Call Me Freak with Howard Chico (Oscar Montoya)

go. Go! Yeah, I'm a little more whip on top. More whipped yet? Is this

hot cocoa or is this just sort of melted straight chocolate? Because it's fifth

pick. Always. You're always coming in

with a quick Gordon Ramsay on my

you get is a nightmare. Yeah, And I also I'm not

saying that bad. When the show was based on my kitchen,

idea, Gorder, as you did get the idea when he came to my house. Waas Yeah, yeah, tonight. But, hey, this is gets

he got the

a lot of just burnt my hand on the pot And I was running around screaming like

a chicken with my head cut. Yes, that's true. There was also a really ghost. It was going to say I was like, more of like a night like classic. I also had a like are the thing where all of my teeth fell out sort of over and over again? Yeah, they would fall out and I would put him back in and they fall out again like like that was honestly my actual nightmares growing up. And it was happening at your key action,

and we were all in our underwear we couldn't get our clothes

back. We couldn't get our clothes back on the bell rang. It's time to get 1/3 period in the class. I mean, in the

having a dinner party. Well, it was like your

way we were

kitchen, but it was also not way. Could tell it was clocks,

didn't have hands on. But you knew what time it waas.

So you got the the idea for kitchen nightmares from your kitchen and the idea for his personality from Sam?

Yes. Yeah, that's right. We both kind of scream at the same amount of time. Yeah. You really like

to take it out on people who can't really have been dealt of wrong hand. It's nothing in their control. They're doing the best they can. And you come in. You're innovatively wealthy. Um, you've been

immaculately conceived. Well, um, my flop show, right? Encampment nightmares. What? I would go down the homeless and carry on. Just tear them apart. Wiser Teoh? Is that Why is it so gross? What's happening here? Where to go wrong? I put on my great British accent. Yes, but you would say Don't even give me this mental illness thing. I'm not buying. You're talking to the big guy. You're lazy. Yeah, that

show was very popular for with police only.

Yes, it still runs on the police closed circuit

tanning. But also, if you watch episodes of cops, it's on on the TV almost constantly. If they run past the TV in the precinct,

what's the

residual payoff for something like

that? That deal, whether one thing we do know is that none of it

goes to the homeless people you heard talking

Teoh talking is a nice way to put it. Yeah, screaming.

I mean, nothing better than making TV in a city that is filled with people who are just that. The worst luck. And there's more and more every day. But hey, let's get that Craft services three side meals, Aled Day.

Let's throw all the food away at the hot Bart Nelson's directly into the trash.

Um, and let's drive our Porsche's there and let's drive over homeless people's toes on the way in

Los Angeles. E. I don't know about

it, but it is, I hear is mad.

I mean, if you saw escape from L. A or any eighties movie that was like a dystopian future. That's L A. Now it's like you got you. You have to step over a tent to get a $7 coffee, and you just ignore it. Otherwise you would never leave the house.

And oh, baby, all I could think about is how good that seven.

Well, they're putting mushrooms and confident. Always.

I like it with a little bit of, you know, like an actual umami mushroom. But I also like a little bit that fucked up brain stuff.

That's right. A little suicide

side excitement. Codicil is having coffee the other day Sale excitement cockily. Yes. And

they mean what they say. It makes you silly. I was silly. I came in Teoh work. Um,

and I made a tapestry. Very.

I would say a silly thing.

You got it

nailed you. That's with

tapestry. Well, the type Mr is very. Come on

now. All right. Well, everybody, welcome to

the Teacher's

Lounge. The first nationally podcast pain issues relevant to the Hamilton High School community. Of course.

Emma Man Sammy, man, Everybody welcome back to the Sami man.

That's me, baby. New radio host.

Okay, I'm smelling too many. I'm smelling Episode Come about you. All right, slobs. Keep a lookout for Sami. Man is coming hot out the pipe. Hot off the pie, part off of the fight, bouncing on the pipe for a long time. And it's coming off high. Go ahead. Teasing

and many I, of course. Um, Howard, go fuck me dot Com Levin that. Yeah, that, of course, is a website that popped up in response to my whole go fund me situation. Ah, over the last week

I donated

on Kickstarter. Oh, that's another one for me. That's that's raising enough money to get the person with the strongest kick to kick me in the stomach and make me shit.

I don't know that on Indy poo poo

Samos Kickstarter, actually, yeah, but anyway so, please, if everybody could not donate to the go fuck me dot com eso somebody bigger running, start and kick you in the balls. Is that what you said? You know, it says a lot of different things on the website. We could kind of just pick one and say, that's what's gonna happen. Milk is a multi tier. Yeah, there's multi tears. I think $1 donation is ah, little baby kicking them in the nards.

Well, I don't want to kick you, so I am not going to be Ah, big donator. But I really want to be an executive producer. OK, So I am gonna be putting in some money. That is a

pretty. Apparently, there's a video being made of the incident as it's being called on the website. So if you I think it's ah, $322 gets you, Ah, an executive producer credit, which is pretty low for that credit, if you ask me. Um, but anyway, uh, I don't actually want to talk about this anymore. It's scaring me. So I

think we should probably you get kicked in the nards it's we're talking about.

Yeah. And Well, well, well, I bet you will find out next week whether and I cant

you think they're going to fulfill their Ah, I think

it is inches away from from being fulfilled.

Well, there's a rumor going around

that you have a smooth Kendall area. That's a that's a very funny rumor. So nothing will happen when everybody anybody who knows me knows that That's not true. Uh,

I haven't improved.

Welcome. I mean, Come on, guys. You've heard me peeing. No,

you always say, Listen, listen, I'm not seeing it while I'm hearing I feel like there's

some Foley situation going on in this house. But how could I do that? Your

you don't know Foley is a term used by the film industry. That is Ah, horse clumps and you make fake noise. You ever sent horse

cop in a movie? And that's what fully

is. Being your Foley is not is not fooling.

There was It seemed like a stampede. I don't mean ped.

Yes. So you're saying that I have a bunch of horse core? You saying I had a bunch of sound effects on my phone? And when I get in the bathroom P and stampede or so close that I accidentally hit stampede the other day and everybody heard, wasn't thinking. That isn't what you think.

I thought it was, um what is it

when you don't use ah effects in a movie and you do practical practical foley in there?

We're talking coconut shells on a hard wood on the top of the talking clock cloaking oclock. This isn't fully This is video. Well, yes. Now now we're doing via That's Theo.

