Big Birdshowitz

Welcome to Last resort, the podcast where billionaire jet setters eat prey lovers in a family of five. Just looking for a nice getaway, can tune in to get the inside scoop. On the goings on, at the currently unranked off beach, Gulf Coast vacation spot, in the beautiful USFA, subtle shores, resort, buffet, and offshore casino. I, of course, and Scott skipped Powell. Here, with my four cohorts, well, three cohorts.

Hello. Dwayne the rock newman over here, crooner, spooner, sixty Mooner.

Yeah. Which is that's a new sex position you came up with?

Yeah. The you go from spoon to sixty moon, baby. I'm excited to try it.

Which is when an elderly couple shows each other their butts? They moon each other and they can't climax.

They moon each other and and they both get off and it's all in my new book of Dwayne Sutra. Or karma pneuma? We're still working on the title, but it's all different positions for crooners and stuff.

You said you have the pictures done.

The pictures are done, and it's all it's all sex positions for the for sixty five and above.

And I

saw a lot of the photos of the book, and it was you and a woman escaping sort of a a a stick figure drawing, kind of a clear

drawing of I wouldn't say escaping, the woman was there by choice and changed her mind.

Right. Right. There's no

there's no kidnapping type of stuff in there or anything like that. But yeah, it is a lot of it's based on real experience so then a lot of the book is what do you do when you're by yourself and your date remembered you know She

That she didn't like you. Yeah.

didn't like you.

Or a past lover. Right? If these are old folks, you

know, you're right.

You're thinking of someone who you loved more, maybe.

Yeah, there's one of me with a with the past lover and a current lover in in the moment deciding this is not where I saw my life. What have I been doing for the past thirty years and that's the one if you look there where there's a hole in the wall because she ran straight out the wall straw.

They are all stick figures, but you can really glean all this info for I mean, it's well drawn for sure.

Yeah, it's well drawn and you know the people know this, but for a while, I only dated skeletons. And so the stick figures are the most accurate version of the people I was into and the, you know, the type that I have, I guess.

Right. I remember you going to many a haunted house with you, you had butterflies in your tummy. What you love? You love butterflies. You love this small thing.

We love butterflies that way people. I love butterflies. I love, you know, nature. I love a sunset. I mean, I will stop the car and pull over if you if there's a sunset and you're driving.

You you

are so You're welcome back

by beauty. I am.

But I I I mean, I could talk about Beauty all day. I could obviously talk about karma Numa, my new sex positions book. But let's let's introduce everybody.

I'm sorry. Yes. My is Sydney Powell, of course, guest entertainment, head captain, runs the ferry, and head head of all entertainment. You know, I do the surfing, I do kayaking, and I also have to watch the rental shack.

Yes, rental shack's been getting ran sack recently.

That's right. I've been really sleepy, and it just seems that people keep sneaking in And I I would've thought, you know, these are big kayaks. They're tough to steal, but we've really been seeing them fly off the

shelf. There you are. Your hat over your face Classic crumbs

up on the log. Position. That's right. Well And even though I

didn't caught it. I put on

some Kenny Chestney, and I pull my hat down, and I knock out. I mean, there's just nothing you can do with little Chesney on the radio, and you got the salt on your mustache from

this from the scene. Around town is, like, the guy who watches the rental shack is a classic Chesney.

Everybody knows everybody kinda follows our hay bale or straw delivery. And when the straw is delivered, they know you're about to bite down pull the hat down and just nod off and, you know, like like moths to a flame, they come

and they

transact the shack.

Well, I'll

you're so sky high every morning taking people out, catching groupers and and swordfish and stuff, and you're coped up out there. When you get back

to say the

least. You conk out and

people are coming

in and they're getting the inner tubes and stuff.

I hop in my car, you know, before I run down and get more gas for the boats. I'll put my two black feet up on the dashboard and just kick back to some chest knee, and I'll fall asleep for two, three hours, four hours, five hours.

Yeah. Your feet get so dirty. Hours. Your feet get so dirty. People are studying them now. Right?

That's right. Absolutely. Absolutely. People are fascinated by how quickly my feet can go from clean to dirty and how also how long the dirt will stay.

Right. There's a lot of videos of monks sitting and watching the videos of your feet trying to figure out wow, he can get over a fire even better than us.

That's right. Yeah. Yeah. I don't I don't actually walk the coals, but I do often forget my flip flops on the boat and have to walk across our parking lot which has been kit compared to hot coals. From the boat, through the parking lot to the rental shack, I pretty much have fused the the first two layers of skin on my feet into a soul of a shoe. Yeah.

