so I bit my lip. You ever bite your lip and then you got the thing in there

a little sore?

Well, I saw. So

I'm going to be confused. So lip

bumps, tooth. But it's a tooth mark is what it

is to its truths of my teeth. Keep getting it like it's a piece of

pasta. Okay, but this is an original bite, not a re bite of a of a bite wound, which

I wasn't original bite. I'm assuming I'm gonna have a lot of re bites. You're gonna You're

gonna light up on that by it's interesting how often you bite your tongue or your lip after you've been at once. I'll go months without a tongue bite or a lip bite on. And then after I bite it, I bite it seven times that day. Yeah, I mean, when you were doing

the announcements the other day, you did a re bite. And again Howard and you, I slipped. Now I'm so sorry. Samantha. The office. Ah, the office helper. I am so sorry. Takes her title when she interviewed as the office helper. Well,

she dropped coffee all over herself. Hot coffee.

Yeah. Lukewarm That's my fault. I'm very sorry, Samantha,

for for taking pictures, Samantha helps around the office. If you want to tweet us with what we should call that job, it's not Office Helper. It's not because we know Secretary is bad for something. So we're trying to find one that works.

He's not a principal. She's now has no administrative duties whatsoever. She's more kind of a nice job. I pitch stewardess and everybody was like, I

know it's flight attendant now. So is it floated? Tim,

that doesn't work because it's not an airplane.

I pitched fire, man, right? Also, not the chairman using its now firefighter

fighter. Yeah, And that would have worked earlier this week when the the office coffee pot, uh, shorted out and lit a stack of a ream of paper on fire.

Re Mrs Beef. Get your beef by the paper. Rinne. Hot reams of paper. Okay. Frieda's beef paper.

How many reams did the fire department end up putting out cause they usually tweet the amount of dreams they put out?

I'll tell you what, they put out three reams and they ate four reams. If they put out the reams of paper in the eighth Dreams. Beef

firefighters. Twitter is let Yeah, okay, it is. Well,

I mean, it's I said, they're always tweeting about

what they're putting out. They was the library burnt to the ground the other day when they were ah, and there was a mean that was tweeted right in the dead middle of the fire,

eyes on scene, and they were all looking down at their phones. Which 20? 90. Are we just looking at our phones all day

in this day and age? Are firefighters just on their phones all day? Are they that scared to fight a fire? And you guys know my relationship with firefighters? Don't trust him. I don't believe that their heroes right? And I like. I like to let point out that there's a gritty underbelly to being a fire.

Right? You made a documentary sort of outing the f D N y as cow er

yeah, that's right, a SWAT said. Who's the heroes? You know,

what was the other

option other than the firefighters?

What do you mean,

the arsonist, the arsonist where the hero

it's not, that's the thing is it's so black and white just cause they're fighting the fires. You think they're the heroes? You could put out fires but still be a bad guy. Or you could push people into fires and still be a good guy. And that's what kind of

tied for all the new listeners on what's uphold slobs. Hey,

clubs. You know this

old slabs are know that Todd famously pushed someone back into 9 11 specifically an old woman, specifically it on woman.

Well, and this has multiple meanings because I did do what you're accusing me of. But I also pushed a time traveling old woman back into 9 11 She time traveled away from the date 9 11 and I said on

This is the same woman. So you pushed her twice back into nine.

Yeah, but almost. I don't know how the time hole, girls, but an inhuman amount of terms really

back into the DeLorean, which sent their back tonight. 9 11 was what happened?

You showed up with big hair and I said no like that. Crashed at 9 11 pushed back in. And people

don't know the docks. A woman Doc is a woman who's gone back so many times it. That's just how

she Actually, I also actually heard that that was what Originally what? That Arianna Grande A song? God is a woman that was originally dog

spelled backwards is God. Yes, that's right. So if you time

travel a lot, it turns you from a beautiful, smart scientist into dock.

Well, you saw. I mean, we all know one of the most, you know, classically attractive women of all time was Albert Einstein. And then she discovered about

Donna King. Albert Einstein and Donna King both went back in time so many times, they got their their hair like

the hair like that. Um, but yeah, I'm sorry about your lip. It's looking very infected.

Value Comptel. It's because it's an interior, but I am starting to see some rose Asian.

Looks like it looks like you might have gotten sort of plucked on the side with a punch or something. It's

I don't know if you guys heard that, but that was my nickname in high school. The big realization

bigger is a show. That's right. It

was a shop, and

you would get anxiety inspired Rose Atia. That's where your body would turn red and you break out.

Not just on the

face, not just to capitalize on the face. My whole body would turn realization that. Yeah,

Yeah, they called you. There was well, where you were rapping under the name or ization man organization made for the big roses.

Well, Sam, you think you're gonna be able to last an hour? Should we get this thing,

huh? My ex wife, your next life would say you're gonna be able to last in our for sex. And

the answer was always Ha ha. Of course not.

It's a pretty

bold Grecia, right before section I listen, before we start, you're

gonna be

able to last. Not because I don't know for less than now. This is a crude question. But what do you guys think

about when you're trying not to nut?

Oh, no. Here it comes. Okay. Just big station. Only a freshening. I can't think of anything out. Just go about to make a mistake about to make a mistake.

All right. Before we weigh, dive further down that disgusting road. Let's kick it. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another. Every side of the teacher's lounge the first best only has retained the issues relevant to the Hamilton High School community. I, of course, am your

AP biology teacher Howard Levis. Joined, as always by my three good buddies. Introduce yourselves, Padre. Getting very militaristic with this intro.

Todd Padre, Sir. Theater teacher, sir. Feminist ma'am.

So Yes, sir. Sam. Weatherman, sir. Here to do a duty, sir. Duty? Sure. Yes, Bill. Cravings? Sure. Here may. Permission to speak, sir. Affirmative. Thank you, Sam. Is it okay if I take permission? Problem another another soldier, Sir. Permission granted. Okay, so now my, my news sergeant is Samuel a soldier dropping? Give me Would no one. What? Sam? Affirmative. Thank you. I go the bed through search, Sam. It was just number one, sir wanting in my pants right now. Sure. Goodbye. Right way

gun away. Bill! Jesus Christ.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. But got away. So do you see those two do liberal? Because look a little more book capital way. Love to do. Maybe two more weeks off for sure. Wow. Did language? I'm speaking here. So

when you

started your past boot camp, we go back. My recruitment meetings are got Ta Keo experience myself way.

