on sleeping is okay, but not encouraged. No, farting wasn't me. Wasn't me either. Out scare time. Just a little bit. A little bit further to the top way. Still have Himalayan? Would you like some boy? Okay, that was why we have Himalayan and also, uh okay, there to the light. And

now on everyone's feet Pacific, Just relax. I just relax. Putting Mardi Gras beads on around my shoulders.

Have a little bit Don't forget

for lead on away

Me, me, me, me,

General Cowboy Joe Cowboy to New Orleans and just relaxed. Happy resting, relaxing. Howard's away. Captain is in Deraa. Cowboy Halloween. Okay. Sounds like this isn't working for you

guys way. Just It's like I study this. You know what I mean? What? I'm studying. And so if we can't focus it, I'm sorry. I should just

relax. I need to say my

you think job has made you very tense.

You're supposed to be leading

as in a meditation and your stir ass. I don't know if you've noticed, but my hair is falling out everywhere you took. Well,

I've someone following you around, picking it up on growing it to his head.

That's right. Uh, OK, here looks allies here. I need hair. I've got too much hair. In fact, I'm donating it. The cancer

kids, I think that charity is locks for love, not cancer kids. Well,

they that explains why they were so offended

by my speech I gave at the banquet. And

I would that I was not booked for wages. A

little impromptu speech at the banquet.

Yeah. Now you just wait list. You just We just caught the tail end of that meditation guided meditation. But you took a heated call from somebody down at the city during that meditation. Yeah, well, I'm running

into permit problems. Hermit crab are, uh let's just say we're dancing around this thing, and he's got more feet than I do. Okay, So he's running

circles, he's crawling dancing, because got a lot

of feet, and I'm trying to figure out the deal, but he's sort of got all the cards in his deck because of his hands. So this is literally

just like your business. You are You are adding a lot of different things. Toe one metaphor.

What are you talking

about? From dancing to poker?

Okay, there is an hourglass. And there's sand dripping down, out, right. And as it drips, you think be water. You know, just go with the flow. Here. Look, all I know is I

could not relax with you screaming into the phone. Your massage on me was.

Yeah, well, I have my Bluetooth in, so I

figured it wouldn't be a problem.

No, it's a issue. Isn't that you had your hands free? It's that you were really getting aggressive on my back as the phone call got more. You

slammed your Bluetooth back on its hook at the very and just slammed it down. I think you could just leave it on your ear now. I had to do that for effect permit. Crab needs to know. Im myths. Well,

what happened? I miffed.

Um, What do you mean, what happened? You

lost your permit for your spots. Like storm, right? Hang on. Do we want to be recording for this? Yeah,

Yeah, yeah. Time. Okay, I'll start. Oh, God damn it. Powered. But it's lost. Its going on a few, man, we just came out of a guy. That meditation that you were me, me, me ing all the way through I was awake. I

mean, Bill is so used to this. He referenced the listeners while we weren't recording

eso ready as it

before. Lifesaver. How recording. Luckily for him, we were recording, so he didn't sound like an idiot. But I definitely look like an idiot. Yeah,

well, we all do. We all do. I look like an idiot with Bill Straightened wedding? I fucking meditation guys. I think Bill's just fucking putting out all the reasons I'm an idiot trying to meditate us all. I was straight winning you. And look at may I have reald

dark hair. You know what I think is punishment? You guys should just punch me. You guys should just punch me in the

throw you're gonna like right now. Even though I like it. I'm gonna like it so much

more By the table, Big. I hit the back of your head. You just got curb stopped. Got out.

Second fucking accent is not what happened of your teeth Fall because of the injury is different. Sound like a ground ling trying to do a teenage character with a little like such a groundlings? Kirk. Well, I was there with Pee Wee and I got kicked out of advanced Lab. Well, because your weepy character felt like, very similar. Weepy was nothing like Pee wee. Okay? He rode around on a bike and he had a little house,

and he had a anyway,

made me.

And he had a family writer that talked right now.

It was weepy using Try shaking

with this voice, Their physical choice. It's not physical twist. My molars are gone because I was biting table so hard that my molars have gone. Just Christ, think

this is a Groundlings audition? At least

go to the next character.

Guys, this isn't a character. You you just

curb, start me for the second time. And my friend years are too good. So my backwards all came out. So

Jesus Christ, I guess I got talked like this for

the whole thing's character. And I don't know if it is or not. I don't know if we've established that you didn't pass

guys looking with its I'm going back to the first level. Is this a character?

Look inside my mouth. Oh, my God. He had even swallowed the teeth. They're still just clinging around. And what

do you say? that? Oh, like son. Far seas. Do you have

a spittoon ity? Yes.

It's part of your theme, right?

Yeah. Brought in from tobacco. More invited into the spots

in the vehicle form over here

anyway. Everybody welcome, Teacher Sounds just used to be the first Best in only podcast presented issues relevant to the Hamilton High School community. But now we have gone back to college, and we're here to say college is hard. Everybody

just really hard. It's even harder

than Hollywood. Yeah, way heart. Truly. You know, guys, Todd.

Well, there's not much that's easier than Hollywood for May, but college is hard.

Yeah, okay. Yeah. You guys know I call his classes were so hard I stopped and I asked my girlfriend to do it with May, Uh, you're my girlfriend, Mistress Treanor has been teaching me. Of course. Last week we did our first dissection. Our life cadaver, uh, this week dissect you? Yeah, well, had you end up on a table like a frog with your skin flayed back. Yeah, and she made sure that I said ribbit. Uh, because I want this to feel like a real frog anyway, But

this week I did my first week around a to hospital. You're getting class there? Yeah, and of course, when I say

hospital, I mean Mr Strangers Living room where all their sick friends out. Sick friend. Yeah.

God, she's really disgusting. She keeps a bunch of six sick people around and keep Sica's to dominate.

