I'm going to get rid of some of these boxes soon. I'm gonna try toe, consolidate some of the DYP sis into other boxes and make it so it's not. Not so. Fall

in here. Got a lot of inventory. That s I mean, lifting through. Do you even Did you even sell any cause? It looks like I don't know how you're gonna consolidate these boxes, cause it looks like they're all completely full.

Yeah, that is when you say

consolidate, it usually means there's multiple empty ones and you put them all together

and you get rid of something. But

yet it is packed with full boxes of the beef diaper. And also, of course, most of these boxes are it stays where you put it. Posters. Wait, which of course, are an add on for when you get your first shipment of the diapers you get. You know, um, you

just move a few of these boxes. I'd love to come in, get close to the well. Yeah, why don't you? Ah, that's just what you move

Some of those foam fingers that say out with the meat pad in with the beef type.

Uh, because a second ago. You said don't touch,

right? Yeah. Uh, the boxes

villain. Like this time, Like I'm putting out back and I'm liking on fire. I'm putting out back and light them on fire. You don't need these anymore. There's no chance you're ever gonna sell any Oh, whoa, whoa.

Just No, no uncontrolled fires around here. I got heat on me already. I can't have the fire department sniffing around at

all. Oh,

way. Can't have all this crap in the house. Okay, We're gonna be in here together for this long. We can.

You still own pyro probation?

Yeah. I'm umpire Ovation. Ah, right.

You can't. You can't like you say keys and nothing. This place to tinderbox

were in a tinderbox is it's very nerve wracking. Honestly, for may, I can't light a cigarette. Can't light the stove. Can't like my toots. It's a it's all bad news.

We're all losing on that one time. Yeah, well, it's nice that you're still

kind of like lying on your back, holding your thumb and and, ah, fist near your butthole and putting. Yeah, you're going through the motions for sure.

The final moment that we all love

Like a like a phantom. A phantom to light

look are glad.

Like that is that's one of at a hospital. It's devastating people. Sometimes when they lose their armas, I still feel like I'm lighting my farts. I don't have an arm. A phantom toot light.

Yeah, it happened. A lot had happened a lot after, You know, the war in Iraq stuff we don't want to be talking about, I guess. Ah, but I'm happy to have all these boxes in here. It's a lot less lonely. You know, The the boxes, Philip, the space A little bit. I'd love to get Sam closer to a mike, obviously.

Yeah, I feel a little lonely boxed into the corner here. Alright. How did they

get boxed into the corner, by the way?

All right, well, I was helping Bill bring in the boxes, and then I was trying to organize him, and then he just kept packing them in. Yeah, I lost

track of Sam in the hustle and the bustle of the unload.

And I'll tell you what. I lost track of myself. I ended up in a box and the posters air on my bed. Right. Sam got packed, and the posters are in the bed. Eyes. All the posters get a cup of coffee.

Oh, I have a very intimate moment with what I thought was Sam last night, but I guess it was the posters.

Oh, no, It happened again. I switched my essence. Oh, no. It is a classic essence switch because I'm sitting here rolled up, thinking I should make a move.

Hey, I don't know who

what does. Worst essence Switch. I once essence switched with a groomsmen cake and the

wedding cake got all the attention at the wedding, and I got a little chocolate groomsmen

cake off to the side. I was in essence switch. It was a classic essence switch.

I didn't know that there was a second cake. It wedding? Yeah,

I had never heard of that Bill.

No groomsmen. Figurine Really tore it up on the dance floor. Yeah. Yes, he did. Yes, he did.

Well, I've never, never

about this other little sad, stupid cake that the group has been gets. I don't know at all weddings, but I've definitely seen it. It's some. It's usually a masculine cake. Dark chocolate, no strawberry stuff for good. For super masculine chocolate cake Super rectangle e. No little flourishes around the baseboards of the cake. It a sports. It is just Slough. It's built like a house constructed versatile. It's a masculine masculine cake. It's it it on the way to the

wedding. The cake got so mad when somebody cut it off.

Yeah, I've written with a groomsman cake before. You don't know what to say when they're driving a little

bit. And if they have a flat and they get out, do not

try to help him take the nuts off of the tire.

Do not Don't even think about letting them know that you have Triple A.

I drove past the groom's when cake broke down on the side of the road the other day. Just wave beyond Bob. He

we? Yeah, they their egos. Or so you know, they cannot help but But make a mistake. Guard

himself. I got actually chased down by a groomsman cake for about six miles from the freeway to my house. *** man cake blocked me into my driveway. Yeah, and I said, and I said, sir, or I didn't even know what to call it. Maybe sir was the wrong thing to call it. But I said, Sir, please don't do this. This isn't I'm not trying to cause any trouble, okay? I'm home. I'm just trying to go inside trying to watch TV eat some soup.

You cut him off. You should call it Mr

Cake. I cut him off. I cut him off all ago. I cut him off and I followed him home.

Your instinct When you're getting intimidated by groomsmen cake, you say I'm just trying to go inside watching TV. Need some soup. You were lightning. Now your plans.

I'm just trying to humanize myself. Listen, buddy, I'm just like you. I'm just trying to go inside.

What happened? What happened when you humanized?

Ah, well, he got bigger. He swelled up, swelled up.

You gotta watch out. If you get that used to make sure off in a groomsman cake, they'll puff up. Yeah, they will stuff up.

As you guys know, I'm I have ah, high yeast counting my gut. And so when I talk, I spew yeast out.

Were you one time gettin s and switch with a sour dough, didn't you?

That's true. A starter. I, uh my was probably my most honestly, the most successful essence, which I've ever had. Uh,

so so everyone knows the old slobs air upon this, but in essence, which is obviously, when you as a human being a match, the essence oven in on animate objects so much you switch lives. Yeah, Friday. It's a classic,

freaky Friday, so, you know,

except for usually, for me, it's a freak. Freaky January

or Well, yeah, you get lot. You

hold the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest essence switches that rightto

That's right. Yeah. Are

you currently Arness that you're currently in essence? What? Todd Padre is an essence switch. Right?

