Seekers' Lounge
Auto-transcribed
0 of 578 lines edited (0%)
s03e02

Burning Questions with Janitor Eddie Klueger (Paul F. Tompkins)

Originally aired: September 13, 2017

The teachers discuss the first week of school at Swine High, flying in athletes and investing in Shitcoin. Then school janitor Eddie Klueger stops by to break down the history of his unfortunate condition.

0:00:01 Unknown

classes out. And Carl?

0:00:32 Unknown Speaker #1

Uh oh. Pull out couch back.

0:00:35 Unknown Speaker #2

Oh, yeah. Scared. This is

0:00:36 Unknown Speaker #3

going, uh, let's clean up this the

0:00:38 Unknown Speaker #1

same exact one. Or is this a replica?

0:00:41 Unknown Speaker #4

This is a

0:00:41 Unknown Speaker #1

replica of our first pullout couch. You know that you were sleeping on for a little while, right? Those were the bad days. That was about whether bad days

0:00:52 Unknown Speaker #3

things were better. Now, though, it's, you know, you

0:00:54 Unknown Speaker #1

know, I don't live with my wife, but I'm in a house. That's good. That's good. Yes, Graham. But now this is pull out. It makes me want to sleep here again. I've been eventually been poorly. I've been on a one of those mattresses, this space ones space technology. Yeah. That's

0:01:11 Unknown Speaker #4

like the ones

0:01:12 Unknown Speaker #5

you have a foil space taking

0:01:14 Unknown Speaker #3

things that hangs from the ceiling. And you kind of sleep like a bat.

0:01:17 Unknown Speaker #5

Yeah, well, no. I sleep upside

0:01:19 Unknown Speaker #3

down like a bat.

0:01:21 Unknown Speaker #5

Do they sleep upside down?

0:01:22 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah, Well, that's bats fashion, You know that.

0:01:27 Unknown Speaker #5

Uh, but yeah, that's why I'm in one of those. And I just a head is huge every morning. Oh,

0:01:35 Unknown Speaker #1

yeah. The rest. Yeah, correct. That can use you here. Do you see by hearing?

0:01:42 Unknown Speaker #5

Um, yeah, kind of like a

0:01:44 Unknown Speaker #3

Dolph. What happens if I do this? I

0:01:48 Unknown Speaker #5

know that you're two feet away from

0:01:49 Unknown Speaker #3

a wow. You weren't even looking at me.

0:01:52 Unknown Speaker #1

We are recording pretty close to each other. Yeah, yeah, um, but quite the space here that we may have Maybe usedto have. You know,

0:02:00 Unknown Speaker #3

now you know. Hey, and that's a You guys know. I'm I'm working on finding us a good spot to record. And, you know, we won't have to be in the

0:02:06 Unknown Speaker #1

closet too much longer, Have you? Ah, so you're you're thinking about kicking somebody out of the computer lab? Are,

0:02:14 Unknown Speaker #3

uh yeah. You know, I think it's probably a useless skill at this point to try to teach kids how to use a computer, right? They all know how we could just you know, you don't right now. Yeah. You could just You could just give him I think

0:02:26 Unknown Speaker #5

we should turn that computer lab until, like, a, uh, a coffee roaster or something. That's what everyone's doing right now. First coffee's

0:02:34 Unknown Speaker #4

what does every good campus half chill? Coffee.

0:02:38 Unknown Speaker #5

Very chill, coffeehouse. A meeting of the minds.

0:02:41 Unknown Speaker #3

That's a good idea, you know, and we could even we could have students do internships and work there.

0:02:45 Unknown Speaker #4

Sort of Socratic seminars in there.

0:02:47 Unknown Speaker #1

We can t open mikes and put our names at the top to toe.

0:02:51 Unknown Speaker #3

That sounds like a good idea. You guys know I

0:02:53 Unknown Speaker #5

love to hit a mike.

0:02:56 Unknown Speaker #4

I do feel that way again so hard lately, we're due for a little

0:03:00 Unknown Speaker #3

crucially, and I haven't hit it off in a long time. So it would be nice for me. Toe Get up until a story every time. Yeah, you know, I'm so so remember one week of other people having that moth story's title we have. I

0:03:13 Unknown Speaker #1

love that one that one week, where we all came in last at the mall,

0:03:17 Unknown Speaker #5

we tied for worst story. You

0:03:20 Unknown Speaker #3

get a trophy. Either way is

0:03:21 Unknown Speaker #5

well, they said no. The whole rules are no notes and true stories, and we threw both of those out there with We don't say right right.

0:03:30 Unknown Speaker #4

Most of it

0:03:31 Unknown Speaker #5

was one liners written down on a large note cards,

0:03:35 Unknown Speaker #3

and a lot of people said, Guys, guys, this feels like bad stand up and we

0:03:39 Unknown Speaker #4

just like we said it ISS

0:03:41 Unknown Speaker #5

tell that to Mitch Hedberg. We stole these jokes from him. Did

0:03:44 Unknown Speaker #4

you say Mitch Hedberg? Yeah.

0:03:47 Unknown Speaker #3

Mitch Hedberg is Just find that hole. I find that whole act offensive. His Mitch. Mitch Hedberg. Well, I never said just to Oh, God, Guys. Shit. What? You

0:04:05 Unknown Speaker #2

I think

0:04:06 Unknown Speaker #3

maybe I just hit the button with my finger

0:04:07 Unknown Speaker #1

when I sat down. I are sought. You fucking dead? No. Come on, guys, stop Every week we're embarrassed. Okay? Were baring our souls before we think they were

0:04:18 Unknown Speaker #4

yours deep.

0:04:19 Unknown Speaker #5

The last thing people want to hear on a podcast that someone baring their souls.

0:04:23 Unknown Speaker #3

You really want me dead

0:04:25 Unknown Speaker #1

right now? I feel like I want you to just now. That's

0:04:28 Unknown Speaker #3

interesting. Well, thanks for tuning in to the teacher's lounge. Everybody theme. The first, best and only podcast for the greater swine high school community. I, of course, am your host Howard Levis, head of administration and academics here at the school. Uh, and I'm looking to have

0:04:47 Unknown Speaker #2

a good day.

0:04:50 Unknown Speaker #1

Oh, there, there, Howard.

0:04:52 Unknown Speaker #3

I'm fine. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm

0:04:54 Unknown Speaker #1

coward. You You need to get your mental state in check. If you're gonna be running this school, we can't have some guy crying up there. The pulpit.

0:05:02 Unknown Speaker #3

It's not every day that your friends tell you that they want you to die, all right? And I'm gonna cry at the pulpit every day if I want to. Okay? I like

0:05:10 Unknown Speaker #5

it. Everybody wants someone to go up to the pulpit and just give a state of affairs to everybody and a little bit of a religious breakdown of the week. We don't want to see tears. You're up

0:05:19 Unknown Speaker #1

there in your you're, um you're white collar. And your schmuck

0:05:25 Unknown Speaker #4

did you say you want to cry at the pulpit? Yeah. What

0:05:29 Unknown Speaker #3

crimes? Cathartic man. You know, I spend my whole life we

0:05:32 Unknown Speaker #2

at we all

0:05:32 Unknown Speaker #3

spend our whole lives just sitting there, bottling it all up. You know, sometimes I watch a sad movie and just bawl my eyes out at night. What's the last movie you cried out, Old Yeller? This well,

0:05:45 Unknown Speaker #2

this morning

0:05:45 Unknown Speaker #3

I got up at 5 32 Sam got a viewing of Old Yeller and to get some tears flown. Guys, there's nothing weird about that. Jesus one.

0:05:53 Unknown Speaker #3

that somebody else introduced themselves instead of you guys just roast in my abs. Now this whole pot,

0:05:53 Unknown Speaker #2

Is

0:05:58 Unknown Speaker #5

just one quick question. Does that make you say, because it reminds you of when your dog shot you?

0:06:06 Unknown Speaker #3

God, I don't want to think about it now. It's like opposite your life, that movie. You know, it's my fault for leaving the gun on the couch

0:06:13 Unknown Speaker #4

and you're just brushing your teeth. I would also say it's your fault for training him so good.

0:06:18 Unknown Speaker #3

It will say use trained is an understatement. If I trained him good, he wouldn't have shot me. I wouldn't trade him well enough to be Oh, everybody knows

0:06:28 Unknown Speaker #1

that when you get a puppy, you train them how to pee on the pee pads and immediately how not to shoot you.

0:06:33 Unknown Speaker #4

That's just part of have I

0:06:36 Unknown Speaker #3

wanted to focus on a few other tricks. Shake, handshake, roll over. He'll eat. You know,

0:06:43 Unknown Speaker #4

Thio, shake and handshake. You don't just shake around.

0:06:47 Unknown Speaker #5

Well, were you talking to shake weight?

