Beef Diaper with Marigold Praxyamakhoun (Kulap Vilaysack)

show. Swipe,

Swipe. You don't have to say it out loud, Todd. What that we see over there swiping around on the Internet. So in your little Internet dating APS or whatever the hell it is is

that a dating app

lets in up. It's a nap

weight that isn't even for people. You're

swiping away yelp.

Yeah, I'm on a new dating app that matches me with the restaurant. So if the restaurant doesn't have what I want this

way so far you haven't matched with any restaurants. Right? So they're turning

you down to get your orders. Yeah, way. Do you put you put in

your order?

and hate to read this.

know why these restaurants don't wanna hang out with me. I love the office, and I love dogs. Yeah, well, I'm a Muggle.

I don't

What about those things? Makes you think a restaurant would like those? They probably if you said foodie. I bet you'd get some swipes. I'm not a food. I know you hate food meal You put in there.

I am, really, I am. I I am a restaurant tours, you know, But I despise food. And yeah, my order on here is just a

bowl of water.

Well, you're a restaurant tour. Kind of like you've heard of a rack and tour. You're constantly talking about restaurants.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, because the thing with these places is you get your food there and you pay for it. And the system, the backing,

right? Basics. And sometimes they're fun if it's an open concept.

Yeah. Interesting timing. You know, one of those unopened concept. Yeah. I don't know if I could do an open concept relationship. I'm pretty jealous guy. Uh, just

you have to sort of be

another. Yeah, I did the trip to in the back. I can't let anyone else see much.

You don't want to sue Chef there. You don't want anyone helping?

Um no, Just me in the chef. Uh, but you know what's you get older? You do get a little more curious. What is it like if you open it up? You know what I mean.

Now, maybe someone. Maybe one

of the problems is you haven't hooked up your card yet. How someone you date you if you're not going to buy their food. Well

Oh, yeah. You wanna haggle, right? That's what you put in your your yelp profile.

That's right. I'm an o b o or Best offer guy. Um and so

Selig said Ogbe. Oh, like ogre. Best

offer. Well, that's what they have been responding with. Sometimes I'll chat with someone, and I think we've matched a restaurant, and they'll just right back ogre b o on. Then they'll say unmatched.

They say it. Yeah, they don't match you want, You know,

Look, you know, it is a tough world out there. There's more restaurants than there ever have been, you know? And they're also different there, so diverse. And, um, I just want to find the right one for me. Obviously. Make my X old jokes.

Well, no offense, but you're starving. Yeah.

Yeah, Well, I haven't been on a date in a month now. Um, I might well, Howard to the doctor, and they said I'm starving to death.

Jerryd alone are You ever is a little self. Love you ever eat alone are You know I don't need to live. You have to eat. Food is fuel. Don't, period. You don't need to live. It just kinda happened.

Yeah, I eat. If it comes up, you know you're starving to death. That's what the That's the bag nurses? I don't know.

Did they prescribe anything?

Horse, huh? He said, you're so hungry. You could eat a horse.

Are you sure this was a

doctor? And not just like a guy who's trying to be clever

on the street.

Your doctor's got to be funny. You gotta have a funny relationship with the doctor. Yes. You ever see a funny movie without a funny doctor? And

Ah, well,

no. Only funny. He doesn't. Every

40 movies got a $40

three. Only funny movie is Patch Adams. So

that is our favorite film Canon.

All right, well, how about this, guys?

Take it. Oh, God dammit! Oh,

right in the care of a T shin but the hair of your head

in and I missed it. But now the team is playing and I'd like to welcome you all worlds. But Chin, another episode of the teacher's lounge, the first best and only podcast pertaining to issues relevant to the Hamilton High School community. I, of course am Howard. Don't bottle it, Levis. Ah, your biology teacher and I'm here with my buddies. Mm.

Now, don't don't bottle it. What does that mean? Here? Whatever

with. Ah, well. Ah, I spent the weekend this last weekend working on some sort of special See? Well, yeah. Specialty jams. Ah, I met. Had an old friend from high school in town. I did.

Lady friend, male friend,

male friend. Ah. I was hoping that he would invite a couple of ah, his lady friends from back in high school to come with him. But then when I thought about it, that's a little bit weird. Teoh,

your friend for 52 years ago, and you're like, Well, I hope they break some of those babes from our high school that way.

I did not hang out with

that he hung out with.

Remember that I went to high school with my nose B 52 years. You're Tosto?

Yeah. Little did I know That's an unreasonable expectation. Be some new people he's met. Yeah, I was thinking, you know, you don't know he seemed like a sociable guy. Turns out he's just he's not, uh, he's a guy who likes to make jams. Uh,

you you, when you hang out with someone you wanted tohave you wanted to be like a club front door. Like, gotta be more chicks, more chicks. So you're not coming in tow, Howard. I

mean, I'll say this. I want it to be that, but I don't want to say that because I feel like that makes me seem gross and bad. Uh, we just have this Not I can't. You know, I can't. I'm not nasty on, You know, I just heavily imply that that's where I'd like in, like, emails and texts and phone calls

family. And it's

a big question with the heavily imply Are you gross and bad for saying you want it or you grossed in bad for wanting it all the time. Denying yourself and then doing the most disgusting things you could dio now pops out

Now I don't I can't think of a single nasty thing that I've done that makes it seem that maybe you're inherently bad men. Nasty.

You certainly around the subject. Always bbw was your

body. It's a green back. It said B b w And then it said, Bring back Walter. So and then you went on to be I I know this doesn't make a ton of sense, but do you remember Walter? He was our friend from a long time ago, right? No, you're like, Yeah, we met him. Ah, when we were on that cruise, and we don't think there's a Walter. So I think that you started out just being nasty. You double down, and you didn't realize there was a

simple backspace on the computer. Well, I wish that you send out loud

Well, you know, You know, if you looked at the pattern of my emails, my computer's backspace key has been broken for 3.5 years. Uh, yes. So that's why there's so many run on sentences, I say. And a lot of no, no, no. Scratch that. Ah, I can't actually believe anything.

