Seekers' Lounge
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s09e37

Essence Switch

Originally aired: May 27, 2020

The teachers return to the Lounge this week! Sam is trapped in a box, Bill recounts his struggles to sell the beef diaper on the road, Howard has started an OnlyFans, and the episode wraps up with a big announcement.

0:00:01 Unknown Speaker #1

I'm going to get rid of some of these boxes soon. I'm gonna try toe, consolidate some of the DYP sis into other boxes and make it so it's not. Not so. Fall

0:00:16 Unknown Speaker #2

in here. Got a lot of inventory. That s I mean, lifting through. Do you even Did you even sell any cause? It looks like I don't know how you're gonna consolidate these boxes, cause it looks like they're all completely full.

0:00:28 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah, that is when you say

0:00:30 Unknown Speaker #1

consolidate, it usually means there's multiple empty ones and you put them all together

0:00:36 Unknown Speaker #2

and you get rid of something. But

0:00:37 Unknown Speaker #1

yet it is packed with full boxes of the beef diaper. And also, of course, most of these boxes are it stays where you put it. Posters. Wait, which of course, are an add on for when you get your first shipment of the diapers you get. You know, um, you

0:01:03 Unknown Speaker #3

just move a few of these boxes. I'd love to come in, get close to the well. Yeah, why don't you? Ah, that's just what you move

0:01:12 Unknown Speaker #1

Some of those foam fingers that say out with the meat pad in with the beef type.

0:01:18 Unknown Speaker #3

Uh, because a second ago. You said don't touch,

0:01:22 Unknown Speaker #1

right? Yeah. Uh, the boxes

0:01:26 Unknown Speaker #2

villain. Like this time, Like I'm putting out back and I'm liking on fire. I'm putting out back and light them on fire. You don't need these anymore. There's no chance you're ever gonna sell any Oh, whoa, whoa.

0:01:37 Unknown Speaker #4

Just No, no uncontrolled fires around here. I got heat on me already. I can't have the fire department sniffing around at

0:01:44 Unknown Speaker #5

all. Oh,

0:01:46 Unknown Speaker #2

way. Can't have all this crap in the house. Okay, We're gonna be in here together for this long. We can.

0:01:52 Unknown Speaker #3

You still own pyro probation?

0:01:56 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah. I'm umpire Ovation. Ah, right.

0:02:01 Unknown Speaker #3

You can't. You can't like you say keys and nothing. This place to tinderbox

0:02:06 Unknown Speaker #4

were in a tinderbox is it's very nerve wracking. Honestly, for may, I can't light a cigarette. Can't light the stove. Can't like my toots. It's a it's all bad news.

0:02:18 Unknown Speaker #3

We're all losing on that one time. Yeah, well, it's nice that you're still

0:02:22 Unknown Speaker #1

kind of like lying on your back, holding your thumb and and, ah, fist near your butthole and putting. Yeah, you're going through the motions for sure.

0:02:34 Unknown Speaker #4

The final moment that we all love

0:02:36 Unknown Speaker #2

Like a like a phantom. A phantom to light

0:02:39 Unknown Speaker #4

look are glad.

0:02:41 Unknown Speaker #1

Like that is that's one of at a hospital. It's devastating people. Sometimes when they lose their armas, I still feel like I'm lighting my farts. I don't have an arm. A phantom toot light.

0:03:00 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah, it happened. A lot had happened a lot after, You know, the war in Iraq stuff we don't want to be talking about, I guess. Ah, but I'm happy to have all these boxes in here. It's a lot less lonely. You know, The the boxes, Philip, the space A little bit. I'd love to get Sam closer to a mike, obviously.

0:03:18 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah, I feel a little lonely boxed into the corner here. Alright. How did they

0:03:22 Unknown Speaker #4

get boxed into the corner, by the way?

0:03:23 Unknown Speaker #3

All right, well, I was helping Bill bring in the boxes, and then I was trying to organize him, and then he just kept packing them in. Yeah, I lost

0:03:33 Unknown Speaker #1

track of Sam in the hustle and the bustle of the unload.

0:03:37 Unknown Speaker #3

And I'll tell you what. I lost track of myself. I ended up in a box and the posters air on my bed. Right. Sam got packed, and the posters are in the bed. Eyes. All the posters get a cup of coffee.

0:03:54 Unknown Speaker #4

Oh, I have a very intimate moment with what I thought was Sam last night, but I guess it was the posters.

0:04:00 Unknown Speaker #3

Oh, no, It happened again. I switched my essence. Oh, no. It is a classic essence switch because I'm sitting here rolled up, thinking I should make a move.

0:04:11 Unknown Speaker #4

Hey, I don't know who

0:04:12 Unknown Speaker #1

what does. Worst essence Switch. I once essence switched with a groomsmen cake and the

0:04:25 Unknown Speaker #3

wedding cake got all the attention at the wedding, and I got a little chocolate groomsmen

0:04:31 Unknown Speaker #1

cake off to the side. I was in essence switch. It was a classic essence switch.

0:04:37 Unknown Speaker #4

I didn't know that there was a second cake. It wedding? Yeah,

0:04:40 Unknown Speaker #2

I had never heard of that Bill.

0:04:41 Unknown Speaker #3

No groomsmen. Figurine Really tore it up on the dance floor. Yeah. Yes, he did. Yes, he did.

0:04:49 Unknown Speaker #4

Well, I've never, never

0:04:51 Unknown Speaker #3

about this other little sad, stupid cake that the group has been gets. I don't know at all weddings, but I've definitely seen it. It's some. It's usually a masculine cake. Dark chocolate, no strawberry stuff for good. For super masculine chocolate cake Super rectangle e. No little flourishes around the baseboards of the cake. It a sports. It is just Slough. It's built like a house constructed versatile. It's a masculine masculine cake. It's it it on the way to the

0:05:30 Unknown Speaker #1

wedding. The cake got so mad when somebody cut it off.

0:05:37 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah, I've written with a groomsman cake before. You don't know what to say when they're driving a little

0:05:43 Unknown Speaker #3

bit. And if they have a flat and they get out, do not

0:05:48 Unknown Speaker #1

try to help him take the nuts off of the tire.

0:05:51 Unknown Speaker #4

Do not Don't even think about letting them know that you have Triple A.

0:05:55 Unknown Speaker #3

I drove past the groom's when cake broke down on the side of the road the other day. Just wave beyond Bob. He

0:06:01 Unknown Speaker #1

we? Yeah, they their egos. Or so you know, they cannot help but But make a mistake. Guard

0:06:09 Unknown Speaker #2

himself. I got actually chased down by a groomsman cake for about six miles from the freeway to my house. *** man cake blocked me into my driveway. Yeah, and I said, and I said, sir, or I didn't even know what to call it. Maybe sir was the wrong thing to call it. But I said, Sir, please don't do this. This isn't I'm not trying to cause any trouble, okay? I'm home. I'm just trying to go inside trying to watch TV eat some soup.

0:06:33 Unknown Speaker #3

You cut him off. You should call it Mr

0:06:35 Unknown Speaker #2

Cake. I cut him off. I cut him off all ago. I cut him off and I followed him home.

0:06:42 Unknown Speaker #4

Your instinct When you're getting intimidated by groomsmen cake, you say I'm just trying to go inside watching TV. Need some soup. You were lightning. Now your plans.

0:06:50 Unknown Speaker #2

I'm just trying to humanize myself. Listen, buddy, I'm just like you. I'm just trying to go inside.

0:06:54 Unknown Speaker #3

What happened? What happened when you humanized?

0:06:57 Unknown Speaker #2

Ah, well, he got bigger. He swelled up, swelled up.

0:07:03 Unknown Speaker #1

You gotta watch out. If you get that used to make sure off in a groomsman cake, they'll puff up. Yeah, they will stuff up.

0:07:13 Unknown Speaker #2

As you guys know, I'm I have ah, high yeast counting my gut. And so when I talk, I spew yeast out.

0:07:20 Unknown Speaker #3

Were you one time gettin s and switch with a sour dough, didn't you?

0:07:23 Unknown Speaker #2

That's true. A starter. I, uh my was probably my most honestly, the most successful essence, which I've ever had. Uh,

0:07:32 Unknown Speaker #3

so so everyone knows the old slobs air upon this, but in essence, which is obviously, when you as a human being a match, the essence oven in on animate objects so much you switch lives. Yeah, Friday. It's a classic,

0:07:49 Unknown Speaker #1

freaky Friday, so, you know,

0:07:51 Unknown Speaker #4

except for usually, for me, it's a freak. Freaky January

0:07:54 Unknown Speaker #3

or Well, yeah, you get lot. You

0:07:58 Unknown Speaker #1

hold the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest essence switches that rightto

0:08:03 Unknown Speaker #4

That's right. Yeah. Are

0:08:05 Unknown Speaker #2

you currently Arness that you're currently in essence? What? Todd Padre is an essence switch. Right?

