Can we talk

about chips at Mexican restaurant? Finally. Okay. Yeah. Just keep a man.

Oh, yeah.

I don't know.

Sometimes I like to have the option toe to cut myself off. I appreciate it more if you like him or it. How would you like more person who's ever said no to more chips? Yeah, And look at my my body.

I You look like

you're dying of too much salt. It's not working

well, How did How does someone look like they're dying of too much salt your swollen and you look dry? Well, that's not because of salted. You

try even though your water law

Yeah, you're somehow holding water weight, but your skin is flaking Push, push on my skin. Push on my skin.

Uh, is that is that the new pull my finger? Our

It's a thing. One of my one of the nephews of one of the ladies have been hanging out with one of the mall walkers. She brought her nephew to the mall the other day, and hey, he taught me

nephews of a lady. You've been one of the nephews of one of

the late Marguerite, the lady who wears the baby blue. Ah, windbreaker Suit. Who in the small Walker Group I'm in. Well, she brought her little niece or nephew Teoh to them all the other day.

It's not hard to tell. I mean,

yeah, I don't want to claim to

know, You

know, I know the name is hard. Her nephews. Marguerite's nephews. Name is Margarita,

right? Yes, it is a salt.

Well, I don't know what to say. I She that he the child showed me push my skin and I thought it was really funny. So I tried to throw the kids are doing doing push my skin There's

a

lot of heads these days. Yeah, There's a

lot of new little funny jokes. You know how when we were kids, it was Put your hand on your face. If your hands bigger than your face, you got AIDS or cancer?

What has never aids but yes.

Yeah, Well, by the way, that that test didn't work because my hand was smaller than my face and I still had you day. I didn't go to a doctor for 10

years. We'll try it again. Put your hand over your face.

Oh! Oh, my God! Jesus, Todd diagnoses s You didn't even push tied

scare. No money put it. Pushed his hand and he put it because of pushing my We pushed his skin boot boot took slash. It's OK. It's OK. Todd. I didn't know you could part without singing a song. Oh, yeah?

You get shot. Uh, I didn't do it this time. Yeah, that's mine. I but I go back to the question. I do like more chips, but I wouldnt may ask all honestly, think about it for a long time. Just so I don't think that, you know, I've been on Lee waiting for more chips,

right? You try to play it off as if it's, you

know, breadsticks at the olive garden.

No, you like. It's

the first time the idea ever occurred to me that I could get more. Not that is the only thing that's been on my mind

since I had the first trip. Sometimes it feels like you're doing that performance a little broad. It feels like you don't show your work quite so much that say I

am a waiter and I'm coming your out of chips or breadsticks or whatever is free at the beginning of the meal and I come over there.

Oh, uh, could I get you guys some more chips? Excuse me. Uh, could I get you some more chips? More chips? Yeah, Just we Are you

busy? Um, no. You some hors champs

turn into Miss Piggy. Now he's pulling out a pen and paper.

Oh, carry the one

says number of chips written on the piece of paper. Number of chips I've eaten number of chips to be.

Why is it keeping up with it on the pros and cons list is really so you have to count the chips anywhere. We're not charging you per chip

chip charge. Know where they're all free people? There's checkbook. Just to clarify my my order of a water eyes still coming out at some point,

that was We're going to

get you that we're gonna get you the water,

okay? And that's all I'm ordering. I

was gonna come back

over here. I was about to ask you for your meal order. Yeah, Yeah, I'll

take one chimichanga. Okay. Actually, let's cancel the chairman. Sean guy. I still wonder what I want. So maybe

just four chips, I guess if

I could get more chips.

This is an act out. Is this how it goes every time for you to the world? That's fast forward

and say I'm back after I didn't cancel the chimichanga because you didn't order. I'm back here a second time. It's time to order. I

brought you the chips there. And did you get in the water yet? I had. He has the water. He has a second batch of chips, which is quickly gone through.

And I'm back over for the order. What's this? Also level, right? Saucer level is full. I get everything's full. He's not eaten.

Doesn't eat salsa. Just eats lots of dry chip. I've

added more to the salsa. You brought cells of her home in a

bag in your attic? It you ever forget? Okay, so I'm back for the order. Uh, okay. So have you decided what you want to eat?

Oh, there you are. Uh, I was

just here. I just dropped these chips off.

It feels like forever ago. Okay, let's see. Oh, man. Sorry I ate those trips so fast. They're all gone now.

I know you were holding up your hand and mouthing. Check, please. There's no check yet.

Could get the truck. There

isn't one yet. You have been charged for anything.

Oh, great. Um well, I'll just take another order of chips them.

We This is full. This'll baskets full of shit.

Oh, hi there. Have the table. Sidewalk. Thank you. Oh, did you order from another way there?

Well, it's complimentary, right?

No, no, this is a hard process.

Oh, um well, the table

sidewalk guy who pushes the little cart, I'll pass that will pass. Okay,

um, before you go though,

Yeah? Do

you do

more chips? Okay. I guess I could get some more chips.

Thank you.

Why do you Why are you going

over my head for things is my section.

Oh, I just thought maybe there was Ah, language barrier. Whoa White. Okay, well, sorry I'm not a racist. I think white people can also speak for England.

I mean, I guess that's well, I got Sarah. You imply that you are right, sir. You have to get I gotta go. Yes, you have to get Okay. Well, fuck you and your sombrero have to go. Well, look, get it through the door.

You Good luck getting it through the door.

So no one who is this guy? I'm the

manager here, and good luck. You get your sombrero through the door. We're not

exactly who I wanted to speak. Teoh.

This guy's been a problem, Jerry. This guy's gonna problem the whole time. Excuse to make your okay, nor I'm white. Going problem? A constant strips, many a tree. Think, Think, Think I don't know that we were going free bird, Don't play free by I don't play Freebird. Freebird. I don't

play favorites. Podd es amigo.

So this is how it

goes when you go to a Mexican restaurant of the word How really?

