Bus Driver's Meeting

okay, guys. Really quickly, before we get going, congratulations on a great great week. Really great job on everybody's route. Johnson, are you still taking the shortcut because we've been having complaints about your taking the shortcut back from school. Yeah.

He taken the shortcut.

Yeah. Because you know there's a point midway where you have to drop some kids, but but you're obsessed with getting there quick And you're I tell you what.

Nobody's getting dropped off midway. Well, we're doing a vote. We're doing a vote on the bus. And some kids want the shortcut and some kids want the long cut.

Well, there's more kids. And the vote in the shortcut wins. I don't know what to say. There's more kids who want or who are going to the endpoint than the midpoint, so they're always gonna get out I understand the

problem. I mean, he get to the other side of the shortcut and then all the kids parents are there

in their cars to pick them up. His job's done. But but they have to take them back to midpoint. Right. You see what I'm saying? But

it's still everybody

guess

where they're supposed to go. I don't think you need to care so much about where we dropped the

kids off. Let's be truthful Let's be truthful.

Okay. Fine. You don't

know where I how do I know my route at all? If you want me to be truthful.

Well, Johnson, let me get to this first. How much time does the shortcut actually save? And I want you to be honest with me right now.

It saves 30 seconds and adds a lot of mud.

So see, we're we're It adds a lot of mud. The bus is getting bogged down multiple times a week, and I started this meeting by saying great job, everyone. And that was not what was the case. I had a problem with each of you, each of your routes. But in general, I do no no child died this week. Some kids were backs were hurt. Clement

has a

big Clement? I'm looking at you, Coleman.

I'm just saying this. Speed bumps are optional even

in a bus. No. They're not.

You want me to save time? Then I gotta go fast over every street no matter how many bumps there is in it. Well,

listen. Here's what I will say to that. Let me I wanna ask you, it would almost be fine if you weren't slowing down for the bumps But I've heard reports, you're speeding up.

Well, we do a vote on the bus and the kids decide, do we jump it or do we go slow over it? Sending the kids say we jump it, we jump the bumps. I don't know what to tell

you,

please. Well,

there's more kids on the bus that have strong backs. And you know you have a couple of weak backs in there, we they're in. They have

well, that sounds like an administration problem. Maybe you should

take better

maybe you should change the route so that a little week back, kids don't gotta be on

on my bus. Well,

my

here's my thing. If you want the speed bumps to be mandatory, you should make them curves.

Oh, that's good. Yeah. Because

then they're not safe. Even mean? You have to stop and slowly 4 wheel drive over the curb. The speed bump is almost a ramp begging me speed up to take

so you want them to be a big rectangle or square, a cement square. If you want me to stop. And make the buses 4 wheel drive. Yeah.

I think you need to make it so you can't clear the you couldn't clear the speed bumps. If you want us to actually slow down, you make it so we can't clear them. Yep.

Turtle has had his hand raised politely this whole time. Turtle, what is it? If the reports come in if I'm driving on the correct of the road yet. Yes. They have and you're not. There's no reports. There's no official reports. There are sightings. Many sightings of bus on the wrong side of the road,

the whole route. And we are certain that that's me because the other 2 gents here seem to be having some issues. Perhaps they're driving on the wrong side of the road. And I have Finally figured it out.

Well, here's what I'll say. Bay and I hate to I hate to do this to you, but based on your accent, I feel like it's you because we know the Aust Australians are driving on the left hand side of the road. Right?

Yes. That's correct. That's correct, mate. But I I will say I'm not going to sell out either of these gentlemen because they did help me install a second level to

my best to make it more like it is, dear, Nandy. Oh, they have double deckers down under? I was not aware that was more an Australian thing. I definitely know it as a British thing, but

it kept up my problem. We were British before. They sent us over that, you know, we're famously very famously prisoners of the British that were sent to Australia.

Yes. That's true. Well, here's what I'll say about the second top the top on the bus. It is And I cannot stress this enough. It is not up to code. It is not up to code. Well, then they

they need a code. There if there ain't a code, how are we supposed to keep some up to code if there ain't even a code? Well, yeah. I mean, it should be.

