'Tisn't the Season with Gym Smith (Scott Aukerman)

show get. Come on. Oh, yeah, Way.

Well, I guess. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Teacher's Lounge. The first best in only podcast pertaining issues relevant to the Hamilton High School community. Got him. You guys did get me. I, of course am Howard spare change, Levis. Uh, and I'm your biology teacher here with my buddies.

Way to move on. I want to move

on. But it was done with a voice.

You guys saw me. I I attempted a viral video this week. You guys know that guy? The spare change guy by the grocery store? Ah, homeless man. Well, yeah, he's, you know, he's without home. He's But I tried to do one of those viral videos where I do. I made a big deal about making a go Fund me for him on I went and took a video of him, but people obviously sort of somehow turned it around on me.

Well, you got a new truck. You all of a sudden mysteriously got a new truck,

and that's because spare tundra. Okay, Well, as I said, Aziz, you saw in the video,

you skim off the top of the go fund me. Well, we hit our Let me

was 4 $49,999

Go Tundra

May and also said And there

was parentheses. If you're a number one investor, if you're a top tier investor,

I might just leave the dealership and get it for $2000 off.

What was that?

Well, yes. Taught me you guys caught me. Okay? You caught me.

It also said I wanted I Toyoda. Huh? I Toyota. Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

I e you guys all right through my plan. Honestly, uh, actually, the man who's been begging for change he was actually ah, man, I hired to beg for change to put into the tundra fund

you cast? Not at all

now. Oh, yeah, Something pretty deep in character.

I know, I know. You auditioned for it.

You want with someone else

s? Oh, wait. He shot with you.

Start. I told you I never showed up. Wait.

What was the problem? We were learning about no hot breakfast.

There was no hot breakfast on

set. Having had todo I'm having I threw

you a bone, Todd.

Literally. That's not a hot breakfast. All right, I'm

sure it was delicious. Uh, but it didn't fill me up.

Well, Todd, I don't know what you expected. It was a shoestring budget, and I didn't have money to go buy you a burrito are a fresh doughnut or whatever the hell you want it.

So you just pretended to shoot my scenes, and then you ended up shooting.

There was no media going change. Yeah, student Macy's. I'm just a poor home. This man, he was like, You're playing a little too much like sh legal. You kind of

went Schmieder on it. Schmidly Little teach me, please

Note that has been the bane of my existence.

You've been given to Schmieder?

Yes. Well, time. I'm sorry. I did end up going with somebody else. Andi know is along a sort of long coming, you could say,

but it really did shine a light, unjust, randomly

donating Teoh Anything that comes across your feet,

right? So it's we've all done

it may fall, you know, wanted to throw relief towards a natural disaster, and we just throw it at the first thing that comes across the feet. That's right. I mean,

I know I've gotten I

donated to the paper towel fund for to get more paper towels for Puerto Rico when it went viral, that Trump was throwing him out.

Yeah, well, I I thought

they're like we're giving

trump different things to shoot like a basketball into the crowd. Um, and I was like, Well, I think it should be reptiles. I think it should be mobs that you should be Occasionally basketball

just just patterns. Always a basketball because he does have good form when he's shooting towards

Trump. Awesome. Joe's in need. Trump has an awesome jump shot to those in need. You've seen him out there. He's taking half quarters. 2000. Me

and Bernie came with his. His viral video of him plan actual basketball. He's sinking jumpers left. And right now

all the candidates ears can ball thing. This is

the probably the best class of candidates. As far as basketball goes, the toy collection is gonna be hard to decide.

Absolutely. What? Here's the thing. I I've heard their policies. They got a plan. They got this. I want

to see him run the figure

four The Yep. Yeah, wrestling

Move for no way. You a three person. We've

Yeah, do a play. You'd lay up drills that Scrooge age. Let's see you land.

Let's see. Marianne Williamson will the ball into the net. Freaky power.

I know we got Carmelo Anthony playing for the Trail Blazers, but what about Kamala Harris is what I said.

Yeah, feed your run. Rock feed the rock ball hog. Problem with our ball. A

ball hog. It's unbelievable. It's like and she'll put up good numbers, but it's expensive. Team support.

It's that Iverson thing. Yeah, she scoring 40 points, but their record when she does is very bad. Eggs.

Eggs are is the new exactly slobs because its faster

eggs excise the new Exactly. Ah, hi, I'm Todd Padre, theater teacher director of the Newly the Jewish Play, now untitled as we look for a new one racer of Hoverboards and star of the upcoming upset of fastest car on Netflix.

Great! You the car you're driving.

I'm driving. Yeah,

having morning

Noah Dirt Cargo had list in the last weeks episode has one. Remember any Derkach door car? And, of course, but star barista also during the halftime show, remembering all of your things, winter formal. Um,

I'll be honest you do make it really hard for us to sort of keep track of everything that's going on in your life.

