Seekers' Lounge
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s09e02

Hought 'n Mifflin with D'Arcy Carden

Originally aired: September 25, 2019

The Teachers discuss Howard's El Pollo Loco, share some updates on their first week back at Hamilton and heckle a ribbon cutting ceremony. Then, the guys interview their first famous person on the show -- D'Arcy Carden. D'Arcy talks about going to high school in the Bay Area, almost plays Fake First, Fake Last and does a table read of Todd's play.

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pullout catch. Looks like it was slept on last night. It looks heavily used.

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Yeah. And Todd, you're yawning,

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Todd. Well, it could have been

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any of us.

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Let's just say there wasn't a lot of sleeping going on.

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Oh, really? You have

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company? In your time. I've

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smelled What a room This is gross. But I've smelled brother rooms, runs like after sex. And this room does

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not smell like No, that all on

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dives also smelled what a room smells like after masquerading as I got a little

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bit in here.

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Well, joke's on you. I haven't been able to get hard for five years. So it wasn't that you? Um, no. Yeah, I got I'm I got kicked out of the house. Uh, my landlord. Yeah. It's

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gonna say you don't You don't Anybody but it's on demand device.

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Right on divorce were not legally but you're That's right. I haven't been served yet separated illegally.

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Why you So you got evicted. You can say you didn't get kicked out. You got evicted?

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No, I got into it with the landlord.

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Hey said don't

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come back. When did you say am I evicted? Or

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it would challenge you know, after the factory. Like I should ask that, like you're so in the heat of the moment, Forget some of the stuff you should have said, but it was like, you know, um I don't care how many times I clogged the toilet. It's your job to fix it. Uh, you know? Well, there wasn't room for a TV here, so I took the walls down

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walls. Yes. How big is the

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TV you wanted to put in your house, Todd?

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Oh, I got a I got one of those projectors.

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Okay. See, you needed a wall to use it.

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My man. I could have used you three days

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ago. Well, could I mean, surely you found a sheet

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to put up or something. You figured out a solution? Yeah. Yeah, well, you know, all my sheets are that they're too dirty. So So I'm sitting, I'm sitting and I'm watching dark night like ideo on. And I'm like, Jesus. Batman's got second kredell over

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because you put up one of

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your sheets and I was like, Is this one of the worst scenes of passion of the Christ? But you were just you. This sheet was just up. It was

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bloody jesu. What is an in? There's no having

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s e. I saw one of your seats the other day. I thought it was all you have camouflage sheets. I understand. I've never seen a camo sheet before. That's right. Your body oils. That's not. And that's a green poo poo. I think a

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little bit of put on that cheap for sure. Well, not peuple and body oil, no PP. Iowa people, I

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pull the wool over your eyes. People best

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was one of those color palettes. They really taught me how

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to blend colors and make other colors. Well, I remember you getting out the shooting. Go. Hey, guys, check this out. No, p

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no peace. Brought it in to brag about. Look on Lee snide poop and body oil. Not brag

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greatly. More devastated to be so proud of that. Like a like a little boy. Uh, walking down. You know what? I don't know what the with a little birthday present for his mommy and then being told,

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like a sense memory. You

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know, this thing? We all have things. The little boy walked down for a birthday present this bombing and then being told that you don't make macaroni art out of cooked penne A. I fell right off her neck. Fell right off her neck. That's right, innit? Burned her neck. Also, I felt like that classic little boy moment of where you bring your mommy Birthday. Macaroni. Macaroni. 33. This is unacceptable for so many reasons.

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Decide we don't mean like, we don't need to come down the man, but it's weird to have sheets that are so nasty.

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Okay, well, I guess it's weird to have sheets that are so clean,

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you know? Congrats on the remodel, You know, Congrats on the remodel. I hope you

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find a space heater soon. Thank you. Yeah, but

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I hope they hurry up and get a structural beam in there to keep the weight up. Because it is way we went over for

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you. You really taking pictures in front of your apartment? Building causes like the Leaning Tower. A piece

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of crap.

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Your your house

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is sagging more than some of the kids at this school with their pay.

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All right, let's listen to and

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they keep it and they're they're taking pictures and I look like there is There's a hunchback. Two different things. I guess it's in the same world.

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I do have a belt, but no

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p. They are bragging about that. What about a Dodge? Back and beast? Eyes both.

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All right. Well, speaking of kids reactions. Kick it. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Teacher's Lounge. This is the first, best and only podcast routine issues relevant to the Hamilton High School community. Guys again, you don't have to do the theme song playing underneath me right now. I, of course, am Howard Lettuce. That's not in the team. But I'm Howard Levis. You're I'm your biology teacher. AP Biology teacher and again, already

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psychology. You don't have to have. Everybody

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likes to brag. We've seen your tinder profile that AP is a lot bigger. Font wise.

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Yeah, I figured out how to format my tinder profile. Uh, they don't allow html, but there is some JavaScript, uh, coding you can do. So I went to a weekend course learned Java just a doctor

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up my tinder to enhance the AP on your tender,

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big, bold in old English lettering. Eso people know I am in the advanced placement program here in Hamilton.

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What does that get you are not. That's why

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it's unclear about it is. It makes it look like you are in the obits placement program. You're a student on your profile.

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Hey, you know, every teacher is also learning, is what I say. So like Like I said this year, I'm devoting myself every waking moment of my entire life to lining a person toe. Have sex with that. That's hope

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to running an elp oil local,

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those air, both byproducts of my goal, which is Teoh sort of reconnect with my, uh, want of changing Children's lives. Yes, the El Pollo Loco has taken off. Uh, a lot of people are saying this is more bland than other employ locals. And I say that's because I don't have salt. Uh,

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any song? No, no. So get salt.

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I went to go into the doctor and they said, You got to cut salt and I said for

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everybody

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and and he said no for you.

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And I said, Well, if if the note for me it's no for everybody. So I stopped putting salt on my chickens. Uh, but

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anyways, well, ultimate. When it's chicken, not when it's live

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chicken. I'll say this zoologist also said, because of the sugar

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Well, you know, I see in the zoo keeper and I don't trust anybody. I don't trust anybody after I saw

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you see a zookeeper once a month.

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Yeah, I do, because it's cheaper than a doctor.

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Well, he put you in

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a pin last time you had a cold,

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and let's be clear, he's not quite a vet. He's Suzuki

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P is a 17 year old kid who had an internship at the zoo and did so well that they gave him a job looking after the elephants and the draft.

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I'm gonna be honest with you. I got an email from him a couple weeks and I'd watch out because I think he's looking to put you out to stud pretty soon. No.

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What is she talking about? Well, for you, that might not be bad. That could be your first date. What does that mean? It means a healthy girl

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X No, it's studies the opposite studies the person who's whose are the aggressor.

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That depends on how you interpret Fucked. Okay, Me on the bottom is that you are kept in a tiny pen and someone with a plastic glove on jerks you off and you never get to go outside. Okay. Uh, well,

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that's what it may.

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Okay, Timothy O. I'm gross now, because horses do that.

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If Tim Paper is listening, I don't want that. I don't want that. I want to take that off the menu. One

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day, we'll learn for for you and all of us to be able to tell this guy to his face what you want. About what?

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Yeah, it's easier for me to say it into a microphone when I can't see him in the eyes. Timothy headed off.

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Any time I see someone in the eyes, I get really freaked. How is your class

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going? Uh, classes air going fine. Uh, you know, I reconnected with my love of biology. Honestly. Gorgeous. That's beautiful. Yeah. I, uh you know, the textbooks textbooks are so nice. I don't know if you guys I love textbook artwork. You know what I mean? It's like, really You mean like artwork that is on textbooks, or like, artwork? That is just very artwork. No, no, no. I'm talking about are about covers of high school textbooks. Okay. The geometry textbooks that have the different sort of geometric shapes the earth, Earth studies, earth sciences books, the pictures of the dinosaurs.

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It's an art form that decided it was done in 1982.

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Yes, if it ain't broke. What is the line whom Agrawal Hill McGraw has down or talk? Flynn

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Putin lifting. That's our provider.

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Hooten Mifflin. Yes. Hoot. Hoot.

