0:00:14 Customer 2
Edited
[unintelligible imitation of reversed speech]
Fully Edited
268 of 268 lines edited (100%)
mini-07
Madison Square Olive Garden (EPISODE 6 PLAYED IN REVERSE)
Originally aired: June 13, 2019
As mentioned in the previous episode, this is what cinamini episode 6 sounds like when played in reverse.
0:00:36 Waiter 1
Edited
[unintelligible] ...pizza... [unintelligible] ...plate
0:00:40 Customer 1
Edited
[unintelligible] ...or use the napkin instead.
0:00:42 Customer 2
Edited
Does anybody have red pepper? [unintelligible] ...under the bridge.
0:00:49 Waiter 1
Edited
Shaved parmesan, let me know when enough.
0:00:52 Customer 2
Edited
That's enough. ...was there... [unintelligible]
0:00:57 Waiter 1
Edited
Anyone else shaved parmesan?
0:00:58 Customer 1
Edited
Keep going, keep going, keep going.
0:01:00 Waiter 1
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Just let me know.
0:01:00 Customer 2
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Bzz-bzz little more.
0:01:06 Customer 1
Edited
Thank you
0:01:07 Customer 2
Edited
In actually I'll take some more.
0:01:13 Waiter 1
Edited
Here's a... my arm is getting tired.
0:01:16 Customer 2
Edited
You can just leave it on the table I will do it myself.
0:01:21 Waiter 1
Edited
Have a nice meal, folks. I'll be right back.
0:01:24 Greg
Edited
Knock, knock, knock.
0:01:28 Customer 1
Edited
Who's there?
0:01:30 Greg
Edited
UPS.
0:01:31 Customer 1
Edited
UPS who?
0:01:33 Greg
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UPS FedEx.
0:01:37 Customer 1
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UPS FedEx who?
0:01:40 Greg
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UPS FedEx DHL.
0:01:44 Fake Manager
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UPS, uh, DHL who?
0:01:47 Greg
Edited
UPS FedEx DHL... Post office.
0:01:54 Customer 1
Edited
UPS FedEx DHL post office who?
0:01:59 Greg
Edited
Just kidding, it's Greg, let me get some parmesan.
0:02:03 Customer 2
Edited
Oh, Greg, it's good to see you, Greg.
0:02:06 Customer 1
Edited
Say when.
0:02:08 Greg
Edited
Little more. How you guys been?
0:02:12 Customer 2
Edited
We have had a good week. Greg, how are you?
0:02:15 Fake Manager
Edited
Hey guys, I am the manager, I heard there was a problem over here?
0:02:21 Customer 1
Edited
No, everything's good. We thought there was a delivery at your door.
0:02:27 Fake Manager
Edited
OK just want to—
0:02:28 Customer 1
Edited
But it's just our friend Greg.
0:02:31 Fake Manager
Edited
Just want to make sure everyone is satisfied here at The Olive Garden.
0:02:35 Greg
Edited
Are you sure you're the manager? I saw you sitting at another table.
0:02:42 Fake Manager
Edited
Oh, shoot, I forgot, I was just wearing what the managers wear here.
0:02:48 Delivery Man 1
Edited
Knock, knock, knock.
0:02:50 Customer 1
Edited
Who's there?
0:02:53 Delivery Man 1
Edited
1-800-Flowers.
0:02:56 Fake Manager
Edited
You [unintelligible]...
0:02:58 Greg
Edited
Don't leave now, you came over here just like the manager.
0:03:03 Customer 1
Edited
You're our friend now. 1-800-Flowers who?
0:03:07 Delivery Man 1
Edited
1-800-Flowers TeleFlora!
0:03:11 Fake Manager
Edited
Oh I have heard this one.
0:03:13 Greg
Edited
You actually ordered this?
0:03:17 Fake Manager
Edited
I ordered this joke to my table.
0:03:21 Customer 1
Edited
I'll have one joke for the lady.
