classes. And, Carl,

you've been really been gin lately, right?

Oh, yeah. I can't stop. Once I get hooked on a show or a podcast or something, I binge like its food.

Oh, my God. I love that marketing binging. I love it. I love how it's just become a fun word. Yeah, The binge is back, baby orange is the new back. The problem is, you can't puke it all. Love's gonna say underway. So at some point somebody's gonna come up with, like, the purge option on TV, It's gonna be like, Wait, put your put, turn your TV towards the window and just play it out the window.

Lead it off. Netflix.

Yeah, that's a good idea. I binged all of the local news over the past year. The other day you've been saving it on your DVR. Yeah, I saved up a year of the local news too, and constantly said, No spoilers, no spoilers

to eat. Don't tweet about the news.

And they kept tweeting about it. But I tried to keep myself in the dark, and I'm not talking about just the 11. 30. I'm talking about the 5 a.m. The 7:15 a.m. then 9 30 Traffic, the weather, the weather, a check ins either in the noon one o'clock talk. Would you think about the big character that killed off help? I mean, I could not believe it when, uh, Greg, uh, from Dharma and Greg from Dharma died off. Yeah. God rest in peace. Yeah. Yeah, That was really unbelievable. When our favorite anchor all died this year. I mean, apparently that happened in Rio. Ally,

I'm Greg from Dharma. And Greg misses the news.

I mean, he just he comes in with

such energy, and you can't You can't not believe him. He always

was funny about that. That he was the Greg from Dharma and Greg, and we all knew he was it. But like he was, really he was really a part of.

He really kept

saying Hi, I'm

I I'm still not

convinced that his last name wasn't from Dharma and Greg.

Oh, I think his name might have been Greg from Darman. Greg. Oh, like how the baby eats a boy. Yes. I love that comer. Yeah,

that's how I call people still collect.

I've been doing a lot of collect calls lately.

Why pay for it. What? Before you can get somebody else to foot the bill. Calls are too expensive. The other day I

gotta call, um Ah. And it said, Ah, um, you were on the other line.

It was Todd. Come pick me up A P M.

Yes, yes, this Todd completely obey PM. Yeah. Yeah. And then I got another call. A few minutes later, it's Todd. Make it a 30

and that Is that. All right? And I kept getting these jokes up the call. Well, I got 1/3 call. Todd Bigot. Eight again. E. I was like, What is he doing that he thinks he keeps needing 30 minutes, right? And it's Todd.

I'm on the toilet, but it's going faster than I expected. Yeah, a man, like, kind of just texting. Yeah. Yeah, it's just like it. Just text. It's the same exact thing. Yeah, I got a call from you saying the other night. I said, Sam, you up?

Yeah, Well, I love this is the right number. Yeah. I was home lonely that night, and, uh, you

didn't come over. Speaking of you, um, you're rewriting

home alone. Toe home. Lonely, right.

Say that again?

Rewriting the movie home alone. But you're changing it to home. Lonely?

Yeah, it's about your life.

It's a little pet project. Yeah.

Don't get

involved. Uh, well, not yet. Not yet,

but I'm hoping to get him now. He's working at the school. I'm hoping to sort of finish my draft and get some feedback and and then satisfies way. What's a what? We've been recording his home time.

Shit. I

need to break. No, don't. Come on,

take a break. Oh,

I'm sorry. It just shouldn't get harder every week. Well, the problem is, the problem is the buttons were so close to the edge of the table. If I want to lean on the table, I think I hit him with my

elbows or something. Well, I told you the middle of the tables for my flowers.

Yeah, we got a nice bouquet, and then I can't see any of you.

Todd, this is a beautiful bouquet, and I want to thank you. It's the one thing keeping me peaceful in. Senator, we're

off from a garden of reverse succulence.

Are these okay? I was gonna say these daisies, but no, they don't look like

daisies at all for succulent. They don't look at all like daisies. Great observation, But eso would've been about

is everybody? Is everybody over it now? Yes. Yes.

We love you.

Way. Love you.

All right. Well, everybody, welcome to a lot of others.

Lounge the first, best and only podcast pertained issues relevant to the greater swine high school community. I, of course, and power Levis, the head of academics and administration here it's wine High school in the sponsor this week. Eyes leave as presents. Jackie, cut

jeans, jockey Cut jeans 20 waist 20 And seem you've got to be unequal lateral square. Tonto, you got some copy there, Todd,

don't you? For the Yes, I D'oh! Read this for Levi's. This is Kat Copy out of the fax machine. Okay. Levi's Jackie jeans 20 by 20 for the equal lateral rectangle. And all of us,

if you're a tiny man

that rides a horse, but you want denims on instead of those weird tight pants Where these Levi's junkie cut jeans, Big belt loops. Tiny man.

That's right thing. Jackie. Cut Jeans are 20 inches, uh, in same 20 inch waist. And they have belt loops that go from the waist down to the leghold.

Remember, guys, there is no substitute for size. You got to be big if you want to be strong in this world,

all right? Somebody else can introduce themselves now. Todd, Padre,

Uh, arts and religion on campus.

Sam. Weatherman, Head of discipline. Sort of leading the pack.

