Let's stop the show. Yes.

I'll give you 300 bucks. I mean, I thought the poke a shop was doing pretty good. I

mean, what? We were hit on some hard times. What's

the 300 bucks gonna do? Yeah, rent with 300. You can't buy some food sweepstakes.

So I didn't explain. No,

ese. Keep guessing. And I'll tell you when you nail it, you've guessed sweepstakes so far.

Ah, you're going to give that lady who got

food poisoning 300 cash as a settlement. I already offered her a cash settlement.

You're using 300 down. She wants to take you to try.

And I looked her right in the eyes and I said, Fine, you in court

again, like you're selling up situations just to go to court these days,

and now they just keep finding me. I feel like it's more of a synchronicity in my life. That court wants me to be there.

Are you Do you think is 300 the a perfect amount to make the bathroom functional again? Because it opened. You had a big grand opening before the bathroom of structural, and it's six months in, and you still don't have a four. You talk about the grand opening of the restaurant for the grand opening of the bathroom. What are you gonna have? You said at the grand opening of your pok restaurant.

Come back next week for our bathroom. Great opening.

That's right. And we were not ready to do it

if you broken ground on the bathroom yet.

Well, we did a soft open for the bathroom and reviews were bad.

I remember the first review was no toilet or sink or walls. Yeah,

you kind of just You had a a blueprint of the building on the wall, and it sort of have demarcations on the ground where there would be a bathroom. You just allowed people to walk in and see the blueprints so they would get an idea of what the bathroom would be. But there was no bathroom.

Now. It was like an open house for the future. Uh, but people came in. The problem is, I think I misled people cause I said, come in, ready to use the bathroom.

You had people actually loading be in

poop. A lot of people were dancing around, crossing their legs.

Come. It's a Yeah. Come not having had

come now, having have having done an impressive

come not having

them Not having done come having had you wanted stuffed with Ian Boop Promise of a bathroom.

This is crazy.

Shoot. Hey, sorry we're recording.

Oh, look, let's just

assume every time we're talking about the way the room we're recording I mean, I swear to God, there just happened to us every time we don't learn

it has it's happened 10 times. Let's every bit clean. Thank you so much for tuning into the teacher's lounge yet again. Podcast says pertained issues relevant to Hamilton High School students. And we, of course, are your hosts. Howard Levis, ex biology teacher and now current newspaper, had editor.

Hi, Bill Gravy, a former basketball coach, former ostrich current track coach. That's right, Sam Weatherman, Former driver's education that was stripped Also, former A s B. Now the head of motivation. If you've got a problem, come on down to my portable and that is not what you're thinking. A portable trailer. It is a portable, potty supportable body that I work out of. I work out of an Andy Gump potty. And don't worry about the smell. It has those little slots at the top work just fine. Little dice que and that you're not paying the monthly dumping duty. Is that true? It's full up. That's right. I'm not paying. I am given a free office space, and I'll say this

is a little room here than my last. So, you know, uh, you know, there's

plenty of good stuff. Your last office was that little, um, that little place where the ironing board folds up into the booth. That's right. I had I had what they call it was a Murphy on. That was, you know, simply a foldaway desk slash office space. I sit in there and sort of get my work done. Great for sleep. Yes.

Todd Padre. Formally. Theater AIDS Survivor. You are a woman studies professor,

survivors. So your past You. So you got

here from scraggly and it's stuck. Yeah, you're stuck. Really hooked me up on. I'm doing great. So pretty that Magic Johnson,

That is sort of

the thing with With AIDS is can you get the vaccine to stick?

Yeah. Can you get it to stick? And for me, it's stuck. So congratulations.

That's great. You know, that's a That's a big win for you. Yeah,

I needed one. Yeah, um, I needed a big win, and I got it. I am. The doctor gave me a filthy bill of health, but said, I don't have I don't have AIDS anymore.

We've always been arguing that it was never AIDS, but it was, uh, eggs. Emma. Um, but you assured us it was AIDS.

That's right. Um, well, I was showing a lot of symptoms of aids, and she skin, uh, catchy red, patchy red rashes. Ah,

silliness on your elbows and knees.

One doctor told you this is Exuma. Yeah, that was a big side of it. And I kicked him into a big horn. Said, this is Sparta,

which you know, was trying to help you. You know, I can't leave that movie. Uh, that screenwriter saw that it

spawned that movie. Yeah, Yeah. He wrote all of 300 based on me kicking my doctor control When I said it at the time, no one understood why I screamed. This is Sparta. Picked a doctor into a

role that he wrote backwards and made it all makes sense. That's a bummer. you work? Recast in the last minute.

That's right. Well, there was some onset drama. So we're there originally? Yes. Yeah. I mean, we had shot. It was, like back to the future. You know, we I had shot that roll out. Probably two months on. We were at the end of month, too, and I kind of got into it with with the DP over the way I was being presented on.

Who said this was gonna be This was David O Russell, right? What's that? Famous director David?

Yeah, David O Russell and I got into it. You can see the video on YouTube. Uh,

that was, uh, thing The guy from America. American Psycho. Now,

Christian Bale. Is that a different video? Different video?

Yeah. Oh, well, similar to Christian Bale. I went off on a guy for being in my eye line to there's about 14 videos of me going off on

people. This was actually an eye doctor who is there on set, making sure that your eyes were doing Yeah, I had

called him in to check my eyes. We weren't shooting

as you were never looking at your scene partner, right?

That's right. And they said he's either a bad actor. And I said, Well, there's another option. Maybe I got bad eyesight, right? You are old. So they brought in the setup, Tom. Atriss and I lost it on her.

You said better too. I remember

this. Yeah, Yeah. Better to became a mean

Congratulations on landing on your feet.

Yeah, yeah. And and on on beating this exam. Oh, or eight. That's really good. You know, it's been a It's been a, uh, a really good week in a lot of ways. Either

way, the swelling goes down. Yes, but it's been really no. I don't know if this has been a good week. I mean, we are all

I'm trying to look on the bright side. You know, as you guys know, uh, I had a busy week, if nothing else. I was making the national syndicated radio circuit trying to get people around the country to be interested in our school newspaper. Uh, had

a Yeah, you You took on a sort of a jackass style. Ah, um, promotional tour where you were like, if I will make this paperwork if I go on to big shows and humiliate

myself. Is that what happened? Yeah, Exactly. Ah, you know, the a few different ones I went on. Ah, Harry and beating. Uh, you guys,

they're just different from Harry Bean.

