Peptol Abysmal with Tamson Popples (Paul F. Tompkins)

dear Lord. It's me. Moisha Epstein of the Preacher's lounge from Christians for Jesus. And today, I want my prayer to not be about me, but about you. How are you, Lord? I'm praying. That in these tough times, you're taking some moments for yourself. Self care, meditation. Go on a walk and remember that outside is nice you built that point not enjoy it. It's one of the lessons I've learned with some of my projects ever since I've had a little more free time. My Christian nine candle holder my Christian, tiny frisbee hat on the back of my head. And of course, my Christian irritable bowel syndrome that I'm dealing with. We need to learn to appreciate things Lord, and I hope that you are doing it too because you're a hardworking person. And amen to the Lord taking a little break. Themselves.

Amen. Man.

Lord, it's me, butch Davidson. We talk all the time, so I'm not gonna I'm not gonna do any of those pleasant trees or anything, but just wanted to say, Thank you so much for the beautiful weather you've given us, the, you know, the lack of rain. As you know, in the recent weeks, the roof boards on my house have been rotting away, so bad rain could have caused a lot of trouble and I just wanted to let you know, the timing of this weather is really perfect and it's just proof of your existence, Lord. Every night when I'm laying there on my bed looking up through the hole in the ceiling, At those beautiful stars you've put in the sky, I'm I'm appreciative Lord, that I'm not getting rain, sleeted, snowed on. Because of your love and your complete understanding. Lord, I wanna thank you as always. For the bountiful gifts you've given me, the fact that my children and wife are happy by all accounts and that I myself am learning to be better for them with each passing day. In Jesus' name, I pray. At Amen. Come on.

Amen. Amen.

Dear Lord, It is I quit and rush. And I wanna come to you and I wanna say thank you for bringing me back. From my lowest point. As we all know, I recently was humiliated when I was caught in an airport bathroom, selling pirated DVDs. Strayed from you Lord, when I realized that you could find Pixar films on the Internet for free, DVD Arham, and sell them for twenty dollars. I would throw them down on a towel so I could grab them up quick in case the authorities. This is saw me. A lot of people said why in an airport bathroom? Nobody's even walking by there and can see But I promise you, people in the airport in the bathrooms are looking for trouble. I wanna thank my wife and children for standing by me during this time, and I wanna thank my congregation for slowly returning when I said I had repented. Thank you, Lord. And and also, I wanna thank you for the new pulpit that you so graciously provided me, I do feel like now I can do a better sermon because I have a USB c on the back end. Thank you, Lord. Amen.

Amen. Man. Amen. You heard him. Lord. In your name we pray, my name is Lindsey Gold. It's been a while since I've talked to you directly. Mhmm. And I have to apologize. For I have been distracted. By the other worldly, or should I say worldly temptations

Man.

of golf,

hanging out in the clubhouse, and just jawing with my foursome. Lord, I don't know why you have made golf a Sunday activity, as well as church. If you didn't want me, to get out there and hit the links. But Lord, I thank you for your support. I thank you for my new ping zing. Wedge, irons, and of course, the vintage big bertha in mint condition that I found at a local garage sale. Lord, you did not give me the strength in my shoulders. You put him ahead of my club, and I am so gracious. Thank you, Lord. I'm in.

Mhmm, man.

Coming. Oh, man.

Oh, with that fellas. Should we get into it? Beautiful. Let's do it.

Mass is out, and the call feels on. I got a couple seems on my chest that I've got to get it on. Brandon some things. And call me a cup of

that show.

Welcome to the preaches lab. Maybe let's

thank you all, folks for tuning in to The Preacher's lounge today, special edition. Because, folks, that's exactly what it is. The reason for this season, you're all wondering what that is. And that is our lord, Jesus Christ.

Tease it out. Tease it.

I'm teasing it out, folks. Us preachers, you know, the preachers lounge podcast typically is sort of about anything and everything that's going on. You know what I mean? But these these days, we've all got one thing on our mind, and that is the life and times. Of the lord Jesus Christ. So we thought instead of the times The left and the time.

Yes. For mostly his

times, really his times. We thought, why not narrow that focus a little bit and come together and provide a few little lessons for all y'all folks out there who maybe don't know the full story of Jesus Christ. So in this four part, Many series, you could call it, myself, butch Davidson and my three co hosts. We'll walk you through. The four phases of Jesus' times. Mhmm. His birth, his life, his death, and, of course cakes. What did you say? His cakes?

Yikes. The death was scared. The death scared

And, of course, his cakes will be part of all four.

me.

We will at some point know by saying

a lot of people don't

know about his cake business.

Yeah. A lot.

We'll get into it. No. But, of course, the fourth episode will then sort of round things out with The holiday we are all celebrating here Easter, which sort of commemorates Jesus' resurrection with, of course, a bunny and candy, which does not

-- That's right. --

directly correlate to the resurrection. But by the time this series is over, I think we may be able to draw that line for you folks.

We're gonna make a big case for the bunny. In this mini series

i I would say the bunny religious.

Yes. The bunny is our Adnan, I would say. And --

-- by the end of this, I think we'll have kind of shown you that the bunny deserves to be given a little more respect

yeah.

uh-huh.

