Blow the Roof Off The Danger Zone with Billionaire Philanthropist - Lana Suds (Jessica Jardine)

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parking lot was just a master. Oh, my God, I'll tell you what. Unbelievable. I think all these kids we got us quit making letting these kids driving school right. It's not safe there in here. They're They're smoking their joints in your coffee.

They're doing doughnuts before class. Yeah.

Eight. And donuts and doing donuts. It's disgusting. It's absurd. It's a real nightmare. I don't even understand the real hierarchy cause I'm parking in the back. The seniors get up front. Is that what it is? Yeah, it's seen ago. Seniors, juniors and sophomores, freshmen, younger brothers and sisters and also avail. You can park in the faculty lot. You don't have to park in the student parking area. Is that true? That

is

true. You have a separate parking passes, says faculty parking. You should enjoy that. Proof of the parking lot is right behind the auditorium.

Oh, is that faculty? Yeah.

Oh, my God. I thought I thought that was like people. I thought that was for disabled people. Oh, you thought it was handicapped? Yeah. I thought that was handed three times as far away from the school is the student parking and you thought it was for handicapped people. Wait, it's

further away than student parking. Yeah, yeah, That's why I've been part in just a little closer than the handicapped parking lot. That is.

What's that? That's what's really wrong with the parking lot is they put the handicap spots in the very back. Yeah, well. And that ramp, that wheelchair ramp goes way too high and their

sway to Steve of India. I've been trying to get her to put speed bumps in on the rant, but the one I put in to show him that it would work was actually a bit of a problem. We had a couple of I didn't put it in straight, so we had a couple kids launch sideways off the ramp on, then fall down the planter.

But fair. You did invent a new ah, a new sport in the X Games, so I think that's right. I cannot believe the X Games Scouts. We're here for one runaway wheelchair

away wheelchairs taking off my sick day. Yeah, I know the one day a year you weren't in your wheelchair on campus. I was in my wheelchair at the hospital. Yeah, that's right. You know, I

apologize if you took a sick day. Yeah, I took a sick day. I went to Ggo. Did you fake sick at your house, or were you really sick? There's sometimes you'll fake sick for yourself because you're your own guardian and you'll be, like, up

to stake for school. Yeah, call myself up. And also, uh, don't you emancipate yourself to yourself? Uh, 98. 99. What's Ah, 99? 98 days ago. Oh, okay. So as ah, adult, Yes. This is

post divorce. I get that. You can get your relationship and you decided. You know what? I'm gonna take ownership of myself. Yeah. Yeah, because you're very old. Uh, it seems like you created an undertaking for yourself when, really, it was just your normal. I'm a freedom. And now I'm a free man. I am no longer enslaved to myself. I feel good about it. Wow. Yeah. What? You guys? You know how sometimes I hit record and I don't tell you guys guilty like sometimes every god damn an episode. God, we've been recording for a minute. Sure. Yo,

I'm so sick of quick.

Stop it. All right. Wow. Loss is temporary. I'm sorry. Weatherman lost

his temper. Sorry. I thought you had reached enlightenment. Me too. I you know, almost every day I think I reach enlightenment

while you're at the end. You the closer you get to enlightenment, the angrier you seem to be. Well, you're less it. Peace.

What do they say about pride? His greatest before the fall. Think it's one of those deals? Every time I think I catch enlightenment, the way down to anger hurts even more. Yeah, because you're so far up your so peaceful that when you get you know, just something little sticks in your craw, Mom, Then you're just you gotta slide all the way back down to being a loser who can't even drive. A limo can keep a

little ironic that you've cut a peace sign into your upper shoulder as sort of like a scar tattoo. Why was that ironic? It's just say it seems a little weird to be cutting yourself and also doing a visible display

committed to peace. I just can't stable so much so that you're willing to force it. I've

got a famous chemical imbalance. Okay. What is

famous? Okay. We'll let you know. Thank you, everybody for Tina into the teacher's lounge s. Sorry about all this. Uh, this is of course, uh, this is, of course, the podcast that pertaining to issues relevant Hamilton High school students and has always won euros. Howard Levi's head of the newspaper used to be your biology teacher. Guys, to go ahead and introduce yourself. Although people probably knows by now

well, they know it's me, Sam. Weatherman. They could tell by the calm demeanor. I'm obviously taking control of the mental health of every high school student. And I maybe have lost my own mental health a little bit because I'm giving so much others. Welcome back. Hi,

