Great Grief with Home Economics Teacher - Ms. Smuckers (Lauren Lapkus)

show,

however, run this morning. You Do you know how some people Ah, I was working out. I used to work out later in the day and Ah, you were telling me Go to the gym before you come to work and I am dead. I literally am. Dad, you've

been laying down this whole time. You going laying on the floor? I mean, I'm going to do at least the first half hour laying

plank style on my back on the floor. Now, I said, I work out fasted, and you say you like toe workout stuffed. You eat a big oil. Well, yeah, I I saved last night that they say fast. So I fasted last night for dinner, and then I got up this morning and I ate my dinner offense. And then I ate breakfast, and then I went to the gym. So you had two meals. Pregent? Yeah. I had a Creole stew. Gumbo were real snow a Creole stew. What is it? What's

the difference between a gumbo?

What? There are assorted things from New Orleans in it, necessarily. Food, items and trumpets. There's a There's a trumpet flavor is really making a stock Yeah, You have to make a Creole stock. A man in a hat there is? Ah, yeah. There was a van playing jazz, uh, near the taste of New Orleans. And I threw up. I threw up in the jam, but they said that's what's good. That

trader said that was good.

Uh, when no one No one said it was good at the GM, everybody said, Oh, yeah, get out of here. Uh, just to clean that up before you leave, Um oh, yeah, You got it wiped on your machines and you clean up before you leave. That's just Jim edit. It is genetic. And I did not realize you're to learn you leaving my throw up behind me and I was cleaning the machines, but I was leaving my mind. Um, but yeah, I am. I'm not in good shape. So I'm gonna continue to work out at night late at night, like I usually do. Yeah, I think that's probably

good. Well, we're recording o grief. Uh,

everybody grieves grief. You've

got a jealous little recording.

I'm sorry. Ok, look. Oh, good grief. Welcome to the grief is sometimes good. You know that? Yeah. My When my Nana passed away. I really relished in that grief. And it was good grief,

was it? What? What would you say? That grief got you?

Um uh, you know, it got me. Well, I won the lottery when I was grieving. That's good. That was good grief. That's a grief. I was the best grief on

you. Have you have a bad time? With luck generally, right? Yeah. You could

say I have bad luck. Um, yeah. My luck is not on my side. Um, will be. Look, ladies, look, um, but anyway, never mind might

work. Well, I think the doing an intro to the episodes. Probably a moot point at this point. Uh, thank you all so much for tuning in again. Uh, of course. This is the teacher's lounge on, and I, as always, um Howard Levis.

Hi, Bill. Crave e. That's right. That's right. Well

yourself, Bill gravy now. No, I don't have any hard

anymore. Bill gravy. It's to track coach now. Yes. Track coach?

Yep. Sam. Weatherman, Head of Motivation department. Going well, Feeling good. Hope everyone out there is smiling today.

Todd Todd, Padre Women's studies. Wow,

election. We had this week. That student resident was elected this week. I'm glad it's over because that campaign was divisive. It's

What an

true. It's true. Ah, Heather. Heather Marcum. Uh, ad. She ran ads on local television. Ah, a lot of people said it was. Ah, it was. She used her parents money. Yeah, which is proven. The records show she used

to it. The end of that. It says this ad was paid for by my parents. She's

very up front about it. And I think people thought it was ah, you know, just something they've never seen before. Thought she was gonna bring something else to the table.

Really called out her opponents, Um jumpiness. Yeah, that was the most of the Aso.

Exaggerated his way, she said he weighed £420. He's four foot 10. There's no way that he waits for

his height. Not is Wait your turn. Your illegal Midge.

Well, well, you know, we don't like to talk about the students that way, but I know what you mean. If this were an adult campaign, that would be fair game. But since it's the students, we don't want to talk about students. That's true

And, of course, obviously her her. The ad she put in the newspaper last week is the reason we had enough money to print enough copies. We printed 300,000 copies and sent them around the country as, ah, as a first step towards

you just chose addresses to send this to right. You did not have us?

Yeah, we started. Just went into public records and stand out 300,000 copies of the school newspaper to various.

So would you say this is

a win for your ah, this past week for you? Your goal, of course. Or your promise to the school, uh, board members was that you were going to get the school newspaper up and running again and also get it nationally. Circular,

circular. It would be a win. However, we received 9 400,099 copies back. Now that return to sender.

Usually when I get mail that I don't want to throw it away, it would take an active effort, you know, send something back.

