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s06e01
Rhelephant with Substitute Teacher Gym Smith (Scott Aukerman)

The boys are back and they're nasty now. Plus, substitute teacher Gym Smith (Scott Aukerman) stops by the show to talk about his experiences after a life-changing incident.

0:00:00
spk_1
 

Who is comfy down

0:00:01
spk_3
 

here? Yeah, it's a it's interesting how Ah, this room is like, perfect temperature. Yeah,

0:00:09
spk_2
 

yeah, yeah. We got it in the basement. You know, this despairing. You have some good bones.

0:00:14
spk_1
 

Yeah, it's really nice. Really good. Bones in here is pretty, but you can tell it is structurally

0:00:20
spk_2
 

sound. Yes. Whoa. A lot of dust coming off the ceiling. That here? Yeah, but But the beans are strong. The beams are very strong. Let me get one of

0:00:29
spk_3
 

those black broke. Now it's fine. It's just it's settling. You must

0:00:36
spk_1
 

have been load bearing.

0:00:37
spk_2
 

That was just a

0:00:38
spk_3
 

load bearing. And this building was built in the bearing. This building was built in the 1960. So it's still just kind of like settling, you know what I mean? So you hit something.

0:00:47
spk_2
 

That one was pretty sad right now, I think

0:00:51
spk_4
 

one of the buildings that was built during the sixties by they're trying this experiment where construction workers were dosed with LSD, and so it was built by a lot of

0:01:00
spk_1
 

on the crazy sixties. Most people were on LSD. Yes, crazy sixties,

0:01:06
spk_4
 

which is 64 to 68.

0:01:07
spk_3
 

Yeah. Yeah, A lot of people say it didn't end until 69 but I say the rial crazy sixties ended it. That's usually where it ends for May. When I

0:01:15
spk_2
 

asked for that. Yeah. How about we 69? Two time leaving? We just got bread bill. It's a little soon in the den.

0:01:24
spk_1
 

It's fast in the dinner. You should wait till the bed.

0:01:26
spk_2
 

Yeah, but you could tell

0:01:27
spk_4
 

the way to the bread, not the bed. Wait. Wait till the better bread.

0:01:31
spk_1
 

What about the hungry sixties? The first part of the 60 Everyone was very hungry.

0:01:36
spk_4
 

That's right. It was the Fairman, the early sixties family.

0:01:39
spk_2
 

That's right. That's right. Yeah, that was crazy. That's what led to everybody being so crazy. Everybody talks

0:01:47
spk_1
 

about the crazy sixties. They don't talk about the cause of it, which was the hungry. Sixth.

0:01:52
spk_2
 

There's always something before. And of course, before the Hungry Cities sixties was the late was the sleepy late fifties, tired, just tired from

0:02:03
spk_4
 

the Korean War

0:02:06
spk_2
 

that was so tiring. Everyone, everyone did not.

0:02:09
spk_1
 

We're not talking about that. That's why race relations got some tough in America. Everybody was tired for years.

0:02:15
spk_4
 

Then they were hungry or hungry. JFK died of hunger.

0:02:18
spk_2
 

Exactly. Yes. He got so angry that somebody at the top of the school book depository stole his sandwich and he died.

0:02:26
spk_3
 

You got so hungry. He got so hungry that his head flujo

0:02:29
spk_2
 

look at Bobby Kennedy. I mean, that's right. That's exactly right. You are

0:02:33
spk_1
 

so hungry that his head flew out. Bobby K was killed by a hungry man in the

0:02:38
spk_2
 

kitchen. Whether Zapruder film is the first, that's the first instance of seeing a man's head fly away. That's what's so crazy. But they like you. Go stay, of course, like to you, because it's not a hit flying away. This isn't gunshot way. You

0:02:53
spk_4
 

watch that video you gets. Tell Jackie is stuffed. Yes, right? Yes. How did you get all the food in president? Well,

0:03:01
spk_3
 

because you see, his head flies off and she jumps onto the back of the thing and just throws. Throws food away. She that's on the back of the car

0:03:08
spk_2
 

away. I heard there was a second steak on the grassy. No, that's what I heard. Seconds a second. Yes. Seconds. You know, like when you're a kid, you say I want seconds. Yes. Uh, yeah. There's like that on the grass. You know, there were seconds. Wow. Gate and ask the

0:03:30
spk_3
 

story. Hey, guys, you're gonna have to forgive me one more time, cause this you guys know this is a new console. This is a new recording studio. Um, we've been recording this whole time.

0:03:42
spk_2
 

Oh, Howard. Reincarnate come hours old body regenerated and in stews. Exor, Skeleton fun. Yeah. Sorry, guys.

0:03:57
spk_1
 

You're gonna be able to shake it without that nasty skeleton.

0:04:00
spk_3
 

You know, I said to myself when I walked into the ask, I said, Do not start recording until you look all the guys in the eye and say, Are you guys ready to start recording? And I'll tell you this. I walked right in and I think just instinctually pushed this huge record button.

0:04:14
spk_4
 

Well, hey, you know what? I'm turning over and you leave. I forgive you. Coming to shake my hand too slow.

0:04:20
spk_2
 

So I oh, well, and how you move. I definitely know. Hey, Mr that moonwalk. That's perfect. Moonwalk

0:04:35
spk_4
 

gridlock in a wheelchair. But I could

0:04:37
spk_2
 

actually really Well, that's okay, Todd, To be an asshole right now, but I will tell you. I am not. And I am here to take up for you, Howard. And so much. So you got a little bit of mustard on your shirt. Right? And wow.

0:04:57
spk_3
 

Okay, guys, come on, now, can we

0:04:59
spk_2
 

Can we listen?

0:05:01
spk_3
 

Ah, lots gone down over the last a couple weeks. So how

0:05:04
spk_1
 

is that bad news for you? This is embarrassing. Shoe is untied.

0:05:08
spk_3
 

No, it's not. I'm not gonna look my She was not untied. Okay, your I'm gonna look down there, just walk over

0:05:16
spk_0
 

to the other side of the room And

0:05:18
spk_2
 

just what? Try one, but walked away. She was tired. He wanted way, and he got kicked in the bus. Seriously, look where

0:05:30
spk_3
 

we're trying to start a new. Okay? Can we please just leave these childish antics in the past? Okay?

0:05:36
spk_2
 

It's just been so long, you know, we're just not used to having you back. You know, your your you were in a cocoon of Stu's body and you blossomed to in Not a beautiful butterfly, but same ugly Howard. Okay, well, listen, guys, uh, you hear break because his brand new

0:05:55
spk_3
 

reporting. Okay, listen. All right, everybody, Thank you so much for tuning into the teachers lounge that used to be the first, best and only podcast pertained issues relevant to the handle. Rela for

0:06:06
spk_2
 

Elephant Now that is a new you guys. The rhino just died, the last male rhino. But what you'd word town by Roland is there is a brand new species of relevance. That's

0:06:22
spk_4
 

right, Rhino. Half elephant, all scary.

0:06:26
spk_2
 

Yeah, well, anyway, it's called the rail relevant because it's it is relevant to right now. Yeah, it's.

0:06:36
spk_1
 

And because it's been breed with Rhino. Yes, it's a relevant rhino elephant. It's a rela.

0:06:42
spk_2
 

What makes it relevant? It is. It is a politically conscious

0:06:47
spk_1
 

are. Oh, it's a very, very woke yeah,

0:06:51
spk_2
 

Rocca. It's Ro ro ro ger Rohit's wrote talking about lately you know, more of the Waves has got his new, awesome special out woke issue. A lot of people are talking about woke, but what they're not talking about is what we are all in this room, which is wrote. It means we do the weather, we lose weight and we do the weather and we're America's sweethearts. That's right, we're running If

0:07:22
spk_4
 

you're not Roque, I don't want Teoh,

0:07:25
spk_3
 

OK? Well, as I was trying to say before accidentally talked about a very, uh, no problem, an issue

0:07:32
spk_2
 

to new things. It seemed like accidental things in your eyes,

0:07:39
spk_3
 

of course. Used to be a podcast that was pertained issues relevant to the Hamilton High School community. But, you know, due to a very various events outside of our control, it no

0:07:50
spk_2
 

had nothing to do with us. I have nothing to do with us.

0:07:55
spk_1
 

Once again, we are victims.

0:07:57
spk_2
 

Yes. Wrong place. Wrong time. Right, guys? The right guys.