Bill. Crave E um, head track coach, uh, former basketball coach. How's it going, Todd? Padre. Women's studies. I don't teach them. They teach me. That's true. Uh, way had a rough rough Couple weeks here, guys. Things got a little dicey last last time. We've all kind of been in various the dice, man, come a clay. Things have been kind of tough for us. We've all kind of had issues getting towards our goals for the year and fulfilling our promises. We over We did over promise, and we're starting to realize that now we over promised. The one promise we made is that we do over promise and under deliver, and we're delivering on that promise. That's true. I I've had you guys actually saw how the ah, the printing press in the basement caught fire on destroyed B and C Hall. Um, three teachers are in the I C. You currently with second and third degree burns. Sorry, Mrs Community, That's your second big injury of the year. Way apologize. You know, it's probably due to the fact that you were in a in a brace, made it difficult for you to get out of the building. And I and you were trying to print, uh ah, nationwide, uh, newspaper. I did. I'd been 4300 copies out of a machine that only makes about $1000.1000 copies a week, 1000 copies on, and that's before it needs to be serviced on

old rickety machine. It's one of the best

in 10 years on. It's basically used to print 100 print copies of the newspaper, and I decided to throw 300,000 through there on the orders of El Chapo. He said he had a very serious order. He, uh he wanted to get 150,000 copies he delivered. He

delivered. And now he is a bad hombre. He is quite a bad hombre. And he lied to

me. Three packages. He said, Do not look inside these packages, but wrapped him in your newspaper and send them back to me here in Mexico.

Oh, so you're newspapers

air strictly a rapping for boxes you receive informative wrapping. Uh, he said he made it very clear that people were definitely going to read the paper. They were not going to use it to get through security or to traffic, and it seems like it might be That's That's big

lies. He was doing a lot of thickly veiled thing. Here's my thing, guys. Why would he

lie to me? El Chapo and I we've been friends for a few weeks. Like close friends for a few weeks. We talk about each other's lives. He told me about his vacation recently. What was it? Hey, friend. He went to Hawaii for a couple of okay.

See out of prison. He's out of prison now he's on the lam. Oh, these are nice pictures looking chapeau. Just accepting a lei Me these pictures. I've been judging by these pictures. It's not the same Lambeau. He's not, though. And he's on different lands in

every picture. Well, he gets a different lamb in every city. I mean, this picture here is particularly vulgar. He is accepting allay, but not the flower neck. No neck having sex mess with a beautiful Hawaiian woman? Yes, on top of Elavil. Lamb? Yeah.

Look at this

picture is very breaking ground on a new fast food chain. Oh, yes. Well, chop, that's a del chap. Yeah, you know, and that's I think I think what he asked

me to do. I think what he was asking you is be his distribution force. I think he was. He was sending me his ah, his food, his food items and ever everything for all of his restaurants. He's opening a few restaurants in Canada, Mexico, Colombia, Bolivia. Did

he tell you anything

about a jab?

Did he tell you this feels a lot like l boyo. Airman owes you never breaking bad. This is very reminiscent of a reminder from breaking bad, right? I said that. Correct, right? Yeah. And that boy Ara my

nose. That's the first draft of the script, right? They ended up changing it to low spoil Surana Way. Only read the first draft.

You watch the

show? No, the first draft was fucking perfect. It was a comedy. I think

good things are coming of this. Of course, it seems like you are very heavily involved in some type of drug running operation. It seems to be like packages of cocaine covered in newspaper.

I agree. What seems like a success for your paper seems like a deep, deep failure. Because it seems like Chapo

is gonna take advantage of you guys Know, I promise you, That's not what's happening. I well,

I mean, is anyone succeeding right now? No, but it was

briefly a CZ. You guys know my ex wife got a divorce from her new husband. Wow. And this was big, great news from for you. I have never been happy.

This is good grief. This was good grief.

I saw you on the roof of your house shooting a gun that I didn't know you had. Well, yeah, I went straight to Walmart. I bought a gun. I said I'm gonna shoot this off my

roof. And they said already, Period. What's that waiting, period? Um, no Good.

Yeah. Yeah. They said you could have it right away. As long as you're not crazy. And I said, Do I look crazy to you? And you were just as a clown. Yeah, Yeah, I was dressed as a clown. And I said,

Do I look crazy to you? And they said, uh, now that said, But you are You have

a, uh you're you're famous for your mental instability around town. Yeah. You have a second only to one other man. Famous chemical involved.

Yeah, in this town. Thank you, Mr Chairman. But it was going to do

so I shot my gun off. Then I went to the divorce proceedings, and I threw a party there. Kind of a divorce proceeding. Yeah. Yeah, uh, a hell of a party in the lobby of the courtroom.

It was a smash riot way had a blast. Everybody drinking that. That was the theme of the party. It was a smash riot. Everybody brought a big vase or some type of kiln produces. It's almost as if

it was like a Greek party where you break plates? Yeah.

Oh, I thought Oprah was there. I kept looking around waiting, seeing women that we thought looked like Oprah. And we would be Oh, smash plates. And now you. Your entire class

was at that party. That's right. That's right. School. Yeah. They skipped school because they wanted to see me be a new feminist with my hopefully future wife again. So I followed. You feel about that? Well, here's where the story gets depressing. I followed her home that night to try to rekindle everything and through the window. What did I see? But my ex wife having sex with my ex fiance, Steve, the tickling referee?

No, my God. Was she tickling him?

What's that? Was she tickling him? No. Common. That's your you said. No comment, But you nodded big. Yes. No, not even bigger there. You still denied and been from your hips.

