pullout catch. Looks like it was slept on last night. It looks heavily used.

Yeah. And Todd, you're yawning,

Todd. Well, it could have been

any of us.

Let's just say there wasn't a lot of sleeping going on.

Oh, really? You have

company? In your time. I've

smelled What a room This is gross. But I've smelled brother rooms, runs like after sex. And this room does

not smell like No, that all on

dives also smelled what a room smells like after masquerading as I got a little

bit in here.

Well, joke's on you. I haven't been able to get hard for five years. So it wasn't that you? Um, no. Yeah, I got I'm I got kicked out of the house. Uh, my landlord. Yeah. It's

gonna say you don't You don't Anybody but it's on demand device.

Right on divorce were not legally but you're That's right. I haven't been served yet separated illegally.

Why you So you got evicted. You can say you didn't get kicked out. You got evicted?

No, I got into it with the landlord.

Hey said don't

come back. When did you say am I evicted? Or

it would challenge you know, after the factory. Like I should ask that, like you're so in the heat of the moment, Forget some of the stuff you should have said, but it was like, you know, um I don't care how many times I clogged the toilet. It's your job to fix it. Uh, you know? Well, there wasn't room for a TV here, so I took the walls down

walls. Yes. How big is the

TV you wanted to put in your house, Todd?

Oh, I got a I got one of those projectors.

Okay. See, you needed a wall to use it.

My man. I could have used you three days

ago. Well, could I mean, surely you found a sheet

to put up or something. You figured out a solution? Yeah. Yeah, well, you know, all my sheets are that they're too dirty. So So I'm sitting, I'm sitting and I'm watching dark night like ideo on. And I'm like, Jesus. Batman's got second kredell over

because you put up one of

your sheets and I was like, Is this one of the worst scenes of passion of the Christ? But you were just you. This sheet was just up. It was

bloody jesu. What is an in? There's no having

s e. I saw one of your seats the other day. I thought it was all you have camouflage sheets. I understand. I've never seen a camo sheet before. That's right. Your body oils. That's not. And that's a green poo poo. I think a

little bit of put on that cheap for sure. Well, not peuple and body oil, no PP. Iowa people, I

pull the wool over your eyes. People best

was one of those color palettes. They really taught me how

to blend colors and make other colors. Well, I remember you getting out the shooting. Go. Hey, guys, check this out. No, p

no peace. Brought it in to brag about. Look on Lee snide poop and body oil. Not brag

greatly. More devastated to be so proud of that. Like a like a little boy. Uh, walking down. You know what? I don't know what the with a little birthday present for his mommy and then being told,

like a sense memory. You

know, this thing? We all have things. The little boy walked down for a birthday present this bombing and then being told that you don't make macaroni art out of cooked penne A. I fell right off her neck. Fell right off her neck. That's right, innit? Burned her neck. Also, I felt like that classic little boy moment of where you bring your mommy Birthday. Macaroni. Macaroni. 33. This is unacceptable for so many reasons.

Decide we don't mean like, we don't need to come down the man, but it's weird to have sheets that are so nasty.

Okay, well, I guess it's weird to have sheets that are so clean,

you know? Congrats on the remodel, You know, Congrats on the remodel. I hope you

find a space heater soon. Thank you. Yeah, but

I hope they hurry up and get a structural beam in there to keep the weight up. Because it is way we went over for

you. You really taking pictures in front of your apartment? Building causes like the Leaning Tower. A piece

of crap.

Your your house

is sagging more than some of the kids at this school with their pay.

All right, let's listen to and

they keep it and they're they're taking pictures and I look like there is There's a hunchback. Two different things. I guess it's in the same world.

I do have a belt, but no

p. They are bragging about that. What about a Dodge? Back and beast? Eyes both.

All right. Well, speaking of kids reactions. Kick it. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Teacher's Lounge. This is the first, best and only podcast routine issues relevant to the Hamilton High School community. Guys again, you don't have to do the theme song playing underneath me right now. I, of course, am Howard Lettuce. That's not in the team. But I'm Howard Levis. You're I'm your biology teacher. AP Biology teacher and again, already

psychology. You don't have to have. Everybody

likes to brag. We've seen your tinder profile that AP is a lot bigger. Font wise.

Yeah, I figured out how to format my tinder profile. Uh, they don't allow html, but there is some JavaScript, uh, coding you can do. So I went to a weekend course learned Java just a doctor

up my tinder to enhance the AP on your tender,

big, bold in old English lettering. Eso people know I am in the advanced placement program here in Hamilton.

What does that get you are not. That's why

it's unclear about it is. It makes it look like you are in the obits placement program. You're a student on your profile.

Hey, you know, every teacher is also learning, is what I say. So like Like I said this year, I'm devoting myself every waking moment of my entire life to lining a person toe. Have sex with that. That's hope

to running an elp oil local,

those air, both byproducts of my goal, which is Teoh sort of reconnect with my, uh, want of changing Children's lives. Yes, the El Pollo Loco has taken off. Uh, a lot of people are saying this is more bland than other employ locals. And I say that's because I don't have salt. Uh,

any song? No, no. So get salt.

I went to go into the doctor and they said, You got to cut salt and I said for

everybody

and and he said no for you.

And I said, Well, if if the note for me it's no for everybody. So I stopped putting salt on my chickens. Uh, but

anyways, well, ultimate. When it's chicken, not when it's live

chicken. I'll say this zoologist also said, because of the sugar

Well, you know, I see in the zoo keeper and I don't trust anybody. I don't trust anybody after I saw

you see a zookeeper once a month.

Yeah, I do, because it's cheaper than a doctor.

Well, he put you in

a pin last time you had a cold,

and let's be clear, he's not quite a vet. He's Suzuki

P is a 17 year old kid who had an internship at the zoo and did so well that they gave him a job looking after the elephants and the draft.