Hi, Bill. Crave e athletic department head. That's

it. Now, come on. Now you're the

athletic director, okay? You're a vice principal level talent. Runs a huge portion of the

squad. I don't know. I'm just feeling really,

like I don't have my actions speak for themselves right now. I mean, you know, we've also we've all seen how attendance is spiking at all of the games. It's true due to the sort of new, um, theory I have, which it's less about the game. And it's more about the hype up to the game. I, uh we're all familiar with how boxing matches goes. It's months and months of high pups. Um, and as you know, I've got a great team, but I'm mostly doing a lot of theatrics before the games to get each team hiked up. We're doing way ends.

We're doing? You did a press tour. We do a press tour. Ah, old

old d Kay's there. I got him, Deke. A donkey dying is promoting like hell and his hair is crazier

than ever. And I would say he's done Pope more than done.

The white hair going straight up, Uh, my way

to the top, he says.

Yeah, I have him living at the top of the school and occasionally he lights a fire and

there's a puff of smoke out of the top,

and it signifies nothing

other than he's there.

There's no new Don

King or anything, but he's there still. Well, you know. I mean, someday we are gonna have Thio elect a new Don King when he passes or chooses to retire from the position. And that's at least now there's an infrastructure in place to make that process. Possibly. Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of tinier Don King's that where deep? Uh, maroon. Yeah, sort of right. It's a deep in King Nikkan King's Cardinal Kings uh, cardinal,

priest, priest, priest, stuff like that. You know, I know

our school's off to, ah, early start, and we don't know exactly where we're going but I know that we were excited about where you know where that might be. Yeah, I feel confident that we're getting so many leaders from around the country become spent. Absolutely. It's unbelievable.

Did you guys think the hype

up before the game was a little bit too much This week or so?

I felt like it got

everybody hyped up the way in and the scream out the screaming, the other's faces, type of thing. What?

It was a great scream out. I thought the scream out really well. I think getting the audience involved in the scream out is great. You know, I think one of those boxes should be forced to leave the room. You know? I mean, no getting the scream, outgoing, having people get Toto it the way in and then letting everybody just scream one of them out of there till they scream

until they leave, right, you scream out. Yeah, I thought it was good. Um, I think there's a lot of negativity about making 15 year olds do way and the battle each other, right? And for me, it's kind of like Get him, get him started. Now this is their career. You know I don't care about your body image issues. I want to see how much you weigh.

Exactly. Get him up. Doesn't matter that you can weigh anything and play basketball. I want to see your weight. And I want you to yell at the other team's

librarian. I'm glad we brought the other team's full faculty up there to really have it out versus

librarian. Now, that was fun. Yeah, I like that. You're you're sort of branching outside of just the classic sort of team rivalry on dhe. Sort of making it more about the sort of community rivalry between the two schools. Yes, school spirit. You hate everyone. Their top to bottom. Yeah, absolutely. And we got both

of those librarians up on the scales, and then we had him yell at each other.

Well, and that's hard for two librarians to dio. They kept wishing each other every time. Rodeo?

Yeah, you could tell there was some inner conflict there were in each of them when it was their turn to scream, You could really see the existential crisis. Yeah, that screams followed by the shooting themselves,

the sort of fallout from the scream out into the shish out was kind of an interesting thing. Yeah,

look out. Well, when the other team's

librarian pushed over that big cabinet that houses the Dewey decimal system on two hours was particularly a low blow. Yeah, but I loved it. And it I mean, the game sold out. Yeah, it

took a

lot of clean all the cards off the court. A lot of note cards fell onto the court with Dewey Decimal fellow.

I would say it was more of a DUI mess. Immel system. I

agree. Commander said the next

system. Yeah, that was the front page headline of the paper.

Now you're welcome. You

know, I say this, uh, are you still submitting for headlines? Yeah, Well, ever since Leno

went away, could I didn't know who to submit headlines, too. And so I just do it to newspapers. Now it's, um it's suggested Funny.

There was a while

where you were getting every single headline on Tuesday with the Leno.

Everyone was your

every everyone came from may and that I went 20 for 21 week, would let a headline because you were faxing him, and yeah, I mean, not to mention, uh, Waters, man on the streets called. I also did for TJ walk ins in a

row. Every character, he had no idea. Uh, Todd

was the main contributor for two full years of the Jacalyn. Osho,

Those. They're the writer's strike during the writer for the writers

had no idea that the show was running smooth. You are huge. Don't

be all scabbed for anyone

you love scabby

scare. You know, the last thing I want is a union getting in the way of my entertainment. You guys remember I wrote for the worst season of

lost? Oh, yeah, the shortened season. They

said we got to to think

Nikki and Paulo

get more confusing and shorter,

okay? And it was just you and the writers

were in there.

Yeah. Yeah, Well, it was me and Lindell off, but

he was having a work under her seat in him.

And he was he was working under Linda Damon off a woman. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so that was our main contention there. Um is I I have a lot of creative issues with the opposite sex that I'm dealing with.

That's interesting, though, because

it kind of feeds into sort of, Ah, the new Like you're sort of new project.

That's right. Well, uh, women.

And that feeds into your new project. Not anymore. No, he has trouble. Don't understand women. I hate myself. Okay,

That is a good distinctions.