Uh, yes, these were two shows. There's Harry being which is too conservative for my tastes. Ah, but Harry and being

with us, Harry Bean is a straight up racist.

Yeah. Harry being is a racist who has been given a national platform on the blaze network.

What we all donated to it accidentally, but trying to donate to Harry's Bean Harry seen Roadshow style show with a man who's obsessive This one, buddy.

I like it. Where a guy just shows his baby over again is a lie. Old Lima bean. And he's really getting going. Wow, This is rare. They switch out,

they switch out the

other one out of the booth bag woman who keeps treating. We'd love this show. We'd give it a $1,000,000 if we could. Harry's being season 50 please.

But, uh but then, after I went on here in being had a great time, did a few goofs with those fellas, Uh, I actually did end up getting on Ryan's roses

This was unbelievable. You made it to Ryan Seacrest. You, um you disguised yourself as chord Overstreet, the actor from Glee, um, going on to promote his new single, Uh

and I said, and I said, You know what? Hey, I know I'm here to promote my single, but I'd also like to do the other bit. You normally do with everyday people, which is the right road. Disguise your your wig. I say the field day, and I said, You know, I'd love to do a Ryan's Roses. I actually had not heard the show before, so I did not understand exactly what Ryan's Roses was

because usually they do that with unsuspecting people.

You don't know that, and they usually do that with a person who's got a significant other who is okay. Suspect just cheating on them right now and

offer this person a bouquet of roses where I see

so you want to send it Tonto. The unsuspecting person often may does not say their wife or significant other and then gets humiliated

is crazy that you've gone on that you made it on the reins roses. You actually used

a hook up that you had Um oh, that's right. I tied. I'm kind of in with them now because they've humiliated me so many times. I've got their contact.

I can't believe that you don't always send the roses to whoever you're currently dating.

I just every time I get the calm like this couldn't be a riot. Yeah. I gotta send these to that woman at the coffee shop.

Your role on Seacrest show is very interesting. He your kind of the only person that he does sort of Howard Stern's. Your

rig's a recurring ever. Yeah,

like one of Stern's freaks. But for seaQuest

secrets freaks. He occasionally brings you on and puts a little stick of wood and your asshole and throws rings at it, right?

Yeah. Yeah, he does that, uh, does bologna at your face. Stephen Steaks? Yeah. These are all things that happened. But you know anything, anything for the art form. You know, I love morning radio, and it's a real art form. And so I appreciate contributing, but so, Howard, you're on there. You went on the promo, the

room of the paper, and I just, you know, I I I I actually had him call a uh, student, One of my head. The head student editor on the paper. Right on. Ask her who she'd like. Thio. Burt, Your name's burn. Her name is Bert. Bert? Uh, Birdy? Yeah. Oh, I've been calling her bird. It's fine. Uh, call her Mrs Birdie. Ernie, it's Birdy. Ernie,

baby A birdie. Arnie. Yeah, I've been going or Bert Ernie

had him call her to see, you know, just to, like, just get the Hamilton newspapers name out there. This segment for me wasn't about actually participating in the activity. It was just to get Hamilton High School newspaper. The name just hammered home on the widest audience possible? Yes, Big eyes.

The widest audience possible, right? It is. It's It is very white. Yes. So you called a underage girl to do the Ryan's roses bitten. What happened?

Uh, she I made the mistake of not informing her that it was gonna happen, so she was confused on and she ended up actually sending roses to her mistress or mister mister and I ruin her relationship. Uh, eso

birdie. Yes, Birdy. Ernie, Birdie. Ernie. Uh,

because she was

dating, um uh or use Snuffy Lappi. Yeah, she was dating Snuffy Luppi, captain of the basketball team. Uh, and she did not say to send the roses to him. She said, Send him to somebody else.

She said she had a big, big bird. Yeah. Now

he's a big bird. That

boy's name. Yeah, that's what we're doing. Okay. Break, Big Bird. What says my treat, I believe, is less last? I believe

it's It's not spelled Sesame Street, but it is

pronounced criticism. Spelled, um R o b e r t s right? Yeah. Yes, but street fanatically.

But anyway, I ruined their relationship. Really? But I will say this. It was a terrible experience, but something extremely positive came out of that eye. The next morning, I got an email in my inbox from, uh wow. Email.

Wow. Yeah. Come

on, now

I have I have

it. Well, anyway, this email was addressed to me on it. Offered to get 30 33,000 copies of my newspaper distributed in the country of Mexico. What? Yes. Yes. And it was signed by El Chapo himself through. He said He said would love to do business with you again. And I promise this isn't about drugs.

We owe El Chapo gave us his tunnel recipe. Yeah, that's right. Well, we've had his tunnel resume, and that shit is

and you'll never You'll never guess the secret radio. Some people say shovel when we say fuck off. So the last sentence of Chapo gave you in that email was This is not about drugs.

Yes. He said, this isn't it is not illegal activity. I think he might be trying to cover his butt a little bit. But either way, whether it's drugs laundering money, you know, it's either he's laundering money or he's or he just wants to spread the good news in Mexico with 30,000 copies of the paper every month. So I mean, I'm taking it as a positive, and until some bad happens, I'm going to keep looking at it.

Are you gonna make Mexico pay for it?

I believe Mexico's already chosen to pay for what they know. Better. They try to backtrack on that. I'm gonna say, Hell, no, you're paying

for it. I think this is great, cause Howard and I are sort of teaming up a little bit here because you got a full page ad. Yeah, I saw this ad John. And I'm taking advantage of this new Ah, you know, new captive audience.

And you're on your own. And your ad is it is Michael Jordan, or I look like in the micro, the Air Jordan

Michael Jordan look alike. Another,

another rip off of a Nike advertisement

said he almost looks like a Michael Jackson look alike.