Because he's also tried to use one of those sort of foot peels. You know, the things where you sort of put the -- Yeah.

the chemicals in a bag and you tie them around your feet, And last time you did that, you were the only person who's never had any skin come off?

--

None. None whatsoever. All that happened was that smoke started to come out of the bags and everybody in the room got sick. Whoa.

So you kind of had a tear gas situation with your foot bags.

Yeah. Well, when you're out on this you you're out on the water and you're just getting salt, and you're getting chum blood. And then you walk across that hot parking lot. And, you know, I don't know what happens. Some people say it's a chemical reaction. Some people say it's creating elements we've never seen before harder than charcoal.

Right. And how many and could because and you you actually had scientists come and discover because you say some people, there was these these were separate groups of scientists who came Well, first, they're all scientists.

Yeah.

It all started with the associates giving me the ranking for blackest dirtiest feat.

Congratulations. Of your class.

Thank you so much. I gotta I gotta give it up to the associates who are watching us with a close eye knowing how many strange records we're gonna

thank you, Associates.

But then, yeah, definitely have to give it up to the scientific community for coming out from Florida State to make sure you're coming out.

Thanks for coming out scientists.

Yeah.

Thank you so much for

coming out. Joe, you know all about this, Joe. You've had oil stains on your body that have lasted for weeks, I've seen.

Oh, my god. My skin is absorbs oil, and I've actually had three or four liver transplants from just how much oil I get on me. My my my liver runs like an old model t, just puffing and popping. You if you listen they can't listen to my heart with the stethoscope anymore without it busting out their ear drums because it sounds like it sounds like an old boat in there.

Well, you had to get a second opinion from your doctor, and he sent you to a mechanic. Right? He said that you he he thinks you might need an oil filter, not another liver. You've gone through too many.

That's right. Anytime I'm feeling bad at all, I just show up to the Bolt counter at

a Napa. And they put some

they put that little car computer in me, and it says, like, your airbags dead. It says all kind of shit. Yeah. Yeah. Hello, everyone. Dro yep. I put an r in it. Yep. It's Dro now. But I don't even really go by my first name, but I did have it changed. Drojap Jap? You took the

r from the middle one and put it on

i did. Don't know. For a name change, you only get the letters you have. So you gotta do

some scrubs with the group.

Yeah. That's right. I did a sweet true this week. It's drove jop cloth. Yeah. And, no, I didn't get my granola cereal mixed stuck with rocks. This is just my voice.

Well, that is just your voice, but I also think the first part's true. You did here.

Well, I pulled that because that did actually happen. Yeah. I can't just make shit up, you know, off the top of my head, but that yeah. I do constantly well, I store my cereal in the the incoming dock. Here at the back of the last resort -- Mhmm. -- at subtle shores. So I've always They're receiving doc. Yeah. You know where the eighteen wheelers back up, and there's a little piece of rubber, and they bump on it. Yeah. I've never seen

you get a grocery delivery before.

Also, don't

i would say you take ordering in bulk

to a new level. Listen, I have so many damn potatoes. I got too many potatoes. Do you know that I've got potatoes so old.

How old are they?

Thanks for hitting that in here. This is voice. You do what I wanted. They grew those little pasty little things. So big.

How how are they?

Are they?

That a giant That is green, lives all the potato things.

Oh, okay. We should address this. If your little boy is going up to the green giant on top of

the potato and stealing all his gold stuff, he is phi five full flam with us.

Okay. He's been coming down and he is upset. So make sure if you've stolen the dryants, rolled in a swan, or a fruit that lays the golden egg or golden.

Okay. Just say it to my face. Just say it to my face, Wayne. Just say it to my face. Don't fray it has a question for somebody who's kids out there. Just say it to my face. I know you guys

think lunatic.

Then it's not Dennis, you can't time.

Stow to the

cold and tense. Climb. Yeah. Right.

Dennis? These giants walking around

saying tick, talk, talk, tick. I smell the blood of a Luna tick.

That's clever. I think that's clever.

And I'm

sure that somebody

else would vote.

We all know his father's dumb. Okay. He's saying Well,

it could be any of our kids then.

Do a

roast of you skip.

Well, it

any of our children there.

could be

The giant The giant had me roll it on the floor a lot.

