Seekers' Lounge
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New Teacher Interviews

Originally aired: July 30, 2020

Hamilton's principal interviews replacements for the departed teachers.

0:00:00 Unknown Speaker #1

hey, folks. Thanks so much for coming in today. I know it's a little short notice, but we we actually did have 4 teaching positions open up. In the last few weeks. And we kinda wanted to, you know, get them filled pretty quickly. So we decided to just sort of bring in a few people all at once just to sorta get a feel for everybody at once so that we know who might be a good fit for these positions. So thank you all so much for taking the time out of your Your schedules to be here. Appreciate it. Absolutely. Absolutely. Thanks

0:00:30 Unknown Speaker #2

for having us. Never been yeah. Never been part of a group interview before. Really interested to see how this goes.

0:00:35 Unknown Speaker #3

They will play Do we all do we all hand our resumes? Just, like, 1 at a 1 at a time or you wanna just, like, with all 3 of them, just pass them over.

0:00:45 Unknown Speaker #1

Maybe we'll just go around the horn here, and we'll all sort of give a sort of log line about who we

0:00:51 Unknown Speaker #3

are, where we

0:00:51 Unknown Speaker #2

come from. South Africa. Is that what you're talking about?

0:00:54 Unknown Speaker #1

No. Okay. I see. Are you a history teacher?

0:00:56 Unknown Speaker #2

I'm trying to be. Yeah. Absolutely. Okay.

0:00:58 Unknown Speaker #1

Okay. Well, there that's good to keep in mind. Okay. We'll yeah. We'll just go around the horn, and and we'll we'll introduce ourselves, say, a couple of details about our history, and then we'll see where we go from there.

0:01:12 Unknown Speaker #4

Okay. Well, I don't know if I'm on a time frame here, so I'll just go quickly. My name is is San at the sandy standard. I am a dialect coach, but I could also teach theater. And I won't hurt the kids. I won't beat them up, and that will be very helpful. To learning for them. And is it am I at time? You're not on the time. This is this is sort of open ended time Oh, I wish I had known that because I don't I I was a little I went a little passes along prepared. I wanna

0:01:40 Unknown Speaker #2

say I'm also not gonna hurt the kids. I'm gonna jump in where he jumped in and Yeah. That goes, violence less teacher. Okay? All the parts of my life, sure. I'm violent. Absolutely. You know, that's what happens when you're an MMA teacher.

0:01:53 Unknown Speaker #4

But

0:01:53 Unknown Speaker #2

yeah. See you're right. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna fight against each other may here.

0:01:57 Unknown Speaker #1

Your focus is history, but you're also an MMA teacher?

0:01:59 Unknown Speaker #2

Absolutely. In my free time, I do it on weekends.

0:02:02 Unknown Speaker #3

And -- Oh, well, if that makes you a teacher, I can teach sinking a boat. If you do it a lot as a hobby.

0:02:13 Unknown Speaker #1

Okay. I don't think we need that actually. Now

0:02:16 Unknown Speaker #2

this, I'm curious about. What are you talking about, buddy?

0:02:18 Unknown Speaker #4

And I'll throw in there, falling through your roof by accident is the only thing I can teach. Okay. Well,

0:02:24 Unknown Speaker #2

i've sunk over 6

0:02:25 Unknown Speaker #3

boats on accident. I'm

0:02:27 Unknown Speaker #1

sorry. What's your name? Over

0:02:29 Unknown Speaker #2

15 students. Okay. Not school students. MMA students. MMA students. Okay. Well,

0:02:35 Unknown Speaker #1

hey, I guess that's that's free time. I only teach new kids.

0:02:38 Unknown Speaker #4

A teacher who beats up his students. I

0:02:41 Unknown Speaker #2

only will do really new guys because as soon as you teach them a lot, the power dynamic changes.

0:02:48 Unknown Speaker #1

That's true. And what's your name, sir? Sorry. If you wanna be next to introduce yourself?

0:02:52 Unknown Speaker #2

My name? Yeah. Buff Reynolds. My name's Buff Reynolds. I teach MMA. On the weekends and in weekday mornings, and I teach history at school. Okay. Great.

0:03:03 Unknown Speaker #4

I'll tell you what when I'm So

0:03:04 Unknown Speaker #3

you're unavailable weekday mornings?

0:03:07 Unknown Speaker #2

Yes. From 6 to 10. From 6 to 10, I can turn in May. So I'm looking to draft noon history. Okay. So we could come in after 10. Is that the thing here?

0:03:19 Unknown Speaker #1

No. Actually, the the school day runs from 8AM to 03:15PM, actually, every day. So and teachers are expected to be here until, like, 05:00 in the afternoon.

0:03:28 Unknown Speaker #2

Hey, Bob. Are you out? Dang. Well, no. I'm still in, but dang, for sure. Dang. Yeah. I teach on a donation basis -- Okay. -- during the week. And so I'll

0:03:40 Unknown Speaker #3

probably just

0:03:41 Unknown Speaker #2

have to switch around my schedule anymore. I'll probably just start coming at 9 if that's

0:03:45 Unknown Speaker #4

do you ever take it easy on your students with the hope that they'll donate more?

0:03:50 Unknown Speaker #2

That's a good thought. No. Yeah.

0:03:52 Unknown Speaker #4

I'd say if my teacher kicked the crap out of me, I'd be less likely to give them more money. Now that is smart. Do you teach econ? Well

0:04:00 Unknown Speaker #2

okay. I think you could. It's

0:04:01 Unknown Speaker #4

what I'm saying. Well, thank you. I'll go ahead and submit that mister principal. The the buff freddles, things I could teach ecomm.

0:04:09 Unknown Speaker #2

Okay. I gotta say everyone on this side of the table, very impressed by. Principal, you haven't shown much to me yet, but I like Yeah.

0:04:17 Unknown Speaker #3

What's your name? Okay.

0:04:20 Unknown Speaker #4

Oh, very good technique here. Turn the interview around on him.

0:04:23 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah. Well,

0:04:24 Unknown Speaker #3

what's your name and what are you looking for?