So how do you mean a

dozen got you as a person where

this was a dead body at one. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Yeah, of course. Yeah, I the oven animated You've been buried. Ah,

Baker's dozen of times, right on accident.

Baker's Doesn't I got I got more lives than a cat. And I've been buried more times than a baker. Puts things in a box

originally from the 16 hundreds, right,

Padres, the 16 hundreds, Shaman. Uh,

let's get into This is they can in the bottom of

the body of top. Andre. Yeah, was a, um, a Russian sorriest kind of advisor and was constantly trying to over throw the throne with his schemes. He was unkillable, uh, and finally, some of the loyalists the SAR stopped trusting. This was Todd Paderewski at the time. Ah, the same first name. Not still Todd. Yeah, that's God's days. The Todd stays, the stud works. The time stays. It's Ah, the sorriest loyalists ended up killing Todd in several different ways on bearing him six feet under and then a, um uh A We're divorced. Which

way? A divorced with very important issues to for saying it wasn't

important. But Todd always mentions the divorce part

way. No, it's which

you humanize. Er, I let everybody know that a bitter divorce

you say, which,

which and you say the divorce, Which which is which, which is which,

Which is which the divorced, which

versus the varied wish

first week, which was an amazing game

show you had for a while, which is which,

which is which, which was a game show where we would always bring on Ah, just an average everyday ah person. It could be a woman. It could be a man, any of the above. And then we would bring in a witch well dressed to the nines

because it was the contestant would guess it within seconds. Yeah, it would have never got to the

third round, which was the casting of spells. They didn't need that,

which was the most exciting around, honestly. But yeah, I hosted that for seven seasons, and eventually Wayne Brady took over on. That's on the game show network. But anyway, so now it's 400 years later on I am still the essence of Paderewski, Edad, Paderewski.

I see that man. That's good to

know, Todd. That's really good to know. Thanks for dropping a microphone in the box. By the way,

I felt easier. Way got for those of you in the industry, we have Sam loved up right now.

Yeah, locked up. There's a lot of hanging into this box that I'm coiled up in. I'm coiled up like a poster,

and you've used double side tape to attach the microphone directly to your chest hair. Is that true?

That's right. Well, the double sided tape is both keeping me wrapped up as a poster and also attaching the lob to my chest. Hair? Yes,

because, as you know, many, many

advances in the world of science. But when it comes to connecting a lab to a person who needs to be miked up, it has to go

directly to the chest hair with a quick under the

breath. Apology from the sound guy, which is Do you mind if I do this?

Yeah. I'm really not excited for this recording to end when all my Chester gets ripped out.

Yeah, just And then, of course, you say No, no, no, this is fine. I'm fine with this. Don't ever fix it. No one ever look into this ever.

I'll say I apologize, Sam. I think we probably didn't need to go across the whole tressed with that much tape.

I don't think it

needed to be duct tape either, but that's okay. I think it's going to be secure. And now you can tell my audio sounds really crispy. Really clean.

You sound great. You sounded really good. Thank you so much. And we should catch the listeners. Obviously. I mean, well, we should probably start the episode, which we haven't. It's been 11 minutes, please. Come on. Oh, Christ. Finally. Well, gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Teacher's Lounge. The first, best only podcast retained issues relevant to the Hamilton High School community. I, of course, Howard Levis, one of your hosts here with the three other hosts, Uh, who are also here.

My

name's Sam. Weatherman. I'm rolled up like a poster in a box, and I am feverishly texting colleges to figure out how to get kids in.

Ah, Todd. Um uh, Padre

Todd. Maybe having a bit of an essence. Queary there.

Oh, sorry. Forgot. It

sounded like you were almost going

to say your middle name. Which is it? Been said,

I don't think it's ever been said on there.

Well, it's illegal

to say it, right?

Yes, it's that which cannot be said out loud,

right years,

Congress. It was one of the quickest bills to pass through Congress was I could no longer be said out loud. They reached across the aisle to agree on this.

Oh, yes. They're big handshakes between Pelosi and McConnell on your nickname.

Elsie and McConnell took a beautiful family photo based on the agreement.

Yes, Yes, They went on a whole weekend trip together

is because they're so up. You. Have you noticed? They're very opposite. They even goto like opposite plastic surgeons where Pelosi goes off and McConnell goes down. Did you know

that the oh, they do? Well, I heard they go to the same

one, but McConnell walks in upside down.

Okay? Thes Republicans. I mean, they'll do anything to be the opposite. They really well, but yeah, Todd, he whose middle name cannot be said, uh, through Congress agreement. Padre, um, you're coming at your life.

Hello, Bill. Crave E here. Hot off the road. Um, from pitching the beef diaper. Ah, across the great us. Tired. Um

tired. Bill. Well, I'm pretty exactly. I guess I'm not hot

off the road. I've been back for, you know. What is it now? Eight weeks in

weeks. About few weeks

we've been in this house for a but you got back in around five weeks ago. You had three weeks to kind trying trying to sell the beef diaper.

As you guys don't know. The elf in the room grown a virus Cove in 19. Yes.

Uh oh. I

had just kind of made it out onto the road pitching the DYP Ah was getting, you know, inside people's houses getting to pitch them, show it stays where it put you put it. I was actually getting to put it under some actual meat. Ah, and wasn't having a ton of luck. Um,

you're actually getting it under the meat. That's good. That's a good in that. You know, the pictures work him

well, I would have to. Usually I

would go past kit houses. And if I see all saw kids playing in the yard, I'd be Hey, come here. And I would you

I would lure the kids

over to my car and I would give them the beef diaper. And I would say, Well, you go in and put this under the ground. Chuck, um, and I would they would come out maybe, Like, what is ground Chuck and Jesus? It's a meat. It's a meat. You know, you when you make tacos. And because I wanted it to be pre planted one,

you got to go through kids because you got to get the youth to catch onto trends.

