How even make that noise. It's breezy. Yeah.

How do you make the

noise of the wind? Yeah, I have been

trying you guys. You guys ever told ghost stories to your campers? No. No. You guys haven't been telling any ghost stories.

I am the ghost story, baby.

Well, I know that I actually did tell a ghost story to my guys. Ah, this morning, uh, in the morning. Yeah, right. Such goes early away. There was a scare. Yeah. Ah, well, they were frightened because I actually told him that there was a Todd in the woods and Todd was going to get him. Hanno boy, they've crapped their pants.

Oh, yeah? Well, I I eat up little kids.

Is this Lord Todd, or is this just lower admission?

You know, my candy house in the woods?

Oh, yeah.

I put on my big pointed hat. My funny. Knows your party hat. Yeah, I Portney hat. So it's a hat. It's my you port hat. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. You You were top active

member at you born dot com. The most comments, the most votes.

They made, like a whole Pepsi points since most armloads. What's the Pepsi port system where if you buy enough Pepsi, you get to, like, get

a reward. And I just had to send in my little cut out from the boxes.

Well, yeah, they they also, um, they gave you your own slot at in the amateur tab. That's right. Nice. All the video. And it's, uh let's just say, uh, it's obvious that

you've edited yourself into a porno where the woman is having a good time. Really? It's

clear the edits are obvious. Yes.

Okay. You don't believe Ah, that's my big black Penis in there.

Yeah, with Jenna Jameson. Now I doubt well, uh, it looks like it was shot in, like, the late eighties, so it doesn't look, that's all. You are dressed up

like, uh, David Bowie to an attempt to be

in the eighties,

right? Yeah. I mean, I got the whole lightning thing on my face. You talk about Reagan,

okay? You too much in this amateur video

and you disappear

for about a full minute due to some editing problems. And there's, like, a green screen

you kind

over focused on the reality

rather than the sex.

Uh, well, um, I don't know. I got the hat because ah, tough commenter top poster. And I'm in support and I eat little kids. Yeah,

all right.

Yeah, well, but yeah, I I'll

take notes from you guys, but I would like constructive notes. This feels more like jealousy

thing this is there is never very constructive and it's brutal. Jenness

said I had the most down votes. Been important video posted,

get get it screeched to a halt in their van and they came out. They rushed. I get a straight team. Oh, yeah, They're always visiting us and the whole thing The negative portion of the book where there's positive and negative, uh, most down

votes on porn. I always think it's gonna be the publisher's clearing house fan, but it's always given.

Well, they do come out with balloons in a big check.

Yeah, but the check is negative.

Yeah, it's kind of like the ambulance you like. No, no, no, no. Guinness. Now I know that it's not an award.

I've waved off a 1,000,000 ambulances.

Yeah, you don't

want those that are fabulous chasers, but their ambulances that are Todd chasers.

The problem is, though, that you do it for other people as well. Uh, you see, people injured and you wave off

air ambulance. New thing. A bunch of lawyers leaving the law of the the law profession to become ambulance

drivers because they realized it's, ah more profitable.

You can make more money taking me to the hospital that you can't being a lawyer. I have an ambulance on the table.

Any time you do, I need a couple foul. I

just rush over to your house and your usually hurt in some way, and I rush you to the hospital.

You help me out of the bath tub wards.

You're always ducking that. Is it a leg strength issue? Arm straight. Like what? Well Oh, definitely. All deadly. All definitely

eggs. Arms toe in the water in these new fangled showerheads is so powerful

you classically have low water pressure and it blows you down. It's simply falling out of the stuff. You like win? Yeah.

Oh, shit. What? Oh, guys. What? You forgot to order

food. Oh, come on, We're way. Let you are. Come on, Peter. Role Order.

I already date order from pizza all again. Good. But that's not why you've got to get ranch

if there's no rant My

pasta I am a

crust of my pasta without

rant on your pasta ranch. Okay, Jesu Fine. No cracked pepper. What do you get the proper with you guys? I got in. You okay? Yeah.

What? Well, is that it?

Is that that it is it guys? You know, I thought taking a week off from running the podcast would ah fixem things about me, you know? Oh my

God! What are you telling

us? I'm just going to say it. I

never know what he's said.

There is also a obvious Cates

we've been recording. Gosh, and

don't be

mad at me. Don't matter me. Todd didn't record a whole episode last week and you guys were fine with it.

Yeah, but

this mistake first honest ist person I know Todd grown ass, man a good man, and you mess up recording and you are a bad

man. Todd is a big fat liar and he deserves Teoh be punished.

Okay, Can you believe

that Todd did not get that role been big fat liar. I know that was in my all blue phase. I was primed for it. Yes,

You have a big blue,

period. Like many artists,

like many artists, I had a blue period addition for Big fat Liar, uh, auditioned for crawler. I addition for Blue Man group I just for mystique.

Uh, no. Why did you see how

it a little bit different? Little

sexy are, you

know, mistakes a little. She's a little form fitting her outfits. She's little form fitting. She's I mean, it's in the my version of the script, stage directions. Uh,

it seemed like you

just wore one of your old navy blue suits from when you were a kid. And you packed yourself into it.

Yeah. Yeah, with the suit was form fitting. I ripped it. Uh, yeah, I have lost out. I can't even count on two hands. The amount of roles I've lost at to Rebecca Romijn Stamos and Paul Giamatti.

Were you originally gonna be in sideways, right?

That's right. Yeah, well,

well, you you auditioned, laying down, right? You thought that was the whole

addition Sideways.

They said you must have drank too much

wine before this.

I said I had my normal breakfast.

And you you also we're going to be married to John Stamos as well, right?

Yes. Well, because I was touring with the beach boys for a while. I was I was a groupie for the beach boys.

You're touring Shortly behind

me. I was turning behind the beach, boys, with your old man and the beach boys being Charles Manson. We're following the beast. Boy's trying to get our album made. Hey, and I had some differences of opinion that I was to use.

