Seekers' Lounge
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mini-56

Doctor's Office

Originally aired: July 9, 2020

Three men loiter around a local doctor's office waiting room.

0:00:00 Unknown Speaker #1

All right, folks. Well, we're running a little behind. Dr. Alex is running a little behind. But if you just thank you for being patient will try to make sure you get to your appointments as soon as possible. Obviously, appointments first, and then we'll work with walk ins as well. Just make sure your insurance card.

0:00:21 Unknown Speaker #2

Have you guys always done appointments

0:00:23 Unknown Speaker #1

for the doctors office?

0:00:25 Unknown Speaker #2

Yeah, because I've always done walk in. And I didn't know if you could do appointments

0:00:28 Unknown Speaker #1

for a doctor. Yes, it's been pretty standard for most of dr history. Uh, because

0:00:34 Unknown Speaker #2

I always get my hair cut with just a walk in, and I figured, doctor hair Cut guy, Same thing.

0:00:41 Unknown Speaker #1

Well, we'd like to think that the haircut guy is important, but maybe that the doctor is a little bit more of a specialized degree. No extra school. Excuse me. Are you excusing yourself because you just burnt barge into somebody or because you would like to talk site? You say you like stop foot?

0:01:03 Unknown Speaker #3

It happened to line up perfectly. So excuse me to you for stepping on your foot and excuse me. Yes. Do you have the most recent

0:01:15 Unknown Speaker #1

motor trend. Oh, sir, I remember you. You have to actually see the doctor today. This is not a magazine library,

0:01:24 Unknown Speaker #3

Okay? But I need to know about the new Lamborghini. I am going to get a Lamborghini.

0:01:32 Unknown Speaker #1

We would do. Okay, I think I'm not meant Teoh editorialize here. But I think we can all look at you and see that you're not gonna be able to get a Lamborghini

0:01:41 Unknown Speaker #4

Lamborghini guy and t vis o. Well, get ready to scan. I ask my question now.

0:01:49 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah, real quick. Does do look like t buzz. Also, it looks like they're knock off TV.

0:01:54 Unknown Speaker #3

Okay, well, just Well, there's no front hatch s o. They get a little flappy up front, but there is an ankle. No wonder

0:02:05 Unknown Speaker #1

you stepped on someone's foot. You've got no control down there. Okay? So I'm assuming you don't have the most recent most we do. It's right there. It's right there. You

0:02:14 Unknown Speaker #3

know it was hiding. Yeah.

0:02:18 Unknown Speaker #1

Uh, sir, what was your question

0:02:20 Unknown Speaker #4

when I walked in here, I said, Can I go to the bathroom? And the receptionist said We don't have one. And then I saw someone come out and give her a bathroom key. So I'm wondering what was going on, Why I was denied a bathroom that you clearly have

0:02:35 Unknown Speaker #1

while, um, you'll have to speak to the receptionist. But if I had to guess, it's because last time you were No, no, no, don't talk about it. Don't don't know. I know. Don't you like your doctor? Patient way Checked on this, actually. And that's not within the purview of Doctor Patient what you did in there, which is nothing. Okay, well, so that's probably the reason that's OK then

0:03:02 Unknown Speaker #2

I rest my case, since

0:03:03 Unknown Speaker #3

we're just

0:03:04 Unknown Speaker #2

popping around asking questions, I got another one, Actually,

0:03:07 Unknown Speaker #1

this is actually part of the reason why we're running so late is because every time I make an announcement, it turns into a Q and A

0:03:13 Unknown Speaker #2

well, sorry. Listen, open the door and the water's coming through. Baby, listen, So I wish

0:03:19 Unknown Speaker #1

you feel my friend over here would know a thing or two about that.

0:03:24 Unknown Speaker #2

Do you guys have one of those little catalogs? That sort of shows you all the different procedures you can get s so you can kind of go in and go to the doctor back? I want to get this one. You mean a menu? You guys have a menu like, uh, you know, like Supercuts does.

0:03:41 Unknown Speaker #1

This is more of a, um your g p a general practitioner. Pediatrician.