Guys, The first time you did that a couple days ago. I told you that was unnecessary. OK? Yes, I'm cooler than I was a week ago. But I'm

not Sergeant. Thank you, Charge. Not cool.

Well, sir, I think my new attitude probably does give off an air of ah, you know, authority. Because as you guys know, I've spent the week sort of revamping my image. Uh, and

I

think things are going pretty well.

Always are. There was a what just happened. Talk about Todd. Don't you dare talk about that. I am in awe of what? I don't know What happened

a couple days ago. I must have missed

it. This was all new to May. We were watching.

We watched that movie. Major Payne. Yeah.

You guys went full major pain in front of me.

We got obsessed with military. Tara. Major paid way. Also sick Marlon Wayans movie. I fell asleep

during it, but I'm obsessed with how military talk.

Those 1st 6 minutes were great before we both fell asleep.

Yes, there were awesome. I'm so

tired of talking when I think

it's time for me to talk. I like I like to be asked and asked when I can speak

which is honestly not a great thing for a teacher. Because usually you are the one in control. But things in the classroom this week have actually gotten kind of interesting for you guys. Because you've both been Yes, sort of taking orders from students, which has caused actually a lot of problems. It has a

student. Where's the right hat to class? I have a tough time saying no.

And the right hat being in the

military. If

it's got camel, I really fall for it. But even a camo, you know, you pinwheel. You put it up high on the

back of your head and put down the bill so you can't really see the eyes. So it kind of looks like a mean sergeant. I'm dropping down and given timpani green authority push ups if she wants it, man. Yes, man.

Well, I just don't.

So that's what happened with us.

That explains it.

Yeah, I guess. Does that explain why that happened?

Yeah, I think we could move on.

So how is that cool now? Yeah. There was a seat at the cool kids table and you sat there. I did. I had sealed

the deal for you to give you the confidence hair jacket.

Well, I know for a fact none of those kids Air Virgin, so that's tough.

Okay, Neither am I. You guys.

Oh, yeah. That's the big question. In my theater class, you separate the class virgin, non virgin. So you know how to break down different students. You know, you either column faster or loose, or you come slow and losers fast and loose. Slower losers. Eso I know everyone on campus, but yes. So what about you? What was it? Your hat, your shoes? Because it wasn't your sex history.

Okay, well, if we're gonna get served burns, All right. Well, if we're being honest, let's

give me one bird. Sir, I knew Drop and get off. The day s Howard, sir. How are you? Cool. Well, I'm not gonna

I'm not gonna lie and say that I walked up to the table and I said, uh, how's it going, you guys, I'm your teacher. Let me sit here. That's not how it went down.

That's what I would believe that. Like, it sounds pretty normal, but what just

happened? I showed up to lunch 15 minutes early. Uh, staking out the table. I went through the line, got my lunch, and I said it. I

know how Lunch from the school.

Yeah. Got hot lunch from the school 15 minutes before lunch period started, sat down, waited there for 15 minutes. The cool kids came in, got their lunch, and when they came and sat down, I just Oh, I'm sillier. I'm here. Let

me

treat you. Say, Like, what the hell is going

tables? Kind of sacred. It's empty. People know not to sit there. It's right in the middle of the calf and you're sitting there and they walk up to their reserved table.

Yeah, but they all had their seats. I knew which seat was empty because I had been studying in a

case. The drag start off with a big, obvious bad acting. What

the heck? Tie.

Sorry, I just I decided to take lunch 15 minutes early and sit with the students today. Oh, whoops. I met your table.

Does anyone need hair spray? You brought it. Runs your hair spray?

Well, yeah. I had to make sure my hair look

good. Not just spray, but you brought that the hub of $2 jail that I see on the way out of a CVS.

Yeah, it kind of looks like when you put any sort of turkey or chicken in the refrigerator and the sort of fat leaks out and then congeals

Look a lot like that because it wasn't the blue liquid. It was Seema Congealed

one. Westover was poultry juice. It was congealed poultry juice. As you guys know, my power play loco had to get shut down.

So her hair l poultry Grosso.

Yeah, and I chose to own that. Todd. Oh, yes, sir. I chose to own that. And yeah, uh, what

was the reaction? Did they mention the smell? Did they say, just looks likely? Greece.

I mean, if I'm being

other chickens coming in, the cafeteria was off.

Yeah, well, I mean, I'm not gonna lie and say this stuff didn't happen because it did.

We saw

the line of feed. Yeah, Yeah,

but I will say this. I don't know exactly what happened in the room, but I saw you and all those kids leaving the dollar movie theater together.

Yeah, I took him onto a movie. You

prayed for a mall?

That's what you do. for your friends. Questions you do for your cool friends.

You throw. Are you throw around your elbows. You know you

don't want to see a new movie,

you know. What movie did you see? A $1,000,000 baby. Yeah. Go get 10 years old. I'm not even in the dark.

Honestly, it's an over pay

waits on. You

haven't seen it yet. Some were born when it came out. So I took him over there, and, uh and we saw it because I think that movie has a great message. I think I think it's a It's a wonderful message.

You tell us what the message is.

As far as I'm concerned, the message that movie is keep fighting. Oh, that's good. That's actually I school sometimes seems hard. You have everything handed to you. You're spoiled, rich kid. You don't have to fight for anything. These kids, they're cool because they're spoiled their because their parents don't make him work for anything. I wanted to give him a little lesson in how to work for some and

and and it seemed to have worked because I saw

a couple of Ah, thank you, sir. Um uh, I saw a couple of kids with these long sleeve

sweatshirts that said L poetry Grosso on it. Yeah, you

seem to

like be kind of like a hit. Now we're like, they're

Yeah, they're deity or something. It's not really I think

I'm there. DD

The picture is sort of you in front of a cross

star adobe. Modest, sir. Honestly,

Looks like the Scam Goddess logo for the podcast. Scam goddess

grows here in the lounge. Big bands is a scam. Got a Syrian?