I'm glad you figured it out because original your computer screen was covered in white Out

way were getting all the mistake way.

And I thought you guys were getting clean. Beautiful, corresponds. Correspondences were mistaken. They're riddled with. But anyway, I made some some really gross jams with Jean. Yeah, he specifically said these are terrible. Don't bottle it. Uh, and we were live streaming on YouTube.

Nickname is how has about how you're not good at jams.

So it came up in the comments on the YouTube livestream.

What were some of your jam flavors?

Ah, Well, I I did one. That was beef water. Uh, water be

free. Water jam,

beef, water jam. I thought that'd be good on, like a

baby are One of my favorite foods is egg water.

Yeah. You know, a pistol was for you, Bill. I was hoping you would. You'd jump in.

So we're talking about that. Ah, that red water. Uh, it's ah, sort of accumulates in that little Styrofoam tray. That little rid of beef diaper todo diaper that sits under the baby. Yeah, I have been collecting beef diapers my whole life

there. Unbelievable. You've seen my

commercials? Yeah. Yeah, Well, you you were trying to petition the school and the country to have changing tables for T bones. Porterhouse is because you would be you'd be a Disneyland, and you'd be trying to change your Tebow just out in the middle

of a day that they don't even have a flip down table. Your beef. You really yourself bags? I

had a bunch. I would carry little t bones. Porterhouse is around holding their bone.

You really trying to paint yourself is an amazing beef. Dad. In that commercial, I was a

beef daddy. I was a beef dad, and it was all based on the beef diaper. And I work backwards from there and kind of, like, created a whole life.

And you for a while. You finally got beef, Daddy, You got your version of Beef Daddy to the 13th page of Google 1st 12 pages are very different Beef Daddy's?

Yes, yes, I While I I attempted I attempted to become a porn star to get higher up on beef Daddy. Um, but I I wasn't beefy, and I was definitely not what everyone considered Dad. Your plan

was to dio sort of secret like tie ins. Yes, he was a search for beef patty, uh, porn. But then it's actually a

commission. It's like what? And I would be like, hold on one second before we have sex with each other. What's that? Over there is that beef. Is that gonna put that on something? Because what? It's gonna leak out everywhere. What about a little beef diver, beef pad, beef diaper diapers, and turn the camera Beef day? Because

to version of the commercial. One was beef diaper one with was beef pad. Beefy beef diaper is has been chosen by the market

you had

beef diaper is what everybody responded to. That's what got me on the show space at Dollar General. If you are not happy with your beef diaper, you get some ground. Chuck, you take it off, you put it in the pan. There's that little beef beef, uh, supplied by the beef manufacturer Diaper on your like, I don't like that years is more absorb minus boards or way more absorb. Okay.

A lot of people are saying your beef diapers are actually just pampers.

I read They are. Yeah, I bet they are. They definitely smell like scented Pampers. What? You would think

like, did a baby take a big fat leak

in this? Because it's catching it on six. Sick

baby with bloody p

grows. Howard Howard, We don't

use that. We use blue liquid in the commercial. We don't use beef. Blood. That's disgusting. Um, but yeah. Beef diaper checking out. I'm very sorry,

Howard. No, it's OK. Uh, my beef beef water jam didn't go over so well.

I think that's just as you could be. Good as you.

There's a thick that is I got you a gelatinous as you, uh uh,

Slow down. I got to God bless all three. Well, you God, God bless you. Okay? You don't bless you. God bless you. God bless you.

Thank you. But anyway, Gene left. Ah, kind of pissed. Uh,

what did you say

when you want a gene to bring I don't know your wares on my hose. I've never said Host

your word. You can't say your words and not mine. Wait. Was it? When do you say that? I don't

know. When you use that phrase,

you say it. When? When I say something in your repeating it. I've never called these ladies home.

Okay? I thought you said that when you thought somebody used that word a lot. No,

no, that's not true. I won't go. You caught me. Yeah, we

could all agree. His words, not ours. We all think Howard says hose when he refers to what we would call just women Respect?

No, I don't know. Uh, I said I when I when he originally said he's come by. I said, Well, you got any extra seats in your car? Uh, might want to fill them up with with, you know, some some pleasant company is what I said.

You took a big roundabout.

Yeah, Yeah. Question was that he x receipts e mail back. Pleasant company.

Last your mind?

Yeah. Yeah. What do you say on I said no. I said I said, somebody who smells nice, somebody who might be kind. I said, get

do that cause you use those words with me and I brought Wayne Brady. You gotta be more specific.

I mean, I thought there's even if you pick Wayne Brady, there's still two other seats in the car. He'll definitely pick a lady for the other two. Uh, I said maybe somebody who looks like ah ah, MEREDITH Vieira Because

yes. Whoa, look, That was the

most direct I could be. I think MEREDITH Vieira

there is a baby.

She's a babe. And I was hoping Jean knew somebody who looked like her. I said helping. I said, How being Ayerza, babe? Yeah. Ah, but turns out, uh, he actually didn't have any extra seats in his car because he's a hoarder and it's full of newspapers and cardboard boxes is

word. So your weekend

you you were hoping to meet someone this weekend, and instead you may be for the gym with order.

Say it like that. It sounds like a pretty terrible weekends. Uh, and it waas. It's pretty bad at the end of the day.

Did you put anything on the beef water? James, I

know what you put on it. I thought it would

be tasty on a bagel.