What do you notice that is? I'm listing it instead of listening to it. You're interrupting me, All of you. There's more to the list. Maybe that's why you don't remember it.

I think it's hard to care about so many things

that time show at the winter formal. Also doing the interactive show at the winter formal on making it hotter.

Okay, that's a good list. Why don't we?

Three on three se Which thing we want to follow and

see. Let's just do one. 123 under par, he said. A new one and we both said

Dirt car. Okay, great weaken do dirt car. I'm a little worried. Since you don't remember it from last week, we might repeat the same things we said on that ever waken try you on. Or maybe we'll have new specifics.

Let's change it to a different. Every show starts up a new breakfast, lunch

and dinner. Todd, where you go around with a chef?

Is that a show that's on Netflix,

I think Seo Chang, Yes, yes,

OK, Yeah, broke for such a dinner. So, Yeah, that's my new thing. I'm working on a way. Got Howard Stern on the first episode. Kind of. Ah,

high Sam. Yeah, he's a good

interviewer. Now we forget that he's a rude pig because he does such good interviews now. So I have him on.

Well, my name is Sam weatherman, and I am the school pilgrim as Thanksgiving approaches. That's right. I show up every morning for one week dressed in full pilgrim gear

and you bring a disease absolutely

well on extra disease because I always bring a disease to school. Let's have a rotating disease. Of course, you're

always operating with hep C. You're always bringing that.

That's not share my disease, but yeah, Pepsi

literally. Let's not do it on your butt. But

I have different blankets. I have different dishes I'm offering, and each of them will make you sick

if you're not careful. We

had a school wide vote, uh, coming in at 66%

for guests. Your illness was tuberculosis. Yeah, That's been a really fun thing for the school to sort of. Guess my illness Every week we have a rally weekly where I lay in the bed at half court, in the gym on everybody sort of guesses what? I live. No time. The doctor there? Yes, of course. Actor. He's not helping at

all. I started on this one.

You book the job, right?

location. Seems like

But it was in the wrong

I got the wrong call sheet.

It seems like you're getting close with things sod, and your booking them and you're becoming may

be problematic at the fitting. And instead of canceling, people are just giving you the wrong address for set.

Uh, yeah, that seems like what's happening, but I don't know that I'm I'm feeling problematic at the fitting eso I don't know what other people promise. So somebody brings you a pair of jeans? Oh, yeah. Okay. I'm supposed to fit into these while they were the size you wrote down. Isn't this your job? Isn't this your job?

science chart de emphasize

Do you have your

you here? Here, take a look.

Okay. That's is very small. It's just 36 20

4 36 famously sexy size that you are

a classic sexy lady, said

another. That says only if she's 53

That's right. And that part really throws everybody

for a loop. Because who, sir? Mix a lot card? No, it's my size,

Carl. Okay, um, meals on the back. Red beans and rice did miss her.

You put down the meals. You

Yeah. Yeah. Mr Did Mr. Uh it's just lyrics from the song, but, um, yeah, they call me problematic, but it's like, you know, no artist is easy to work with, right? No. Artist is easy to work

with. My anaconda ain't big.

My anaconda ate big meals really

on for the fitting because I don't want there to be too much room downstairs. You know, like that type of

complaint for a lot of pants. I don't want too much room downstairs because it's not that I have a small Penis. It's that these pants are too roomy. That's right. And it makes you feel small because of all the room.

That's right. And if you have never small Penis, it makes it feel twice as small. Exactly on their blowing in the wind. There, it looks like a diaper lose diaper. Something like that. Uh, but I noticed that when they put out the vote for you for Ah, what's your illness of the week? On the top, they had to add. It's not mental so that people didn't keep because that was getting 100% of the right way. Mentally ill

are on the run off.

Right? And just to clarify fraud, any students who are listening you're not wrong. It's just that that's not what we're trying. We're talking about physical, physical. Why is my face yellow jackets jobless? You know, why am I spitting blood?

John? This we don't know way. You just gotta your until because you had some issues with your health care. So your this your way of solving it is having old hired Dr Stand in the middle of general students Come, Inspector?

Yeah, Obama care said absolutely not to me. And they took one look at me and said does not pass on. So I've had to resort to whatever I can actors that play old doctors. Well, you are, uh you have

been brought into many in many, many Senate and House hearings, um, for the argument against pre existing conditions. Like it's you are multiple times the insurance companies. Defense.

Yes, people like this We're going to the poor house immediately

like that. You put you put Cigna,

um, into chapter 11.

That's right. Right? They there's not enough money on the planet to treatment in America's health system. No. If I were in some sort of mumbo jumbo socialist cap the you know, the other one, maybe they could treat me. But in America, there's not enough money, Right? You went

Teoh for a weekend in Canada and almost put them out of business.