Allowed you guys got a lesson

now? I also saw that it's that look that look of you in front of the cross. I saw that Kanye was wearing a baggy version of that. It said his new album, He's Changing Toe L Jesus, Poultry Grosso

L Poetry Grosso He's gonna release and listen, guys,

you really you guys,

Joe, you guys joke with me a lot. You

had. You said there's no way you're ever

going to cool. Howard, we're talking with you. Yeah.

What are we joking about

our tears? I think that I've proven you guess wrong. Kanye is now sampling my life in a lot of ways. So

you're going Teoh now Kanye has

the Sunday service and you're going Teoh What They're calling after that Sunday Lunch? Yes, and

I've also started Ally Modestly. A little worried.

Well, I started calling myself he Zi

Hao and I have Howard

and use Yeah, and I and I do Sunday lunch now

What did they

make you do before that? What is the first time?

What did they make me dio?

Yeah, if you're if they have Sunday service and then you're part of Sunday luncheon hero poetry Grosso

don't invite you. Just use the grease from your hair.

They want you around for your personal.

Don't tell me that you're like for you. They definitely

want me around. It's a lot, You know, They come up, give me a hand shake, get blamed for hugger up their hand through my hair. Uh,

fryer and the flick this grace of the fryer Howard used. Well,

he's e is cool, okay? He's He's the new thing. I'm the new hip guy. Okay, I'm gonna be I'm gonna be something, okay? I booked some studio time in Jackson Hole with with Kanye gonna go up there. Ah, He said he set up a studio in the kitchen on. We're gonna We're gonna lay

down some track.

You gotta look at the spelling here. I'm a spit. Mrs Jack Sons whole. Yeah, this is Jack Sons. The whole Jack son's been digging behind this place. That's what broke you in whole, whole.

What are you talking

about? You do not want to

end up in Jackson's hole.

This is what? How did it happen last time? But what do you

mean? He's in a little boy.

A little boy in the Well, that could be you, Howie. That's now I know what I mean. Easy.

Please call me easy. Guys, if I wanted to catch on, other people around the school need to start saying it. From now on, I'm he's e and he's the only

Well, let

me be

the first to congratulate you on one of your plans. Finally coming through. You wanted to be cool. You put some chicken grease in your hand, and all of a sudden the high schoolers love you so much so that I got word to Kanye and you become a Christ like figure

a little were, sir. Well, I think the rest of us having a

good week. I'm still feeling very chill. I'm taking a long walk every evening, and I'm not even looking at my car keys before I go. Yeah, I just walk around the neighborhood in my nicest fall sweater. And I've only had a few accidents so far, and it's been really,

really nice because it's very rare for a person to get in one accident on a walk. Most people go their whole lives not doing it until they're older. Fall down the stairs.

You can Still This is a This is a warning for everybody listening, Sort of. Ah, I don't know what you call it. Other than a warning. You can still get an auto accident on foot.

Yeah, you've totaled if you totaled inaccurate earlier.

My daughter, um, Acura. I told it a Peterbilt truck. High total. What else did I total? A cement mixer. I totaled. There was a wide load to how Ah, House cut in half. I told both of those. Have

you told my three I had a prefab coming in. It's OK. I didn't really

like it and just say it was

built wrong. It was It was built inside. You can

prefer Yeah. So it was. Ah, Baffert

was a bath for the kitchen. All the kitchen

shelves were on the exterior. The toilet was on the exterior, and then inside flat wall

could fall. Sir. Yes, sir.

I think that's nice for your life. You know, you're making progress, but a lot of the students air feeling like the drivers. That class is pretty focused on walking to and from your car.

That's the first step. You know what they say. You're more likely to get in an accident from the McDonalds to your car than the drive to the

airport. You've actually and even stop.

That's what that's what I say. McDonald's to your crime. Parking your car. I'm always parked in my talk. I got a car parked at most of McDonald's around town. I know I'm not supposed to drive him, so I'll walk to McDonalds. I get so high on all the grease and the salt that God just got and mark out to my car. I get an accident almost every time I drive, and

I'm not even driving

yet. I'm getting a hit because

you know

people are when they're in line at the old Mickey D's. They're

pretty

excited. They're not looking around.

They're excited.

They're excited

while in the line of making These are very you don't look around. You

look straight ahead. You got to get them.

You're shaking your head up and down. Going? Yes,

the person is not looking straight ahead and moving right. When the car in front of them moves, I'm laying on the lay. I'm sleeping on the horn. Oh, yeah,

yeah. I'll go to

bed on the horn until they move.

I'll take a big map on the horn if they're not moved to

get the crap on the horn. Which is also not what you discussed there. You know when I get behind the car or even near a car, some about my brain short circuits, I don't know if in a past life I was killed in a car or or what? You know, there's something about it. When I get around the car, I go. This is like,

what a great irony that in a past life you would be killed by a car. And in this life you'd be a driver's ed

instructor. Yes, and killed so many with a car. Yeah, Yeah.

Have you ever done any of that deep shift you have? Yes. Your Yes, sir. If you don't think

I've committed a little bit of vehicular man Slee, you're crazy.

Don't say the words all the way through. You're not coping.

It's light. Now it's later that

leads like, um and, uh so

I'm

good. I'm on foot. These?

Well, you I mean, I don't want to jinx it, but you had a bit of a meet cute with the driver of that wide load truck. Yes, that was so crazy. S

o. You saw that

big smile of Sam's. I

saw? Yeah. With my my inside of her

smitten, sir, I guess I guess I'm smitten. I met the driver of a wide load truck, and they were okay.

So in the eyes of the tiny trucks that go in front or behind that warn, you have the white light.

Yes, it is it. Who's the senior of that crew? The the big truck or the little ones up?