Most copies came back with a post it on them. Sit letter, A letter of some sort, that step of a single Post it note with just this ain't for me. Uh uh. I'm from Hawaii. The hell is this, uh, last sort of thing. Honestly, I didn't know people who would have such harsh opinions about receiving a newspaper that's irrelevant to them. Yeah, but people around the country don't seem to want to read about issues pertaining to our high school.

Well, I thought your marketing campaign was genius. I mean, who doesn't love a free sample? Exactly. Every time I go to Costco and I get those free samples, I'm always buy in the full pack. Absolutely. Yeah.

And, you know, I hope

those are free.

Have you been doing it cause you leave money? Yeah. I pay for those. You don't. They usually say free

sample here. You want some

tea? There's a little domo are

There's just a little dome lady and a hair net standing inside of a dome

village. The little container. Sometimes it's just a dose like one of

those igloos. And they have dogs in your backyard

and you just throw money in there? Yeah,

I get the dome lady money. I thought it was to free her from the dome. No, no, No, no, no, no. You think that lady is surely in a dome and you're tryingto do you try to fight to get her out? No, no, Izzy, I get a slice of cheese and say, Here's a few bucks. I hope you make it out of

you. But we're a slice of cheese. Even if that was the right thing to do,

That's too much money to pay for. A slice

of these ladies are gentlemen. Man can pass out. I learn that. So your class was with you when you

went to Costco to fight misogyny? Well, yeah, uh, my class has been following me around kind of showing me the air, your ways to remind our listeners You currently teach women's studies class as a man who is struggling with women's issues. And the class really teaches you. Yeah. I live my life and they say, Here's where you're wrong. It's the best way to learn. Yeah. And Costco was one of them where I kept calling the fella that was doing it. A lady on they said, No, no, guys can work this job too. I said,

I love that. They really let you make your mistakes. Yeah, they're not there to prevent him. They're just They're Thio.

You gotta let a toddler touch the hot stove and they don't touch the hot stove.

First thing. Everybody you want. Women. Good touch. Hot seven. Yeah. Only turns out man can touch. Hot stove is

I think you got out. You means you.

Yeah, that's where I met and we stuck to it on. And I appreciate that Solidarity stick into that mispronunciation, um, on my buddy's always got my back, But listen, So you tried to get some fertilizer from the back of Costco and an A and a Ah, a woman in a, um a, uh, weight belt. I wanted to help you, and you refused. Is that you said no. Let's get a man in here. Yeah, well, I said I got it, Uh, you know, or if there's a man that can help out, I want to be a gentleman and not make a lady lift that right? And my class told me No, that's you dehumanizing woman and saying that, like, eating can't do the same job and women are equal. And I said, Wow. Thank you. Dates. Uh, it's been pretty good. Now our last going with Maria? Yeah. You met her yet are still dining here. It was a catfish. I was dining near her. You're catfishing a woman named Maria Catfish Me, It turns out wait. Things worked out, though. I was furious at first, but then she got me into competitive tickling. And I tell you what I had not about, but I have become a star in the world of competitive tickling. No. Yeah.

Really? Yeah. But now you've seen the

HBO documentary Tickled No. Right. No. Oh, no. Oh, wait. No, I did see that you did. I could see how you could think these air related. Um who, Uh, who are you working for? You know who's behind all this? Uh, this There's a lot of kind of saggy old man on set filming everything but the I'm working for, You know, sports media. I mean, who do n b A players work for on.

And this can't be the same thing, because actually, David D'Amato, who tickled is about actually just recently passed away. So this must be someone who took

you demand tomatoes. Death has hit us all very hard. All rest in peace. What a good guy. He's a great, great man. Yeah, look him up. This is different people timing down and tickle me. It's a lot of strong man, and I'm sure it Listen, they tickle me and I try not to laugh, and I'm very good at it. You don't laugh rarely.

No, I don't. Now being good

at Is it not laughing or eventually breaking with a big check

cars and laughing in a comical

fuzz. The gold. You get the biggest chuckle. There's

two ratings you get rated on amount of time, not laughing on then. Also, best trickle. Uh, and I apparently have a say chuckle with their whole throat like you just did chocolate jungle. I mean, I don't know. That's just how the word is said Chuckle. All right, we're all agreed.

I watch. I don't want your stuff recreational or anything, but I have seen the tickle documentary. These guys are operating young guys normally.