That's insane. Todd. Todd Out of no man, that's e. I think you need to think about how you treat people and not try toe make. I

can't believe what, five minutes on chips. Yeah. I mean, we've been want to do this Chip Chung for a long time. Chunk chunk a chip. Well, anyway, what about chocolate chips? Oh, okay. That I'll take less up. You want left sugar Candies? Cookies

only, um, speaking of, uh, good stuff, guys. Ah, What you going back here? You get, uh, too much good stuff over there. What? I am PM too much good stuff on. I didn't go to him. Was that what swag got a big bag of swag Like marijuana? Yeah. No, of course. A big bag of dusty light green. Sh wag. I don't have any. Which Wag seeds? No, no, that's not it, guys. I feel like maybe I should It is in some

of the

good stuff. I don't know. Maybe I should put myself in time out. Honestly, maybe I should punish myself. Howard, you're an adult. You Yeah, I know I'm an adult, but I feel like I keep making the same mistake every week. And

do you think you need to be treated like a kid by yourself to learn?

Yeah, I think I need well, being punished by other people has notoriously never worked for me. So

you're trying to parent yourself. Oh, stop touching

me. Stop patting me on the back in my

hair. Yeah, I don't push this getting Don't push my

skin. Guys, we've been recording this whole time. All

right, young man, time out. Your father find you? Think about what you've done. Goddammit.

You also listen to your older brother.

I have? Yeah, Yeah, I have been over him.

Put him to the ground. And I've also got some things to say. I want you

to go to sleep when you're in time Out. Don't listen to your family. Thank you. You

know where your mother is, but listening Well, well. About

what could be

a boy After I

was saying before. Ah, that's true. You know? Well, after the episode, I will. I'll do my punishment, guys, but ah, everybody Welcome. Do another every side of the

teachers way to three way community

way. Still have the music. We don't got the license Ran out? No, the license didn't run

out. We're getting tickets, huh? Why do I keep getting tickets on street souping? If our music license hasn't I

don't know. Why do we keep getting parting? Take. I don't have the answers to these questions, but I do a licensing guy. I you guys have thrust jobs upon me that I'm not capable of. Okay. I'm barely capable of the one job that I have, which is recording the episodes of the teacher's lounge, which used to be the first, best and only podcast pertained issues relevant to the Hamilton High School community. But of course, we're dead. Inhale out on work release at a mall. I am Howard Levis. Used to be biology teacher. And now Ah, I banged on the gate of an arcade trying to get

back in. Yeah, well, you know, life is about changing growth. Howard. So proud

of you. I'm trying.

Todd. Padre, I'm playing in the holiday spectacular in the big event. Mary moment. Wait.

Is there a big event to

the big event is happening after the big moment. The the holiday expects my take. I'm very excited about happy. Merry Christmas to everybody yesterday. Um, we're about a week away from the holiday spectacular.

Suppose it's why is it not happened yet? Why is it that I was getting pushed? It is timely.

Well, you know, you could do a holiday spectacular whenever, especially if you're having issues putting it together. Ah,

this is like those people who leave their holiday decorations up way too late. But with an event.

Well, and this could go through March or April? We're not sure yet. But what? Let me ask you this. What's the best part of Thanksgiving? The death thing. Okay, Family, keep going. Way off the travel. Keep going.

Having to deal with your family issues

when really you just put him aside. Normal.

Keep going. Keep

paying for the travel. OK, Even though you're about to go somewhere for Christmas,

let's move further away from the travel billets. That's not gonna be

Oh, dessert pie

Closer. We're getting close

Remembering how to spell kayak. Get down on the website TSA strip search. Voluntary Stripping down at the TSA Stripping down inside that little machine Biopsied you guys, by the way, was hoping for more radiation in the machine. You're

getting the machine and you do a TV.

Well, it's like

Well, yeah, they said, Why do you think they say Put your hands up above your head? You take your

clothes off, you don't do it fast, right? Do you never do it fast, right? There's no anticipation.

Yeah, You'll blow your load right away if you take If yours off too fast, you'll skeet. I don't Sorry, I didn't mean ski o e. You know, people say shot your wad, but they're just kidding around, right? Bad,

OK, due to a lot of

yeah, yeah, I love when people say

blow your load in a, uh, a a

around women? Yes, just like in a regular conversation.

Well, as we all know the best part of Thanksgiving, his leftovers on and

sit on the board. Uh, one one person hood on Where do you

survey these people? Because it's a one person at their house. Just you

on the board. Hey, I look whatever it ISS

survey says, it's up there. All right, You got a survey. That's your opinion board.

Well, Todd, family opinion feud. I'm pitching it around right now, Harvey. So I pitch it to Harvey 11. Ah, Okay. And, uh, I think it's ago. I think it's ago. ABC is doing a lot of awesome game shows

you left off the second half of that away. You're Teoh

away? Well, yes, it's a go away right now. As far as every time I pitched it, it's been a go away. I definitely got the green light to keep going away.

What color was the green light? What's that? What color was the green light? Bright red, uh,

green lit right out of the building was a uninterrupted path. Bad. 1/3 base coach waving you through way excitedly really waved me through. But you get thrown out

somehow. Well, yeah, and I went hard into the catcher.

That was the descended at

the line. I was way out. I was way out are hard into it. But the thing is with ABC is

I think they could

only give Alec Baldwin a certain of amount of second chances for the gun to replace him with a different angry, liberal white man on. I'm hoping it's gonna be me. I've been working on my treating everyone around me like shit. Yeah, I've already got the bad daughter relationship. I've got a terrible trump impression. I've worked with his guy.

Good guys. Bad people love a bad trump.

I think you're right. I think you're right. It s ah, you know, But long story short, bad Trump will be at the Christmas event. Uh, and I I actually am really excited about where we are for with questions for daddy. Uh, I'll just leave. That is. Ah, cliffhangers. We introduce everybody.

My name is Sam weatherman. Currently, mall security used to be the driver's ed teacher and spiritual guru. Now I'm chasing this small robber around managing my social media website and waiting to fry this guy in the fuckin fountain. You know, you had another viral moment this week. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. It's not necessarily

a compliment. I do feel like it damaged. Um, I wouldn't say your brand.

What? Jiffy Lube freak up? Yes. Jiffy Lube freak out. Uh, it was I feel like

you were out of control. Yeah.