I'm gonna be honest with you. I got an email from him a couple weeks and I'd watch out because I think he's looking to put you out to stud pretty soon. No.

What is she talking about? Well, for you, that might not be bad. That could be your first date. What does that mean? It means a healthy girl

X No, it's studies the opposite studies the person who's whose are the aggressor.

That depends on how you interpret Fucked. Okay, Me on the bottom is that you are kept in a tiny pen and someone with a plastic glove on jerks you off and you never get to go outside. Okay. Uh, well,

that's what it may.

Okay, Timothy O. I'm gross now, because horses do that.

If Tim Paper is listening, I don't want that. I don't want that. I want to take that off the menu. One

day, we'll learn for for you and all of us to be able to tell this guy to his face what you want. About what?

Yeah, it's easier for me to say it into a microphone when I can't see him in the eyes. Timothy headed off.

Any time I see someone in the eyes, I get really freaked. How is your class

going? Uh, classes air going fine. Uh, you know, I reconnected with my love of biology. Honestly. Gorgeous. That's beautiful. Yeah. I, uh you know, the textbooks textbooks are so nice. I don't know if you guys I love textbook artwork. You know what I mean? It's like, really You mean like artwork that is on textbooks, or like, artwork? That is just very artwork. No, no, no. I'm talking about are about covers of high school textbooks. Okay. The geometry textbooks that have the different sort of geometric shapes the earth, Earth studies, earth sciences books, the pictures of the dinosaurs.

It's an art form that decided it was done in 1982.

Yes, if it ain't broke. What is the line whom Agrawal Hill McGraw has down or talk? Flynn

Putin lifting. That's our provider.

Hooten Mifflin. Yes. Hoot. Hoot.

Like an and but just

Yeah, I know who Who makes bugs. I've known who for years. Hey, they're doing it together. Oh, yeah. That is a shock to May. How do you know who? Well, who, Man who? You're staying out in college because of your

voice. They used to call you Hooton. Holler

Way used to be used to be hurting it. Putin Mahler now issued mifflin cause I'm the one who started making books. What the hell is this? I have No, you didn't know?

I wouldn't have brought it

up. I'm so used to make books all the time around. No, my idea battles. I had a paper bag and a hardcover. Were you making textbooks or what kind of books? Remake. But it looks I would give him and people is. Most people don't know that they think

the author like designs the book. But I don't think there are

bookmakers. There are bookmakers that like me. You sit around like how big it was a little Should it be what would the content, but no, no, but I don't have nothing to do with the content. Make the But

so you were you a left to right guy?

Yes. Yeah, I was left to right.

Look to rush

standard when I was down. Ah, right side, right side up. Right side of

two. Right, right side up.

And then I once I got good, I started making these big, heavy coffee table books. Big, nice, big books. Uh, do you go cover to cover?

Is that personal? That's personal. That's personal. Well,

what do you mean? Just do you go cover to cover? No. Sometimes I'll give up. You lose inspiration

halfway there. Book. You don't finish the back cover,

bill. I was at first shocked to hear that you didn't know who'd Mifflin. But then I remembered you threw away the textbooks in your social studies class,

Bill craving on the mike over here. Booth,

Assistant basketball coach. Ah, and social studies teachers. I did. Teacher. I did throw out the ah ah, textbook because we're learning through experiences. Yes. So we're going to museums. Were, ah, hiking around old battlefields? Um, where? Sound like you have a lot of planned things. Sounds like you kind of just throwing these out there. This sounds like I'm panicking on the drive to school and being, like, what? What can I do today?

A little

bit. I didn't sound quite like that. But I love like watching my shows, to be honest

with you guys, you know, you got practically well,

Yeah. I mean, I take the JV boys out, we practice after the varsity, we go to the old haunted gym and we play against the ghosts. Ah, and and it's it's tough. So, yeah, we've been out in

the field doing a little bit of social studies. You did have your first JV game. Your acts first actual game this week, right?

Yes. Yes. So the, um So the varsity goes on at 8 p.m. And the JV boys play at 5 30 And as you guys know, they've been practicing again against ghosts. Their dead relatives, um, who are haunted. So the games have been interesting

because this one was against the West Chester Golden Knights.

Yes. Who are human beings? They're not actual golden. The fastest, strongest teams in the league. Yeah, we got

killed. Yeah, they have two players who can dunk.

Yes, they have two little boys you condone. They run up each other's back, like one gets down, and it's like this big crawl up. But my boys kept being like, All right, let's get out the Tero cards on this one. All right, That didn't work. What? Everybody wears the source. Maybe it's an old haunted necklace. So they're running around the stadium, right? Yanking off old ladies necklaces and trying to throw it into the sounds like it was a disaster. Yes,

but I don't know if if if if the paperwork is done on this, but you're bringing in a ring, all right? You got the nun

to join the team. I've got the oldest nine. So now you have someone who can dunk. Yes, it was is sheikhoun dunk. And also, she's very good at, um, casts a. She comes with their own holy water.

That's great. Figure out cause you found her on a painting in a basement, right? But then she came out of it, and she did a great lay up. And you were like, We gotta talk.

Exactly. Yeah, it she came right out of it. Um, and I was like, I was scouting. I was scouting around. Uh, yeah. Like 3 a.m. You can go around to different, have old creepy houses on the outskirts of town. Look around because I was scouting

for sort of like a ah, somebody who could go up against the ghosts or help out against the It's

too bad Baba Duke wanted do band because he's tall.

I was on Baba Duke's ass.

Um, that dude can play based, but I tell you who Oh, yeah. Ooh, he's good.

I'll tell you who I am circling Flender man tall. He's nice and talking. Be really jumping. Well, even though

it's not going great for you. I applaud you at your

efforts. Sam. Weatherman on the mike over

stormy weather and driver's ed teacher s b student government adviser. I think you're doing a great job, Bill, and I'm really excited for my job as well. Yeah, I don't know if you guys notice. But we have a new driving course. Yeah, we put the cones out.

