Godparrots with Class Pet Rep Greg LeSessions (Joel Jensen)

Okay, we're recording. I'll cut this. Let me just get levels Will cut this.

Luckily, Howard, you know, But you know how to do it better than Howard. Do you sing a song?

Or, uh, because we're not gonna be singing on air suggests talk, talk normally just, like, say, a secret Or some, like Sandy

bears. A great test 11. But look at this.

Yeah, we'll just start on

the intro. Great. Uh, does anybody have when they want to go first?

Yeah. Yeah. Um, yesterday, I hid behind the women's Panies in Walmart. I laid on my side in a display and watched women pick out there. Panies

levels on that. How was that? Uh, levels were good. Do

you need more?

Uh, no more. The secret. Uh, just the part of why you're turned on by women picking panties out. Yeah, yeah. D of them making the

well. It's really more I found. When I was there, I was more turned on bike, the confined space than really even the women picking out their panties it anywhere. So Yeah. So I found that out. I didn't even really need to be in the women's section, so I ended up bawling myself up behind a bunch of basketball's over in the sport. Well yourself. Oh, I was show turned on.

Okay, levels of good

today. I know why I go for it. Uh uh. Last week I pretended to work at a Burger King and stole the money out of the

till. Okay. We'll cut that. You stole the

money out of the till.

Yeah, I needed a little bit of walking around money, and I was having a lunch at Burger King. Eso I just don't

love walking around money.

Yeah, I need

different. Another month,

My nose gun. You take it out of the A T m. You know, it's already going

t o from 5 to 200.

Yeah, depending on where you are. If you're in Vegas, you need what, 3 $400 walking around money. If you're

walking around the table, money

table table money is different. Natural

table money's 333 52. Maybe 1000. Right? Right. Hey, on your you know what? Your highest.

I still 33. 50 from Burger King.

Sense that's walking around money

popping 33

33 33 cent eats.

Yes. Jesus was 33 when he died. Jesus was a 33 year old man when he was crucified. By

now, I know. I've you know, I've been really calm and normal lately, and so my lower registers might not be picking up. Should I tell a secret in my Yeah, one of register. You'll be speaking out. Okay. To get money for heroin, I killed a young dog for a horny man. Christ,

that's dark, but is tough. Sam, are you

happy? You cannot. Happy for a man with a boner is a puppy. What?

It was a It was Ah, Well, it was a homeless man who couldn't afford to support his animals,

So corniness was unrelated. Hey, just also happened to be horny. I just needed money

Way that's gonna have questions.

I know we've all said that we will enable you by not telling you to stop, but we will not financially enable you. But if you're gonna kill a dog, I'll throw a few bucks your way.

Yeah, Come on.

I just want to say so. That wasn't true secret. That was.

I think that's unfortunate that apply. That's honestly.

That's where your brain that's scary. Yeah.

What did you actually do?

You want me? Oh, yeah. It was a dark time, and I think this was yesterday. I snuck into the local laundromat and I

had to sneak in its 24 hours.

Yeah, well, I snuck in because now, when

you say laundry mat, is that the same thing as a laundromat, I believe. Is this a mat out in front of a house made of candy

eyes? I'm saying I snuck into the laundry mat, which is a big pile of closed in front of someone's home that they wipe their feet on. When they went to wash their laundry mat, they pulled me inside. I see. And I killed someone's puppy to get

I was over in that detail. Wouldn't be in the true

story. So the first story wasn't even a lie. You just admitted part of the story.

The second mom. I don't like how these air sounding. What? You

were gonna cut him? It doesn't that I didn't do it right on. Your levels are great. Everything pops. So that's nice. Um, all right. Uh,

we're not gonna get secret, Todd.

My level sound good, but if you guys want to hear a secret just for a quid pro quo? Sure. Quit Yesterday I killed a young homeless man for a horny dog.

Oh, my God.

He's a related story. That's

almost the exact inverse.

Oh, I do see that. I do see that. And I thought it was coincidental. And then when you said it was a lie, I was like, Oh, maybe he knows about mine and wait, stop being here. Can. We were cleaning up the streets just for one day. God, we're heroes. Okay, so I'm gonna cut all of that, and then we'll come in in 321 first, only broadcast with issue about issues pertaining to the greater hailed the night school community. I have your shock jock mother flappers dot Padre in the house.

My name is Sam. Weatherman. I'm here. I'm relaxed and I'm also feeling good. Like top?

