Use your browser's "Find in Page" function to search here (CTRL+F or CMD+F).
The Teachers talk about the Easter Bunny, the first viral video, and the pattern game. Later, Hamilton's dairy supplier Mr. Hasan (Mano Agapion) stops by to explain why lactose tolerance is more important than ever.
show Just saying What were you saying about the Easter Bunny?
Well, it's a parable. What? You see bunnies? An exact parable of Christ.
In what way? He was born on Rotates. Yeah.
You think it's always gonna be first week in April? Sometimes he stays in the cave for three more days. Sometimes he comes out. Then when he comes out of the cave, he sees his shadow. We get six more weeks of Eastern.
Okay, Now, six
more weeks of Easter.
Yeah, that's a lot of plastic grass. Chocolate candy.
I'm done, dies,
dies. Keebler's
o. K. Blurs.
What's those eggs?
Cuba? Well, creams. I love a Keebler que blueberry cream.
Yeah, or you little elves. Yeah. Uh, what are the Cadbury's to Cadbury at? Very low.
That bunny is operable. Really?
How do you mean?
Both the Easter Bunny. And it's a Jesus bunny.
Everybody. Do
you
know what
the word parable means? Parabola. Uh, that's the ma'am. After you know it gravel, It means parabolic. Okay, that's right. You can't just keep involving a word. Pair
of socks, Opare socks. Okay,
Airstrikes is we're getting Paris. France is just the same thing.
No one sexy. Yeah,
and those cities air both parables for Jesus.
Whoa! Yeah, and that's what we call full, sir.
I know it sounds like that's a pair of bull, if you know what I mean.
You don't know what that
means. I'm saying I think you're full of crap
saying it's bullshit.
Bullshit. Well, it could be. It's Easter. Easter is bullshit.
Woe is I take from Sam. I don't know. I don't know anything
about Easter, but I want to have something to say.
Oh, I see that. I think
that might be a problem that we all have in the lounge.
I would say in
America. And that's the biggest issue. The biggest moral dilemma in the world now is people thinking that they have to talk. You don't have to. We could sit here in silence for 30 minutes. Quite frankly, it be maybe a welcome respite for me.
Let's see if we could be silent for 30 seconds. Okay.
I bet you $100,000 we
can I
I'll take that bet. I need the money, right. Let card. I need the money
to do 30 full seconds. Asylum. All right, audience, bear with us. I'm getting nervous.
That was five. Wait. So we can really I lose my my $100,000 but because you talked?
I don't think so. I think it was just a week. Let's try
10 seconds. I think we could do 10.
OK, do 10. I just got nervous at
the Freddy and go Don't count, Todd. It's pretty quiet. Just don't make any
sound quiet when we're not talking. And then the thoughts creeping. How about let's just try
five seconds. Five seconds? No counting, no talking like let's hold our breath for five seconds. Ready? I could die. OK, go kick
it. Oh, I got your ass is honor that one, Your Honor. So honor it. Honor it. And also, uh, screw you get. So, Sam, Sam held his breath. You know, he didn't clear. He's awake. You don't have to. Do you know how to do CPR anymore? Okay. Okay. Sam, are you OK with that truck before years? Oh, God. I had residual shock there. All right, Well, uh, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode. Oh, come on. Way already
kicked. Thank you. For once. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the teacher's lounge. It's the first, best and only podcast pertaining to issues relevant to the Hamilton High School community.
So we're going to skate right past me Savings Sam's life with CPR. We're gonna skate right past me shocking sandal life, using two chords in the studio that I ripped in half.
Is that what happened?
I shocked it. A life. And then I give you mouth to mouth.
Todd, we know what you did. Could have killed There goes my hero Due tot. He is my hero. Yeah, well,
I'm not doing it myself. I got Groll over there helping me out.
There goes my time team as he saves I 12. Just like the Easter
bunny. I was dead and came back from the cave of Ah, darkness.
Terrible. All right. I was
high Equals MX plus B
M x p x. We
gotta stop with this. Just like broad. Word
says it's Easter. Nobody. Not even Easter yet.
All right, all you brought feds out there. Sam and I are learning the pattern game right now. This is gonna be a deep, deep cut
through your doing it terribly well. The whole thing with we're going
to get improv notes from Howard Lettuce Find idiot.
I read the UCB improv manual and I know all about it. Now you got to skip the B. You can't just go if you if your pattern game is bread toast, burnt bread
saying that really closer. Bread vert bread tojust
loaf Love. It's all breath. This is good. This is good. Love loaf Crispy, huh?
Wow. What a crispy low
meatloaf. Oh, crispy meat loaf. Crispy singer Arianna
Crispy. Okay, we have in the audience.
Get on the Huffington Grand A
Okay, Okay. Oh, honestly, that's an interesting idea for for an improv
judge. The material. I'm not
Huffington perfect. And blow your grounded out.
Three big pigs. A big thing. Who's
afraid of Virginia pig?
That's us.
That's our in. Go see me and Sam, who's afraid of Virginia pig?
And we know the pig in a way. We know who's Virginia and
we know who the pig is.
Okay, well, that was good.
Would you ever come to one of our shows?
Ah, yes, I would. I have told
you guys, I'll support you in anything you do with the hope that the favor would be returned.
Absolutely. That's an interesting caveat. It's interesting. Yeah, it's so fresh that your action, right?
I mean, in our friendship dynamic, I got to get something out of it. I hear you because I've been taken advantage of 4 40 years. Yeah. Ah, and at some point, the favor collectively had
interesting. Because I feel like this is a classic parasite. Uh, it's a
parasite. You can't just do it again.
Terrible, Terrible. Like, um, look, I I think it's a parasite where you think you're going to take advantage of, But you might be sucking off the tee to
I don't know. I don't know, Guys, I don't think I ask for much your
legion way all
feel like you. We all feel underappreciated and never respected. And no matter what someone does, I'm not going to change my mind. I'm a loser, and they don't like me,
Okay? And this is the mindset that I'm trying to get rid of with my wall of gratitude. Um, this is there's too much negativity. We're talking a little bit about it with Twitter before this crazy Easter bunny. Um, there's too much negativity out there. I've got the wall of gratitude. I painted a picture. Um,
you can tell it's working just in the tone of your voice. Thank
you. Yeah, I'm very gracious and grateful. Um, I'm trying to get some people Teoh, get on instagram some some instagram influencers to take a picture in front of the little painting. That's just stand here and think of your parents. Um and it's just a nice little painting that makes people think about love.
Nice little painting.
You haven't
really really given a face lift to the exterior of your classroom, literally on the wall of gratitude. You have those beautiful wings painted up so that people can take a picture and wear themselves.
