Psychopathic Analyst

be back in the bed. Yeah,

Yes, is nice. And it does feel like before we got into this room, some weird shit

was going on. Yeah. Yeah, This Kim, it kind of feels like the sort of place where, like, coke heads come like this is like a cokehead hotel. It's roomy. Yeah, it's room. Would you guys mind if I call down to the front desk and got him to bring

up a cot? Um, that's far just wondering where we were. Put it.

good Howard. I just care more everywhere. We would put

It's a really

you at the end of the beds, I think.

What's so wrong with the tub With a comforter? And I was pretty cold. I really would like that. Second comfort.

Oh, yeah? Would you mind sleeping in the tub with nothing? You know, I'm going

to call the front desk, and I'm gonna get him to bring it,

by the way, thanks again. I know. I fell asleep sitting upright on the toilet last night. Thanks for not taking my spot on the bed.

Yeah, way. Almost did. And then it felt like in your sleep or something, you know, come on are you just couldn't make you feel back asleep way. Although that feeling of sleeping on the couch well, I'm going to Bad.

Yeah. And with me because I was using that squatty potty and my legs were so high over my head. That

was not a squatty body. You ordered. A mother doesn't over the top of the head. Those looked out beyond those look like two towers that, like cats used to, like, play on, like, move every

story. I ordered you. So you're saying I ordered the 9 11 cat towers? I was quite a time in a row. I got 9 11 cat towers.

You keep ordering from SkyMall, right? That's what

way. But if you get that, make sure you order the Osama Bin litter cat will have nowhere to go.

I'm to call a friend.

Just ask him if they think maybe the connell get in the way or anything.

Sorry. Last night for hanging up on the front desk when they called us that They say they have a bigger room. I'm so sorry about it was past bedtime and there was 11 way. We're trying to watch TV.

Howard. I was super sleep in this morning. I'm trying to remember. Did I take a full shower while you were trying to sleep with

you? Did you did.

Oh, my God. I'm so

I think it's just this whole being in the room again having the FAA.

Todd, it would have been nice if you hadn't have, like, plug the drain goods is the shower. You don't have to plug the drain for the shower,

but I like a little combo I like. I like to be stumping around in there and split splashing.

Well, you stopped around a little too

much. I'm sorry. Well, I'm glad you didn't drown.

It's just tough sharing a bathroom, anyway. I mean, four of us, that one bathroom. I have to go to the bathroom while I was taking

What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You pooped in the shower with peeing and

pooping. This was after Howard got out.

I think so. No, that's what I think. You need a paradise.

You know what? This is why I'm going to go buy an apartment in Park Slope.

You're gonna buy an apartment

apartment in Park Slope. I'm tired of everybody living moving

at the Brooklyn Manhattan's losing its flare hat is for PCs. It is live 23rd. I'm sorry, 26 Broadway,

but we should let everyone know we got kicked out of Port Authority. They were sleeping there. It's sleep here. Every said fine, but ah, a great thing that I've kind of forgotten about, especially Bill and Sam is they know how to woo, like a front desk reception. Eso We came into the flat iron Hotel. We were at the shake shack, you know, getting fed like birds around the park on. We saw there was a tell right there. And so we came to the flat iron.

Yeah, you hastily dress up like a bird and kind of pick around the bottom of people's tables. You'll get

a full meal. Yeah, you can get a full double shack

with You'll get kicked by a mean guy. Yes, yeah, and

he's being mean. It's crazy. It's like, let me This is how eat

don't can don't feed me times and blow my tie me up.

So we're like, Oh, shit, we'd know. We know the flat iron because we were in the eighties. We used to stay at Tosh's penthouse. Oh, it is awesome. Goto she's penthouse eso eso you guys went and you would the front desk receptionist.

That's right and wooing the front desk. What would you say we do, Bill? This is where you run over to the bar.

A big distraction. Big start. Every blue starts with a distraction.