Yeah, they're young, sort of Twinkie attract and often in the documentary classified as underage. Oh, really? Yeah, Well, these guys are over 18. I guarantee it. How are your videos doing? I don't know how the videos were doing, but I'm winning. The competition matters. I mean, I imagine people are into it because they keep asking me back. They pay me the $15 afterwards. 1500 You mean No. No. 15 dogs now get dollars. You take your clothes off because I have seen you without your shirt on, and it looks like I'd say a Harry E T. That's very hairy. E t. Yeah, Well, I do take my clothes off. And, uh um, I think that there is a set of people who thinks that's attractive. You know, it took me a while. I set. Yeah, you know, 333 matching people. Okay. Yeah. So but I think I'm doing a lot of doing really well in that field. I think I'll try to convince the school to do competitive tickling here because it's very fun. I don't know if you should bring that out right now when we're

on our tenant. Yeah, I feel like that's Ah, that's not something that you do when you're on probation. It's a risky move.

Okay. What? You know, history was made by risk takers.

Well, you know. Yeah. I don't know if you're getting as much out of this is your putting in. But I'm proud of you for going for it. Yeah. Who else tries to be a professional athlete at 77 ripe years old, you know? Yeah, that's pretty good. Now you sponsored for this.

I am sponsored by feathers.

Now, Feathers. What's what company is that?

Uh, I'm not just in general. Big feathers in general or milk. Oh, are are huge feather. Oh, yeah. There's a lot of money. There's a big feather lobby on the powerful in Washington.

Wow. Yeah, Yeah. You don't think that feathers really have, ah, sort of industrial backing that other commodities would?

Well, when I transitioned back into a human from being an ostrich, I did save all of my feathers. So if you ever if you ever wanna, uh, if you ever need some feathers, I do have those for sale. I didn't donate those two feathers for love for birds that air sick. Yeah, um, now, birds that lose their feathers from chemotherapy now? No, I didn't, um I just thought

it's probably not too late

if you wanna You know,

I've been put on eBay on been getting zero bids for years now, but I just stick with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna keep relisting it. It's a It's a 30 bucks a month to keep relisting. Now, Mr Weatherman, the school is a buzz after your your little motivational assembly, Everyone is walking around with a smile on their face.

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. You know, I got Thio. I got to get to the whole school three at a time in the big boiler room. I was I mean, we were in there. We crank the heat all the way up, and we dealt with some issues.

So you did this this speech, Um, about 400 times because it was three at a time. You were doing a small audience approach

Really personal. Yeah. I mean, ideally, you know, you'd like a bigger space, you know? I mean, if you've seen Tony Robbins, my mentor, he kind of rents

out a whole convention. Ridean, calm down. Yeah, but your philosophy is packing as many people into a tiny space.

Right? Well, I've kind of had to bend my desires to what they'll give me. You know, the school doesn't trust me fully yet, so I could only get the gender to give me the boiler room.

Right. But you took lemons, made lemonade. You've invented this kind of big crime motivation.

That's exactly you know, you get in there, and when we're in comfort when we're as we already are, we can't see what else is out there. You know what I mean? And to get healthy, you gotta break your pattern. So we get in that boiler room, we can't crank it up to about 1 50 You sweat out those emotional at you. It's integrated, right? They're quick. That so? I don't know what the

trench think that in the multiple? Hundreds of degrees.

Maybe we'll start. What did I say? Too high of a number Way. Crank the boiler up to that. I don't know that we haven't tested the air temperature in there. So you know the boilers hot because he's gotta

provide very similar to Tony Robbins. You really break these Children down. You did. You get You get to their fear. There is really perfect choice. I'll

break them down. These kids come in excited, thinking. You know,

I don't

know if I need this. I'm just here because I get the period

you actually uncovered? Ah, Phew! You know, issues at home for a couple of kids where, of course, Timothy Johnson. He was beating his parents.

That's right. That's right. And I uncovered that, Uh, the parents are very thankful that no, it was he prosecuted are yes, he's well, he's got a lot of to the fullest. Extent of the law is in the process of being prosecuted to the fullest extent alarm that his parents are willing to do so they're going to see how much they can get and and then scale back from what they think is appropriate.

That's great

good for them. I think it's about time that they get emancipated from their son.

Agreed. I agree. He's been ruling with an iron fist. You know, that's what I'm doing. I'm getting into these kids heads and hopefully solving their problems. I've created a few for a couple, but you know, I think mostly it's a good service. And at the end of the day now those air new problems that I could just break down and fix

it. At the end of the day, a lot of people have been helped or hurt, and a lot of people have heatstroke,

and a few people have lost their hair. Yeah, but it's ah. Oh, yes, you know. But

there came out changed, and that's all we can really ask for. You know, people went into this, uh,

Sterling, any type of change. Rather be mental or physical.

