Seekers' Lounge
Fully Edited
234 of 234 lines edited (100%)
mini-48

Beef Diaper Pitch

Originally aired: May 7, 2020

Bill pitches the Beef Diaper to a group of men he found on Angie's List.

0:15 Unknown Speaker #1
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All right, everybody, grab a lawn chair. Whatever. Wherever you want to sit on, you can sit up on the ah, the workers bench. They're built that myself

0:25 Unknown Speaker #2
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ping pong tables at sturdy,

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has a

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sturdy, sturdy is all hell. Oh, hell. All

0:31 Unknown Speaker #2
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right, I'll also in the middle.

0:33 Unknown Speaker #4
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I'm gonna I'm gonna stay stand. You guys know I've been having circulation issues in my legs, so I might I might walk around a little bit, but it's not cause I'm trying to leave or anything. I'm glad to be here, Kevin.

0:44 Unknown Speaker #1
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Great. Well, how is that? By the way, did our solution of wearing looser jeans help you?

0:49 Unknown Speaker #4
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Um, I mean, well, wearing looser felt better than wearing tighter. Yeah, when I was wearing, Ah, when I was wearing those steel enforced jeans, I had it got tough, had cattle, steel legs, jeans. Yeah, well, you know, down in the plant, you gotta have steel leg jeans, cause if something comes off the slicer leg right off your

1:10 Unknown Speaker #2
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feet definitely looked to have evened out.

1:12 Unknown Speaker #4
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Yeah, Yeah,

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sort of. Come back up into your leg a little bit.

1:16 Unknown Speaker #1
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I couldn't even hear your coming today.

1:17 Unknown Speaker #4
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Oh, yeah. Hey, that's a good thing snuck up on you. Hopefully hopefully, Ah, that transfers it home to so my wife doesn't hear me coming in the front door every night.

1:30 Unknown Speaker #1
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You stay up pretty late. Past curfew country.

1:34 Unknown Speaker #4
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Yeah, well, I mean, come on 5:30 p.m. It's too early of a curfew for anybody, okay?

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know I know I'm a dog. I know I'm a dog, baby, but let me stay out past 5 30 I need to come home to

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And I

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that. That that That that that that that that that there's

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an ah opportunity for you, Teoh, get in On the ground level. Is your beef leaking bad? Where you've got to clean it up. And now you've got to keeping up banana. It stays where you put a It won't move from its plays. Excuse me, and it's really abs. Ah,

10:16 Unknown Speaker #3
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So you you you want if you're beef, has

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the leak. You want to stop that leak up and the last thing you want once you get that leak sopped up. Is this thing moving around? Okay,

10:30 Unknown Speaker #3
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so you're familiar with ground Chuck, are you? Who in here from

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is familiar with Saran wrap and small Styrofoam pink containers? Let me cease your hands. Oh, yeah. Okay, so one person is familiar with Sarette to to Saranda.

10:47 Unknown Speaker #1
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Oh, yeah, sure.

10:50 Unknown Speaker #5
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Well, this guy's faking it. This guy does not know what plastic wrap is.

10:54 Unknown Speaker #3
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That's okay. So you'll have to fake, like, you know. What do you late

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plastic crap is just just fire it off.

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Um, it's a little the toy version of Kanye West.

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Okay, that a bobble. A small bunco pop toy of Kanye West.

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Yeah. I mean, I think let's give him that.

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We think this man have It lets that this matter what

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to win, even when he hasn't had a winning a Why do

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you need a win, sir? Oh, no. Pulling the

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hankie out of the back pockets to sop up the tears.

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That's all right. If anybody

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starts crying in here, feel free to pull that hanky we all have. That's not cover hanky that we all have in our in our pockets.

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This one's Ah, this one's a HankMed down. My dad cried into this woman like my great grandpa Sneeze into it.

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Oh! Oh, no. Was your Is it? Ah, ever been washed? Because sometimes had passed me down Hankies. That's how tuberculosis run rampant.

12:03 Unknown Speaker #1
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Well, you know this Well, yeah, This was my great granddads. Tuberculosis hanky. He'd cough into this one,

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and you don't have tuberculosis. But you did get whooping cough, right?

12:13 Unknown Speaker #1
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It was Woburn cough. It was 100.

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Use you, Um, you were at

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the first taping of Marcinho home?

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Yeah, that's right. They eventually to kick me out because I couldn't stop whooping. But I got the group started

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when you are coughing.

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Yeah, I was confident I wasn't liking the show It all on

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our it was also at the

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first ever recording of Ah, that band tag teams album. I was just

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about to ask. So that was kind of about, um when you would cough in the club?