So for those of you don't know V.

O is a bilma industry term for when they're his, you need a voice over the top

of something. That's right. That's what the s stands for. A voice over the top for you over the top. So

you do have a Penis.

You're not doing Foley in the stall is what you're saying. I Yeah, I'll yes, I have a Penis, and pee comes out of it and you don't have a big bag of yellow water that you poke a hole that when you go,

where would I get

yellow water? But

you get water and yellow food

coloring. That's now. That's interesting. Don't look. Don't look at my grocery receipts. I That is interesting, though. Wow.

Okay, this is big

speech. Is you heard it here first.

Well, it really

solved some of this version stuff. Well, yeah, it actually makes it now. It makes me feel for you because you have smooth kindle area. So you you've been horrified of this for your whole life. You're anatomically incorrect,

guys. You got me again. Oh, he's coming clean now. What happened when I was young. My parents decided to

have be circumcised. Oh, watched And I had a botched circumcision. Was that you on that episode of botched with heavy isolation on most of your head? Yeah, my home by a lot of around

the bases. A lot. So

they said to me, Well, they said it wouldn't follow your head fast enough. I said, I said, I said, This is really embarrassing. Can you guys please just blur out? My whole ran your picks. Elation in the

box. That was you. It's where they left in the frames where it was just totally missing.

Yeah, I mean, in my contract, I said, They said, Well, only do one pass and I said, Please do more.

It almost

had a mind of its own. The fix elation. It would you would walk out of frame. It would not follow you. It would show back up in the next scene with them to go food it would show relate to the scene with a fresh you know, they was taking a break. So basically, you are not late. You stop it. Starbucks, Basil, azure blue that.

I know that somebody was doing live Mo cap on my picks. Elation

that I have plastic cups at home. I bring it from home. Oh, Elsa Picks elation. Say please. Ladies had nothing but excuses. Thinks laser excuses, excuses, base elation. You're fired. We're getting a black box in here. For which Lane? Playing those things? A

professional. They ever quit charge. You found a black box? I did. You proud of my box?

I did. Yeah. I'm not taking any interviews. Highest bidder. Highest bidder has Kevin's of this because I know what's on the black box. But you gotta pay big money to get what?

Todd, I don't know if you guys

know this past week has been gone. Todd was the sole survivor of a plane that went down. I was saying Todd kept a I need to find the bucks for anyone else. Says I need to find the box. Everybody else says we're like, Is that because you made it go down? Shut up, Shut up. Shut up. Just got find this box. You found the box

on the bucks.

That's good night.

Now the highest bidder can come get it coming. Prayed for my hands.

A lot of civilians dead in a field,

and I'm standing by my story that it was literally a plane full of terrorists that I'm the only one that of the only one that wasn't a terrorist, right? And I saved the day. But

what was it like

surviving Todd? I mean, tell

I mean heroic. Honestly, if I've never felt so heroic,

you better be careful gesturing

around that back black bucks because there's obviously play fast forward, rewind, record to stop.

I can't help but

be careful and that. But,

I mean, I already accidentally, uh, left the black box at the gym. Uh, sounds

like a mini coming ST Jude black box. Many.

The whole thing happened where I bought the black box, the gym? Because I thought it was my CD player. Uh, and I looked into it, and I was like,

This isn't because you still use a big old Discman.

Yeah, and don't know what you're thinking. I got a 25 seconds skip on there so it won't. It'll hold for 25 seconds on the skip, but I do run big and fast on bouncy. You have like

trays. Did you put it on this little shock? It's over. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. You say a lot of people say it costs more than just getting on expensive iPhone, but I'm a tactile guy. I lived in the past with CDs and stuff, but yeah, the plane went down. I took it down. Her wrote

Your story was, It's full of terrorists. You're the Onley civilian on

board and you kind of united 93. Let's go time and you'd come all down.

What do you

think sold all those tickets to exclusively terrorists?

That's what we're trying to figure out on. I'm working on a documentary. Uh,

they'll be on

their at once like it would be. They have to also be the pilot upon

takeoff. Every this could have been

there. Their big, great thing to take Todd out. That's true that they took so many.

That's the theory. I mean,

we cover on that play, you're getting awful close your gesturing.

What's I? I'm not gonna hit the play of rewind or anything, but not here. Don't worry, you're not going to get it.

If I did, what you would

hear is is a bunch of terrorists thinking that they finally one and me taking them all down with capoeira. Um, Brazilian dance, fighting

on your way here. Terrorist voices on Todd. You don't know Kappa wary. Oh, wow. Okay, we'll go back

to the 120 dead crime doers on that plane. All right? I took him down with cap. Aware of you

can

barely stand up you. There's no way you could do like a graceful round kick

was your strong cost. You were a drunken master for why I waas, But you are just drunk.

A master. I mean, I was drunk, and I thought people so either had a lot of comments, Drunken master. But yeah, I've got the black box right here and no one's gonna get it. May

be careful.

Arm in first class. You're you're you're You're in the last seat of coach. You're back there, right about there. Must have been a mistake. There must have been mistake on the way in because do you recognize me? No. Okay, well, I am flying out to ST Paul Minneapolis. The Twin Cities to audition, they say. Well, Minnesota. Excuse me. ST Paul, Minnesota, ST Paul, Minneapolis. The Twin Cities state bullets inside the state of Minneapolis and by the way that you know what? How dare you talk to me like that? Yeah, I'm like me, sir. You know, is there a problem here? I'm actually an active service military member. I actually have a Purple Heart. Oh, yeah, there is a problem. And it's called the Endless War that you can't win, my man. Get back to work, get back to work. I think we'll get this guy off the place back in. Uh, do not open that door. Do not open that door. Don't work. Do not over that door. Sir, we I know you've been milling about. Ah, and you snuck in the bathroom, but we are in the air. OK, we're making our initial. Okay? I'm sorry. You know what? I break out a little bit because I also served. Give me a little PTSD. I salute you. My You know what? What? My hand. What was your What was your classifications? Uh, warrior. Okay. War your hand to hand combat. Sir, I I was wondering why you were in a full g. Ok, but that Hi ya. I do not appreciate all that. You didn't make contact with me. I feel like it was an attempt to scare me with that. I want to say it didn't hurt, but just go to your seat. Nobody travels like they used to look at you all in sweatpants. I travel like we used to go. I'm in my full g. No, you know, you have a G. You're in a sweat, pinky, and you have a service animal collar. Are you someone service Animal is that you got on there? Oh, wait. Let me see your ticket for a second. This guy supposed to be under the plane. Oh, my God. So are you someone service animal? That's illegal. I'd like to speak to the captain. My question is, where's the service? And, um, I would like to speak to the camp. Did you impersonate someone? Service animal. I'd like to speak to the captain. Right. You don't get to talk to the camper cavities making his initial descent its initial descent. See that size on, sir? I e uh huh. Uh huh. Uh, Are you trying to kick us trying? Oh, uh, mam, move your seat back and tray table up so I could kick these people. Okay.