Yeah, well, they're sick and they appreciate the attention she gives him, even if it's negative. And

this is Saddam side and I

Yes. I'm sorry to see him on, so I did my rounds. I did a, uh, a tuberculosis chest. I I have it

to the test on someone and found out you have

was this Dom Hop skins are sit ups. It was either

seed arms, but I'm going to Don topkin sex. But anyway, so I did with tuberculosis test on. Somebody found out that I have it because I was using My blood is a control. It turns out that I had it. They didn't

know how many other diseases have you tested people for that? You've ended up having

about 16. 17? Uh Oh, look terrible. Thank God. Good. But they also can't, Uh, no, But you don't want to suffer this one have symptoms of syphilis for the rest of intestine because that's you on the billboard for meals. Your model it Everybody who listens is definitely seen. I booked over May chest of the model that's got lots of civilised source.

I'm curious. Where else does

Doctor Mr Stream the work that she has privileges and any other hospitals culture dominant? Uh, yes, she she state routes? Yes, statement said Roots Children's Hospital of Dom's Angeles. Uh,

she does a segment on Dr Phil once a week, where she'll just come in for five or 10 minutes, and still she'll talk about everything. Shoes, experience, it's

your treat. Dr. Feel like shit, right? And she's

also a guest on Dumpster Oz. Uh, which is? Which is great. Yes, she goes on Dr

Tom Straws or Dumpster on, because I love both

shows. She's she's a guest on Dumpster eyes and she's a don t back in. Let's stop right now and put him back in superglue. I can't put him in.

Do It was coming when you stable stuff.

I forgot e I forgot how

annoying it state and that we have to sit Well, if we superglued my teach back in my voice is going to be weird in a different Okay. Okay. All right, Fine. Here. Way. And whenever you're ready on both off while I'm with someone because Goldman

arrange this'll. Rallies are digit is a lot of same missile.

No, this is what the time right now? Because they're a little too big.

You shifted your weight in your seat. You are early

acting any different. You're just sort of You did put on a different sweater.

I would say it does not match the voice.

Go little Julie. Yeah, that is an aggressive sweater.

Well, what's aggressive about the language? My fox

water? Yes.

It says, like you know how There's a different shirts have, like, four names on them. Uh, it says fuck shit. Slammer. Asshole. Why slammer on there? Is that a bad word?

I mean, according to my family going up it Waas

hammer. Yeah, I didn't want to be in the slammer. What? Where is when do you use slammer? You're being

such a slammer. Oh, so like, asshole? Yeah. So why have asshole on there? Because flavors are more, uh, more intense. One Ah, slammers A

Really? Okay. Well, good to know that will be ready down that maybe we could Yeah. Yeah, It's like if

you like. If you're a natural, it's intentional. Your slammer, I I'll tell you what the fucking permit crab is a slammer

because he knows exactly what I'm trying

to do. Everybody is loving the spot. I've also converted the cafeteria into a new ballroom dance entertainment. What

was his problem? Did you not have enough parking for the dwelling or what was the actual infraction? Problem is, a couple of the

doorways were two inches too skinny.

Really? Really. I'm like, That's not me. I'm taking over the door is your dorm and I was trying to lay the permit process so nit picky. Permit the permit. Crab is a nitpicker. Podd keeps

finding things like that too much. He said too much curtains in one of the rooms.

More to be fair. To be fair, I agreed with him on that pretty curtain. Heavy Rooth current room? Yes. That was used for relaxation. Okay, because you didn't just put them on the windows. No, there on the floor. So yeah, I am

aware a curtain is a road would come in

It's kind of an eyes wide shut curtain room themed I I like that. It can't be just the curtains

and the doors Air slightly too skinny.

You were cut in court. You build like that apple corn. You felt the add on in three days. Even what? The pig roast? Yes. So the pig roast is not quite deep enough. Okay, so we didn't did quite a

bit of a deep enough hole. Not it's not ventilated. And the fire escape is up. Yes. So if you have to exit there in case of a fire, you are going higher about in

tomorrow's open flame under the fire escape. I we didn't have room to do everything perfect. Everybody else wanted all these themes. Then I had to break a couple of eggs. Okay? This everyone else wanted the themes. They weren't happy enough with just the spot.

I didn't freak out. It felt

like what happened. It was actually everything seemed to be going well. And you got impatient because you realize that didn't solve your problem.

What gets me nowhere. You screaming your Yes, Well, I'm backing into a corner.

Okay? You're clenching my leg. And if I had feeling in my legs, I wouldn't be able to feel

it out. Okay, well, that stop may saying Okay, you doing? I'm given Todd. Charlie horse over there. A Podd. This isn't me. Okay? I'm Buddhist now.

It's all calm down.

I'm Buddhist, your manager, Bruce, but and my learnings in hospitality have taught me some Buddhist teachings, and I just shouldn't be behaving like that. I have control of myself. You look more like Buddha than you ever have. That's for sure. Well, I've put on £100 of stress. Wait. Just in your stomach. The outer outer edge of your stomach

is distended. And is this

gold pay or what? Wired. I'm gonna pull two teeth out and see what the new voices. Okay, Give me. There's two teeth in the front.

This one, Actually, I won me over a little bit both changing sweater.

This one. I

like this. Look. Those force, it's the same. One is the second real house. One tooth. Beckett. It's not like we're tuning Howard. That is a yes. Like this voice. That is a groundlings. Yeah, he's standing. He's putting something in his leg. This is good.

This guy's about to give a speech to a farmer's market.

But excuse me, Airport Hyatt. I've got something to say is niche groundlings roasting guys that if you

were around in Los Angeles in the late seventies hanging out with Garry Marshall, who started the Groundlings? Or is he the guy who started the amplifier? You

be on my

like you're the only person with

any real experience with the ground like, yeah, they kicked me out of there because away p and, um,

where you did One character that was just Lisa Crew drove. You didn't even rip off one of her characters.

