The guys discuss Hollywood secrets, skateboarding and pornography. Then, YouTube Star E. Dream Vignette drops by to talk about becoming famous after the success of her recent viral videos.
Yeah, I'm just trying to package right now, I'm trying to find material package material. I really open to any pitches. You know, earlier we had we had a pitch for the Coneheads. You know, the old SNL premise, but in case
Yeah, Cuban cone. But I think there's my I think there's something interesting there.
Well, we're trying to get Ackroyd on board
to be a Cuban conehead.
What about Cuban? Um a cow bell
Cuban Gow Bell. 00 from the SNL sketch rag. That
could be a
property that could be a property. Is he has an agent. You don't really have to have the whole idea. You just have to have a logline. Something to sell him something. Get butts in seats. You know, more cow Bo
My Yeah, keeping. I mean, I love packaging. I love agencies taking stuff and putting it together. It's really, really interesting.
I've learned that that's where all the creativity actually is. Ah, it's from the slamming stuff together, The agents saying it's this means this It's field of dreams meets about star Galactica. It zee, it's ah, Waterworld meets for love of the game. It's, you
know it's you getting a lot of sci fi meets. Ah, Costner.
Yeah, that's what we're starting with. I mean, you know, time tested, you know?
Yeah. I mean, it's good, though, that you
rush hour meets role rumble in the Bronx. It's, uh, things how you're supposed to be thinking right? So it's sort of its jaws in a twister that Yeah, that's packaging three
and a twisted thought about that. How you break down the movie into just the two things that the two elements kind of put him together.
That's it. That Spider Man meets Spiderman two.
So it's Spider Man 33 Do
you know that
movie originally was about? Ah, a Kevin Costner is the star of Twister. No, no, no, It's his name Built Poll Bill the Taxman Paxman Bill Packs man Bill Pacman Bill Pac Man, Did you know Ah, that that movie was originally about chasing that board game. Really?
No, I had heard about this.
Oh, so it was one of these corporate packaging deals. Mattel, Big
Mattel with Mattel. Bechtel be hushed kiss.
But then they were about to make it that way, and then big weather took over.
Whether came in and the
Weather Channel has had a huge influx of money.
Oh, my God. Reason the wet, the money and weather.
They said I remember them saying, I don't know if twisters air good for America, but they're good for the Weather Channel.
Yes, they are. Yes, they are. Where? You know, there originally wasn't a weather. The weather channel broad in cold. That's right. To make money.
Once there was a channel they had to provide. Interesting.
They introduced the idea into consciousness. Find out all that once getting high with your whole world starts to crumble. But then you start seeing those dollar signs. You're like I want to create my type of weather
Anyway. Are you guys ready? Good God, no. I was going to say, Are you guys ready
to record? And I looked down and we've been recording this whole time. I
never thought I would hate my friend who came back to life in another person's body. It sounds like an awesome thing that you would laugh, but you really pissing me on. It's disappointing.
I'm sorry.
Way We were on a roll.
I'm looking. My arthritis is acting. Operate, come over there and I'd slap the smile off your dumb face.
Hey, don't slap, Please don't slap my new face. Look new. He's the I guy teeth
or back in. You look good.
I got went back to the dental surgeon and I said, Hey, you put bad teeth in my mouth according to my friends and they said, All right, let me give you another world
Years time around he gave you baby teeth.
He gave me maybe Brownback Brown baby teeth that looked horrible in my mouth for some reason.
And and you keep
saying I strictly went to the oral surgeon. I did not have any work done, but
I think you went to a couple of certain out.
You were gone for six weeks.
That's right. It's been six weeks is recorded. Never all
pretty sure you weren't golfing the whole time
I said I was God told you I took a vacation to Pebble Beach. I went to Pebble Beach because you guys know him a huge golfer.
I didn't know that about you. Actually,
Really. You've never heard me talking about golf. I talk about golf all the time on this On this podcast. There's been at least 10 to 15 instances of me talking about golf. L A.
One day I was chipping whiffle balls in the backyard and you you came out and said, What's that big stick in your hand? And I said, This is a golf club.
I was tired. I start sleeping my eyes. I rubbed the sleep better, my eyes and I realized, Oh, he's That's a golf club I didn't think you were. I didn't think it was just a stick. Listen,
let's inject talents.
Are you trying to look like Michael or what? Are you trying to look like M. J?
Because it seems like
there's some type of Corey Feldman going on here.
Do you guys think Here's what you think. You think
you're obsessed with the King of Pop?
You guys think that I was excited when Todd kicked my teeth out because then I used that as an excuse to get all the elective cosmetic surgery inside out. The
whole shebang. We don't believe we do not believe that that that guy bubbles is your caddy. That's a monkey. No
way we can hear you screaming Billie Jean in your room. That's right. Doing the by the way to carry
back for my fucking piano that you dance all over?
Yeah. What do you mean, trying to put a goddamn cara
sale in the day in the yard? All
right, do.
And I would love if, uh, Elvis Presley's daughter stopped hanging around the house. I do not buy those kisses that you guys keep having. It
really is. You keep date me. You keep
inviting us. All the rumor going How about us now?
Also, guys, I think if we're nice people, we gotta have a talk with Lisa Marie
Eyes to me. What is she doing hanging out with you can
on old Michael Jackson rip off? I mean, how Satish?
Well, okay, You know what? We could weaken hard the rest of our entire fucking life,
or we cut your hair on fire with Pepsi in your hand. That was the game.
And so, yeah, I put a wind tunnel in the backyard so I could have my loose black shirt blowing some wind while i the shove
My more like Marilyn Monroe than Michael Jackson. Its way came Bible, your skirt right over your head.
Yeah. Sorry. I I installed the fan in the wrong direction in my wind tunnel.
What did you get?
Plastic surgeries. Two ways. Because you have beautiful bucks of breasts.
Don't apologize. You apologize to the news crew. That was their
story as well as a thin nose. Jackson. Some
guys. I was really hoping that I could side these things in under the radar. They were subtle.
You look like Michael Jackson meets Marilyn Monroe.
Michael Jackson from the neck up and Monroe from the neck down.
God, I just I thought
so many successful people have iconic looks. And I said, You know what? Who were the two most iconic looks in all of the entertainment industry? Marilyn Monroe and Michael Jackson. And what can I do to make that unique? I combined the two. And so you think the hair the hair is bad?
Well, don't you think
it was gonna be a distraction at work? You're teaching, right? What was to be a teacher?
Yeah. Weight set, aging.
They told me I could do whatever the hell I want. I told I honestly was given so much freedom. Anyone? We need to start the show. Uh,
this is the show. Yeah, well, where What Okay, well, show is just us yapping. Howard and stews. Right.
But we need to do the insurer that we always do to show way. Don't have to
wait. A fucking carried him are OK, fine way Won't do it. Then. Let's just jump right in garden hours. All right?
At it. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the teacher's lounge. Used to be the first best it only podcast pertaining issues relevant to the Hamilton High School community. But of course we've gone Hollywood. Uh, I'm of course, Howard Howard Levis, Your house One of your four house here with my buddies.
Sam Silver K Sam Weatherman, A k a. Sami Saks. Oh, ahead. Agent. He said engine for
you, Sammy. Sex is here. Sammy Segni offices Nasty. Oh, it
stinks. It smells like sweat ass. A diffuser with tea tree oil. A man card. Newark alone. You
have turned the top floor of that agency into straight up hedonism.
That's right. Hedonism Two.