That's right, Canada. Well, almost put Canada business for problem can turn a big profit. And they came grovel ing to the border saying

way were the border. Take us in to

America and yeah, we got rid of that

border. Everybody, welcome to all of our Canadian American listeners.

Welcome. Welcome, Canada.

You guys could probably be. You can listen

to it over the border. Gone because Sam visited there for a weekend and broke the country. Yep. Hello, Bill parentheses. Scout man crave E. That's

like Scatman Carruthers craving.

And normally it's also quotations, not parentheses.

Know is safe. That's what I meant to say. Uh, yeah, you're right. I have been showing up to different places. looking for basketball players, Um, and shouting icecap pop in a suit and sometimes over to Hamilton. Dude up, pop for food. About some pretty We will give you free lunch and also give you all a boo boo boo boo you rent you and everyone

was a message to your parents,

right your way living in the basement. So I quickly try to tell my parents just something

on the end of every track. Because they love that they love you. Send him recordings. They love your music.

Well, yeah. I mean, the majority of the song is made luring

players to my basketball team. And then right at the end, I tell

my parents Losada, because you because you've actually had some lucky you know, we did have the windmill. You did get the windmill to play. The windmill is playing. And you have you found a couple more prospects the last week Have I had a good conversation with water tower

and he just kind of his game plans just started. Stand in the middle, take up Space rim protector.

Well, the problem with him is that he's pretty immobile, so I'm a little I'm worried about 10 seconds on the back court. You know what

I mean. Or what is that role? Three seconds of the three seconds of the lane, or or

not getting across the line in a certain amount of

seconds. What are we gonna do, build the gym around him?

No, no, no, no. Mill it have shops do pop up, topping up scattered. Come on over. Come on over to him with Andrew Bock box. I would give you O off my my past. I will buy you the nicest clothes you've ever seen. A part time cook some food, Mom. So was that the

song you used to lure to try to lure the water

tower? Yeah, all of my path. You and bythe get it. Just bought into clothes. I don't give them my pet bill. A lot of people are saying when my mom won't base, but you won't think

that's insane, Bill. Uh, now it's a

lot of people

are saying you're doing a disservice by not sort of approaching human players or or skilled actual basketball players. You're you're sort of on Lee recruiting buildings and and structures, which which doesn't actually Well, that's not true. I

did go Teoh. There's a town in Russia that still operating with a little bit of, um ah, radiation in the soil from the Chernobyl accident. And I've got a lot of pituitary gland. Um, more, more patients. They're

more like the autumn or more for when something happens.

Exactly. The PC term for morphs

unfortunately brought all those people over. And I was, like more and they morph into

a worse basketball player. No, is bad. We got taller, but worse. The best. So tall it. Bill, I got to say,

You want another sounds and wait. There's also

I want to address now that it's been a little while. Sure, Noboa really stuck with

you That's so stuck with you that I use every day. I can tell

that show is really meaning for you.

I was fucked up, up with my ass and you're using it every day. I kind of use it every day. When you say

that part of it is because your house is on nuclear power, you run on nuclear.

Yes, I run

on nuclear. Well, it's actually clean power. You take care of the last people

say it's it is the

the clean. Either the cleanest or the dirtiest, depending on if it's stay

safe, depending on if you keep it safe forever. If one

bad thing goes wrong, you could ruin most of Europe.

Yeah, I think a lot of what the city of Hamilton's issue was this you build yours on a fault line.

Even if I told you broke ground and there was earthquake groundbreaking. There was a big play. You're playing broken when you tried to

play it off. Like you just hit the shovel in the ground so hard that it shook the

whole works. Your muscles. I just try. Try muscles. Yeah, that's been a big

problem. Ah, we've been Ah, we've been trying to cover it up with a helicopter killing people just throw in human bodies in there. I just people turn it into, uh, human Three Musketeers bars

his head, the one with white chocolate. Most of what's the one that's like white

chocolate on the outside. And like,

that's exactly is it not Zach? Not

Yeah, Sabah's, I think. I think my fucking dad used to get Zack

nuts at every stop on a vacation.

Yeah, they look like those human

bodies at Chernobyl. They don't like melting. They got white chocolate on the outside, but like some nuts on the inside,

I get less appetizing candy. But it's like, Well, if people already are turned off, let's give it the worst name possible.

Yeah, they're gonna be horrified when

they open the rapper.

Let's just get him horrified up top

when they see it. It's That's your catch phrase, right?

Yeah. So, uh, Bill, you got that going for you? We are recording on the eve of Thanksgiving, and, you know, the turkey's about to come down the chimney. Six buckle. Yeah, you're going on. But

really, Buckle, I got a big hat buckle. Have a buckle on each wrist in the buckle on each Inc. Mr Pilgrim. That's right, campus pilgrim. I weigh 200 extra pounds right now. These are all authentic buckles.