0:04:27 Unknown Speaker #1

Well, that's actually that's a great question actually. My name is principal border, and I've been here at the school, actually pretty recently. I only was hired about a year ago. The school's trying to make some big changes. Can

0:04:42 Unknown Speaker #2

i be honest with me for a second? What's your first name? I know your first name is in principle. I know I know it, and I do not wanna be lied Do you have

0:04:50 Unknown Speaker #3

an embarrassing first name, is that why you didn't say it and you said possible?

0:04:55 Unknown Speaker #1

I don't think it's embarrassing, but people have made fun of me for it before. My first name is Dil. Dill. No. Not Dill Finkles. Dill Border. My name's Dill Border. I've been a principal for the last 4 teen years, I used to work at another school. That

0:05:10 Unknown Speaker #4

school slows down.

0:05:12 Unknown Speaker #3

No. Is it is it do they make fun of you and they say, what's the big deal? And it's yeah. And you're tiny, so, like, not you.

0:05:21 Unknown Speaker #3

what we're talking about?

0:05:21 Unknown Speaker #1

Is that

0:05:22 Unknown Speaker #1

That that they do make fun of my size. That is true. They don't say what Yeah. Because I

0:05:28 Unknown Speaker #1

see you

0:05:28 Unknown Speaker #3

can barely

0:05:29 Unknown Speaker #3

behind that desk, Greg. Well,

0:05:30 Unknown Speaker #1

yeah. Because I'm 5 foot 1 And

0:05:34 Unknown Speaker #2

you use a small chair. I think we gotta get you a small chair. First thing I'm gonna do, when I work here, get you a real size chair.

0:05:42 Unknown Speaker #1

Okay. This interview isn't about me, guys. III wanna learn more about you. Okay? So

0:05:47 Unknown Speaker #4

we've got buffs, Sandy, I'm sorry, sir. What was your name? And I was in a rush before. My name is not Sandy Smith, but I'll let this gentleman speak. And

0:05:54 Unknown Speaker #1

your name

0:05:55 Unknown Speaker #3

was Sandy Sanders. Right? Sandy

0:05:57 Unknown Speaker #4

stand, and I didn't remember because I made I was running so fast. Wait.

0:06:00 Unknown Speaker #1

So that's not your name, sir. Any standard?

0:06:04 Unknown Speaker #4

I was I was it was the first thing I saw was, of course, all the sand on the table. And still, I was trying to think of a standard name yet.

0:06:11 Unknown Speaker #1

It's not embarrassing. Again, again, Sorry for the table being so Sandy today. Thanks. By the way.

0:06:17 Unknown Speaker #4

I love

0:06:18 Unknown Speaker #2

it. I love the whole beach theme in here.

0:06:19 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah.

0:06:19 Unknown Speaker #4

You're a boarder. Thanks for your view. I would try it, by the way. Oh, yeah.

0:06:23 Unknown Speaker #3

No.

0:06:23 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah.

0:06:23 Unknown Speaker #1

We just it's catch Fridays, we do a little party every day, every Friday. So we made it sandy. There used to be a couple of times.

0:06:31 Unknown Speaker #2

You dress up your room too? Awesome.

0:06:34 Unknown Speaker #1

I really love you. Casual also. I've

0:06:36 Unknown Speaker #2

never felt so comfortable being interviewed by a man in a grass skirt with coconut breasts on.

0:06:42 Unknown Speaker #1

That's right. You know? Not a coconut

0:06:45 Unknown Speaker #3

bra.

0:06:46 Unknown Speaker #2

That's supposed to be a bra. I always thought the joke was their coconut breast.

0:06:50 Unknown Speaker #1

No. The bra You have

0:06:52 Unknown Speaker #3

the bra's uncomfortable. Realistic coconut breast.

0:06:54 Unknown Speaker #1

Yes. The bra was uncomfortable, so I took them

0:06:56 Unknown Speaker #2

off. I've seen the ones that look like coconut bras. To me, these look like coconut breasts. I don't know what to say.

0:07:03 Unknown Speaker #1

Well and and I think it's a

0:07:05 Unknown Speaker #3

little crude that they're that they have milk coming out of them. Well, I

0:07:09 Unknown Speaker #1

understand. Yeah. It's coconut water.

0:07:11 Unknown Speaker #3

I

0:07:12 Unknown Speaker #4

don't know if it affects my employment, but I don't think that's crude at all.

0:07:20 Unknown Speaker #3

Well, we know you don't. You held a glass up to it when you got in here trying to get a little sip.

0:07:25 Unknown Speaker #2

Yes, Sandy. Sandy standard?

0:07:27 Unknown Speaker #4

I'm a little not my name. I'm a little dehydrated. When I get nervous, I get more dehydrated and more sweaty. I don't know if it goes.

0:07:34 Unknown Speaker #1

It does.

0:07:35 Unknown Speaker #2

If you must ask interviewer, my name

0:07:38 Unknown Speaker #3

is Ralph Waters waters, but everybody calls me big shady. So

0:07:42 Unknown Speaker #2

go

0:07:43 Unknown Speaker #1

ahead

0:07:46 Unknown Speaker #3

go ahead and call me big shady. Alright.

0:07:48 Unknown Speaker #1

Big shady. That's unusual. Big shady. You look

0:07:50 Unknown Speaker #2

like you could handle yourself. You ever been in a fight, bar fight -- Yeah. -- a parking lot fight.

0:07:55 Unknown Speaker #3

I have. I have been beat to a pulp almost every weekend of every year I've been alive.

0:08:02 Unknown Speaker #2

Wow. That's it. I did not see that coming.

0:08:04 Unknown Speaker #1

I was gonna say, it is Friday, and you do look like you're on the mend at least

0:08:09 Unknown Speaker #2

was Here's what I will say.

0:08:12 Unknown Speaker #3

Every Friday, I am cruising for a bruising. That's what I will say.

0:08:18 Unknown Speaker #4

Well, I'm wondering if it has it if if it's anything related to you sinking boats also. Is that when you're getting creamed is after you sink somebody's boat? It's it has a lot to do with it.

0:08:30 Unknown Speaker #1

Wait. I'm sorry.