It looks kind of like a motorcross.

Exactly. Exactly. Pump ear than a normal car course. Should be.

Well, the kids were telling

me this isn't challenging enough. I'm trying to get them to parallel park. I'm trying to get them to make a simple left turn, and they're like, we got it, We got it. And I'm like, I don't know. The ship is impossible for me.

Yeah. Big figured out left turns really early.

Well, that was the first quarter

was left turns. And, um uh, conquering your fear on they conquered their fear almost immediately. Then the left turn was piece of cake. Something gets of their permits, already didn't know that. And, um, so,

yeah, I needed to do something to keep him

or interested. They were getting so bored. They started feeding my body, and

I'm just sort of making

a menace in the classroom, so I had to do something to keep them interested. And I think you need to save that marking on your stomach because that, uh, that boys an artist I know. Yeah, absolutely fast. Less his name's son.

Yeah. Oh, Are you talking about Richard Banksy?

Richard Banksy? Yeah. Little baby Banks. Little baby Banksy Heat. Yeah, he, um he drew a little picture on my tummy, and we're hoping that we could get this in a gallery

on. Now there's Donald Trump eating a

piece Flour. It's so funny. Swimming. And it's not only funny, but it's like that means something, and I'm not sure what

is. Well, art

is up to the interpretation of the viewer. No artist is there to tell you exactly what to think about the piece there.

Exactly. And so I think my course is safe. Yeah, because And that's how I

interpret. Try me if

I'm wrong. But you did enlist, uh, motorcross legend Travis Pastrana to design the

course. Well, I thought I was getting Pastrana. I got Travis Pastrami. Unfortunately, no, Not know as much about motive across. I thought he didn t want it is a peppery court is a peppery course, but he smoke that thing and it is ready to go.

It's not that bad of

you. Pair parent with coleslaw. Coleslaw. That's that's right. It was a very good Yeah, I'm trying to bring in coleslaw. But I can't get him. I can't get him on the email. So what about sir? Dough, Sergio? Shirt, chauffeur. Sour sour dough. Yeah, I haven't met him.

Okay, so the course is pretty. I'll

say it's insane. And, um, it's just these kids are making left turns. They're making right turns. I'm too scared to go in the car with them on the course, so I just sort of let him

take it for a spin. Yeah. Once a controlled environment, for the most part,

absolute. There's only

one hole in the wall, and that was for me. And I take full responsibility.

And you put a gun. No. You put a governor on the accelerator of the car, so

Well, he's been busy, but yeah, I've been trying to get him down there to really tell these kids that they should be going. Oh, yeah. Just your body is in town. You already had the mayor

on it, but you needed to get a governor,

right? That's why I had the mayor on the car. And he's lazy. If we're being honest, you go as fast as they want. So I had to have just even turn up there on the motorcross course. Really intimidated so damn lazy.

Hey, I came out the

other day to ribbon cutting at Europol. Your local, when we opened it up, didn't cut through the whole river. I

think those scissors

were four times as long as the ribbon was wide. Somehow

is a

just can I And this is such a specific Peev But I can't stand when people cut with just the little end

of the scissor. Oh, yeah

Put it all the way and then slide like wrapping paper. People

say you need the precision of the tip because you can't that precision.

Oh, God, Are you one of these tip users? Sometimes

I just use the issue suggested

Look well, you know, we've got this group where we go to ribbon cuttings and we give notes and we Hackel we have called the cut on. Now we've been doing it.

We're gonna cut specifically bad had will

heckle When Christmas comes around we'll be heckling the gift wrappers and Jamal

Absolutely. You call that a cut? I've cut better than that in line at school for lunch.

So my heckles You call that a cut you got to cut it.

That's right. Alright, another way. That's a good one. You

call that a cut? I caught it in action on. I mean, that's because his opposite It's the opposite of what? God

is an act. I don't think I'm gonna try this one.

All right. What happened? Howard is the bravest member of the group, and I've

said it since day

one. Brave. Well, it's now you. We hit three. We don't need 1/4

dough. Angry. Forced one. Well, now, now is

when it will be best. So hit it. How? Hit it. How going? Some

different types of

cutting. I got, I got I got I got a, uh uh, You call that you call that a cut? Uh, I call you, um, go to the salon. I've seen good ones there.

Well, that was what? Okay.

We shouldn't have forced

me. Oh, I know I look like the idiot again when I could have just quietly stayed quiet, not participated, And

nobody would have thought

I was a big, dumb idiot.

Speaking of quiet participation, I am Todd Padre, theater director, star of the school, play the Reconnect writer.

It speaking of client participation. That was sort of referencing the opposite of who you are.

No, no. It was a Segway into how I teach my classes. Now, um, kids,

I'll have to have silent participation. That's right, because so didn't you Will? You approached masterclass this thing that very famous actors air doing where they provide a little bit of inside. I don't want to talk about this

happened. You were talking about it nonstop

all week, and then it went dry. We did. Well, I'm submitting tomorrow. I'm submitting them are Come in. Where you expecting to you to talk about it? Nothing. You're wearing big turtlenecks all week big tweed jackets without talking about your master class. It wasn't even

a big deal. Domain is the thing I didn't really want.

Wait a whole new personality for a week. You said this is

my big break. This is it. This is my moment.

You went and sat in

the library because it had wood walls and books and just just trying to take in the vibe

that can I admit something to you?

Sure. I heard

you in the bathroom and I started recording the phone call that you are Christ on and I

don't want to put

you on the spot, but

this is a deep fake. What? Everybody? Here's the defense.

So we got Duris Government recording device.

Yeah, this isn't a deep fake. Todd, this is you in a bathroom stall saying, saying the truth of what happened with master class and I don't I don't mean to put you on the spot, but

me on the phone with the master cross you on the phone

with the master class people. I could only hear your side of the conversation, obviously, because he didn't have it on speaker. But I think we should just let everybody know what happened. Todd. Okay, let's go and just play the tape right and play.