0:03:45 Unknown Speaker #2

I don't care what you guys do

0:03:47 Unknown Speaker #1

well, so we don't do a lot. You do need to to answer this question. We don't do a lot of procedures on people at this office. Uh, we do have right there. It's a menu of all the other places in town. You can B y o p for a procedure. So if you see a procedure for one of the bring in my own procedure yeah, you could come in and request it will give you a referral.

0:04:08 Unknown Speaker #4

E y o my OPI today and they wouldn't let me.

0:04:13 Unknown Speaker #1

Yes, sir. Do you want to talk about it? Do you not want to talk about

0:04:16 Unknown Speaker #4

I don't want anybody now hard in me

0:04:20 Unknown Speaker #1

because you have to speak or because you accidentally sat down on somebody else. Just

0:04:25 Unknown Speaker #3

happens to be both. Are you gonna finish that?

0:04:32 Unknown Speaker #1

What were you asking you? Am I gonna finish my drum? Beatrice, are

0:04:39 Unknown Speaker #3

you done with it?

0:04:42 Unknown Speaker #1

I drink it throughout the day and not to be offensive. But I know what you're coming in for. And I don't want you to share the same. Uh, What's a hot Jamba Juice? Yeah. What would even hot Jamba Juice get all day? Well, yeah, it kind of melts a little bit, but keep because in the styrofoam, it keeps the cool.

0:05:01 Unknown Speaker #3

You're sick. That says mumba juice. Yeah, I take a class later. A member class. Did you get a Mumbai?

0:05:17 Unknown Speaker #1

I'm single. So I've been signing up for some clad dance classes, and I'm doing Mumba, uh,

0:05:22 Unknown Speaker #2

got hosed by a dance. Instructor said you got to drink this to be good at their dance.

0:05:26 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah, this is part of the whole routine as I drink the mumbo juice and it makes you better at Mumba

0:05:31 Unknown Speaker #3

Isn't a classic move or or is it close to samba rumba?

0:05:38 Unknown Speaker #1

Okay, this is my big stories. That mambo Mumbai, Mumbai is nothing like mumbo rhombus, rumba rhombus or any of that mumbo jumbo.

0:05:51 Unknown Speaker #4

What if I told you I wore a diaper here today because I was afraid of what was gonna happen

0:05:55 Unknown Speaker #1

to me. I'd say I could have told you that I could have guessed.

0:05:59 Unknown Speaker #4

Oh, yeah? What do you mean by that? You can see it through my khakis.

0:06:04 Unknown Speaker #1

Yes. Look, if you need to use the restroom, you can Okay? I'll let you use it. Just make sure that one flushes always enough. 20 flushes just makes it worse. And if it gets all fucked up, don't turn the try to turn the water off yourself. Okay?

0:06:21 Unknown Speaker #2

Tonight. Can I ask you a question? Since it seems like it's gonna be a while,

0:06:25 Unknown Speaker #1

but by the way, is the last question. Last question.

0:06:28 Unknown Speaker #2

Okay, well, says you I I'm just feeling like, a this point. It's probably gonna be a while before I get to see this guy s. So I'm wondering if maybe like, ah, would you guys recommend me? Just sort of like taking a doctor kit home and letting my girlfriend dio do the appointment instead of me staying here.

0:06:49 Unknown Speaker #1

This is not like a haircut. And even if it was, you don't They don't give you a haircut kit at the haircut place to take home. It would be if

0:06:56 Unknown Speaker #2

you could get him on Amazon. I can't get a doctor kit on Amazon

0:06:59 Unknown Speaker #1

Well, wouldn't eso you want a kit to take home to be diagnosed? What do you in for? I don't want aspects in front of everybody. I

0:07:06 Unknown Speaker #3

don't

0:07:06 Unknown Speaker #2

care. I'll tell everybody.

0:07:08 Unknown Speaker #1

Okay. What is it? My whole

0:07:10 Unknown Speaker #2

It's is itchy. I think I got I think I got dry exam on my

0:07:15 Unknown Speaker #1

bottle. Eggs around your butthole. Okay. You know, I probably wouldn't want my girlfriend if I was your girlfriend. I wouldn't wanna have to diagnose that for you. Does she have

0:07:25 Unknown Speaker #2

a vulnerable with your significant other? I You don't let yourself get there with.