Okay. Stop in the put tape. There First

of all, you should have stopped away sooner if there's a there's a top of the

buttons with too small a terrorist. I had to put on my reading glasses to you Find the stop. But there

was a time you tried to turn it off right away. You're spending most of time fiddling with your glasses for a single terrorist.

There was this. In fact, there was a, uh, Purple Heart. Military man.

There was one terrorist. It was Todd. Yeah, that was the G I. Joe with more. You know, it was You have to battle. Okay, let's go on. Now. You impersonate animals. I don't

know what I was doing. I don't know, OK?

There's a blind man who died without his seeing eye dog on that plane.

Well, I saved the dog's life

it.

by killing

No, I didn't kill. A tard

was hit on the tarmac by the by the the carry on.

He said the dog didn't know where to go without someone to lead. Yeah, the baggage cart ran over.

Okay, you got me. I'm a terrorist. I took down the plane and I took I killed the dog down the playing and I killed the dog on. I can't think of a reason why I killed a bunch of people on a plane and then killed the dog. The dog's not dead place. What's the

dogs? Not Dad. Okay, goods. Goodness, that's good. Dog is I see you.

Okay, well, go visit it.

Well, speaking of the I C u, the winter formal is coming up. Yeah, and we are

still pretty

excited about what is it? I see you themed, it is global warming theme. Right? And that's her. All good?

Yeah, the earth. Uh, the earth is an intensive care unit.

I wish we were taking intensive care of the Earth, but we're not. We're not, and it's gonna get burnt. And this is the big lesson

that we're trying. Yeah, we're taking more like, urgent care now. Of course there are

some. We are looking for a venue because our last one fell out of escrow. Uh, so we're looking

to realize

that you should at, um, by the menu, you can just rent it. So we met. The rental was offered, but we said no, we'll buy. We made a

sky high cash offer,

and it made sense with the way the market's going.

Yes, yeah, we we know it's bullish. We know it's a bullish market.

We got a hard money loan is about fort, 40% interests. But we did fell out. We fell out of escrow,

which some might say is lucky, cause now we don't have to buy the place. But we are looking for right now we're we're shopping around.

Size is important here.

Yeah, big intensive care units. So we're looking for ones in the city that could maybe a wheel out some of the people there or move them to another floor.

I didn't know a walk through of an old circuit city, but I was thinking

that maybe used, um and, ah, you know, a lot of students are getting worried and they're saying we're going to go to

the other for normal form. Yeah, they're gonna go to the normal former. We're saying guys don't make that choice yet. You know, we still got out, got a few days. We got a few days before the formal, we'll find a venue, something the universe always provide, always, and we will find a great venue, and you all will be able to have your fun and you're learn. And your life. Yes.

You'll be able to have your fun and you learn here. Yeah, right.

Not a lot of people were signing up, so we said, let us. I know what we need. We need this to be a little bit of a class two s. So it's gonna be like school formal is gonna be like school. You're gonna learn a little there, especially about the earth and how it's in intensive care. Um, so we've since retiring intensive care now instead of the a lot of the stuff we were doing with the play, we're going to do more of an interactive hospital union.

Yes. Ah, lot of what we've been doing is finding ways to make the earth look like a patient. So I spent about two hours on figuring out how to give this spinning globe on ivy as part of kind of like a ah, a

bit of a bank's. Yeah, a little bit of a bank. See, with a twist. Little political art. That's right. And you were having a tough time because you were trying to put it on the side of the globe, and it would just spin around and fly off. I was given the globe too hard of a spin, and I couldn't find the Bain, if you will. Uh uh. Then you go and then you found the equator. I did find the

equator, Big Long Bain along

the middle of the earth, and I got I got tapped in.

I see you formal. It's that, but But I will still be having a grenade at the formal in case anybody is not scared enough of the global warming itself. Just remind you this is a ticking time bomb or a powder keg or a live grenade. And all we need to do is pull the pin. I think. Let's

be let's be honest there, listeners. Right now, we were working on the formal for a few weeks. The students didn't care about it, and now we don't care anymore.

So we don't care

about your formal. Uh, we're not gonna put a lot of work into it. We're gonna move on to something we're more excited about. You just don't care anymore about the formal kids

because it's

so it's gonna happen. It's gonna be all the stuff we talked about what we don't give a shit and for the rest of the episode and probably in the future, we're

not going to

reference it that much more because you can hear it in our voices. We don't care about the formal today on. We didn't last week. So let's you know, let's put the formal to bed and let's just say, Have fun, go to whichever one you want, but we don't give a shit anymore.

You don't care about it.

All right? Now, on to something we do care about, um the m m a match coming

now that we're hungry for we've always a big yearly

tradition has been teachers debating each other on some hot but in issues. And we kept losing the debates, the four of us, and we said, All right, well, let's take it to the next level on. So now next week we will be doing a debate. But then, after that, um, we will all be going into the squared circle. I'll be taking on Mr I'll be taking on Mr Moody. And, uh hey, he may out research me, but we'll see in the ring. Who's got more better idea.

He's got much better kicks

than you do taught. I will tell. You gotta watch out for his shin, come across your jaw.

I know another afford to that. But I have Ken Shamrock in my corner and his plugs air his plugs or fresh

on. He's teaching you how to snap and lose control.

You know, I think I if I get Mr Moody into a leg lock, I want to break his ankle.