Yeah, exactly. You've got to like it.

And I would put it in

a trapper keeper and let him keep the trapper keeper. I'd be like the end it when you deliver it in there. Ah, you get to keep this. You get to keep the Trapper keeper. Um

and it wasn't

name Brand Trapper Keepers,

right? You're you're using crapper keepers.

I was using crapper keepers for a while, Which are bedpans, which were bad pads plastic, You know that. You know that

hospital pale pink plastic? Ah, yeah. I was

had the crapper keeper. Anyway, they would get in there, they'd get some some of the kids will get under the beef

diaper, and then I would not. And then I would say, Ah,

why don't you take a look at your beef and they'd be like, What the hell had you get this in

here? They and I back. I talked to your kids and they would be angry, angry, angry at me. Um,

and you accidentally figured out that apparently, why don't you take a look at your beef is a very common CIA code and you ended up. We add a few people's houses where they thought you were doing some sort of big drop or a deal

that's exactly right. I ended up on a train with, Ah, a handsome man. Ah, doing a deal. We were. And then we were caught. And then we ran on the top of the train. I went through the

tunnel, slammed down on the tummy. It was all the step jumping over. You know, you have to jump over. What

kind of train was this? What kind of train was this

slow train? Yeah, Yeah, he's a It was one of

those trains that goes around a mountain as a joke.

Like an amusement park. Kiddie train for Children?

Yes. Yeah, I wouldn't say it was four Children, but it was

mostly Children on

it.

Um, thinking I think you're trying to sell the beef diaper in a kid's amusement park. Sort of like a local.

Yes. Yes, I was. For a while, I was in northern

Tennessee in kind of a mining. Ah, mining coal cutter Themed? Yeah. Amusement park.

Coal country. The amusement park? Yes, yes. Six Flags. Coal Country.

Yeah, which has turned dark. Uh, they've really honored that fracking took over the coal industry. Yes, so I but as you guys

know, Corona Ah, you know, was really putting a damper on my, uh Okay. Bye bye. Beef diaper sales. Because

one of the hardest hit industries by stays shelter home. Keep your distance. Is strangers going door to door kind to can do something.

It couldn't be

a worse time to wanna pitch something inside of people's houses and

on their food.

E Oh, yes. I mean, it was a terrible time, so I, of course, was having to pitch from the yard. I would throw rocks at the door, they'd open the door, and I'd be like, Do

you have a meat leakage issue from deep in the yard? And what was the

first response to that question?

No. What is that? Even what is it was less

about. Could they hear me or not? And it was same old stuff. This product Does it make sense? I'm not gonna replace that thing.

Similar crap. You've heard 1000

disabled crap and I'm high, but it stays where you put it, right? What don't people get about the one thing that it's awesome at? And they're like, it's not that big of

a deal. When I dumped the meat out in a pan to peel off the meat pad, right? You know, And I'm like, Well, you and I are very different. Good day to you.

And thats are good for a sale. Is it

right? No. And then I was, Of course I was

getting the mask. Uh, my mask. I made it myself. Addis, Um Ah, Curtis. I had

You could have made a beef viper. Seems percent beef diaper. Unfortunately, I was making

masks and I was getting intense dry mouth.

I actually had toe soak my tongue in a bottle of water for a week to get it back for that sound strong. The DYP it. What did you do?

You just stand over a bottle of water?

Yes. Well, at first I cut

the top off the bottle because you can't get your tongue in it. I want you just use a cop

top of the bottle. I re I re wept. My tongue dried out completely, but we're glad you're back. I'm happy to

be back. And

it's a great time for you to be back to.

Yes, I have, of course, applied day in and day out for the Payroll protection act. Um,

day in, day out, huh? How many applications have you sent to three

a day? Part of this payout

to you. Just use the same

information or you Are you adding a different? You go apply

for different. You haven't received the person or the music not to respond. Apparently the backup at the unemployment office. This because of May.

You started doing it like a college application where you're adding little essays to it. You were telling them about your community service?

Yeah. I mean, I wrote so many

essays that started with in these unprecedented times, you know? And I'm, of course, offering them the chance to give me money for my bad investment.

Yeah, and that's what America needs. We need to bail out everybody who's decision. Everybody said no to. Yeah. If everybody said no, we don't want to invest in this. We need to give those people money. Anyway.

I agree. You know I'm back. I'm safe. Um, you know, I'm hoping to pick back up where I left off. You know it once things ah, you know, calm down and become safe again. I can get back out on the road and in people's living rooms and door to door like

that. My can hit 100 150 today, e I was hitting 150 out is a day on March 10. That is something. March 10th I said I beat my own record of 149 ounces and I hit 1 50 in one day. If you spent three minutes in each house, that's an eight hour day with you. Think maybe you weren't spending enough time? E u se your volume business, But you gotta sell the volume. You can't just go knock on the door and run. You fired your doorbell dish in some of the speak? Well, yeah, I'd leave beef diapers out there on fire after a while. After a while, I was done with this shit. I couldn't take another. No, I mean, rejection on the road hits you hard. I mean, imagine being out

there by yourself. Over 140 knows a day. That sounds terrible, Bill.

And it hurts early will face to face. I mean, it's bad enough on the phone when you're cold calling, but I don't know if I could have taken 100 for he knows the day I might not have made it home with Bill Your cold calling in between house calls. Well, I'm hitting up, which is 700 cold calls, and I I just too much work. Bill, this is 840 knows it actually hold the world record for Do not call list Getting put on the Do not call

most the most. And was it fastest to get put on

the Do not call? It was fastest. The do not call

list shut down was overloaded.

Well, now there's a whole new list of just people that have you not calling them. And that list is getting trolled by people.

Do not bill list. He asked the dude, or they will not call. It's like Bill

not call list has taken over the do not call list because it was It just had more advertising, you know, they throw an average. It kind of took over like Google did with the AskJeeves.

So do not call list is big business the bill.