You thought he didn't kill enough. He kept trying to sort of brush you off. Yeah. Yes, Todd. A little much. You He had to move

out to the ranch on the desert to get away with Mai from May. So, uh, but yeah, me and Manson were falling around the beach boys for a while, and this was in their stay most period on, and he and I were engaged when he met Rebecca Romaine statement. And it was a question.

So you were Tadre stay most

for a little bit. Almost. I was Todd Padre. Romaine Stamos. So

he had heard him before they got

married. That's right. Good. Well, you know, uh, I'm sorry for starting recording too early. You know, maybe if I do it again in the future. I will. I will apologize for it. Is that simple yourself? Asshole? I'm an asshole. I'm sorry, But anyway, welcome to the teacher's lounge. Folks used to be the first, best and only podcast related issues relevant to the Hamilton High school community. But now we're Of course, we're at camp. Yeah, it's been a long summer at camp. I don't want to be here. Uh, but, you know, we're here, and things have happened. Yeah. The kids air packing up this week. Yeah, we had a big week. The triathlon happened on Monday.

Let's Should we do a little postmortem? Unfortunately, literally of the triathlon.

I think it's probably necessary. Yeah. I mean, God, these four Children

Well, first of all,

these poor counselors

is poor counselors, Sam. One drop by man holding the finished.

Yeah, yeah, we know you don't have

any arms or legs.

Yeah,

and you're on top of a Boston dynamic's robot.

But listen, you had one job, reminds your last week at the finish line and and clearly mark the route. I know. And I made a mistake. I made a mistake. I bought the finish line I had

with me You know what

I mean. You had a big board with you. A big, long board. It was a break, A

piece of wood. I brought it with me

and it was not new. It had nails in it. It was obvious that you pulled it off of a roof or something.

Yeah, What tied? Showed up soaking wet. Said a piece of his roof was missing. You had a big board with nails, and I was holding it in my mouth. It's the only option I have at this point. And me and the robot were walking up to the top of the

crest. God, I saw that robot walk and no thanks. Thank you. Nuts. I mean, I'm not looking forward to the future. It

keeps me out. Same here. And he's my legs at this point. Yes, my legs. And honestly, my thorax and I don't want any part of it. It's faking me out. Yeah. I mean, what's gonna happen when they take over our jobs? I know. I

mean, you and you've had robots sons already. So you've got a bit of a history of

my relationship with robots. Just never goes well. No, never I'm I'm really never

in control, and I'm finding it's more than just the robots. It's me. In general, I'm never in control of myself.

Yeah. Yeah, well, I mean, I have noticed that even when you took my roof in the middle of that rainstorm, yeah, is you were screaming and custom. There was almost a rainstorm of cusses. Once I start costing, you

can't stop you because too much. Sam. I know I don't want to get started

because I never stopped. I know. Don't get him started. He'll say a string

of the force work.

I'll say a string of the worst little, some randomly together,

and it's like that doesn't go. It

would have to

make speech more intense

when you just throw a bunch of it all in the same place. Just a bunch of curse words together. That cool. You're

more offensive than George Carlin. I said,

Thank you. Thank you, Lenny Bruce. Let's Bruce is a pacy and birds Bruce. Bruce Bruce is a pussy brief alleges a pussy. Heard

it here first. Sure, it's Bettman said somewhere else. Before

you plan to have a little bit of ah, a little bit of a history. Right, Todd?

Uh, well, we've got the same shirt. Shirt designer. Eso were always competing for the funniest shirt. A lot of

you are fired from center square.

I was fired from center square because I always thought that, like, Well, I thought Charles Nelson Reilly was a bit much eso we would get into it a lot. Um, What

you mean

when you say a bit much? So you know,

that personality is just a lot of this

is reminding me about if you're coming by your

name audition, Todd, because that was the first half

of it. You talking about how he was a bit much? Well, you know, I'm a bit much. I know. I'm a bit much, right?

Um Well, yeah. Some characters were a bit much. That's all I need to say about that. You're

grounded. You guys like you, Vilanch, you guys

were sort of just

ground level age. Kind of like to play it. Really, Uh, it's way both We both submitted to write for the Oscars, and he beat me out for that. Unfortunately, a lot of my material, they said was too dated. Um, and so, yeah, we got beef? Uh,

yeah, I I apologize. I apologize for my my, uh I killed three kids, and I apologize for the 1st 3 to get through the finish line. Accidentally ran

through the nails on the board. We'll

likely that was best shallow. Really. Always been shallow. Kick. I

gotta say, I'll come out. I will also apologize for something. I, of course, was responsible for, um, sort of scouting Beth Shalom. I went across the river a couple times and talk to their people. T get scouting. You were in heavy costume. That was a trick. Well, yeah, Well, yeah, I was I was doing I was doing re kon

by having a costume. He means Big Momma's house.

Yeah, I Well, you guys

know I won. That the costume. That Martin Lawrence Warren. Big mama's house in an auction? No, you paid too much. Start saying no one that I want it. And

you went into death? Yeah, it was a silent auction. Was, And you outbid the next closest guy by 10,000. That's right.

Disqualified because the silent auction aspect of it, uh, have you up in the next guy, but take great.

Yeah, that's right. he bid $10 ibid. $10,010 around them, and I won. Uh, and so I've had

the

costume, and I figured I'd put it to good use. So I spent every so often the last

You must have not stored it. Well, because it is in weird shape. Literally. It's chipping. And I didn't know that could happen to latex. Well, over time, where did you put it? Uh, I kept it in a place

where you keep latex. A very hot dry. Say your rubber

drawer. Yes, it does. All the rest a lot. O guys, Come on. Your rubber, jurors Hot and dry. Me

and Mr Street Injured Food Dehydrator. Where do you get

your rubbers? Well, listen, me and Mr is Trina got into a lot of things last last season, and one of those was she had a big momma's house bed.

Who does that mean? You

have to play out the movie or that? Yes, that means that means it's a big mama's. I play Big Mama and she plays Big mama's daughter. Okay, Uh, and I I sort of just berate her and sort of tell her she has to leave my house.