0:07:30 Unknown Speaker #1

Like I said, I'm single. That's why I'm taking rumba classes. Uh, yeah. Sorry. Sorry. I medicine, sir. Rest run by meant Mumba, by the way, uh, are you sorry, sir? Are you saying sorry, sir? Because you'd like to speak or because you accidentally just started holding somebody else's hands.

0:07:51 Unknown Speaker #3

Both It happens to be both. Are these extra? They do. You have too many of them. These the magazines? No. These

0:08:07 Unknown Speaker #1

little kids. Colorful toy thing where you move all the things around different colors. Ah, different.

0:08:13 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah, I these extra Do you have too many?

0:08:17 Unknown Speaker #1

What if the answer was Yes. What would you want it for?

0:08:22 Unknown Speaker #3

Uh, my kids you have during our last interaction. You said no offense, but I know what you're coming in here for you. I know what you've come in here for. Is it because of the Lee Asians affiliations on my my

0:08:46 Unknown Speaker #1

lips, lips and face? Yes. And legs? Yeah. Though it is a little bit because of the lead lesions on your body.

0:08:55 Unknown Speaker #4

I thought I was told that the Asians, their meeting

0:09:01 Unknown Speaker #1

places I see Well, we'll see when you get diagnosed. I don't think you have meeting places all over your body

0:09:08 Unknown Speaker #3

or people. People. I was told that they are by who? Lush by their wounds that help you in another country. Sh I

0:09:28 Unknown Speaker #1

got a good sir one Bush. Herpes shouldn't clog

0:09:33 Unknown Speaker #3

bythe, sir. Sir, we could hear you. Yeah, just a second.

0:09:43 Unknown Speaker #4

I'm just taking a, uh,

0:09:44 Unknown Speaker #3

number one food. Free water and no open the three water.

0:09:50 Unknown Speaker #1

Why would the water be leaking out from underneath the bathroom door?

0:09:53 Unknown Speaker #4

I just take off your shoes. That'll stop it up. Do you mind? You stop

0:09:58 Unknown Speaker #1

is using his socks to stock up the water. Lush Stop exert.

0:10:04 Unknown Speaker #2

Do you guys do a free hair washed before your, uh, you get the thing done. Eyes. This is this guy in there getting his hair washed. If

0:10:12 Unknown Speaker #3

you're washing

0:10:13 Unknown Speaker #2

this other guy's hair before his appointment and I don't get a hair wash complementary with my procedure, I

0:10:18 Unknown Speaker #2

pissed off and you guys are gonna get back.

0:10:18 Unknown Speaker #3

would be

0:10:20 Unknown Speaker #3

You just here in the hair wash your not just doing their wash.

0:10:28 Unknown Speaker #1

You're not because you left your wig out here, sir, so

0:10:30 Unknown Speaker #3

way. Oh, this is nice. Let me try. No, it's not. I think this one clean wipe and flush. Oh, I'm so jealous. I'm I'm jealous. It is too. Jeez. I mean, look what I'm really working with. What? It's not lean. Why? I'm jealous. Sh Oh,

0:10:59 Unknown Speaker #4

God. Guy that was in there before me. Really? Really. Message. Oh, hey. Yeah, That wasn't you. Oh, I was in there just now, but I was trying to clean up what was did before me. I think I got most of it.

0:11:13 Unknown Speaker #1

Sir, I trusted you. I let you back into the bathroom assuming that you would have learned from last week.

0:11:20 Unknown Speaker #4

Well, I pay to come here, sir. So I think it's a service that I deserve

0:11:25 Unknown Speaker #1

was not. If you're gonna ruin it, that's coming. You know what? That's coming out of your insurance. I hope you have a toilet ruining Copei.

0:11:32 Unknown Speaker #4

No, I knows. I just got booted from my toilet. My toilet co pay. I just got booted because they said I used it too much.