I agree with you. There is no code because it's illegal. It's very illegal. And you got all the buzz and all the kids, of course, wanna be on the top, and you're too top heavy. And what happens when you go around the curve? Turtle? The whole bus

flips onto its head. And luckily, there's wheels on the top. Well, it goes round and round. It's because I pick a round and round.

It does start tumbling, and it's somehow supported by wheels. It's kind of this circus contraption that gets out of control and grows goes through fields and stuff. And I appreciate that you strap the kids in, and they're not even the ones with the hurt back somehow. So we know Clement is really nailing those speed bumps with your bus. The

real issue. Yes.

I think that's good. Yeah.

Cliffy. Don't This is just because you can't drive no more. No. No. That's all this is. You're jealous of the drivers now that you're an administrator.

Listen. Administrative, jealousy. Now, listen. That was a tragedy. I looked both ways. I opened up the door and listened for the train. I pull out it gets we get nailed. Okay? You know I've opened the door and listened for the train. I did everything I was supposed to do you dinged on the tracks. But the light was faulty. We know the light in Belleville was faulty. Okay? So, of course, my license was revoked. Luckily, there was nobody in the middle of the bus, clean-cut. No 1 was injured.

Nobody in the middle. Of

the box. Middle is stinky. You had all the people sitting up front, and then you had

some kids in the back. Some kids have cranked me over the week Some kids had pranked me over the weekend, put a dead a bunch of dead possums in the middle of the bus. It was still stank, so we had to stack the kids on the end. Luckily.

And

you know what a lot of people do not talk about is if your bus hadn't been there, that damsel would have been run over.

Well, see. And I have I've been appealing this with my damsel defense over and over again. And if we could get the damsel onto the stand, but she is too busy making milk and making butter. And all this old timey shit, and she won't show up to court unless she's forced by gunpoint.

And you have tried to do that. Right? Well,

of course.

You became a dastardly villain.

I well, that was just to get her to court. But, of course, it looks bad when you got the big stache and the hat, and you're walking a woman in a white dress down the road -- And rode. -- to court. Anne rope. Ann rope. And

you've got a little dog that walks behind you and it laughs at the little hissy laugh.

It laughed, and a lot of people say, they call me Yosemite, whatever my first name was, come and said it. Cliffey, Yosemite, Cliffey, and that really took off. But luckily, the school let me be in many and it's got nothing to do with that. Okay?

Okay. Well, since all of our backstories are laid, what's the meeting really about? Are are you are we getting in trouble here or not? Because this shortcut I'm telling you is saving kids time.

Okay. Well, here It's gotten

to the point where it's getting a bit of a bit of crowd. When I bust through the when I bust through the creek and I go down, down along the creek, back up through the storm drain, and then out the other side, people like it.

1 message.

A bit of crowd has been at Creek for a while now. Crowd at great. It's huge.

Look at Facebook.

Just because you are pulling a crowd, and I mean a deep crowd. It is a big deep crowd Would they have concessions? Everything is popping off down there at the huge storm drain that the bus goes through, and it does loops. But I think

it's dangerous.

You do do loops? It's

like like Roosevelt down there. I saw the girls going wild crew last week. Oh, yeah.

It has been getting debaucherous in the crowd, and that's a whole other issue because this is a very Christian community And when people are working and pushing their pushing their nipples together for old old VHS cameras, It gets It becomes a problem. But the meeting was, I wanted to say, we got a little bit of good news, we are getting the raise. We're getting the raise, gentlemen. We're getting the raise.

30 huge buses. 30 huge lifts.

30.

Hey. That's perfect for me. I love it. We ain't gonna have no issues with speed bumps 9 1. We're getting

we're getting 30 inch, the the the school board has agreed to let us lift the buses because there's been so much off roading going on.

I can't see it clearly. And they

passed the tire acquisition? Yes.

We got it all. We got it all, boys. Yeah. We got it all. We

got it all. What are we gonna call them? What are we gonna call them? What are you calling

your big bus? Well, I can't drive anymore. But I would love input on your guy's names for your buses, and I feel bad, by the way. I'm still upset. But I You obviously wish you were still a bus driver. We noticed you you souped up your Cadillac Seville. Yes. Do I put some more seats in there, some bench seats

with no seat belts. You obviously wear the little fingerless macrame gloves everywhere you go. And and and what do I say when somebody's acting up in the back? I look up in a huge mirror And what do I say? Hush. Hush. I you know what? Hey. Hey. Old dog can't learn new tricks, man. That one's sticking with you,

i bet.