And I'm really excited for this because I have been tasked to build the squared circle. And

let's just say I'm struggling and

figuring out how to do it. That's right. Too

many, too many

shapes for me to figure out right could do a square and I could do a circle, but I'm having a tough time with the squared circle. That's a tough one, was like

a long straight line, and then you tried to come around and it didn't meet

was it didn't mean my first line was great First line. We said that is wood and it is working great. Help your bottom line straight about a straight

lighter wood and it was

great. I'm not as soon as I mailed the first piece

of wood to make the corner, I was lost. A lot of people say you should just get seven pieces of wood that are the exact same size and just go around. Well, that's it's too easy. Too easy. I'm drawn up plans. I'm on Auto cad, and I'm learning that first counting. So I have a seven. That's rebels.

My problem, I suggested seven. That's not gonna get us all set to

God. We're still with another one.

Right? See, this is tougher than we thought

it was Ready. We're gonna have a bit. Here's what I will say. The announcing is going to be on point because I didn't get Joe Rogan. But there's a bird that hangs out in his backyard named Kroger. Will be and got Joe Rowe game. I got Joe Rogaine.

Juror gainful head

full. Head up his

name. Joe are okay. Parentheses not faith. Did you Did you buy

any shares? Lock the deal for bro Rogan or bro Rogaine?

Ah, no, those They're playing hard to get

there both in sensory deprivation. Tanks of the king. Your phone?

Well, bro, Rogan is really unaware of what he does now because Joe Rogan seems to be a bro. That's right. A little bit, bro ish. So it's kind of like a hat on a hat.

Yeah, Brooke, it's like I can't squeeze myself into my skin any more than Joe Rogan already has. So, Sam, you know, you've been working hard on building that time I driven past the Home Depot a few times.

You don't seem to be

making it that far past the hot dog cart.

Yes, right. Pretty alluring

out there, you've noticed what a beautiful hot dog cart that is.

Well, you could take some

design. Maybe there's some sort of design inspiration

there on I have. Well, you saw my first blueprint. Yeah, it was a hot look like That's right. It was more of a red. Hello, friend, that. I mean, the blueprint was there, but then I accidentally used it is a place mat for one of these hot dogs. So it all got all smudged up, so I drew another one. But then I messed it up with another hot dog. So I drew 1/3 1 But then I'm away in the Home Depot. I had to stop and get a hot. So you're on the design

your back onto the norm, but unfortunately, you got distracted by the

Yes, Unfortunately, unfortunately, you're kind of in this loop where you keep almost getting there. But you get a hot

dog and you bring it back and put it on the

blueprint. That's right. And then I go, I better go home and print up a new blueprint. Yeah, Gates out. Definition of insanity.

It's gonna get

finished doing this for four days. You know, I've had 32 hot dogs and 33 blueprints. So this fresh one right here as you guys conceive E yes. Of fresh

blueprint. I'm gonna be honest with you. Bills being nice to me. It looks like you're holding up 100 set. I'll be

frank. And maybe it's just the words that I I'll be This is good international. I really do

hope you do get the squared circle, Bill because I'm really excited. You has. No, I'm refereeing them. It may matches here, and I'm taking classes from Ah, the guy who they was the ref on Celebrity Deathmatch. Yeah,

Judge Mills, late bills like Judge Mills. But

you are taking

Yeah, somebody actually, somebody spent the time on YouTube to cut together classes that are just words from old celebrity Deathmatch. Uh, episode? Yeah, and it's just little sound bites cut together like those compilation V is where they make Obama sing a song. Uh, but it's miles. What's

his name? Judge Meals Judge Mills

Lane Giving you instructions on how Teoh to referee combat sports.

Now that's good, because Azzawi, although from wrestling or, um, what's the thing we're talking about? Mm, A boxing. The ref has a big attitude and gets pushed around anyone more perfect for it than Howard. I mean, there is no respect for the ref. He's constantly making mistakes. He's getting thrown into the middle of it. Also, our fights are going to be more like wrestling than I've been in the

mail. You're asking

No, no, no. Because

usually

they don't know the refs like we all know each other. That's right. Could get a little too heated. And I you know, I think I'm debating one teacher and then all of a sudden were both beating the shit out of the rack because it's Hey.

Well, if I if what it comes down to is ah, sort to people CC and I By the end of it, then I don't care if it takes me getting punched in the face. Wants to make two people have the same goal than maybe I'm okay with that.

That's great. And then you doing all three matches. We got Bill doing the welterweight. You say I'm doing the heavy way and I, of course, featherweight. I literally weighed in less than a feather. I

am doing the Walter way. You're in the Walter Way. Walter White. Yeah, I have to, like, drive a big RV into the ring and you have to wrestle in a button up shirt and whitey tight. Yes, yes, I'm doing the Walter White, but I'm excited.

I mean, there's another category. There's another person in the Walter White category. Um Cranston.

Well, he's been

teaching chemistry here for bad six months. Yes, and he was tired of acting, and we have got big beef with him. He comes into the teachers lounge, drinks up all the old coffee and make a fresh pot. It's awful. It's Abby is terrible.

What happened and He was diagnosed with cancer last

week on the show.

No, no, me neither. I'm not interested. Um, but his son really dislikes him. Is Well, it's

a son going by now, Francis or something like that. Ah, yeah. He didn't change his damn

reason way. Don't remember. Also, I hope his health is okay. I hope. I hope the son's health is fine, too.

Yeah, me too. Uh, pray flu

way. Has anybody

noticed? Unrelated? All the lab equipment that's gone missing. And Hamilton? Yeah. My meth lab got totally. My meth lab is gone. I take this part out,

we'll cut this. But if you guys see my meth lab anywhere, uh, it's not hard to spot. It's explosive. It's combustible. And there's a bunch of people in their underwear with masks back.

Well, you know how I usually roll around school in a wheelchair with a little bail on it? Yes. So that's gone. It's gone on riel. He stole

that. I don't know. It's gone. Wow, It is gone.

And I'll say this This kid that ive been tutoring for a while to co he has Marco. He hasn't shown up Teoh tutoring for the past couple weeks.

Well, here's what I will say and I die. No, I knew this was weird,

but I just got rid of it real quick.

My tortoise had a head on it at my house. What the fuck is I? Just throw it all out throughout the tortoise that I

want that shit anymore. I've had it for 200 orders in the head. Yes, Jordan's. And

which one wins that race? The Taurus head. Getting

a wall now, Bill, Quickly. You said you had that to order for 200 years is true. Okay, Little admission. Focus. Oh, Order story, Origin story. Yes, I'm 270 years old. But if you want to find out how tune into the mini,

you've got to get on stitcher premium and listen to the minis, my friend

slobs or no, get the new people, not method the minis make this crazy show makes sense. Yeah, that's where we explain all the logic. If they really want to understand this show,

you have to listen to the to the minis which we have so much reverence for. There's a reverence on those

little of professionalism is sky high. Absolutely

well Let's take a quick break. I want to refill my hot cocoa here,

and I got E p.