0:08:11 Unknown Speaker #4

So how do you mean a

0:08:13 Unknown Speaker #2

dozen got you as a person where

0:08:16 Unknown Speaker #3

this was a dead body at one. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Yeah, of course. Yeah, I the oven animated You've been buried. Ah,

0:08:27 Unknown Speaker #1

Baker's dozen of times, right on accident.

0:08:30 Unknown Speaker #4

Baker's Doesn't I got I got more lives than a cat. And I've been buried more times than a baker. Puts things in a box

0:08:37 Unknown Speaker #3

originally from the 16 hundreds, right,

0:08:41 Unknown Speaker #4

Padres, the 16 hundreds, Shaman. Uh,

0:08:45 Unknown Speaker #3

let's get into This is they can in the bottom of

0:08:49 Unknown Speaker #4

the body of top. Andre. Yeah, was a, um, a Russian sorriest kind of advisor and was constantly trying to over throw the throne with his schemes. He was unkillable, uh, and finally, some of the loyalists the SAR stopped trusting. This was Todd Paderewski at the time. Ah, the same first name. Not still Todd. Yeah, that's God's days. The Todd stays, the stud works. The time stays. It's Ah, the sorriest loyalists ended up killing Todd in several different ways on bearing him six feet under and then a, um uh A We're divorced. Which

0:09:43 Unknown Speaker #3

way? A divorced with very important issues to for saying it wasn't

0:09:50 Unknown Speaker #1

important. But Todd always mentions the divorce part

0:09:56 Unknown Speaker #3

way. No, it's which

0:09:58 Unknown Speaker #4

you humanize. Er, I let everybody know that a bitter divorce

0:10:06 Unknown Speaker #3

you say, which,

0:10:07 Unknown Speaker #1

which and you say the divorce, Which which is which, which is which,

0:10:12 Unknown Speaker #4

Which is which the divorced, which

0:10:15 Unknown Speaker #1

versus the varied wish

0:10:16 Unknown Speaker #3

first week, which was an amazing game

0:10:20 Unknown Speaker #1

show you had for a while, which is which,

0:10:22 Unknown Speaker #4

which is which, which was a game show where we would always bring on Ah, just an average everyday ah person. It could be a woman. It could be a man, any of the above. And then we would bring in a witch well dressed to the nines

0:10:38 Unknown Speaker #3

because it was the contestant would guess it within seconds. Yeah, it would have never got to the

0:10:46 Unknown Speaker #1

third round, which was the casting of spells. They didn't need that,

0:10:50 Unknown Speaker #4

which was the most exciting around, honestly. But yeah, I hosted that for seven seasons, and eventually Wayne Brady took over on. That's on the game show network. But anyway, so now it's 400 years later on I am still the essence of Paderewski, Edad, Paderewski.

0:11:07 Unknown Speaker #3

I see that man. That's good to

0:11:09 Unknown Speaker #6

know, Todd. That's really good to know. Thanks for dropping a microphone in the box. By the way,

0:11:12 Unknown Speaker #4

I felt easier. Way got for those of you in the industry, we have Sam loved up right now.

0:11:18 Unknown Speaker #6

Yeah, locked up. There's a lot of hanging into this box that I'm coiled up in. I'm coiled up like a poster,

0:11:25 Unknown Speaker #1

and you've used double side tape to attach the microphone directly to your chest hair. Is that true?

0:11:32 Unknown Speaker #6

That's right. Well, the double sided tape is both keeping me wrapped up as a poster and also attaching the lob to my chest. Hair? Yes,

0:11:39 Unknown Speaker #3

because, as you know, many, many

0:11:42 Unknown Speaker #1

advances in the world of science. But when it comes to connecting a lab to a person who needs to be miked up, it has to go

0:11:53 Unknown Speaker #3

directly to the chest hair with a quick under the

0:11:58 Unknown Speaker #1

breath. Apology from the sound guy, which is Do you mind if I do this?

0:12:03 Unknown Speaker #6

Yeah. I'm really not excited for this recording to end when all my Chester gets ripped out.

0:12:08 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah, just And then, of course, you say No, no, no, this is fine. I'm fine with this. Don't ever fix it. No one ever look into this ever.

0:12:18 Unknown Speaker #4

I'll say I apologize, Sam. I think we probably didn't need to go across the whole tressed with that much tape.

0:12:24 Unknown Speaker #3

I don't think it

0:12:25 Unknown Speaker #6

needed to be duct tape either, but that's okay. I think it's going to be secure. And now you can tell my audio sounds really crispy. Really clean.

0:12:32 Unknown Speaker #2

You sound great. You sounded really good. Thank you so much. And we should catch the listeners. Obviously. I mean, well, we should probably start the episode, which we haven't. It's been 11 minutes, please. Come on. Oh, Christ. Finally. Well, gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Teacher's Lounge. The first, best only podcast retained issues relevant to the Hamilton High School community. I, of course, Howard Levis, one of your hosts here with the three other hosts, Uh, who are also here.

0:13:06 Unknown Speaker #6

name's Sam. Weatherman. I'm rolled up like a poster in a box, and I am feverishly texting colleges to figure out how to get kids in.

0:13:06 Unknown Speaker #7

My

0:13:15 Unknown Speaker #4

Ah, Todd. Um uh, Padre

0:13:22 Unknown Speaker #6

Todd. Maybe having a bit of an essence. Queary there.

0:13:26 Unknown Speaker #4

Oh, sorry. Forgot. It

0:13:28 Unknown Speaker #3

sounded like you were almost going

0:13:29 Unknown Speaker #1

to say your middle name. Which is it? Been said,

0:13:33 Unknown Speaker #2

I don't think it's ever been said on there.

0:13:34 Unknown Speaker #3

Well, it's illegal

0:13:35 Unknown Speaker #6

to say it, right?

0:13:36 Unknown Speaker #4

Yes, it's that which cannot be said out loud,

0:13:39 Unknown Speaker #3

right years,

0:13:41 Unknown Speaker #4

Congress. It was one of the quickest bills to pass through Congress was I could no longer be said out loud. They reached across the aisle to agree on this.

0:13:52 Unknown Speaker #1

Oh, yes. They're big handshakes between Pelosi and McConnell on your nickname.

0:13:59 Unknown Speaker #6

Elsie and McConnell took a beautiful family photo based on the agreement.

0:14:03 Unknown Speaker #3

Yes, Yes, They went on a whole weekend trip together

0:14:08 Unknown Speaker #4

is because they're so up. You. Have you noticed? They're very opposite. They even goto like opposite plastic surgeons where Pelosi goes off and McConnell goes down. Did you know

0:14:19 Unknown Speaker #3

that the oh, they do? Well, I heard they go to the same

0:14:23 Unknown Speaker #1

one, but McConnell walks in upside down.

0:14:26 Unknown Speaker #4

Okay? Thes Republicans. I mean, they'll do anything to be the opposite. They really well, but yeah, Todd, he whose middle name cannot be said, uh, through Congress agreement. Padre, um, you're coming at your life.

0:14:41 Unknown Speaker #1

Hello, Bill. Crave E here. Hot off the road. Um, from pitching the beef diaper. Ah, across the great us. Tired. Um

0:14:53 Unknown Speaker #3

tired. Bill. Well, I'm pretty exactly. I guess I'm not hot

0:14:58 Unknown Speaker #1

off the road. I've been back for, you know. What is it now? Eight weeks in

0:15:05 Unknown Speaker #2

weeks. About few weeks

0:15:07 Unknown Speaker #4

we've been in this house for a but you got back in around five weeks ago. You had three weeks to kind trying trying to sell the beef diaper.

0:15:13 Unknown Speaker #1

As you guys don't know. The elf in the room grown a virus Cove in 19. Yes.

0:15:19 Unknown Speaker #5

Uh oh. I

0:15:20 Unknown Speaker #1

had just kind of made it out onto the road pitching the DYP Ah was getting, you know, inside people's houses getting to pitch them, show it stays where it put you put it. I was actually getting to put it under some actual meat. Ah, and wasn't having a ton of luck. Um,

0:15:40 Unknown Speaker #4

you're actually getting it under the meat. That's good. That's a good in that. You know, the pictures work him

0:15:46 Unknown Speaker #3

well, I would have to. Usually I

0:15:49 Unknown Speaker #1

would go past kit houses. And if I see all saw kids playing in the yard, I'd be Hey, come here. And I would you

0:16:00 Unknown Speaker #3

I would lure the kids

0:16:02 Unknown Speaker #1

over to my car and I would give them the beef diaper. And I would say, Well, you go in and put this under the ground. Chuck, um, and I would they would come out maybe, Like, what is ground Chuck and Jesus? It's a meat. It's a meat. You know, you when you make tacos. And because I wanted it to be pre planted one,

0:16:24 Unknown Speaker #6

you got to go through kids because you got to get the youth to catch onto trends.

0:16:28 Unknown Speaker #2

Yeah, exactly. You've got to like it.