0:06:50 Unknown Speaker #3

I talked my dog to shake weight. Uh, that was tough. You know, I had

0:06:55 Unknown Speaker #1

to immediately teach my dog. How did not rob a convenience store? Because when you

0:06:59 Unknown Speaker #2

get him right

0:07:00 Unknown Speaker #1

out of the

0:07:00 Unknown Speaker #4

pen that walk around in there

0:07:01 Unknown Speaker #1

and hold that place up. Right?

0:07:03 Unknown Speaker #5

And you know, some people Excuse it if they're a dog lover, but you rob a cat person in a convenience store manager. Yeah, everybody. I'm Todd Padre. Arts and religion on campus. New addition. Religion. Yeah, I kind of decided to merge it cause our is religious for me, and I'm trying to discover myself through religion. And so that's the experience.

0:07:27 Unknown Speaker #4

Now explain your

0:07:28 Unknown Speaker #1

look to us right now. Where

0:07:32 Unknown Speaker #4

is it? Rabbi? Pope? Rabbi, I say that See about it is I see both

0:07:38 Unknown Speaker #3

motifs. Yeah, and no,

0:07:40 Unknown Speaker #5

it's not Buddha. Just put on some pounds lately.

0:07:43 Unknown Speaker #4

Well, you have your belly kind of greased up

0:07:45 Unknown Speaker #3

and out of that and you're sitting cross legged with your hands on your knees.

0:07:50 Unknown Speaker #5

Yeah, well, that's my most comfortable position,

0:07:54 Unknown Speaker #4

but the way you're dressed

0:07:55 Unknown Speaker #5

I was on an oily slips. Wait,

0:07:58 Unknown Speaker #4

You got up this morning to do slip inside? Yeah,

0:08:00 Unknown Speaker #5

we all cry different ways in the morning. I go down and oily, slip and slide.

0:08:04 Unknown Speaker #4

Well, that's good. You know, we all got to do what we

0:08:06 Unknown Speaker #1

gotta do to come to school prepared. I get that. Yeah, Well, um um muzzle toff and a blessings

0:08:20 Unknown Speaker #5

and good bye Muzzle topping. Arrivederci to you and everybody out there.

0:08:27 Unknown Speaker #4

Don't Don't even don't you just yet. We still got a little more time on the podcast. Yeah. Don't a Reba dare Che? I know you are very bad there, j but do we didn't mean it.

0:08:38 Unknown Speaker #5

Stay right. A river there. Check. Um hi. My name's Bill

0:08:45 Unknown Speaker #3

Crave ee. Ah, I

0:08:47 Unknown Speaker #1

am running the athletic department here at ER Levi's. Well, we

0:08:53 Unknown Speaker #3

probably should clarify Levi's for a one for a one. Isn't a Levi's for a

0:08:58 Unknown Speaker #1

one. Levi's presents for a one gene swine high school for 01 is not Ah, cut. That, um, exists in the Levi's line. But

0:09:10 Unknown Speaker #3

yet it's on. It's on the customer way. Should clarify that the school is sponsored by whatever the newest cut of Levi's. Yes, is, Then we

0:09:18 Unknown Speaker #1

actually Levi's was nice enough to let us design our own because we've all been trying to fit into the 50 ones and 48 fours our whole life. And our body types just don't really, um, work. We have big wastes. No buts. My knees go inward. Your knees My knees go in with my legs. Look funny in those five

0:09:40 Unknown Speaker #5

01 Yeah, Joe, you walk around. You would be Bob Fosse's dream. Really? Yeah. Why's that? All his dancers put their knees in words. Okay, way All want to be Bob Fosse's dream? That's true. Um,

0:09:57 Unknown Speaker #4

but the 401 is actually a cool new cut that will

0:10:00 Unknown Speaker #1

be available this fall. Um, it is, It's it's tighten the waist. Ah, my waist is a high, high waist up over the belly

0:10:09 Unknown Speaker #5

button. What? Some people don't know. I live in this doing costumes for theater. Your waist is not where kids wear their pants these days. It is above your belly. But that's what waist measurement is.

0:10:19 Unknown Speaker #4

Yes, you've got to get

0:10:20 Unknown Speaker #1

your pants up over your belly button so your stomach can kind of like where the zipper is. It should be trailing down your stomach. Right.

0:10:28 Unknown Speaker #4

I think this is sort of a service thing for all the kids. Listen to your parents. Yeah, my dad dresses me, he puts my pants on, and the Hyksos Rydell comes over

0:10:38 Unknown Speaker #1

every morning right through this morning at 5 a.m.

0:10:40 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah, we got up early

0:10:43 Unknown Speaker #1

to dress each other, and I need a little more help than he does. But he's an old man, and

0:10:48 Unknown Speaker #4

so he's got more. He's got more experience making choices. I physically I'm a little bit better. But he's better

0:10:56 Unknown Speaker #1

at making the choices of which close to pick out right right up to me. I'd be wearing two different direction stripes every day. I don't know, right? Yeah, So we

0:11:05 Unknown Speaker #4

got the 40 ones.

0:11:06 Unknown Speaker #1

They got their up over your belly button there, tight through the hip and the and the thigh, and then they boot, Cut out. Bigot. The bottom. Yes, where?

0:11:16 Unknown Speaker #5

So that's the 401401 High waisted boot cuts. Uh, you'll see it in a Levi's near you soon on, and it's a it's not a drop crotch. It's the top crotch. So the crotch goes way up,

0:11:29 Unknown Speaker #4

and now you may be thinking, you know, these pants are a little too expensive

0:11:32 Unknown Speaker #1

at $130 a

0:11:33 Unknown Speaker #4

pair, but depending on your body per leg. Yeah, depending on your body type, you might not need a shirt, so you know, you got a way that thes France are cool. You know very well it's a cool. There's a new feature that we designed, you know, those pants that zip it, the knee. And they kind of can become shorts. Yeah, she's up right down the middle. So if you want to go completely right side Lis

0:12:02 Unknown Speaker #3

and that's why you have to buy that's why you have to buy a pair a pair of them so that you could have won

0:12:07 Unknown Speaker #5

a bolt no more using scissors to cut off the right side of your pants. You're gonna go right side. Once we did that, we did the work for you,

0:12:14 Unknown Speaker #4

So yeah, so we're

0:12:15 Unknown Speaker #5

waiting through just half of a swamp

0:12:19 Unknown Speaker #4

sideways. Uh, these will be perfect for you. Yes. So we got that. That's what

0:12:26 Unknown Speaker #1

are but our school. Also everyone should know will be changing weekly. The sponsor will be introducing a new line of Levi's every week, every week. The school's open and

0:12:36 Unknown Speaker #4

my name is Sam. Weatherman, you know me as the leader of defense and discipline faces

0:12:44 Unknown Speaker #3

a new additions were

0:12:45 Unknown Speaker #4

thought to be defensive is a student because the best defense is a good defense. Yes, Absolutely. Absolutely. No head of defense as And I consider myself the protector of all the kids at this school, and I rule over them and display. Mmm. But I'm also

0:13:04 Unknown Speaker #1

protecting you That against outside forces. Yeah, right. That's right. Because

0:13:08 Unknown Speaker #4

you you have been, um, but this morning we're building

0:13:12 Unknown Speaker #1

a moat. Were you digging a moat? Excuse me?

0:13:15 Unknown Speaker #1

was I was in the tractor. The tractor was digging the moat, but, uh, yeah, where we have a moat.

0:13:15 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah, well, I

0:13:20 Unknown Speaker #4

You're very scared. Somebody's

0:13:22 Unknown Speaker #3

gonna rush this. And we saw how well the moat worked on the safety's Aaron. The Dangerous last time.

0:13:28 Unknown Speaker #4

Listen, I firsthand I have seen what kind

0:13:30 Unknown Speaker #1

of damage a car flying over a curb into a building can do. Okay, I've

0:13:35 Unknown Speaker #4

done it. I've done have 10 20 times. I mean, I've broken through the front wall of sturdy buildings multiple times, and I know where we're vulnerable. I

0:13:44 Unknown Speaker #1

would honestly argue that you are the biggest danger to this school, and the moat should keep you out, right? But I'm not going to.

0:13:53 Unknown Speaker #4

I could I would argue, get argument with you again, and you'd win because I give up because you're my friend. So it's that kind of thing where it's that kind of thing. Where who do you hire

0:14:03 Unknown Speaker #1

to make sure that security is top, not write the best criminal, right? That is so So

0:14:10 Unknown Speaker #4

you wanna hire the most dangerous person you safe? It's a deterrent. Can you imagine

0:14:15 Unknown Speaker #5

how crazy ultimate would have been if the Hells Angels hadn't been there? Yeah, exactly. To kill the stupid hippies that was taking up too much.

0:14:22 Unknown Speaker #3

Exactly. It got out of control it immediately. Sometime. Swift use of force is the most valuable defense.

0:14:31 Unknown Speaker #1

Yes, we used to force against people that are good.