Yeah. Um ah, I've doing Of course. My juice cleanses helpful. Yeah, I'm a Yoki. You. Oh, no.
You're pushing the juice cleanse really hard.
What do you literally I'm pushing it.
Well, it is cold. Press juicing.
Not more so mean You You set up a stand in the cafeteria, uh, before the lunch line? That's right. You snipe east night people before they get through
the baseline. Yeah, good business
plan. It's I mean, a business has to run somehow and mind runs by sniping people from the line. I'll press the juice for you. Yeah, Padres presses. Everybody come out down. The Padres presses. It's right in front of the one. True,
yes, this is a
great business strategy. What you're supposed to do is find the customer, then set up a business to them. So wherever there's a line, you'll pull your little card up and start juicing. Yeah, I saw you at the D M V the other day where there was a long line of people taking their driver's tests.
I said, Look, have a juice and also get your fake I d while we're at it.
And that
snipe the line there to
say that
Padres passes eso. It's Padres Presses and passes will do. Just press record of past.
Okay, it was Ah, it was pretty messed up for you to set up your ah, your juice, Your juice bar outside of that old man's wake.
Oh, there are
two to him. There's a There's a long line
of people waiting to see
an old man. He got some juice to get just
the old man. A lot of the old dead man.
Yeah, well, you know, because I there was a moment where I was feeling a little high. People were really like in my juice. I was high on it. I thought maybe it would bring them to life, So I
have seen it
before. We've seen these viral videos.
Involve it is of people coming back to life. We're we're gonna burn these video and viral In the eighties and
weekend at Bernie's,
the video went viral.
It was a VHS VHS tape. Well, yeah, I mean, viral times
were different. That wasn't the Internet, but it was the same thing. How we baby
how you did
not understand Hollywood from the eighties. A blockbuster was just a future viral video happen? That's right, cause virus or viral, that's what ISS.
So it was the first viral video, then
train pulling into state
absolute. Everybody saw it and everybody ran a virus.
If you haven't seen it, Google it Google Able Organization
Classic cinema. But also let me save you the time. If you haven't seen train pulling into the station, you are not a cinephile. Just just so you know, you don't like film or cinema or anything, artistic.
And, uh, if you haven't seen it don't even listen to our podcast because
I don't want you. Yeah, we don't want you haven't seen this boring old clip of a train pulling into a station. Then you don't get it.
Yeah, You don't get film. It's trample it into station. Made way for so many great train movies. Money Train? Yes. On.
That's the first and only one we need to mention.
Yeah, I mean, I really like the
taking of Pelham. 123
123 A type of yet revolt on on the silver screen across Denzel, Was that it?
Wow. Yeah. Travolta. I think so.
I think we
need to a face off to with Jen's Ellen Travolta. Whoa! That's the acting that I think they both need to break into
the in the room. And what insult to Cage Worry, guest. One of you.
Absolutely. And cages. I think
maybe the bigger one in face off
the Yeah, the time who is
the bigger star and face off. When it came out, they were probably
comparable. Faceoff came. I mean, so we're hot off a broken arrow for for Travolta on
and for for Nick Cage, I mean, he had probably had something big before then, right?
Oh, no. When did the rock come out? I mean, this conversation is going to be tough for me because I just I'm not good with time.
I'll say this. I'm almost not even interested in this conversation,
and it's for us. You
know what? You know what we do have coming up. We had spring break coming
breaks, and
I think we're bearing the big lead, folks. Everyone's excited. The first annual spring break Student face off. Um, we're going to take the coolest student in school a by vote and the biggest loser, and we're gonna do a literal trade. Their faces trade their lives,
and a lot of people
are saying like, it seems vague. Will you explain this to us? And I can't put it any simpler than we want to take his face. Oh, we
just want to his face.
And of course, we've spent the last couple weeks working with lawyers and and everybody to make sure that this is all above board. Uh, the kids have voluntarily gotten involved. Their parents have all signed permission slips a za
courses for spring spirit week. Yeah, So we're playing games with the faces once there are.
That's right. We're doing the face ties. Obviously, the kissing booth is gonna be a little interested.
Absolutely. It's the kissing slash barfing booth on you Go in
for a kiss and if you can stand the skinless face, you get a kiss. If you can't, you bar from the skinless face. Then we see how these kids like
is obviously bobbing for faces will be really fun
way only have two faces
faces Somebody get in line now buy your tickets now and also were counting ballots We got a week still to cast your ballot for biggest loser and coolest kid in school. So we know who's gonna be chasing the facing
and also very basic faces. Who is going to be the spring face coming king with When one person gets their face back? Does it look good there? The face coming king face coming popper.
So this week we introduced this all the way through King in the popper. We had the homecoming popper this year, which was I think we all knew it was gonna be Glenn.
Yeah, I just like that already have. You can
address like A I couldn't even tell you what century popper you're gonna You're gonna get
it. I objected to us, including the popper in the ballot
because we all knew why you was a little worried about that.
Let's just say I had Teoh grease some palms and get my name taken off the about
where you are saying pages
low enough. The page is low enough. We all know what that means back in the day. But Popper is disrespectful. Yeah,
It's like I don't think I'm a poor person. I don't look like a poor person. I don't
look like a destitute purse. Don't look
destitute. We'll get
a look. You don't have to say that.
Well, it just seems
unfair that I am the only teacher who got nominated for anything. And it was the worst thing, right?
Right. I don't know.
Some people like to look like a popper. Yeah, Proper bohemian Rhapsody,
Bohemian people. But it's big in Brooklyn. I've heard
people Rosa, for me in Pitbull.
Yes. Hey, Howard. It's called the pattern name taken. Improv class. Okay. Latest job in a home. Look up the pattern game. We're gonna be doing it on the show a lot.
We've already kind of
been doing it for the last four years during the show. Horrible. It's not calling it what it is. But now you know. You know what
it is? Torrential appear Ebola terrain. Oh, good one
soil. No, no. When far. When someone says good
one during the battle game, you stop and talk about
us. Why was why was to read so good? As I said, Torrential a you Some of the letters from that word. I
left it smart. It's smart,
Howard. I think what they we should be talking about is on. It's something I'm really proud of. I almost don't even want to mention it is. You didn't even feel the need to have a nickname. This
I was thinking the same thing.
How nice is that? That you that you just existed without be needed to be
named? You are who you are. You came as you are.
I e uh Oh. I don't want toe burst your guiza's bubble, but I've been actively repressing nicknames this week. No. Yes, I've been I've been paying people hush money. Oh, my God. To keep nicknames from getting out there.
Wow, hot now. Hush money is funny.
Yeah, the second I said hodge of money, I realised. Absolutely funny.
I'm pretty curious about how you delivered this hush money. Was it in the dark parking girl
case? I couldn't breathe.