Well, it's hard to tell. It was Bernice. It was Bernie's from Miami Beach. Bernie's. So is bay work.

Okay, listeners. What's up, Bugs.

Good. Call Miami Beach, South

Beach. You'll find out

about that. Had a little thing with Miami Beach town in South Beach.

Tow. But Bernice So Bernice who? She doesn't take really any shit from anyone. And if you if you try to take your car back from her tow truck, she'll try to chase Dental. You're not. She's

beat the shit out of me. Multiple times started only

watched toe shows. That's all I want licked. A lizard Lick is a good one. Miami Beach toe

a ring for the thing Go ring show, toe

ring. I love little nasty Tory's

Don't wash him out there. If anybody's listening and I got a touring, don't wash that shit, please, because I will lap it up. Good. Now, if they want it Well, what? I'm trying to put that out there. I'm tired of living in shame. I'll lap up a touring fudge like its regular fund. You know, there's some things

you don't necessary to be ashamed of, but you don't need to scream him out to the whole world.

All right? Whatever, whatever. So I guess I'm

jealous of you.

You know, I

got a big touring collection and guess who called me they want a piece of it. Musee d'Orsay for the less educated listeners out there. What is that? That is the lesser known. Uh, it spread to the right of the loof, and it ain't got shit. It ain't got none of the big works of art. Yes, they are interested in my touring collection. That's beautiful. Now these air not clean. No green? No. We're talking toe rings from the 14 hundreds. Queen Elizabeth first tr

Um, yeah, I got a big collect.

I didn't know toe rings went so far back in history. I thought there about from 1998 to 2003

and that some of these toe

rings were on so tight that the toe had to come with him. So

you've got some pretty famous toes

in the very same Mr Toes

happened. They listen up, everyone. I got his toe. And Lenny, if you want it back, come to me. Honest way, sit down at the table. And he's looking for it because he hasn't email

right now called Kravitz toe at gmail dot com. And he's looking for that.

Well, I had his toe in

Vegas and he robbed it. He robbed me trying to get his toe back. And I was like, No,

no, no Kravitz. That's your tone and rigged his pants. I rigged this pants. You really got him And his fellow Google Google Crab revealed a few stick pops out. You'll see me in the background. Look out! There it is Grassy no type material I rigged. Kravis is pants in. The dead popped out. Who was the second stitcher? The story you see, Bill back there was little seem ripper. Just let us chops. I had that little thing that goes on your pinky so you don't assemble. I have Temple. Yes, looking up

and look deeply close in the background for crave. He's also got the little tomato pin

cushion. He's got his little travel. So kids, so room. I love the little

tomato with pins in it.

No, I couldn't

talk to so far in the background, but is there a little needle hanging out off your lip? Are you hanging lip with a needle?

Yeah, Hang lip like a cowboy. I'm like a so cowboy. I hang needle off the lip. I write it on her sewing machine. So cool. I rope those little kits with the wax paper in him that you make dresses. I'm a needle cowboy.

Check it out,

listeners. The Kravitz reveal Kravitz reveal and yell any If you want your

toe back, get me up a real quick update for me. But it'll take 10 seconds. Hit up, Gavin to grow trying to get him for the halftime. Ah, double time show I hit up Gavin at Ah, I try to be No,

I try to be nobody. Ain't that I

That I am now, Gavin, I don't I don't want to be other than dot what I've been trying to be lately. Oh, yes, I have heard back, but I did get the quickest for four errors I've ever received. A

new record. Get a streaks to a halt. You should check

if he uses the Gmail. Probably. But I want us to try giving it the Gmail team

out. That's true. Like his last name to cross.

That's right. That's what I was thinking

when I said I see.

Well, I halftime show people expecting a big one. So I hope that if you don't get him, you get another big star.

Yes, Me too. Me too. I really dio I'm looking around. But so far, uh uh, there's this kid who plays banjo on the outskirts of town. Uh,

yes. Steve Martin Jr. Hey, Stevie stuff. See the arrow in the head?

Come on, do the comedy. Little Stevie Martin,

but he's He wants to play some banjo, so we'll see.

That could be nice. It feels like

we're coming towards a really great place for all of us were all settling in. And I feel like there's gonna be a good next six months. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Now we've got a guest on the show today, right? Should we bring him out? Just

take a quick break. I could use some water.

Yeah, I could take a big P.

Well, let's take a break right now, then. Hey, welcome back, everybody. We hope that you took a break to um we're here with our guests. Um, she you could hear her on her own podcast. The worst. Or you could hear on this podcast right now. Credit title Hman. Welcome to Hamilton High School.

It's so good.

Yeah, good day. So far,

it's been a day, uh, day

road errands or anything?

Yeah. Constantly running errands.

Yeah, Meteo, right? They never any never ends. I love

Erin's on your job. I don't. What's your favorite? Aaron to run?

I love a little stopping at the dry cleaner. Really

dry. Clean a lot. I love to hear your clothes. Do

take care of my clothes. Do you not

know? Hang a shirt out the window and

drive around town? No, Sam, no, no, no, no. What is it? It says

it's when you take your clothes to a store. And a man behind a counter sort of grabbed him from you

or woman. Most of the

dry cleaners are of the male only drag. I don't know. It's closest to my house. I'm sorry. I donate to female charities.

You I do like they want

about Susan G. Komen. Breast Cancer Foundation

Man, I was drawing a big blank of a here. Big, Big Uh, what's

your not do not Google Susan G. Komen scandal. Don't google those words

People don't like

way. I'm sorry. These air all I just realized you guys have big name plaques.

Way have complex. We, uh,

pretty nice studio, isn't

it? I guess it is the

nicest ive ever been in. We made our own

plaques because we never had. Um we never had an important enough job. They give you one of those that you put on? Yes. The person.

Yeah, because being a teacher is certainly not important. No

teachers to win teacher of the Year a month or nice teacher. Um and we have not. We've gotten all the bad plaques we get kind of the Razzie Teacher Awards.

Do you guys get gifts from students? Yeah.