You're you can that you can been like This guy's being crazy. You're your guys is Woo sort of looks like one of those sort of insurance scams at at a grocery store where somebody pretends to slip and fall. It does. It looks exactly

like that's exactly like that. That's a wound. So I take a big gallon, a whole milk over to the bar thing. This is a big gala. ITT's bulging at the sides, and

this is the biggest gallon you've ever

gallon. That was just at a very high altitude. Yes, so

let's just say that it's a 50 gallon drums. Let's just tell you

that. And, uh, you know, it's usually an issue because, Bill, you are not the best. That selling a pratfall.

Ah, no offense, Bill. Oh, come on. Well, I'd say

it's probably because when you say I've just pratfall in. You tell people that. What

about when I mentioned Chris Pratt? Puns

clear that your line a little too much calculation. Usually people fall. They just say

our law was giraffes. Sick world pun alert out on.

None of that was a pun. You just slowed down how you said the word Jurassic.

I was like a sick fall, right? Uh oh. I didn't say fall. It was not a post. So

we we wooed. Um, we would.

Then what did you do it? The front desk. Why?

Just go. I am so sorry. That is my friend. That is my friend. And I should have been watching him. He's got a problem. If you give us a free room, we won't sue you for how you've mistreated him. So that's moving them. You

want todo se back to that?

Well, uh, right. That it was like, what would you sue us for what?

Milk. We don't even have milk here.

I said, Oh, my God. You're gonna say that about my special friend, and

then you hold up the phone, not landscape way,

and you film their ass.

I film that. I threatened to put it on my space.

And then a certain actor friend of yours comes in Is your lawyer. Yeah, he starts.

I don't know why he decided to make a choice with his lawyer character, that his briefcase was packed to the

Bram A break. This is a rim. He's running late and, you

know, because I'm a public defined on unpaid public defender and I'm on the case. But

a busy lawyer is here to soothe. Zero.

Well, yes, Kyra Skin falling off, eat. But what you feed. Obviously,

a lot of people say the characters, the characters in the shoes you say it's in the

people With that show they were. I saw HBO scribes with the rapper of Yes, the night of I saw HBO scribes just furiously

were doing. That's right, that a lot of that character was based on me. I didn't even end of watching the show because I was like this in my life. But I bring in a lot of lawyer characters from media. You know what I mean? I'm a little bit Southern actor apps

writing down what you

a little bit you address like KFC, not Colonel Sanders. Chicken. That's right. A building So I run

in sweaty briefcase. Full itchy, flaky feet dressed like a KFC.

Say what? I'm a Southern law.

I'm a Southern boiled. I'm going to sue the pants off.

Seven point. These people were just like, You know what? Just to get this nightmare out of my face

and then take a right ice cream. I'm parks and rec over here. That's

right. When we opened the door and release Howard as a dog into the lobby boy and Howard's in that he's still got a mouse.

You guys, are you looking flop around? You guys are just lucky I had to pee so bad.

Yeah.

Yeah. So you

taking you waiting for

get you in the Cravy?

The first thing they said was this dog doesn't have much hair roasted you as a dog. What's the deal? Is just like a poodle cut. Pretty bad.

Yeah, And as that hurt my feelings, actually. Why? Because I'm gonna be a dog. I want at least be an attractive dog.

Yeah, Yeah, you're But they said we've seen hot dogs before.

Things one doesn't even have a bun. This guy was a kind of a warm up comic. We later used to be. Oh,

yeah, He actually was the warm up comic on how I met your mother.

That's right. A lot of people credit him with the success of that show because it was the warmest studio audience.

That's right. And he would Skype in from New York to that show that shot in L. A. He would Skype in and do the warm up.

They didn't get him for the single campers and of how I met your dad And that show didn't go.

Yeah, made them. So,

uh, so I think we got a little lucky because everyone's a little stone. Because of this whole, we'd big lobby logic you get when you walk into a lobby, you get a joint in your mouth. All the lobbies are under construction Now, eso I think what we were doing was really confusing. The front desk is Well,

this did find Take the pen

takes a penthouse. So we're in touch is past. We've been partying with Toshi. Look it up.