Ok, let's not get the two mixed up.

All right, guys, welcome back to the lounge. We accidentally drank P way. I silly drink. Be well, Bill, you

It wasn't an accident for you because I did it first. Let

me say I think that way I will shy

away for some water sports.

Your guys

brains were just disgusting.

Shut up. A couple piss, right? You're relishing some piece of it. Sorry to bring up relish. Okay. Todd's obviously Lebanese putting. Relishing his peak. Relishes be scullery for a hot

dog work over

there. Sorry. Sorry.

Well, we've got a guest. Uh, here and this is actually one of my favorite teachers on campus. And by the end of the episode, you'll know why. Ladies and gentleman, American history teacher Mr Howard Chico.

Wow! Ah, you

dio is his name in his

Hello Better You've got to remind

people your name any chance to get if you don't mind. Actually, it would be great if we could just call you Mr Chico. You know, there's there's two Howard's in the room it can get

a little touchy. Oh, some

of our wars. Like I'd love it if we went with Mr Chico. Mr. Levis,

anytime would referencing a happy family life and we say hi word or you look great, Howard. Nice hair, Howard. Really great speech the other night, Howard. I think we'll know who we're talking.

Howard. Chico is those are all pretty brutal

I find.

No, no, that wasn't me being mean. I

got it. Let's just since he's a guest, you'll be Howard one, and you'll be Howard 42.

Okay? I'm not gonna fight it anymore tonight. Gonna fight it.

Sounds like it in your voice. No, no, no, I'm fine.

Well, Mr Chico Or should I call you Howard? Leo Dio, Uh, please do. Thanks for being on the show. The students. I mean, they love your class.

Ah, yeah. You know,

they'll come into my theater class and they'll be like, I wish I wasn't here. Uh, likewise, like, well, we had a great time. Mr. Chico's.

Okay, You're one of those teachers that likes gets down on the kids level. You'll take a knee. You explain to them why really short kids very much over something in the water in this town and messes up people's puberty and heightened. Most people have stunted growth in Hamilton, and it is true. It's true. But we're freaks. That's not our responses

where the freaks here

and that is why I think kids do see ah, you as, ah, a sort of positive force Because you make them feel like your crate. Like you're the weird one. Their my way like and it's okay to be They've

got to be the freak. Okay?

And that's your big first day of class

speech. I say a kids, my name is I word Geico. You call me Mr Freak from now on, okay? Because I'm a freak. I'm a feet tall, and I'm proud of you. Okay? What?

That we're really very weirdly there. You

know, I'm eight feet tall. OK, cats out

of the bag. But you forget to say it because you see it. You know, you talk about it, you see it. But for everyone at home, this guy is eight feet tall and his 11 feet wide. Yeah, touches the ceiling sitting down and he's touching both walls while in his seat

is ah Ah, and you know, we all know who screeched to a halt when this came up. But he is the tallest and widest smart car owner in

the world. Yes, And you have a deal with smart car. That's sure if you're sort of being endorsed by them and vice versa.

Yeah. I'm the Jared of the smart cars.

Awesome. I do. Yeah. A new Jeremy. You're the progressive

girl, Jared. I ate subway sandwiches while I promote the smart cars. Oh, have you heard about Jared? He's a great guy.

Well, and I will say no offense, but you play yourself in the commercials. The progressive woman She plays a lot of different characters now.

I actor No, you todo now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

You have whatever the opposite of ranges, they interview you as yourself. Yeah, And you You kind of botch it. Yeah, you kind of botched the They interview you as yourself for smart car. And it's tough for you. It's clunky. I

think we

have one of those recordings here. Wait, let's play. Let's play your commercial.

Just get the way. Howard! Chico here. Okay. Howard just said that, uh, why don't you say it now we'll say action. Just just say call me the freak. Howard in action. We've got Howard. Chico here is the, uh We'll just do mine later, okay? Remember of, like, smart car executives air here and we're wonder Wondering why Saying I'm the freak We're going one introducing something called me No, we all think that I'm the three added today I am the free. You don't need to talk to the client, Howard. I have it on you And you talk to the actor down Famines up you jump Take a quick break We're gonna take a break Salmon for me They're all for me. What? They're all for me I'm a feet tall and 11 inches wide Their offer I love who I think of a boy but I'm very All we need to say is Hi, I'm Howard Chico I'm eight feet tall. I'm 11 feet wide and I love my

Theo End of the commercials.

They dubbed his voice over me talking and that's how they got

Really a shing. I would think

I was going to say I respect them to cut a lot of that out of the commercial that aired on the spot. But this was their big game. It was It was the ad for the biggest during the big game way.

We can't say the game on on the air, we have to pay royalties.

Just duper Dole. Yes.

Runs a duper doll that sits just around with the duper dull. Uh,

I don't see the Sorry, John Arrived duper dolar eso Howard one. Tell us, um, when did you first

know that you were getting really

wine? Or was it or what's it really tall First, were you that was ever

applied for? Why? I

probably thought as I did when I was younger. I'll grow into this. I'll grow. If you feel that thin out, I'll be a normal sort of with. When I get

that. It's clear you're not chunky. No,

no. I think anyone who says so.

In fact, you were telling

us before we came on the air that you spent the summer in Italy. Ah, as

ah, part of a sailboat team. I was the sailboat.

You were that you were the sale of the

boat. I'm 11 feet wide. I was elbow

as an unbelievable summer.

You're guarding Tim. You got to be thin. You're part

of Team Monaco, and you guys were in the BMW.

But we're in the what? The regatta. That I gotta gotta gotta say it like that or else no one's gonna understand what you say. But I got I got a little

ricardo recalls. Think I haven't got the Murad. Murad,

I have a like this and that

Burrata Say one more time. Try again. So I got cheese.

I think I got

okay, but, um, a lot of people think that you might have got, like, gradually gotten to 11 feet and then wide and then gradually eight feet tall, But you were suddenly 11 feet wide, And I was like, Well, I hope I get kind of tall

time. Call that my unfolding, right. Interesting. Like a parchment squirrel. Yeah. Now is your whole

family this crazy looking whores, Ray? Petite Oh, really? Both sides.