And I, of course, we'll be focusing again on the cakes. I don't wanna leave this by the wayside. Jesus turning water into buttercream. Yes.

Yes.

Yes. The the Lord's multi tiered fish cakes that got him crisp.

Some say rightfully so.

Yeah. Well, I'll just say once again to the actual

you go and get up on the cross.

Once we get into the actual details of the last supper folks, I think a lot of things will become clearer. But that is down the line. Today, Today's ever been a superhero.

Bad spread.

And I and I'll tell you every day I thank God had happened. Because if he would have

spread, we would not have seen how special he was.

made your

If he had been a better entertainer, and he had provided everything that his guests had wanted. Perhaps he never would have been betrayed. Perhaps he never would have been

well, the last supper was apparently come having had.

Which is unbelievable. Supposedly finger

foods and snacks, they said.

But, of course, that we're getting ahead of ourselves here, guys. Because today's that's

the first.

Of course, we wanna focus on the birth of Christ. A lot of peep you know, this story is a story that's been immortalized in various different sort of things. Cinema television, action figures, you know, I've seen -- The birth of -- in the TV

action years. Have the the birth of Jesus funko pops?

If you don't,

folks, check

out the photos for her.

I'm just missing the two donkeys from the manger scene. Yeah.

Yeah. I saw your manger scene, and I think one of them is donkey from Shrek.

Yeah. I got donkey from Shrek, and I got a little placeholder there. I have one of the Chick fillet cows.

So your danger scene is a funko pop of baby Jesus, donkey from Shrek, and a cow that says eat more chicken spelled improperly.

Hey, that's no Christian. That's that's a Christian company, and that's alright. That's enough.

It is.

It is. But as you all know, of course, we we introduce ourselves in the prayer, but I'm butch Davidson. I recently started Davidson Home Church, which is a church that I run out of my home, first come first served.

Beautiful project.

Yeah. Now, butch, let me ask you this. A lot of people watch home church. The home is about where they are from, and they go live, the the pastors go live from their church, but you moved your preaching to home and your congregation still comes in and watches you on a screen.

Is that true?

Yeah. I I have a sort of computer set up. I'm actually using it right now. I'm

i have computer set up. Everybody sorta comes in, sits in the living room. I throw my sort of virtual self to the living room TV, And it because I want the experience to be more casual. It has nothing to do with the fact that, you know, people started being sort of feeling sorry for me and and and and eventually stopped coming to church because they said that my stories made them feel too depressed. It has nothing to do with that. And everything to do with the fact that I want to make church comfortable again. You know? I want people to come in, relax, sit on the couch, have a cup of sweet tea, drink or eat a couple cookies, maybe have a little breakfast with their their friends' family.

i I well,

Just to as you tell this story, a few asterisks next to the words you're saying. So couch, asterisk.

Not quite yet.

Cookie's asterisk. Sweet to you asterisk.

I have seen the blueprint for your church, and it looks like it will one day be very comfortable. But right now, it's a construction site.

gonna I'm gonna define at the bottom of the page what the asterisk means, and it means pile of leaves.

And I'm

For all three.

Right? Well, as I as I got into during the prayer, you know, haven't had the money for the necessary renovations on the house. So what you could say I'm sort of housing my church in is a sort of floorless shack. That's sort

of -- Mhmm. --

a single room, and I broadcast from what most people would consider an out door bathroom area.

You all remember that you saw it featured on Extreme Home Bullzo bulldozer.

That's right. I was in the pilot episode of Extreme Home bulldozer, and they actually stopped So that's

a that that Show is a bulldozer operator that goes around and they pitch him things that he wants to Knock over? And he chose

or not or not?

Yeah. Yeah. He gets to decide. He gets to choose between three homes, and he decides

to switch one. He didn't bulldoze anything. He says go to all three. He's he's very picky.

Yeah. But he saw my house and he said, oh, yeah. This is the one. But, again, he got he got halfway finished, and then they they decided to pull the plug on the episode. For reasons outside of my knowledge, they didn't tell me anything. They just half bulldozed my house and then

didn't even fill you in.

Up and left didn't even fill fill me in. I guess they got the photos they needed.

They didn't

they didn't tell you. How way through why they didn't bulldoze the rest of

your house.

You were devastated.

Nope. Yeah.

So they ripped off your garage, but then just left everything like it was.

Yes. And you were waiting to find that big curtain for the reveal for seven days. Right?

Yeah. It was The curtain brought out, you know, early. Yeah. They brought in a little a little camper van that I sort of slept in out in the backside of the property with a curtain between me and the house. I couldn't see it for seven days. Apparently, on day two, at about three PM in the afternoon, they quit and they left, I stayed in the camper van. Yeah.

I studied the

cameraman doing confessionals for the full seven days, and I come out Seven days go by and I'm thinking okay, the host has gotta come in here and tell me to come check out the property at some point. Host never comes in. I finally just decide, you know just gonna take a peek. I don't wanna spoil it, but I just wanna take a peek see what's going on. Step out of the camper van, peek through the curtain as I used to do at my church just to see if the church was packed. And I look out the curtain, and there's a bulldozer sort of pulled in the garage is gone, the wall connecting the garage in the house, is half down, a bulldozer is sort of stuck in it as if it stopped mid bulldoze and it's a ghost town, folks. And I don't understand. I

but then the host the host they the host comes back And if you've seen the show, the host of Stone Cold Steve Boston, and he did stun you when you saw the whole Not even on camera. Right?