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Like an and but just

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Yeah, I know who Who makes bugs. I've known who for years. Hey, they're doing it together. Oh, yeah. That is a shock to May. How do you know who? Well, who, Man who? You're staying out in college because of your

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voice. They used to call you Hooton. Holler

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Way used to be used to be hurting it. Putin Mahler now issued mifflin cause I'm the one who started making books. What the hell is this? I have No, you didn't know?

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up. I'm so used to make books all the time around. No, my idea battles. I had a paper bag and a hardcover. Were you making textbooks or what kind of books? Remake. But it looks I would give him and people is. Most people don't know that they think

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I wouldn't have brought it

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the author like designs the book. But I don't think there are

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bookmakers. There are bookmakers that like me. You sit around like how big it was a little Should it be what would the content, but no, no, but I don't have nothing to do with the content. Make the But

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so you were you a left to right guy?

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Yes. Yeah, I was left to right.

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standard when I was down. Ah, right side, right side up. Right side of

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Look to rush

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two. Right, right side up.

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And then I once I got good, I started making these big, heavy coffee table books. Big, nice, big books. Uh, do you go cover to cover?

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Is that personal? That's personal. That's personal. Well,

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what do you mean? Just do you go cover to cover? No. Sometimes I'll give up. You lose inspiration

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halfway there. Book. You don't finish the back cover,

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bill. I was at first shocked to hear that you didn't know who'd Mifflin. But then I remembered you threw away the textbooks in your social studies class,

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Bill craving on the mike over here. Booth,

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Assistant basketball coach. Ah, and social studies teachers. I did. Teacher. I did throw out the ah ah, textbook because we're learning through experiences. Yes. So we're going to museums. Were, ah, hiking around old battlefields? Um, where? Sound like you have a lot of planned things. Sounds like you kind of just throwing these out there. This sounds like I'm panicking on the drive to school and being, like, what? What can I do today?

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A little

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bit. I didn't sound quite like that. But I love like watching my shows, to be honest

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with you guys, you know, you got practically well,

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Yeah. I mean, I take the JV boys out, we practice after the varsity, we go to the old haunted gym and we play against the ghosts. Ah, and and it's it's tough. So, yeah, we've been out in

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the field doing a little bit of social studies. You did have your first JV game. Your acts first actual game this week, right?

0:12:44 Unknown Speaker #1

Yes. Yes. So the, um So the varsity goes on at 8 p.m. And the JV boys play at 5 30 And as you guys know, they've been practicing again against ghosts. Their dead relatives, um, who are haunted. So the games have been interesting

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because this one was against the West Chester Golden Knights.

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Yes. Who are human beings? They're not actual golden. The fastest, strongest teams in the league. Yeah, we got

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killed. Yeah, they have two players who can dunk.

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Yes, they have two little boys you condone. They run up each other's back, like one gets down, and it's like this big crawl up. But my boys kept being like, All right, let's get out the Tero cards on this one. All right, That didn't work. What? Everybody wears the source. Maybe it's an old haunted necklace. So they're running around the stadium, right? Yanking off old ladies necklaces and trying to throw it into the sounds like it was a disaster. Yes,

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but I don't know if if if if the paperwork is done on this, but you're bringing in a ring, all right? You got the nun

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to join the team. I've got the oldest nine. So now you have someone who can dunk. Yes, it was is sheikhoun dunk. And also, she's very good at, um, casts a. She comes with their own holy water.

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That's great. Figure out cause you found her on a painting in a basement, right? But then she came out of it, and she did a great lay up. And you were like, We gotta talk.

0:14:20 Unknown Speaker #1

Exactly. Yeah, it she came right out of it. Um, and I was like, I was scouting. I was scouting around. Uh, yeah. Like 3 a.m. You can go around to different, have old creepy houses on the outskirts of town. Look around because I was scouting

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for sort of like a ah, somebody who could go up against the ghosts or help out against the It's

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too bad Baba Duke wanted do band because he's tall.

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I was on Baba Duke's ass.

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Um, that dude can play based, but I tell you who Oh, yeah. Ooh, he's good.

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I'll tell you who I am circling Flender man tall. He's nice and talking. Be really jumping. Well, even though

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it's not going great for you. I applaud you at your

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efforts. Sam. Weatherman on the mike over

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stormy weather and driver's ed teacher s b student government adviser. I think you're doing a great job, Bill, and I'm really excited for my job as well. Yeah, I don't know if you guys notice. But we have a new driving course. Yeah, we put the cones out.

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It looks kind of like a motorcross.

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Exactly. Exactly. Pump ear than a normal car course. Should be.

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Well, the kids were telling

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me this isn't challenging enough. I'm trying to get them to parallel park. I'm trying to get them to make a simple left turn, and they're like, we got it, We got it. And I'm like, I don't know. The ship is impossible for me.

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Yeah. Big figured out left turns really early.

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Well, that was the first quarter

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was left turns. And, um uh, conquering your fear on they conquered their fear almost immediately. Then the left turn was piece of cake. Something gets of their permits, already didn't know that. And, um, so,

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yeah, I needed to do something to keep him

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or interested. They were getting so bored. They started feeding my body, and

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I'm just sort of making

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a menace in the classroom, so I had to do something to keep them interested. And I think you need to save that marking on your stomach because that, uh, that boys an artist I know. Yeah, absolutely fast. Less his name's son.

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Yeah. Oh, Are you talking about Richard Banksy?

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Richard Banksy? Yeah. Little baby Banks. Little baby Banksy Heat. Yeah, he, um he drew a little picture on my tummy, and we're hoping that we could get this in a gallery

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on. Now there's Donald Trump eating a

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piece Flour. It's so funny. Swimming. And it's not only funny, but it's like that means something, and I'm not sure what

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is. Well, art

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is up to the interpretation of the viewer. No artist is there to tell you exactly what to think about the piece there.

0:16:50 Unknown Speaker #1

Exactly. And so I think my course is safe. Yeah, because And that's how I

0:16:55 Unknown Speaker #2

I'm wrong. But you did enlist, uh, motorcross legend Travis Pastrana to design the

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interpret. Try me if

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course. Well, I thought I was getting Pastrana. I got Travis Pastrami. Unfortunately, no, Not know as much about motive across. I thought he didn t want it is a peppery court is a peppery course, but he smoke that thing and it is ready to go.

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It's not that bad of

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you. Pair parent with coleslaw. Coleslaw. That's that's right. It was a very good Yeah, I'm trying to bring in coleslaw. But I can't get him. I can't get him on the email. So what about sir? Dough, Sergio? Shirt, chauffeur. Sour sour dough. Yeah, I haven't met him.

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Okay, so the course is pretty. I'll

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say it's insane. And, um, it's just these kids are making left turns. They're making right turns. I'm too scared to go in the car with them on the course, so I just sort of let him

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take it for a spin. Yeah. Once a controlled environment, for the most part,

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absolute. There's only

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one hole in the wall, and that was for me. And I take full responsibility.

0:17:55 Unknown Speaker #2

And you put a gun. No. You put a governor on the accelerator of the car, so

0:18:01 Unknown Speaker #1

Well, he's been busy, but yeah, I've been trying to get him down there to really tell these kids that they should be going. Oh, yeah. Just your body is in town. You already had the mayor

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on it, but you needed to get a governor,

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right? That's why I had the mayor on the car. And he's lazy. If we're being honest, you go as fast as they want. So I had to have just even turn up there on the motorcross course. Really intimidated so damn lazy.

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Hey, I came out the

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other day to ribbon cutting at Europol. Your local, when we opened it up, didn't cut through the whole river. I

0:18:32 Unknown Speaker #3

think those scissors

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were four times as long as the ribbon was wide. Somehow

0:18:40 Unknown Speaker #3

is a

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just can I And this is such a specific Peev But I can't stand when people cut with just the little end

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of the scissor. Oh, yeah

0:18:49 Unknown Speaker #3

Put it all the way and then slide like wrapping paper. People

0:18:53 Unknown Speaker #2

say you need the precision of the tip because you can't that precision.

0:18:56 Unknown Speaker #1

Oh, God, Are you one of these tip users? Sometimes

0:18:59 Unknown Speaker #2

I just use the issue suggested

0:19:02 Unknown Speaker #4

Look well, you know, we've got this group where we go to ribbon cuttings and we give notes and we Hackel we have called the cut on. Now we've been doing it.

