Hamilton Pro-Am Golf Invitational

hello and welcome back to day 3 of the Hamilton Proam golf invitational. I'm as always, Lester Green, sitting with my partner in announcing

hello. My name is Charles Fairway. And, of course, we're back here at the pro am few more AMs than Pro's this year. Yes. And it has been an interesting interesting day so far. All you need is 1 Pro, 2 consider to pro ass. Vijay Singh is, of course, here, really holding up the pack for everybody else. The closest person to v j is minus 18 or plus 18, I should say v j is minus 18.

Yes. And of course the furthest from PJ is plus 732.

Drive a cart today, so he's unfortunately way behind.

Yes. Our apologies to everyone's feet after the cart incident yesterday. Which

brings us to our first. Remember, Of course, sponsor, tough actin to actin. Mhmm. If your feet got run

over, and you already had athlete's foot, boom, tough acting to nectar. Which obviously brings us Let's check-in on the fifth hole with Eric Feldman the amateur and his caddy, John Madden.

Yeah. I need the I need the 6 iron.

I don't think the 6 iron is what you need here.

John. We're on day 2 of John Madden as a caddy. Not disagreeing with this pro.

You can really see Let me tell you what I think you need. On the screen here.

I'll tell you here. You look at the fairway you got a 322 yard fairway with a backset green, 2 sand traps on the front side, and a little bit of hazard on the left. Water in between here and there. What you need to do is you need to take your 3 wood, set it up on your tee, a little bit higher than usual. Get star. Get over what?

John, I'm in the fairway. I can't put it up on a tee here. Okay? I'm a hundred and 75 out. We need to see some creative play here. Okay? You I'm gonna get they're gonna cut the last hole they gave me 2 strokes. Okay? For putting it up on a tee and

ride All of my friends my friends have had plenty of strokes, and they've all made it through. Okay? So,

seriously, because what This is different than

something that happens to your brain. And looking down at the course, of course, watching along as they play next to them is Terry Bradshaw, and his caddy.

Very tadshaw.

Okay. Moving on to the seventh hole. Moving on to the seventh hole. Here we are. This is a fantastic hole with 2 water hazards and 4 bunkers. Now this is

tough for a lot of the golfers. That's right. This hole was built with 1 water hazard and then there was a bit of a spill and we ended up with 2 water hazards. And also, this is the hole with hazardous water. So the players don't know this, but 1 of the holes, if you drink the water, it goes right through you and you get montezuma's revenge. So We

have seen a few revenge just today on the course, and it has been for lack of a better word, messy. It's

been messy today.

Hey. Hey, Carl. I'm out of water. You think I could you

think Uh-oh.

And he's going right for the water? You

probably just take a sip of this

think I

could

i mean,

this wasn't here yesterday, this this big puddle. Should I just take a sip of this?

It seems like the kind of thing that maybe somebody dumped out a they had a cooler for ice and they dumped

this foot as it melted. It's probably bending over.

Alright. I'm just gonna

down here and just take a

look. It's got 1 club in the water to hold himself. I'm

gonna prop myself up with this 8 iron and lean my head down. Yes. Just learn from your client. There you go. How is it? Right.

Right right now. Oh, my god.

Oh, jeez. Stand back. Carl, stand back. Oh, I'm spinning around. It's a mister Stinker. It's a mister Stinker.

And as we've seen multiple times, throughout the tournament, he's spinning around and doing a mister Stinker.

As popularized from the famous camp I don't wanna be here, haunted by Jason Alexander. The mister Stinker has now made its way into the golf world. Hi,

fellas. I'm

down here I'm down here on hole 11, and we actually have a brand new development. Of course, it's me Chris turf. And I'm here on on Christopher 11 yeah. Chris Turfer. Hole number 11 obviously has given a lot of people trouble today, and we have actually have a little bit of a backup. 3 different groups have all sort of found themselves on 11, and they're they're trying to take the tea. Okay. Looks like And again, another person's been knocked unconscious by someone else's boss

we're still on the t box, man. We're here still. Don't get into us. Now, Crystal --

sorry. -- are you getting impression of the mood down there because I can see that these this is the anger management group that seems to be backed up against each other. How were they handling?