Yeah, those are authentic to how pilgrims

were. And I did also noticed a hand

turkey following you recommend

those things Aerial E. You know, we used to just, like, draw them on our hands. But those are a really species

of turkey. They fuckin look great.

Yeah, they look, it's a

t there to D they have 55 Little, uh,

You saw one of them? Because there was a whole gaggle, A gaggle of hanta gaggle a hand, turkeys just waving behind me.

Well, I think there was a kindergarten class pretty close to your nuclear reactor. And maybe something happened with the Terrian turkeys. They drew extension. Are you gonna know? E noticed. They're kind of following you around. Are you gonna do slaughter and cook them for Thanksgiving?

Well, hopefully, absolutely. Helpfully, If I can catch these turkeys and if they cook, that's what we don't know. Because we know they might just not cooked. They may just burn

up. Yeah, they might burn up.

They may just burn up

like heads. That's always an issue with food that nobody's talking about. Will it cook, or will it just burn up? That's right. Well, that's all eyes. It's that will be Our forefathers had to try, because would that just burns up? Yeah, that does not cook. Well, the thing is, there a

tree, it's got to be wrong.

Will you take a bite of a tree? And you're like, OK, it doesn't work wrong, but let me try to cook it still doesn't work. Work quick. Food

over. Ah, cooking tree. You're supposed todo Thanksgiving is tomorrow. Tomorrow s o you know, way like to every year. Sort of take a minute to just remember everything that happened to us the past year. Ah, and really remind ourselves what we're thankful for that on we urge all of our all you listeners students everybody to take a minute for yourself on do the same thing because we all have taken some time to reflect on on what's happened and what we're thankful for on I think

we shouldn't. Maybe I think we

should do it publicly.

I actually do it about the school. You think Wait typically tell, you know what? Our problems are at the school, but I love these kids. Yeah, I love my community, and I'm definitely gonna think of something

I'm thankful for about it. So here's against. Every year is we take our we take a minute of silence on air to personally think of what we're thankful for, and then we'll say it out loud and so at home. You should also take this minute and think of what you're thankful

for. There will be a full minute of silence

and let's see if we can do it.

Yeah, Let's see if we can actually do it starting

now. God, I can't think of anything.

I can't hear you,

Todd. I can't think of anything. Oh, just gotta be. Something happens. Really. It could be small. It can be like you could say. I like paperclips. I'd like paperclips Does that work? It could be any bathroom I love Now. You can't just Really? Yeah, I got mine. All right. I think I'm thankful for sidewalk Sidewalk. That's at first at a Texas. Yeah. What about? Did someone do something nice for you this year? Well, or did Did. Did something nice happen to you know? What about bathroom? The bathroom was there. What? I went

when I went the bathroom just was there. Thank

you. If you're both gonna use bathroom, then we have Todd and I have to think of something. Okay, I, for example, like I have had, you know, a tough year. So, like, really bad? Yeah. So it's like I'm always looking for that. A lot of loss and yeah, it screeched to a home. Said worst year ever and I'm looking for him, you know, relief. So I'm looking for places. Did so shame I was. Those terrible things happen, Like, bring you some food. Wow. Or has anybody specifically? Yeah. Yeah. Mr. Rogers Host said when bad things were happening Look for the helpers. Was there helper for you? The only thing or person that tells me it's the bathroom. Yeah, way. But you just have to keep minutes, tops.

Just two years, okay? All right. Way just woke up from that moment of silence.

That's what I always dio

my arms tired.

All right, so and we all I think we could all agree everyone at home and us here, that whatever are thankful. Thing is there's so many things to be thankful for that there's no reason to, you know, um, repeat, any that should all be new and original. I'm sample for the bathroom. So for me, that was

another moment

of silence. Really quick. I think we should do another 45

back in 45 seconds. Silence, guys, Be quiet at

home. Shut up at home.

Fuck up. We can hear you clear your talk with Meier back. Yeah, they noticed you because you are. You even said like I know mine. I'm just gonna go. I've got a better one sweat about. I'm not changing. What about what about the side job you got? If you could, No matter what you say, your time if you could not lead in with repeating things is bad because we all three do player with 30. Church bought the car. The church bought you a new car. That was big for you. Just say thank you to the church. The church bought

you a new car where they gave me in front of the money to buy myself a ton. Trust you do go funding. I didn't have it in the church. Bought you a new car.

What? They bought me a new car, but it was like I think it was a prank to its stake. Now is Miss Roberta's old car. They gave it. Well, say thank

charge for the car. Not careful. It stinks. Okay,

you to the

well, you're gonna have to think

and talk. You're going to Venice. Say three things quickly.