The sequel. Yes, the sequel to Hedonism. So I'm here. Yeah. Todd, Padre and Bill crave
E
Todd, Padre. Nothing is that
I have no current credits right now. Yeah, that's correct. What's
going on with theater wrote.
You gotta act as if what are your director? Until you say you're not what's going on in your time,
right? You know what? I'm done. I'm done with the industry. Oh, God, it's the You know that. It's told me it doesn't want me. Coward. I took the home.
You're a coward,
not a coward. I've worked my whole life and I've failed, and I'm moving on
anything about thick skin. Oh, stop quipping, Sam. Sex is with and tied with a big whip.
It's one of those sexy dominatrix whips
heard it just hurts enough
now, Sam. Todd, what is
the What was the final straw for you? What was the final straw? Been six weeks since I last record.
I mean, so I Look, uh, it's just I went into an audition and I started laughing before I got through the door all the
way. One audition that bto. You don't
know if they were laughing at you. Maybe somebody told a funny joke before you walked in. You know, the your foot stepped in the
door, stepped in the door. They said, uh, next up for role of handsome young boy Todd Padre and I stepped through the door. And instead of cracking,
what was this project casting? Handsome young boy?
I don't know. It was, uh call me by your name, too. Okay,
Also, it's coming by your thing. This
is called very name. Also
kind of a look who's talking situation in more ways than one.
Is it from the original? Producers and writers
know knows Travolta, Kirstie Alley. It's the lookers talking crew.
They bought the right
booth, turning into quite a broad comedy.
So it s so call me by your name to is is like this movie in that it's a young baby who is in a young gay relationships,
a young baby discovering he's gay and falling in love with a baby that's a little bit of a sexy year
old. Okay, you're take place in Italy. Yes, yes, I was paying the
other baby. Is that Travolta and see the parents?
Travolta's playing the baby. I don't I don't know who is doing the voice of the baby.
He's taking the right. Is he taking the right off?
Well, he said, he's shaving his hair, for
he put out a press release
that said he's gonna shave with
the world. I'll shave my real hair off for this
long known Hollywood secret. John Travolta's Hair Israel
Way look like it's a big secret in Hollywood. Big Sanders. They're Israel. We
all know it. Believe it. Your biggest secrets And I would is John Travolta's hair Israel. And he's normal.
I Yeah, yeah. I don't
know if you've heard this giant secret heaven space. He is actually gay. Yes,
well, that's used to make that's used to make because we were in a long what I thought was a non gay relationship. What was happening? What's that? What was happening in? We'd see movies and grab drinks, have sex with each other.
So you weren't here. What's
that? You thought that was not
told me he was straight. And I said to me, too. So it's fine
on this. Has been going on for about the last 34 weeks?
Um, yeah. It's pretty recent. It was raising. Yeah, he had a lot of free time on saying that. Wouldn't explain why. Oh,
yeah, I heard any news about him.
I heard some stuff, but you can't believe what you read in the paper.
Yeah. Stuff on the Internet sank.
That's right, as far as I know. So I walked into the audition for car by your name, Common t o. And I said, Hi, Todd Padre for a handsome young man And they laughed. Their ass is off. And these are my heroes. Travolta, Kirstie Alley, Bruce Willis, Scott back you'll I mean, everyone's there. What's that
there on the casting?
Because it was it was in front of producers. It was straight dish. Oh, yeah, it was straight to the producers. It was It
was in the front row of
Write it produce. Yeah, they're coming right in. And it's Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick on stage. Lame it Lane is wailing. Brodrick acting all weird. Venezuela will aim is wailing and the audience is going down in front.
They're saying two down in front of their saying to Assad is,
I just stood in front of them. I've walked into it right in front of
in front of your The way is not Edition, but Travolta and Willis there, they're holding out there laughing at
you left. There s e I think this was some crazy huge Mel Brooks Travolta. You
never know how deep Mel is going. I bet you that was.
If you get lampooned by mail, that is Taaffe.
Well, it's sucked. And
I have had a friend has been harpooned by mouth. Really? Yeah. You stay. He was killed by Mel Gibson way before
he was lampooning. He
was harping. Yeah, you say Mel Gibson. Sorry. I was wrong. Three other mouth.
Wow, that's tough. That's tough, Todd. While I built. But
that same friend was cartooned by Mel Gibson. Hey was drawn. Leno get
really? Yeah, caricature. Really? Gibson has been doing those caricatures on the boardwalk. Yes. Yeah, and I'll say there about his offensive, as you'd imagine.
Well, there's definitely a theme. Yes,
he heightens certain things. Let's just say everybody
leaves with a
pretty sizable schnozzle.
Well, I mean, what am I supposed to dio what you say?
It's pretty crazy. How? Just like it. See, he seems like he's really discerning his clientele. He turns a lot of people away because it looks like he only wants to drunk Rto Ghar characters of certain kinds of feet.
Right way allowing happened Will Farrell's there, and he said, I'm fine with this. I don't care about my good name. That's you. Go ahead and tarnish that shit form. That's right. So, yeah, giving
the thumbs up, right?
That's right. Mark Wahlberg was there beating someone senseless, saying I also approve of ways
that made sets.
Right. So what? Look at May. So, yeah, uh, your friend definitely got cartoon by him. Bill. How's it going?
It's going pretty
good. Formerly Christmas Boy. Now I am very much Sam's boy. He is
giving that kiss. Sam. This'll relationship is gay or more.
That's That's the problem. It's
professional's professional in this l a stuff. You know, business is love. So we're just showing each other love, showing each other business. Same time.
Yes, Sam's been Get me out there. I auditioned for pilot season. The, uh, show
he's in the musical, right? Written
by 21 pilots.
Yes, yes, that was really good. Um, you know,
things were good,
though. You're kind of taking me around town, getting a publicist, an accountant.
I walk around town in one of those little backpack leash things, and I take him into his auditions. I dropped him on like
the little kids have them with their They have a rambunctious kid in the mall and then kind of strapped to their mother. Yes. That's what I'm in.
Yeah, because, you know, we've tried to been get you in these rooms and really let you unleash your energy way. Sort of. We tell you to go method. And you know you do. Yeah. Your high energy kid. All day until we lay losing that room. Yes, I go Method, man. Uh,
that's right. So you've been doing all your auditions as in character as Method Man. Is that right?
Yeah. It's been very tough. It's been a tough sell, right? With the right rooms. Really like
it? I like me. I go method.
You know, I'm preparing to do that on sat when I get projects. And,
know a lot of method men specifics. What you guys know you've seen me dio
of course, I
Well, I know your high all the time now.
Yes, he has. Absolutely.
You defend befriended a red man?
Yes. Yeah, man. Red man. Hang out because I'm going method
sometimes walk the two of them around on leashes and, um yeah, but go to auditions together.
So what's it like being a successful actor in Hollywood? because you're your commercial just came out and people people were really excited about that. I'm not one of those people, but they're playing it a lot. And that's great.
Mike Marsh. Oh yes,
for the hair. Y p
Yeah, you booked it ad for a product that I made famous well, when my play with To Broadway and became an infomercial Broadway,
New Jersey, you could say he booked your play because it is the infomercial that he booked is it's dead. The text. If
I knew you were going to bring this up and it's got nothing to do with you I mean their their their own company.
Contractually, it's got nothing to do with you. And you share out of the
companies Say that,
I'm sure. Am I playing you in the commercial? Yes, but it's
only because
I know you and they know I know you. So they know I can pull from your life,
right? A lot of stuff you say in there. It felt like you were just riffing opinions about me.
