Sam, I saw you this morning. You

know, when you're

an arrest shot, Usually not like a restaurant restaurant, but like one. Were you gonna say, like a Starbucks like attack out? I got coffee shop or something, or like where you by something or whatever. Ah, store down a counter style

restaurant and you get a big from you get a big O cup of coffee and you spill it big. Like

it it's or you drop a slice of pie. But it's kind of a treat. And there's that moment where you spill it and you look up at the person who gave it to you and you, you're kind of like, Can I get another one? And they're sad because they just sold it to you and they kind of want to go. Hey, you You drop it, you buy your break, you break it, you Bassett, What you you just use dropped your pie? Yeah, I dropped my pie top down Cherry side down, Cherry side, Cherry side down And I

looked over and I said, Can I still have a surprise? This is a really wanted this pie And then this dog

behind me scared me, right? There was no sign legs, business suit trying to get his job. Yes, yes. But the important thing is I dropped my pie.

Well, yeah. And you you look up

like like, a sad little in the and I immediately felt like a child.

I remember we haven't talked about this because I'm sure is heartbreaking figure. But do you remember when you, um when you got married and then you guys turned around and a dog scared you next and I dropped your wife off that cliff? I do. And you looked right at the minister,

and I said, Can I

have a do over and somehow is anyone else? You? Yeah, well, it was one of those. Does anybody object? Moments? He said would anybody like to go again And a couple hand shot up. So there were There were

multiple people who are interested in marrying you in that moment.

I don't know that you should always go stand by to a wedding. I have. I got married. They said, Is there a be Cray? You know how it shows up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On the little Maghrabi, we're going down the list of people waiting to get trails and and I had Ah, wow. I had a disappointing wedding. May have you appreciate it if someone you never met. Yeah, you never met her. Now, Amber unifying standby on a wedding.

Yeah, I guess you're not guaranteed to see that you're

not. Guarantee the state and let let me tell you I did. I got enough. Great. I'll say this. I I fund standby at a wedding before and I ended up they didn't have a next ra groom position did end up being a ring bear. Really got me to where I wanted to go into a ceremony, huh? Right. I've flown

flower girl a few times. Uh,

awkward, but fun.

Yeah, absolutely. Everyone's having a nice little laugh at you in that dress.

Yes, you Not with you. Yeah, uh, still better, right when they're at you and you're really the focus rather than being a part of it,

right? It's like, Oh, I almost didn't have to do anything for all these people

will laugh at me. That's nice. I am. Well, I I opted out of ah of attendance at a wedding and got a voucher for another 10 Really? Yeah. So you got a voucher? I got about steak plate and

Hey, Caroline. Not sweet. Caroline. Hey, Caroline. Dude, good times. Always felt this good.

That's Ah, that's Neil Turquoise near old

near Leo Derek toys and one of our favorite

act Can e l turquoise. Yeah.

Neil Neil Turquoise. Yeah, he's great. Well, I don't know what we're done with this or not. We are not, um I had a weird dream before trying to flush them, but before my actual wedding. And so I passed on it. I didn't go. You had a dream that the waiting went down? Yeah. And lo and behold, the wedding went down hard on that.

I was that with ever

forget a field in Pennsylvania, right?

Wedding went down in a field in Pennsylvania. And ever since then, death has been trying to get me

while I was at that wedding screaming, Let's roll, Same less. That's role. Well, I knew we could save it. I mean, one guy with a box cutter is not going to stop my wedding.

Absolutely not. But 19 will 19

will they had They did stop wedding. And that was the greatest terrorist attack of all time. Greatest thief Greatest isn't the larger will go down. Great list. Terrorist attack like the Great Lakes. They're just big.

I don't know.

I like your Oh, no. OK. Never, Uh, speaking of Oh,

sorry. I'm a little sick.

Know it. We're blowing our hawkers out of you guys. Probably don't want to do that right

now. There's so to go around

I ball my nose mostly for the attention that could we stop covered a work with Bush said, Okay, I for everyone else's sake. I mean, I don't want a guy, but if everyone has what I have, you're gonna be busy, okay? I don't e think biz Ripple, You will be busy that you can't. If you have what I have, you will be a biz reliable rig.

Well, guys, what

is Abit? Um Oh, no, another neo.

Appreciate you guys you

were trying on ballot. We had a attention. You had a big, um, sheet over your trying to unveil it.

We shouldn't let you unveiling that. Bring in

somebody ripped that sheet up and unveil your hat. No, guys, can you beat the for he guys, that's not a

sheet. This is my wedding here,

guys. Remember what? Oh, that lady's gonna be miserable.

It's not, lady that the not a lady will get into it later. Do

you guys remember when Howard unveiled his hat at the 2015? Denver had show stage and that representative from Mo Park came out and unveiled his hat. How could I forget? I hated the concept. Half

cereal. Jackson stood up, but he took his Kangol opposite. Hats off! Teoh is great.

Guys, I appreciate that You're getting a kick out of the house

You unveiled.

Your hat and mope are That's what was there was a bunch of import tuner hat enthusiasts there. Yeah, yeah

Yeahs we've been recording this whole time.

Oh, my God! Not my likeness.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. What we have to do? We have to sign a new contract if we have. My likeness has been recorded this whole time.

Why do you care about your likeness, right?

Why don't have our likeness without I promise You have to care about your like this. It's all you have is what you

We've never signed paperwork about her likeness being used

Then were on big breach We've never signed paperwork. We're in big briefs. Theoretical classic breach of likeness. Gonna go?

No, don't get guys. We'll be

hearing from ice. You'll be hearing from my friend. Okay, Yes. You'll be hearing from his friend our lawyer.

Okay, well, guys, we've been recording this whole time, so I'm sorry, but ladies and gentlemen, thank you

so much. Todd. Dear God. Dear God, it's me, Emily.

Okay, well, everyone, welcome to another episode of the teacher's lounge. Used to be the first, best and only broadcast pertained issues relevant to the Hamilton High School community. Well, planned out now. Yeah. So much dissonance between your Guises version

of this in the actual song The audio Review here the rights of our theme song which we lost We did not lose the way we still use it, but we lost.

We didn't lose the rights.

Who did

get the rights? Wasn't it? Was that Michael Jackson's? Um what ST. Michael Jackson's a stated with us like what he did with the Beetle? No. Yeah, he tricked us. He cheated trip just like you took the Beatles. Hey, tricked us and Paul McCartney. Yeah, OK, guys. Well, I mean, come on. What? The same.