So money was
I'm sorry. You never know what it's gonna take over if someone says briefcase, I got to say Pelican brief. It's a Toby.
And you can also it's the question. Did you deliver Hush money in The Pelican Brief?
I Well, not the Pelican brief, but a different book. I would use money as a bookmark in a book and I would hand it to people. And I'd say you should read this book. It's a good book. Uh, how much cash we talk? Uh, depended on the severity of the national money. Yeah, depending on the severity of the nickname eso. Like simple stuff, like like for a second? Um, still, boy was coming in
for swill. Boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. That was because you would no matter what you drank, you'd swish it around your mouth like it was wine.
Yes, which is more of an anatomical issue for me. My mouth is set up in a way that liquid turns into a world pool. The second
your mouth kind of when you swallow classically flushes like a toilet. Yeah. If anything close to my mouth, just get
sucked right in.
A lot of people call you would be Kirby or Jiggly Puff. Who does that
carving toilet mouth people. That's when I had to pay $3000 to keep out big repression,
expensive ones. What? We discovered this. All the nicknames come up. Toilet mouth. Yeah. Kirby orginally pump gas Will mouth. Yeah.
Hugh Jackman. For some reason people natural. Probably because people heard me singing in the bathroom.
Oh, in favor. He's a good singer, right?
Yeah. Yeah, it was past
trouble, isn't that Oh, it
was sarcastic. Uh, really, really sarcastic. A huge ass man was Was of the off of that. Yeah.
I'm happy
that you're not accepting your whole personality from one nickname. Somebody gives you a
right? Yeah, I'm a little
worried about the word repression.
Yeah. Yeah. And look Hey, it only cost me $15,000 to keep anything from coming out. Well, uh, and and you know, I repression. It sounds bad. It sounds like you're sort of taking a thing that you want. That should be out and you're actively holding it down, right? Right. And I think that that should scare you.
That's exactly what it does. Yeah, it sounds like that. And it does scare me because it feels pain. You
should come to my Ted talk. You should come to it. It's all about how
is there anything
this guy doesn't dio thing this guy doesn't do? Todd is the hardest working man over 90.
Absolutely Well,
that looks over there. Thank
you. It's well because And I was just kind of in conversation right now, you'll hear this in my Ted talk, but, um, repression. There's a recent certain awards air spelled the same. It's because they're related. Repression leads to depression. Uh, and that's the whole Ted talk is You race in the middle of that are, and then you kind of curve the outside of it into Devi's or, if they're both uppercase
already kind of a pattern game going on in the in your tent?
No. Oh, yes. Wait. What's going to talk it? I do also go through the pattern game as top by the upright citizens brigade improvisation.
Same Ted talk
talk I do
along to several
dead docks, and they always sort of end there. What's that? You? Just several Ted talks, but they end on a pattern game. Well,
sometimes. All in on a sit, stand. Kneel. Um, which when you're playing yourself is very difficult. But I don't want it to be about talk. I do. What did you talk you through? Repression leads to depression. Um,
You saying I'm sad?
Well, I think you told me. Well, how do
you talk through it? But you just said those same two words again. We're,
ah, repression leads to depression. Do you feel sad when you go home at night? You laying in bed? It's that 20 minutes before you go to sleep.
Immediately. When I get home, I'm in bed. Okay? Yeah. That's depression. No, not no,
but some other home behavior.
4 34 30 year immediately in bed. Okay.
When you're
doing it on my chest,
Okay. Dinner on your chest. You sort of cooking yourself a nice, healthy dinner.
Ah, something cooking. Someone is cooking me dinner. And it's a fast food restaurant.
Okay, so you're bringing faster. How
many. How many times you say you eat fast food? A week?
Ah, week. Yeah, days. Three meals. 15.
That's the pressure.
And there are seven days in a week.
Also depression. You forgot about two days, right? No, but there's a long two days. There's the
long day that starts after work on Friday and
got it anymore.
That is not one long, very sad boy.
It's different than work
Friday. It's such a long day. It's it's It's three times as long as
this job is warped your mind.
What are you talking
about? A day is not defined by being at school,
huh? You know what would make you happy? We've got to get you a partner. We've got to get you in a relationship. Tried? I'm so happy with mine right now. Um, no. Tied. I Honestly, I don't even want to talk about it because I'm so happy with
you with again.
I am with Well, I'm with a woman who's getting over her deceased husband. Uh, and so I've been working with her to get over him. We've been trying to pair him up through some dead fish dates where we try to pretend he's alive. Um,
you've been profiting
him like a merry have been pumping out of marrying that but
ventriloquist dummy
me and you know, it's It's complicated, but it's life is complicated. Eso I say for you, Howard. It has made me so happy to have this to focus on, um ah. And that when? When? When I come to my wall of gratitude and someone's a raced tude and written wall of grad gratuity gratuity,
it's like I didn't want
to tip this whole wall.
Yeah, you know, I could lose my shit or I could go. Hey, tonight I get to go home and puppet the woman that I loves dead husband until he finds a mate so that she will date me. How nice is that? That's really just saying it out loud with me. So
I think you guys have similar She's to me. But you focus on mine to distract you from yours.
I think that's something we all dio I
don't. Come on, You're just on my side. Oh, I think
we all do it. But I don't
Yeah, way. We all have these problems and I have discovered that and therefore no to it.
Okay? I just don't
or at least have discovered I'll say this
stuff as objective observers on the outside. I want everybody out there tweeted us and let us know who you think is the saddest person in the room.
Oh, go for it, by the way, good luck. And if it's me, you're dead. You're fucking dead. Tweet your address. You save me, tweet your address because
I think I think you'd be surprised how many people would say it's you taught. I think you're You're
not that I'm angry. Okay, uh, nobody knows where that anger comes from. It's just their anger is a
primary emotion, Okay? It's not from anything. Nothing made me angry. Other than annoying people. Uh,
a big point. Me? I wish this individual so everybody could tell how hard Sam just pointed out. Got a t o Oh, so I wasn't Pestillo just hurt my elbow. Oh, yeah, I got ta go. Serbs, he's a row. You saw for yourself? No, Let him. I let him and Todd Thank you for the mint. That
wasn't supposed. That was much too.
So I'll tell you what. It's maybe tooth. It's minty. That's
because my figments. It's happened before on the trail. It'll happen again. Sometimes be replaced with
your teeth and mince. Do now. Not tic Tacs Outdoor. It's what?
Um, well, let's just say it's curiously strong.
That said, there's no other way to say thank you. There is a strong for Howard. I am sad to hear about your repression. I'm glad that you're not taking on other people's pain is your own. Yeah, but I want to give you an opportunity to make positive steps forward. Okay. What would you give yourself as a nickname, or even just who are you? Don't think about how other people see you. Think about how you feel inside. Well, see yourself.