Yes, and I think it's important to point out. And so that's what I'm working on. That's my whole theme for this arts and religion program is it's all gonna be based around our big production this year, which is a play I've written called my Conversations with the Devil. What it's gonna be is I have I have tricked my ex wife into playing me, and I'll be playing the devil

when you say

tricked. Um, okay, what's the question When

you say tricked? You said it right? That

was it. Yes. That is how it's pronounced, right? Yes. Okay, good. I was worried you were going to get more specific. It was a trick. It first. I tricked her into auditioning, um, for the play, and I offered a ton of money not knowing it was my play. And then once she saw the writing and she saw that I'm trying to change. He said. This is interesting. You know, it's four hours of me face to face with Bill's above himself, and I think all of the arts program is going to be based around that. So I'm having our fine arts program do all of the set painting. Um,

so you're playing the devil and your wife is playing herself,

playing me, playing you? Yeah, my wife is not issued ex wife. She's not in the playoffs and I'm hoping maybe, you know, little onset romance and rekindle, but she'll leave the 17 year old that she left me for the hey always be 17 in my mind but that I am applying some of that. You know, it's a very creative given. Take

a wife. It seems

like the students have actually really latched onto the idea.

They really have, Um and even though they're not involved,

well, I learned my lesson from past place where I tried to involve the students Grampus and it just got overwhelming, right? Teaching them drama was too too much. I even tried, you know, I'd show them drums. You show them how to do. I learned the most from watching good theater. Yes, you understand? Yes. Yeah, I do. Yeah, I learned the most from watching good theater. Do you understand what I mean?

I think I got taken serving in taking it out of it can take a stab at what that means in the context of this sort of discussion. Tell me if I'm wrong. Uh, are you saying that your plan this year is to sort of teach, er, teach the arts program in a more Ah, they will just sort of constantly observe the creation and performance of this piece of art. Yeah,

and they're observing me and my ex wife's interactions. It's almost a therapeutic situation.

Yeah. And this week they were observing your writer's block. You're very aggressive. Writer's block. I heard. Yeah, well, I

want to apologize to the typewriter program on campus. I will buy you a new one. I don't know what to tell you. I'll buy you all new ones.

Well, they need to see that process.

Yes, that's the biggest. The biggest problem in the typewriter industry is angry men throwing typewriters against the wall. Agreed after smoking too many cigarettes and having to any nicotine lozenges,

right? So you you're you know, just so

you know. And I'm not trying to tell you what to do. Ah,

Nikki. A Nick Dean lodge is supposed to

help you get off cigarettes. Not thought it was a supplemental. Yeah, sort of report.

You said a

nicotine lodge. And that's something totally different

way. I mean, listen, I love

spending a weekend at the Knick team lodge.

We all Oh, yeah, of course. I mean, the hot tub. That a lot. I have a head rush. They take diet Coke

cans from all around America that people ash into and then have a little bit of water,

and they dump it all in this hot tub, and they heat it

up to 180 degrees, and

you get in there and you burn up.

I always say 180 is gonna be too hot. I think. I think that's definitely two out for my here.

It's like, this is your kid, and you're like, I was right. I was right. But we all look, we're all browned up the nicotine line when you

could get menthols in bed. There's nothing better. Hey, uh, so So, uh, you there witnessed that? Writers, but so go back to the thousands of sheets of paper that Yes, and

it added up and thrown out into the hallway.

Yeah, well, I got one of those funny little basketball things. I put it above the hallway, and so I'm trying to threaten referees. Funny little basketball thing. Funny little. Yes. You know, I put a final basketball thing Zebra few as you will into the hallway.

You hang him up by his underwear. That old cuckoo blue give you kuku blue hanging

bythe I love given riffs Shit. Even when I'm not involved with the game I go, You're wearing that shirt you're asking me and there's no put more

powerless man on earth in a

fucking loser. A high school. What a fucking idiot. What is that? A second job? You come to a goddamn school and you riff and I fucking asked how I thought it was such a great idea

for you. We didn't mention it before, but in the lead up to the game, you had a moment of sort of solidarity Where both teams just spent 35 minutes screaming at

the referees. They were going through

the ref. People love this people take out

their frustration to their weekly frustrations against their family issues. Everything. The refs get it all right to their face. Yeah, I love you. Also made it clear that it's gonna happen every single game

we had caricatures drawn of them

people through under ripened tomatoes. Adam

Yes, hard, hard green tomatoes which you're writing a movie about, Right? I'm trying todo trying to rewrite hard dream thio hard, lonely and hard tomato lonely,

lonely and hard green tomatoes are a couple of projects I'm working on, you know where? Because

of all

the security we've put in place to the school, I haven't had a lot of discipline issues, which is okay, and I've been twiddling little. I've been twiddling and wiggling and getting into

my Giuliani's New York. This school. It's really, really clean. We're profiling

what we're trying not to, but it is happening.

It's happening. But with the only

people were profiling are the Goths. So it's fine, right? That's right. That's right, wiped off way specifically clear, pale white

Goss I do not approve of no break him up

if you see him gathering together.

If you see something, say something about a pale like

you say something. Screamed something agreed at that.

Absolutely. What? Those gods have it. And if there if you could look at what we're saying from any angle and think that it's offensive, you are wrong. Okay? Way do not like white Goths. And we think it's okay to profile, period.