We have the rights to our song. It played. It played underneath the interest. We have the right Still I don't know what

You weren't listening. We don't have the Reds, but we've still use

it. Okay, well, anyway, we, of course, aren't teachers anymore. We died, went to hell and they're out on work Release at a mall. I a Go ahead. Sorry. I'm just gonna say I'm Howard Levis. Hey. Used to be a biology teacher, but now I'm I'm locked out of the arcade.

My name is Sam, Weatherman. I am Mall Security and doing a bang up job at it. Formerly of crazy limos. Also a student government teacher as well as a driver's ed teacher, Spiritual guru, Spot manager Guys. Aiken, do something. What a resume. I like

that saying I'm doing a bang up job. Not enough people practice self. Uh, braggadocio. Uh, Greg Toshio. Thank you. I think that's nice. I think it's a good, healthy way to think of yourself.

Thank you so much. Well, I have spent so much time in a pretty negative space about myself and everything that's ever happened in your life. So it's nice to sort of put a positive spin on it. I'm doing good.

Even if things are bad, you'll say you're doing good

Well, because that's all self. Carrie is lying

about what's actually going on with you. Yeah, it's just boldface, right? You could say, ignoring reality, which is healthy. A lot of times it keeps you in a better mental state, keeps you fully unaware of your own situations. Here's the thing when I'm wearing a face mask, I don't think about my problems. I don't think about my bank account, and I think about how my skin's gonna be better.

Well, I saw you and they were hoisting you out of that Wells Fargo in a Darth Maul mask. You were broke, your broke just because you go into Wells Fargo and you try to go to the A TM in North Palm Wells Fargo getting pretty serious about their securities. Lately,

I

have always thought of oyster got the hoists and cranes, the behaviour going there, the zero balance. They do not respond. The first thing you have to do is clipped a wire to your weight belt that you wear when you go in there so that of any time you can be plucked right out. Oh, yeah. It's like there's Ah, there's kids things. Uh, where you like? I don't know. Yeah, there's no kids thing. Those thing over the top of Ah, rainforests.

No, I think that's a zip line. Kids think, Um, well, I I am happy for you to be that you are doing a crap job and you're banging up the mall. You're breaking a lot of things. I'm

breaking a lot of things, but I'm getting so close to the small Rob, you are turning upside down. Literally.

Thinks I had little faith in you, but I the faith, my faith in you as a person has been restored because I have actually

little faith. Yeah. Yeah. When a big faith. Why Didn't have big

faith?

I had little faith. I e a little faith.

You were you Historically, you've blown up school. You've blown up, luv. You know you've blown up another school to kill all the little boy cowboys that we're your Children.

Yeah, but those were my fault on just actually

looking a history. That's how maybe somebody had carried

Could have a little faith if you base your current life on things that have happened to you before, I could see where you have little faith.

Yeah, but I've actually seen you've taken some,

actually. Fairly high

resolution photos of the mall, Robert.

Fairly high. Fairly high 7 20 p.

And you, actually, you actually had your hand on him. You touched him.

I did? Yeah, really, e I had no idea.

Uh, yeah. I thought you were trying to

know those were hand shots. That was him. Yeah.

Oh, you were trying to take hand shots for your hand modelling career. Happened to have your hand on the mall. Rock

touched the back. He was wearing a black, a black suit and a black ski mask

was yes,

He was a nice black

background. And that was you took some hand shots that are very similar to head shots, but for your hands on. And I love your hand shot. The funny one. Thank you so much. I like the funny one for, like, commercial job. I did a couple. I did a couple of smile equivalence with the thumbs up. You know what I mean? I did a couple of ensures like a little quirky, right? Shakes hand back and forth. And then I did my funny ring thing, You know? Like,

yeah, it's like you're flicking somebody off. Actually, you're using your

right. I love to family people. Absolutely. Have you booked anything? No, not yet. But again, these are just, you know, these air hand shots? Yeah. These air would get you in the door for your modeling, you know? Well, I know your cheese pulls your serial dips that I think your hand is being taken advantage of. Bikes, agent. I mean, like that casting couch. Your hand was on pretty. I don't Really Yeah, I think your hand was I think you should call them. Yeah, technically, I wasn't in the room at the time. Um, you know,

you were outside. The door in your hand was in the

room. That was just to cast into my hand. So you may ask you to wait in the lobby. My arm is through the lobby, and I

don't really know what's going on. A lot of

people, a lot of people out there would call what you participated in a glory

hole. What? Feel what it Because you can feel your hands. I'm assuming I think. Yeah. What did it feel like was happening to your hand through the hole? It felt like it was getting like the palm of my hand was getting a massage. OK, by what? From the inside From some sort of tube shaped with what was your hand? My my hand was shaped like a circle like a circle like clo Iraqi. Somebody was fucking your What's with their dio? It was

one of those it was You know, how

you go to an audition and the casting director is a little bit hanzee. Like they touch your shoulder, give you a little massage, May. Okay?

No, I've never been touched by casting. Call my agent. That's a shame. That's a shame point. Where was this job? I didn't hear about it. Sort of breakdown for it.

It was in the valley.

Jesus, I have to call my fucking agent. I can't get a single listing.

Well, I've been getting a lot of auditions. I have been getting booked yet. It's casting directors be like, Do you want us to bring you in on this stuff anyway? Put your hand through this hole. Is it always a fleshy tube getting massaging the inside of your hand in a circle. Some usually usually sometimes there's like, what feels like two tubes to to Sometimes there's what feel this this is gonna sound crazy cause it's a casting, But like a ton, it must be like their dog. Or so you know, people bring dogs into the office like a bark or like Oh, excuse him. Not

really

a bar. Sometimes like a grunt near the end. And

what happens

when you pull your hand out? What is your hand looked like? Um, well, it looks I What does it I guess, Like worse for the wear. Embarrass. I say run off. Well, it definitely goes home immediately and turns off the lights. And my Jesus, this is dark. This is dark. Um, well, anyway, what about the molar

out we thought we thought you had? I thought you had pictures of him, but it turns out you weren't even trying to do that. So I Maybe I take back my, uh,

Well, I'm glad I was so close to him because I think I know who this is. Yeah, I think I know who The mall Rose. We've got video. We've seen this tall bastard walking around. I think the mall robber is tall. Podd Wow, we

knew it. What? Todd, it's tall. That's why

he's chasing around, You know, all these pop stars, he's trying to. He's trying to give himself an alibi. That's my son. You're talking a lot of the stuff. You keep my son's name out, your mouth, a lot of stuff that's gotten stolen. We've seen the guy bump into the door on the way out. And you know who does that tall Podd.