0:08:31 Unknown Speaker #3

I'm pretty reckless on the water. Yeah. And you've been shady.

0:08:35 Unknown Speaker #1

I've actually seen it. I've seen ads for you. You you you quote unquote borrow people's boats, but you tore you do tour guides, but people have to provide the

0:08:43 Unknown Speaker #2

boats. Oh, I've seen for you too.

0:08:45 Unknown Speaker #3

No. You've seen that fucking lawyer's ad, has your boat been sunk by big shady?

0:08:52 Unknown Speaker #2

Oh, it's That's not my ad, I wish it was.

0:08:55 Unknown Speaker #4

They're doing a transaction.

0:08:57 Unknown Speaker #2

There's so many boats I'm seeking. There's multiple lawyers on the hunt for me. Oh, you gotta hire this guy. You've gotta hire this guy. He needs the job back.

0:09:06 Unknown Speaker #4

Well, I don't know. Filmed the ad. Ricky May What did you think when you did the interview?

0:09:12 Unknown Speaker #2

Well, I didn't know it was Ricky

0:09:14 Unknown Speaker #3

mcGee in in a mustache, and he was interviewing me. And it's his law firm.

0:09:22 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah. And I I'll touch you that Gricky McGee is my cousin. I don't wanna this isn't this I I'm not affiliated with the lawsuits or anything like that, but just be careful. Ricky McGee had

0:09:33 Unknown Speaker #2

a pretty slow his

0:09:34 Unknown Speaker #3

firm again? He's with 2 other lawyers. Yeah.

0:09:34 Unknown Speaker #1

law

0:09:37 Unknown Speaker #1

Rickicky McGee and standard. So I he might be somehow related to Sandy Standard. No. That's not my last name. It's

0:09:46 Unknown Speaker #4

just the first thing that came to my head when I was trying to think of a standard last name. Because

0:09:50 Unknown Speaker #1

it's my cousin, his brother, and their friend.

0:09:53 Unknown Speaker #2

Can I ask you a serious question principal? I love If that is your real name. It's not. What is it? What was your real name?

0:10:01 Unknown Speaker #1

Dale. My name is Jill Border. Yeah. Got

0:10:03 Unknown Speaker #2

it. No. What are the expectations here about lunch? Do we bring our own? Is there a Pizza Hut What what's

0:10:12 Unknown Speaker #3

this? Great question. Is there a pizza here? Do

0:10:16 Unknown Speaker #2

we bring our own or is there a pizza hut?

0:10:19 Unknown Speaker #4

pretty standard school. Pizza Hut.

0:10:19 Unknown Speaker #1

Oh, this is a

0:10:21 Unknown Speaker #1

This is a pretty normal

0:10:23 Unknown Speaker #3

school. Crossed all on the other side of the table.

0:10:26 Unknown Speaker #2

Yeah. Come on. I'll tell you what, we're getting along.

0:10:29 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah. I can tell you are. Well, there is a there's a Pizza Hut nearby. There's not a Pizza Hut on campus. But, obviously, you're all teachers. You have your lunch periods are generally considered personal time or or or planning periods.

0:10:43 Unknown Speaker #2

And we have

0:10:43 Unknown Speaker #1

off

0:10:44 Unknown Speaker #2

campus privileges? Of

0:10:45 Unknown Speaker #1

course, you do here in

0:10:45 Unknown Speaker #2

because I know some schools are locked down at lunch. The students can't leave and they have problems with that so they don't let the teachers leave either. No. I have not enjoyed

0:10:53 Unknown Speaker #1

at this school, seniors, and teachers are allowed to leave for lunch. Can we go to lunch together? I mean, I mean, you could if you wanted to. I I wouldn't I wouldn't say there's anything wrong with that as long as no inappropriate activities are happening.

0:11:08 Unknown Speaker #2

Well, I don't know about this school because I haven't worked here yet obviously. But I used to work over at Roseville -- Mhmm. -- and and there was some cool seniors. There were some seniors that you wouldn't mind having lunch with or having a beer with.

0:11:20 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah. How will will they how do we ask them to go to lunch with us and hang out with us? The cool seniors. Yeah.

0:11:27 Unknown Speaker #2

What's the protocol here? You

0:11:28 Unknown Speaker #4

gotta act like you don't need them. You gotta act like, you know, whatever. I'm gonna go get lunch but I eat alone all the time, and then they wanna hang with you.

0:11:39 Unknown Speaker #3

I see. I see.

0:11:40 Unknown Speaker #2

Well, I drive to do that. I drive 1 of those limos with the hot tub in the back. And just before I go to go to lunch, I just pull up to the curb and open the door. And I again, I don't invite anybody. That'd be creepy, but, you know, they know what's going on. It's

0:11:53 Unknown Speaker #3

now can I ask you a question? I saw a an old Oldsmobile in the parking lot with a -- Hold on. -- I would say it's an ancient Smobile. It's not an oldsmobile.

0:12:10 Unknown Speaker #2

It's oldest mobile. Yeah.

0:12:12 Unknown Speaker #3

It's it's the oldest mobile. I didn't mean that was the brand.

0:12:17 Unknown Speaker #1

I meant

0:12:18 Unknown Speaker #3

it's an old It's an Oldsmobile. It was a Buick for sure. Right. But it's an it's a Buick Oldsmobile. And it And it had AAI wouldn't call it a hot tub, but a a big bowl strapped to it -- Right. -- with some water in it.

0:12:40 Unknown Speaker #2

Is that where you're talking about the limo with the hot tub in the back? So you saw it. Yes. Well, that bowl was, you know, it's so funny. Everybody thinks, wow, you put a hot tub in this. No. I got catering from Jersey Mike's once, and they give you this huge -- Oh, right. And I just bolted that down to the top of the trunk, put water, and the bowl's black. The water heats up good. You can fit

0:13:07 Unknown Speaker #3

2, 3 feet in there. Wow. That's awesome. That's not bad.