No. No. No. No. He came back because he forgot his keys, I guess. And saw me looking around the house. Saw me looking around the house. Kicked me in the gut, gave me a stunner, gave me two middle fingers, and then he drove off in his big truck. And folks, a lot a lot of people would

say this.

And that's exactly what I was gonna say, Moshe. I was gonna say a lot of people would say that this is this is a a bad thing, but I've I've I've chosen to look at this as an opportunity. Much like Mary, when she found herself pregnant, with the seed of the Lord. Looked at that as an opportunity. Not to be afraid. Not to not to look to the future and say, how am I gonna handle this? She said, I'm gonna take on this responsibility, whatever it may mean, and and a better day will come, and that's exactly how I'm feeling.

Well, then at first, she wasn't even Sure. She just knew my belly is full. I have a bump. And whatever this is, I'm gonna take care of

she didn't know

it was pregnancy at first.

In the words of Book of Matthew Mary was stuffed. And she thought she had eaten too much? And low, she kept saying, oof.

I think I did a pepto bismol, lord.

Yes. A Pepo bismol, lord, for eight months, she walked around looking for a peptal bismol. Peptal bismol.

Yeah. Peptal bismol, which, of course, is the old the old timey medicine. A lot of people don't know, pepto bismol is based on an ancient A man. A

man. Peptoadvertising.

But it's a man named pepto Abysmal.

And he would go around. He would he would look at you and he'd say, nausea, heartburn, upset stomach, indigestion or diarrhea.

Yes. And he was he had a skin condition. He was very pink.

Oh, you all know, Pam. A abysmal at two Santa Claus is based off of

and the medicine.

Yes. And the medicine.

Yeah. And and But even a peple a peple was like, I don't know, Mary. You got a cute quick coming in here.

Mhmm. Mhmm.

Right. He kicked her

out. It's true. And and they say they say a lot that And

she went down when

mary finally

she looked She went down and of course visited Mount Atlanta?

Yes. She went to Great Mount Mount Atlanta.

She went to see Ty, Lental. She saw Ty Lental?

Ty Lental. Thilentilentilentil didn't even do with gastrointestinal

issues. You in pain? What is this? And she said, no. Just a little uncomfortable. I said I can't help you with that.

Yep. And then And then What

we all know, the book of Toms.

Toms. Yes. And there's a bunch of different Toms because that's how they got that song, Tom. To Tom. Tom. Tom. That's one of them saying, Tom's once.

It's like they started a problem. Yes.

It is

based on the bible.

That's all all your indigestion medications are based on the bible.

I mean, as is everything else, folks. I mean, if if it's here, the Lord made it. The Lord made it. So look down at your foot.

That's the goal.

Now speaking of

the Lord making things, as we're kind of easing people into remeeting us if they're not familiar with our Preacher's lounge podcast, Lindsay, you speak of the Lord making things. You have switched dog like methodist to an eighth day Adventists where you're trying to invent add another Sunday so you can both do golf and church.

That's right.

Are you suggesting the Lord actually wanted eight days in the week?

Well, that we've been doing some thinking over here and that's what it feels like. You know, we've just been opening ourselves up to the Lord's prayer and asking what he wants us to do and he definitely wants me to preach and so I'm doing it. But it feels like he definitely wants us to golf as well and so we're also doing So we're doing preaching on Sunday afternoons. We've turned Sunday mornings into golf. And then we're doing Mondays, little more morning preaching, and then afternoon golf. Oh. So you're still getting two days of each. And you just don't work the one work day anymore.

So so it wasn't do church on one Sunday and then golf on the next Sunday, it was golf, both of those sundays.

You gotta get golf on both because, again, the old man

church and then golf all that next day and then take Monday off in golf then?

Yeah. I mean, as long as you get eight hours of church and eight hours of golf in, you're fine. And and and around the golf is about four hours. Uh-huh. So, you know, you do you do one Sunday afternoon, of course, after you've had your daily church doughnut. Well, daily for me, but Sunday for most. And and then after that, you go hit the links, of course. And then Monday, you call off work. Hopefully, we'll get that change. You won't have to call off anymore. You go to your golf in the mornings.

So right now, everyone at your church, every single Monday calling in yet again and be with them. Well, if they're a

if they're a golfer, yeah. I mean, you don't have to. But, you know, that's what we believe.

And this isn't And Go ahead. Go ahead.

And and Lindsay, we're all as as pastors trying to find new ways to bring people into the lord and attract them into the church. And you have found a method that is really having people run to your your That's right. Your sermons and you are offering a sort of a handicap. So how close are you to Jesus? Mhmm. And if you are saved, you par. Mhmm. And if you are a little bit further down, say you got a couple of sins that week, you're maybe a seven or eight handicap.

And and what are you calling people below Paul? If somebody is like shooting a sixty eight, they're very close to God.