Yes. And you'll get a more negative. Yeah, And you also get a free T shirt at the end so everyone should come out changed. You know,

what is that desert looked like in

its gray, And it says I better do it. It says, I better sort of positive. You

yourself that if you don't succeed, there's a consequence from you. You know what I mean? Because if you can't love yourself, you're fucked

want to tell

and it on the back. It says I better do it or l says or

else. And there's a picture of me at my maddest. Yeah, I've

read it, But red face cream in years,

I think I've noticed about a lot of things. You can really it really looks like it used to say Just do it on the shirts and just was crossed out. I better was written into it,

right? Well, I was looking for a good deal, so I bought designer Nike shirts and then put my own good

deal on designer Nike shirt.

I was looking for what? I didn't find

one. You got another bad deal, Bill?

Yeah, I actually Yeah. I went to a premium outlet, and they said we're about to get a shipment in, but we won't give it to you. So I had to go full price. I went down to Barney's and I got a bunch of Just do it. Yeah. Hey, I'm investing in my brand, okay? Got his book jackets. Wait

A judge. Man, you're doing great tonight.

Can I register one complaint about this whole? You may, um, the water fountain Water has been scalding hot. Yeah, well, yeah, but everybody in the room is really the boiler. I can't believe the school even has a boiler room. Yeah, I don't really even know what that is.

Well, you know, we're in an old school.

Yeah, but I will say we've had multiple teachers go to the hospital with burnt teeth on. That's

it Seems well, you know, it seems impossible to go to the hospital. You gonna take birth? That they go? That's right. That's right. These teachers radio. I don't stop and take one second to apologize to this community who had to use the the eyewash machine under science class. And I'm sorry she's in our science class and not to use the I will spray machine. Unfortunately, the water went way up. Oh, no, no, no. She's sightless

that I didn't see her. Yeah, I did see her coming this morning. She's not re adjusted to being blind yet,

but I would also say her real problem might be

emotional, so we'll see. We're gonna

work. I would say maybe she has two problems

now. One's the emotional problem. And also, no one is that she is his mind.

Three blinded to eyes. Yeah, so corrective about that. But we gotta be on the record. Probably

extra, I guess. Because that's true. Yeah, but yeah, it does seem like things are going good in the school. Uh, Alice up? Yeah, and I've actually had a few students apply to write for the paper since your, uh, your seminar? Yes. They said they wanted a funnel their energy into something good on. So I've hired three new, uh, writers for the paper.

I warn you,

some of these kids may not be pursuing their true interest. They are forced to pick something before they can leave the room. So I have had a couple of just quick decisions, so I just want to let you know that some of these might be real paper. Had some of these might be

That's fine, you know, in a real paper. Yeah, I'm looking for paper heads, you know, and they seem to be paper heads. When they came in, was the first question I asked, Are you a paper head? But, uh,

Paris question Mark. It says on the door

on they seem to be interested. And now I've got one work in the cafeteria beat. I've got one on a

lot. What are you looking to find out in the cafeteria? Why don't you just go on

Donny goings on? I mean, they're walking around. They're asking kids

says they're intimidating.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, they're trying to figure out what's going on. I've got a couple kids now in the locker room beat, which is something I'm really excited about. get some of that

locker. Well, listen, if you're looking to bust, may

fuck off. What do you mean, ancient? Okay. I mean, I need all

the help I can get after this week's track. Me.

Look, I know and hate. No, I'm trying to get coverage for that, okay? I'm trying to get

people out to thought you were trying to write a bust. Me for addressing up a cheetah like he goes to this school and having him run the 100 meter

off. You bust him for that, You can fuck all Levi. I'm not gonna bust

anybody here, okay? We're buds. I'm out for the good of the

all four of us. I was Derek Cheatham in doing by. The gentleman Chairman is the star of the tease. I need

this. You pitched him to us and the school as a human being who was a good

a young Jewish student?

Yes. Is gentleman it? Gentleman joined the school right after I

was made head track coach. Uh um

and he's not a cheetah is a Jewish boy who is fast and

is running all of my events and winning them all. But they came back to bite you in the ass last week.

Cheetah man. I don't know

it. What happened? But Cheatham and bit me right on the butt as I was firing the gun. You know, I fire the go do wanna issue an apology that it was a shotgun. I do want to issue that. Right?