Spritz it. Use a little

sweat quite thin. Ah, it started had the consistency of like when you put a chicken in the refrigerator and all the fat turns into that sort of clear lateness. Lateness stuff, uh, tasted very greasy. Uh, didn't have much beef flavor. It was mostly

just greasy water. No beef. Pretty much

on a bagel.

And they made my bangle terrible. And you guys know how I love a good bagel on the way.

What did Jean do, huh? He

well, Jeanne brought some jams from home? Uh,

pristine. Huh? Huh? Jean Jam

jean jacket wear, you see. So he passed on

your jam. The hoarder passed on your game,

okay? He pulled some old jams out of his trunk.

Did he at least help you with how to make James? It sounds like he's a professional, and somehow you ended up with beef lot.

He said, The only way you can ever fall in love with the processes to stumble through it. And so hey, let me start to do it once myself. Then he gave me a couple pointers. Didn't help at all. Second batch. Worse than the first. Ah, and so he left. He said, I'm a lost cause. I stayed on the YouTube live stream for a couple hours. Just chatting apps, folks. That

was a cry. That was a quick cry with them empowered. It's okay.

No, you know,

anything, you, anything you bottled are jarred or whatever. I would love to take a swipe.

It's interesting

that you're bottling things up. That's very interesting that year. Look up. It's something to look at your bottling things up bottom

up in such a disgusting way they're coming out of speed water. You need to look at the things you're bottling up. Freshen up that jam.

And that is the plan for this coming weekend. Ah, dear little introspection. Gonna take a little solo drive. How? Teoh the desert. See? What? What's inside my head?

That's really awesome. I've been out in the desert a lot lately. Hey, guys. Sam. Weatherman here. And, uh, yeah, I teach student, government and, um, drivers at, But lately I've been doing a lot of rock climbing and bouldering. Wow. Yeah, that's cool. Yes. Now, bouldering is my favorite cause you only have to get off the ground about 23 feet. Yeah, and then you just fall in the

pets and it's big, Big holds big hole Bigfoot footpads like it's easy.

That's right. And there's a great community that accepts me. I go out to Joshua Tree or wherever your local rock area is, and there's people that live out there and smoke dope and have ugly hair on that. Let anyone hang out with, um, it's fantastic.

I've seen you with some of these undeserving climbers, and they are, it's it's all sorts of

people. Starting is a kind where

you love a community of people who the only thing they have in common is they have decided to like this

Acceptance is so important,

right? You know, uh, first, I was a little worried cause yeah, to me, I always thought I would be the one spot and you holding your rope or whatever. Ah, and when you went without me, it was like, OK, well, maybe just forgot to call, But now I'm looking at your forearms right now. They are huge,

huge, And you can tell there's a lot of burns on him. There's a lot of rope burns on open wounds. Understand? Really fun. It's And it

seems

like Ah e. I don't know if you know exactly where to put the chalk, but you put it everywhere.

Yeah, well, I just came back from a sesh. Yeah, of course. I got it on the nose. Got it behind my neck. Got on the balls of my feet.

Yes, all over every a piece of your skin. Everywhere.

Yeah, I'm covered in it. You know, we bring a big bowl. It's like the size of a hot tub, it seems. And we

caught a bullet that

point sensible. You can remove the

Yeah, Yeah, I just call it a tub. Bring a ton of talc. Everybody takes a little dive in and ah, spin. And then you I'm a boulder because it

seems a little bit like and not as

not far from what you would do to a chicken finger. You've added a little bit of layer of wet

underneath the towel. Teoh your

roll around in egg Wash before you.

Exactly what you want.

Grip. You know, you were a little of what they call breading on your hand, and so you should roll around on the neg wash, and then you hop back in the town, and then if you're really going to go high, you'll get back in the egg wash on, then back in the talc after they've salt and peppered it. Man, if you're climbing up on the hot enough day, you will turn into what they call a riel rock climber, right? For a

chicken strip? Yes. Okay, So is this you? Are you are you chicken strip right now? Because because you seem

browned up. You seem Chris, I'm pretty crispy hot out there. Yeah, the one last step they do. If you really want to go full boulder is they'll throw a hot bowl of grease on you right before your time on. The hot rock

is like taking oil,

but it's oil. Baking oil

is going to say the bottle. The bottle says 100% vegetable oil.

Is it

true that you Onley dio in us with six or 12 people?

That's right. That's right. You gotta go in even numbers, because when you go up there, it's a buddy system I got. You know, anyone else is anyone else like on the side to the side of you are? Oh, yeah. You gotta bring a ranch hand for sure. Um, let's see who's there. Bobby Cues. There, there. Bobby que Bobby Cues there. We got a ranch hand there.

Okay, Yes, I say that's gonna

bring your tea. Oh, yeah. I'll bring my honey and my mustard. Oh, mustard is just I like to eat mustard s. That's actual mustard. Yeah, that's just regular monthly

being buoyed.

You re mustard like degenerate.

That's right. It's what quenches my, um dryness. Sometimes I have what other people call a thirst I have for dryness, overcooked That's right. Yeah. So I just shoot mustard.

And is it true that, uh, you and all your friends it's always good for kids, right?

Oh, that's the best. Yes, the best part. After you, Boulder, or you ascend as they say, You come back down and there isn't awesome potluck kids first. Of course. Yes, they start nibbling on your fingers.

I don't know if you've got eaten minutes or not. We

are you and your six friends or 12 friends.

Five minutes into your

motoring story for us to find out you're getting eaten yet again. You know, you got to stop serving yourself up to people.

I'm in it for the community. I'm in it for the community. You have you Your value

is not whether or not you can sustain people by being eaten. You

people energy,

baby, What can I say? There's ways to do that between you

bottling unable to bottle bottle things up properly. And you giving so much of yourself up to people that you're being eaten. I feel like we've got a big metaphor going on.