Yes, to tailor here. Uh, here from a second Episode nine Stoke Detail, boys,

What's that? Bell crave e head of home ag and were normal now back at Hamilton High School.

But Hamilton High School, per our agreement were normal Now.

God, it feels good to be back and honestly I've been strutting around these hallways. There is no You have been strutting. Yeah, Yeah.

Are you playing Aerosmith in a little boom box in your back

pocket? You know it that had his walk this way. Way? Yeah, that in a game out a game out of play. That way

Poorly edited. A compilation of the hooks. Yeah,

of course. The almost your namesake crazy. You

got your belly button, pierce. And then you jumped off of the roof of the school of bungee jumping off. Feel like, uh, what's her name?

Alicia. Question about that video. Sorry. Uh, I've always wondered. It's implied in that video that she's bungee jumping by her belly button ring. Oh, yeah, really? So she attached to the bungee cord by her belly button ring?

That's right. Crazy. And the whole start was improvised on set

eyes. That trail

was a Silverstone Rift

way. Remember all the deaths that happened on the set of clueless

because of some of her antics? Yeah,

that whole movie was improvised.

No screaming. Not a single out

of there happen to be cameras on the streets of l. A. They caught it all

cinema verite I That's what you need. That's the best kind of filmmaking

at the very high merit. Let's not have a very clear plot or acting or emotional moments. Let's just see people in their verity

live people are beautiful and you can tell the director wants to fuck both of them and just put a camera on their mother in bed. That heart.

I really loved it when every got body, got access to cameras for cheap and could make anything they want. Well, everything that's so good. Everything I was the

Duke losses Just make stuff, baby. It doesn't matter if you thought it all the way through As long as you've got a zonas you've got like a twee blonde getting naked at some point and a couple white guys ruminating on their failed acting career.

Shock jock, You heard it first. Wow.

That's where the shock jock Teoh

comes out of nowhere.

It's very sharp now. You are shocking in here, Todd, but I'm really proud of the way you've turned things around on campus. Thank you. You have been on a model of good behavior for the student.

Oh, I'm very normal for the students. Yes, thank you. for noticing. Uh, you know, when you do something good, you do it so people will notice and can compliment you for it. And that's kind. I'm glad you brought it up. I'm glad you noticed. Um, it's why I never succeeded in a Because one of the steps is Do a good deed. And don't tell anybody about it. I could not make it past that step.

You, uh, any time you do something, nice year are on the corner with a arrow

that you spin and you throw it in the air and you're

dressed like a gorilla. Yeah, I'm throwing it up, but I'm crapping before it comes down, you know? Yeah.

That's advertised your good deed.

Yeah, Like you were throwing up a sign that said I gave money to this homeless loser, right? And it was an arrow that you were appointed. You were throwing up right next

to there's an arrow right next to the man. And I'm in my humble costumes.

No, it's obviously you're dressed like a dead gorilla. Yeah, it's It's a dead gorilla. Got a bleeding wound that is somehow being reanimated. I

cannot believe that the zoo was profiteering off of that. Can you believe they produce these? Costume

it all this constant is that official Harambe merch. Everything I'm in is official Haram bay. Yeah, and so these air Harambe glasses I'm in right now. So Harambe top hat

and the proceeds do go to his estate.

Yes, they do go to the Harambee family in the bomb Bay estate.

And what is that? Is that gorillas somewhere? Is that a family to the family? Like sponsor him. Do they own him?

Well, it's you know how Michael Jackson But the Beatles, all the Beatles music. Yes, yes. Oh, it So this is my projection. Did that with her arm

basis Hall was mad at him for that. You believe that? Yeah. That's a normal thing to Dio Michael Jackson

should on the Beatles music. Courtney love should on Nirvana's music. What? You create something that's not yours, That you go to the highest bidder? Yeah, everyone, but yeah, these are my harambe a ah crocks. Um

Harambe gorilla. I love gorilla Chest T shirt?

Yes. Yeah, gorilla chest T shirt. But thank you again for noticing that I've been better on campus. I have a positive I'm at my office hours when the students come in, which has been very hard. Uh, I'm letting the students act in the school. Play the Lion King right now. Yes,

yeah, good job. It's very good. It seems like the rehearsals are on

track to open rehearsals on. People can come and go as they please.

We've been hearing the sound track has just been booming across campus, and it has been fantastic.