No, no, no. All right. It is a man on stilts framing my son. All right, a big leap. I know that we Padres are classically clumsy, and we'll literally never walk through a door without bumping into its steel on, Classically have stolen in the past, and that's it. But that is my That is my son Todd, and I will do anything to protect

you. Sure, he's wrong, though. You should have a conversation with him being like What you're doing is wrong. Not he's not

OK. We'll do that. I'll talk to him. So everything's fine.

You will not. I'm calling him right now Yeah, you got That's not a phone. Todd, you're eating a bagel. This isn't weird. Are

you trying to trick us? You're eating a big Are you trying to

be? So wait. Just stop talking about it is all right?

I'm waiting for my son to answer the phone. You

are not your eating a bagel. There's locks on it. You're being very You're similar. Those logs. Sorry. There's locks.

No, those aren't locks. That's the antenna. Todd, It's sorry I don't have one of your fancy iPhones.

Well, you're getting

your phone. That noting your

family. Now I'm making a phone call.

What is? I don't care And others to believe

that your dad I'm mad at you. Call

me back. Oh, boy. He's not gonna call you back for that one.

I'm gonna spirit. You know what? You know what the You know what the the truth of this is, you need to look at these pretty decently high quality photos that Sam has taken. And look. Look at this. Look at this person's face. You can see in the ring holes around his ski mask. There are identifying tattoos. His ski messes saggy is held. You can see his whole face through the eye

holes. Look, if what you're suggesting is my son stole one of my ski masks and I have a huge head. So it's stretched out. Yes, and so when he wears it, it's really saggy. It's a lie. You guys were lying in your what? It's so funny. How crazy. You guys. What? That's what I can't get over

Benefit is there for us to lie here?

We have a man on video.

I'll tell you, I've heard Bill say it before, and now I feel it. Jealousy were jealous of me finally having a relationship with the vice son. All right, I blew it with my daughter. I've blown it with my

wife,

meaning that you've blown it. That is huge growth.

Oh, yeah, Yeah. I don't care about their anymore. I love my son. Now I'm putting all of my attention and energy on the head.

Todd, you have to think about it like this, Okay? If we catch this guy, that is one step in the right direction for us as a group, finding and catching the small Robert Wright. It means Sam is doing his job well,

which I get out of that.

We could potentially get out of here over my dead

body. Wanted dead or alive.

Well, you're not taking him alive will tell you that much.

Well, then I'm taking a death because I'm tired of him making a fool of me. I am Sam, weatherman, security guard, and I will be respected. Yes, you will. And

didn't the

devil tell you disguises a secret shopper that if you call the mall robber and you brought him to justice that you'd get out of hell? Absolutely. Yeah. I was disguised as a disgusting secret shopper. He was size as

Oh, I'm just a rube at the ball. Hey,

really goes super gross when he's just you just have to be normal,

just a regular guy.

But he just takes regular as demean, disgusting and just obvious and weird. Yeah,

well, as I through comedy, acting and general acting, you have to tell the audience what's funny about your hair all the time. Look at my crazy wig. Uh, hair, uh, you know, whatever it ISS

says he would, he was dressed like Marvin Tikva. Yeah, an old school, deep reference mad TV character who's just kind of annoying Jew who yells at his assistant the whole time Shelly Shelley Wade

discussed over the characters before. But I love the bad TV characters. Annoying Jew Chinese lady. They really did some stuff authority that you don't see anymore. A touristic child, autistic, possibly gay boy. Definitely autistic, possibly gay

guy with Zima. Yeah, Mad TV is offensive, not the way we read their hair. They are,

uh, a Z all probably guessed I'm a Todd Podd Drove, said my name a few times, planning the big event at the mall. Have moments away. Happy New Year. The holiday event is about to happen. Were spectacular

way late. There were eight days after Christmas,

right, which is a were ah ha Nikas away. You know, I'm in the wrong direction

happened and also where a second Hannah goes away.

So holiday would

mean Teoh after a another holiday was that we missed another holiday. What you could've new shares it to the New Year celebration.

It's a holiday celebrations, resulting in all of the

Chinese New Year. No, I celebrate every year of the rat because it's my favorite animal. Yeah, really. The only thing I know about

it, Uh, love rats. Yeah, You got a whole You kept talking about that movie, Willard, When it came out

how God Willard was so funny. Willard was so funny and poignant because, like,

you know, we all

know or are a guy like that. You know where you have an army of rats rather than friends. And you just want to, like, let everyone know how how normal you are.

Yeah, I've seen I think, the past 20. I like 15 years now. Your top 10 movies of the year, the top two are always Willard and ready to it? Yes. And those movies are coming. They're not a long time ago. And my

my least favorite every years mouse hunt every year because first of all, they need to catch that fucking mouse. Mice or disgusting rats or

nothing? Well, you should be able to empathize with them trying to catch that mouse because you can't catch the mall, Robert.

Oh, out jam. Ouch! For someone who can't even get into his own

business. Okay, Well, you know, I have given up Nice. I've given

you given up

on your only job. Yes. Good luck in hell. Go Hey, hell,

you know what? I got out of here once on my own. I don't need your guys is help or the help of the devil that I learned to swim. Howard. What? Do whatever it takes to swim. And

what do you

mean? What do you mean, kill those people in there

making more sense. Learned to swim, Howard, You see all those

people? Are you saying that I'm hamstrung by my inability to confront people? Is that

hamstring? If you either don't get its hamstring, If you don't either get back into the arcade or find true love, you will be damned to hell again.

That's right. And let's move on to something else. Yes, please. You're wearing a wedding dress. I think we should talk about that.

I wasn't gonna bring it up, but I think we should todo that you have a wedding dress pulled up over your head that we thought was to

unveil a hat. But it's not. It's just you. Your wedding just is messed up. Yeah, well, you guys, as you guys know, last week I did, except a proposal to my health stepdaddy, because I was too afraid to say No, because I didn't know what that would mean for my everyday life. Having ruined person's expectations,

it is tough to say no to any

question. It is honestly for me, it's very hard. And so we matter. You could say I've spent a week sort of playing along in a big charade. I went I

can't believe you've been playing charades for a week with Well,

no, not that I have been playing big charade.