Well, I'll say this. I'll say it now in front of everybody. My son is not climbing up the beanstalk and stealing the giant's gold stuff. If he was, I would see it. You can't hide that much gold. Okay? There's nothing in the house. Our house is full of nothing expensive. You guys know that. So there's absolutely no way that he could hide anything gold in our house unless he's got some sort of storage room or something. Right. And he's too young to get one of those. They won't let you. So

i think

we should just drop it.

If you're listening at home, And you're on maybe your fifth week listening to the Settle Shores podcast wondering, when am I gonna pull the trigger? When am I gonna go ahead and get my tickets to go down to Settle Shores? Just know, we're continually adding attractions. We now have a not so jolly green giant, who is well, he's v five full funming around. But He is still an attraction.

Oh, yeah. We're making money over the giant.

The giant the giant and I are doing kind of a friars club like show, which is pretty great. And he goes around and he gets a ripples with everybody. Me Mai Mo Muu, this guy looks like a tub of goo. And it's been a lot of fun to just watch him do he can do crowd work depending on where you're from. He does does great rhymes.

And this is a really interesting role for you because you're sort of his sidekick and the sidekick for the first time.

I disagree.

What?

I think that it's a it's a dual show. Okay. I mean, Obviously, with the billing, we couldn't figure out top billing, so our names are written on top of each other. And it's a little hard for people to know what the show is, but Do you guys you know this sidekick that I obviously do the opening second number and I also do the closing second to last number.

So guess, just when you're watching and there's a there's a giant, green giant walking around with the microphone roasting the audience, and you're sitting in the background sort of supporting with Croons. It just feels a little bit like you're, you know, the Andy Rictor.

Okay.

No offense. I I think Andy Rictor's cool.

Annie Richter Salerius. Yeah. I mean, I feel like that's a compliment. I mean, some would argue he's better than coden's. Yes.

Well, if I'm the end director then why when he's doing his set, am I standing behind him doing little puppet strings on my waist?

Well, that's weird for us because that you're doing Conan's bit

because I'm the lead. I go out there and I do that and I do, you know Do headlines I do headlines from the back. Did you and by the way, did you guys see this? Did you hear about this? You don't need to move

to us here. Come on.

You did a top ten list?

to get a bottom. You also did a then the the audience did a bottom five list.

Really, try

Yeah. They

were all shirts of yours?

Which is weird. It was the bottom five things we've ever seen.

And it's so weird how they get on so the same page Even though they're all meeting each other for the first time.

You sell the whole thing in unison, the audience did. What syllable for syllable, they gotta be.

Yeah. Yeah.

that's that's another great show because it's comedy, it's music, and it's something you've never seen four. Come out and see the green giant featuring croon. And, you know, you're gonna love it. We really, really love it.

But, hey,

Yeah. And I As you mentioned earlier, Scott Skip, you Scott Skip. Scott Skip? He always did so Scott skip, and he hits the skip, which I love. You said we're unranked, and that's because they're counting the votes.

Well, that's what that's what we're assuming. They did say I I'm assuming there's two reasons. I think we are now technically a new business. We've changed our name legally. Adding an offshore casino to the end. So the paperwork's going through. They obviously you know, people maybe wrote in Suttle Shore just resort and buffet instead of offshore sure casino. So I feel like this is just a clerical error. There's no way that we could've completely dropped off the list, or they stopped reporting us as a resort because the changes we've made have been Well, we

were ahead early on. We were very ahead early on in the count. Is that true?

I sources inside. I've had a few people watching there I'm calling them Count challengers. There are people who sort of go to where the votes are cast to to sort of see where it's playing with this. They're account challengers. They they do kind of have, like, they're kind of goth kids.

Boy, mister Shushu. Is if they wanted the count to be fair, why did they have it when the sun was out? That's my big question. Because our challengers couldn't be there for the count when the sun was out. And obviously, they did it during a full moon. So a lot of our challenges were ravaging people eating, having ripping their clothes, growing hair,

yeah. It's so unfair.

Well, also, there's certain these meals that are packed full of garlic. At the election counting. And it's like, okay, so we get it. You wanna stink us out.

Once they once they got the Stinking Rose involved, we knew that there was some going on.

knew there was something And I truly I get so frustrated when I hear that in order to be allowed into the counting room, you've gotta have a heartbeat. I don't understand why. Not James.

We

Unfair. That disqual yeah.

It disqualifies a huge portion of people who support us and who vote for us.

Regular people are regulars, everybody.

Yeah. Seriously, Frankenstein. I mean, it's just there's there's all sorts of people who deserve to have their voice heard.