0:13:11 Unknown Speaker #2

That is so awesome. That's how I get the kids to go to lunch with me when it's open campus. Yeah. Can he show off his Bewick Oldsmobile with the Jersey

0:13:19 Unknown Speaker #3

mike's bowl on the back, and maybe they'll come with us. Can we can we do a parade for that? What after lunch and do or before

0:13:27 Unknown Speaker #2

lunch? If we get if we get hired here, can we do a parade --

0:13:31 Unknown Speaker #2

where to for us to celebrate us getting hired where we all go to lunch with the seniors Well, the first day Yeah. I know.

0:13:31 Unknown Speaker #3

yes. --

0:13:38 Unknown Speaker #1

We do have a a sort of first day sort of ice breaker with all new any new employee will get a

0:13:45 Unknown Speaker #1

minute to 2 minutes in front of the kids at an assembly in the gymnasium where you can kind of pitch yourself

0:13:45 Unknown Speaker #3

sort of

0:13:50 Unknown Speaker #3

to them. Minutes each

0:13:51 Unknown Speaker #2

person. Well, we can do a lot of performance for the kids. You do a little bit more. We can do anything.

0:13:56 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah. Last year last year, I, of course, read a little bit of my fiction when I was hired. I read an excerpt from my latest book, which is called boy, boy, boy. It's

0:14:10 Unknown Speaker #3

hot in here.

0:14:12 Unknown Speaker #2

hot in here. That's erotic. Right?

0:14:12 Unknown Speaker #1

It's

0:14:15 Unknown Speaker #1

It's erotic. I had to sort of do a sort of edit You

0:14:20 Unknown Speaker #2

had to find sort of a 2 page part in between sexual moments sort of.

0:14:23 Unknown Speaker #1

Right. It ended up only I'd only been I was able to read, like, a paragraph per page for, like, a chapter. So it's, like, 30 pages, 1 paragraph from each page. So you didn't really get a feel for the story at all. After

0:14:36 Unknown Speaker #2

about walking out the front door and getting in the car. Mhmm. In

0:14:39 Unknown Speaker #1

between because you don't really

0:14:40 Unknown Speaker #3

let the eroticism rest. There's not much foreplay in that. It's it's pretty heavily erotic the whole time.

0:14:46 Unknown Speaker #1

No. My my publisher says that's

0:14:48 Unknown Speaker #2

my

0:14:48 Unknown Speaker #1

style. He says, put the put the put the pedal to the metal and if and if there's a page that goes by where there's not some penetration, then

0:14:57 Unknown Speaker #2

metal metal. That's what we but the pedal And and your public is not

0:15:00 Unknown Speaker #3

random house. It's another word house. Right? What is it? Porno house.

0:15:07 Unknown Speaker #2

And were you surprised by the notes, or was that about what you thought you would get?

0:15:11 Unknown Speaker #1

I was surprised I was surprised at how many specific suggestions that the porno house executive had?

0:15:21 Unknown Speaker #2

Now did you also meet with random house? And you chose Porno House over? What was

0:15:25 Unknown Speaker #1

the deal in it? I met with penguin. I met with Porno House. I met with

0:15:31 Unknown Speaker #4

simon and Schuster. With disgusting, penguin.

0:15:34 Unknown Speaker #1

Right. Yeah. Discussing penguin, Porto house, shine them in shine them in shitster, which was, like, 1 of the publishers I I met with

0:15:45 Unknown Speaker #3

rose. Yes.

0:15:46 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah. Porno House was honestly the the the the most reputable. You know, wholesome and and reputable of the 3. So I went with Porno House. But I try to keep my sort of personal life separate from school life. So

0:16:00 Unknown Speaker #4

so you brought in your book. Yeah.

0:16:02 Unknown Speaker #1

I brought in my book. And I again, I only read the connective tissue. So it was a lot of Mark walked into Tina's bedroom. He he flipped on the TV. The next morning, he ate some breakfast.

0:16:18 Unknown Speaker #2

Little detective

0:16:19 Unknown Speaker #3

stuff. So right after the TV, it gets filthy. And then you went to next morning?

0:16:24 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah. Flips on the television. 10 years later, he finally bought himself a dog. 10

0:16:30 Unknown Speaker #4

years of eroticism.

0:16:31 Unknown Speaker #2

I know. You got himself At 1 point,

0:16:33 Unknown Speaker #4

you meant and during the 10 years of eroticism that he wants a dog. That's unbelievable. Yeah. I have got

0:16:41 Unknown Speaker #2

to read this book maybe during

0:16:42 Unknown Speaker #3

my history phase. Yeah. It's gonna take you away. I got a I got a question. I do not have a car. Can I ride the bus to school?

0:16:49 Unknown Speaker #1

You actually can. You're not the only teacher who does that, actually.

0:16:53 Unknown Speaker #2

Really? Do they charge for the pass? I'm sorry? Do they charge us for the bus pass and it's still that little laminated thing that flips around your backpack because I wear a big backpack with stickers on it.

0:17:05 Unknown Speaker #1

No. You don't have to have a pass like, are we prior themselves on a community atmosphere here at Hamilton. So bus drivers, teachers, they all know each other. You don't need to prove you are

0:17:14 Unknown Speaker #2

who you are. But you know that little pass I'm talking about. The little plastic laminated piece of the paper -- Yeah. We wanted to know about -- plastic thing

0:17:20 Unknown Speaker #3

-- The past --

0:17:21 Unknown Speaker #2

flipped into itself almost like the the string on a backpack zipper. Gonna

0:17:26 Unknown Speaker #4

need to be more specific for me. I'm just not seeing what you're

0:17:28 Unknown Speaker #2

describing. It's plastic. It's a it's a pink or green piece of paper with your picture on it. They laminate that. So it's

0:17:35 Unknown Speaker #4

like a driver's license, you keep it in your wallet?

0:17:37 Unknown Speaker #2

It's not quite that official. And then there's what looks like a little plastic band bracelet that goes through and then you pull it through itself, these things break all the time.

0:17:49 Unknown Speaker #4

I just I I think I'm with you here. I think I understand. Can you draw

0:17:53 Unknown Speaker #3

it?