That isn't her. I'm doing her, uh, not one of her characters. I'm not stealing her character of stealing her real life. The Groundlings is kind of famous

for characters, though not just impressions of comedian.

But a lot of those characters

are based on people that you actually know on. Do you know Lisa Kodro?

Yes.

OK. Your voice went up a lot there and you looked around the room like and you grabbed your hold

it real, huh?

I know her here.

Okay, Seem again Bill, Your lives are very transparent now. Shut up

you. A lot of people have poker tells that are kind of subtle. You Your voice gets very high. You pull your hair up and you shake your head violently. No, While you say yes, like your body is trying to explode with the truth.

I don't do that. Okay? You guys

saw me in Vegas. Televised poker tournament. You stop me? So

you're the famous Vegas televised poker tournament.

That is to say, if it

you went out against Matt Damon in the first hand, right?

Because he had a

good head and I folded. He folded a new still lost toe. Yeah, well, I don't know how that happened. You said I

do. I remember. I watched it. You said your hand was definitely better than mine. Here's all my money and Phil

home. You've lost it.

Who's he? You were there the night

of poker. Nobody respects

him. Well, I put on some sunglasses. Unfortunately, they were novelty clown sunglasses, red and blue, Little

big. And then I matched it

with a big phone cowboy hat. And I matched that with some big clown shoes matching. Now, those things really match that hit Just are all crazy in that game. You see what seem crazy? That's what You should take it to the ground. So that's that would see. That's the kind of thing you should

be doing at the Groundlings Bill. If you ever wanted to go back to L. A and get

involved cowboy hat, Clown man playing poker. Oh, you have a better than Lisa Cooch.

I would see that in the middle of a two hour show.

Come on, they have a band. I love the bed. Yeah, well, I'm going to see the Groundlings way and not play it groundlings. I see them at the Hollywood Bowl. Yeah, not the grand one. Using toilet booth, although toilet bolted. Um, Ali bring line in there. And P you could make one. Bring on P. You could make one. Is there actually Holly? Shit. How we doing, guys? Now? College, obviously, is stressing me out.

Well, um, I've had some midterms lately, and I crammed I crammed a cramp. A cramp because I was not prepared for her elections. What's that for? Midterm elections? Yes. Uh, we're not in the middle of the semester for tests, but the midterm elections are coming up and I do not know the candidate. So I've been cramming on a pretty hard and let's just say I failed the vote

on What did you do?

The crime? You stayed up. You started at what, like midnight I had before. Well, I wish 2 a.m. three on the night before.

That would have been nice. Yeah, four AM, I went in. I went to the 24 hour coffee shop. I had to get my red eye. I pop down to the book stacks in the library, and I just started trying to cram.

So you made him put on a pot. So I said, put on a wet

books. Access had put on a pot of red eye. That's coffee with a shot of espresso pot to put on it. It's a hard Podd to put on. You need a controversial and an espresso machine. When you put out right, it's good black and I wanted this stuff. I wanted it burnt to a crisp. That's why I requested it. They said, This is the book stacks. You don't make your coffee for you here, and I got louder than people like you to get library When I heard that I got into it with librarian. Sweet lady of watch. Yes. She's very sweet and easy to yell at. Um, if you gotta get your and ground on somebody, I recommend her. Takes

it. She just takes it. Should. I didn't get

to studying until six. In the warning was all this screaming trying to explain to her how to figure it out.

See, you spent two hours in the library and you can first chair over 4 to 6. So I'm

exhausted by this. I say, put on a pot again. I'm tired. Tired

of talking about pot? So you needed a brother, Podd? Yeah. And

this time I asked for a Red Bull. I So this is a coffee Red bull it, uh, call it. I call it the Todd Padre. Usual. It's Starbucks. Uh, I have never made you know they have not yet trying to get it to catch on. Um, I also had Starbucks. My fun thing is, I try to say my name weird. Spell it wrong. And then I put it on instagram

and they keep spelling it right.

But you thought it right. I take a picture and I say

they didn't get it wrong again.

I still make fun of the baristas. Either way, you just like to go there because I've never worked in the service industry. So I make fun of people who dio also poor. Well, you currently. Yes.

You're very wealthy. Daughter is your seventies. You think that's gonna turn around?

I know. I made some pretty, uh, volatile investments. All say you gave your money into other people. Yeah. Getting my mind of people it's in. Keep it. It's an investment. It's an investment in your future. What pays off? Don't forget your old buddy Todd.

No contract, man. Not now. I've seen you doing this. You'll go to red carpets. Give Brad Pitt $5. Don't forget.

Forget May on. I've done that. A few red carpets, and right now we've got a bit of a issue with a restraining order because I was pretty rude to his Children. Um, so no, but I digress. I I ended up failing the elections. Uh, what

percentage did you get? Zero. Wow. Yeah. I

didn't even feel, you know, you could at least get 400 points, fill in your name. I did that wrong. So, yeah, I got

you. Spend your name wrong. Would you

p o d d Maybe Podd Tadre.

Yes, I know. I was thinking a lot about Podd Tadre someone who's not me and I A My wires got crossed. I wrote his name in the vote. She's not old enough. He's not old enough to vote yet. Eso yada, yada yada. I voted for a bunch of libertarians.

I think I don't wanna I don't

wanna worry you or anything, but voter fraud is a pretty big deal. Some of the pretty big government agencies sort of get cracked off by that kind of any hide. I don't

know. I mean, I've been doing some research. I've been up late. I'm working with some this really cool Russian company. Um, and we do some like data mining, which is really exciting on, uh, they've signed me up for a few different personalities on Facebook when they just said, Say, your normal opinions. Uh, just keep saying your normal opinions as if it's true. And I have a ton of followers now on Twitter and Facebook of people that agree with the stuff I'm saying for the first, that's rare. Yes, it's very rare for people to agree with May. And a lot of the people that dio they talk kind of unbroken English, like robots. But we agree with each other way found a real community in here, people that could just scream and love each other about it.