Yeah, eat me yourself.

You don't need to give that much of yourself up to everybody.

This is funny.

Please take a bite and tell me how it tastes. Delicious. Your good? I'm not saying you

don't taste good. Some ranch. Uh, you taste great. Yeah. Said juicy on the inside. Perfectly crisp on the outside. How long you were up on the sunny boulder? It

was a while, was 12. It was at 13 minutes. Well,

im God Badr, a theater teacher. Feminist pariah.

Uh, what does that

mean? Way screamed that I not from age upped. I

thought people were kind of making a Mariah Carey

joke. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting, right? I thought it was like a type of Pharaoh,

right? Like someone the red Pharaoh. Do you understand how to pronounce it? But that's what we were screaming that

it's classic May. I was like, Why? I guess I look pretty royal. I don't know.

Um, well, you know, I've been caught a lot of things in my life. Pig loser. Uh, starving to death, Starving to death late on my alimony. Guilty. Guilty. A lot. Um, guilty and insanity. But, you know, pariahs. A new one, which I we have been getting a lot. And it's somebody I had to look it up. Not accepted in the community. Kind of cast aside. Problematic. Um And so obviously, if you're going to be an artist, you're gonna do theater. You're gonna challenge people. And I've become a pariah, like all the good artists.

So you have a new play called I

Am Not a Pariah.

Yeah, Yeah, it's Ah, I am not a pariah. Um, and it's we're putting an honest the high school drama this year s all The kids were very excited to help me with that on

your doing the high school comedy as well. I am a pariah.

It's two sides of the same coin comedy and drama. It's just like the funny little mask. Um, so, yeah, I

know you don't know what that is, by the way, Google the funny little man.

Funny little man, Come right out. It's It's son of the mask. We all know it. Um, so, yeah, it's a double play. Some nights will be doing the drama. Some nights will be doing the comedy and we don't know. We asked the audience is beginning. Which one do you want to see the drug,

you people. Choice. That's new for you.

Well, the thing is, it's the illusion of choice because is there but the same play. But the lines were delivered differently,

so I didn't even ask

because people like a gimmick. People love a gimmick on DSO We're going with this one, but I think it's going really good. I am not starring in this one. I'm letting I'm letting the kids act in this one. That's good growth. After my trilogy got pretty panned, Um, uh, I had to do some self reflection and decided You know what? Maybe I got to take a break from acting and focus on, uh, my dream has always been for my entire life. It's professional trampoline ing, So I'm working on that.

You were talking about that brand new. You don't

may have always been a triple in head.

I went to one Discovery zone or of jump a lot.

What is that place out near the airport?

There's one called Sky Zone. A

gentle recovery. I want to start jumps a lot.

I like small, big tramps

like trips on I can fly

e like tramps that can fly.

Yeah, you have to stay can kind of long. Yeah, exactly. So I'm doing that. It's, uh, professionally. It's what? That's the hope. I'm hoping to make the Olympics next. Well,

that explains all the fucked up ankles, wrists, toes, head,

Wayne's all the bandages. You

pretty much anything sticking off your trunk is injured

looking like a mummy. Yeah. Okay. You have you You have been looking like Mummy for sure. Okay, You've

been looking like a moment.

Okay, I'll tell you everything. I look like

a all right. It's true.

But it's because I give myself up to my you myself up to my athletics. I give myself up to my heart. You know, it's the same as it's always been with May I go 100 and 10%. Right now they've got this special now where I go in and I just pay a monthly fee to them and the hospital. And so it's all wrapped in with very don't stand. That's exactly

And I've seen some of these professional trampoline ists in the Olympics and such. What kind of tricks are you working on? Because they're doing like, triple flips. They're doing like Mick Twist, ease I'm doing. Come back down so twisty. Come back down Yes. And that So, like a single flip? What's ah, like a double know a single flip? I'm just trying

to s so far have not been able to land back on the spot I jumped

from right now you're working on the comeback down.

That's the trick I'm working on right now and you keep eating it like it's not an accomplishment, but it's like yoga. Everybody's working with their own body in their own body weight. So for me, my come back down is like a little tiny 13 year olds triple mctwist e. I

don't know what I think. You're over selling what you can do because I've seen some of the practice videos on your your phone. Ah, and you don't even jump. You stand on the trampoline and you kind of just like you make your body sort of like you a wave of like I'm jumping but, like

in a kid will come by jump on the trampoline, you will fly off, get launched off like

a double bounce from another kid

because as the as the

slobs, no, any time you get in a shower, the water's too heavy. It smashed you to the floor. You're

classically well.

I'm two dimensional.

Let's be clear. The water pressure is low. Is that the water is to see

if it is a weak, weak system in this shower.

My place was now the third place in a row that I thought was the perfect place but didn't test the shower before. I send police, and it is such a low flow. What Water, right? Yeah. I recently got I recently got blown through a European wall. By today,

you say well, but it's actually a ceiling, right?

With Europe. The car

you got blown through a ceiling by a today? Yes.

Which, you know, I think they were ceilings. A little fitter there. I

think you got blown right into another today above you. And then right through the next year.

Yeah, I got blown through 15 days in a row on a tall building on. Luckily, there was a speed. There was the 15th floor. There was a large man finally. So

you ran into his, but kind of smashed up against his. But while I was getting clean, you remember when I

came back and won? Thought I had a cold in your hat. That was the guy that I shut up into,

like, a novel way. We're all dying for that way. We're looking all around. No, that was It was just a big, fat man. Melgar was

a classically like chef looking Belgium

because you said you just went to a new restaurant concept called Big Man.