0:03:24 Diane
Edited
Please don't order for me.
0:03:27 Customer 1
Edited
Oh it's a feminist!
0:03:27 Diane
Edited
Fuck you!
0:03:33 Delivery Man 1
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Everybody calm down.
0:03:35 Fake Manager
Edited
I think I should get back to my table.
0:03:38 Customer 1
Edited
Who did you come with today?
0:03:40 Fake Manager
Edited
I-I feel bad getting caught as the fake manager. I'm not the manager.
0:03:47 Diane
Edited
Honey, get back to the table. Stop pretending to be the manager.
0:03:53 Fake Manager
Edited
I'm sorry, Diane, here I come.
0:03:55 Diane
Edited
I'm beginning to think you dress up like managers on purpose so you can pretend to be them. And I want a divorce.
0:04:06 Fake Manager
Edited
Wait... wait... wait. Don't divorce me in an Olive Garden.
0:04:11 Waiter 2
Edited
Hello? Can I get you both some extra parmesan?
0:04:15 Diane
Edited
We're standing up having a fight!
0:04:18 Customer 1
Edited
Read the room, dude!
0:04:20 Waiter 2
Edited
Ok, I will head back to the kitchen with this bowl of parmesan.
0:04:25 Fake Manager
Edited
While you're there, you said 'bowl.' Can I get a bolognese?
0:04:31 Waiter 2
Edited
Would you like that as an appetizer?
0:04:33 Customer 1
Edited
This guy ordered a bolognese in the middle of his divorce!
0:04:39 Diane
Edited
Honey, this is unacceptable. Last time we had a fight you ordered a pizza!
0:04:47 Fake Manager
Edited
And what happened? It solved our problem.
0:04:50 Delivery Man 2
Edited
Knock, knock, knock.
0:04:51 Diane
Edited
Oh, who's there?
0:04:54 Delivery Man 2
Edited
Domino's.
0:04:56 Customer 1
Edited
Domino's who?
0:04:58 Delivery Man 2
Edited
Domino's Pizza Hut.
0:05:01 Fake Manager
Edited
Hello folks, I am the real manager here.
0:05:06 Diane
Edited
You simply stepped away a couple feet, put on a mustache, and came back.
0:05:11 Fake Manager
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That is because I am the real manager.
0:05:14 Customer 1
Edited
Why did you say 'real?'
0:05:18 Fake Manager
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Ok, ok, I've been caught.
0:05:21 Customer 1
Edited
You left your divorce to deal with a problem at the restaurant as the fake manager.
0:05:28 Fake Manager
Edited
How about that bolognese? I think the bolognese will calm us all down.
0:05:35 Diane
Edited
Okay, maybe that's true. Guess I'll have some bolognese and see if we can calm down.
0:05:45 Waiter 2
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Are we all invited to have bolognese? Or is this a issue that you want to deal with individually?
0:05:53 Fake Manager
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Of course. Here is a fork. Here is a fork. Here is a fork.
0:05:57 Diane
Edited
Perfect. Forks for bolognese. A bowl of bolognese sauce.
0:06:03 Waiter 2
Edited
Here is the bolognese.
0:06:05 Fake Manager
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Wait a second. Is there no pasta in this bolognese?
0:06:09 Waiter 2
Edited
You only ordered bolognese. You did not specify a pasta.
0:06:14 Fake Manager
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What kind of freak would only want sauce? What kind of freak would only want sauce?
0:06:20 Waiter 2
Edited
That is a good question. I just assumed you were going to put the bolognese on the pasta you had.
0:06:28 Diane
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At this Olive Garden, do you have to order the pasta separately?
0:06:34 Waiter 2
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Yes. This is a unique Olive Garden.
0:06:37 Diane
Edited
What's the name of it?
0:06:39 Waiter 2
Edited
Olive Garden...
0:06:40 Demon Voice 1
Edited
Satan!
0:06:40 Diane
Edited
Olive what?