0:08:04
spk_3
 

But anyway, way, actually, you know, you've all listen to the podcast. You know what's been going down, but a lot have a couple of weeks. But we all decided to make a make a choice to change this season on. And we've all actually applied and been accepted to university. Uh, way. Decided to turn over a new leaf. You know,

0:08:32
spk_4
 

back to the base. Back

0:08:34
spk_2
 

again. Thanks. We're back to the basics. God, it feels good to be back in college. Were regrouping. Yes, it's time to get our skills back up to what? They were really good for me.

0:08:46
spk_1
 

Just having a backpack on again. Just feeling the weight on my way. I'm not supposed to be slouched forward.

0:08:52
spk_2
 

Your sweet Leo says it is Really Is it helping your skull? It is

0:08:57
spk_1
 

therapeutic. It is painfully, painfully straightening out my back and good for me.

0:09:03
spk_4
 

Well, for anybody who's just picking up on this season, uh, which probably introduce ourselves. Yeah. Former host, the teachers land.

0:09:12
spk_3
 

Yeah, of course. I'm Howard Levis. I was a biology teacher, and then my friends killed me. Ah, and ate my body. Ah, and I was reincarnated. Azat Stew Taylor, the, uh, the band director Rumor, old school. And of course, last season his body was shot off of mine. And I am now myself. You

0:09:34
spk_2
 

are somehow yourself again. It

0:09:37
spk_1
 

is so great that you're yourself again when you weren't yourself for so

0:09:40
spk_2
 

when you get a blessing And I think this is a blessing that you're back our toe have miss you. You don't ask The Lord questions you say? Sure. Somehow his He's back from the dead within another husk of

0:09:55
spk_3
 

a personal pull it all Don't pull it apart further than that. Because I don't want You don't want to know.

0:10:00
spk_2
 

Obviously I finally believe back and I finally believe whatever I'm so we're firm believers in the Lord now. Hey, how's it go in? Uh, my name is Bill Crave E. Um I was ah was a coach. I've taught Spanish. I've been an actor. I've been an ostrich. I have been a woman named Bethany Hart. I have been What else is there? A bear? But now I am myself. Ah, and I am 100%. And I am here and I am studying communications. My

0:10:46
spk_1
 

name is Sam Weatherman. Previously sexy Sammy Previously sexy Sammy Silver Superpower Agent in Hollywood. Before that, I was an opium addict school. Before that, I was a self help teacher and published author Disgrace. Who bloodless? Go. That's right. Blew up a school. Before that, I was a counselor. Trained two will untrained but responsible for the mental health of every student. Blew up the luv that year. And then before that, I owned crazy limos. A service in which I could not operate.

0:11:24
spk_0
 

Yes, you drove limos really badly.

0:11:27
spk_1
 

That's right. But now I am nothing if not hospitable. I am majoring in hotel management. Wow. I just know how to take care of people and I can't wait to do it before

0:11:37
spk_3
 

you are. I mean, you are hospitable. Thank you. I

0:11:41
spk_1
 

know exactly what people want to try my best to give it to them.

0:11:46
spk_2
 

In fact, never know. Concierge set up over there right now. And that's right. I

0:11:50
spk_1
 

got a little bell desk. I have a little concierge. I have one of those brass barred wheelie deles. That's right. That's

0:11:59
spk_4
 

that. Have been moving. Start looking around on your bus breast are really doing.

0:12:03
spk_1
 

I'll follow people to class, and I'll say that backpack looks heavy when I throw it on

0:12:07
spk_3
 

here. And now, as for tips of I I did take a bottle of Perrier off of this little tray on the table here, and I immediately received a charge to my debit card

0:12:17
spk_1
 

for $14. Let's be fair. You have 30 seconds. You have 32nd before the weighted system charge you exorbitant minimum. But after that, we both agrees.

0:12:26
spk_2
 

Okay. Is that what

0:12:27
spk_3
 

the hospitality program at this school teaches? Just the, like the khan of the hospitality

0:12:32
spk_1
 

industry. That calm? I don't Nobody you wanted to Perry and you got one day

0:12:37
spk_2
 

earlier. You're welcome. You wanted me to pay you $7.99. So you could sulk around me in a nightie, but not show me any nudity. Yeah, that's right. Soft core experience.

0:12:52
spk_1
 

Our turn down service, it's are turned out time instead of turning up. Yeah, it's our 10 minutes or turn down. Service, which is at colleges is really popular. People are turning up constantly. Nerds, you don't want to turn up, so we'll turn down. The situation will come into allowed Littlejohn Titan party or ah, frack type party and just, you know, dance around in the night, right? Sometimes it's anti hospitality. Sometimes hospitality depends on who your customer is. But if you'd like to know anymore, just go ahead and grease my palm there. And, um, I could let you guys

0:13:25
spk_2
 

know. And you mean spray olive oil on it.

0:13:27
spk_1
 

No, I'm talking real money. I not one of those Santa Monica City Hall go.

0:13:31
spk_2
 

OK, so you're not a fat man. Uh, Whose faith by grease?

0:13:37
spk_1
 

No, I'm not. I'm not him.

0:13:40
spk_4
 

A devil. Thanh Fondre. Fat man. Todd. Padre Todd Exonerated. Padre? Yeah. Killed O J. Simpson. Got off for it. Um, divorced theater guru on DNA now I'm in college. Undeclared hopeful Walk on freshman for the D one football team here.

0:14:07
spk_1
 

Helpful Walk on freshman. Now, what does that mean? Are you involved with the team yet?

0:14:12
spk_4
 

No, but they're

0:14:13
spk_3
 

hoping they will allow you to walk on. That's correct.

0:14:16
spk_1
 

Telling them. But you'd like to be on the team or you just sort of going to practice is walking up to the

0:14:23
spk_2
 

field of sheep, Curly, you cannot want. Well, you guys really focused

0:14:32
spk_4
 

on the walk on part. Not the hopeful part.

0:14:38
spk_2
 

Yeah,

0:14:39
spk_4
 

so but yes, I, um I adopted a bit of a Larry Flynt persona during the trial.

0:14:49
spk_2
 

Adapted our reporters, our were forced by your actual physical circumstances. But also, I saw you

0:14:55
spk_1
 

rolling around with Larry Flynt. Did you adopt him as well?

0:14:58
spk_4
 

So I adopted Larry Flint's persona, and I adopted Larry Flynt. And my son taught me a lot about, uh, going through a very public trial. So, um, I I am in this wheelchair. Um,

0:15:18
spk_2
 

we were We were wondering if that was true

0:15:20
spk_4
 

or not. Yes, I am actually, in this wheelchair swell down in the toilet.

0:15:25
spk_2
 

Yeah, Well, well, we all you keep trying to pretend like your legs don't work, but we see it's a lot like that documentary on HBO dearest. It seems like you're faking it cause we see the movements of your leg because, hey,

0:15:41
spk_1
 

I came on earlier and both of your toe started tapping like Crazy started Gold left

0:15:47
spk_2
 

right. You shaking your feet like a ball, right? Well,

0:15:52
spk_4
 

that's a miracle. And I have to tell my doctor about it. That's impressive. That's a miracle. I didn't start rolling around in its wheelchair to elicit sympathy from a jury of my peers.

0:16:05
spk_2
 

You didn't We should talk about that because it does

0:16:08
spk_3
 

seem like we are bearing the lead. The most important part of this story is you were acquitted of the murder of of O. J. Simpson, which you confess to.

0:16:16
spk_4
 

That's right. I confess to it. I killed O. J. Um,

0:16:21
spk_2
 

what you see, if you ever see O. J. Simpson walking around in front of you, that is not O. J. That's a crude, a crude crude. It's a cruel person crew man, you kill O. J. We escaped last season very and season, uh, with the rat mafia. Hot or not, I escaped

0:16:46
spk_1
 

Hollywood narrowly, with our lives going down the path We were going down, we were four door

0:16:53
spk_2
 

l chapter showed up. He apologized in tiny print that we had to squint to read. Um, he apologized. We got on there and he saved us in terms of chopping. Yes, but but but that you were found out.

0:17:06
spk_4
 

What? The cops? Well, yes. Um, similar to Robert Durst. I got caught buying a sandwich. Uh,

0:17:15
spk_3
 

stealing a sandwich. I got You're trying to steal a sandwich.

0:17:19
spk_4
 

I didn't say I got cut selling a sandwich I had stolen.

0:17:23
spk_2
 

Yeah. And you were You were trying to resell a sandwich outside of ah Delhi. You had just stolen from your burping and saying I did it

0:17:32
spk_4
 

with the

0:17:33
spk_1
 

trying to sell it back through the window of the deli to the deli.

0:17:36
spk_4
 

Guy said you could really use something like that. Serves like this and the company rise there cause there's some video be puttering around my brother's apartment building

0:17:46
spk_2
 

your family is a lot of cameras. And your ask. It's called the cops on every time. The outside of a house.