0:14:33 Unknown Speaker #3

I mean, we saw we saw

0:14:37 Unknown Speaker #4

Listen, controls control. Yeah, and someone's gotta have it. Okay, True. And, well, if it's my students a steak, I'm

0:14:44 Unknown Speaker #3

gonna And let's be honest. I mean, uh, the first week of school couldn't be going any better. I

0:14:48 Unknown Speaker #4

mean, we don't

0:14:49 Unknown Speaker #1

need Honestly, it's going unbelievable. Yeah. Howard says swimming

0:14:54 Unknown Speaker #3

swimmingly. It's going swimmingly. Did

0:14:57 Unknown Speaker #2

I

0:14:57 Unknown Speaker #4

say swimming? Leave said

0:14:58 Unknown Speaker #1

swimmingly a lot lately? Yeah, and

0:15:01 Unknown Speaker #3

it is, Yeah. I mean, he's believable. These kids are having a blast. I mean, we've had. We've already had a couple of people throw some pop quizzes and kids are doing great.

0:15:10 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah, we got lines

0:15:11 Unknown Speaker #1

around the block, kids. I want to go to this school. Yeah, there is. Honestly, we have a bouncer out front of the school's at capacity and there's a bouncer out front One in one is showing up in one hour. Um,

0:15:26 Unknown Speaker #5

way we got people. We already got some buzz at the college is about our students. Yeah, we've

0:15:31 Unknown Speaker #3

had people just like, you know, shooting over a little emails, standing outside, asking questions. People are leaving. I mean, it's it's a it's a hot property right now, guys. I mean, we are. We're on fire. I mean,

0:15:42 Unknown Speaker #4

I think this is booming, too. We should also say business is booming selling

0:15:46 Unknown Speaker #3

Gene, we're selling jeans. Ah, intuition. Tuition, while steep, hasn't been a deterrent s so far. Um,

0:15:53 Unknown Speaker #4

we are in

0:15:54 Unknown Speaker #1

the hole, but we know we know what we're doing is good, because it's gonna eventually come back. You know how Netflix is is apparently in the red.

0:16:03 Unknown Speaker #3

Sure, but they know it's going to clear their investing in themselves. In their company is the same thing we're doing here. You were

0:16:08 Unknown Speaker #5

spent $18 million on season three of cents. Eight.

0:16:11 Unknown Speaker #3

That's right. We're producing it. We're really excited about that. But we know people are gonna return. 2%. Say wear. Really? Like taking the Netflix model? Absolutely. Because, you know, you got you have to have a draw. You know, kids these days they're always on their phones. They're always want to consume media. We have are staying up

0:16:32 Unknown Speaker #1

on the blue collar guys know we still want them to each

0:16:36 Unknown Speaker #5

do their own special. Yeah, we paid him 40 million each to do back and more racist than ever.

0:16:44 Unknown Speaker #3

I mean, you could say we're playing on the country's theme of xenophobia and we'd say,

0:16:49 Unknown Speaker #4

Ehm Afobe there's a big seam of way Haven't stopped right here in the teacher's. Yeah, we're not afraid.

0:16:59 Unknown Speaker #3

It's gonna be

0:17:00 Unknown Speaker #4

a purpose. Even whenever I want Zima phone. Zima phobia is at an all

0:17:06 Unknown Speaker #2

time. I wake you. I was I

0:17:11 Unknown Speaker #3

was sitting outside my house the other day having a night I was having a nice seamen, had somebody come up into my front yard and knock it out of my hand and punched me in the stomach.

0:17:19 Unknown Speaker #5

Or you know what? You know what that means about them? They secretly love Zima. Yeah, absolutely. So scared,

0:17:25 Unknown Speaker #3

baby. If I had left that seem out on my front porch, they did, they would have taken at

0:17:31 Unknown Speaker #1

least team is going to steal their wife and welcome.

0:17:37 Unknown Speaker #3

Well, yeah, you know, we are. We are again money. We went, he spent We spent a little bit too much money. We thought we had a bottomless piggy bank is getting lighter. Yeah, it's getting a little bit lighter and

0:17:48 Unknown Speaker #4

signed the listeners. What I bought a bank is if you skipped your straight to this episode if you listened to all of last episode a bunch, Yeah. Um, we are

0:17:59 Unknown Speaker #1

currently keeping all of our money in cash in a bottomless piggy bank. And that is a big ceramic pig. Things got his band's mope with no bats and grotesque genitals. And it was, uh, designed and made by my one of my good friends Slob Low Picasso. That's right. That's right.

0:18:19 Unknown Speaker #4

And we're keeping it in room 302 Yes. So you know where it is. And if you want to come and take a crack at it. Let's fucking roll. Because I'm ready. Gloves on. And I got a new billy club. We also you

0:18:33 Unknown Speaker #5

do security on campus, is you. You challenge? Yes. Yeah. Macaulay Culkin

0:18:38 Unknown Speaker #1

is They're guarding the bottomless a piggy bank.

0:18:41 Unknown Speaker #4

So good luck, Robert. Good Look,

0:18:44 Unknown Speaker #3

seriously, but, you know, uh, way spent a lot of money, but we're making money right now, so we're going to be okay. We're not super. Were not true.

0:18:53 Unknown Speaker #4

Not wait, that's all. That's wrong. And it's a

0:18:56 Unknown Speaker #5

lie that shouldn't have been said.

0:18:58 Unknown Speaker #4

I would say we're making money, but it's at a much slower rate than we're spending. I don't think Howard's wrong. We are making a little bit on the sandwich car.

0:19:05 Unknown Speaker #3

You could say in the lunch line. We're not hemorrhaging. We're not hemorrhaging money, necessarily. Were slowly, internally fasting.

0:19:12 Unknown Speaker #1

We're investing

0:19:13 Unknown Speaker #4

and we know

0:19:14 Unknown Speaker #5

that shit. Coins going to come back.

0:19:16 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah. Shit goin is on. It's on fire chances. I cannot Shit. Coin is the is the coin of the future.

0:19:29 Unknown Speaker #3

That is, you know, and you've got to take a chance every now and then. Okay. We invested $33 million in shit coin on and, you know,

0:19:37 Unknown Speaker #2

I don't know, explain our listeners. What shit coin is because it's are

0:19:43 Unknown Speaker #3

you guys are familiar with Bitcoin doing? Explain that. No, no, no. That we all know very simple. Understand? Anyway, shit. Coin, shit. Coin is essentially Bitcoin. But instead of storing your information in ah Blockchain on a computer, right, there's a farm in northwestern Wisconsin where they write down transactions on little pieces of paper and they put it in a giant pile of pig feces. Next Sunday is gonna be lucrative. And those those transactions, I'll have value. And as the shit coin pilot as good as go, there's good as gold. And as soon as the shit coin pile reaches the capacity of the room, it's in inflation. It's an inflation proof currency because there's only so much shit that can fit in the shit coin room. Wow. Flawless explanation. Thank you so much.

0:20:33 Unknown Speaker #5

Weight currently, except shit. Client. Uh, my mind, you specialty ice cream store. It was good.

0:20:43 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah. Yeah. God,

0:20:44 Unknown Speaker #4

this is a great idea that will, that will. That is gonna reap

0:20:50 Unknown Speaker #3

benefits. Um, ice cream is a high profit, and everybody loves ice cream.

0:20:55 Unknown Speaker #5

Everybody loves ice cream, but,

0:20:57 Unknown Speaker #4

you know, people tired of vanilla chocolate mint, chocolate chip. They want funny, weird flames. Yes. Yes. So we got,

0:21:05 Unknown Speaker #5

like rosemary, Rosemary, Basil, You know, and it's interesting, and it

0:21:11 Unknown Speaker #4

takes you guys have barbecue beef? Yeah, our Bob. Our barbecue

0:21:15 Unknown Speaker #5

beef has been melting off the shelves. Uh, so please a

0:21:21 Unknown Speaker #4

pope. A real leather bovary leather. I tried the other

0:21:25 Unknown Speaker #1

day. I spit it right out and said, I'll never be back.

0:21:28 Unknown Speaker #5

That's the thing. We don't want you to come back. I want you to come in and go.

0:21:31 Unknown Speaker #4

Oh, this is

0:21:32 Unknown Speaker #5

interesting. I'll try one of these because people are talking about it. We got

0:21:36 Unknown Speaker #4

How are you serving them? You're not doing cones. Well, my hand and hand, right. And a little game of toss. Is it? Yeah. If you've ever

0:21:49 Unknown Speaker #5

been to, like, the Pike Place Market in Seattle. Yes, yes, for the throne Fish around. We're doing that. But with your ice cream.

0:21:57 Unknown Speaker #4

So So the fish is kind of the vehicle that holds extra. Yeah, So they're packed and fish, So yeah, we pack

0:22:03 Unknown Speaker #5

it into the fish's mouth and then we give you all the material, and you have to clean and got the fish yourself to get to your own eyes.