Hey. These count challengers, they take too long to count the damn votes.

Yes.

Then they're one. Two.

The game isn't way too long. A familiar cadence for sure.

So where are we at?

Gotta give it time. Did you

guys see that big tall guy who wasn't quite a count, but he was there sort of watching things too. Kinda Kind of feathery Yeah. That's our lawyer,

alan Big Birtuits.

Big Birtuits. Oh, I hadn't met him yet.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bertuitz has helping us out and he's doing it with the count and he kept an eye on stuff and he's very litigious and feathery and the delightful on Well,

i hope our lawyer's litigious. I really do.

Yeah. Yeah. Last one, we fired our own litigious lawyer, folks.

Oh my god. This guy would not litigate anything for and it's like, okay. Well, you're taking the ten percent. That's for sure.

He was

like, I don't wanna piss anybody off.

Yeah. We hired a we hired a non confrontational lawyer.

This guy A

lot of people say that's

just an accountant.

Yeah. The judge said,

i think this guy's guilty and the lawyer refused to object because he didn't wanna ruffle any again, feathers, big birch width.

Big bird.

But, yeah, this cow's bullshit. They need to hurry up. Let our people in there. Maybe they could help.

Like I said, I'm I'm assuming it's a clerical error, but but big Burtzowitz will get to the bottom of it, I'm sure. And and if he does it, then, you know, he'll have to answer to us. You know? Yep. Like, we're we're We're we this whole week has been about owning owning our business. We've been on the

whole of our past mistakes, and we are grandly open. Right? This is grand.

Despite the chaos that you guys have heard about, the past five episodes, the Grand opening party really, really worked. Am I wrong about

that? It worked.

It definitely worked.

The party worked

i I didn't wanna say it was a success because I felt like What?

Well

right. But it worked. Got all the thing all the things that we expected to have happened, happened. The everyone was paid.

The porta potties arrived. Well, say that.

They arrived and they and they worked, technically.

Yes.

There was no water that blue water that you put in on I forgot to order the blue water. So Well, that's how they

catch you.

People, too,

you thought you'd have to order the blue water. Who who who thought you'd have to order the blue wall? Well, that's

what you don't know about these industries, like with Xerox. They don't make any money selling the copier. They make money selling the service. It's the same with these porta potties, couple plastic walls, tiny grates that definitely don't do enough to let the air out on top, and then you're paying handover fist for blue all the time.

Well, I didn't. I also forgot that you had to order the vents. So ours were were unvented. You have to order

the vents to be cut out of the yeah. The sheet. So we had what we're called the air tightest Andy Gump's ever invented.

And I don't know if you guys noticed, I'm sure you did, but the base model comes with heat.

Yeah. So it seems like a huge expense.

We're just talking about the whole shore casino. I mean, it's tough for a whole shore area heated heated porta pot.

We're talking a heated, ventless porta John with no water in it.

No blue water.

Okay. They're

full. And they and they did come full, but they didn't say it before.

An add on?

That's what we paid for. We paid out the ads to get a hold.

It's like a tip jar. You want people to see some in there so they know that it works. They don't have We're

gonna have a wine outside of the club. Yeah. You can't just have an an empty line or an empty club.

Be with

me. Is this a porta potty? I don't know if I take a shit in this or what. I

don't know. I joked in. It's hot as hell.

And then they get in there and it's sealed up hot as hell, full to the brim and they go, Okay. I know I'm in the right place.

Oh. Yeah. I made it. I made it. And I hope that, you know, this thing locks from the inside. It didn't. They lock from the outside, which we learned the hard way.

And I'll tell you what, these ones I don't know if we ordered them wrong or what, but the con convex part that's normally at the top of the porta potty was accidentally at the bottom. So these things tip over like those punching bags sense here.

Yeah. Yeah. They do come back right up, but they do flail.

Flail is the word I would use. Yes.

Yeah. And you know, unfortunately, it was the windiest day of the year. So so and that's

not on that.

It's not on that we saw Gailforce wins. And, you know, we had fun. We painted clowns on the outside of the porta potties. People can come up and punch them. I mean, I I thought overall it was a win.

It kinda looked like a car dealership with the little inflatable tube, man. We we we took toilet paper and made little arms on some of them, so they kinda, you know, waved around in the woods.

of people are saying a lot of But we're we are calling the porta potty situation a win.