Yeah, well, I went to Big Man said to use the bathroom right after I bought a had a big brands. But

when When I what can you Ah, sir, jumps a lot. Will they Let me advertise. Beef Diaper?

Yeah. Oh, I'm doing all sorts advertising. I'm gonna be the Olympics. And I'm what now? Under what NASCAR does, but on my body. So up test any advertisement for sale.

You have Jack in the box statute on your arm. Is that confirmed, or is that just kind of like a little no consignment type of thing?

You're actually looking to get that covered up? That's an excellent by a

question about remember,

Jagga divides e. He kept saying he just didn't want to hang out with you, sir. He's like I said I can and not having the box.

All right, call him Jack in the box, just like it's absolutely He didn't. That's why is my axe

Do you think

over it, sir? Flies a lot. They'd let me take out of NOAA Gigantic bucket onto the trampoline. And maybe there's some sauce in there. See what

I mean? I can ask. You know what? You would need to

Sam's a human chicken finger way. Get in on this. Yeah. Come on, guys. Once you

get your shit figured out,

you should come. I think I'm well on the way to getting my shit figured out. Quote unquote. I haven't Haven't been upset in a long time.

That sounds true. Yes. Good. That's been doodling, but you wrote BD sm on the little bank. You know what that means? Do you know what BDs and means?

Ah, I don't You Do. You?

What do you think?

Do you know what it means?

I know what it means.

We all know what it

means. We all know what it means.

Uh ah. I could really say it means I say it means, uh, big dudes should know.

Yeah, on. That's in that you don't have a tiny man on

a long march That's just he's gonna get bopped off flying,

you think? What do you think it means when I write that? Cause I

think it means, uh, bondage, uh, dog suit massacres. I

e Actually, I think that my dog you rescue yet I gotta rescue. And

it tied my ass up and spank me.

Gonna Bondi's.

Where did you get this rescue from a

prison pound. Okay, any was way was he had one

of those gas masks on and a little leather

was he really was the pseudo

when he was suit. A mask isn't with with an ass. Guys, I got a back way.

All right, guys, Thanks so much for sticking it out through the break. We appreciate you giving us your time is what I'll say. We appreciate it. Yeah, we're really excited today. Uh, we've got one of your fellow students in the lounge today. Ah, you know, a real talented young lady and we're excited to have a chat weather here in the lounge. Uh, and her name is Mary Gold. Proxy on McCune,

Actually, pretty good

practicing in the mirror for for three or four hours this morning because I knew you were coming and I got really in my head about it. He'll botch a last name. Easy last names. I I make mistakes with these guys. Last name. So I feel good that I even came close.

Yeah. You really, really nailed it on the

head there, Hasam. Well, thank you so much for being here. Marigold. Uh, we really appreciate you taking some time out of your day. We know you're busy. Busy kid?

Yeah. Classic Classic Merrick Gold outfit here. Big huge square shirt Giant Adam Sandler Basketball Shores and Big Duck Murcia. Big Doc Martin. Now that

those are not your size,

Um, well, I mean there I like a little room here for, like, fashion and stuff, you know? But, like, I guess, technically, it's not my size. But if you were a belt, anything

can be your size. Oh, wait. Not only shoes. You've gathers belts tightened around the ankles, and they're not working great.

Yeah, I'm

probably like

a size seven, and these are Well, I sort of I have to admit something. I've been stealing basketball shoes from the guys.

Yes, you. I'm glad you admitted it. You've been We knew way knew we definitely know

there is a big issue in the first place that you were having the basketball team wear. Doc Martens. Yes, that was a

Well, that's because they're also in the step team, right? Because they're doing

their step. Yes,

stepping up to the courts. Uh, somehow there at the bottom of both. A lot of people are saying pickling because they're really bad above.

Yeah, you, like, go in. Use the halftime for strategy Bill Don't do step routine

But I really like to revival of Stomp. When he called it stamp

and I thought I was interested, I did well, but people want to get rid of the post office and I need to raise awareness. Okay, Everybody's like, let's just go to ups and FedEx And

I'm like, No, we need this

dirty little building in the middle of

thes stamps. There forever is what you say at the end, which is weird that you interrupt them,

but yes, I come out and I give a long speech about how important stamps are and that they change. You know, the what's on them and that we need something that we have toe lick to use that just get stuffed in a drawer

going into the speech now

and then, you litigate. It's important is

tact I And it's hard to hear them because they're stopping in the background.

A

solid six minutes.

Issues that you're not miked up your carry.

Well, what do you

think about when my dog attacks me in honor of the in honor of the postman? I

think it was unplanned. And you are wrecked conning that being played.

No, that was very much plan. Ah, and he attacked the shit out of it. Bit me up bad. Like, just like the postman

you plan for your drug dog to drug you up and down the stands as if it was during little stadium runs.

Yes, I did. It was all part of it. That's that's tough. Corio.

Merkel were

coming gold. I'm trying something new. Greatly. Call me gold.

It's a good time to reinvent yourself. Sophomore year. You know, it's like you're not. You're not fully an adult. You could be whatever you want.

Yeah, I'll be in adult whatever

on. And we'll say the last year or so of your life has actually been quite a transformation. Style wise I mean, you went from being what we would describe is very standard. So yes,

this casual horse. And now you've got the

run up on those horses in your pencil skirt.

I loathe the little helmet. That's a

long red hair e. I

can't bigly itself there. They're different boots, right? So now I'm like, doing this thing, and I think I'm I know I think I'm really coming into who I am.

And you think that this is an authentic expression of who you

are? Yes. So it's

not. It's not kind of a because Billy I'll ish came onto the scene this year. Billy, I'll ish like a singer Hop. She wants just along with

the same exact hair is here

green up top, and then it goes into black plastic Grammy. Look, she wanted

a lot of Grammys. If you watch the Grammys, which we know you like music,

you're talking about Tanya Tucker, the older leading

No, we're talking about Billy Eyelash. One of the most 10. You? Yeah. Yeah,

Okay. I think you did.