Yeah, I got

ah. Ah, not hot for teacher. Yeah, A got a bad up

later. Rotted one

was right. It had a big worm in it.

I gotta I gotta mug That said number one idiot that

quick. She knows Howard

is drowning out of his huge Susan G. Komen bug.

Let me ask

you this. What about me? Upon seeing me, cause you said maybe 10 words to me what, upon seeing me made you decide that it was okay to treat me like crap immediately?

Well, I you know what seeing is that Europe by Ali

misspelled biology on my plaque. Unfortunately, it is if it has.

And also I spent way too much money on this by

Allah, but I would

love us to you. I'm a biology teacher, but I teach biology. Actually, I accidentally did put, Uh oh, man, it's bad. Uh,

what

air? And after Malala's book came out, you were at one that's called. They named me by all of me.

E I wrote a book. You showed me more. You

really, uh she was having a book signing down at the Barnes and Noble. Shut up. You got loud.

Yeah, I Well, I poached her line

and you know about all our fancy job. You ever had a fancy job

where you get a plaque?

No, Never in my life have I ever had a black?

What have you done? Have you always made your fortune off of comedy on performing or what have you done when not performing to make a living?

Well, I worked in retail for a very long time.

Words work.

I worked at an intermix. I worked at Intermix

Intermix. So what is that?

It is

a high and women's retailer, Akin Teoh, like a smaller version of ah, like a Bloomingdale's.

You You might recognize me. My face is in every intermix. Oh, because you were

stealing the manic. That's so funny at that to myself. How do I know this guy? He's Dominican thief. You're stealing all the mannequins? Yeah, that's a problem for us. When you said the faceless, sir, the better with what you

were facing. Surgery center is what they had. I always thought that the security cams couldn't hear you. So, you know, you mumble things. We think, apparently they picked it up. Some of it. Um, and so there's footage of me, kind of ah, shuffling around like Robert Durst taking manikins and talking about how looking for the most faceless one. And then they put my photo up.

Yeah. And you were everywhere?

Yeah. Famous fame time. Yeah.

So you worked at them for a long time about a

commission? Itwas I worked. I worked there in high school, and I worked there through college.

One or different ones.

Different one. I worked at the one D C. A transfer. Yeah, store transfer your in the intermix family. So I waas that's

you ever intermix like Julia Roberts. Esq!

I would come in and I would be like is actually nothing that you can afford is in this place try next are

because that was the coolest part about working at a place where we only rich people shop turning away.

I learned a very valuable lesson. The women that would come in in like a lulu lemon and a little fucking sweatshirt always spent the money on. He is the people that come in looking fucking

You don't need to look for drip

drip all over the place. No, no, no, no,

no. Are you talking about People come in soaking?

Yes. Using way. There's a song either cold. I immediately asked to

freshen up in the bathroom and leave. They did not make purchases

in the bathroom. Smells like you like mildew. Gene. I've been there because I do that.

Um, yeah, it. So it was,

you know, and shoplifting a lot of like people that

that's you shop with other people that I

am pleased the phone. I never shot

anyone who's ever pleaded. The fifth is guilty. They're admitting that they did what they're

No, I know. I never shoplifted. Direct answer. Good job.

It's really good.

Wow. Now, Greta, we

like

to sort of, uh, grill people about their high school experiences. So you said you had this job. Intermix.

Say it one more

time. There's no way This party, you're going home and going, like maybe we should cut that

career kind of building the whole

second half of this episode of the podcast around your career at intermittent.

Can you spell it? Is it Internet or Intermix?

Yeah. And

you know what? You guys are smart teachers. I

think it's intern.

Wow. Thank you. The students could use a little lesson in competition, for example. It is a great example. Well, yeah. We like to throw our guests up on the grill. Aziz, we say

way. Get grilled.

Great way. Have some questions about your high school experience. Way try to do here is that some of the students can learn from people who have experience things and changed or have some lessons from high school. So we want to know about yours, Howard.

I got

one good one. I think this was an interesting question on it. Start has to do with cliques in high school. So it's good and interesting. Good. Interesting on your failed No, you know, in high school, there's a lot of it could be cliquey. You know you got our school has, um, cool kids. Those are my friends, Uh, and like all sorts

of your friends, cause you buy them like booze on the one

dollar movies.

Yeah, it's mostly $1 movies I took in a $1,000,000 baby. I

I saw you at the circle K trying. Look, try to buy them booze. And the guy wouldn't serve you. He was like, really? He said he was like Mika lovin. Yeah, I was like, Why do you need to think

ideo your shoulder? Talk

to the baby? I haven't had a chance to make it to the D M V since my driver's license expired. So instead of going in there with an expired one, I go in there with one That's a novelty one that is a fake from Superbad with McLovin.

You're still that from Christopher Mintz? Plus,

uh, wow. Yeah, but anyway, what do we want to ask you? Is is you know, a lot of kids identify with people who like the same stuff is them, you know, our schools got we got the jocks. We got the geeks. We got artists, gamers, farmers, skater boys, crying kids Those kind of things in high school where you

kick the classic click karate kid. Are you part of a clear?

Were you a part of a click? Did you have, like, a crew when you were in high school? And what were they like?

I was I was What? What? I what we would refer to as a floater.

Okay. First time accepted everywhere. Yeah, it was that way. E.

I love to smoke weed. So if you wanted to smoke than I was your friend, anyone that wanted to like a karate cry tickets came, had anyone to blaze. I was like, That's fucking light it up. Put on Kali buds and call it a day. You know, um,

what are you smoking at? School underneath the bleacher

smoking in the smoking alley by my school were smoking. There was a very popular spot to smoke smoking alley. There was a smoking out that was the that was the during at school place for you Go smoke Typically cigarettes. A lot of cigarette action happening there. The occasional bowl hit. I would occasionally hit a bull. I was a big I was a floater slash art girl like I I was not very good at academics. That was not my strong suit. I was very powerful. Imaginations. As you can imagine, the hard hitting maths physics didn't really click.