0:16:31 Unknown Speaker #3

And I would put it in

0:16:32 Unknown Speaker #1

a trapper keeper and let him keep the trapper keeper. I'd be like the end it when you deliver it in there. Ah, you get to keep this. You get to keep the Trapper keeper. Um

0:16:44 Unknown Speaker #3

and it wasn't

0:16:45 Unknown Speaker #1

name Brand Trapper Keepers,

0:16:48 Unknown Speaker #6

right? You're you're using crapper keepers.

0:16:52 Unknown Speaker #3

I was using crapper keepers for a while, Which are bedpans, which were bad pads plastic, You know that. You know that

0:17:07 Unknown Speaker #1

hospital pale pink plastic? Ah, yeah. I was

0:17:12 Unknown Speaker #3

had the crapper keeper. Anyway, they would get in there, they'd get some some of the kids will get under the beef

0:17:16 Unknown Speaker #1

diaper, and then I would not. And then I would say, Ah,

0:17:20 Unknown Speaker #3

why don't you take a look at your beef and they'd be like, What the hell had you get this in

0:17:27 Unknown Speaker #1

here? They and I back. I talked to your kids and they would be angry, angry, angry at me. Um,

0:17:35 Unknown Speaker #4

and you accidentally figured out that apparently, why don't you take a look at your beef is a very common CIA code and you ended up. We add a few people's houses where they thought you were doing some sort of big drop or a deal

0:17:49 Unknown Speaker #1

that's exactly right. I ended up on a train with, Ah, a handsome man. Ah, doing a deal. We were. And then we were caught. And then we ran on the top of the train. I went through the

0:18:11 Unknown Speaker #3

tunnel, slammed down on the tummy. It was all the step jumping over. You know, you have to jump over. What

0:18:20 Unknown Speaker #6

kind of train was this? What kind of train was this

0:18:23 Unknown Speaker #3

slow train? Yeah, Yeah, he's a It was one of

0:18:28 Unknown Speaker #1

those trains that goes around a mountain as a joke.

0:18:33 Unknown Speaker #6

Like an amusement park. Kiddie train for Children?

0:18:36 Unknown Speaker #3

Yes. Yeah, I wouldn't say it was four Children, but it was

0:18:39 Unknown Speaker #1

mostly Children on

0:18:40 Unknown Speaker #7

it.

0:18:40 Unknown Speaker #6

Um, thinking I think you're trying to sell the beef diaper in a kid's amusement park. Sort of like a local.

0:18:48 Unknown Speaker #3

Yes. Yes, I was. For a while, I was in northern

0:18:54 Unknown Speaker #1

Tennessee in kind of a mining. Ah, mining coal cutter Themed? Yeah. Amusement park.

0:19:03 Unknown Speaker #4

Coal country. The amusement park? Yes, yes. Six Flags. Coal Country.

0:19:07 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah, which has turned dark. Uh, they've really honored that fracking took over the coal industry. Yes, so I but as you guys

0:19:18 Unknown Speaker #1

know, Corona Ah, you know, was really putting a damper on my, uh Okay. Bye bye. Beef diaper sales. Because

0:19:29 Unknown Speaker #4

one of the hardest hit industries by stays shelter home. Keep your distance. Is strangers going door to door kind to can do something.

0:19:38 Unknown Speaker #3

It couldn't be

0:19:40 Unknown Speaker #1

a worse time to wanna pitch something inside of people's houses and

0:19:45 Unknown Speaker #6

on their food.

0:19:47 Unknown Speaker #1

E Oh, yes. I mean, it was a terrible time, so I, of course, was having to pitch from the yard. I would throw rocks at the door, they'd open the door, and I'd be like, Do

0:20:00 Unknown Speaker #3

you have a meat leakage issue from deep in the yard? And what was the

0:20:05 Unknown Speaker #6

first response to that question?

0:20:09 Unknown Speaker #3

No. What is that? Even what is it was less

0:20:12 Unknown Speaker #1

about. Could they hear me or not? And it was same old stuff. This product Does it make sense? I'm not gonna replace that thing.

0:20:22 Unknown Speaker #6

Similar crap. You've heard 1000

0:20:24 Unknown Speaker #3

disabled crap and I'm high, but it stays where you put it, right? What don't people get about the one thing that it's awesome at? And they're like, it's not that big of

0:20:34 Unknown Speaker #1

a deal. When I dumped the meat out in a pan to peel off the meat pad, right? You know, And I'm like, Well, you and I are very different. Good day to you.

0:20:46 Unknown Speaker #6

And thats are good for a sale. Is it

0:20:48 Unknown Speaker #3

right? No. And then I was, Of course I was

0:20:50 Unknown Speaker #1

getting the mask. Uh, my mask. I made it myself. Addis, Um Ah, Curtis. I had

0:20:59 Unknown Speaker #3

You could have made a beef viper. Seems percent beef diaper. Unfortunately, I was making

0:21:06 Unknown Speaker #1

masks and I was getting intense dry mouth.

0:21:09 Unknown Speaker #3

I actually had toe soak my tongue in a bottle of water for a week to get it back for that sound strong. The DYP it. What did you do?

0:21:20 Unknown Speaker #6

You just stand over a bottle of water?

0:21:23 Unknown Speaker #3

Yes. Well, at first I cut

0:21:25 Unknown Speaker #1

the top off the bottle because you can't get your tongue in it. I want you just use a cop

0:21:30 Unknown Speaker #3

top of the bottle. I re I re wept. My tongue dried out completely, but we're glad you're back. I'm happy to

0:21:40 Unknown Speaker #1

be back. And

0:21:42 Unknown Speaker #2

it's a great time for you to be back to.

0:21:44 Unknown Speaker #1

Yes, I have, of course, applied day in and day out for the Payroll protection act. Um,

0:21:55 Unknown Speaker #6

day in, day out, huh? How many applications have you sent to three

0:22:01 Unknown Speaker #1

a day? Part of this payout

0:22:06 Unknown Speaker #3

to you. Just use the same

0:22:10 Unknown Speaker #2

information or you Are you adding a different? You go apply

0:22:13 Unknown Speaker #3

for different. You haven't received the person or the music not to respond. Apparently the backup at the unemployment office. This because of May.

0:22:28 Unknown Speaker #4

You started doing it like a college application where you're adding little essays to it. You were telling them about your community service?

0:22:35 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah. I mean, I wrote so many

0:22:38 Unknown Speaker #1

essays that started with in these unprecedented times, you know? And I'm, of course, offering them the chance to give me money for my bad investment.

0:22:49 Unknown Speaker #6

Yeah, and that's what America needs. We need to bail out everybody who's decision. Everybody said no to. Yeah. If everybody said no, we don't want to invest in this. We need to give those people money. Anyway.

0:23:03 Unknown Speaker #1

I agree. You know I'm back. I'm safe. Um, you know, I'm hoping to pick back up where I left off. You know it once things ah, you know, calm down and become safe again. I can get back out on the road and in people's living rooms and door to door like

0:23:26 Unknown Speaker #3

that. My can hit 100 150 today, e I was hitting 150 out is a day on March 10. That is something. March 10th I said I beat my own record of 149 ounces and I hit 1 50 in one day. If you spent three minutes in each house, that's an eight hour day with you. Think maybe you weren't spending enough time? E u se your volume business, But you gotta sell the volume. You can't just go knock on the door and run. You fired your doorbell dish in some of the speak? Well, yeah, I'd leave beef diapers out there on fire after a while. After a while, I was done with this shit. I couldn't take another. No, I mean, rejection on the road hits you hard. I mean, imagine being out

0:24:37 Unknown Speaker #1

there by yourself. Over 140 knows a day. That sounds terrible, Bill.

0:24:44 Unknown Speaker #3

And it hurts early will face to face. I mean, it's bad enough on the phone when you're cold calling, but I don't know if I could have taken 100 for he knows the day I might not have made it home with Bill Your cold calling in between house calls. Well, I'm hitting up, which is 700 cold calls, and I I just too much work. Bill, this is 840 knows it actually hold the world record for Do not call list Getting put on the Do not call

0:25:24 Unknown Speaker #4

most the most. And was it fastest to get put on

0:25:27 Unknown Speaker #3

the Do not call? It was fastest. The do not call

0:25:30 Unknown Speaker #1

list shut down was overloaded.

0:25:34 Unknown Speaker #6

Well, now there's a whole new list of just people that have you not calling them. And that list is getting trolled by people.

0:25:43 Unknown Speaker #4

Do not bill list. He asked the dude, or they will not call. It's like Bill

0:25:47 Unknown Speaker #1

not call list has taken over the do not call list because it was It just had more advertising, you know, they throw an average. It kind of took over like Google did with the AskJeeves.

0:26:02 Unknown Speaker #6

So do not call list is big business the bill.