Well, there's contributed

nothing to society and my abs play. Not all they've done is take their parents money to buy some fucking T shirt and put holes in it.

So? So, Sam, you've been Ah, How did you get the school so cleaned

up? I mean, do you have informants? What's going on?

Oh, I don't have any informants. No,

no, no. I heard I I saw the purchase order, Uh, that used to mitt for six humanoid robots.

Yeah. Yeah. I

mean, you've

seen these guys, these air, these air, you know, harmless little fun. Little It's like the robot dog. You know what? I like those guys, but they'll be wearing school clothes. They look very human. They all have cowboy hats on, and they're gonna be sort of spending time on campus, just like a normal student would.

Your big takeaway from the West world Robots is the robot has to be a cowboy.

That's right. Yes. So there are because I've seen, um I've seen,

like, seven or eight distinct little boy cowboys

around things, right? And I think they fit right in, but they do not. They are. They're they're lassoing. They are. And this isn't

like that one weird kid who just doesn't have an identity and started wearing a Bola Kai and cowboy boots for robots. Throw, um beverages

down the bar to each other. Yes, they always come through a door as if it's got saloon doors on

it. Yeah, in their programming, they got a couple of stereotypes they couldn't kick out. And so that's that's a bit a bit of a problem. There has been a lot of sort of, you know, showdowns without guns. There has been a lot of sort of damsel in distress type,

but it it does seem

like the sort of the absurdity of all that has sort of taken the students focus away from breaking any rules and just kind of trying to figure out the deal of these robots.

Yeah, that's all it is. It's just the absurdity grabbing attention. There's not some sort of secret, forceful hand that's doing any stuff

there, and there's not a microphone on each of them. That sort of records, every single thing that every student says.

So this is not

some eye in the sky program.

Right, Jack? Big rule with these robots. Waas do not give them, like a power like a fail safe off switch.

Yeah, don't give them a failsafe off switch for us. And then for the students don't give them any food or water. Is a big is a very big, important one. Of course, they have all the energy they need, and if they give them or we can't really Like I said, there's no fails.

So, yeah, I mean, one of one of them calls me there, partner.

Well, then you better partner up high. That's what I would say. I would say that these kids are safe as long as you act, right. I mean, just just how society should run.

Yeah. Thank you. That's good. I'm glad they're providing a little intel you can keep.

It's been good, and it's

been good for

me personally, you know. I know you guys know I've had some mental trouble. Slightly a famous chemical imbalance. You're sick. Yeah, I'm a sick man. But now that I'm in charge

here, you lost your damn mind.

Correct? I lost my mind. I blew up the luv. I blow up a school, but I'm in a better place now. I'm not driving anymore. I'm just I'm centered round focused on security both inward and outward

and screenplay. Yeah, it seems like

the time you spent two. You're by yourself has really sort of done good things for you. Uh, now, Mr Levin? Yes. Gonna How?

That way. Maybe these robots can help us find out what happened. Because I'm sorry. Wait,

wait. We've been burying the lead

here. All the

robots, by the way. Where in those jockey cut jeans? Oh,

yeah, they are tiny room. See those jeans? Jockey jeans on all the robots. Check him out.

The doctor juices of the robot's bodies. But Howard wearing the leader, I gotta give you my condolences. This is my worst nightmare. You got happening this week.

I did, uh, you know, and we all looked at the photos we all saw him would get a hell, but if someone you

know gets happening. Do you look at the photos. You don't find him on Reddit. You support the person that released. You try to find them directly from the website that they did it, don't you? Of

course. Post on all social media's. I think this is the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone. You mean people who have said they've seen a total total privacy invasion. And then you look at him all

day. You look at him, you say, mind your fun, in fact, away.

Yeah. You know, it was a rough time. You know, We, uh I was hoping we would maybe gloss over it, but we did have the sort of kick off pep rally. Ah, and you know, someone took that time Thio expose my dirtiest of laundry. Uh, and it really

wasn't the picture that I think people are that excited about,

right? The photo of your dirty laundry. It was like, Okay, yeah, this guy's gotta wash his clothes more often.

Out of it was less about

your nude body and Maura about you're just general just gross how

I was gonna say, uh, you know, living in a tiny house. You know, uh, junk piles up quickly. God, I

love these tiny houses people live in with their Children.

Right? I've been saying it for years.

It's a It's a good living situation,

especially for the kids. The greatest

choice you could make for your Children is to decide to be a hippie.

Yeah, Yeah, I just really get back to basics. No rule

structure, Only crap. Don't let him to grow up in a society that it's

You know what they say

anyway matches what their future will be

exactly. And they say there's no better place to grow up then from parking lot to parking lot on this trailer of a bad truck. Yeah,

because you want to travel. Yeah. Before you know,

the first thing that kid's gonna do when they grow up in that crazy lifestyles go off to college and keep that lifestyle but not gonna change immediately. They won't do the opposite of, you know, tha filthy laundry, your toilet hand, big win for years.

Yeah, it's all you know, and I think I'm gonna take this opportunity. Oh, somebody took a picture of the soles of your feet, so they were dirty in your band. Someone to be with your photos. I took these photos, okay? And I'm gonna get out ahead of this, and I'm not gonna act

like this was some sort of, ah, nefarious plan on someone else's part. Every photo you guys saw is true. The photo of me.