I

just woke up from that moment. Okay, so let's just go

really quick. Three What? We're thankful for. Okay. 1234 Cause Todd's gonna get he's gonna go for and it's going to go. 123

four. Okay. You ready first? Yes. Well, guys, kids, adults, parents, Whoever's listening I just want to say I am really thankful for those times when you really gotta go. Uh, interesting. Someone's there for you, and you walk right into that bathroom and its glistening and waiting. I'm thankful for the bathroom. Thank over the bathroom and the janitors that keep it so clean. Yes. And the kids for only mess with me sometimes in there,

So bathroom, bathroom, I actually, now they think about it. I'm actually thankful for the new car that I got from my go fund Me your mother fucker. Yeah. I'm really thankful

for every moment we're back to the silence. Everybody. And for the love of God, if you fucked it up the second time, be quiet this time. Shouldn't be that hard.

Okay, I'm not saying the same one is our quiting. You say bathroom? When he said Mr the new car you got from the church, I realized that I'm pretty happy about my tundra and I and I didn't want to say bathroom, and I wanted to Honestly, if I'm really being honest, I wanted to stick of Natasha's calling it your fun dra Because you're so much funding. Okay? Yeah. Handwara in my head. I was trying to force bathroom, bathroom, bathroom, bathroom, of course, because that musically of course it like it was gonna make it. Okay, then let's all just a bathroom. Who cares if we'll repeat it? But there's so, so much going on now. I don't know what to say when we say, because I also said bathroom, But long It wasn't very funny, you know, made a killing long about this. Let's come back

from this moment of science. Is that you know what? We decided not to do

this. It's great idea and we'll cut it out. Cut, Wait, Come back! And we each say Mrs Roberta stink. What? We do that. Okay? Okay. Okay. Are we sure about that? But now that I said it, yeah, it's not gonna work. There's no surprise. The element of surprise

is go goes away way have decided to cancel a thankful segment. We're not saving. It ended up sucking on,

and we're saying that now because we edited it out and it's not gonna be there. But we did leave in the throw to it. Yeah, in the throne. So know why we did that? But we did do that

now, uh, for Thanksgiving this year, I obviously I'm doing my weekly Thanksgiving are my yearly Thanksgiving play. You're

not doing your weekly Thanksgiving

plan. No, this one is a little more annual. I obviously do. My weekly Thanksgiving play, which is really nice every week to remind people to be thankful even went, is into the season. It's

a little more annual

thing, a little more annually. Ah, lot of people don't. Not enough people

say, Oh, are really let people know when it isn't this season. It's

always tis the season. Tis easy, but it isn't this season. Nobody's I go. It's January. It isn't the scenes. I get

the note. A lot of my play. That's the big thing is people even knocked isn't the season.

Tis the season. Tis end. Just isn't,

um but I don't know what you're what. We've never really talked about that before. Some traditions you guys have, there's obviously

well, I have a tradition. It's It's pretty, I don't

know. It's just something my family likes to dio. All of the family comes over and we eat on Thursday interest. And we have, like stopping and turkey and potato stir G.

And then the next day we'll leave

the left

over. You know that that is a nice are.

It's nice to have something that is bizarre. It's a little weird for me, but it is nice to have that brings your family together is like, This is different. It's something we

dio. I actually have a tradition is another family thing hole and it's unique to me as well. You know, mostly it za similar thing. My family comes around and I spend my time avoiding arguments with my relatives that I disagree.

Oh my God. Hearing what you guys do for Thanksgiving, I guess I'm weird because you're not even gonna believe what me and my kids do. Okay, we watch football.

Ruli. So maybe t is our. It's bizarre. I feel like

I'm doing the most unique thing I

can unique. That's bizarre. Well, I guess you taught,

you know, speaking of tradition, and my my family kind of has one to, um so, you know, Bill has eating food and donating leftovers. Howard has, ah, watching football, avoiding arguments. Sam has watching football. And of course, that leaves me with traveling my family. You know, this is a little different, but we like to travel from wherever we are in the country will travel to see each other on Thanksgiving, even.

Ah, it's a little Passard. Me in years is house.

Do you all go sit

Wait at one person's house and it's usually the same house every year. It's my mommy's house. Your mommy? Yeah. So we'll goto my

mommy, I think.

Really? OK, now we're finding some similarity. Okay, I'll start with my mommy, Okay? She don't cook. Shit. Get out of the basement. Mom,

My mommy is, of course, dead. But I used to hang out with her when she was alive. Of course. Of course. Every day

I guess I'm thinking more traditions. I don't know. We've done our car. We're gonna do some more. Yeah, well, you know, a bit one that we do in my family, my kin on and also

can as well. Yeah,

my kid and my friend's eye is will make plans with friends in our hometown and then bail on him because we're too well, excitedly make plans never and then just drop out.