And

now you're writing. Now you're writing on a piece of paper? Yes.

I have zero comment on the matter. I just got an email from you. What's it say? It says, Uh no comment. I don't have a comment on that line. Once there's a shift at the bottom, it's Todd shaking his head, bending at the waist. Oh, Jesus. Now, Todd, was that devastating? Well, I don't know if any of you guys, but I feel like it would be I don't know if you if any of you have ever been double cooked before now. No, Definitely s. So what? What does that mean for searching your

wife, Have sex with the man, Another man and getting off on it? Almost. And a double cook would be watching both your wife and your fiance having sex with each other, both cooking you as you watch from outside a window. So, yeah, I would say I was a little devastated about it. Yeah. What did you What did your class? What they say feminism wise. Well, they said that that's her choice. And

they were

there with you, right? Yeah, they were. They

saw my breakdown. So this is a pretty big chorus out of her with you, and

you and your class kind of looked like, um, like you were going around with Lebanese air Scrooge. Kind of like wiping the wiping the steam off the window

and stores Miss Fast. Was that what it was? Yeah. Uh, my class was the growth ghost of Christmas, but gross grossed, goes grossed out Christmas past grossed out Christmas past

And they were kind of showing me how gross everything in my life Waas taking it all the spots where you had trauma. Yeah, that missing the part where anyone misses me. Uh, maybe that's more. It's a wonderful life than I see then Scrooged. Uh, but, um, I was devastated, and I'm not gonna lie. I've been depressed. Yeah, God. But you know what? It drove me back to my art. That's great. I went home, popped 100 Ben's owes through on a pot of coffee 100 fans. What

benzo die as a Pam? Always that a present. All the coolest writers were on it.

is a benzo

Oh, yeah. I mean, we're talking Bukowski. God. Good guy. We're talking Carol a good guy. If you can name a womanizer that did drugs and college students look up to they were on benzos, baby,

you know what I

like about writing? Showing people that you're supposed to be a selfish dick to really accomplish anything absolutely have you seen everything Dan Harmon writes about? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I mean, that guy is an artist. You can tell because he's mean and drinks a lot and talks about it. That's right. And so I started. Do I started? I was like, I'm gonna be on artist finally. Uh, like all these white guys. And I just started writing about how much of a monster I am and how women don't get me, all right? And I think would you say your job thing? You know, I'm just so crazy you're pulling your pulling your sideburns out. There wasn't much to begin with, but they're almost gone. I'd call a mutton chops, not sideburns, but, yes,

there have been enough to be called much chases time. Well, I did hear that this book that you this this manuscript that you scribbled out, um, did actually get around town. People aren't happy about it. No, it's on the blacklist,

which is, of course, not

The list of Of of unproduced scripts in Hollywood. It is more. It's a list of texts in our specific town that are, um, bad for humanity. Bad for humanity. Humanity. They turn your soul. Black people saying, Yeah, it's something they would like to redact from from society. Huh? I've a

pamphlet that's also been put on the back of black List. It's a pamphlet on motivation and how to be successful. Even though you're a piece of shit. Yeah. Anyway, it's not. Yeah, yeah, it would be. You know what? It would be perfect for you, but you know, of course, they're sitting on me not letting anything that I created. You know, big public sitting on Santa's big

public, big public.

So you're blaming society on if you succeed? It's an organization to it. As a corporation, organization, big society of everybody who doesn't like to be in

charge of that corporation, that collective subconscious of all the world. That's right. And they're against you.

That's right. Big society hates me. Yeah, well, I will say the danger zone has blown up. Letter literally. The roof has flown off of the cafeteria that we had created a moat around. And by by we I mean me and my six students, we buried the lead. There was a lot of destruction on campus this week. Got me peeved.

Well, yeah, the after the danger zone exploded. Can

you believe a

place like the danger zone exploded?

I mean, it was so safe. Now explain

for people who are maybe tuning in right now for the first time tuning into the O. Welcome to the teachers. Like, um, the danger zone. Uh, was a area in the middle.

I'm a

little hazy on the danger zone. A sort of quarantine or triage for

stands right had been pulled apart. All of the students? Yes. Not put back together. So you

broke a bunch of students down with fury burning 60 catatonic 15 to 17

which I hold full responsibility for every time they get weaker. I get stronger and my strength is gonna lead them to salvation.

It almost seems like you are. So you somehow suck the life out of these teenagers and you become younger.

Why do you think

Tony Robbins is so physically large? He does. It's Pete. No, no, can't be overactive pituitary gland.

I think it's all

the energy you need. Perhaps it's no from those drug use, Qi Shang. Assuming people, I hope so, because that's what I'm trying to do. I have seen the light and I'm just noticing

this now. You actually have a new tattoo on your neck that says the big nightmare. Yeah, Yeah, it's a little higher than the peace sign you carved into your biceps.