She doesn't see the movie.

I just really like the costume. Uh huh. But that sort of got her. Got her interested. So, uh, I went, I went, but anyway, I, uh I should have come back with a better scouting report on their their athletes, but I, of course, had no information.

Your scouting report was blurry. Yeah, You said they're very blurry.

Yeah, Yeah, yeah, because

that he couldn't see much. Here's the thing. You could see what the inside

of an old knows. I didn't realize that the eye holes in the costume had oxidized. Ah, and I could barely see through them on. And I just thought, you know, maybe they're they have kids that are blurrier than ours.

Well, and I think that there's some sort of their some something toxic in that costume because then your scouting report got a little trippy.

Yeah, well, I still I'm not I'm still not positive that, like they that they weren't started trained their horses weren't unicorns. Right? And I'm still not positive that, you know, every rainbow doesn't end. It can't bet. Shalom. Guys,

What is that? So you saw the end of the rain.

I saw the end of every rainbow guys, I think. Did

you

read my scouting report? Todd, are you just berating me because he

thinks I read your scouting report? I read every script that comes across my desk.

That's that's not a script. Also,

you don't have a desk.

Okay? It feels like anything I do. You guys have a really harsh criticism. And four,

Well, but it's maybe take that as a no, Todd, Maybe anything you do deserves to be harshly criticized. All right,

fine. I'll find a bigger desk. Is that what you want? Now I'll find a real desk. Now, what

do you want?

Change way? Want t? Pretend to stop pretending to be your ah, front desk person because we know it's you, Todd.

Yes, we know that's you. You pick up the phone, Lisa, roll your voice, and then you

go in there, Uh, who's old?

And when you When we go there for a meeting with Todd, it's pretty obvious. Yes, Someone always runs to the fridge and comes out with whipped cream on their face. Thank

Oh, let me get Todd.

Uh, man s So you know that, huh? Yeah. Comptel.

Okay. Well, um, I'm going to be perfectly honest with you guys. I have a secretary

that looks like me with whipped cream on my not and anticipation of false set of.

Sometimes she thinks she's me and gets confused. There.

I laid myself bare for you guys. All right.

Thank you, Todd. I believe you. That was so

but so wrong. That's beside the point. The way we weren't prepared for the size of athletes and they were

shooting my rowing division actually gained on Beth shallow.

Oh, that's right. True. You were doing wrong this year.

That's what I was doing earlier this season. And I'm still doing.

They caught right up with special. Um, and unfortunately, my forensics division really got us back in last place

at the crime scene. Investigation took forever.

Is it turns? Yes, but you're right. It was great. I mean, what did you do to get them to kill it so well,

I mean, I

used the people who showed up with the batons were the same people you saw growing. There was not a quick switch.

You didn't switch about with international rowing to know, dressed in little kids clothes look good

because they were

a different language. They know that. Yes. Yeah, because that's how you wrote, okay, There's a different rowing. You have to communicate with each other, you know? Yeah. Coxswain way. You know, you're right. We had such a good lead, and I have

to apologize. It feels like our side got a little bit sick when I started serving the appetizers. I was serving a poo poo platters and a couple different foams I had made and form.

Yeah, well, I'm running out of options here. I'm running out of options as it were. So the foam is, um I put food into my mouth and I spit it back out. And that's a phone if

you don't want to cut off any more of your body.

Yeah, well, at this point, it's either my head or

my vital organs eso, which I consider a pretty vital work in my head

sometimes. No. Anyways, on the pu pu

platter was just poop. So I apologize about that. Really? E.

I question whether or not we should have called the time out in the middle for a snack break in the first place,

calling it a platter is really generous. Big? It was not even plated. Yeah, it was a platter. It was splatter. Sure, sure. It seemed a lot like

a Mr Stinker. It reminded me of a Mr Stinker.

Oh, yeah, Well, I guess who

waas felt like it was influenced by Mr Stinker. Okay, What do you want me to say? I'm a chef with no arms, and I and I forgot to order food for the last week. I apologize. I

think you heard it. Here first on the land. We as councillors,

are at fault for the massive, massive loss. But to

be fair, if they had competed better, they would have gotten first place and run through your nail board, and they would

have been the ones. So of course, we are in the process with the best. Shalom is filing suit against Kemp. I don't want to be here for the death of the three star. Was

anyone else surprised? Held litigious. Best alone? No, not at all.

What you all say that I certainly would never say something like that because, uh, a scaredy cat stared. You're

so scared of Sloblo make it about Jewish people.

Come on, You

know what? That really shows your internal judgment.

If you can make fun of something aggressively, it means you don't care about it in the negative.

I Because I give it

to everybody. Okay? Everybody gets an equal. The Jews, the gays, and I'll stop there.

Equal opportunity

offender. I'm like South Park guys. You don't question any of my choices. There are roast battle. Pilot is wild. Thank you. I will say that. Thank you. It seems like hateful, untrained people from America

yelling at minorities who you simply walk out on stage.

It's a lot

of people who saw nicked Apollo once, and we're like, I get it.

Well, that's what modern American comedy is. And if you don't like that kind of comedy, you're stupid or a person. It's not your funny or have a brain. You're just a stupid pussy. You don't like that? So this means OK, it's like a thunder.

No, Right now I agree. I think it's your her. I think you should be out to hurt people.

Listen, I wasn't cool in high school. It's my turn now. Fuck you. Yeah,

which murdered on Byron Allen?

Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Byron Allen kept throwing to you, and his only set up was so Sam, you're angry and you would launch in to cut up a mean bit perfect set up by renowned is the perfect straight

man. Well, we did also have an election this week. Maybe we should take a break. And, uh, that way come in. The lunatic it a lighthouse election are coming.

Yes. Yes. So we'll take a quick break and we'll be back with Brick

Teoh.