Not too well. You know, John Daly has a history of being pretty aggressive. He's, of course, not here, but all of these guys claim he's their favorite golfer. And so they've all sort of modeled their game after him. So there's been a lot of throwing of clubs.

Excuse me.

I think you just stepped on my lie. You stepped on

my lie. As sir. This is the broadcast booth. This is Yeah.

You step on my ball. This is the broadcast

booth, sir. This is a broadcast booth. I didn't

step by anything. I think you I think you You walked in my eye line, and then you stepped on my lie. And Christian Bale, as 1 of the amateurs down

there, a little upset about a certain airline situation here.

I'm preparing for a role.

Of course, I'm playing Jack Nicholson, sued in a biopic.

Okay.

So I don't know if

you can tell I'm in my Yeah. Yeah. Not

jack Nicholas.

Nobody has broken it to Christian Bailey yet that Jack Nicholson is not a golfer, and he has been preparing deeply for this role. He's gonna be very disappointed, but everyone is too scared to tell him.

I keep coming out here and playing golf. I'm using my midwestern accent by the way. I keep coming out here and playing golf, and people tell me, what do how are you gonna reenact the shining? How are you gonna do the shining? And I'm like, What are you talking about? I shine the ball at the beginning of every hole. Okay? That's how I'm preparing for the shining. Okay.

Don't get mad pressure.

I'm actually just part of

the director's here with Oh, they're shooting the movie.

Alright. Let's go back to 1. That was great Christian. I mean, Jack, excuse me. Let's -- Thank you. -- best up his hair, get him a sandwich, and go again.

Thank you. Thank you. Alright. You

know, like, they're doing the scene from the famous picture of diagnosing on a boat with his shirt off eating a big sandwich.

Alright.

Let's get a little more wind in here. I don't understand. What does this have to do with this golfer's life? Okay? I've I'm you're backing a boat in

here to the cores.

Let's get that shirt off, Christian. I mean, Jack, excuse me. Alright. Let's fly in the sandwich points. Everybody watch out points. We're flying in the sandwich. To give to Christian, I mean Jack. And then we're gonna go ahead and do it again where he complains about stepping on the lie, which is his golf ball. This time, he will be on the boat. Now

for those of you that don't know much about Hollywood, points is usually something you say when carrying a large pointy object since nobody gets poked or run into. So that means they're afraid the sandwich is going to hurt somebody if they were not aware that they're not Easy with the sandwich.

Easy. Easy. What? Point. It's a sharp, easy.

I'll say this. This is probably the pointiest sandwich I've ever seen. It's, of course, it looks sort of like it's a square sandwich that's been cut in half and that it's huge. Now that's

a very

point. What do you think he's gonna use to eat this sandwich? A fork or a knife?

good

I think he's gonna use the 4 fork.

Okay. He might use the 4. It looks like he's consulting with the craft

hear me that fork. And do you have that fork that you hold up when you hit a ball in the woods?

I don't think the fork is what you need here.

those of you just tuning in, Christian Bale on set for the new job. Thanks. He's jagged nicholas. He's about to eat a sandwich with a fork and is asking John Madden to bring him the 4 fork and John

For

john Madden has abandoned hole number 3 and gonna Cathy for whoever he feels like.

Now

here's the thing -- Hi. -- with a sandwich. Yeah. It's me. Hi. What here's the thing. With a sandwich, you don't need a utensil. God gave you the 2 utensils that you need. It's called your left hand and your right hand. If you've got the sandwich in half, you can hold each half in either side and take bites from either side that you wish.

Okay.

Great advice from John Mad in there. On Christian Bale as Jack Nicholas, but the

alright.

Mister Alright. Are you ready? Baby. Maybe. Action. Maybe, baby, come over here, sit on my lap. What? See, oh, does anyone have any drama mean? Chomp.