It's just above Yeah, Yeah, I'm crashing Really leaning into this

nickname that the students have given to you. And I would say

there was a famous painting done of me called The Big Nightmare that now rests in the loo. Ve r i p For those who don't know the love is gone. God, that's right. The big nightmare has really become a kind of wanted to move out of its misery. It started with the big the Big Laugh in our last leg For a while, Miley. I mean, everybody knows the luv is just tacky. It's only the

tackiest museum in the world. Obviously, I'm not a big fan of the monument that they erected in its place, which just looks like the Luv. But it says the luv rests here that crazy. I backed a one way flight to go pee on it one way, huh? Careful, That'll put you on the list. Yeah. I should probably book a ticket back

Yeah, I think so. What do you want to come back, right? Uh, yes. Good. Yeah. Look, and take it back. I would sit and so said the big So you're going by the big nightmare now? The danger zone blew up, but

you're still kind of running in Arkham Asylum out of

the roof

blew off, which I say Thanks for the sun, baby. We're still in there. Were working. Has there been any

sort of diagnostics from, like, a forensics team as to how that happened? Or was it just sort of the

too much heat? Too much eat. I've been cranking that boiler room because it hasn't been hot enough in the big nightmare. And you disconnected

the fire hoses when they came to put it out. You said we don't need

the no water. Let the mother ever burn. Yes. Yeah. So anyway, it's been pretty hot. It's been pretty hot in there, and I think I've been pushing them kids towards some realizations, but I don't know, my hair's falling out. I'm getting depressed. I don't know if I'm

gonna be able to do this thing. Well, hang on, Sam. Hang on in there. Well, I mean, I I have a feeling that, um it was a partially my fault. Um, as as you guys know, the track team. Ah, had a tough week this week. I got some. I got some steroids from, ah, collection of older baseball players. Chipper Jones. David Justice. Not a brave the cry from the home, mostly from the crime dog drug Fred McGriff. Decried Fred McGriff, Um and, well, Tom Glavine. Tommo, I'm gonna have and gave me a hard No, I don't do steroids anymore. And I said, That's fine, but oh, Mike Piazza.

Piazza Piazza. I had a nice piece of Piazza when I was over Mike Yeah, yeahs oo er and well, I went ahead and gave the

students and myself Ah, a little bit of their steroids. And as you guys know, they turned out to be bare oId sze They were not steroids. They were kidding me. Now you've got some tough luck.

Well, tough luck. It is, uh, it's done Good grief, but you got tough luck. Yeah, it's This is tough luck. I mean, so as you guys know after the 1st 2 weeks of the cycle, me, uh, excuse me Whoa. Did you just take down the whole salmon? Yes. Yes,

I I have See salmon with me that I have been eating. Oh, I'm gonna have to text my dinner guests and tell him I'll find something else because that was my salmon. Sorry. I apologize of reading your salmon, but me and the the whole track team are now in between human and bear. Um, yeah, uh, which you think would be good for a track team. But it's not when your schools right across the street from a honey factor. That's right. No, we, uh we immediately, um ah all bailed on all of our events and rated that honey factory and filled our tummies up to the brim with honey laying on our backs. And, um, of course, on the opposite side of the school

is a campsite on we. Of course, we can't resist an active campsite. So we went over there, popped open some bear proof trash cans. Now, today I'm not pressing charges for all this picnic baskets. You guys took bubbles? Uh, no charges, no charges.

Um, the charges were dropped because we were able thio way. We settled out of court we were able to. We are all pretty nimble. Eso good. We're half human, have bears. So we were able to do a little performance where we got on

Go on you two cycles Now, are you concerned that so thank you. Texted me asking if I had any funny to two way did a small circus performance to get them to drop the charges. I'd love to get

mine back. If I could

do to you, we'd all like Oh, yeah, you just pulled this out of your body. All right, Are you at all worried that the whole team, after just sort of binging, is now ready to hibernate?

Well, that's that's a huge problem. As you guys know, it is the week of hibernation where all bears go tonight of a nation and

we've been no when getting wow your mouth issue. Yes, well, we stored up a bunch of honey in our bellies and bigger nic baskets, and we rated live campsites. So we're full. We got all our girl in sleepy bear, So sleep it off. We had

a pot of coffee in here, I'd say down it, but

it won't help to put a pot of coffee on

rotation in here. So you know, I don't know where we really stand right now. Well, I I mean, obviously the principal. I will say this, I Regrettably, you lost your star runner, Kyle Phillips, for murdering that weird documentarian

that there was a documentarian

who was following Kyle around as a sports documentary. You know, he was poised to be the next king of the 100 meter. Says they're calling

you. Give it to that document. Got documentarian. I mean, he can sniff out a story quick. You've been on Barrett's one week and he was already false.

I don't say this. That guy's an idiot. You

didn't learn a lesson from Grizzly man? Yeah. I mean, it's the most notable documentary where Diets his brother. And it's his brother. It's grizzly brother. It's grizzly brother. It was grizzly, grizzly man and grisly brother. Grizzly brother is well, he got ripped apart and he knew he knew he was trying to get. He should have learned from his brother. You know what I mean? Usually Daddy died the same way and grisly granddaddy, and they

don't learn that family. And that's a farmer, too. because now you're if I'm not.