0:22:10 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah, taking up most of the cafeteria. Todd, you were just so inventive and creative. Can I just applaud

0:22:19 Unknown Speaker #5

you for that? Thank you very much. Businesses. Is this for you? Failed or successful? A total. This is my 14th. My polka shop went under. You're

0:22:28 Unknown Speaker #4

poking Shop

0:22:28 Unknown Speaker #1

went under when you say when under you meant bankrupt.

0:22:31 Unknown Speaker #5

No, no underwater way. Grow the fish fresh. Wanted the freshest buggy and fresh spoke in the world. That's what we busted. And we we ended up being submerged in a water of our own making. So that failed. Let's see, my Jewish deli failed pretty miserably. Um, s so that's what I say. Seventh business. I think

0:22:58 Unknown Speaker #4

you do. You just not

0:22:59 Unknown Speaker #5

kosher, right? Wasn't that that was our thing? It was a Jewish deli and always served was pork with cheese on it. Cheeseburgers, lobster. But everyone is served. A T was very Jewish, right? And so you were getting the full experience. Felt. Told you. It felt like you were when you were in New York City or the Fairfax District. Israel it felt very Jewish.

0:23:28 Unknown Speaker #3

And I'll tell you this. I mean, as long as you can cover the rent and the cafeteria, you can put whatever business you want in there all year. A sluggish. Okay, that's all I'm saying. You know, we have a couple of months rent free way. You know, Kyoto Red discount. Maybe we'll go red discount for now. Just so you know, we are. We need

0:23:51 Unknown Speaker #1

to make someone, but the athletic department is going very, very good. I'm bussing airplane ing and Children's. They're blaming brightest.

0:24:02 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah, I wasn't

0:24:04 Unknown Speaker #1

able to find that many great athletes. And the general air? Of course not. So I am working with Southwest with sort of a fly in s. Oh, um, you know Bobby, who you saw during practice today? One of the best quarterbacks in America is doing a commute. Um,

0:24:24 Unknown Speaker #3

and now he's from northern Canada.

0:24:26 Unknown Speaker #1

He is from northern the the northernmost part of Canada.

0:24:31 Unknown Speaker #4

So he is

0:24:32 Unknown Speaker #1

doing a commute. I mean, that's a huge football powerhouse.

0:24:37 Unknown Speaker #3

Those North people don't pay a lot of attention to it, but it's honestly they call it. Yeah, foot, uh, Eskimo football.

0:24:44 Unknown Speaker #4

If you grow

0:24:45 Unknown Speaker #1

up shivering your whole life. You're freezing, right? You develop just an unbelievable I for in the field. Yes. The best football players were either cold or scared people.

0:24:58 Unknown Speaker #3

I mean, think about Green Bay Packers, one of the best dynasties in football history. They play in a cold area. Yeah. Now you're fine. All

0:25:05 Unknown Speaker #5

these kids in they must be exhausted by the time to get in the class or to the games. You know, I mean, even if you have a, uh, the pilot flying amends a great pilot, he's an American hero. Well, no.

0:25:15 Unknown Speaker #1

of course. We hired Sully. We went with the best we got, Sully. He's flying him in. Not private. They are flying coach commercial,

0:25:15 Unknown Speaker #4

Well, so yeah,

0:25:25 Unknown Speaker #3

because, of course, he's still out of work pilot. And he's he's flying.

0:25:28 Unknown Speaker #4

Oh, yeah. A lot of people

0:25:29 Unknown Speaker #1

don't know this, but Sally's undercover Hey, has been everyone. Everyone be chill about this. But if you see a man who looks like Sally than he does and he still does, um, with a shirt that says I'm not certainly on it. And he was it's silly and he's flying anyway. Sully's lying in our guys. They are tired. They are tired when they get here

0:25:54 Unknown Speaker #4

because they've got

0:25:55 Unknown Speaker #1

about, you know, they have to do about a six hour flight down to Chicago. Lay over there a couple hours. Um, and of course, when they get here, there's a big security check just to get on campus.

0:26:08 Unknown Speaker #4

Essay here. If you think

0:26:10 Unknown Speaker #1

it's tough getting on a plane, you're welcome. You are welcome. You're welcome.

0:26:15 Unknown Speaker #4

When you get on this campus, you

0:26:16 Unknown Speaker #1

know you're safe, whether it's by land air. So tell us. Tell us, Sam, about the TSA security here. You think that taking off the shoes was not a night? Taking off the shoes is not the only thing right.

0:26:29 Unknown Speaker #3

And TSA does not stand for Travel Safety Administration here, right?

0:26:35 Unknown Speaker #4

No, no, no, it's answer a total school acquired. It's the company that is overseeing the school. They technically

0:26:43 Unknown Speaker #1

are in charge of everything that goes on at the school. Actually given up some of my control to that Wow. At this point, you know, it's a government agents government agency that we brought in really make sure that totals go acquired government. It's a lot of

0:26:56 Unknown Speaker #5

people from who were too crazy for Halliburton, right?

0:27:00 Unknown Speaker #4

That's right. That's right. A lot of Blackwater guys. A lot of there's some mercenaries or some vicious businessmen. Mysterious? Yeah, it's the businessman from Halliburton and the mercenaries from the Afghan

0:27:16 Unknown Speaker #5

War. It shoes are not enough. You're saying They're saying they're so we thought. All right, we'll find socks, too. But it didn't end

0:27:25 Unknown Speaker #1

there. No, of course not. Nail polish. Take it off. Nobody has to get No Polish has got to go. You hear

0:27:32 Unknown Speaker #4

that? Got kids? Let's not sneaking anything in underneath your nail polish. That's right. And I'll be open about this. The got kids are the ones that most suspicious way. We've seen the additional screening. Do not come through here with

0:27:51 Unknown Speaker #1

a ah, a suicide skills sweatshirt. That's right. What in the name of these bands,

0:28:00 Unknown Speaker #5

you know, suicide kills

0:28:03 Unknown Speaker #4

any of these bands? Suicide? Yeah, you know, But then you like

0:28:08 Unknown Speaker #1

basketball? Yeah. You shake him down, Matchbox 200

0:28:14 Unknown Speaker #4

way. Shake him down. We shake him so hard that they just take it. They can't help but drop anything they're holding

0:28:21 Unknown Speaker #1

or tell us what they're doing. I've never felt safer.

0:28:24 Unknown Speaker #2

And we foiled a couple

0:28:25 Unknown Speaker #4

plans I'll say we foiled a couple plans. You have people trying to come to class late. Can you bring

0:28:29 Unknown Speaker #1

outside liquids onto campus? What kind of liquids? Uh, water. No mouth, huh? No. You know, um, liquid Mercury?

0:28:40 Unknown Speaker #4

No. We allow Pepsi and RC Cola go through diet. So bad joke and worst coach. That's right. Well, that's what I like. You know what I mean? So, you know, I got a sweet spot. I got a soft spot. Any kid that sort of knows, it's good to

0:28:55 Unknown Speaker #3

know that whatever liquid somebody's holding, you know exactly what it is

0:28:57 Unknown Speaker #1

exactly Like Levi's stretch. She knows in 30 30 to give them now at the gift shop.

0:29:05 Unknown Speaker #5

Everybody check out the gift shop. By the way, we've got a lot of cool stuff. We got some art from some of the art students I'm working with. Um uh, yeah, way also, um,

0:29:16 Unknown Speaker #1

win. We are selling photos of you and your most humiliating moment of the day. There's cameras all over class. So when you get bullied or your transport to the ground,

0:29:26 Unknown Speaker #4

my security drone has been flying around and taking pictures of all the rules. Goings on around campus. And this isn't

0:29:33 Unknown Speaker #5

Splash Mountain, so don't pose funny when something is, someone's getting bullied.

0:29:37 Unknown Speaker #3

You see the drugs, you see the dress,

0:29:39 Unknown Speaker #5

you dabbing an embarrassing photo now are sticking your frickin tongue out.

0:29:44 Unknown Speaker #4

You're going back through TSA. That's right. Uh, also, the ledger is going great.

0:29:50 Unknown Speaker #5

Room is better than ever.

0:29:51 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah. Lester was doing good. Uh,

0:29:54 Unknown Speaker #4

we Are we still

0:29:56 Unknown Speaker #1

on Lee serving? Smoking hot for fetus fetus? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay.

0:30:05 Unknown Speaker #5

Smoking have a feat for future. Friday is happening. We are doing from feet of Fridays every Friday as well. For feta. Friday is I called you by your Jewish name? It's not. That's right. I've been going by Dan Ben Avraham on campus,

0:30:31 Unknown Speaker #4

and it's been very

0:30:31 Unknown Speaker #5

confusing. It's been confusing because it depends where I want to be called based on where I am in any given moment emotionally. Um, but the feet of Friday is not what it sounds like. It's not for heaters in pita bread. That is feet served with cut up bell peppers, onions and the tortilla

0:30:54 Unknown Speaker #4

before your eggs. Feet.