0:11:41 Unknown Speaker #1

Well, you gotta pay up. You gotta pay out of pocket now.

0:11:44 Unknown Speaker #4

Crap. What's that cost? $2030. 1000. Oh, God, I'm so sorry. So you're sitting on my shoulders.

0:11:59 Unknown Speaker #3

Whoa, I'm way up here. This'll up here near me.

0:12:10 Unknown Speaker #1

The the one little part of the ceiling, The square little part that comes out.

0:12:15 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah, the kind of, like light piece of styrofoam.

0:12:19 Unknown Speaker #1

Anything the I think we do need. That's what would you use it for?

0:12:25 Unknown Speaker #3

To put this Lamborghini poster on?

0:12:30 Unknown Speaker #1

You know, you ripped the poster out of the magazine. It's not your magazine.

0:12:33 Unknown Speaker #3

It's a coon Tosh. And I think you're gel ish. I'm

0:12:40 Unknown Speaker #1

not jealous that you stole a mega Lamborghini from our magazine and put it on

0:12:45 Unknown Speaker #3

course. Josh. Gel ish kun. Tosh gel ish

0:12:50 Unknown Speaker #4

riel. Question a really one. It's right. And it's medical.

0:12:53 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah, I said last question a while ago. I need to put my All right. Put your foot down Island. Put it down,

0:12:58 Unknown Speaker #3

though, as you put it down with a a little flourish in front of you, Tom. A bus.

0:13:05 Unknown Speaker #1

Sorry about that. Well, it's part of what I've learned from Mumba. So what's your riel question?

0:13:10 Unknown Speaker #4

Is it true that if in the last six weeks you've breathed the air and Hamilton, you are going to die in a month?

0:13:20 Unknown Speaker #1

Okay, so there's a lot of rumors about the area, Hamilton,

0:13:23 Unknown Speaker #2

why I'm here to ah, apart

0:13:26 Unknown Speaker #1

from the Lea Asians. Well, that's what there's a lot of rumors going out on about this and we don't have a ton of fact. But it does appear that if you have breathed the air at least once in Hamilton, you will die in a month. And I'm sorry, Teoh. No, that

0:13:42 Unknown Speaker #3

is it because of Chernobyl West. You

0:13:49 Unknown Speaker #4

know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to do this, but can I use your restroom? No. You know what? Rude? Let him. You're just going to refuse a paying customer?

0:14:01 Unknown Speaker #1

Absolutely not. No, it's unusable. Frankly, right now the water is is feet high, the the

0:14:11 Unknown Speaker #4

high. You mean ankle high.

0:14:14 Unknown Speaker #3

There's ankle high sewage in here and you're telling us it's unusable.

0:14:20 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah, this is the point that I can't use

0:14:23 Unknown Speaker #3

the not head high. It's angle high suing.

0:14:28 Unknown Speaker #1

No wonder you have some really Asians.

0:14:31 Unknown Speaker #4

It's only ankle high feces in pp's. Let

0:14:35 Unknown Speaker #3

it use it. It's just ankle high, feces and PPS. All right. All right, gentlemen. Jealous. Jealous ship. The poster. You Father Jovan, your bump! Jealous? Now you're out of here. I'm I'm down the list.

0:14:56 Unknown Speaker #1

Your bumped. Okay, you're out of here trying. But you're bumped for Charo. Crowd arrows coming in.

0:15:02 Unknown Speaker #2

Hang on! Guys are bumped.

0:15:04 Unknown Speaker #3

I'm good Gucci huji because she has Gucci hoochie. I had sex with her. She has Gucci hoochie. I've seen it. How do you think I got these Lee Asians?

0:15:23 Unknown Speaker #2

Listen, buddy, if you're gonna bump these guys, you You must have some time before char. Okay, so can I just get a medium fade, please?

0:15:32 Unknown Speaker #1

Your 1% in the wrong place? Your

0:15:36 Unknown Speaker #2

way. Come on, You both his guys. You got time? Cut my hair.

0:15:43 Unknown Speaker #4

Come on, Go! Go to the bathroom. Let me have this.