Well, it's, um, honestly, Michael Jackson impersonator trying to dunk. Well, you know, as as John was saying earlier, email can be confusing. You know, I'm costly, confused. I'm tooling around my junk folder all the time. Absolutely. Because you think that's where the good stuff is gonna be? You know, stuff got killed, but anyway, so there's a treasure trove and junk sometimes. And I can't seem to find it in my email. That's okay. It's

fine. That's okay. As long as you're looking,

buddy. As long as you're looking. But, yeah, I'm hoping to pick up, you know, a few ah few people who need motivation south of the border. I think you

will. There's a lot of problems down there.

Absolutely. Just motivating people. They need some. They're not allowed to come into America

anymore. Yeah, so s so have you been? Have you been motivating any Mexican people so far? No, no, no. You know, I'm hoping that as the paper circulates people, people have some questions about the weird ad and they So you're trying to jump. I mean, you're trying to get out of the school and maybe do international time. Yeah. Wow. I'm trying to show the school that, you know, I'm not just bound by their borders because one of your most recent, uh, people you gave a motion motivational speech, too. She's been doing very well and and and sending the props, it's It's kind of your, uh, Leah Remini, if you will. Yes, I know someone like Leah Remini who's busting down Scientology to sort of bust up what I'm doing. Yes. Yeah, because she she's claiming she recently. Um, she But you got it. She did something very good on blamed your teachings. Not blamed, but pointed. Tonto, I say blame. I absolutely say blame. Someone caused you harm. You need to blame him for it. Yes, but if that same harm made you a stronger person, you need to blame them for that success, too. Yes. So, yeah,

you should never own your own successes is basically

Wish woman a little bit. She came to the boiler room. She got hot. She lost all her hair, her fingernails were gone or shoes. The toes peeled back.

And, you know, she had some physical pain,

and she blamed me for it. And that is why she has risen like a Phoenix. But her paintings really took off. Exactly. The paintings that are just horrifying, horrifying show nightmare. Absolutely nightmarish. The 1st 1 was called The Big Nightmare, and there's just a picture of me screaming in your face and it's It's

not so much

a picture of me button interpretation of right looks somewhat like the devil. Some column Biel's above. Some way Call the devil. That's what I said. She should entitled the painting. Beals. A bug. Yeah, not the big man. Big nightmare. But, you know, uh, so

anyway, I was

in the loop. It is showcased. They threw it up in the luv. Put it right on top of the Mona Lisa.

Wake up. Totally. Honestly, I'm hearing people only. Well, yeah, I heard people with

good. I'm glad it's not here anymore. Yeah, for the first time Italian papers, air printing the Mona Lisa ugly. Wow, I'm Italy's getting in a way. I'm breaking borders literally. And people are starting to see what's right to

blame you for that success. You're welcome. I say Yes. I

have to take the blame. Absolutely.

I see. That's what I mean. We're having a great week. Well, I know you're not.

I The track team is not doing well. Scandal after the skeet Ament Cheatham in. She was when you said sorry. What? My wife calls me in the bedroom skis Thio. No, I'm trying to get her to call me because you're going skeet him in when I shoot big ropes up it. Stop it. We're not going there. I say keep it clean. That's for May.

So when you ejaculate, you tell her

what to call it. Yeah, I say kill me. Skate him

in. Just silent. Yeah, she didn't say anything. She refused,

But you could have a big Cheatham in scale,

Cheatham. And you're You all know my star every every, um uh event runner. Uh, Cheetah man breaking these breaking records. He's breaking school records. A lot of it will say he's an actual cheetah. And to them, I say Fuck off. Yeah, you. He's not in actual cheetah. He's just a Jewish man who runs on all fours and occasionally looks like a cheetah if you catch him in the shoes, which is shouldn't make juice point. Um, he got caught licking himself during the national

anthem. Right? Be A lot of people are saying that it was a silent protest test,

and I could They couldn't be more wrong.

But the team in unison all sat down and started looking themselves to to support him. Yes. And

all these boys started licking their own balls during the national anthem and obviously two news, poke, lead and say, Oh, sure, we all cheetahs. Yeah, One on this team is a cheating now, and the the right wing is really upset about this. Oh, Riley's involved O'Reilly is gonna be here this afternoon. Really? At the game to bust me for anti American

president in the no spin zone.

Yeah, he's gonna I'm gonna be live on the no spin zone. That's his savings opportunities.

I do see what

you're about to be. Ah, mag. Listen, if you want to get in the background.

It might start a beef with Riley.

Honestly, I will arbitrate that right away. I need all the help I can get because that was not a

protest. We've got nothing. You got nothing against the national in? No. My favorite song.

Yeah, that's it's a good team, but that that is a bummer that it's sort of casting some share on the track team right now. Obviously, the school ah sidelined Cheatham a kn and we've been losing. And when you say sidelined, they have put him in a cage. They've

put Cheetah, which I think is unbelievable. I think it's barbaric if we believe that this is a student. Yes, Barber, If they don't believe that this is a cheetah and they are buying that this is a student. They put him in a cage. This is and

I don't use this town very often, but I'm mad.

Good, Good. Let it out. So I'm not delivering on my promise. Ah, and we're losing. Um Ah, Chris. Uh, Chris Craig through it, um, a shot put into the back of his head knocked himself out, eh? So we lost that that event too. So

I'm on the chopping

block. No. Come on, you you'll pick it back up. I mean, you just got Ah, you gotta go back to what? You know. You know what I mean? Wherever you found success in the past

protect being an ostrich for that, Um uh, making my own candy. Well, you know, maybe before that, Yeah, that could work before that. Yeah. Ah, cleaning off my counters. You found success doing that? Yes. Ah, Lot of it. You also my infomercials.

We did? Yeah. I feel myself. Yeah, we did.

You're in the audience.

Yeah, You did the counter jam. All right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the counter looking ago. It can be cleaner. Yes. So that was that was the problem with the ad. But you are my co host. A ho.

Yeah, I was gonna say I don't mean Thio Segway on a negative note, but ho has become a pretty, pretty bad, bad word around campus these days. Padre had a women's studies. You went on an anti ho tirade. You

really become a feminist. You've gone from worst to first.