0:17:55 Unknown Speaker #2

Me? No. But I bet an artist could, which I would love to talk about the arts program at school. I hear it's robust. Well,

0:18:04 Unknown Speaker #1

it was Is it

0:18:05 Unknown Speaker #4

robust or canceled? Because I've heard both.

0:18:07 Unknown Speaker #1

Well, it was robust. It was robust. I'll be honest with you guys. The teachers were replacing sort of drove the school crazy. And and and sorta caused some pretty serious trouble. So we're looking to hire people who aren't gonna cause any new trouble new trouble. It's if it's the same kind of trouble, they can absolutely do it. But if it's gonna be new trouble that we're not used to, We're we're looking for people who can sort of, you know, not rock the boat, not shake the bag. You know what I mean?

0:18:39 Unknown Speaker #2

Well, I'm a history teacher, but I also teach driver's ed. Oh. And I do it in the oldest mobile. And I did get the break put in on the right side. Okay. That's available.

0:18:52 Unknown Speaker #4

Sounds beautiful to me. Mhmm.

0:18:54 Unknown Speaker #1

That's

0:18:54 Unknown Speaker #3

our I graduated magnum Cume. Quiet. That's pretty good. Magnum Coomb, or away? Magnum Coomb Quiet. Right? Magnum Coomb Quiet from Gainesville College just so you know.

0:19:13 Unknown Speaker #2

Okay. Wow. Gainesville.

0:19:15 Unknown Speaker #4

So

0:19:15 Unknown Speaker #3

i got a big dick and I don't make any noise when I ejaculate.

0:19:21 Unknown Speaker #1

I guess information we need to know. I don't think

0:19:23 Unknown Speaker #4

i figured you'd be nasty ass would wanna hear this. I'll say this. You don't need to know that information? Did you enter my resume back? I need to cross something up.

0:19:32 Unknown Speaker #1

I don't need

0:19:32 Unknown Speaker #2

to know everything. Just to be thorough, I'll say this I'll say this. I wear a lifestyles that often break. And what was the second part? Oh, I caught How quiet? So

0:19:43 Unknown Speaker #3

he has a lot of kids, he comes regular.

0:19:46 Unknown Speaker #1

Okay. Well, I'm gonna be honest with you guys. We're pretty desperate to fill these positions. Okay? So much so that I actually have started teaching the biology class. And I'll tell you this. I don't

0:19:56 Unknown Speaker #2

know much about biology, mister Dill.

0:19:58 Unknown Speaker #4

Don't know much by all of these.

0:20:02 Unknown Speaker #3

Was that written about the teachers here at this school?

0:20:06 Unknown Speaker #2

1 of them. It was about it was

0:20:07 Unknown Speaker #1

well, I yeah. Actually, it was, I guess, written about all the teachers at his school. Yes.

0:20:11 Unknown Speaker #2

I know much about history.

0:20:14 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah. I do. Yeah. So I'm gonna be honest with you. We're we we would probably be okay hiring you all on a sort of tentative contract. Now

0:20:24 Unknown Speaker #2

what is that? Yes.

0:20:25 Unknown Speaker #1

That would that would essentially entail you're on more as a substitute teacher until you prove yourself.

0:20:32 Unknown Speaker #3

So Probationary.

0:20:35 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah. Like a probationary situation. I, of course, just finished my probationary probationary period. So so yeah. So I

0:20:43 Unknown Speaker #3

so that's involving some type of basin.

0:20:46 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah. It's a probe base. Correct? Yeah. It's a probe basin. Oh, I could never afford 1

0:20:51 Unknown Speaker #4

of those.

0:20:51 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah. It was sort of -- Damn. -- it was built by a a architect and contractor who were professionals.

0:20:58 Unknown Speaker #2

Wow. Yeah. I had a probationary period. I did. I had a probationary period. Wow. And was it outside? It was open there? We had Yeah. What does that mean? Pro basin Erie? Yeah.

0:21:09 Unknown Speaker #1

It's a probe basin probe basin Area. It it was, like, it was a probe basin and there and it was open air at No roof, no no walls.

0:21:17 Unknown Speaker #2

We've seen and buzz that are anti basin, and they just never get anything done. I mean, where do you put all the water? Well,

0:21:22 Unknown Speaker #4

that's your question. Which is it? Is it that you're 4 basins, or is it that you had a professional make your basin? Right. And

0:21:29 Unknown Speaker #3

when did the period come in? In the theater, you know, what is Right here. Right here.

0:21:35 Unknown Speaker #1

And

0:21:35 Unknown Speaker #2

can I still have mornings off?

0:21:37 Unknown Speaker #1

I we'll have to figure something out. Maybe we can we can move around your sort of your planning period or something. If you really needed to continue these MMA classes, I would appreciate it if you would sort of prioritize your teaching career as I've done. I don't spend nearly as much time writing my my fictions. Anymore. In fact, I haven't written a new 1 in a year. So I'm it's it's pretty frustrating for me. I mean, we all make sacrifice. That

0:22:04 Unknown Speaker #4

must be very

0:22:05 Unknown Speaker #1

tough for you. It is. And I got ideas.

0:22:07 Unknown Speaker #2

Now in the craigslist ad for these jobs, it said that there would be a pitch session where everybody interviewing would get to give their best ideas for what a school should be?

0:22:18 Unknown Speaker #1

Yes. That's how we end that's how we end this. We can go we can kinda go around and say this you're sort of ideal what the ideal vision of what a school would be Right. We could start with you, mister Standard, if you'd like.

0:22:32 Unknown Speaker #4

Okay. Again, that's not my name. And are

0:22:34 Unknown Speaker #1

we on What is your name, by the way? My name? Yeah. What's

0:22:37 Unknown Speaker #3

your name? Sandy.

0:22:40 Unknown Speaker #4

Dan Force Hitler.

0:22:42 Unknown Speaker #3

Okay.

0:22:44 Unknown Speaker #2

Okay. You just said that because of what was in the room.

0:22:48 Unknown Speaker #3

Yes. Yeah. And I don't think that picture should be here.