0:30:57 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah. I was going to say before you keep complaining about a serving human feet Yes, not it's pig's feet. Obviously, people

0:31:03 Unknown Speaker #5

who lived a life that you would call them a pigs are slobs, rude people, anyone that's like a pig's. It's a human foot

0:31:11 Unknown Speaker #4

and listen, we go through and we make

0:31:13 Unknown Speaker #1

sure they are awful. Way Check this meat. We checked with their friends, their families. Were they bad pigs? Were they awful? People in the and

0:31:25 Unknown Speaker #3

you guys can rest assured that the feet that you're eating came from terrible people and they deserved it. Okay, these aren't the kind of people who, like, sort of did charity work and stuff like that. That is feta Friday.

0:31:37 Unknown Speaker #5

I cannot stress this enough. It is not for heat is served with pita bread. No, it is human feet served for heat, a style on a sizzling platter. You'll know what's coming by because the winners will be rushing by and the Pa princes will be happening. Everybody looking go.

0:31:55 Unknown Speaker #4

Oh, I should order for fetus.

0:31:56 Unknown Speaker #3

Yes. Ah, and just one other thing, guys, if you all want to stop by the library, uh, you can pick up your school issued laptop there, attendee point from three. Today through the end of this week. But we'd love for you to get him a suit. Gateways use gateways. I used Gateway like

0:32:17 Unknown Speaker #5

your your rule on this Mister Levi's has been. You know what? Take the school computers and search whatever you want. Yeah, we want to know every way.

0:32:29 Unknown Speaker #3

Freedom. Don't use the internet as however you choose. Yes, we'd honestly love for you to use the computer in a way that sort of if you were to sort of get a bird's eye view of how it was used, you'd get a complete 360 degree picture of what you are like as a person, your interests, your values, the type of causes you support information that could be used against you.

0:32:50 Unknown Speaker #4

This'll sounds like an obvious trick for, you know, the discipline department to get get involved. And I am not

0:32:59 Unknown Speaker #3

You know where there's a there are. There are how What's the word? There are absolute barriers between each of our department's. None of us are colluding together to sort of gain any sort of power or anything here. We're not, uh, sort of colluding in any way with anyone, but make sure you grab your computer and make sure to never put tape or anything. Obstructing the webcam lens ruined lands and cause trouble with the lands

0:32:59 Unknown Speaker #1

a part of that.

0:33:27 Unknown Speaker #4

they can drag down your RAM performance.

0:33:29 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah, and make sure that you're constantly connected Thio WiFi or hard wired Internet connection at all times.

0:33:35 Unknown Speaker #4

You feel like you.

0:33:36 Unknown Speaker #1

Even though you turn your computer off, it sounds like it's still running in your bag at home. It's

0:33:41 Unknown Speaker #3

not itself. It's not much. Stop. Stop asking questions about There's no line on idiots. Stop complaining, complaining. Ah, but of course, there having been complaints yet, so that's maybe a preemptive. Everything is good. Everything is honestly going perfectly.

0:33:59 Unknown

Attention, students. This is Howard levels with your daily announcement, we'd like to congratulate the handwriting and key boarding teams on their seventh and 11th place finishes, respectively, in the regional text communication championships. Your true fees will be displayed in the C Hall bathrooms starting Friday. Attention, students do

0:34:20 Unknown Speaker #5

the last week's accidental slapping. All students must now announce themselves when walking

0:34:26 Unknown

up behind a teacher,

0:34:29 Unknown Speaker #3

you know? Hey, Yes, just like always. We got a guest on the show today. We're really, really excited to have him uh, you know. Ah, Peek behind. Ah, under the hood. You could say how school like this would operate. Uh, you know, we're really happy to have him here. He's a great guy. Ah, he's the janitor here at the school. Eddy Kruger. Eddie has it going. Guys, we're doing good. But how are you? I'm hanging in there, you know. Oh, all right. Here. It sounds bad. Is it? Are you okay?

0:34:58 Unknown Speaker #4

Oh, you know,

0:34:59 Unknown Speaker #1

it's just part of my, um my daily existence. Ah. You know, um, I'm in AA.

0:35:06 Unknown Speaker #4

I'm in pretty

0:35:07 Unknown Speaker #1

much near constant pain. Okay, I'm in constant pain. I don't know why I sit in here. I guess I was trying to sugarcoat it, but I'm constantly in pain. Is it like a physical thing? Yes. 1% 1

0:35:21 Unknown Speaker #4

100. It's also

0:35:22 Unknown Speaker #1

emotional. I guess. Prize of the physical part gets me down. Yeah. Would

0:35:27 Unknown Speaker #4

you Do you think it's coming

0:35:28 Unknown Speaker #3

from the inside out? Like your brain is bad and it's affecting your physicality or it's outside. And

0:35:33 Unknown Speaker #4

I'm sorry. I thought

0:35:34 Unknown Speaker #1

you knew. Um I know it doesn't just look like this. Yeah, I feel like I've I've burns over the entirety of my body. Okay.

0:35:45 Unknown Speaker #4

I'm sorry. I was trying to treat

0:35:48 Unknown Speaker #1

Andy as if I didn't see any of that stuff.

0:35:50 Unknown Speaker #4

And yet you were, like, trying to get info out of me. That would only lead me to say that I'm so

0:35:56 Unknown Speaker #1

sorry. I was just staring at your burn. You really were. I was I was certain looking you up and down.

0:36:03 Unknown Speaker #4

You gotta excuse. I am certain we're just honest guys, we don't know about PC. Yeah, and we immediately

0:36:10 Unknown Speaker #3

judge on people's appears. We're kind of the embodiment of judge every book by its cover. Can

0:36:15 Unknown Speaker #4

I tell you something that's refreshing to hear? Because a lot of people,

0:36:18 Unknown Speaker #1

when they stare at me, they say,

0:36:20 Unknown Speaker #4

Oh, I thought you looked like

0:36:22 Unknown Speaker #1

someone that I knew. I noticed the media. It was a five. I'm completely disfigured from several fires. Do

0:36:29 Unknown Speaker #3

they ever say Oh, I thought

0:36:31 Unknown Speaker #1

you were my friend who got badly burned. I wish I had a nickel for every time I've heard that.

0:36:37 Unknown Speaker #4

So So many people have got to be like Are you?

0:36:40 Unknown Speaker #1

Oh, no. I'm sorry. I thought you were my friend who was in that horrible accident.

0:36:43 Unknown Speaker #4

I exaggerate I've heard that three times. Now, would you say it's not like every day. Now, would you say that

0:36:47 Unknown Speaker #1

all people have been badly burned Look similar? Or is that on us?

0:36:52 Unknown Speaker #4

We're just just on Bill.

0:36:54 Unknown Speaker #3

It might just be on

0:36:54 Unknown Speaker #4

Bill. Can I love Bill of the hook a little bit. One time I

0:36:58 Unknown Speaker #1

saw a picture of someone in a medical textbook who was badly burned. And I thought it was a picture. Yes.

0:37:05 Unknown Speaker #3

Uh, now, I should probably get into the specifics of what happened. Uh, because to the to the listeners, they're the students at the school here. They're going to listen to this. The community's going t

0:37:17 Unknown Speaker #1

o the students to hear, right? For sure they were.

0:37:20 Unknown Speaker #5

That's who you've had the most issues with students. And

0:37:22 Unknown Speaker #4

yeah, this is first of all, I thank you

0:37:25 Unknown Speaker #1

guys for the job. Of course. Absolutely. This is my fourth school that I've been, ah, the janitor for, um And as I explained you with the interview the past

0:37:36 Unknown Speaker #4

three schools, I don't know why this keeps happening. Somehow it gets around the campus that I have perpetrated some unspeakable crime. The kids decided to take things into their own hands, and they wait until I am napping. A nap I am entitled to by state laws,

0:37:58 Unknown Speaker #3

Right? 30 minutes,

0:37:59 Unknown Speaker #4

30 minute rest, period. Take a little nap and the kids set fire to my little janitors Hutch there, and every school has one. By the time I wake up, it's too late.

0:38:15 Unknown Speaker #5

And that's an implied inalienable right that you should be able to take a nap without wake enough on fire.

0:38:21 Unknown Speaker #4

It's not implied. It's written while the fire part. I see what you're saying. Yes, exactly. It's a comfort from that party for sure, written down and then, you know. But like you would think, Oh, yeah, we all showed

0:38:33 Unknown Speaker #1

up to a City council meeting in our nightcaps and Japan

0:38:38 Unknown Speaker #4

and holding the stub of a candle. Yes, of course, we were all super tired, demanding, demanding that daily. Now remember how tired people used to be before the state passed that law?