You can hear,

though it's

been it's been great. It's pretty disruptive, Yes, but it's

now. I saw I I walked by, you know, there's a little window in the classrooms the other day, and I walked by when you're holding auditions for Scar, Um,

and those the best idea we ever had was putting one little window and all the

little rectangular window When you gotta have it, that a, uh um and I did see a very obvious scarecrow in your seat behind your desk and then a student question mark auditioning that let the light like either time.

Oh, well, I don't know what you saw. I know there was a promising new student pod. Todd Raiders, whose do it was a cannon, was cast. Well, a scar

has been cast. Padre

Padre. And he's also he just joined my marching band as well. Yes.

Yeah, he's a real jack of all trades. So much

that you may be is overextending himself already on the first week of school.

I mean, I definitely was in my home at class.

Yeah, and I heard he's doing well in there.

Yeah, he's doing pretty well. Good.

Um and I don't know this whole scarecrow business because there were crows all over the theater. So obviously that's not what you saw.

Well, it seemed like you packed the theater with crows to throw off the fact that it was a scarecrow. Because if the crows weren't there, everybody would be like, Well, that's a scarecrow, of course, but it seems crazier. There were been packed with crows. Your ah, Padres auditioning.

Okay, So what? What are two choices here? That I was watching the auditions in a promising new student auditioned with a similar name to May? Or that I bought a scarecrow to watch the additions. I came in an audition, is a young child and then thought to myself Well, people are gonna know it's a scarecrow. How do I convince him it's not I by 3000 scare crows and I filled the theater with

President. It's even crazier things scared. Those clothes were fighting were frightened. And the crazy thing is like you said, Padre is a young child. This isn't even a student whose past puberty but tawdry is passing himself off as a young virtuoso like he's pretty best 10 year old is 10

years old, and he's a senior.

You wanted to be on The reason this is hard for me to believe is because I've never heard you talk about a student. The way you talk about Padre, I've never heard you have such glowing review. Usually, you say you hate your stupid Do you think he allegedly killed students in the

past 11? Allegedly, Waverly. If anybody sees the way Amber lays, let us know where it just be. Right. What's this? Right with the rim relays again?

Releases. Ah, well, my documentaries on Netflix. You can check it out, release, uh, finding the Web release on. And it's about 6 to 8 sets of twins and the Wimberley family who were all I allegedly killed in my theater classes on a pair that were hit allegedly by Sam. And I am saying about the weather because

he thought they were a stop sign.

They were fire hydrant, right? And that is not alleged. That's proven. I did hit the kids. I do not know

they didn't die. They disappeared. And so the documentary is about how these 12 kids, all twins living in Cuba, are living in Cuba on, and I am not Bonnie Simo. And so there's a lot of edited photos of what I think they look like now when Cuban had smoking cigars of

what you think they look like

right, because we haven't found them. But it's kind of like if you're in Cuba and you see this kid and I take a photo and it's a kid in a hat wearing all linens, Uh,

it's not living close.

No, on scientifically. That's called the hypothesis, right? You know what

you do? It's a scientific hypothesis, and I'm waiting for it to be proven. So anyway, Padre, I mean, you should see this kid. Most students just infuriating their hot is they're not as adult as I am. They're going through these changes and they don't know what it is and they're asking for help.

You expect the kids to be sort of your equal, and if they're not, it's a free old

struggle so hard to teach them how to be an adult. Just be that where Padre kid. I'm not having issues with, um so I mean,

what you say. It's not year. Wait

a question from We're not going to sit here and roast you for a whole day. Look, And and I mean, honestly, it Otherwise, if this is all true, this sounds like you are You really are about as normal as you've ever been.

Time normal or not normal. Back to basics, baby. Sam, I really enjoyed the the weekly barbecues. You've been having a really good for morale.

Thank you so much. Yeah, those have been really, really good for morale. Uh, we haven't

had nearly enough. Al on campus.

Where is our

Hewlett shows up

T o on. And that's what I That's what I noticed that the school was missing.

Try to trick out, to kill. Come around.

That's right. That's right. I know he had been pretty offended when Al and our previous principal have gotten in a big, big, big

fight between Al In the print I

saw Prince I with right. It was a

house of fat man, you know,

way. Love

it. I mean Rovio. He's fat, He's funny. He bumps into things. Sometimes they stick.

