and Carl Thio.

You guys heard about this monkey at the zoo?

Apparently, it has got a bad attitude. Really? You

know, I'm not allowed back there like that coincident

koala incident. You were dragged around in the cage by that koala.

I got into it with the Kuala and the zookeeper had was trying to kill me and accidentally killed in Kuala. That's right. Yeah, but yeah, I've heard about this bad at it.

And there's a There's a campaign online that's that's going around with your face and it says it's not our I P, but it's We wish he was dead. Yeah, it's We wish he was resting in terror. It's almost not happy at all. Yeah, it's not our I p.

I had to get off of social media because of what I've been receiving from all sorts. I mean, you can't read the comments on stuff like

we know you're back. It's very obvious you're back on social media, new profiles,

you know? I don't know what you're talking about. I'm off of social media. I had to get off.

Listen, a man who's

dressed up as a woman right now and taking ah bunch of estrogen pills. Um, or I'm sorry. Ostrich in we got from the zoo keeper who started this whole thing. Well, Hyde could not afford full human estrogen pills, so I am taking off oxygen's lengthening of the neck wide.

But also, I mean, I slept with my head in the hole last night standing up. You got little nubby wings coming at your plumage

is looking really good. Jesus. I didn't think anybody could see those feathers court. We can. You're covered in them. You're

not even You don't have to work clothes

anymore. Well, offense, but your eggs are disgusting.

And she I'm sorry. I'm meeting him right here. Agree? Listen, they're over hard.

Hey, Thank you for

breakfast in bed earlier, By the way. You're welcome. And I, uh I'm sorry I took it so literally, but, uh, he

has dumped a bunch of eggs in his bed. Also, uh, you've turned this lounge into what I can only assume is a one bedroom home. I have.

Yeah. It's a one bedroom four bath that I've turned this lounge into.

Don't tell your those. Those sinks are not bad. You've

got to get your prostate examined because your pee and too much. Listen, it's like one of those champagne fountains where you pour the champagne into the top cup and it goes into all the other cups.

How is it like that? Because he got

toilets stopped all over the place in here. He's overflowing one toilet and it's fallen into the other toilets all around it.

That's right. I didn't put toilets and four different places. Stack them on top tier of

toilets that you've overflowed the top and it's running down in the other toilet. Then you don't flush their own working toilets. That makes sense. Why? He's got four, though. He wants to wait longer till he takes out the peak. Right. You don't want to take out the pea every day? No. Good grief. Y'all. We've been recording this whole time We knew it, we knew we were. You know, we all knew we are

a team this point. I know that when we

sit down and put on the headphones, you start recording every time. Yeah, when you just don't know. We know. All right. Well, uh, I'm sorry. Uh, like, welcome to the teacher's lounge. Everybody The first, best and only podcast tackling it. She's relevant to the Hamilton High School community. I am your well X tenured biology teacher. Uh, Howard Levis. Condolences. Yes, and violence is joined by my colleagues. Go ahead, introduce yourselves. How we doing, Sam? Weatherman. Crazy limos were still around, baby. Thank you

for all the success this weekend at Prom Todd

Padre Theater. Hi, Bill. Formerly Bill Crave E. Um, now, Bethany Hart. Um, I am fully, uh, transitioning into a woman, as you can see by these ostrich in pills on taking. I think you're doing a beautiful job, by the way. Thank you. I'm getting the hang of this hair and makeup. I really am. What do you guys think? You almost stayed in the lines this time. I did have lines tattooed on my face like a coloring book inside the lines. And I can't even stay inside the lines on my own face there, though. No, but

I do have numbers

that accord coordinate to a key that tell me what color to paint my face.

Look, you know what I've always thought is that if Carrot Top was a woman, he'd be beautiful blonde. You look like that now.

Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Yeah. This bright red wig. I would say it's unnecessary, but it's working. It is. Well, you were a lot has happened The last. Yeah. Yes. Town, you three. Gentlemen, we had to sneak in here very early because I'm currently, of course, still employed here. Hamilton High under Bethany. But you three have been let go. It's true. You know, a lot of a lot of things happen. Prom. Prom happened. Um, the disastrous election happened. Well, you could say there was some positives. You won the election win. Ah, and I was mayor for a grand total of six minutes. Stepped on stage two. Give my acceptance speech, which I had worked on for weeks to thank the community.

How many weeks? It just feels like you

couldn't have worked on that for when I started. That felt like it. It was written on a subway napkin. Felt very impromptu. Well, when the last time I got that napkin, last time I went to subway, which was 13 weeks ago, and I've been working on the speech ever since. And, uh, well, you know, did that's on kicking the habit by the way, Subway have it. Yeah, I had to stop. I was eating 23 sandwiches a day. Well, Jared Fogle is your idol. Hey, is my idol in more ways than you could even know? I think way

you know, he was found out. Zach

stuff. That's not the stuff I like. Pants. I like. I'm a big fan of a big pants. I'm also a big band of rapid and unhealthy weight loss. And I'm also ah, huge ran of spokesman. You have pictures of Matthew McConaughey's transformation in Dallas Buyers Club where he lost a bunch of weight? I do. He went from a skinny man to a skinny. Hey, wasn't a big your eye. 32 inch ways to About what? 26 interest. Thank you. I'm not sure what he was wearing A 17 inch waist in that 17. The same article loving this whole article. Culturally, we have about anything I consume. I share. Yeah. Sometimes all nudge people to read an article that feels nice.