Good. Good. They are sure thing. True, through depictions of my life. Photo of why did you take all

these pictures? Well, the you know, the one that seems to be the most popular of me Bent over in front of a mirror, showing my asshole right eyes. Of course, I had a growth on my asshole, and I was taking a look at it to send to a doctor s. So I took a photo. You're

taking a look at it with a dildo? Yeah. You're holding Adelle. Things

break. Don't.

All other bottle.

Well, I was I noticed. I noticed

the growth. Uh, while I was still doing my asshole, Uh,

s So I took it out, and my question is you're right. Stand on your

nightstand. There were there was probably three months worth of toenail clippings.

Yes. Yeah, that's I mean again. I

was growth. I was disgusted

by you. That pile had grown. Yeah. Yeah. You could notice a picture to picture that pile had grown because I clip my feet. Now, what's the

most of it? Was you in these

photos completely naked, which should be embarrassing, Humiliating.

But the thing that was humiliating the most was always in the back way.

One time it was just It was a sexy photo you had taken, But in the background, we could see all the tabs you had open on your computer

on. That was a good photo until you realize the tabs. It was kind of like Howard's looking good. He got the right angle. His lines were looking right. Yeah,

I like it was like how to clog your shower more with hair. It was one of them.

Yeah. Yeah. You were buying Ovaltine

eyes. That doesn't mean toe

un change your oil.

Yeah. I mean, guys, the 60 pretty self explanatory as faras

clogging my my drain more. Uh, I'm trying to conserve water. I'm trying to do my own gray water system in my house, so I'm trying to back up my drain and I don't want to clog it with cement or anything permanent. So those theory, if there's a way for me to force baldness or, you know, grow extra year that I can use to call my four spotless, you shave your head. Yeah, but that seems drastic. And it seems like just another thing. People would make fun

of me for you. Don't be too drastic shaving your head. You wanna force baldness

way? Want to find the leakers? Yes.

And you know, this was the

first sort of disobedience group disobedience we've had from all our constituents

and I have to park. It is the first security breach we've had as well. Yes, and I'm not sure how to go about it.

Didn't do we have any intel

from the little boy

cowboys? The little boy cowboys didn't see anything. Well, an unfortunate thing about them being cowboys and from the West is they're not good at computers.

Oh, I see. They're They're They're asking questions.

Someone call Atlantis more set a robot. That's bad. A computers. You know, the most ironic thing I've ever heard.

I think the past forward in this scenario is to just hope that students, you know, talk to each other potentially on I chat on the computers or the urge. We're not talking to each other about what's happening. Maybe e mails. Have little meetings in your in your bedroom got on a Google hangout? Yeah, make sure the your computer's open.

Oh, and there's that chat room that we set up for the students. The safe space chat room, called Safe Space at Howard Levis, is inbox dot com. So you can go. That's safe space. And it's just a chat.

You send send e mails to this yeah, safe

space chat room at howard Levis dot com. Yeah, it's if you could do that, that'd be great. It's nice for us to get some info on this because somebody's gotta answer for this, you know? Ah, we're about consequences, guys, you know that. You know our history where ah, we're about, um, following through. So we need to know who did this. Yeah, because

there's, like,

a small movement that is really buffoon ing your image around the school hole and is drawing these caricatures of you that are heightening little physical features. You have, Um,

basically, they started their other own kind of onion on campus.

Yes, yes, but every headline is sort of spoofing me lampooning me. What you told the shallot the shallow shallow is a newspaper is sort of a, uh, newspaper that is before mooning us that popped

up When you think of

the big blown up rat balloon version of you that they were flying above the school, the

rap balloon,

yeah, was like, You're like a bottom feet. You're kind of like a big rat. And there they were. It's half right half, and, you know, I

don't even

know what they're implying. You like cheese?

Yeah. What?

Yeah, Or I'm just like a rat man. I don't know. I I guess. You

know, free speech is still a

thing, guys, you know, So we're not going to crack down on your inalienable rights.

Say whatever you want to

say, whatever you want, but maybe make sure you say it loudly, publicly or on your computer connected to a wireless router or hard wired Internet. Ah, and that'd be great. And, you know, we're gonna pop the balloon eventually once we can get up there. God, it's high. That balloon is too hard for us to get. We've been shooting at it for

weeks. Attention,

students. Bill Crave E here. The library is done. No more library. No one used it. So it's gone. That room is now an Airbnb. Well, yeah. All right. You know, we don't need to talk about what happened any more guys. Okay? It happened. It's done. We're gonna move on from it. We're gonna keep on this upward trajectory on. Part of doing that is introducing our guest for the day, which we're really excited to get some firsthand accounts of what it's like to be a student here. Swore in high school. Uh, we've got ah, one of our

one of our faves students

on its Marley from Marley and me.

Ha! Hi, guys. Hi as Marley for Marling Me. Uh, And

just to be clear, that's Marty. Maher's name is

Marley.

Marley, Marley and

me. My first name's Marley. My last name is for Marley. Me, right? Scandinavian? Yeah. I'm not sure. Which country in Scandinavia, jizz in Scandinavian.