Well, you know, there was some
improvisation on set, Todd, if this makes you feel any better, they were really looking for a way to get you into the commercial. They were asking us about it. They were really saying, like, we want to get this original guy in here.
Why didn't you get them in touch with me?
Well, it just it just wasn't working out.
Yes. So you get me to play it?
Sounds like you didn't even try
willing. You know, I'm an agent. I gotta hustle for my clients.
Which I could be one of your cards.
Well, I wanted to get it for 10% of that. I already
OK, Well, you can't like that much from him. He's new to it. He's trying to get as much energy as he can to his his client list. He can't just add everybody who's who's qualified.
I'm at the top of the pile. I can't just make any trust. I want to make you know what I mean? I'm the head age and I have a perfect place to make a choice. I just I have to answer.
It's fine. I don't act anymore. I'm not an actor now. I never wanted to be an actor. Uh,
did you famously wanted to be an actor? Very bad.
I don't define myself by that arm escape, which I'm a big skateboarder.
Dad, you're not. You
bought. You bought it. You bought 1/2 pipe on Craigslist and had it brought over your piece by piece and put together in the backyard. And it's
you're hurting and you're
hurting yourself. Well, yeah, because I don't care, cause I love the sport. It's all for the sport. And I'm hanging out with the hanging out with escape.
No, you're hanging out with horrible kids. I hate him all. Honestly,
little fucking punks. I honestly
fuck you, man. We don't kill shit no more.
No, I still order is not a crime skateboarder. Not way. Don't think it is. The problem is these kids treat us like shit. It's literally the dumbest
way to rebel. Yeah, skateboarding and seven year old man who looks 102. This is the dumbest way you could have possibly ever rebelled.
Okay, Mom and Dad, we'll go ahead and play by your rules. Get a 9 to 5 in an office.
That's not looking way. That's not we're asking. You were saying? Hey, be proud of the fact that you work at Burger King. and stop trying to act like you
do understand your job.
Todd, You want your burger King? I just worked
at Burger King, and I don't work at Burger King.
Todd, your bus came by to drop off your
pay. Sherry's get loss. Todd, come on, Your wailing. Why don't
you just ask for help? Relations.
I don't need help. First of some 41. Now
I know you're there with your friends with 41 year old here. Got ran over by, but he
was 41 years old. He's some 41 year old.
He's not so 41. 41.
Just somebody would
look. The lead singer of some 41 is 41 he is a tall, flat man with spiky hair. Got ran over by a bus. No time. Black man flattened by a bus.
Todd, listen. Listen to yourself for two seconds. You sound absolutely insane. But you lost. Touch yourself. You
have said the same thing about
the boys. A dog town
name one of them. Who are the poisoned dogs down? Name a name. Just wear. Also just like Emile Hirsch. Neil Hersh.
Todd. How many wheels on a skateboard?
14 No, not one of those weird skateboard. I don't know. I don't know. It doesn't matter. I don't do
math anymore because I don't need a nine
to five on goal. Todd, listen, honestly,
as your friend, as a person who cares about you whether you want us to or not, I am very saddened by this, okay? You've been somebody who has worked very hard for his entire life, and I've looked up to you. Okay? And just because you're on hard times doesn't mean that you can just give up, okay? You have a dream, and you need to pursue it.
Todd, let's sexy Sam help you out here. I think I can get you a job at the agency. I think I could get you a job. Is a coffee mule.
These jobs are good. You put coffee up your but you take it
well, you take it to Mexico. You take American coffee if you export to Mexico. This is something that the agency has been doing for a long time.
Take it. Dug. It does to Mexico. Yeah, my butthole.
Well, it's got to be a lot better than skateboarding
when it makes its Dukie doughnuts do conduct do condone? It's
well, that would be a very promising offer to someone who wanted to be an actor in the industry. As you can see, I got all my pads are going
about this time. If you don't want to take you right
to money back, those don't really wear that kind of
like fucking. You look like a football player. You're wearing a sexually football players, you know? Far, Thank you very much. Know Todd. Listen, I'm in a position now with my new job set teaching on this news sci fi trilogy.
Your executive producing Star Wars.
Well, it's not called Star Wars. It's it's and I'm not executive losing. I am set teaching. I don't know how many times I need to tell you guys this, but listen, I'm in a position where I can hire a teacher's assistant.
Are you teaching the uses gay board?
No, that's OK.
Why are you so hooked on skateboarding all of a sudden? I understand running away from acting, but what was even dry in your skateboarding?
I've always loved skateboard.
You're being like
a teenager. Yes, picks a hobby because we've set
for 40 years and you've never You've never once stood on a skateboard once.
Um Okay, well, you haven't seen me with
Stand on one right now. Stand on that. That that weird thing that you brought that you have 14 wheels would on
time surprises immediately. Bailey had one foot on the board shot out. I'm surprised
I was when I was wearing all this press.
I'm surprised that any actual skateboarder we would even be seen with you. You got a 14 wheeled skateboard that's curved.
What fucking teen punk is hanging out with the 100 year old looking man?
Well, I don't know. You can ask the 6 15 year olds that are my good friends. Now,
I saw Tony Hawk has a restraining
order against your ass for now. Yeah, well,
I saw you just doling out money to those kids. I don't think they're your friends. I think they're hanging around and just sucking money on
Well, uh, I don't know.
And they're settling money off you, which I think is a bit over the
weird game.
You you take money to you and they, like, put their mouth on it and pull it off there. But your body.
Yeah. Yeah, that was my rule.
Okay. Not justifying.
That was my rule that we're skateboards. Report croc.
This'll time. I
mean, you got your dreams, your dreams change, and they, you know, that's very play. Your dreams start to
morning. Used to want to be a basketball coach.
Yeah, And now I don't give a shit about basketball I don't even care about
You went to a Clippers game recently.
You saw that The stunt I pulled their You spanked Frankie Muniz. And you know, I like pulling people pants to the ground
when you're back in your element. And that's what you do when you're when you're on the
basketball. Yeah, a kind of a Bobby knight. I went out there roughed up the Clipper.
Yeah, uh, mascot. You roughed up the Clippers.
Guys, like, holds that a hair clipper. Then I beat up a barber.
You beat up a barber that was working. You shove Bill crib. Bill Kristol, Billy Crystal's face and I call him Bill House ever since. Forget Paris.
Yeah, I just like Nicholson and a Lakers game and caused havoc there. That's right.
I was There was a little part of me. That felt a little nostalgic when I saw you run into the back and pull out of trey lasagna and bring
it honestly about pretty good, pretty honestly pretty backing. Honestly,
I'll say, and you guys are gonna call me crazy because life was pretty good for me right now. It kind of made me miss the old days. Yeah. Yeah. Being
a T. Hamilton doesn't want anything to do with us.
They don't want anything to do with
your bond. That's going up twice loss, Their loss. You just made
me yet me to do. You
just go back if they have us.
No, no. Where? No
fucking way. I don't miss that shit all night.
Entertained the idea.
What? Go back to my home. The one place where I feel actually safe and connected the world. No fucking way. That money now
a powerful here.
I just I'm going to live a chapeau again. Yeah, I do that. Before I went
to China, I ate my hometown. I'm not pushing it away because I'm sad and scared that they don't want me. No, I don't miss it at all.
You know, I don't even want to go back either. I didn't like my house that I had there. I didn't
Anyhow, Yeah, I didn't
like that. I already did. I wanted a bigger place. I didn't choose to have the smallest house anybody's ever made. Finally,
Yeah. We're all in a good place. Like get out happy. I like
hanging out with produce and spiky, really crunch and 40 amateur porn producers every night.