So you were

I was mayor for six whole minutes, got up on stage and decided to give my speech, and I left my sort of slide show in Ah, in the hands of someone else. You were doing a Power Point speech speech to just give everybody slide by slide explanation of what the next four years are gonna be like with man, When you say slide by slide, we're talking. The first slide was the electric slide. That's right, because I was going to turn this town into a full on party. The second slide was a

behind the scenes photo from the music video for the song Slide by the Goo Goo doll Which

yeah, because I I want us to work as a team like a film crews got to

and that was you slipping right off the stage

and slide right in the right. Well, have a literal slide. Yes. Yeah, And because I want to make a traffic, I want to make traffic and transportation in this city a much smoother process by perfect letting it slide between every possible destination, sort of a huge network of slides that hang above the city and dropping out wherever you want to go. But unfortunately, the fourth flied which I was expecting to be a slide of the trombone because I wanted to get a new town theme song works was from, unfortunately. What from bone

Like the way you say that Trumbo

Drum bone. Well,

that's a good word. Trombone. Yeah, well, it would have been nice if

the trombone and ended up on the damn screen. But as you all probably know, because it's been covered widely by newspapers and television shows like and a lot of opinions thrown around about it not just covered it is. It has been heavily by, I think, pieces, which I read about you consume much. Unfortunately, a photo of Anthony's Wiener ended up on there. Anthony Weiner's Wiener. Of course,

you just can't seem to stop showing pictures of Anthony Weiner's Weiner.

This one. I'll tell you guys this. I had

won this election and this was not intention. It was a fair and square win. I had won in a landslide against our incumbent. I don't know. I don't know what about my platform resonated with people, but I think it was the insanity of it. Yeah, because,

I mean, you propose some of the most expensive, expensive

propositions that the town's ever seen. I mean, covering the town and slides was gonna cost $6 billion for a town wide uniforms. Uniforms. I think people like the idea of having somebody with which we're best buy uniforms. Just just blue clothes and a pair of jeans trying to turn the town into a silly Nazi ery era Germany ceiling. Well, since I hate it was silly. Silly being the operative word because of Nazi Germany wasn't all bad. I mean, the bats interesting. Bad stuff was bad. Okay, Trombone trump, The bad stuff was bad, but But the good stuff, the organization, the levels of organization, the sort of force camaraderie that was all a positive

wiping out of certain cultures for not believing you're looking a certain

way about a bad thing. The bad thing you're giving a good thumbs up on that one. Uh, you met? That was

a little dark in the quarter of that. Okay.

Oh, yeah. I'm feeling a little ill. Uh, but yeah, I have an I V bag. Yeah, I'm a little under the weather nurse. Oh, this is my nurse. But which One more Nordstrom mannequin. Okay. Yes. This nurse and the nurse, the nurse came from the same training school. Is my therapist the Nordstrom manic in school of training. Uh, but I assure you that it is just a CZ trustworthy as a human nurse could be. So don't worry about it where the

bag is not refilled and there's a full bag of saline solution in the nurse's hand, and it's not even plugged into your body. It's just leaking on

the ground crab. I think the nurse switched out the bag with her Caprice on.

Oh, my God. There is a bright liquid flowing I now see from a capri sun into one of your

vacation. Well, I guess the cat's out of the bag here. In order to get more people to see my play, I have been systematically, uh, injecting myself with AIDS.

What do you do in that time? I

just got desperate and I was trying to get I was trying to capture headlines. So you wanted to do angels in America type of situation. Yeah. Then I did some more research, and apparently nobody acting in the play actually had AIDS. It was about people 20 to 30 years ago. Um, listen, the fact is I made a mistake, and I regret it. But the good news is, um, in my in the past week, I became very good friends with Martin Shkreli. Farmer breath? Yeah, on he has been He has been giving me a discount on some of the AIDS medication that he

give you a discount? Yeah. How much is he discounting it? $3. And these air? 500

dollars a pill? Well, not for me. It's for 97 baby.

You always do seem to have the nights. Okay. Since prom, I don't. People probably don't know this, but I was at

prom. I had just come from the region championship game, which I want lighting Bibles, fighting Bibles as Valerie Heart. I was Bethany Hart. No, I know. And I keep getting it confused. I'm thinking about I also do another job where I'm a different woman TV as Bethany's sister Valerie. I have many

hard family. Well, as you all know, I broke up with Bethany Hart and I was on the rebound and I met a wonderful woman. And Valerie the D M v are You told me this was you again. Tell

you this, but that was me.

Jiminy Christmas. I'm so we are in love though I'm in love with you. I

think you get my heart broken by your alter ego's. Listen,

that was very really knows. You ate me out intentional. You ate me out.

And that was very riel. That was Valley. But that was May.

My therapist told me I got to stop seeking out the same types of relationships over and over again

that this is a mannequin

in all window room. Yeah. Can we? I feel like we're so focused on what My therapist is just unable to move past the mannequin. You know, in a large Well,

I'll say this. I'm with you. Sure. I've actually had to start seeing a therapist recently. And And if you get what you need and

you had to mannequin Yeah, I was court appointed, right? Yeah. Quarter therapy, Uh, which is always

the best therapy. Yeah. Yeah, she's also a bus driver on

you. Do it on the bus.