Now, if you don't want someone

to call your house, you have to call the bill, not call it. Wow, that's

ironic. Now, Bill, you have had a rough time. But that's not to say that things haven't been rough around here is Well, you know, in your absence has changed a lot here in Hamilton. Obviously, we've all been doing distance learning through Zoom. Um, I would say

they are quarantined together. That's true. We did that.

We lucked out. We all are. So we're so exposed to each other, we figured we might as well just all quarantine together, which has made it nice because we've been ableto now figure out how to record the podcast here.

Yeah, together madness kind of sink Tup.

I feel like I'm

quarantining alone. I mean, I like hearing your voices, but being in this box is tough.

Oh, yeah, I Yeah.

You know, all I have is crunk crinkly paper to keep me warm.

Well, I've heard the

song You're singing to yourself at night and it seems like they're key. You're keeping yourself good company.

You like those songs? Yeah. And say that. Okay. Said they're keeping me company. I heard him.

I like him cause I know what they're doing for you, Sam. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I and all that's all I care about. I care I just want to make sure that everybody else is doing okay. These trying times,

you know, with so much free time it's nice that part of my day is just figuring out Feed me through the mouth hole. Uh, you know, because we kept cutting the mouth hole too small. But we didn't want to ruin the boxes too much,

of course, to the tune of Big Mouth Billy Bass. It's feed me through

the mouth hold

and you turn your head in between each lyrics so I can only feed you while you're singing.

Yes, Then put in some broader

and the song had to start because I did not know the order of feeding you. I didn't know how to do it. And the only way I could learn with putting it to lyrics of a song I know.

Well, a couple of

times you put water through the mouth hole when I was expecting food, and it really chokes me up. And then a couple times you put food through the water, where and and that also really got me stuck. So

because you can call you cough bad when we put it through the wrong hole when it goes down the wrong hole.

Because one I'm breathing in and the other I'm sucking in right there

to get you out of there, for sure. I mean, that's what I keep saying. Well, we're gonna rearrange these

boxes. I'm gonna get rid of some of this inventory and try to consolidate. But we are Howard's house. Thank you, Howard.

Yeah. Ah, you know, I said,

you know, I think

I think everybody else probably has more space than me. But if you guys want to come over here, that's fine. Um, so it's better tight squeeze. You know, it's been tough to do our distance learning lessons because we all have to Obviously. Well, Todd and I have to do lessons. Ah ah, and and so it's tough. We kind of go back to back with our computers open, doing our distance learning lessons sometimes. Yeah,

try to alternate when we're each speaking. So our audio doesn't, uh, of top over the other person's.

Yeah, and a lot of people air people. When I say people, I mean students, students, air, saying it's an impossible learning environment. Ah, already the situations hard. The fact that you two Can't figure this out. Ah is really making it even harder. Yeah, I'm thinking about transferring schools. Ah, lot of that. Those sort of complaints keep coming in. It's

a visual issue because, you know, a lot of people for zoom. They do like, Oh, I don't have to wear pants today, But obviously, I just do. I don't I do a backless shirt all the time because you're only seeing my front, but then Howard's classes or seeing my

back. So I'm having to explain why there's a naked and naked back in but behind me constantly, people are already saying, Well, this is just like you, Mr Levis, And I'm saying, Excuse

me,

your clothes are styled like a regular man's clothes, but of course there cut like hospital gown.

Yeah, I have a hospital line of clothing that I wear said it's easy access for the medical professionals if they need to get to me. If something goes wrong. O

S o you want dot You want everybody in these clothes so there's quick access and you also want like doctors in these clothes. You want them doctor up front and naked and back.

Ideally, I think we should even the score in there. As you know, it's such a power dynamic with the doctor. They've got all the power. Let's loosen it up. Let's see what you're working with. Back. You see mine all day.

I you get to slide 8 to 10 feet in a little stool on wheels and humiliate me and and do that trick. And then I I I just have to look like an idiot on the crinkly paper are

not going to give me a sponge bath and laughed the whole time. And you get to walk out fully clothed. I don't think so.

Oh, yeah, because we go to the Our

urgent care has the same theme. Is that hot dog place in Chicago where they humiliate you?

Yeah, yeah, it's Ah, it's way. Got a doctor Weiner circles office or we know it's Wieder winner. Sinai, right?

It's were Sinai where we see

Dr Wiener Circle.

We see Dr Reader circle later Sinai. And so we get the whole roast from a bunch of people who are just not having our attitudes you. And

if you think

they can get, they can make up a good roast when you're fully clothed at the wiener circle, let me tell you the ones that Weiner Sigh and I they aren't really

do hurt. Absolutely. Absolutely. And

I don't understand. What's the point of if you're giving me a bath

putting pickle, ketchup and mustard all over me, I don't. Then

it? Yes, when they start to combine,

I had I had an overweight, bears loving steelworker. Come in and take a take a huge bite out of man. It's like, Whoa, come on. What I pay for here,

buddy, You're off by about 2000 miles here. Dan

s. So I ended up. I ended up going to ah Dicks. Last permanent A for a while because we're on your side. And I was not cutting the mustard.

What was what? How did we get into this? Talking about that was really

the downs. The gown stylings. You know

how close on zoom. How are

both teaching back to back? I'm teaching. Why? Enunciating under the mask class, uh, so that people can understand you while you're wearing your protective masks. In this time,

which a lot of people are

saying. Should it supersede English? Well, there's to be teaching.

What's the point of speaking English? If no one can understand you

give us a little

sample with the mask on. I want to hear your professional work at work.

Yeah, because I don't think

it changes it that much. But you guys be the judge

way

working drive the That

sounds exactly

like the guy we're going. Dr. Mask is right.

You may.

We do. It showed right it doing

okay. That's a little better. You're gagging

yourself with an old T shirt.

Uh, that.

Yeah, baby, I did hear you there side that you read the CDC guidelines. Don't say

shove a T shirt down your throat.