I yell hush. And as soon as my family comes back, there'll be somebody in the Cadillac with me to hush up.

How's that coming? Well, I've tried many times luring them, but they're not responding to any of my bait.

Mhmm.

What's what beta do you use? Is it emotional beta? Is it closer to, like, a crawdad or

a worm? Warm? Like, yeah. Using a glowworm.

It's it's shrimp. I saw him. He puts he

puts you on

a line and he

puts it

outside the hotel that they're

staying at. And is this fully cooked shrimp? Is this the scampi? What do we eat coconut? It's it's coconut and scampy

and regular fried and tartar

no. Not for

a freshwater family. No. I know. I know. Oh, I'm going back to the meat market to get some catfish tomorrow because it's more of a freshwater family. But she says, if I don't if if I don't learn to stop micromanaging And microwaving, and microwaving, and micro machining, which as we know, there's little tiny monster trucks.

MicroP missing.

Micro penising, of course, which starts at a com Microblading? Microblading, which is cutting along cutting the grass with a really, very tiny lawnmhurst. You have to make 7000 trips and micro dosing. Off of beer.

And Microsoft?

Dude, you're microdosing off of beer?

Yeah. I have I have a you know the cap that comes off of a beer? I have 1 of those every

morning, and

i micro dosed out, and I've never been in jail.

You are fucking crazy off beer.

I'm telling you you just have to microdose with a little bit of guinness every morning in a metal top. Guinness. Okay. Foster. Much better. You know, I heard that people don't actually drink fosters in Australia. They think it's nasty.

No. That's a lie.

i thought you just used the cans as weight. Well,

I

no, we started that rumor so people would stop drinking all the falsies.

So it was a ruse, or you joke it, you're joking. Yes. Yes. Do you have what's your

foster shortages? Yes. It was like the potato famine but with fosters. Really?

So the so people were, like, dying?

Yes. It was like the potato famine. My whole family died in the foster's family. Wow.

That's

really hard. There's no way, Turtle. I will also turtle please tell us how you got that nickname. You're holding out on us. You're holding out on us. I

was gonna say you can look at the thing and you know how you got that. Is

it because you have a protective shale around your midsection?

A lot of people say pause chill. A lot of people say protective shale, but you're both way off.

Is it because you hang out with somebody really famous and you're part of their entourage?

Way off.

Is it because you you only iceberg lettuce? Way off. Is it because

you're a teenage mutant ninja?

Close, I'm pretty far off still.

Is it because you're made of chocolate pecans and caramel?

No. Did anyone say that I like to eat iceberg lettuce yet? Yeah. Oh, that was the that was the 1. Sorry. I missed that 1. 0,

dude. Yeah. What I I knew that?

You're a walking talking candy bar too. Let's not forget about that. Yeah. I don't think the most

thing that's Charlie about you is that you prefer iceberg.

well, you you hang up with You're in Dershowitz's entourage. Right?

And

That's right. Me dash and me dash

kevin Connolly.

Kevin Connolly and and drama.

And drama. So

the famous did a 1 for 1 switch with really chasing Dershowitz. Yeah. We upgraded.

Dersh's Vince. And

me Oh, you traded him. Yes. We could. Is

vince representing

criminals? Yeah. Vince represents Trump and hangs out with over it's and and incriminates himself constantly on the news.

Okay. Well, guys, we got the clearance. Yes. We got 30 inches of clearance. We getting the big wide tires. We're getting everything we wanted. Okay?

Tell us that claimant claimant. Can I ask about your shortcut? I I just wanna throw a theory out there. I do notice that that pass is right by your high school sweetheart's

house. No.

You're

not just showing off, are you?

What? What? Modding a truck so that it can do spinny's through the The drainage ditch. It's

been it

comes out perfectly in front of her backyard where I know she sits every day at 4? No. Okay. Sound. You sure?