That's do that, too,

because I'm like, Oh, it's not gonna be like it, Waas

it's You're gonna be different on this, and I'm not gonna like you're

different. You're not gonna like my different.

No. And the worst thing is, it actually is gonna be like it was in a way. And that's the worst part.

It is the worst. It's almost like you revert back to who you were, and then you see yourself as that, and you're like, Oh, interesting out. Now I'm being I'm being the person I was when I

knew this person. This is this is weird. Can I ask you guys you guys ever set the table?

Okay, Bizarre, bizarre.

So tweeted us with your bizarre Thanksgiving traditions.

Do you eat bizarre? Do you travel bizarre. You said the table bizarre. Do you avoid awkward conversation Bazaar. So it's hashtag bizarre Thanksgiving traditions. Yeah, Wait. Here

it What's new? We're originals. Nobody is doing it like we're doing it. That's why I think people have one hear our voice left Evers. Bizarre turkey lips, lips. I ejaculate every morning.

Out with that stoppers are no classes. You say Thanksgiving a dirty lips. All right, well, you know, you take it. Why don't you settle Blow past turkey getting done. That's going to the next half yet we're talking about turkey. Lamb? That's the most succulent part of the beach. They're almost not existed. But they have some jack off eternity Lamps. You prefer

your turkey lips pan fried or baked or ah, boiled boy on Boyle.

I love I love

boiling something because then it seeps out Any

of the flavor that was in the original made in my family. We do teachers ledge, cooking tip boiled food. I talked about him. We boil our Thanksgiving meal,

I boil cheeseburgers, I boil

boiling. There's nothing you can't boil, folks. Unless we're talking about my foot, You can't

boil a boil that

hurt. All right, well, you know what? We're gonna We're gonna take a quick little break here, guys. Why don't you guys take this time to tweet at us with your bizarre? Uh, are Yeah. Your bizarre Thanksgiving.

Your favorite turkey live recipes. Is there something about your grandma. Your mama used to

fish and yeah, yeah, stick around. We'll be right back. All right, everybody, thank you so much for power. And through that break with us, we're back. We got a guest, as we normally do. And we're really excited because he's a good

friend of ours and a returning guests that hopefully already. Friend. That's right. Yes, friend.

23 of you. It's Jim Smith, my favorite sub. How's it going? S l O guys,

Welcome back, Teoh. This high school, of course, that we teach in. Yeah, you're around a year. Yeah, Yeah. Sometimes I don't even know where I am. I It is so good to see you guys. James Smith is my second time on the show.

Eso you be honest with us? Do you do

this best friend routine at every school you so bad? I kind of do with all the other teachers. But I have so many best friends. Uh, depending on the day you guys air my Tuesday best friends

way never, like have

us over for dinner or anything. Whatever.

The last time we talked, you said you didn't want to come over. I don't, but I never get to turn down the interfere with daily, turning them down by not responding to any of my emails. Oh, yeah. I think I put you in spam Director. A.

Gmail filters Jim straight to direct a spam practice. Ma'am. Work? That's more work than you've done for anything else, Bill. That's a pretty serious are evading

tactic. Duraid. Yahoo just offered a director spam and I hit everybody in my life with every single person. Almost. Well, thanks for having me back. For those of you who, of course do remember I am Jim Smith. Of course. My name is Gymnasium Dodgeball Smithsonian Because I was born in the gymnasium in the basement of the Smithsonian while my mother was playing dodgeball. She was playing dodgeball at nine months pregnant. Got hit in the stomach

with a dodgeball. I popped out. She thought I was a dodgeball through me. I snapped back

because of the M Belle ical cord right up in back in there. And I was reborn another month later. Wow. So

I'm the only story only twice. I just

thought I'd chill. I look around me. When I first came out, I'd go back in a lot of people in their game. A dime. A

lot of people don't know any babies free to do that. They're allowed

their like There's nothing in

the rule book. Yeah, there is another robot. And what's your doctor? Your conscious? Yeah, you. Once you're born, you're conscious and you do, You

can decide to just hang out. And so I have seen

those ultrasound pictures of you in month 10. You are really chilling in

their relaxing. I'm started doing like a Tutankhamen

leg. You also have one of those twenties scuba gear, huh? Metal helmets on? Yeah, because at that point,

you had to breathe for yourself. My mother had that sticking right out of there, and it was a little uncomfortable for her, but, uh, thank you so much for having me back. Guys. It's just as so much has happened. And how

long has it been it? And it has

been a year and 1/2 2 years.

Lots happened with you. Um I know a big goal of yours were

speaking the goals. I have big news. All right, there we go. It's Jim. Always has news on a word that is set it just works out. It works. Just reminded me I

am the new announcer for the World Cup.