I think you went taught. I think you're at the DVD guidelines. Yeah, you matter at the DVD guidelines or the BT guidelines. The BVD gas line, the BDs him. Good. See the Z guy life doing the BDs in? I think your computer is so used to you typing in dirty little acronyms than it sent you to divvy DEA sm DVD dot com guidelines. Do you want Oh, Todd, You work it,

Jack in the box or a Burger King.

Our word. Well,

I know, I know you're not essential. So you can't leave the house. Yeah,

sorry about that. Well, I guess so. Yeah, I guess that's why we only one stuffing shirts in my mouth and wearing all leather and carrying a whip around to keep this people.

I told you, you are in. You've been doing grocery

store runs, um, as a little

piggy. I'm like a little piggy goes to market. And I've seen you come home other than me

watching privately. Nobody is watching you go wee, wee wee all the way home. Really? No. Well, that's it's totally unnecessary. It's totally unnecessary.

Look, I got to re look at these guidelines. I guess I've been had Ah, year. Wrong site tab. I wish Howard would have spoken up. Howard, I would say, is teaching. He's putting in extra hours for his students.

That's true. In these unprecedented times, I'm going to unprecedented links to make sure that they're all still getting Ah, their needs. Met

times are uncertain as

well. Yeah, of course. And that's what I tell him. I say a

brand new context for your life.

Yeah, and I'm there for them and I'll always be there for them. You know, it's definitely presented new challenges. I've had kids. Uh, I've

had kids

go asking me to go above and beyond in ways that I'm uncomfortable with. Obviously. You know what ways? Uh, you know what

it is you're doing? Mostly webcam chatting. What ways you talking about?

I've, you know, I've talked kids through. I've talked kids parents through home improvement projects. I've ah, I've done. Ah, I've had been asked Teoh crunch numbers for ah, like local data on the virus. It just seems like people are coming to me for everything. Because I've made it clear that I want to help

someone You just started only fans.

That's true. Multiple people have. Ah, and I don't know if I want only booze. Well, uh, they did. I did start one because I was frank. I started one because I thought, Well, this feels fine. Like this doesn't feel weird or anything. If I have people who are willing to pay me for my lessons, then that's fine. Uh, and so I started doing things, but I started getting requests in my d m. So Venmo requests for me to pay people for their groceries and stuff and I was like,

That's

interesting. Only face supposed to wait for me to make money, But it turns out it's turned into a way for people to take money for me. I uploaded my bank account information. Ah, and slowly over the last few weeks, like a picture, a no fly. I uploaded a picture of my account number and routing number. That was one of the first only chance Right feet. Oh yes, I wrote it on a piece of paper, put it on a table, stood just a few inches back from the table and took a picture. So you see my feet in the distance and my bank account information

in the four dream of

this, only fans. I just It's It's what the kids wanted for. Is it data humiliation, along with a little bit of nudity? I think it's

data humiliation. I think I've become. I've become a very big ah figure in the data humiliation world, So people come in. They they asked me how many calories I eat in a day, and I say I ate 3700 calories. Today

you show a little bit of nudity or or skin

in a little bit of, um, your person data that might be embarrassing.

Yeah, I, of course, have listed my three previous home addresses. Ah, which is interesting. I don't know why people would need that. Ah, unnecessarily. Um, I've listed all of my my, uh, medical history Also, which is which is another thing. I don't know why people would need Ah,

And what did you show with those two?

What did I show? Well, with my previous home addresses, I showed ear close up here and there

or you, but not too much.

And then for how did

you display one Lobacheva addresses with the ear is I am shot or is like a slight

same shot I took. I took a little ah, little safety safety pin and and I'm a little earring with a little piece of paper on it. I hung a little earing in there that had my three previous addresses on it. Howard famously pierced up and down the lobes. Yeah, that's true. I've got a ladder of piercings. My racket here,

right. This isolation has really made you start

body modifying. Yeah, you say

you're coming into your own, but we've

never seen this before.

Well, the way I see it is, if you haven't done something interesting or weird to your hair or body while you're in quarantine, you're not doing quarantine, right? You're not doing it. And I mean, a lot of people say, Yeah, I just bleached my hair or Hey, I gave myself Ah, home haircut.

Or are the gates defensive?

Yeah. And and then

So I bleached my

hair. Sumi host.

And I've just kind of taken that to a new extreme. You know,

we all know that changing hair, facial hair, color of hair, body

piercings is never a cry for help.

No, Absolutely not. No. Ever. Yeah. Your outward appearance never reflects your inner turmoil. Never. That's never the case. I

got LeBron. I'm OK delivered last week. Teoh, go ahead and shave my head. Oh, awesome. Well, I'm not shave my head. Exactly. I'm going, Monk, I'm going Reverse, Monk.

Oh, and this is the This is the broader. Okay,

LeBron, I'm OK.

Smooth around the top. Bushy on the bottom. Yes,

I got the blonde, the Loreal platinum blonde. Everything's fine and I'm going to throw that in mind. It's

a great color.

It's really good.

Now, obviously, I We've all been dealing with this different ways. We're all cooking a little more. Um, yes. Uh, you know, there's the sour dough that a lot of people are trying. Sam, you obviously have been working on a rancid Oh,

yeah, Absolutely. Well, I took, uh, while while Howard was in his essence, which I nabbed a little bit of his starter, but there, and

I've been keeping it in my little box and trying to tiu labeled finisher. Correct? That's right. It was a

starter. But now it's definitely true. Senator, if you take a single bite of it, your dad,

you take a punch. For sure

you saw. And I don't know if

they found out where these this this waste is coming from. But I saw men with these little ah atmospheric counters in white hazmat suits outside of the house. Sort of looking doesn't have anything to do with the finisher in our fridge. I

thought that it's just Corona virus, but it could be it could be them feeling the box. It could be feeling, you know, because I I asked you guys to dump a little bit of flour in every day. Rand, I would say we're both growing in here, you know, we're both growing. It started with the showered. Oh, and now it's Iran's a dough. We are one.

Are you getting enough sunlight?