Attention, campers. The slide is back and even hotter. The slide was out for repairs, and now it's back. It's shiny er than ever. And even more in the sun. Have fun. Flighting in short. Ah,

All right, well, we're back, folks. Uh, you know, like we said, the election results are slowly coming in election. Ah, you know, some people could say we're lucky to have the guests that we have. Yeah,

this room is packed. This is again with secret surface. It is packed.

Yes, that's right. Uh,

which is this? It's a bunch of areas that you don't know our surfaces?

Yes, yes, exactly. Exactly. It's like is this marble? And it is It's a

secret surface you on bail it and it is.

But you're in the no spin zone here. Everything we're saying is right from the horse's mouth. Uh, and it's right. We're getting election

results live. Yeah. And, you know, we have the horse's mouth here with us as well. Uh, which is a little late name I like to give to the current incumbent lunatic in the lighthouse. Mr. Jedediah Screens. Jenna, thank you

very much for having me, Of course, my privilege to be here on your program and thank you very much.

Wow. Welcome. This is a really, really treat. I mean, I've been following you. Everything you've done in your past two terms is your final term.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Is, you know, a So you know, there are term limits on the lunatic in the lighthouse, and it's been my privilege to serve this community as the lunatic in the White House for so many years. But rules are rules. It's time for me to step aside. Unless, of course, the people somehow decide they like me to continue. But there's

no way that would ever happen. I can't imagine it

would term limits. You look like a classic lunatic in the lighthouse. When

you were elected,

you were in a suit with a blue tie and a pin,

and now you look as if you have been tired Lee working in an old dusty lighthouse and you are just You are in bad shape. And that's what that's what a lunatic of the lighthouse looks

like when they're coming out of their final.

Well, you know, Bill, I think it's

important that a lunatic look crazy and look scary. And you're nailing it, by the way, Thank you, thank you. It's It's not something that came naturally to me at first. But, you know, it's it's what the people need and what the people deserve. And, uh, and I I'm glad to hear that. You know, I'm doing my job.

You lined with many

preconceived things of what you thought the office might

be and had to really learn and make some changes. And that's

politics, you know, is that you have you have an idea of what what you think might be needed, and then you understand the mechanics of what actually is knighted by community. There's

no need for us to get into what exactly the job of lunatic in the White House entails because we all know. But

we

want to know about you as a person. Jedediah, What got you into What sort of set you on the course to be?

Everyone becomes a lunatic for a different reason.

It's true. And Ah, look. Ah, when I was a boy and I remember looking at that lighthouse, um, we lived right by the gas station. And, you know, I remember looking up at it and seeing the silhouette of the lunatic, then lunatic Robert Hargreaves

because a lot of

this job is standing in

front of the mirror, which I mean, sorry, that window. Yes. And there's a silhouette of your just your craziest let

people know you're there. That's right. And Robert Hargreaves, that was he was the 1st 1 to be impeached,

right? Oh, well, he was using a cut out. He was using a cardboard cutout of 10 dancing to stand in their backlit.

That was devastating, backlit. And, you know, it was it was I remember

what a scandal that was because someone had seen him at the supermarket at the same time as the Ted Danson cutouts in the window and obvious that it wasn't him. And

well, and then there's that reappeared where everyone thought he was trying to go into everyone. He was the star of Becker. Yes. And then he was doing both jobs at the same time.

Yeah, he really doubled down on it.

And, of course, Becker was off the air by that point. Yes, and Ted Danson was doing that weird show that ran for one season. Where was he Was married? Jane Chasm. Eric, uh, on ABC show.

Yeah, I wrote that show. Did you Really? Yes. Yeah, but what

was the name of it?

Well, I don't remember. I've written so many shows. I don't remember now. I didn't Really Uh, yes. Yeah, I I'm

a big fan of anyone in the arts, and starts are important. People need the arts. We also need to be unsettled by the idea of someone in a lighthouse.

Right? I just got thrown my but I got well, that Todd, I've,

of course, you know, term limits for term limits, and I'm not eligible. Unless, of course, the will of the people is strong enough now to remain lunatic later.

Now you brought back you are You are the first, uh,

bachelor in the lighthouse. That was a big issue. The issue when I ran for lunatic and said, Well, how how can we have a lunatic in the White House who hasn't reportedly murdered his wife? Right? And

you have never been involved. Your wife has never mysteriously disappear. That's right. Then I pointed out, Well, isn't it even stranger

that this one, this person has had no human contact? How interaction? No intimacy with people at all. And in the end, I think people saw that, Yes, that is disturbing,

very unsettled. By the way, that and the addition

of your weird pet amid mid campaign. And I think that really put you over

the top. Yeah, I think

I think that people realized it was weird that I didn't have a pet more. And then all of a sudden I had one, and it was not a traditional pet.

No, no, no. It was It was a fish that you pulled straight out of the river and didn't put in a tank or anything.

No trout trout

that could hold for a brief period of time. He would just be flipping around there. And then I put Teddy back into ah ah, bag. It was like a police that had that I had made water type and that I would just keep him in there. But it was You have to agree. It was an insane site, everybody. A man pulling up a live fish out of essentially a briefcase.

Well, you went when you were ready for election. You went from house to house and you kiss people's fish. You kissed fish would bring you their fish, and you kiss it on the campaign.

I like. I like to say you have to kiss a lot of fish if you want to become a prince.

And now 11 time you made that up. It's not from any Well, I mean,

it's a parody of another existence. Discretion.

Even. That's the fun part. That's like,

What's your goal here? Why are you becoming the prince? What? What is the fish? Them

Sounds like something a lunatic might. Six. I I just

have to say I'm a big fan. I voted for you. Thank you very much for your Thank you for believing in me. Well, I don't believe in you. And that's why I voted

for you. You've got to earn people's distrust. And you earned that immediately. You off. You put you off.

Put the whole nation. Well, may I say no, thank

you. I know my right in. Wow. Yeah. You mentioned before us this guy at all.

Sorry you mentioned before, Jedediah, that you grew up behind the gas station. Yes, that's correct. Uh, yeah, That's a nice piece

of some might say. It's the fumes. It's the fumes from the gas station that made me, um, you know, succumb to lunacy or the trash. Let's not forget about the calls to be the trash.