I went from worst to first. Yeah, I I love women now and on I think that they be our equals. And frankly, if you're gonna if you're gonna call them a ho, then you're a whore. You

think this printed? Yeah, that's saying pay in the middle of the night. You came in and painted that before the big game Friday. Jeannie and

I say if you call these women Oh ho, you're a whore on. Then I called. I called out. I miss by name. I said, Don Imus, these are not nappy headed hos. They're happy headed women.

Six years, man, I've been trying to get over this for six years. Why you dragging me back into the nice

of you to the limelight, baby dragged right back into it. You know I miss can't put down the fight.

S s sure he did. Call me to do an interview a couple days later so

I don't have a phone around the fast and furious movie to scream it Ludicrous about his language and songs. Yeah, going around the movie. Yeah, well, not the movie, but, you know, they're gonna press tour.

I saw you screaming at him at a Barnes and Noble over the week.

He was doing a sign here. Barnes and Noble Estate,

which, you know, I think that's good. They need to do

a movie. So we gave him. You've got hos. What was that?

Yeah, I said, you've got hos in different area codes. Well, that makes you a hole.

I don't know if you

should be using the word whore to make you know it's a

bad thing way all can agree. A whore is a bad thing.

I mean,

maybe on dso I kind of going around in letting people know if you just call a woman a ho just for being a woman, then you're a whore.

I feel

like you are using a slur to fight a slur with Yes, which I understand. The premise of that issue is his fight fire with fire. But I feel like you are using a perhaps even more offensive slur to combat a more

colloquial. Why don't you try it again? But instead of using HGH Or use a word that's like positive words aboard a positive work towards women. Yeah. Yeah, Like

wait, Don't you don't You don't want to call someone who sues uses the word how Ah, positive turn. Maybe

don't even make it about women. Is that what you're getting at? Yeah, Yeah. Oh, man.

Like safer if you try, You got hos

in different area codes. Yeah, right. You know what? Ludicrous. You're being such a little cunt. Say that that's almost worse. I think

I'm sorry. You guys kind of I'm still working through my thoughts on this. Yeah, And I could understand.

Is your class teaching you about why this is bad if they given you a lesson?

Well, there's so following me around in my day to day life and showing me every move I do wrong, um,

on.

Yeah, because last week you screamed at a Costco sample man and said this should be a woman's.

A woman could do this to sir. Um yeah. So this week, they followed me Thio. I stormed into a cheerleading practice

on I formed it. Those

are famously guarded. Yes, that I go through security

because the cheerleaders are school national champions. They don't want their routine getting out, and a lot of people are staring their routine.

There had been assassinations in the past so that

there was an assassination. I have someone who they thought was stealing their routine. They can't remember when the Cheer coach Miss Charters got assassinated. She was killed right in Dallas. Bread in Dallas, Right, Right. Near

during a parade after

that little tradition. You know what? The sea blank. You know what? You

know what? You know what we're talking

about here? Lee said Last fling, Miss Sharp truce. Think cheerleading coach was shot in the back of a head in a convertible with her wife doing a breast tour in Dallas Mira grade school. But Blanca Torrey, You know, I think

you know what we're getting.

Don't want to be crass. Let's just say it was a lot like some other assassination. John F. Kenny Blank. You know, you know, the blank of the United States of a blanket. You know, blank. Otis, I think we've given you enough hints. You

know, it is, but it sounds like you're making actually very, very steady progress

into the worst to first. You heard it here.

Everybody's doing great. Set may fantastic beaches thing

on the other end of that, in my a cz, you know, I've gotten into a competitive tickling. Uh, it was a big bomb you dropped last week Unfortunately, last week one of the people was computing with died while I was tickling. No, no, there's a

particular I thought you were tickled.

Well, you go both ways. We're in the competition. Thio.

Huh? Uh oh. Emphysema. What? Did somebody

just fart in? It sounded like a coke opening, Like a little

There's not. There's not a coke in the house.

There was a lot of coke anywhere in the house before.

Who was it ready? And all Three. It was me. Three. It was me. Four. Hands up for her way. All did it in unison. Uh, make that. Okay, So you were Diggle ing someone, and he died.

That's well, he died. And I think it's incidental death, but they're saying

the accidental What's that accent? Incidentally, so it was like at a hotel. Yeah, well, we d'oh was on it at a hotel incidentals.

Yes, there was an incidental it was

you had to pay for.

It was like what? It was like, You know, eating a Toblerone or watching late night porn. It was an incidental death. Died in a hotel.

It just goes straight on to your credit card,

then. Yeah, and I figured they just throw it on Well, and I know it wasn't picked up by production.

So you're on the hook for this death, Phil.

They gave me a per diem, and that's all. And I want the hook for the bill for this guy's

death. Oh, my God. You're You're planning his funeral?

Yes. So, anyway, uh, I'm doing

300 bucks is for

Oh, my God, J lying

100. Because we're not gonna go cheap on the funeral. I need 300 bucks for it, huh? It's Wow, that's gonna be a gorgeous theater is gonna be a beautiful affair. Um, yeah, that's

good. That's good. You know, in a certain sense, that's good. I'm glad

you actually. Are they blaming you for the death?

O r.

Now they're just making me cover incidentals on it. This and then they said, Well, we'd be even. And I said, That's very fair, very

fair. Uh,

can we just

take a second and just all of us look at each other? Yeah, let's do right. That's any better. Yeah, let's be. Thank you. I think we need a turnover. Really Pay a lot for this motivational speech will

turn over a new leaf. We will.

We Okay? I think it's important.

You know, speaking of new Leafs guys. Ah, I'm really excited for the guest we have on the show today. Uh, you know, we thought I

thought you were about to show your book that you collect leaves in

good. Really? Thought I was gonna do that way. You always show it to me, and I don't want to see it the worst

times. Okay, well, that's not what I'm gonna do. I'm actually gonna introduce the guest.

We're timing is off with that book. Three.

This would have been the best time. You had a great segue way. We just You just said, speaking of any leaf.

Okay, well, I'll I'll

think about that next time I show my

leaf book where you try to judges while we're coaching. I don't want to be too critical, but kindergarteners do those little leaf. Okay, listen

about me, guys.