Sounds exactly like that. And I I also I'm not sure spinny's as most people imagine them with cars are what you recall what you're doing. Well,

what do you What do other people call it? And you also said, truck, please

remember that this is a fully packed bus. Okay. It's

a fully packed bus. I, of course, had to enlarge the drainage ditch, which took some city planning, of course. But now it's big enough to do loopty loops.

You impersonated the mayor to get the the easement.

For that? That thing, I thought the performance was incredible. That town hall meeting was honestly the most fun that I had in this town in the last 10 years. Like I have tons of fun around here. So this was like I was like, wow, that's that's quite an impressive

well, I think the mayor everybody agrees the mayor's a little bland, so I had to make a couple choices sort of punch him up a little bit.

Yes.

You know, I had long hair to the floor. I came in to the dolly miss Molly, of course. And then I just

did, like, a 20 minute dance solo before I got to the first item. You extend you definitely scentuated some of his characteristics. He, of course, has hair kind of

middle length hair, so you went to the floor. Of course. You heard him listening to Good Golly Miss Molly once, so you danced for 20 minutes to Good Golly, miss Molly. Yeah.

It has been a 5 times.

It's kind of method Is it? I guess or

i'll tell you what it was. It was so entertaining that they just handed over the easement. No problem. They signed the paper and handed it to me and I walked out the door. The next day, I was breaking ground on a giant new fucked up thing for the creek.

That's what was listed in the paper too. Breaking ground on giant new fucked up thing for the creek.

Which If your performance is good enough, people will let you

do almost anything. Almost Well, there's there's so many women named Molly in this town that the the song really works. It really I mean, you gotta play to

your audience.

You absolutely Well, I'll tell you what you need to do if because, obviously, I want superintendent Joe to give us a little bit more money for the buses. So if you could dress up like the mayor and sing Hey, Joe, from Jimmy Hendrix, that would be fantastic.

Yeah. Okay. That's interesting. Yeah. I could probably get a longer wig.

Yeah.

I could do that.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. There's the damsel. Oh

god.

my

Hey. Hey. Damnsel. She's not she's not going to testify for you. Definitely. Not going to testify.

Please get on the stand for me. I opened the door. I opened the bus door to listen for the train and I saved July damsel.

Mis

distress. Mister Stress.

Damn. She doesn't want any part of you, buddy.

I feel like maybe if you'd if you'd made any attempt to sorta, like, get to know her her actual name, maybe, like, didn't just continue to call her, damsel in distress.

I

don't think her last name is distress. So when you scream out miss distress, I don't know if she knows that you're talking to her. I think at this point, She's just Mary Simmons. Okay? If you say maybe it's because you just Is that her name? Yeah. Have you been looking in the phone book looking for for damsel distress?

Yeah. I've been pointing my index finger and going down the page. 1 page at a time. I didn't even go to the d's. I started in the a's just to make sure they didn't mess up. All the way through the phone book, And we obviously have the biggest phone book in the world here because they're Claricor.

They accidentally didn't do the whole town. They did the whole world.

Yeah. Did the whole world and we printed them.

Which I'm saying this. I I've been I've I keep I kept this phone book. It takes up my whole house.

Yeah. I mean, I was out of school for 2 years looking up damsel in distress.

You started on the a's and read every a in world before you got to the d's. And

then her hair, that's

just not her name.

My hair grew out long. My beard grew to the floor. Everybody was like, is that the mayor? I'm like, no. No. No.

I'm just looking for a name in the phone

book. I just my hair grew out long because I stayed at home for 2 years looking for a name in the phone book. Well, off my back. My

question is, now that we have the lift approved, the new tires approved, I think we should just go for it. I think we should start an after school monster club. It's of course,

as

soon as we drop the kids off. Of course, they're home, whatever. But then we go out to the Costco and do whatever the hell we want. Okay. Well, please, can

i be involved in an administrative way?

Turtle. You can set up maybe set up the Google Calendar for the meetings and Awesome.

Awesome. Awesome. Awesome.

Bones? You can bring cones. Ring the cans.

Hey, turtle. Don't you say you said you have to go to a stag party. Right?

Yes. I have to go to stag party, which III understand you Americans call is what you call bachelor parties.