Well, it's obviously a recessive gene. It's like the

power. What? That is room. No,

I'm just say it's like being a redhead. Both your parents had that.

What you call me?

It's a genetic

thing. I'm a biology teacher. Okay, I know these things in the Pundits Square. If we're gonna talk about pundits squares, I mean, your parents probably will say they had the capital W and the lower case Double Eugene one for really wide, then one

for regular wine. You make the point of square in there, all right? But he did take a look at your chromosome, which, with a gas before

have him on way. Look

at the way. Prick you some now you know, X. Why to W's Well, I'm

a g. I met the gene. It's not. It's there. It's the gene pundits square thing.

I also famously don't have an X or a Y chromosome.

Know that with your W's? Why? Because you're so wide it takes over every other

instead of a y y. Next. I have a w and T right. Why? I forget. I'm a feet tall to

just doesn't look. You don't look that tall. So what? True? It's a weird perspective. You are. Why

that I am tall

because we've been moving so fast. I do want everybody

home to really picture this 11 feet wide. A Frito

had touches the

ceiling. As he said, So does does both sides of his body touch each wall. Already, nobody

is whiter than they are told. Never, never, never. Not only is he wanted to do so

by three

feet wider and his 11 feet wide,

unless she's taller than any other human.

But he's also wider than he is told. You say if you're looking at the room we're in right now, we are packed up against one wall about that and he's the rest. It's OK. It's OK. Yeah, I love that you

come in and you say, I'm the freak. You make everyone feel a little more comfortable. You're

all right Now you can call me out.

I want

to ask you this because I know that there has been a lot of Ah lot of paperwork's been filed with the city with the fire marshal specifically because any room you're in becomes a fire hazard. There's no room that could continue with enough walk space on either

side. Cut off the majority of every

exit in 20 minutes to get inside every room. Yeah, because it's like him at all 20

minutes, like moving a sofa. You gotta figure out which you can go through the right.

You kind of do come with

rock and roll movers. My boys. That's my spot. That's your squad Garage? Yeah. Particles rolled over. I

felt like you. You worked.

They gotta love that. Right, Rob?

Guys, look out for the rock and roll movers, many looking out for

with their many episode featuring the rock and roll movers. But you

found a nice

way around it, You know you are. You carry around a fire extinguisher and all your clothes I have to be flame retardant. And that way, the room you're in is no longer a fire,

has I? Because yes, you

know, you just clip it right on your belt There. It's easy. You

can barely see it. Honestly, excusing. I just think

What you trying to say? I'm

just saying abuse You? Huh? I'm saying that Ragtime Howard won this thing

Jail. The scale don't have Teoh.

Wow. Hey, Drags himself, I think was I was implying. Okay, well, I think the other

thing I want to talk about obviously your size makes you a standout on campus. But the just I love you. You would think they'd be a little intimidated or not really know what they are I

closely present Let's not kid ourselves. I closely remember a resemble a totoro. Okay, Uh, very much dio. Very much like a talked around. I don't chase. I'm very furry. So

I feels like, um what you did you notice a difference in your life Pre and post Miyazaki That's who did totoro, right? Or is it sorry? Like where people's finally saw, like, a cuddly, lovable thing Your size And they're like,

okay to run from town to town because people kept chasing me with pitchforks.

Oh, this is

I could hear it in your

votes that me like a freak and not in a good way. Right? And then this one came out. This whole movie

called my neighbor Totoro changed my life

Representation folks way Want mawr sheets in movies? Way West cetera He's a big, big wide for everything that looks a lot like our

doing Doctor was a sheet. You think people saw a sheet and was like

a guy. So I understand how I watched that movie and I saw a big, flat top sheet. I just have not Movies are for me Well, I thought it was about airplane. This year's being a

big, big top sheets. Now, is that what your shirt ISS is that big

top shoes? You're sure to top sheets so

stable together? Yes, That sounds stapled together. They pulled. I don't know how to say

I haven't figured out how to sew. Really?

The idea of those hands trying to work with a sewing machine? I mean, it seems frustrating.

It does seem. Keep breaking them yet.

Forget here. You can't even finger the need. What does

not forget? Uh, Howard one when he's out on the town. Hey is looking good when he puts on a fitted sheet.

Oh, yeah.

put on that cheap? Yeah. That elastic grabs in all the right places. May I said you had a

lot of attention from the women, and it's nice.

What's the thread count on that thing? Uh, there she what's the thread count too?

But it goes back and forth, baby backing for a so cio to that means there's two pieces of it. Is that what that means? Our two

years of the threat, the vertical and the horizontal,

That's all I'm movin perfectly. That's all I need.

Well, yeah, because you get

around, I get around,

you fuck. I would run bucks later. I

and I'm sexually intimate yet. Wow. Right? Just I don't just do you don't lose him. You know you have a relationship.

Yeah, it's And it's a nice connection. I've heard, uh, form with I mean, word gets out. You know, a lot of times when I'm on talking about a lot of times when I'm on a day with a woman in this town, they'll kind of compare the way I am as a negative. So how you are?

Because you with most of the women in town

most Yeah, but loving way 78%. Exactly 70

eight or so. You keep a percentage of it.

I certainly dio Well, uh, you don't?

No. Well, I mean, I could zero s I kind of do, but not on

purpose. Choose er, you go out,

I go on dates. But, you know, I don't really form. Really? Sure. I rarely seal the deal. Uh, not a closer. No, I'm not a closer, uh, middle I'm not a middle. I'm not a starter. I'm not be league, Not JV. The closest I ever got. I was so close to you on the deal. And then I actually shut my coat into the uber door that drove off and drag me

with, Read about, drop you off at your house like I'll make a stop on the way, which is already. That's a tough

one. You know? I need to get my sheepskins. So it was like, Let's go Stop

sheepskin. You're not allergic to latex. I know.

I just love the fuel of a sheepskin.

Oh, that's disgusting, I think.

Howard Howard one. Thank you

very well. There's no shame in that.

Thank you very much.

Feel good.

You know what I like

about your vibe? I'm constantly being shamed by these fuckers. I think it's a shame free zone. It's okay.