0:19:10 Unknown Speaker #1

We're gonna cut specifically bad had will

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heckle When Christmas comes around we'll be heckling the gift wrappers and Jamal

0:19:19 Unknown Speaker #1

Absolutely. You call that a cut? I've cut better than that in line at school for lunch.

0:19:25 Unknown Speaker #4

So my heckles You call that a cut you got to cut it.

0:19:30 Unknown Speaker #2

That's right. Alright, another way. That's a good one. You

0:19:34 Unknown Speaker #1

call that a cut? I caught it in action on. I mean, that's because his opposite It's the opposite of what? God

0:19:40 Unknown Speaker #2

is an act. I don't think I'm gonna try this one.

0:19:43 Unknown Speaker #1

All right. What happened? Howard is the bravest member of the group, and I've

0:19:49 Unknown Speaker #2

one. Brave. Well, it's now you. We hit three. We don't need 1/4

0:19:49 Unknown Speaker #3

said it since day

0:19:53 Unknown Speaker #3

dough. Angry. Forced one. Well, now, now is

0:19:57 Unknown Speaker #1

when it will be best. So hit it. How? Hit it. How going? Some

0:20:01 Unknown Speaker #4

different types of

0:20:02 Unknown Speaker #2

cutting. I got, I got I got I got a, uh uh, You call that you call that a cut? Uh, I call you, um, go to the salon. I've seen good ones there.

0:20:14 Unknown Speaker #1

Well, that was what? Okay.

0:20:16 Unknown Speaker #4

We shouldn't have forced

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me. Oh, I know I look like the idiot again when I could have just quietly stayed quiet, not participated, And

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nobody would have thought

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I was a big, dumb idiot.

0:20:28 Unknown Speaker #4

Speaking of quiet participation, I am Todd Padre, theater director, star of the school, play the Reconnect writer.

0:20:37 Unknown Speaker #2

It speaking of client participation. That was sort of referencing the opposite of who you are.

0:20:42 Unknown Speaker #4

No, no. It was a Segway into how I teach my classes. Now, um, kids,

0:20:47 Unknown Speaker #1

I'll have to have silent participation. That's right, because so didn't you Will? You approached masterclass this thing that very famous actors air doing where they provide a little bit of inside. I don't want to talk about this

0:21:02 Unknown Speaker #3

happened. You were talking about it nonstop

0:21:05 Unknown Speaker #1

all week, and then it went dry. We did. Well, I'm submitting tomorrow. I'm submitting them are Come in. Where you expecting to you to talk about it? Nothing. You're wearing big turtlenecks all week big tweed jackets without talking about your master class. It wasn't even

0:21:18 Unknown Speaker #4

a big deal. Domain is the thing I didn't really want.

0:21:20 Unknown Speaker #3

Wait a whole new personality for a week. You said this is

0:21:24 Unknown Speaker #1

my big break. This is it. This is my moment.

0:21:27 Unknown Speaker #3

You went and sat in

0:21:28 Unknown Speaker #1

the library because it had wood walls and books and just just trying to take in the vibe

0:21:32 Unknown Speaker #2

that can I admit something to you?

0:21:34 Unknown Speaker #4

Sure. I heard

0:21:35 Unknown Speaker #2

you in the bathroom and I started recording the phone call that you are Christ on and I

0:21:41 Unknown Speaker #4

don't want to put

0:21:41 Unknown Speaker #2

you on the spot, but

0:21:43 Unknown Speaker #4

this is a deep fake. What? Everybody? Here's the defense.

0:21:45 Unknown Speaker #3

So we got Duris Government recording device.

0:21:48 Unknown Speaker #2

Yeah, this isn't a deep fake. Todd, this is you in a bathroom stall saying, saying the truth of what happened with master class and I don't I don't mean to put you on the spot, but

0:21:57 Unknown Speaker #4

me on the phone with the master cross you on the phone

0:22:00 Unknown Speaker #2

with the master class people. I could only hear your side of the conversation, obviously, because he didn't have it on speaker. But I think we should just let everybody know what happened. Todd. Okay, let's go and just play the tape right and play.

0:22:12 Unknown Speaker #6

I, uh Todd Padre calling Teoh ammunition. So those partner, we emailed a little bit, uh, that he may win. And well, I'd like to do a masterclass about kind of my theatre trading. And the set up is intimately the t o d d space. Ph d are easier. The police are on the way. If you're giving now, we've had a lot of people say that. Look, I'm in my I'm in my big office right now, uh, which I can afford, cause I'm attention. So you accidentally on facetime, I could tell you. Oh, I turn this off, Okay? You're live on instagram. Okay, well, either just turned this up. Look, it's a really cool class. It's ah, the smell, the taste to get the come up. It do scenes with me, and, um, it's better that doesn't have the police is anybody. Is everybody OK in there? Yes, sure. You get out of here. You You know what? You're racist. Way Got to call it that There's someone being her abs in the bathroom and the local high school there. I do not support your races. Okay, Sam, I have to ask you to come out with your hands up so I can come out with my hands up there covered in some toilet paper. Do you do do suddenly group for a change in the video that covers somebody needed a suicide. Negotiate. Yeah, There's a guy here who's starting to kill himself. Hi. I'd like to negotiate. I'll do it for 50,000. Have a deal.

0:24:01 Unknown Speaker #2

Todd. This was a rough week

0:24:03 Unknown Speaker #4

for you, buddy. Okay, Well, what an interesting world we live in Where a guy can't go to the bathroom where he makes all his phone calls.

0:24:15 Unknown Speaker #1

I gotta agree with this privately. Are

0:24:17 Unknown Speaker #3

we just

0:24:17 Unknown Speaker #1

gonna take people now you're your instagram Live went whatever the opposite of viral is. Uh, what bacterial? It went back to his phone who looked on sick. It was a Trojan. It was technically a virus for computers, like a Trojan horse

0:24:37 Unknown Speaker #4

or something. It was Yeah, they They have viruses for computers, but they've just discovered you could have bacterias also, um and it's an infection of computers that makes computers sick, which we've dealt with in the past with our with our old gateway

0:24:52 Unknown Speaker #1

Hasn't Yeah, well, I think it's clear that we're all working hard and that

0:24:57 Unknown Speaker #3

even if it's not

0:24:57 Unknown Speaker #1

going exactly how we want, we're finding ways

0:25:00 Unknown Speaker #4

to move forward. And again, I didn't want to do the master

0:25:02 Unknown Speaker #1

plan. I agree with you that it's good that you changed your opinion as soon as you get it. I think was particularly devastating later in the tape which the audience didn't here. But you negotiated down so low for your own suicide. Like $3 by the end. You got you just got beat up by that suicide. Well, I couldn't believe the negotiator said yes. He negotiated him into the suicide. Thank God you didn't listen.

0:25:24 Unknown Speaker #4

Well, no, I wish it was. Ah, failed suicide. Oh, yeah, right. Um, I don't lose your hair off. I don't know if you could tell, but way I was gonna say my ear didn't look that bad before.

0:25:39 Unknown Speaker #2

All right, well, you know, way got a quick little

0:25:42 Unknown Speaker #4

quick move on from

0:25:43 Unknown Speaker #3

you talk about. Well, no,

0:25:46 Unknown Speaker #4

I guess not, I guess. No, thanks for noticing that I blew my ear off and not saying anything

0:25:50 Unknown Speaker #3

you look like. Then go. It's awesome, baby.

0:25:52 Unknown Speaker #4

Thank you. Whoa! Yeah.

0:25:54 Unknown Speaker #2

You did jump out of the building thinking you would fly like Birdman at the end of the movie. You bounced off of that awning into a big cart of watermelons. You were sold.

0:26:06 Unknown Speaker #4

That's right. We're was sold out of bounds, right on one. Why my head? Then? I was sold and I became a sangria.

0:26:15 Unknown Speaker #3

Well, I was at a wedding and I was like, Is this taste like time? How did you know that I was just like this stays like Todd. It stays like Todd told me.