Mhmm.

They're very close to god we call them a scratch prayer. Scratch prayer. A scratch prayer. They don't have to do anything else on their god game. They're getting pretty close

and I Yeah.

They're they're doing well.

I I you know, we'll visit each other's churches and just experience each other's sermons and everything. I went and gave confession to you and you gave me a mulligan for the week which was very great. Because there was some stuff on there. I didn't know if I was gonna be forgiven for and you said that's a mulligan.

You didn't seem happy with your confession, so I wanted to give you another shot at it. And, of course, you stepped right into the booth and ripped a long confession right down the well, the fairway also. Holy haven't found a new

work or new work that.

And now, Lindsay, I'll say one of these things that the word going around town of the most attractive sort of new practice at Dog Lake is you've now switched out communion, so it's no longer it's no longer a wafer in grape juice. It is a hot dog and a bud light.

Absolutely. But you don't get it you don't get it until the ninth prayer. You you gotta get halfway through the day, and then at the turn that we're calling it, You get a hot dog in the bud light, and that's

your opinion. And I I do wanna say because I was I was at your church last Sunday, just, you know, experience in each other's sermons and

i appreciate that.

and

I do you the cart girl?

Yes.

Now, do you always have the cart girl there?

Well, if it's a hot day, then yes. Absolutely, you know, if it's not

because there's not a ton of room there's not a ton of room down there at the front for that that golf cart.

Yeah. It's a tough situation when she gets to the front up to the pulpit. It's fine when she kinda cruises down the aisle. How how you know, handing stuff out. But once she gets to the top, she kinda has to do a little Austin powers turnaround in the front and and that can be a little bit distracting.

And it's the same elderly woman on the Oregon and she went over my toes a few times with the cart, I will say. I think she's still kind of getting her bail.

Me to tell her? What you like?

I don't think it would help. I think it would just make her feel guilty. But

I mean, I see what you guys are pointing out. You know, I I I think sometimes in our work, people can get a little bit sort of self satisfied. And I don't know how the church is supposed to run. I'm not inventing it. You know? I'm just listening to what the Lord is saying. So the Lord speaks to me through golf and that's where we're taking our lesson from. We obviously have a church pro that we've arrived in to to help people, you know, with their team, with their prayer, we also have started a pro shop where people can

yeah. Well, yeah.

love that.

get their gear, you know, their hats, their little

--

yeah.

They can buy like a shirt a a short sleeve shirt that's pretty silky, and somehow it's short sleeve, but it goes down

to your wrists.

I love that. Exactly

right. That's exactly that.

And I love the two quiet respectful announcers that announce over your sermon.

They're very

thank you so much. I mean, it is bringing in certain type of crowd, but the numbers are up in the congregation. We are getting a lot of older white men coming in here really vibing

with the truth. People smoking a lot of cigars. Well,

in business is at an all time high.

That's a perfect business.

People doing business at the church like crazy.

I mean, that's hey. That's great. That's great. That's great. I'm happy for you, Lindsay. It's nice to see a boom over there at DogLoft hat.

Yeah. I appreciate that, man.

Ups and downs. It feels like feels like a a nice upswing is is good for you guys.

That's right.

A little influx of population, little influx of income, you can really do with your church what you've always wanted to do, which is, you know, make it a destination. So I I'm happy for you, but

a lot of preachers and pastors are competitive with each other. But for us, a rising tide raises all ships to heaven. Anyone who is finding the lord through any of us for. To me, that is a win win chicken din situation.

Hey. We all work at the same we all work for the same boss if you know what I'm

Moisha, I I wanna congratulate you on your Noah's Ark exhibit.

that's right.

Thank you. So, yeah, we did an installation of Noah's Ark. Mhmm. And because we I feel like that story Well, what happened is I bought a suit.

Of course. Well, you made a a terrible financial decision, and you said, Lord, How do I turn this into a positive? And

wouldn't you know you dreamt about the arc exhibit?

that night,

And I said, he spoke to me. He said -- Yep. -- take some of your flamingos and put rhinoceros things on them because I don't have to of every animal. So Now but

lot of lot

say you've got a lot of certain kinda animals.

A lot of flamingos. A lot of lizard.

So you didn't really buy a zoo. You sort of bought a zoo surplus.

Is that right? You bought yeah. You bought, like,

yeah. I think we They really made

a state here.

Yeah. Flamingo exhibit. They kinda been overrun. Right?

They couldn't stop the flamingos from making And you got the runoff, and you're calling it a zoo and now making it into a two by two arm.

Here's my advice for everyone. Azoo's not a purchase to be made online. Go there. Check it out. Make sure that it's what you're expecting. Because they can sell you on it in the in the flowery wording. And then you see it in person and it's like, oh, I got a lemon or in my case --

-- six six a hundred and thirty two flamingos and the refuse involved with them. Which is there's some Well, you have to

yeah.

run the zoo max. You have to run the zoo max.

That's what I that was

my mistake. Because the you gotta get the zoo identification number because if that thing has been not maintained, It's gonna leave you hanging.