And I did hear that the track season has been forfeited for the rest of the year.

Yeah, which makes it impossible for you to fulfill your kids to deliver on my promise. So they were gonna come in here and rip me out of my chair. The Chicago police showed up. That's right. Well, your chair, they said, were given that chair to somebody else. Yeah, and I said, I ain't going nowhere. Did you look out on to bear out on, uh, yeah, I bear out of And I was able to

beat the Chicago security guards, so I'm holding strong. I mean, as you can see, I'm not going anywhere. Good. Any bear. I'm not going anywhere.

I'll tell you what you are, William. In the name your zone. In any time, I actually

have been swimming around in the moat and eating a little bit of the danger zone. That is not a good play environment for fish to live.

No class. You guys, the questions were farmed fish bythe taste it a little soft

in here, asking an existential question. Sure. How do you guys think that we've potentially created an environment here at this school that it will be impossible to move through Going forward. No, no, no. You don't absolutely say this. I'm worried, guys. I'm worried for the future of of us and Hamilton, I think we've all we made promises in the beginning this season that we, uh

you think we're writing checks that our butts can't care? I think we've

already bounced those checks, Guys. I mean, look at us. You think I'm walking? I'm walking around 1/2 bear half man with a with a chair taped to my butt and said, I ain't going nowhere. I mean, I don't know what I have left to live for. Anyway, The one woman I loved is engaged to the one man I loved when I tried to become a feminist. It's like, What can I do? Right? I do my best.

I mean, I'm trying to motivate kids, and instead I create a painting that shuts

down the loo. D'oh!

And I mean, you know, I can't

keep from from getting in trouble either. You know,

you guys, you have ties strong, strong ties to the most notorious gangster in the world. Really? The biggest

cartel, head of the biggest cartel in the world. And I'm calling my friend and you failed at the newspaper business. It was issued in another newspaper that your newspaper has failed

New York times. You look, I say front, front page of the crap section says riel news. Wait, You

were front bridge of

the crab section of New York Times. They made a new section, and you're full of it. And it's honestly, it was full of it. Levis full of it. That's when it's in Princess, that if you don't know what it is looking with section you're eating bozo really hard on a crab's Asian like references itself a lot it Zeke. Well,

this will really Levis is ass. Honestly, guys, this honestly

actually excited? Why? They're saying that I've got some publicity in the New York Times. Yeah, you were a clue in their ass word puzzle. Excuse me? You're a clue. That's word puzzle. What's the password but cross section like the crossword? Yeah. Okay, that's right next to this, the dough proof.

Okay, maybe it's not as

bad as we think it is, You

know? God said, oh, put this week Sudoku was so hot. I mean, I tried to pit. I couldn't get past turd and log down their bottom. Yeah.

Oh, I kept getting all brown que fifth of the holding brown. Okay, maybe that was it. I know that

you're missing a green caca. I don't forget that. That's like a star ithe right. That's like a star in the middle.

You're famous. I didn't really your fucking famous for being the biggest piece of shit in America. Come on, now. You can read it like that, I'm sure. But you can also read. No, that's it was written like that. Come on. I said, how are famous for being the biggest piece of shit, man. Three crap. Shut the paper. I don't believe it. Said the written word is back. People are buying newspapers

again. Just not his. Unbelievable. That's unbelievable. Isn't But Howard, you're right. I think we're all all in a downward spiral. And I don't know what to do about here.

We got a gun way. You're good. Yeah, he's got his Wal Mart

gonna Oh, good grief, guys. Well, I probably shouldn't have yelled We have a gun. No, at a student that they thought you were kidding. I'm sure they thought you were kidding. You think so? I hope so. They're going to go That gift. That's like yelling fire in a theater, though. They have to Some flea. That kid's not running down the hill. And that was my play. Fire. That's

right. That's where people in the audience pretend the building's on fire. Yeah, the whole play

is just a normal play. Husband and wife living in a Brooklyn tenement every once in a while. So one of the audience stands up and

says, Oh, my God, this is real. There's a fire in here. But I gotta say, I got to defend us. If there was a fire in the theater, you should yell it. There is a gun in this room. So we're supposed to yell it. Yeah, yeah, I didn't say it was

ours. I was just being way. No, it is. I put a little thing on the door like a hotel. That just his gun in the room. Well,

you know, about your own risk. Speaking

of announcing yourself and saying things that are in the room. Yeah, Guys, we're really excited today. We've got a very exciting. Uh, you know, you all know all about her. I mean, she is the talk of the town. Everybody knows where everybody knows everything about her. She is. Ah, quite ah, wealthy person we

asked will say, Let's just say that. Let's just let's just say she's

rich. We'll leave it there. And she's donated some money to the school before.

further. She's well, Yeah, she, uh she financed the whole new wing, which we're going

Don't go any

to need, I'll tell you that. We're gonna get that plane off the ground, and, uh, why

don't you, uh let's just go and introduce our guest for today. Miss Lana Suds. Lana, how are you?