Jiffy Lube freak out in the peanut butter. I'll

you were obviously mad

about something you were bringing in. Oh,

I see. I see. Yes. Well, so I was in the peanut butter screaming at a stock boy at my local like, why doesn't this peanut butter work as a safe? And I was trying to test out the different looms in the peanut butter I'll and they were saying, What does our

lube, Sam?

Okay, Jif. It's a peanut. It's just a peanut butter called if it's not a Jiffy Lube.

Okay. What you can use them is, luv, I don't really need to take sexual advice from you guys. No offense, but I'm on some other shit. He's on other ships, right? I'm on my back of my bullshit you're back on fucking peanut butter. Fucking tip. Yeah, I fucking Well, I don't say this. I'm here for it. Yeah, absolutely. Stands. Teoh. Yeah. I mean, you ever since I started doing fashion Nova thick I've been I've been getting into some new lifestyle choices. Choices. What you

want confession of a thick to fashion nova Extra countries.

That's right. I'm now fashion over extra crunchies. Fifth spokesperson. And what you do is you show How does this play out? Because we obviously

know fashion Nova is a very, um, cheap

powered, necessarily G. It's affordable. It's sorry. Three car Your girl, Wearable clothes, sheep in the way that forever 21 Ischia. The clothes fall apart Easy. They look great, but you gotta be careful. I wear number. Come right. That's in the ad copyright. Well, that's what I say. Look, be careful in the extra Chunky adds I eat as I eat big old spoonfuls

of peanut butter while showing around and flapping my

ass. But if you eat too much peanut butter, the seams burst right open. So it's extra chunky.

But you don't want to go into full on nut

way. Not not,

but back to this viral freak out. Thank you. I don't want to make you upset as we talk about this now, because that you ended up dumping a bunch of milk in the aisle and slipping, sliding through it. It became more of like a viral playground at some point.

Yes, that's right. Thank you.

I mean, have you ever slipped and slowed on milk slowed? Yeah, because you weren't going fat immediately screech. Oh, no, no, no. Well, and that's when the stock

boy started to sort of turn around and he brought the rope out that they get all the carts in, and he was just sort of slow dragging

through. No, I didn't even have to really slide

under my own accord. He slowed me through, and then he

connected you to a bunch of other nuisances, right? And it was as if a bunch of carts were together. But it was all the nuisances. A

woman haggling over a can of beans was

by. We've got this new, really cool thing that gathers the cards just using an electrical magnet charge. And so they hook to sell up and suck the magnet into that woman's foot and the current run through all of us. So we kind of became one. It's kind of a human centipede of, Ah, married now that

there was that guy who had shoved all of that meat in his pants the like meat from the meat. I'll have you guys. It was the same guy who, like, went viral doing that once already. Meat, man,

Meat, man Prophecy. Yeah, Meat man profits. Yeah. Um, yeah, I've had a big week. You know, I think I'm

sort of acting out because that my job here, it's tough to keep the peace. You want to try to control

everything? Yeah. So these freakouts are really just really busted. I think you

nailed that. You hit the nail on the head when you said it's tough wanting to do it, though, because it would not be tough to do it. It's It's finding the motivation. It seems for you to actually do your job.

You're being locked out of your own game. So if we want to talk about security, Fuck you one. I'm Thank you. Thank

you. Well, let's not get contentious here, all right? A lot of us are being big failures, right? now. And so they're

your bring. I'll bring me back down to Earth. Todd, you're very right. I just

don't want that to tear us apart. And speaking of not big failures, Bill

Yeah, I feel like you're honestly speaking from a place that's honestly frustrating me, because

I'm sorry. I don't know what to tell you guys, As you all know, I work at Bass Pro, but there is a man who is the bass pro. Um, he is the professional bass man and is a fisherman. Now, I need a little bit of clarity. Is the professional bass because your credit different for the same words in different ways? Way No new word, right? Why a He is the main bass man is a fisherman or, say,

a man who has

a lot of it. You have to live

the life to be able to sell the lifestyle. Okay? And he's the main bass pro math and fish from Maine, Or he's now, you know, he's a man who sits in a big deer stand in the middle of

the bass pro and makes sense it. And

we, uh, we always Well, I'm gonna say we worship. I would say you worship them. OK, you do pray five times a day facing him. Wow. Listen, you roll it your little carpet. I listen, I roll up my car, but I broke

my big cars. You put the whole carpet down. You remove a carpet from the room?

Yeah, I put a whole carpet down and then I get in my waiters and my little fishing inner tube, and I hook a

lure in my mouth and I

pray to the bass pro and guys, I Here's what I will say. He has noticed my servitude and easy answer your prayers. Ah, yes. I mean, it's hard

to miss a man starting a whole religion around you.

Yeah, he's He is very excited. And I want to say that I am kind of one of his disciples, and he's really taken to me. Bills this Christ again, again. You. What do you mean again? What do you mean again? Box on Cravy.

That was years ago. That increases. I'm not I'm not

susceptible to cults. You said it that I don't

think we've ever talked about this just for riel. Like, you know, we've heard some facts, but what Do you have a relationship with your father? Do you have any sort of male figure in your life?

You through what's going on? Absolutely. I have. I mean, listen, my dad did leave when I was young. He waas Ah, hey, maybe I am

searching for some type of, you know, father figure slash, Uh

God, what could be this?

I I just wanted I think you could You were doing so well on your own here. A best pro looking inward, they don't. They promoted you to the best amateur. And yeah, I could become the best pro.

Weirdly

enough, I think being an underwater fish wrestlers is better than just worshipping at the feet of a guy. Yeah, the bass pro does not agree. Well, Bill, I think

you're you're projecting on the bass Pro because in reality, the man that you are are looking towards is simply the store manager. Yeah, he is a store manager who is standing in what, What what would be called like a crow's nest or something like that overlooking the whole store? Crow's nest, A prose nest. It's the press nest, and you are sort of deifying this man when

This is

just a man with

responsibility. Gel sc That's not what is you jealous? That's not what it is. Oh, my God. Somebody Jealousy dont not look good on you, my

brand. So this whole season, this whole season since you've been at bass Pro we've been talking about fishing will be about man. It's an obvious upward

trajectory that hasn't been new. Every week it's been

I was trying to work there. I got treated like bait. Then I was a department manager. Now I worship the Basque bro. I mean, does

this guy even talk

to you or is it just like a regular fishing trip? You know where he's doing his thing? He's catching all the fish. You're we look, we do see each

other and, like glance at each other out on the boat and

again give each other. How about it?