And that yeah. I didn't run the zoo max. I got, you know, I lost the Lord's wisdom and I got a little overconfident. Because I've been flipping Zeus since probably o -- Cuba. -- o three zero four. And I thought this was gonna be the gold mine for me. But I took a negative turn into a positive. So come on down and see no other flamingo. And

a lot of people fit.

His feathery

pink horn. Cast a person as Noah?

Well You

had to use it. You got so many

flamingos head.

Well, he shafail pattern baldness into this one flamingos head. He's got it up there on the mask. Driving.

We all know what Noah was Paul. Yeah. And so Well, he know Well,

he tried to pretend like he was it. Then that one bible verse where Noah swears he didn't get plugs.

Yeah. No. You got two of every plug up there. That's what I'll say. But Well, why is no on a

boat by himself with all the animals instead of a lady or some buddies.

That's right.

It's because he's boss.

He's a shame

no other way. No as weird

which is the story We

always said this. The story is What's he doing out there without without women? What are you doing by self on the ark, you're weirdo.

A bunch of animals and no hair up there.

So you want all these animals to have sex, but you you're not bringing anyone around for you? I think you missed the number one point from God to hear you. Weird. Can I

say can I say this is the one part of the bible that I really don't like? Yeah. I really don't like this part of the bible. Doesn't seem to go with everything else.

The noah's ark part, the him being a weirdo.

Who's this Noah guy being all weird with all the animals. I don't know if I subscribed to that.

Well, I mean, then you're not gonna like the true story of Noah. Noah and the Weards, which is what we're doing at the zoo exhibit. But but come on down. It's it's a

is it a zoo exhibit or is it a Noah's r

i misspoke. It is a zoo exhibit, but I'm selling it as a noah's arkansas. And so it's got the hardest part is figuring out which of the Flamingos are too far gone and too feral to be around humans. Because these flamingos really they will then lost their buns and they got used to being in nature. And so they freak and they stink. And it's it's it's been a real learning experience, which is again why I've discovered to discover the joy and the beauty and to take care of myself. I'm meditating. I'm doing yoga. You know? Very eastern approach. Yeah. I'm I'm applying as someone who was born to Jewish and converted to Christianity. I feel that you can pull parts of every religion into your teachings and your practice. And so that's what I've been doing. And you come on down. Pet the current pet the pink gorilla. And

and some people called him the thin gorilla as well. Is that right?

We're getting some gorilla. We're getting of gorilla with wings.

Gorilla eating a lot

of shrimp. Yeah. Flamingo gorilla.

And on one leg while it sleeps.

Well, hey, I appreciate you, Marsha, for all the ways that you are trying to educate. Both of us, your congregation, everybody. But speaking of education, I would like to keep learning about the the conception here, Jesus' birth, and I think we have a guest here to talk about it, don't we?

We do. We we do indeed.

You know, folks, the the whole point of this series is to, you know, enlighten people who maybe don't know the the the true stories, the the intricacies of Christ's life. And today, I I'm honored that we were able to secure such a a knowledgeable and sort of wonderful guests. Honestly, someone we've all looked up to for a long time for their understanding of this sort of

a real theologian. Yes. A a real theodore. Yes.

I think I think you Steny. The term theologian was invented to describe this person, and they're here to discuss with us the sort of immaculate conception and and the events surrounding Jesus' birth And that is none other than theologian and biblical scholar, Thompson Popples. Thompson, thank you so much for being on the show today.

Well, thank you, butch. It's a pleasure to be here with fellow Christians in talking about God and how he does his stuff. And now Exactly. How he does his

stuff is exactly the the you

are true theologian.

I love the theologian, of course, for people who don't know. The theologian comes from theo, that's God. And then Loga

--

mhmm. -- is Robert Loga, who who is an old actor who looked like God, and actors speak, and I speak on God. Wow.

I see. Wow.

That's amazing, Thompson.

I love how you break down words to their the pieces, almost the Latin where they come from. So you really know. So

close to the lab. I'm yeah. I've I feel like I'm on the razor's edge. I'm I'm in danger of falling over into the lane sometimes. Now tearfully. You right.

Close. You are You are so close to speaking Latin.

I feel you have that feeling when you're in when you're in the kitchen chair, and you're tipping over and you you get it, like, you you balance yourself. So you're just you're just perfectly like, you feel like you're flying. And then all then you go a little bit too far and you get that feeling like, uh-oh, I'm about

It's jostle. You get jostle. Yep. You get that jostle -- Tampson, that that.

to dip out.

are one of the smartest tants alive ever. It's true. Yeah.

--

Yeah. I'm I'm a credited with being smart from I went to I went to college of course to to get a degree. And theologianism, which I did do, and I haven't had it on my wall. And So

yeah. So it wasn't seminary. What

no. It was No.

Gotta kid.

Hey. Who? No. Who? It was there. I went to I went to a biblical college who was not a seminary because I was not seeking life. I I'm not like y'all like y'all are men of the cloth. And I am merely a man who loves speaking on God, and I wanted to know all about them all the trivia. And so I went to I went to a biblical college. You learned biblical things and how God does this do his stuff.

Yeah. Now now, Thompson, I just recently read your book why all the ends were full. A portrait of Bethlehem -- He did.

