My Morning Toilet

Let me get a let me get a little level. And remember with these levels, guys, don't make your face, like, I'm making the sound of my voice is making you puke. Don't don't

no. Yeah. No. I do need a regular afraid. I took Dramamine before the check.

Thanks for that. Okay. Just to

kinda keep my equilibrium -- Uh-huh. -- when I hear your voice. Yeah. You guys Well, I've been really

voice sick lately. I don't know if it's with everybody or just some people, but I've been really voice sick. Voice sick. What does voice sick mean? It's like seasick, but when you hear someone's voice, you wanna throw up over the side of a

boat. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Sometimes, like, you know, for example, if you're going to, like, 1 island to another, and you get on the boat and you're fine and then Howard starts talking on the boat and

you get sick. You know what? Maybe we don't even need to do levels. We just won't even do levels today.

What do you mean? We won't do levels.

We have to do levels.

We took our drama means. Okay.

Fine. Then, Todd, just give me a

give me a level check. Alright. Let's see. This is Todd Padre T0DD -- Yeah. -- space. Double d. He wish. He wish?

BAD

you wish for you? Are you wish you could touch? I

think we all wish I had double b's. Yeah. Are you excited

about that, Tom?

What's up? Has

that

been on your mind lately? I've

been thinking about it. Yeah. You know, you just get something on the mind. Sometimes it's like Oh, yeah. Yeah. I wish I drove a Corolla instead of with the kids hot Hotwheel hot wheel. Yeah. A little hot wheel.

I can't believe

you just souped up hot wheels.

Yeah. Just got it

on a horse But hot's

barbie Jeep that he drives around and 10 on. That's a Ken Jeep. On the back of That's a Ken

jeep.

There is no that Ken has a convertible. Barbie has a Jeep.

Yeah. I mean, that's a Ken Jeep. It's my pink Ken Jeep that Ken rides around in when Barbie's working, which is okay.

Yeah. Have you

seen my To make the

toy never know what I'm doing. And

can you can you spell the rest of your last name, or did you purposely

describe the British values? I thought I finished it. Yeah. I thought I finished it. You

didn't. You got

well, are my levels good? I

mean, they sound okay. Yeah. Okay. So

you

finish it. Alright. Okay.

can't

my last name.

Oh, yeah. Well, let's 1 day we'll ask you to prove it to him. Yeah. 1 day.

Bill Cravey, BILLCRAVY. Very good. Thank you.

So your name is very phonetic. Yeah.

Pretty easy. Bing. Yes.

You got it right.

Oh, Whoa. Come on down?

Do I come on down? What do I do? What do

i do? Nothing. Nothing. Just

kidding. Give

me your levels. Also, we don't have to spell our name. That's not You're not on a game show

every time you're a

dick. Okay. KII0,

he's on the masked singer. Hi. Is that is that Bill Cravo?

Who is it?

I got cut out of the masked singer -- Mhmm. -- because I used my real voice.

Mhmm. And The body face.

You know, face. And they were like, this character is too grotesque for the show. Yeah. And then you spent 15 minutes trying to get Kim Jong to diagnose what you had. Yes. And he said, I am a medical doctor, but I mostly do comedy now. So I can't. Alright. Well,

your levels are good

there, Bobby. Alright.

Sam here with your Sam weatherman, SAM weather, MAN.

Okay. That's good. Did you get it? Yeah. You did you just said weather instead of spelling. And again, you don't have to spell your name. I'm just calling out

what I heard. Right. Yeah.

Weatherman. Okay. It doesn't matter. Alright. And somebody just take the headphones hearing.

There we go. Let me

i'm gonna hit you with mine.

Hello?

Whoa. All the way to the left. All of us flew to the left.

Hi, doctor Jong. I need more, grandma, mean,

describe me. Doctor Jong. Where is he? A comedy show? We're sick. Okay. Well,

you know what? Who knows how my levels are

gonna sound? I'm fine. I'm fine. I'll I'll power through.

Howard, how do you wanna sound?

Let's

crank them exactly to how Howard not

gonna care what you want. It doesn't matter. You guys don't care how I sound. The audience doesn't care how I sound.

Everyone cares.

Just do your mic check, Howard. Howard Levis. H0WARDLIVI apostrophe s. The apostrophe is silent.

They usually are. They usually usually are. Alright.

How did that sound? Did it sound okay?

It was good.

Okay. Alright. Well, just just play the fucking music. Get a

ralph

over this side.

Okay. No. Just play the song. Put the song. Put the song.

Oh, the Bellicans are eating my beer.

Okay. Well, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another of the teachers lounge the first best and only podcast to dream issues relevant to the Hamilton High School Community. I am born. God bless you. I thought we were driving this. I thought we were getting throughout Dash.

Oh. 0, the white hoo. Oh,

the hoo hoo. It'll get around the copyright if I could change it. Yeah. I only did 2 seconds clear, and

i changed it to woo hoo.

Okay. Well You can do that

with any song, you know. What's your favorite song that you always wanted on the lounge.

At the bottom

jeans. Then hit. I think you know what to do.

just have to change boots with the fur to woo woo.

You

Yeah. All downgrade.

Alright. Well, I guess that's in here now. Anyway, I'm Howard Levis, of course, your biology teacher. Also, the advocate and now acting I have power of attorney over Craig Crown's estate.

Oh, wow.

Big estate there, biggest stay. We'll pass

around the horn and introduce the rest of it.

Now it's just a typical power of attorney. You get to order his attorney around?

As far as I know, I am I am attorney,

judge,

jury, and execution. Executioner. Wow.

Wow. That's a really good thing to have over your artist. The court the court said we no

longer wanna have any sort of any any sort of stake in the outcome of this because we see it being going very poorly. Mhmm. So they have sort of just relinquished him along with all responsibility for him and his actions --

his life runs. So you'll take -- the heat, whether he gets the the DP, the death penalty, or gets free. It'll all be on

right. I'll beat the blame for the outcome of his story as a human being. And

you also have to carry it out as his executioner.

That is true, which I'm not looking forward to. But as we know, I'm probably not gonna kill them. Even even if they tell me to, I'm probably

not gonna

kill them. Is this something You got a big swords to do it if you want, nerd alert. Oh my god.

If you walk in the Howard's house, somebody like swords.

The swords somebody can stop

him for buying more stories. The swords are gonna be gone soon as soon as the eBay auctions

end. Oh, yeah. Well Well,

you have to have bidders. We've talked about this. If it ends with 0 bidders, you don't do any

of the tools. You can't have bidders before you have listings.

I will say your reserve is way too

high. For this. You don't even know how how expensive You

gotta see what the market says

there were. 18 grand?

18 grand. Yes. For the sword of Demiroth. We

here at the lounge know that the market is what's the biggest thing.

It keeps the world turned

to Mark the market here.

Power of the market.

The market you have to let the market decide. And I don't make any personal decisions in my life. I let the market decide whether I'm gonna go visit my children or not. I let the market decide if I'm going to get that mold kicked out of my As soon

as that morning bell rings, I know where you are. You're at the market.

I'm at the market. I'm on the back of that bull downtown Wall Street, and I'm riding that thing until it tells me what to do. Absolutely. Alright.

Well, let's piss

around the horn and let's piss around the horn. Hey.

What's up? It's sexy, Sammymen, and I'm taking a fat piss on the teacher's lounge.

Yeah. That's

right. I am the local mental health associate at the school, as well as the COVID compliance officer, as well as the disgraced drivers ed teacher.

Not to segue right from drivers ed into this metaphor. But quite a whiplash to hear you say, pissing all over the lounge right into the mental health advocate.