Yeah, I give each other. How about it? Occasionally, he'll pass me a buy in a sausage of hyenas, VFW eyeing a sausage, and I will kind of go, Hey, you worship this guy. Wow. Listen, when he you don't

know that feeling when you've never been told any compliment at all and somebody passes. You wanted their vital that way. All know that feeling bill way all handle it are healthy way. It feels like your heart is going to explode. You said you've never been received any love. And then somebody gives you a nasty can to meet on a saltine cracker and your heart explodes. Can I ask

you? Because I did see you posted on the gram. I was watching your stories on Instagram.

Oh, yeah, I've been getting pretty serious about my

story. Yeah, they beginning,

I do all I do a lot of questions and answers.

You dio what's on You always turn with what's up? YouTube. But, um, I saw you got a pretty big fish. What did the bass pro se when you showed in the big fish? You cut Well, 10 pounder. Look.

Yeah, as soon as I got

it on the line and the poll started to bend, he took off, took off. He said he got sick. Um, and nobody would. He left with the camera. Oh,

go away. You saw it

Was you posted a picture later?

Yeah, because I left. He

wasn't even there for your big cat. No, no, but difficult. But wasn't that all you wanted was him to see you catch a big fish?

No.

Oh, God.

Oh, Bill, it's not you guys. Excuse me. Could I help you find something? We're not of the store, Bill. Oh. Oh, you're looking for shock. Good chills.

Bill. Don't go to the guns.

Oh,

Bill, you can't Project UK

would need a gun with that.

Familiar? In a room with 23 friends.

We are signs are not like fries at McDonald's. You don't just add it to your

order like this,

Bill. We already did a role play in here. We're not going to do another one with you

right now. We got two for one deal. A off fifties. Oh,

Bill, as I

come here, I want to give you a hug. Okay. Uh

oh. Oh,

it's OK. It's OK. Let it, Uh

oh, cover me. Get up.

May okays. Back. Get out

of here. Listen, Bill, I think you need Teoh. Reexamine your relationship with the the male figures in your life. Um, which I have

done body.

I'm not jealous. In fact, I think I am. Hell, I'm finally healthfully dealing with the male relationship in my life. Really? As you guys know, I sort of joined Ah, Socialist mall walking crew when I got kicked out of the arcade by the proud boys. Ah, and I've been talking to them about my relationship with my health. Stepdaddy on. They've been helping me work through it, uh, talking

to these old strangers about your relationship with your step Dad.

Yeah, I have. And they've helped there. Said you gotta have more checks and balances. Yes. They've said they've said, express yourself more socialist. They said, express yourself more. Ah, make sure everyone is on a level playing field in these discussions. Make sure everyone has all the information that they need to make these choices. Uh, and I've been doing that when I ask you a question. Yes, I did see your health, stepdaddy down on his knee. Ah, at the outlook at the end of the mall. And I don't I'm not sure what happened there, but there was a big hug after

isn't sort of a shady figure.

Here's the There was a big hug.

I know what you're implicated in the boy. I know the implication. Here you are implying that I accepted a proposal from my

house. I couldn't hear anything.

All I saw was ahead moving up and down really big and crying

while you guys look at my hands. Look at my hands. Do you see any Anything that would indicate that I have accepted a proposal? Well,

I hear what I would say. It is too much salt. Ah, here's what

I will say, Um I feel like your fingers or big. And maybe because there was a moment after where those shadows were like, it seemed like it was like, Oh, don't worry. The ring doesn't fit. I'll get another size. That's just what the body language was telling me. Well,

hands look like a big buy in a sausage. Yeah, buying eyes.

Uh, well, guys, I

What kind of boundaries? I

am waiting for the right moment to to back away.

Did you hear your own voice when you said it? I was disappointed in yourself. I

am okay and like to go back to I know you guys have no interest in dissecting my sort of daddy issues, but I do think that I am in search of someone to sort of be a beacon at the end of the tunnel. You guys know my daddy was so focused on his jeans company that he didn't spend any time with me. That's right. Levi's.

Yes. Levi's Gene. You know what he did? You know what he would do? Cut 3 to 3. You know

what, my You know what? My dad, my real dad, used to do what he used Teoh, take his clothes and make a little model of himself. Sit it down in his recliner, put a lit cigarette in its mouth and leave full size. Yeah. So any put a little tape recorder inside it. They just said, uh, sounds good. Uh,

so you're being parented by a stack of genes in the shape of your dad?

Yeah, I would. I would sit there and I talked to my jeans. Daddy and

I would just be

a cut. Is that huh? What cut is that?

This would have been the seventies.

Yeah, it was. It was Levi's. Ah, 50 50. Too old. Uh oh, yeah. 52 old

Levi's 52 old J

a replacement for your daddy. Stack up 52 old. Take him to the piano risk eyes.

They're not sponsoring us. Okay, I

know Hymns is and well,

and this week response real quick. Let's bring this copy responsive by hours, ways. Eso for the people that brought you hims and hers. It's ours. O u R Z

take a pill that does nothing and take hours. You tired

of not knowing if you're taking a placebo where the really big well, with ours, you know it's not really

it's nothing. It's a gel cap lit with nothing inside.

Do you want to be ableto pop a pill after you've treated someone terribly and blame your medication? Even though it's just who you really are?

I know I do. Hours.

Do you not want to stop your bad habit but are tired of the drastic effects of pills? Take our love. Taken a pill with no water like they do in the movies. While you're stress to show a character development or not development but defect defrag flaw. How are you looking at a clock and you're wondering what are all these things around the edges? What are all these dots hours looking for

a movie starring Nicole Kidman hours anyway, back to your

we got to tell them to cut down the copy those air too long today. That wasn't even the

so. They don't delete the mistakes. They just type out all the mistakes.

Yeah, we should. We tell him that some of them aren't as good as

I. I read what's written. I read what's written, but anyway,

every good actor does.