When you were doing horse girl, there was a little bit of Sanya in there for sure, but now you

look a lot. You also You also have this

man following you around now named Finn ius. You call. You call him Phinnaeus. You call him Phinnaeus. But it's obviously Billy from last year. We know him

well. I think Bill, he didn't want to be in a billy box anymore. And so now he, like, goes by Finney a switch. I said go by Finn, and that was his idea. But the any a

Senate. Wow. So it's a good collaboration there.

Yeah, we collab for share. And,

uh, you wanted to come on because you're you've got an LP You've been working on that. You want to tell the kids

about What's that?

A new album

it stands for

I think limited press But I might

be a long, long, long plain song.

I'm sort of like, Yeah, you did.

Long I put are more lp's

Okay, Okay, So you don't know

what on album is called?

I am just like I think you're talking about my music and manages interested in doing hits and, like, not worrying about like being in like a billy box or being in a help, a long play thing that you're talking about, You know, I don't. You guys were talking about, like, oldies. Like like soundcloud. Yeah. Soundcloud. Or like maybe tic tac. And yeah, like, I'm not like, you know, I'm like, OK, like, not I'm, like,

different. Oh, now, that's interesting. That's a good perspective for high school kids to, like, Sort of find your thing. And, like, really push yourself to be true to yourself.

Yeah. Give us

okay. I mean, you warm. You did perform, uh, over the holidays when we had the white Christmas celebration. Um, and, uh, it was a dark version. Glad I have my here comes Santa. So I think I didn't mean it like that. I

e as you know, go ahead

and say it. Uh, my last year. Proxy Cotton

I Lau its proxy. Yeah. McCune proxy

Yarmuk. Oh, sorry. Sorry. But you did a very dark version of Here comes Santa Claus. It was very whispery. Yeah, like, really cool and different. Yes, Phinnaeus was there, playing the tall or at

all he was merely playing way

and he came out on stilts with long slacks. Look a lot like a Tim Burton character. To be honest,

look like look sort of have. Iris is really removed from Ireland and doing our own thing, which is like, you think it's Venice is

black. It is very interesting. Iss it is, But But that was that

was a

Did come Santa Claus. Here comes Santa Claus

referred Billy. I was that man when you were a zit, was I'm a bad guy. I right is that what is their song is.

Yeah, but then I sort of, like, kicked up my like foot and sort of did this sort of, like, interesting J. Wray? Yes. And then, like I was like, so, like, my arms were a Kimbo, and I was like, uh,

not a lot of dust go. I'll tell you

this. Gold, uh, it feels like, ah, lot of people when they're becoming an artist, they imitate other artists, and that's a part of finding who you are. And it's

totally okay

for you to just accept that. Right now you're in a phase where you're trying to sort of emulate a person who you really respect, and and that will be a step on the path to you finding out who you are. You

don't have

Um, no. Okay, wait, go.

I k know. I think maybe And I'm like, it's not that I wasn't listening to you or taking in what you're saying. I heard every word you said, but, like also no. Yeah,

honestly, you're not the first person today. Even todo

people would have thought that you had enough going on when you were a business casual horse girl to sort of, like, be different.

That wasn't even your first persona. No. You know,

we've heard about you in middle school, and that's just a business.

Casual girl was a freshman thing. Couldn't you talk about being Lau? That's you need

You will hear my last name and then know that I'm loud like we all get it. I

think that ah, you know, art eyes so easy to rip off. And so I'm with year where it's like, Hey, my relationship with intellectual property is embattled. Ah, and if this gets you attention, that's great. I mean, we all remember when orgy did of cover of blue Monday, and it made them huge for a while. Tour fifties. Oh, my. I guess I'm aging myself a little bit here, but orgies blue Monday was 2000 to, uh um, yeah, you would probably just a twinkle in Ah ah, in your in your parents In your parents. Okay, Uh, there's a

you say common her dad scroll. Get

to what you're trying to say to winkle out there makes you but you never

like Twinkle. They're

calm. They're just s so exciting to just

talk a piers, You know, you that with you guys. And this is really cool.

Yeah, we're in the lounge, so yeah, there's a little bit of a different agreement and we

know you know you don't given af you know, given

I don't I don't. That's why I obviously, the way I dress I don't care like you don't care, e You know, if anybody told you that I give a fuck or don't whatever their

um Now you you you were

I t o way. All of us are

frozen in fear.

We didn't do anything

wear in a said if there's cameras we didn't do anything, Todd,

given a very cold, stiff pat on the shoulder. Come on, You're making

its way. All right now, right. Fisheries issuing her forehead.

OK, enough of that.

Okay, That made us. They're

very gold. I'll say that that what just happened made it pretty clear what's going on is all I'll say. Okay. And this

is searching for a personality on, and

this is the time to do it. Okay? We were all there when we were in high school. We weren't

as cool as we are. All right now. I

mean, I didn't have the beef, diaper and high

school. I didn't have anything. Yes, and I

You guys were better before

wearing is comfortable there. So

I mean, do you think Sam

was always a big human? Chicken

fingers just got just happened. Just got Everything is awesome. I used to be

a stupid chef who put his fingers into his meals book.

Now I'm a human, And listen, I used to be I used to be a really sad virgin. And what are you know, I medium happy virgin? That's what he is saying. That you misspoke.

A sad virgin with a medium sized Happy Meal

wish. Thank you. McDonald's for Kat. Finally caving

in, making a box. That's a little bit bigger.

Finally, cases it enough letters to corporate.

And I said, Listen, happy meals. Everybody needs him. Okay?