Okay, I've been doing I of course, did a big show of buying a wedding dress. Uh, that their kid that a reality show crew was here. I know I'm trying to make I'm trying to make lemons out of lemonade or lemonade out of lemons,

trying to make 11. That you're trying to distill lemonade into lemons. Yes, way worse boiling Or you are Now Are you reducing? No, I like lemons. I love lemons. Limited is discussed by from your wife

gives you lemonades make lemons

because to me, lemons are better than limit. I like things that are harder. I don't like the thing that is easy to digest.

Trying to make a solid from liquid

thing you haven't figured out because you basically distilled the flavour again. Back toe, lemon. But getting it back into the rind has been a struggle.

See, they're just duct taped balls of Well, yeah. The inside does taste good. Will say

that I freeze them, and then I take the duct tape off, and it's just like a big, hard lemon ice ball.

I don't know. I tried. I tried possessed something with that duct tape Ryan on. Uh, the flavor was lacking

cooking. I threw a couple those duct tape Rhines into the center of my chicken.

Huh? I'm just bad at cooking. I

kind of a bit of a cold deal today, so I tried to put some level radio. It was miserable.

Okay, well, you know, uh, the wedding is is still on. Ah, it's weird how often we come to weddings in this show, but I am getting their lovely, But I am marrying my step, my health, stepdaddy in hopes that I find a way maybe at some point in the vows or hopefully someone will object. Honestly, it would be great if somebody would object, and I didn't have to confront him. But if that doesn't happen, I'll figure something else out. Ah, whether that means sort of going on a honeymoon and running off into the wilderness and staying there forever or ah, uh, accidentally missing the flight by staying in the bathroom too long? Uh, I don't know. We'll figure it out. I'll figure it out. I just don't have the heart to say You guys have seen him. He's so excited about this wedding. Yes, he's so excited. And how could I take that away from somebody? Okay,

well, on the other end of this is your mom is not excited, right? He's excited to be marrying another member of the family. But your mom is confused,

and they'll kind of wedding. Wants tohave is making her pretty upset. He wants to have a wedding slash roast of your mother. Yes. And just so everyone knows they're in hell. Yes, And they come up here to the mall and are They're also working

up here, So yes, kind of playing out. Yeah. Yeah. So it's possible it's possible that there's no loose ends.

So you guys have a bumping Mike's themed wedding where, as if you're Jeff Ross and David tell, I'm going to get married, then roast your mom. And every time you say a mean thing, you're gonna bump Mike's proudly that

you want to do that, don't you? Like you listen

like bumping Mike's. Bruce Willis is gonna be there. Play harmonica.

Listen, you guys, I don't like doing this, but I have to to avoid and heart Jim for myself.

Did you have to invite Sam Kinison to scream at your mother's face? I had two. Yes. Really? Yes, I have you guys. I don't know. I can't decide

which side I'm on here because I do think you always have to protect the men in your lives. Feelings? Yes. Uh, farmer, because they are vulnerable and and apologize for them and give them second chances because they're the ones we can empathize with. It's harder to empathize with your mom because she is a woman. Uh, and so it's like I get that, like, she's going through something. But the guy I can really empathize with is your step Dad. It looks like a guy. I been where?

Here, Right? Yeah. Uh, yeah. I can't add anything more to that. It's the truth, okay? And and and I also appreciate you giving us a little bit of time during the during the holiday, spectacular

way. Anything to feel that way had some last minute drop outs.

And so it should be entertaining. If nothing else, Uh, and I will find a way I will find a way to confront my health. Step that you guys, I know I keep saying that, but I mean it this time, things have gone too far for me to be comfortable with what's going on. So I will find a way to halt the proceedings in some way and and and break this off. OK, I will. It's gonna happen, I promise. Happen. And also hopefully, at the end of it, me and my mom can actually have a conversation. That's Ah,

we've just been saying, you know, you should break this off with your step Daddy. You should break this off and you keep going. I will. I will. But you're now you're saying I'll break it off at the wedding. It just seems that you keep marching towards you. Fear filling out paperwork that says send to City Hall. Yeah, it's the marriage when you're filling out the sun to City Hall

pit. It's a marriage license, a classic marriage license

and that. And you're just doing that to get in this drug

really quickly. Will you walk

us through? Because I was at the holidays. Rectangular, and well,

hasn't happened. You were at the rehearsal

dinner. That's what I was at That I think I was just You're So

we had

her way at a rehearsal dinner for the whole day. Spectacular.

Always. So imagine mind

at the same time and just kind of piggybacked off. There's there was already food. They're literally Yeah, yeah,

yeah. We carried you around the whole time.

Yeah, but I am excited. If what it I I I'm excited to see what happened. Well,

at the roast dinner, we did What kind of do it like the Oscars or the Emmys when they're hearses? We had just cut outs of people's faces for where there would be sitting on four where they would be performing. Right? So a lot of rehearsal dinner was me acting out. The kite is me doing a little two million

bothers you show

up, I hope blown away because it was 20 minute bit with the Surgeon General. Yeah,

how did you get him? Well, right

now, I just got his picture. But we are expecting for him to be at the holiday spectacular, which is coming up shortly. Ah,

date that they were doing it on.

Well, todo January 1st we're recording today, and it's happening tonight. So, uh, so

right when everybody's super hungover and the last thing they

want to do is another

part of your best time to party. Uh, so you keep going, right? So

you did a big Christie taking you to surgeon general, you and cigarettes, All you, Tom Hanks and all of the boy bands ever that are doing a number

on the first of all. It was a very difficult time at FedEx Kinko's to get all every boy band Evers, cardboard cutout,

Kinkos, Podd aesthetics, Kiko's, Kinko's, FedEx Kinko's. Do you need gingko biloba? Do you also need to ship something? FedEx Kinko's? Oh, our partner company FedEx Kinko's? Do

you need

to ships up the inside a large pair of pants

panics, geek digos or also by FedEx Blink. Oh, do you need to ship something but also want to play a price is right. Style game. FedEx Blanco

also by FedEx Pinko. Are you a fifties communist? Come and ship something

There were sponsored by all of the FedEx partners of extended universe. Uh, so, yeah, all of the boy bands ever gonna be there? Hopefully fingers crossed, but so, Yeah, I cigarette stuff. The surgeon general. Thank you for that label. Then sick comes out and they're like, We know you wish it was over, but you can't say bye bye bye quite yet. Uh, everybody Cheers, everybody. Cheers. What of the Backstreet boys say when they enter? Um uh oh.