Right on the bus. Yeah. Free. Fair to go wherever I want. Thio again. Making transportation easier. Did you know I was court ordered to stop seeing her? I was seeing her for a while, but we kept getting in crashes because even me. Just being on the bus was too much. Wow. It was kind of like secondhand. You're nothing but driving. Yeah, she could not do both. Drive the bus and think therapeutically at the same time. Really? Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm just I'm dying

E now you are currently dying of AIDS. Yes, but this you I was gonna mention that at prom this weekend after I came

from the State Champion Region Championship game, which I won allusions, by the way,

we went to prom. I went

there with the whole team. They were all dressed up. We're all there. I was a chaperone, and, um, nobody was, in fact, going to your play. You're playing, Um, and and all of a sudden we noticed the wait staff looked very different. The wait staff looked at prom. Looked a lot like like, the tide of battle is on your something. Yes. Yes, they definitely in battles on you, But they looked exactly like all of the students, which we know them, who's in Todd's theater class. And the shed chef looked just like Todd on dhe. Someplace started happening. It was kind of immersion theater. I would say the thing that tipped me off was all there. All of their name tags just said adult wait staff. Yes. No specific names. It was just to sell them as adults.

Well, yeah. If you guys haven't put the pieces together, I got so angry that no one was at my play that I encouraged my theater students to come with me. We chloroform the wait staff and improvised a Tony and Tina's wedding style immersive theater. At prom on. I'm a little teed off with the wardrobe department for those bad those bad name tags, for sure. But I think overall my the way I trained those students. You believe they were all waiters, didn't you?

I

mean, no, I did

not Really. A lot of them had duct

tape over their mouths. They seem like they weren't supposed to talk or something. Yeah, pretty dead giveaway that I was in a bad mood, so I wasn't as perceptive as I normally am. But when they refused to get me a refill on the chicken suit a, uh, skewers. Now that was

part of that was part of the drama that was the end of Act one was that they were gonna be We're gonna be out of skewers and then we would kind of That's the problem we solved over prom. Listen, I'll be the 1st 1 to say it did not work out the way I wanted it to.

You did do a pretty fantastic

monologue about your history with your ex wife. You pulled the plug on who let the dogs out when all the students were having a blast on the dance floor.

Yeah, all those 18 year olds got so excited to hear the early 2000 song who let the dogs out by the Baja man, you know? But I I had to give a monologue right at that point, and so I was inspired. Maybe it was the fact that my ex wife happened. Thio be at prom. She's now in a polyamorous relationship with a 17 year old basketball player from a rival team, right? And our new mascot, This is gay mascot.

Yes, that was especially devastating for you. It's strange that any of them were invited to the prom, in fact, because none of them are tech. Currently, it'll go in the school. It's

our Lima's matters. You guys. Our end is confused. But I'll say after that monologue, the whole place was maybe in tears from it. And that was kind of just off the cuff, So yeah,

because it did seem just like an improvised scream at your ex wife and her new boyfriend.

Almost seemed like you had blacked out.

And you didn't know it was happening. That's correct. Yeah. I went into a blackout. I was inspired. And who knows? Maybe it was the cocktail of medications and anti inflammatories that I've been on. Maybe it was passion. I don't know.

How many titles did you take?

Oh, I don't. I stopped counting. Um, that addiction is beyond May. Anyway, um, yeah, that I got fired.

Yeah. For ruining prom. Yeah. You know, I think we both I have also. I'll say this. I think we both have a case for getting our jobs back soon. I have always said that things that happen outside of the school shouldn't affect your standing as a person who is employed by the school. Absolutely. Can't be a policy. What do you mean? Why? Because because a mistake caused a photo of Anthony's wiener to show up in my acceptance speech. I lose my job as the tenured by.

I have tenure. I was injured.

Yeah, I know. You were injured during your tenure ship.

Yeah, you know, and then they still fired me. Todd trusted Thio. Throw some art up in front of these kids at the prom, and he gets his ass fired too. You know, I think we both have

a case for wrongful termination. If I have anything to say about it, this ain't gonna be the end of the school. Is heard the end of what the school has heard from us about this. Well, I agree. And because these two guys hopped in my limo and we made a getaway after them getting fired, prom, and accidentally ran into a fuel truck and blew up the airport

SOS. OK, so So we're all fired them because you were fired at

the beginning of prom. Because most all of the students who had finally gotten to the prom were injured from accidents in your limo, sir. And and honestly, I felt like, let's to be fair, you had already been relieved of your duties. You were just getting paid. Uh, t do whatever. Correct. Yeah, I wasn't technically teaching at the school, but I was still getting paid, so I figure there's just a lot of, ah, lot of moving pieces that ended up with your You're being truthful. I

I said I've been saying

this my whole life. If you get attached to me, that's your fault. You know what

I mean? If you if you let me start working for you, you've got a deal with the consequences. I've been saying this and you do say that in all of your interviews, so they should know. Absolutely. I am

nothing if not a word. They were desperate. Tohave Ah, driver's ed teacher s. So you guys, I mean, I was I was busy being six different women at prom, so I was not there for their

use. Their own dates with some man. I

was there. I will. I'm dating six different men around town. Todd was one of them. A few of them are high school. And no taught Valerie. I mean, yeah, Valerie was just you all right? I don't date multiplied for each of my personalities. I date one man. So you're saying just because I don't cheat delineated personalities inside of your brain. Yeah, The fact that you are you as a single person are dating multiple people does not mean you're cheating. It means you have six individual connections with CS. Individual man. Craig is one man playing six different women who have sex. Different men. How does that work with Charlene? Your one woman who's a schizophrenic? She's got seven personalities. Yes,