0:26:25 Unknown Speaker #1

And I dated for a while,

0:26:27 Unknown Speaker #4

way dated a couple times with the rumors. Are the accusations without your virginity to each other at a Halloween party? Yes. Accusations on Also, I dated two of your alter egos

0:26:38 Unknown Speaker #2

and Valerie are three Bethany Bali heart. And

0:26:41 Unknown Speaker #4

we'll tell new listeners some

0:26:45 Unknown Speaker #1

old slob, more listeners. We respect the old slobs we respect in a different way. Yeah, we do ads now. We don't care about you, Old slide.

0:26:57 Unknown Speaker #4

So new listeners were with money of

0:27:02 Unknown Speaker #1

what we want to dio is that people get the show for free now the ones with money. Listen up. Well,

0:27:10 Unknown Speaker #4

the people who were paying are obviously poor because they spend all this money on a podcast. And the new listeners are rich because they're saving their money for more important investments. Treasure smart. But we're gonna take a break. We're gonna have a sip of our watered down coffee and make sure to send us pictures of your disgusting cough.

0:27:25 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah. Did you make a bad batch? We want to see it. You can send your pictures of your weakest rose at the weakest car. Throw 1/2 a cup? No, half a teaspoon of folders in a little bonnet.

0:27:38 Unknown Speaker #3

What? Isn't

0:27:39 Unknown Speaker #1

folders a little too high end? Oh, yeah, I'm talking Maxwell House. Maybe that big, hard brick

0:27:45 Unknown Speaker #2

and coffee. And on the bottom

0:27:46 Unknown Speaker #3

shelf Put it in a bonnet, running

0:27:49 Unknown Speaker #1

through an old dirty machine. Send us pictures

0:27:51 Unknown Speaker #2

like we pass rush. We'd love to see him and stick around cause we're have a guest after the break. All right. Thanks so much for sticking with us. Folks were back in the lounge here on. We have got a very special guest. This is a huge get for us. Is the first time we've ever had somebody in the lounge on who who you know is somebody. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

0:28:17 Unknown Speaker #1

Todd. Todd, I can feel your jealousy already.

0:28:20 Unknown Speaker #4

It's great. I love being around a fellow like,

0:28:21 Unknown Speaker #2

you know, And the reason that Todd is so incredibly jealous right now, eyes, because we are accompanied by the very funny, very talented Darcy Carden

0:28:31 Unknown Speaker #5

eyes. Good to see you.

0:28:34 Unknown Speaker #2

Thank you so much for taking the trek down to Hamilton to sit with us for and talk a little bit about your life and stuff like that.

0:28:42 Unknown Speaker #5

Happy to thank you so much for having me.

0:28:44 Unknown Speaker #4

You could sit on the pullout, but I sleep on it tonight. You can't have it. So just being clear about that.

0:28:48 Unknown Speaker #1

Todd, don't be antagonistic right out

0:28:51 Unknown Speaker #4

the gate. I've got a map here.

0:28:53 Unknown Speaker #5

You think I'm gonna spend the night here?

0:28:55 Unknown Speaker #4

I just You know, I said on that. You said you look pretty comfortable in the pullout.

0:28:58 Unknown Speaker #5

There's okay. There just wasn't any other place to sit.

0:29:01 Unknown Speaker #4

All right. Well, I guess we're both

0:29:03 Unknown Speaker #1

sorry we took the four best chairs. No, I don't mind. Then they are comfortable. Thank

0:29:09 Unknown Speaker #4

you for the compliment. Very comfortable. Very bad on the pullout postures.

0:29:15 Unknown Speaker #2

Give it a rest, man. Give it a little bit of a red.

0:29:18 Unknown Speaker #1

Thank you so much for being, You

0:29:21 Unknown Speaker #4

know, we're all pick up a

0:29:22 Unknown Speaker #5

coffee. It is. It is a couple of copies.

0:29:26 Unknown Speaker #4

That's a compliment.

0:29:27 Unknown Speaker #5

Yeah. Yeah. I, um love the show.

0:29:30 Unknown Speaker #1

Wow. Thank you. Thank you

0:29:33 Unknown Speaker #4

so much. What? Thanks for being here. We wanted to, you know, a lot of show we have on friends. People we know. Well, way really do wish that, uh, yeah, if you know any of them. Do you,

0:29:48 Unknown Speaker #1

Tribbiani? If you're listening, we want you on the show as Eric. Yeah, that's

0:29:54 Unknown Speaker #4

a good actor.

0:29:55 Unknown Speaker #2

Yeah. Really? Yeah. What? Who's that one? His name. What's his real name? That

0:30:00 Unknown Speaker #4

is a good actor. That's guy based a lot of my choices off.

0:30:04 Unknown Speaker #2

Have you ever met any of the friends people I have? Really? Yeah. Are they Are they cool?

0:30:09 Unknown Speaker #5

Oh, they're so cool. Yeah. Yeah.

0:30:11 Unknown Speaker #4

Because you you you had a This was a tabloid thing. You had a thing with Marcel the monkey, right?

0:30:19 Unknown Speaker #5

Oh, uh, yeah. No, no, no. I mean, that was a really long time ago. I people usually bring that up, but yeah, I did.

0:30:26 Unknown Speaker #4

Oh, yeah. I was just I was going through your Wikipedia re editing it to see that

0:30:33 Unknown Speaker #2

you try to pull that out of there,

0:30:35 Unknown Speaker #1

but we'll add it back, if you

0:30:37 Unknown Speaker #3

will. To Yes.

0:30:39 Unknown Speaker #4

When? Darcy. Now you're here in Hamilton High School, right half. But we're curious. We like to get to know some people who are out there in the world about their high school experience. Where did you go to high school

0:30:50 Unknown Speaker #5

into school in the Bay Area, in California, far away. Yeah, because we are in

0:30:59 Unknown Speaker #3

pretty far pretty. Some would say

0:31:01 Unknown Speaker #1

close. There have been on how you're traveling. Alright, Crow flies. That's true. Close. Or if

0:31:06 Unknown Speaker #5

you're looking at, like the scope of the entire world universe pretty close. If

0:31:11 Unknown Speaker #4

you're listening in the earth right now, you are closer to Hamilton than someone on Venus.

0:31:17 Unknown Speaker #5

Bay Area are we talking about ah bay as an, um, Bay like your bow? Oh, no. Actually, girlfriend, uh, what

0:31:17 Unknown Speaker #3

So when you say the

0:31:29 Unknown Speaker #3

is

0:31:29 Unknown Speaker #1

based And for again before before all else. So it's

0:31:34 Unknown Speaker #5

not that is more like snot. It's be a why

0:31:37 Unknown Speaker #3

I

0:31:37 Unknown Speaker #2

like the San Francisco. That's right. What is the specific name of that bay?

0:31:42 Unknown Speaker #5

It's the the the San Francisco San Francisco, but really easy. Um, isn't it funny that before all else was ever said it couldn't be

0:31:52 Unknown Speaker #4

never heard? It looked like nothing before. All else.

0:31:55 Unknown Speaker #5

Like That's not That's not what we say.

0:31:58 Unknown Speaker #4

There's a course before Christ, Sure. Uh, which was I mean before all else for something.

0:32:04 Unknown Speaker #5

I guess you're right.

0:32:05 Unknown Speaker #4

But but yeah, I don't know how we're

0:32:06 Unknown Speaker #1

living in the time of before.

0:32:08 Unknown Speaker #2

All else that's gonna say is bay a temporal thing. I think it's like 2016 k. Well, you you said you went to school in the base. I

0:32:21 Unknown Speaker #1

wanted So we're talking chowder. We're talkin them. We're Duggan Trolley? Yes. Talking the giant?

0:32:27 Unknown Speaker #5

Yes, of all those. And I was like, 20 minutes east of that. Enough

0:32:31 Unknown Speaker #3

chowders. 20 minutes east. A chowder. That high school. Did they have

0:32:35 Unknown Speaker #1

chowder at your school? He didn't. You couldn't get actually

0:32:37 Unknown Speaker #5

couldn't get acts. What about bread Bowl? They

0:32:41 Unknown Speaker #3

didn't have

0:32:41 Unknown Speaker #5

that at my school.