I use a pig an tastic. I go to the deli department, I get this stuff they put in the trash and I ramp it up. I just say, give me Ah! Quarter pound of boars. Head least valuable Saved. Borsa, you have many Children? No, Does not work. That's right. Through that enable Turkey and I don't is delicious. And I know a lot of people say I'll say this. The

joke about me is not true. I don't use my personality. Why? I don't use my

post as you're talking to personalities. A condom Does that protects you from ever having sex

That you have the ultimate protection, a bad personality.

And obviously, I think we covered earlier. Your Kendall down there,

you make fully in the stall.

You spoke. That is a piece of information that will stay. We can't cut that now because

we referenced it again, Howard. One from

how you're blowing away string to him. I'm gonna fly you while you're here.

It's and it's you know, it's quite while

I true. Then you felt figured out electricity. You helped e I

didn't know about you. Help figure out electricity. You're the guy Franklin wrote to me.

Wait. Another 275 year old the room

found No, no, no, no. We wrote letters. Have you extend your money from the lake house?

You did a lake house of Ben Franklin. Same lake house every year. Time, right? Each other. What? I love it. What did you have been

Franklin write letters about?

We figured out electricity.

You wrote him and

told him, and I told them about a peacock a turkey? Not a good idea for a state bird.

No. And and he was like, Now I'm gonna be remembered for this E remember for a couple things

and I wrote like I wrote you should you should protect your Penis. Yeah, I heard about you. And you got You got a lot of disease

here, but you should protect your Penis a little bit.

You've been reading my

letters. We heard about your stank as big. Now, the operator that those

letters actually do exist in the like secret base, one of the Smithsonian. That's true, right? Oh, the secret Smithsonian basement is filled with some crazy shit. You probably know because you're you teach American

history. You like Americans history. Ben Franklin told everything. You know, everything I know.

So you teach everything you teach your old class based on your correspondences through the lake house and you didn't just write letters has been Franklin, the lake house. But a lot of historical figures.

I said they did.

You had a torrid written romantic affair with Warren G. Harding. Yeah. You

were famously quiet in your letters to Hitler, right? Like a little bit. Yeah, well,

little bit soft on him. Not as you're funny, Which is

a great oratory. You got lost. It wasn't being wholly honest in his letters to you, and he was

saying that he used the pen name

was going to say he signs. May h. You don't know you,

but I read

some of his letters, and I think you could put two and two together.

You thought it was out of her, Hamilton. It certainly dead Alan there. This they

had a similar point of view.

You

think Alexander Hamilton was doing bad art on the bottom of his letters on the back Would sign them, kill the Jews?

Yes, that was a joke. Well, you kill Jews, so that's

tough, because you feel like you could have You could stop

something. Maybe I could have, but I didn't know. But it's

how that movie works. It's a premise. Well, that's but

that's so that's

really the eternal question is like if if we change the past, what happens to the present if the Holocaust didn't happen? What would have happened today?

You want what happened to you? That was No. You know what?

What many? Howard's that My

personal? What happened is I would have been a normal size man. Really? The Holocaust never happened.

Wait. So you chose your big ass body over that

tall and wide? I am not big. No, I still I'm eight feet tall, 11 feet wide, and I weigh £102.

Okay, So is it true that maybe you started to call him out? Your body got smaller, So you deduced. I better take it easy on him or I'm gonna lose my thing. Exactly. Wow. Now this.

Oh, come on. You would have done the same.

Knew what? Have the same. What did you have wanted? Regular Pregnant. I want song herself

have done the same. That's are seeing a smart car. Commercials to They didn't want you roll date.

Hi. Okay, so we're back from lunch. That was great. Salmon. Um, Iraq. I need your salmon. Let me know him in the truck. The cookies. Loud. Too loud. We don't want Alright, guys, Let's pack it up. I think they're done with salmon. Somehow the cook is Mike this room. So I got my balls. It's baseball. The client just wants straight forward. I mean, the widest man in the world. I'm the tallest man in the world and I love my smart. Okay, well, you heard him. So I go, and it will do a quick action on that. And again, um, uh, it says this to say this in the notes based on your audition tape. Um, no singing. Okay, so go ahead and roll camera ruling Sounds, please. Where's that coming from? You hear that? Look. A smart car. Well, what's your name? My name is how word? I'm a big old man. What kind of car? Yeah, you're I've really fat or you go really slow cooling mileage. Can Ugo,

That's interesting. You sang and it made the man who told you not to sing excited enough to start singing with you. Director,

it wasn't clear that man waas. Yeah, but that's problem. That's that's not

as fall it's still again crazy that that was a commercial that ran and that rate in the World

Series. Well, no way asked for that. You can't me. It's coming

out of your paycheck. How? Howard? 42. Don't. Please don't, uh you

mean the burled beer ease.

Yes, Carol. Beer. Easy.

Yeah. The world beard. Burled beer

ease. Did nd a dino's the Danley dup not dass car three. Dingy. Dived under ID the Kindle done. Dental,

dental done. Dandelion dental. Done.

Did you just get what did Kendall deny? It? Took me a second to get dental. Did it?

What's the

one with the horses? The deepness? The day the Debbie that didn't Ducky dirty thing. Ducky Dirty. The turducken. Dirty, productive, dirty. Well, that's speaking of that, we think giving just passing my two ducat

turducken was ended up very, very dirty.

What happened? Fell on the floor? Yes.

You ate a turducken?

Yes. I put as many birds

and other birds as I can and I serve it.

You have a sparrow in there with that time at Kroger, Your cook designs? I almost did. I was like, Oh, no, no, you chose Bergen's This person's personality. His He has a personality waves on the mic, interviewing um, already laying. Think this bird's pretty good on a podcast.

So it's not just introduction. It's a spare Attard duck spirit

How many birds you got in there? I got

a chicken in the bottom. In the been the stuff chicken in the state. Whoa! It's They have to eat each other for really? I don't stuff them into each other. Chicken is in the stink right way to birds in the think

Oh, I think que two Deccan is the show. Okay, Thank you. But

I go to in the pink and one in the stink turkey.

This is the correct. Okay, so I put two dogs in the turkey's policy. Doc, you're talking. You're to duck in its

do that that attorney Mr is a two ducat. And then, um and then I just Ah, you can't bet a bunch in the snake capable of Sparrow in the state. Where is that?

If you were

coming, where's the duck at?

Well, there's two dogs in the boozy. I think this is a big turkey tied laugh. Where the detective was the chicken. There's no chicken. I

was wrong earlier. Now you're one of the favorite teachers on campus. Of course. One of the most knowledgeable history teachers. Of course, because of the first hand nature of your learning. That's what it's caused. A few problems when students had questions that you weren't

prepared. Teoh. I knew this was gonna come.