I mean, I
do have
a middle name that that I that I could use.
Okay, Most people come up with a more fun nickname, but maybe it's fun. What is it? Sprocket Sprocket. Howard Sprocket Levis. So the Levi's family named you Howard Sprocket. He have Levi's. Yeah,
you were. I remember this. You were one of the first people to be named after a dog for your middle ma'am, right?
Yeah. Yeah. The doc from the Jetsons and and a die family, family, love
jeans and the Jetsons. All of my siblings have names.
Were also named after duck for your first name. Howard the Duck.
Howard Duck. My parents were big on pop culture, huh? And? And, Ah, and Howard is better than being called duck. Which could
obey. Wanted to call you duck
officially, But my mom talked to my dad to changing it to our
I think Let me know
if you tell me if you learn much about yourself, Um, on this experience that we all know that we've all been on the next bus, we've been fastest to be next in different ways. You were the 1st 1 to not get anyone to fall in love with you on the show. Love is blind, right? You were fastest through the wall. Rejection.
Yeah, I, uh they actually there's an un Carrey on aired episode that's gonna air at the end of Ah, that is alright. Might already be out where the spoof episode. It's the spoof ever so like an American Idol where the bad guys get made fun of by the judges. Except it's just a single shot of me in real time getting rejected by every woman on love is blind after saying hello Uh, they walk into the room and say, Is anybody other side? I say, Ah, yeah, it's me, Howard. Every single one of them leaves on your
end up You ended up getting rejected by William Hung. At one point, you got rejected by
Said I wouldn't bang
you. Yeah, At a certain point,
it felt like the producers of the show overstepped their bounds, and they started sending in people that they shouldn't sent it
because they it was sort of a parade of reject.
Yeah, to reject. Yeah. And then the Howard stall, Howard Stern's freaks came hither, came through and reactive Beetlejuice rejected me. Ah, it's frustrating you the episodes probably out there
Well, and I I don't want toe, you know, again burying the legal here. But, Sam, you also, uh, most Guinness pulled up. It gave you most proposals. You propose the most on that?
Yes, absolutely. Most one way proposals. I got no acceptances, but they all said thank you. They all said thank you. Very flattered. And they said, um, next time, get a real ring. I used to ring pop, you Why
would be cute to some people?
Well, that's what it
was to me. It was like, You know, I'm not looking for a gold digger. What I'm looking for is a candy lover. And so if they don't like this radio, I
want a sweetie
and I She's gotta have a sweet tooth because everybody knows I like a certain type of attention. I like to be eaten. So I got to make sure that this woman has a sweet too. Yeah,
and so knows
what I'm gonna turn into next.
And, Todd, you're also bearing the lead. You spent the whole season as the dividing wall between everybody.
Thank you for noticing. Yes. Eso grateful. I got a big gig. A series regular on the Netflix show. Love is blind. Where, um, I am the dividing wall for all of the episodes. And it was huge for me. It was, you know, because it's hard for me to play a role where you don't move and don't talk. Yeah,
And there's a clear yet opaque wall. Yeah, see through. And they just stressed your skin. Really? Yeah. They
stretch me into and and just use the couple carabiners to connect with wall with through my skin with them, which, you know, these grips can be a little tough, you know, toss and stuff around. Yeah, obviously. You know,
points and then stab into your skin.
Happen in my skin, they striking. And the light they let me. Pretty pretty harsh.
Yeah, to be fair, there. Used to working with, um, diaper. Oh, we should get state fair.
Okay. State fair. We moved right on paper because we because we don't miss Bill. No, we're not sad.
I know we've been talking about it, but
I'm actually overbilled.
Gone and look. Yeah, I'm sleeping in his bed because I miss his smell. Yeah, but I don't miss him as a person.
No, no, no, no. We're
happy for him. He's out there.
He's out there making waves. Guys, Huh?
I'm wearing his tight little close on my big little body, and I don't miss him. No, I just want a chance to look cool,
and you're reminded of it. It's a nice little like a like a warm reminder of your body when you look
at your pants. Yes. Yeah,
I've been, um, obviously using the ridiculous voice modulator every once in a while to have, which
is a lot of people online are really upset about it. They think
it's appropriate. People say its appropriation. Um but it is. I would say, it's respect to their culture.
Were never profiting, right?
Uh I mean, what's profit? You know,
I'm making money.
OK, but you know what's making money in this day and age, you know, everything's making money or losing money and capitalism. So, yes, I am selling. I'm on cameo Has, uh So if you want me to do ridiculous voice, um,
if you want me to do
ridiculous voice, birthday greetings or proposals divorce proposals,
I think we
have a couple of those cameo videos here. Should we play? Probably
show. Which one do you want to play? Just let me know which one
you sent the one Teoh. The one where you sent it to a young young fella in Ah, Indiana, whose mom wanted to get him a cameo for his birthday. Yes. Ah, we have that one. OK? Yeah. And play,
young fellow. Hey, how are you doing? I
It's somebody stuck Mies birthday. Well, I hope your
birthday is smoking and that you.
Let's pause there. Um, So
you said there's a voice modulator. Yeah. So it should work perfectly. Like a computer.
Yeah. What's wrong with it?
Well, it just sounded like it made you say a lot of masks.
Specifics didn't change your voice. Really? The first moment was maybe a little ridiculous. Took a hard left to Stanley Ipkiss.
Okay, But you didn't feel like it gets and not the mask.
It felt like Todd doing. That's not like Todd two of the Masters. Let's do another one. This is this actually
a celebrity one. A celebrity wanted you to talk to them. This is from Barry Bonds. The baseball. Prepare to Big Poppy. David Ortiz. He just wanted to say hello and that he misses him. Okay. And of course, he wanted to use Bill crazy
to do it. So this is very Bonds. Say hello. And I miss you too, Big Poppy. But he wanted to use Bill gravies. Ridiculous.
Like so let's see what you got here. That suit you have what you have your on play, Poppy. It's your best friend. Burger Bones coming in to say I hope your week has been already there says Race winter. And it seems like
the hello. The greeting tends to be ridiculous.
And also, when you said Barry Bonds, it felt like he went into
his voice. Very ball.
So it sounds like I have never heard him talk
right
out in no time. I saw you watching YouTube videos.
Okay, look, there's this'll is a classic take down. Um, if I knew I was gonna be gas lit by my friends, Um, I you know, I wouldn't come in today. Come on. What's that? Matches. Oh, Fireplace
has a
pretty good actually.
Let me try it again. Yours,
Howard, You really
don't want to do this, huh?
I know. How
do I participate? I'm okay. I'm sorry. I've been a whip. You can start Matchstick men, boy.