This is

about our guest today. Who is the brand new music teacher at the school this year? Real good. Guy's name's Marty Mountains. Marty. Thanks for coming on. The

teacher already? Gentlemen, what a pleasure. Thank you so much for having me. I'm thrilled to be here already. Not only is your singing voice beautiful, you're talking. Voice is superb. Bill, I will accept no compliments from you without giving you one in return. You are an excellent coach of the running arts. Thank you very much. I needed that right now. If you could write that down and sign a sheet of paper, I'm looking to get signatures. House immediately. Sounds sounds good. Here we go. Perfect. That was not on what I wanted it to be. It was on a little leaf of paper that has a music staff on it. That is my mistake. I should have checked with you first to see what type of paper you would prefer thing. I

mean, Marty, that this It's actually funny. You actually have a reputation around the whole school these days of being just a overly deferential to other people. You ask what other people want, and then you make it happen For them, you're not a very aggressive person.

Well, I

try not to be. What I what I What I think is that people you know, they especially if you're an outsider like me, coming into a situation like this, and everyone has their own way of doing things. And you certainly want to go along. You don't wanna make any waves ruffle any feathers. And my goal is just to make everyone feel good. And so the band can be as good as it possibly can be. Yes. I mean, you into the corner a little bit. Here, you can come back and sit at the table with thank you very much. I certainly don't want to intrude. Is my first time in the teacher's lounge? Yeah, because honestly, last week it felt like, uh, during the football game, it felt like, Okay, this is where the band normally comes out. What? This is when they play. And you held them off because you thought it was maybe the wrong time and it might have been rude to intrude. Well, there's a certain etiquette Onda course, sports rules. Over all the school, as we all know, is the bread and butter, as it were. But also I didn't think the band was quite ready yet. Of course, they didn't have their instruments. Their instruments are coming any day now. They'll be here any day now. and and you have. But you have been fully practicing without these way use something called the think method. It's called the think method, and I just have the band members they hold in their in their hands an invisible representation of their instruments. And they think of the song that they're going to play and my conduct. And then they they they think the song and I think it, too. And then that's how

does anyone make any noise whatsoever or you just kind of stand there and I'll not at each other In time.

There wouldn't be called the think method of people were nodding. There would be called the the Nodding Methodist. They're standing pretty frozen that well, they're they're allowed to move, but they just think the song. So all of our all of our and I pride myself on this. All of our rehearsals are completely silent, so we're not disturbing anyone.

A lot of people thought that you were maybe trying to do like a John Cage thing of, like, silent music, but you said no, we're doing John Williams. This is all the John Williams

hits That's right, and you could you could tell from the kids just tickle ations on their finger rings that they are clearly doing bombastic motion picture scores. John Cage, in the best of my recollection, just sat there. Yeah, because it looks like all of them are the director. It feels like the conductors are when they're thinking music. They're all wildly gesturing, Well, really going big hole. I think some of them are just imitating me because they don't grasp the finer points of the system.

You know, they were in a very different system. Last I heard, the last music teacher was more traditional, you know he would. He would just sort of throw him some sheet music and say, Have at it.

I'd heard that and I understand that. And I, of course, I respect that, my predecessor and the idea of throwing, throwing someone in the deep end of the pool as it were and seeing how they do. But I take a different approach, and I feel that, you know, it's it's one thing to tohave. The parents spend money on these instruments and then have the kids ding them up right away, and then they don't know how to play them yet, But my method they get to know the instrument before it's even in their hands. They know how to treat it. Wanted finally write any day now.

It's kind of like the old, uh, can you keep this egg alive all weekend? Like, are you ready to have a baby? Uh, experiment that health classes do,

or yes. Which they've recently started doing instead of giving people actual babies and say Take care of this for the weekend,

Right? That was a scandal years ago where they adopted 60 Children from a local hospital and gave babies to the entire class.

Now, you

are very calm and cool, but were you at all? Um uh your feelings heard it all by the, um, vocal heckling you got during the last performance. Somebody screamed. What the hell is going on? Uh, old lady scream. This is quiet. Can I not here and lost her mind? She thought she had gone deaf. That was the loudest part of the concert when she started running around the room screaming

Deaf guy kept screaming. This is normal.

He always screams. This is normal.

I think he I

think that

one of my classes trying to reassure himself. You deaf guy. Your son Call

him by his name. I put I pulled a full. I pulled a full Daniel Plainview, and I just sent her shift him right off When he went death, it was too much of an issue for May. So

I shipped him off. You shipped him across down, and he still goes Thio. He's

actually doing very well. He has his own family. He's surpassed Maia's a father? Yeah. Yeah, as a father and a husband. Wow. Yeah, man, your son is a better father than you'll ever be. You want? The other day, he taught me how to install it.

So you do know it was that fucking information to get the poke

a toilet going. And we're rolling my son back anyway. But it didn't hurt my feelings. Yeah, because yeah, you looked you

looked a little bit,

uh, what's that by it? I tried to be understanding that the think method is not something that's readily apparent to the layman on. Of course, it was a shame about that old woman who just couldn't accept the vagaries of getting older. You know, nothing lasts forever. I thought she was being a little bit

over tremendous. She I don't know herself screaming. Yeah, she granted a big clue. Number one. She

grabbed a stethoscope from someone, put

it in a doctor in the house, screaming If there was a doctor.

But it was death disco. Okay,

A stadium. And she screamed into the front part, trying to make sure that she

could hear. That's the cold, you know. What's it called? The? There's a front and a back. That's the guys in the front Stethoscopes bell. Oh, okay, something new every day.

I have a question for you, Marty. You used to think method in the band room, but I'm under the impression that you actually have expanded to think method outside of the music classroom. And this is more of, ah, full life philosophy for you.

That's correct. There's there's nothing that you can apply the think method to its hand in every situation. And it's not just for kids. It's for adults as well. All you have to do is think in a situation. How would this go? Acted out with your hands? You know what time you're welcome to try? Well, what?

Wait for the podcast.