That's my tapping night. I don't
love these porn stars, you know, They get a little greedy, their little head in the stars, The's porn producers air real salt of the earth
people. Yeah, they're very I mean, it's nice that they can. They're all somehow aware that you don't need any hair on the top of your head, Aziz. Long as you've got a clean goatee. Yes.
Yeah, And if you're going by weight, here's her hair's hair.
There's hair long. Ask o t know top hair.
These guys like dad.
Yeah, I like anyone that could make a make a little money. Um, however, they were whatever they see fit, you know what I mean? Uh,
they're all hustler.
Everybody watches pornography. I don't I don't I don't care. I don't like it. But most people
there know what I don't care.
Just sounds like a weird thing to say. Like people computer
for people. Try to share a foreign site with me. I say Couldn't care less if
you're not offended.
You just couldn't care less.
I was trying to split a browsers membership with Tide. And he he said, Yeah, I'm in 100%. Here's my card number. And then he emailed me back five minutes later. Just kid, not I care about this shit, but then in bread, this is it said I'm just kidding about Just kidding, right? I really, really want eso. We share one. Todd hogs that ship. It always says loudly, care two minutes ago every
time I see it. So you're both using it the same amount, But we'll
use whether we're sharing it. The membership.
I think someone must have hacked my email or something like that.
You come to terms with who you really are. You know
what time you're You're a porn loving
skateboarder, A port hating block, Bad boy.
Suave bad boys
will have bad boy. Suave. I don't believe so. You guys are saying you love porn, Love
porn. Yeah, but But I have been saying you love porn. Seems like an exaggeration
I don't care about. That's what I'm saying. I don't know why I threw out a small opinion and I get roasted for it. Like I'm lying to. Your face is I don't care about for
Well, because you
spent the last 20 minutes solid telling us that you love skateboarding. Now,
do you realize you just said the words I'm lying to? Your face is what you just said. I don't know why you're acting like I'm lying to your face is like we never said that.
You don't know why you're actually like
hey called Todd. Who is it? The manager. Burger King Gary. Scary. Um, no. Uh, you missed your chef. That's
great that he came here.
I don't know
who you are, man. Todd, this is for Gerry. Gerry, I don't work in a Burger King and I didn't have a shift from 10 to 4 today.
He sounds pretty sure that What's going on, Todd,
you take up this. Hey, I don't work there, but don't fire. May can You were there last night. You're scared. You're
Do you want me to let him anti.
Uh, no, Don't come in. Someone's
in here. You're fired. I worked there. God, no. She he just got fired. Have you and
help. You need to ask for help. I don't need money. Died. Maybe you could write a play about this. Uh, stop crying with great trying to
turn back time. Turn around. Turn back to right into the mirror
for Have been sadder since we got to l A. That I've ever seen.
Way. What? What just happened? I don't know. I just feel
a lot of pressure walking around being method man all the time. I feel like I'm going kind of crazy.
I don't know. I mean, your career is taking off. I think you're ready to be a star. You've got the quality. You've got the talent. We just need you to get famous. We just need
e. I just don't know
what's happened to us, guys. I mean, we've spent what, the last 66 12 weeks. I don't even know how many freakin weeks trying to trying to make our dreams come true in Hollywood. And we're sitting in here. You're crying. You're turning back into
a fucking ostrich cluck around in the privacy of my own home. That's true. I just feel like we're ignoring. We are ignoring
serious issues. Guys, We wanted to go to therapy. I don't know what we need to do. What we need to do something. I
don't go to therapy. Me, nobody Good of there being no way do. Now,
if you're listening out there to go to therapy, don't go there.
Let me be one of the
people to save your life right now and proudly recommend you Don't?
Yes. Don't share any secret about yourself. Ever. Can't trust any fucker. Good boy. Okay, I actually take
that back. Good. Look, those ring kisses I do go to therapy. What? It's not working. My couch is the grind poll again. And my therapist I'm pulling anything on. My therapist is the Ali, and my breakthrough is a superman. Shifty Superman, Shifty. I don't think doesn't really know what your talking and my waiting room are. The members of good Charlotte know
suck. That was an older woman named Charlotte. You wrote good on her sweater. Gave made herself $20 off. You ruined. He ruined her very nice sweater by writing. Good on it. Unbelievable. All right, well, I way need to collect ourselves because it seems like we're all freaking out.
Todd, You
Yeah, I feel fine. We just need to get detox or something. Yeah,
we need to do We need to know. How do you detox? What do you do? You Sana put a fish on your
back? Sure talks. I've been drinking nothing but lean for, like seven hours. Yes. Yeah, I'm fucked up, Arlene. So you're saying see me? I'm standing like there's, ah, wind blowing at me. There's, like, a 40 mile an hour wind.
Your 45 degree angle. It's unbelievable. I look like Michael Jackson. You you you fucking jealous Our so no, I'm not. E could do that better than you. It's my client, right? Your your client to something, no matter what I say.
Howard almost sold me, but his tits got in the
way. Especially he was there. But it's It's not many
the face of Michael Jackson and the monkey of Michael Jackson. But, man, he's got the breast of Monroe.
Alright. What? I looked like I might be going golfing again. This make sure I'm gay way added, I added a Pebble beach. Yeah, I got I just bought tickets to Pebble Beach, though, Right? Pebble? Bitch, I think Bill. Crazy reading for the role of Bob Marley. Do Do do Do do yes. Yes, Maman. Yes. Mine. Yes. Mind Yes, Mine. Thank you. Okay. Uh, that's actually not even a character in this spot. Can it be? Well, folks, we do have a guest today on the show. We're really, really excited. You know, we moved to Hollywood. We wanted rub elbows with some stars. You know, we lucked out today, and we got a really a really life star here. I mean,
we've been
watching her this whole past week. Really?
It was. It's her viral video shot to the top of the YouTube charts recently. It has million's and million's inspiring names and remixes. All that kind of good stuff. You. So I
initially saw maybe the fourth remix and
you thought that was the original.
That was their agent of India, but it was not.
Turns out there was not. That was not the original video, but we're very excited to have her in the studio, Mrs or miss a Dream vignette.
it is mess. I am still single. Thank you. Good dri Dreaming it. That's may
your given name Or is that a chosen stage? Name your channel. Your gentle er.
You know, my momma did name ee dream, but when I grew up, I was like, Johnson just does not fit. So drink Johnson, who was in, you know, sounds like flat booking software. So I did pick vignette because I felt like like you only get a slice of meat like your whole movie. You know, you just get like a section. Well, that
is something so true about you. I mean, I've known you for a little bit, but you are leaving me wanting more. It's more of a You're just a vignette.
Yeah, that's right. Like I come in and out of your life. I think it first started when I first start work for the U. S. Postal Service. So, basically, like I see similar people every day, we'll see the same half basically asking the same dogs and cats every day. But most people goto work. So, like I don't see their faces. But like I am in and out of those dogs and cats live, right? Like a little vignette
way. You know, I work from home. I'm an actor now. And so I see you a lot. I pulling up to Kato Kaelin's, uh, front house.
It was crazy. It was honestly crazy, I think when we first I noticed that this that the star of this viral video that we've been passing around in our in our house, which we'll get to what the video was soon. But this is It was just so
everybody seen it that way. You don't have to describe you. Missed
it. I missed the video.
You missed how we work. We were cackling first
viruses. You haven't caught Todd.
That's right. You're seeing things go viral. I it hits me zero zero. Yeah, but this one I missed, unfortunately, entry him. I don't use the Internet anymore.