Ah, Boise, Utah. Uh, Paris, Texas. Paris. Okay. No target to save
time in the pattern game talking the same time. Let's take a break.
All right, folks, Thanks so much for sticking it out through the break. As always, we're really excited. Teoh have our guests in the lounge today. Ah, the unsung hero of the cafeteria. Some would call him on, but we, uh well, we call him that. But we also call him by his given name, Which is Mr Hassan. How you doing, Mr Hassan? I every way. Mr A Mr. You are of course. Ah, the school's dairy supplier. You deliver that sweet, sweet, uh,
white nectar,
White nectar
to the kids, The grown bones. Um, kids need it. Calcium.
Well, it don't seem to I drink
a lot of milk here. It's Yeah, I had a lot of milk. You dio
I do. Oh, yeah. Dio for me, I would say Probably a jug a day. Gum helps me. You fall asleep
of full gallon,
you drink a full gown before bed to fall asleep.
Yeah, I I Otherwise I can't I really can't get to sleep.
This will be so happy because I've seen so many people who peddle a product. But, you know, they don't use it. Yeah, I can tell you drink a gallon of milk a day. Yeah, and that makes me trust my milk man.
Thank you. Yeah. I mean, I believe in the product. It means a product that built America. And I frankly think a lot of this pushback from this young generation is ridiculous.
Oh, I mean, you must be really feeling the heat. Almond milk. Oh, milk, Soy milk.
Don't call them. They're not milk. Don't call a milk. Okay, there's beverages.
Oh, call milk. Okay,
that's your big you. You rip on these companies. Let's be honest. We'll say you started counter like counter campaigns against
loving their lactose tolerance YouTube video. I think that's really the way to attack it.
Thank you. Yeah. Even if your lack toes intolerant, there's a way to full your body into tolerating it right on. And that's something that no one's talking about.
And the method that you propose is just dealing with the diarrhea.
Really? Diarrhea
is a medical. Ah, yes, it's necessary. It's your body's way of eliminating other stuff in there. If you don't use the young people terms, it's a way of eliminating toxins.
Oh, yeah. It's, uh,
love to diarrhea myself out of here.
Yeah, but I don't toxic. Ah, very good. Thank you. I do attack the other companies just to be clear. I own that. I've done my time.
You sort of tried to make goat milk look like ah, sugary soda. Yes, a disgusting thing that's ruining all the kids live. Look, do you
want Teoh eat mildewed haute water? Because that's what it is. That's what it is. Any other product would never be allowed to be marketed Its OK,
you got
something that really
sold me in your videos Because I was looking for used when it started is when you poured all the types of beverage and milk onto tampons to show which ones were the most absorbent liquids. I kept re watching that going. What is this proven about milk?
Because I think you were trying
to pour it on like
pads. Who with your best sense? You just figured it on a closed Tim. And a sort of bounced off the plastic, and it just I think my
point quite clear. Oh, be tampons. Absorb the most
genius. Yes. You were trying to make. It wasn't even a point about milk. Tampon. Don't pigeonhole him. You could work from anything. Yeah, Yeah,
I mean, I obviously when I started the video, I thought what I was going to prove was that dairy milk is easily absorbed into your body, like into your body's like body tampon. Same thing exactly. But what I really I really changed my tune. I just got behind obi tampon.
If there's a testimonial at the end way say my world has been rocked. Well, they thought I was doing this milking of it, but it turns out Thistle is about tampons all along. And that not only did you get behind
Obie, but Obi got right behind
you. They put out that commercial where you deliver the tampons as a milk. Yeah,
I said hi. I'm Mr Hassan. And I'm here to deliver you tampons. Little girl
like milk. Like it's like milk. You say? It's like I dressed like a milk man. They are in bottles. I'm doing it
like milk. But these air obi tampons, which I trust as I was doing a milk experiment that turned out to be a tampon
explain viral. I mean, for whatever reasons you could, you can postulate Why? Went by roller? Why'd you know? But I think the press
is good press.
Yeah, And it started the Hassan Challenge, which is people dumping different different substances on to close tampons. It's all over. Tic tac. Yeah, you've been You got invited. Teoh
Washington Teoh. They wanted to talk to the White House. The milk I
received the Presidential Medal of Freedom.
Wow. Freedom and on freedom and a Purple Heart. Yes, I got you tripped on the steps, entered myself on the steps, and
they said, Are you okay? And I said, I am. And they said, Wow,
it must be all that calcium.
Yeah, Yeah. Oh, yeah. I get 900% of my daily requirement of calcium.
And the doctors have
said it's an issue for you, though. I did. Yeah, I did. I did notice. Ah, that you Ah, you have, like, a pretty extensive medical history of of excess calcium
excess calcium. My liver has actually calcified calcified. It is hard. But the good news is that it still seems to be functioning. It seems to be expanding throughout my body. No big liver. I have a really big left.
So it's taking over other parts of your body. Or, like other organs, Air kind of being sucked in by the liver.
It's like kudzu. Are you familiar with kudzu?
Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Growing vine. Very nuisance of
a lot
saying that you're slowly turning into a foie gras goose. Your liver is getting huge and your stuffing yourself with fat liquid all the time. There are a
couple companies vying for me.
You're illegal of a couple of suits. I can't
go to Portland because they don't allow that kind of thing. But, I mean, I have a couple of fog our companies eyeing my corpse when I pass on
their bidding on Yes, yes. Saying drink up milk man way. Want you to French
companies. Me bad. Wow. You know, call coma Talib. Ooh, eyes the 1st 1
And they're normal sentence. I think it means I want to talk. Teoh, do you speak? Do you
speak? You translate it on. The other one is fun. Fun. Budko
courses French for food company.
Yes, of course.
You're open to go with fun.
I really like the people I met. There were just, like, felt like brothers and sisters.
Now what I like about you, Mr Hassan, is I've been to other schools Where the, You know, you us students. Have you ever even seen the milk representative? And they'll say no. Why would we? You have such a pressing time campus here, and I really like seeing you in the lunch room. I've seen you in a couple classes. You're
always doing your dance. Yeah. Normally, people
don't audit high school classes either. Like your auditing?
Yeah. Yeah, I want to learn. Um, I want to learn. And I also want kids to ah, keep in mind the value of milk, you know, obviously got milk. That moment has passed, and I feel like the national milk of advisory or dairy board has had a hard time capturing the
harder now, Yes, because you did the milk unibrow campaign, which just didn't work like the got milk
must. But I will tell you did get a lot of talk. It did. It just didn't
get the follow up purchase of milk. Now people are like, well, milk mustache. That happens on your enjoy right? Milk unibrow. Because
milk unibrow. The whole process was you stick like Could it sort of put your face into a bowl of to my
credit, I said got Frida cow low.