Get up, spend house and we're staying

in New York for Whoa, it's beautiful. The sights, the sounds of the city. I got honked out by a taxi cab the other day and he said, I'm the fucking kill you. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me. The vibe here.

I love the vibe. Yeah, it's good. What I like about New York is in ah, similarly Hollywood. It feels like this is a land of opportunity. You can be who you want to be Here, you can start fresh. People come here because they want to sort of blossom and become who they're going to be, right. You don't come here knowing who you are, but you leave here knowing who you

are. And I've noticed you've been kind of doing trying to become who you're gonna be next. You've almost been going, Mr Potato Head style. Just figuring out your look because it is all over the place. I pick one looking at

you. You are by a four year old. You do have one weird, squiggly white arm. Yeah. What have you doing? Have you been working out like crazy on your left and just sort of letting the right after?

Well, I've been I have you guys noticed? I'm wearing a very tight band around my shoulder on my arm and sort of like letting it sort of wither and die. But the idea here is, you know, I'm going to try a lot of things, that idea. And every day I'm going to take I'm gonna take one thing that was was received. Well, he went and changed everything else. I love somebody. End of my time here in New York. I want to be a completely new person.

While in New York, I'm gonna do potato head just for

you. Yes, I'm gonna do it. Teoh. Bill, Is there a Mrs Potato Head Charming

were you are. Hey, there, there is a Mrs Potato Head, but we're not gonna talk about it. Uh, because that's for another time. Stay to

tell the truth, you guys goes But this But

wait, I will leave. You tell all we're gonna leave that for the tell all states to this summer.

Miss Stayner's got the uncatchable fatter this summer will No saying the new You've seen the new Mrs Stater. Tater. Stop talking about way powered. I

actually is a great plan. Thank you, Aziz. You guys know, um I came out here. Teoh obviously pursue my dream of being an actor, But also, I'm I'm a psychoanalyst now on and as the psychoanalyst while I'm in New York. Yes, I'm seeing what you're doing here, Howard. And I am loving it. I think that this is put it taking on new traits that you find to be positive and creating a new you from the outside.

Right? So, co analyst, are you? You're, like, sort of a new age hippie guy. Are you Sort of old was in New York.

Um well, I think, yeah, I think you could see based on my outfit that I'm an old class. I'm an old classic

in a lot of tweed.

It's, ah, a lot of tweet. And it is more important for me to tell you what's happening then hear what's going on with you. And so I got some big clients, All

right? Actually seen no offense are I meant to ask you, but I actually audited one of your sessions with one of your new clients. Very illegal. Yeah, First

of all, I'm offended, but go ahead.

I I was just gonna say in a psychoanalyst session. Usually the patient is the one who's talking the sort of response to them, and then and then they sort of it becomes a dialogue. It felt to me like, based on how many times you shushed your client, that it was more about you talking than about hearing what they

were saying. So this is the thing that I'm getting a lot of, and it's I want put the kibosh on it right here. Yes, I'm shushing my patients. Yes, I'm the one laying on the couch, but at the end of the day, they're getting the me talking. They can learn more than them hearing them say,

and you have an interesting dynamic with them. You say you're the patient and I'm the impatient. And so like, whenever I feel like going, I'm supposed to talk. That's relationships

in your

name, your patient. I'm Brighton impatient Psycho analyst. What are the 1st 2 syllables? Moorman.

So you're there to psychoanalyze them because you're a psychoanalyst.

That's exactly

your analyst who is a cycle.

Yes, I'm a psychopath.

Thing is ultimately very Levi's

fully here. I psychopathic. That's what's on your long business.

Yes, yes. Well, I couldn't fit analysts, so it's just psycho path right now.

So you you walk

around New York City and you hand how little car?

$200 an hour.

I figured it was more important to fit the price than the analyst.

You're going to get arrested,

and so then I'll give it to people. Now you could get arrested for being a psychopath. I I've looked it up. I just love in the city. I'm analyzing a lot of great people. I can't say their names, But a lot of famous New Yorkers like Alec Baldwin. Well, I don't know. Let's just say that the phone call was influenced by me.