Fellas came down and caused a few minor in the industry,

Mr War. A few minor industries colonies popped up. Yeah, the steel industry popped up very quickly at a table with their metal detectors. Just walking all over the track. Feel that that I might go into politics because I am creating jobs in this area, absolutely creating minor and what

industrious school we've got. And I think you got to give that all up to the kids.

an

But, hey, I mean, I'm delivering on my promises. The young, uh, cheetah man is really, really doing a great job for my team. He is.

He beat. Hey, one the track meet. Bye bye for the 100 meter dash by 14 seconds.

Yes. Which he did the 100 meter dash. Finished almost immediately. Yeah, it was

a pretty slow field.

Yeah, Yeah, they're high school kids. They're not at their full potential yet. No, but he really laid him to waste. You'd say

they really he really did. And he didn't run on all fours. And that's Ah, that's a technique I've taught him because I lived on the Savannah for so long and I learned how people run. I will say I've seen I have seen him in synagogue the past few weeks. Uh, he's very Jewish. He's devout. Hey, is gonna I'm going to his rabbi lessons today.

He's a devout Jew. He's

devout. You know how

those those gentlemen with the long curls and the hats are devout? Yes, of course. Way are

devout Jewish person Looks like. Yeah, um,

cough it out. You just gotta let it go.

You gotta let it come

here. Hanging on to your hanging on to it. Let it go.

Hanging on to what? That emphysema. Exactly. I know I got you don't have emphysema. If you believe it. You have. You have swore to cure my emphysema. Um, weatherman. And I appreciate that.

That's not the only thing. As soon as I talked with your emphysema, I'm coming right over to Utah. Wow, because I believe it can happen.

You believe your your motivational speech?

I believe that with the power of positive intention, we can heal our bodies physically including and up to the auto immune disease virus.

Yeah, well, my AIDS is doing all right. Thank you for asking it. Offering Shkreli's cure is helping me, so I feel great if you could cure my body from looking like a hairy eat eat. I would love that. You know, some things are just beyond repair. Have you had a consultation with the plastic surgery? Is that right? Uh, yeah, Well, it was more of ah, reprimanding from the plastic surgeon in a consultation. Oh, yeah, I went in there and they got mad at me for looking How I looked. You waited too long. They said I said you waited way too long and they said we could do something with this, But it's not gonna be perfect with this. Yeah, Yeah, I I left with Sharpie all over my body and you're trying to look like Zac Effron. Is that right? There's an E channel special about that. Ah, young boy who's trying to look like Zac Ephron? He spent thousands of dollars. Is there a young boy doing that? Also? Yeah, It looks like it's a race to the finish, baby. A challenge. Him doing F runoff. Really, That feels like instable a lot

on your plate. You've got a lot to do. If you want to take on a whole nother challenge

and you feel like this is too much to also add this to what I'm doing, I'll

say, I'll say this. You got a lot going on. I just think that maybe you should pick your battles here.

What do you want

to pick right now? What do you want to do? What you want

a big to do? For the next few

weeks, I can absolutely juggle being a competitive tickler, running the women's studies program and learning about women having AIDS and being best friends with Martin Shkreli and competing with a young boy like Zach after.

That's a challenge. I'm willing. I'm willing to bet on. Let's see, let's see how you do over the next few weeks.

You know what they say about all successful people right before they succeed. They way overload themselves, and I am so proud of you

over simplify over promise on uniform. That's what I'll say.

We deliver on that. We over promise and under deliver, and we deliver every time that promise. Sometimes we overdeliver and that's us not under delivering. And that's a problem. I can't follow that.

Fuck off, Bob. Yeah, that's right. Get blow,

Right. Well, guys, as always, we've got a guest on the show today. We're really excited to have her, uh, tough to book her busy. She's busy and she's got after she's really sought after she's got a lot going on on. She is everyone's favorite and only home act teacher here. Hamilton. Miss Smucker's

Mr Unca y'all which you know Not that great.

You're not that great.

One trail, right?

No, you You are struggling right now a little

bit. Have a wired shut. Yes, it's an accident that I had but artillery General, Come on. Your show. Yes. Still eyeing another week.

E mail this This morning you said I've been in a terrible accident. Um, I'm very hurt. My jaw is wired shut. But I am gonna make this commitment.

I want a cat.

Yeah. Now, just so everybody knows just every knows. What do

you want a cat or you want to check You saying shut like French for cat or you saying in English you would like to chat with us?

I took the shot alone. A chair walrus. Understood. And

now it's just Everybody knows what did happen. You actually, you were checking your mail on and you leaned out to grab 1/4 off the street and a car just clipped it on the chin.