E h. As he's chosen to go off the grid a bit recently. That's right. Suppression has been banned
from spectrum. Yes, I just any time One I've been bad from spectrum f k A Time Warner, um, for misuse of internet. So I
hard todo
Yes, but congratulations. Because you did not like working for the Postal Service
I still work for, though I
noticed you still deliver our mail, that was the thing was shocking to me with. That's how we got you on the show today. You actually are. Are male person at a house
because we said, Isn't that her that dream? Yeah, that's a dream.
We cease men. Small vignettes of her as she, because
you really met with audio
is about even because you really make a meal out of delivering them. The male
especially when, like you all do you order a lot of cereal from Amazon. So, like there is a literal meal in the mail,
you'll make yourself a meal as you're delivering arm
our own on the milk. Pour in a little ball, like in my pocket. There's usually forgiven dog's water on a walk, and I have a little cereal meal
way. Stop
getting blue apron because you were eating all the food as
full on chef Show out in our front yard, you dreams were making my
spoiler alert. Chili bean spoiler alert. That's maybe, I don't know, maybe Maybe that's what the video waas I don't know, maybe way
find a funny or one
way that seems like a possibility of what video could be. Are you
trying to parlay this Varro viral fame into, like, riel fame? Are you trying to run a cooking show? Are you trying to become one of these?
Raymond? Sam is an agent at W Sam Silver. W g W w g
partner now. Yes.
Okay. Okay. So, Mr Weatherman Silver you You're an agent, right? See, Actually, already have representation. A c a. Rarely see a Josh Johnson at sea.
A not sure Creative artists agency
or Central Intelligence Agency.
It's the two A's. It's the one big. Okay. And it is the one in Beverly Hills were thinking side. Thank you so much They signing after my first viral video. So
you might be the only one still in this room unrepresented.
Well, moving on. No, I saw you on the Ellen Show.
Oh, my is so crazy. She loves the dance.
Is that true? That she really like to do?
Oh, my God. She loves like backstage. Ellen is just dancing. Really. She is just dancing. Not her producer did tell me like Ellen can smell fear, don't look her directly in the eye. Loves to dance She is so
much fun. Okay, so she was not mean to you backstage at all.
No, no, nobody is mean to me. You know, they're just so happy that they're reaching Children because, like the majority of my audience, our Children,
right? Right. And you did a live performance of
your viral video at the show, which was super interesting.
They really
wanted me. Oh, you know, prove that I could do it because it is such a physical feat. Yes, I did it on live television, but they did cut away to commercial. When I saw the final edit, I was like, That is not the whole thing. That was that the It was not all right. They cut out one of the best parts. But
you did say All right, I'm done that before the
That's the intermission. If you want a video, they wouldn't know. But spans a short these days. Your content short and snappy. That's what, Josh. Tommy.
Now on the couch on Ellen, you didn't get into it with the little boy. The little boy break dancing, dancing. They were
motherfucker from the, um from the washer call commercial. That little motherfucking from the Google or whatever commercial
you're calling him on the show. It was getting very worried. Very offended.
Okay, He looks like a child. That man is 37 years old. Okay? Really? He was a high school with my brother, and he is cashing in his
eyes. The woman in the crowd who he claims is his mom.
That's his mom. Why? She looks great. She looks really real star. Wow.
Yeah, that's Hey, let's let that go. Viral. Uh,
young looking mother,
Because you tried looking, mother because you tried to
pull this little boy's pants down to show he had pizza, huh? Ok, prove he was an old
man. I was not someone
trying to pull his pants down as I was just trying to push him to the ground because but Yeah, grab. That's why I find I grabbed the belt and I just pull you to the
ground, get these pants off. Let's fight. That's me. But you know, I didn't come here to talk about my past. What do you mean that's you? I can't deny myself. OK, we're sorry
to bring up your past. It was a very recent. It was a very big deal in a very public break. There's there are news helicopters. That's I read your president.
And I would say it's also your most recent viral video because the clips and remixes of that moment from The Ellen Show have have exceeded the view counts of your actual viral video, which got you famous in the
place. Look, it's all like a pyramid stepping system, Okay? Like you're not gonna get famous if you don't have other famous stuff before it, right? Look at Meghan Trainor. That's
first
right? She, of course, has been famous ever since birth. And her birth was famous like it's it's been a role. Gradual, huh? Exactly.
right,
And you're that someone you aspire to be like his Meghan Trainor?
Yeah. Oh my God! There is no greater dream. Really be Megan Trainor. Oh, Mega trainer is my idol. Some people said the Yod say so. People said Michelle Obama. I'm like my girl maggots writer. She talks about her booty way. The white women could be okay with Oh, right. It's perfectly vanilla air. Present Bonilla Vignette? Yeah, that's my new name.
Your even for viral video star. You're trying to sell out and go even even lower. Just kind of. What do you
mean, lower? I'm
on top of the world. Got my pick of the postal routes. That's why I stayed with John O the best route.
So once you get famous, you get to pick with
the USPS is like you are doing so much for our image and our marketing. And when I like you get to pick, where do you want to go?
So is it like a, um, you pick a street or do you just do a handful of businesses that are scattered around town and you do their
mail scattered Very far, far. So I only deliver to seven houses. But it takes me all Yes, it Sometimes
we won't get our cereal to nine or 10 PM
eight. That a damn shame When I just eat
it, you get a lot of little fold up bull from your pocket and you're munching on our cookie, Grizz. But we're pissed. Game, Kirk Crisp is our breakfast A dream Got eight. You guys, we haven't eaten all day. Women saving our hunger fire. Late night cookie. Chris, get a
Tosco membership and have cookies on demand
Well, I'm banned from Costco, unfortunately as well.
I don't know what you
dio. Um, It's just a big misunderstanding. Tried
to give out samples.
Yeah, wires defense.
I gave out competing samples. They've got a monopoly on samples in that place.
He said he would show him be like this. Chicken, apple, sausage, a ship. Look over here.
I need to have some nasty ass old
turn people from Oscar. I think it's less, I think is less the competing sample and more the way in which you compete with the people already giving out samples.
Yeah, you're playing defense on that. Trying to knock snacks out of other people's,
right? Yeah. I got a new a few physical altercations with old ladies and hair nets. Yeah.
Yes, he that's rude. Ladies
in hairnets, it's like you.
Well, yeah, I don't ever fight anyone that I can't take
make either. Which is why I tackled that little ass, man.
You really took him down. Now, that's a fun little surprise to that. You were actually beaten up in adult man, not a little boy. Uh, they
re contextualize. Is the video to be slightly less crazy? Because I haven't
seen the video. I don't watch the Internet, but I have seen the I've been texted some of the means. That's like you trying to rip his pants off. It's like, you know, when she two drinks in or whatever on top. Uh, that one s I have always wanted to be a Mim. What's that like for you?
You know a lot of it. I had
to do myself because, like, the videos went viral at first, right? They were just like me. And like my church group was passing them around. So I started making you
go to a small church.
Trudeau is very small. It is just me, my mother and her friends. Where here, here in Hollywood. Okay. Is it in a
church? I mean, no backup,
Walgreens, but, you know,
cash should be well, like, near that weird seat
where you get your blood pressure taken
on. They used to have ah, shot massage chair. You know what you said face down and they would massage you and I was like, this person is not really a masseuse. And turns out I was right because she was an ordained minister. She became operate our preacher really?
So it's you, your mom, a few German friends, Onda Masoud's preacher.
But also, I know that I've been to that wall grains and you guys do have
a small band and it gets honestly pretty pretty Pentecostal back. You know, the music is good Indian. Yeah.