12:52 Unknown Speaker #1
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Yeah, I was in a club in the kits. And where is that woop coming from? And then they'd see me hacking up into my great granddads hanky and say what? They're it iss

13:02 Unknown Speaker #3
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I say, What guys? What I'm

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here to sell is basically a replacement for the little thing underneath ground beef that sops up the blood. Now, does anybody find themselves thinking this little piece of paper is not sopping up enough blood?

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Oh, yeah, Absolutely. I've gotten blood on my kitchen floor, and it's now it's unseemly.

13:33 Unknown Speaker #5
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Well, see, that's what I'm here to sell is a replacement to that little piece of paper, and it's called the beef diaper. And I've held it up once, and I'm holding it up again right here while we pass this around. Okay, pass that around. Soaked. That was That's exactly right. It's so and

13:57 Unknown Speaker #3
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I want you. Guess how

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much blood is in that?

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It feels like £5.

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Um, yeah. Let me get Let me get a hold of that. Let me get a hold of it.

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The past feels like five.

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All right, Well Oh, my God. This is stopping.

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It's stopping, right? Sometimes I find with a normal meat pad supplied by the grocer, it rarely gets stopping me. And it's a nice, concise name. Yeah. Ah, well, that's that's the what they normally call it. But mine is the diaper. Oh, no. Now, now we're calling this one of the beef diaper, and that that's what they already had.

14:53 Unknown Speaker #4
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Well,

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I just wanted to sound like my beef. Fish is the shed in a diaper, you know, so meat

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past. Now, this isn't a feedback meeting, OK? We did those. We did those, and I didn't hear that once, and and I'm not willing to take a

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man. I can't believe you didn't hear that once Lalla first. Okay. Wow. He's gonna tell me to shut up,

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Okay? What? But I guess let's give

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some feedback on three. Well, okay.

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What about the trial sponge?

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No, I've already printed out

15:45 Unknown Speaker #5
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a ton of, ah, flyers, and I have the I had the bold made I don't know if you can see written on this. It says beef, diaper. Bill Cravy does type

15:57 Unknown Speaker #2
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kind of like the wrong type of business for flyers. Is there? Uh, no, I wouldn matched

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Well, yes. Do you have to

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get people to get there? So I'm the a lot of how I get this out as I I advertise a show And when people show up to show I pitched them the beef diaper at a venue at coffee shops, different venues around town. I don't know if you guys have got anything this Saturday, but I'm at the the forum downtown.

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Your sales technique is to disappoint a big crowd of people

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Well know to surprise them. And

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how does it usually go for you?

16:43 Unknown Speaker #3
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Uh, you know what?

16:45 Unknown Speaker #5
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Tomatoes are my man over here holding up the Kanye West Funk. Oh, pop toy that So what A tomato is.

16:59 Unknown Speaker #3
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Okay, let me get down to business, guys. Do you? Who wants to

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buy 6 to 8000 of these

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Real quick. Is that Is that your Hertz Rent a truck being towed outside?

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Oh, shit. Good. Now turn

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it off. So he's telling the guy to turn the truck

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off. God. Yeah.

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You gonna go out there,

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right? Uh, we Oh, that's guys. Oh, sock, You don't mess with you. Don't mess with

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a tow track guy. They'll sock you guys, I guess I don't know.

17:55 Unknown Speaker #3
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It seems like you want it. Listen, listen. Brass

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tacks, brass tacks. I'd have some beef at home, and, of course, like I said that? You know it is 60 40 and it's juicy. I'll buy six beef diapers.

18:11 Unknown Speaker #5
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Yes. All right, I hear six. Do I have eight? Has no memory. May die, Bees Diary. What way? You know. Do it. I'll do it. A ate up down here in front Got a beef divert out in the front way right here to you know, I heard him be better. Are you

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sure about this? You made some pretty bad investments this past couple weeks. Well,

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I mean, you know, you gotta

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break s it makes to make an omelet. He hasn't

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even told us a unit cost. How

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much? How everyone has things cost. Well, Hammonds in my head, I'm you know,

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I'm a sucker for an auctioneer. 12

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I z 12. My man, I

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have to find out how much they cost.

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Have 14 before team mate died because I don't exactly know how much you comes for each one of them. My 9 14 and I'm gonna I'm gonna have a hard way. Lonmin upping around. How much? 200 100. I want classic Mathis. So give me 1000 1000 us one. I'll just

19:18 Unknown Speaker #4
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do the original pack 6000. That's what she said.

19:21 Unknown Speaker #5
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1st 6000 We have 6000 to 6000 times 25,000. Classic. 25 times 6000. 8000 over on the side weight that we got 1000 going once. We got 1000 I cancel. Cancel mine. Cancel. Right. We gotta cancel upfront. And as every no cancel means you bid 10,000 way. Got 10,000 over the run. Whatever I hear two. Where do I

19:51 Unknown Speaker #4
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go? If you throw in the hurts truck, I'll do 20 20,000.