0:32:42 Unknown Speaker #3

I know. What was the

0:32:44 Unknown Speaker #2

school like? Was this one of those sort of hip new Agey schools? Was it? Ah, a public private? What? We're really was

0:32:50 Unknown Speaker #5

public. It

0:32:51 Unknown Speaker #3

doesn't feel

0:32:51 Unknown Speaker #5

hippie New age. It feels pretty normal. One great thing is that we had open lunch. What is this silly Amy toiled hard open top three kids that students were allowed to leave during lunch

0:33:06 Unknown Speaker #2

Is that high school kids are okay. Everybody would drive west, get that

0:33:11 Unknown Speaker #3

when they catch the

0:33:11 Unknown Speaker #1

trialing, get that bowl rally to get bowl.

0:33:15 Unknown Speaker #3

Um, he notes

0:33:16 Unknown Speaker #5

Funny. Is this is riel. There was a deli down the street called Domenico Owes, and for some reason, this was like at the height of, um, girls trying to be skinny

0:33:28 Unknown Speaker #2

over now. Yeah, it's over now. Over. Fick is in a

0:33:31 Unknown Speaker #3

way like that. That's over, right? Tied big. Yes. From outlining the shape of a thick woman over there. Got nasty. But Dominica Yes, and

0:33:46 Unknown Speaker #5

eso girls teenage girls were getting into this idea of wanting to be skinny, but had no idea how to go about it. So a big thing that girls would order at lunch was a what is not called. It's not a loaf of bread. What's like a like a bread, a baguette of bread and a side of ranch dressing?

0:34:04 Unknown Speaker #1

Oh, yeah. Great hush days

0:34:07 Unknown Speaker #5

that it was like that was a diet lunch. So that you know

0:34:10 Unknown Speaker #2

where these baguettes, because breads calorie rich,

0:34:12 Unknown Speaker #3

That's what, Sandman man. 10 years

0:34:14 Unknown Speaker #1

in the future we've learned that those were the two worst things for your body. Bread and creamy dress.

0:34:19 Unknown Speaker #5

That's right. Girls are stupid.

0:34:22 Unknown Speaker #3

Well, we're all stupid. Okay, great. I just none of us in this room

0:34:26 Unknown Speaker #1

are stupid, but in general the pop. Well, well, I feel weird because I just hid all of my rye and 1000

0:34:33 Unknown Speaker #2

island underneath the tape.

0:34:34 Unknown Speaker #3

No, no, no. Don't feel Should I eat? Of course.

0:34:37 Unknown Speaker #5

I mean, just don't make a big deal about that. You're trying to lose weight while you're doing well.

0:34:41 Unknown Speaker #1

You know, we should call. It was Travis Pastrami. You could make that around good.

0:34:45 Unknown Speaker #2

I've heard about him, and that was Domenico is your go to That was what was your demand. And I'm

0:34:51 Unknown Speaker #5

going to frickin uh, it's like called sour crunch bread or something like that. Yeah, I'm getting turkey. Okay. I'm getting lettuce. I'm getting tomato. It's so easy. I'm getting mayonnaise, and I'm not apologizing for it. And at mustard, uh, they had way, like, fancier cooler. Better things in that. But that was my order.

0:35:13 Unknown Speaker #4

Beautiful. And so are you getting shamed by some of the people eating bread and ranch where they're like, Oh, Darcy, Darcy is really getting the big

0:35:20 Unknown Speaker #5

I even if Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I'll tell you their names

0:35:25 Unknown Speaker #1

as ranch trips down those pigs shirt. Yeah, missing their mouth ranch dripping on the shirt and pants

0:35:35 Unknown Speaker #5

right over there. well be.

0:35:36 Unknown Speaker #4

Let's go through some of their names, but name four of them, but changing to their first or last time. But don't tell us which one you changed. Yeah, we'll get you the O or however many You could

0:35:49 Unknown Speaker #3

my name

0:35:49 Unknown Speaker #4

Frick first or fake last segment waiting for you.

0:35:54 Unknown Speaker #1

And you either change their first other last name were late. That's a fag. And then we google him and send them the podcast.

0:36:00 Unknown Speaker #3

I feel like it would be

0:36:02 Unknown Speaker #5

so obvious if anyone from my high school was listening. Okay,

0:36:05 Unknown Speaker #3

Well, Darcy curtain is another pass on first grade class. Classically difficult, but no one has ever done that. Nor should

0:36:15 Unknown Speaker #1

they like I love the food take of this. I want to know what's in the psyche of these kids.

0:36:22 Unknown Speaker #3

How is

0:36:23 Unknown Speaker #1

the vibe at your school?

0:36:24 Unknown Speaker #3

Happy general Bunch. Thanks for

0:36:25 Unknown Speaker #5

asking, Sam. Yeah, it waas. Yes, I would say a

0:36:30 Unknown Speaker #3

happy. Here's the

0:36:31 Unknown Speaker #5

thing. You know what this town that I grew up on girl grew up in. Could you please edit that out of town? That I grew up in was a little bit on the ritzy side

0:36:43 Unknown Speaker #2

area and if

0:36:44 Unknown Speaker #4

anyone heard that sounded correct. We edited out

0:36:50 Unknown Speaker #1

my town and I don't mean to sell. Your story was a little

0:36:53 Unknown Speaker #2

bit Carlton E. Yours was a little bit ritzy.

0:36:58 Unknown Speaker #3

We're gonna cut that part two. So it's a little Richie town. I literally don't understand. Carlton. Ritz Carlton say bythe way got there first Wolf. I did e I guess that was great. Actually, Bill looks well, I could have said, oh,

0:37:20 Unknown Speaker #1

years is a little bit really well, minds a little bit crack ary.

0:37:24 Unknown Speaker #4

And, of course, the third option Let you talk about your story,

0:37:28 Unknown Speaker #2

which is obviously never the option that we will take. It allows no

0:37:32 Unknown Speaker #5

wound. You guys, I really am a big fan. You want me to do something weird? Sure. Okay. Ready Classes out. And the car fi zone like the beat. A couple things on my mind that I'm trying to get off,

0:37:54 Unknown Speaker #3

Cut me some slack

0:37:57 Unknown Speaker #5

and pour me a cup of that Joe knows. Welcome to teacher's lounges. Hurry up. Start the show.

0:38:08 Unknown Speaker #2

Way had actual fans. Wow. Is beauty. That was really nice. Couple

0:38:15 Unknown Speaker #4

things on my chest on my my uh that was really great.

0:38:18 Unknown Speaker #3

Todd, what is your

0:38:19 Unknown Speaker #1

issue here because I

0:38:20 Unknown Speaker #3

think we

0:38:21 Unknown Speaker #1

all like to get into so much. We haven't looked

0:38:24 Unknown Speaker #5

me in the given. You haven't looked me in the eye. You haven't. You haven't seen me in the eyes once today?

0:38:31 Unknown Speaker #1

Well, yeah, I don't know.

0:38:33 Unknown Speaker #4

I I guess I'm just pretty comfortable around a successful woman on, you know, to me, it's Ah, I don't want to try to intimidate you as a fellow actor. You know, I think we'll probably end up going up for some of the same parts someday.

0:38:46 Unknown Speaker #1

Did you guys ever cross paths?

0:38:48 Unknown Speaker #5

It's funny, you know, because I do listen to the podcast. But I didn't know what you guys look like until I walked in. And you do? There is something familiar about you.

0:38:55 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah, I got dragged out of your good place audition. Wait.

0:39:00 Unknown Speaker #5

Yeah, you were a different weight.

0:39:03 Unknown Speaker #1

different a lot of stuff, different ways. Your

0:39:03 Unknown Speaker #3

Talks about a

0:39:08 Unknown Speaker #5

body was very different. I don't want you did a hasty

0:39:12 Unknown Speaker #2

done fat suit, like hastily done.

0:39:14 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah, I wanted to know. I just My interpretation of the script was a little different than what they ended up going with, but I thought I thought Janet was a little bit of a bigger character on I know that. They didn't really probably didn't know what they wanted at the time. You were

0:39:29 Unknown Speaker #5

so tall, like in the Sevens, right? You're wearing some sort of weird like a still

0:39:36 Unknown Speaker #4

treat. They say, Make a choice that I always remember feeds. So I came in and I said, You know, I'll take notes on my script and to me, it's like Janet to seven foot 8 £642 she's got gas and I played it that way. I played it that way.

0:39:52 Unknown Speaker #5

They do say, Make a choice for an audition.

0:39:54 Unknown Speaker #1

One choice. The right, not three disparate choice.