No, no. I'm getting fresh air and flour, and that's about all the nutrients. And then whatever you guys put through the food whole, right?

Because But, you know, here. You know what's

water, Todd? Water is not food.

Now, put in the water. That was Sprite.

Sprite is not water. Alright burning

anyway, so we're working on the

sour dough, the rancid. Oh, and it should be ready to bake in three days. We should be ready to go toe oven, and we're gonna have to bake it on its highest setting for 10 hours to make sure that it's safety.

Really? Because we're kind of going through a bit of a heat wave right now.

Yeah, well, I'm I really want to make this bread, so if you guys consider threw it in the house, I'd appreciate it.

I mean, the oven is very close to everything in this house. Obviously, it's a very small home. I don't know. Uh, I don't know if it's safe for us to have the oven on for 10 straight hours, Sam.

Okay, well, I guess I'll just in the cocks. Todd's on pyro.

Uh, yeah,

my robe ation.

I got better stuff to do. Anyways, I don't really have time to waste just baking bread at home. As you guys know, graduation is coming up. And as a student, guidance counselor, I am busy, busy, busy with all these kids, figuring out where they're going to college, writing recommendation letters, writing follow ups to apologize for the recommendation letter. And it's a lot to keep up with.

Yeah, right. So you're you've just gone ahead and you've pre written a bunch of ah recommendations.

Yes, a lot of kids come to me, and I just knew I wasn't gonna have time to handle them. One toe one. So I did a couple of templates. Figured I have a lot of a mad lib girl template. I did it, boy template. Um, I did a tallboy template. I did a short boy template.

You know, I just kind of look at it when they

come in the door and I just

go, okay. I know I look just

like their name. Yeah, Go ahead. Go ahead. Died

Teoh. Who bit may concerns already. We've got a typo With whom? Okay, uh,

was the type of hoob o is to be

That's what uh, this short boy is It is a very we're doing. A short boy is a very donkey student.

Funny, that's got a hug. That's Ah, that's the problem, Mike. There's there's a lot You don't really put anyone's

name. You just put their short or

twenties from a farm. Alright, So I asked him, There's a

questionnaire they fill out. I don't just make thes up. It's not

a questioner tablets, literal Madeleine. And it seems like you don't know the difference between adjectives now verbs.

I give them the questionnaire and I fill out the recommendation letter. Just you guys were calling and mad Libs, but it's not that they fill out

a questionnaire. I asked them, What's your favorite animal at your house?

He said donkey. So I said, he said, Don't key student. I don't know how you I'm talking to the colleges. I'm doing here like I can't possibly do my job over Zoom. And yes, you can you just have to know their name. They won't meet with

cover Zoom colleges won't see me in person.

They don't want to look at you.

Well, im I'm banned. I have to write recommendations under pseudonyms. Most colleges don't like me. Zoom here is I got banned from Zoom for it even blew up. I got banned from Zoom when everybody was on

Skype. That's right. I

want you needed people. They banned you?

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I felt bad about it. But, you

know, they said what I did was not okay. And they did not. They said they couldn't scrub the video somehow.

Now, was it a back? Was it a background controversy? Well, at first it was a

background controversy. Then I got up to fix it, and it was a foreground content. Of course. I forgot that I was not wearing pants the usual, But also, they saw one of my tattoos, which I'm not allowed to talk about and, um, stained their servers, stained their servers, and they had some archetypes in future zoom videos, and they had to delete the whole program

because you have

a tattoo of the coordinates of where they keep the aliens. Well,

I'm not allowed to talk about it, but if you've seen it, I guess you've seen it

because you were

a apparently A in the late seventies.

I was the first probed,

right? You were the first probe, and then you kind

of got shuffled up in the office and there was an essence switch with you in an area 51 note pad.

That's right. That's right. I have a little too much information because people thought they were writing on a note bad, but it transferred to my buttock.

You have too much. There's d m. I was your but

government to, um I wonder

you have btm eyes that correct. Yeah, I've

backside to you. My and it's been diagnosed. And a doctor told me that it can be really dangerous. So

the doctor who found it was was oft correct. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. A lot of people say

that produce Keyes did it, but you know, there's no confirmation.

No. And then when we say he was off, what we what we mean by him being my

doctor was killed because of too much information on my buttocks. Do not information.

It's the secret to alien life rests on my butt because of in essence switch. Wow. I'm glad we finally have a term. Yeah, for it saying that we've gone almost all the time.

We've gone this long without without saying exactly what's going on. Well, along folks. We've been the victim of F s and switches victim. No, we've been the sort of subject of it's not septum situation. We've been the subject of X of essence, which is our whole lives.

Isn't it just the way with these unprecedented times, to cut back everything you thought you relied on and make you reveal the truth not

only to

yourself but to your lovely listeners

in size? To just be honest? Yeah.

Speaking, I know a great segue way

for this would be.

Speaking of honest days,

I donor raising brand to cornflakes.

Yes. What's our big honesty's? Yes.

Now that we're coming clean, I think I think now is the time. You know, graduation, we said, is coming. It's two weeks away. Yeah, way we in. Ah, you know, we're in the ah, the winter of our careers is what we'll say. Ah, that Z I think that's a kind way to say it. The sun is setting on our careers and, ah, coming up this graduation. We've been tasked with two things where,

of course, middle aged men and our careers are almost over.

Yes, and we know the importance. We don't want to be kicking around teaching lessons when we're

in our seventies. It's just sad. You gotta go out on top folks

way be in our early seventies and still a teacher. There's not

honestly get me

on the streets when I'm over 55. I'm over 55. Keep me indoors. Yeah, we want to remember

the world. Let's just remember this to everybody out there. When you're talking about shit about age, someone else in the room might be the age you're talking about. Not everybody is your age.

That's true

now, when you when you hit une

mail chain and you're turning, say, I don't know 40 years up thin or 30

years. You know when you're turning 30

say I'm an old piece of trash, yucky, yucky. It's my 30th bucky, and that's the it's subject line.