Charlene. Aside. Well, you can see you see how

these toilets are stacked up in here. Like it. Like a champagne tower. Well, that's how I date men. So within Sharlene, I have six different personalities. One of them's a homeless man. One of them is a, uh, airboat employees. And the list goes on and on. I'm dating other people within them. The homeless man is dating a woman. So can

I ask, what's it at the core of this? Uh, you know, once or twice you get caught in a lie, pursuing a job you want, right? Six women is a lot of it. Feels like you want to maybe not be yourself. You're avoiding being just yourself. All the time

is going on.

Mr. Craigie is my face beet red. Yeah, but I can't see through the makeup. Really. It was already mostly beet red because you missed with lipstick. But that's true. Listen, all I care about is winning basketball games. And, yes, lies do get entangled.

That's all you care

about, really. That's really all I care about. This is all to be a successful basketball coach again. That's all it iss. It just doesn't seem like that. I love myself. Eyes, ostrich and bills are turning you into a

chick. No, that's a typical ostrich cock. I just

a cocktail. I have. You don't typically here because they're running around right? They are so fast.

So, Todd, it seems like not only

do you have AIDS, but you have, ah, bunch of other elements from famous story lines that happen in plays as well.

I just threw everything at the wall and was trying to see what would stick. And I'll say, I think people were just too confused by all of the things. I threw it myself. You know what I mean? Um, I have AIDS. I'm Mormon now, which is Yeah, from Book

of Mormon. That's right. I saw you the other day putting

on whiskers. Are you a cat as well?

Well, yeah. In the play, I am a cat. Um, eso I've got the whiskers

and there is

a family across town that you are beefing with And you fell in love with their daughter. Is

that? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, the capital it family across town. I went out of my way to fall in love with their daughter. I got to check on her. I think she stabbed her.

How far out of the way of a drive is that for you? Who calculates, uh, how far is Italy? Thousands of you jive their drug crust. Whether trying

to drive you there, right? Yeah, Well, that's why we're going to the airport. He said, step on it. I got to go check on my lady.

Yeah, and I thought we were in one of those. Uh, I'm glad we worked on the airport. I thought we were one of those funny, uh, landed obvious cars that LBJ has, but it turned out to just be Jane LBJ tuba, but yes. Oh, the reviews came in, the reviews came in and people said my play was too confusing to mixed up and it seemed like I ruined a lot of lives my own included on the

way we're having. The reason that you ended up getting fired was because you ended up chaining the doors to prom to keep everyone inside.

I locked everyone into my play. A prom? That's right. And, uh well, they gave me the OJ accusation, which was because I said, You can't leave. It's now kidnapping.

I see the second faint, most famous OJ accusation.

Hold on. You about O. J. Simpson. Yeah. The guy that robbed that Las Vegas, Uh, dealer. Yeah, but earlier than that, that was his second

most famous sort of incident. His accusation of killing in the naked gun with comedy that he provided

not at not killing comedically.

I accuse him of that.

You did try, um, for that. Correct.

I did try him for that. We ended up settling out of court.

You know, j became pretty good friends through that whole mock trial, right?

We did become We were great friends. And

I really don't know you, don't you? Because I come to think of it, I remember seeing pictures of you back behind the Kardashian family in the trial. Yeah, yeah. Oh! Oh, the trialled. Yeah, that's right. You like you're eating chips in the back of that courtroom. You forgot aboutthe I considered

that Goldman bran the Golden Brown suicide DiBacco.

Wait, You guys todo trial? I know. We're We're We're all on

the fence about this, but we definitely know they did a worry. What's the suicide, Paige?

Uh, well, so you're saying that

Goldman was just happened to be showing up in Nicole's house that night to return some glasses?

Yeah, right. You think he was showing up because they had made agreement to kill themselves? Yes. She knew he was good at karate,

as we all d'oh on, he ended up karate ing her. Sadly,

it's so nice to karate her and then karate himself supposed to. That's what happened. I mean, it was so tragic. And what happened to his poor? I mean, what that father has gone through. You mean the mustache? Yeah, a CZ. We all

know that death right after the death, his father's proud of the Musil areas mustache in his grief and hasn't been able to get rid of it.

I don't think your friendship with O J is healthy, I think. But he is. You've really taken

to maybe some of his ideas. I don't

know me and squarely Go and visit him in prison and we laugh and we have a good time.

What tree? I never imagined

him have being a real

jovial guy. Oh, he's very funny. It's fine. Uh, you talk about Shkreli, Roj? Um, I think it's both of the fact that they don't care about how anyone feels is very interesting to me at everything bad that happens to them is kind of someone else's fault, which is how I feel. Uh, so we

get along about project on your own. So see opposite

now real quick before we go to a break. Uh, Sam, you are not only fired

from the school, but you're not allowed in the country anymore. Correct? I am being deported. You're so

you're so Molly. If you're a mayor, a Somali man.

Thank you. Do not say pirates. No, I'm Smalley. Cap. You're a Somali pilot? Yes. And you were headed to the airport and you blew up the airport? Yes.

Luckily, it was the one day where nobody was flying.