0:17:54
spk_4
 

That's right. Similarly, my brother looks like Jon Lovitz and he's rich, and I hate his guts that way. Haven't talked about yet.

0:18:03
spk_1
 

Arrested by your family for puttering around your own property

0:18:07
spk_4
 

more times than I can count on two hands. So at least seven.

0:18:10
spk_1
 

Yeah, right, Because you've got some accident. That's right.

0:18:15
spk_2
 

You only have six fingers lead buried.

0:18:21
spk_4
 

So anyway, I went to trial. You guys, uh, you were by my side.

0:18:26
spk_2
 

We were part of the team

0:18:27
spk_4
 

you're part of. If you were part of the I would say whatever the opposite of the Dream Team is is what the wavy in basketball

0:18:36
spk_2
 

way immediately calling us.

0:18:38
spk_1
 

And then we were there in jerseys and we thought you wanted a dream team like thing. But all we could find was Yugoslavian rip after. So that's why they were calling. Is that were you just love in dream Team jerseys to your arraignment? So

0:18:54
spk_4
 

you couldn't even find the original Yugoslavian jersey our rib enough.

0:18:57
spk_2
 

Yeah, but But we gave you. You were You were caught. You were. You confessed, You confab.

0:19:04
spk_3
 

There is recorded evidence of you confessing to this murder detailing detail ing the details. Right,

0:19:10
spk_2
 

But way we're able to pain to you as a hero. You were of course. Ah, Lucky for you, the trial. Your trial happened in your Belinda, California.

0:19:23
spk_4
 

We got Trump moved to a place where the jury would be a lot of men like May.

0:19:27
spk_2
 

Yes, gold mean awful white men on the jury of your peers. Appear late, man. Uh, well, that's the

0:19:35
spk_1
 

justice system at work, baby. Your peers decide if you're guilty or not

0:19:40
spk_2
 

guilty. A somehow sided with you after you lost the use of your legs Mid trial

0:19:46
spk_4
 

In a weird turn of events, Judge Ito was a juror.

0:19:52
spk_2
 

They found O j guilty. But your craziest Yes. No, j guilty

0:19:57
spk_1
 

of murder by time.

0:19:58
spk_3
 

And they said that you were. And they said that you were in this case judge, jury and executioner. And you carried out the full extent of the justice. The justice system. You're on your own.

0:20:08
spk_2
 

Yeah, that that the, um the final word was O j guilty of suicide.

0:20:16
spk_4
 

That's right. So shame really work on his legacy. O j is guilty of suicide, and I'm free as a bird baby. And

0:20:24
spk_1
 

let's just real quick before we move on. Yes, we We care about O J. He's been a friend for a long time. That's out of the shot of jams. Friend of the pod, Friend of the show. Big tasks, friend of show. And we would be remiss to not say a very quick thank you.

0:20:41
spk_2
 

Let's say thank you, DOJ right now, O J, you ain't thank you. You have gotten us out of so many sticky situations. There we are, blowing up one of those schools we worked at. Maybe it was Hamilton I The second time we were there, we blew it up. You? Who shot up in the Bronco? O J?

0:21:02
spk_1
 

You know what? Maybe we can get O. J out of this jam. Maybe if we play our cards right, there's something we can do. I mean, Howard's back to do the Howard.

0:21:12
spk_3
 

I mean, if we're

0:21:14
spk_2
 

gonna be like

0:21:14
spk_4
 

I I've done with O. J, I'm done I think is a bad man.

0:21:19
spk_2
 

Way said you had the lowest status in the house,

0:21:22
spk_4
 

a set of low status.

0:21:23
spk_1
 

Now, if someone insults, you'll turn on in pretty quick, Todd, because he was he let us live in his home. He saved our lives multiple times, and then he just sort of said, you are low status, and that's all it took for.

0:21:35
spk_4
 

Well, you got what he deserved. And I'm I mean, the I've been seen recently screaming at his grave, you could see me. What's a week ago? Did

0:21:45
spk_2
 

you live? Stream it.

0:21:47
spk_4
 

I love screaming lives. Yeah, I just got on Facebook. I love what they're doing right now. I have been on Facebook for a while,

0:21:55
spk_2
 

but I heard about you Heard about

0:21:57
spk_4
 

Cambridge Analytica. I was like, these guys are the future.

0:22:01
spk_2
 

Well, yeah, I have been trying to do is many, uh, Facebook quizzes as I can. I don't load every app I do every quiz so I can give all of my friends information away because I am down to clown wear

0:22:19
spk_4
 

very down to clown take all our information, use it to trick us. We don't care.

0:22:24
spk_3
 

Yeah, and and I mean, speaking of down to clown, I mean, that's what we're kind of hoping this call this new college experiences about. Not only are we trying to restart our lives and sort of, sort of,

0:22:33
spk_2
 

you know, reset

0:22:34
spk_3
 

ourselves personally and sort of way. We all realize that we were headed down a bad path. So we were like, you know, what's the best way to change things? It's to completely start fresh. We pick a new picking a path like a new road and see what happened.

0:22:48
spk_4
 

It's socially exciting right now is rush week. So we're looking at frats. I know you got a few letters, Howard, that said, Do not rush.

0:22:55
spk_3
 

Yeah, I said, don't worry about it. I will. Hey, I'm gonna anything I do, I will pace it out.

0:23:02
spk_2
 

You got it. Have, like, conviction notice this week to you've been evicted from your dorm already.

0:23:07
spk_3
 

Yeah. Um, I had a little disagreement with my roommate. A Z is gonna happen. And

0:23:14
spk_1
 

you disagree with a college room, and they evicted you?

0:23:17
spk_3
 

Yeah, they talk.

0:23:18
spk_2
 

So you're in the wrong.

0:23:22
spk_3
 

Well, it's one of those things where you know how college dorm rooms have bunk beds. I said I walked in and I said to my roommate, I don't know if I can handle this. Uh,

0:23:32
spk_4
 

we're about to share

0:23:33
spk_2
 

bad. Let's sleep that far apart for me.

0:23:36
spk_3
 

Let's put them together. It's just increase will take him down and we'll put him will put the beds together and we'll just share So we have a little bit more space on. He had a problem with that. Uh, for some reason, on he complained that they are a in the r a went and took it up the ladder. What

0:23:52
spk_2
 

they said were were a victim, this queen pretty home. A bubble we'll try. Exactly.

0:23:59
spk_3
 

And that to me, is where that you guys obviously know. I'm sort of in the process of disputing this eviction. I think

0:24:05
spk_2
 

this queen's gay. That's why the quote I don't know

0:24:08
spk_1
 

if you guys have noticed the kind of a vibe at the school we have landed. That is a little

0:24:13
spk_2
 

bit right, Right, everyone super open. And like there. I mean, despite other than this one roommate, everybody's, you know, fluid in their sexuality. And I'm like, What the fact this is a little weird. I'm not. I gain Amar because you've taken okay now, right? Rats weird.

0:24:36
spk_4
 

You've been a woman you've been gay on. You don't like how fluid people are here. You at least want it defined.

0:24:43
spk_2
 

The only next

0:24:43
spk_1
 

step for you is to is to go a sexual fish like that New movie

0:24:48
spk_2
 

wagon. Oh, where I fucking fish. I'm an idea that would led Zeppelin in the seventies.

0:24:53
spk_4
 

Oh, wow. We parted with that.

0:24:57
spk_2
 

Yeah. Yeah. Not Led Zeppelin, but led Zep again. Just a cover band.

0:25:03
spk_4
 

Yeah, those guys are crazier than leads.

0:25:06
spk_1
 

I would say they party way harder than Zeppelin, which is why they are who they are.

0:25:09
spk_2
 

Yeah, that's why they weren't where they were. Both coming up both playing the same song and Led Zeppelin one out. I had my money on led Zep again. Exact set. It's undone, President. They didn't know each other. Just accidental.

0:25:23
spk_4
 

Yeah, all the same socks. But their lead singer really can't nail most of the notes. Uh, attitude area, But these guys could party,

0:25:33
spk_2
 

but yeah. I mean, like, I'm sorry about your eviction.

0:25:37
spk_3
 

No, it's OK. It's OK. Obviously, I'm moving to a nude in here dorm. You guys can stop touching me. Uh, I'm obviously moving to a new dorm room. I'm trying to get a solo room. Uh, I get

0:25:52
spk_1
 

a solo dorm room.