It's a horrible, horrible message that that was a huge big deal comes up. The focal doesn't really also clearly you're involved with you. I entered now taking I said it twice. You will tell

you what I do couples therapy for the whole all the Baldwin brother together they come in together and I go there

in pairs. Or do they come in with their significant

knows as brothers? I do couples there because it's a discounted rate. If you come in as a couple, I say, Yeah, so yeah, I can't tell you who I can tell you all the people way

you see Giuliani?

That's right. That's right. I fell out of the one that told him about the teeth. Was my idea.

He said, Hang on, let him be okay. You got implants.

That's right. That's right. I famous for making people get implants. Bill, are you like in New York?

I love it. I mean,

noise wise. It's right years of your

Oh, my God! Get me a window next to a cross street. Get me there because I cannot. I cannot get enough of having a little dusty bed on the corner of a building where I can hear all the trash trash getting picked up, people yelling at each other. Taxicabs go and buy big nut cart making smoke es stank right in my window. What a nut cart, You know, like they they sell my favorite three foods. Little burnt nuts, old asked, charred up chicken and hot orange soda. I there every good come all damn day. It's such a love. It you know what else is great?

Burnt chicken, Bert. Nuts and hot soda.

Yes, and I love, um I love that Ah, and I always get a Citi bike, even though I don't barely fucking know how to ride a bike and red one in 12 years. And I got to do nothing to get the app and get on one and get on a busy street with cars. And it makes the city so safe on I drive him up on the sidewalks. I run into people having brunch with my whole family. Just kidding. I hadn't seen those bastards in years, but yes, I'm actually I started my own booth. Uh, do you know the TKTS booth? Yeah, of course. I dio You were there Won't let you sell tickets

through. That's right. If you want to take it to my play, do not go there. That's how I know them. Yeah, but we're

I've been running a bkb s booth out in Brooklyn as Brooklyn. Bullshit.

Any sort of any sort of bullshit you want to see in Brooklyn for half price? They come to you.

Exactly. So people come to me and I give them tickets to the little shitty part right down there in Dumbo.

You don't need a ticket to that park, but I Well,

I gotta talk to you for a diarrhea inducing artichoke pizza.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can get those all over Brooklyn. Um, what? What out through

an old dairy thing that isn't used for anything anymore.

Yes, an old dairy farm that they have turned into, Ah, place that stores hubcaps, stacks of hubcaps. You get a ticket to that? It be KBS flaw. So too the waitress. What's

amusing? But there is another world Where's is on there just called waitress Or is the waitress a different one?

Mine is the waitress and you get to go see a woman who is swamped. She's in the weeds at the Park Booth Cafe right at it's actually in Queens. But I changed all the signs on the way there to say directly, I

What I think is interesting about New York is here. Something about the decibel level of the city. All of the noise When we're out of the studio, your voice sounds normal. Like the tone you're at. Yeah, you're the city Kind of evens it all out.

And I love New York, cause I getting about 10 fights a day street. Everybody's fucking past and they will yell at each other. And I'm right there with you.

Punched a guy who was selling flowers the other day from one of those little sort of ah bodegas on the side of the street. Yes,

I did. Because he looked at my carte weird. Do you know my cart? You know, my cart that I have the little red card that I put things in. And I'm like, Excuse May and coming down in the south

Doubles is a thing you can sit on when you're waiting there to stop playing. Exactly. I'm carrying around all my stuff in my car and slam it. And I usually only

take the subway during rush hour. Let my ass in there. Yeah,

I You seem not only at home here, but you know the most about New York of all four of us. And I like that. I like here in your take on the city. It's up for you to show me around. Sam. Last we talked, you were a little bit at rock bottom. Things weren't going super Well, Bill, stab you.

Yes, I'm healed. But that sucked.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I heard a sound. I heard a word that sounded like shift and I quickly pulled one out and stabbed

it. So now we just got me in the fat way.