So the truth of the matter is, yes. I have accepted a proposal for my health. Stepdaddy. No, it's not a congratulations to wear. Not going to get married. I'm going to find a way between now and then Teoh to, you know, cut it off and I am. You

gonna cut off your finger? Gotta fearing you have to cut the ring off. So the

ring's not

even on you. Just don't put the ring.

I'm not going, Teoh. I'm not gonna cut off my finger. I'm going to end this. I'm gonna annul the relationship in whatever way I can. Ah, and I'm going to try to get back into the ah, into the arcade because honestly, I saw who I think was the devil Standing outside the arcade the other day, dressed up as, ah, teenager

doubles in the

mall. That ever was in the mall and he was banging on the arcade doors like, Is this place open? I mean, a good arcade would be that right now, not stand good for, you know, eso I am a little bit scared that I'm never gonna be able to get in there. Um, but, you know, I'm working with the mall. Walkers have been helping me. Ah, figure out a strategy to get back in there as well. Ah, but honestly, I'm I am starting to get nervous.

Well, the good news is sorry. Go ahead. You go ahead. Are you going to say that if the big moment and the Christmas party of the Christmas event the holiday special behold a spectacular, uh, go off without a hitch, I think we'll be able to get out of hell. Yeah. What?

The devil wasn't best part of the other day and he saw me. He was ah, I could

tell it was him. He was just kind of looking through some hooks and stuff and he

saw you going around. If you want to play guitar better, I got a deal for you.

Yes. Yea, he's He's very obvious. Um, and He was like, I'm headed down to Georgia. I'm headed down to Georgia. Uh, and, uh, he saw me sell a bunch of handguns. Two teenagers with weird records. Yeah, he's like anybody going doing about that likes you. That's great.

Yeah. You saw those kids in trench coats and you were like a really good

Yeah, I lured him over. Um, seldom a bunch of guys. I

hope he's around for the event. I really do. Because you know what?

We haven't happened.

I decided to even dates Toe happen, Todd. That's the truth.

I connected with tall Padre. Um, and for all intents and purposes, I think he is my son. Excuse. Wow. What we went through, somebody means for

all intents and purposes

Well, I adopted him.

Did he Cut? Explains the same last name this

whole time. Same. A similar first name. Hand mama's woman. I dated.

So did you just forget?

Well, you know, I have Let's just say a bit of a Johnny Appleseed when it comes. Teoh Familiar? Uh oh. He went around and planted seeds everywhere were apple trees. See if I'm like that, but with no, I'm sorry. The analogy is not working. Um,

well, you were like

a pot on your head. No,

the analogy is very much not working here. I don't do wear Podd on my head, but I noticed that's just for my carrot top. Like pothead humor. Uh, you

got to say

that you never do the punch line.

It's employed, but, um well, I adopted him, and ah, um, I've been parenting. Tell Padre Wow. And he has been my muse for questions for Daddy because he has been asking me all these questions, stealing them for my play. I'm saying, Oh, I would have liked Ask my

dad those questions. You shifted the focus of questions for Daddy away from the audience. And

the plan always was that The first half is me asking questions of my dad, and the second half is the audience

s. You haven't gotten rid of the part that part? No, they're still gonna The audience is still gonna ask you questions.

Oh, yeah. If anything, it's It's a bigger part. I've gotten even more makeup. I'm willing to go there. Still, I'm willing to do voices. I'm going to do accents. I'm going to go big. Um, so you and I've really felt good about the questions portion that I'm writing. I think that there won't be a dry eye in the house. Oh, God. Well,

physic. We're all getting pretty close to our thing. You know, you had to move back

the spectacular a little bit, but it feels like things are on the way. And I am hot on the trail of this tall mall robber. We

got some

security, you know. He's tall.

We got some security Flippy, and we only got the back of his

head just like my dad. And this guy's tall. Yeah, this guy's

Todd slippery and he's thin and he's slipping right in and out. We actually

were in the same store for 10 segregating me.

Really that close? What happens

really close. Well, it was a Charlotte roofs and I was in there chasing the mall robber. I was hot on his tail. You want shopping? No, I'm not at first

on then that that's what happened. I saw a beautiful blouse, right? And it was, I don't know, five, maybe 10 minutes in the changing room. And and I and he was gone when I

call. You thought you away for you?

Yes, but I did get video. And I do

know that this guy's going down. I think I've is timing down and I'm gonna catch

We've had his timing down For, what, 34 weeks

we found every morning every morning starts starts right at the front of the mall at the J Crew. Yes, but

I was one of those kids. You know how When

you're jumping rope, you have to get the timing down for a while before you go in your using your hands to show where the robes going.

Like it went during a doubling. Its

exact I've been one foot in

this double Dutch catching this kid. Yeah, because we're

so close. I remember we did a double Dutch and Guinness couldn't come faster for longest wait to get into a jumper. That's right. And know where there was a 38 hours,

38 hours and then quickest tie up quickest. Before I even got foot. Actually in the rope was around my neck like a noose fully tied up, yet I almost almost

quickest. Accident of suicide. Almost almost almost so. But it was They said it wouldn't have been a suicide, They would have blamed the murder on you guys. Uh

oh. Well, my jumper up defense and get me off the first time, so I don't know. Why would this time? Well, if you catch the robber bill, if you become a bass pro, Howard, if you figure out how to not marry your health, stepdaddy

And if you said that finger, I'll eat it.

If this event goes well and will, your finger will make some fingers. Uh, this affection you feel chicken fingers

repair wasted for feeders. I'm there. OK, And I'm gonna be that. I

think we could get out of hell.

I would hope

so. Everybody keep an eye out for the holiday Spectacular. The December 29th. We're doing a big Christmas event. December 29th

South. Everybody's gonna be dead right? When everybody is pulling down their lights

and getting ready for the new year. We remind them come with his business.

But let's take a quick break before

that. Attention mall customers. The Foot locker has changed both ownership and concept. No longer will they be selling shoes. It is now a small locker containing feet again. Foot Locker has changed What it is. Alright,

guys. Thank you, uh, for sticking with us here in the lounge. We are back after a little break. Got ourselves.