0:25:53
spk_3
 

Yeah, right. Well, I know it's not in the dorm. I'm hoping to try one

0:25:59
spk_2
 

of those, like, sort of like military hospitals where everybody's in the same room and is discussed in

0:26:06
spk_3
 

America. You are you on? I was looking for back. Well, that was the original idea. And then then it's just like there's 20 people who can't all have a problem with me.

0:26:14
spk_1
 

So as part of your kick off, are you kicked off campus? Do you have to live off campus or you just not permitted in that dorm?

0:26:21
spk_3
 

I'm not permitted in that dorm room and have not been assigned a new one. So I'm currently homeless. Kind

0:26:26
spk_1
 

of just kicking you kick in your file down the road? Yes. You haven't really heard back.

0:26:30
spk_3
 

I haven't heard back. And I've been I've been really banging down the door to try to figure out my sleeping situation.

0:26:35
spk_4
 

But if you wanted to come, I mean, I don't like a friend being homeless. If you wanted to come sleep in my dorm room, that would be fine. I think our floors no virgins. So that way I know.

0:26:49
spk_2
 

You know what you

0:26:50
spk_1
 

know. What way could let's

0:26:52
spk_4
 

take a quick picture with me? I feel bad. I know what it could. Take it. Take a and you just got bunny here.

0:27:00
spk_2
 

Yeah, I think this like a Polaroid picture. Stop. Stop tapping your foot. You know, this'd

0:27:08
spk_1
 

isn't nice. You are homeless. We live on the sex for

0:27:13
spk_2
 

you. You're not allowed. So obviously, obviously well detectable. Here's what we could let

0:27:19
spk_1
 

you curl up on the Welcome out right outside the glass

0:27:22
spk_3
 

store. You know,

0:27:22
spk_2
 

I want to be looking dirty dog. Are

0:27:29
spk_3
 

you saying that like, it's a gross bad thing, but I'm going to accept it, and I'm gonna make the best of it. So you guys could eat my ass.

0:27:36
spk_2
 

We'll have a leash in my backpack. Do you want todo get bread first? A little early for you guys. Yeah, We've all lost

0:27:47
spk_3
 

its well trod territory that I am a fucking driving tried. Okay, so if

0:27:52
spk_2
 

we could

0:27:53
spk_3
 

just leave that shit in the past

0:27:56
spk_2
 

Oh, in college

0:27:57
spk_4
 

colleges where people lose their

0:27:59
spk_2
 

this'd you don't fucking have a heart attack this time. When we finally get laid at the end of the season, I'm not going to I've been doing, I guarantee you were you getting later?

0:28:12
spk_3
 

Here's the thing I guys, I've been doing slow. I've been doing slow immersion therapy to avoid ever having a heart attack, taking steps closer and closer to sex for the past few weeks

0:28:21
spk_2
 

where you had a panic attack. Just looking at a picture of shorts the other day. A little girl short little Whoa, whoa, whoa.

0:28:29
spk_3
 

On the panic attack was do to be being uncomfortable with the fact that someone handed me a photo of a little girl

0:28:35
spk_2
 

short. Jesus. No, it was not. I was not her side of the story, but my side is I gave you a little picture, little girl shorts. Why did you have a picture of little girl shorts? Milk? I'm rushing a brat. And I was showing the boys that I know what cheerleader shorts are. Yes, I'm rushing for Sigma Chi on their there. Hes in the hell out of me right now. You yesterday God getting hazed. I'm getting hazed bad.

0:29:04
spk_4
 

Is it tough for you? Is a 50 something year old man rushing, afraid with a bunch of 18 year olds?

0:29:09
spk_2
 

A lot of people say, you know, you grow out of being humiliated, you know, like you don't have a tolerance for it. You love it. Well, you don't know any better your fucking stupid and you're desperate. You're desperate, little bitch, and you get into college and you're like, Yeah, I'll let me put it just so you guys will let me drive you around on homecoming football day so that our but I have never own out of that a love And I love it. Yeah, I'm a sub, I'm for sure, us up. When they start beating me, I go more put me in leather I yell at him and they're like, What the heck?

0:29:51
spk_1
 

Yeah, it's not that they said it's not that fun for them.

0:29:54
spk_2
 

T e like it. They tied a £15 dumbbells. My sack back the other day and I was like, Oh, fuck this shit feels get on

0:30:05
spk_0
 

And they said, Never mind. Just let him through this

0:30:08
spk_1
 

They just left early, went to the pita pit.

0:30:11
spk_2
 

Oh, yeah, And then that is a That's a tough pictures there for all the dead animals. There be a bit

0:30:19
spk_4
 

people up. It is rough. I went in there. I went in there looking for ah BLT in a pita and walked into the wrong place. Right? And it is a mass grave for animals. People against the ethical treatment of animals

0:30:33
spk_2
 

can get a little bit of Mediterranean food in the back corner.

0:30:36
spk_4
 

Yes, that's true and affordable

0:30:39
spk_3
 

falafel. Only that you meet actually worth walking through. Starving

0:30:43
spk_1
 

after I fell awful awful. Which is the third place in there for a lot of love. Yeah,

0:30:52
spk_4
 

I feel awful for a feel awful, awful, awful.

0:30:55
spk_1
 

I haven't. That's the desert place, right? Yes. I feel awful

0:30:58
spk_4
 

for waffle. It's I feel

0:30:59
spk_1
 

awful. Full waffle. It's awful. Yeah, that place is next. I steer clear of that whole area. I just do. It's too much for me,

0:31:07
spk_2
 

but I mean, this is This place is crawling with excitement. There's clubs you can get into college. Wasn't like this when we were back. You No, no,

0:31:17
spk_4
 

no, no, this is great. I was on the quad earlier, and you know, people we're kind of walking around May and avoiding me, but it was nice to just be around. Everything I tried to get into a

0:31:28
spk_2
 

game does feel like there's, like, 20 feet of negative space around me everywhere I go. But people are marching and they're being inclusive, and I'm like, What the Heck,

0:31:40
spk_4
 

Sam, How did your audition for the are cappella group go?

0:31:44
spk_1
 

Yeah, well, let's just say I didn't make Let's just say right now I didn't make it. I didn't make it firstly, but

0:31:51
spk_2
 

they don't even they don't tell. People know this early. I have already told you know,

0:31:57
spk_1
 

as soon as I press play on the boom box, they were like, You know

0:32:00
spk_2
 

what? You end up choosing cause you you showed us a bunch of different renditions

0:32:04
spk_1
 

of different songs. Yeah, well, I was trying to do a knock capella version of my heart will go on Gandhi on something.

0:32:10
spk_4
 

And the first thing you did was play music. Yeah, I'm not Ah, Capella.

0:32:14
spk_1
 

I played music and I played music s So we got into this big argument in the audition and they said that we would have given you another chance. I've wasted the literal time of your audition arguing with us, and I said, Well, this is not hospitable. I'm going to find a new major. So that's I found hotel management. You were

0:32:31
spk_4
 

gonna major in occupy

0:32:32
spk_1
 

waas. I was going to I was going to see our capella.

0:32:35
spk_4
 

Uh, we're getting into a lot of fights. The first. Wait.

0:32:39
spk_1
 

Well, hey, hey. You can take the man out of Hollywood, but you can't take Hollywood out of the man. You know what I'm saying,

0:32:45
spk_2
 

man, So far were all out of bad. But I just

0:32:48
spk_3
 

want to put this on this. This orders or worming your guys here,

0:32:52
spk_2
 

but it's the only place you'll

0:32:53
spk_3
 

put a worm. Okay? All right, then. Your war. Yeah. Okay. You're warm. Gets No. That's what I was saying. When I'm trying

0:33:01
spk_0
 

to say is buried in the ground way. Haven't put it in the hole in the ground. I tried to pretend like it's a busy Listen,

0:33:09
spk_4
 

it was early. I saw the early bird catch that word

0:33:15
spk_2
 

your ass. Like JFK's as well. Firstly, first all

0:33:19
spk_1
 

four limbs or shooting up in the air go your pelvis getting pulled into the ground. The

0:33:26
spk_3
 

early bird I was up early enough that nobody would have seen that happen. Well, listen, I'm trying to stay, Guys. Is that I really think we need to take this opportunity at a fresh start. Seriously and focus on Are you guys know? I decided to focus on good to go to medical school on, and it's gonna be a lot of work for me. So I

0:33:49
spk_2
 

need you guys to know that I just need you guys

0:33:52
spk_3
 

to know that I'm not going to be down to party all the time. It's new. I'm I'm gonna be studying. I think that's great. That is, they know.

0:33:59
spk_4
 

And I think that's a really you know, you were such a bad teacher that I think that going into something where you're helping people because you're a kind man, Yes.