We've been going out during the day. We've all been kind of busy. We come back, and sometimes it looks like you haven't left the hotel.

Yeah, I'm kind of laying around, you know, just kind of hang. And I got big circles under my eyes. I'm getting I'm kind of getting into the New York grunge scene. Oh, well, teams CBGBs. I wish it's closed. Right. But I did buy Roseland. Barham. Never heard of it again. You know more about New York than I do. I know so much any. We I tried hair with the No. That's what you start when you should start with, like, playing music. What's New York, baby?

Well, you already were addicted to opiate. I forgot seasons ago, and I'm really worried about this addiction coming back. Why?

We'll kiss your data. You're already an attic. Prove it. You just said it.

I'm laying in the hotel room. I'm living a swanky life.

Look, listen, I We're going to need to do it.

With who? With Howard. Let's doing in Howard intervention. I don't mean you mentioned. Uh, okay. How are we have something you've been annoying for?

What, Sam. I don't know, though. Your high Sam's killing it. The Sam is dating Kate Moss. He's got Chuck Taylors on high top. Chuck Taylors. He's killing. It

doesn't seem happy, though. This is all this is

all in the image and coo, baby,

he's You're up all night. Then you sleep all day.

He passed out at Oscar dela Renta fashion show the other day. Front row.

Yep, I put renters. I punched out at Oscar De La Hoya's restaurant.

What did you want? Oscar dela grouches trash. You are

the Oscars in town.

Have you guys seen Oscar dealer? It's is, uh, spinoff Fashion line. Oscar dela Byah.

That's good. It's a more permanent line

Alibi. I see. Yeah, you know, read anymore. You buy? Yeah, he by

finally he ups his class a little bit of a fashion show for rentals. It's like, Okay, buddy,

now I think, but I think I scared they like Groucho. A banner that it's are not in competition. What about what about, um uh Big Bird day last school. Scruffy, this isn't no idea. Big Bird Daily. Scruffy Big bird. Della Elmo,

I don't know, sometimes with what about I don't know what you mean,

Way said the names of three real people. And then you said, What about? And it's like, I don't know. Are they

people way? Let's pull this apart. What a your attention here, here's what happened. If you rewind as soon as somebody said Oscar, maybe I said Oscar dela Renta. And then we started talking about that. I immediately started thinking about Oscar Daler Baia, right? And I was so intoxicated with that idea. I had quit listening, but Oscar dela Groucho had happened, and I didn't even hear the like ramp up to that bill. These are

real thing. So

we would just have a really, really.

But then I forget about Oscar Dana by the Daily Grouches, the one So I was like, But what if you change the 1st 1? It's not Oscar, and it's another Sesame Street character, and the last one is another Sesame Street character, and I was thinking of Snow.

Let's grab lunch real quick. I'll be right

there. Let's Snuffleupagus get your lunch. So I'm thinking about Snuffleupagus. But I said scruffy. So I was like, That's changed the first time to Big Bird. Yeah, Yeah, Bird Daylan I

put on my bird suit. So a

big day, LA And then I can't think of a Snuffleupagus. So I say scruffy. And that's and then I was like, Okay, so now I'll go back, I'll go back and I'll be like, OK, well, what if we change the big? Uh, no, we just need more trash in the top. Place was the garbage. Can you understand me? Garbage? Indy ties

speak very good English. I don't know why you're

you a rat.

Yeah, you are. You a rad ist?

Hold on. Is that ran out there looking my tattoo. Oh, my God. Guys, your first There's a rat, huh? You're factor. Oh, my God. He gave me a homeless man's head. First way I'm using a severed head like in men in black One. No, Guys, you can tell you something. Rab, Do you know Snuffleupagus is here? So, have you heard of Oscar dela Renta? Uh, I'm gonna grow, but real quick. Okay. So, Oscar de la Renta, I had a 90 of the Oscar dela by. Yeah, Yeah. I don't think I want to stay for this so it. So it's Oscar. It's Oscar is from Oh, no, it's Oscar the Grouch. So Oscar and Grouch or not, two people Flippy.