Kids a lot

It's a win. Hey, I'll say this. It worked. Based on the interactions we've had, Andy Gumpf is dumber than his brother. This guy, is it possible to deal with his his return policy stinks pun intended. Yes. And we're we're definitely gonna have a word a better business bureau about Andy Gump.

Well, thank thank God for some of our temporary fences. We went to his brother. We got forest gump fences. Yes. We are foursquare tools. This is better.

And those run away.

Then well, they worked a little bit better. I didn't say they worked all the way better.

Yeah. They were on our way and they show presidents their ass.

That's right. While we didn't mention this, Nixon came by.

Oh, yeah. How about that?

All the other resorts on the list? Did you

have Nixon?

And and we do have to put this to rest. He is a crook. He is a crook?

He is alive, and he's a crook.

Apologies to everyone who's robbed by Richard Nixon at the event.

That's right.

We we're trying to we've got Alan, big brochure, it's on suing him. But, yes, Nixon is a crook and he robbed everybody. And of course, George Bush was there and came with a bunch of new taxes. So the presidents came and lied, I would say top to bottom.

Yes. But George Bush was there to hang our banner for grand opening Mission accomplished.

That's right. And

that was nice.

He I was surprised that he's really let's just say he's gained a little weight and doesn't fit into the flight suit as much you used to be able

to. Yes.

Yeah. He's packed on a few.

I choose to believe his story, which is that the flight suit shrunk in the wash. We've all had it happen. You've shrank your your a costume or a thing that you used to wear. You wore you wore it. Ten years ago, you washed it to get ready for the event. It comes out of the wash, and all of a sudden, you don't fit it in anymore. That obviously happened with my grandpa's tuxedo at my wedding. Yes. And it's happened

it was very obvious.

And also your grandpa's tuxedo at his funeral, I I guess they they threw it in the wash again.

Right. And his call. Right?

Yes.

And I don't know how you throw that in the wash, but it was little

that that was the pressure wash. I think you when they pressure washed it because it was so dirty. Right. It kinda Oh,

yeah. You guys your

family reuses a coffin. Right? They just throw it down there, and they bring it back a year later?

Well, honey, let's be honest. The year with your fibula?

Yeah. Well, ish. You know? And and and tradition is tradition, guys. Listen. There's only You're

so Your

bones are too. Your bones are only down there for so long. Okay? Decomposition is a process that doesn't when you're like my family, decomposition doesn't take very long. So Usually, about nine to ten months after being in the ground, we'll dig up the we'll dig up the body, throw it back down there in a rubbermaid, and then take the coffin. Because at that point, the body's had its time in the coffin, and we like the shared sort of experience. Okay?

And before we move on real quick, I I do wanna just say much respect to George w Bush that things are coming out.

Thank you.

You know, we always love him, and we always love when he shows up. So thank you so much.

We always shouldn't

we are obsessed with your weight, and we're sorry about that. We we mentioned it in front of you. We introduced you. That way, Dwayne did a pretty pretty intense introduction for GW.

And a pretty intense character, I would say.

Oh, the what I was being I was playing a character, you're saying? Yes. That's true. Well, I followed George w Bush around with a big tuba or a bassoon. Right. And I kinda played a waddlers song like, don't dad don't bother about other dad don't. And then whenever he stopped, I said, wide load coming through.

Right.

And it's already so hard for George w Bush to go in public already. He's is and should be humiliated for his whole existence. And so now it's even worse based up because of the whole weight thing that we're doing to him.

But anyway, big shout to him for coming down. Thank you so much.

We love you, Ginopp. We love you. We only rest of the legends we love.

And I guess other big news in just, you know, subtle shores is often popping. This week was the big grand opening. And I wanna say, the offshore casino really turned around. We got that thing tipped over and drained mostly and it was really working.

It was interesting to see what happens when a when a floating casino like that is full up of people. You know? Because you you you don't know how deep it's gonna sink once it gets full up. Mhmm. And we sort of reached capacity

only needs a ballast. You gotta have some type of ballast in this thing or else it's plopping around, you know? That's right. And we had some ballast.

But I will say we what we are always wants to make lemons at a lemonade. I couldn't remember any songs from the album.

Three.

But and so depending on the name change situation, if it's not too much of an inconvenience, We do want to announce that we are now subtle shores, buffet, offshore casino, and underwater cemetery. So that's big news for everybody.

Huge news. I think we're we're trying to bring in a new crowd on accident, but it's really working out.

Yeah. Are you tired of the normal thing you do after when you die? And I'm you wrote this way.