--

the not the Lord was born.

That's true. And I loved it. Thank you. Yes. It's a real nail batter, isn't it? It is. If you don't know if you don't know that at the end Jesus Christ is born, you're reading that book like, what's gonna happen? And nuts Exactly.

You it it's got kind of a a ready player one feel where, like, Norman Bates is in it. Like a lot of characters that we know from pop culture show up at the end.

All your faves. All your faves are in there. And when it comes out in the paperback, we're gonna put Wanda Vision in there.

Oh, that's so smart. So you are so smart to get everybody interested.

because everybody knows the old story. They need the fresh stuff.

And right now

Yeah. So you have to see through a different lens, because we live in a moderate where people they they will use different threads in a garment. They will eat shrimp. So we are we are living in a age where things are different and so you need in order to to relearn the old stories, what we need to do is put modern people in there. So that's why My book goes up to I worked on it for years. It does include Kramer from Seinfeld. It it who is He's a big character

He's And we should he and we should we should say sorry. I just to clarify for the audience, you're you're making up a new story. You're you're you're simply using sort of cultural figures that everybody's aware of to tell the to tell the real story.

in there.

So That's exactly right, but

--

yeah.

what I'm doing is I'm taking the story, you jeez, crossed in his birth, in his parents, and such. And what I'm doing is I'm putting in people from TV and the movies.

Well, I loved that Kramer was one of the wise men. Yeah. And he showed up with instead of frankincense, he had peed the chips.

Yeah. And he comes in, he It's a big entrance on the day at the Piffany. And he spills those peter chips all over because he just busts in that barn. And, you know, he's east like skidding around and sliding, and peter chips are falling out of the basket. And so get into major then, the donkey has to go over and start eating the peter chip. I mean, we try to put Liberty in it as well. I loved it. I was laughing my a off. Oh, I'm gratified to hear that, Quinn. Because I I think that the story you know, it's not recorded anywhere in the bible that Jesus Christ ever smiled. Isn't that Isn't that something? And but I know for a fact he he loved life and he was fun. And so what I'm trying to do is get some of the fun back in there. Well, yeah. Takes, of course.

There's obviously the scene of Jesus and Knoxville where it's like, hi, I'm Jesus, and this is this is porta potty to have him. And he's That's right. Jesus shoots Knoxville up. You know, we see all ages of Jesus. You do you do the baby, but you also say cut to the future.

Well, here's the thing. We we in in the bible there's the Jesus goes up to age thirteen, then nothing. Then all of a sudden, he's thirty three. So I'm like Right. I I think I got a pretty good idea of what happened in there and I'm gonna make it palatable to people, make it fun for people, and so I did put the jackass crew, in Jesus' twenties, and we got everybody in there. We got we got got it. We got rest. Pontius is in there. Pontius is in there. We man. We man is in there. That

rest and

lacey's in there.

Chris, I'd say Preston. Now y'all gotta pay and shit you because Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I'm not you know what?

You were saying the part that I was most struck with in the whole story was Jesus the college years.

Oh my god.

It was so in lat I mean, where was he in that period?

When Jesus talks to vain Wilder and sees, you will be the one you will be the rock upon which I will build my party. And then there's a big party where everyone just Jesus is like, who wants wine? And he's just like he's just turning everything into wine. Like, any liquid that's around there, and then there's there's a point where Vay Wilder is he's going pee pee in a jar. Jesus turns it into y.

Well and there's what's interesting about reading your book is your pop culture knowledge base. It's almost as if you were staying in an Airbnb that just had certain blu rays and DVDs left behind. And so you get hits, like, whatever they left there.

Well, now it's funny that you mentioned that, Moish, because that is on the back cover. In about the author, it says, this is exactly what happened. As I was gonna

happen And there's a there's a picture of the room you wrote It ends. And it's just two bunk beds. It's just maximum people.

That's right. It's two and I was the only one there. And what I would do is I would sleep in a different bunk every night. And that was the better part of a year.

And when you say the better part,

it was three hundred sixty four days. And I remember one time just to mix it up. I slept on I slept on the roof boards.

Whoa. Does that burn your

butt up, butch? In the morning, it does. At night, it's cold. At night, it's cool and clean and comfortable. And then when that sun comes up before you know, it's like it's like a a frog being boiled in the water, like, he doesn't realize until it's too late. And he'll just sit in the water as it's getting hotter. I was up on the roof boards. I didn't realize.

So you wanted to kind of explore Jesus's adolescence years, and and you broke down the word adolescent. Adolescence.

Okay. That means put some more on. Right. Oh. Uh-oh. Here we go. Let's take some away.

And so you're back to nothing. That's right. You just banked to us.

Because of the oh, you were so worried. You took some.

I up put

too much

too much on. And then, ants, which is what you're doing is ants if if if you're going to the clubs. Right.

That is adolescence, isn't it? Is you get older and then you go feel too old. I'm gonna act young. Oh, I took some away.

GED. That was so close to last.

Oh, it was so close.

Got the flutter in my tummy.

And excuse me, using the Lord's initials in vain.

I think that's I think he let -- Thank you.

--

do that. I think he lets us do that. I think he lets us say Jiminy crickets. I think he lets us say.