He's always in real movies. Is really fatties overweight way

really, really, really chunky. Exactly. And

talk to him. And not only is he smart, but he's fat

thes. He's very complimentary of you and checks in with things that you are have been working on A remembers things about you. And he's fact

exactly, exactly, treats that he normally used to treat the kids really wonderfully like the kids all really loved him. He was super fat and they always like he did. They all did good on his his test

just a classic example of a good communicator where only as happy as we are fat as we are fat? No, not just fat as we are. We're only as happy as we can Let others in right. And he kills gives you exactly what he needs. I need food and companionship because I'm alone and hungry. And so what? I invite him to a barbecue. I you know, we knock them both out there. He's having a blast.

Is that the only thing that so these barbecues obviously have been having our for more. Our great former and but but also

for morale really boosts everybody's feeling. Yeah,

yes, yeah, everybody's had better feelings. It was better feelings

had morale, and and I'm really proud of that. It's my first assignment this year. I haven't having barbecues for yourself. It's my first assignment that I've been able to tackle because of my emotional re centering. I was in a pretty heightened space last year. I'm just silly talking about it. Um, for last couple years actually blew the school were balloon, you little robots. Little cowboys. It's It's been an emotional journey, and I feel like I'm finally getting back to myself. Yeah, So barbecues have been a nice way to avoid any of my work at school. Yeah, and do something that we all actually enjoy instead of like, picking up the phones

or which have literally run off the hook now direct.

Yeah, they're broken, which is wonderful. Which is wonderful, because now that pesky sound is gone. What

they say, You know, if you have a line outside, it makes people want to come in. And a lot of people say, Like, That's not how schools work. No, we don't join. In the middle of the year,

we've had show up on height furiously trying to get in touch with school. And I think that's because of the line. I mean, because of the line of them not being able to get through. They want to reach us even more. There some scheduling problem in some delivery problems we've had, we have

a right to their students. Measles, mumps and rubella Vaccinations were postponed because we never heard from the reps, even though they left multiple.

Yes, measles. Measles is coming back in America. Yeah,

students, the measles, mumps and rubella. Immunizations or postponed. So stay away from all three of those things until further notice.

I actually I have mumps, right? Monster back mumps are honestly not that bad. You guys see him? No, no, no. Just bump. Well, let me show you my months. See those

those air mumps. So those, let's let's describe these numbers, look like for

our audience what you're seeing

readers, Our readers and listeners at

home. But again, if you're reading the transcript of this for a deaf students, was I

thes mumps? Look about like fist size growths on her

mom is drawn on him.

Yeah, they're pictures of my British mother.

Little bumps with pictures of your British mother there

months. And you did just have bumps.

Yeah, you're not officially, These are not what people know. They in the doctor community, giant doctor, community. These are things that I've called mumps. They're not actual mumps. These are not official months. You know, like the merchant wearing These are not official

member. You were an unofficial month,

right? Exactly. Um but I'm hoping that some of the Scottish you will go down. Um, you know, as I you guys all know I was once an ostrich. Um, I was younger. I was once a bear, so I've got a lot of stuff going on inside,

but strong immunity. I mean, you're not You've got immunity from both those animals. That really makes you absolutely

your immune to ostriches and bears. It's pretty. And

you you got really rocked by a bear thrown around. Ah, torn up. And you're totally into

it. Yeah, No, I go camping all the time and I get, like, tough just tossed around and thrown up against trees with their jaws. That's

not one bear. Try to eat you like a human eating lobster. Put a little bit, bond, but break you up in Depew.

You crack me up and break me the butter and get me but

trying to turn you into butter while

you're trying to show me the butter. It almost seemed like now, obviously the crazy thing it seems like the crazy thing is that I a man is and being eaten like a fancy meal by a bear. Right? But what was weirder to me is that the pair was obviously celebrating something like a bear.

That bear does not always have a nice lobster.

It was There was rare that he was there having a lot of these people are Other bears were congratulating him and felt like, Yeah, you.

That is the weird thing. You think that is the weird thing

you want eating up Ray Lewis because he was trying to do a surf and turf?

That's right. That's right. And unfortunately, he couldn't get it. Surf you could get it because you were sopping wet, right? You would just come out of your

story. Yes, I was. When you

were surfing up in the mountains,

it was in Big Sur. I was a Big Sur. Beautiful, uh, which is guarded HBO. Take out a big surf. California. It's not nice. Uh, it's southeast, southeast,

deep south east.