0:06:46 Demon Voice 1
Edited
Satan!
0:06:49 Customer 1
Edited
One more time.
0:06:51 Demon Voice 1
Edited
Satan!
0:06:54 Customer 1
Edited
Oh, I think I've heard of this place.
0:06:57 Tom Hanks
Edited
Can I get a refill on my Coca-Cola?
0:07:00 Diane
Edited
Oh my God. Look who it is. It's Tom Hanks!
0:07:07 Customer 1
Edited
Tom Hanks drinks Coca-Cola in The Olive Garden.
0:07:10 Waiter 2
Edited
Tom Hanks walked up to me and asked for more Coca-Cola. I'll be to your table soon, Mr Hanks.
0:07:18 Tom Hanks
Edited
Okay, I was just unsure because you haven't been here in 35 minutes, and I wanted to go tackle it all.
0:07:25 Waiter 2
Edited
I didn't want to seem star-struck and like I was giving you too much attention.
0:07:31 Tom Hanks
Edited
It's more obvious when you ignore me that you love me.
0:07:34 Diane
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Mr. Hanks, can I ask you a question?
0:07:38 Tom Hanks
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Of course, I am the people's champ.
0:07:40 Diane
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What, sorry? Go back just a little bit.
0:07:45 Tom Hanks
Edited
I am the people's champ.
0:07:46 Diane
Edited
Okay, now my question has changed. Did you, did The Rock get his idea of 'The People's Champion' from you, Mr. Tom Hanks?
0:08:01 Tom Hanks
Edited
This is crazy, I get this all the time.
0:08:03 Diane
Edited
You do?
0:08:04 Tom Hanks
Edited
I get this all the time. He beat me and took my name in a match.
0:08:10 Waiter 2
Edited
Your name used to be The Rock.
0:08:13 Tom Hanks
Edited
My name was The Rock and I was a wrestler until I got big.
0:08:19 Waiter 2
Edited
You're saying before you shot the movie, 'Big,' you were a wrestler?
0:08:24 Tom Hanks
Edited
I shot the movie 'Big' and I was going to continue both a movie career and wrestling. But The Rock beat me up and told me, 'Stop wrestling.'
0:08:33 Diane
Edited
Were you simply just The Rock or were you multiple wrestlers?
0:08:38 Tom Hanks
Edited
I was also Papa Shango, who wears white face paint and does spells.
0:08:44 Diane
Edited
Were you any others?
0:08:47 Tom Hanks
Edited
Well, yes I was: The Ultimate Warrior.
0:08:52 Manager
Edited
Hey Tom, stop fraternizing, your tables need to be bussed.
0:08:56 Waiter 2
Edited
Wow. Tom Hanks works here as well.
0:09:00 Tom Hanks
Edited
It's been a rough stretch since 'Captain Phillips.' And I have to get a job to care for my son, Chet Hanks, who doesn't act.
0:09:11 Diane
Edited
So if your son doesn't act, he's immediately expensive to take care of.
0:09:17 Tom Hanks
Edited
My son has made me poor by not acting.
0:09:21 Demon Voice 1
Edited
Satan...Satan...
0:09:24 Demon Voice 2
Edited
Satan...
0:09:25 Demon Voice 3
Edited
Satan...
0:09:26 Demon Voice 2
Edited
Satan the devil.
0:09:27 Diane
Edited
I'm so sorry to hear that about your son. Were you any other wrestlers?
0:09:33 Tom Hanks
Edited
Of course I have come down from the rafters as Sting
0:09:38 Diane
Edited
That was you?
0:09:39 Customer 3
Edited
We remember that.
0:09:40 Tom Hanks
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Coming down from the rafters, coming down from the rafters.
0:09:44 Customer 3
Edited
Were you nWo Sting or real Sting?
0:09:48 Tom Hanks
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I was luckily there for both iterations.
0:09:51 Customer 3
Edited
Lucky you.
0:09:52 Diane
Edited
Lucky!