0:26:05 Unknown Speaker #3

Now, if you don't want someone

0:26:06 Unknown Speaker #1

to call your house, you have to call the bill, not call it. Wow, that's

0:26:11 Unknown Speaker #2

ironic. Now, Bill, you have had a rough time. But that's not to say that things haven't been rough around here is Well, you know, in your absence has changed a lot here in Hamilton. Obviously, we've all been doing distance learning through Zoom. Um, I would say

0:26:29 Unknown Speaker #1

they are quarantined together. That's true. We did that.

0:26:32 Unknown Speaker #2

We lucked out. We all are. So we're so exposed to each other, we figured we might as well just all quarantine together, which has made it nice because we've been ableto now figure out how to record the podcast here.

0:26:43 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah, together madness kind of sink Tup.

0:26:46 Unknown Speaker #3

I feel like I'm

0:26:48 Unknown Speaker #6

quarantining alone. I mean, I like hearing your voices, but being in this box is tough.

0:26:55 Unknown Speaker #4

Oh, yeah, I Yeah.

0:26:57 Unknown Speaker #6

You know, all I have is crunk crinkly paper to keep me warm.

0:27:02 Unknown Speaker #3

Well, I've heard the

0:27:03 Unknown Speaker #4

song You're singing to yourself at night and it seems like they're key. You're keeping yourself good company.

0:27:07 Unknown Speaker #6

You like those songs? Yeah. And say that. Okay. Said they're keeping me company. I heard him.

0:27:13 Unknown Speaker #2

I like him cause I know what they're doing for you, Sam. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I and all that's all I care about. I care I just want to make sure that everybody else is doing okay. These trying times,

0:27:23 Unknown Speaker #4

you know, with so much free time it's nice that part of my day is just figuring out Feed me through the mouth hole. Uh, you know, because we kept cutting the mouth hole too small. But we didn't want to ruin the boxes too much,

0:27:34 Unknown Speaker #6

of course, to the tune of Big Mouth Billy Bass. It's feed me through

0:27:38 Unknown Speaker #2

the mouth hold

0:27:40 Unknown Speaker #4

and you turn your head in between each lyrics so I can only feed you while you're singing.

0:27:45 Unknown Speaker #3

Yes, Then put in some broader

0:27:52 Unknown Speaker #4

and the song had to start because I did not know the order of feeding you. I didn't know how to do it. And the only way I could learn with putting it to lyrics of a song I know.

0:28:00 Unknown Speaker #3

Well, a couple of

0:28:01 Unknown Speaker #6

times you put water through the mouth hole when I was expecting food, and it really chokes me up. And then a couple times you put food through the water, where and and that also really got me stuck. So

0:28:12 Unknown Speaker #1

because you can call you cough bad when we put it through the wrong hole when it goes down the wrong hole.

0:28:19 Unknown Speaker #6

Because one I'm breathing in and the other I'm sucking in right there

0:28:24 Unknown Speaker #3

to get you out of there, for sure. I mean, that's what I keep saying. Well, we're gonna rearrange these

0:28:29 Unknown Speaker #1

boxes. I'm gonna get rid of some of this inventory and try to consolidate. But we are Howard's house. Thank you, Howard.

0:28:35 Unknown Speaker #2

Yeah. Ah, you know, I said,

0:28:37 Unknown Speaker #3

you know, I think

0:28:38 Unknown Speaker #2

I think everybody else probably has more space than me. But if you guys want to come over here, that's fine. Um, so it's better tight squeeze. You know, it's been tough to do our distance learning lessons because we all have to Obviously. Well, Todd and I have to do lessons. Ah ah, and and so it's tough. We kind of go back to back with our computers open, doing our distance learning lessons sometimes. Yeah,

0:29:02 Unknown Speaker #4

try to alternate when we're each speaking. So our audio doesn't, uh, of top over the other person's.

0:29:08 Unknown Speaker #2

Yeah, and a lot of people air people. When I say people, I mean students, students, air, saying it's an impossible learning environment. Ah, already the situations hard. The fact that you two Can't figure this out. Ah is really making it even harder. Yeah, I'm thinking about transferring schools. Ah, lot of that. Those sort of complaints keep coming in. It's

0:29:29 Unknown Speaker #4

a visual issue because, you know, a lot of people for zoom. They do like, Oh, I don't have to wear pants today, But obviously, I just do. I don't I do a backless shirt all the time because you're only seeing my front, but then Howard's classes or seeing my

0:29:41 Unknown Speaker #2

back. So I'm having to explain why there's a naked and naked back in but behind me constantly, people are already saying, Well, this is just like you, Mr Levis, And I'm saying, Excuse

0:29:53 Unknown Speaker #3

me,

0:29:54 Unknown Speaker #6

your clothes are styled like a regular man's clothes, but of course there cut like hospital gown.

0:29:59 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah, I have a hospital line of clothing that I wear said it's easy access for the medical professionals if they need to get to me. If something goes wrong. O

0:30:10 Unknown Speaker #1

S o you want dot You want everybody in these clothes so there's quick access and you also want like doctors in these clothes. You want them doctor up front and naked and back.

0:30:23 Unknown Speaker #4

Ideally, I think we should even the score in there. As you know, it's such a power dynamic with the doctor. They've got all the power. Let's loosen it up. Let's see what you're working with. Back. You see mine all day.

0:30:34 Unknown Speaker #1

I you get to slide 8 to 10 feet in a little stool on wheels and humiliate me and and do that trick. And then I I I just have to look like an idiot on the crinkly paper are

0:30:49 Unknown Speaker #6

not going to give me a sponge bath and laughed the whole time. And you get to walk out fully clothed. I don't think so.

0:30:55 Unknown Speaker #3

Oh, yeah, because we go to the Our

0:30:57 Unknown Speaker #1

urgent care has the same theme. Is that hot dog place in Chicago where they humiliate you?

0:31:05 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah, yeah, it's Ah, it's way. Got a doctor Weiner circles office or we know it's Wieder winner. Sinai, right?

0:31:17 Unknown Speaker #3

It's were Sinai where we see

0:31:20 Unknown Speaker #6

Dr Wiener Circle.

0:31:21 Unknown Speaker #4

We see Dr Reader circle later Sinai. And so we get the whole roast from a bunch of people who are just not having our attitudes you. And

0:31:31 Unknown Speaker #3

if you think

0:31:32 Unknown Speaker #1

they can get, they can make up a good roast when you're fully clothed at the wiener circle, let me tell you the ones that Weiner Sigh and I they aren't really

0:31:44 Unknown Speaker #6

do hurt. Absolutely. Absolutely. And

0:31:47 Unknown Speaker #3

I don't understand. What's the point of if you're giving me a bath

0:31:51 Unknown Speaker #6

putting pickle, ketchup and mustard all over me, I don't. Then

0:31:55 Unknown Speaker #1

it? Yes, when they start to combine,

0:32:02 Unknown Speaker #4

I had I had an overweight, bears loving steelworker. Come in and take a take a huge bite out of man. It's like, Whoa, come on. What I pay for here,

0:32:14 Unknown Speaker #3

buddy, You're off by about 2000 miles here. Dan

0:32:20 Unknown Speaker #4

s. So I ended up. I ended up going to ah Dicks. Last permanent A for a while because we're on your side. And I was not cutting the mustard.

0:32:33 Unknown Speaker #3

What was what? How did we get into this? Talking about that was really

0:32:39 Unknown Speaker #4

the downs. The gown stylings. You know

0:32:45 Unknown Speaker #3

how close on zoom. How are

0:32:47 Unknown Speaker #4

both teaching back to back? I'm teaching. Why? Enunciating under the mask class, uh, so that people can understand you while you're wearing your protective masks. In this time,

0:33:00 Unknown Speaker #3

which a lot of people are

0:33:01 Unknown Speaker #1

saying. Should it supersede English? Well, there's to be teaching.

0:33:08 Unknown Speaker #4

What's the point of speaking English? If no one can understand you

0:33:11 Unknown Speaker #3

give us a little

0:33:12 Unknown Speaker #6

sample with the mask on. I want to hear your professional work at work.

0:33:16 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah, because I don't think

0:33:17 Unknown Speaker #1

it changes it that much. But you guys be the judge

0:33:24 Unknown Speaker #7

way

0:33:29 Unknown Speaker #2

working drive the That

0:33:32 Unknown Speaker #3

sounds exactly

0:33:33 Unknown Speaker #6

like the guy we're going. Dr. Mask is right.

0:33:36 Unknown Speaker #3

You may.

0:33:38 Unknown Speaker #7

We do. It showed right it doing

0:33:41 Unknown Speaker #3

okay. That's a little better. You're gagging

0:33:44 Unknown Speaker #1

yourself with an old T shirt.

0:33:47 Unknown Speaker #7

Uh, that.

0:33:49 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah, baby, I did hear you there side that you read the CDC guidelines. Don't say

0:33:57 Unknown Speaker #2

shove a T shirt down your throat.