Yeah. Yeah, Well everybody

was, You know, it was a big day. The big town election. The prom. Yeah, I think a couple of people were supposed to be. You're playing the game? Yeah. Yeah s Oh, um, you know, you make one mistake repeatedly for a bunch of years, and eventually it catches up. Thio. Well, I did loan you a costume from one of my many characters in your air here, right? As the, uh, air boat captain that I play as one of the characters of the schizophrenic woman. Yes. Yes. The big problem is I blew up airport, all right, But I'm also being deported, so they don't really know how to deal with that right now because they're sending me out of the country, and it's a must leave. So there could use a lot of red day cruise a lot for your situation, how I'm going to leave because I'm sort of in limbo. They don't want me anywhere, which is the problem. They don't want me here, but they won't send me anywhere because they don't trust that I won't crash of you closer. No one will accept you. Yeah, well, pretty much so. They've gotten in touch with Somalia. You know, Trump from you. No way. Had a guest lined up today. It actually ended up being a T bone. Surprisingly. Ah, very, uh, I love these new my guest. Uh, I want to talk more about the mike. So we've got a guest on. Let's bring your own. All right way, Bones, stay. Ana. We're very excited to have her here because I'm sure she has tons of insight. She was the student in charge of the prom committee s o. The activities that went down at prom are very, uh, affected her greatly. And her name is Stephanie. Aids. Stephanie. Hey, how are you? Hey. Hey. Hi, Stephanie. Look again. Very just tired and distraught.

Yeah, well, I'm a little tired into Stroud. Same here. Um, you know, black. I have not lived a long life. Right? Right. But I have seen some things. Now I feel like I'm a little bit of a different person

because you did go to war. I went to war. And I guess you're 17. And you you fake you fake some documents, and you did one tour in Iraq right

now, So if you see something on my face. That looks a little distraught. I wonder if maybe it has something to do with that, Mrs Hart.

Well, uh, thank you for calling me by. My name is Miss. Yes, I am not married anymore, as you know, my backstory. But listen, uh, I would think you would be able to survive this prom DiBacco since you have done a tour in

Iraq. But the tour in Iraq was like, Do you remember how I was when I got back from Iraq? I was actually

you were honestly happy your grades went, uh, family life seemed to be more positive and that you had some troubles at home. And that was why you ran off into the Ganz military.

Now that that Bradley Cooper movie, the story was originally what was the title of that movie? Americans? American shooter? Yeah, American Shooter. You also

had a screenplay that was being written about your tour. Is that correct?

Right. And Bradley Cooper is gonna play me.

Really? He's going back again to do that, but he's gonna play. Yeah, a 13 year old girl

year old girl. That's right. Which is you know what? Honestly, like I dare you to name someone who could play me better than Bradley Cooper.

Um, I write on top of my say, I'd say, Abigail Breast to Breast Dakota Fanning, You know, maybe a bat girl from that superhero movie. Collymore, Chloe, Grace Moretz would be great girl from that new.

There's a lot

of shows, a lot of people on their all too old. Yes, 11 maybe a little someone that looked well, I mean, you get easily cast and like, find a breakout star for this role instead of having us

decided to play a 13 year old girl in another war movie, Huh? You're so risky. Decision.

Well, I feel like he's our nation's greatest actor and,

oh, talking away our nation's greatest actor. Uh, maybe Maybe this is just a mistake. You know, I'm a citizen of this nation. Maybe that was why you didn't consider someone else

hard time even looking to you in your

okay. I apologize for ruining your prom.

You came to my room last night and apologized.

Yeah, Okay. Your last name is AIDS. But also capital It is that correct?

It's AIDS. Dash cam. I thought you meant capital s because month. Last name my aides. Last name is capitalized.

Oh, yeah, We know that capital. A capital G Capital ass period. You came to her window.

That's good. She's not dead.

It's good you're not dead. That's right, Sister is Well, you're seeing your sister who I had a thing with. Yeah, uh, Jules. Jules, Jules. Capital it, Jule? Uh, yeah. So nobody. But I gotta be honest. I came to your room in a daze on that. Why lucked out? It was your room. I just looked up aid because I was looking up somewhere to get some more medication. And I ended up in your place, and I didn't just sneak into a high school girl's room and

didn't come to apologize to me. What's plan that prom within an inch of my life?

Well, I guess you do. You did almost die planning. You're gonna start planning

because we only

found out the theme for the prom two weeks before

threatened two weeks to plan such

an abstract theme.

Well, yeah, this is gay is the theme.

Well, you know, you didn't plan for a inspired theater teacher inspired, huh? You didn't plan for a inspired theater teacher, too, and his horde of loving students.

I thought, You're about Theo. Say something about your wife. Your ex.

Oh, I would not call her a whore if anything should have enough sex.

What does that mean? What

does that mean?

It means we never made love.

What, is that true?

Yes, it's true, and it's mostly my fault, and I've come to accept that through therapy, but this isn't about me. This is about how your prom should not have been on the night of a play that I wrote for myself. For these students to see

you have a very big scat on your cheek.

Well, it's not AIDS related. I cut myself shaving.

That's about a one inch by one inch path. You cut yourself shaving that raped. Did you have to drag the skin at the race? Well, you basically did one of those cheese cutter situations

on your own. Damn

your own dying chief.