Uh, I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm sure you'd be here.

I don't

know if it's something about money or I mean, you're obviously beautiful to begin

with on uses, marry yourself like

a millionaire. That that means so much.

You reek of money.

I try. I don't know. I know you're not supposed to say that, but yeah, I mean, I

want to look good.

I want to feel good,

and every time I've ever seen you've had a lot of money the size of a football in your left hand is yeah, thing that you've always done.

Always. It's a superstition, right? Yeah. You know what's funny? It's mostly that I It's like I can't sleep if I don't have it. Like I need it. I have it next to meet me on my pillow. It's Yeah, I just need like, I gotta feel my money.

I'm that way with my angry journal.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Saying same same saying so if

to count If you mean, you know, I wasn't always rich, so that's interesting. Well, yeah. I

you should get

just think people

who are who are wealthy come for money, like, of course, you know, come from the Levi's on. You know, they all have money, and I chose not to take the money. I want it.

That's right. You are one of these very famous rags to riches story.

Truly. Yeah. I was bundled in rags and I was just I was down by a river

literally round. You've been called the Moses of wealthy people.

That's true. And I love that nickname. Um, yeah, I came from pretty much nothing

literally floating down the river

And you also wandered in the desert for 40 years. Is that correct?

I am not gonna. That dates me a little, okay? I'm not a Okay. Nice try. Sorry. Sorry. No. Uh, yeah.

I did a little desert wandering. Allow

Is Moses, right? Centuries, right. He Yeah. Yeah. You also wanted the desert with a few Jews.

Yeah, I keep them close. Um, and they're they're great wandering pals. So that was a good phase for me. Once

money, I found a lot of time to travel to. So,

I found

uh, how did you forgive my ignorance here? How did you make your fortune?

Oh, I'm so surprised you guys

don't know. Well, I invented, you know, there's like the Kush ball. Yes, right. Well, so I invented this smooth bowl, and

it's Oh, those things. That ball rock hard and smooth, right? Famously. Roseanne's failed talk show. She would throw that into the audience. Daryl's got the cush ball. Bar's got smooshed.

I thought that was getting my big ticket, but no, but they sold, Sold like crazy. Yeah. Yeah. They sold a lot

on the smooth ball. Is is it heavy? Very heavy. Hugely. Homers like comfortably. It's It's heavier

and harder than a cue ball, right? And harder than a cube. Oh,

yeah. We're starting

about the original smoosh ball, right? I mean, first eyes, they've been a lot of problems, you know, Heavier Aziz and more of a computer.

Yeah. Yeah. Then they turned into computers, right? Yeah, because the smooth, smooth tosh That's right. That was me. I you know, and I came up with that concept on my own.

Really? Did you come up with the crab apple? It was the crap All yours, Or was that someone in your big conglomerate?

It's technically my ex husband's. I don't I can't really talk about it. Legally

show. Um, not what, Todd? Someone else has an ex. Oh, yeah, that's interesting. I didn't know. You know, people who are divorced should marriage.

Oh, my God. I'm blushing. Oh, my God.

You should know about Todd. He's literally dirt poor.

That's okay. No,

I'm dirt rich money poor.

That is right. He went to the bank and dirt trying to deposit a sack full of dirt on. You have so much dirt right now.

I'm dirt rich. Your filthy ridge.

Can I recommend you carry around a big ball of it and

just keep it near. You feel good? Yeah, that's great. Like a life size human dung beetle. Yeah. Yeah. You Ever since you

were drinking paint, you do have sort of like an iridescent color. Todo less. Oh, thank you. I do have a little bit of a glow.

And you meant the band, right?

Yes, yes. Be like glow like

Ringle. Ringle. Ringle, Pull pull johrj Ah, Ringle Wrinkles, Wrinkles Dark, right? Yeah, it's wrinkled. Star

jar geniuses. Air Jean

Joan. Joan Fortunately, yucky her and yucky broke. Jackie tore them apart. I want the stone is music.

It's good. It's beautiful. It was in the loop.

Well, I divorce for me. It was

hard enough when there was no money involved. What was it like for you when you were creatively involved with each other and financially involved

a nightmare? Was your divorce creative? Uh, well,

lot of fun with it. We did? Yeah. I

yeah, We had a

was down at the courthouse when you guys were getting divorced, and it was it was really aside. It was kind of often guard. I didn't I didn't respond to the save the date way would

have been fun to have

you there. But that's okay. I

actually had the vegetarian option, and it was very good.

Yes, right. I knew you'd like that. Kim on sweet potato That doesn't get a stomach, you know. Yeah.

It was really perfect for me.

Yeah, it was They felt like it was a

good, you know, we had a three day festival. Um, and it was all kinds of body art. You could do any kind of modification. Um,

this old dog's there.

Yeah. Yeah. You could buy and sell dogs really animals

by. So there was a lot of it was almost like it felt like Wall Street. But when the shares were animals,

Wall Street needs a SWAT

me. Wait, That's how we dreamed it up rule that was described at Wall Street meat to swap me.