Well, I'm not only diet Wish some of them horrible kids cooked. They were coming. Order Black law. Male locks down your crack, You in the know, and then we just say, a summer Kiska straight down a sewer and guess she starts on your street and away. We went out and then write down the sewer because it was raining and they all got in a little little little puddle on that. Went right down the story, and I stuck my head down there. I got stuck for two hours. Good, cause I see most are a lot of your teeth are back. Did you come back in

and found? Okay, workshop them back

in. Gotta keep Linda of the Margate shutting. And don't grow back to go and you know, have you seen a professional

yet? Are you kind of just doing this all on your

life? You know,

I do know that

no ever have people coming here telling me what to do. For years I've had Martha Stewart trying to teach me how to teach. I'll mech. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, Master,

I will say the right spirits. You write famously turned down an apprenticeship to Martha

Stewart. Famously. Yeah. Long school looked really, really It's the stuff of legend. Said I won't work with a felon. No. Well, but I don't like that She broke the law of all. And no, I don't think she's good because you've seen me tie a fitted sheet, and they're not.

Have I seen you tie a fitted sheet or

not? I have not. Well, it's good.

It's good. It's good.

And why would you wanna tie fitted cheating and not

store you dumb shit? Are you well

know? There You coming? You aggressively Come on, people. And it sounds That was that Was you coming on to Mr Weatherman

one if you want to go out.

Oh, uh, wow, I Maybe when you're better maybe

you just You seem like you're can't give your vote Yama Lor clich? You're still

bit. And you seem like

bleeding a little

you're in your right mind.

You're on medicine. He doesn't know if you're in your right mind.

I know I am, but I am well, and good luck. It's still suck your dick, Lee. This whole large are shot happen out

there is a little bit of play

that Let me guess your diction. Biggest pencil.

Well, I mean, I don't know where you heard that. Yeah, it's a matter. No way.

Don't need to talk aboutthe

heard it. You're not gonna like it. Y'all what? Where? You know, the burn book Burn burn book. But it was signed by the author

was the office. It seems like you're setting up some heavy drama

here. Well, look great

comfort we teach. Come on, don't do this. I d o

12 9 12 Well, guess what? This guy was intent. Great.

Okay, well, I don't know what she's talking about. This guy who was in 10th grade a Q Was

this Timothy Johnson? The But yeah, it was the boy who you

outed as a parent abuser.

Well, there's burning. You saying Yes? Yes, we see what's going on,

boy cried. Pair, Phil. Yes. Proved wrong. No, I say pull your dick out right now. Okay, stop body right under here for about one notch and pull your dick out. Well, now you are You, you you body shaming.

Here's what I think. Yeah. Why have you learned something about body shaming? Why's that? Is shaming people for 72 years. Are you 73? I look 100.

You were one. You insulted somebody. Well, his first word was fat Mommy. He

looked at his look, his mother up and down and just said fat.

Wow. It's okay to have a Penis that's the size of a pencil, you know? Okay, first ideal. I'll address that. Hitler had a micro Penis. Everybody said

that was so funny. Yeah, apparently so mad dues. Yeah, because they're cutting off their peanut for fun. That's what he said. I'm not a little one. I wish I could cut him off. Yeah, I can't

do it. Well, I just want to say, you know, it's not true. You know, the size of of my personal area is not to be discussed, But

I heard you got a small butthole, too.

Well, are you okay? And that's really what we're all turning on old Say, Listen,

I'm sorry. I'm just We're just quote in the burn book we get here,

Malik. And look, I found it in the dumpster. I'm sure they're All of us have penises that were not entirely enthused.

Hate one. Yeah,

we all have issues.

I wasn't even aware, but But that's okay. That's a good

line. Looks like what? Gas?

Uh, long and thin.

No, that's yours.

Well, I guess that's what I was thinking.

It looks like a bishop. Like a chess piece. Yeah,

it looks like a tooth. Oh,

no. Vampire. Just a normal to you got teeth on the brain.

Yeah, And I also would say that's

it. You know, it's a clit. Yeah, I was gonna

say I was gonna say what you're describing. Sounds to me like

you always tricked us into thinking that you have a Penis. And then you describe your clear again. This this conversation is you're always tricking us.

You got times. Have you had us again? You had it in the bombing around. You have a Penis.

Oh, God. What? Just a long work around for that old Penis clip trick again.

A low, y'all. Yeah. We have you

to miss markers. We really D'oh!

Mr. Rucker is now you. You have the kids making curtains this week. Is that true for my house?

Beautiful. Beautiful. Most of the kids in

your class renovate your house for you, and that's ah,

don't a good little job, the good little elves.