I know what I did. E thought it would be easier to keep going down instead of to pull up once the cut started

way. I think we've lost our way. I think we need to apologise. Thing has

gone through a lot for this country. Thank you for this school and for us personally. And we didn't go to your house and kidnap you and bring you here to apologize to you. Thanks for being here. 3 a.m. Let's

consider child way. Did go on trial for that. Are

you going to take us to travel

last night? I mean yeah. No. Yeah, I am. Unfortunately, I am gonna take you Don't press charges. Well, please. Where do you wanna settle out of court? Yes. You want to settle right now? Yes. Come

over here to the coming on. Come over here to the come over here to the coffee

machine. I'll settle out of court. It was all it was. All y'all, right? All y'all

Yeah, we all get it.

I'll settle out of

court. For what? If we could dio a five way kiss. Oh, my God Had never I've been Stephanie. I have fought for my country. My last name is AIDS. I have never done a five way kiss with four teachers.

Well, way not getting jail.

I'm telling you, this is what will keep you in jail. Mrs

How old are you?

Okay

Okay. Okay, Wait. Let's just turn off the microphones. Let's turn off the microphones and do this off. Everybody hit that button on the back of the microphone. Be all right, Stephanie. We cannot really saying I'm a 40 year old man. We're like, we're all We're all adults here, and one of us is 77. Looks 100. I bet you can't guess which. So look, I think can we just maybe Can we act not and say we did

Hale now? Okay, so I'll see you. I'll see you in court. Them war. Do you know what that's like? I

don't Honestly, I've been to war. I've been to war on the campaign trail.

Have you ever had a scandal break out about you, Stephanie Know? Well, I killed a child. Excuse me? In Iraq? Yeah. That's what the movie's

about. It. Oh, yeah. I've read the screenplay.

I killed a child by choice. Those who is playing

that child in the movie the child that I killed. Yeah. Tell

me they're still auditioning here is playing

it. We already got somebody we got. Ryan Gosling

is God doing a little

man to play a seven year old Iraqi boy.

He's our second greatest living national actor behind

Bradley Cooper. Oh, my God. If we just listen where you'll see us in court because we're not gonna kiss you because you're under have Todd's lawyer. Can he represent me as well? Yeah, absolutely. I think you'd be happy to you. And your lawyer is a real doll. Is that correct? Yes. Kind of like the Ryan Gosling movie Lars and the real girl. It

was like that inspired you. You

know what? Let's turn these

Mike's back on the way we look. How how long of a kiss do we gotta kiss you for? No, Howard, you've already shown another man's Penis on the big screen. And finally, I don't, uh,

look me in the next room looking, Howard, don't do this in under five seconds, is all I'm asking Howard.

She's got him. Look at their connection,

Howard. That mean?

And you're saying I will never be I will never have to have another scandal come around.

That is what I'm saying. Well, what I'm really saying is just I won't press charges for y'all. Come with me last night. Howard.

We'll do it. This is the perfect opportunity to look her in the eye and say, I'll see you in the door. Everybody look at me. His heart. I wanted to

his heart. What? Why won't you kiss me for under five? I'm not looking me in the eye. I my one remaining eye

lipstick. But we, um I wanna raining. I see. I'll see you in court, motherfucker. Look, I'll do it. I'm saying now I'll do it and just everybody put your phones away. I don't want you accidentally take a picture or anything like that. I'm about to do pictures. I just got an email from you. To what? What? Yeah. Oh, my God. Good God.

Anthony's Wiener. Oh, my God, you just

can't stop emailing afternoons. Winner to people.

Why do you have it in your email?

I think I set up in auto like an auto listserv.

When you go on vacation, you set up in auto email.

But it's just not on vacation, though it's kind of all the time. It's just an immediate reply. This says an auto reply, and it's Anthony's Weiner.

Never mind. I don't want to kiss someone who's having some sort of Weiner scandal

What? Stop. Oh, we're all innocent. Your fingertips.

That's the least weird place I could kiss you. All right, way. Let's put the masks back on and just get get. Get on the

road that Stephanie. I know, I know you're upset. Loop seven. I know you're upset about prom, but you had to be some positives also. I mean, you went with Richard Hansen is attractive, popular guy. I saw you guys leaving together. That must have been fun.

Yeah, it was fun, but that had nothing to do with prom. That was after prom.

And he's Taylor Hanson's son.

He's Taylor from the hand chances. Yes, he is, Taylor Hanson said.

Not the band

Hanson, but from Hanson's Hand Sons, the local hardware store, who do have a surprisingly good jingle for their

way. Bob by some branches, we're the hands that

little trump trombone waits.

Trumbo. Did you guys hear that about their store? Burnt down is very unfortunate, and it's still on fire, and it's been on for about six months. Unfortunately, the second building in town to never stop being on fire, right? That's right.

Oh, it seemed very obvious, like she burnt down the answer. It's because you just hit it with a crazy. You're lifting your arms high in the air and go, Whoa, This is going So I barely make out. Why don't you burn down Anson's?

Listen, nobody burned anything down. If

I will say this, if you run a hardware so it's burning down someone burning actively burning Todd, if you run

a hardware store and a man buys paint from you because he has an addiction to drinking paint and you suddenly cut him off, that is your fault for whatever he does afterwards. No,

because Mr Hansen said, I'm not sell any painting more because it's obviously giving you lead poisoned

him young. So was being so lenient you were posting

up, but the paint swatch ing station

and he was giving you 45 glasses before he would have cut you off for you. Yeah, he was pouring

them into frickin champagne glasses. Everyone knows you drink paying out of a red wine glass. Come on. There was no Arrgh, much of the pain. I didn't get a chance to breathe. I mean, the guy's an idiot

Time. I'm telling you, this is a great a gross overreaction on your part.