I'm going with what my man said.

I'm also backing up

my guy here.

Absolutely. But, yes,

some of the bathrooms have been closed due to COVID scares. And so the kids have been peeing just outside the bathrooms, and we're gonna get to the bottom of this. Who tell

them to go as close as they can.

Yeah. Just get close to the bathroom. It's too risky to go

there's a drain on the floor of every bathroom. As long as you get relatively close with the high powered hose we have, you can get it in there. Oh, yes.

in Well,

A lot of people don't know this. There's 1 main drain in the middle of molten and all the floor slopes towards that drain. It's

in the middle of the

amphitheatre.

Yes. And that drain Which

is also called the toy bowl? Yes. Hello? You can

hear the screams of hell if you listen to those tonight. And we would know those. We would Hello, everyone. Bill Cravi, assisted basketball coach, head teacher of the home ec department, which only has 1 teacher so far. And also lead coach of the alumni team, which, of course, Has Roberto. We got Travis. We got Albert. We got Francis, and we got your eye. Francine. Francine. That's what I meant.

Yes. And is Francine

doing

little bit weird. Francine took a calcium fall

the other day.

Which I don't know if that's a term. It's not. But it's a I know what you mean. You know what I mean. Yeah. When I say an old person

she'd really hope She really wish she had more calcium. It's

1 of those where you go, oh my god. And they get up and they say they're fine and you're, okay, because I thought you were gonna turn to dust. Dust. Yes. I know exactly what you mean. A calcium fall. But Francine's okay. Yeah. The rest of the team is fantastic. Everything is going as planned. Yes.

Big news that's exciting, Todd podre at t p feminist on TikTok and all social media. And director of whatever plays happening this year, that the students are all starring in which

is exciting for that 1. Has the

play changed?

Yes. They've simplified it. They quickly simplified it.

They simplified it. Well, they got really good stuff. They took out the 2 faced version of -- Tennessee Williams. -- Tennessee Williams and Peter Pan. Yeah. Which was of as everyone remembers, half Tennessee Williams, and half and half Peter No.

No. No. Half Peter pan half, Tennessee Williams hat. Burn to a crispness season.

Are you wrong about that? Are you right?

I'm right about that.

Okay. Alright.

Are you wrong about that? Or are you right? Oh, hello. Okay. So you're Brad Pitt.

Somebody called Paul Outdoors. We Yeah. And we need to hit Shania tweeen. Shania tweeen.

Can I

join you? But, yeah, we are here in the lounge. I I feel like we came back, you know, we did the show. And I don't know that we described the amenities to the new lounge. Our listeners because we were gone for a while and we did some updates to the launch to modernize it a little bit. We are on some fantastic microphones donated by play play school. Uh-huh. Yes. Right. Each 1

is attached to a little white plastic keyboard --

yes. -- and

the microphone is on a little dangly swirly.

Yeah. And I mean, the the Keurig has been wonderful, I I would say What

about the new pullout? I mean, we used to sleep taco style on that pull out you and me, Todd. I think you remember. And now I forget,

i don't have Alzheimer.

Of course being you too sleeping with lettuce tomato, sour cream cheese cheese, absolutely, tomato, if we're lucky. But, yeah, the keurig's really good.

We do what you call a 10 pass. Yeah. I was gonna say, we soup

we

souped it up or sort of what most people call a reverse soup up, where

so you

run 10 cups through 1 k cup and then you take the tenth cup. Yes.

And we just soup it up to those last 5 cups are chowders. So it's really extracting any sort of the -- Yes. -- the depth from the cup so that it's really Color wise, what would you all say? It's kind of a francine colored coffee, but Right. Yes.

Yes. It looks a

lot like France saying see through. Yeah. But we love a remodel. We all went we love going to Home Depot. I think 1 day we what? 25 trips back and forth on me, but because we kept not just

measuring I told you multiple times. I was like, why don't we just measure the space between

when

you wanna get it on Home Depot, walk out the door. Don't get it. Don't do any prep. Don't measure. Don't get there. Get there as fast as you can.

we are I I am nothing if not shy around a Home Depot employee. I am following 1 around, wondering if I should ask for help. You know? Yeah.

And

get in there, Todd. Just get in there. You gotta do it, but you never wanna interrupt. No.

Just

You had a real Will They won't they with the Home Depot employee around the toilets.

That's absolutely right. Is

he gonna

say anything? Is he not? And you could feel the tension with the Home Depot in play. Like, did he wanna help you? Did he not?

It was very deep. We ended up doing a bachelor style who who's gonna ask thumb depot.

Right. Yeah. Chris Harrison was there, and occasionally somebody will come in. Do you mind if I grab him for a sec. I just need to go look at washers. And you, of course, you had a you actually got

a 1 on 1. I did. I had a 1 With the lumber man. With the lumber man, which was really nice while we ended up walking through the Clorox wipes section.

That is so rubbish. Oh, that's back there by the toilet. That are usually stained to hell blown out. Well, yeah. They well, they've started using the model

toiling to the Home Depot. Well, they have They do.

They do the they go back there and they test out different acids to get off diarrhea construction worker diarrhea stands.

Yes. But, you know, I feel, ultimately, I'm not comfortable on a home depot unless I am 5 steps behind my dad wondering where we're going right far. He's not gonna get the wrong thing and blow up that. So I kind of just didn't there. And I'm a I am a moon without a planet. You know what I mean?

I've

got nobody to revolve around. I, of course, will find a dad and kind of see an are you my father's situation?

Yeah. Yeah. That's 1 of the best

of Home Depot. It's all the helpful guys there who will just tell you what you want without asking

parts

yeah. Yeah. It's what Yeah. There's

no judgment of your skills as a handyman when you ask that question. You're using a luck

i can't tell you and I don't know what this is, but every time I go to home depot, I hear a lot of -- Yes. -- right when I walk past people.

Yes. Yes. But, Todd, you will never have to worry if your dad likes you ever again because

he is dead. Well,

just big noose. Big noose. We we quickly wanna say, Todd's dad, died this we don't have to spend we're fresh from the funeral We wanna quickly get it out there, make Todd feel better, then move right on. The oldest man in the world died this week. He was very private. He did not want Guinness over there, but just so everyone knows, Your dad was a hundred and 43

this week when he passed. Years young. And my light, my love, he was everything. And

speaking of a calcium, He did pass away from a a Feelinging

an orange. Yeah.

He he peeled to death. He loaded. Here The orange actually peeled him. The orange in the

in 1 good deal, too. Yeah.

That's what's incredible. Yeah. To give it up to you. We found Todd

in the stomach of an orange, being digested underneath the house.

me and the orange bared the hatchet quickly and for Gabe

And

the orange is here. Say hello, Orange. Hello. He brought his wife. Hello, Regina. No.

He's my husband.

Okay,

hush. We said I'm sorry. Shut up oranges. You wanted to come watch, shit because you killed his dad, dog.

Yeah. I I have already extended quite an olive branch let you come watch this podcast. Now you're fucking trying to take over? You

let olive branch come? Shut up. You're a big fan.

Oh,

my

well, thank you very much. Hello. It's me. You're all the friends.

Oh, Jesus.

Okay. We should also announce that Bill Cravely's mom was killed by all of

so, of course, I extended an olive branch to the olive branch. My mom was cold pressed into an oil by this olive

breast. Yes. She was used

a very

for

delicious Vakacha.

Oh, my god. Which we had at tomatoes. We ate at tomatoes.

Jamaica, of course, the Italian restaurant right next to Pikinis.