Well, let's not forget the loose sewage.

There's a whole Todd alludes to it and let me. That's not a desirable area. Yes, you had one more. I was just gonna say the family

history. Yes. My family has lived behind the gas station since before was a

gas station. And you're just a graveyard. Let's not forget the bomb bomb. Your parents live there When it

was a nuclear testing site.

That's right. There was a graveyard that became a nuclear testing site. That can't be good.

At least it happened that way. And not a nuclear testing site that eventually became a graveyard.

You kill too

many people would argue

that all nuclear testing sites become graveyard. That's true, Really. But this one, literally it was a graveyard. First, a nuclear testing site,

now a gas station.

And that's how we got a bunch of those three headed corpses.

Yes, because little did you know you could mutate even after your dad. Yeah,

that was a

shock to all of us. And, uh, I think I think there's certainly ah lesson there for us all that just because you think you're done changing and growing doesn't mean you are

even against your will. Yeah. Thriller was

filmed at your house,

right? Yes, it was. That was an exciting time. Forget meeting, meeting Martin

Scorsese, who and directed the bad

video because he used

to show up around any other 70. Michael was doing that on he was their captain. Eo hey was just hoping to get tagged in. Remember the time I was there?

I remember they finally stopped putting out extra chairs and video village around the black or white music video because they were like, we can't even make it open for him

on his own.

He brought his own. You can't. You can't fool him. He

brought his own chair

when she demanded to get reimbursed for

Also would be reimbursed for wearing his own clothes. And because there was dry ice on Mars is Yeah, he really is very

easy. Very good. He's good. He was good.

All right, man. Great, man. Here's a question that I'm not sure if this is in your purview, but we have had a man going around camp and murdering people cause we tried to drown him several years ago. Um what? What do you think you could dio as lunatic in the White House? Or is there really chilling how this happened under your watch?

Todd, that's a great ah, great question. I'm glad you brought that up to me. And I'm going to endeavor to answer that, um, in as clear away as possible. Let me just say first. Thank you for inviting me here. It's wonderful to be here in this studio. Okay, Howard Long,

I'm just saying it. See, I want to take it a light literally question. Now, if

you're running for lunatic in the later

as I am.

What you have to know is, before you answer any question, you have to first be thankful for being invited to the place where you are. Yes, you go through a lot of pleasantries and platitudes. Then you get into the question.

You get upset when you run out of time for the question. I get mad. Bring

it. Is old. It, especially the debate, really throw a little fit where it seems like

the other person got to answer a question because they did answer a question. And then you have to pretend that you're upset. But

I want any of my elected officials to act like a petulant child over the amount of time to

think so much rather hear how you were treated unfairly

that any of your policy platforms are ideas. What says Leadership North?

So I want a

leader like me a little baby. That's why I vote for and you're my man. Yeah, here, that guys, I still gotta write in left charmingly answer job.

One of the three of us is like is most like a little baby. It be me because my body is so tiny. But hey, whatever. And I want to tell you this Jedediah Bill might be a fan. But I got to say, if people want real change, they shut up. They will vote. Shut up, Holland Levi's. Are you kidding me?

Howard, you want me to answer this question or not? Because you're cutting into my time. Now

you have an answer. The question. I don't even know why there's a clock on the answer. This is not a debate. This debate a show we're question. Please way. Always have a caucus week. My question Build marriage Bill has a chance. You've had your chance. You've had your chance. Bill. Bill! Bill. A chance bill Way went over the rules, Gentleman. I just I wanted to be fair. Okay, fine. Todd, if I may

answer your question and thank you for asking it. Obviously, when there's ah, murder. Ah, and there scary circumstances that come in the aftermath.

He's wrapping himself in an American flag. What

needs to happen is you need a lunatic in the lighthouse to cast suspicion upon now having himself in a

boat sail. Ultimately, it wasn't me who murdered this person, but it's important that in order to determine who the murderer was. You have me toe. Look at a constant Has a scary a constant suspect. Yes.

Okay, now, Bill, you have 30 seconds as the man that admittedly let's way have 15

get 10. There were done, Bill. You had your chance. Now you're asking for them to change the rules.

I just want a

little less time, OK? I just want a little last time. Well, if he gets less time than I should get more

time, because now there's more time to go. All

right, gentlemen, we went, Gentlemen, we went over the rules before the not even debate that we're

having. Unfortunately, we're out of time. I just want to say, Jedediah, I

am a big fan of your cabinet. I think it's important the lunatic in the lighthouse. Your job is, of course, very important, but

who you

surround yourself with who is really doing most of the work while you stand in front of bathroom glass, cloudy bathroom glass and make

and make a silhouette of yourself. You gotta have a good cabinet. So

how did you

get your cabinet? Were they

friends of yours? Did you go to college with them.

Bill, that's a terrific question, and I want to say Thank you for inviting me onto the welcome. Thank you for giving me a chance to address your listeners format. I think it's to the the the benefit of everyone that you allow these types of things to happen. And I'm very proud to be here. Thank you. This is really good. Fill you. You can't do everything by yourself. And as much as the focus is on me as the lunatic, um, Asma Yes, as much as people do see my silhouette, they do see me out in the front of the lighthouse seemingly burying something. Obviously, that's that's very flashy. People see that, but there there's a great team that I have people that are doing things like they're slamming doors, um, out of no where they are, they are streamed cobwebs up with no one's around. They are sometimes putting a red gel on the lighthouse light. And, uh, you know, I am. I am fortunate that these people believe in me, but I also believe in them to do these things, to keep the lighthouse spooky, to keep it something that people I don't wanna walk near. They cross the street to avoid it. They little kids dare each other to go up and touch the door, things like that. That

question was about your cabinet, and we heard nothing about any of them. So I love that. Well, now I don't now, I don't know what, Sam. I I take issue with that, Sam, because I did mention things in the cabinet. I didn't mention them

by name, but that's because it's important to keep them mysterious. And

you're right. I take it back. All right,

Bill. Uh, if you want to rebut that, you have two minutes. I don't know.