You need to think people for listening. It feels like, uh

almost think it's nice. I think it's nice to let people know that you appreciate him. You know, maybe that always thank people for listening after I do my poetry, I always do it. Yeah, I think it's nice. I think it's maybe wrong of Utah to not think people for paying attention to you. And I excuse my plagiarism usually at that. That poetry.

Yeah, well, and you're plagiarizing, like a lot of, like 19 sixties and seventies African American poets. So it's

Yeah, it's ah, a lot of people say, Yeah, that was appropriate. That was opposed.

Saying inappropriate, inappropriate appropriation, Just like every not every episode of most ever says we've got a guest in the lounge today. Ah, it's a guy we've met here at the mall. He's a really good guy. Way all get along really well on. He works at my favorite kiosk. Ah, which is the massage kiosks, the little the little fast massage kiosk, a in the middle of the mall. And that's our buddy Kevin. Kevin. Welcome to the lounge, buddy. So good man, were really good. We appreciate you coming around today.

More pleasure. You know, uh, I was also always wondering what you're doing here.

Damn. Kevin is silky smooth.

Thank you. I love it.

It fits. It fits with your whole persona. You know, You you know, you're slinking around your your your smooth you're grabbing on people's shoulders.

Your you sometimes Ah, massage outside of your kiosk. Yes, sometimes.

But you know what? Never for pay. Never pay. That's for

fun. For you.

Well, that's just, you know, uh, altruistic, right? Wow, That's a good perspective.

None of us knew anything about altruism. I don't think

there, um we wanted to have you in because I'm always curious about a kiosk like that. Is that a step towards having your own business outside of them? All of massage therapy, or,

you know, honestly, my philosophy is kind of move one day at a time. So this fling story, how actually started? He asked,

Okay. Yeah, go ahead.

I was kind of sitting down eating a sandwich, and this is my seat on the bench next to me. It's very funny. Yeah, isn't it? That's kind of how go? Yeah, Uh uh CMS an image. And, uh, you know, this person said that nice to me. And like they were crying, I was like, Oh, I couldn't help but comfort by touching them by touching that was that was a big risk for me to take. I suppose I realize that now,

in the moment, How did a how did that person reacted

at first was a chill. Feel the chill on their person. But then, like I absorbed to chill, you know, you don't like the sound, then subsided? Not just, like, kind of like massage into the shoulder. And

did you start crying? When you when you say, absorbed the

feel, the chills. Okay, leg map. The emotions.

Okay, so you're like a like the X man, that rogue ex man, Except you don't take on the power. You just take the power

from somebody else that I've never thought of. Like that.

Yeah, Yeah, I'm pretty clever sometimes. Guys, sometimes

what it really seems like you are an impact like your You're receiving energies from other people and you're really tuned in with me even right now. Like because I'm talking to you. I see you getting like, a little angry or like how I

have two interesting, like, makes the hair on my neck this stand up a little bit, but, you know, I think they need to scream. Subsided me. So I guess I'm kind of like, Ah, human emotional sandbag comes at me, absorbs And then kind of

Yeah, which is good in amount like this, because we let's just say the patrons of this small can be pretty extreme.

Yes, you are never distracted. I've seen you in your massage work, and this stuff could be going on crazy around you. And you are tuned

into the oils, candles, everything. Stones, the hot stone.

It's a little interest in the

cold stone that you're eating it Cold stone creamery that I'm

eating. It's a little interesting that you have the oils, the candles, all of that. But you do those massages in those weird little like turnaround chairs. There's no back, and I feel like I did see well, I mean, I got him aside for me the other

day and I was fully naked in one of those chairs, which

is not the

best looking thing for the person getting the massage. You know, like you can just see the top of my my. But my genitalia is kind of crammed up on this front bar,

and I do try to cover that with a

towel grab, but gravity. So it's on you. Yeah, you only see, like, you kind of see my pubic hair in the base of my Penis. And then the top of my crack, which I would like is I'm humiliated. I'm humiliated right now. And you were like, Chill out, chili.

Hey, you humiliated. Let's deal with great,

right? And eventually, you know, you're sort of

the one who is humiliated him.

You do those with your clothes on, that's why. Can't Yeah, that's why I got But

you also can Yeah, that's what I mean.

Maybe should not. You can, but should not exactly. Can't get deep enough if you got your clothes on. That's what I

Now I have gotten a lot of complaints as

the mall security about some of your massage work. Yes. Uh, okay. Okay. Good.

I just wanted to let you know I have gotten some complaints that I don't really think there's anything that you don't deal with its complaints or issues at the mom. You take them down and say, We'll be looking right into this on and then I go to sleep. I

also got a massage, and I think we all might have a point at some point. Has those Christmas coupons I gave you? Oh, yeah. Thank you. I didn't even think

I use that and those air cookies, right? Hold onto him and bring him back. Teoh

Better. But one of the complaints, I think was for me because I was a little upset. How? How much you walked on my back. Okay. I felt like

so you didn't You did not enjoy that?

No, I because it was I think you were wearing Doc Martens. Uh,

you're a

big man. Yeah, well, you know, you have a lot of tension in your back, huh? And, uh, I don't know if you noticed. I did try to, like, use my hands, and then a very isn't work punching in chopping.

Oh, I noticed

there was like it did seem like I mean, Todd was pretty beat up after this. It did seem like you started to when you were up there stomping around on his back. A crowd started to gather as if it was a stomp performance. And you sort of leaned into that and you were slamming trash

trash cans. I was like Savion Glover. Bring it. Yeah, I apologize. Then I got to get in the movie. They started like heels. His heels amounts like I give the people with Yeah,

Yeah, it was almost like a room and torture show for me. Oh, you know, everyone. But I think they just wanted to see hell because they wanted to see how much pain you could put me through

there. Now, let me ask you this, though. How is that lumbar broken?

And also, how have the previews

for that been going Cause that quickly got picked up off

Broadwell. I am nothing if not a sucker for an audience. So we ended up taking the show on Broadway, and

I hope you

like it might be headed the great White way.