You guys need to take get control your snakes because I've been in that walking. Still, those snakes run wild in there.
Yeah, and a lot of people get slain with the spirit and are knocking shit off the shelves,
and it's crazy. But, you know, the discounts are deep, so
you get a little discount because you bring customers in
like 5013 seat. Whatever. You know, like, because we in there we A nonprofit. Yeah, I really like, give us the space for free. So we do pay rent, but in exchange, like they let us take home cotton pads and one that Ah,
and it's
really fun on Red Nose Day.
What's right? No States at
Walgreen's, where they give out those little red noses for charity. Clown noses? I don't know. Uh, it's like the ice bucket challenge. Nobody knows what the charity is. You just your last major league soccer,
no less for Major league. What are you talking about? What is a l s?
It's the Lou Gehrig's disease.
Oh, that's minor league baseball.
No, he was a hot way league of sports. Are we talking about play hockey?
Lou Gehrig? Blueberry Know you're thinking Alu Gretzky
Now? He was NASCAR and his daddy died.
That's right.
Risky Junior got when he hit that retaining wall when he was on, It was devastating, very set
on his. What escapes skating was it was racing cars. I thought he could do it on skates.
Yeah, he ran into the retaining
wall in, was hit by a bunch of ass guy.
He's like, It's gonna be cold. Trust me, it's gonna turn dies. So I'm putting on skates. I'm pretty confident it's gonna be an icy track.
And all of them NASCAR's They were just like, driving around. I hate with a bunch of NASCAR's go rogue. Yeah,
very clear rules to the race.
Can I be honest with
job? Yeah, I know. I just met you woman up, but I do feel like you need to have your own viral video because, like, truthfully, you ask me a lot of questions about mine. One of and even seen it before. And I feel like you're being a little thirsty about my success. And, like, I can tell you always counted. So, like, list, Let's get you on some.
But I think that was part of the goal for us. Having you on the show was, you know, we're all we're all sort of on the cusp of success right now. I'm
glad I have laid out the players halfway through.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, like, a I actually
had a viral video last week. It was me making fun of somebody who committed suicide on
your apology.
Video went viral, but a lot of people seem to be mad at me. Yours was
all fun, and mine had a bad spin. Well, you can't make fun of no dead people. Okay, what if I
go to another country and, uh, you know what? If I went to Mexico and I wore, like, a sombrero and Micah and and shook, uh, Baraka's around and kind of, ah lampoons their culture next to them.
I think you
got to stick to what you know, and like, you don't seem particularly Mexican like. I don't know what's in your DNA, per se, but like looking at you, I would not say that is a Mexican man. Okay, So, my like, where are you from? Like, where does your ancestry hail from?
Well, I think I'm
from, uh Do you think I think the question. Of course. I, of course, was born in the
South, But we're like radio people come from what? They Vikings. They like Germans that they like. You know, whatever's
your parents or first generation Vikings, right?
Yeah, I think they came over. And they're very They're super
louder on the house when we go out people you know, they're dressed in huge shields, and they're about six foot nine. Each of them they're claiming around covered in dirt. With them comes a cold that I So I, of course, inherited their accent as a child. But I was getting made fun of at school cause I'd eat full goat carcasses and stuff like that.
Okay, so you need to take your pain and turn it into Ah, viral pleasure, If I may. So, like what? If you were the biking Viking and you rode around on a little bike I liking.
That's really
that's really cool. You know, sometimes it's
just about finding a thing that rhymes, and then you figure out the rest. That's really
yeah, and I mean, I you guys all know this. I sort of had my for my first videos, sort of get posted recently. 100. Yeah, it's, you know, hasn't taken off yet, but it's been up there for a few days now. Ah, there was, unbeknownst to me, someone in the room shots l've It's unbeknownst to me, Someone in the room here shot about something, some video of me on a first date that I went on on. So be knows,
you have a video shop
fished and there's a video of me on the nose. Unbeknownst to me, there's a video on YouTube of me right now. That's that's titled First Day Humiliation. Uh, and I Honestly, everybody in the room has seen it, so we don't need to get
the first humiliation. I'm trying to remember who shot that video.
Well, I remember who was in the video. There was the first state with the refrigerator in
the background, but what happened? Cause I haven't seen it. I didn't shoot the video. Yeah, we don't know what happened on the first date. That was so humiliated.
Well, of course I were having lunch. Ah, and I say I'm having a really nice time. Would you want to sort of extend the state further into the afternoon and maybe go back and see our my house? Ah, and she says, Sure. Ah, but let me run to the bathroom quickly. She leaves. And I waited at the restaurant for another 7.5 hours for her to return. Struck up a nice conversation with an elderly gentleman sitting at the table next to me on the left. Yeah. Then he left. He's going right to the bathroom really quickly. And he left the waiter. The waiter shift changed the waiter. Uh, the shift change. I had a new waiter. They
never knew me.
I ordered I ordered my dinner at this point. Uh, waiter
was promoted, right? And he said he couldn't serve you
anymore yet, President, the promoted to president, He said
Yeah. Uh, and then anyway, uh, sun goes down, lights go down and the
sun had to go to the bathroom.
What? Well, what I meant was the son of the couple sitting at the table next to me who I had also
struck up a conversation with. But this was also 2 p.m. The actual star. The sun had told you that I had to use the restroom.
Yeah, I mean, because it was shocking. It was chaos on Earth because we heard the sudden speed. Well, it's humiliating. It was at that point that I first
words were did you to lie to you.
At that point, I realized that maybe there was something else a little bit more, you know, purposeful going on. And once I realized that the son that was talking to me ah, was a person in a, uh, light up costume.
You figured that out?
Yeah. Uh, but all this is to say that my three best friends, who I thought were my best friends orchestrated entire plot. Uh, well, sending me on a first date and then humiliating me on video. Uh, we
did. I saw that. And like, I do have to say that the production value on it was so good. I love the use of time lapse and setting it to Coldplay's clock. You
know, shoot really had to compress the video because it was, what, a 42 hour video that we shot it.
Yeah. No, I stayed overnight. Waited for the next morning shift change in the morning, got
breakfast. Whoever made the video had to call Chris Martin of Coldplay to get the Reds the song. And he said, I don't I don't usually give my rights to YouTube videos that we showed it to him. And he said, But this one, I read whoever shot it way we being the royal we've ever shot.
Right? Anyway, I'm not sure if that's going to go viral. I hope it doesn't because I'm humiliated.
Prince goes to the bathroom, they call it the Royal. We quiet for a minute. After that way,
I think we should all just feel that
one serious question. Serious question. Way
like if he's playing a video game, right? Right. Yes.
Uh huh.
Oh, are you think? What else
is there another way? Way got. But now let's get back to,
uh, Howard and stews, bodies, humiliation.
think we can move on way
I
tougher. You cause as far as you were considering it, you might were about to lose your virginity early on that date. Yeah. And then it turned out that you were humiliated.
Because you ask this woman, Do you want to extend this date into the afternoon? And I can go back and show you my house
very early. Very early on the date you were just served bread at the
restaurant. You said I'd love to show you
my house. That's a terrifying proposition. A woman. Come on. No, but what do you gotta show be there?
The ruse, its way. All the rooms. I don't need to
see all the rooms in this house. My best friend. I ain't seen most of her rooms. What? I need to be in your utility closet for your laundry
room. What? Would it make you more comfortable if you knew that O. J. Was our roommate,
O. J. Simpson? I'm not familiar, O. J. Simpson. You
are so gotta meet. Okay, Learn about him for the way so lucky.