Were you You have a big portion in your book where you you explain what you think Jesus will let us do.

The I'll allow a chapter.

Yes. It's it's based on a a box set of eight simple rules for dating my daughter. And this is Jesus's fourteen things I will allow you to do that you think you're not allowed to do but I say it's okay. Yes, I'm Jesus.

And and lying. You say you can lie in there?

You can lie on on some occasions, you can lie if it's a lie to spare someone's feelings, or if it's a lot to get out of trouble with law enforcement officials.

So as long as it's to the right person, it's okay to lie.

That's exactly right. I mean, Jesus, was it don't forget, either was a human man and practical He was practical as he was Jesus was so practical. He he was the first person to wear a fanny pack. A wallet Jesus was like, a wall stuck on the cutting. I I need other things. I need to be able to to to access he was a carpenter, he wanted to access nails. So he had a fan of pack full of nails, all different sizes.

And I guess this was pre coins or currency, so it must have just been tool.

Well, there were I remember there were some coins for they would put Caesar's portrait on them and then somebody was like, should we use this for money? Because we're just carrying around these little circular portraits seats are. It's weighing me down. I wish I could give you know, I think At

this point, it's like they're

would almost What

it

are they yeah.

They invented money by accident. They're like, if I give you this portrait procedure, will you please give me some bread?

Natt Samson. One of the

one of the things that

i think okay. One of the things that I found fascinating about your book. Again, is that that a lot of people they they know the story of of of Mary and Joseph showing up in Bethlehem. Oh, boring. Trying to get a room at in, but it being but but it being full. Young. They the part of the story that I find most interesting is that they they checked around. And and your book sorta goes into what else was going on in Bethlehem at the time that made it so that they couldn't find a place to sleep and they ended up in what you call a barn.

Y'all, the holy family could not have picked a worse time to flee having her firstborn killed because They showed up in Bethlehem, and there was so many conventions going on. That they're they were going from end to end, and then every end were, like you know there's, like, a million conventions going on right now. Like, they got condescended to left and right, y'all. And let's see what was going on there. There is

well, I know and the there An interesting one I thought was a there was a flat earth convention going on. You you say, which which at the time doesn't actually seem that Crazy. I bet everybody was a flat earther at that point.

Oh, no. People didn't here's the thing. People didn't even have a concept of the earth. Right? So much less a flat earth. So they just thought

--

they just thought -- Is this a -- people convention? People were afraid to move like a hundred feet because they thought they would fall by its face. Yeah. Your book Everybody in a terrible vision.

true.

--

For your whole book, people are tiptoeing. They're looking around corners.

Oh, yeah. But where's the damn? People would be scared to turn a corner. They thought, well, just gonna be the inky blackness of outer space, maybe. And he's like, oh, no. It's my bedroom. People this is before a lot of people had object permanent. That is something that we developed over

time. Interesting.

As a species.

And that wasn't till till what? Maybe like

the nineteen hundred Nineteen fifties. We we got humanity to do. I'll get permanent until the nineteen fifties, the Eisenhower and Howard era.

Well, yeah, lest we forget four score and seven years ago, who are all of you in front of me right now?

Yes. Exactly. It was like playing peek a boo every day with everyone you ever saw. Am object?

I mean, and and we all know this. That's right.

Don't forget it. That object permanence is not just about people. It's also about things. So people would, you know, way up in biblical days, they go out into their kitchen, like, whoa. It's still here? This looks familiar. And then they'd see a bowl on the table and be like, what?

Did I just do this right now?

And that and a lot of people don't know that there's a detail that that is a little known fact because of this sort of this this sort of psychological sort of quirk, the wise man who came and visited Jesus for his birth actually came and left fifteen different times and were just as shocked all fifteen Oh,

yeah. They would The the wives man showed up and you know why this is it's ironic. It's they were dumb. That that's the thing that that I that I don't know why that has not Everyone in in theological studies knows this, like those guys were absolute tools and they did not I don't know. I they weren't even try they were trying to they weren't trying to follow the star. They're trying to walk to the star. That's how Right.

They wanted to visit the star.

Yeah. They're like, hey, it's dark. Hey, there's some light. Why don't we go up there? And they're like, are we getting any closer? They were stupid. Everywhere. It's moved exactly. So And then they tried to

walk into

the

barn and they were just knocked off of their camels by the the top of the door. That's right. They

tried to they tried to ride those camels into the manger. Can you imagine being so dumb? That was also the inspiration for the John Knoxville part. Is that they were going at a full clip too. Like those camels were hauling ass if you'll fart in the express Jesus says we can say half because it's in the bible.

Oh, he says. Yeah.

They were hauling donkey. That's what I say when there's kids around.

That's right. That's right.

Well, you're also I mean, we are doing the, you know, the birth of Jesus. You are somewhat of a you have your doctorate in immaculate conceptions. Right?

Do.

So you're a doctor of immaculate conceptions throughout history which is very -- Yeah. -- interesting to me because I you know, I didn't know that they they happened regularly. I thought it was kind of a one thing and that's why the bible was so

important. I mean, I would not say regularly. I would say they do happen more than you think But it's it's

just been a it's been a few over the span of

of of human civilization. It hardly have happens. Mhmm. But it does happen. And Jesus Well,

not was Jesus yeah. The other one Was he the

first one?