And this is just is

just sort of ah, hobby thing, like, right? You're not like your They're not paying. You are anything like that. Like you're not

dumping them. Yeah, um because I get a lot out of it. It's like it is another therapy for May eso. That's kind of where my focus is. But I am currently under FBI investigation for some bullshit. Um, so

I know what you mean. Some bullshit. You don't know this horseshit

that the FBI gets into every day. It's something else. These

guys never dealt with the FBI. Really? I've never come in contact. These

guys air on my coattails, t get famous trying to get famous. They're using me, but put their name out there. You know, they a big actor, huge personality, loved by everybody Who, uh, you describing myself? It wasn't it obvious.

Now that you say a

huge personality loved by everybody. Yeah. Um, so the eye this thing's gonna blow over. I'm certain of it.

What are they trying to get you for?

The list is long money. Uh ah. Lot of it's the voters stuff. Obstruction, destruction of stretching, of justice. Wow. Violent reduction of Jeff. Reduction of justice protection. Suggesting yes. They got me for three counts of liposuction.

Don't they also have your own reduction of port wine? Yes.

They can be reducing a port which I think that there's nothing wrong.

Justice.

Yes, David Justice was trying to get to the store and I kept getting in his way. I guess he's offended Williams from everything

so obstructing of obstruction of just us. Yes.

So just us. Everybody in this room, I have obstructed

no way a reduction

of justice. I

stole justice for a little bit and I probed it. No problem of justice, pride, probe of justice

that they might like that. We all want to be probing justice and find with

I have been standing in fields hoping to get abducted and probed for years about crop circles. I'll go right out there are stand in the middle lobby a. Please,

please. Why? Because all of

my coolest friends have alien stories. Ones Maddon. Alien. They're cool. And you could dress them. Their call. You could test them. I believe them on their awesome. And they usually believe in ghosts too. I haven't seen a ghost. I haven't been abducted by aliens and I've been getting and I and I barely have enough crystals. Oh, I've I've never

seen a ghost. And I'm upper white, middle class. But I know there really, and I'm tortured by him.

Well, I will say this. A lot of alien abduction stories are a lot of alien sightings have turned out to be me. I don't know if he has No this

I did. Not A lot of you went on a date with that woman and she went on the local news the next morning.

Say she was abducted by the weirdest alien. She's ever mad.

That's right. And for me, it was just a nice It was a nice night at Ah, uh, inside of the gravitate inside of the gravel truck.

Wait a second. Wait a second. So a lot of these videos I've seen are you Are you in signs Just wearing your swim cap.

Yes, and I'm still trying to get royalties for that. I was walking by this kid's party. Uh, in South America? Yeah, on. And they all start screaming, like like that was ago. Everybody's happy to see

you. Just taking a disc, right?

I was taking a full nude. And

so you're talking about that? That that documentary signs?

Yeah, Talking about the documentary filmmaker and might show Milan. Uh, that's good stuff. I've talked about that. Yeah, I'm in most of his documentaries.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. I always has the fear point. Sort of what people are scared of.

For me, it's the hero. I guess it depends how you look at it, but

I don't know

you guys. We're dealing with just the school aspect of this. Things were going so well with me with the football team, um, and recruiting. But I am not doing well in classes. I'm not making friends. Really. Uh, teachers have stopped their office hours because of may. Really? Yeah. Our classes going for you guys?

Well, they're hard. Every time I go in, there's a There's a five seat radius around. Wherever I choose to sit right. I don't think people want to sit near someone who smells so much like so many different lotions and salves. Think the aroma therapies And, you know, I think that would smell good. What type of lotions and salves air using Are they like? One of them? Smells good, you know, But you don't want to smell like Naga Jump, patchouli and Juergens all at once. You also usually bring a nice dinner into classes. Well,

I'll bring in

a vindaloo or a tikka masala. Something like that. Something loud and pungent, ventilating, bringing a vendor list. I'll bring in a bit pork vindaloo, beef vindaloo

and it's already it's already cooked.

It's part. It's par baked and then I throw it

in the microwave. That is my backpack. Uh, I wear Mike wavers back.

You got the micro

pack work? I did. I did well working. It's usable. It gets hot, huh? How did you solve

the issues with the extension cord was plugging it in.

I got three more. I got three more extensions under most classes. So it's you and and you didn't want to

use an outlet nearby. You wanted to use the outlet at your house.

Yeah, I don't want I want to be obvious that I'm So you got the extension cord. You had,

uh, ran from your house. Got caught on the back of a truck and you got dragged. Teoh,

Cincinnati, Cincinnati. Luckily, I bought three more

extension cords. That puts me at 97 extension. And then I bought a bunch of those, like, speed bump things that go over the extension cords. Like it concerts. Right. So now you know I'm not going to get dragged after Cincinnati or anything unless a tank comes through or something like that way. Never know who knows? We never have. We got a Cadillac that

there were a lot of people tripping and stuff on the court. You have you at least been graphic gaffer statement on down and stuff now so that people don't trip over.

Bullet's been a gaffe, that's for sure. Seen any of these laughers tape? Laughter State? Yeah. Oh, it's got

jokes written on it. Like Laffy taffy style. Exactly. Yeah,

pretty funny.

It's pretty funny, but not a big deal. We could move on. I

will. I will say this. They take jokes from everybody. They printed some pretty dumb kids jokes I'm sending in my best material on. I haven't gotten it on Laffy Taffy or laughers

tape. What is what? Do you want to hit us with a joke?

Yeah, I guess I said my best material, so I'll start with that. Um all right. Uh, what do you call a new interrupting cow?