0:38:49 Unknown Speaker #5

People were exhausted, and now everyone's doing great work in the most part, waking up, not on fire.

0:38:54 Unknown Speaker #4

Yes, now that we have a statewide si esto and also when you get up, you get three m and M's. If you sleep the whole time? That's right. Yeah, if

0:39:04 Unknown Speaker #3

you don't disturb anybody. Uh ah. Caretaker of sorts walks around. It gives everybody three m and m's. Kind of like a little kid steak. That's

0:39:13 Unknown Speaker #4

correct. Let me tell you something. If you wake up because you're on fire, you're

0:39:18 Unknown Speaker #2

not exactly thinking about

0:39:19 Unknown Speaker #4

Eminem. No. Do you still get the Eminence in the hospital? Yes. I mean, I can only speak for myself. I ask you this. You do one of those bill cups well, alone with water you have to swallow in water. They say, Look, it's chocolate, but take it like a pill can even join. You know, rules are rules. Was there ever a little bit of the candy shell? Yeah. You see, if you take a second, forget that shell is still made out of candy. They forget all people. Don't talk about the candy shag. Have the cell. Yes, I see the bag. People don't. That's a good bag. I always eat the

0:40:06 Unknown Speaker #2

bag. The bag. That's where all the fiber kind of like Kind of

0:40:09 Unknown Speaker #3

like big red gum. There was our sin. A burst, I think. When I was in bed with the foil. Yeah, people always like, you know, the the wrappers edible too. And I know it's not that one time I tried it and I got sheering pain in both of my jaws where my feelings are. What? Obviously it tasted delicious. It tasted just like the gum. You know, You think it's been sitting there touch and cinnamon gum for a couple hours. I tried

0:40:38 Unknown Speaker #1

to use that logic. Thio eat the box that the multiple Candies came in. And also I chomped down on the display at 7 11 And but it is not edible. That's where it stops.

0:40:48 Unknown Speaker #4

No, you go talk. Thank you for a way.

0:40:51 Unknown Speaker #5

I was gonna say the same exact thing. So it's not

0:40:56 Unknown Speaker #3

I'm glad we waited for my things. Now

0:40:59 Unknown Speaker #5

I was wondering this Eddie. Yeah. You know, one time you get burned by kids is a janitor, and you go, Okay, That's never gonna happen again. Second time it's like a god damn it, dirt time. Why are you going back to being a janitor and now 1/4 time? If it's gonna keep repeating itself?

0:41:16 Unknown Speaker #4

Well, I can only assume it won't happen again. The first time of course. Horrible. The second time, I was like, You got to be kidding me. But I guess I'm set for life now because there's no way it'll

0:41:32 Unknown Speaker #1

ever happen again. The third time I was back to you got to be

0:41:38 Unknown Speaker #4

kidding, right? Except, like Maur emphatic, I

0:41:46 Unknown Speaker #3

feel like the fourth time you kind of just got Well, I guess I'm a guy who gets lit on fire by Children.

0:41:51 Unknown Speaker #4

Whoa! Let's hope there is no fourth time.

0:41:54 Unknown Speaker #5

Wait, We're not gonna would we got our

0:41:56 Unknown Speaker #3

way? Made your We made your janitor such fireproof. Thank. We've also banned all, uh, open flames on campus for a month. Right, Right. Of course. Yeah, You're

0:42:10 Unknown Speaker #5

overseers. George has got to be on

0:42:12 Unknown Speaker #4

scared torches on. And the scarecrow is not coming down. By the way, can I say don't give me the birds out? I mean, it's not my place. I'm just the janitor. But I'm a little worried about the scare. Torch

0:42:22 Unknown Speaker #5

is scared. What's the burned bo live? Three times,

0:42:26 Unknown Speaker #4

I would say. Even if I didn't have a history of being burned alive, there's still concerning.

0:42:33 Unknown Speaker #3

I understand. I understand. Expected,

0:42:35 Unknown Speaker #4

but because I have a bird life three times there even Maur

0:42:39 Unknown Speaker #5

concerned, actually. Answer this all the time. It's what we all want to know. Who's the burn hurt? Less.

0:42:47 Unknown Speaker #1

It hurts just a CZ much every single time.

0:42:51 Unknown Speaker #3

You don't have nerve damage or anything like that from all the burning.

0:42:54 Unknown Speaker #4

Sure, don't I wish I did?

0:42:56 Unknown Speaker #5

Your nerves were stronger,

0:42:57 Unknown Speaker #4

the doctor said. This is a weird thing.

0:43:01 Unknown Speaker #3

Are you quoting right now? He said that

0:43:03 Unknown Speaker #4

you were. The doctor said. I mean, he was. He said he came into my

0:43:08 Unknown Speaker #1

room after the second burn and he said, Uh, he said, Can I be very straight with you? And I said, Yes, I wish you would Dr. And he said He also said Gonna be myself.

0:43:19 Unknown Speaker #4

He said that after the first. Okay, and then what? Then we were on a first

0:43:22 Unknown Speaker #1

name basis after that, which was great after the second time I got burned alive. He said, uh, can we be? Can we talk informally? I just want to talk straight to you. And he said, Something weird is going on with your nerve endings. Where There They've been heightened. Awakened? Maybe? Well, I mean, I felt stuff before. Wow,

0:43:45 Unknown Speaker #4

ee I got burned the first time I've felt okay. Yeah. Why would

0:43:53 Unknown Speaker #3

enhance that? You said. I mean, it could be a sort of situation. You know how some plants when you burned them? That's the only way that they congrats and reproduce that you like a pine cone, a pine cone when it burns. Really? See. Very

0:44:06 Unknown Speaker #1

horny after her first incident, right? Yeah. And that has not abated. It's only increased.

0:44:12 Unknown Speaker #5

What a hell toe look like you. But be horny all the time. No, no, no,

0:44:16 Unknown Speaker #4

I'm taking. That's my life. That's exits. Exactly my life. And you and I and I read the pickup artist. You know what I mean? So I go to these bars and I wear crazy. Had I I'll go up to a lady. You're wearing a lamp

0:44:30 Unknown Speaker #3

shade right now.

0:44:30 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah, Yeah. Okay. Okay, That's good. Work it up today. Love shape would actually look very simple.

0:44:36 Unknown Speaker #5

You look like a pope.

0:44:37 Unknown Speaker #3

You just throw ya mako On top of that, you look exactly like

0:44:40 Unknown Speaker #4

Todd. Let me take

0:44:42 Unknown Speaker #5

off the lamp shade. I would say if I'm a woman in a bar, at least gonna have a little conversation

0:44:49 Unknown Speaker #1

with you about that actually is not an effect. I'm a devout you, but

0:44:55 Unknown Speaker #4

so I'll go up to a

0:44:56 Unknown Speaker #1

lady and I'll wear my for

0:44:57 Unknown Speaker #4

top hat and I'll be like, Uh oh, hey, that's a nice dress. Didn't I see that in last year's J. Crew catalog? Nagging. And then she'll like a lot of time.

0:45:07 Unknown Speaker #1

She'll turn around the screen

0:45:12 Unknown Speaker #3

because you always say you save the line before she turns to

0:45:15 Unknown Speaker #4

her back. Always go up there back always.

0:45:20 Unknown Speaker #2

Here's why B. I learned the hard way. I start coming towards them

0:45:23 Unknown Speaker #4

and they can see me.

0:45:25 Unknown Speaker #5

You're not getting that award. In

0:45:26 Unknown Speaker #2

a way.

0:45:27 Unknown Speaker #3

It's like if a lion approached its prey from the front and run away.

0:45:31 Unknown Speaker #1

That's exactly right. And this is what

0:45:33 Unknown Speaker #4

this is its

0:45:36 Unknown Speaker #3

jungle love. Do you? Because I

0:45:38 Unknown Speaker #5

think there are women out there who are not as shallow about how someone looks. Do you

0:45:43 Unknown Speaker #4

know I wish? No, no. You know what women are like. They say they want nice guys. It's

0:45:51 Unknown Speaker #5

such a man, that is, they just

0:45:54 Unknown Speaker #4

want someone who's not badly burned. Yeah, oh,

0:45:57 Unknown Speaker #5

we want to do is take care of a woman and protect her and see her as a thing that is not equal to us. Because we're helping her. And we're nice, and they don't like

0:46:10 Unknown Speaker #4

it. It's like I think everyone is a precious treasure. I

0:46:13 Unknown Speaker #1

don't think pressure treasure is alive, right? So why? It's not my equal.

0:46:17 Unknown Speaker #4

So I just want to treat a woman like that,

0:46:20 Unknown Speaker #1

like revere her, right? You know, put a writer. I really

0:46:24 Unknown Speaker #4

think one times you could let her on a ring, put her on a ring, attach her to us jewelry. Okay. Okay. Dog Bill. Sorry, but I don't

0:46:38 Unknown Speaker #5

want this up on air, but I feel like it's worth addressing. A few of the students have told me that they're worried that you've been haunting

0:46:46 Unknown Speaker #1

their dreams. Now again, with this.