0:22:54 Unknown Speaker #2

That picture's been bugging me this whole time. I agree. I didn't know what to say about it, but it was so prominently placed that I figured I couldn't bring it

0:23:02 Unknown Speaker #4

up. And he's tried to convince myself it was Chaplin.

0:23:06 Unknown Speaker #2

He does. He's portrayed as if that's a gaffe. He's portrayed as a hero in it. He's being lauded. Well, that's what's weird. I thought it was Chaplin flexing. Oh, was this was this Levis' office? This was Levus's office. I see. No. Elvis.

0:23:27 Unknown Speaker #1

I'm pretty sure

0:23:28 Unknown Speaker #3

levus the prank

0:23:30 Unknown Speaker #1

that kids played on him. Kids have kids played prank because on him constantly. I think they brought it

0:23:36 Unknown Speaker #2

it was it, I dramatic. No. We all knew that. We He was not.

0:23:41 Unknown Speaker #1

He was absolutely not.

0:23:42 Unknown Speaker #2

Thankfully. That's why he was fired.

0:23:44 Unknown Speaker #1

Accidental well, no. It was fire he wasn't fired. He retired, and it wasn't because he was anti Semitic. That's a a very unfortunate rumor that was spread continuously by every person. Well,

0:23:58 Unknown Speaker #3

here's my pitch for the school. Give the students choice.

0:24:05 Unknown Speaker #2

Give the students choice. Solutionary. Okay. What

0:24:09 Unknown Speaker #1

exactly does that mean? I don't know what that means.

0:24:11 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah. But I know it's weird.

0:24:15 Unknown Speaker #1

Because

0:24:16 Unknown Speaker #2

you because here's, like, I'm here a teacher. What what do you want at this school as teachers? Do you teach a course? Pizza Hut number

0:24:24 Unknown Speaker #3

1. Pizza pizza.

0:24:25 Unknown Speaker #2

But what do you want teachers that the kids don't like? Or do you want popular teachers? So to me, it's figuring out how do you say inflammatory things that make you popular with the populace And then, you know, you you you let the administration figure out how to do it.

0:24:41 Unknown Speaker #4

To be my bueller. Yeah. Thank you. Okay.

0:24:46 Unknown Speaker #2

So yeah. This guy could teach theater and singing too.

0:24:49 Unknown Speaker #4

Well, you've got My my history of dialect and speech coach historically, but I could teach theater, I could teach singing. I've I've dialect coached to many people you might have heard of, Gary Busy.

0:25:04 Unknown Speaker #1

On what project did you coach Gary Busy because he's never not sounded like himself. Okay. Well But that's

0:25:11 Unknown Speaker #4

that's your dialect. Right? That's my dialect. Yeah. You've never heard

0:25:14 Unknown Speaker #1

you teach Busy.

0:25:15 Unknown Speaker #4

I get UC big basically to almost normal speaking. Right. Because what does Bucey really sound like? Oh, he I I mean, Bucey is AAA he's got like an Australian mush mouth is the best way to describe it. And so I've trained him into the way he speaks now. Well,

0:25:34 Unknown Speaker #2

he really does speak the opposite of an Australian much mouth. His teeth are always in the open air, and he's really over enunciating.

0:25:43 Unknown Speaker #4

Yes. You thought

0:25:44 Unknown Speaker #3

gilbert Godfried. Right?

0:25:46 Unknown Speaker #4

I did I did I did got early Godfrey's work. Yes. And

0:25:51 Unknown Speaker #1

you're early

0:25:51 Unknown Speaker #4

godfrey. That's me. So And

0:25:54 Unknown Speaker #2

did you also do the Aflac Duck?

0:25:56 Unknown Speaker #4

Unfortunately, I I was not able to solicit

0:26:00 Unknown Speaker #3

is that a separate person? I thought he was just a voice. Is that the shoe that's not him doing the voice. That's just a duck that sounds like.

0:26:08 Unknown Speaker #4

It's a duck whose dialect coach ripped me off and trained the duck using my strategies.

0:26:14 Unknown Speaker #2

Wow. Dial coach ripped you off. What do

0:26:16 Unknown Speaker #3

you what do you tell people to do to get the classic Godfried voice? To

0:26:22 Unknown Speaker #4

get Godfried? Yeah. I I would say imagine you're a Jewish stereotype getting kicked in the grind. And scream without being loud. Scream

0:26:35 Unknown Speaker #3

without being loud. I see. I see.

0:26:38 Unknown Speaker #4

And you hate the problem child. I always bring it back to a problem child that you're dealing with, which I find to be helpful. So obviously, I wouldn't be create any new problems here if that if there's like a podcast studio I know those teachers I would happily host my show down there speaking in tongues which is It's all different dialects that I try to teach the audience every episode is a different language -- Beautiful. -- dialects. And

0:27:04 Unknown Speaker #1

it's a

0:27:04 Unknown Speaker #3

full average episode is a different language. And

0:27:07 Unknown Speaker #4

you try and teach people. I judge your language. Well, the first half is you teach the language, and then the second half is the dialect. So Okay.

0:27:17 Unknown Speaker #3

So in 30 minutes, you let them have the language.

0:27:20 Unknown Speaker #2

This guy is good. You better hire him. Well, I have idea for podcasts as well. I know that was the big thing with this school for file. I had an idea for a podcast called The History of Everything. In each episode, we do a totally different era. And in 45 minutes, we wrap it all up.

0:27:38 Unknown Speaker #3

Wow. That's good.

0:27:39 Unknown Speaker #1

And see I have an idea

0:27:40 Unknown Speaker #3

for a podcast too.

0:27:42 Unknown Speaker #4

Okay. I'm listening.

0:27:44 Unknown Speaker #3

get comedians and actors, and you talk to them with the walls down for

0:27:44 Unknown Speaker #1

You

0:27:49 Unknown Speaker #1

about an hour. You

0:27:50 Unknown Speaker #2

mean the physical walls?

0:27:52 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah. You get rid of the

0:27:54 Unknown Speaker #4

walls. You hold

0:27:55 Unknown Speaker #3

the roof cave in on you, and you survive. You see if you can survive. Comedian survivor. Yeah. It's called a under the rubble WTF.