0:15:47 Unknown Speaker #1

I'm not. I'm not coming here. You can't have anything for free and you can't use the bathroom. Let me have this. No, you can't take our couch cushion.

0:15:57 Unknown Speaker #3

What? Shin Hye, Who cares? Shin Hae, It's Jin Hai pp's And feces cares cares. Just let him go to the bathroom and let me have this water's rising way. Don't have much time. It

0:16:18 Unknown Speaker #1

also actually all we should We should evacuate.

0:16:21 Unknown Speaker #3

Okay. Hey, can you believe that

0:16:30 Unknown Speaker #1

when they built Chernobyl west and decided to call it that it would have the same exact

0:16:35 Unknown Speaker #3

right after Chernobyl? Yeah, There's already little air here, near the ceiling. Come on. But taking a big goal,

0:16:41 Unknown Speaker #2

You're gonna let me die? Looks like this

0:16:45 Unknown Speaker #1

Asbestos. That's asbestos.

0:16:47 Unknown Speaker #3

Cut his hair, man. Come on, You can have this.

0:16:51 Unknown Speaker #4

Tell me now. Tell me now I can use the bathroom.

0:16:54 Unknown Speaker #1

You can't use the bathroom.

0:16:56 Unknown Speaker #2

I guess you're gonna die wanting. All right,

0:16:58 Unknown Speaker #3

fine. You will not have our business anymore by

0:17:05 Unknown Speaker #1

That's not your hat, sir. That is not your hat.

0:17:08 Unknown Speaker #3

This is mine. It was on the hat home.

0:17:12 Unknown Speaker #1

Your and it's not your briefcase.

0:17:15 Unknown Speaker #3

Goodbye. You did

0:17:16 Unknown Speaker #1

not bring in 25 magazines with you.

0:17:19 Unknown Speaker #3

Wow, A single wipe. Oh, lucky, I'll just do it myself. You brought in your own clippers. Oh, damn. And you fucked it up fast. I'm committing to it. Love with a little more off the bottom for sure. A little bit of skin.

0:17:48 Unknown Speaker #1

All right, well, go away. All three of you go away.

0:17:51 Unknown Speaker #4

Way getting estimate on when the doc is gonna see.

0:17:54 Unknown Speaker #3

It's a lease. Who? Yeah. When's it out? Going to see is

0:17:59 Unknown Speaker #4

a professional office I've ever been in.

0:18:02 Unknown Speaker #1

Whose I'm here. I'm here. Sorry to keep you waiting. The doctor is in.

0:18:10 Unknown Speaker #4

Are you the doctor? You telling us that the doctors in?

0:18:14 Unknown Speaker #1

No. The doctor has been in for a while, but nobody could announce it because I was not here yet. I am now here, and the announcement and proclamation is being made. The doctor is in.

0:18:27 Unknown Speaker #3

Are you the doctors proclaim? Er the listen. We're sweet. Wash PPS sees. Whoa, whoa, That's working. Who keep flushing flush? Not working. It's me. You're worse. Well, listen, We're treading water in this feces and pp's. When can we get seen?

0:18:58 Unknown Speaker #1

Well, the doctor is in. And that's all I'm here to proclaim. Ah,

0:19:02 Unknown Speaker #3

back to that guy. We were talking to first

0:19:05 Unknown Speaker #1

high. Yes. Hi.

0:19:07 Unknown Speaker #2

Can that guy use

0:19:08 Unknown Speaker #3

clippers? Are doctors proclaim? Er cut hair?

0:19:13 Unknown Speaker #1

I mean, I'm an amateur, but I could I've been known to cut hair before

0:19:18 Unknown Speaker #4

doctors proclaim. Er, can I use the employee bathroom?

0:19:21 Unknown Speaker #1

Ah, I don't have the I don't have

0:19:26 Unknown Speaker #4

the key going to give me that bullshit. You didn't have. The key

0:19:29 Unknown Speaker #1

now is not that I don't have the marbles. I'm not cowardly, okay? I don't have the key.