0:39:58 Unknown Speaker #3

I mean, you know, I

0:40:00 Unknown Speaker #4

I'm glad to see that they didn't go with Janet being Italian because that was my read. And I thought they would steal it from me when they didn't.

0:40:07 Unknown Speaker #5

They didn't. Yeah, I never heard. I never heard. But that was

0:40:10 Unknown Speaker #4

It's good to see you. It's really good to see you. I don't know if you remember the conversation before the addition, but we were in the room. It was just you and I in the room, and I was

0:40:17 Unknown Speaker #5

trying to go over my lines.

0:40:18 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah, I was loudly. I was loudly reading the magazine.

0:40:24 Unknown Speaker #5

Yeah, that's right. You brought it in. It was from, like, the eighties or

0:40:27 Unknown Speaker #2

something, right? And when you say you're reading, it was probably just doing that little find this image thing.

0:40:31 Unknown Speaker #3

Yes, that's right. But he

0:40:32 Unknown Speaker #5

was He was narrating. Where's the handkerchief? Here's the stairs.

0:40:37 Unknown Speaker #4

You would go. No, that's a fire truck, sir.

0:40:42 Unknown Speaker #5

It's hard for me to like, you know, See, it was hard for me to see you get it wrong so many times.

0:40:47 Unknown Speaker #1

That's so nice of you to help him out. You have such a nice, warm energy to just, you know,

0:40:51 Unknown Speaker #4

I warn people going toe vibe with each other. Go. I'm tired of tired.

0:40:57 Unknown Speaker #3

Your tire todo You want me to get up? Pull out bed,

0:41:03 Unknown Speaker #5

weaken, switch, take a nap

0:41:05 Unknown Speaker #1

Time. Like walking around like he's a dog about to, like, circle down into a bad

0:41:10 Unknown Speaker #5

Hey, Todd, look at me real quick. Just look at me. No, please. I am. I wish you all the best. I want the best for you. I think you're great. He's crying But the tears air,

0:41:27 Unknown Speaker #3

steam tears are sting thistles. No, I've never change. So seen tug of this emotional You still fired up, steaming out his own dear

0:41:37 Unknown Speaker #4

So touched If I cry, I cry hot, angry tears it Steve's out. I'm not quite because of you. I'm sure you have good of an actor. I am because I'm actually happy, right? Yeah.

0:41:47 Unknown Speaker #5

It's not your fault. Time. Oh, wow. I made you No.

0:41:54 Unknown Speaker #3

God, it's so hot. How? Oh, sorry. I'm just not gonna

0:41:58 Unknown Speaker #1

work right now. Is that I think one has sauce. What kind of that is that? A bullet? A stop that support Kabul E. I don't think you understand. Vodka sauce. It smells like really terrible. Well, Darcy, as you know, every school has one really attractive teacher. We all know who it is. That Hamilton did

0:42:22 Unknown Speaker #3

you have an attractive teacher? Someone you had

0:42:24 Unknown Speaker #1

a crush on or is that disgusting?

0:42:26 Unknown Speaker #5

No, no. That's why I think I had that, like, really strongly. I probably had it too much. I It was easy for me to get crushes on teachers when

0:42:34 Unknown Speaker #1

it is time for you to name the name different. First of different last. You want to do

0:42:46 Unknown Speaker #3

it?

0:42:46 Unknown Speaker #5

I don't remember his first names. I could

0:42:48 Unknown Speaker #3

just take a little That's Mr

0:42:51 Unknown Speaker #1

Ault, Mr All I'm gonna say That's fake. You changed, Mr. I Bet his name was really Mr Salt Way. Get that. He

0:43:01 Unknown Speaker #5

was really Mr Alton. You looked like a cartoon character. Like the cartoon character of Ichabod Crane from the Disney movie

0:43:12 Unknown Speaker #3

during a pumpkin. I feel like

0:43:14 Unknown Speaker #2

I think about it, But nobody. I was terrorized by the

0:43:17 Unknown Speaker #3

pretty Sure. It's ahead of this guy with a pumpkin under

0:43:20 Unknown Speaker #5

Ichabod Crane and the

0:43:21 Unknown Speaker #2

headless horseman. Like, like, sort of riding through the forest. And he's sort of spooked by the headless horseman,

0:43:28 Unknown Speaker #5

as I'm sure we would all be. Let's not,

0:43:30 Unknown Speaker #2

of course, absolute. Absolutely. Would

0:43:34 Unknown Speaker #2

of the four of us? Which of us do you think is the most

0:43:34 Unknown Speaker #3

you say

0:43:36 Unknown Speaker #3

attractive teacher?

0:43:38 Unknown Speaker #5

Okay, well, here, how about this? Because, you know, for the people listening, they don't know what your what you guys look like. So I'll unhappy to answer this, But why don't you guys describe your the way you look

0:43:49 Unknown Speaker #5

little bit. Just describe it a little bit,

0:43:49 Unknown Speaker #3

just a

0:43:51 Unknown Speaker #2

Okay? I am sort of, Ah, £25 overweight, dusty mustache. I've got hair that's a bit too long. It

0:44:03 Unknown Speaker #3

also been

0:44:04 Unknown Speaker #1

too short, too short, maybe bit too short in some

0:44:06 Unknown Speaker #2

places, but to belong. Another place definitely thinning in the middle. In the top, I've got on a tweed blazer.

0:44:14 Unknown Speaker #1

Where is your, uh, where it actually is coming from? Where is the words? The source. But

0:44:21 Unknown Speaker #3

it looks like an active cotton

0:44:23 Unknown Speaker #1

machine like it's going. It's like like I put a stick and I have a hair hair.

0:44:31 Unknown Speaker #4

Of course, you describe what you're seeing. Also, there's anything you know that's a notable about our bodies.

0:44:36 Unknown Speaker #5

How do you have? You have a gorgeous smile. Thank you. Really nice show that it's different. It's different, but that's what That's one of the things that makes it great,

0:44:46 Unknown Speaker #3

because when you

0:44:47 Unknown Speaker #1

smile, you give both rose. You give big gums

0:44:55 Unknown Speaker #2

on both sides, is what my mom always said. Gums on both sides. I need to see both gums shoot my mom. Whenever we took a family photo, everybody had to show top and bottom bottom.

0:45:07 Unknown Speaker #1

You know, Howard looks so I obviously have really hair that grows long if I let it. Uh, I have a insanely dark just for men to koto like as if you look into it, you will see the future. It's so it's, like more of a cold.

0:45:28 Unknown Speaker #5

That's a great way of describing it. Yeah, Yeah, it sucks Gravity. Yes,

0:45:33 Unknown Speaker #2

I don't have You could see that if I put a pin on the table a inches towards my goatee was swirling.

0:45:39 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah. Big, huge polo shirt billow. He tucked in

0:45:46 Unknown Speaker #1

some wrestlers, which is Walmarts Brand on your shirt tucked in so far. Goes right into the shoe

0:45:53 Unknown Speaker #3

thing. This is it. This is Ah, uh, this is an

0:45:59 Unknown Speaker #1

untucked. Its new brand when I took it is not enough for you Like this is an untouchable. Yeah, this is untouchable. It's been in my freezer with euron crustal. We know it's been in my freezer with jelly. It doesn't jelly and peanut butter inside. Okay, um, so it's an untouchable, right? Um and, uh, yeah. Big, huge square white daddy. She Yeah,

0:46:26 Unknown Speaker #5

on body wise. Very slender. Yeah, very, very tight.

0:46:32 Unknown Speaker #1

wispy blow will get Let's say, let's say I'm walking down

0:46:32 Unknown Speaker #2

It's a wispy,

0:46:37 Unknown Speaker #2

the street. The bus goes by, I would be blown in.

0:46:39 Unknown Speaker #5

Yeah, yeah, mostly bones.

0:46:42 Unknown Speaker #1

Mostly bounds A me Sam. Much like Howard, I am £25 exactly the way I should be. And, um, I'm also

0:46:52 Unknown Speaker #3

I guess you could

0:46:53 Unknown Speaker #1

say, legally sunburned.