Um, anyway, yeah, I know. I was immune to that. I made it through that. I survived. That's good. Bear attack.

Bear's birthday. Maybe that wasn't it.

I mean, I ended up being attacked, but it was a bear celebration. Survive that spare

celebration. That's really nice. Let's do, um you had the big marching being competition against Ah Drumline. Featuring who was the person that they had featured there they featured

was the Neptunes. It was it was the Neptune.

It was It was it was

It was our six person sitting ban against a drum line with the Neptune Perot.

And I saw

that the whole stadium show with the smog

snow that that's among machine they It's been a lot of money on getting getting the stadium really dirty. Ah, and they you know, when I saw their, uh, their show. I was, um I was scared. You know, I I went I was as prepared as a guy with a six person marching band. Could be OK. And I we watched there. We watched their show, and it was just like I mean, smog is everywhere. They had, like, trash trucks coming in from both sides, sinking to the beeps. Why, uh, there was the whole theme of their show eyes. The theme of their shows. Uh,

theme was about global climate change is changing. Climate change is real. Filling with smoke and being like, Is anyone warmer, Colder Second, people talking about climate change in what way you think about that?

The earth it warms, it cools. There was an ice age like it's gonna be fine.

Yes, it's not. I mean, what, you want us to stop burning coal and oil because you think it's bad for us all. Sit in a room with Colin oil burning and prove to you it's fine for us. Sort of enclosed space.

Yeah, you're going to do a, um, a Morgan Spurlock like with McDonald's. But with coal and oil burning in a room

room for a month, uh, with coal and oil, and it's gonna show that just like super size me showed that McDonald's is fine. Yeah, this is gonna show that global warming doesn't exist. And I'm gonna be more smug and more annoying than Morgan Spurlock.

I don't know. I don't know. Good luck.

Yeah. The other thing they can I have in common is we both hosted a crappy nineties and TV reality show.

Really? Oh, yeah. You hosted,

um, Sprung. Broke, right? Yeah, I hosted MTV. Sprung, broke. And so these were people who had just been gotten off a bail out of prison. They just got sprung and had no money. It was not sexy. Yes.

You took him to South Beach to rob everybody who was on spring break.

Yeah. Yeah. So we robbed we Rob Bill Bellamy. We're updating Cortez. Rob. Vitamin C. I

t. V really set up their own employees there.

Yeah. Yeah. Kurt Loder way tried to rob him. Um,

US murdered loaders. Oh, yeah. Yes. Yeah, It was while

I wasn't. And that was a hologram. For the last seven years of his career,

when they invented the hologram technology, they wanted to use it on someone, Important said, Let's try it with load or first. This is the guy.

This is the guy for sure.

And then if this works, we'll take a step down to Two Park or someone like that. So no less of an effect on the cultural atmosphere.

Loader, who lived to about 65 mildly read news to people who weren't interested, opposed to, you know, to pack who only lived to 25 changed music forever.

Well, you know what? Loader made a deal with the devil. This is true. You could have no talent but somehow continued to do a job that nobody wanted or needed. Reading news on MTV.

That's the deal. That's the best deal I've ever.

God, I love that.

And what did you What did he give up?

What did he give up? Attractive missing personality.

He was handsome. He was Fabio. Fabio asked and give it

up. Never after work. Yeah, he had. Did Cortez's body. Yeah, that was the trade. And Cortez had to be famous for four years, and then nothing.

We're normal now,

So, uh, band is playing against the Neptunes. It's filled with far

warming isn't really small.

Their prominence Margon And I mean, when their performance was done, the judges stood up and clapped. They gave him a standing ovation. They actually they actually asked if they could just cancel the cancel the whole competition. And I said, Please, just let us go. Uh, I begged them to please let us go. I know it was bad, but then, you know, I decided to make a huge choice, all right? And and I got found out mid performance

way were all there. We also I was so humiliated.

It was it was maybe the most humiliating day of my entire life. I had my six, my six marching band members go out on the stage, and I had him all have those, uh, you know, those old gags where you'd have, like, a pole with mannequins attached to it and make one so one person can control five or six very t to make a 30. I tried to make a 30 person band out of six people. Ah, and you know, to fill out that sound, I took a page out of the old Milli Vanilli handbook and

and you win a little we'll even Ili way because you were trying to make a 30 person. You took six people and you put ah five

on each of the person was 6 64 person

band, which is a Lego way.