I, uh Todd Padre calling Teoh ammunition. So those partner, we emailed a little bit, uh, that he may win. And well, I'd like to do a masterclass about kind of my theatre trading. And the set up is intimately the t o d d space. Ph d are easier. The police are on the way. If you're giving now, we've had a lot of people say that. Look, I'm in my I'm in my big office right now, uh, which I can afford, cause I'm attention. So you accidentally on facetime, I could tell you. Oh, I turn this off, Okay? You're live on instagram. Okay, well, either just turned this up. Look, it's a really cool class. It's ah, the smell, the taste to get the come up. It do scenes with me, and, um, it's better that doesn't have the police is anybody. Is everybody OK in there? Yes, sure. You get out of here. You You know what? You're racist. Way Got to call it that There's someone being her abs in the bathroom and the local high school there. I do not support your races. Okay, Sam, I have to ask you to come out with your hands up so I can come out with my hands up there covered in some toilet paper. Do you do do suddenly group for a change in the video that covers somebody needed a suicide. Negotiate. Yeah, There's a guy here who's starting to kill himself. Hi. I'd like to negotiate. I'll do it for 50,000. Have a deal.

Todd. This was a rough week

for you, buddy. Okay, Well, what an interesting world we live in Where a guy can't go to the bathroom where he makes all his phone calls.

I gotta agree with this privately. Are

we just

gonna take people now you're your instagram Live went whatever the opposite of viral is. Uh, what bacterial? It went back to his phone who looked on sick. It was a Trojan. It was technically a virus for computers, like a Trojan horse

or something. It was Yeah, they They have viruses for computers, but they've just discovered you could have bacterias also, um and it's an infection of computers that makes computers sick, which we've dealt with in the past with our with our old gateway

Hasn't Yeah, well, I think it's clear that we're all working hard and that

even if it's not

going exactly how we want, we're finding ways

to move forward. And again, I didn't want to do the master

plan. I agree with you that it's good that you changed your opinion as soon as you get it. I think was particularly devastating later in the tape which the audience didn't here. But you negotiated down so low for your own suicide. Like $3 by the end. You got you just got beat up by that suicide. Well, I couldn't believe the negotiator said yes. He negotiated him into the suicide. Thank God you didn't listen.

Well, no, I wish it was. Ah, failed suicide. Oh, yeah, right. Um, I don't lose your hair off. I don't know if you could tell, but way I was gonna say my ear didn't look that bad before.

All right, well, you know, way got a quick little

quick move on from

you talk about. Well, no,

I guess not, I guess. No, thanks for noticing that I blew my ear off and not saying anything

you look like. Then go. It's awesome, baby.

Thank you. Whoa! Yeah.

You did jump out of the building thinking you would fly like Birdman at the end of the movie. You bounced off of that awning into a big cart of watermelons. You were sold.

That's right. We're was sold out of bounds, right on one. Why my head? Then? I was sold and I became a sangria.

Well, I was at a wedding and I was like, Is this taste like time? How did you know that I was just like this stays like Todd. It stays like Todd told me.

And I dated for a while,

way dated a couple times with the rumors. Are the accusations without your virginity to each other at a Halloween party? Yes. Accusations on Also, I dated two of your alter egos

and Valerie are three Bethany Bali heart. And

we'll tell new listeners some

old slob, more listeners. We respect the old slobs we respect in a different way. Yeah, we do ads now. We don't care about you, Old slide.

So new listeners were with money of

what we want to dio is that people get the show for free now the ones with money. Listen up. Well,

the people who were paying are obviously poor because they spend all this money on a podcast. And the new listeners are rich because they're saving their money for more important investments. Treasure smart. But we're gonna take a break. We're gonna have a sip of our watered down coffee and make sure to send us pictures of your disgusting cough.

Yeah. Did you make a bad batch? We want to see it. You can send your pictures of your weakest rose at the weakest car. Throw 1/2 a cup? No, half a teaspoon of folders in a little bonnet.

What? Isn't

folders a little too high end? Oh, yeah, I'm talking Maxwell House. Maybe that big, hard brick

and coffee. And on the bottom

shelf Put it in a bonnet, running

through an old dirty machine. Send us pictures

like we pass rush. We'd love to see him and stick around cause we're have a guest after the break. All right. Thanks so much for sticking with us. Folks were back in the lounge here on. We have got a very special guest. This is a huge get for us. Is the first time we've ever had somebody in the lounge on who who you know is somebody. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

Todd. Todd, I can feel your jealousy already.

It's great. I love being around a fellow like,

you know, And the reason that Todd is so incredibly jealous right now, eyes, because we are accompanied by the very funny, very talented Darcy Carden

eyes. Good to see you.

Thank you so much for taking the trek down to Hamilton to sit with us for and talk a little bit about your life and stuff like that.

Happy to thank you so much for having me.

You could sit on the pullout, but I sleep on it tonight. You can't have it. So just being clear about that.

Todd, don't be antagonistic right out

the gate. I've got a map here.

You think I'm gonna spend the night here?

I just You know, I said on that. You said you look pretty comfortable in the pullout.

There's okay. There just wasn't any other place to sit.

All right. Well, I guess we're both

sorry we took the four best chairs. No, I don't mind. Then they are comfortable. Thank

you for the compliment. Very comfortable. Very bad on the pullout postures.

Give it a rest, man. Give it a little bit of a red.

Thank you so much for being, You

know, we're all pick up a

coffee. It is. It is a couple of copies.

That's a compliment.

Yeah. Yeah. I, um love the show.

Wow. Thank you. Thank you

so much. What? Thanks for being here. We wanted to, you know, a lot of show we have on friends. People we know. Well, way really do wish that, uh, yeah, if you know any of them. Do you,

Tribbiani? If you're listening, we want you on the show as Eric. Yeah, that's

a good actor.