0:09:53 Waiter 2
Edited
When did you pass the mantle of Sting to the real Sting?
0:09:59 Tom Hanks
Edited
Well, uh haha, uh haha.
0:10:01 Customer 3
Edited
Sounds like it's going to be a funny story.
0:10:04 Tom Hanks
Edited
I think I am the real Sting. But I passed it to Gregory Schmibbledib to be the new Sting when I got 'Castaway.'
0:10:15 Diane
Edited
So you were simultaneously acting and being a wrestler.
0:10:18 Tom Hanks
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I was Sting and Tom Hanks for 15 years.
0:10:21 Waiter 2
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Wow, that is impressive.
0:10:23 Customer 3
Edited
And 'Castaway' was such a struggle to prepare for that you decided you could only do one or the other.
0:10:30 Tom Hanks
Edited
That's right. Would anyone like a refill?
0:10:33 Diane
Edited
Yes. I'll takes some more passion fruit tea.
0:10:34 Waiter 2
Edited
I'm sorry. I would, I, never mind.
0:10:39 Diane
Edited
What were you going to say? Were you going to tell us something emotional and you got scared?
0:10:45 Customer 3
Edited
It's okay to be vulnerable in front of strangers at The Olive Garden.
0:10:49 Demon Voice 1
Edited
The flames of hell burn eternal.
0:10:53 Demon Voice 4
Edited
Burn eternal. Burn eternal.
0:10:56 Demon Voice 2
Edited
Bernie Sanders-ternal.
0:10:57 Demon Voice 3
Edited
Bernie Sanders-ternal.
0:10:59 Demon Voice 1
Edited
Bernie Sanders' toenails need Purell.
0:11:01 Demon Voice 2
Edited
Bernie Sanders needs anti-bacterial for his toenails.
0:11:07 Demon Voice 4
Edited
Bernie Sanders would have been elected if not for his dirty feet.
0:11:11 Waiter 2
Edited
Bernie's feet are disgusting.
0:11:16 Diane
Edited
What were you going to say that was emotional?
0:11:19 Waiter 2
Edited
I was going to say that I've been working at this Olive Garden for a long time and I...
0:11:27 Diane
Edited
You're going to propose
0:11:28 Customer 3
Edited
To The Olive Garden?
0:11:30 Waiter 2
Edited
And this Olive Garden...
0:11:31 Tom Hanks
Edited
Oh my God. Oh my God. He is doing it.
0:11:35 Diane
Edited
Isn't The Olive Garden already married to its breadsticks?
0:11:39 Tom Hanks
Edited
I heard they were on the rocks.
0:11:42 Waiter 2
Edited
Yes, I was going to say: Olive Garden, if you are not happy in your marriage to your breadsticks, I would love to make me... I would love for...
0:11:56 Diane
Edited
Oh no, he's botching the proposal.
0:11:58 Tom Hanks
Edited
He would love to make himself the happiest man in the world.
0:12:02 Waiter 2
Edited
I would love to make myself the happiest man in the world by marrying you, Olive Garden.
0:12:10 Tom Hanks
Edited
Oh, my God, I'm just realizing this man is Borat.
0:12:16 Diane
Edited
Oh, my God. How did we not notice this whole time? Is this Sacha Baron Cohen as Borat?
0:12:23 Borat
Edited
I am wearing my tiny bikini.
0:12:27 Customer 3
Edited
On all days I come to The Olive Garden alone and get to see Tom Hanks and Borat.
0:12:33 Borat
Edited
That's right, Olive Garden, I would like to make you *my wife*.
0:12:38 Tom Hanks
Edited
Chicken parmesan, chicken parmesan.
0:12:43 Diane
Edited
Those were mine. Those were mine. Those were mine.
0:12:44 Diane
Edited
Those were his. Oh, my God. The Olive Garden is saying no. And unfortunately, it's on the jumbotron.