Wow, that rhyme to things that everybody hates.

And it went so well. No, it really Well, it was It was It was a beautiful divorce. It actually went very well. Just, um yeah, we fell into some legal stuff. So what's with the crabapple? That it doesn't

matter, You know, it doesn't matter. how? How much you want something to go? Well, most of the times it goes bad. I've learned that from experience. You think all of us have experienced in that field. So now we've been feeling a little negative. Yeah. That guy, uh, like, is your life gone pretty? Well, maybe some positivity could turn us around.

I mean,

there's obviously I have, you know, a substantial fortune. So that's a nice little box to check. You know, that'll put a pep in your step just to wake up and think about, you know,

do you let people borrow money?

Never. Okay, now, famously not. Are you asking? No. No.

None of us need my body. Just because I have third degree burns. Why? Just because I'm about to lose my job?

Well Oh, yeah. No, I am. I'm just very particular about, um You know how I donate how I give. I've gotten into sticky stuff and friendships and relationships, so I don't need a lot to the school to this school

way. Kind of met you

was the gala. Yes, the gala. And you

are. You are I would say the opposite of an anonymous donor.

No, I I scream it? Yeah. And

you have a name or money advertising your donations?

I took out ads. Yeah, I put on TV just letting

you know how much Super Bowl this year.

Huge. Yeah. Yeah, I ran it 10 times. I was shocked. I said, I don't care out. Pepsi and Doritos were pissed. Yeah, well, they didn't invent the smooch, did they?

Didn't you? Did that add word? Bruce Jenner donated money to cops and it stopped a huge protest, right?

Yeah. And it went over bad. But you know what? It was fine. It was worth it. Taste

bad press. Ended up being good press for you.

Yeah, well, my house burned down. A lot of

fire going on around here. Yeah, your house burned down. Two people burn it down.

No, I I burnt it down accidentally. I'm sorry those weren't connected. I

was just remembering. I thought this was

maybe a chilli from TLC situation. No. No, because she got cheated

on Chili's friends. Die, burnt down her situation daily. Maid left. I burned that house down. Chili's fault. It's basically just diarrhea. Is deles. Well, yeah, it was that that was

the worst thing in the nineties other than the day of girl debacle.

Remind me what happened with that Dave. Girl wore the worst shirt. Uh, wow. It was so bad Kurt Cobain killed himself. That Dave girl debacle was I kept hearing

rumors that Courtney love that Courtney Love killed Kurt Cobain. And here you are, blaming the woman from No,

I don't love,

you know, But it was He hated. Dave grows style so much he had to end. It is suicide. That was just grow look bad.

I'm great. Grow Look bad. I'm great.

Not even that. I look good. I'm great.

Uh oh. And you know, you obviously just cause you, uh, invented something in the past, you haven't stopped being creative, that's all. We're actually currently in development on a few new projects, right?

Um, yeah, well, you know, it was exciting to have, you know, turned my ball. The ball's into computers. That was amazing. So I'm kind of looking to kind of get back to balls. Simplify. Well,

it's the same thing.

I mean, look at cell phones. You know, they got bigger, they got smaller, they got bigger, they get smaller.

Yeah. So you're thinking computers. Well, kind of will run their course. And people want those just a normal ball to play. Yeah, they don't want to play video games. They want actual get.

Exactly. Exactly. People would just kind of want to throw with a thing. People want to be like a dog.

I have found myself just in the middle of texting, and then I'll just toss my phone against the wall hard when you do that. Todd, what's that you're texting when you do that? Oh, I text a lot of different people. Who wants to know? Dodd, you take that. Were you texting your ex wife and Steve? Are you still embroiled? Top? Yeah, Right now I'm on a text chain with my

ex wife. Do you use a lot of, um

Oh, cheese. What's that? Do use a lot of emotions.

I use a ton of emojis and they're offended by the skin tone of emerges choose to use. Really? Yeah,

well, you

know, that's their shit. You can't let other people, you know, reaction to your field. That's right. That's what I'm learning is you can't control

how other people react to you. You have to be yourself And if people don't like it, it's their fault.

Hey, can I tell you when you have a lot of money in the world, you really gotta walk around with that attitude? Because people always want a piece. You always What

isn't things about you

that people have wanted you to change. I'm sure over the years

for my hair,

they want you to get some. You're really spitting in the face of the hair industry.

I won't do it. Yeah, I won't. That's right. Don't you want it? Yeah. You don't want I don't want hair.

You look

sort of like,

Why do I have to have it? Because society,

this is

good for your feminism stuff. I don't want it. I can grow it.

Grow hair. You say nothing.

I have great, beautiful, thick hair. I mean, when I had it, Yeah,

like you've bleached your skin. You're mean. You're almost translucent, like Todd.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Way. Look. Very similar.

I can't. I I have to tell you it is like looking in the mirror. It's wild.