Yeah. Really? Yeah. What? Who's that one? His name. What's his real name? That

is a good actor. That's guy based a lot of my choices off.

Have you ever met any of the friends people I have? Really? Yeah. Are they Are they cool?

Oh, they're so cool. Yeah. Yeah.

Because you you you had a This was a tabloid thing. You had a thing with Marcel the monkey, right?

Oh, uh, yeah. No, no, no. I mean, that was a really long time ago. I people usually bring that up, but yeah, I did.

Oh, yeah. I was just I was going through your Wikipedia re editing it to see that

you try to pull that out of there,

but we'll add it back, if you

will. To Yes.

When? Darcy. Now you're here in Hamilton High School, right half. But we're curious. We like to get to know some people who are out there in the world about their high school experience. Where did you go to high school

into school in the Bay Area, in California, far away. Yeah, because we are in

pretty far pretty. Some would say

close. There have been on how you're traveling. Alright, Crow flies. That's true. Close. Or if

you're looking at, like the scope of the entire world universe pretty close. If

you're listening in the earth right now, you are closer to Hamilton than someone on Venus.

So when you say the

Bay Area are we talking about ah bay as an, um, Bay like your bow? Oh, no. Actually, girlfriend, uh, what

is

based And for again before before all else. So it's

not that is more like snot. It's be a why

I

like the San Francisco. That's right. What is the specific name of that bay?

It's the the the San Francisco San Francisco, but really easy. Um, isn't it funny that before all else was ever said it couldn't be

never heard? It looked like nothing before. All else.

Like That's not That's not what we say.

There's a course before Christ, Sure. Uh, which was I mean before all else for something.

I guess you're right.

But but yeah, I don't know how we're

living in the time of before.

All else that's gonna say is bay a temporal thing. I think it's like 2016 k. Well, you you said you went to school in the base. I

wanted So we're talking chowder. We're talkin them. We're Duggan Trolley? Yes. Talking the giant?

Yes, of all those. And I was like, 20 minutes east of that. Enough

chowders. 20 minutes east. A chowder. That high school. Did they have

chowder at your school? He didn't. You couldn't get actually

couldn't get acts. What about bread Bowl? They

didn't have

that at my school.

I know. What was the

school like? Was this one of those sort of hip new Agey schools? Was it? Ah, a public private? What? We're really was

public. It

doesn't feel

hippie New age. It feels pretty normal. One great thing is that we had open lunch. What is this silly Amy toiled hard open top three kids that students were allowed to leave during lunch

Is that high school kids are okay. Everybody would drive west, get that

when they catch the

trialing, get that bowl rally to get bowl.

Um, he notes

Funny. Is this is riel. There was a deli down the street called Domenico Owes, and for some reason, this was like at the height of, um, girls trying to be skinny

over now. Yeah, it's over now. Over. Fick is in a

way like that. That's over, right? Tied big. Yes. From outlining the shape of a thick woman over there. Got nasty. But Dominica Yes, and

eso girls teenage girls were getting into this idea of wanting to be skinny, but had no idea how to go about it. So a big thing that girls would order at lunch was a what is not called. It's not a loaf of bread. What's like a like a bread, a baguette of bread and a side of ranch dressing?

Oh, yeah. Great hush days

that it was like that was a diet lunch. So that you know

where these baguettes, because breads calorie rich,

That's what, Sandman man. 10 years

in the future we've learned that those were the two worst things for your body. Bread and creamy dress.

That's right. Girls are stupid.

Well, we're all stupid. Okay, great. I just none of us in this room

are stupid, but in general the pop. Well, well, I feel weird because I just hid all of my rye and 1000

island underneath the tape.

No, no, no. Don't feel Should I eat? Of course.

I mean, just don't make a big deal about that. You're trying to lose weight while you're doing well.

You know, we should call. It was Travis Pastrami. You could make that around good.

I've heard about him, and that was Domenico is your go to That was what was your demand. And I'm

going to frickin uh, it's like called sour crunch bread or something like that. Yeah, I'm getting turkey. Okay. I'm getting lettuce. I'm getting tomato. It's so easy. I'm getting mayonnaise, and I'm not apologizing for it. And at mustard, uh, they had way, like, fancier cooler. Better things in that. But that was my order.

Beautiful. And so are you getting shamed by some of the people eating bread and ranch where they're like, Oh, Darcy, Darcy is really getting the big

I even if Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I'll tell you their names

as ranch trips down those pigs shirt. Yeah, missing their mouth ranch dripping on the shirt and pants

right over there. well be.

Let's go through some of their names, but name four of them, but changing to their first or last time. But don't tell us which one you changed. Yeah, we'll get you the O or however many You could

my name

Frick first or fake last segment waiting for you.

And you either change their first other last name were late. That's a fag. And then we google him and send them the podcast.

I feel like it would be

so obvious if anyone from my high school was listening. Okay,

Well, Darcy curtain is another pass on first grade class. Classically difficult, but no one has ever done that. Nor should

they like I love the food take of this. I want to know what's in the psyche of these kids.

How is

the vibe at your school?

Happy general Bunch. Thanks for

asking, Sam. Yeah, it waas. Yes, I would say a

happy. Here's the

thing. You know what this town that I grew up on girl grew up in. Could you please edit that out of town? That I grew up in was a little bit on the ritzy side

area and if

anyone heard that sounded correct. We edited out

my town and I don't mean to sell. Your story was a little

bit Carlton E. Yours was a little bit ritzy.

We're gonna cut that part two. So it's a little Richie town. I literally don't understand. Carlton. Ritz Carlton say bythe way got there first Wolf. I did e I guess that was great. Actually, Bill looks well, I could have said, oh,

years is a little bit really well, minds a little bit crack ary.