I mean, fingers crossed, fingers

crossed, You know, I mean, like again one day at a time, right

issue. We're dealing with is the lawsuits from Stomp? Because

what you call the play

style stuff way put a period at the end instead of exclamation because, like, you know, I'm sure.

Well, I thought you were going to

bring in sort of a Neck Quist theme to it. You were trying out.

Yeah, well, we're kind of just going through all the big ones. So there is. Ah, there's a pretty heavy portion of it where I'm in a horse costume and we found love,

young. And so what's it called? It? Is it just stomper? Is it called? Something

that we put a pin? You We tell the audience to leave and we say telling one outside It's a quiz now exactly

there by its Equis. Can you sound tell everybody? Exactly. Is that one person who? How does this work? Well, yeah, but because both play sound good, but I'm missing how they

could. Well, our plays all have a foreman in the audience. That kind of is the one that guides everything. Yeah,

like a head usher.

No, it's one of the audience member participating

like a jury foreman. Like they have to vote up like like which happens after actress. Sounds like

you guys are have been spending a lot of time with each other. I don't know you. You were you were making So it's such good friends at the mall. Todd

Will e you know it Z kind of thing. Like when you're having from time gonna kind of live

right. It's just interesting cause your play is long, but the play is long. It's

hard to tell

when you're having fun because you're so chill I can't tell if you're really happy A little bit angry.

Yeah. No, that doesn't set me.

I'm sorry about. It's interesting. It's interesting

that your guys sort of relationship that you developed over the course of this massage. Actually, I did. And it seems to completely contradict my experience, which is? I sat down in the chair. You looked at my back and said, uh and then asked me to lead Oh, wow, Yeah,

because you can refuse service. There was a lot of six is, like, written on your back. Yeah, I don't know if you know,

I haven't looked at my back recently

with the mark of the beast

market. The bees, Your back is a curse it

real Mike. We have

noticed that. Well, Howard back is it really? It's gaining some steam in the same way men in hell. I haven't checked my back. You have You checked your backs? No,

no, I don't do a back check

anymore. It's good to give yourselves a back check when you can. It's

like like checking for cancer thing. In this case, we're checking for the mark of the beast. You've been marked, Howard. I guess that means I'm not doing great at my job. You are locked out of your R K. Yeah. Uh, wow. Okay. Well, that's good

information. I would Honestly, I would have appreciated that information

when it happened, because in the moment, it's sort of more felt like you were displeased with the canvas. It was an artist saying I can't work with this this piece of marble,

right? And that is not an artist, right? They work with any. It is my bad. We should have had a postmortem on that massage.

But maybe that's expecting a lot too. Is a full sit down to talk about what

happened? He asked him, You know, I do get busy,

right? No, I know. I noticed when I left there was a line A. There was a line all the way back to wet seal. I was like cheese.

Have you considered taking on some other employees there? Because you're doing a five at once massage where you're

kind of bouncing around. It's kind of like Have you ever played the game like leapfrog like That's what I get, like, all five in a row. And then I will just roll over top of yeah, using heavy elbow on. Everybody just sort of gets one at a time, records one of time. But then, my kind of trick is, if there seems to be like a some sort of feeling where everybody is like, Wow, you're touching me right now. No, seven times ago, I have leapt men like before. Phantom Phantom presses eggs. Wow, that's interact. It

is

interesting. While you're doing the role, you're also saying, like, we were mainly

and they will be in a couple of whips

like a mistake. Whoops. Yeah. What's happening then? I'm falling down. Yeah, you're our shoes. Have you do occasionally get out of

control and we see you whipping through the

mall oiled up going a

really fact is really fast, if probably 15 mph. Yeah. Crashed into the limited to the

other day when, right through

the front display, but came out wearing the clothes of the mannequin

you did and called it a would like ellipses. Yeah. Yes. So that's a lot of complaints I've been getting. Is wearing that small skirt fits and big, chunky

pink jewelry. It just kind of female. Kind of fits. If it works, it works.

Kevin, uh, must be eggs off. You should. Now they're your Now that those clothes of yours? Yeah, a manikins wearing your clothes? Just just that, Kevin, a lot of massage therapists have to go through schooling and all that kind of stuff. Your your story is so unique in how you started the kiosk. Did you actually go to school to become a massage therapist, or is it more just Ah, hobby. That's

very interesting. Uh, were you a savant? I like supposed like the When I was doing that first massage, a crowd did gather, you know, and then people sit down And then, just like this monk set there, and I put my hands on his back. He puts hand on the forehead. That's beautiful, isn't it? Wow. And then he said myself, You are the one. Whoa, A monk said that Teoh. Yeah. So

you were in a mall food court eating a sandwich on a

bench and mournful court bench. That bench that look onto the good places on

and someone started crying. So you started massaging him or her?

Him, Him a 72 year old man. Okay. And

so crowds are gathering. And a monk was in the mall for shopping.

Madras. My monk came out hella bags,

but it was like a

woman. Maybe this is the idea of, like, the opposite of giving up your worldly possession, right? And did

you accept it when he said you were the one? Was it an immediate like I can do this? Or was there a child like a neo? A major challenge for you?

Uh, well, so like the forehead on my hand? I I asked him. I said kinds are monk, and I didn't That's that's all called him. He didn't. You never give me his name. I said, What do you mean? And he said, I think you know, I said, I don't know what time these monks and be confused. It could be confused, really convincing them When he put his hand in my head, he put put one finger on there and I kind of like, fell back in my head into, like, water on. And then I just breathe in the water from and I spit out and, like, I have the knowledge of all massage knew and because you did really knowledge about going to a found

out Can I tell you something? I've seen the security video, and what it looks like is Tony Shaloub shoved you into a found

you said a monk. But a monk that makes sense when he was shopping. So I don't have So I was seeing

a man in a monk costume. Tony should lose Mom. But that was that, actually, Tony salute

that may. Eventually it could have been. It could have

been a consumerist Tony shall live fan. Okay, I'm not certain, but you're sure. But in the probably to the time, your experience is still the same. And that's what's important is I saw you before and after, and you are a changing.

I am changing you know, you got the knowledge of all massage that can't be made of that can't be faked, Tony to live bush into a fountain. And then, you know, a lot of found more than just a suburb put on a smooth voice and now

does massages. No, that would not be a good description of who I am.