That's right. Word for word, you got your needle to keep going. And maybe hundreds never hit the

after a little. Under water grave. Six feet not enough, we'll take you ninety feet below sea level, and then another six. And, yep, we'll put you in there and lock you away forever.

That's right. Beautiful Adread. I couldn't have done it better myself.

And we're thinking that this is a great way to have a funeral because you usually funerals are drab and sad, and you don't go on vacation for them. But we're thinking that this could be just a great way to flip the script, if you know what I mean.

Yeah. Are you trying to have a destination funeral? Then this is what you gotta do, you know?

You know, take your take your loved one on one more trip, you know, before or after.

Yeah. And it's not all death and pain here. I do wanna say that we had some big winners in the casino. Somebody hit Bing on the Mike and Molly machine. Mhmm.

Yeah. And they disappeared.

Yeah. So what once we find that person, we will be giving them their million dollars and congratulate.

Yeah. And and I'll also like to congratulate the lovely newly wed couple that put their whole life savings on on thirty one. On the roulette table and hit big. Also, once we find them as well, we'd love to congratulate them in person. Yes. So so congratulations to them.

And there was an old lady who struck it big on the Mike and Molly slots.

Mhmm.

Mhmm. And she's gone.

Did we know?

We're on there. We're on it. We're

on it.

We do. Yeah.

And we all wanna say, we have some of the largest sharks that circle the casino, and it's an attraction. It's on purpose -- Mhmm.

--

and they're growing rapidly.

Well and then that few, of course, are now starting the the the shark watching tours.

Mhmm.

Yes. A lot of people a lot of people say whale watching is a thing. You say, you know, shark watching. We've we've I think we we've talked about this now.

It's been very successful. Absolutely. Because whale watching is beautiful, but it's not scary enough. You know what

i mean? Mhmm.

So we do shark watching with what you've heard of as glass bottom boats, but we do bottom missing boats. Yes. And so the shark can come right up in the boat, swim up in the middle, almost like deep blue sea where the shark comes into the lab.

And now tech tech I mean, I'm a I'm a tech y guy. You know? So I'm always interested in this kind of technology.

Of course, few

weeks ago. Hahn. The technology behind these boats, I find impressive, because they do not have The technologies.

I mean, what wait. We're all techies here.

We're all techies new downgrade. We're all tech.

Anakin, Anakin. Get out of here.

We're techies. We're techies. These are tacky beaks. Okeydokey. You know?

Anyway, we're not, you know, I agree, Skip. You are a huge techy and you've been helping us out and you've got a lot of exciting stuff going on on that shark watch.

Yes. No. I do. Of course, everybody's heard of a metal detector. I have sort of outfitted each of these boats, I sort of created a a sort of I it's a shark detector. It's a it's a sort of radar that shoots out of the bottom of the boat that shows you every shark. The the test run that we ran on it, there was more sharks than any other fish. It was kind of like when the radar pulse hit, it was you know, it's red when there's a shark. It's blue when it's just open water. The ratio is about eighty percent red, twenty percent open water, which to me means I'll tell you this. If you do a shark watching tour, you're definitely gonna see a shark. A lot of times people sell you on a whale watching shore. You won't even see a whale. It all depends on if they have you know, mating season or if you're in their migration path, folks, we can tell you this. You will get close-up contact with a shark if you take one of our

have all different packages. We have just the viewing from the boat package, of course. We have the the toes in the water package, which is a little bit more expensive, but also a little bit more immersive,

and we

you know. It's like we have the space

down pack. Exactly.

Do the sharks come up and eat all all the little skin off your toes, all the dead skin, and you're sometimes your feet and the rest. But

that's right. And I don't know what it is about where we situated the offshore casino But the associates have said, it is nature's most popular spot for sharks.

Oh, yeah. I I'd like to say this. I'm very excited about the shark tours. If anyone knows David Attenborough, get him the fuck out of here. He's walking around and he's just talking and talking and talking.

Right. I overheard I overheard him recording some Vo for a segment last two or three days ago. And I I It was the weirdest It was just the weirdest sentence I've ever heard. He said, any person who would come within feet or a half a mile of this location should consider themselves dead. Mhmm. And I was like, what is that? First of all, come within a half a mile.

Then how's he

doing it, buddy?

I'm there every day.

How's he still alive?

Yeah. Where's the

freak everyday? I heard him mumbling around on the beach the other day recording some BO, and and he was like, I know this sounds crazy. But you know how the great barrier reef is disappearing? Part of me thinks they've brought. A piece of it here. And I was like, what? That can't be he's onto us. I mean, that's not true.