0:34:09
spk_1
 

There any more respectable profession than helping people for an exorbitant about a money and making tons of money and having a nice car? I think being a doctor is one of the most. It's one of the best ways to get a big house.

0:34:22
spk_2
 

Well, really, it's a service, which and you're gonna be the type of doctor that kind of suits your personality, right? You're gonna be an anesthesiologist. Well, I

0:34:34
spk_3
 

don't appreciate the explanation of why, but yes, my choice is to get into anesthesiology.

0:34:39
spk_1
 

And why is that?

0:34:41
spk_3
 

Because I want I don't want people toe have to tax

0:34:44
spk_2
 

people falling asleep. Just talking to you. Wanted to be your fault? No. You

0:34:48
spk_3
 

again. I know that pain is a difficult thing to Okay. Well, wow, you got your first patient over there. Get Sam. Okay, You know what? I could see that this year's gonna be noted on every other year.

0:34:58
spk_1
 

Howard, we love you. It's the You were roasted you for earlier. Okay, We're in a new setting. Where? In a dank stank basement. And we're having fun getting

0:35:07
spk_4
 

loose. Oh, uh, go. A specialist feels

0:35:13
spk_2
 

like as best as we can. Todd, how's that going? What was that?

0:35:20
spk_4
 

That zero to a preacher.

0:35:25
spk_1
 

Asbestos? We can. I mean, we all know that

0:35:27
spk_3
 

way We've all adopted the movement.

0:35:32
spk_4
 

Yes, I started a go fund me to help pay for the Kickstarter of that movement. Oneto. I don't want to donate myself, but if people want a go fund me my donations also, it's

0:35:45
spk_2
 

simply the fund starting a Kickstarter dot com. That's right. How much money does you need?

0:35:51
spk_4
 

As much as you got. Uh,

0:35:53
spk_0
 

go find me is

0:35:54
spk_3
 

great because you get whatever people donate, so you don't have to meet your goal. You can just keep making money.

0:36:01
spk_4
 

Um, so yeah, I think I got. Ah, I'm gonna be in a practice today hoping it will be a big news from our walk on. Uh, you

0:36:12
spk_2
 

have to like, you have to, like, do the 40 yard dash.

0:36:15
spk_4
 

That's right. That's right. Well, it's a lot of people. It'll be a dash. Yes. And I'm just hoping I get onto the track. Um, you know this because that's where in college, that's where the ladies are. His athletics. Um and I love the way the treats players I'd love to be involved in that in any way possible.

0:36:36
spk_2
 

Seem like your head needs any more hurt. You know, you don't even

0:36:41
spk_3
 

have these any more hurt time.

0:36:42
spk_2
 

You don't even have c t e. And you're pretty fact app, Tad.

0:36:47
spk_4
 

Well, I do. I was diagnosed with CTE upon birth.

0:36:52
spk_2
 

Your mom fuck and ran around with your ass

0:36:54
spk_1
 

where your mom was a famous football

0:36:55
spk_4
 

player. Yes, that's right. My mom

0:36:58
spk_0
 

Joan and name. It

0:36:59
spk_4
 

was Jonah Nemeth. Joan. Name it. And you might know where is

0:37:05
spk_2
 

kind of

0:37:05
spk_1
 

like Joan and, uh, Q sacks? Yes, Like the

0:37:09
spk_4
 

Keystone and John Cusack. That's right. She is the

0:37:13
spk_2
 

I thought it was, um I thought it was Bun Roth

0:37:17
spk_4
 

Allsburg. Well, Bun Rothenberger is my adopted mother. Okay? Yes. Yeah, there's right after before. That is between Joe Nemeth and Bratina. Far

0:37:31
spk_3
 

you got. You're going to get to choose who your mother

0:37:33
spk_2
 

was. That's right. Talk about Joyce. You're does Michelle straight hand, right? What? I believe in a son's right to choose their mother. That is.

0:37:43
spk_4
 

That's right. Well, we did. We had Padre versus the United States that went to the supreme court.

0:37:50
spk_1
 

Of which football Mom was yours. Yes,

0:37:52
spk_2
 

I was one of the specifics of How does a Martina

0:37:56
spk_4
 

I wanted to choose my mom after birth on my mom's wanted to abort me after birth

0:38:03
spk_2
 

weight. You were the first fetus to take the stand, right, Vida?

0:38:10
spk_4
 

Um, yeah, I took the stand first fetus ever, and I won the trial. I went to the Supreme Court and ah, it is a 5 to 4 decision of the minority decision. Said that this is the craziest thing we've ever seen. And even way were voted No, just cause this is what is going on,

0:38:34
spk_2
 

right? That that fetuses still attached to its mother with his

0:38:38
spk_4
 

umbilical cord I object,

0:38:39
spk_1
 

which should give us a clue to the verdict. But, you know, he's going to fight. What? He's gonna fight

0:38:46
spk_4
 

for what's right. So anyway, uh, hoping toe do the 40 today. I want to get a 15 2nd 40 and the text get eyes on half that's long with his 50 seconds are for 40.

0:38:56
spk_3
 

Usually they're about 3.5 to 5 seconds.

0:38:58
spk_4
 

I'm 75 I'm in a wheelchair. So give me your

0:39:01
spk_2
 

75. Yeah, but you look much older. You have a chemical peel, which I think hurt.

0:39:08
spk_4
 

Yes. Well, it was pretty painful, and I'd you self peel that was Wait your ass out on the beach. Yeah, well, I went to the place of the beach. The Joker goes to, uh, that's for a chemical peel.

0:39:22
spk_1
 

Yeah, if you go to the water treatment plant, that's right on the coast, where they process all the poof and add a lot of chemicals. And then you say Just spinach, Give me one spin through

0:39:34
spk_4
 

what's been through. Give me the usual. Give him 350. That's unusual. 1000 dollars. Okay. Through $50,000

0:39:46
spk_3
 

right? Uh, shit. Well, how guys look, I think we have we ever work Cut out for us is all I'm trying to say. And I think we all need to focus. We can We can focus on the social stuff, but we also need to focus on getting our lives in order so that we have a future. Yes. You know,

0:40:05
spk_1
 

because you want a Perrier or a soft

0:40:06
spk_3
 

drink or not if I have to pay for it. Okay.

0:40:09
spk_4
 

Well, we take a quick break. I need to stretch my like, uh,

0:40:15
spk_5
 

welcome to your digital course catalog. The following courses have just been added for next trimester Anthropologie 2 to 1. Not your mother's anthropology class. It's your father's. Everyone's father will teach this class one on one with their kid. Don't ask about the logistics of how this will happen, but let's just say your father has to quit his job, moved to the college and teach this class to you for no money. Intro to Buffalo Wild Wings lab. Please come prepared on your first day with your own sauce, spin bucket and your $30,000 lab fee. Okay.

0:40:58
spk_3
 

Well, guys, uh, hope that break treated Joe. Great cause it treated me great. Um, but things were no different this season as they've always been. We got a guest in in the in the lounge today. Ah, good friend. Ours. You know, we saw him every now and then. And Hamilton hey, is one of our favorite substitute teachers because he's ah, really good guy. And his name is Jim Smith.

0:41:20
spk_0
 

Jag eyes Smith in the Yeah. Yeah, that's what I would say all the time. How

0:41:30
spk_2
 

are you guys doing Brake A C? Yeah.

0:41:32
spk_0
 

Yeah, it's great to be seen. I'll tell you that much. I think I was invisible for about five years. I'm

0:41:38
spk_4
 

just kidding that. Is that a dig? How we didn't come to

0:41:43
spk_0
 

you as well? No. I invited you to things for several years that using to lose e mails all the time. I don't know how that happens.

0:41:50
spk_2
 

Well, listen, debut, but we just don't love playing games. You like to play a lot of games at your parties. We just thought

0:41:57
spk_0
 

you met with the emails like it's just invites is not playing game.

0:42:01
spk_2
 

No, no. When we get to your party's, it's alright. Like oh, I got this new game. You guys gotta play it.

0:42:07
spk_0
 

Yeah. I'm sorry that you were the donkey that one time that we played Pin the tail.

0:42:11
spk_2
 

Yeah, but with the Yeah, but is that what you're upset about? You

0:42:16
spk_1
 

have a twist where there's always some human getting punished.

0:42:19
spk_0
 

Yes, I'm sorry, but you know, humans are essentially disgusting. I'm really almost drowned in that game of go fish, right? Look, I'm sorry. I thought it was very clear that the title of the game was go com A fish and you are all fits well,

0:42:37
spk_2
 

you would whip us from the top of a lot of the pool for not swimming.