I'm not sure. What do you call my ex wife? Oh,

okay, kids. Eyes good. That's like Popsicle stick material. Thank you. Thank you. That's good. That's the problem. Maybe it's more Popsicle

stick material than Laffy Taffy. Your Laffer State.

Maybe. Maybe I'll send it to Popsicle sticks stuff. You guys are here anymore.

You're what's black White and annoys me when she's not in the kitchen.

What's black? White? It annoys me when she's not in the kitchen.

I'm not really sure. What is

it? Time, Michael Jackson.

Oh, see, now this actually is

pretty good because you are setting up. You are setting up a big punch line and then changing it. That's pretty funny. That is how good joke works. Because I thought you were going to say ex wife again. Yeah.

Yeah. God,

That was good. How about one more rule of three?

Ok, one more. One more. Um, it's if

you don't have to think about Bill.

You

remember? Uh, What's Ah, What's this? Ah, uh, what's

this? What's got? What's this you hear about acid?

You So did you see this? And did you hear about this? Okay, what's ah, what's got a face to arms and ah, toast time.

I want to say

oclock because this feels like a riddle. Ah,

face to arms and tells time.

All right, let me say get what's gonna face One arm is longer than the other one. Telstar.

OK, that even makes me think

we're years. Every guest,

a claque. Arvydas Sabonis v The same

It was It was oclock. This one was a

club like mean to women.

Or like I guess I thought I

would I I feminist, I'm not mean to women. I opinions about my ex wife who interrupted me.

Ah, you want you want, right? Yeah, Well, eyes this the whole saga of your ex wife she interrupted you want we'll remember as

did right Last week we had some issues A disagreement about what her name was by and then I was doing my day long monologue

daily. Not daily, but day. Long

day long daily monologue. You remember? I went to the phase right in Todd Logs, and every day I did a monologue. And the only

one taking issue only rule is don't interrupt my model log. Yeah. You're shooting at the door open. You had a bathroom put into your kitchen. I mean, you're going pretty big legs. I would say you had a bathroom put in your kitchen. You replace the stove with a toilet.

That's right. That's right. You

didn't clean out underneath it? No. You're going to join their attached the hose

to the sink. So you didn't have to get up,

right? So just a constant flow. And then I could know my mother. I didn't to get interrupted, someone could cook for me, and I would have to leave. And you feed me, I wouldn't move. And so,

Todd, I think you're the biggest misogynist I ever been. What are you talking about? It so mean What? All right, I guess it another one of your teeth fall out?

Yeah, you got loose. So it's back to voice number. two. I think

about this. I have a big couple of chick lits. What? Can you try these as to chew gum? Yeah, I know. So just wedge them in there. We'll just see what? How would

you like to taste a minute?

Okay, a big No, They're making NASA

big hard Now, do you want to try to take a break and fix her teeth?

Let's take a break.

Welcome to your digital course catalog. The following courses have just been added for next trimester Communications 611 Shutting the fuck up Come prepared to listen Japanese cinema renowned professor Mr Excuse me renounced Professor Mr Goldberg. Sahn shows you his favorite Japanese movies from early Kurosawa toe late Kurosawa This white perverts class offers almost nothing over

the break. We got a knock on the door saying that we're not supposed to be recording down here. Yeah, fix my teeth. No, dammit, They look they went back to the first. The first iteration of them.

Yeah, take it completely out Because because people came in here and cause if us so I'm tired of them always being on our case. They're fucking bigots. Just their classic big

because we're older. It's ageism.

Yeah, it is. Well, they were. They were knight, a 19 and 20 year old who were saying You guys can't be done here. This is the media lab. That's for underclassmen. And we're like, we are underclassmen. And you're like, No, you're were under the class mint. Yeah, we're down here. Will you look, we look old, but we have the mental state of a 1920 21 year old?

Yes, we have the mental state of kids. Absolutely. I I am.

So at this age, I'm so fed up with being humiliated by Children. It's just so damn painful.

Yeah, that's the problem. Everyone that works in a college is so young. So if you get in trouble, you're getting scolded by basically the son you never had. It's like when your boss is younger than you. Yes,

just you look

at him in your

like, really you Can you hear my boss? Yeah. Scolded by another son? Yeah. A second son

is scolding you constantly.

Just like Okay, fine. I I'm too old to be screaming this late at night. It everybody I'm too old to still be at your party. when everybody left.

Yeah. Okay, fine. You're jealous of my hair. Fine. You want

to marry Bog son?

Okay, whatever. I don't have a permit to burn outside of this building. Okay? Whatever. I don't have a permit.

And that's what are burning, man. Right? You're doing your own burning.

I'm doing it burned. There's many of us that want to burn. We don't use cash.

And it's like for me. I actually like it when you scream at me, please screaming me more, right? Bank coming nipples like do some they

you like stop inciting violence and riots all over camp. But no, this is what I like. I like so completely

beat the living shit out of me. It feels good to get that attention. And I know you can't do that.

I just colleges more about freedom. I

remember it. Orientation, freedom and safe space was what they said on. And I rolled my eyes, of course, about both those ideas. But I don't feel like I'm receiving either of them now. This has not been a safe space for

May. Not at all. I've thankfully gotten away from a lot of it. Not having to be on campus every day being home schooled. So I'm sure your guys is everyday experience has been absolutely atrocious. But every time I come on campus, I want to beat some lo que up. It's really not exciting. You

got into it just the other day at the fest, The spring fest where t I was playing

Yeah, yeah, yeah, G I had

the gall to tell me to get off state. Uh huh.

He had to go. I was like, This is spring

fresh. Maybe we're all here having fun. Yeah,

OK, well, he shot you in the shoulder. Yeah, he did.