0:12:53 Borat
Edited
That is right. This Olive Garden is in a basketball stadium and I proposed in front of it and I am on the jumbotron. Please stop looking at me.
0:13:04 Customer 3
Edited
Oh, now they've turned the jumbotron, a proposal, into a Kiss Cam. No one will kiss this man.
0:13:12 Tom Hanks
Edited
Oh wait, oh wait. No-kiss Cam. It's the No-kiss Cam.
0:13:16 Customer 3
Edited
Sorry, Gene Simmons.
0:13:18 Borat
Edited
This is embarrassing.
0:13:20 Tom Hanks
Edited
They are kicking KISS out of the building.
0:13:24 Customer 3
Edited
Wow, KISS is doing the perp-walk out of the building and they are filming the whole thing.
0:13:28 Demon Voice 1
Edited
Satan's service. Satan!
0:13:31 Demon Voice 3
Edited
Knight in Satan's service.
0:13:34 Demon Voice 2
Edited
I love Satan. Satan!
0:13:36 Demon Voice 3
Edited
Perfect day.
0:13:37 Demon Voice 2
Edited
Eat me, Satan!
0:13:38 Demon Voice 1
Edited
Eat meat, Satan!
0:13:39 Demon Voice 3
Edited
Satan is a vegetarian!
0:13:42 Demon Voice 4
Edited
Satan is on keto.
0:13:46 Demon Voice 1
Edited
The fires of hell burn from ketogenic diets like fat in your body.
0:13:51 Diane
Edited
Hold on. Tom Hanks, why are you getting into a basketball uniform? Don't tell me you're also many different basketball stars.
0:13:59 Tom Hanks
Edited
No, no, this is a Halloween costume.
0:14:03 Diane
Edited
Oh right, it's in the dead of center of Halloween tonight.
0:14:07 Tom Hanks
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I am leaving The Olive Garden-slash-stadium to go trick or treating with my boy Chet Hanks.
0:14:13 Diane
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Oh, are you trick or treating because you're so poor and you need the candy for your family?
0:14:19 Tom Hanks
Edited
He will not be with me. I will be getting candy to give to my son.
0:14:22 Diane
Edited
What did he say? Were you disappointed when he told you he was not going to be an actor?
0:14:28 Tom Hanks
Edited
He said, Dad, I think we have enough money acting. I would like to be a rapper producer that no listens to.
0:14:35 Diane
Edited
That was part of his goal that no one would listen to him?
0:14:38 Tom Hanks
Edited
Absolutely. Lifestyle but no content.
0:14:42 Borat
Edited
Lifestyle, but no content.
0:14:45 Customer 3
Edited
Lifestyle, but no content.
0:14:46 Demon Voice 1
Edited
Satan hates content.
0:14:49 Demon Voice 2
Edited
Content is king.
0:14:52 Demon Voice 4
Edited
Satan has outlawed the internet from Hell.
0:14:56 Demon Voice 1
Edited
The Beatles stole my idea to record like this. It is Satan and the Beatles are kidding.
0:15:03 Demon Voice 2
Edited
The Beatles are kidding.
0:15:06 Demon Voice 4
Edited
The Beatles, their whole career, were just kidding.
0:15:08 Demon Voice 3
Edited
They're kidding. I'm serious, I am Satan and I am not joking about this.
0:15:15 Demon Voice 1
Edited
This is how albums are good backwards. The Beatles are only a joke.
0:15:19 Demon Voice 2
Edited
The Beatles thought that they were funny guys, but they are not actually funny.
0:15:26 Demon Voice 3
Edited
Satan is funnier than the Beatles, ask anyone.
0:15:29 Demon Voice 1
Edited
Satan is a wild and crazy guy.
0:15:32 Borat
Edited
Satan could do a lot of funny comedy, but he's stuck in Hell.
0:15:39 Diane
Edited
Satan actually met with Lorne in the late eighties, but he botched the meeting, so he didn't get to host 'Weekend Update.'