0:42:43
spk_3
 

I was excited. The one game night I did attend one of your parties. We played a game of settlers to Qattan. I was so excited. One of my favorite classic simple game. Yes, I get there and you say all right, you're the sheep. Yes. And I say, What do you mean? On the sheep? And you say Go out back yet you go

0:42:57
spk_0
 

out back saying you said I don't understand English out of your mouth, Bob! Bob, Bob,

0:43:01
spk_2
 

Bob! And all of a sudden please welcome Chris Catan Yeah, he was a special guest. It's difficult to get Chris content. He's Corky Romano. So it's

0:43:13
spk_0
 

not so difficult. But it I mean, I had

0:43:15
spk_1
 

we've all seen contain it. Many parties around town.

0:43:18
spk_0
 

I mean, I had to give him return gas money one way.

0:43:23
spk_4
 

Well, I just didn't love that. When we play Monopoly, I went straight to jail. Real jail,

0:43:29
spk_0
 

Real jail. Yeah, I have a friend down at the sheriff's Department, and he was kind enough to when you landed on go directly to jail. He popped in and he pistol whipped you. And I'm sorry about that, but I think it's you see, You

0:43:43
spk_2
 

see that movie game night? That's just to say it like you wrote that movie. It feels very similar to that movie. It doesn't seem like something I would write.

0:43:52
spk_0
 

Very kind because I'm an amateur writer. We

0:43:54
spk_2
 

do. You like it? We like the plays

0:43:56
spk_0
 

you used to put

0:43:56
spk_1
 

our definitely an amateur writer. I've read some of your poetry. It is crap. Well,

0:44:01
spk_0
 

that's I mean, I'm not mainly way is that I love crab. Yeah, out, sir. Like a Michael Jackson. Bad kind of you just We are big jags and heads. Yeah, that's great to see you guys again. I e missed. You have been over there at Hamilton High the for the past three days, so I thought I'd come by you. 74 I was subbing for Mr Khanna. Wall. Oh, yeah, And it's been It's been great. It's been really good. Let you guys know that, um, I can do any subject any subject I'm an expert at, and

0:44:38
spk_1
 

we're willing to do any subject. Well,

0:44:40
spk_0
 

that's the thing is because all I do my whole philosophy of substitute teaching, is I. When I get the job, I get the call. I call up the A V closet in the morning. I say, Can I can I get the VCR and cannot get the TV? And then I am expert at picking any movie that has to do with whatever subject can justify.

0:45:02
spk_3
 

Candle, of course, is our health. Health and sex education Teacher.

0:45:06
spk_0
 

That's right. Yes. Oh, Caligula, I would pick for

0:45:10
spk_4
 

you. Yeah. So what about if you did a math class that feels like it might be hard

0:45:15
spk_0
 

math? I would normally do something like 88 minutes that that that movie. And I would have the kids count every minute. And 123 all the way up to 88. Smart. And

0:45:29
spk_4
 

these are high school students.

0:45:30
spk_0
 

These are high school students. So they can get up there. They can get all the way up Teoh, usually about 99 where they start, do their eyes cross. And they're like, Where am I?

0:45:37
spk_2
 

I didn't know if I agreed when you played naturally. Bray in Spanish. Glad you don't know if you agree, you know. But now that I think about it, I search within yourself. I agree with that You very much. What do you think

0:45:50
spk_1
 

of our new digs? Obviously you can see we're in a dank, smelly basement with good base.

0:45:56
spk_0
 

Well, you say that, but you don't know. I went blind the other day, so

0:46:00
spk_2
 

I decided to come in with a walking stick.

0:46:03
spk_0
 

Yes, I did much like Steve Wonder, the famous blind musician.

0:46:07
spk_2
 

Well, you have to

0:46:07
spk_3
 

understand we were confused because you always you always walk around with that walking stick. Before you

0:46:12
spk_0
 

I did. I I needed a little help, as they say. But now I need a lot of help, as they say. And

0:46:20
spk_2
 

you're taking this really Well, thank you very

0:46:22
spk_0
 

much. Well, it just happened the other day. It was better. Oh, my God. This

0:46:26
spk_4
 

was three days ago in the eclipse happened.

0:46:28
spk_0
 

That's right. Yes, I Of course, everyone was out there looking at the eclipse, and I was like, No way. No way. I'm not gonna look at that thing. And I would actively shut my eyes. And I was walking around my eye and I had a sleep mask on. And I guess I wandered out into traffic because I was just I was hit by a semi, uh, truck. And

0:46:49
spk_2
 

why do they call them semis? Wonderful. Hit really hard now, here

0:46:54
spk_1
 

with the whole truck or just something that sort of poked you in the eyes.

0:46:57
spk_0
 

I was hit No, by the entire truck at the same time. All three dimensions of wow. Okay, they They said they've never seen anything like it. It was crazy. Direct every part of the truck. If you, from front to back all parts touched me at the executive on all you lost was your eyesight. That's right. They hit me right, directing the I way Comey in the Naga, as they say. Good grief. I'm sorry to hear that. It's been interesting being a blind man.

0:47:24
spk_2
 

Interesting. It's been interesting

0:47:26
spk_0
 

because it seemed, you know, I mean, they say that when you lose one of your senses, all of the others become intensifies. I definitely felt us up, came in the room and believe you, me, I was able to tell you were humans after a good 60 seconds or so. Yeah. We

0:47:42
spk_2
 

were like, I don't know if you need to put your hands on your side.

0:47:45
spk_0
 

I didn't know I was blind, but you were OK with it, though.

0:47:48
spk_2
 

Well, yeah, well,

0:47:49
spk_3
 

we have seen You know why we thought maybe, you know, there was some new custom. We weren't accustomed.

0:47:53
spk_4
 

Teoh custom, but yeah, all your senses a lot. But I saw you really enjoying oatmeal right before you got there.

0:48:01
spk_0
 

Oh, my God. Oatmeal that. I used to think it was disgusting.

0:48:05
spk_2
 

Millets classically nasty

0:48:07
spk_0
 

because I had never smelled nor tasted it before. I just looked at it. Right. But if you just smell it just tasted hits the most delicious food in the world

0:48:18
spk_2
 

and you're getting

0:48:19
spk_1
 

some pretty good government benefits now that you're blind, I mean, the blacker comes. You can park wherever

0:48:23
spk_2
 

the literally crashing everywhere. No, into dark. There. They sent me

0:48:29
spk_0
 

that placard. I was like, Well, that's a little ironic, isn't it? That's a little dig. You think it was a big roast Every time they get a change, their classic roasters, like I didn't know this was a roast. This is like, you know, Anthony Jessel, Netgear and Whitney Cummings. They were, which is there. They were there, delivered the mail, they delivered the mail. To me, it was like a make a wish thing

0:48:53
spk_3
 

because they heard about my unique accident. Wow. It was there, Make a

0:48:57
spk_0
 

wish. Yeah, they're They're dying. And they were like, I just want to meet this interesting man who was get by so much of the truck. So I showed him around my walking stick out

0:49:10
spk_4
 

for a little bit. Well, we're gonna miss them on the dais.

0:49:12
spk_2
 

Yeah, well, day is is that the days you shall

0:49:16
spk_1
 

Ross will be there. Hold on.

0:49:24
spk_3
 

There. Yeah, I hope Phoebe does Smelly cat.

0:49:28
spk_1
 

Oh, yeah. Arose

0:49:30
spk_0
 

that That's what they say by the way. To an audience that laughs at what you do like you killed you. Is that interesting? You feel it is How

0:49:40
spk_1
 

are you doing? More comedy now?

0:49:42
spk_0
 

I'm doing so much comedy now. Um, so you know, You know, um I mean, my my personal story is what audiences air really interested in because, you know, full your set because, well, you know, I've told you many times that my name is Jim Smith. It seems like such a regular name until they learned that GM short for gymnasium, it is G y AMG. Why I am, uh It's because it's where I was born. And it's where I work so immediately. Fascinating. Now that I understand the different exactly ends where I'll die, hopefully, God willing. But you keep trying to kill us up with the final Four. I dio and they're like,

0:50:22
spk_2
 

Wait, save it until the finals thing is like the 16th seed here. What does that make you shoot?

0:50:28
spk_1
 

1/2 court shot toe, let you kill yourself? You make it that

0:50:31
spk_0
 

exact again. And you think I would practice, But instead, I it's always like three days before I might actually get out on the court

0:50:38
spk_2
 

if this blind man makes this shot, he gets to kill himself. Thanks for

0:50:45
spk_1
 

the pressure. I mean, the president must get to you.

