted, I I think Yeah.

We know who's counting That

that is a is a measure.

That's another issue that John Voit is the vote counter.

Yeah. Well, the it's is it an issue or it's great that the voice are being kind because, of course, John Voit and I are a couple conservative celebrities. And so I might send Voit a little text Grease

the wheels. We know you know him well. Grease the wheels.

Yes. John voided ice cream at kids together, and it's So let's break a hundred and fellows -- Yeah.

--

i am very grateful for you. Thanks for to the three of you for coming to my show the other night. That really helped the numbers. And everybody, come check out me and the jaw unjolly green giant doing a fantastic show of he's big, I'm tiny, or which one is it? Whether that should be fun.

And, of course, come check up Shark tour. It might be the last tour you ever see,

need to see. And and if you are walking in any sort of exterior part of the resort, do not carry meat of any kind. Do not carry any food. If you need to carry food, you can you can walk around if you need to carry food with a a sort of extended vindle situation where it's at least thirty feet in the air. No food in the exteriors around here. I because -- I

do worry about the extended bindle with with the with the flying with the hawks. So I wouldn't even do the bindle just know me I would say.

Yeah. You're out of the buffet.

You don't

bring sand to the beach. You don't bring food to the buffet.

That's right. Yeah. And and also do not prop open any doors. I know it gets a little stuffy inside sometimes.

Please.

Do not prop open any doors, particularly to buffet. Yeah. And so that's just a big a big note for everybody staying at Sonal shorts this week. Just don't open any of the doors.

For the love of God, folks.

No unattended kids. Do not leave your kids unattended. We're not gonna be able to find them all. Yeah.

But folks, I know all that sounds alarming, but just know, we are open and ready for business and thriving.

So come

on down to subtle shores, For your huge vacation, big or small, we got you covered.

Yes, we do. Huge vacation,

big or small, Suttle shores

--

mhmm.

--

has got you covered, folks. Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of Last Resort and we hope to see you back here next week. And until then, it here so.