And, of course, the third option Let you talk about your story,

which is obviously never the option that we will take. It allows no

wound. You guys, I really am a big fan. You want me to do something weird? Sure. Okay. Ready Classes out. And the car fi zone like the beat. A couple things on my mind that I'm trying to get off,

Cut me some slack

and pour me a cup of that Joe knows. Welcome to teacher's lounges. Hurry up. Start the show.

Way had actual fans. Wow. Is beauty. That was really nice. Couple

things on my chest on my my uh that was really great.

Todd, what is your

issue here because I

think we

all like to get into so much. We haven't looked

me in the given. You haven't looked me in the eye. You haven't. You haven't seen me in the eyes once today?

Well, yeah, I don't know.

I I guess I'm just pretty comfortable around a successful woman on, you know, to me, it's Ah, I don't want to try to intimidate you as a fellow actor. You know, I think we'll probably end up going up for some of the same parts someday.

Did you guys ever cross paths?

It's funny, you know, because I do listen to the podcast. But I didn't know what you guys look like until I walked in. And you do? There is something familiar about you.

Yeah, I got dragged out of your good place audition. Wait.

Yeah, you were a different weight.

Talks about a

different a lot of stuff, different ways. Your

body was very different. I don't want you did a hasty

done fat suit, like hastily done.

Yeah, I wanted to know. I just My interpretation of the script was a little different than what they ended up going with, but I thought I thought Janet was a little bit of a bigger character on I know that. They didn't really probably didn't know what they wanted at the time. You were

so tall, like in the Sevens, right? You're wearing some sort of weird like a still

treat. They say, Make a choice that I always remember feeds. So I came in and I said, You know, I'll take notes on my script and to me, it's like Janet to seven foot 8 £642 she's got gas and I played it that way. I played it that way.

They do say, Make a choice for an audition.

One choice. The right, not three disparate choice.

I mean, you know, I

I'm glad to see that they didn't go with Janet being Italian because that was my read. And I thought they would steal it from me when they didn't.

They didn't. Yeah, I never heard. I never heard. But that was

It's good to see you. It's really good to see you. I don't know if you remember the conversation before the addition, but we were in the room. It was just you and I in the room, and I was

trying to go over my lines.

Yeah, I was loudly. I was loudly reading the magazine.

Yeah, that's right. You brought it in. It was from, like, the eighties or

something, right? And when you say you're reading, it was probably just doing that little find this image thing.

Yes, that's right. But he

was He was narrating. Where's the handkerchief? Here's the stairs.

You would go. No, that's a fire truck, sir.

It's hard for me to like, you know, See, it was hard for me to see you get it wrong so many times.

That's so nice of you to help him out. You have such a nice, warm energy to just, you know,

I warn people going toe vibe with each other. Go. I'm tired of tired.

Your tire todo You want me to get up? Pull out bed,

weaken, switch, take a nap

Time. Like walking around like he's a dog about to, like, circle down into a bad

Hey, Todd, look at me real quick. Just look at me. No, please. I am. I wish you all the best. I want the best for you. I think you're great. He's crying But the tears air,

steam tears are sting thistles. No, I've never change. So seen tug of this emotional You still fired up, steaming out his own dear

So touched If I cry, I cry hot, angry tears it Steve's out. I'm not quite because of you. I'm sure you have good of an actor. I am because I'm actually happy, right? Yeah.

It's not your fault. Time. Oh, wow. I made you No.

God, it's so hot. How? Oh, sorry. I'm just not gonna

work right now. Is that I think one has sauce. What kind of that is that? A bullet? A stop that support Kabul E. I don't think you understand. Vodka sauce. It smells like really terrible. Well, Darcy, as you know, every school has one really attractive teacher. We all know who it is. That Hamilton did

you have an attractive teacher? Someone you had

a crush on or is that disgusting?

No, no. That's why I think I had that, like, really strongly. I probably had it too much. I It was easy for me to get crushes on teachers when

it is time for you to name the name different. First of different last. You want to do

it?

I don't remember his first names. I could

just take a little That's Mr

Ault, Mr All I'm gonna say That's fake. You changed, Mr. I Bet his name was really Mr Salt Way. Get that. He

was really Mr Alton. You looked like a cartoon character. Like the cartoon character of Ichabod Crane from the Disney movie

during a pumpkin. I feel like

I think about it, But nobody. I was terrorized by the

pretty Sure. It's ahead of this guy with a pumpkin under

Ichabod Crane and the

headless horseman. Like, like, sort of riding through the forest. And he's sort of spooked by the headless horseman,

as I'm sure we would all be. Let's not,

of course, absolute. Absolutely. Would

you say

of the four of us? Which of us do you think is the most

attractive teacher?

Okay, well, here, how about this? Because, you know, for the people listening, they don't know what your what you guys look like. So I'll unhappy to answer this, But why don't you guys describe your the way you look

just a

little bit. Just describe it a little bit,

Okay? I am sort of, Ah, £25 overweight, dusty mustache. I've got hair that's a bit too long. It

also been

too short, too short, maybe bit too short in some

places, but to belong. Another place definitely thinning in the middle. In the top, I've got on a tweed blazer.

Where is your, uh, where it actually is coming from? Where is the words? The source. But

it looks like an active cotton

machine like it's going. It's like like I put a stick and I have a hair hair.

Of course, you describe what you're seeing. Also, there's anything you know that's a notable about our bodies.

How do you have? You have a gorgeous smile. Thank you. Really nice show that it's different. It's different, but that's what That's one of the things that makes it great,

because when you

smile, you give both rose. You give big gums

on both sides, is what my mom always said. Gums on both sides. I need to see both gums shoot my mom. Whenever we took a family photo, everybody had to show top and bottom bottom.

You know, Howard looks so I obviously have really hair that grows long if I let it. Uh, I have a insanely dark just for men to koto like as if you look into it, you will see the future. It's so it's, like more of a cold.