0:50:47
spk_0
 

They say, cover your ears, kids. So that a they've covered their bases with that. That's good. That's were, uh, so the comedy is great. It's been Treat me great on the circuit. Yeah, yeah, I've been now in the blind comedian, so that gives me an extra hook. Um, so I have a lot of blind jokes, right? When I say a lot, I being I'm working on one.

0:51:10
spk_1
 

You're sort of existence. Sort of is the big joke. This

0:51:12
spk_0
 

that's true. People just kind of look at me and they go, Well, that's funny. I don't know what it is. I don't know what happened to that man, but that's funny.

0:51:19
spk_2
 

Are you doing? You might be a blind man, you

0:51:21
spk_0
 

know, like, if you can't see and you might be a blind,

0:51:27
spk_2
 

that's as far as I got

0:51:28
spk_1
 

most of job. That's a joke I can't do. I can't get away

0:51:31
spk_0
 

with it. I don't You know I'm not afflicted. Don't touch with it. I'll

0:51:34
spk_4
 

tell it around the block touches and I'll say it around anybody.

0:51:37
spk_0
 

You've got that kind of courage. You're like a Ricky Gervase over here.

0:51:40
spk_4
 

That's exactly right. That's right. And I I take similar photos of myself. Put him out there. Uh,

0:51:47
spk_1
 

you've gotten so felt lately and it looks not funny. It was great.

0:51:51
spk_4
 

Thank you. Yeah, I think that most support the about a comedian is people could see my body.

0:51:55
spk_2
 

You're just taking regular photos. And people are like, Are you doing the Ricky Gervase ugly face? And you're like, No, this is fake. He's

0:52:03
spk_4
 

That's right. I get a lot of are you doing? This person's ugly said, OK, you're not a silly one.

0:52:11
spk_0
 

Brad Pitt making his ugliest face

0:52:15
spk_4
 

is almost a couple.

0:52:16
spk_2
 

Yeah. How did you lampooning a dead man in this photo?

0:52:20
spk_4
 

Well, that was the photo next to my father's casket. I was lampooning him in that photo.

0:52:26
spk_0
 

You roses. That's right way. And I heard Anthony and Whitney were there.

0:52:32
spk_4
 

That's right. Yeah, we did not get along. Really? Yeah,

0:52:36
spk_2
 

yeah. Being honest, I think

0:52:38
spk_1
 

they're having a bit of a field day with this. Make a wish stuff. How

0:52:40
spk_2
 

many Dio kids really wish it? It's not

0:52:45
spk_0
 

cold make only one wish. Yeah, I guess it's like regulation. Then they make it, get it. And they make another wish. Yeah. There. Wishing for more wishes in the Yeah, classic Jeannie

0:52:55
spk_4
 

situation. Jim, we're back in college. And is there something that, like, we're

0:53:01
spk_0
 

This is our track delay way so successful earlier? Yes. Yeah, yeah.

0:53:09
spk_4
 

Um, it's a test for a rebirth for us. Is there something the end would do if you could go back to college? Something you regret not having done. So are you

0:53:17
spk_0
 

saying it to go back in time situation? Are you saying I re enroll as the person I am today? You be more specific. Go

0:53:24
spk_4
 

back in time to 10 years after you graduated and re

0:53:27
spk_0
 

enroll. Roll. Okay, well, this is tough. So is there. If there's something that I would do if I went back to college, I would definitely I would take more electives. Um and I would run for student body president. Definitely. And I would be head of the yearbook, and I would also run the student paper. Wow. And I would also be in charge of booking all the comedians.

0:53:51
spk_4
 

So, like everything you want to do kind of every do

0:53:53
spk_2
 

not get involved with much and high

0:53:55
spk_0
 

snow. During college, I pretty much I took one class and then I slept 23 hours a day. That's interested 11 hour class, 11 hour class. And then I just was like, Let's out to return the light out. Were you oppressed? I believe I was different. I mean, that's, you know, it was a psychology class, depressed, and it was just me. It was just me.

0:54:20
spk_2
 

So you had therapy, and then you pass that it was the

0:54:24
spk_0
 

way he was. The room was a small study with a crouch. Okay, I would lay down on my my mommy would take me now what college was what college was This ad, this was This is in an office building in a strip moment. I want to

0:54:40
spk_1
 

point out you have the sleep patterns of, like a three toed sloth.

0:54:43
spk_0
 

Thank you so much. That's what that's what they would say to me. And I would say, No, I actually have 10. And they would put that argument to rest right there, right? Invested. Exactly. So no, I would just get more involved. I get up into it and get involved. You would around just go to therapy? No, I actually go to college. So if I have the chance to go to college instead of therapy, I would do that, then. Yes.

0:55:09
spk_1
 

Yeah, we're closer cause none of us are in therapy, so we're all closer.

0:55:13
spk_0
 

No, You guys gotta go. I think you have so much that you could get off your chest. Well, tell me your deepest secrets. Oh, um, I have fun that we never do that on game night.

0:55:26
spk_1
 

I guess I wear the same shirt too much.

0:55:28
spk_0
 

Yeah. Deepest woman. Yeah. Yeah. We've noticed in the guys me and noticed my brood without

0:55:35
spk_1
 

your brows. Full time employees

0:55:40
spk_4
 

crack a cold one with us, Rose.

0:55:44
spk_0
 

Okay. Ever since that game, a Simon says I'm not IBRA. Okay? I'm sorry, but Simon Helberg was available and he was up making you

0:55:54
spk_2
 

do think a kick e. I was

0:55:57
spk_1
 

really excited to go to your house finally and play a game. Sorry. I thought we were getting finally. He's going to apologize

0:56:02
spk_0
 

now. It's now. It was just an intervention where we were trying toe get you to apologize to us for things that you've done.

0:56:09
spk_1
 

Yeah, well, yeah. No,

0:56:11
spk_4
 

I think that's my favorite, but I think a lot of people do interventions wrong. But you did it right. You also around the person and you make them.

0:56:20
spk_0
 

That's a type of intervention. Yes. More of a shame. Circle shape. You did to me a lot of well and then pregnant. Pauses, waiting to get pregnant. Possibly. Yeah. I finally got that trick. All the schools that I go around Teoh I got I finally got 1/3 teacher pregnant. Wow. I didn't know you were shooting for that daisy. A gymnasium. Dodgeball, Smith. It soniya Smithsonian, right? That's your last name, Smithsonian. Because wear that. That's where the gym was that I was born in the in the basement of the Smithsonian. Dodgeball relieved that. Well, that's where I was born. My my my mother. May she rest in peace. She's taking a nap. She, uh she was in the middle of a game of dodgeball at nine months, and she got She took a hard one to the stomach and I just slipped right out and she thought I was a dodgeball. She picked me up and threw me, and that umbilical cord made me snap right back up into her. Who? I was comical. It was like something out of. There's something about married.

0:57:39
spk_1
 

You gotta tell this on stage. Tell me you're using it.

0:57:42
spk_0
 

I don't know. That's private. That's to private. I could never do that to my mother, my dear, departed mother. She she left to go sleep in a motel.

0:57:51
spk_1
 

No. Listens. This. So your secrets safe?

0:57:53
spk_4
 

It won't go on.

0:57:53
spk_0
 

Thank you. Anyway, I was just very proud of that

0:57:57
spk_2
 

s O s. Oh, yeah. You have three simultaneous women

0:58:00
spk_0
 

simultaneously pregnant. Yes, it was it. We had an orgy. And I was, like, the first to their periods because and all three happen to be ovulating at the same time. That's because hanging out there, different schools. But just somehow being teachers, they had sink themselves up. And

0:58:18
spk_2
 

I think we're all remember. We were not. We were bathroom schedule. Yeah, Yeah, we take nasty shit. Simultaneous.

0:58:25
spk_1
 

That's like sort of the middle

0:58:26
spk_4
 

of refute way. I'll start balding around the same time.

0:58:29
spk_0
 

Yeah, well, obviously I am not beholding

0:58:34
spk_1
 

bald or gone. You pays

0:58:35
spk_0
 

at the same time, we're not talking about his to pay. You see, Is that not something that just my riel hair way are? He's not Okay, so it's OK

0:58:43
spk_3
 

to say, Hey, he ripped his. He did he He probably doesn't want to hear this story, but he ripped his hair out in a fit. When we were out in Hollywood, he ripped his hair out and replaced it with soccer. Great grass from a field. Really? That's artificial

0:58:56
spk_2
 

Hair grows long if I let it. You mean if you let it? I'm just saying, if I let it grows and green, are you dying it yet? No, it it grows green. Trump. Obviously, this is better air blond or brown for

0:59:15
spk_4
 

this to when you misunderstood what people meant when they said you get a rug. You were walking around with a Persian rug in your head for about three months.