0:46:51 Unknown Speaker #4

Okay. Brief, brief history of Eddie. All right. First girl I

0:46:57 Unknown Speaker #1

worked at right, Cleveland, Grover Cleveland and, ah, you know, I've been working there for some years. And then the kids

0:47:06 Unknown Speaker #4

started a

0:47:07 Unknown Speaker #1

rumor that I was taking pictures through a hole in the locker

0:47:14 Unknown Speaker #4

room wall of kids, male and female

0:47:17 Unknown Speaker #1

as they changed for gym. Right? Not true. Vicious rumor. Vicious rumor. I've They burn

0:47:23 Unknown Speaker #4

me alive. Then there was a trial. I was found innocent at the trial. There was zero evidence

0:47:28 Unknown Speaker #1

that I've ever done. This

0:47:30 Unknown Speaker #5

kid's admitted on, uh, while being grilled on the stand. It was all just

0:47:36 Unknown Speaker #4

like you were burnt

0:47:37 Unknown Speaker #1

alive as they were attempting to raid your hutch for evidence. Is that correct?

0:47:43 Unknown Speaker #4

That's right. And they didn't find any, Like, let's burn him alive. He's asleep anyway, of three. State awarded me

0:47:50 Unknown Speaker #5

the cost of my clothes that were burned, Which is unfortunate, because that day you were wearing borrowed clothing.

0:47:57 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah, and that guy was mad because for him, it was not about the money. It was sentimental value. Your clothing, It was it was just lucky. Pick up

0:48:09 Unknown Speaker #1

outfit is what he called it. And I was like, Great, I'm gonna wear that. I'm gonna brief wasn't mystery, but work wasn't mysteries. Carter. Yes, my friend. Is Mr Wow. Cool, right? Very cool.

0:48:21 Unknown Speaker #4

Well, look, I mean, why he's alive, okay? He's doing grease doing better than ever. Good. I haven't heard from him a picking up girls left and right, working on another book. Oh, hey. Yes, He's nothing

0:48:37 Unknown Speaker #1

if not an author. First right? exactly. Just one of those scholarly guys guys like us need to listen to. Exactly, You know, there's a lot to be learned. He's cute in. No,

0:48:50 Unknown Speaker #3

I think we need to get back to the fact that I didn't think you're haunting

0:48:53 Unknown Speaker #1

their dreams. Okay, so we got interrupted in the history by mystery. I go to my

0:48:58 Unknown Speaker #4

right. It's always like some value was necking my story not even here, that I'm even more deep. So I go on to the second school. There's no way

0:49:17 Unknown Speaker #1

I'm going back to Grover Cleveland with those

0:49:19 Unknown Speaker #4

kids. I don't care that Kratch wait here. It'll be Holder. I feel it's like that school. They treated me like garbage. They literally tried to burn me like trash. So I go to another school, go to Catholic school ST Genis

0:49:33 Unknown Speaker #1

IUs and I feel like Okay, Catholic school. These kids will be like they'll be Dismore. There'll be

0:49:38 Unknown Speaker #4

moral. Did you say really dirty? Yeah, Not yet. No. Yeah. All right. I thought I was done. No,

0:49:47 Unknown Speaker #1

no, no. I thought I was done. No, no, no, no, no. I thought I got like, a people dismissal. Not not

0:49:52 Unknown Speaker #4

so so ST. Genis IUs they now

0:49:58 Unknown Speaker #1

I'm burned up. Now there's a story about what happened to me, right? Because look, yeah,

0:50:04 Unknown Speaker #4

and the kids say that I'm actually these air Catholic kids. They're nuts and they say, Oh, he used to live in hell. That's why he looks like that. Oh, that's hard. Yeah, I don't think Here's what's weird. It's very specific. They don't

0:50:18 Unknown Speaker #2

think I'm

0:50:18 Unknown Speaker #4

a demon. They think I'm a living person who lived in hell

0:50:23 Unknown Speaker #5

like that was just here where you grew up

0:50:25 Unknown Speaker #4

for a while and it was so moving around the station. And I think that's the cheapest place you could find a live because he's January's make much money. It's like this doesn't make I'm not. Look, I'm not. I'm not a theologian. I'm not an expert, non Catholic fucking mythology or whatever. You can't just live in hell as a person.

0:50:47 Unknown Speaker #5

I hate to put these kids in their place, but hell probably has the highest rent of all, because nothing makes sense that

0:50:53 Unknown Speaker #4

it's all like, what's the worst thing? We think that's the best thing. That's hell,

0:50:57 Unknown Speaker #5

yeah, well s So they burned you because they wanted to put you back in your home. They were trying to help you. Or door. They actually same

0:51:05 Unknown Speaker #4

thing. I think you're putting a very nice read on this. But these kids

0:51:10 Unknown Speaker #1

thought I was a bad guy because they thought I lived in hell. So they once again taking my state approved nap my janitor's hutch. These kids creep in first day, spray painted, you know, the Satanic Star, the upside down, the pentacle, Penta pentagram, tentacle Jesus all over the place. One kid wrote, Acid is groovy.

0:51:37 Unknown Speaker #4

And then it's like they knew exactly what the 1st 1 wasn't just copying it. A escorted lighter fluid on me. I can't believe I slept through all this. And then they woke me, and then they burned

0:51:51 Unknown Speaker #2

me out.

0:51:52 Unknown Speaker #4

You know what that is

0:51:53 Unknown Speaker #1

Not gonna happen to you here because our security God, I hope so good. If

0:51:57 Unknown Speaker #4

anybody because to commit one of those crimes that year olds cause all burn him alive myself. Thank

0:52:02 Unknown Speaker #3

you very much So. And I'll say this if any students are interested in and potentially burning Mr Kruger up like fire, maybe Why don't you research how thio how to do it on the Internet? I computers. You get what? You don't worry

0:52:14 Unknown Speaker #1

about it. Just look at it. Look at her eyes.

0:52:20 Unknown Speaker #2

Ee what? Ee?

0:52:23 Unknown Speaker #4

I don't understand. What the play here. Just don't worry about don't. I don't like to see them try to sneak a lighter through TSA. I'd love to see it. I would love

0:52:33 Unknown Speaker #5

Bring it on. What you're gonna

0:52:37 Unknown Speaker #4

say here at the school? Yes. That's smart.

0:52:39 Unknown Speaker #5

Yes. Protect you and the

0:52:41 Unknown Speaker #1

students. I just Look, I feel like I don't

0:52:49 Unknown Speaker #4

want to get burned a life again, because the last school that was the flimsiest accusation yet these kids, this is

0:53:04 Unknown Speaker #1

okay. So I go from Grover Cleveland State, Tunisia's first

0:53:07 Unknown Speaker #5

school. They think of taking pictures first. T

0:53:12 Unknown Speaker #2

g grew up their lives, their apartment there is something

0:53:17 Unknown Speaker #4

absurd. The third school, this was

0:53:23 Unknown Speaker #1

like, Okay, Catholic, that's crazy. I'm not going back to a Catholic school because they believe in voodoo or whatever crap they think I've lived in hell, that whole Catholic culture with the voodoo witch doctor that lives in that fucking thing in Italy.

0:53:38 Unknown Speaker #4

So I go to an art school. Thistles just Canaveral Open mind. Is there gonna be live and let live. I mean, they're not going to think they're all freaks. They're gonna think I'm a freak and that's what I tell them. First day, I'm like, we're all freaks. We're all freaks together. Well, yeah, this is great,

0:53:57 Unknown Speaker #5

you freaks. Which, as a teenager is a little uncomfortable themselves hearing that from a fully burned, twice burned man. It might be a little

0:54:05 Unknown Speaker #3

see equating their appearance in sort of, ah, emotional state to a man who's been burned alive a couple of times. It's probably shocking to them.

0:54:13 Unknown Speaker #4

You gotta let the kids know where you stand, though. You gotta let him know you're all pigs rolling around the same Stan. We're on the same team. That's why I'm excited for the rally. I said, Look, you guys, your note, we're no

0:54:23 Unknown Speaker #1

different. We're no different. And I said this to like the most attractive kids. I walked up to them and I said, You think you're the star of the stage?

0:54:33 Unknown Speaker #4

You think you're so great because it's your first day? Yeah. First hour you get

0:54:39 Unknown Speaker #1

with the Children in like an

0:54:41 Unknown Speaker #4

assembly. This is this is sounding. I wasn't assembly. What? One by one, it was like I was I was just like, mopping the hall

0:54:49 Unknown Speaker #1

than any Cuban pass by me. I would stop them. It looks like. But hold on.

0:54:52 Unknown Speaker #4

Hey, you think you're different than me better than me. We're both the same good. And they and I could see their faces

0:54:59 Unknown Speaker #1

like they knew what I was saying.