0:28:09 Unknown Speaker #2

Well, listen, I know this isn't typically done, but this is so my God bless you.

0:28:15 Unknown Speaker #4

Thank you very much.

0:28:16 Unknown Speaker #2

Oh, my God bless you. Now,

0:28:20 Unknown Speaker #3

i Gee.

0:28:23 Unknown Speaker #2

It's contagious to sneeze.

0:28:34 Unknown Speaker #1

Show. Yo.

0:28:41 Unknown Speaker #2

Usually, this happens with the yawn. To bless you.

0:28:59 Unknown Speaker #1

on.

0:28:59 Unknown Speaker #4

Sure. These are

0:29:02 Unknown Speaker #2

Anybody have a Kleenex?

0:29:06 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah. There should be some right behind you. I've I'll I'll definitely need a Credex too. I

0:29:12 Unknown Speaker #2

definitely am gonna need a Credex after this 1 because I have a hold of everything in the nose that I really need to let it go.

0:29:18 Unknown Speaker #3

Would you pass what to be, please?

0:29:21 Unknown Speaker #2

Let me let me use it. Maybe the pass after I

0:29:23 Unknown Speaker #3

use it. Yeah. Use it first. We don't wanna waste a bunch of kleenex. Here you go. Alright.

0:29:38 Unknown Speaker #1

Can I get that? Can I get that, actually? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

0:29:40 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah. Yeah. There you

0:29:41 Unknown Speaker #1

go.

0:29:52 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah, baby. Oh, god. Do you mind if I get that too for a little start? Yeah. Go ahead.

0:30:25 Unknown Speaker #1

In the living, EG0.

0:30:46 Unknown Speaker #4

Okay. That's much better. Thank you. Alright.

0:30:48 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah. That was crazy. Thank you very much.

0:30:51 Unknown Speaker #3

Alright. So we'll work here if you let us do a parade once a day

0:30:56 Unknown Speaker #1

to introduce ourselves. What

0:30:58 Unknown Speaker #2

did you

0:30:58 Unknown Speaker #1

say? Once a day? We're hired But I we need people to fill the position. So you were gonna be hired regardless with the second

0:31:06 Unknown Speaker #3

you walked

0:31:07 Unknown Speaker #1

in the door, but Thank you, dear. Just that'll that's that's it. Yeah. We're good. We're fine. Just Can I ask you a paperwork from the front office?

0:31:13 Unknown Speaker #4

Sure. Please.

0:31:16 Unknown Speaker #2

Is it dill like the spice or herb, excuse me, or is it dill like the pickle?

0:31:23 Unknown Speaker #4

I'll say this. I don't wanna you know, this is hard to stand up for yourself and set boundaries, but this is incredibly personal and you do not need to answer if you don't need to.

0:31:31 Unknown Speaker #2

Wow. Right under the

0:31:33 Unknown Speaker #1

bus. I don't buy an answering it. It's it's still it's still after the the the herb. My parents were dill farmers.

0:31:42 Unknown Speaker #2

You're named after an herb. Mhmm.

0:31:45 Unknown Speaker #1

My dad's name was herb, actually. Mine

0:31:47 Unknown Speaker #2

too. Herb or herb. Herb. Usually, when it's a name, it's herb.

0:31:52 Unknown Speaker #1

No. It's herb. Herbert, actually. Herbert Herbert.

0:31:59 Unknown Speaker #2

Yeah. I like that. Well, I knew there was something I liked about you. Here, let me tell you this. Can I work here? I've already told you. You all have

0:32:07 Unknown Speaker #1

the job. Okay? You're gonna be start on Monday. Be here as close to 8AM as you possibly can be. Okay.

0:32:19 Unknown Speaker #3

We'll get here. We'll get

0:32:22 Unknown Speaker #2

here as close to the morning as we can.

0:32:25 Unknown Speaker #4

I do have a 2PM hard out. Okay.

0:32:28 Unknown Speaker #2

You know the recurring doctor's appointment.

0:32:32 Unknown Speaker #3

Until we figure it out. Yeah. Well, yeah. I have to go to the allergist tomorrow every day this week. We obviously have allergies bad. Did you hear we just did a full gillespie routine with our allergies? So we will not be here most of the day because we will be at the allergist. But only Monday through Friday?

0:32:53 Unknown Speaker #1

Okay. Well, I might then if I'm being honest, I might have to interview some other people if I'm not gonna have you guys.

0:33:00 Unknown Speaker #3

Alright. Fair enough. Just be honest with you. That's all we needed to know.

0:33:04 Unknown Speaker #2

Yes. And when is the field trips?

0:33:07 Unknown Speaker #1

They're to tear it all different times throughout the year. You seem upset. Well,

0:33:14 Unknown Speaker #2

i don't that didn't work for

0:33:15 Unknown Speaker #3

me. I'd

0:33:17 Unknown Speaker #2

like to know when they are and I'd like to go on them. Without paying and without being a what are these called? Chapero. Yes. And when I go,

0:33:27 Unknown Speaker #3

i will need to take the bus to these field trips as well.

0:33:31 Unknown Speaker #1

You know, I I actually think

0:33:33 Unknown Speaker #2

we're gonna go in a different direction, guys. Before you even interview anyone else?

0:33:37 Unknown Speaker #4

Even me?

0:33:38 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah. Just the whole vibe. The whole vibe is wrong. Even me too. Yeah. Even

0:33:46 Unknown Speaker #2

sandy Yeah.

0:33:48 Unknown Speaker #1

Not

0:33:48 Unknown Speaker #4

my name. Don't wear that.

0:33:50 Unknown Speaker #2

Buff Reynolds. You want It's tough when you get turned down by a pervert who writes romance novel novels.

0:33:57 Unknown Speaker #1

I'm not a pervert. Okay? It's not it's not unusual to be sexual. It's not unusual. It's not unusual to be. Love, by the wall.

0:34:06 Unknown Speaker #3

Was that written about about you?