Maybe take a look at does see seed and their age and think how it might affect them because we've been We've all done

lucky. Lucky It's my 50th Bucky. And we've put on, you know, some 70 year

old say this we're all marching towards death. Every person alive is only is is just enjoying their time until it's up. And, Todd, you're much closer than that, then us.

Well, I've died 13 times. Baker's d So you know. So, yeah, I know. They get worse each time.

I just didn't want to pull any punches. You tie?

No, thank you. But, you know, since

we are in the winter of our discontent Go ahead, Howard,

I was just going to say, you know, and it's not a bad thing that the things that things end but is we are coming to the end of our sort of 10 years. Yeah, I'm moving on to other things. So this year, not only have they taxed us tasked us with the entire honor taxed us.

Oh, they're

taxing in test. Those little difference. You my paycheck?

Yeah, uh,

bigger taxes. So high. God damn it. I know we barely talk about it,

but by the way, there's there's no waiting on your stimulus check. It's because I'm trying to get my signature on it. I'm talking to the government. I'm trying to get my name on there and we're getting closer, so just hold on everybody who needs some money. We're trying to get the old Audrey Paderewski name on

there. Hold on. So we asked

our big announcement announced subject sidetrack, however,

to tear announcement here. First, we have a lot of tea. Do it, Howard. We've luckily been tasked with the task of organizing our graduation this year. Obviously, it will be different because it's got to be socially distant. So we are doing a digital commencement as made popular by other universities and high schools. This

voted on us. Ah, voted on who they wanted to Ah, plan and schedule the socially distant, um, graduation ceremony. And

we hired by Sisters Company to count the ballots. And there was a bit of a mishap with the ballot counting. But we've got it all figured out, and it looks like we won. We always

had a great we ended up with at least enough to get a good pa. Good sample of the

lovelier school isn't a click and electoral college. So the ninth graders get a huge swatches.

We've got 29th graders and 750 seniors.

Well, in the freshman love us and the seniors hate us. What,

you don't know us yet? Think we are, Larry our guts. Lucky for us, the people who know it's the least have the most power. So we shot up and, of course,

Todd Sisters voting coming out of the cheat in the hour, our ace in the hole through.

So it is going to be a digital commencement. But there will also be some live elements. There will be a few things

going on at the stadium that will be filmed on and digitally broadcast.

Yeah, and and we are celebrating the end of this school year and the commencement of Ah, the class of 2020. But, you know, we're also going to be, uh it's really tough to even say it out loud, folks, but

across hard I mean, we haven't even said it vocally. We just all rode it down and kind of nodded at each other at the US and we said Howard was gonna actually say

a t end of the school year. We ah,

I'm not sure if you guys can hear this. Sorry on my mic, but my the neighbor's dog is barking because I stole some of its food on. So it's on there. This other words, if you hear barking because I'm taunting the neighbor's dog with its dinner that I'm eating in front, probably go ahead with the

eso at the end of this school year. Not only will the 2020 school year be concluding, but

there's a paper clip

in this box. I don't know. Is your paper clip in here the whole time School. That's cool. Alright, Sorry. Howard, go.

It's OK. Uh, we before

one of those big paperclips, Sam, Today's

why that's a big win. It's almost a novelty. Pull

it apart and turn it into an s. Oh,

yeah. Hey,

if you guys, um I got some salt in my eye from my margarita, that's all.

That's good. You like to salt the I. When you get a margarita,

you do a body shot. I'll do every time. Yeah, I usually do a

shot out of my eye instead of my belly, but bigger, bigger crevice. It's It's a double shot because I got sunken in eyes, as you all know.

All right, I'm just gonna say it, okay? We're retiring.

Oh, way are folks.

We're retiring at the end of this school year on thea school was kind enough or oblivious enough to allow us to sort of tack on a secondary celebration. Teoh, graduation way

said if we're planning it, we get five under interrupted moment, minutes, moment, moment, moment,

moment, way throughout that they can come in any time. And it's true this we take the mic, it is uninterrupted. And the good thing about the language of moments, which we were very contract has really been hammered out. Specifically, we get five uninterrupted moments in around the commencement, in or around the commencement, with or without whoever we choose with or without. I

hope the superintendent is hearing me with her.

It was a beautifully vague, binding agreement,

tried to but focus on the contract and we did not let it happen. We did not go that

way. Focus on the vote first. That was also in the contract that we could use the term. But fuck do you know about the contract? Tried it, Beings. This was in the disclosure agreement. Yes, It's like we can use offensive language when referring to the way told them we're

going to be talking about the contract on the air way put all the businesses in the street were saying,

B f yes. So many times you

burgundy. A non disclosure agreement. We signed a butt fuck agreement to be a

which is actually surprising tied because you ever

be a vase.

Yes. I love one credit away from a bachelor. I have a bu a bachelor of ugly arts. I couldn't get the bachelor finance unfortunately,

but at least you have, actually. And technically, you got that because you live alone. Not because of anything else.

Yes, it's for living alone. And I practice arts. But I did have a bachelor party, Um,

for you that you do not you didn't quite understood it was

a graduation party, But let's just say we went to the

strip club. Oh, yeah, And I popped out of my own cake. Did my own little striptease for myself.

Well, luckily, I was there because I was dressed as a groomsman cake. Yes, not

you barely made it. You were talking to a guy at the true value for about two hours. About different kinds of lug nuts.

You got pretty tense there. I kept saying, Don't you dare help somebody else with PVC pipe. Get your ass back over here. We're talking luck nights, but yeah. I mean, we have been

laboring over this announcement because we

wanted to go out on top. Okay? Like I would say, we wanted to go out on top. And we were planned to announce this late march.

Yes. And then March 11. Late

march. Way well,

marches. The February of the year. Where marches only 16 days. Right.

Marches. So the February of the year?

Yes, Mark March has always been the February because we're we're prank in the hell out of people on March 12th.

Yeah, schools is three weeks.