Lots. Almost menudo. Okay, that's a switch. You did get the Backstreet board.

I got that extra boy there saying, Oh, yeah, they're coming out in their during menudo, uh,

menudo and Backstreet Boys wigs. What's that? That's not Menudo. Backstreet boys.

No, Those are the boys. Those are my boys.

If you got Ricky Martin, that's pretty impressive.

Well, uh oh, help me there. He'll be there.

I don't know if you will. He's very sick all the time. Yeah, you're probably the last minute email from you. Well, then,

of course there is the shaking of the president's hands.

Yeah, and I did not

like because there's, um, Abraham Lincoln's placeholder off all of the presidents. There was a cut out for every single president they Lincoln cut out. It felt like you were trying to go toe FedEx and get a print out. But it felt like because his grave was robbed, was it?

Yeah. And we know who did it.

Now this is That's a travesty.

How disrespectful. Giving so obvious. Todd Todd.

Anytime something goes, Who was it? Ex president

Abraham Lincoln's grave was

robbed. Yeah, they take there's tons of there's tons of,

like money and jewels and all of his riches.

Honestly, now I know how they felt when he got the call about Nicole. I am so surprised

that emotionally connected to Abraham Li I need

to throw a glass against the wall. Cut my hand because I didn't cut my hand robbing his tomb. Uh, and his pyramids

way Found your gloves.

They found your gloves. There. You met? There.

We have one. Here. Put it on.

OK, I'll put it. What? You need to give me a bigger glove before under it. I can't touch this club.

It's admittance. So the point is

yeah, like hopefully Lincoln will show up. I'm sure this will be This is sad, but we had a cut out of Lincoln there. That was pretty true to life. I have these gorgeous new earrings.

Uh, hey, still, you tell those from like it's great.

Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Well, listen, I'm excited.

It's gonna be an unbelievable show. If everybody shows up, I will be there with my disciples, and we'll

be there,

and, uh, it doesn't work out. I'm gonna blow my head off. So

fair. No, no, don't do that,

Bill. You

got these disciples? I dio I'm anointed. I have been anointed. Now what does that mean? Cause I just don't know the meaning of that word. Well,

let me back

up a little bit. We all know I was rushed worshiping the bass pro. Um well, uh,

manager at the bass pro shop.

I was I was very much in with his disciples. We had all been fishing together. We're at the honey hole on, and, uh, and

I sort of, you know, started to distrust.

I don't know if the bass pro was doing everything right at the store. I don't think we should have sell boats It's crazy. We sell

Take issue with the whole business model of the vast

shit on your show. Both of them all. No. Do you goto a boat

store for that? I was thinking, like why? When you enter the store, are you immediately at hunting stuff? It's bass pro. Get the fishing stuff up near the front gate. The registers and fishing stuff high the hide, the hunting self in the back. Well, I started to get some traction and

disciple started Teoh kind of take to me.

You had a lot of good points. A lot of good

and well, I mean, you guys saw you guys saw what happened to the bass pro. I mean, I kissed him on the cheek. Yes. And it all

went down, baby.

Oh, yeah, you got I mean, he got lured to death.

Yeah, uh, hung up his hands spread wide, kind of rice like image. Very Christ. Like it was very Christ, like, to a trout to his left. A halibut slash flounder to his, right. Just like Christ. Yes, and they killed it was

they hung up on a marlin.

And who did it? Um uh, just captain, just captain did it. They had him in a crown of hooks.

It felt very reminisce enough. What? Sudsy three. What does that

mean? Way do, rich dude Ridge is that knows Bibles.

No. Pathetic. Do what? You said it.

Who's bombs was a goose bumps on my goose where I place it, But our Children box card Sheldon Curry, sir. Raising

big on 82. Well, your

ideas are catching on. I mean, a lot of you like, um, all of your stuff about moving the hunting to the back Alexandria Kozo Cortez posted on her instagram stories. The's big, exciting new ideas that is really shaking things up.

Yeah, a lot of people are liking what I'm doing. I'm gaining a lot of seem I am that I am now the bass pro. A lot of people are saying you're leading the charge on gun control. Uh, but really just rolling them to be bought more from the back of the store. Yes. So if I'm getting control of the guns and we're selling a lot, Okay,

so you're hiding the gun, but also trying to sell them.

It's an interesting new strategy, by the way to say Well, We're pro gun control now.

Yeah, we control them and we want to sell up. Yeah. Now the n r A. Is backing Bill Cravy rather than the other way around. I am now a government. Sort of. Ah, Mom, I spot, Huh? Lobbyist slash spot lobbies. Last spy. And there's a sort of a Jesus correlation to more my shit, Teoh. But yes. So I'll be there with my disciples and we will be coming. We will We will be there and we will be talking to people there. I

am very excited for the holiday spectacular. It reason it's coming up. I'm still doing questions for Daddy, where I asked questions that I wish I could rest my own father and the audience asked me questions on then after that, the big event. Uh, big moment. The moment on and it's going to I am so excited for it. I think it's I think, what's going to get us out of hell. I I do have some prep work to dio. I need to roll in the bass pro and get one of those guns you were talking about. Sure, I need to to, uh but I do want your disciples there and you're invited, Howard, but I I would love to not see your l stepdaddy to.

Well, you gave us some time. Was is the time has the time been taken away as a ceremony? Need to be moved.

Let's do the ceremony. You. Maybe if you have any questions for him, you can ask me in character and I answer them as him again pulling no punches. Um, you revising talk lies your dad. I'm doing something that is so brave. It's like when comedians do crowd work,

I would lie

and making everyone without a microphone feel terrible about

the hired Christopher Reeve's son is going to be there and asking questions,

right? And I'm and I will go there, and I'm going there. Post accident. Yeah, I flew him in to ask a question cause I've been working on the impression

was robbed, No question. You know, to my own dad, what did you think you'd be able to sort of

show me what he's like?

It's happening right now. It's a little sneak preview

because I just

What's your question?