I don't know what happened to that place, and I'm glad it's still burning. All right.

Well, anyone. What's this? Stephanie? Now you're going off to college next year, right? Eyes there. Anything that University of Somalia. Oh, you saw. Really? I'm going to use that. Sums. Nice. Why is that?

Why my going there?

Yeah. Is that

one of the best Is one of the best schools for ums

pirating and piloting. There. You're trying to get a major in pirating

yours. Flipping sides Almost. What do you mean?

You were once a military person. And now you're gonna be the criminals. They are your wits.

Yeah, sort of philosophy here. Who's to say Who's on whose side? Why don't you just

keep trudging from America? Oh, yeah. I know about pirates. They're all bad.

It's time for you to get woke. Exactly. Have you heard of getting There's positives?

Didn't even woke up.

I woke up. You awoke this morning and maybe we'll pirates aren't bad. Yeah, only some of us have families to support families. I have heard of families, you know. And one day I hope to have one. Yeah, me too.

do any of y'all have families?

Yeah, I got a wife and two kids. Well, now you, your boyfriend? Children. Those are her

boyfriend. You see, that man over there

dying of AIDS lets Robin all the awful things that happened to him right into his face.

Why'd you say my last name?

No, I am dying from you. And you are killing me, killing me. You know what? Look at me. That's ironic. I'll see you in

court. That was That was one of the best dramatic performances I've ever seen. That was that was honestly one of the most affected

images I've ever seen. That was a one

100 year old man telling his act

77. I look 100

x teenage girlfriend whose last name is AIDS dying from AIDS, telling

her that he'll see her in court. Now that was straight out of Ah, it is.

Which

is my ex girlfriend. Sister way Had a thing never sexual. So nobody broke any laws on a CZ. You know, from what I just said about my marriage, I've never had sex. Uh,

P on the same toilet A lot together, but both standing. No, but to But

oh, what I say leaning Using each other's pressure

about sitting on the damn toilet. But but your P going damn bowl.

I'm sorry. Like it's a thing that a lot of people do. And it's the first time I've ever heard of a really

something my sister and I used. And that's

a damn. So when you guys, Pete, But But you and your sister are you coming at the toilets from the sides, or are you sitting like two people would ride on a motorcycle

picture an

ostrich egg?

Great. Okay, Right here.

Okay. One egg. Ugo.

Ugo. Good. Good visual metaphor we got here.

We got this nice round oval A no toilets. Not around. Perfect. Close to eggs. Yeah, it's very eggshell belong. So you see, like

we're I just threw up a lot of talk. It's deputy. Don't let his vomit that

we'd put our little lower little Hanis, But But on the skinny side of the toilet, not the long side. Does that make sense? Yes. Way have a But there. It's hard to explain.

I say situation inside kind of coming in from both sides,

both sides because you got the tank behind what and when

you're a little kid, you got a tiny you got a tiny but

I did not. But yet most of my buddies actually, it was I had

You've been

hourglass shape since you were born. Bury the lot of curves. Yeah, a lot of curves as a as

a baby. You know, I just realized I remember that news

story of you coming out with a huge huge, but that has gotten smiled.

It was vavoom, this baby sexy when you came out with the wrong road. Whoa, whoa. Yeah, There was kind of, like a battle plan. And you were You were Well, I

mean, my my curves were kicking for sure I didn't have

You were one of the youngest of sort of flappers a slapper you didn't like like twenties. And yes, yes, uh, famously thin and 00 I'm thinking of my own, man. You know, that's like a Berlin last last, last last that trombone again. Domain from bone. Yeah, I was born

with a 24 double G breasts. As you know, breast

size is going to the G's.

Well minded really

is killing me. AIDS on not to make light of killing it killing. Because you, actually the result of the pregnancy and subsequent labor did kill your mother. We shouldn't make light of that.

I mean, I do think

we should talk about it, but we should not make light about demons.

March, You murdered her after you came out,

I broke her pelvis with

my cubs. Oh, so sorry.

Can you imagine, uh, you know, a normal baby being £10 Max,

that news story really glossed over that. It was very positive.

He's got Kurt. I remember

seeing some of the pictures while you were still inside, and you could just see the, you know, the full coverage of your large body in her belly. Yeah, it

looks like somebody just wrapped skin around, sir. Mix a lot video?

Exactly. You know, when someone but when? Someone first of all, when someone burst through

a wall and they leave the cartoonish open with somebody. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That looks like that's how the kids got out of the gym with

froth. Curvy is man himself. Kool Aid man.

Yeah. Yeah, but occurred only Curry is basically a circle which is nothing but curves. So

that's a lesson. I'm

wondering if there's some way you can get us back in because you're you're You're all up in the student government. You have the you have the principal's ear. I'm just wondering if you can somehow get us back in his good graces.

Yeah, E you want to die? You have back bad. So you got a pretty big bargaining chip?