0:34:08 Unknown Speaker #1

It was. Every every

0:34:11 Unknown Speaker #2

body was unusual. Anybody liked it? Was

0:34:14 Unknown Speaker #1

written about someone who worked at this school, actually. Good

0:34:17 Unknown Speaker #2

god. I just saw the biggest explosion I've ever seen in the parking lot. Must have been your car, my man.

0:34:24 Unknown Speaker #1

Jesus.

0:34:27 Unknown Speaker #2

Oh, you're talking about me? It's

0:34:29 Unknown Speaker #3

raining.

0:34:30 Unknown Speaker #4

It's raining Jersey Mike's. Bulls. Bowls. Alright. So dill, no borders. Looking that camera. Looking that camera. You've just been you've been on weird interview. We gotcha.

0:34:47 Unknown Speaker #3

What? We gotcha. There's a

0:34:49 Unknown Speaker #2

camera there. There's a camera there, and the host is in the other room. You've been on weird interviews the whole time.

0:34:55 Unknown Speaker #1

Wait a minute. Yeah. This is an episode of weird interviews. I love this show. I should have known this all the time. You guys are your costumes are bad. Yeah. Your costumes are terrible. I should God

0:35:07 Unknown Speaker #4

damn it. Obviously, they're not. Alright. Which

0:35:09 Unknown Speaker #1

they're pretty bad. Okay? And this

0:35:12 Unknown Speaker #3

sucks. What do you want? Picture

0:35:13 Unknown Speaker #1

before

0:35:14 Unknown Speaker #2

calling out that we were weird.

0:35:17 Unknown Speaker #3

Do you want a picture with us?

0:35:18 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah. Of course, I would. You guys are like it's like my favorite show on TV. You have another 1? That's cool. That's really fun. You guys are crankable.

0:35:25 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah. We're going to interview at a Dairy Queen in, like, a half hour. So we gotta get dressed up like blizzards

0:35:34 Unknown Speaker #2

we really the the sting for this 1 is we're going in really wanting it.

0:35:39 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah. And we gotta beat the impractical jokers. Before they get there. They're on their way. The practical jokers were headed here, and we we cut them off. Yeah.

0:35:49 Unknown Speaker #4

It's a constant race to pranks between us and them right now. Well,

0:35:52 Unknown Speaker #1

yeah. Let me get a quick quick picture, and then you guys can get to dairy queen. Oh,

0:35:56 Unknown Speaker #2

geez. She's my camera. Okay. Here we go. And go ahead.

0:36:01 Unknown Speaker #3

Wait. Are you 1 of the impractical jokers with that fake camera?

0:36:07 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah. That's right. It's me. Sell, Sal from a practical

0:36:11 Unknown Speaker #2

joke. The weird interviewers have it been impractical joke?

0:36:15 Unknown Speaker #1

That's right. This is an impractical joke. I've had ears I've had my buddies in my ears this whole time.

0:36:21 Unknown Speaker #2

I can't believe we just got soured. Yeah. Wait a second. Shit.

0:36:25 Unknown Speaker #1

Wait a second.

0:36:26 Unknown Speaker #4

Look at you. Do you see my hair under here? Hang on. That's right. You've actually called me. You you've both been you've been catfished. I'm I'm the Leave.

0:36:36 Unknown Speaker #3

Leave. Nave. It's Nave. Who was catfished? You didn't do

0:36:40 Unknown Speaker #2

your thing, Nave. Hey, Nave. I think you forgot how to do your show.

0:36:46 Unknown Speaker #3

Nave. He didn't do it. Well,

0:36:49 Unknown Speaker #2

now now now now. Wait.

0:36:53 Unknown Speaker #4

Oh my god. Wait.

0:36:55 Unknown Speaker #2

Jackass is here? That's right. Shit.

0:36:59 Unknown Speaker #4

Wait. We're there. They're all limping in the room. They're all limping

0:37:02 Unknown Speaker #2

in the room.

0:37:03 Unknown Speaker #4

Oh, Jesus. That guys are rough.

0:37:06 Unknown Speaker #3

They are in bad shape.

0:37:07 Unknown Speaker #2

Guys, you cannot feel the penis. I don't wanna do this 1. I don't wanna do this 1. Panias. Yes. Yes, Panias. Yes.

0:37:16 Unknown Speaker #3

Panias. Take a picture of my fucked up Peter's and go it in there and show it to him.

0:37:20 Unknown Speaker #2

I don't wanna this is the worst 1 ever. I don't wanna take a picture of your penis. Come on, that's This is where I draw the line. Bonnie is, please. Please, buddy. Had it. Bonnius has had it. What are you gonna do? Go back to fucking the middle of nowhere and hang out with animals. Why can't we just do party boy anymore? Why can't we just do party boy where I get on roller skates, and dressed like a bobby and roll her around. Jackass was the only thing that worked. Wild boys tanked. Down take a picture of

0:37:56 Unknown Speaker #3

my dick and go show it to him.

0:38:02 Unknown Speaker #4

Go ahead and Johnny, sit down. Sit down that chair right there. That was not Chris Pontius that you tried to get to take a picture of you. That was a 12 year old boy. I'm Chris Anderson. And No. You've been dressed him up like, potty? You've been catfish purvoted.

0:38:23 Unknown Speaker #1

That's not that's not legal. I feel like I'm still in the right. This is the catfisher predator. Hey. Hey, Chris. Chris Hanson? Hey, everybody come in here. Everybody come in here. Everybody in? Everybody Oh my god. It's it's that lady. It's that lady from intervention

0:38:42 Unknown Speaker #3

with the red hair. This

0:38:43 Unknown Speaker #1

is an intervention for you. Shit.

0:38:46 Unknown Speaker #4

What Or her Extension for what? I'm fine. Christopher Chris Hanson or Chris Panias?

0:38:51 Unknown Speaker #1

For Chris Hanson.

0:38:53 Unknown Speaker #4

Chris, you're a dick to

0:38:55 Unknown Speaker #2

chris, you're a dick into finding perverts, and it's affected my life in the following ways. You missed our wedding because you said you had a lead on a perv. You missed also read the letter. You missed my son's brisk because you said you had a lead on a perv. I

0:39:14 Unknown Speaker #4

did. It was a rabbi.