0:59:23
spk_0
 

Yes, exactly. Exactly. Speaking of Persia, some other big news. Yes. Finally I did it. I killed a person. Man,

0:59:37
spk_2
 

you've been You've been on this crazy racist tirade for years. Well, ever since

0:59:42
spk_0
 

they enacted those stand your ground laws, I was like, I can't I gotta get him on

0:59:46
spk_1
 

that must feel good. I mean, how long have you been staring at that vision board?

0:59:49
spk_2
 

Just been like, damn way. No, it's approaching me. When is somebody gonna get on my property? And what wasn't a

0:59:58
spk_3
 

scenario where it was? Was it someone who was, uh what is a person you knew or was?

1:00:03
spk_0
 

It was. It was a person I half new. I, uh

1:00:06
spk_4
 

this was a real Persian. Not Jake Gyllenhaal. Right.

1:00:10
spk_0
 

Well, let me tell you something. He was his handsome is Jake Gyllenhaal. And about his talented same address. Same address? Yeah, he lived in Jake Gyllenhaal's in his guesthouse, I guess. Game recognize game. Just Jake Gyllenhaal saw this guy on the street was like, You're like a young Jake Gyllenhaal. You gotta live in my guesthouse anyway.

1:00:30
spk_3
 

So been there. We've been there, people recognizing our game and saying Come live with us anyway. So

1:00:35
spk_4
 

what kind of movies are you working on right now? It's because you said you are. Take it pretty obsessed with the something about Mary.

1:00:42
spk_0
 

I try to write one page a day of my sequel to There's Something About Mary where called

1:00:48
spk_2
 

I'm Seriously, I think there is something about Mary, right?

1:00:52
spk_0
 

And, uh, it's it's I'm and trying to attach Ben Stiller. Uh, and I've been I've been calling him up every single day and getting his receptionist a lot and, ah, lot complaining about his previous. You know, like the movies from the last five years. There's serious. That's an icebreaker. And then and I'll say. But speaking of funny what you what? You weren't well, I was talking about the opposite of it, so it makes sense to them, at least. Yeah, OK, I'll say, I'm I got another page every day I come every day.

1:01:32
spk_1
 

And how is your relationship with this receptionists? Are you guys getting pretty close?

1:01:35
spk_0
 

It's his name's norm. And when he answered the phone, I say no arm like cheers. And he loves it, he says. That's funnier than anything you put in the script because I read him the script every day time. That's one page of the time, and he can retain the sense of story Really, because I recap all information at the top of each page. Knowing Norm is my audience. Right, right. So I'm on page 145 right now. It is the recap is getting lengthy. Wow. So you were telling us right before we started recording that you're having another game night tonight and you want us to come? That's

1:02:10
spk_2
 

the reason I came.

1:02:11
spk_0
 

Guys, I want you guys to come. I'm

1:02:14
spk_2
 

open to this. As long as it's not gonna way like

1:02:17
spk_1
 

we're back, we know each other again a little bit. This is nice. Maybe we can do

1:02:20
spk_2
 

If you can

1:02:20
spk_3
 

guarantee a good time for the four of us. And that's not being some sort of prop for the game. We're

1:02:26
spk_0
 

gonna have a nice pinata. Uh um just bring your baseball bats. If you could all collectively Cabrera, you'll collect them. Well, I mean, you know, I mean,

1:02:38
spk_2
 

I'm not gonna

1:02:38
spk_1
 

bring a baseball bat that you're gonna beat me with my own bad. I'm not gonna do that. If that's what

1:02:43
spk_2
 

you want to be beaten with, someone else's bad. It seems like that's emasculating enough you don't show up, stick thousands of multicolored post it notes all over myself and show up. I did. And is

1:02:58
spk_4
 

that why you fed me all those knickers in their wrappers?

1:03:01
spk_0
 

Yeah, well, hopefully you haven't digested those bad boys yet also, is that the

1:03:05
spk_3
 

reason that that I got ah, whole thing of twine with with, ah, noose tight

1:03:11
spk_0
 

Did feel really know that was a different reason. I

1:03:15
spk_1
 

think about you put a screw in my head and tied

1:03:18
spk_2
 

to the ceiling.

1:03:19
spk_0
 

I did. Well, trapping nation, uh is that's where you drill a hole in someone's head in order to allow air in there. And it's supposedly euphoric for the brain.

1:03:27
spk_1
 

I was gonna eyes

1:03:29
spk_0
 

one of my hobbies. So? So those two are unrelated. Yours for those of you keeping

1:03:37
spk_2
 

thing we want. If I can come gymnasium with that f word, not the other one. I don't think we want a faggot. Come.

1:03:47
spk_0
 

Uh, come on, guys. I need this. I need I need to set a good example for my three Children that I can have friends. And I can have male

1:03:54
spk_3
 

relationships. No, that I thought the women were all pregnant. They

1:03:58
spk_0
 

are all I need. Just, like start planning the scene. Okay. Hey, I wanna go sit in the stay in the shade. It's like, well, wears a tree. I haven't planned the seed yet.

1:04:07
spk_1
 

So what you gonna do have these women come over and loudly talk about how you're friends with other men gets through this time and

1:04:13
spk_0
 

maybe they'll take a cop a plastic cup and, you know, get down on each other stomachs and talking to each other.

1:04:19
spk_3
 

Like the classic thing in movies where kids would put a glass to a doorway to try to hear inside

1:04:24
spk_0
 

movies. Are these your little kid into spies? Little kids? Five. Father to grope TV Truck TV? Yeah, whatever You know, filmed

1:04:34
spk_2
 

isn't TV is movies. Do you think TV is movies? Answer that right now, I think. Giant dammit, I think TV is as much movies. TV is as much movies as movies. Movies? Yes, it's three. These movies,

1:04:51
spk_3
 

movies I don't know. I think they're all video stories. Magazines. I think the Pacers movies, magazines is paper to is paper TVs, which is TV's movies and TV newspapers is DVDs and Web sites. Is website

1:05:09
spk_0
 

Z threes? Yeah, and MP threes is blue race.

1:05:13
spk_4
 

Look, all those mediums. I am a theater guy through and through.

1:05:17
spk_2
 

Speaking of mediums. No, I'm an amateur fortune teller. Now you have built up news like crazy is crazy. Everything

1:05:26
spk_0
 

that's been going on, but I feel like I haven't seen you in. So we're an amateur for to tell a professional I'm a professional teacher. I don't think I would have to be a professional fortune, Teoh, but I basically just on the weekends, I just you know, I go down to the boardwalk and I just you know, I take a look at people and I try to say like, Hey, does anyone need their fortune told? And you're guessing you're just guessing. I'm just guessing. In the end ago, I

1:05:50
spk_2
 

do doing

1:05:50
spk_0
 

my force and told I go, You'd I just told it, You need your fortune told And that's how I proved that I can do it. That's good. Yeah,

1:05:56
spk_2
 

it's It's I'm an amazing person. And I wish you would hang out with me more. Well, we'll see him or not. I'm not gonna come to your house dressed like a pinata and let you beat the shit out of me. Yeah, I'm just that any of us

1:06:08
spk_3
 

are up for

1:06:08
spk_0
 

that. I'm really sorry. I'm in no surprise. Surprise Sneakers back. Hopefully you're a glutton for those sneakers. We didn't know

1:06:20
spk_2
 

it was here. This is college. Yeah. You guys Students? Yeah. What are you doing here? Sneaking around in the basement. We're gonna make me. Oh, I like to Why would go? You fuck this guy? He's a virgin. What? Oh, God, no. So I got 10 my girlfriend cheated. He's excited again. This is way. Gotta get. We got to get him to a hospital. What's his name? How? What? They're dead friend's name. I throw Howard. All right, well, we got to get Howard Dawes buttle again.

1:07:09
spk_4
 

Uh, you guys could stick down here. We're done with the basement.

1:07:13
spk_1
 

If you guys want to use the podcasting equipment, do whatever you guys need to do.

1:07:16
spk_4
 

Find anyone? One. Take your time. But our friend here is having a heart attack.

1:07:20
spk_0
 

And if you want to come to a party tonight to a game night 911 I'm having a great one. Tonight

1:07:26
spk_4
 

s Oh, that's ah, party tonight, Friend. On our tech here.

1:07:29
spk_2
 

Yeah, I never forget.

1:07:33
spk_4
 

And if you want to watch a couple students having sex there down here also and never forget.

1:07:37
spk_0
 

Never forget now online.

1:07:38
spk_4
 

All right, stay flip. I

1:07:40
spk_2
 

e. I love you.

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