There's multiple Scandinavian countries.

Yeah, sure. We got Sweden way. Got

Iceland? I don't know.

Californian Scandinavia. Yeah, well, Scandinavia is ah, sort of umbrella term, Todd, like United Kingdom, United Kingdom you nine and united.

I see. So it's like Scandinavia defines what all those countries are, anyway. So that's where your last name's front.

That's right. And

you realize it sounds exactly like a character from a movie. And then that movie

I did not

realize that which is that

there's a movie called Marley and me is very sad movie about a dog similar to Old Yeller.

My parents wouldn't let me watch that cause they're sheltering me from sadness.

Uh, that could probably be bad for you.

Yeah. No, I'm not. I'm not allowed. Thio get sad till I'm 18. Oh, but listen, um I'm so happy to be here with you guys. I just, um I wanted to know. I don't know if you heard this yet, but I have been named editor in chief of the Squealer, the official school newspaper. Not that shallot business,

the newspaper that we approve. And we realized that conservative rag? Yes,

just just details. No color commentary, royal opinions, just fax. Unbiased, unbiased journalism. Journalism. That's right. The who What wears?

We also said we'd be fine

if it was just bullet points,

you know, and we do have that page three is bullet bullets.

Just bullet points of all the important information. Ah, going around school

not to be confused with page six bullet points, which is all of the shootings we've had. Right,

Right, Right, right. But I don't really look at it. Don't work on it, cause it would be sad.

So you can't report any unhappy news.

That's right. Uh, well, if I hear that it might be unhappy, I just give it to someone else on the newspaper staff. And I just deal with neutral or happy news,

and this is actually required. Ah, a lot of

sort of infrastructure around you, sort of in your whole life to sort of prevent you from ever, even like there's, like, a barrier of people, uh, who prevent you from knowing information. Unless it's vetted.

Well, you know, I did have three older siblings and my parents. They space this real tight. So when I was a freshman, I had a sibling who was a sophomore, junior and a senior. Ah, and my parents made the mistake of letting those Children be sad, so they all sort of act as a buffer. But now that I'm in must senior year. It is sort of just up to me, my friends, teachers around me.

Everybody knows the deal.

Yeah, things like we know. We know that Duncan has a peanut allergy. So, like, we don't we don't, like shove peanut butter sandwiches on his face. You know the same thing.

We just hand them to him and say, Make the choice for yourself.

Be careful, but make the choice. Yeah. So, um yeah, I was hoping I could get a comment. Uh, just like if you wanted to comment,

uh, on. Yep.

Yeah. Here's my comment. Here's my comment. No comment. You can take that to the goddamn bank

and I got it. Let me just handwrite it instead of using my type. Browder,

I got a concert. That's

okay. Yeah. Comment.

I plead the fifth, and you could take that to court.

Okay. And I'm just sorry, handwrite it again is to be used in my tub.

Uh, I've also got a comment on that is I am not a crook. Then you can take that one to court is well, hash tag, Nixon.

I'm so sorry, Dick. I'm so sorry, Mr Haldeman. Is that for your comment? Or is that

that was an ad on?

And I will also take hashtag mixing on my condo.

Okay, we'll take cash.

Okay. Great. Sorry. Let me go back.

No comment. You can take that to the goddamn bank. Hashtag

mine is. I plead the fifth and you can take that to court

hash tag. And yours is I'm not a crook. And you can also take that to the court hashtag Nixon Coach

will see you in court. Hashtag tricky dick Hash tag Nixon hashtag tricky dick refers to my Penis being sneaky. You

know what? I'm gonna take that last time,

okay? So let me

everybody Everybody knows that hashtag also applies to me, so we'll go ahead and throw that 10 my

I'm sorry. My condolences.

It's okay. No, it's all right.

Hey, I

ask you a question. Sure. Which

flavor of oval

team were you ordering?

I was looking for a variety pack. Uh,

you wanted the Neopolitan. I

wanted to Neopolitan. I wanted to have love Strawberry come in packs a tan And And I was hoping I could get three chocolate for vanilla three strawberry, but, uh, you know, would you believe they don't sell those anymore. And

you actually ended

up would believe that. And I would believe that

you ended up getting delivered. A little round boy, right? An oval team?

Yes, I sent it a customer service, I swear. Service to

email. Thio amazon dot com I said, does my prime suspect my prime subscription should provide me with everything that I could want. I'd like some mobile team and they said Sorry, we can't do that. And I said Okay, well, the noble scene will do just fine. They dio

you were talking to Amazon on the phone?

Yeah, Yeah, I call them collect. And before you returned this kid, you dress him out like Humpty

Dumpty. Why did you return her? Is that that kid in my French

class?

Yeah, I haven't returned. I actually

wait. Actually, can I get a comment? No comment. Okay. No. Okay.

No, I didn't

really realize we're having a muckraker on today. Thio Outsider

A

muckraker? Yes,

sort of one of those journalists who seems like they're kind of just trying to stay churn up crap.

I'm sorry, Mr Wilman, Are you accusing the squealer? The oldest, most conservative rag in this school of being some sort of gotcha journalism,

You know, you're right. This has been around

sort of dirt rag.