19:55 Unknown Speaker #5
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I'm gonna throw in a drug I do not own. It's year track that way. We got 20. It was a hurts truck. We got hurt. Struck O and Y's. We got 20,000 beef diapers on the hurts truck going twice.

2:35 Unknown Speaker #5
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excuse me. Sorry. And it you're in my path. You just move a little bit

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of a hilly stay Days the beef DYP Oh, yeah.

2:50 Unknown Speaker #4
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This is this the guy care.

2:52 Unknown Speaker #1
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So this is him. This is the guy built Cravy found me on Angie's list. And

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Oh, fuck it. 20,000 and one.

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Well, come on. 1000 and one hurts drugs there.

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Uh, yeah. I could use that to sleep in now.

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Okay. We got a new home for my man in 20,000 and one beef diapers. What? Over a new home. Bird side, old man, Another beef diaper to

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home for him in a beef

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diaper. We got my old geriatric old man in 25,000 and one. Beef diapers with a truck, and it is his new home. Come on, you slobs.

20:44 Unknown Speaker #3
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Are these

20:44 Unknown Speaker #2
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only be for a Technically, could I wear em for any kind of moisture? You

20:54 Unknown Speaker #5
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I guess you could wear these if you want. They are, in fact, repurpose tampons that I bought and tore the label off of tampons. The paper is a little That's right. I'm that. Then I dampens their pads.

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Yeah, I was gonna say I think you meant pad.

21:19 Unknown Speaker #2
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Let somebody you got I think you got to get out of here. Yeah. You know, we'll pay you or whatever, but you gotta go.

21:28 Unknown Speaker #4
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Yeah, buddy, I Listen, I My wife, my wife was next to me. What?

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We all got curfew in a little bit here. Yeah. All right.

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Just give me some money and I'll get out

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of here. Guys, just

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give me a little bit of money. Our world.

21:41 Unknown Speaker #4
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All right. Well, I got I mean, what do you guys have? I have I have

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to pay him to leave.

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If he doesn't, it's right away. I got I got Ah, $90.

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Yeah, a lot of I'm gonna

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go around with the hat and just put put the money put whatever you got in the hat.

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Whatever you got, whatever you all my cash was the man I carry, like,

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Come on. Like, there's a good hand robbing. That's

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that's a thing

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passed the hat around is this is for the Lord.

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Oh, it's Tyler. That's hiding the first. Better lower. The first Lord of the money.

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You know, I'm a Christian, so anything helps.

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Okay, buddy, Listen, here's 50 bucks. Okay? Here.

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Yeah. Is my 90.

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All right? 90 plus 51 20.

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Yep. That's 120 bucks I might take toward here. Five.

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What do you got, my man?

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Absolutely nothing.

22:44 Unknown Speaker #2
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What about a piece of this furniture?

22:47 Unknown Speaker #1
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Oh, yeah. You could take some of the ping pong table, I guess. Are

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all right. I'm gonna take this little

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I got a really long flathead screwdriver. Opened that there.

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Oh, nice.

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Those can get those hard to reach screws.

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A long screwdriver,

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larger driver, wide head of the top. So it's a very specific type of screw that's far away.

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So it's a big screw. It's, like, kind of back behind something.

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OK, that's a give me that back. I don't need any questions.

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Oh, give me two days. Diapers. Oh, I've been stabbed. It's like quit.

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This is a robbery.

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Oh, guys, I can't be party.

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So

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it's not assaulted to robbery either. One. Taking all those diapers from the truck

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way. Never showing

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your face around here again.

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No. Levi's

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beef diapers and get out of town.

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I've been robbed My all of my inventory. Oh, my inventory. Help How? They pulled my pants to the ground. Another spanking my bare butt. Oh, somebody hit me on the head with one of those things that makes a train noise Those hollow wooden toys. How? No, you won't be back. Forget the be back. I'll be back for

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sunglasses happened so I can put him on. Roy says it glasses open,

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but a shit I'll be back.

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Gonna close the door here in assuming over

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I'll be back out on I'll be back

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He's laying on the ground to try to say goodbye It that's the garage door

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closes back.

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Little lips under the door

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I'm gonna kick him, I'm gonna kick him

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so oh, my lip on the inside of the garage. The rest. Everybody's outside. Stop kicking my lip. Dumping it. He's dumping. Quit it. Oh,

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all right. Alright, He's gone. Jesus, that was a lot. It was a lot to deal with, but, uh all right, I think

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coming over for any more of these.

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Yeah, wait. Next week

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I'll do one more.

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Yeah, I I'm gonna get out of here, guys. I'm gonna I'm gonna walk away now.

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Those pants, I don't know.