Yeah. You've gotten in trouble for speeding away to the lake house real fast during class, staying for a week or two to write letters.

The lighthouse is 17 hours. Yeah,

I want our guy will say, you know, I would forget. We forget some things. You godspeed there. But when was the war of 18? 12 was one. I don't think you needed to street to the lake house to get a letter

about. I'm still waiting.

It's like, you know some

of this stuff. You don't have to be so gunshot. If you're pretty sure I don't think you need

todo. People get history facts wrong, but assuming there

is a

textbook, we pay for a text player. Your course has a textbook using where the where it's in the classroom. The bookshelf

below the you know I can't reach that look.

Well, you

could have

a student. We have. You have small. That's

a that's a form of eraser. Right? Is they put the put things just a you can't get

because you fold sideways, not up and down, You fold in it. You

fall down on the fourth side to side

and out the folded and make a buck. Yeah.

Can I say something while we're talking about the way you fold? And I want to get this on the air right now. Yes, Howard. Chico is not meant to be used for that little game where you fold up a piece of

Please don't write out of meeting

catcher. It's not accrued, catcher.

Get right on it. All of it. Out. He's not a coup d

capture Hot dog. He goes hamburger specifically.

Yeah, and you can't fold the more than seven times, so stop trying.

I don't

know why people try. Yeah, yeah. User faculty to

Okay, Guilty. I tried to fold you.

It's fun. It's fun to take you fold you up and figure out what you're gonna marry. What kind of house we're gonna live in. Well, And if you are, if you do it fast enough, you'll start to get wees and sound a little bit like an accordion squeeze box that is sure

coming out of my mouth. I'll tell you that much.

Oh, it's a bottle. According my ears years. Pervert. I assumed butthole. I'm so I can you know, Anybody who knows me knows. I assume, but, well, we were just talking about the stink. That's right. That's right.

I can I ask, Um, are you ever, You know, do you find that I don't want to get too personal, that it's hard to said they that one there is You don't settle down and you do have been with 78% of the women in this town is that you're afraid of getting too close to someone because you're 11 feet wide and eight feet long. That's right. That's exactly that's exactly all right. Well, uh,

it's stuff. I, um you know, I was called a freak for a long time. Not in a good way. Yeah, and what hurt me the most? And we're a

little long time just to see you keep government were little, Or

you could just tell by your

tone it's about to be long. Keep going to go as long as you want, but, you know, we're a little on the

a 12. Okay, well, everyone called me freak, but you know a lot of that we're war women that I fell in love with it so that that really hurt me, you know? And so every time I hear freak in a good way, I still am

triggered and think it's offensive. So that's interesting. Your brain, Your brain is sort of pulling at both ends where you here freak and it feels good cause you've decided it's good. But then you're reminded of the past on one hand, yeah. Oh, you've kind of taken back the word. It's Yeah, honestly, it's like when people call me a virgin. It is. It's the same thing, it's exact. Always meant it the same way. It's never been celebratory. Okay, but part of the way that I have decided to own it. Now, where I look at it as a positive thing, I look at it as a treasure. You call yourself. I have to.

I feel like you are the worst type of person that listens to Liz. Oh, it's not for you to own your virginity.

What do you mean?

You put on Liz. Oh, and you're like, Yeah, now

I'm empowered, baby. He's saying it, baby.

It's like That's not for you, man.

I can choose to hear it. However, I'd like I am 100%. That bitch. Okay,

I got no dick. It ain't like a huge loser. Okay? We've heard your little recording, by the way, but we've heard it. We are the recording you thought that you recorded alone and nobody could find. Let's play it now.

Hair clip. Check my nails, baby. I'm a virgin and I'm good at it.

Stop!

Uh, hair flip. Hey, now are what is the end of the bathroom, you man pooping? Don't that you move it. But I am. I am now. So I can't talk right now because I'm pooping horses. I think there are horses coming. Get out! Heart it camp. Okay, then you should coming. Oh, English, Your coming power here, Paul Revere, You're alive

on pause. That's the end. The

hell is going on. I have a recording of your revere. Now I feel like

something having with your lake house we brought. Paul refers to the prayers.

That thing I know

you have You heard it? It was Howard. It I was I took a trip with Howard to his leg house. That's right. I was taking a dump in this toilet.

Your Eliza power here came through the

male body mailed in sound Came back

to say one of white land by Paul Revere.

That's all. Yes, all my son brought it back. You're having wine? Store your sunglasses. What? Sunglasses went back in time. So

he's back in time with the coolest. Let's actually look in

your history textbook and see if there's a picture of Paul Revere in here. Oh, yeah, I grabbed one. Here we go. Let's

see. Oh, my God. He looks It's wherein aviators were an aviator. Looks like top. I think it looks a little more like chips. He also looks a little bit like riffraff is a combination.

It says here we lost the Revolutionary

War. Oh, I don't feel free anymore. Hold on. My my pockets were filled with pound inmates. I happen here. I know I want I'm soul say, Gee, I'm gonna

try to say the name of the person who rules our country and I'm and I'm gonna see what comes out of my mouth. I'm just gonna

thio more. One sort of real accent is taco, but they air it Go. I don't know. Here it is. Okay

No. I'm going to say

who runs our country while your second. This guy's faking his accent. And I'm no Kili, you know, from Leeds, you know, probably

way. I want to One thing. I won't play that commercial again. The smart car commercial three. Why? I like

Yes, the client is 12 summons on 12 7 If the client small eat me, we're going on my knee. It's my in it. So they just want you to get in on the obviously on the right side of the car and get behind the wheel in court on the right side of the court. Just say I'm the widest tour list, man in the world in it. And I love smart card. All right, you're getting it. We're rattling, All right? You don't need to interrupt me with the free thing politely. Alright. Don't saying all right, Governor Three to keep one. Keeps that British action.

Wow, It even changed in the commercial. That was

crazy way. Did we all just

assume that what happened was we wanted it to be so bad that we're all faking British accents right now to

make it seem like it actually, mine's real in its canon for

the rest of our episodes till we figure it's

going to beat Australia. No

way. We're off to Australia, where we send our prisoners still. Oh, you Oy! I

wear. We got a lot

to figure out, mate. Until next Time Star.