That's right. Yeah. You said you're running out to a stag party.

Well, but

parties

in America, there has been some confusion for me. I have ended up at a few Horse surrounds, I guess is what we call

them. So what is a stag here in America? A horse?

Everybody puts little party hats on horses and takes pictures with them and the horses kind of hang out and play

pin the tail on the human But at the end, it's a ceremonial insemination. Right?

Yes.

Yes. No. Turtle. You fuck Horcy's turtle. No. No. No. No. No. No. Oh, you just get them to fuck each other.

That's right. That's right. And so

that's my bad.

I'm hoping this 1 is actually a bachelor party for my my friend, Ellen Dischowits.

we might see Vinny and Dersh in the same place, putting putting to rest the old question are they the same guy? Yeah.

So

everybody in town's been

Because I all see them. Told

wondering. I would always see them and be like, is that Dersh? Anytime I saw him on HP?

I I said through probably half of Aquaman before I figured out that I I was not watching an Ellen Dischowitz movie.

So this scene takes place in the world of entourage. Right?

What is that? It's all for managerial. What about that Russian pee tape we are watching? We thought we were watching Vinnie Chase the whole time.

Yes. We thought it was Vinnie Chase and Trump, but it was Dersh and Trump

okay. Okay. Alright. Well, guys, that's all I had on the docket. If you guys wanna Okay.

Well, good job, everybody.

Yeah. I think you started the meeting saying good job then you took it back. I all things considered, it does feel like we did do a pretty good job this week. And I mean Have

they figured out which 1 of 3 was responsible for the bust size hole in the multi purpose room? Should we address that? Or is that are we tableting that?

So far, they haven't said anything. But I think because we feel like a clean shot. It's gonna be coming down the pipeline soon. Because it is obviously bust shaped. There's yellow paint. There's

someone

left calling card. Can I ask

can I ask you guys a quick question? Would you say bust in a hole in the multi purpose room wall is justified if, say, for example, someone had left their leftover spaghetti that they brought for lunch that day in the refrigerator and left their keys at home.

the fridge?

So

Yeah.

The fridge in a multi multipurpose room. We if that person thought, if I put my leftovers in the regular teachers lounge fridge. They're gonna get eat. So I if they put them in the multi purpose

room bridge,

and then they left the keys at home. Is it justified for them to drive their bus through the with the wall in a multi purpose room? To get their spaghettis.

Homate spaghettis or a a restaurant bought? Yeah.

It was just like this Make a sauce. Of

olive

garden? Heremade sauce. Homemade sauce. But store bought pasta well, restaurant bought pasta.

Weird. The restaurant bought spaghetti, loose spaghetti, kind of congealed.

Like if say this person is scared is scared of cooking spaghetti by their self so they go to Olive Garden and say, can I get a 1 gallon

ziplock bag this party? They won't do. And then they do the hard part at home. Yeah. Okay.

So so we're saying that it's it's not justified to drive the bus through through the I can

bring that up. I mean, I can also bring up the fact that there were kids in there that had been kidnapped by a Russian oligarch. Which were which were, of course, got out.

Yeah. They got out. So so that's good. So I guess

if I'm being honest, I'd have to taste the spaghetti.

Okay. Yes. And I also would like to know what oligarch means before I make any judgments. It's the type of butterfly. Right? Oh, yes. And they yes. And they it turns from a caterpillar. Santa Peter. Saint Peter. Oh, sorry.

That was the nickname for my dick. I'm sorry. Set him said to Peter was my nickname in college. Thanks

a lot. Harvard gang. Who am I kidding? I went to community college. I'm always trying to pretend I went to Harvard. But

you're they're bullied by Harvard people. Right? They they they went from Harvard to your community college to bully you. Yeah. The lampoon showed up,

pulled my pants to the ground, and took a picture of my dick, and then hoisted it up in the Landrum center.

Well, there was a flag for a while. Right?

There was a flag that flew that was a picture of your centipeder. Well, yes. And it gained traction, and it was hit on its way to be the next United States,

a lot of people were saluting it.

And people were I mean, the national You just said that Peter

was in the skull and bones.