And I said, You think you think that's going to stop a man like Mickey? I write? Hey, said it should. I said, no chance, baby. And then And then I asked for another one. He was like, Whoa, dude,

you're freaking crazy. I was like, Yeah, yeah, I am great, baby. And I'm a mortal me wherever you want The crowd ended up respecting you more than t I. You took over the concert. You're not a good

musician of a band man. Why does a Taliban goes on my right 50? All

right, thank t I song. I didn't songs for

him. You know what? That sounds a lot better with the list than it did just that through normal

voice. It didn't say about

the list. Yeah, well, I'm a anyway.

What other t I saris? Did you dio

uh what's that one was? It was the one that you know. About what? You know, bad Dad. What did you know about that? Yeah. Anyway, I actually tricked his entourage into taking me out and partying that night. You tricked all of them. Yeah. They brought me and Mrs treatment to this really cool club. She hung me up on the additional ball. Everybody through their beer bottles at me discover what they do it disco ball. I seem like a pastime.

And where they still

hold my beer bottle of disco disco ball Because rock and roll forever my friend

when I was around the seventies Disco fucking sucks Love Judas Priest I'll a priest. I love Boston, Jethro.

Toll, Toll. I love Nash. Any rock music with a fluted?

Absolutely good Nash and Cravy on was the fucking walrus and gravy, right, gravy,

wavy gravy. And for a while you play you replace the walrus. It was Cravy reveals National. It was Cravy Bay in every iteration with Cravy Cravy steals Cravy Nash on and young. Yes,

younger Cravy Crosby Stills A match.

But that wasn't actually Neil Young wasn't in that

band. It was me pretending to be younger. Many iterations of that band, but has has things have been tough for you guys around campus I haven't

got I'm trying to plan a wedding with two me and my to the guy who runs my friend, uh is a cold bug son, if you call it what you want. But we have a good time and we're gaining members by the day. People are flocking from different countries to worship. I mean, Rush bogs. Bill, listen, I want to

plan your marriage as much as anyone else as an event planner. Yeah, but as a friend, I'm a little worried that you're getting into the same thing again. Yeah, your relationship with dogs on does not seem mutual. It

seems the same is

that West was Chris. What? She would stop defining yourself by the men in your life.

Come on. I mi inbox sign

are equal partners sooner in a Mary.

You got a box ons boy tattoo? Yeah. You have a tattoo of your name anywhere?

No, he's getting it after their do. You guys have a split bank account now?

But he does have your pin number.

He sends me to the bank to get him money from his my bangle. Right. That's splitting

and I'm splitting. Does he? Is it true that your actual real hair is getting cut off and worn by him?

Come on, Bill. You're saying five sons. Your ahead. Your hair plant, he grows you. You're good. You're here. So you're telling May your hair my frat brother Bog son is is so upset these ball that he has tricked me into being his hair slave. He's filling you with proteins and glucose amines. Bill, if you're saying the vitamin E, I take every day to make my hair grow long and get a nice Onley to be harvested and given to him.

Bill, I want accepting. This means that we accept that your hair is actually riel and not plugged or grass or iron shavings.

Look, there is also short but so fit thes harvesting short little hairs from everyone in your friend's head. He has the thickest short head. Looks like an owl pellet. Yeah, like it's like it's like a shag carpet. Times 20. He is my leader And my brother were getting married, and I'm giving him power of attorney. Okay, well, I want you to

do it in my ballroom. Absolutely. If you're gonna do it, I feel like you need some kind of protection in place. No, I'm

not signing a prenup. I don't mean I'm doing a condom. I mean, you need to have your only sign. A condom, huh? Were you sign a condom? No, I'm not saying it kind of. I'm not signing a condom. Come on. Every good marriage signs a condom before it starts.

Bill, that was the big problem with me and my wife. We never signed the condom, but you got half of what I on. What about physical protection? You, mistress Trina and Howard?

Because security at your wife. You guys know she cast me in bronze and attach spikes to my whole body. That's right, way

past your body and grabbed bronze. I was like, What's bronze? I didn't hear about auditions for that, but should cast your body, your mental. Okay?

She's kind of using

me these days as like a weapon, because I'm, I believe, a weapon that she bowls it right like a battering ram. She's

also hitting 1000 for the softball team, using you that she's very strong batting 1000

way near the plate. The's small town college races are

trying to stop me from marrying bucks on and giving him all my body hair. And

I have had it with these close minded dickheads. Let me do whatever I want. No matter if it's a if it's a problem for society,

I'm thinking this

this wedding is an example to show that you are good people on a public stage

just like everyone else. All we want to be is with the person that we love, because see how you're thinking about

your acts even when you're talking about your new marriage. Yes, you're seeing your I

just don't think you have any self worth Bill any. I think team floor what I don't have in south how we were in volume people who have so far you have so much self volume. You mean literal loudness.

Yeah. What I lack

in in a personality and worth I make up in screams That's true and show showmanship. Well, right. I'm a showman. I am the greatest showman way. Both know that's not true. Jackman, Barnum and Bailey And out of here, this is gonna be the biggest, coolest circus you've ever seen. Yeah, it's gonna be a circuit comedian. It's good to know the style you're talking about. We're talking todo you know, cycles deals, elevates it often.

I could call my ex wife.

Okay, Todd, we're going to get a really elephant. We're going classic circus. Okay, We'll have tobacco leaves. Have you? If you guys did you guys give me all your dresses? I

know. I sit years to trip Mr Trina's.

I gotta forget the date

which you're way ahead of way. Trust me. I don't know what I said. You guys forget the day. Uh huh. And And did you check what? What meal you wanted?