And true.

I also saw him walking around mumbling to himself just to sort of put out the candle on Attenborough. I know when he's voiceovering on Planet Earth, he sounds fancy and cool. The guy looks like a bum. He's walking around the beach mumbling into a recorder by himself.

And

sure it looks cool when you put it on fancy video. But he's just a crazy person.

So lucky to have that accent because he looks like trash.

Yeah. So if you see At andborough, if if you basically see like a big sack of linens walking around, That's attenborough, spit on them, throw something at them, get them out of here. We don't want them to feel welcome at all. And going back to the shark tour, I do wanna ask really quick Sydney, and I think this is probably unrelated to the shark stuff. But have you found the human growth hormone that you spilled?

No. No. And it was it wasn't just human growth hormone. It was

any animal growth.

I think it was Yeah. It was AGH, Any growth hormone? Any. Any.

Yeah. Yeah. Obviously, because a couple of the sharks have now won the tour to water. And they were

excuse me real quick. I'm gonna go dip my dick in the pool. Well, I

guess we have to take a break real quick. Every once in a while, drop cloth has an impulse and he has to do it immediately. So we're gonna run and take a little break. Sorry. You need

to do it real quick. You got it.

I wonder where I left my miniature potion. My potion that makes things tiny. That's at the pool and I lost it. Yeah, we'll see.

Breaker breaker come in. Where are all my friends at?

We're right around the corner, Sydney.

That's right. We're so close to you but we're still using these amazing c b radios from c b g b's.

Shut on. They're not they're not they're not

there's just something

that sounds more official about your friendship when you're doing it over the air.

No. No. No. No. No.

No. No.

No. No. No.

That's right. You know, it's sometimes you're you're just far enough away from a friend that you can't you can't have that one on one conversation and you miss that sort of interplay.

Sub Zero.

But with a CB radio, it's like your friend is right next door.

Johnny Kate.

Come in, Sydney.

Go to six. I think there's someone on our channel.

Mhmm. K.

Hey. I'm over here on six now. I think we're alone now.

Okay. Just switch to six. Are you there?

Hi. I think you're on my channel. These CB radios only have a few channels, so you have to make sure you don't encroach on someone else's.

And we're back on channel one. That's right, folks. These CB radios have a distance of one hundred and twenty five yards. Kano. And six different channels to choose from.

Long antenna included. Carry it with you everywhere you'll go.

E Honda not. Finish him.

Vinnie shimp.

E Honda not.

So folks, Get on down to the CB radio store, CBGBies, and get yourself the best short range CB radio money can buy.

CB Geebies, we had to switch it up.

Alright, folks. Thanks so much for sticking through the break. I really appreciate it. And we just wanna come back here and and let you guys know, you know, with the grand opening, you know, the reach got wider. You know? People heard about the resort, and people were interested. We had a few reviewers from local newspapers and newspapers from general area that came through. And you could say, we solicited them. A lot of those came from direct mailings where we asked people to come, and enjoy the resort and and and post their reviews online or write them in their papers. And so we just wanted to sort of take this opportunity to to to jump through a few of these because it's always nice it's nice for us to know where we stand at all times. Right?

Yeah.

See, did did did anybody wanna jump in and and

oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I could do mine first. It's an interesting one. It's a it's not exactly a review, but it is a nice mention, I would say. Oh, okay. A prestigious paper. So this is a New York post blind item. You know, there's blind items where the little secret celebrity stories they don't reveal who the celebs are. Yes. And it's very exciting for, you know, gossip heads.

And so you're just gonna go ahead and reveal who it is by admitting that it's about us?

No. It's not about us. It's about people that we're here, which is the

site Oh, good. Good.

Like a gossip out there.

Alright. And it's definitely not about anyone we know?

Great. Great.

Well, I don't wanna rule anybody in or out because that, you know, it It's a spoiler if you rule anyone in.

Oh, yeah.

It's a blind item. So let's go into it. Unviewed, let's say.

Yeah.

A certain friend's co star was seen swimming with the forgotten obviously Jewish Christmas crooner. Witnesses say things got a little hot and heavy when the crooner accidentally lit his shirt on fire while smoking a cigar too close to a drum of massage oil while wearing shoes with fifty pound ankle weights to bulk up his quote, toothpick calves. So that's exciting. That's awesome. Yeah.

Wow.