0:33:59 Unknown Speaker #3

I think you went taught. I think you're at the DVD guidelines. Yeah, you matter at the DVD guidelines or the BT guidelines. The BVD gas line, the BDs him. Good. See the Z guy life doing the BDs in? I think your computer is so used to you typing in dirty little acronyms than it sent you to divvy DEA sm DVD dot com guidelines. Do you want Oh, Todd, You work it,

0:34:44 Unknown Speaker #6

Jack in the box or a Burger King.

0:34:47 Unknown Speaker #7

Our word. Well,

0:34:50 Unknown Speaker #6

I know, I know you're not essential. So you can't leave the house. Yeah,

0:34:54 Unknown Speaker #4

sorry about that. Well, I guess so. Yeah, I guess that's why we only one stuffing shirts in my mouth and wearing all leather and carrying a whip around to keep this people.

0:35:05 Unknown Speaker #3

I told you, you are in. You've been doing grocery

0:35:10 Unknown Speaker #1

store runs, um, as a little

0:35:14 Unknown Speaker #3

piggy. I'm like a little piggy goes to market. And I've seen you come home other than me

0:35:24 Unknown Speaker #6

watching privately. Nobody is watching you go wee, wee wee all the way home. Really? No. Well, that's it's totally unnecessary. It's totally unnecessary.

0:35:36 Unknown Speaker #4

Look, I got to re look at these guidelines. I guess I've been had Ah, year. Wrong site tab. I wish Howard would have spoken up. Howard, I would say, is teaching. He's putting in extra hours for his students.

0:35:48 Unknown Speaker #2

That's true. In these unprecedented times, I'm going to unprecedented links to make sure that they're all still getting Ah, their needs. Met

0:35:56 Unknown Speaker #3

times are uncertain as

0:35:58 Unknown Speaker #2

well. Yeah, of course. And that's what I tell him. I say a

0:36:01 Unknown Speaker #6

brand new context for your life.

0:36:03 Unknown Speaker #2

Yeah, and I'm there for them and I'll always be there for them. You know, it's definitely presented new challenges. I've had kids. Uh, I've

0:36:11 Unknown Speaker #3

had kids

0:36:12 Unknown Speaker #2

go asking me to go above and beyond in ways that I'm uncomfortable with. Obviously. You know what ways? Uh, you know what

0:36:20 Unknown Speaker #6

it is you're doing? Mostly webcam chatting. What ways you talking about?

0:36:24 Unknown Speaker #2

I've, you know, I've talked kids through. I've talked kids parents through home improvement projects. I've ah, I've done. Ah, I've had been asked Teoh crunch numbers for ah, like local data on the virus. It just seems like people are coming to me for everything. Because I've made it clear that I want to help

0:36:43 Unknown Speaker #6

someone You just started only fans.

0:36:45 Unknown Speaker #2

That's true. Multiple people have. Ah, and I don't know if I want only booze. Well, uh, they did. I did start one because I was frank. I started one because I thought, Well, this feels fine. Like this doesn't feel weird or anything. If I have people who are willing to pay me for my lessons, then that's fine. Uh, and so I started doing things, but I started getting requests in my d m. So Venmo requests for me to pay people for their groceries and stuff and I was like,

0:37:21 Unknown Speaker #2

interesting. Only face supposed to wait for me to make money, But it turns out it's turned into a way for people to take money for me. I uploaded my bank account information. Ah, and slowly over the last few weeks, like a picture, a no fly. I uploaded a picture of my account number and routing number. That was one of the first only chance Right feet. Oh yes, I wrote it on a piece of paper, put it on a table, stood just a few inches back from the table and took a picture. So you see my feet in the distance and my bank account information

0:37:21 Unknown Speaker #3

That's

0:37:48 Unknown Speaker #6

in the four dream of

0:37:49 Unknown Speaker #3

this, only fans. I just It's It's what the kids wanted for. Is it data humiliation, along with a little bit of nudity? I think it's

0:37:58 Unknown Speaker #2

data humiliation. I think I've become. I've become a very big ah figure in the data humiliation world, So people come in. They they asked me how many calories I eat in a day, and I say I ate 3700 calories. Today

0:38:13 Unknown Speaker #3

you show a little bit of nudity or or skin

0:38:18 Unknown Speaker #1

in a little bit of, um, your person data that might be embarrassing.

0:38:23 Unknown Speaker #2

Yeah, I, of course, have listed my three previous home addresses. Ah, which is interesting. I don't know why people would need that. Ah, unnecessarily. Um, I've listed all of my my, uh, medical history Also, which is which is another thing. I don't know why people would need Ah,

0:38:43 Unknown Speaker #1

And what did you show with those two?

0:38:45 Unknown Speaker #2

What did I show? Well, with my previous home addresses, I showed ear close up here and there

0:38:53 Unknown Speaker #6

or you, but not too much.

0:38:55 Unknown Speaker #2

And then for how did

0:38:57 Unknown Speaker #1

you display one Lobacheva addresses with the ear is I am shot or is like a slight

0:39:05 Unknown Speaker #2

same shot I took. I took a little ah, little safety safety pin and and I'm a little earring with a little piece of paper on it. I hung a little earing in there that had my three previous addresses on it. Howard famously pierced up and down the lobes. Yeah, that's true. I've got a ladder of piercings. My racket here,

0:39:26 Unknown Speaker #1

right. This isolation has really made you start

0:39:30 Unknown Speaker #3

body modifying. Yeah, you say

0:39:32 Unknown Speaker #6

you're coming into your own, but we've

0:39:34 Unknown Speaker #3

never seen this before.

0:39:35 Unknown Speaker #2

Well, the way I see it is, if you haven't done something interesting or weird to your hair or body while you're in quarantine, you're not doing quarantine, right? You're not doing it. And I mean, a lot of people say, Yeah, I just bleached my hair or Hey, I gave myself Ah, home haircut.

0:39:52 Unknown Speaker #6

Or are the gates defensive?

0:39:54 Unknown Speaker #2

Yeah. And and then

0:39:57 Unknown Speaker #3

So I bleached my

0:39:58 Unknown Speaker #6

hair. Sumi host.

0:40:00 Unknown Speaker #2

And I've just kind of taken that to a new extreme. You know,

0:40:03 Unknown Speaker #3

we all know that changing hair, facial hair, color of hair, body

0:40:12 Unknown Speaker #1

piercings is never a cry for help.

0:40:15 Unknown Speaker #2

No, Absolutely not. No. Ever. Yeah. Your outward appearance never reflects your inner turmoil. Never. That's never the case. I

0:40:25 Unknown Speaker #4

got LeBron. I'm OK delivered last week. Teoh, go ahead and shave my head. Oh, awesome. Well, I'm not shave my head. Exactly. I'm going, Monk, I'm going Reverse, Monk.

0:40:37 Unknown Speaker #3

Oh, and this is the This is the broader. Okay,

0:40:40 Unknown Speaker #4

LeBron, I'm OK.

0:40:41 Unknown Speaker #6

Smooth around the top. Bushy on the bottom. Yes,

0:40:44 Unknown Speaker #1

I got the blonde, the Loreal platinum blonde. Everything's fine and I'm going to throw that in mind. It's

0:40:52 Unknown Speaker #4

a great color.

0:40:53 Unknown Speaker #1

It's really good.

0:40:55 Unknown Speaker #4

Now, obviously, I We've all been dealing with this different ways. We're all cooking a little more. Um, yes. Uh, you know, there's the sour dough that a lot of people are trying. Sam, you obviously have been working on a rancid Oh,

0:41:12 Unknown Speaker #6

yeah, Absolutely. Well, I took, uh, while while Howard was in his essence, which I nabbed a little bit of his starter, but there, and

0:41:22 Unknown Speaker #3

I've been keeping it in my little box and trying to tiu labeled finisher. Correct? That's right. It was a

0:41:32 Unknown Speaker #6

starter. But now it's definitely true. Senator, if you take a single bite of it, your dad,

0:41:37 Unknown Speaker #2

you take a punch. For sure

0:41:39 Unknown Speaker #3

you saw. And I don't know if

0:41:41 Unknown Speaker #1

they found out where these this this waste is coming from. But I saw men with these little ah atmospheric counters in white hazmat suits outside of the house. Sort of looking doesn't have anything to do with the finisher in our fridge. I

0:42:00 Unknown Speaker #6

thought that it's just Corona virus, but it could be it could be them feeling the box. It could be feeling, you know, because I I asked you guys to dump a little bit of flour in every day. Rand, I would say we're both growing in here, you know, we're both growing. It started with the showered. Oh, and now it's Iran's a dough. We are one.

0:42:18 Unknown Speaker #4

Are you getting enough sunlight?

0:42:20 Unknown Speaker #6

No, no. I'm getting fresh air and flour, and that's about all the nutrients. And then whatever you guys put through the food whole, right?

0:42:29 Unknown Speaker #3

Because But, you know, here. You know what's

0:42:38 Unknown Speaker #4

water, Todd? Water is not food.