I feel like I see them, and I feel like we've been in the same place. But I just don't feel like he knows me. And I'm wondering if he even likes me. Okay, End of question.

OK, so, Sam, that was your question for your dad,

huh? What? Let me, uh, do anything that

becoming your father here. Transformation is You could hear my voice becoming a your father. No

Italian media. You, Dad, Sam's father was a town. I don't think heavily Italian ability it how, you know? Maybe, Of course. So you do. Looking at me, I'm I like you, but the older dead

man turning a day a not quite Italian anymore.

Hey, Iwas like

this? I can't remember. Well, it's a good question. Inmate, uh made classic Italian. I know. When you were growing up,

we would play the catch and put it a shrimp on the barbie.

It is Italian slash Shelly and I just think what do you need from your dad

is a big hug? I think so to come here, my boy. Okay. Great key. I love you Don't like your

Let's say Let's say this. I think you need some. I think you need another couple hours to figure that shit out

because don't put me in my head about the trouble. That way, please. I

have plans so far. Seems bad. I'm even working a long time, Todd. But you may want to start over. I and

I. Is this the rice hat shop

eating a bag away? Another bagel way? Actually could if we could take a break. I do need to work on my vows because I haven't memorized, but I don't want to be that guy who reads him.

We're taking a break. So if you two, are you taking a break? If you're listening now, come to the big event. Come to the big holiday as spectacular. Please check in afterward.

If you have a line on this small robber, call 1 800 Got team E s, 1 800 Got E

Jay Leno. Please come to the front. Your parents are looking for you, Jay Leno to the front. Your parents are looking for you.

Okay, Todd Board Think

of this as a positive. Okay, Todo take a breath. Todd, take a breath. This is OK. OK, so I didn't have a

son for you have a son for 70

years. Look at it. This way. You didn't have a son for 77 years, and then you had one for three weeks. It doesn't matter. You developed an emotional

relationship with

ladies and gentlemen. Oh, my God! The big moment. It's just happened. And and? And it was just so shocking to see way called the mall. Robert. That's right. My chart is asked in the fountain.

Say name is new. Yeah. Podd Tadre

does have a name. And you

killed my boy. He did his boy. He deserved it. He was stealing lighters. He deserved it. Costs you called to him? We don't even know he happened to steal three lighters, maybe.

Well, we did find all of the other merchandise he stole. Lighters, shoes, key chains, irreplaceable objects.

The holiday spectacular was going.

It was so well, it was It was Todd. It was going really well.

For Daddy was a hit. Is concerned.

No, that is No. The

audience was riveted, but not

because it was good. Yeah, The human rights campaign showed up to questions with Daddy.

Well, that I said a bullet human wrongs campaign

with human around champagne threw blood on you during questions from Daddy

because in the way that that Peter throws blood on people who use for they thought you were waiting, throwing their They were your exploiting humanity.

Somehow they had a big bucket of blood from a bunch of different mind. And it was that I was like, I had a lot of check into them. A lot of West

they did wrong.

But the human rights campaign on

people donate blood to be dumped on your do human rights abuses

in cracklings to him.

Oh, my God. Tadre ride. I'm happy

to get this guy. Here you go. Let's

let my son in front of me. It takes a lot like your feet

will be eight feet is Yeah. Yeah,

no problem meeting me or other people. But you have a problem eating Todd. Her Podd. He

was all born. I don't know. Well, let's get Shiite. And so what exactly

happened in the midst of the big moment? Todd was performing ah questions with my daddy and Todd. Tall padre stood up from the crowd. He approached the microphone and he said to to, uh to Todd. He asked, Where have you been for the last 18 years, Todd?

You did you.

I the hardest. We just should we play? That's ever played way T 07 23 recorded. It is not the best we reported. Sort of slightly a bad quality. We have security audio footage wrote to it. That is amazing. Todd, You can play anyone, but yeah, So here, let's just play the tape and we'll see. We'll get there. Will come in right after the question was asking. So you guys know what the question was? And, uh, it was It was tall, Padre. They'd asked it so we'll play from here. Okay. Area ready. And what?

Where have I been in the last 18 years? The hardest character I'm ever gonna have to play. Here's myself. Let me take this mantra off its course.

Let's pause. We will pause it here. Under here. Ah, And at this point, obviously tall is approaching the stage. He's slowly walking towards the stage at at a very slow, dramatic pace,

weighed down by all the stolen murder. A large bag with a little red dot

on his head. That seems to be a sniper just setting the scene. And also yes, there was Abraham Lincoln's corpses sitting in the front row.

People are starting to notice, starting in the record. And also, uh, I

hired snipers. Yes. Okay. And here Yes, it was that Todd play.

Well, I'm gonna strip down in front of you all emotionally in front of them all front of you. Mr. President. Thank you for being here putting. I hope this play is a little more successful than the last one. You went to audience laughs.

Okay, Hold You play it really quickly.

There you are. You son of a bitch. It's me. John Wilkes Booth. Corpse

Podd. Definitely. That was interesting. That was important. We needed that little bit of the

hornet in the middle of my play. John Wilkes Booth's corpse came back for revenge.

One, he

is there again to play it again

and boost his corpse. And Lincoln's corpse are having a stand. Any time. Every every think it's watching a play that did more. Booth is gonna be there

far behind. Yeah, uh,

and we'll play here.

I'm sorry, ladies and gentleman, but the president's corpse has been shot. Oh, who? Everybody Keep your seats. I keep your seats. It's happened before. This can't be that big of a deal. Where is very Todd Corpse? So it went crazy. Now let's back to the play. Yes, we finally I can't say Okay. All right. Thank you. Ah, guy didn't hire for saying finally and the rest of the audience have been confused. Still Finally back to the back. To the reason we're here, huh? Yes, sir. We all want to see this plane. Last time with that guy. With that, you said 20 right? We all want to see this play. God dammit! Teoh place. Feeling good to me? Okay, well, if if you do it, 15 were about 10. I guess I'm here for whatever I came for, Uh,

note guys that not only is he taking notes on wall on stage, but he's also getting paid $10.

All right, I've been stripping off all my costumes. Is all this has been happening to show you that I'm not doing this through the mask of a character? There you are. You son of a bitch. Take this blood. Okay. Your human rights campaign more like human wrongs. Template

for the Todd. God, he really gets hard on yourself for blowing really takes that supporter plan.