Yeah. Okay, here's the I. I've always wanted to be a better cook. It can you Can you use the think method to become a better

could? Couldn't be simpler. Okay, here's a Here's I don't want you to do Howard. Okay. Visualize a big pot. Okay. Now, this is where it gets tricky. Visualize a big stove that you're putting the pot on top of it in front of me. Can you see it? I could

see. I'm going to tell you. I'm looking in my brain. I'm visualizing my stove and pot from home. That's

what thinking is. Wow. Okay. Yeah. All right. Yeah,

I get it. So I got the pot on the stove. Stoves stoves on

now. Well, you tell me. I'm sorry. Is the stove on or does it need to be turned on? I think

I if I'm cooking, it probably needs to get

turned on,

huh? Now you're using the think Miss. So you just reach forward. Turn the knob. The stove is on and cooking, boys. You could

see it, can't you? I can. Who can

see Howard cooking? Right. I can see it. I see this now. What are you cooking. Howard? Uh,

cooking a soup. Yeah, I see that suit. It's a perfect pot food. Put in your favorite ingredients from your favorite soup. Chicken, carrots, noodles. Just sounds like chicken. Carol noodle. It is my favorite chicken care noodle soup. Oh, my God, Marty, Honestly, I think I

could go home right now, and I could cook a chicken care of noodle soup if I wanted

to. Of course you could. It's the simplest thing in the world. You've already visualized it. You're more than halfway there. Oh, man. Sometime. Visualize eating it. The whole visualize it.

I'm do. I am. And now, guys,

some fool, You don't want that soup anymore. I'm full. Do you really feel full? I feel full.

So this is maybe a diet. You sort of diet. So you're

saying with this think method, you can think so far through a situation that you never actually have to do You experience it? Can I think, uh, can I think method getting a divorce? Absolutely. You can. All right. So I put my wife on the stove. No, lo. First you do have to go to Mexico. Oh, yes, of course. That is something the thing method is pretty. It's pretty good. But for this, for this scenario, you will actually have to travel physically to Mexico. Oh, your hair. Just think I'm divorced. I no longer have a wife and stay there for I think it's two weeks. Don't tell her where I'm at. You don't

need

to. This seems more like I'm doing more than just making a fake soup. This this doesn't feel like I'm thinking I have to go to Mexico. Isn't a marriage more than a soup makes me?

I've learned recently that it is. It's something I've lined,

that's what would you say? Are the ingredients of a marriage successful or unsuccessful?

Getting screamed at, uh, put that in the pot. That's the pot, but successful. I'll give you all this successful ingredient because that's what I'm learning. Now come back home after work or if you're not going Thio, notify your significant other way you're gonna be going right. Do not get obsessed with high school theater in a way that makes you stop loving the woman that that is supporting you. Don't ship off your deaf son. Uh,

it's just this is started. I'm seeing all the ingredients. You're stirring them on.

I'm stirring them up. Now. Do it. Turn it on.

I'd say, Let's put a lid on that pot. Great. Let it simmer for a while.

All right? Now, four hours I'll have myself a good

marriage for I guess that's how long it takes.

Oh, do you really know my ex wife? I'm gonna call her up. She has moved on. Well, maybe now that she knows about this method that can I ask you this? Of course There was that article. Malcolm Gladwell wrote an article in The New Yorker about this and the title was the stink method. Question mark. And it really means for your theory to

peace. Sounds familiar. Yeah. Yeah, I understand that not everyone will be on board with the think method. I have parents calling me every day saying we paid good money for those instruments. Where are they? Why do your clothes look so new? And I say to those parents what I say to the kids, you've got to believe you just gotta think. And it'll come true, because

I I didn't want to bring it up because you have actually sort of had some some really dark times in the past where you, of course, we're teaching the thing method to some doctors, which led to some Children's deaths because they were building never should have been doctors. They're operating on each other. They're not fair enough. But you did teach. You told these Children if they used the thing method they could cure there till their child friends, cancers and and and, you know, ailments. And these Children committed so hard to the think method that they never sought proper sought out proper

care Or did they not commit hard enough? Yes, I want I want to go back for just one second because, uh, post think method. Um, when these instruments didn't show up your life, which I promise they will, they they're on their way and listen. There's no one, but I believe more. But your lifestyle did get much, much flashier. It almost seemed like you came into a

lot of really on the day, the day or two after the students brought in their payments for their instruments, it did. So you pulled up in a stretch limousine driving it Also

you were there was any passengers usually people get a chauffeur. If they get rich, you drive a limousine. Well, that's easily explained. I do a service that's similar to a Postmates sort of service where people will contact me via an app. And, ah, they'll ask me to drive them to a place I go to their residents. And I say, Imagine you're at the place that you want to go to and then I pull away you. Now, this is interesting. Now, are you crashing these limos afterwards, or is this more of a safe drug? Not all of them. Yeah. Okay. Good. Save saying

Yeah, because it could be a point of connection. Sam, Uh, a couple

years ago was a limo driver would constantly crash to live. What was the name of your limousines? Crazy limo. Crazy land you would really get. You would really get tossed around in the back. Yeah, a lot of lights, lot of movement. Uh, some of the some of the cars didn't have great suspension, you know, so or suspension in general, a lot of them had blocks instead of spring. Yeah, is which is almost, ah, harder thing to achieve in a moving big 100% of places like getting made its way. It went under

Marty. I guess that is a good explanation for the limo. It makes sense, doesn't it? Makes perfect sense. A lot of people have noticed, though, that even like on that limo instead of the classic you know, Chrysler thing that you would have on the front,

the hood or

the hood ornament. You do have a trombone as your hood ornament, Big jump, and it looks big and brand new.

Well, it's almost a full sized trombone, but it is, in fact, and I understand that Lehman wouldn't be able to know this what we call a trombone ET. It's a slightly smaller trombone that cannot be played. It is just for display purposes, and it's about like a 7/8 eyes of a trombone. That's correct, Eddie. Full correct.