I only had seven houses on my rule, and it takes a long time, so I don't have time for pop culture.
Okay, well, we'll bring you buy the house you'll meet O J. You guys love each
other. I only want to see the necessary rooms.
Yeah, well, uh, I would say what s a rooms to you? To me. It's the kitchen.
Yeah, that's a necessary room.
Yeah, I got to see where toast is made. Yeah, I've always said that,
uh, that's right, cause you didn't MTV cribs.
I think. You know, that's right. It was very good.
And then they would play that transitional music as if you're moving into another room and the camera would quickly go it through another room and then back into the kitchen and be like,
here we are back again in the kitchen. Be like toast Palace. Because, you know, you ever known
a person did not have a toaster given know somebody did not have one. Whatever reason cannot trust those people. Because that means these motherfuckers turn on their oven every time they want crispy bread. That's crazy. That's crazy
for a preview.
That wait. They wait for a pre they put in. If they forget about it, they got burn as toes. So do you
consider? Are we talking about the classic, the classic? Uh,
which is my favorite type of pickle. It's a classic.
Yeah, let's move on to pack out. Um, are we talking
about the classic toaster? That is two pieces of, ah, parallel bread of vertical. Are we talking about one of those small ovens that have the front door and you
throw him in? What? Not around with a toaster oven. God, just because it just reminds me of French bread pizzas when I was a lunch lady And like, I can't go back to that life.
So you went from lunch lady to the United States Postal Service to viral sensation
and still United States. I will never forget what you came from away. You still covered the are on. Never leave where you came from. Never leave where you came from. Unless it's an abusive situation, right thinly.
Now, I happen to disagree with that point, but, uh,
is that why you're still friends?
What's that? Yeah. Yeah, well, I don't. That's why I still that with these assholes. Okay, Howard, in Stu's body weight,
cut out
the part of you aggressively master rating. When you got
home, we cut that out of the way. That's
in the video.
Well, Yes, on the cutting room floor. How did you
not notice the huge camera crew following you home? I
Well, it's Hollywood. I thought weird, but I guess this just happens. We
cut out that part of you crying while cooking an omelet. Yeah,
well, and let's put cooking and quote.
Yeah, she throwing a darling of much eggs. You know what, though? Surrounded. Toast with the shells at all. Well, I didn't know. I never don't always
before I have never done on them before. My mom, it always cooked me breakfast.
You never got an omelet before. So just through whole eggs into it, you thought that maybe achieve what you would see Three whole eggs, a stock of
broccoli, and to rob pieces of banking into into the tester of it. And I thought what would come out was I mean, it looked on the surface. It looked exactly like what, my mamma broccoli bacon
salario mess case scenario. You're going to get a bacon. And that's
what I am is a child. That's what my mom and dad were interested in as a kid. Like we cut
that out of the video, we cut the part where you eat it all and say this is definitely on
nodding and convincing yourself. Yeah, this is definitely an omelet. Yeah, well, I
appreciate you guys leaving out the humiliating part. You're welcome. Leaving in all the parts that
Royal week royalty. I
think I saw some of those on the cutting room floor. Remember when you all tried to mail your old laptop to your aunt one of you? Yeah, way out. It I was like, They are gonna miss this. So I took that laptop. Anyway, I saw the deleted scenes. And it I gotta say, your aim and throwing those eggs into the toaster oven was spot on. Like if I was in a dunk tank, I would be scared of you.
You obviously learned a lot from pitching and all hitter weeks ago,
would you famously did at the same day that a preacher did?
Yes. Oh. Oh, yeah, that was unbelievable. That well, yeah, you did a copycat.
So, Adrian, you said you saw the deleted scenes. Did you think of the line O rama? Did you think way made a DVD of everything that we cut out? Yeah. Different.
It was more of a cry o Rama. Yeah, it was a crime drama. I
liked it. I liked that I didn't appreciate all of his, like, self flagellation. That seemed a little intense. He just had that that bouquet of, ah, bamboo that he was just slapping himself with that.
That was the only point where while we're probably were like, should we intervene
when he was,
that was the only boy
any time where one of us would approach Todd would, of course, put out his hands wide and hold us all back.
That's right. Uh, I was acting kind of like I was on the and one mixtape courts. I was holding everyone back and throwing dollar bills on the floor, dancing around.
And Howard so stricken with grief that he just didn't notice any of this
is honestly shocking to me that I
Can I ask you this? I think we, uh we jumped over a major thing here. Not committing a federal offense of mail fraud by opening our laptops to our
you know, our outgoing mail. I mean,
it's fine. Eat rice cereal. It's a little upsetting, but I like you.
Well, OK, ask me. Ask me this Let me tell you this, which is worse. You're not getting to eat food. You expected to come or some shit you didn't want anymore. You still don't have,
uh, when you see that most Oh, So I should ask you eso which is worse when you don't get food you are or a thing you didn't need. You don't have any more questions, you
answer. It's worse to not get the food you want. And the fact that you weren't mad about that means you're already over this other infraction.
Well, but
the logic I think she got going mail is not stuff that you don't need anymore. That's not like the way I don't want that to make it to somebody
at the mailboxes in a trash can.
Well, that becomes her problem at this point. And she and I are in small claims
court. She is mad at you
because our trash is also not outgoing. Mail delivered
all of our trash Teoh my family over the holidays and said, Here's your Christmas card bitches
on And they said fitting
really work. And that strength
because I gotta hope I got a whole box of trash and it was labeled returned to sender. Oh, yes.
Because you are
trash. Yeah, I thought
Wow, that's an insult. Wow. I think I think you're Look, a celebrity lets people do things that most people can't do. I think you're overstepping your bounds on this one. You drink. My aunt needs my laptop. I mean, that
was and my needs. Mine also needs my last. Yeah,
my aunts are all dead.
Good, because they didn't get the last time.
Yeah, test results here on my laptop, and they didn't get the test results in time. And they
all died. They didn't know. Um,
you and I have a problem, Todd.
Yeah, I think we got a huge problem. We're
gonna hear from my rants. We'll see you in court.
You'll see our answer court for sure.
I'm already in court with one of them. I don't know whose aunt she is.
Well, be specific. Look much different.
Oh, great. She's tall.
Could be able to
make this.
Okay, that's all I know, cause, like, we've only talked on the phone. You only hear height
you're talking about. Did you
wear hat with two horns? A metal hat with two horn I did get a strong Viking vibe. You right? Okay. Her name is also Helen's nor facility.
Okay, So all of our at ST Helens nor Ferguson are maybe going to see you in backing kind
lawyer up motherfucker are Ants will see you in court.
Josh Johnson, you got you better get him to get you a re. A lawyer, not an entertainment lawyer. So, do
you have any plans for shots fired at entertainment lawyers and
Jamie Lawyers Don't do shit. You had air for a while. They do is introduce you to other lawyers. A lawyer like Coven. Yeah. Um, So do you have any place for any other viral videos? I can't really planned those, but
And you obviously never be able to recreate the magic of the 1st 1 which we all know what that video was. I
got to keep reinventing myself. So I thought about this one where, like, I put a bunch of cinnamon on a spoon and then I just try to eat it and imagine the celebrity that will ensue. I
just want you just eat my normal lunch. Cinnamon?