I'll tell you what, there is not a better 1 2 punch in town -- Mhmm. -- than having big fat pasta tomatoes and then sliding right

back. Well, the

coolest

thing that they started doing is is bikinis has started letting you order from tomatoes. And tomatoes will deliver You can bring tomatoes into bikinis, and it's so good. And

sometimes

even though it's a short drive, I don't wanna make the drive. So I'll have I'll put it in the order through cars, and they'll bring you right

up.

Anyway, lots of talk Anyway Anyway, we went on real quick though. Before we got sidetracked

talking about your dad's recent dad. Oh, yeah. Sorry.

We digress

anyway.

Oh. No. Just turn that off. You're not gonna grieve here on air. It's fine. Okay. Shut it down. Turn it off, Todd. Shut that down.

Hey. If there's anything I could do well, it's shut down my emotion based on the reviews of all my plays.

But, Todd, t p feminist, this week got a huge viral vid. And it and it seems I know your name is Todd Padre. But there was a toilet paper theme. So what you usually do, which people are now doing, when you start getting made fun of online or sort of lampooned, you embrace the joke. Absolutely. And you are calling yourself the toilet paper feminist now?

Yes. I have nothing if not aware of when I'm a joke. Mhmm. And so I was getting a lot of likes for TP feminist and I thought it was my feminist content, but a lot of it was people reposting my videos and adding long toilet paper to everything I

was doing. Right. Who is this

woke mommy? Stuff like that. By the way, mummies can be mummies now, which is a feminist thing that I'm kinda That's that's

really groundbreaking.

I because lot of not a lot of people were saying that in Egypt. No. Right. The Egyptians were some of the most misogynistic pastors.

Yeah. Why do you think

they built this pyramid? To yes. Man

only club. To keep the mommies out.

Yes. Her kids were the original bikinis. We all knew that. King tut loved bikini style classic. Yes. Yeah. But

anyway,

And you've been you have been invited and actually participated in a couple of collabs with famous TikTok. Yeah? Yes. I collabed with Ted Cruz.

You just got the shit beat out of you by Jake Paul. Right? Yes. So Jake Paul and I did a collab where I tried to the whole idea is I'm trying to explain to him toilet paper.

Not feminism. Well, but this was the crazy thing. He had no idea what you were

talking about. I feel like the feminism part is really getting dropped in some of the new videos, and you're you're really talking about toilet But

when the audience likes you for something, you can't just go giving them something else right away. You gotta do some toilet paper material, and then, yeah, you

i mean, you really mean with the toilet paper material and then you drop the

feminism. And I'm getting sponsorship deals from Charmin. Feminism isn't giving me a sponsorship deal. I'll talking about it if I make money. That's right now, Charmin's reaching out.

That's right.

That's a great perspective. Only

talking about social

issues if you're gonna make

and you actually just reaching out? Why Yes.

Oh, my gosh. Why these if that deal goes through, I'm gonna buy a new toilet. But

you but I saw you are you are thinking about signing with -- Yeah. -- what's it yes. Yes.

Porta potty toilet paper -- Yes. I am. -- specifically. Specifically. Well, there's a lot of offers out there, and I haven't -- Right. -- I haven't signed any deals right now. Right. But when it comes down to it, which toilet paper have I used and needed the most amount?

Right. Right. And it's

that's really sad. I go on

of

and I'll steal the toilet paper for the board. Well, I am really proud of

you for the new way that your TikToks are being distributed. Kind of like at the gas station, where you have TV at the pump.

Yeah. TikTok at the pump. Right? Well, TikTok at the porta potty. Yes. Andy Gump approached you personally. Right?

Yes.

Andy is a fantastic great business been a little prickly. But but but really really knows

business. And he started a new thing called TikTok in the gum. Yes.

It's TikTok in the gump. So what it is is I will come into your toilet with you and I will hold my TikToks in front of you while you're making this So

he can install little screens or anything. It's it's a personal 1

on 1 Well, we're talking about that. But it's very I don't know if you noticed. It's very expensive for the stock and stock TVs a poor Especially, poor

guy, because you need to be able to hose those down.

Yes. But Andy Gumpus, I mean, he's filthy sense of humor, really, We all I don't know if you know this, but Andy obviously short for Will Andrew. So -- Right. -- I've gotten to know on a first name basis. We have dinner together. His whole kitchen is porta potty stuff.

Wow. That's really cool. When you find that works His whole house

is plastic. It kinda slides around.

Every room is a little small building. You go

so so his house is made up of a bunch of little porta potties with the tell me there's a few holes

cut for walls and, you know, like a hallway. Well, holes he I think he found that if you see a hole in 1 of those, you think it's only got 1 use So people were misusing the whole -- Right. -- or I don't wanna get disgusting but there's shits in their pisses. And so he said, okay, no holes, no windows. Right. Right. Yeah. So Awesome. But, yeah, TP feminist has taken off, and I I don't wanna get rid of the feminist stuff. Right. I've been I have been looking to do more feminist

times. You have to, but you don't want to. But yeah.

As I was gonna say speaking of of porta potties, I did wanna just sorta get out ahead of it. Everybody's aware that this this week, there was a sort of They're calling you to rally. It was sort of the size of convention, though. It was kind of a an anti anti Howard Lexus rally.

Yeah. Yeah. That was It's called

liar liar liar, jeans on fire. Yeah. It was apparently apparently, the information that this guy who is anonymous source was sort of holding -- Yes. -- it leaked this week and people are get have this idea in their head that I'm not actually

related to the

levi's family that I'm actually a member of the Lee family, the inspiration for the little figurine.

You're the little greebel. And I have to apologize Jyes, I which I always do when I do something wrong. The episode I edited, I turned up some private information very loud when I thought it was turned down and some people are using that as evidence against you. But that's parody.

Yeah. Exactly. This podcast is not news or or or or or reality. This podcast is satire. We're playing exaggerated versions of our sell -- Yes. -- to sort of make to to for comedy, we know this is funny we're trying to goof around. I the audio that you all heard on the episode is not real. And I know that that audio has sort of inspired people to do their own research, quote unquote, and go online and find pictures of me as a young boy. Standing next to the Lee family family gatherings. But

let

What does this change about you? That's the question that I like that. So even better. You're you're part of a slightly less Huge family.

What it changes is our trust in this country. A man can say whatever is he wants about himself and people have to believe

yes. Right? How dare you, Bill?

Yeah. How dare you?

And shit. Oh, that's fair. That is fair. Shame on me. Yeah. Shame on

me. Shane. 2 fingers. Right? It can be against each other like you're trying to start a fire. Shane.

Shame on my way. She was really

feeling for you this week. I cannot believe how much it must have hurt to have your name which we don't know if it's true or not, drug through the

mud light. Yeah.

You took some heat online, and we were all busy when it came time to sort of, like I

was or I

was supposed to go peel an orange for my dad and I got distracted. All what this stuff was

happening. Mhmm. But I organized a little sort of counter protest across the street from this rally, this anti Elvis rally, you know, a little cordoned off, part of the sidewalk, I came Did you

say Cordoned off? Cordoned off? James Cordon.

Yeah. Yes. Stick Cordon said I wanna part of the side rocking, as you know, if he's doing that, people will go around.

But I was really honestly disappointed in the the turnout. I was expecting at least 4 attendees

we were so busy. It was so busy. We were busy. This was a

huge deal. I don't know. I was trying to

convince my mother not to go to an Italian cooking class.

Did it work?