Fucking idiot. I thought it was funny when you see a man Shut the fuck up. Okay, I'm gonna need five more bucks for that, dude. Gonna be mean to me. I'm going to 50 $2.50 or total dollar. Don't take your deal to go to 50 Total Goddio.

What happened there? I actually have because I was clear on that when it first happened. I believe it Didn't John Wilkes boost corpse? Shoot the man, Todd Higher.

I believe that is what happened. Yes, Joe Johns moves Corpse got another one because well, and then he actually does say right after he says,

Oh, no one.

He said another one like D J college. Uh,

is that what did you kill

again? It's ready to go

because Booth

was an actor. Yeah, but a lot.

And a lot of people. Still a lot of people don't know this, but John Wilkes Booth was actually using one of the first ever ah, film cameras to shoot Teoh simultaneously shoot a selfie while he was shooting Abraham Lincoln.

The first GoPro's

yes, and some say the first Snapchat story was John Wilkes Booth on this day leading up to killing Abraham Lincoln. Some do some. Do you say that?

Because he after, right at the end, he said like and follow.

And here's here's the part of things that where it starts to get, it starts to get a little bit more. Harry. Things have sort of

Things are pretty normal so far, but this is when it really takes a

turn here. So we'll start here on this is Yeah. Here we go.

Now, of course, I've stripped down all of my costumes, but I do want to put on my You didn't have to take up. Are you OK? No notes, please. Till after the show. When I give you notes. Dad, please respond to what I've asked. All right? Here it is

tall begging for some support from his real funny

I couldn't be there for you because I couldn't be there for myself. Hm? What is it? You understand what I mean, right? I didn't understand myself enough, so I didn't think I could be a father to you. Wow. So instead of facing my mistake, you are you calling me your mistake? Well, yeah. I didn't mean to have you.

00 my God.

But still,

there's Wow, There's the verbal admirable Admiral admission. Sam comes in

circles and hard and is ready to drag him right to the hot oil found.

But let's just say tall is not without his own gunman play.

I'm gonna get this. Mother said he's stealing from the ma Homey back sold me back our I'm holding you back so no one worth taking another shot. What? John, I've been shot by John Wilkes Booth. All right, I'm security. Everybody shut up! Shut up! There's a play happening. Todd been shot. Who are you working with? Booth? I'm an actor. Who are you working with? Bag. I'm an actor. Shut! This plays the worst play I've ever What you could add. What would act off, bitch? Get somebody Get me my black turtleneck shirt. I don't care about these guys. Listen here, tall. I know you're the mall robber and I've been hot on your tail. You're going to mall jail? I know. Saved my son or prove I'm a better actor than John Wilkes Booth. You're going to mall jail? Let me tell you, they don't like people like you there. Are you gonna choose your life or your career. That's the question all actors must face.

Pause. Okay, So you're Todd. You had a clear choice. It's your choice. You can either choose to save your son, or you could have an act off with John Wilkes Booth's corpse.

This is every actor's tricks. And based on

what we know is true of what's already happened, your son is dead. The audience should now know exactly what choice you made. You made a choice to have an act off

much like

you had with Satan himself. Early in this season. You had you made the choice to do that again instead of saving the only blood relative that you've

ever met. Okay, well, until you've been there, you can judge. Not unless you cast the first stone. I had to decide between my passion and my son. Yeah.

Yeah. Your passion in your love.

No, I practice. It would be fine. Son was there.

I'll be honest. It would be fine. It would be fine if if you even had even a lick of chops. I'm sorry for saying this so directly, but will it will. I would love

you've done enough to meet up into my

restaurant. Lack of jobs. Now is the

time to talk about it. But, Todd, I've had enough of you guys. You know what this is? This is the moment for me, okay? You just slapped me for saying the truth,

and I want to say now that we're out of the moment. I completely forgive Booth for shooting me, right. Well, he had an old timey gun with crappy bullets. Didn't hit the heat of the moment. He's dead. It

was it was a flesh wound. But listen, you know, I'm standing up for myself right now. Todd, that was wrong of you for slapping me, okay? I'm just telling you the truth. And let's listen to the to this act off. It's It's shit, okay? It's absolute crap. I'll say it to your face.

Well, you were

barely paying attention, because this is also when your step dad, he came into the room and you sort of got a little sidetracked.

Well, of course

I did. He was I Full disclosure. I stood him up at the altar. You guys know that?

I just played the recording.

We'll play the recording. Okay, here we go. Play.

This is from fried green tomatoes. How do you take my parking spot? How dare you? You go. You want answers, You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth, baby. He never said what it was from the way we live in a world that has walls and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's going to do it? You. This is from a few good men.

Pause. Okay, Todd, you Your was the most monotone delivery of one of the most impassioned speeches in the history of film. And

John Wilkes Booth really

knows Fried green tomato. He leaned

in at least a little bit and healing in. But Todd, you gave it nothing. It sounds you truly gave it. No

offense. Okay, well, a lot of acting is supposed to be understated on. And I think the acting community agrees that Nicholson goes to big.

I think I say chronically bad acting should be understated, but it should still be stated. And it felt to me like you went unscathed.

It is the apex

of the movie. Well, the worst thing that could possibly happening I'm sitting here getting well. Why? While where?

What was the worst thing

that could be happening? Your son was murdered. Yeah,

to

while we're happening, we should play the security footage of Tall and Sam. Yeah. Asked at

the way, this is security audio because you did not install actual video.

Correct? I I installed what are called camera lookalikes. They're just microphones that look like camp.

I think they're mostly microphone Look like

What do you think camera looks like? Because to me, it looks like a black tube with, like, a sort of fuzzy black. Ah,

a long. It's got a long lens covered in a breeze

guard. Take it for the guy who's putting tapers on a cell phone. That's a bad line.

I think this is This is, of course, the last moments of tall Padres life at the Friar fountain with Sam. Ah, and honestly, this might be hard for you to listen to. Todd. I don't know if you heard the actual footage, but it's this. Is this so close or yours? If you Here you go. You

see this fountain, you sick prick. I know what you've been doing. I know you've been stealin small things from every store and now you're gonna feel the bird's job. I'm not even getting to hear what my daddy thinks about May. You're about to be boiled in oil by an official Moyle. Why am I still not dead? Let me let me know. Map, please. My hand out hand from holdings headed.