Did you come in live? Yes. Mats. Very brute. But did you, like, come alive and started like an English class? No. Performing some sort of performance class. Yeah, well, here's to

deal with that, too. So the head of the theater department at my high school fuckin hated me and, like, never gave me a shot.

So you is competition. Clearly,

I would just like to say I'm succeeding now, you know, Take that. Take that. We like the way. Like to

play a game called first or fake Life first or fake? Last. Um, and you don't have to do this if you don't want to. But this theater teacher who had it out for you, will you say their name and you'll say either a fake first or a fake last name

search service name was like Darrell Wilson. You might go Darrell Anderson. Strawberry? Yeah, Or deal struck. Or you might say, like Richard Wilson. One of them's got the real ones Fake. Darcy Cardone refused to play. Would you like to play?

And then you

check on a mean insult.

Teoh. So far, no one

has played first base a glass. Would

you like to be the first to play fake first class or is a fake first?

Here's the deal. I I love I love a drag. Ah, solid job. One that shoulder. And you know what? Yes. I'm gonna have to say I'm gonna I don't think I can play.

Nobody wants to play a game where they're mean to somebody who doesn't deserve

it. Next for fake first or we're gonna keep pushing this and I'm gonna keep botching the explanation. I

will say there was one

person in the theater department who loved me and always believed in me and cared about me. And his name is Michael. The have land. And he is amazing.

That's his real name.

Real first, real aim. And

he is an amazing man, and wherever he may be, I love.

I guarantee he's listening to this

as congratulations. Michael.

Michael, you did the right thing.

That did sound like a fake last to me

to have one, but I think I think you play break first she slipped in a fake first class. Now what up, tablet?

So you were You were a floater. You have got smoking alley.

Yeah. Oh, I didn't even tell you about the most hip spot to smoke. So then after school, we would go Teoh, hang out at a gazebo behind a Geico.

Yeah, so we Oh, baby. Oh, stay at

the busy booth at the gazebo and the gazebo is where shit would fucking go

down, even open. There was

an open air gazebo,

but like it was pop. Yeah, my school had

a place called the tree like make out beat the shit out of each other. It was psychotic at the tree.

So what was the Gezi? But I think I don't even know Geico had brick and mortar a building.

It was a big guy, co. I think

it would have

been like a corporate, like a big deal.

And I said, Rick and mortar,

brick and mortar or Rick and Morty, Rick and order. That

is a

good name for your next company.

It isn more all right. I want

Dan Harmon and dressed in Royal and are heavily litigious specifically towards you?

Yes, they let me have it.

Eso way already could tell that I know what in your high schools created enough to call. Call it something like the guy Zebo get Debo C ko are so But what would you guys do? Their where you say what we'd see. But, uh, when you fucked shit up your words

way would just get very, very high.

Okay, so that yeah, after the smoking Al, you go. I'm still not feeling

well. Now here's really well, But if you want to talk like bad, bad, like bad stuff back ah lot we would typically school be done. Then we'd all get on the bus and we goto a mall that was called Maza Gallery. And to anyone that's from the D. C. The D M V Area Maza Friendship Heights bordering Maryland. It was very, very lit, as people would say Now way would then go on, meet

down in the

subway area where the McDonald's was. We would typically find someone that would buy us forties. So then once we acquired the forties, we would then go when the sun was setting to the gazebo and get very hot

and This is daily.

Yes. Is a week Day? You guys were why? I think this is sort of a Monday Friday, and then Saturday, Sundays we passed through. This is your way.

We would go to a fucking house. Someone?

Is this a fucking house, or is this a different location?

This is This is this is the house where things would happen, OK? And you know, maybe we'd play Edward 40 hands. Yeah,

this is where you where you taped forties to your hands, and then you lose your mind.

And there was a kid who's basement we used to go to all the time. Who? I don't know what his parents were doing. But he had covered his entire wall of his basement and blunt wraps. So that's the kind of people have thinking

out just a bit brown earth Iwo? No, Not like wraps crackers like Oh, I see. Covered He started, made gorgeous, like smirk. We'd walk guys, but he loves the rap. You go

there and watch gorgeously stucco.

It's weird when you are

younger and I was obsessed with this. Any time you do something bad, you keep the paraphernalia. I just had liquor bottles and fucking, like, just stack them up and you, like, just fucking go. Like, almost worshipped them. I

kept, um, I kept bottle caps. Like beer bottle. Yeah. I don't know why I kept those.

I always know I'm in a cool guys house when he's got all his empty bottles. All of them. Like

because I'm too intimidated by

cool. Me too. I mean, that's what I do in mind you could find. I mean, I got gin bottles all over the walls there. Yeah. Yeah.

Good. Was it true that another

bottle of beer on the wall was about written about your apartment?

Well, yeah, but it was Take one down, pass it around, and that you just keep going down and down because that's what you do in my apartment. S I My answer is yes, but I said a lot of words.

You need help. You try. E. I got nothing for it. I think I don't think a lot of

things that kids seeing it bus drivers is based on my life

now. You already said you didn't like a lot of the teachers at

your school. Or maybe they didn't like you. If

you were

at our school.

You're already is hating all the teaching. I didn't say a lot. I said wine. Really just hated authority. You

Only one teacher you liked in the whole

scheme. Yeah, exactly.

Game last night.

Where? The adults? Because

I asked my dad that all the time. I say, Where the fuck were you,

Senator? President?

He's the president. Senator, Mayor, You know, just a Yeah,

but what were they? Were you a Aziz say, Like a latchkey kid? Would you come home and you would make your own meals forward? Your parents be home?

Uh, if they were home, they were hiding.

Relate to your parents. I had for my daughter

all the time, you know,

Like sometimes I'd come home and my mom would be there, and she'd be like, made you some rice.

That's plain rice in a come home slammed and you get a little plane. I should sneak back into a hole in the wall.

My mom

was the kind of mom who was obsessed with diets. My mama is like, I'm

address. I heard of the rice

day. Yes, so she would make me something and then she'd sit there and watch me eat it. And she would eat. I swear, for the last, like, 10 years, she was alive. She would only eat dry special k out of a bowl with a spoon. No milk dry with on the whole time she would look at me eating whatever she had made. And she just like, How is

that you like that? Pretty dry. Also like

I like NASCAR, Huh? Okay. You think I need to change the dish? No, it's a good dishes. Okay. Did

you ask for, like, a second ingredient?