No. She died and got squashed up into olive oil. That's

right. Moving on. Sorry. It's

just But Howard It's just it's just tough to be in a position where you don't feel trust anymore because that has also bled into my personal life and sort of my life here at the school. As you guys know, I have been sort of we'll say shadow band from working on the alumni event. They don't want me to be directly involved. My name's been expunged from any sort of document that connects me to the event. And so You've

been left off all the emails?

I I have. It's been I've been really isolated. And in a year of so much isolation, this last week has really

has

really done something to you, guys.

power.

--

As long as nobody asks us

about you I love with you how Can I have a off my fuck with my

kids? I fucks with Howard. Well,

listen. I just wanna say, III don't mean to be confrontational, and I know Bill, and Todd both had very valid reasons not to be there. But Sam, I just wanna say, I watched a little bit of the live feed from the rally Yeah. And I'll just say, someone went up for speech, who I'll just say You're talking about the

entry leftist rally?

Yes.

There

was no 1 who went Somebody was there promoting drugs, prescription drugs.

It seemed like they were and I'll just say it as bluntly

as possible. I know that you were there. I know that you were part Somebody was there with Ocrevis. This hurts. Somebody was there showing off the new -- This

hurt. -- oh, Crievous. Yeah. Well, we all had really important things to do that day. Of course. I had I don't know. If you saw the video, I had to hold Ocrievus' leash there. I had to make sure -- Right. He was at the busiest place in town, hawking his Ocrevis.

Right. Hey.

Get that everybody The brand new cholesterol slash depression medication, that is just got FDA approval. It is a man who holds a jawbreaker of medicine that you lick once a day, do not lick our grooves for more than 30 minutes.

And the FDA is fully dangerous animal man. Right?

That's what they're ranked him. That's right. That's right. And don't forget you to summon him, you say, oh, Creeven.

Yeah. I know all this, Sam. And it doesn't change Don't summon O' Creeven. It's

after 9PM.

Stuff like that.

Because I had to be with Ocrievous that day --

i mean, right here. -- because

and and again, I love you. I fucks what you have in my

house. With My god.

But

as a new pharmaceutical rep slash COVID denier slash -- Nier. -- well, that's part of me. Slashed COVID responsibility man, I have to go where the people are, because I have to make sure that everybody's getting COVID. And, b, everybody's sharing about a crevasse. Right.

I I just I guess, I want you guys all to kinda see this from my perspective. We're the only person throughout all of this who has supported me even for a a second has been a convicted Podra.

No. And no

So you're trying to innocence project Chris Craig Crown? I

mean, you've really been pushing him ever since his song underneath the bridge. Comma where they're buried.

Yeah.

Yeah. That Which And they found the body to stop

sending

us stop sending us a cease and desist, red hot chili peppers. It's so much different than

yourself. My thing is, Howard, I love you, and I wanna support you so bad. But when it's only you and a serial killer, I just don't wanna be the first guy to go hang out. If everybody else starts coming, I'll come to

so you're saying, so what all saying be the first. You can't be seen with me until I actually -- till public opinion change. -- until I actually sort of exonerate Chris Craig Crown or and this whole levus Lee thing blows over. You guys don't wanna be

same boat of canceled? I have you been

canceled? I mean, as far as I can they won't let me go into the grocery store. The

gas, like, that's cancellation.

The Howard, I have the best notes draft. Apology to you that I want to post publicly. Right. But I just am trying to get the wording I'm just editing it so that I could come out in support of you.

I have a straight to video blog post. I take a lot of Straight to video blog post. Straight to video.

Wait. So it didn't even go into theaters. It won't get it immediately. In a blockbuster. No. We had some issues with distribution. And so this

is Be careful.

Scarlet Joe hates I'd sue your ass. Oh, well, not might. I'm Scott Dray is suing me because I walked around just calling just for a week. But

she is suing

you in character, in offensive character that you shouldn't be playing? She shouldn't

yes. Well, she's suing me. She's gonna scream aloha in your face.

She's suing you as Duke kamehameha for

why? Yes. Yes. It's so the case is Scott is Duke kamehameha versus Joseph 2 big hair. I got the big hair. I'm being very smart with my jokes. But I I wanna say the straight to video I I take some deep breaths in there. I think and look away for a second and come

back camera. The the background is blurry, but your face is in focus.

Very focused. Yeah. So but Howard, I wanna say this to you right here and now. You are my guy. You need something, I will be there first. Oh, sorry. The door opened up. Let me close that.

Mhmm. Ouch. Jesus. It's the orange. Shut up, Orange. Wait. So just so I can get this clear, people are angry at you for many reasons. Well, 1 being that you pulled a serial killer, convicted serial killer out of prison, to sing at Kanye's place in Wyoming. You're backing them. You're sort of managing them. They're gonna perform at the

i love it. Because I have an alumni.

And they're also this is co coinciding with you being outed as part of the Lee's family rather than Levi.

Yeah. And it feels related. It feels like this is this that these people are leaking this this fake information -- Right. -- to try to make me look bad. And

well, what about this?

What

if it what if it was true because it is? Because we said it. Right? You know, like, what if you just came out about it?

No. Here's the truth. At the alumni event, at the alumni event, you took my word. You have my word. At the alumni event, I will produce concrete proof that I am a member of the Levi's family.

Whoa. I will on stage -- Oh.

The alumni banquet. I will get on that stage and I will show everyone concrete proof and how So you're gonna

bring your gene certificate.

bring my gene some denim

I'm gonna

raw proof of your denim history.

Yeah. I will produce it. I will produce it. Wow. Selvage proof, if you

will. Delvage proof. That's huge news. Yeah. That is big. Well, so for everyone who has not responded for the alumni that that's a big sell for it now. Yeah. And also Howard Leads Howard Levis -- Come on God. -- will show proof jeans that he is from the Levi's family.

I'm gonna show you And

you will also and also, Craig Crown is be exonerated. Great

crown

will be exonerated immediately. Yes. He will. It's all gonna happen, folks. Wow. Are you gonna

show who the murderer is of these people? Because the bodies are dead. If

you

could solve the crime Howard, I think that would really make me wanna hang out with.

Hey. Well, look, I don't know. You're gonna show up. First.

I'll be the

first guy to hang with you if you solve the crimes. Well,

that's that's my the promise I'm making to everyone today. I will prove that I am I am a Levi. And I will also exonerate Chris Craig Crown at the alumni event right before his performance. That is awesome. Your first folks You better show up because you're gonna wanna see it. See,

this is the great thing about, hey, the teachers lounge and the alumni event. We're doing great things for the world. Something that I have discovered as the new COVID chief for the school while planning this event is that COVID is a hoax. And there are a lot of good drugs to treat the SIM if you don't get the vacuum. Now

that is an interesting sentence to hear from someone you've been alone in a room with for a long time. Yes. Mask off.

Yes. Goughing

and eating. Well, because you this COVID hoke stuff, I am nothing if not open minded. I obviously spent a few years trying to find the end of the flat earth, which everybody remembers nobody this wasn't part of the podcast, but I

you did drive your ship off of the edge, but it wasn't the edge of the

earth. No. I ended up driving into the Grand Canyon, which is what I found out. Your ship was on a trailer. My ship was on a trailer. I was a pack mule for 6 years till I found my way back

up.

I forgot about that.

You guys do love that for you. But but I People would request your

ass. Right? To pick them up and down. Would say

me a sick

give

And I would but the thing is, I would I would always have a little tree sent tree hanging from my neck, they liked that, and I do

you got fired,

well,

not because you couldn't do it, but because your your hee haw was too loud.