Wow, Now this is the world. The activity for world this

world. It's not a parallel earth. Good. I checked the contract. Believe you, me, I was like, Are

you sure you're not talking about Earth 14 duped before he's set off this planet before you to announce interdimensional

travel I am no stranger to. But it is this earth. It's in this time period. I do not need to time travel it all. It is actually in the upcoming World Cup, which happens to be in get ISS 2020 next year

around July. When that happens around the ball, OK, there's big changes. I think this is something we said that has. There's news about the news within the new thing. This is a sub news. We were six. Big announcement. This is Well, this is

it. Yeah, this is the smaller announcement within the big announcement.

So please don't tell me the ball is not

gonna be around anymore. It's It's a it's a cube now. So they there legally not allowed to call it a soccer ball. They have to call it a soccer cube

by you exchange to the state, but the design

of it with all the little funny little Pentagon's on the black and it looks like a cute little panda bear that

will stay the same. That will stay.

Never heard anybody describe a soccer ball as a cute little panda bear. But

now that you mention it does it looks like the kung Fu panda just farting his way. That's

right. Um, but that was the first change that I want to make. When I said I wanted to be these counselor, I was like, This is non negotiable.

Part of the contract urination is you get to make some changes. Teoh makes a game of soccer, as we all know

it was. You got this

job because you undeniably have the best goal screen. Certainly weight. I've been inching to use it.

Oh, wait.

Kind of sounds to

me like somebody who's on like a rocket that zipping around

that has a bit of the Doppler effect distance to it. And then it went into, like, hawala.

Dog jumps out and grabs it.

I did it once, and they were just like you are side. Do you have any conditions upon this deal? Hence the Cube.

I like the final

repeated the turns into kind of like a sexy eighties movies. Ladies,

thank you so much. I did base it a little bit of on the movie Private school

for girls, so and I saw what you know. We we call. Of course, there's the thing we call soccer Soccer here. More ball across the part. In other countries, one of your rule changes is called basketball. Now

it is called basketball and no feet anymore.

Novi Novi your hands. So this is Do you

dribble the ball? You are not allowed to touch the ball.

You can't touch the Cube. He cannot touch the ES. Thank you cannot touch it. A so

called basket Cuba. Are we keeping the basket?

No, he be a basketball because we figured basketball so popular way Just try to

get you off your

recognition. And so now the goal is actually called the basket. Now it doesn't look like a

basket. The goal is called the basket. The basket is called the flu P on the Cube. The ball is the que No one field the feet. Oh, no, please don't safe, You know,

previously known as that sweet green stuff. Yeah. Yeah. So when players get out on the Sweetgreen stuff, I just want

to see what happens. They're not allowed to touch the Cube.

I say, if on the FIFA lawyers I'm looking at this contract and saying we give up way too much. Well, where you were doing your announcer Yeah, I think you must have either great lawyers or if you represented yourself.

They say only a fool uses himself as his own client. Is that

what they say? I have

no idea. I don't teach law.

No, no. After a huge error of doing that, right?

Yeah, exactly. But it's it's a one. It's just a wonderful opportunity for Yeah, I

hope you'll come Thio

Thio. And we've actually you've actually been sitting in on our sort of the school soccer team calling their games to prep for

I have Yes, I've been I've just

been sitting there and just tryingto trying to bask in the glow of this wonderful sport that we call. What was it? What did you say? Waas basketball basket.

Well, we call a basketball now it was soccer. Yeah, it's just a wonderful thing. All those gentlemen running around in circles and figure eights, and it's just incredible. But But the feet thing is, just it's it

has to go. Can you not use your feet towards the ball or your feet? In general? In general, my dear boy, kind of scoot around or on your hands. Scoot around. How would you do that? Is the role kind of like put little using your feet? No. Have you ever tried to scoot around without your feet one? No, I guess I'm That's a great question. Have you ever tried to screw around with really? Answer the damn question, Bill. Okay, maybe you are good at law.

You kind of insure him around the you kind

of inchworm. That's out. A lot of the hot happened. You certainly hop. I just want to see what happens. I just thought it was such a wonderful opportunity to change the rule book.

Chaos bringer in in a lot of ways to get to the game

as someone who was born for the first time on a dodgeball court and used as a dodgeball. Do you think that that's something to do with your fear of round balls in the round ball, you can hear the scream. He's also cowering in the corner of the room. What? I

said please don't. I

don't want to see any of those things anymore.

Way Don't have any in here. Sorry. I didn't mean to trigger

You don't have any balls. I don't. I physically I have plastic surgery to turn them into cubes. Functional. They're dysfunctional. You know what I mean? I can assume they don't work. Okay? Yeah, but they look gorgeous. Do you want to

see him? Well, why not?