Yes. Yes, April. We go for April Fool's. We do. We do 2 to 3 straight weeks of April fools which people love. They love a praying

Well, it's only a good

prank if you hold it for a really long time and say no, it's not a prank. Yeah, You're gonna deal with this?

I love pranks that have no silly angle. It's just like you tell somebody you have cancer, right? It's just saying you don't. Those are the best print.

I frequently tell my wives they're pregnant as the April Fool's prank, and they get all excited. It's like, Just kidding. I had ah forced vasectomy years ago.

Force. Yeah. The doctor held you down, right?

Well, yeah. Believe me, I was getting roasted the whole time. To one of those humiliating things is a vasectomy roast at the same time. It's very went

to Wiener Sinai for this. Yeah, there was.

A lot of you weren't in using this thing anyway. Well, we're never given

a vasectomy to an unused Penis.

You don't know how to use it. You're probably not capable.

A lot of that. We need

to take the plastic off of this before we chop it

up. Well, I am. I'll tell you, I am sad

about what the end of the year means. But I am really excited for that big final ceremony. Not only are we celebrating the students graduating this year, but we're celebrating a life of Teacher Hood. We're celebrating.

I mean, you know, this is being driven era we've been

Our teachers are our entire adult life for the most part. Right on. And so this is not just the end of, ah, the end of our our tenure. It's the end of a whole era of our lives.

Yeah, been, You know, despite our

announcement, getting sort of overshadowed by, you know, the worldwide pandemic we have annoying. Um, it was so annoying.

Way had a little ways to say later he had a little thing. An announcement we had we had We were gonna talk on air. We were going to bring a news cameras to the school to get our do puff, not puff pieces. Really Cereal, every pieces. Yeah, it's gents dance pieces the opposite of Puff Cheeto Straight up Cheeto pieces. And we got overshadowed by the pandemic. And we have been knocking on these news

outlets doors, trying to get our story back in there, and they're like, It's time for

I don't want to speak out of turn. But it does sort of feel like we've been butt fucked by Corona virus.

So I'm glad you're signed that deal about Whoa. You cannot say that unless we're talking about That's a Corona viruses.

The current viruses lawyers could take me to court, Okay? Because that viruses, but fuck not only us, but the whole world. Okay,

you're gonna be see, you're gonna be seeing Johnny Cochran in a few days.

Ain't Johnnie Cochran,

Dershowitz, Cochran a representing

Here's the the other day,

rotavirus. And but fuck it,

I'll see their ass in court.

The other day, we started a rumor

that there was a church service happening at First Baptist, and we were there instead that was trying to get the news there. And they showed up thinking there was a church surface happening, and we were like, Nope, It's actually our retirement. Want a bite? And they were like, Fuck off.

We also we stayed. We staged ah, salon opening as well. Ah, to try to get the news out there. We did get a little bit of coverage, but the haircuts weren't good enough. So his So

we all ruined each other's hair. Yeah.

What? So now it's we're making the announcement, you know? And by the way, you know, we've announced it a few times, and we're not seeing a lot of retweets out there from some of the cowards. Um, yeah, a

couple of d tweets.

A couple of people saying, Don't look at that. If you want to

retweet the Final Three, we've got three more episodes and really

hears about this. How about this? There's been a

lot of memories. Final Three.

Yeah, there's been a lot of memories. Created it over the course of this show, you know. Ah, lot of just insane stuff has happened. I'm sure there's people out there who have plenty of reminiscing they want to do. If you have about this, let's why don't we start a little teacherslounge nostalgia Hatch tag? Maybe a little, uh, T t l T b t l

throwback teacher around Crap. Hey. Yeah, here we go. Crab shell is good if you want to see us reunite

the Wimberley lease on stage at the graduation. Hashtag TBT l

Yeah, hashtag evening. You want to see a graduation? Hit us with the hashtag TB TL hashtag old crap

will, of course, taking everybody's input into consideration and including it all. Congratulations.

No tweet will go unseen and a reference.

Now I got everybody. I got everybody around before recorded this episode. Uh, these the four teachers, US host Sam Todd and the rest, Um, interesting. And And I said, Fellas, you know, they don't They don't want us to teach anymore Hamilton Principal Krauss wants us gone. And so this is it. Three more episodes. That's the last flush

I've had it.

So let's get in their final flash, The last flush. Three episodes of us before we go out and then we're goners.

Yeah, I think of us as a toilet bowl that's been collecting storyline after storyline after character after character after doubled down on misspeak

on I want to say this. I

know that we, as the teachers have threatened to retire hundreds of times. I know that one time they ran out of chicken at lunch and I said, That's it. I'm retiring. But this time I mean

Oh yeah, the big ticket retirement chicken chicken at lunch and you started to play soccer, retired to become a soccer player for

started to play soccer. Yeah, I just started to change my life, I said, This place is not good for

me. Yeah, the chicken retirement that was, and you ended up being like the chicken retirement. He he's a chicken, right, Like there was a lot of a cop. A

cop turned against me. I said no. This is the chicken retirement. As in the chicken protest? No, we're pretty sure the chickens retiring, and I said, I'm about to cross the fuckin road on your ass.

There's the when they move the copy machine Retirement. Yeah,

And then when they move the coffee maker retirement Oh, yeah, that one. That one

almost stuck in. Also, the

guys, if you want to do it, no Well, the way Forced

retirement, Yes. Family forced retirement that I could. Somebody being blackmailed my way back from Some people Call it

firing, but it's a forced retirement. It's a nice spin.

But yet do you want to see South Pole Santa? Sit on the valedictorians lap. Hashtag TBT l and

I'm also pushing last flush hash tag

last flat. There's three ctbto last flush.

You can only pick one, but make sure everything is in the same thread. Whatever you pick. Yep. They'll have to be the same. Yeah, throws

Israel, Folks, this is the final three hashtag the final three cash crap

steak. Last flesh

has the media yell

and hashtag Guys stay flippy

hashtag state flippy