You went well, even Ellie with

on. And so anyway, mid mid track, their plan, their plan attacks and it's getting hot in here, The Nelly song. So you're playing that track with Nellie's voice, his voice So? But I thought it was within theme. It was within the theme. They were doing global warming and I was like,

It is getting hot

in here.

You're kind of doing a rebuttal. This was almost the debate.

Yeah, yeah, I tried to make it that, but then

then, of course, the CD skipped. It was just It's getting it. It's getting it's getting in. And use any

of that is because you had kept the CD on the ground in your car. Three months

I fished around in

my car for something, and all I could find was a CD that honestly looked like I'd scraped it on concrete for a few days. Well, the

bottom of your car is concrete, right? because my car car was dragging,

I I lowered it. I lowered a lot. Too much of my came. I

lowered it because I thought it was cool. But then the sort of bottom burned out as I drove it for a little

while that all your tires pop. So you had to put that large tusk as one big front wheel across the front.

Yes. So it's now more of a sled that I pushed with my feet and whoever is the passenger keep

denying that. That is elephant tusk. But we know it. ISS Uh, no, it is.

It's not an elephant tusk. It's artificial elephant. Uh,

okay, then where's how? Right When you got that in your car, the elephant at the zoo lost its test. Coincidentally,

Yeah, You're gonna have asked the zookeepers. Okay, I don't know. What are you saying? That I would give you know what's funny? That footage was doctored. The man on the man in that footage is is way more pale than me. Uh, before you

say you have cartoonishly 10 you've obviously gone to attending. But a

judge today before you say that I paid myself with with wood stain every morning to make me not look as pale as I actually am. Yeah,

well, when you say more

pale, you mean more like a bucket? Yes, the guy. I mean, listen, the guy in the video, the guy in the video was didn't look anything like a bucket and look at me.

Yeah, you look exactly

like a bucket. Eso eso I mean, either either I put on a costume that made me look nothing like a bucket. Right? And I went in there and I and I used a new electric saw to cut the tusk off of an elephant.

You know,

I think we

need to know a little more about you hear the band teacher, and you're pathetic because your band sucks. But what's your boss? What's your ethos? I mean, you drive a Flintstone's car, you're working with almost nothing.

My my ethos, and I mean that I would say my ethos in general is to just make do with what you have. OK? Don't push. And of the land, you're resourceful. I'm resourceful, guy. I mean, and you gotta be, you know, working, working as a teacher. You know, for the past 15 years, I've been a teacher, and every time a problem comes to my face, you know, you could either stop and say, Well, I can't fix this. So there's no there's no path forward. Or you can say I'm gonna cut a few corners, a lot of corners and I'm going to solve this problem in the best way that I can. Usually that means, uh, doing a bad job. T get the same result,

but it But that's a job that no one else is doing, right? So if I finish it, you can't tell me that you're not satisfied with how it got done. I'm on your same page.

Yeah, yeah, yes, the job. If the job gets done, it doesn't matter if you cheat Steel break laws a song as the job gets done, and that's what it always what, always the way that I've operate

that's going a little far. I used to agree with you, but I'm normal now, and I think that that is that's a little too much for I think, what we're trying to do this year. Am I right? I mean, lounge world. We all got to support each other, right and I don't want to go any crazier than anyone else I know.

We've been to hell and back and were normal. Now,

um well, uh, we do want to say, take a pic quick break, but we need to get some materials in the lounge, you know, because Howard paid for everything before. Now he's dead. So we've had to get some sponsorships today. Way Got a new sponsor for our headphones eso were wearing on. We recommend this to anyone for any of your headphone needs. We're wearing audio slave way audio slave here, but

yeah, you've all heard of beats by Dre. These airhead bones by audio slated,

there's no pun. They're just called headphones by audio slave.

And let me let me tell you something. I got these headphones home right now, and I have never heard so much travel. Hi, Just what you want.

Honestly, I can't tell if what I'm hearing is my tinnitus or you Tinnitus. Tinnitus?

What does that mean?

Teoh Correct with production. So if that's the right way, it's tentative.

What's tonight? Us. Then

tonight it's or tinnitus is ear ringing. It's permanent earrings.