0:46:57 Unknown Speaker #5

That's that. It's from the sun. It's not just,

0:47:00 Unknown Speaker #1

you know, it is from the sun thing, but it's been by the government deemed my driver's license legally something. It's like being legally blonde, the other ones we don't talk about. Um so, yes, I'm legally sunburned. My hair grows different in these guys inward. My hair grows in words. So I have long hair, but it's underneath.

0:47:19 Unknown Speaker #5

Okay, so that's why your neck is so thick

0:47:22 Unknown Speaker #1

on. That's what people they asked me. And I say, No, it's not from where you say I don't work out just my neck. It's my hair because it goes in Okay, Um, most people can't get past those things. So yeah, that's what I look

0:47:34 Unknown Speaker #5

OK. And again, I would say beautiful eyes.

0:47:37 Unknown Speaker #1

Thank you so much. You're great at finding the nice thing about people.

0:47:41 Unknown Speaker #5

You know. We've got a great smile over here. We got mostly bones

0:47:44 Unknown Speaker #1

over here. Todd.

0:47:49 Unknown Speaker #4

I've been described a script keeper. Chic, uh,

0:47:54 Unknown Speaker #2

usually be believe off the sheep

0:47:55 Unknown Speaker #4

part or your keeper Sheep. Yeah. Crypt keeper Sheikh said that. You know, uh, my hair. It looks as if it kept growing, but my skin and body and wait stopped going out. Um,

0:48:09 Unknown Speaker #2

I've actually heard somebody describe you as a moat like molded dust. Like

0:48:14 Unknown Speaker #1

human hold. It does. I heard someone describe you as barbecued beef jerky. They start with dried out beef jerky and then

0:48:21 Unknown Speaker #5

a barbecue. I see that.

0:48:23 Unknown Speaker #4

And as you could say about see by looking at me, Darcy being described by people is really important. Notable. Look that people need to say out loud what it feels and looks like to them.

0:48:34 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah, everybody has. That's true. There was a spinoff show that was of kitchen nightmares called person Nightmare.

0:48:41 Unknown Speaker #4

It was person nightmare. And it was me walking into people's houses and being followed by Gordon Ramsay's

0:48:50 Unknown Speaker #1

getting work. Yeah, but, you know, it's just how

0:48:56 Unknown Speaker #4

the artist is. There's always a better job.

0:48:58 Unknown Speaker #5

I understand that.

0:48:59 Unknown Speaker #4

You know, I'm doing person nightmares, and it's like but this is still with Ramsey on. I want

0:49:05 Unknown Speaker #5

to be the Ramsey I get.

0:49:06 Unknown Speaker #1

That's right. Eso to

0:49:07 Unknown Speaker #3

bring this

0:49:08 Unknown Speaker #1

creepy segment, Teoh. Okay, who do you think is

0:49:13 Unknown Speaker #3

Thing is, if you were a student, don't want t o If you were a little you're a little girl. Let's not

0:49:21 Unknown Speaker #5

make this creep, okay, okay. It's hard because I have, like, a very maternal feeling towards you guys, right? You wouldn't raise this all.

0:49:29 Unknown Speaker #3

That's a fine answer.

0:49:30 Unknown Speaker #5

Yes. So there's I mean,

0:49:32 Unknown Speaker #4

I think that's even less creepy. If we were your son's, which one would be the hottest?

0:49:36 Unknown Speaker #5

Yeah, I little boy. Well, see, that's the hard part, right? Is because when you are a mom, you can't really pick a favorite, right? My

0:49:43 Unknown Speaker #4

mom did was your big toe. Least favorite. Your sometimes could be attracted to any other kid.

0:49:48 Unknown Speaker #5

I can't or Lord, that that, you know, almost like I can't settle down with just one of attracted love over you. Okay,

0:49:58 Unknown Speaker #1

well, we're all your sons that you're attracted to is what you're saying.

0:50:02 Unknown Speaker #5

I I did say that, OK, some I'm thinking that's a yes. Well, you know, I'm married.

0:50:12 Unknown Speaker #1

Look, um Okay, well, I guess, uh, kid, let's kick it way should do a good job. We have more questions. Ask about your high school experience. We're live at a school

0:50:26 Unknown Speaker #4

essential. You know, I'd love I. You know, I've been working on my play and we have a eso considered an actor here. I thought maybe we could read a scene from being

0:50:39 Unknown Speaker #2

on TV. She's currently on TV, multiple times, multiple roles.

0:50:42 Unknown Speaker #4

How many dead bodies you played in CS? I

0:50:44 Unknown Speaker #5

I actually I never have played.

0:50:46 Unknown Speaker #4

Oh, yeah, I played six, most of them. White makeup to no makeup.

0:50:52 Unknown Speaker #3

I mean, that's something. So

0:50:54 Unknown Speaker #4

I guess we're both doing Really, Really?

0:50:56 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah. It was unbelievable. When

0:50:58 Unknown Speaker #2

you play that body that washed up, uh, in the East River, they were like, we don't even need to see him in the makeup trailer. He's big,

0:51:06 Unknown Speaker #4

bloated and blue and just direct report. Yeah, Yeah. Unfortunately, that was not a casting. That was your swimming I was doing was one of my floats. That was a very float. It was.

0:51:18 Unknown Speaker #5

It was incorporated into the shot.

0:51:20 Unknown Speaker #4

They used it. Yeah. One

0:51:21 Unknown Speaker #1

of the first times I iced tea has ever screamed. Screamed when he saw that dead. But he thought It was really?

0:51:31 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah. I thought it was really

0:51:32 Unknown Speaker #2

time. We all just gotta We all got an email that said that says open this.

0:51:36 Unknown Speaker #1

You went on sale. Whoa, whoa. You still working with a O l Dar? Yeah. Oh, right. Yeah. Yards. You sent

0:51:45 Unknown Speaker #2

us a draft of a place.

0:51:47 Unknown Speaker #4

So this is the beginning of my planet. Still up? Still working on it? Hey, Darcie, I'd like you to play Todd. I'd like to hear your read on it, Shall I guess, looking through here, Leslie. My wife. Howard, if you want to play that interesting, um, Sam, if you want to play Mary, my daughter are trying on Bill. If you want to play Brad the my daughter's attractive boyfriend. Okay, okay on.

0:52:12 Unknown Speaker #2

Will you do stage other stage? Understand? OK,

0:52:16 Unknown Speaker #4

you can't spell alimony without most of the letters and money. That title yeah, titled Play With Adult Themes to be performed by High School Students by Todd Theodore Padre, starring Todd Padre and the Hamilton Theater stood I'm going to skip the about the author here. Alright already about the author Todd Padre is a heterosexual actor, playwright, author and feminist. K is the only living member of the Razz got club, recipient of a Razzie for television, theatre, film and music and the mile low having a wet dream on a deep sea submarine. He reached a personal milestone in 2015 when New York's famed Katz's Deli, named a toilet after he is Jewish, single and loving. His daughter Mary, is the light of his life. She's his world in his reason for being note. Double check spelling underneath and

0:53:09 Unknown Speaker #1

now. Usually they don't do an about the author in the script, but it's got

0:53:13 Unknown Speaker #4

to know you well, you know the mindset it put me in a place interior condo day. Todd comes home after a long day at work. His with, uh,

0:53:22 Unknown Speaker #1

probably should say wife.

0:53:23 Unknown Speaker #4

His wife, Leslie, suits on the couch.

0:53:26 Unknown Speaker #5

It's about T E H.

0:53:28 Unknown Speaker #2

A lot of you do any spell check.

0:53:30 Unknown Speaker #1

quietly say spelling error when they're raising

0:53:30 Unknown Speaker #3

I'll just sort of

0:53:34 Unknown Speaker #4

his wife. Leslie sits on the couch watching television

0:53:37 Unknown Speaker #2

your own late.

0:53:38 Unknown Speaker #5

Nice to see you too, honey.

0:53:40 Unknown Speaker #4

Nut. There was sarcastic. Okay.

0:53:42 Unknown Speaker #5

Uh, I think I was sarcastic. Okay. Didn't hear. Okay. Nice to see you too, honey.

0:53:48 Unknown Speaker #2

We had dinner plans two hours ago.

0:53:51 Unknown Speaker #5

I'm sorry. One of blood's still being sarcastic. I'm sorry. One of my students was having a struggle with their home life and I stayed late to give them advice.