People can stand to ride with me. People can stay without hihah, but I can't hihah at any level other than full volume. I don't know how to.

I mean, of the Iads gonna hear it. Do you wanna give us 1 Hihaj?

Okay. 2 1. I'm sure you all heard the Hihaj when you saw me and shrek the musical. Parenthesis

adapted.

It's stolen.

But yeah, here's a quickie for everybody.

I think it's beautiful.

Yes.

Because I was there when it happened. I was

you pushed somebody back to the laboratory. Right?

Yes. A woman was run okay. So this old lady was running out of a laboratory. And I was visiting the wet markets of Hoonan. To for research for my play wet market man. And a woman was running out saying, we dropped it we dropped it. And I said, well, get away from me, and I I slammed the door so hard. All the windows broke. I don't know what happened after that. But at the point being, I believe in this stuff. I was sick exactly. Fucking dog -- Mhmm. -- for a couple months. Right. Right. And people are dying, Sam. I can't I can't abide this sort of

failure. You have to give

people their own choice. You can't just make people take something. You can't make them take the facts. You can't make them take me home if I can't drive or something. You can't make people do anything. Well, but some things,

you know, we make people I I don't know if you've heard this analogy because I just thought of it. You make people wear a seat belt in their

cars.

What? Yeah.

That's what you have to face up. Change everything? That's really smart. Keep going. That changed everything?

Not quite. Okay. Well, look, I I did you have a point, Bill? Yeah.

But they just put the seat belt and on and behind them. See? Okay. So it's just you put the seat belt there, but how do you

know they were? Of a car A car is the person who punishes you for not wearing a seat belt, so you're tricking your car by putting

seat belt. That. You gotta always trick the car.

The cop flashing Flashing

a check engine light. Not thinking about any

yeah. Just a table somebody out. Exactly.

Exact

look, I agree with you on some of this. I mean, I'm always we know this. I'm leaning under a sneeze guard at a salad bar if I have to sneeze. Right. There are some rules that are made to be broken this affects other people. I'm immunocompromised. I have what doctors call near death. So

i know that.

You need to take care this is about not being selfish. And I'm so uncertain.

Todd, I have great news for you. For those who don't want to take the vaccine, I am developing a cocktail. I'll take it. A COVID cocktail. That costs 300 times what the vaccine does. Currently, the vaccine is about a dollar -- Uh-huh.

--

for me. So it's 300 dollars free, but I'm sold to it. A 300 dollar cocktail. It's a 300 dollar COVID cocktail.

Okay. And before a prophylactic or once you got it? What are you talking about? Before you get it to prevent it, or you take it like You

can drink this thing anytime you want. Oh, okay. It's a

drink after longer. Yeah.

It's a dirty Martina. Okay.

Close. Oh, I've had these at bikinis. Yeah. Other than, I'm fine. I'm fine. Yes. For

those who don't wanna get vaccinated, there's a very expensive COVID cocktail that I am selling on my website. And you can take it and you won't be sick. I

will take a dirty if we could right now, I would take a dirties COVID martini right

now and

drink it up. Just to loosen my lips a little bit

easier. Yeah. Let's

take

Okay. Make yourself a cocktail at home with whatever you have in the wet bar.

Yes.

Well we're back from the break we're a little tipsy off of COVID cocktails.

Yeah. Thank you

so much. But protected.

To Yes. But tipsy but protected that And I thought I've been on TikTok a lot lately, not just posting but scrolling through and I've I've seen some Your FYP? For your pain? Yeah. You know me. Asshole.

todd. No.

Whoa,

You know me. What did you say? No. It's them.

The hashtag on on TikTok where people do it so it gets it has a variety of stuff. Did

you think that stood for fuck you, Padra? Yes. People were running around screaming FYP for 40 years.

Wasn't that something new?

That was way before TikTok. People were saying, fuck you, podrick. It

just like TMI was Todd, must Insitter. Yeah. That was a big threat. Yes. Todd, comma, must incinerate. Well, on my for you page is what I was trying to say. You see a lot of people saying, tell you it's become this cool trend. What they do in their day? This

is a day

in the life of the play a little. So we thought

we could

do a little day in our lives people wonder, what's it like to be a teacher at Hamilton high school? I

mean, most people only have the exposure. The the kids come into the class and they're just, like, they're there for 45 minutes to an hour, and then they're out of there. They don't know

what the hell is going on in their life. I see how they see me. Yeah. They see me as some old troll with green skin and long hair. III see how they see me. I'm not that different from you. Hard to believe Your boy Sam was a teacher a a kid once as well. Absolutely. We are not

a bunch of weird little goblins with uncut nails and ripped up clothes. Right. When they see us, you know, for example, in the grocery store, it's really shocking to see your teacher in the grocery store.

Yeah. A lot of content. You

know, with with green skin rummaging through the flower,

hitting it with her hand. Sort of hanging

pants at the knee. Yes. Galloping on all fours towards the milk.

And it and listen, like, when you see us, you know, we're not the kind of people who are gonna put your child in a coma from seeing our our ghastly faces.

That's not us. Right.

i do to get to the veg bowls are for fun.

The middles

Yes. The vegetable but look, trolls do riddles to hurt you. Teachers do vegetables riddles to just have a little fun with you and maybe just talk to them a little longer. Yeah. Yeah. So we thought we would just do a little of, like, a day in the life. I don't know if I wants to start. I can started. I don't know.

Well, of course, as Sam Weatherman, your driving instructor teacher, I wake up at 1AM. This is just what I do. And I look at myself long and hard in the mirror for about 45 minutes to an hour. Just

you in the mirror for 45 minutes to an hour. Yes.

1 to 1 1 to 01:45, 2AM. I'm just psyching myself saying, you're okay. You're fine. It's

your morning affirmations. It's like those viral videos of the little girl looking in

the blue tank. You're beautiful. Affirmations are really important. They're really good for you. So I say, you're okay. You're fine. You're not everything you people think of you. Right. You're not a slob. Uh-huh. You're not --

unlovable. --

deathly dangerous to be around because of your emotional volatility. Uh-huh. You're fine. What about coffee? So then I go downstairs. Eventually, coffee will hit my brain. Nice. Then I'll go downstairs and say, forgot the coffee again, idiot. You know you don't keep coffee in the house. This is so stupid. You do this every freaking day. And then I go, day. Days and 4 hours. Gotta go back to bed.

Oh, okay.

So so now it's 2 02:30.

So you get up screaming yourself in the mirror, realize you don't have any coffee and you go back

i think you stay the only way you're going back to sleep is in the middle of yelling yourself. You mentioned a word that reminds you that daytime will come up soon.

That's right. Okay. Well, this is my routine. Yes. Of course. Yes. Yes. Every day. All

of our issues. This is not a a just an act occasional No.

This is David. So then I have 06:30. I've been asleep for about another 4 hours. I hit the snooze button 10 times.

Okay. Yeah. Last week, you said you wake up at 9 or 2 hours late school.

Yeah. Yeah. At 07:30,

it

would be the perfect time to rush to school. I take a few sleeping pills. I take a few sleeping pills. Then I wake up at 9 zonked out, completely zonked on queludes or whatever

my sleepy pills are. I can't remember. So you take seventies pain medication.

Okay. Do you go to sleep in the far as because I've been

having trouble as

well. Our mornings are terrible. Morning is late for the mornings.

get up at 9. I drink 6 red bulls, and I race the bus to school because usually I miss it. So I'm running along

So I

time. You miss your own bus. I miss my own bus to school.

But you're running off the hill. Side

a bus I park on a hill,

so I miss it, but it starts going. Okay.