That's a great way of describing it. Yeah, Yeah, it sucks Gravity. Yes,

I don't have You could see that if I put a pin on the table a inches towards my goatee was swirling.

Yeah. Big, huge polo shirt billow. He tucked in

some wrestlers, which is Walmarts Brand on your shirt tucked in so far. Goes right into the shoe

thing. This is it. This is Ah, uh, this is an

untucked. Its new brand when I took it is not enough for you Like this is an untouchable. Yeah, this is untouchable. It's been in my freezer with euron crustal. We know it's been in my freezer with jelly. It doesn't jelly and peanut butter inside. Okay, um, so it's an untouchable, right? Um and, uh, yeah. Big, huge square white daddy. She Yeah,

on body wise. Very slender. Yeah, very, very tight.

It's a wispy,

wispy blow will get Let's say, let's say I'm walking down

the street. The bus goes by, I would be blown in.

Yeah, yeah, mostly bones.

Mostly bounds A me Sam. Much like Howard, I am £25 exactly the way I should be. And, um, I'm also

I guess you could

say, legally sunburned.

That's that. It's from the sun. It's not just,

you know, it is from the sun thing, but it's been by the government deemed my driver's license legally something. It's like being legally blonde, the other ones we don't talk about. Um so, yes, I'm legally sunburned. My hair grows different in these guys inward. My hair grows in words. So I have long hair, but it's underneath.

Okay, so that's why your neck is so thick

on. That's what people they asked me. And I say, No, it's not from where you say I don't work out just my neck. It's my hair because it goes in Okay, Um, most people can't get past those things. So yeah, that's what I look

OK. And again, I would say beautiful eyes.

Thank you so much. You're great at finding the nice thing about people.

You know. We've got a great smile over here. We got mostly bones

over here. Todd.

I've been described a script keeper. Chic, uh,

usually be believe off the sheep

part or your keeper Sheep. Yeah. Crypt keeper Sheikh said that. You know, uh, my hair. It looks as if it kept growing, but my skin and body and wait stopped going out. Um,

I've actually heard somebody describe you as a moat like molded dust. Like

human hold. It does. I heard someone describe you as barbecued beef jerky. They start with dried out beef jerky and then

a barbecue. I see that.

And as you could say about see by looking at me, Darcy being described by people is really important. Notable. Look that people need to say out loud what it feels and looks like to them.

Yeah, everybody has. That's true. There was a spinoff show that was of kitchen nightmares called person Nightmare.

It was person nightmare. And it was me walking into people's houses and being followed by Gordon Ramsay's

getting work. Yeah, but, you know, it's just how

the artist is. There's always a better job.

I understand that.

You know, I'm doing person nightmares, and it's like but this is still with Ramsey on. I want

to be the Ramsey I get.

That's right. Eso to

bring this

creepy segment, Teoh. Okay, who do you think is

Thing is, if you were a student, don't want t o If you were a little you're a little girl. Let's not

make this creep, okay, okay. It's hard because I have, like, a very maternal feeling towards you guys, right? You wouldn't raise this all.

That's a fine answer.

Yes. So there's I mean,

I think that's even less creepy. If we were your son's, which one would be the hottest?

Yeah, I little boy. Well, see, that's the hard part, right? Is because when you are a mom, you can't really pick a favorite, right? My

mom did was your big toe. Least favorite. Your sometimes could be attracted to any other kid.

I can't or Lord, that that, you know, almost like I can't settle down with just one of attracted love over you. Okay,

well, we're all your sons that you're attracted to is what you're saying.

I I did say that, OK, some I'm thinking that's a yes. Well, you know, I'm married.

Look, um Okay, well, I guess, uh, kid, let's kick it way should do a good job. We have more questions. Ask about your high school experience. We're live at a school

essential. You know, I'd love I. You know, I've been working on my play and we have a eso considered an actor here. I thought maybe we could read a scene from being

on TV. She's currently on TV, multiple times, multiple roles.

How many dead bodies you played in CS? I

I actually I never have played.

Oh, yeah, I played six, most of them. White makeup to no makeup.

I mean, that's something. So

I guess we're both doing Really, Really?

Yeah. It was unbelievable. When

you play that body that washed up, uh, in the East River, they were like, we don't even need to see him in the makeup trailer. He's big,

bloated and blue and just direct report. Yeah, Yeah. Unfortunately, that was not a casting. That was your swimming I was doing was one of my floats. That was a very float. It was.

It was incorporated into the shot.

They used it. Yeah. One

of the first times I iced tea has ever screamed. Screamed when he saw that dead. But he thought It was really?

Yeah. I thought it was really

time. We all just gotta We all got an email that said that says open this.

You went on sale. Whoa, whoa. You still working with a O l Dar? Yeah. Oh, right. Yeah. Yards. You sent

us a draft of a place.

So this is the beginning of my planet. Still up? Still working on it? Hey, Darcie, I'd like you to play Todd. I'd like to hear your read on it, Shall I guess, looking through here, Leslie. My wife. Howard, if you want to play that interesting, um, Sam, if you want to play Mary, my daughter are trying on Bill. If you want to play Brad the my daughter's attractive boyfriend. Okay, okay on.

Will you do stage other stage? Understand? OK,

you can't spell alimony without most of the letters and money. That title yeah, titled Play With Adult Themes to be performed by High School Students by Todd Theodore Padre, starring Todd Padre and the Hamilton Theater stood I'm going to skip the about the author here. Alright already about the author Todd Padre is a heterosexual actor, playwright, author and feminist. K is the only living member of the Razz got club, recipient of a Razzie for television, theatre, film and music and the mile low having a wet dream on a deep sea submarine. He reached a personal milestone in 2015 when New York's famed Katz's Deli, named a toilet after he is Jewish, single and loving. His daughter Mary, is the light of his life. She's his world in his reason for being note. Double check spelling underneath and

now. Usually they don't do an about the author in the script, but it's got

to know you well, you know the mindset it put me in a place interior condo day. Todd comes home after a long day at work. His with, uh,

probably should say wife.