Now this is very

interesting. A lot of people again are mad about the engines. They're not, they are yet, but they are excited by the fact that you're encouraging the kids to buy top dollar. You're encouraging the kids to buy, you know, antique jazz instruments. Supposedly you've got some insurance that Satchmo himself from a store downtown and the owner looks

a lot like you. I think I

know the shop you're referring to. If I recall the owner of that stores rather dashing gentlemen. But as you can see, I have no mustache, and I believe he has one. So that is true. That's a good argument. He has a He has a like at an insanely dark mustache that it's unbelievable. It doesn't even look natural. And I wish I could post up something off like that. It does only don't pull. Pull off that. Look What? Forgive me. I know why you reacted The phrase pull it on your head back and said, Don't worry about that. I was imagining imagining that woman writhing around in pain at the thought of his very natural mustache being tugged upon by another full grown man, which

I was just called again. This downtown music

store was called, uh, Marty found far found. Yeah, 44 music,

by the way. Very misleading. I had a very disappointing trip there because

you you have a faddish. You have

a pretty disgusting finish that you are. You're on your

own. That's pretty rude, you know, fetishes Nothing. We choose for May finish

isn't a thing we choose. It's a thing, that sort of thing. But I help it that he likes disgusting

court while walking while walking through the mall One day I discovered that a thing.

This is an old song was walking

through the mall one day. I think it was the month of May and I I saw somebody who they had jumped in to get something they had dropped in the fountain. But as they jumped, they let out a little gas, huh? And it turned me the hell, huh? Oh, wow. You finally felt alive. And so I ran straight to you guys. I screamed, I found

it. Let's get right. You're just a person fell in the fountain. They don't for one of the O

to grab change out of the fountain was

in mid air Just sort of bend over and reach in for even waiting way Saw someone rawling the fountain Someone's tossing, changing The person jumped in the way to understand When they exerted energy to jump in the fountain they farted Take it easy way razor and party Raise your hand if you farted All of us at the same time again. So

you do,

Mr Mountain. Oh, yes. Huh. So they'd leave it

in. They didn't fart on the jump, but on the

landing. So right as they were going under, there

was a little bit up. And I said, Something else is bubbling up right now. Really? Yeah. Um, and that that, of course. Meaning my sexual urges. And so I came. And I remember the day you it's like you have seen God. Yeah. You know, I I was a new man that day, and so I figured I'll just Google 40 found. I'll see if I can find something

that you had just assumed that that's what the fetish

would be called already

found. Why you gotta go with what? You know why I'd

bounce around with water, toots?

Yeah, because it's crazy because you put in

water, Toots and Google said, Did you mean farty fountains?

And I said, You know what, Google? I think I did.

Did you try tooling around in your junk folder? I told around in my

junk folder for a bit just to see if anyone had emailed me about this fetish.

There's nothing good you never find anything good in there

is never a good thing in my junk folder.

Gotta check. It's very disappointing. When your thing you're finishing, you check your email. No one's e mailed you about it. Absolutely. Absolutely. Because you feel so alone in the world.

Look, I'm gonna Look, I'm not gonna be around the bush anymore. A lot of people think, Mr Mountains, that, uh, you are taking advantage of the goodwill of our student body on their parents and stealing. I'm sorry. This is

not the place for your gotcha

blower Matt Lauer over here. Fuck out. Levi's coming in here and putting the heat on it. Think

about him. An opportunity to defend himself. That's what journalism is about. It's about confronting the issue and giving the person on the other side and opportunity to defend. Can you say with all confidence and certainty that you have not used the thousands of dollars paid to you by parents beads of sweat forming on Mr Mountains Head? Can you say that you are not using that money to finance a wealth of

personal activities? Howard, I want to thank you for asking me that question because I beam or than happy to answer it. Here's my answer. Take a look at the faces of those Children in that band. None of them believe they could do such a thing that they could be a A team the way they are that they could believe in themselves and hold their heads high with there being held back at a football game or shut into a locked door rehearsal in the auditorium.

None of

these kids ever thought. Wow, I'm pretending to hold an instrument. Who? Who would have thought that I'd ever get to this point?

And and then they still have a dream

left the dream of actually holding a real instrument. Are you gonna take that away from those kids? Our sweat forming? Look on Levi's head. I get it. It's been volleyed back to him. Very

strong. Get it? I understand the job Mountains. We don't need play by play here, Bill. We don't need play by play. All right, all right. I just think I I understand your point of view here, sir, but I think I think fleecing this town's parents of $1000 is not something that we can just stand by and allow to

happen. Well, now, Howard, I would say that fleecing is something you do to sheep. And I don't think of these parents. No, sir, I do not. I think of them as mighty lions who are protecting their Children as any parent should. And I wouldn't tell them to change their minds for all the world. I just asked them to be a little bit patient because the hope that springs in their Children's breasts will one day blossom forth in the form of real live. Honest to God, three d touchable is we'll have you

got a

shipping date or anything? Marty,

with me right now. I know it's written down. I think this is bullshit. I'm

sorry. I'm sick of sitting by here and watching these kids get

always Jones on the mike.

I'm taking my shirt off because I can't handle. Okay, I'm not gonna sit here and let you guys buy it into this guy's total bullshit. Well, I was supposed to be the person who's in charge of what's getting out in the public these days. This newspaper it's gonna correct this story by guy Marty Mountain. Jesus. You know where anyone could be Oh, I'll tell you what. Sandy Hook was. A ran a red herring. That's to 9 11 was committed by George Bush shelf Dick Cheney killing got scarce. Amar Kelso. He shot that guy in the 1st 2nd because they wanted to cause trouble. Okay, I'll tell you what else, sister. Everybody. What else is Drew's going up in a cabinet? A jig here, Gentleman way boy. Tonto

Eso back to Martin Now, Marty, your response. Well, I think that Howard has every right to ask those

questions. But I would say Look at the two of us now and decide who seems to be a more reliable one of you is relaxed, barely sweating, the others barely sweating. Thea other standing over a dead Jewish track star. This is a hate giving him mouth to

mouth us. Now, how many pumps do I do on its shares? That's it's now five pumps. Don't bring that

motherfucker back to life imaginable. He deserves to be dead. Just imagine him being alive again, remember? Use the things I used to think. Method cheating man's alive. You fuck me and cheetah,

man, We're going to synagogue. Me and Jim McMahon, gentleman

Oh, God, He's coming back to life. Are

you okay? Yes. Yes, Cheatham And getting this pot.