Points.

Let's question points. Somebody stabbed me with a with a knife. Caught. Caught. What? And that's the ultimate points. Ow. I'm a sap. We're gonna go away from this film shoot

and head on down to the seventeenth Green. Here we are, where we have Mario Batali playing with Who is that? Bob Barker, it looks like. And we animated, of course.

This is a disgraced celebrity chef, Mario Batale, and the reanimated course of Bob Barker. And it looks like yep. They're doing the scene from have to go more.

Of course, Potali being very aggressive with Barker and Barker not putting up with it.

Well, let's check-in now with the up up. We're here. We're getting some of this audio, actually. Let's see what they're doing down there.

What'd you say? What'd you say to me? What did you talk into this mic. Talk into this mic.

Just off the side, doctor Frankensteinstein, very frustrated with his reanimated by barker Korps. It's not even talking properly.

Of course, the the marker corpse is silent and Frank is signed on the sign displaying his anger. Do I wear crocs?

Mario Batale making sure that he is who he is.

You I wear crops. Bob, wake up. Frankenstein. What is this shit, man? Okay.

Coming back to the ninth green. Now here Now the ninth green

oops. Sorry. Go ahead. Here

we are on the approach. This looks like a difficult shot.

Hey, Craig. He's

been analyzing the shot for a while. He's had now 7 different groups play through here.

Craig, give me some of that grass. I'm gonna throw it up in the air, see how the winds playing here. Which 1 is

the last time I hit it, Last time I hit, it went far off to the right. You

what? Which kind of discretion? Yeah.

I can't finish this tournament being 745 over like last year.

No. Okay. That's humiliating.

Hello. Let's just take a couple little blades here. Therm up in there.

Therm up in there. God told it ain't moving at all. It

fell

straight to the ground. Right

there. So you probably could just go ahead and hit it with whatever you want. Just make sure you hit it good and

me up there.

alright. Roll

Jeff talked

for the and Ron White. Both amateurs

we're gonna

hit on the back of the green and try to bring it towards the front with a little bit of spin, what would you use?

salad.

Tater

If

i was gonna hit the ball with tater salad, how I throw the tater salad to get the ball up off the ground and onto the green? Waving Jim

carrie.

Dinner done. Waving Jim Carey and Kevin Hart. Of course.

Sorry?

Who who is that? That was that's our buddy. The Xbox were they listening to the commentary with an earpiece and he's very conservative with his comments on him.

Wait.

What are they saying about me? You know I'm Christian now. I'm Christian now and I go to churches and I do a little bit of redneck material, and then

i save people at the end. Did you know that Ron White and Larry the cable guy who I think I heard a minute ago.

I did. I got you get her done.

How do I get her done, Larry? What should I use here?

I would take the 2 wood. And I would get her done.

You would we're right off the green and you would hit a 2 wood,

larry. Is that wrong? Larry, I heard you faked your whole persona. Is that true? You're like some guy from from Pennsylvania, and you're not really a redneck. Because if you faked your persona and you pulled the wool over my

eyes, you might be a pathological liar. These 3 have been doing this all day. They've just been doing their routine at each other, not playing any golf whatsoever. It almost appears as if none of them have ever played golf.

Now, can I take a quick break to ask you, how was your week this week? I know that you had a big issue with your car. Right?

Yes. Thank you so much for asking. I rolled my car into a ditch after I fell asleep at the wheel, after a long tournament. As you know, they didn't have the sunshade for us last weekend, and I got a little bit of pain from heat So when I was on my way home, I accidentally veered off to the right, and wouldn't you know it, flipped my car 6 times and fell into

a ditch. Now that pain from heat can really be AAAA bastard. Yes. So you weren't sleepy but it was the pain from Yeah. I wanted a I

wanted a more specific diagnosis, but the doctor told me all he could figure out was that it was pain from heat. So that's what I'm going with.

Wow. So I know I led by saying you had an issue with your car. Obviously the issue is that you drove it into not just any ditch but the eighteenth hole.