Well, yeah, it was. It was, uh, e. I felt like it was a good move to kind of like have something of hiss. You know, senior year is hard. It's hard to be the president of. That's

what you learned in the war as a woman. So you cut off the year the into your junior, you cut off the principal's ear

catching for the summer. I did not know where. Waas first day schools, fifth

six. I think I thought it was the first

was that wasn't the third. That is the least important detail of the way we started school in September. This think

about the Thursday in August, right? That was the 13 that was like It's almost a product.

That's right. We started on the Thursday the 13 right. That's the way it all started, and I

remember because it's unlucky. Thursday, the 13 e tried. Oh, I don't go out on the only unlucky Every 13 that's been on the Thursday something catastrophic has happened to me. Well, honestly, every 12th it's been on a Wednesday and 11 that's been on a Tuesday is the bad stuff happened for you? The whole month is bad if that's gonna be happening that Sunday, But any whom

could you get us? I eventually

want to not be a female ostrich.

You know, I would love to go back to being Bill crazy, and I don't know about these guys, but I feel like they want their jobs back 200% to It's the only thing I've ever known

is teaching, you know? Yeah, I understand a cz a child soldier in Flanders in that you know, in a way, that's all I knew. And then I had to really, like, relearn how to be regular teenager. You know, I didn't do a great

job because I won

Cut off the damn principles here and kept in my glove compartment.

You've done a great job, okay? With all you've been through, everything

that you've accomplished that this school is incredible.

I just hope that Bradley Cooper is that your war training really came. I mean,

uh, play when all the students were looked in the gym, thanks to time remained dirty bomb. God, that thing was filthy. It was a It was a cartoon Acme bomb, But it was very dirty. Dirty lot of said you blew him up,

haven't you? First clue up. Ah, lot of citizens. You were being very willy nilly

with your fire citizens. There are citizens of the problem. You know. You blew a lot of them try to get

out. But I did get out, didn't I? You did alone. Look, Liam, I miss Hart. I'd look me in my remaining ice. Can

we get a feather in the way? Can we

turn off the mikes for a second? Sure.

One just went back on. I

just want to say I feel really close to you guys right now, and, um if I do have to leave the country, I'm glad that my favorite student can come

too. Thank you so much. Alison, are you okay? Sam, don't kill yourself. Hey, stay

in the country. Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. He's got out of Cool Whip. I don't think you do know Sam's

gonna drown myself in school.

Look, he's got another What scratches him. Special way. Listen, my buddy O j let me borrow his Bronco, All right? This thing goes up to 40 miles an hour.

I can't drive.

Hey, Hey, this is the time. Let's get going. Let's just go.

You

guys got room for an ostrich

in that braca? I hope so, because I would die for I'm done. Let's go somewhere else. That school's about to open up and they're going to catch us in

here. Yeah, we didn't sneak in. If you want to go, if you all want to go get that bronco and drive off in a sense, it I will cut off the principal's other ear.

You'll run interference.

That's right. I will run interference

for you where we went and I don't have anything here. Sam, You're driving.

Yeah. You trust me?

Yeah. Yeah. Can we swing by my house?

Yeah, I'll try.

Yeah. Could we also popped by? I need to pick up something from Target.

Okay. Yeah. Let's make a list of all the stops. and then let's get the hell out of

here. Yeah, I need to, uh, have a karate class. Okay. What's that? One hour, Two hours? Two hours? Okay. I'm going to get beat up by the karate instructor.

What was his name again?

Cooper Scooper. So, yeah, I got a karate class ray karate class

when school opens up. Y'all shouldn't be here anyway, right? Right. It actually doesn't. It literally doesn't matter what I say, will you?

No, no, no. You got

a big a big distraction. Just But I don't really understand. We may have left traces. You know, everybody knows we've been banned from the school, but nobody's going to believe what you pretend like you're gonna kill yourself from karate

s so that I would commit suicide. Yeah, Yeah, do that.

Because that that would be a good distraction. Okay, bring

it up or just make it about me.

No, uh, went our bronco driving away and say that is not them in that bronco wait to leave. Shop yourself in the

three. Maybe I think it just take a take. A lesson from from the performance that you saw it from and just ah, an improvised, Yale, and just draw as much attention as you can away. Okay? We'll swing by my house and grab all of my belongings. Yeah. Uh, yeah, I don't have I don't have much anymore. A few $1,000,000 or something. I'll call my parents, and we can maybe a breeze through the Levi's factory and pick up some disguises and some extra gene.

What's today, huh? What to do with this? There's a officer. Okay? There's a sample sale downtown. I wanted to check out what's just make a quick stop.

Oh, yes. Yeah. Okay, listen, I feel like we have a good plan, okay? Now, let's turn the mike's back on and act as regular guys. What's that, Mr. Leave those buttons on the back of the mikes weren't they Didn't turn the mikes off. No, but I said boot. It doesn't matter. Oh, my gosh. Who's here? It's go time. Stephanie. Stephanie, listen, we're gonna We're gonna sneak through this vent were gonna sneak through this man out of the back of the school theater. The FBI have a dirty bomb.

Okay, We're gonna deport me. Go way Get a new one. Don't tell anybody. Okay, guys, We're gonna talk, Padre for O J. Simpson, please. You don't get off the road texting or something way, O J. I need the Bronco. I thought you said you had it. You had to get the problem. I just need his approval call. Call OJ's bunny. Okay, go. Jae Seo. We're listening to this. Ever started the Teacherslounge way? Really appreciate everybody who supported us for the last few months. Wait. Let's go, Rooth.