Whose? Todd? Where is that Tough to hear what was tougher to hear your acting or your son boiling to death. You

son of a frickin bitch. Who were you talking to you right now? What? I'm on the phone

again. You, We'll just record in your

look, I with I

wouldn't wish on my worst enemy toe. Have to have your son miss your greatest actor. Moment of

your away. Yeah, but you're missing the important. But he was boiled in oil.

I thought this whole time you were upset that your son was dead.

I'm mad about that.

I am mad about all

of it. And now that I'm feeling the indicators from you guys of what I should have been more mad at,

especially I'm sad about it. I not right. Emotion, my son. Yeah,

that was my boy. And by what opportunity to fix

all the mistakes.

But instead

of of doing

that, you know, you're serving for 3 50 a pop. I'm sorry. I think I only burned oven oil because that's what I learned when I was a kid. I learned that you see your bad. You've got to put your hand in the oil. And I know I know that no amount of power will ever be able to replace just your daddy's love. God,

I just I just got an email from a level. Really? Just got an email from the devil that I heard a knock at the door. But if you got an email, well, maybe it's the same thing now. I think that's your email notification, right? I definitely

get something on my phone to now.

You're eating Mac and cheese balls. Devil said, um, you know, I was mad at you guys look good yards out with some, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So I think he was eating typing

years doing talk to text.

Wait, no. The devil just said I was mad at you guys, but I'm not anymore. What? It's

OK. So he says, Yum, This is good. You know, I was mad at you guys, but you've all handled your responsibilities. Well, what? Feeling pretty good about it. The devil. Really, huh? Is there anything else does it say? Like what he was eating? Does it say more chips? Please Know it was just the one email. Maybe he'll email again to lag that I'm not sure. I

wonder what the knock on the door was. Maybe the devil was just reminding us. We had an email from him saying

Could've bad. Yeah. Wow. What does that mean? That means we're out of hell. Really? He said good job. He's not mad. He didn't say the contract is up for anything. I don't know.

That's right, boys. You've learned your lesson. Whoa, whoa. Where's that voice coming from? Years might never get on the on the mic here.

Oh, that knock was the devil. He walked right in,

I guess. Devil. I mean, this is kind of our job.

What's up? What's up? YouTube? It's be the devil.

That's not you too. No devil. No way out of hell or not.

You Rose. We killed

Howard. Step dad. I am the bass pro. Sam caught the rock. The mall side learned his last send

you get my email? I was mad at you, but I'm not anymore.

It just seems like such a That seems like such a uh I hate to say it anti climactic. Let s couches less. We expected there to be a big show of it. But now it was

just Oh, well, that I said the email, then I was like, I should do it. I should do it in person to person. So you all learned a big lesson, Sam. Well, you learned that. Ah, it's not about who you protect our how people need you, right? It's about loving yourself.

That's right. Had to take care of myself to kill Todd, Son, What I desire were for the devil to have wanted us to learn. Whoa, the tall like God.

Somebody did kiss me on the cheek at the very

end of the big moment. And I was I I feel like I was about to get crucified. But I escaped.

Bill, You learned how to escape a crucifixion. Big lesson. I wanted to teach you,

right, because Jesus didn't do that. You taught me what?

Jesus. Getting dio Oh God, the devil The devil just emailing tear. Even the devil has daddy issues. Here's a

beautiful three devils. God doesn't want to talk. Teoh

Devil was a beautiful angel. He was kicked out of hell because Jesus was jealous The most JLs video. A little fashion show.

All right, let's Let's

honestly just get out of here. That the devil just listen, you

two doing

here? Are you cool with that's just sort of casually

strolling. Oh, yeah. I was going to kind of do a cool thing where I went through each of you and said I got for two of you and I think that's good enough.

I love to do in my lesson.

Howard, I forgot you

were here.

You That's the usual. You did sort of move on before he could get me.

Howard. Much like creed to you. Didn't change your behavior at all. But you got what you wanted. Yeah, and so that's the lesson. Okay. What about tied? Todd learned the greatest lesson of all. What is it, Satan? You learned that you should not prize yourself in your acting over your

family. Don't do acting over your family. Now. Take the devil's advice. Todd. Take it.

Well, are we allowed to give notes back or sit and listen to those who listen to him. That's he's right.

That's good note. Could come from anywhere. Todd, you've heard that before. I won't act like you do. An improbable It's just what

I was thinking. What? I wanted to dio the thing I was trying to do. You

did? What you did was what you did not take the

note. Right? But here's what I meant is, like Why, Why I did it is because I thought that would be the more interesting, like, fun thing.

Yeah, it sounds like you weren't listening to anyone else, Todd.

Okay. Just like my improv teacher. Yeah, I'll take the now. I'll take the note.

So, devil, what does this mean? You

guys are released from hell.

Really?

Yes. So this was all just this whole this whole season of being

pleasures that fucking get out of here. I just want a good Todd. Come on with you. Stop arguing. It's just that I

think that if people had kind of like,

he's gonna change the way

we gotta get out of here. I have to go to the oh, we're going to talk to the devil again. Now

full like just basic question. This shot you in slap to you. It was a time out of here. Todd Looter for Lose. What the hell were out of the mall? Let's go, go, go! Fresher one. Who's that? Who just pulled up? Slander? Well, they don't White Bronco who's inside? Window rolls down a a. Yes! Hurry, everybody and let's go! Is mine. Did everyone p Who's got my have impeded Cravy? Let's help people working next to the car. Okay, I e o into the back seat.

Did everybody have a sip of water? Now

let me help out. We're all drinking off the ground. Well, there's this nice clean Podd five. Let's get before All right

where we headed, where we headed Let's wait.

I didn't know, But I have a number 20 I gotta run back inside.

He's talking about his big Mac meal.

Yes. Okay, Got my bag. Let's go. New us. Sponsored by McDonald's. I knew I I'm eating it. Let's go see. Let's go. Step on it, baby. Weight of the sunset into the center of the sun, said

a C. I think we're really for the first time thinking with fresh brain. I do too. I think maybe this is a complete reset. A si

to the airport. Take a left to

the airport. Left a C. I left the air up. It's not a car, trace. Let's go. Let's go. Well, well, I guess we're headed to the airport. Guided the apple or knows what tomorrow holds for the teachers here. Guys, I'm going to spin this globe, All right?

No. Ah! Say Flippy.