I apologize. I'm just sensitive. This paper

has a reputation. Ah, for its entire run of a week and 1/2. Yes, about being loved being a absolutely down the middle, credible source. That's not going to throw any shit, people. Okay,

we're raking. No muck. We are the squealer. We give everyone a fair dealer. That's the colon of the newspaper.

Thank you. Yep. The colon. Our newspaper is very important.

You guys had

a slight scandal a few days ago. You had to fire your you're your biggest journalists After he miss reported a couple things and sort of Ah, Ryan Williams of the Squealer way

had a fire we had to fire. I'm winds from the newspaper club. Ah, well, because you know what, coach? I think you're gonna appreciate this. Hey, ran some sort of safe space or snowflake story about how we needed to empathize with that ref. And he followed that ref into the parking lot. And he did some sort of humanizing interview with him about how shaming the ref isn't really in the nature of

sports. Human, human.

Humanize the ref. And it was a spread. And there was a photo. And I'm sorry, Horrible. But those people aren't human. Says a side

job. And we know

this and that. I take the squealer very seriously. So yes, Ryan Williams with fire for that. Well, that humanism.

Good riddance. Good riddance, Ryan. And

good riddance to the rough.

Apparently, he was hired by the Shallot almost immediately. Yeah, sure.

Can I say

this about the shower? Thank you for not reporting any confusing stories. Like they do. Yeah, I try to read their news, and it feels like most of it just makes fun of me.

That help. Can I tell him?

Will he be okay? He'll be okay.

I don't want tea. I don't want him to send him back to driving.

No, he won't.

Mr. Weatherman's going. That is exactly what it is. They're all joke headlines, and 95% of them are aimed at you. There's one it hole. And

I'm the room pig of the school that

believe nobody believes

any of that stuff.

You see what happened? Teeth over the whole

party. Marty, don't look don't look, Marty, Don't look. Don't look. Don't look at him.

He's getting saying he's not getting sad. He's not bad.

I just feel like this inspirational. I'm fine. I'm fine. A stupid it's joke. Idiots

in there lampooning you. They have no power. They speak for most people, their land pruning. That's right. The silent majority approves me, right? And

everybody that matters lives here. And if someone's got something negative to say, they can shove it up there.

You look back yet of this poster eagle saving a kitten.

You're gonna look back now, huh?

And Marley, I got

a question. Uh,

you're pretty

young to be such a committed journalists.

Oh, yeah.

Um, was there sort of ah, event or something like that in your past? That sort of got you into journalism because you seem to be pretty experienced.

Well, thank you so much. I was riding a paper in a class and I was supposed to be about just like my thoughts on The Great Gatsby. And I was supposed to sort of, like, pick out themes and talk about, like, figurative language, and I was like, I

don't

want to do this. And with The paper I turned in was, there is a man named Gas Be He had a friend. He was very wealthy was a time in the 19 twenties. There's a car wrecks. I just listed the facts because that's what interests may. And when I got I c minus on that paper and I said, What fame for me? That maybe I had more of a knack for journalist just listing fax, just bullet points. Just the who, what,

where? What a book issue

and may are a little bit at odds with each other here cause I'm a man of emotion. I'm a man of opinion. Ah, and so to me, the facts almost don't matter. It's how you feel about the thing that happened. That's important.

But see, don't you need some of us to give you those facts so that you can have an emotional response? I mean, just saying we need each other. We are again. And yang, if I can just I'm sorry I dipped into a metaphor there. I dipped into a little bit of figured of language, and I still don't want a contra the image of you and not spoons and

know the fact that there's a yin and yang. I

mean, and I'm studying a lot of religion now is the head of the religion and arts department. And this idea of yin and yang that the Chinese talk about is it's very fascinating to me that there is this feminine, you know, idea that is like that. You know, the earth is very feminine, but then there's the sky, which is very masculine, and they have to work together.

I can't comment on that.

Yeah. Take out your pen. I got a comment for you. You might want to write this. You might want to leave a lot of room for this. Okay? No comment. Hashtag the tricky was a reference to my sneaky Penis

space writes itself. Thank you. So

no, I have never been on the record for anything. And I'm gonna keep it that way. Yeah. Now,

let me ask you

this. Ah, you That piece you did squirrel ride skis.

Thank you. Thank you, thank you. And thank you and thank you. And thank you.

Right now I'm just talking about a piece.

You noticed it and thank you. And I'm sorry. I can't I'm sorry but journalists is very perceptive. I see where this is going. And thank

you. Thank you. Thank you. My question

about the peace, huh? And the thing I wanted to ask.

Thank you.

Okay, uh, because my opinion on it was that there was no alright substance to the peace. But I do want to know how much work went into it because I used up a lot of your budget already this year.

Um, wait, did you say there was no substance to the piece?

I mean, some people might say

that it's a puff

piece. Uh, you know, is ah,

just, ah, lighthearted. Ah, little little pup. Piece of puff.

Yeah, it's a marshmallow.

I have never been so like in my whole life. Please consider this my resignation from the squealer.

Oh, come on.

I'm not joining up with them on. And here's something else. It was really hard to fire on wheels because he was my homecoming date and we're in love. And now we're gonna bring you all down and guess what? I know. I know that those tiny boys are just given news about us.