Oh, yes, Teoh Credit. It
was very clever. And to your detriment, they really came out of the woodwork. Anger at you about the Frida Kahlo
the Culo family sued the pants off of you
is bankrupt milk
by the make remote. They made some terrible, awful paintings of you.
Apparently, the drag choices I made were incendiary, um, racist, Um, and, uh, not okay on. And I apologize. You know, my apology
Did the video you put out the apology video you put out was great. Uh, thank you.
It didn't feel like it led to a bit of a discovery for you by the end of it, where it's like, it starts an apology video. And then it was like, Well, maybe maxi pads or better.
Yeah. Well, because you were using them to dab your tears. Yeah.
Yet you know, that's not how that video started at all. No. And then I found out that always makes the best maxi pad far in a way for in a way. So then I turned my back on the OBE people. They, of course, setting me some very mean letters wrapped in brick,
but always also found that you make the best commercials. They got behind you in a big way, and we remember
Yeah, you said the milk vans back. But this time I got a new
delivery still bottles and he still dressed It's like male, um, having affair with your mother. Now, here's migration
to you. Obviously, once you're into the milk game, it swallows you a poll, and it's it's a lifestyle. Well,
seen the photos of you behind a desk of milk like Scarface?
Yeah. Yeah. With a bunch of powdered milk on your dad
doing a
photo shoot. Let's just tell the truth. You do the scarf, Scarface, photo shoot about milk,
which did lead to my incarceration. I I did not know this, but apparently you need to be a company to legally possess an amount of milk. Yes, you have too much milk. I had too much milk and became a lot of this in and came unlawful.
Oh, but I did it as a show of support. How much time is to?
Is the time for too much milk?
Seven years. So that's where all those tats or from Yea, jailhouse milk tap is a
jailhouse milk, you say? Yeah. See, This one says milk bitch. Right on your face. This'll one says, Come cow Which eyes that seem separate? It was separate. I turned out I became the presence. Come cow. But that's 90
Oh, Yeah. No, I was fine. Learned that was
a bottom, uh, didn't know I was the bottom toe. That's
a good discovery to make. Yeah, Any of you guys bottom? I'm a middle. Oh, yeah, that's Oh, yeah, middle. I'm a watch
from the third person perspective in the booth. That's what I am.
And I'm terrified of sex of all kinds. So I just pushing Finally I
every little wing you watch eyes wide shut
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I put myself through it every like I gotta get when you go this I'm gonna like this scare. We still
haven't seen the end of the movie because I hide under the couch Man,
your mouse. How do you get
lifted up inside my couch? Atala is, like, sort of hollow. Hollow it
so you can crawl through the seat and then you have a little cavity. Yeah, you're produced a video me crawling through the kitchens of
my catch and then I show you my little
apartment in the clubhouse.
That's a great video, but I think we all know you ripped off the That's just what I did with the upper tank of my toilet. I'd be a
little bit of you know, it's It's we had the same idea saying
your current thinking minds deep impact in years, His arm again.
I I also think you got your idea, Todd. From my calzone video where I made a big calzone and crawled right into it happened the oven so you can call it your toilet video. You can call it whatever yours was on. We all know it came from my health.
All right. We are the same idea. The same tankard Think concurrent. Amazing. Now, Mr Hassan, we Ah, the reason that I heard you were coming to campus today was because you're introducing some some sort of new ah, new merchandise. Tiu the milk
milk,
milk merch. I want to get that. Get it on the streets. I want toe just, you know, kind of viral eyes milk from
you have hats, shirts, hoodies, all undies, song pain, shoes.
Uh, away. I do. There's more.
Oh, my ipad. So gloves really? Course it's these air nish.
Yeah, I'm going going on there, and
you can essentially cover every inch of skin on your body with the milk branded piece of merchandise.
You have milk broaches for older women.
Yes. Yes, we have milk broaches right now. We're going into a milk clip on earrings. Uh,
now the milk courses. Is that for human women or for cows? This is according to go around in Utter What? Careful
what way, but definitely because, as you
know, that that reminds me of a failed We had a failed slogan a couple years ago, which is was drink milk unless you're a cow? Um, yes. And attached. Of course. Roseanne Barr. And everyone said, you can't do this. How dare you?
It's cruel. It's eventually when you said no, no, no, we're saying cows shouldn't drink their own milk.
Right? Which I agree with. I mean
I mean, it's totally against sort of nature, though, because that's the milk is actually four cows. We've I don't want
to get into this. I'll show make me upset.
Here comes Joaquin, please. OK, I know where
you're going. Hear Howard? If they're if we're still in their milk, they're stealing our grass.
So who's who here? You don't Don't
Don't do this, okay? Because we are. We are currently suing Mr Phoenix for his really very comments he made
during his acceptance, and I'm suing him for the Joker. Okay. My story. Yeah. I mean, the only loser paints my face in black. That's me. He stole my life, right? He's
a son of a bitch, and he we will bring him to freedom.
Coming for your Joaquin, you
fucking son of a bitch. Right house. All right. Name and I will
deal with the teacher's lounge in the milk board at the same time. Ha ha ha.
Okay, lets and I don't want to get gang up on, so I'm gonna leave it at that. I'm not.
That is what we should do in this day and age. If you have an opinion and to review will disagree with you. Shut
up. Don't talk. Don't talk. Don't express yourself.
Yes, The louder people one. Yeah, it's 2020 loud beats. Smart,
Exactly. Way live in America And part of freedom of speech is shutting your fucking mouth. Love, you are
the ambassador for milk at our high school, and that's America to me. Thank you. What else would you say America means to you as a milk drinking
person? And this is a good opportunity for you because obviously when you were in that pageant you blew. The answer to this
question is sort of a question so that I
can I can on that. I did terribly and Mrs Milkmaid and some people say I shouldn't have been there.
That was most of the criticism. Yeah, gowns were hideous,
my answers were bad and I looked disgusting is ah, lot of the foods
to your credit, your gowns were dripping in milk, and I know that that's what you wanted
right on. You nailed what you wanted. That's what I do.
And that's what I and my talent was, of course, gaining weight. And in real time in real time you get £40 in
the show, you still on a scale for
the whole bit with with a camera focused on the wing, The wing, the read
out of the
way for us to your belly's filling up there, going like Okay, it's milk. Wait. It's literally liquid inside of his body, weaken. See his summit getting larger and larger. But
then your body
started a metabolized really fast new arms got thicker, my feet got thicker and and someone yelled out, Is that buddy love
nutty professor and they stand
up, Started making fun of you in front of your girls.