Eyes look like something gunpowder. You know, I didn't put this together. So now, But

you guys

both look exactly like the pre cog from minority report. Yeah, you look like something that is maybe beached. Yes, this scientific to like we found it. One is a luga whale. When

they're normally in their habitat, they look like something from another planet. Yeah, on their skin is potentially see through. And you could see their whole skeleton and all their innards.

I can't I can't go to the beach for that very reason people start poking, prodding, tagging. I've gotten text so many times tag as in, like, tagging out

like you. Somebody comes up to you and says, Tag, you're it. Yeah. Oh, my God.

You've seen those groups of teens that run around the beach place? Okay, I

go outside. The last thing I want

to be is it?

I just keep chasing around this group of people sleep so frustrated I would prefer they do the knockout game. Honestly, welcome. You're out. Punch me in the head. Knocked me

out. I know. Make me it. God,

I was I was ill

for six weeks last year. You were chasing everybody around, but you are surrounded by a bunch of no tag backs. Yeah, I got no tag backs now and then you got embroiled in a send Mr Kray V on over

way playing Red Rover. Red Rover? I thought this was it.

It's a different group. A team tried to run

through this group of people who had their arms linked together at a protest.

A CZ? You say you guys saw

it? I was on the news. Yeah. Yeah, it was, uh, they were outside the CNN building protesting gravy ruins women's march.

I I was just Somebody said Red Rover and sent me over right, And you wouldn't relent. You're lying. Ready it.

Did you ever find out who said Red Rover? Red Rover? Because they would have

had to call for you. Did you just hear it and

thought I think it was Clifford doll. What? I don't know. No. Is he a Red Rover? Sure is. The Red

Rover. The original is the original. Comes down to Big Clifford. Yeah, uh, like about big society.

You know, I heard you talking about big society, and I can't I couldn't agree more, e I mean the feeling of how much they want from you. And they're just against a lot

of people would say that you're a member of big society.

I can see that from their perspective. But they certainly don't know what it feels like to be in my translucent skin now, do they? That's true. Do

you Would you say

that you have influence beyond what we expect

in this town or in the world? Oh, my God. Well, yeah. I mean, you were bringing up Oprah before. I know her very well. I know. I mean, any any very well known rich person in the world. I am probably taking some sort of, like leisure trip with,

you know, Sanjay Gupta. Oh,

my God, I don't Do you have a secret? You've gone on a trip with a lot of rich. Can you give us the script on

him? Ice cream? Really? Flavor was really shouldn't Rocky

Road. Jim Mocha almond fudge. The Gupta likes. What's the scooper on Anderson Cooper? Yeah. What? What letter? What letter? Pine kind. Natural pine kind. He was trying to keep that secret for a long time. But then

super Cooper, Theo, The fact that

secrets like that exist in this world something that I have a problem

with. Well, we deserve our privacy. Nobody deserves privacy. I don't have privacy so the world

doesn't deserve privacy. What's the What's the rumor? Willis. Uh, What is it about? Yeah. Where's Willis's daughter? What's Bruce Wilson's daughter's favorite room? Yeah. Come on. I got

my guess. It's just like, Come on, come on. I mean, we've named the top five coolest rich people in the world. You've given us a secret.

I'm crossing my fingers. Do not bring a primer to not sorry. So all right, the

mud room way dust up your feet. She left she mostly dirty. Climate. God, I like Wow. I much just like us Now. You are a huge celebrity. You obviously have a look. How do you stay so humble? I

mean, you're here at the teacher's lounge. Yeah, I work crap.

Despite the huge statue of yourself and all of the writings on the bricks here at the school that spell out your donations in terms of how much money? How

do you stay so humble?

Well, um, a lot of centering a lot of just looking in the mirror, you know? And you got I think it's That's

something I would

pass along we have

ah, mirror mirror on the wall over there with Ruben Studdard with its amazingly crazy But But there is a mirror on the wall over there that has Ruben Studdard clips of Ruben Studdard from American Idol Way. Can't tell if it's really him in there or it's just clips of him from American I We want to see if he'll talk back, but thank you.

he responded to you. Okay, well,

It seems like

yeah, he was. I think it was refunding to the judge. Randall. So you just say mirror, mirror on the wall, the richest of them all. You could kind of say whatever you want. OK, OK, And don't stutter

when I get me. My head did it. Mirror mirror on the wall. Who's the richest of them all

way? William Hung quickly came

up in the mirror. Do

you think there's other American Idol

people in this trapped in this mirror? Kelly Clarkson

can't be in this man.

No way. Did you know that was? I think that was Kelly

Clarkson. I e. I'll say

something and see what she says to me. A mirror mirror on the wall who's the fattest of the mall.

We're going for two things. I know her. What these air people sort of

associated with American Idol at any stage of their life, it

feels lose somebody else

to use of the so trade different. Who was that? That was just in glory. Knee screaming Soul train? No. Uh oh, honestly, this is shocking to me. We had this meeting is a miracle season. This mirror was not weird. No. And now it's weird. It's weird. It wasn't weird before. It was really weird. You