Why is crap? That is an absolute crap. We all know that if somebody is not gonna name their cabinet, they don't exist. That's obvious. I have already named my cabinet. I named them immediately. Just like to

point out, I just like to point out that Bill started this by saying he liked to the cabinet.

Now he's got an issue with them. He's a flip flopper. He's all over the place. I know why I'm arguing. The incumbent lunatic he's wear who it's loves.

You've got my vote, Jedediah. you have got

has got a bowling shirt on it with flip flops.

Yeah, I And this is

how I ride in a plane. Okay. You wear flip flops and a bowling shirt with a flip flop pattern. Yes, I went. Do you wear the bowling shirt open like

that? Yes, of course. OK, this is

his job as easy as possible.

Yeah, I throw off my flip flops. I never have a belt on. Uh, they don't even have to look through my underwear. Because, as you can see, there is a thing. As his open shirt indicates,

he is not wearing underwear.

What's a deep sag? And we can tell you there's nothing underneath. Don't

talk about my sack,

Howard. You've been very quiet for someone running for this election, which can be unsettling is a lunatic again. You've been kind of sitting over there,

get over very themselves. This is intriguing. You know, they

know that's what that shovel represents.

Uh, yeah. I've been holding a shovel above my head this whole time and pointing it at each of them as they talked. Uh,

you sort of

been given a whole Clint Eastwood

vibe with the shovel right. The shovel represents them burying themselves much like he did with a chair representing Barack Obama at the Republican National Convention. Right. I did

a, uh uh, the whole debate with the shovel. Right.

I sure did, uh,

turn into a weird Walt. I

did

dance with the shovel. I

remember you saying, What's that you want to What right You want a weird waltz? You you, you for really bowed, right? Well, that's what everybody. That it was a debate, right? Symbolic. Painted the shovel to be in love with you. Like what's up?

No, we can't. I married. No. It was a symbolic of my want and desire to to work across the aisle. I wanna walk with people

who aren't necessarily comfortable with lunatics. Lord Howard would be an approachable loon. It What did it symbolize when you acted as if you mind as if the shovel was moving your hand from a place where it shouldn't have been toe higher up on the shovel?

That means I'll respond. I will respond to criticism. I will if I do, something is We're taking the lighthouse that people find. Ah, appalling out. Stop.

You just lost my vote. What? The conversation

you had with the shovel where you were just responding to it like Oh, no, those those text were meant to be playful. I didn't know you were going to take him that way.

That again. Same thing I was texting. It would say it's one of those situations where you know, I I pitch ideas. And if people don't have a problem with him, as most people do, I claim they were

job. You get a 60 minutes interview swearing that you had no inappropriate

contact with the shovel with your wife.

You sat down with your wife with 60

minutes. I like, I appreciate I appreciate you calling Mr ST Anne my wife.

This the mind of 60 minutes interview also included a mind clip of you an arbitration with the shelf

guys. I don't understand. What What's the

problem that you have with all of this? Because this seems to me like a person being very transparent with how they'll operate. As if if we are just say that that shovel represents somebody who is across the aisle, quote unquote,

If I If I say

well, this is not your time to speak to, did I?

Well, he got time. I e

time since I Since you guys are arguing, I'll let you do what everything you want. Go ahead.

And I want to say what? I'm actually only say something positive. I

want a compliment. Our hang on. It's extraordinary mind work. The

fact that we were able to discern all of those various scenarios

with shovel is commendable. You could tell exactly how the shovels very good.

What about people who would argue that he's not running for my time in the White House?

That's where I come in. We don't need a mime in the lighthouse. Oh, are you kidding me? There is nothing

that signifies someone is a lunatic more than them thinking that people want to be exposed to a mind.

If that were true, if that were true, I would have said the mind works should be terrible. That's what t interrupt and say I am getting into clowning. I want Mike and I want every voter. Tonight's crazy dabbling with clowning. I'm done

your fair writer with the clowns in Washington.

Thank you. And the lunatics that want to be in the lighthouse. I love clowning we're going living little back story about my character and doing weird things. Unexplained. I'm a clown.

Oh, are you were getting results in right now?

Way better work. Some

of the reasons of coming in. Eso the tree man precinct has come in.

What? It what

it looks like right now if he too close to call. But it does look like 100% of the votes have gone to Jedediah.

Wow. Call close to call. Making speeches. Just 5%.

But this does not look good for Howard and Bill. So

come on, guys. My tape leaked last week, all right? And I just want to say that was not me. Okay? That's not the real me.

OK, well, it was a tape of you naming each and every voter by name and tell like roasting them.

More things. Reporting more precincts reporting. We have numbers in from the pig sty. It looks like 100% of still

too close to call

presents. Going to Jedediah. That's interesting. I had a wonderful time of the pig sty when I was campaigning for the first time. I remember going and enjoying slop with them.

There was really a

part of your just you down on all fours trough feeding slop. And a lot of people thought it was super pretentious of me to bring them food. I I thought it's a good idea, you know, bring them like good meals. I brought them steak and asparagus and they threw it into effective

people will be looking back. Who knows that the results will be. But they will be saying that. You know, Bill really thought he had the pig sty locked up and didn't even visit there.

That's because I was Jenna. Todd Jedediah, Secretary of State stunk. Stink. Secretary of State stank where what happens is

one of the reasons I don't want to reveal the names of the people. You were one of your secretary of state, so

he felt he didn't need to go

to the pig sty.

I had already been there. That was my idea

that everyone knew immediate out of the trough.

But you know, there are there good people and they deserve representation. They deserve to be made uneasy by the lighthouse. And

I thought maybe they wouldn't want to be pigs forever. You know what I mean? Maybe they want to sort of find their way out of the Sloblo

before you say here for the people, you know. But how can the Secretary of Stink not even go to the pig sty? I mean, that's unbelievable.