Um, yeah. There wasn't anything on there that seemed like something I would enjoy eating. Um, the

classic options squid. It was squid, right? Odd sausage, blood sausage or for all you al you people who only eat cartilage. Ah, You always gotta have a only car job. I was a whale knows. Do not sit me next to one of those

people and have them preach at me the whole time. Oh, my God. Car It is to eat only card. How? It's good for the environment. Only cartilage knows their arguments down. But I don't like cartilage enough. I really actually commit to that. I agree. I get that the beef industry is use a lot of water or whatever, but cartilage can't listen to you. Well, too bad you can't have Teoh. Carlin's uses Justus much water. I don't know. It's assist crazy. Well, Bill, I just I don't want to scare you, but I want to let you know that. God, I hope someone

objects. Okay? What does that mean?

I didn't invite a lot of lawyers to the letter.

I wanted all my haters there, and I'm gonna I'll probably serve some people and not silage lose on you. Yes, and also lawsuits. Yeah, a lot of stuff Got you get

this wedding. Sounds fun. I'm here for it.

I am here to you. Just learn that phrase. Yes.

Yes, and I'm here for it. I'm here for that phrase. Yeah, all

right. I think it's great. Uh, be a late adopter, right? When someone right when something

is about to die, you want to make sure you're the last person to you

a lot. A lot of ad agencies use me to write their commercials because they say All right, this trend seems to have gone through every single iteration possible. Yeah, let's put it in a commercial,

right. You'd be writing

a lot of commercial. Yeah,

Yeah, I I've done a ton. Uh, it's been a good commercial season. If

you read the new sneakers. Got milk, right? Yes.

I didn't Sneakers got milk. Um, which is a pretty confusing Teoh sprite. I did ya spray. I did. I did, Uh, Orville Redenbacher's at his name. Yes, the popcorn over reading Bocker. Dad dancing were just pretty big.

That's good. That and you did. Ah. Ah,

you do? Did Soldier boy tell him?

But it was for the army.

Yes. Yeah, soldier boy, tell them

And you dio you did,

uh, you You did a in Timmins campaign that was called damn danish

yester day I'm day and Tim Danish was big. Yeah, I did. Ah, let's see what else? What else

has that as an ass?

Well, for the for the McDonald's. Uh, shamrock shake. I did the Harlem shake. Okay, commercial.

That is good. So shoe horns wise up and do a few campaign

oh, into everyone of Yeah, Yeah. I mean, damn Danish header was Uh huh. Yeah. Um unfortunately, my Gator it stuff still isn't working. My Todd arrayed commercials during all game and sweating little bullets of May, but, uh, this other stuff is very good. Very successful.

Yeah, well, it's good that we're

your successful outside of that. It's good you're happy about your weighing, and you're gonna be bigger than the way we've realized. That college is probably not the place

for titans of industry. We're just not

to be held down by the rules that are created for Children. Yeah, we are Mark Zuckerberg. Now,

there's a nice Mark

Zuckerberg when he started phase back, right? Yeah,

we're rich sucker burg. Not not nerdy Zuckerberg,

right? I'm post map stir Napster guy. Hot Napster guy Sean guy. So she got on Baker. Sean guy, I'm the good late Him.

Absolutely.

I'm post my space time

are you guys gonna be pallbearers at my wedding? I hope so. It is that Should we be planning it soon? Yes. Yeah, Well, yeah, but I want you guys are Amy. And your wedding. Yeah.

You're just carrying you in like a coffin. Yes. And can I look ghostly and speaking a very high voice. Like the pallbearer? Uh, yeah, I've done to be a pallbearer. Absolutely. I would, because it felt like I didn't have much of a use at the wedding. You know, Howard's gonna run security and his bronze body. They have wedding planning plan. I just feel so useless. If you needed somebody to do a monologue or speech or something like that. I could do that on

a long a long monologue. If you need

someone to make the day about them, I could perform the wedding. I could do the, uh, do the ceremony for you guys.

We could all be in the audience and you could act out all the character parts.

Oh, that's good. I could I could act out everyone in the wedding for you

Groundlings The wedding, My big fat groundlings Winning. But yeah, whatever you want, I would love to

just again making about me. I'd love to give a long speech where it's about how entertaining I am. I like that. If you could find it for me.

Okay. Well, yeah. No,

I have bad news from the PC. The permit crab. Oh, no, it's good text. Yeah, we're on a text relationship. We send fiery text back and forth and he just said texts very fast. Yeah, absolutely. He all caps, No, microphones were not zoned for amplification. And I well, because it's the old dining hall and so they're trying to keep it quiet in there because they don't want food fights to start its old thinking. That's what start food fights, actually sticking with old racist crowds

Isn't rates racial? Because I don't want to call this crab a racist, but that's what it feels goes back to race. I agree. No might have

fun. So it's gonna be a scream. What it is that the plan

was already I mean, we're unfortunately not zoned for a scream with

what I've done for a scream.

What if somebody comes into object and stopped the wedding and profess their love even though they're dead and missing their head.

Chris is not going to come back and talk for you.

I don't think you want to get married, Bill.

Oh, yes, I dio I think. What else am I

gonna do? I've gotten to the point where I either have to get married or get out of the relationship. That's why you get married, right? Yes, it's the final. Say yes.

You're right about that. Um

I guess I

do agree with that as

well. I guess we'll So no microphones, no screaming If you needed somebody to do very big, boisterous, aggressive gestured sign language

Can you sign to a religious song? Even though you can't singing? But you want to get up in front of people way Our zone For that we are zone for broadside way will not have any death. Idiots

in the I agree. That's not very nice, Bill

that we could have people and we can have idiots. We're gonna have a signer, but no death people. Okay, I guess we are different. Well, look, guys, we we can't just

leave school, though. I want to back. You got to keep going because we've got still a lot of weeks left in this semester?

I don't know. I mean, quitting has served us pretty well thus far. Think back

to when we started the last. If you can't do quit way.

Molly said that you move on to new people who don't know your stuff. All right.

Best people I know are constantly moving onto a new thing and never holding on to any relationship.

Exactly. Yeah, it's kind of like that thing. We do see a decent at something, and then you move on.