So that's gotta be about you, Dwayne.

Well, I don't know.

You are swimming with Shwimbo?

I was yeah. I don't know. I don't I don't wanna reveal a blind eye if it could be any friends co star. It could be

well, we do know who was here. We know who was here. Well,

was here. Swimming.

that's where I

Yeah. You

think the blind item was too obvious that they're doing over there?

Well, I I didn't like this blind item. Because they said the obviously Jewish.

Yes. Great. So what so to me, that means it wasn't me. Though I I did happen to light my cigar, a little too close to a barrel of massage oil and I did light myself on fire and swimmer had to carry me. To the fire department because they

are no longer doing calls to

Right. Yeah. They sold their trucks.

us.

They

and

they where they've they've put us under the cried wolf?

Yes. We're under we're under the cried wolf.

We've been labeled cried wolf. Yeah.

For fire departments, Better Business Bureau, police departments.

Which I think is unfair because CryD Wolf is when there isn't a fire. We just have a lot of fires. It's They may not be up to their standards of fires, but they Also,

i'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. You know who's cried Wolf List I wanna get put on is the health department Because I am so I am incredibly tired of waking up every day and having another representative

yes.

from the health department knocking on the front door of the resort

--

--

--

yeah.

saying, you've you've you've dodged us for the last three weeks. We haven't been able to inspect the premises. Okay? We're crying wolf.

People are getting sick from your hand towels.

No. Whoever is reporting us to the health department, those people are crying wolf. There's no signs of rampant -- Right.

--

bacterial infection.

Well and how about this?

On our reserve premises.

Let's say this. If people are getting sick from the hand towels, Which do you want? Do you wanna be excited that you're using a hand towel that we got from famous baseball football and basketball players right after the game? Do you wanna use a used -- How

do you value?

--

colonial hand towel? Or do you wanna not get sick? You can't get them both, folks.

Yeah. What do you want?

And speaking of, you know who I wish maybe would take us off their cried Wolf list is the department of fish game and wildlife I would love for them to come and take care of the Wolfs.

Totally. It

it to me, if I could say one constructive criticism, it's that we shouldn't have brought in wolves to take care of our allergy problem. I think we went too far with that.

Yeah. They said there are crying wolves there. Right?

Well, yeah. Well, first of all, because we figured we didn't budget for food for the wolves because we figured they'd just eat the algae and they'll be fine. Little did we know wolves don't eat algae.

No. Not So they

haven't taken care of the problem. No. And so they are crying

the thirsts for flesh.

Yeah. Hunger thirsts, the whole thing. They're they're juicing us. They're well, not us, but they're juicing people. They have a But

folks, that's that's one review. Okay? It's our grand opening. And plenty of people have come down and commented positively. I've only read the beginning of this one, but let me just share this one. This is from an influencer. So very modern, very cool.

Cool.

Their name is Travelbug forty two.

Ray.

Travelbug forty two writes as a full time influencer and travel journalist, I've never received so much engagement.

Pretty good.

Wow. Every post I made accidentally had something crazy in it, and I didn't realize it until it was too late. Okay? Well, that sounds like her fault, not our fault. At the buffet, pretty good, mostly cold food. The one thing I was really excited about was the chocolate fountain. But when I posted my selfie, I realized there was a man the back on a stretcher in full traction. Again, check your photos, that's not us. So I moved on to the beach. I found a beautiful palm to sit under and even better an umbrella with drink service. That's right.

Gorgeous.

So I took a pic of my toes as you do, only to realize later that the same man that was in traction before was under my seat and ruin my toe pick. Please do not sound off in the comments. Okay. But on our part, nice umbrella, nice drink service. Yes.

Everything's beautiful. And yeah, we're sorry that a man coded a few times. And also his rule is for some reason, no EMTs.

And let me just finish off the review because I'm sure it ends good. Needless to say I was not having fun, and that's okay. Need Sure. So I went back to my room for a surefire vacation pick. A balcony shot with the ocean in the background. I inspected the pics endlessly and realized this was this one was guy free. But just as I posted, a huge vacuum cleaner helicopter came by carrying the man in traction, banged him into me on the balcony, knocking me off and forcing me into traction myself and I am writing this review from the hospital next to the man in traction. I am dead. I don't think the last part is even possible. So -- Wow.

--

it's not submarines or lies.

Last words.

Well, I mean,

written last words. Now I'm stupid. What is traction like, indirect?

Pretty much locked to the headboard to make sure that his

neck Gotcha.