Gentlemen, at the risk of sounding boastful, I will say that none of my Children, although they have yet to hold an actual musical instrument, have died and needed to be brought back to life. So

you're saying I'm the one? That's weird.

I say no such things. You're free to draw your own conclusion. His voice is check. Even his talking voices changed Levi's. What

do you mean? The tone of my voice is different than it was at the beginning of

this episode. This is like Frost. Hold on. The phone lines here are lighting up. Wow.

It's like people hurt us from other rooms and are calling. We're recording live. Yeah, and the phone lines are lighting up.

Oh, my God. And to say these, I don't know how I can tell this, but I can tell all of these phone numbers air coming from All right, households.

I'll say how you could tell that they've all changed their foot. Their phone number, The new halt. Right prefixes.

666 Oh, that's a nice

doll, right? Is co opting the 60 movement.

I had no daily vice. That's right. This is gonna

be big, Okay? Because I'm gonna answer my when Bill O'Reilly comes tomorrow. I'm gonna let him know that you choked out a Jewish student. Oh,

we're gonna make it the Jewish thing. The first thing we say about him, not that he's obviously a cheetah.

Uh, a zoo Jewish man. For thousands of years, we've been called cheetahs, and that is bringing up so much history that you don't understand by accusing Jews of

classic anti Semitism. Look at these Jews spots, But that's classic.

Look at these Jews hunting antelopes at full speed.

I have never wanted to say this more than right now, Mister Levi's out. See you in court.

Oh, yeah. You'll see me in court.

Yeah. Guys

were turning on each other Now. Hey, come on, now. I will take him to TV court. I'll

see you there. Listen, we're better at a time on this episode.

How do we tie all this up?

I think we all me we need to end this episode like we've ended all the rest of episodes this season. We need to check in with our goalies and and are

too much extemporaneous information that will never be tied up. Well,

I'll tell you this. My mission in life has just been changed completely. No, no, no. That is how d'oh one turn this newspaper into the single most shared thing on the Internet and in real life. And I got a whistle on every single fucking conspiracy that is. It's in this world, and I'll do it.

I believe it. But this live stream is being shared. Millions of started

Facebook to see all my fans. How everybody Only that I've got 16,000 people watching this live stream right now.

It seems like I've struck

a chord with these people. Got here anyway. Can people see this from different parts of the country? They can. Can you turn your phone slightly away? He said

that I'm not. You don't want me to

show him you, Marty Mountain. I'm

a little shy.

All right, Well, anyway, anyway, we'll see what happens next week when I this is start my crusade

thesis, a new form of publicity's that it's seemingly catching hold for Mr Levi's. Yeah, there never has really gone too. Is that what else is

up. I s on my vision board. It's not as grand as taking over a school newspaper and pushing a hateful ideology. But my goal for next week is just to, uh I'm gonna use that part that simmering. And I'm gonna get back in touch with my ex wife and let her know some of the changes I've made his head of the women's studies program. And also, I'll check back in about how well that funeral went. And, um, make sure my bathroom is built. We're doing a second grand open.

And what about your tickled stuff?

Oh, yeah. Well, that's the funeral. Oh, yeah, that's right. I am competing in the semifinals of the giggle of giggle, giggle madness, Chuckle, Man Little Madness s o. I hope I win that. Yeah,

yeah. On my vision board, Of course. Just staying positive. Looking to the future, I unfortunately have to go to a funeral myself. Miss Community, the science teacher. Oh, she passed. Well, we thought it was just gonna be here eyes, but, uh, a funeral for her eyes turned her whole body has

got affected and the infection spread to her brain. Her brain

experience? Yes, Well, the bride, the burn just never went out. It wasn't an infection. It was that the heat kept going to the brain and the water was so hot. Condolences, Condolences to the Kim and family. Yes, Thank you. Thank you. And, you know, I'm also I'm also, um I got a little beach scene up here because I'm looking towards Mexico, and I'm looking to see how I can help down there, because, as we said, a lot of lot of lot hombres problems down there. So many bad hombres and I also bought some

bad. Um, bro's down there.

There's bad. There's mostly bad shorts.

Had holes all over. It

was unbelievable. Yes, you all are so bad on bro's cell. Erman Sellers. Yeah, What about you, Bill Craving, Which on your vision board

You're gonna nurse this? Well, she so we can win some meats for you.

Obviously, Cheatham in is not going to return to the team now with the whole anti America scandal and being choked out by Mister Levi's to his death and then brought back to life. So I'm gonna have to, I guess I guess I'm gonna have to just ah count on my teammates that I already have not mates. You're running. You're running. I'm not running, um or am I know

I'm not Mark Mountains. This'll might be a segment. That's really good for somebody like you, who all you do is think Woods on your vision board, huh?

Well, obviously, I'm going to, ah, nag that music store for a hard deadline on delivery of those instruments. That's that's priority number one. And number two is just to keep inspiring the band here and keep giving them a reason to wake up in the morning. You know, something a little interested in this music. I would love to go down to that music store with you if you wouldn't mind. Yeah. Could we go down there with you? Best if I go down there alone,

Maybe I'll sneak down there myself. I

well, you know, you're certainly well room. When were you thinking of seeking down there? I'm

gonna keep that information to myself, all right. Because I could see right through your bullshit Marty mountains

and I can see right into your pocket and I see a fake mustache. How do you know it's not a real mustache? that's because it's in your pocket. I keep it for sentimental. He belonged to my my grandfather, wonderful man, who taught me to think Method himself. Really. And his final wish was that his mustache be removed from his face and kept intact and pocketable, that

makes you the only way they could keep it intact was it's still connected to the lift.

That's true. That's what you don't see behind the mustache is so sorry. I do see How could you bloody live in your about? How could you know? And I am. I've made a fool out of myself and I'm sorry. I've made a fool out of myself by correcting Don't kiss his granddaddies live. It's all right. You might be back around. You're gonna think it's lovely. Here you go. That's really well, anyone as a real man's lips, you could tell it was soft. It is now, of course, fossilized.

Thank you, everybody, for listening to this episode of the teacher's lounge will be back next week. Until then,

weight room