Wake up and you never feel like It's morning. That's when you have tonight. Us. You, You, you and you always think it's nighttime. You always think it's time for dinner. Yes, I had tonight us for a while. It was so sure tough

because I woke up this morning. Eight. A big, big roast beef was like, I get a college. Everybody

I area you get a big roast beef slather on some horseradish in a few glasses of wine. You're back to bed by 10 a.m. You think it's

B? Wait, you're suffering from tonight s Go ahead and come on down to the lounge will help you out with that. We've all been there, so I just

laid earbuds. Sponsor today's podcast. We'll be right back with more

attention, Hamilton Students, If you see Dana Carvey wandering around campus, let us know. I repeat, if you see Dana Carvey walking around campus, let us know submissions are open for church lady class on Friday. Well,

we got a guest in the lounge today. More normal now, So we're trying to bring in Ah, guests. That air is normal. Is us on dso this gentleman we've known for a while. We're excited. Teoh have him on here to talk about his life. He is a class pet rep, and his name is Greg List sessions A. Greg,

It's really nice to be here around a bunch of normal guys.

You man, you really keep us stocked with class pads

for not the first time we've met. Obviously

love your family.

Love your family.

They're a great family. Been around for centuries.

Now you have multiple families. You have your human family, right. But also your family that you call your animal,

right? Well, I have three human families. I don't want to give short shrift to the other two. They rank second and third behind the first place family, of course. But animal kind is I kind of hold as another family. Right?

So you deal with animals, is your family, But also, you got a wife and kids, another wife and kids and then a husband and adopted kids, and you rate them against each other and the share your time between all

of them. Correct. And again, it's nice to be around a bunch of normal guys

again. I think this is really a big love.

You have a big love. Yeah, you can house a lot of love. Yes, well, you know, I'm fortunate enough to work in the pet rep industry, which, as you know, is one of the most lucrative careers you can possibly tickets. So I have enough money to kind of support, you know, multiple family.

There's a lot of money in Big Pet, and everybody knows everybody has big pet. They got the lobbyist in Washington. They control a lot of what's going

on a little They're not supposed to be. What you don't understand about a lot of media is that there are most of those air written with no animals involved in. Pet comes in and they make sure there are animals in every script they get on TV. They get representation out there

for pet Grassy was originally just about a nice boy.

Im export. It was

cold, laddie. Mister Ed was just a big loser who they would put peanut butter in this teeth. Human man. Yeah,

that's one of our industries. Great punch ups was take this peanut butter mouth. It would turn into a horse.

I also thought it was great. I thought it was

great that you guys took homeward bound from a silent movie of just landscapes on and added animals to everything. And

that was the easiest sell we ever had because it was a pretty bad idea. Originally

that was supposed to be. It was sold as the worst movie of all

was sold as this will bring in people in awe of the badman.

Yeah, we're ready to put Warner Brothers out of business and here's how we're going to do it.

The poster said, Worse than Varitek. Yeah,

I don't Please never be.

I'll tell you what. The Duplass brothers were furious when we got those animals in there. They just wanted to film those mumbly landscapes. We sort of a

battle. Originally the Duplass brothers,

their father was the

way they're like they're a long line. The Duplass mothers are actually might be a where

I was into the deposit. Grandma's

Well, I'll tell you what's fucked up. Have you seen the last two plus uncles film, my friend, that is a fact. Up was pretty packed out right

now. You look like a guy that deals with pets a lot. Ah, ponytail, thick, long mustache too fast, all

scratched up arms and

and I apologize for the scratches.

It's OK. It's OK. So what is your day to day? How do you sell a teacher on having a pet? Sure. So what kind of pets do you like to

sell? Yeah. I mean, the way I look at it is really quite is a lot like, you know, the way a guy comes in selling candy at a vending machine. Okay, I'm coming around. I'm looking for empty pet cages at a school thin on. Used to start on, um, places where you can confine animals. Right. That's where you start with. Absolutely. I'll take a shoe boxes. Any sort of open vestibule lockers. I've been really pushing to keep a lot of animals in lockers, and

a big thing in the district is surprised. Pet locker. Right. So

what I've been doing is spend a lot of time giving lizards wedgies and cramming them into a locker just like a demo for Well, for what? You can dio nights are

dynamic. Yeah. The ninth graders have a big a big ass pelican and one of the That's right. That's that cold class pan.