Yeah, I mean, you know, now we're off. Mike. Whatever spur

paper, you're holding them with that

surprising holy moly. These things, they're sharp. That was like a magic trick.

Big news, by the way, Slide of sack. I am now professional magician as well.

Really? Really. So, for

that big news, you need to hear the words magic trick or with other similar words have forget what triggered

may. I don't know what it is.

trick refreshed my memory. Yes, I did a magic trick and refresh my memory magician.

A magic

It sounds like they do you just

come on here with, like, a, uh, a list of news and just wait to

be reminded I

haven't even gotten to my biggest news

hope way talking Any word? So you were substitute teaching today

for, uh, Miss Barbara? Um, tg English. There's some big news. You're never gonna believe it.

Okay, so I was trying to get a waiver, but within the first sentence, I've landed on the big news.

That's right. I open up a hair salon. I'm a Barbara

Euro barber. Yes. Okay. So you heard Barbara. Are you a female barb in the female bar, Barbara. Style of sort of barbershop. But it's a so I have a play. Girls in the waiting room. Wait. So what is a Barbara shop quartet? Barbara Side.

Yeah, of course. Of course. That's when I murdered one of my employees.

Okay. So that's why that Barbara died. Jim, I could relate

to this. I also take on a lot of new things. Do you ever feel overwhelmed by you know, the magic? The being a barbara announcer wound a lot. Something in those words provide. You have a new job working?

No, you don't have to be Oh, Jim, let's just that you used to be a blind

comedian, a comedian anymore. The last time that I came in here, I big news that I was now blind and accommodated.

Turn out. Your eyes were closed.

That's what it turned out to be, is I was wearing natures. I'm asked Rogers. I close my my eyelids, but I open them up. But you remember my jokes. They were terrible. They were like, If

you can't see and we may

be a blind person it was based on kind of a Foxworthy style routine. You were working on a joke, but the only one you had was if you can't see you might be about was all I add And so I would try to really stretch it out. E do crowd work within a joke.

That's exactly where is blind. You, sir. You blind? No. Uh, so I

was not long for that profession. I do have to say, but I haven't even gotten in my big news. And this is what I want. This is why I came here to tell you. All right. My scarecrow came to life news. Yes,

and waiting. You wanted to tell you the prophecy come true. It was It was

not a problem. It was It's all actually, like a reverse wizard of our situation. For my scarecrow came to life, I presume He died at the end of The Wizard of Oz.

But of course, my came tourism death of the and I think what it was

was my scarecrow was granted a wish, and he wished for a gypsy to

curse him. Oh, so I come with

you? He wanted the curse of life.

Yes. Okay, so so old Gypsy woman

just just traced her finger across his face and said live. And he

jumped up and he was like, Yeah, and now he's like working at FedEx Kinko's. Just come by, has a devastating. Have

you been in there while he's working? He's still saying the same fucking thing. Yeah, we're kind of closing boxes. Tapes of up

gotten over that part of

it? Yeah, it's crazy. You know? He's a good guy, though. Um, now, yes. Earn a living taxed

like the billionaires.

Sorry to get political border scarecrows. This'll big Bernie, bro,

this is a Bernie Crow.

Uh, Jim, I I feel like gymnasium. Sorry, Wordsworth's great for more relationship,

and I said of his best friends or three of these going

Oh, so I'm not. I was assuming that maybe Bill was the one that wasn't your best friend, because you, in his spam email

I love here, were built over. I'm not okay,

but I lost my train of thought now because

I think I bet this is trained related. I bet this is trying. Why would you think that?

So I said I lost my train of thought and it reminded you of some big news, which it

might be a TV show type of thing. There's a lost I don't know. I lost my train. Oh, okay. There's three options here about eyes. No, I do desert on your up, you say, Where is it? Because it's not. It's a fate underneath my top. That, of course. So it's really easy. That twilight zone episode

where the we got behind the dot Yeah, there it is. It has pink something. Health class. Today, I I thought it was. Do you see that? That picture that dog with the tail on his head? That's what

I thought My oh, yeah, that cute little eight year. That's going a little a little dog. I thought

that that's what it was was I had a tail growing out of my head. And so you noticed. I've always warned this top hat. Yeah. Yeah. And it just grew and grew and grew to Abraham Lincoln. Size of one point. It was a stovepipe go. Well, because apparently was a stretchable, unstable molecule material. It would just grow depending on exactly the shape of my head. And

Once you got when you were sort of off planet?

is that something?

That's technology. This is not allowed on this earth. Don't ask me

about it. I'll have it. Looks like a stovepipe here back. Apparently, there was all kind of shit on this planet and all you brought back with that fucking hat. Oh, man, there was so much it there there was, like, anticancer pills.

Uh, you still take cancer pills? You