You wrote every clown she for? Sure.

And that's the triumph of your life. I say that's the

one that's closest in my memory. And probably yeah, the only one.

But listen, Amerigo, what I'm saying is 17 years things change. Okay? Like like. And you've proven

that you can try new things and nothing bad is gonna happen. Okay. You

were

Yeah, and doesn't

bad happened last year,

right? I mean, all of the horse I got kicked off the flight was

kicked on the way that you had that fax machine up there.

You didn't wait too much business of their non of horse. Girly. You have to do more. Hearse, horse girl. Last business. Casual Hurst girl, purse girl here at the school

is freaking me. There's a petition to get around most of scared to

be con side in the first girl position. I do not want to be on her bad side

that she is horrified. God,

your look, Billy, I'll ish is so cool. And you're really cool like her. Absolute about when she sort of slows down about she last forever. You're gonna have a new thing so much older than me.

Yeah, OK, so where I have black and then go green on

the bottom. You're doing a stylish Billy. You're going to more of an island. How are you going to switch up? The clothing is a e

put boots. Okay, so just get this crop stuff. We can just

wear back everything

that's crisscross.

So what I'm hearing you say is do the opposite of what I'm doing now and that makes you who you are.

You just wrote kill Phinnaeus. I cannot do that. You can do that.

But he's alive now.

You don't want to kill Billy. He's had his family. He's had a tough go of it already. OK,

listen, I think miracle you

need to do

some soul searching that

that's because first of all, your name is

marigold proxy. Ya makin

You feel like you're saying it wrong as we go,

CEO gets worse. That's what I'm just saying. You you can just be Mayor Gold. You

can be yourself. What? Just word association. Okay. Fun. Okay. What is she like? She does not want to do the word associate. Think she another word? I think she was

saying that being quiet is fund.

Yes, she seemed to it shut you up. Don't. Great marigold place. Okay, Excitement. OK.

Finger to finger. To mouth, finger across lips. She wants you to

be quiet. No, you don't know. You

sure? What's coming out from my cell like,

Ah, weekend, huh? Okay. And maybe there's something to that dough. What does that imply? That implies that you think you're smarter than everybody else. That you that you may be sort of separate yourself from everybody else but because you

think Disney Plus has all of the Simpsons.

What? You're smart. We like that you love yourself. What if you just modeled yourself down? Smart. I

don't love myself. I love myself. Definitely know. I

could have said that the second I saw you. This person does not love themselves. I mean, they don't even know who they are. Tagged you for somebody like that right away.

I hurts when you say it back to me like when I said it. But now you say it with your deep voice. Oh, no. Now it's

like, Stop it. No! Hey, Open the door! Wasn't hot saying and higher voice who?

No, I thought

made merry Go. Stop crying, Mrs.

But I think that but naming that for you is a great first step. Okay. How can we get you to love yourself?

Yes. This is like your class.

Yes. Uh, obviously we start the day with theater with voice movement, and then we get right into do you of yourself. Um, all right. And so the first thing is, what do you think? Would you look in the mirrors? OK,

you think that you should You look you

want Okay? Thought this. I could relate

your

voice in my head. And maybe that's why I'm reacting tonight. As I sit here, I realized that you're the voice in my head. But really, it's

me, e I still exist. The right. That doesn't mean

my dark side. You're my void. I think maybe, just like something like that. Or like my ego,

My worst. I think it's just that you should get in

on your Yeah, right across for dragging the bucket is sort of tough to not read it. Uh, well, look,

you mainly just wear vest.

You know what? You got to stop with that. What the kids

saying about that? The style my bar petition going around

you weigh, say about your by just

like giving kids tell her. But hitting the germ

where you got

competition going around called Say yes to the best, right?

That's right,

you prosciutto

behind your Who calls me that?

Every paper in the back.

You still there? Yeah. Yes, you have.

You got doing a paper all over.

I put it there in the morning so I don't stick to my bed when I wake up. Uh, but have

you laid out the

strips of toilet paper on your bad before you Slate?

Yes, because you're environments. Two weeks, because I woke up stuck to my bed.

Your bed does not have a mattress. And it's made of porcelain.

Yeah. Yes, it's a toilet. Your eyes. You're like oversized toilet. But most

people would say it's an average size.

Usually balled up on a trial like a little dog. I wish what usually belonging to back top of the toilet.

Yeah, Yeah. Okay. I put a little pillow between my legs for back issues

a little tp down so you don't stay. Yeah, so wait till

you also charcuterie.

Oh, my God.

Together? Yes. I'm little pickles, huh? My little bit

goes, What are they called? Corn is way. You know, little Beckel. So So this is interesting.

So all the teachers have food on. We've got a little there. Obviously. Your parachute out, Bayliss. Cornish on Cornish. Honestly, feels a little generous. Yeah, to be honest. Feels about right. Most expensive for people. Call Howard worst

Cracker. You know that one that nobody wants.

That's always been my nickname. Like bratwurst, Liverwurst

saying lavash when you walk past The other day

That was

really what? Last year, That award show I won worse Cracker

Jeff Dunham Post alone.

Do you play the video right after the White Christmas

spectacular. Yeah, Theo. Name of that. That was the name

of that Christmas spectacular was a little unfortunate.

White Christmas spectacular should not be paired with the

way. Call it the best. White were lovely. I

one worse cracker, which was one of the best award. The best, uh, has received awards of the night by the audience.

Well, the problem was the awards used to be like anyone could be nominated for best person, whatever. And the whites kept losing. So we had two men. We had to make it a little more specific, so

they barely beat out Ken Starr

camp Campaign year whole. These words for, like, national and sometimes international

way all know that we're

school magnets. Go. That's why can't start one

wars cracker. No, because last year's winner always presents it and shake your hand was exciting to me. Dershowitz.