0:55:01 Unknown Speaker #4

And so, um, these K, these kids, they start this whisper campaign that I am,

0:55:13 Unknown Speaker #1

that my my horribly disfigured body is that I'm trapped in ice and they're going to set me free. So, um, this is what I like. Hear them saying they say it like that. I say, like, What

0:55:26 Unknown Speaker #4

are you

0:55:26 Unknown Speaker #1

giggling about? And they

0:55:28 Unknown Speaker #4

say, uh, Mr Kruger, is it true that on ice, God put a spell on you? And so they think

0:55:34 Unknown Speaker #1

you're like a woman mammoth

0:55:35 Unknown Speaker #4

or something? I don't I mean, no one said that I think they thought

0:55:42 Unknown Speaker #3

I was a person anything, but they think they know what I think. What Bill's trying to say is, you're in the state that was most woolly mammoth or where you find in place in a block. That's what

0:55:52 Unknown Speaker #1

they seem to be communicating to make a

0:55:54 Unknown Speaker #5

little closer to something like a mix of Mortal Kombat sub

0:55:56 Unknown Speaker #3

zero casino man situation where Pauly Shore found Brendan Fraser.

0:56:03 Unknown Speaker #4

Right? But they sort of moving, indicating that my like

0:56:07 Unknown Speaker #1

the burnt flesh and the way that it looks now is that it's It's like That's like, I would be smooth underneath if only they could melt the ice chip. It surrounds me.

0:56:19 Unknown Speaker #4

Ship it away. Would have been a little easier to deal with because their plan waas Guess what they did. Wait until I was taking my state guaranteed nap. Except this

0:56:37 Unknown Speaker #2

is a little different.

0:56:39 Unknown Speaker #4

They strap me to the bed. My little cot

0:56:42 Unknown Speaker #1

in there? Uh, no. Fucked you. They bill. I wish, Bill. I wish it burned through their money. Burned every time I thought this was gonna be, like, fuck thing. They set

0:56:58 Unknown Speaker #2

me on fire

0:56:59 Unknown Speaker #4

saying, Let it go. Is I burned? Oh, yeah. Like from frozen.

0:57:07 Unknown Speaker #5

Oh, yeah. Now, what was going through your head as that was happening?

0:57:12 Unknown Speaker #4

I think I, uh, was I think the guy was like, Please

0:57:17 Unknown Speaker #1

let me not be on fire. Okay?

0:57:21 Unknown Speaker #4

By now, my nerve endings are super sense. And how far into school was this? This was my first day on the job. So

0:57:30 Unknown Speaker #5

you were a little tired from going around telling all this visit at Sledge.

0:57:34 Unknown Speaker #4

It was just after lunch. I like to take my

0:57:36 Unknown Speaker #5

nap just after lunch. Why do you keep taking nap? I hate to blame the victim here. This is not your fault, is this? I don't know that I could fall asleep on campus for

0:57:45 Unknown Speaker #4

Todd. If I stopped taking the naps. Then these kids win. This is my

0:57:52 Unknown Speaker #1

right. Seems like they're winning. Pretty handling it

0:57:55 Unknown Speaker #4

really well. Oh, I tell you what. If this is a lunch counter in Selma, Alabama, you know this is the beginning. Of course they're gonna try to

0:58:04 Unknown Speaker #1

drag me off of that stool. Yeah, but I'm gonna keep going. I'm gonna keep

0:58:08 Unknown Speaker #4

showing up in schools. I'm gonna keep take, like, picking up trash

0:58:12 Unknown Speaker #3

and you prove it. You always relate this Thio the civil rights move. How's it different? How is exactly the same?

0:58:19 Unknown Speaker #2

Hey, how am I any? Hold on

0:58:21 Unknown Speaker #4

a second. How am I any different than Martin Luther King? Jr? Okay. Yeah, I guess. Not

0:58:25 Unknown Speaker #5

way. Start with just with physical differences

0:58:28 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah. Okay. I think I see what

0:58:30 Unknown Speaker #5

you're saying. Yeah. Now, what about the stamina? You have to keep living through these burnings. Yeah,

0:58:35 Unknown Speaker #4

I can't explain it.

0:58:36 Unknown Speaker #3

It's gotta be that you have to be a superhuman.

0:58:40 Unknown Speaker #4

I don't think so. Because I'm always hurting. And I feel like if I were a superhuman, it would that part would get better instead of worse. But with each successive burning, it just hurts more and more. And now it's like after where I'm spending a lot of

0:58:57 Unknown Speaker #1

money on clothes because the clothes have to be so soft so as not to irritate my skin. So I'm I'm, you know, wearing the finest merino

0:59:06 Unknown Speaker #4

wool. Have you not make this about me again? But I can't find

0:59:12 Unknown Speaker #1

my phone is. And I thought my left my phone here on the table.

0:59:14 Unknown Speaker #4

I can't find my galaxy either.

0:59:18 Unknown Speaker #5

I don't know where mine

0:59:19 Unknown Speaker #1

is. Okay, guys, how to keep track of your phone's better, I guess. Um uh,

0:59:25 Unknown Speaker #4

so weird.

0:59:26 Unknown Speaker #5

Yeah. Have you seen my lit cigar? My big, fat lit cigar

0:59:32 Unknown Speaker #4

I didn't know. And smoking

0:59:33 Unknown Speaker #5

a lit cigar like

0:59:34 Unknown Speaker #1

I just saw you sucking. And now it's gone. Wait, only second hand. Have

0:59:39 Unknown Speaker #3

you guys seen my wallet? Yeah. Here. I got scared everybody else's losing stuff. And I, uh I thought I had lost something as well, but

0:59:49 Unknown Speaker #4

I thought the only things lost so far. Galaxy note seven

0:59:53 Unknown Speaker #3

on a gigantic lit cigar. Oh, no. But my wallet I had I had a bic in my lighter. Get a big A big

1:00:03 Unknown Speaker #5

pain in your in your writer in your zippo lighter. Yeah. Baking your Zippo.

1:00:10 Unknown Speaker #2

You okay? All right,

1:00:13 Unknown Speaker #5

listen, I want to do this here, but, you know, there's a rumor that you're haunting dreams. I don't think again with this. I don't think a nice God froze you. Thank you. I don't think you grew up in

1:00:26 Unknown Speaker #1

hell. Thank you very much. I am a

1:00:29 Unknown Speaker #5

firm believer that sometimes someone's biggest problem is also their solution. And perhaps the only way

1:00:35 Unknown Speaker #1

to get you out of this burning pain is to let you on fire one more time. Okay,

1:00:41 Unknown Speaker #4

let me let me first

1:00:42 Unknown Speaker #1

address the accusations of hunting kids in their dreams. If

1:00:47 Unknown Speaker #4

I could

1:00:47 Unknown Speaker #1

do that, I would appear in

1:00:50 Unknown Speaker #4

their dreams in as friendly a manner as possible. And I would certainly plant

1:00:56 Unknown Speaker #1

the idea that it's a bad idea. Toe light me on fire. You'd be doing more of an inception.

1:01:01 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't be. I would be showing up the kids dreams and trying to scare them. And then they wake up and they see me at school

1:01:08 Unknown Speaker #2

and I say like that. That's a logical right.

1:01:12 Unknown Speaker #5

That's true. That's true.

1:01:14 Unknown Speaker #4

Is that one part blue the

1:01:15 Unknown Speaker #2

King would have done?

1:01:16 Unknown Speaker #4

It's most like lighter fluid in here. Would Martin Luther King would he have like like, shown up in George Wallace's

1:01:25 Unknown Speaker #1

dreams and been like, You know, we're gonna overrun the country now and you'll be the money or you'll be our

1:01:32 Unknown Speaker #4

slave to security? No, he would have marveled. The king had the power to

1:01:37 Unknown Speaker #1

appear in dreams. He would have been like, Hey, come on, let's Hey, what do

1:01:43 Unknown Speaker #3

you see? This trail of lighter fluid leading leading up to Eddie Right now I see that it's you followed all

1:01:50 Unknown Speaker #5

the way down, and it's connected to a kid. There's a kid. Poor.

1:01:53 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah, there's a kid already far away from us right now.

1:01:58 Unknown Speaker #5

What time is it? It's time for you. It's 12

1:02:02 Unknown Speaker #1

40. I'm so tired. He says, Don't do it, Eddie. Eddie, Just don't just stay awake. Guys. Thanks for having me on the show. Oh, no slap should just turned into a sleep. I'm gonna Holy shit.

1:02:23 Unknown Speaker #2

Way more. All right, put him out with this guy. Way

1:02:47 Unknown Speaker #3

Need to deal with this.

1:02:47 Unknown Speaker #2

Okay, listen, everybody, we're going through this week. Wait, wait,

1:03:55 Unknown Speaker #4

Rooth.