So you have You have these students bring in something, you know, they bring their own material, they find what they like, but it just ends up in your

house. Well, I asked them for the curtain exercise to bring in a mama's old wedding dress. I kind of Miss Havisham going on Israel. So you're

the lightest now, all blocked by old wedding. So

you probably still have some nice, bright, like white curtains. I mean, you're just you're you're causing, uh, you're not blocking out any son.

Oh, no, They're getting you little yellow already. I got a lot of cats, you know, wouldn't cats it when you got cats and you smoke non stop like a chimney. You know, everything starts to turn yellow right cat piss and a Tim and the smoking could make everything. Yeah, yeah, It hurts to smoke with this job. Let me tell you my teeth holes be getting infected. I could tell quickly. That's a quick

you're You're too. You should really see a professional. Um

well, I want to see you in a month, and you're gonna tell me I look better than I did ever before. Well, I mean, you you

famously fell down the stairs at school, famously, and, um, I honestly don't think

your arm healed. Right? Okay, First of all, I didn't fall out. Which push? Okay, you've been trying

to You've been trying to film a documentary based on the staircase based on you getting pushed down the hall on the staircase,

the school if their case. But, you know, I had them kids who came over, and it was the same kids hit was a baseball that they were hanging up signs for student council and they were reason put friends. They put a bent over to pick it up again. These another one pushing. But I fell all the way. Rolley Rolley rolling down four flats. My arm got caught in the railing but my body kept going so it twisted. Nobody twisted my arm, didn't twist

right hyper extended all the joint

yet So it's still hanging back behind me and I'll walk with it right behind it. It's quite

long. I would I would are maybe half again the link that was

You know where? I don't know

if there is a rule against this, but you would be fantastic in the baton. The four way time for my 100. Because your hand is perfect to grab the baton, we could get Cheatham in. Ah, you cheat Ammen, hands it off to you

How well something tell you about that little treat? A man What is that? Not only will first someone thinks he's a cheat A man Not what Cheetah? What a teeter!

Oh, he cheats! He's a cheater! You cheated on me. You were you You were in a relationship.

I tell you what he told them that he says And let me tell you we had a saying and it was good and it felt great. Yeah, his Chita dick it That is a Jewish day. Okay, now this would be run. Yes, I think he's got something up his sleeve. The zoom, the right path. And also, his skin is yellow with black spots.

But your racing days over the age of 80?

Yeah. No. Okay. Probably cheated on me. And I'll tell you,

who do you cheat with?

I'll tell you with

whom. So you were dating a student? A Jewish student

way. Had a feeling I wouldn't say dating. Right? What? I was disappointed when I heard you slept with someone else. I'm gonna tell you she's over ages. Well,

she's over over age as in over

18 shed. All right, team.

Is she over 40? He up? Is she over 50? Oh, none over 60 0 yeah. OK, well, is she 100? No. Okay. 110. Yes, she's 100 and 10 years old. Now I know exactly who this is because she's the oldest living woman in the counting.

And the world?

Yes. Yes. The 120 year old man just died and she was visited by Guinness. First thing they fucking showed up for in this guy town. Those sons of bitches

I open hooping for four years. They'll take over here. You're currently holo way it is is not even fucking here at those cowards. Missed opportunities of 100%. I'm you. I'm were calling out

Guinness right now. We dare you to show up here. We got so many records at this school

who You just got to come see him with their own God. I

cannot wait to visit the Guinness Book of World Records Store on Hollywood Boulevard. Gorgeous store

going to go there? Yeah, it's one of that's where our vacation every summer. What are you gonna get? I'm gonna look at the world's tallest man, and I'm gonna get

some. Uh, I'm probably going to get the world's smallest

souvenir designed man working the store. Yeah, the world's tallest man. They got him

there. It's not a wax figure of him. He is there and he is sick.

How tall is he? He's eight foot nine and detail?

Yeah, his pituitary gland. Pituitary secretary is fucked up. It's big and bulging on his head.

I'm sorry I interrupted your

story of Ah, Chairman cheated on you with the 110 year old war. You have to Gloria. Sternum is

her so mad I could pop rocks through these wires. Don't D'oh! Yourself may think

white is not gonna break you

circling the dream. Oh, shit. Shit, They're Some of your changes

went down the drain, and here I was always spilled a pot of coffee.

I'm gonna try to get down there. Don't don't. It looks like

it's barely a dream. She's She's going after it like they did in Apollo 13 when he dropped his wedding. Also be drugged her wedding radio

down too far. You're going to get into the lake. Runoff water. That's probably scalding hot for my watch

out. Oh, good. You're your one remaining hand. I get stopped blinking my miss, are you? It's about hanging from its actually feel like Roger Ebert. Go way You like movies?