Absolutely. I loved nourish meanders. Had a lot of fun backstage. Just eating cereal,

You guys, What's dinner with grammar?

Wayne? Unbelievable. Dinner with grab. Um, at the beginning of the

dinner, he called Trump a xenophobe. And at the end, he drew a picture of

him and said, I love you Was interesting. He flips quick, quick Over the course

of the dinner. Uh, yeah, I I was really happy to win worse Cracker nickname, right? Worst cracker from the

shirts. And then, of course, we've got saying, uh, crew to report. What would Sam? But I

don't know. I have a gas round of. That's right. If

you guys okay, this'll

probably be good. Are you shiny plastic dish theme for the kids? And

I heard someone is called Summer

Sausage. Summer sausage. Is that Sam? It's not sunburn. Yeah, Busy toothpicks. A little bucket of Tuesday's look

inedible cheese reference. Brie rind around.

Bree, I don't know.

Bottom is not too soft,

is he? Um, Little weird knife that looks like a paint palette. The

one of the kids call me,

Okay, You're simply expired. Duck. Pat

expired duck. But clearly, I have that extra little fired.

That's interesting, because the Experian doctorate is the one people don't know its expiry in the first thing. I don't really want to try the duck, patty, but I guess I will. They're all Fuck. Yeah,

You know what? I've never had duck fat, and I don't know how it's supposed

todo Yes, you have

been. You've been the cause of a lot of people's diarrhea.

Oh, yeah. People have gotten diary on site by viewing my face, right? Yeah. You were

in that, um, odium commercial right. Eyes like that before,

they wouldn't cast me, but it was based on. Right? Right, right. one were number there the Mahler at Christmas time on. Then Santa gets a really worried look on stakes at a guy walks in front of him. I suddenly shoots to

Rooth. So why do you appear? I'm the guy that your peers and you were played

by. Who was it played by

avalanche? It was

played by avalanche from the front land world's fattest twins from with little thanks. So

you're there, like the only way we could get this K front back is Vilanch front and two guys on a motorcycle for the

way they doubled Blanche with that was a

crude commercial commercial. Is Are you worried that a man might walk in front of you and give you diarrhea

and your job? That's the one you cannot take breaks you cannot do.

The kid dies in the commercial in applause. That commercial Sanders shoots into the roof and then has to go apologize. The kid's parents,

right? And then, of course, what happens to parents get diarrhea from seeing their kids, Of course. Diarrhea, diarrhea.

Well, we're all really appreciative you, and that's because, you know, that's why our school has so many models, all of your mainly people take for me are really thin. So way

do you have a lot of models coming out of here? I didn't realize it was because that people were getting to, like, model shape from getting area from looking.

You could happen. Um Buffels

They say that mine is the quote healthy. Remember both holes.

You said you

were writing down both the word. Both holes?

Yes, for a search term, Lee fin from both poles is what

I mean to say that was clear. That's what I mean. And then from your whole, then you have better breath.

That's right, you won't. That's right. Happen to give people diarrhea anytime.

Happy to

know, um, we've got to wrap up pretty soon here. Gold. Uh,

I think I like that anymore. Okay. Call me. M a little haircut. Yeah, maybe. Maybe I'm in Seo

written the word Bradley Cooper down her part of

a good

shot. So okay, another Really? Yeah, a

little above. That's good. You're integrating. That's really good

into greeting. That's interesting. Be everything. You can totally gas.

You've gotta be all of it, right?

Okay. So be everything possible. That's

daunting. I don't know

How do you hold it to integrate it, right? That what you're saying? I think all of the personalities and then where something,

do everything. Everything and stand for nothing. Teoh everything and stand for nothing. Yeah, All night. Drawing more prototypes for bees

with diapers. The next sector you want to go into.

Why, yes, It's a lot of people like you should call it the honey diaper. Um, but you wanna call the beast thes diaper. So I think you

want to admit that it was a typo. You don't have to start a holding your business off. No,

that's what it is.

They're wasp that eat meat. So is that what you're thinking? Yeah, that's

disgusting. Yeah. Okay. What? Did you just fucking chop around with big human teeth? That is mass E s. A lot of bugs eat. Human, are eat beef.

Beef is not human Way well, where you put in your diapers up some of the

meat that I've been practicing beef diaper on his human meat because it human meat is really watery and provides a lot of water.

Girl is your teacher's aide.

First girl taken dead body.

I've made a deal with her skirt. Okay. She's bringing me little pieces of human beef

to chance. It's not human beef. It's human beef. What is it? Okay. Way got this huge.

Arguably were to charities, and he saw Hunan beef on the menu and he thought it was a typo and was like human beef

girl where were pressed where I'm bringing over the beef diaper toe lay under bodies when they do in bombings. And I my prototype, is sucking all of the blood up into the diaper. And it's It's something that's it's going to rival all of the beef industry's current diapers, and I'm really excited.

Bill, call your family.

I will as soon as I get this done. This has. This is for import. This is for you. Keep

finding reasons not to check in with your family.

No, this is for them. It's to benefit them. If I get the panic for the beef diaper parent, The Panic wants a win. A baseball? Yes, the DYP booth Be snipers, That'll you say. Yes, it's the beam saber pennant murdered. It's the seventh inning stretch Bill. Call your family

by birth. It's a but me to to what will it be? Oh, I b I care Am I like him?

Thank God. No,

no, just be miracle proxy. McCune. I feel scared straight like I you 15. And that will be enough. I think

that's great to hear, Man

will not our intention day, but glad to have scared the shit out of

terrified. Yeah, well, marigold, uh, go. You can you can wave appreciate

you being here miracle.

And we appreciate everybody Way to be.