Know your attitude? I was humiliated. I was that
I didn't know what to do. My face was puffing up like a balloon. I was quite humiliated. And hot air balloon hot air balloon. And, um,
I was trying, like, to your
point what I was trying to do. Part of my message was a milk a hell
of a good
does a body good milk makes you gain weight. And what's more American than savoring our abundance?
Wow. Yeah, yeah. You're not truly
American until you're at least £45 overweight.
Yes, Fat in America is a brag. I've always said always said it and I do believe it. It's a bragged that I can be this way.
And for me, it's a shame that I can't gain the weight I want to. Ah, drinking heavy cream. No, that's interesting. Well, I'm, uh, culturally and ah, historically Jewish. So milk does my body bad. Um, I, you know, get, uh,
what they want you to think.
OK, I'll try some heavy cream.
So interesting. You're saying this goes so deep that it pervades the Jewish faith?
Absolutely, absolutely. Is an ancient hatred against dairy. Ah, and honestly, the almond lobby has been there every step of the way ever since the five hundreds. I
believe it. I believe it. I do not trust these almond mother for everyone Heard of
Jordanian almonds. I wonder when that started. Jordanian almonds. How order the days of Jordan in the Middle East during Bethlehem. Civilization. Cradle of civilisations. Serious
of the grave. Syria
Crater, Babylonia, DMX Movies Rules on a pattern.
This is for my dogs.
Have you ever done improv? Do you ever do the pattern? Good. I took an improv
class at the comedy basement. Oh, which is great. They're located in South Burbank. Um, and then
barrel. Thing is, it's not in a basement, it's upstairs, but it is the basement of comedy. It is common in the lower.
Yeah, well, they teach you how to win and scenes, and they teach a lot of you know how. Like a lot of times, the funniest thing you can do in a scene is be mean to your partner.
We've seen some of these improv scenes. You've done it. The rallies at school where you're sort of come out. It will be a good yes, and a lot of good stuff. And then you're just pour milk
all over these, right? Right.
I It's almost like I'm watching Nineties Nickelodeon again. Where? I'm just like when I was one of these kids get
wild and crazy milk. Nineties were good for milk. They really were. Have you noticed a drop?
Good. Oh, my God. Yeah, It's been a nightmare. Somebody nine amazing. Me and Janine Garafalo. Where, uh, we're hanging out. We're going to the going to the Viper Room, spending our millions. She had been her mystery men money. I'm spending my my vitamin d milk
when you were a millionaire in the nineties.
That's right. Milkmaid.
Can you believe that enough people are buying vitamin D milk in the nineties to make you a millionaire? Just are vitamin D money
I had I
didn't. You ever touched the skin money? Have you ever touched your skin money? Or is that are you just living off the vitamin demon? Because, like Jay Leno, he never touched his tonight show money.
Yeah, my skin money. I really shouldn't say this, but it's in. It's in an offshore holding.
Oh, so not so American, huh?
No, no, that's the most American
thing that you can dio your money. And I'm not sure that's right. I
pay my taxes. Well, I don't make enough to pay taxes right now. The government owes me some money. Uh, yeah, but I would pay my taxes. I fight in wars all
the time. Personal fights, those wars for the country.
They are still with foreigners.
So there's tea here. Todd, wait. I read. I remember
ready Reading a headline about you
or to warm
the hundreds. Who was called your own personal Vietnam War? Yes. Ah, where you find it? A local Vietnamese restaurant.
Yes, Yes, yes, yes, yes. Too spicy. My friend
was too spicy. And I'll goto the phone with spicy. Yes,
the followers to spread. Don't get me started on the bond. Me more like bond. Shit.
You kept chanting me Band bond me. Todd, I
heard enough. This I don't want to hear any stories about when you were back in now? Yeah. You were in a restaurant
having flashbacks. I mean, the amount of time it took them, the soups ready in the back I'm waiting. Five minutes. 10 minutes. 15. I'm not comfortable because I've been seated so close to the people next to me. Hey, In American restaurants, we have space between our tables. I'll say it once and I'll say it again. I'm feeling claustrophobic just talking about it. Okay. Ah,
God, you're fine. You're fine. You're fine. It's fine.
I just thought it was pathetic that your version of Desert Storm was you fighting a bunch of kids in a playground. I think that was pretty ridiculous.
Rocky, kids. Todd, you are the villain in all of your story. I just want to point that out to you. Of course I'm your friend. So I have your back forever, no matter what. Thank you. But the outside perspective is you're the villain.
Okay, Well, every villain is the hero of their own story, right, Mr Hassan,
you know that's interesting. I
actually connect with that a lot. I actually don't know this. You have time to do it. But I was going to run some new phrases by you for
that's great. Yeah, we love when people ask us for input. We abhorred so often around here. Yeah, because rules change. Let's school layout changes, class schedules change, and we just get left in the lurch in data.
If you could
even write down that you're asking us for?
Yeah, we'd love to. Cite says we'd like to cite this as evidence that people trust us.
I mean, you guys, you guys have been nothing but great to me, right? Exactly. Mr. Hassan, we're good guys. You're great guys
with Mr H.
Okay. What about this? When
you are looking for feedback,
I am great. I am.
And it's all about milk. These air milk freezer.
It's all Well, look, we're looking for the next got milk, and we haven't had that sort of market penetration. So
this is good. This is were And where the demo. Okay, we are the demo about this milk. Drink it or else Contingent love. That's good. Kind of makes it so people are scared if they don't come after
play this in a movie theater,
like a
pre trailer. I'm looking
at your storyboards here, and that looks like your spokesman would be Tommy was Oh, saying
that Yes, OK. We wanted to get him involved. Uh, he's such a funny wanted to get him involved. What? I He calls me his nice doggy. I you know, he's so nice. Like I mean, even when we went out to dinner, he was, like, you know, keep the change.
And of course,
Tommy wise the room, The house trips blood on Alice. Just
a fantastic amazing resume. Best fiends. Oh, man. Male gorillas. Motherfucker.
I like that. I think it's good
notes over here.
Yeah, right there. No, I'd love to
hear other ones in case one beats it. But now that's the best one. And let me tell you this, I bet you each one is gonna beat the previous.
Okay, Great. Uh, drink milk or else you're a little pussy boy.
Okay, so So most of the words with the same way. Wait, no, no, no. We got drink,
male drink milk or else you're gay. Uh,
okay. That one should work in America.
Drink milk, you bald little bitch. Things
getting more specific. And it looks like the last two were pictures of me
closer to all of us. Pointing your fingers. I Is there any that are that have a different tactic that maybe this is sort of you catch more flies with honey bales. But I will
say there is an interesting tactic here of going for, um, shattered masculinity. Right? Hitman, where it hurts the most, Right? Bald homophobia. Milk that was
their own milk. You can't Milk doesn't come out when you do it. You
know, it's one of
the greatest shames as you learn in psychology that men can't get milk out of their own bodies right on. And we're constantly living with
that. And we
know men like milk because we know men like titties. So maybe if we wait you Yeah, I liked it, But maybe we can continue Teoh, keep that connection alive of milk. Dairy milk is just like sucking a big old juicy titties.