So you're running or you're running beside an out of control bus with no person driving? Yeah.

It's my routine. Okay. And This

isn't something that happens occasionally. Oh,

this is my routine.

Which is by the way why everyone on Sam's route is on the fastest track and hurdle team the country is because they train every morning trying to catch that bus down the

hill. Absolutely. And obviously And they jump

over him when he falls. Is that early on Sam rolling dot a hill?

That's right. So I get to school around 09:45, 10:00, immediately go to the cafeteria, see if the hash browns are ready. They never are.

Well, it's they're not ready. It's that they're gone because everybody already ate Well, we're never ready.

Then I'm

like, what about tomorrow's hash browns? Do you have any of those yet? And they're not ready? They tell me it's because I come after nutrition break and before lunch.

this food is not for you. You

Right.

So they're saying

but I'm just

like the students. All I eat is

hash

brown. The mystery out of the the you're just like the students. And

just like the students, all I eat is hash browns, and then I go home around 01:30 chew. I miss most of the school day, and and I I eat a big hoagie. Well, because I'm starting from the no hash browns, no coffee.

Right? You haven't eaten all day.

Yeah. Well,

oh, I'm I forgot my new pharma meeting. Oh,

you pharma

meetings. So recently,

my day has changed because I have a pharma

meeting where I

Uh-huh. And that's nice. So you're trying different new drugs that are about to be on the

market here. So you're fucked up on Queludes trying drugs during the day?

Yes. I want to Right. Bottle. It can be hard to find related.

Of course. Mhmm.

And then, I'm pretty much in a drug stupor until 1 in the morning. When you wake up. Well, I wake up and and look at myself in the mirror again.

So that's horrible. Wow. That's sounds like a packed day -- Wow. That is. -- if you're if any of the

super routine.

Yeah. This isn't 1 to mimic, folks. I think this is 1 Leave this

to the trainwreck. Each other's

routine. No. No. No. Let me hear how you put on

your pants in the morning. I would. Do you do them 1 leg at a

time? I woulda guessed. Nope. You wanna hear walk you

through my day in my day. It's

very, very, very, very normal. Well, obviously, I wake up around 06:00 in the morning. Okay. I go out on the front stoop and take a sip of coffee while I grab the morning paper. Okay. I go back inside, go into the bathroom,

so you have coffee already made? You get sort of like a I have a

timer. Yeah. I've been trying to get you guys to this timer thing

here. No. Robots in my house.

Well, period. The school isn't your house, Todd. It shouldn't be. Oh,

you're doing the coffee machine.

At my own home. Okay. I didn't know

we were drinking coffee before we all got here, but I

also, we're judging each other's coffee habits.

No. I just thought I had, like, a kind of written drink. I'm doing wrong.

You judge my routine.

Go ahead. So you've got the funny pages and you're

the job. I get it. I take my morning toilet. And I sit in there, you know, just sort of relaxing, getting ready for the day, breathing in, breathing in, breathing

on

in the what?

I have I have my own ventilation system, so the air is really good. Oh, really? What do you mean your own ventilation system? It's so own ventilation?

You're talking about breathing and farting. That's your own ventilation, so because

when I was sort of into your bathroom,

there was a little sort of, like, you know, the the oxygen the oxygen you wear where it goes into your knock trolls. Yeah. It's got 2 little holes that go show up in an offshore. Well,

yeah. I mean, I'm not gonna sit in there without it.

But it was connected to the toilet.

Well, so you have toilet o 2. What do you mean you have toilet 02I

use T02. What do you mean? I use T02. Listen, I know it's a bad deal, but it gives me good energy. And then so

well,

what's it where's it coming from?

From the bowl? Oh.

You're separate Is there get it there. You just You're separating the toilet water from the air. You

guys just don't understand how air filtration works. Okay? You a lot of times

so h number 2 0, you have in the toilet. Is that what you have?

Yes. You guys just don't understand.

You

is right. Tree of

h boo in the

grid. I used both T02. Okay.

To explain to us how your T02 at your house works because it seems to me like there's just it seems to me like there's just a pipe that goes from the toilet bowl to your nose.

Well, if you would let me explain and stop laughing at me, you would understand it. We're laughing with you. So what? Happens is it's a regular toilet. Okay? It's just a regular

toilet. Right. I put

a 1 way valve coming out of the sort of right side of the right side of the toilet. Below

the

water in the bowl. The bowl or the the back? It comes out of the bowl. And it comes out there it's it's below the water line, but then that line runs through a filtration system that separates the total

water. The the hydrogen and Yes. It separates

it out into pure T02. Pure T02, which then goes through another purifier to be to

alkali T03. To

to to to alkalize it -- Uh-huh. -- analyze the oxygen. So you drink

the water, the

air that comes from square. Is there a is there a mouse 3. Yes. It kinda looks like a scuba situation where you have the mouth part. And then the 2 little oxygen prongs to go to

your house. Relax I look with your coffee and your newspaper with a mouthpiece.

Toilet water and breathing toilet oxygen. T o too. Yes.

And it's true. I

know. It sounds weird, but you guys just haven't tried it. Oh, you drink the HP0L

and you breathe the T0P. She's

really not that hard done. Actually,

howard, I totally get it. That makes it smart.

This is, like, high level scientific because you're obviously the biology teacher, so you I

don't I don't But my didn't get my degree in in in organic biology. This explains

your This explains your your infomercials --

yes. -- the

your your toy

i have always needed an explanation, and this because I'll flip

past them. I'll be like, oh, yeah. How is information? I will never watch it.

Yeah.

And this is Well, it's like, has this ever happened to you and did someone sitting on a toilet with nothing on their face going? Oh, yuck. Well, it's like,

you know how your friend produces a full infomercial, but you just kinda never quite

feel like we're watching. Yes. I'll just be like, oh, yes. Howard's infomercial change it,

really.

Cool. If you guys because I don't wanna

comment on it to him.

Yeah. If you watch the whole commercially, it would all make a whole lot of sense.

Yeah. We find stick around for you. Yeah. Because it's airing all the time. And I'll see it. I'll I'll flip actually past it once it's, like, 10 minutes in. There's

a lot of pressure to respond more because hot Yes.

Yeah. I'm like, I don't know what to say because all I see is your naked body sitting on the toilet, breathing in and drinking.

Oh, I'm on 10:30PM waiting for a girl's gone wild commercial to hopefully pop up. Maybe I was

just gonna give their 1. I actually basically asked him if I could replace the girl's gone wild commercials because I think it's the same target demo. It's the same target

demo. I'm so angry right now. That's why that happened. That's why I can't get my GGW commercials in.

Yes. Yeah.

hole. Well, Howard. Okay. I got your information. You've taken your comp complicated morning. It's constitutional in the bathroom. Yeah. That's so what time is it now?

It's about 08:00.

Okay. So we're

all Oh, wow. All You got up at 6UT0

for an hour. Well, if you don't let it filter if you don't well, let it filter long enough, then you end up inhaling and and swallowing

grass. So you have

to brew it for a while, but it filters like

it's like when you're filtering camp when you're out camping and you're filtering your water.

Okay. You have to

let it sort of sit for a minute. You can't just, you

know Right. Howard screw the Levi's once you introduce the new thing.

I Once you've drank most of the toilets water. You had

the school where you

there's plenty left at the end, by the way. But no. Yeah. I get the car. Actually, that's really Oh, yeah. And that's sometimes what I'll say. I'll keep sometimes when I flip by,

i'll go back by. You know, like looking for

porn. And you'll see me. And I because I there's plenty left. I stand up. And I'll flash. I stand up from the toilet. I look in there and say, there's plenty left.