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what That is one more time. That list

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It's a list that you usually used to find like a carpenter or ah,

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school arrested local workers. Yeah. Yes. Oh, guys, Thanks so much. Uh, for ah, hosting this, um, this pitch, there's

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really

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an opportunity for you guys to get in on the ground floor and thanks for Ah ah, ah! Thanks for coming out here. Um Teoh. Ah, Roger. It's your garage, right?

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My garage. Yet this is my garage. Asana is my little home away from home?

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Yes, Yes. Now are you? So you're gonna sit the at this pink Podd because

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of the divorce?

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That's right. It is my home away from my no longer home.

3:53 Unknown Speaker #2
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Well, it's just detached garage. So it's technocratic. Kazaa Pretty.

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It does feel like it's not just a little hang out space. It feels like this is his is a living area packed living area.

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It's temporary. It's temporary, but yeah, I've got I have the lazy boy in here Now I've got the mini fridge I've got for

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She kind of got the house. You got most of the furniture?

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Yeah. Yeah. It

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seems like everything that sucked in your house is out here.

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We'll go. No, no, because not all. Still,

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just that sucks inside.

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All right, Well,

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guys, thanks so much for so you should not sit in the middle of that because that how much conduct bar you up? And I got it. Yeah, I scream. Sandwiched references are ice cream treats. Let's just say you look a little bit like a firecracker, Pop.

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All right, that's gonna be his

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ad is read. His head is red. I'm a fast Yeah. Alright, guys, what I of course I hit you all up on Angie's list. Ah, and and got you here. Luckily, you know each other because this town's pretty small, but I am a traveling salesman. I know. I know They're not out there anymore. It's all Amazon and walmart dot com and ace hardware dot net. But now you've got a really man coming to your house and giving you a product, uh,

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showing you a product showing you a product in in front of your

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face live like they used to do with the vacuums.

5:52 Unknown Speaker #1
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It's already going on here, so you could just speak a conversational volume. Is

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it loud? I'm too loud. Okay, so get down. It's more intimate. I'm not talking to 500 plus people. I'm talking to just three people in a small room.

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You are talking over our heads. You're looking deep into an audience. It isn't there.

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Well, I took a public speaking class and they said, Pick out a spot above everyone's head and I think I've gone up too high. I am staring up way high.

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Yeah. I don't think they meant the ceiling directly.

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Right into the garage. Light to I don't know if

6:29 Unknown Speaker #5
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Yes. Yes. What? I'm gonna bring my eyes level back down now, just on Hillary. Too low. Okay? So don't look at my own top button, because that because my chin is crime, that's a little type. Okay, so bring it up, lets you listen me win. How about Listen,

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buddy, when somebody I got to be home in 25 minutes, so if you would please hurry this right up to our,

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uh, keep it

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a little hard

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to 5 to 5 to five to a mark on the

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wall for this guy or something.

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Well, now, hiding right, but direction is off,

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but somebody's gotta get looking away from

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you. Turn this way, man. Come on,

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turn it to the left. You got 93 Sloblo

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followed the sign of the sound of my voice mail. You

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gotta go left, right. You'll be looking directly behind your hard left

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heart left. Can we win? Could it? Don't look at me crazy. How How you dented my car. Find that. Ah,

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OK. All right. Let's just Let's just Let's just call it with trying to get ahead, right? Okay? Now, on three

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years,

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why don't Why don't you

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yell out? You're or just say it on three. Why don't you say what you're fed up with most in your day to day life? Okay, 123

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drivers. Tree hanging every yard.

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Okay, so I think I heard to my

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wife's and one my neighbor's tree hanging over

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bowl. So your wife street

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just a technicality of mine

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is also way. Got three. My wife. Now, I have

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been trying to develop a product for men who are frustrated with their wives for years. Unfortunately, they are all still in the development phase. But what I do have for you guys right now is something called the beef diaper. I'm holding it up right here.

8:41 Unknown Speaker #3
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Now are you familiar? That's not even close to what we asked for. Listen, I've been going

8:49 Unknown Speaker #5
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across the country and I've been getting a resounding my wife on that question and a lot of people say I am hanging out in garages. I'm hanging out in the I shouldn't spend my time on Angie's list. Don't pitch products at A at a defunct Jiffy Lube. But I was there where it you got to go talk to actual America. So I'm flipping around this. This is called the Beef Diaper. Now Are you familiar with ground Chuck Way Chuck in the Haiti 20? Okay, we got 80% meat, 20% fat ratio.

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Whose What's everybody's? 123

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What's everybody's favorite ratio of meat to fat? 123

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90 five, 62 a 60 40 60 40 From the big man in the back. It's perfect. Beef burgers.

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Lasagnas 60 40 brought dogs 60 40 from the man who broke the ping pong table. Alright, Alright, guys. Well, the higher your meat content, the more what we have in the in the meat blood consumption business called the leak.