0:42:41 Unknown Speaker #3

Now, put in the water. That was Sprite.

0:42:49 Unknown Speaker #4

Sprite is not water. Alright burning

0:42:53 Unknown Speaker #3

anyway, so we're working on the

0:42:55 Unknown Speaker #6

sour dough, the rancid. Oh, and it should be ready to bake in three days. We should be ready to go toe oven, and we're gonna have to bake it on its highest setting for 10 hours to make sure that it's safety.

0:43:08 Unknown Speaker #4

Really? Because we're kind of going through a bit of a heat wave right now.

0:43:11 Unknown Speaker #6

Yeah, well, I'm I really want to make this bread, so if you guys consider threw it in the house, I'd appreciate it.

0:43:17 Unknown Speaker #2

I mean, the oven is very close to everything in this house. Obviously, it's a very small home. I don't know. Uh, I don't know if it's safe for us to have the oven on for 10 straight hours, Sam.

0:43:28 Unknown Speaker #6

Okay, well, I guess I'll just in the cocks. Todd's on pyro.

0:43:34 Unknown Speaker #2

Uh, yeah,

0:43:37 Unknown Speaker #4

my robe ation.

0:43:38 Unknown Speaker #6

I got better stuff to do. Anyways, I don't really have time to waste just baking bread at home. As you guys know, graduation is coming up. And as a student, guidance counselor, I am busy, busy, busy with all these kids, figuring out where they're going to college, writing recommendation letters, writing follow ups to apologize for the recommendation letter. And it's a lot to keep up with.

0:44:05 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah, right. So you're you've just gone ahead and you've pre written a bunch of ah recommendations.

0:44:11 Unknown Speaker #6

Yes, a lot of kids come to me, and I just knew I wasn't gonna have time to handle them. One toe one. So I did a couple of templates. Figured I have a lot of a mad lib girl template. I did it, boy template. Um, I did a tallboy template. I did a short boy template.

0:44:28 Unknown Speaker #3

You know, I just kind of look at it when they

0:44:30 Unknown Speaker #6

come in the door and I just

0:44:32 Unknown Speaker #3

go, okay. I know I look just

0:44:34 Unknown Speaker #1

like their name. Yeah, Go ahead. Go ahead. Died

0:44:38 Unknown Speaker #4

Teoh. Who bit may concerns already. We've got a typo With whom? Okay, uh,

0:44:43 Unknown Speaker #6

was the type of hoob o is to be

0:44:47 Unknown Speaker #4

That's what uh, this short boy is It is a very we're doing. A short boy is a very donkey student.

0:44:59 Unknown Speaker #3

Funny, that's got a hug. That's Ah, that's the problem, Mike. There's there's a lot You don't really put anyone's

0:45:06 Unknown Speaker #1

name. You just put their short or

0:45:08 Unknown Speaker #3

twenties from a farm. Alright, So I asked him, There's a

0:45:12 Unknown Speaker #6

questionnaire they fill out. I don't just make thes up. It's not

0:45:15 Unknown Speaker #2

a questioner tablets, literal Madeleine. And it seems like you don't know the difference between adjectives now verbs.

0:45:21 Unknown Speaker #3

I give them the questionnaire and I fill out the recommendation letter. Just you guys were calling and mad Libs, but it's not that they fill out

0:45:30 Unknown Speaker #6

a questionnaire. I asked them, What's your favorite animal at your house?

0:45:33 Unknown Speaker #3

He said donkey. So I said, he said, Don't key student. I don't know how you I'm talking to the colleges. I'm doing here like I can't possibly do my job over Zoom. And yes, you can you just have to know their name. They won't meet with

0:45:52 Unknown Speaker #6

cover Zoom colleges won't see me in person.

0:45:57 Unknown Speaker #4

They don't want to look at you.

0:45:59 Unknown Speaker #6

Well, im I'm banned. I have to write recommendations under pseudonyms. Most colleges don't like me. Zoom here is I got banned from Zoom for it even blew up. I got banned from Zoom when everybody was on

0:46:13 Unknown Speaker #3

Skype. That's right. I

0:46:15 Unknown Speaker #4

want you needed people. They banned you?

0:46:17 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I felt bad about it. But, you

0:46:22 Unknown Speaker #6

know, they said what I did was not okay. And they did not. They said they couldn't scrub the video somehow.

0:46:30 Unknown Speaker #3

Now, was it a back? Was it a background controversy? Well, at first it was a

0:46:37 Unknown Speaker #6

background controversy. Then I got up to fix it, and it was a foreground content. Of course. I forgot that I was not wearing pants the usual, But also, they saw one of my tattoos, which I'm not allowed to talk about and, um, stained their servers, stained their servers, and they had some archetypes in future zoom videos, and they had to delete the whole program

0:47:02 Unknown Speaker #3

because you have

0:47:03 Unknown Speaker #1

a tattoo of the coordinates of where they keep the aliens. Well,

0:47:07 Unknown Speaker #6

I'm not allowed to talk about it, but if you've seen it, I guess you've seen it

0:47:10 Unknown Speaker #3

because you were

0:47:11 Unknown Speaker #1

a apparently A in the late seventies.

0:47:16 Unknown Speaker #6

I was the first probed,

0:47:18 Unknown Speaker #3

right? You were the first probe, and then you kind

0:47:20 Unknown Speaker #1

of got shuffled up in the office and there was an essence switch with you in an area 51 note pad.

0:47:27 Unknown Speaker #6

That's right. That's right. I have a little too much information because people thought they were writing on a note bad, but it transferred to my buttock.

0:47:36 Unknown Speaker #3

You have too much. There's d m. I was your but

0:47:41 Unknown Speaker #4

government to, um I wonder

0:47:42 Unknown Speaker #3

you have btm eyes that correct. Yeah, I've

0:47:45 Unknown Speaker #6

backside to you. My and it's been diagnosed. And a doctor told me that it can be really dangerous. So

0:47:52 Unknown Speaker #3

the doctor who found it was was oft correct. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. A lot of people say

0:47:58 Unknown Speaker #6

that produce Keyes did it, but you know, there's no confirmation.

0:48:01 Unknown Speaker #2

No. And then when we say he was off, what we what we mean by him being my

0:48:05 Unknown Speaker #6

doctor was killed because of too much information on my buttocks. Do not information.

0:48:09 Unknown Speaker #3

It's the secret to alien life rests on my butt because of in essence switch. Wow. I'm glad we finally have a term. Yeah, for it saying that we've gone almost all the time.

0:48:24 Unknown Speaker #2

We've gone this long without without saying exactly what's going on. Well, along folks. We've been the victim of F s and switches victim. No, we've been the sort of subject of it's not septum situation. We've been the subject of X of essence, which is our whole lives.

0:48:41 Unknown Speaker #6

Isn't it just the way with these unprecedented times, to cut back everything you thought you relied on and make you reveal the truth not

0:48:49 Unknown Speaker #3

only to

0:48:50 Unknown Speaker #6

yourself but to your lovely listeners

0:48:54 Unknown Speaker #2

in size? To just be honest? Yeah.

0:48:58 Unknown Speaker #3

Speaking, I know a great segue way

0:49:03 Unknown Speaker #4

for this would be.

0:49:04 Unknown Speaker #1

Speaking of honest days,

0:49:06 Unknown Speaker #4

I donor raising brand to cornflakes.

0:49:11 Unknown Speaker #3

Yes. What's our big honesty's? Yes.

0:49:15 Unknown Speaker #2

Now that we're coming clean, I think I think now is the time. You know, graduation, we said, is coming. It's two weeks away. Yeah, way we in. Ah, you know, we're in the ah, the winter of our careers is what we'll say. Ah, that Z I think that's a kind way to say it. The sun is setting on our careers and, ah, coming up this graduation. We've been tasked with two things where,

0:49:41 Unknown Speaker #6

of course, middle aged men and our careers are almost over.

0:49:45 Unknown Speaker #1

Yes, and we know the importance. We don't want to be kicking around teaching lessons when we're

0:49:53 Unknown Speaker #2

in our seventies. It's just sad. You gotta go out on top folks

0:49:58 Unknown Speaker #1

way be in our early seventies and still a teacher. There's not

0:50:04 Unknown Speaker #3

honestly get me

0:50:05 Unknown Speaker #6

on the streets when I'm over 55. I'm over 55. Keep me indoors. Yeah, we want to remember

0:50:13 Unknown Speaker #4

the world. Let's just remember this to everybody out there. When you're talking about shit about age, someone else in the room might be the age you're talking about. Not everybody is your age.

0:50:25 Unknown Speaker #2

That's true

0:50:26 Unknown Speaker #3

now, when you when you hit une

0:50:28 Unknown Speaker #1

mail chain and you're turning, say, I don't know 40 years up thin or 30

0:50:36 Unknown Speaker #2

years. You know when you're turning 30

0:50:37 Unknown Speaker #1

say I'm an old piece of trash, yucky, yucky. It's my 30th bucky, and that's the it's subject line.