Yeah. Todd does that every day for lunch. You can you can see the cinnamon vlogs if you
want to think I'm weird for throwing eggs into the toaster oven. But he's not weird for eating. Just cinnamon
filling. How to make an omelet? I eat cinnamon for lunch. Two very separate. So why is that viral? Do you not like cinnamon or something? Are you allergic,
Teoh? Think that like my reaction to it? Like I'm gonna describe the way it tastes. So it's kind of like you have a watch, like somebody who knows a lot about wine. And they talk about all the different, Like flavors and tannins and ripening. Why not? The legs are hot, like Spider. So that's what I'm gonna do for cinnamon. I'm gonna describe it. That's
what people need. They need a description of cinnamon.
Well, when you have too much, but I know a little sprinkling on a mocha or something. You know what that tastes like, But, like, do you know what? Like a bucket of cinnamon taste? I don't. Well, I'm gonna tell you.
Is it gonna be the cinnamon bucket challenge? Is that the plan?
I think so. I was going to call it that, or, um, you know
you're going to eat it off a spoon and then you dump a bucket
of what and what? OK, so it's gonna go to charity. And what a team is that gonna be related to? Like what? Logan Paul Defense Fund. I didn't know if it was like involving a one of these famous, Uh, I
don't know what that is, but I do pray they recover
now your other people's mail, Unboxing videos. Pretty big.
Oh, yeah, that already has gone through
those views. Those have a
lot of a lot like at Christmas time. It was wild. I just own box. So money, hand knit scarves, heartfelt plaques,
a lot of commenters air saying you're really ruining Christmas for a lot of people. When you say that,
I say Okay, if I'm unboxing are present that is addressed to you. I put your name in the beginning of it. Don't watch this video. Why somebody else's president Boxing video so that your Christmas is not spoiled.
And what do you do with all the things that you on box or you still tell them
on eBay and you can buy them cause you know when I will be on eBay because I put it in the video like it's a win win for everybody.
I say. And so what about the A S m R videos you've been doing where you eat people's mailboxes?
I don't know what that disease is either, but I do pray
they recover. You know, when you see
when you get a No, no, no,
no. I read about that. I'm talking about when you get that microphone and you go, like, have a status, slowly eat
a mailbox. Uh, making
videos that are my breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Maybe you should have been making the videos. Todd is gonna shut in the damn Internet like some 18th century. You know,
I didn't show on the Internet. The Internet shunned Mayo. This
is just another instance of one of your great idea is being done by a smart and more aggressive person. Right? You
know, I eat a spoonful seven for lunch. I had a mailbox for dinner every day for 25 years. I've never been healthy.
Listen, I had a bite of that P o box as you the other night. That was bad.
Wasn't it good? It was
really good.
I mean, what you have to do is you better make sure that you let the drippings come on. It's possible.
It's a little too irony for me. It has a little too much of an irony.
Cough? Yeah. Prefer things that are more earnest as well.
Yeah. A lot of my meals are a little ironic, so you wouldn't enjoy them. He dreamed bad. Well, I I want to ask you this before you leave. We're all kind of we've been It were new to L a way um, we've had, thank you very much. Varying degrees of success. Some of us are very successful. One of us is not. And I way also tried to get out there. That, like, the dating world. What's that been like for you in Los Angeles? Do you have any advice for for single men out on the town one virgin?
You know, I do see a lot of men in Los Angeles that think that just because every woman here is basically like a model, I see a lot of men trying to date outside of their station. Whereas if they were in any other state
Oh, yeah,
they would be way more accepting of average looking women were looking beautiful women. So
speaking for myself, I'm very un accepting of most women, no matter what state. Okay, Eso that's not an issue for may. I'm always trying to go way out of my league on we
have cars. And you could say I'm the end of that Yang. I'm I honestly open toe, literally. Anyone paying attention thinks point
nothing. And I want to date someone who has everything that makes
it. Okay. So you want a beautiful woman who is also rich?
Yes, a woman that's as beautiful as I require. So I'm dating a hologram. Currently.
Got it. Well, then you
guys are already
doing exactly what everyone in l A is. So I
don't know that I have any other. You're doing
a hologram of Ariana Grande A That looks like to puck with a wig on, right? Pretty serious is getting serious, Getting very serious. What do you mean,
Cassie? A picture?
Unfortunately, No. You can see her. She's right here.
Oh, my God.
Oh, she looks like Oh, wow. Okay, It looks like one of those characters. Like when Martin Lawrence used to put on a
wig, election eight or something
more like the old lady character that was like older.
Well, I don't think she does. I appreciate you saying how famous and familiar shell
Because you introduced the hologram to your family. I have.
They said Who and what is this? And I said, Well, this is Arianna.
Oh, wow. Did she? Can she talk back like a She limited.
She mostly says, Dear Mama, a part of a Tupac song. It's a glitch. You've been
having a couple major issues. The first is that, um, Puff Daddy and Bad Boy have been out for your girlfriend. That's right. And the other is big. Shawn's trying to factor.
That's right. Yeah, that's right. I'm getting followed all around town. My car's been shot into a couple of times. Luckily, it didn't hit me. Keep living my life the
way we age. Bullet wound on your side.
And I don't know if you noticed this, but you when you took a big drink of water, it came out of seven different holes.
Like I I'm sign. I'm not a hologram. I
think you should get your
not a holly. I'm not a holiday Oh, now, thing is hard to figure out a way
will figure it out. We will. E dream. Honestly, this was such a pleasure. Fast. I feel like we all learned
a lot. Keep us on your route. I know you have houses that you can choose and you want to switch up, but any time you want. But
please, I will always keep you all in my route. Dollar smart men. You are all very kind. You're nice to me. Not nice to their male person. No. So I want to thank you all for being wonderful clients over the years.
And, um, I did get the tip. Thank you very much. And you know what? You'll have the best cereal and you all male away. Some of the dope is shit. So
Did you get the tip?
it's need our stuff. Thay
this while the case is going on. I am mailing my aunt and HP printer slash fax machine. You do not open which day? Tomorrow. You're not that. I
mean, I don't make any promises. Rain, sleet, hail or snow where a dream goes Nobody knows
on I'm mailing. You know that all that's year Uh,
the Postal Service uses the
said it was sounded so good. We'll let you do it
right. While I am also
going to send my aunt a scanner and a DVD burner External DVD DVD burner. Eso you could just not not mess with that.
Your aunt's been selling sublime albums. Local high school. Exactly.
Supplies has somehow gotten popular again with high school
age. You wanna listen on CD? She's got that bad label maker
Yala new to town, but in l. A sublime was never unpopular.
Way all right. A huge fan of 40 ounces to freedom.
Boom. Okay, well, it seems
like you want to talk about some other shit without me. So, um, I'm gonna get going on the rest of my route. You on your out right now?
Okay. Yeah, because I do see a bunch of open manhole. There's a lot of stuff here kind of going through a bunch of stuff. So
I was wondering what you were snacking on during the
podcast. Peanut butter. Okay. And is that somebody else is That was in a package.
While I'm out and mail it to myself,
the pain is addressed to Mr Ed. I don't know how he's gonna
talk. Yeah. What the hell? It is that be silent.
Oh, boy. All right, well, yeah, this was a really a really dreamy dream. And we wish you continued viral success. Uh, and everybody just ignore my viral video on the Internet. I would love for that. To stay is not viral is possible.
I did just link to it on my channel. So if you want to see it, go there.
That's good. If you could also cause you get some reviews If you could link Teoh the my not yet viral video a full taping of my play, A very long play. Okay, I'm hoping that just
call a very long place.
It's a very long play by Todd Padre starring Todd Padre. And it's four hours. So that's how you'll know which one today. Okay, let's make that go viral, baby.
All right, we'll see what happens with this so viral thing in the next week or so on. Well, hope you'll come back next time for the next episode. But until then,