0:19:33 Unknown Speaker #2

This guy has no

0:19:34 Unknown Speaker #1

marbles. I've got marbles. You've lost your marbles for sure. Okay, I did a stint in the nuthouse.

0:19:44 Unknown Speaker #3

We'll listen, but this I'm going back to work at your noble west, and it's got nothing to do with my skin condition. Okay,

0:19:53 Unknown Speaker #2

I'm gonna go. I have to go to I'm gonna go back to work at your Noble West as well.

0:19:57 Unknown Speaker #4

And I'm going to go home to use the bathroom like I always could have

0:20:03 Unknown Speaker #3

goodbye. And we will never be using this office. And yes, we will be writing a link. The Yelp review together one word at a time and it will sound a little something like this. How you already fucked up hat. Know how The first words What? Okay. 123 We singer, right? Shit. Let's try

0:20:37 Unknown Speaker #1

it. Okay. So far, we've got we How I what? We bazinga shit.

0:20:44 Unknown Speaker #3

That's call here. He did? Yeah. Colin, Dash. Too much punctuation. When here we get, uh, if you go in it all

0:21:04 Unknown Speaker #1

the same order the whole time. It helps if you're in the same order. That's my recommendation.

0:21:08 Unknown Speaker #3

Okay. Okay. Okay. We'll shut

0:21:10 Unknown Speaker #1

up. Shut it. Um, comma, when I hospital drama with bathroom and myself those two words,

0:21:27 Unknown Speaker #3

it hurts. Delete. So the lead has changed to hurt. You are. Come on. Okay,

0:21:46 Unknown Speaker #1

maybe no comments towards each other.

0:21:50 Unknown Speaker #3

You know, belief. I want one word. I don't delete my fucking word by word sticks. Are we a

0:22:01 Unknown Speaker #4

team or not?

0:22:02 Unknown Speaker #2

Let's start over. OK,

0:22:04 Unknown Speaker #3

let's start over. OK, start everywhere. Starting over. Ham sandwich is good to me before noon.

0:22:22 Unknown Speaker #1

Remember? This is your view of this doctor's office?

0:22:26 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah. You say sandwiches good to me before noon, buddy. That

0:22:34 Unknown Speaker #2

first glance, man smells bad, period, buddy,

0:22:50 Unknown Speaker #1

starting your sentences. But ham sandwich. Tastes good. Move on from the sand or trellis hospital, Period him sandwich tastes good. Hospital. Pierre, Buddy Hams. Average taste hospital. Good, period. Close. Yeah. Listen. Okay. Hey, Addressing the audience. Make sure you have their attention.

0:23:29 Unknown Speaker #3

Guy, have you been eating? Ham gets away from the sandwich hospital. Delete. Come on. You know we're starting over.

0:23:49 Unknown Speaker #4

It was gonna be Have you have you? Have you eaten ham hospital sandwich?

0:23:53 Unknown Speaker #1

Where you

0:23:54 Unknown Speaker #3

were going to do this? We need to make sure we talk about ham sandwiches a lot.

0:23:59 Unknown Speaker #1

No, you don't. That's the issue. That's the issue, right?

0:24:02 Unknown Speaker #2

Hey, buddy, don't weigh in on your own yelp review, okay? Yes.

0:24:05 Unknown Speaker #4

Okay. Let me start with Let me start

0:24:07 Unknown Speaker #3

with okay, buddy, have hospital seen ham center? It's at ham Hospital, Buddy. Ham Burger. Delete Ham Hospital.

0:24:34 Unknown Speaker #1

That way. I think this guy is having a stroke. Actually.

0:24:38 Unknown Speaker #3

Had a fab lab. Yeah. No, that's helping. That's not Don't flush him. Big flush. Oh, no. It finally happened. The big one. The big flush. I was supposed to be prepared and sucking down everything that isn't that it's above toilet. Hi. Does anyone have a flush kit

0:25:06 Unknown Speaker #1

of the Internet kept saying to buy a flush emergency kit, and I just kept putting it off. I have one in my Amazon cart.

0:25:14 Unknown Speaker #3

Well, I guess this is goodbye. We're all going down the drain in the big flush. Tell my wife I should have married her.