Now we're gonna This wedding is everything's

gonna blow over once we do the wedding, and I'm gonna back me like this. Wedding is a shining beacon for problems, right? It feels like this is just gonna be another instance of blowing up the luv or another instance, uh, or another instance of the danger zone. Or, you know, like, honestly, Sam, you haven't had a lot of success in creating spaces. Excuse made him

Teoh, you

understand? You buy to make an enemy right here to make an enemy. And I just zen and Buddhist is a priori. Well, I get angry. He is very Zen, and he's also a property owner. But my own property. And you do not

mess with a property owner. I do not own property. I am homeless. Gun

in my pocket

is a Zen fighter. Just like Garry Shandling.

Yes, that's right. I'm like Steve Jackson. I am. I have harnessed the power of Zen and Michael Jordan is my best friend. And then we will cross you.

And you met Steve Jackson. Not Phil Jackson.

I met Steve Jackson, my uncle.

I Look, I don't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm just saying, which seems like we're headed down the very similar road that we've been headed down every single time. When you sound like such a typical sub, you're

looking at three dimes over here. Bulls down Megyn, Tell me what I thought. This is I You feel confident and everything we're about to do, and you think we should do it. But you're trying to rile us up. Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm not trying to

devalue guys up, okay? I'm not I'm just saying maybe we should think about what we're doing and maybe make some choices that are different than when

you doubt something. You put your pedal to the

metal, you go harder you turn into a

book, and if you have doubts, you fucking floor that sometimes you gotta gas it, OK? It just feels like

we're expecting

Oh, God, this is on blood.

Okay, so I'm getting lectured by a gimp. I'm getting lectured by a fucking here. Last time I I didn't take

orders from somebody in leather. Okay,

Gary. And you just past love yours, Bill. Now you just took his or voted for him. For what? For president. You wrote him in? I always write in Freddie Mercury. Well, he

I mean, he passed wacked. Uh, Bell. Freddie is, uh

what do you think? You're making research. 30 years.

It's just taking time off.

God, this is crushing you.

What?

You didn't think he was gonna come? Objected? Your wedding also, Did you?

Yes. That's your first love here. Absolutely. Yes, Queen. Jesus

Christ. I just got a text. My dorm rooms being raided.

What? I'm not the good kind of room Raiders? No, not that was my first time. So that was my response room. Raiders. There's a room. Raters is love

someone to date me based on what they're seeing in my room,

right? Is it. The bus. It's not the next bus. Who texted

you? What? Uh, it just says FBI.

Hey, the FBI tests waited. Rated your room. Maybe that's just the beam. The mim

Is this just the FBI? Oh, is this just that funny? F b. I mean, where they're watching carries it The realignment. Typing. Are you mean? No, Riel.

Theo Riel, FBI. What is it about Second? What is this going

to mean for you? Do you have any but caving information? I mean, everything I have incriminates may

every single thing. I onus somehow everything's your apartment. Dirty. My Burger King ground. Yeah. I got people going to find out I working.

So you did

what? You know, yesterday we just We just talked about that, not standing up in his

wheelchair. God, no. Why are my legs working? Hey, I'm freaking out from this. Oh, my God. Oh, What happened?

What happened to this country? Colleges ruining us. You know, I think college is being taken over by the government, and it is not good.

This is right. I got to go there

where there was my gun and I have a gun in my back pocket. here. Thank you. Wait. What are you

doing? Are

you gonna go

shoot someone in the FBI? Well, we'll

see you.

It's gonna be a standoff. We'll see if they stand down.

Yeah, I am not

letting them get away with my stuff.

I'm coming with you, and I'm bringing the box on East 90. Cochran's office, please. I'm coming with you, and I'm bringing everything. You know what? I have orange slices, Capri sun.

Just everything. Alright? Soccer. Mom. Sorry. Where you're asking for the for Johnnie Cochran? Yes. I'd like to speak to Johnny Cochran where he's very much

A C. Please.

He's very much what? He's very much dead. So very rural fools. Okay, April fools put me on the line with giving. Shapiro or Travolta

is busy. He's dressed up like a woman pretending to be the assistant dates wife.

Is this a prank call? Sir, I I wish it was a prank caller. You breaking me right now? Of course not. So you called me. Put me on with Alan Dershowitz, the enemy of Johnnie Cochran or his friends.

Who do you think

with Alan Dershowitz? Thank you. Called, sir. Well, Johnnie Cochran's office.

Yeah, Johnnie Carr. Give us Johnny Sochi. You know, I'm

just you have under assault. You can't get Johnny presided. E I would like to speak to G by RBC right now. Sir,

this is we need legal advice over BC speaking. Oh, this is Giovanna Ribisi. Yes.

Okay. Giovanni. Yeah, I need legal advice.

Okay. Levi's help us was proposed BCS buco. What's that? BBC. What's up? Gonna help you guys?

Giovanni, this is Todd. Padre, can you assure me I have attorney client privilege right now?

Please tell us we gotta Terek. Life. I'm not 30. Were your client to be clear. That crazy man receptionist privilege or what is

it? Cravy receptionist privilege and can't testify against me in

court. Also, listeners, this is podcast listener Privilege.

Yes, Listener privilege. Okay, just get

by the way. Privileges dead

privileges dead. Absolutely. All no privilege. Privilege doesn't exist. I think this is all part of it. Keep this off the record. Yeah, we're off the record. Giovanni. BBC. I'm being raided by the FBI right now. I have tons of incriminating materials, paperwork, drugs. I paid stormy Daniels $100,000 to try to have sex with May failed, I think has paid her to tell people shared sex with men she wouldn't dio. That's your name? Just Todd. Padre,

Don't say another word, honey. I'm on the way.

Nobody's coming. Giovanni were taken to get

your money. Where are you?

Be way absolution. Guys will be sneaky, Pete. All right, well, that's it for us. God bless.