No. Get even with the rice rice. You know, Rice. It became it became this thing where, like, the older I got my mom was just like, I don't fucking want to do this anymore. So she would just make me rice and truly put so, like rice, tomato paste and peas.

That was all right. There's at least trying. Christmas Day is like

a sweetness. There's the savory Nissen there. That sounds nice to me. Honestly,

I mean, it is something that now if I'm, like, feeling like home, sick

people are like, I wanna have a homey

meal. I'm like, I'll make you peas and rice. Tomato? No, it reminds me of home is like sugar free jello. And like, Oh, so much diet was just in a house of diet food.

Constantly. My dad wasn't dieting, but he would never buy food. All we had was Pepper Cheney's and apple juice. And if I was there, Pop Tarts. But that's it.

My family really got behind Splenda. Like in a very serious way where everything was plunder, like my

put it on food.

My dad will both my parents really got into the South Beach diet. Do you guys remember

that? Ah, Precursor Teoh. Sort of like Atkins or key toe kind of thing, right? It's like low carb.

Its post its post a

post Atkins prickly taquito. It lives in that between, like, 2001 And, like, 2000 and

four. Exactly. Like I think is all protein. That's it. I just like approaching project on South Beach like a little bit more. Your meals are a little bit more like fresh.

You like where? White linen?

You what? You need to wear linen. That need where? Tommy Bahama? Every single time. Yeah, um but there was this fucked up dessert that was just skim ricotta cheese and you take, like, 1/4 of a cup of it. Mixed it with Splenda and cocoa powder. And I used to come home so high and like, eat this with my dad, my mouth would be so dry. Yes, actually, I now, in hindsight, yes, but you,

Mr Mayor, honor. What are you doing? You just

be eating it. And we would like trying, like, slop down this like Splenda Drag garbage.

Well, Kim Rick cada splendor.

Yeah, I can't imagine

Now you mentioned off Mike. I hope you this isn't a secret that you're getting married soon, have you can

tell Very young and

single in Hollywood. One that meets with me can absolutely a sexy.

That's great news.

Just everybody knows

I'm very take a meeting with Yeah. You doing generals right now

for sexual partners were doing generals.

You something I did kind of. I did kind of meet my future husband on a pseudo general.

Interesting. Well, he handed you a tiny water in the lower

court. Can I get you of T year water? And I said no. Don't worry about it. He said okay. Great, cause we don't have any.

Wow. How did you meet

our sisters? Went to college together. That's not a general. No. Well, he

This isn't a

college together. He works in entertainment. She was like, you should email my brother and meet with him and that I emailed him and we met. And it was, like, kind of on the basis of being like, this is what I do. This is what I

dio. What's upset of general was it was the intention business out of the gate because I've had a few

business hold. The intention is business. I live in this city to just generate.

You have us very firm and big handshakes on your way.

Oh, thank you. My mother would be so proud.

Just felt very business. Like you asked for our resumes. And I'm sorry.

Way before we start your only credit scores. Sort of need to check

your like I only got five minutes. Is make this quick. Yeah, Thank you. Might be never while making

my car's idling out front.

Well, you have, like, an eighties Mercedes. I wish Were you gonna ask something about getting married?

It was I mean, it's been so much time But I was gonna ask if maybe you would want to do that ricotta desert of your cake faces into it.

Yeah, I actually told him I was like, Look, there's a dish that's very important to me and my family. It's sort of traditional for us in our lives. And Derek, Oddest Lunda thing is sort of

Was there a

name for that dish? Was it like, you know, like, sweet cheese

like something G I wish that I could call

my dad right now. Teoh, have him tell you he would eat this thing. Does you still? No, he doesn't anymore. He's Yeah, he doesn't anymore. I think he's like, too lazy now to do it. It's like it takes effort. Get us feeling like Mick said the cocoa powder. A lot of

things going on. A lot of moving

parts. Who

keeps cocoa powder way to keep coca. I don't think

I've ever used took a powder for anything. I keep cocoa now that I'm being a little more Jewish, so I'm keeping cocoa thing. Cuban coca

rabbi came over and blessed all the things in your cupboard as cocoa

tried to. But then it just did a big, stinky stinky for the ramen. It was force all over

your big. He did a big thing. I heard he did a big

So he did a be stinky like hand in front of his Could

have done the stink and then blamed it on your house. It was the same rabbi

from your breast that when he walked out of breath, you

worked on my breast. Pulled the diaper down to

stick E g. Oh, well, I was the

first because you're the stories about Rabbi um oils giving babies herpes blood first, baby to give them oil.

Your patients.

Yeah, Patient zero

zero years old. Right. You had to go around, knock door to door boils. Yeah, I

had to call. Well, there's a service now that you just enter it on. Honestly, it calls all your morals.

You can honestly make a killing ASM oil Something you've done. I just I've done some light research in turmoils, and, uh, you can slay.

Are you Jewish? Half, Half Jewish. Will you be raising your child circumcised?

Because that's a raising thing. It's not a one time thing. Personnel circumcised or the personality of asleep.

We're gonna be plan

on talking to him as if he's uncircumcised and also

find circumcision on his own.

Then we'll started start treating him as a circumstance. I see. He

may want to go back and meet Ismoil.

He might want to go. And it's very important that we keep a strong relationship with oil.

More oil has to be around for a long time. Relationship. Oil is a lifetime relationship will enter into a marriage with you. Yes, and you can't let him go.

Were you raised one way or the other? Which holidays did you celebrate?

All of them. Very lucky me.

Which ones are you more excited about? Christmas hands, you say that is, if it's affect way have a lot of holidays and Judaism that I'm kind of connected

with. I love Russia. Shauna just

Was that a Russia Shauna dinner the other night? Fabulous Time loves food. Apples and honey could eat it.