You look because you

don't know about movies, right?

Yeah. Anything movies on the brain,

Just like Roger.

We'll miss markers. You know, you You do still You are, you know, actively teaching in the school. Is there any any lesson you're currently working on that you you'd like to sort of inform us or anyone else about interesting?

Just one little thing. First of all, anybody can cook, man, woman, child brought anything at all

woman child by a woman should cook when she's in her wedding dress at her wedding, I think.

Bracket, bracket, kick. Adam, you famously

cooked at your wedding. Your first wedding? Yeah,

first of five, but yeah, famous. Don't cook to the first. Never do that again because you

ran the gator ring at your first wedding

husband. We got, lad. Who? He got divorced from me. Way. Yeah. Look, discussing No, I

mean no. No. Well, look, and we see it.

What do you see?

Uh, two teeth. Some blood before two ton. That's normal. That's the one thing we do recognize. Jazzy, chapped lips away. You were one of the first people to get the fork turn and try Thio tongue and tryto turn yourself into

a lizard. But I was trying to look because I'm gonna tell you. First of all, guys get bored. So you got to keep him interested when you feel that little two sided tongue on you won't know what?

Oh, I see. So you tried something in the bedroom, bedroom and bathroom you like? Despite

the battery, I like this one with the magic. It's usually the bedroom where the magic happened? Not tonight.

Yeah, well, we didn't teach your cribs. You should run dress and you got to the that sermon said, Now, this is where the magic

and your bathroom was really packed, packed, full of stuff.

I sleep in the tub. No pillow needed when he got hair like mine.

You have be a lot of hair

way. We say it's matted.

a case on it. A pillowcase is a

Yeah, and there is

pillowcase on your hair. You look a little bit like the pope, but with huge comfort here,

I feel a bit like when you say

a little bit like the pope, you are dressed exactly like

the time the boat

were nice, but that is a good That's a card here.

Hope I gotta confess. Uh

Oh, my God. Your

Highness, Huh? Avon, The pope. Be able regret Papa Bell wires. Yeah, Josh, just hanging in the most uncomfortable. Why? Right back

up here. There's some chicken wire. Use it.

I am a master seamstress.

There you go. She's putting her head in a heap. Eso es wishing our foot pedal pretty efficiently.

Wow. Uh, come back.

You feel better now?

Yeah, I feel like whenever Scissorhands got stitches in its mouth. No, from hocus pocus from that dead guy gets record. Yes. Play pop, open its mouth home. He's like, Are you are Roger Ebert gave a thumbs up and thumbs in. You give it two thumbs in. Go to Stonehenge. In what? In it's up to the viewers.

All the viewers out there picture something in your own

mind on Don't make us do all the work for

you. Imagine something tweet at me with what you imagine you

and your Twitter handle is

at mission smokers. But fucker got or oh, that's why I

can't find you Because there should not be a dot in your Twitter and all right, I guess there can be They're definitely can. It can be It misses smokers, but fuckers dot org's that what? Itwas

that's what it was. Get toilet school at getting

No, no, no, no. You were You, uh you're You got banned from Twitter, right?

Just I know you're not a 90. Ah, Poulos. What's his name? Page My idol. Milo. Yeah, I got band just like him. Could have released some nude photos from my show. People were upset.

You are you are you hacked yourself

in more ways than one. How did

you have you dealt with, like getting rid of that scandal? Because, you know, there's a certain member in the of the group of us here who's tryingto get ah, scandal toe sort of get out of his past. You have any any tips on how to get past? Ah leaked news?

You're talking about the time you leaked Anthony Weiner's nude photos? Yes, I'm talking

about So you're the one, Dude, I think

we'll know. He's not the first leaker He really liked Anthony's Wiener Felicity. To his man, it's really too complicated to go. You have to listen to all these is Woman. What would your advice be to someone who's been scandalized

and wants to get Get beyond

it? I would say to start a new couldn't do yourself a new name moved to a new town New Twitter handle in a new email to go their new name, Little match just for convenience. That's remember so much. You know, when you start line, it's hard to remember what you say

that is true. You're in line,

so you've given yourself a whole new identity before wear you want.

Before she was Miss Smucker, and now she's Miss Smucker's. Oh,

yes. Tiny changes. Because I made a big change the first time. And it was hard and confusion for people to catch on Now. Originally, my name was Remember that company that made that store early? Peanut butter and jelly?