0:50:50 Unknown Speaker #3

Maybe take a look at does see seed and their age and think how it might affect them because we've been We've all done

0:51:01 Unknown Speaker #1

lucky. Lucky It's my 50th Bucky. And we've put on, you know, some 70 year

0:51:06 Unknown Speaker #6

old say this we're all marching towards death. Every person alive is only is is just enjoying their time until it's up. And, Todd, you're much closer than that, then us.

0:51:17 Unknown Speaker #4

Well, I've died 13 times. Baker's d So you know. So, yeah, I know. They get worse each time.

0:51:24 Unknown Speaker #6

I just didn't want to pull any punches. You tie?

0:51:26 Unknown Speaker #2

No, thank you. But, you know, since

0:51:28 Unknown Speaker #4

we are in the winter of our discontent Go ahead, Howard,

0:51:32 Unknown Speaker #2

I was just going to say, you know, and it's not a bad thing that the things that things end but is we are coming to the end of our sort of 10 years. Yeah, I'm moving on to other things. So this year, not only have they taxed us tasked us with the entire honor taxed us.

0:51:50 Unknown Speaker #4

Oh, they're

0:51:50 Unknown Speaker #3

taxing in test. Those little difference. You my paycheck?

0:51:54 Unknown Speaker #2

Yeah, uh,

0:51:55 Unknown Speaker #1

bigger taxes. So high. God damn it. I know we barely talk about it,

0:52:02 Unknown Speaker #4

but by the way, there's there's no waiting on your stimulus check. It's because I'm trying to get my signature on it. I'm talking to the government. I'm trying to get my name on there and we're getting closer, so just hold on everybody who needs some money. We're trying to get the old Audrey Paderewski name on

0:52:19 Unknown Speaker #2

there. Hold on. So we asked

0:52:22 Unknown Speaker #4

our big announcement announced subject sidetrack, however,

0:52:25 Unknown Speaker #2

to tear announcement here. First, we have a lot of tea. Do it, Howard. We've luckily been tasked with the task of organizing our graduation this year. Obviously, it will be different because it's got to be socially distant. So we are doing a digital commencement as made popular by other universities and high schools. This

0:52:46 Unknown Speaker #1

voted on us. Ah, voted on who they wanted to Ah, plan and schedule the socially distant, um, graduation ceremony. And

0:52:58 Unknown Speaker #4

we hired by Sisters Company to count the ballots. And there was a bit of a mishap with the ballot counting. But we've got it all figured out, and it looks like we won. We always

0:53:09 Unknown Speaker #2

had a great we ended up with at least enough to get a good pa. Good sample of the

0:53:14 Unknown Speaker #1

lovelier school isn't a click and electoral college. So the ninth graders get a huge swatches.

0:53:23 Unknown Speaker #4

We've got 29th graders and 750 seniors.

0:53:27 Unknown Speaker #6

Well, in the freshman love us and the seniors hate us. What,

0:53:32 Unknown Speaker #3

you don't know us yet? Think we are, Larry our guts. Lucky for us, the people who know it's the least have the most power. So we shot up and, of course,

0:53:44 Unknown Speaker #1

Todd Sisters voting coming out of the cheat in the hour, our ace in the hole through.

0:53:52 Unknown Speaker #3

So it is going to be a digital commencement. But there will also be some live elements. There will be a few things

0:53:58 Unknown Speaker #6

going on at the stadium that will be filmed on and digitally broadcast.

0:54:05 Unknown Speaker #2

Yeah, and and we are celebrating the end of this school year and the commencement of Ah, the class of 2020. But, you know, we're also going to be, uh it's really tough to even say it out loud, folks, but

0:54:19 Unknown Speaker #1

across hard I mean, we haven't even said it vocally. We just all rode it down and kind of nodded at each other at the US and we said Howard was gonna actually say

0:54:29 Unknown Speaker #2

a t end of the school year. We ah,

0:54:33 Unknown Speaker #4

I'm not sure if you guys can hear this. Sorry on my mic, but my the neighbor's dog is barking because I stole some of its food on. So it's on there. This other words, if you hear barking because I'm taunting the neighbor's dog with its dinner that I'm eating in front, probably go ahead with the

0:54:48 Unknown Speaker #2

eso at the end of this school year. Not only will the 2020 school year be concluding, but

0:54:54 Unknown Speaker #3

there's a paper clip

0:54:55 Unknown Speaker #6

in this box. I don't know. Is your paper clip in here the whole time School. That's cool. Alright, Sorry. Howard, go.

0:55:03 Unknown Speaker #2

It's OK. Uh, we before

0:55:06 Unknown Speaker #4

one of those big paperclips, Sam, Today's

0:55:08 Unknown Speaker #6

why that's a big win. It's almost a novelty. Pull

0:55:11 Unknown Speaker #4

it apart and turn it into an s. Oh,

0:55:13 Unknown Speaker #6

yeah. Hey,

0:55:16 Unknown Speaker #1

if you guys, um I got some salt in my eye from my margarita, that's all.

0:55:24 Unknown Speaker #4

That's good. You like to salt the I. When you get a margarita,

0:55:30 Unknown Speaker #6

you do a body shot. I'll do every time. Yeah, I usually do a

0:55:35 Unknown Speaker #1

shot out of my eye instead of my belly, but bigger, bigger crevice. It's It's a double shot because I got sunken in eyes, as you all know.

0:55:46 Unknown Speaker #2

All right, I'm just gonna say it, okay? We're retiring.

0:55:48 Unknown Speaker #3

Oh, way are folks.

0:55:51 Unknown Speaker #2

We're retiring at the end of this school year on thea school was kind enough or oblivious enough to allow us to sort of tack on a secondary celebration. Teoh, graduation way

0:56:07 Unknown Speaker #1

said if we're planning it, we get five under interrupted moment, minutes, moment, moment, moment,

0:56:14 Unknown Speaker #3

moment, way throughout that they can come in any time. And it's true this we take the mic, it is uninterrupted. And the good thing about the language of moments, which we were very contract has really been hammered out. Specifically, we get five uninterrupted moments in around the commencement, in or around the commencement, with or without whoever we choose with or without. I

0:56:55 Unknown Speaker #6

hope the superintendent is hearing me with her.

0:56:58 Unknown Speaker #1

It was a beautifully vague, binding agreement,

0:57:02 Unknown Speaker #4

tried to but focus on the contract and we did not let it happen. We did not go that

0:57:07 Unknown Speaker #3

way. Focus on the vote first. That was also in the contract that we could use the term. But fuck do you know about the contract? Tried it, Beings. This was in the disclosure agreement. Yes, It's like we can use offensive language when referring to the way told them we're

0:57:30 Unknown Speaker #6

going to be talking about the contract on the air way put all the businesses in the street were saying,

0:57:36 Unknown Speaker #1

B f yes. So many times you

0:57:38 Unknown Speaker #4

burgundy. A non disclosure agreement. We signed a butt fuck agreement to be a

0:57:44 Unknown Speaker #3

which is actually surprising tied because you ever

0:57:48 Unknown Speaker #1

be a vase.

0:57:50 Unknown Speaker #4

Yes. I love one credit away from a bachelor. I have a bu a bachelor of ugly arts. I couldn't get the bachelor finance unfortunately,

0:57:59 Unknown Speaker #6

but at least you have, actually. And technically, you got that because you live alone. Not because of anything else.

0:58:04 Unknown Speaker #4

Yes, it's for living alone. And I practice arts. But I did have a bachelor party, Um,

0:58:10 Unknown Speaker #3

for you that you do not you didn't quite understood it was

0:58:18 Unknown Speaker #1

a graduation party, But let's just say we went to the

0:58:22 Unknown Speaker #4

strip club. Oh, yeah, And I popped out of my own cake. Did my own little striptease for myself.

0:58:28 Unknown Speaker #1

Well, luckily, I was there because I was dressed as a groomsman cake. Yes, not

0:58:34 Unknown Speaker #4

you barely made it. You were talking to a guy at the true value for about two hours. About different kinds of lug nuts.

0:58:42 Unknown Speaker #3

You got pretty tense there. I kept saying, Don't you dare help somebody else with PVC pipe. Get your ass back over here. We're talking luck nights, but yeah. I mean, we have been

0:58:55 Unknown Speaker #1

laboring over this announcement because we

0:58:58 Unknown Speaker #3

wanted to go out on top. Okay? Like I would say, we wanted to go out on top. And we were planned to announce this late march.

0:59:06 Unknown Speaker #4

Yes. And then March 11. Late

0:59:11 Unknown Speaker #3

march. Way well,

0:59:14 Unknown Speaker #4

marches. The February of the year. Where marches only 16 days. Right.

0:59:18 Unknown Speaker #6

Marches. So the February of the year?

0:59:21 Unknown Speaker #1

Yes, Mark March has always been the February because we're we're prank in the hell out of people on March 12th.

0:59:29 Unknown Speaker #4

Yeah, schools is three weeks.