The pelican. Yeah, Peter, The hand reared him I took him from appear hand reared him to just be, you know, sort of perfect companion for And

how did you feel about that? To lose a pelican. You took us P

e r rather than a P I er yeah,

that was similar age in background to

right. I mean, look. Look in the animal Rep. Trade. It's cut throat. Okay. I mean, there's a lot of animals floating around. And so I went in and I at night snuck into his apartment, abducted the pelican. I first had to duck tape. It's big old beak shut. And I'll tell you what I went through an entire roll of duct tape. The's air huge beaks

because this is a big ass pill

and was one of the biggest. I don't know, a ton about pelican beaks, but I know that if they have a lot of don't start, don't want tea. I don't want tea. I don't want to offend anybody, But I do know that their beaks can be bigger if they've got a bunch of fish in their goal it at the time.

Correct? Yeah. What was it? That was his goal. It's stuffed with

a stuffed color called stuff. Goal. It,

um I know this pelican. I'm glad you brought it around cause I've been using it. Teoh deliver babies. Women. Uh,

you know this pelican? Yes. Yeah, I

know this pelican. Well, I've been using him since he's been around. Um,

hell of Appellate Stark. What's not a stork? Storks are played out. What? I get a much better mark up on a pelican than a stork, Actually, that just candidly.

Very interesting.

Kylie the kangaroo has been a I think a joy to the students around campus thing on the boxing team loves them. Was that Ah, Did you get that from Australia or what was the strength and

watched it resuscitated it back here in North America? I thought I had it killed. You know, I'm a big I'm a big game hunter myself, you know? You know, it's there's a lot of cross over in this in this

now, there's nothing that feels more powerful than having a gun and murdering a huge animal from

absolutely correct. Yeah, it's so cool. Your people show me photos of their hunting where they go toe like Alaska, and they kill some huge thing and they're like leg

of this. I recently poached a giant squid. What? The ocean. Harpoon it straight through the

Did you make calamari? What do you do with a giant drank ally? Made

the biggest calamari you've ever seen, like an inner tube. And this e had my friends eat it from around my waist. A party

luau or something that feels like a cool version

will tell you what you signed a big contract with Pacific Coast animals, and that's the kind of party we're gonna

sitio. I like this incentivizing right now. We have you on an animal by animal basis and you're trying to get us on a kind

I want to return.

I cannot out just a couple of issues that I have one or two. It's beautiful. I have a couple of issues with your business model if I'm being honest, you know, in high school, such as ours, you know, the kids sort of switched classes all day long. You know the part in an elementary school class pets makes sense because you're in the same class all day long. You don't go to a different class. You develop a relationship with that bunny or guinea pigs

sense an elementary school. They're good for learning.

They teach you how to how to nurture or something in high school. You know, you're you're moving around. You're not focused on one place. Is your home base? I mean, every everybody has a home room, obviously. But the kids don't really foster that Sort of like one on one connection with the pet eso. How do you sort of look at that in terms of how your role can be sort of melded into the high

school system shirt? Sure, sure. So I see this is a big opportunity for the industry, A real tuna melt of an opportunity. And the way I see it is, animals never stopped teaching us, right. We learn a little bit about human relationships, how to take care of things when we're younger. When were in high school. This is when our hormones start raging wear looking ass. We're looking at other people as sexual beings. For the first time,

almost a spray

almost is pray Precisely. So we come in. We had gives students the opportunity to truly feel like an apex predator in, you know, the school environment given the context to go, you know, ask Suzy to the dance.

So you're saying the way that they're trained here is not like how you would maybe get a kid dog? Or maybe a couple gets a dog when they want to have a baby, just to see how they work together. You're saying you bring animals so that the kids learn how to hunt? Yeah, be a predator.

It seems like you're dressing up the students to be one level in the food chain above whatever the class pet is, and they fuck with it.

Exactly. And that is our, you know, Birthright Aziz humankind, you know? You know, for example, you've been recently dressing like Harambe.

That's correct. Yeah,

And I think that there's more than a little of that is mocking his status as lower than us on the food, huh? A za person who personally put a bullet through his

head. Wow, That's right. Oh, my God. I had no idea.

That's right. You're the man that killed her on. But that's right.

Congratulations. I know you got a lot of shit for that.

You know it? I did. Yeah, but I'll take it. You know

you also. You were the with the dentist that killed cease little lion. Right? Correct. So you killed a lot of

talk him into it.

Hey, didn't want to. He was

there to fix his t.

Absolutely. Didn't want to be absolutely