His wife, Leslie, suits on the couch.

It's about T E H.

A lot of you do any spell check.

I'll just sort of

quietly say spelling error when they're raising

his wife. Leslie sits on the couch watching television

your own late.

Nice to see you too, honey.

Nut. There was sarcastic. Okay.

Uh, I think I was sarcastic. Okay. Didn't hear. Okay. Nice to see you too, honey.

We had dinner plans two hours ago.

I'm sorry. One of blood's still being sarcastic. I'm sorry. One of my students was having a struggle with their home life and I stayed late to give them advice.

Going well? I worked all day too. And then I came home enslaved over this dinner for you

Spelling Don't say slave like that. It's insulting to the people who actually were and are still a

respectful is appreciative applause

again, Todd, you can put in the audience reaction into your play. Okay? Spelling, please don't lecture me.

What's happening here? I miss you. I miss us.

Talk pours himself a PBR parapet. Rocks sips it. It goes down. Smooth failure.

You

care too much about your job, about these students and about making art. You leave your whole self with these students and there's nothing left for me. My mama told me not to marry

Jean. What if we

made love like we used Teoh?

I'm not turned on by you anymore. It must be something wrong with me.

Maybe a smooch will change things.

They smooch Big tires, a romantic song. Place Sinatra or Boo Blay. Things start to heat up when his daughter Mary enters through the door. Upstage right or left, whichever is the one that's on the right When you're watching. She enters with her boyfriend, Brad. 17 strong, not intimidating to Todd. And worse looking than him too.

Mom, Dad grows

Mary Mary's boyfriend. You're home early. No,

we're

not. Yeah, we're not early.

Are you

sure? Yes. Yes. Oh, that's make Yes, they're here when they say they would be here where they said they would be here. Sorry.

Well, don't take his side right away.

Todd, we've talked about this. You don't need to be jealous. I'm not attracted to him.

You're right. How could you not be? Look at this guy. He's a beefcake. But I could kick his ass.

Please, Mr Padre. Doctor, please. Dr. Padre, You're my teacher and I'm dating your daughter. I don't want to fight you.

Well, I came here to kiss my wife and kick ass, and my wife doesn't like kissing me. So,

Dad, you're embarrassing yourself. Every time you

try to fight one of my boyfriends, you end up hurt and crying.

Honey, are you sure you're not just testy? Because that negative review your last plague? I

know who cares

if off Broadway magazine called Angels in America's Outfield

unwatchable. I thought it was awful. Broadway magazine. Whatever

to be continued. Not sure what happens next. Maybe Todd beats up Brad but learns an important lesson. Someone needs to learn the lesson. Well, see, that's why Darcy's Wow,

what an honor

it is. The sod, the life. That is the first time even anyone with a sad car has even touched one of your plays. Todd, the bylaws are so you don't know this from the pilots. If you're inside, you can. You should be careful. You should. You technically crossing the picket. Do you mind to

leading that part

for me? We will. Thank you. You send out a mass email about you being canceled. What the No, the union is okay. And that's not true. I have a sad card. Said I've read my own lines.

That's a different sag dot

Okay, have a saggy card.

You're a saggy actor. Thank

you. Thank you, Darcy. Obviously, no notes. Uh, no notes. You

were very good in that. That was That's really awesome. Yeah. You can tell you've done the code read before.

A couple of guys have had. I've done a couple cold reads. Yeah, you know I have. And that's cool. It's just part of the job, you know?

Well, you know, it's really cool that we brought you on here to talk about high school and did it for, like, five of these minutes. But honestly, it's been a blast talking to you, Darcy,

you know, such a big fan of the show fan of you guys. It's It's, you know, overwhelming and exciting to be in this room with you guys.

We are really excited for the good place. Yeah, when she starts back tomorrow.

That's right. Tomorrow night,

Thursday, September 26th. That's

wattle. If you haven't, that's another show that if you haven't heard the previous seasons, it's may be tough to jump into. You should go recommend going straight to Netflix. Clinch Finch. We love to bed. We like the idea of a binge.

What do you binging lately? Darcy? Cardinal. You bingeing, bingeing anything loses TV shows, I think.

I mean, I moved here. I am binging

foods. Whatever. We like

the idea of losing control and binging. Right?

Example. I've been John Hot Cheetos.

Yeah. What do you have an unhealthy

relationship with on television. I guess I I am possession. I'm not know, But I do like my friend leaves messages about succession on my phone, even though I don't watch the

show could. That way, if you could think of

what if you could just make up what you think,

all right. Also, his first same Beavis and his last name star for You Tell May. What's the name?

Obviously got a friend, Bea

Vo. I guess I'm

I'm watching Handmaid's Tale. That's hard, right? That's a lot of that energy throughout the day. As a big, you got two episodes max a day or

a lot of people say they can't spend two hours with me and with that show in the same day

Yeah, that I can absolutely see that, you know, on that somber note, I think it might be time for us. Teoh hit the bricks on this episode of the teachers Lanky guy, We got to say again, Darcy, thank you so much for being here for being so open and honest about your high school experience. Sam is the most attractive

teacher. Ah, growing in is where it's I like Zbig fitness.

Yeah, I knew it. Well, anyway, folks, thanks so much for two name again. You can catch the

one. You just a very come

out writing it right now, so All

right. Okay. Great. Rod, you're not going to speak your way into that show Auditions. Auditions haven't Even There

are a lot of dead bodies on that show that

Okay, well, let's talk. Let's talk.

Still working an avatar Really bad as well, right? Well, yeah.

They said my tail was to breath to rag. It's It is a blue tail charges and

fix it. Okay. Can you get us all in?

Avatar I can make you I can make some introductions.

All right. Well, thank you so much for being here dark. And we appreciate everybody out there for tuning in on until next time. SE said it too.