I thought I had it in the bag. Okay. Anybody smells like shit, it's May if anybody is more like an actual human pig. It's my ass. I thought the pigs would respond to me. Yeah, well, someone may see

I've got nipples all down. I

think they would have responded to you had you shown up there. But you didn't. And I think you're paying for that now

that as if either

of you are going to make the pig sty dirtier,

okay? And bring back nasty jobs. What I want to dio there's no what I want to do.

Rest in peace, Next to go. What

I've always wanted to do. What an innovator He was Steve. Brother crazy. I know my was my favorite computer, But when I first when I first became limiting the lighthouse, we had nasty job way had filthy cash. Way had shitty hope.

Now we got no cash and no job.

Where is where is bit more my fault. By the way, where is Big Boil when I need that? I don't

know. That's a great question. Well, we got more precincts coming in here. It looks like the rest of the precincts are reporting

all over the same 19. So we get to call it right now. It's still too close to call,

but at the moment, we have 100% of the vote going to Jedediah. Believable.

Okay, well, I'd like to do an interview. Say,

I'm not not giving up hope. I'd like to get a

live. Okay, let's go live on. My already are.

Okay. Lets I was gonna turn my amateur porn. Cameron.

Okay. I use my foot camp. That's a beautiful ABC.

Hello, Constituents. You can't call him that. A vehement one. Hello. I just want to say that we're not giving up hope why I am here. Because that's too close to call.

I'm not lying.

Stop heckling me. Trying trying to make it real. I don't want to deal with heckles. Eyes, eyes. Listen, I just want to say as you all know, I am going to make a now shut. I'm guys I'm and shoot him, Doctor. Yeah, I'm gonna just loom behind him. Makes this. I want to know. I want everyone to know. Big Moyle. I got your back wall, Skeet. I got your back. Come on, let's pull this out

and action whenever you're

ready. Just such a nasty man. Okay? That that really I just farted and said Cut it. Really? Well, crazy.

That is gonna look crazy.

Thank you, Todd. Things die now, man. You know, this is

awful, man.

What am I

doing with my life? I fucking can't catch a break to any Which way I go

is unbelievable. I came

to camp this year just to try to have some friends spent some time. What? Sorry. You're standing on my toe.

Sorry. What? You're you have legs now? I just wanted to interrupt

things just unbelievable, you know? Is it so much

to ask for one guy to catch a break? For once in his life, there is a red dot on your

head. No, there's not. Yes, there is. What is this? Look out around. What is happening? It seems like to me shiny. Bill, listen, this seems crazy. I think we

need to all load up in my late sixties convertible and drive past the school

booth. I'll sit in the back. Come on.

But that's okay. Let's bring the equipment with us. All right,

everybody jetted out. You're in on this as well,

Dr. Convenient. Listen, let's cruise by the school Trust behind. Right behind. Listen, we're going to take a right past the school book depository, okay? And then we're gonna go down. There's a little, like, bit of grass on the Nice and on the right side of look nice. We can look over there. Just calm

down. One of my favorite drives.

Can't say. I can't say the number doesn't love you.

Go. Hello. Hello, everyone.

What? We're driving by. I think there's a play going on. Do we want to just watch the play? Well, it's happening. Sure, I like theater. Your

play? Uh, no. Just some play. I'll stop where it's Where you going, Todd? He's running up that little hill. What is that running up that hill Grassy. Did he just say thank you on the

road? He's running up that hill. Uh huh. Of action. Is

he directing this play and Iran? Go, go! You're on Who's the cash member? Who's that sex? Is that a lady? I

think it

is these skipping right to the is it? Like to the middle of Romeo and Juliet? Turned a production

of Romeo and Juliet

for

Oh, this is a cool second. Cool, modern interpretation of Romeo and

Juliet is a good one. Okay,

let it be the nurse

work. It's really speeding along. Rejoin this already in progress. But

what is going

on in the bush? Todd? Uh uh, Why is there only ever one character on stage running off clearing their throats? The spreads us these eyes. That Jason Alexander.

Oh, no. Shit. Wait. What's he doing?

Get away from me! Is my play.

Get out of here. I'm putting my gun together. Celebrity cameo on stage. He said I was putting his shoved together. Wait. Now he's running off someone with that, you know. Is he gonna have a problem putting the gun together like it was a Nike thing? Seems like a plot of Seinfeld. Maybe if it happened now, you don't think I could choose to spend

like putting the gun together? Should anybody hang on. Let me take a bite of this pastrami, maybe like a bottle episode where one by one, the other characters come in off the whole four gang is you

may have a car moving Feel like unsafe sitting back in here. Jason is over there. He's going to shoot our brain. Couldn't if you wanted to. Jason's gonna shoot our brains leapt to May.

Maybe you should be the

lunatic of the lighthouse.

I am definitely the craziest one in this car. Anyway, let's just come back

up. Back out that pose. Good. Let's go,

Tonto. What? So? Oh! Oh, so middle. We've all been shot.

Better get out of this. Damn it! My both. My legs,

way yard juice. My sugar spoon in my mouth gets orders. Here Sloblo sugar specific shot. My blood sugars. All I got is some Nature Valley. All those air sugary Todd. Anything else? Just just I did water it out. Oh, this

natures valley is so dry. A bunch of raw sugar packets from a diner recent. I'll take it,

Sugar. You kill him. Some sugar at him. So bad. Well, o j, my chopper. Where's Troppo are I feel like

maybe we've burned too many bridges and this might actually be the end of the road for us. We've all been shot. We're gonna bleed out. Nobody wants to help by that. I have to get things. Is what happens when you get in bed with the devil baby with? Yeah, with glasses. After you said that Cool,

I could feel my spirit leaving my body hot. Oh, no. And it's not going up. Are you? Right into the basement. What do you see? I know you have darkness. I said no. I see. Jesus. I'm going deaf. Jesus. What's it look like? Jeez. Jesus. He's pumping iron, drinking up a create team. Smooth. My body's I feel my spirit leaving my body too. Oh, my God. On I'm sinking I looks just like l A It looks just like l a We'll see you later, suckers convince. Definitely. Jesus, I see. What? How do you know?