Oh, I never got that because I had seen that, but I thought you were forcing me to keep the toilet. I

auditioned for plumber coming over and saying, wow, there's still a lot of water in this toilet. I I don't know who you ended up booking because I won't watch the commercial all

the way through the book. I I ended up getting Ron Popeel's son. I thought it was gonna

be

yeah. Don Popeo, I thought I was gonna have a nice little connection to him, RIP, by the way. He died recently.

I win, like, earlier today? Well, he said

it, and he forgot it.

Yeah. What did you say? No. You saw

but I I so I I got his son thinking, you know, if I get an in with the sort of infomercial king, you might see the product move a little bit better. And as a person who's had some entrepreneurial experience, Bill, I think

ron. Yeah. I knew Ron. I didn't know he died.

i know

Yeah. He did.

But I used to need to talk to him about the beef diaper inventory. He was helping restore most of it. I still got a ton left.

But, no. So then I get to school, obviously, feeling good, feeling great. How are you? I then go into my classroom. Obviously, I don't have a homeroom this year. I don't have a first period. They said that they don't wanna have a class that sort of spends every day with me. They want to limit Yeah.

Well, they said they want that hour in the morning for your breath to normalize. Wait. Who said that?

Well, it's just kinda been

passed

around on this. Administration.

That wasn't. They don't want any children or parents.

The across the car. Biomedical

people. That wasn't what they told me. They said they wanted they wanted to sort of keep me. They

know you're T02 ing for, like, 2

hours. Alright. Look, let's just give him an hour to reset that breath. Alright.

But they I I mean, I think it's a positive sign that they think you're doing a good job.

But they all flip past the commercial too, so they're not exactly sure how clean the process is,

which you're explaining. They said right around second period, you do seem to really kick into gear.

Yeah. You like yeah. Yeah. I kinda

thought out. Yeah. Yeah. I do. III thought

for second period is now your push ups class. Right? That's where everybody comes and watches you try to do push ups?

Well, try. Yeah. I'm gonna get 1. But here's the thing. Which is biological. That's And it's it's it's actually it's the lesson plan will change because we're gonna move past physalis You're

gonna get 1. No. Not yet. You have no chest. Right?

Yeah. I don't have pectoral muscles, which is Right. A new piece of information that the audience probably didn't know about. But

but you're strong. It's not that you're strong. They're spectacles. They're tiny. Right? They're really small. It's not

that

they're weak. It's that he literally doesn't have the muscles

then. Right. Yeah. It's ribcage. It's just

exposed. It's just ribcage, then skin. There's nothing on top. But then, you know

so you can't, like, whip your arms forward. No. At all.

No. If you'll if you'll notice I kind of don't ever do that motion. I don't do any motions that require sort of lateral motion of my arms or anything like that. Right. But then, obviously, I have 3 periods in a row of advanced biology. Which the the Chomping

right into a And here's

and here's the thing, guys. This is a little a little tidbit that a lot of people probably don't know. The lesson plan for every period is the same.

Don't tell our secret stuff. This is

relatable stuff. That's a little hard to do. That for T02, you kinda lost people, I think. But now, you just teach same class. I

don't know. I think a lot of people

are just afraid to admit that you know. The infomercial folks.

Yeah. Don't

it. Take the 45 minutes watching from work. I think a

lot of people are afraid to admit anything like that. Yes. Do. Yeah. I think that it is a better product than people are willing to

admit. Yeah. Yeah. I agree with your

oxygen. It freaks me out. It's pure oxygen, but

it's a lot of

oxygen.

It's chocolate oxygen, which is what it's labeled at. Yeah.

But then, sir, after advanced biologies, I go to 1 obviously, after lunch, I go home again for

oh, so you also take A1A 01:45 ish break that Sam does all.

Well, I gotta do I gotta do my second round.

Let's go back on the tour.

Now wonder you don't get another period until the seventh period. Yeah. And then you have to kinda, like, de de compress up.

So you teach 4 periods out of the 8 period day. Uh-huh.

Because of DOT. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you. Interesting students learning about our little routine And all they do is What do you do

with your night? What do you do with your night? A well.

That means yes. Well, recently, I've been trying to redo the infomercial. How you've been filming at night? I've been trying to do a new 1 because I you know?

Outdoor shooter,

indoor shoot. Uh-huh. Indoor, of course. Okay.

On location

on location?

What location?

Well, who's out?

Let's just say there's a throne. Yeah.

Alright. So you're in your bathroom too.

It's not too annoying. In

the back of my house every night? Are you using my toilet to film T02?

Well, I'll be honest. Because I got a big problem. I did I did try your toilet once, but the lighting in your bathroom is really it it doesn't work. So Oh, right.

I've I only have 1 of those red light that from the seventies that makes the bathroom hot. Yeah. Yeah.

Does he like it or not? Yeah.

Yeah. My other 1 went out and I was, like, I guess, I'm gonna use

red

bulldog. Carpeted floors, soft toilet seat that you sit on. Yeah. The big squishy 1 in the details

that whiffs up the poops smell.

Hey. Don't knock it till you try it.

Right. T02.

So it does smell like poop, man.

This smell like poop? If I'm not if the thing that's how you know if the product isn't working properly -- Right. -- is if you'll smell poop Well, if you smell poop before you're

supposed So if the

if I There's a poot spell finisher, what is

it? You're only supposed to smell poot. Once you turn on

the pump. And what was the moment? So what was the So what just, like, the beginning of this pump, Like, it primes with poop smell, and then it's and then it's dirty.

If the pump's running, you're smelling poop. Oh my god. But you're not

ingesting it. You're just smelling it through your nose and

going through your lungs. That's if only if you

turn the spelling putt the whole time. But I'm out. I'm

out. Okay. Well, don't knock a tea, try it. But no. Then III obviously go to bed because that's a lot of work. So

you do

tF2 kinda like breakfast lunch. You should do a morning and a lunch at a nighttime t f.

Timing wise, yeah, I do it 3

okay. Uh-huh. Yeah. T02 is a huge toilet

bomb shelter. About I wish we could've talked about it years ago.

Because I But you're like, well, you were trials

for so long.

That's

true. That's true. And

how long did you do trials for Tina too? Because you were quite getting it right. You were sort of drinking some of the poop and smelling some of the poop.

I started in college, actually. Wow. On the sweet toilet. In in my in my dormitory Sweet. Sweet. Yeah.

That was the edible toilet you had for a while. Yes.

Tough ways to start.

Yeah. It melts.

Wow. What a day. Yeah. Well, I mean, I don't know how I'm gonna follow that because that is an unbelievable

day. For

sure. Yes.

But I guess for me lately, we're gonna do days as of late. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Because my schedule changes a lot. I'm up with the sun. I'm up with my sun. I'm up with my sun. Whenever my sun is awake, I get up. So I'm up with my sun. And then it's straight to morning practice. I'm practicing. You've

been doing 2 or 3 a days.