0:59:32 Unknown Speaker #1

Yes. Yes, April. We go for April Fool's. We do. We do 2 to 3 straight weeks of April fools which people love. They love a praying

0:59:46 Unknown Speaker #3

Well, it's only a good

0:59:47 Unknown Speaker #6

prank if you hold it for a really long time and say no, it's not a prank. Yeah, You're gonna deal with this?

0:59:53 Unknown Speaker #1

I love pranks that have no silly angle. It's just like you tell somebody you have cancer, right? It's just saying you don't. Those are the best print.

1:00:03 Unknown Speaker #4

I frequently tell my wives they're pregnant as the April Fool's prank, and they get all excited. It's like, Just kidding. I had ah forced vasectomy years ago.

1:00:13 Unknown Speaker #6

Force. Yeah. The doctor held you down, right?

1:00:18 Unknown Speaker #4

Well, yeah. Believe me, I was getting roasted the whole time. To one of those humiliating things is a vasectomy roast at the same time. It's very went

1:00:26 Unknown Speaker #6

to Wiener Sinai for this. Yeah, there was.

1:00:28 Unknown Speaker #3

A lot of you weren't in using this thing anyway. Well, we're never given

1:00:34 Unknown Speaker #4

a vasectomy to an unused Penis.

1:00:37 Unknown Speaker #6

You don't know how to use it. You're probably not capable.

1:00:40 Unknown Speaker #3

A lot of that. We need

1:00:41 Unknown Speaker #1

to take the plastic off of this before we chop it

1:00:44 Unknown Speaker #3

up. Well, I am. I'll tell you, I am sad

1:00:48 Unknown Speaker #6

about what the end of the year means. But I am really excited for that big final ceremony. Not only are we celebrating the students graduating this year, but we're celebrating a life of Teacher Hood. We're celebrating.

1:01:03 Unknown Speaker #3

I mean, you know, this is being driven era we've been

1:01:07 Unknown Speaker #2

Our teachers are our entire adult life for the most part. Right on. And so this is not just the end of, ah, the end of our our tenure. It's the end of a whole era of our lives.

1:01:17 Unknown Speaker #3

Yeah, been, You know, despite our

1:01:20 Unknown Speaker #1

announcement, getting sort of overshadowed by, you know, the worldwide pandemic we have annoying. Um, it was so annoying.

1:01:32 Unknown Speaker #3

Way had a little ways to say later he had a little thing. An announcement we had we had We were gonna talk on air. We were going to bring a news cameras to the school to get our do puff, not puff pieces. Really Cereal, every pieces. Yeah, it's gents dance pieces the opposite of Puff Cheeto Straight up Cheeto pieces. And we got overshadowed by the pandemic. And we have been knocking on these news

1:02:08 Unknown Speaker #1

outlets doors, trying to get our story back in there, and they're like, It's time for

1:02:14 Unknown Speaker #2

I don't want to speak out of turn. But it does sort of feel like we've been butt fucked by Corona virus.

1:02:19 Unknown Speaker #3

So I'm glad you're signed that deal about Whoa. You cannot say that unless we're talking about That's a Corona viruses.

1:02:31 Unknown Speaker #2

The current viruses lawyers could take me to court, Okay? Because that viruses, but fuck not only us, but the whole world. Okay,

1:02:39 Unknown Speaker #4

you're gonna be see, you're gonna be seeing Johnny Cochran in a few days.

1:02:44 Unknown Speaker #2

Ain't Johnnie Cochran,

1:02:45 Unknown Speaker #4

Dershowitz, Cochran a representing

1:02:48 Unknown Speaker #3

Here's the the other day,

1:02:50 Unknown Speaker #4

rotavirus. And but fuck it,

1:02:52 Unknown Speaker #2

I'll see their ass in court.

1:02:53 Unknown Speaker #3

The other day, we started a rumor

1:02:55 Unknown Speaker #1

that there was a church service happening at First Baptist, and we were there instead that was trying to get the news there. And they showed up thinking there was a church surface happening, and we were like, Nope, It's actually our retirement. Want a bite? And they were like, Fuck off.

1:03:13 Unknown Speaker #2

We also we stayed. We staged ah, salon opening as well. Ah, to try to get the news out there. We did get a little bit of coverage, but the haircuts weren't good enough. So his So

1:03:25 Unknown Speaker #6

we all ruined each other's hair. Yeah.

1:03:30 Unknown Speaker #4

What? So now it's we're making the announcement, you know? And by the way, you know, we've announced it a few times, and we're not seeing a lot of retweets out there from some of the cowards. Um, yeah, a

1:03:42 Unknown Speaker #3

couple of d tweets.

1:03:43 Unknown Speaker #6

A couple of people saying, Don't look at that. If you want to

1:03:46 Unknown Speaker #1

retweet the Final Three, we've got three more episodes and really

1:03:57 Unknown Speaker #2

hears about this. How about this? There's been a

1:03:59 Unknown Speaker #1

lot of memories. Final Three.

1:04:01 Unknown Speaker #2

Yeah, there's been a lot of memories. Created it over the course of this show, you know. Ah, lot of just insane stuff has happened. I'm sure there's people out there who have plenty of reminiscing they want to do. If you have about this, let's why don't we start a little teacherslounge nostalgia Hatch tag? Maybe a little, uh, T t l T b t l

1:04:24 Unknown Speaker #3

throwback teacher around Crap. Hey. Yeah, here we go. Crab shell is good if you want to see us reunite

1:04:32 Unknown Speaker #1

the Wimberley lease on stage at the graduation. Hashtag TBT l

1:04:38 Unknown Speaker #2

Yeah, hashtag evening. You want to see a graduation? Hit us with the hashtag TB TL hashtag old crap

1:04:47 Unknown Speaker #6

will, of course, taking everybody's input into consideration and including it all. Congratulations.

1:04:53 Unknown Speaker #1

No tweet will go unseen and a reference.

1:04:57 Unknown Speaker #4

Now I got everybody. I got everybody around before recorded this episode. Uh, these the four teachers, US host Sam Todd and the rest, Um, interesting. And And I said, Fellas, you know, they don't They don't want us to teach anymore Hamilton Principal Krauss wants us gone. And so this is it. Three more episodes. That's the last flush

1:05:25 Unknown Speaker #6

I've had it.

1:05:26 Unknown Speaker #4

So let's get in their final flash, The last flush. Three episodes of us before we go out and then we're goners.

1:05:34 Unknown Speaker #1

Yeah, I think of us as a toilet bowl that's been collecting storyline after storyline after character after character after doubled down on misspeak

1:05:50 Unknown Speaker #3

on I want to say this. I

1:05:52 Unknown Speaker #6

know that we, as the teachers have threatened to retire hundreds of times. I know that one time they ran out of chicken at lunch and I said, That's it. I'm retiring. But this time I mean

1:06:03 Unknown Speaker #4

Oh yeah, the big ticket retirement chicken chicken at lunch and you started to play soccer, retired to become a soccer player for

1:06:14 Unknown Speaker #6

started to play soccer. Yeah, I just started to change my life, I said, This place is not good for

1:06:19 Unknown Speaker #1

me. Yeah, the chicken retirement that was, and you ended up being like the chicken retirement. He he's a chicken, right, Like there was a lot of a cop. A

1:06:29 Unknown Speaker #6

cop turned against me. I said no. This is the chicken retirement. As in the chicken protest? No, we're pretty sure the chickens retiring, and I said, I'm about to cross the fuckin road on your ass.

1:06:41 Unknown Speaker #4

There's the when they move the copy machine Retirement. Yeah,

1:06:46 Unknown Speaker #6

And then when they move the coffee maker retirement Oh, yeah, that one. That one

1:06:51 Unknown Speaker #2

almost stuck in. Also, the

1:06:53 Unknown Speaker #3

guys, if you want to do it, no Well, the way Forced

1:06:59 Unknown Speaker #6

retirement, Yes. Family forced retirement that I could. Somebody being blackmailed my way back from Some people Call it

1:07:08 Unknown Speaker #1

firing, but it's a forced retirement. It's a nice spin.

1:07:12 Unknown Speaker #3

But yet do you want to see South Pole Santa? Sit on the valedictorians lap. Hashtag TBT l and

1:07:21 Unknown Speaker #4

I'm also pushing last flush hash tag

1:07:24 Unknown Speaker #2

last flat. There's three ctbto last flush.

1:07:30 Unknown Speaker #4

You can only pick one, but make sure everything is in the same thread. Whatever you pick. Yep. They'll have to be the same. Yeah, throws

1:07:39 Unknown Speaker #3

Israel, Folks, this is the final three hashtag the final three cash crap

1:07:45 Unknown Speaker #4

steak. Last flesh

1:07:47 Unknown Speaker #1

has the media yell

1:07:50 Unknown Speaker #3

and hashtag Guys stay flippy

1:07:53 Unknown Speaker #4

hashtag state flippy