He's, uh, he's he's got he's got, like, a a date in his room with them and he's trying to introduce her to system of a down. But it's the coolest thing he's ever heard

that No, no, God. Money. So both way, I think I definitely see Jesus. I think I Definitely another got a guy stopped me in the ass with a hot poker. I think it was Jesus. What did he look like? Big muscles. Hey, look at that.

Look at this snake coming towards me.

Hello? Jesus. Heaven is great world. No, I think I see Jesus to what does he look like? What's he saying? What I'm doing is sitting. He's sitting at a computer and he's furiously typing reply to someone on top in No, it says I totally think

that Planned Parenthood should not receive federal funding.

Oh, my, what a specific thing. For hours on, Bill, Jesus is watching Bill Maher and loving it. My Bill Maher separating the audience for not laughing at his jokes. This is literally slapping is me, Bill Maher. This can just turning around and saying new rules. Jesus just invited me to finish beach. Hey, said he's got a snake. He wants to hang out of Venice Beach and but T shirts. But he's asking you for $10. Yeah, Okay. Maybe that

is the devil. Really? Jesus, I don't want any of your dog chopper. Wait, guys, Huh? Are we in limbo? It's dark

in here. It is I don't think we're in limbo. It's just

I still hear genera.

Hey, Jason, Great work down there. Oh, thanks for taking care of those.

Are we hearing what's happening on Earth dies from above,

like kill us. I can't believe it took so long, but in the end, it was all worth it. Why

would he sum up everything so succinctly like that? It's like it's like we put a period. We she was story. Hey, explain what exactly happened at the triathlon to

It was a long journey to get to where we are now. But every single thing that happened who was supposed to have

What about

Todd's forensic storyline that we drop one? A plan, even including Todd Forensic story. My daughter

being a deer? Yeah, all worthwhile distractions. Wouldn't you agree, Jason Alexander? What

about what about how we have Bill a bill and I had a debate and and

Jones, we supposed to be there involved on any of the details. Remember

when they were supposed to be that debate between Bill and our that got that got distracted for a while, she never saw this coming.

We're like, it's what a master plan. So we're like, eight foot beneath the Earth's surface. Yeah, right. Where hell is belief? It's not even at love. Still, Angela Page. Ever wonder

why the very people six feet, because two feet deeper,

we're learning a lot more man ways, They just nodding toe. I wonder. Hold on, hold on.

I wonder we did leave Jedediah some food. We left Jedidiah Sawyer it up there when they're

taste testing food. Now I want to see car certain what any of it is. It's all been

secret. We did. We did cover it up a little. Yes, those squibs made me hungry. That's why we thought he would show

fake bullets. Just take this gingham cover off here. This'll looks delicious. Stole that cover from the British Bake off.

What am I looking at

here? All right, We'll never know what he's eating. Let's see if the game tricks. I'm just gonna eat it. Start. It looks like it sounds like it's starting with the steak. Okay, Taste different. Tell what? What am I getting here? Does God, We'd, of course, disguised it with concrete. I mean, there's a bass note of steak, but there's a top note of once a submit. He's always had a good palate death. It taste mostly like cement, I guess.

But, hey, that steak

juicy. It was good side dish with a side, Which split screen point came kind

of just 100 swarm

thistles. Fashion icon. Hardened cement, though, isn't it

powder increasingly harder to swallow? It's gonna become cementing. His motives clogged with me. Maybe she should just I'll just get right to dessert. Yeah, okay, good step is layer seven layer dip. The sweet kind. Yeah. Seven layer Sweet chocolate leader Butterscotch. There's two layers strawberry based state layer of degree before three layers just straight up sugar rock she needed in the rock. Uh, what is this layer of caramel yet? Maybe a big layer layer of Newgate? Yes, all covered. Can't wait to have

cement and rebar. A little metallic tasting. That's the aftertaste of cement. It's crazy that he's just sticking around in the scene of a quadruple murder that he plant not my favorite meal, but I did eat it all. Well, geez, guys. Lifelong member of the Clean Plate Club Cash Castle. Do you do even

know what? Where we are? What? This is is this? Hell,

I don't know. We saw the devil for a minute. Okay. Jesus. Jesus. Oh, my God. Is that your Rogan? Wait.

So it's us foreign. Joe Rogan.

Here you die at the same time,

it's got to be.

Well, maybe this is one of Joe Rogan's visions from one of his like, uh,

may do in one of Joe Rogan's acid, uh, way our existence. Your whole existence has just been one giant acid trip from genera. You know how they say a whole universe can exist in just a fingernail or something like that is awesome. So we are sort of involved with a popular podcast, sort of now sort of indirectly. Well, um, I think

anyone can hear us in Joe Rogan's podcast. We'll see you next

season, I guess. And in case Joe Rogan

can hear us, Yeah, off on the steroids.

You're starting to look a crazy. You're starting to guess what? We're here. Do we have any more notes? Way. Say them more quietly because it's usually cricketing way don't want If he comes

out of his acid trip, we could disappear. That's true. Que trip is now? Now now couldn't be no. Are you turning down Mary Kay Letourneau? Yeah. No, no, thanks, Big. Thank you. Out of your league. Well, this

guys, I think we're out of my late, okay? I think we have a lot to figure out here. Guys, this is Ah, confuse. Certainly a big development. Uh, yes. Were dead. I get

work or in an acid trip way. We never really were.

Oh, my God. They're picking up our bodies of their quarters. Really treated that way. He's already tired. Do not feel great from the cement. I e Well, I guess that was the lunatic. I say. I guess the good news is our podcast still records in hell. I mean,

who knows with your fucking ass recording?

Okay, well, that's most mad

about. Okay, Well, you know what, guys? I'm not even mad I'm dead. I think we need to take a minute and figure out what the hell is going on. And, uh, figure out what? Waiter, proceed. But if people are listening out there, I guess there's only one thing left to say and that would be Ah, fuck. Blunt. Wow.

So you in hell, Teoh