So Jesus was the first

jesus was the first immaculate conception that we know of

of course, much later, you got Jose can sake it. Jose well, that's about court. Getting out order.

to order. That's just where I go because I'm a I'm a fan.

You need

The fir the second immaculate conception was a wolfgang, Amadeus mozart. Now Amadeus, Emma means love. Diaz means god. So that's love of god. And that is I've fallen all the

Here's in Latin. I've struck Latin. It's a geyser. Benny, Vinnie, V. Oh, no. You did it.

way into the land. Latin.

Quitting your back.

I guarantee you all

that. That is the first time in all of history that those two phrases were said one after the other. Viniti viniti right into oh, no. You didn't.

You'd be surprised because that was the immediate response to Julius Caesar.

Really? Yes.

That was I believe he conquered

of the Gauls said, oh, no. You didn't. And then he was beat For golf. Yeah. Wow. So yeah. The second one, Mozart was the second immaculate conception. And of course, he's a genius. Like, all these these are all special people. People that are immaculately conceived because this is God saying, I gotta cut out the middle man. I'm not gonna wait around for you to find some husband. I'm gonna put my seed in you through a magical bird.

the Gauls. And one

And so it's always a

bird through history.

Okay. I I I have two questions. What? Moist, what was your question? Hi.

Yes. Oh, yeah. Sorry. You go.

You're hi. Hi. Hi. Moisthafts. Esteemed Christians for Jesus.

Yeah.

I was just wondering, it's it's so it's always a bird that that God chooses for the conception.

It's the it's the Holy Spirit in the form of a dove And you've seen this depiction many times and what God does he is. He take he put the holy spirit into the form of a regular old dirty dove and then he he covers it with his holy seed. And then he he gets he said, okay. Get in there. And then it's up to the bird.

Well, that's the immaculate part.

That's the immaculate part. The bird does have to charmmed lady. And then

yeah. He's not cutting out the middle man at all. He's making it much harder. It's a bird's yeah.

He's making the middle man a bird.

Well, now you know but come on. God can't show his true faith or true whatever. To a clean person, what he's gotta do is make it a beautiful dirty dove and put his seat on it and then get the dove. If you yeah. What woman is not gonna be charmed by a talking dove.

know what I

Right. You

mean? Make someone love you, but absolutely, you can fall in with a

that's exactly right. That's exactly right, Lindsey. And that is what has happened every immaculate conception. I think the next immaculate conception who was general, ulysses s Grant. And that is why it's on the fifty dollar bill. Then then it was a long time then Jose Kansseiko. He was the

next one.

Yeah. Wow. Wow. That's one of the few that's gone just real sour, like, in later in later life.

Yeah. Well, you know, I think everyone's here to give what they have to give,

and he hit some home runs and He's got a beautiful daughter that he just tweeted about that he calls Her

you know,

name is Luke.

Yeah. Did

he also shoot his own finger off a few years ago?

I believe so.

I wouldn't put it past it.

What yeah. It's almost like

the immaculate conceptions are getting multiplicity. Like, each new one is a little bit dumb

well, they're they're living too long is the problem. They're not they're not supposed to live that long. Jesus died young.

Motes are Thirty three year experience

that die young. Yeah. And then

and it's harder. The the more information we get about doves, it's harder to let one of them get you see near you. It get hoarder and hoarder.

And the thing is, God can do all things. And so he can You know, he can make it so that a dove is somewhat attractive, but I think our our perception of doves has changed over the years. Right. And this is not me trying to tell God that he's gotta update his thing, but it can hurt.

Right. And you finished the book by defining immaculate. Right?

That's right. It meant because it's sort of, like, you you get I lull you into the idea that I'm not gonna define it at all because it comes up so many times in the book. And then by the end, it's like the very last page on its own page is the definition of immaculate, like a nice coda and immaculate, m I'm. Mac. I'm Mac. You you. Listen to me. You. I'm mad. You. Late. Too late. You missed the definition.

In which another t's another t's on the whole thing.

That's right. That's right. And it encourages people to go look it up, which is which is really that's that's what I wanna do as as an educator if I am to be one, if I am to be called into their service to do so, I want people to help themselves. You know, it doesn't say in the bible, that God helps those who help themselves, but it seems like a thing that should be in the bible.

Where did that come from? Is that just something somebody said once and

oh, it's somebody who didn't wanna help somebody else.

Oh, yeah. That's

it doesn't make any sense if you break it down. Why would God help you if you're already helping yourself?

Yeah. That was just a preacher that needed a ride. So it needed someone to give someone a ride to the airport, fifty years ago, and they're like

that's right. You know what? If you drove yourself to the airport, God would help you. What?

What? I mean, speaking of that, I mean, how about your other book where where it was missed pieces in the bible. I love all your suggestions of things that God should have put in the bible.

I man, I took a lot of heat for that one because people are like, who are you the second guess almighty God? And I was like, if he has a problem with it, he can tell me himself. And so far, radio silence.