0:53:59 Unknown Speaker #2

Going well? I worked all day too. And then I came home enslaved over this dinner for you

0:54:04 Unknown Speaker #5

Spelling Don't say slave like that. It's insulting to the people who actually were and are still a

0:54:11 Unknown Speaker #4

respectful is appreciative applause

0:54:13 Unknown Speaker #2

again, Todd, you can put in the audience reaction into your play. Okay? Spelling, please don't lecture me.

0:54:18 Unknown Speaker #5

What's happening here? I miss you. I miss us.

0:54:21 Unknown Speaker #4

Talk pours himself a PBR parapet. Rocks sips it. It goes down. Smooth failure.

0:54:30 Unknown Speaker #3

You

0:54:31 Unknown Speaker #2

care too much about your job, about these students and about making art. You leave your whole self with these students and there's nothing left for me. My mama told me not to marry

0:54:40 Unknown Speaker #3

Jean. What if we

0:54:42 Unknown Speaker #5

made love like we used Teoh?

0:54:44 Unknown Speaker #2

I'm not turned on by you anymore. It must be something wrong with me.

0:54:49 Unknown Speaker #5

Maybe a smooch will change things.

0:54:50 Unknown Speaker #4

They smooch Big tires, a romantic song. Place Sinatra or Boo Blay. Things start to heat up when his daughter Mary enters through the door. Upstage right or left, whichever is the one that's on the right When you're watching. She enters with her boyfriend, Brad. 17 strong, not intimidating to Todd. And worse looking than him too.

0:55:10 Unknown Speaker #1

Mom, Dad grows

0:55:12 Unknown Speaker #5

Mary Mary's boyfriend. You're home early. No,

0:55:15 Unknown Speaker #2

not. Yeah, we're not early.

0:55:15 Unknown Speaker #3

we're

0:55:18 Unknown Speaker #3

Are you

0:55:19 Unknown Speaker #2

sure? Yes. Yes. Oh, that's make Yes, they're here when they say they would be here where they said they would be here. Sorry.

0:55:29 Unknown Speaker #5

Well, don't take his side right away.

0:55:31 Unknown Speaker #2

Todd, we've talked about this. You don't need to be jealous. I'm not attracted to him.

0:55:38 Unknown Speaker #5

You're right. How could you not be? Look at this guy. He's a beefcake. But I could kick his ass.

0:55:43 Unknown Speaker #2

Please, Mr Padre. Doctor, please. Dr. Padre, You're my teacher and I'm dating your daughter. I don't want to fight you.

0:55:51 Unknown Speaker #5

Well, I came here to kiss my wife and kick ass, and my wife doesn't like kissing me. So,

0:55:57 Unknown Speaker #3

Dad, you're embarrassing yourself. Every time you

0:56:00 Unknown Speaker #1

try to fight one of my boyfriends, you end up hurt and crying.

0:56:02 Unknown Speaker #2

Honey, are you sure you're not just testy? Because that negative review your last plague? I

0:56:07 Unknown Speaker #3

know who cares

0:56:08 Unknown Speaker #5

if off Broadway magazine called Angels in America's Outfield

0:56:11 Unknown Speaker #1

unwatchable. I thought it was awful. Broadway magazine. Whatever

0:56:17 Unknown Speaker #4

to be continued. Not sure what happens next. Maybe Todd beats up Brad but learns an important lesson. Someone needs to learn the lesson. Well, see, that's why Darcy's Wow,

0:56:27 Unknown Speaker #5

what an honor

0:56:28 Unknown Speaker #1

it is. The sod, the life. That is the first time even anyone with a sad car has even touched one of your plays. Todd, the bylaws are so you don't know this from the pilots. If you're inside, you can. You should be careful. You should. You technically crossing the picket. Do you mind to

0:56:49 Unknown Speaker #5

leading that part

0:56:50 Unknown Speaker #4

for me? We will. Thank you. You send out a mass email about you being canceled. What the No, the union is okay. And that's not true. I have a sad card. Said I've read my own lines.

0:57:01 Unknown Speaker #2

That's a different sag dot

0:57:02 Unknown Speaker #4

Okay, have a saggy card.

0:57:05 Unknown Speaker #1

You're a saggy actor. Thank

0:57:07 Unknown Speaker #4

you. Thank you, Darcy. Obviously, no notes. Uh, no notes. You

0:57:12 Unknown Speaker #1

were very good in that. That was That's really awesome. Yeah. You can tell you've done the code read before.

0:57:18 Unknown Speaker #5

A couple of guys have had. I've done a couple cold reads. Yeah, you know I have. And that's cool. It's just part of the job, you know?

0:57:25 Unknown Speaker #2

Well, you know, it's really cool that we brought you on here to talk about high school and did it for, like, five of these minutes. But honestly, it's been a blast talking to you, Darcy,

0:57:34 Unknown Speaker #5

you know, such a big fan of the show fan of you guys. It's It's, you know, overwhelming and exciting to be in this room with you guys.

0:57:40 Unknown Speaker #1

We are really excited for the good place. Yeah, when she starts back tomorrow.

0:57:45 Unknown Speaker #3

That's right. Tomorrow night,

0:57:46 Unknown Speaker #5

Thursday, September 26th. That's

0:57:48 Unknown Speaker #2

wattle. If you haven't, that's another show that if you haven't heard the previous seasons, it's may be tough to jump into. You should go recommend going straight to Netflix. Clinch Finch. We love to bed. We like the idea of a binge.

0:58:03 Unknown Speaker #4

What do you binging lately? Darcy? Cardinal. You bingeing, bingeing anything loses TV shows, I think.

0:58:10 Unknown Speaker #5

I mean, I moved here. I am binging

0:58:13 Unknown Speaker #3

foods. Whatever. We like

0:58:14 Unknown Speaker #1

the idea of losing control and binging. Right?

0:58:17 Unknown Speaker #4

Example. I've been John Hot Cheetos.

0:58:19 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah. What do you have an unhealthy

0:58:21 Unknown Speaker #5

relationship with on television. I guess I I am possession. I'm not know, But I do like my friend leaves messages about succession on my phone, even though I don't watch the

0:58:32 Unknown Speaker #3

show could. That way, if you could think of

0:58:35 Unknown Speaker #5

what if you could just make up what you think,

0:58:38 Unknown Speaker #3

all right. Also, his first same Beavis and his last name star for You Tell May. What's the name?

0:58:46 Unknown Speaker #1

Obviously got a friend, Bea

0:58:47 Unknown Speaker #3

Vo. I guess I'm

0:58:51 Unknown Speaker #5

I'm watching Handmaid's Tale. That's hard, right? That's a lot of that energy throughout the day. As a big, you got two episodes max a day or

0:59:03 Unknown Speaker #4

a lot of people say they can't spend two hours with me and with that show in the same day

0:59:07 Unknown Speaker #2

Yeah, that I can absolutely see that, you know, on that somber note, I think it might be time for us. Teoh hit the bricks on this episode of the teachers Lanky guy, We got to say again, Darcy, thank you so much for being here for being so open and honest about your high school experience. Sam is the most attractive

0:59:24 Unknown Speaker #3

teacher. Ah, growing in is where it's I like Zbig fitness.

0:59:31 Unknown Speaker #2

Yeah, I knew it. Well, anyway, folks, thanks so much for two name again. You can catch the

0:59:36 Unknown Speaker #1

one. You just a very come

0:59:39 Unknown Speaker #5

out writing it right now, so All

0:59:43 Unknown Speaker #2

right. Okay. Great. Rod, you're not going to speak your way into that show Auditions. Auditions haven't Even There

0:59:48 Unknown Speaker #3

are a lot of dead bodies on that show that

0:59:51 Unknown Speaker #4

Okay, well, let's talk. Let's talk.

0:59:54 Unknown Speaker #1

Still working an avatar Really bad as well, right? Well, yeah.

0:59:57 Unknown Speaker #4

They said my tail was to breath to rag. It's It is a blue tail charges and

1:00:02 Unknown Speaker #1

fix it. Okay. Can you get us all in?

1:00:05 Unknown Speaker #5

Avatar I can make you I can make some introductions.

1:00:09 Unknown Speaker #2

All right. Well, thank you so much for being here dark. And we appreciate everybody out there for tuning in on until next time. SE said it too.