Yes. Excuse me. I should've

yes. Is

the biggest hole on the course to make it as easy as possible? Well, that's the hole that they don't really tell you about on

the course. Most of the courses are called holes because they have small holes at the end of them that you try to dig the or get the ball into. But the eighteenth hole, of course, is the huge crevice right in front of the green that if you fall into you can lose your life.

That's right. And speaking of small holes, my vasectomy was botched and unfortunately, I I just want to raise some awareness about a bad batch vasectomy. Because

you had you had specified that they go through the hole, and that and they usually don't do it that way. Is

that right? That's right. I I was scared for any incisions, so I said go on up through the hole. And unfortunately, we've got a clog in there now. They

couldn't get the scissor out. It couldn't get this right. So

so next weekend, I'll be having a plumber's bringing a snake over to the doctor's office.

And now which hole do they snake? Do they do they snake the hole with the scissor or do they go in the other way and hope to come out?

This is beyond my medical expertise. But obviously we've both have some medical issues and so we would love 1 to get insurance for this job that we do and also just sunstrate, even an umbrella would be very helpful for us today.

Yes. My doctor said anything will help.

I've seen down on the fourteenth hole. It looks like local teacher, Howard Levis seems to be taking some sand for his arm. I can't tell what he's using it for personal

use. Let's Let's check him there. It does look like personal use because he is sort of looking around and seeing if anybody is seeing him. Though we do have him on camera, let's not bust the surprise.

Alright. We're gonna get

cameron, let's stay a little bit far back, so we don't bust the surprise on this 1. Alright.

drop this bad. Yeah. Mike up the cameraman good. Now it's cameraman. What do you what do you see with with at your levis down there. And don't get too close because you do

It won't

have a huge over the shoulder camera. Of course. Of course. I am dressed like a bush. So I will be able to get pretty close. But I promise I will not bow it again. I will not bow it again. You

blew it pretty big last time when you were a bush right on the green.

Well, yes. I the the it was obvious that there was a huge Azalia bush on the green for number 15. But we got Howard Levis down here, obviously stealing some sand. He's so cheap. He can't even buy a bag of sand. I think sand is free if you just, like, make 2 phone calls. But Howard Okay.

think

we're

I

gonna looking here he's We're gonna

go ahead and we're gonna get another bag here. We'll put these at the doorway of my bathroom to

sure. You

can see his helmet. It's really filling up. His pants are very heavy, and he's got his belt singed very tightly to hold it all up.

Yeah. He thinks

he's just sitting down. Body

right now because of the belt cinch to hold the pants up. Definitely looking betty boopy. What is He was listing off a he said he needed to bag us in for his bathroom

door. Let's see. Yeah. We'll put this right over the bathroom doors if the toilet overflows. The toilet water won't go into my house. Okay.

It seems like

he's trying to make us some type of toilet water levy. Thank you, Kim.

It's a levee, levee, a levee, levee,

levee, levese, for

his -- But that is a lot of sand for just the bathroom.

I don't know if he does this happen to him often? I wonder.

If it happens again, I mean, it's just gonna be so frustrating, so I should maybe make sure that I get all this sand. And it's free. I mean, yeah, I could make 2 phone

calls. He's sort of circling around shuffling his feet, hoping nobody's watching him, but we can all see him eyeing the sand like a tray of cookies at a party.

Certainly,

he doesn't eat this

much sand for a simple 1 bathroom levy. He must need it for something else other than holding in pee or poop, of course.

If you can just get that twig boom mic that looks like a twig a little closer so we can hear

you. Okay. Yes. Yes. Yes. I'll just eke this out. There's a flower

on the end of it. Good subtlety. Good. Okay. Subtlety. That's

about as far as I can get. It's about 15 yards away from the bush.

course, if my if my if my fish tank breaks like it did last time, then I'll have to also put sandbags in front of the door of my man cave to make sure that the fish water doesn't get out of my house. Now

And, of

for those of you at home, this does look pretty obvious, but it doesn't seem like mister

levis is seeing what's going on. So I think I thought for sure I would been found out because the mic was bumping as it takes months out.