Yeah. Did you fast for Yom Kippur?

No, e like that, You know? Of course, I was bought

Midst, but I was, but let's But the theme was my name. The theme was great. It

was a Greta themed bar mitzvah, so I mean now we've got thurn Berg, Vanvleet Van Fleet Gerwig In your day when you were 13. Who did you have? An

Estrin And I knew Van Susteren's niece. And I had Vance us. And you know what? Van Susteren is? The one who has at Greta on instagram offer niece fans. Esther and I knew her niece in high school.

It was she Would she go around intensely, like taking drama and making it about her?

Yes. Oh, no. I I didn't know her well at all. She went to

a neighboring I school, and I really only knew her because she played soccer with a girl that I knew. Greta Van Susteren was like her things.

I am curious about this bar mitzvah, Greta themed bar mitzvah. So it just says your name everywhere.

So my I got a huge neon sign that said my name in hot pink that I still have. It's the best thing I've owned. Um, it's the only thing I care about. Your Yeah, it's in my home.

How big? Huge. 10 feet.

Yes. Whoa. No, not 10. Honestly, it's the size of that panel.

Okay? Just pointed to a 400 foot beautiful. Let me ask you this. It's hypothetical. But let's say Greta Van Susteren sees it. Loves it. She says, I'll give you my Twitter handle for this neon

Joe. No, no. Keep going. No, no, I don't. You know what I love? Tweeting. But I was just thinking my relationship with Twitter is it's a rollercoaster. Not worth it, Tonto. I'm

screaming the truth from,

you know, sometimes I'm firing off hot ones on other times and that cold

ones. Yeah, well, um, I had one more question about that bat mitzvah, and I lost it. But what? I just wanted to know what else you had there. You got the sign?

I I got ah white. I got hot pink chocolate G's made to get everyone. It was white chocolate died. Pain might talk. That is kind of trash. Honestly, if you like white chocolate, something is Mary

chocolate in small doses with another flavor.

Sure. We're talking cookies and cream. We're talking a dark chocolate tracking Pepperman. Yeah, Peppermint bardo. Holiday season. Zahniser.

Yes, sir. Now was there Was there something that you you like, accomplished in high school? Like like a big like like you felt like this was like a, uh, you know, like the day you did something. Put your stamp. Yeah. Like like for me, For example, I wanted a regional science fair. Something like that. Some some positive experience.

Sounds like you have one.

One time I got a u T I so bad. I was bleeding when I peed.

That wasn't just you getting your period. That was

No, I was like, it was early in the morning. It was before French class. It was my first time ever getting a u T I wear. And I was, like, curled over in pain. And I looked down like blood was in my p and I was like, This is bad.

Isn't scared blood coming out of your piece?

No, nothing scarier. I will tell

you this. We had, like, people used to ask people to prom and like, fancy ways. Was that a thing? You know, like a big sort of two dio, um, sophomore year. This the guy who asked me to prom, He kept on trying to get me to come up to the art. Because I was I was a photo girl.

I was like that

earlier photo girl?

No, I was the only girl I just like constantly in the dark room. You is up there and he had He was, like, taking a painting class. And he had painted prom on the back of one of his paintings and I knew that this was going to happen and I like God of kind of freak out inside. And I kept on, like, avoiding going up there, and it was really, really bad. I did end up

going to problem with him,

Didn't want to go.

I just remember being like, Oh, my God, Like he likes me like Well,

like thinking it was so crazy and like I got so anxious and I didn't go up there and then, you know, we went to prom, but I didn't want to be with him. But then I had this kind of summer away, and I sort of had this like, ah ha moment. And I called him during summer vacation knows, like I think I'm in love with you. And then they ended up dating when I was a junior and he was a senior on I eventually months, a month, a month later looked at the back of the painting that said prom on it because it refused to see

it. It made me feel so weird. I turned on

Don't judge me and then you finally showed it to me.

Wow. I mean, so the story there is true love. It'll come back, Teoh run away from it when it scares you.

Yes, I get

that you t I figured out early

on. Yes, I did sing respect Now they're all coming back to me. I did sing Aretha Franklin's respect

actually called arias. Whoa! The whole high school.

Yeah, it waas if I could If I could sort of bottle that confidence I had then and give it Drink it now.

Well, I want to

give you I want to give you the space and the opportunity right now on Mike gives a little taste of respect. Let's try to get that confidence back. Let's find high school, Greta.

Okay. Um what? What if I What if I absolutely kill the song?

I love that. Here's

what I'm expecting. I wouldn't set you up to fail. I think you're gonna kill it.

I don't I Honestly

what Truman is

that you sing with me we can dio. You all need to sing with me. You can't

know what you want. That's the lyric or starting on all counts Since

you even know the

Leo My biology Yeah, I

wasn't always a biology teacher.

Hit us with a 5678 at your leisure.

5678 You wont What do you mean? You know? Yes. Oh shit! I want me to me todo eyes your screams second to me and every second that demean man

get to the second the second. Sorry,

I just didn't know what key we were in charge of

you jump the socket. Todo was incredible. Well, damn Greta, I think we're I am reading. This was I think

we're bit out of time. Been that were a bit but honestly, it was great having you in the lounge today. I

think

you're a really good

sport. Appreciate it. Find the worst

Oh, you confined the worst on you know, on podcasting. But on stitcher you can find on Spotify I guess I tunes tournament by podcast. It's on the froth. You should listen to me. I have It is just me and a guest and we talk about the worst things on and fun one time.

And I do You have, Ah, social media. People can follow.

You know, my instagram is at Gertie Bird followed me. There

are awesome. Well, Greta, thank you so much for being here today. Uh, tonight on. We really appreciate having you, um, and saw those listeners that I'm having trouble saying goodbye tonight.

That's where you'll make it. Stick that landing. Here

we go. And everybody out there who's listening on

there's a

clean one

way ticket back. And if you guys were having a good night tonight, give us a holler. True? Yeah. Um, no, I do. Two more time. Here we go. All right. Thanks so much for listening to the teachers lounge. Everybody in the until next time.