People had their own salute the flag. What's that called? I pledge of pledge of allegiance to the to the Senate Peter, anyway, it

was And and when they did years of therapy. When they saluted your flag, they did the the the wrestling crotch chop. Right? That was it? It

was like they would hold their finger up as if to show a centimeter with their thumb and their finger, and then they would slam it. Was devastating. And I, of course, was forced to watch by Vince Man. And

you said years of therapy.

Yes. Years of therapy, I thought about doing and never did.

it's still pretty solid. Years of

Shadi,

therapy, but who's got time for that crap? I

remember you you went after your fifth day of therapy You you posted on Facebook all caps. I'm cured and then never went back.

And the crazy thing was the therapist didn't even show up like that. Well,

if they don't show up, it 15 minutes you get to go home.

I get to go home. I went right home. I updated my Facebook status. I'm cured. Good for you. World record comments of no You aren't.

Guinness. Guinness is his first Facebook record.

Yeah. It they changed the algorithm because so many strangers were allowed to comment.

Doctor Field, doctor Oz, Steve Harvey. Kevorkian? Kevorkian.

Yeah. I made the rounds on all the doctor shows, and they they, of course, did Here

he is second.

Double booked you. Thank God working double booked you.

And his serum didn't take. It just knocked me out for, like, 2 hours, and then I woke back up.

Big yawn too when you woke up.

The craziest crustiest spider filled young. It feels like you did cross over maybe just a little bit. Well, yes. I am pretty much skin and bones, no internal organs, and I'm talking. But I think that's less crazy than human made out of caramel chocolate and pecans over here on my left.

I agree. And by the and I'm called Tater because I like ice pick.

That's I've never seen you eat a salad. You don't eat vegetables, Charlotte. You won't even iceberg and that's basically just water.

Well, I stopped because people kept making fun of me because of the nickname. It's not a that I have a hot shell around my middle. Oh, b, that I'm a caramel crusted pecan chocolate dessert. Physically. Physically only.

Well, what are what are you 2 guys made of?

Mostly coors light and crispy cheetos. Okay. A big talking Fourth of July weekend gas station display over here. And have

you guys had these new crispy

cheetos? I was gonna

ask about the crispy cheetos. So they're not like the Cheetos puff thing. They're not crunchy. They're not

crunchy. They're crispy. In Cheetos, these are cooked. These are these are grilled

crispy cheetos. That is so fourth of July. They got the grill marked on them and everything. That's awesome -- Yeah. -- big stack of cores. Thank you.

And, you know, I I liked think that my parents, they told me I was made a grit and determination, but in reality, I made a loose spaghetti and sauce.

Okay. Well, see, that makes sense about what you were talking about. So you were trying to save yourself from inside.

It depends. Would it be

justified for somebody who

left part of themselves in the refrigerator

in the

multiverse or so. It'd be much easier. What part of themselves? The most important parts. But the feet. But The button feet.

So your button feet I

left. Listen. Well, I'm a butt drive

a bunch of board parts of the bus driver. Yeah.

The button, the feet, dude. I'm sitting there on my bus just like fucking Can you drive? You can't drive? I'm sitting there. Slouch down in my fucking shit in my fucking seat and I can't even hit the pedals with my knobs. So I gotta go back in there to get my spaghetti out of the refrigerator to complete my body. Right. I I just listened. I lost my head. I'm admitting it. I'm admitting it here. Okay? I drive the bus through through through the wall in multi purpose room because I left my butt in my feet in the refrigerator. Thank you. Thank you.

But I gotta I hey. Listen, I gotta give you credit for at least making it clean through. There's a hole in both walls. It's like a bullet leaving the body. That's better than the bus being stuck

in the door. And an

exit wound. Yeah.

That's right. Yeah.

I'm sorry. I'll put the money up to fix it someday.

Someday.

At some point in the future, we will close

the whole of the jury. Alright. Let's not put a date on that. I

just heard the bell ring.

Uh-oh. Alright.

So we got like 20 minutes.

so I guess, let's get back out there. I will have to end with a PIP talk, by

So

the way.

Damn's all. What's her name? What's her name?

Mary Simmons.

Mary Simmons. Miss Simmons. Oh. 0, she's coming. Miss Simmons, miss Simmons. My summons. My

summons. My

summons.