This flower smells great. Wow. Oh, 0, good. He's talking right. He loves the microphone.

Maybe you could lave him up with that little b lav on there?

Oh, yes. Yes. Let me sic the v lav out.

Have it as a real b with a law attached to it? Yes. This is my b. This is my pet pee. You know how you

tie a b to a string? I did that a couple years ago, and it trained it self. So it's mine now. Didn't know you can do that. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Alright. Go b b. Hey. Go get it. Go.

Hello there little buddy. How are you? Are you trying to hang out with me? That's really kind of you. Why don't you fight? Hey, why don't you land here right on my little lapel? And you can just ride around on my jacket all day long. It'll be so much fun.

Well, what if So we'll have a text story.

Yeah. We'll be checking in on Howard Levis' audio as he leaves today. We've we've that long distance range on that level ear microphone. So we should

hading back to 4, we have Vijay Singh about to tee off from the tee box. We have a 435 dog leg right. Let's see how he does here. And a beautiful shot from Vijay.

Hello. Hello. Hello. Hi.

Of course, Vijay's Caddy, Vijay Singer.

That was such a great shot.

You're clearly very frustrated by his choice of Caddy just because they had similar names, didn't realize the literalness of what he would do doing all day.

4. We're gonna go down to the right and shoot it on the green on in 2 and down in 1 for a birdie. We've got to stop. I'm trying to play golf. Vijay, what did I tell you? When you hired me, my last name is Singer, and that is what I do. 234. Next hole is a par 3. We're gonna sink it in 1. It's a hole in 1. They're gonna cheer, cheer, cheer as we walk up and give a little wave and tip our hat and stuff our glove in our back pocket. Yeah. No. That's

golf. The song every par 3 is that you're gonna get a hole in 1, and it's a lot of pressure to love you. I've only gotten 1 hole in 1 of my whole life and it was at a rec course.

Next up is the par 5, which, of course, will go down into a double eagle. Do it v j. Do it v j.

Okay. And in a rare occurrence, we are cutting to the turn where a long line has formed at the hot dog cart, which I didn't think would be running today during the pro am, but the hot dogs are turning and they seem to be flying off the grill. That's right.

Step right up. Step right up. Get yourself a hot dog. Let me guess. You're running away from your wife so you can play golf. Yeah. Yeah. Step right up. You're big losers. You play

god salesman going with a New York attitude of insulting the customers.

Hi. I'll take a Chicago dog and no roast on me, please. Oh, really? Well, you shouldn't have worn that belt, black belt, brown

shoes? What a idiot. Here you go. Slam. Okay. Looks like the hot dog sale seller is Bill Ingvall. Didn't realize, but the hot dog man is Bill Ingvall. I guess he's the fourth from the white collar blue collar.

Blue collar white guy comedy tour. So we fully rounded them out with Billing Ball, serving hot dogs as a The idiot, I guess. I mean idiot. Well, this just said we're checking in on the sixteenth hole where this sand trap appears to be quick sand and it looks like the golfers trying to decide if he wants to get his ball back from out of there.

Okay. He's reaching. Oh

my god. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. I can get it. Listen. No.

me. I got Help me. Help me. I fell in here. I fell here because I was trying to steal the sand. Grab the cub. Grab the cub.

Help

Okay. Pull me.

You're actually selling the club another man. Pull

me. Pull me. Grab the club that's down there and throw it to this bag. I can't help me. Throw me go.

A big crowd surrounding here trying to get the club out of the the quick sand trap. David Hasselhoff sprinting over for hole 10 to save this man who is

he's a full baywatch kid.

How bad.

I what's what was happening? I was eating that hamburger over there.

What's up? What's up? What's up? I just kicked my daughter out of the house, and I'm here to save that age. And

with that folks, I think we are gonna go to a commercial break, of course, the Hamilton Proam sponsored by Yoshinoya. Yoshinoya, come get your beef bowl.