You do do all sorts of massage? Some I haven't even heard of. I mean, there's classic Thai, Swedish s'mores massage, Bulgarian. What

could you describe? A very and research to its

Ah, Now, I don't know if you know the soup. Lex is e. Yeah. I take the person and grab him around their

belly to belly or building about

belly to back. Good. A wrestling move As far as I'm it. Also arrested. Okay. Also, multiple applications. Uh, exactly. Ah, I mean, just, like, bring the person back full force before full force.

You do a you do a belly to back soup. Lex on that is a Bulgarian besides Bulgaria Massage. OK,

now it seems like a lot of your massages are labeled

different things, but they're all full force wrestling moves. You okay? I can see that Yeah, Now I do. A Macca's

You gave me a uses Cravy. Yeah, but you call me a game is let's be

honest, a Boston crab zey classic wrestling move where you take both arms are both legs and you sort of bend them over backwards over a person's head. So they sort of bend in a backward see putting pressure on their spy lower. Yeah, so, Well, you literally just saying l three vertebrae made me realize that maybe this is actually also a massage. It's not just arrested. The

other day you were giving me a massage and you put me stomach down on the floor, grabbed my ankle and twisted it really hard and yelled, I'm Ken Shamrock on. Then someone ran out and started yelling. He's snapping, he's snapping.

And it was

Oh, my God, this man broke his ankle in and this man is dead. But what

I was saying drank a beer in the corner of the way to Yeah, smashing. Get kind of That's that. That is, I will say, I've never incense. Yeah,

that's that's for the smells for the seemed like What about what you just gave me the finger to my friends. After you?

Yes, now. Interesting. Very interesting. That wasn't just that That was me saying sky. Oh, I mean, four fingers down, one finger up

eso as someone knows someone who knows a lot about Val. Venus, You cut my dick off, but there did give it a nice massage. You kept my dig up. You and a bunch of Japanese businessman cut my take home and then gave it him aside.

What would they say?

It was very offensive what they're saying, but they say it. It was okay in the early two thousands? Yeah, they said, Ah,

if you Google Chopper chopper, your people, too. Unfortunately, the 1st 1 it does exist. It is out there choppy, choppy, Your pee pee. It's really Google it. Go to my website, google dot com. But instead of putting my name and put put in choppy chop your peopie to Kevin chopping off bills Penis and then massaging it while a bunch of businessmen watch Teoh Yes, with a common between. Yeah, and yes, Travolta's They're looking way talented. Do you, um uh uh Do you have, like, other people? Do you? Is it hard to go home like and be on a date and sit, like, say, they want to get a massage for me or something.

That is interesting, because, you know, when I'm on when I'm in the dating atmosphere, uh, you know, I I go for a no touch at all.

Oh, wow. Me too. Yeah, Yeah.

Until a certain time. Are you waiting?

No, no, no, no. That's intimacy to me. Is the lack of contact

because you get so much contact in your day to day life?

I guess so. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, That's good. Just made a big connection for Yeah, that's very interesting.

Now you're in a room full of men that can relate. Interview. See, to us is not It's not sure it's poison. It's never been fully known. Anyone know on and we've found it's but it's been very successful for us. I think that that's ah, out of women. Respond where? Man? I'm sorry to assume no

assumption necessary.

Well, the thing is that the end of the sentence Yes.

Okay. If you want to be private about your cycle provinces, that's fine. No,

no, no. I am. I'm all skate kind of fellow.

I also like that

So you only, uh, people escape. Yes. Wearing eso? Like actually like people who escape those people wearing skates. I don't ask. Uh, just be wearing a chicken costume. Okay? I'll never know.

You kind of will. By the way, they move around on the skates a little clumsy where

the skating costumes can be confusing them. Some of those shoes skates look a lot like scape.

Are those rolley's? Yeah. Yeah. I've been tricked by those. I thought I was buying regular shoes.

Me too.

It turned out there with Rolley's. I

thought I was buying Rolley's and I went t Teoh. You know, hop up on my heels and I immediately skirted to a stop. Went down on my

face When I did the opposite, I immediately I was running towards the edge of a cliff, Tried to take my heels. You drank yourself Right now I was trying to the last time you were going to kill yourself. You spend all day, you

know zinc

and just well lead right off.

You never look down. So you never felt

right. Were you able to slowly walk back? That's right. The wily coyote.

Yes, Yes. Why not? Wile E. Coyote cartoon duck. I Yes. Yes.

Well, Kevin, Um, yeah. As we move forward, I mean what we, uh you know, Christmas is passed on and we're moving towards the big holiday event at the mall. Do you have any big holiday plans post Christmas?

Yeah. I plan to get frankincense and oils. I'm just gonna dip myself and keep a straw. It is a strong my mouth and keep it above so I can breathe. Submerged submerge. I'm gonna do Ah, Women X.

Okay. Crazy sort of manger scene. Ask thing are

unnecessarily to the holidays. In a way, yeah, uh, vaguely. They

just in that there is frankincense involved.

And will you be getting outta Manti and put onto your skeleton? If I'm

looking now, that could cause trouble. If you become a Wolverine, cause trouble in the size. Oh, wow. Could

what a great Christmas

movie. By the way, we'll bury you know, it is the season

of arena misters. Yeah, over in the Kevin. We have to let you go. But we're very happy that you be here. I may be working on the way out. We'll do a little four for one. You could do a little.

Yeah, I'd love to

see a preview of, um it's What's the play? Stomp Engquist?

Oh, yeah, it was 12. Angry any? Uh, Amy, get your gun come by. We're doing a Monday Mondays only on off Broadway.

Great night, Kevin. We really do appreciate you coming in the last today. It's always nice to get some perspective from other people here at the mall about what's going on. And I also appreciate learning that I have the mark of the beast on my back because that's bad news for me

is that your shoulders are gonna become wings just so you. Oh,

God. I thought I just was having issues with my my shoulder blades. Well, I'll get that checked out, but yeah, thanks so much, Kevin, for stopping by the lounge on. We appreciate you being here. We appreciate everybody listening, Todd. So Okay, well, until next time, everybody stay