0:15:48 Tom Hanks
Edited
Satan and Farley are friends in Hell.
0:15:51 Customer 3
Edited
Farley picked Hell to hang with Satan, and they had a van down by Styx River.
0:16:00 Borat
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Farley was the only person to ever be given a choice.
0:16:04 Tom Hanks
Edited
If you ask me, reverse recording is cooler than forward recording, right?
0:16:09 Diane
Edited
Yes, I think the rest of the podcast will be this way now.
0:16:13 Borat
Edited
Yes, that is right. It will be from here on out.
0:16:17 Tom Hanks
Edited
And by that, of course, we mean Satan's podcast in that he's recording from hell backwards on the Teachers' Lounge.
0:16:24 Borat
Edited
That is right. It is called 'Satan Needs A New Friend.' It's...
0:16:31 Customer 3
Edited
'Satan Needs A New Friend.' I interview people in hell and say, Maybe we could hang.
0:16:37 Tom Hanks
Edited
Might as well start at The Olive Garden, my favorite restaurant.
0:16:41 Diane
Edited
Inside of a basketball place.
0:16:44 Tom Hanks
Edited
The New York Knicks play here.
0:16:46 Diane
Edited
It's Madison Square Garden we're in.
0:16:48 Borat
Edited
Madison Square Olive Garden is the name of this restaurant.
0:16:53 Tom Hanks
Edited
Where else did you think Hell would be located?
0:16:56 Borat
Edited
The middle of New York City?
0:16:58 Diane
Edited
We just moved here from Port Authority.
0:17:02 Customer 3
Edited
The who what where of this situation is a Madison Square Olive Garden in Hell.
0:17:08 Diane
Edited
And also let's recap how many people were in this scene. We had the original...
0:17:14 Customer 3
Edited
...table that wanted parmesan.
0:17:17 Tom Hanks
Edited
Then we had the manager come over.
0:17:20 Borat
Edited
Who actually was not the actual the manager.
0:17:23 Customer 3
Edited
Don't forget friend who was pretending to be delivery.
0:17:26 Tom Hanks
Edited
His wife, manager's wife.
0:17:30 Diane
Edited
It was... and then... and then we had Tom Hanks, or was the manager actually Tom Hanks?
0:17:37 Tom Hanks
Edited
Tom Hanks and the manager are same, but then we realized one was Borat.
0:17:43 Customer 3
Edited
Chet Hanks was referenced, but never physically in the space.
0:17:46 Diane
Edited
And we zoomed out to realize we were in the Madison Square Olive Garden.
0:17:50 Customer 3
Edited
What is capacity there?
0:17:53 Diane
Edited
Fifteen-, sixteen-thousand breadsticks?
0:17:57 Borat
Edited
That is right.
0:17:58 Tom Hanks
Edited
Satan loves breadsticks.
0:18:00 Tom Hanks
Edited
KISS, KISS featuring Gene Simmons was also in this scene.
0:18:05 Diane
Edited
Did he perp walk or did he Crip walk out of Madison Square Garden?
0:18:09 Customer 3
Edited
He [unintelligible] walked.
0:18:11 Tom Hanks
Edited
Gene Simmons now in Crips.
0:18:15 Borat
Edited
Gene Simmons is the most influential member of the Crips.
0:18:20 Tom Hanks
Edited
Oh, no. This just in: Gene Simmons killed and become memorial in hip-hop community.
0:18:27 Customer 3
Edited
Deadline headline: Gene Simmons to guest on 'Satan Needs A Friend' in Hell.
0:18:33 Tom Hanks
Edited
Told ya.
0:18:34 Diane
Edited
Told ya.
0:18:35 Customer 3
Edited
Told ya.
0:18:36 Tom Hanks
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Told ya.
0:18:39 Demon Voice 1
Edited
Told ya! Told ya! Don't forget Satan told ya!
0:18:43 All
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Flippy stay!
0:18:43 Demon Voice 2
Edited
And until next time...