That that's what I say in class all the time. I talked to my kids and I say, You know how
When you're six, the titty is ripped away from you
never to be had again. Amen. Brother. Amen. Yes, I'm in first grade.
And what? I slapped in the face by having eat real food 1st 1st they sent me to school. Didn't do kindergarten. Didn't do preschool.
Yes, I know. Hungry? Mom, What? I want isn't in this brown paper bag. It's not brown paper bra. You get in trouble for trying
to suck on your kindergartner teacher, Miss Murchison. Steady.
Yes, because I'm in first grade a teacher. It would be weird if it was your current. And also she's fresh. She was pregnant, so she had
mill. Mama. Yeah. Here we go again. Way.
Don't need to dig deep around this
thing. This I mean this to me Psychologically, it makes sense why you would want people to eat you alive because you got you got your food taking away from you.
I want to give That was statements
from your mother. And now you want everyone to eat you, huh? Yes, I I mean, I'm no psychologist and I legally have to tell people that, but I I think there's a connection
Hot. I'm just You're right. I'm so ashamed. I could never make milk. Just it's nipple envy. People envy. No, it was my first favorite
thing. Whoa! I know, Doctor. You know,
he could make me milky. You can turn me into De Niro. Could make a mistake is true. And I say I have nipples. Could you milk it? starts with the hormone replacement surgery. Okay.
And then it starts with a mammary missed metastases ation.
Okay, You're gonna give me cow teats. Yes. Okay,
Sam, I want you to think twice. About what? Anytime someone's talking this quietly about an exciting idea, it means that it's it's
Listen, listen, I was trying to get on the menu of every fast food place, but they didn't like my chicken. They said there was no brine. They said it was dry. Now, if I become butter, milk and chicken, Sam, I'll be everybody's. This isn't were have
Everybody will want a bite of me.
This isn't where happiness comes from, Mr Hassan. Do not take advantage of my friend in one of his weakest moments. Do you only
have to do is drink a couple dozen stem cells. Well, but well, okay, okay, technically, there's technically there. Mr. Hassan Calf fetus is technically
do not turn one at my friend into one of your human cows.
Yeah, okay. By the way, you say that was here saying I don't know. I don't know the stories about
you because you come in with a lot of milk.
I did my time for that crime I want to make. I won't let you make my friend account. Okay, fine. Let me at least put this this gown and milk in my backpack and run it through these
camelback wires and out of my share to make it look like I could make milk. I
want the experience.
It's too upsetting for
May. I can't even think
about the idea, let alone look at it. Now, if you're gonna make my friend a cow if you're gonna make you make milk, let me know if he's also gonna have a juicy porterhouse on him, in which case I will consider it.
Oh, my God. Taught, I've never felt so. See
you. I did you If you had a do supporter house, do you do porterhouse dio making my friend delicious or just milking?
We could
do top around. We could do Chuck.
Yeah, we're going down And porterhouse. We're about 50 50 80 29 with other bodies. Yes, but for me, you're going to get a 50 50 and that's the lead big. I cross for lead in the 50 50. If you want the real goods, it's going to be 80 20.
Mr Assad came in here and I was sold. I loved your I love some of your stuff
that's saying a lot because Todd has a milk company of his own. So
that's right. That's right. I forgot about my milk company. Um, what was it called? The rial White?
Yeah, you had definitely milk. Definitely only milk white stuff. Just manage
that. None of these. They're battling substance.
Regular milk was just west chocolate milk.
Well, I don't do that anymore. I obviously do. Fresh pressed, cold pressed aggressively press juice. Um, and you've got a breast. There's a lot of studies that say, if your juices pressed softly or tenderly, it's not gonna have the
five similar to the studies about dairy dairy products where if a cow gets killed when it's in stress, it's the meat s'more.
Uh uh, rough and
tough because they're always pretty stressed out, giving pop quizzes every
way like
to have our milk stressed as well. So yeah, we give them pop quizzes way make loud noises. We tell them, What's this huge bill?
Their name on it can catch them. Having ordered at the hotel. Do I see you watched the same porno movie. This'll Cal porno? Yeah,
we stress them out really good. We tell him, you know, we know the foundation of this farm's gonna fall apart at any moment. Oh, remind them that their methane gases are ruining the environment. So they are on their living on a prayer Are the opposite of Kobe beef? Yes. Yeah. Cobb.
Hey, Comey backwards. Co p e. Cobb is so backwards would
be backwards, Kobe if you were also dyslexic.
Yeah, it sounds like three intention is to be backwards. Well, it sounds
was already taken cause it's backwards. Chicken
that's right. And box World
as art audio
tape box is also the shoes that I wear. Their off brand. Reebok says I can't afford
my lovey box. Thank you. Give me any problems.
I want problem. My knees point across each other now my right knee is on the left and my left. He is on the right.
You look like Tin Man or whatever. Scarecrow at the bunnies first.
Look, Fund wants me to die quick. They want my liver. They want to go ahead and process me. So I'm trying to really wear down my body. It's quick. It's
possible. I'll tell you what. Between your delicious fatty liver and my friends. 50 50 of terrible beef. I am going to have a nice dinner tonight s I'm looking forward to that, Mr Inside. Thank you for coming in.
Thanks so much wrapping me Look forward
to seeing you around campus.
Thank you. And I look forward to selling some of my new merch. Um, you'll be glad to nobody. Even before I asked you, we settled on drink milk or else you're gay.
Okay, That should sell really well on for the old slobs
and for the old slobs. It makes a little bit of sense with the school mascot.
Yes, yes. Uh, haven't talked about it.
Haven't talked about it since the first season of this show, but we
should
talk about it real quick. So doesn't sound so crazy. Had a student election to see what the mascot of the school would be.
Yeah, they always all the kids rode in. This is gay. So that's for the school. Is this is gay?
Well, um, and, um, describing it makes it sound worse. Yeah,
it is. Maybe. Maybe. Okay,
we might just cut this whole part,
actually, Probably like that. Yeah, If you'll
excuse me, my friend Tommy is here to pick me up.
Oh, wow. Ha ha ha.
That's time. I hear the jangle. He's walking.
That's a crazy star, Mark. Two dozen roses. Uh
uh. Wh says in the studio, folks. So we gotta run. Thanks for listening. Thanks to Mr Inside until next time
say, Hey, I hate the world.
Add your own RSS feed to enable audio playback.