Right? I've been doing 2 or 3 a days. I'll calling Audible at the second 1. And if they're doing bad, we're doing a third. Yeah. So I we're up I'm up with my son. And we should let everyone know that Bill has a new 3 month

old. We'll we'll get into it at some

point. Yes. Yes. Because you care. I care about him, and I'm up with him whenever he's up, Yeah. I had a little slip up at bikinis, and I have a 3 month. And then so Francis, Francine, Alberto, Roberto, Roberto, Travis, Josh, Josh, we're out there on the court. Okay? And we do about an hour and a half of drills in the morning, just fundamentals. And

with

with basketball or without? Say without because I was gonna say, Bill Navy Fundamentals are a little little different for

anybody. Yeah. We don't play with the basketball. We introduced the basketball late in the season. Yeah. You know, we'll play with big heavy hams, You know how they put the doughnut on the bat baseball? Uh-huh. We'll play with a heavier You play with a medicine ball. You

play a game based on bouncing a ball with objects that don't

yes. Which thank you for the medicine ball, Sam. Like, that is a very good medicine ball, which is sponsored

by.

Oh, Crievous.

That's right.

Crievous. Well, everyone knows it's how Crievous got so top heavy was the medicine ball. Yes.

That's

right.

But then after we do fundamentals with a big heavy, honey baked ham, I I'll go inside. I'll shower off. And then You first. Yes. I shower first. The whole team showers at my place. I go ahead in and I shower. I shower off real quick. They get in there. Boom bam bam bam bam. 6 showers in a row. I just got And

does everybody

get hot water?

No. I it's for me on

as long as your showers are Yeah. I steam

out up top.

Then I

then I'll go back. I'll check out my son. Is he in the crib? What's he doing? And then I'm off to work.

Wow. What an attentive father.

Yeah. Yeah.

You wake him up or sorry. You wake up with him. I wake up with him. Leave him a house go to practice. Come back check

on it real quick. Go back to school. You are like you are really doing it right now. You're really putting a lot of people too. Yes. I mean,

i

check-in on him, and I'm tired of these parents. Because I've been a parent when it was when you didn't pay attention to your kid, And then when you were, like, all over them, giving a bye to my

keeps changing. Do you look

society

it's back to let it be a little dirty thing in the yard. Like, it's a pulley come back around Well, these helicopter parents bodies on its own, let it eat whatever it wants because it building its immune system, which you know from your COVID denying, you know. Of course. Your immune system is strong. I've

had to go get really sick because I won't get the vex Yeah. I've got to get really sick to please stay healthy.

Of course. So then I'm in. I'm in about 15 minutes early. And I'm hanging out in the lounge. There, you guys see me. I get my 5 times through Keurig. Mhmm. And I get my my pour over. I get that going, which So you take your

keurig that's been run through 5 times. And I You pour that through a really thick coffee. Yes.

I pour that through a strainer. And what's coming out is some

of the is is clear water.

Your water. Yeah. I've never seen.

So now you understand a little bit more the whole T02 thing, exactly what's happening?

No.

No. I stowed on.

Then I'll call my neighbor and ask them to go check on my son.

Wow. It takes a lot of time and effort. Wait. I'm sorry. Your

neighbor your your neighbor works in Canada though. So they're not often Well, yeah. They'll check the The monitor. The monitor.

The the

audio only monitor.

Just listening for breath, what do they listen to?

Well, technically, it is a video monitor too, but you have it turned and pointed at the TV. Right?

Yes. Yes. Yeah. So they do they tell me what's on TV. We don't really talk about my son ever. I'm like, what's on what's on TV? Right. We watch TV. I watch TV via my child's TV monitor.

But you can hear

the kid. Sometimes And did you name him

here? Sometimes you can hear the kid. Yeah. Sorry. Would you ask? Did you name him yet? Not yet. Okay. No. No. No. No. Not yet. We

are gonna allow him

to name himself. Yeah. We're gonna allow him to name himself. I

todd. I heard him say to his first words, Todd junior. You did. I think that's what he wants

he made himself

hope

to do. I saw you sort of lip syncing over by him. I didn't hear him say anything.

I don't know what lip syncing is.

Anyway, then we're just doing we're doing our second practice. And then I'm going in. I'm teaching kids how to make curtains

carpet. Correct?

Carpet. Part.

How do you make carpet in the glass? I would love to learn delay carpet, but I didn't

know. And every kid's every

kid's responsibility at the beginning of this class is to bring in 1 giant pool of materials.

Right? Well, my home ec class is, like, tech it's, like, really macro textiles. You know? Like, like, big sort of warehouse stuff. Yeah.

A lot of people are calling. We're killing

stone. We're making carpet. We're cutting logs, you know. You are making pottery wheels. Making pottery wheels -- Mhmm. -- exploring fire. Yes. Cooking food all the way to burn -- Yes. -- so you can see it at every Yes. Living in geodes. Stuff like that. Very macro sort of early civilization -- That's really cool. -- a home ec. And then we'll do if if Francine falls down in the second practice, we do a third, Only if she falls there. Yes. Because she have to punish her. And

the team has to know you gotta help Francine stay up? Yes. That's a team effort. Oh, yeah. That's the guy who can't stand up straight all half the time. You wanna trust everyone around you. It's trustful.

Exactly. Exactly. And then I'll just head home, run the people out of my house that are trying to do AT02 commercial, and I'll pass out.

I check on

oh, my god. Oh, my god.

What a great day. But that's basically my day. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

way to be an example to the men out there. Yes. You gotta be a man, man up, and raise the kid. Raise the kid. I'm

really excited that we're doing this. I feel like we're gonna go back school, and the kids are just gonna be like, god, I get these guys. Now I'm not gonna just run away from them when I see them.

Right. I'm not gonna No more FYIP. Them. No more FYPs. Yeah.

They don't have to be embarrassed about what they do in your bathroom anymore.

No. It doesn't mean that, Todd.

What? FYP. Fuck you. If you're gonna say fuck you, padre, I'm gonna say fuck you. It

doesn't mean that. Okay. Well He's for you.

A man's gotta stand up for himself if he's attacked.

I mean, like, what are you doing to be a man in your daily life, God?

Yeah.

Well, that's a good question. So mine will be through a man point of view what I do in the morning. That's really interesting. I wake up at 05:30AM in a cold, freezing cold sweat. And I have just I've just had the dream again that it's the day right before my wife and I get a divorce. And I can change it. I can change it. This is your daily routine. And I done every day. I have this dream right before I Not occasionally this

every day. Then I there's Sam.

The in the dream, I can't fix the stuff with my wife and then a monster that looks like my mom but it's huge. It's chasing me and chasing me. I don't know what that's about.

Wait. Your mom was huge. Oh,

yeah. It's probably just a literal dream. Yeah. Everyone remembers my mom from the TV show, my huge mom. My mom was

my mom was True life, my mom is you.

My mom yeah. Truly mom was you. Made I'm a man without a huge mom. What's that? Did she breakage? Yes. She was 8 foot 8. She played for the New York Knicks. So I guess I'm having a literal dream about my mom. I wake up in a cold sweat. 05:35 30 to 6. I am calling Howard Stern and arguing with Michael Rapaport. And this is Daily. Everyday. Me and Michael Rapid are getting into it about whatever's going on in the world. 6 to 7, I am calling up trying to make a reservation at Bikinis.

Everyday. Hit taught. Again, they open at 7. You don't have to do the

67. Well, you never I always get the reservation right at 7. But Just

get 1 at tomatoes and have yourself sent over.

That's a genius idea. I don't know why I never thought of it. I mean, tomatoes is hard to get

into.

So that's till 7AM. I've got the then I've so I've hung oh, Then I'll have my breakfast. I'll do

a Oh, what do you do?

Well, I have my overnight minestrone.

And then it's just minestrone that you leave out overnight on the stove? Yeah.

The minestrone if you leave it out. It's like overnight. Oh, it's it's just a different texture and flavor. So You leave them in Australia out overnight, and then I I'll put some blackberries in there. You can do whatever you want with some peanut butter. Simple infection