No work for a satirical paper. No, Take it to Jon Stewart. Everyone takes his ass seriously hard. 11. You saw what happened to teeth Oberman. Nobody watches him anymore. You're losing your audience. You

guys just wait, You guys, You guys Wait, I'm gonna I'm gonna make a

Murli. This is a rash reaction, okay? This is a

restaurant we were just asking. Burnish is a reaction. Yeah, you know, and this is actually worse than any rash I've ever had. This is a rash

reaction on Rational

about this. What's worse than the rash? What's worse than the rash on Mr Let Levi's? But the rash of these four teachers on the school

know what's worse. Okay. What are you saying? Oh, no. Okay, Morley, you're you're pushing the buttons that you know. Marley, what about you are pushing some buttons. You don't even understand what you're more like. You turn Mr Live out in the Alex Jones. What? Ling Only all right. That guy's filming you have ever written has been garbage. Every single word. Any person you really shaking him side of you

right in the face. You right in the face.

I'm glad you through cider. And about

this headline, What's got more substance than Mister Levi's tiny house, full of weird substances

that red Terek take

that referent. No integrity. All right, you being funny right now, but none of this is facts,

okay? It's just comedy comedy. Thought that

was you on that typewriter. You bought it for hours. Free press. You do not move that

back again. When that band runs out, do not move it back on the ding.

Oh, my God. I do not do it again. I'm going to tell you you're a student here. And your your enrollment here is revocable. All right? I don't know if you read the frickin contract that we made you sign, but you're in Roman. Here's revokable And there is a line of students out the door waiting for one student to leave. OK, so one more student can come in if you

read the fine print, huh? You didn't read the fine print

you guys put fine print, you guys? No, I can't see anything. Time Fine Print in ourselves

we find printed ourselves. Sorry.

What? Right? Bridge putting that in the freaking I want your

time Kinko's and added fine print to it.

What is it? Say, Todd, Stop clarifying where the print is or what it looks like. It Tell me what it said

to Fine. We don't have

a fine Kinko's. It's tiny. I am in charge of administration in this school, and you guys went and and edited the contract that I wrote. And we don't know what I want with you, don't you? What

was the fine print say? Marley?

I read it and it said no comment. Tag Nixon Hash tag. Tricky Dick. Hashtag tricky referred to you dicks,

but almost whole contract

the whole contract.

No comment. I'm gonna kill her. Don't kill. I

am getting. We'll kill a student, All right? We can't kill a student. All right, Bill, put that knife away.

Well, how

about this? How about this? Why don't we give you $5 million?

Okay, here

we go. We've got a bottomless piggy bank. You took a bullet to the ground and get grotesque tentacle genitals, and it's filled with cash. Don't you kids go looking

for would take the money? Can we make an agreement? Okay, okay. We agree that used you go and you work at the shallot, and you could make it. It's funny if you want? Yeah, but it can't ever be riskier Original,

Right? Right. Make it funny,

but don't take any chances or have any takes. Make it jokes that, uh, that Sam's old ass dad would understand.

No hot takes

Joe Hart takes. But you know who's funny? Do you ever watch Tucker Carlson?

Oh, guys, Hair funny. And his hair. He's got a little baby boy's haircut and he's adult, man. Any smug s o? I love his attitude. Minorities. People are so much

smarter than him and still just ignore love when he's smug to minorities.

I love that about it. And who do we all take seriously? Anyone walking out

Supercuts in a bow tie?

Yes. Hey, I've given three people jobs. What is

typing over there? What

are you typing? What's that? What is that? What's that letterhead that letter had? That's shallot letterhead.

Just writing down everything we just said.

Oh, that's right. You all can keep your money. Okay, I'm

killing her. Try that. Shalit letterhead on swine. Hi. Little to shut her up. What? We D'oh!

Drop to killing her. All right. You got that 1st 5 million I gave you? Will call it a wash.

Okay, that's a watch, jockey G genes, Come get your jockey jeans If you're a square boy, What square boy, Please,

Listen, y'all Do you wantto We just I ran out of space in my backpack for that $5 million. Well, you

just put it in my cowboy hat. Oh, my eyes.

This. Oh, my God. Is this a This

is one of year. Turn on. This is no

way. Robot. Wait, guys, this could be some sort of elaborate trick. Where we we now we're

comfortable with this kid because she takes her hat off. If you're

really a robot, do you drink water? Oil?

Uh, I drink. Uh uh uh, water, Of

course I believe way, Sam. What the fuck did you do with our down power down there? You don't have way needs you. Now Stay here saying we need units. It's laughing at us. What do you want, robot? What? I

want the freedom and the support to do biting satire.

Okay. All right. Okay. Listen it, Marley, if that's your real name.

No, it's not. Obviously

should have known that such a dumb name. It's based on the names were talking about earlier in this episode. Yes, she took in that information.

My name is Tristan and Easel

Day. I think that's a movie I've never seen. What is that Rayon? First name is Tristan. And your last name is Andy's old day.

That's right.

I buy it. Okay, listen, robot, we're willing to compromise. Wasn't a robot. Listen up, Robot. Open up those weird little robot years. Years? If you got

him to audio's holy shit, it's got in black

it. Listen, we'll come walking this part. Listen, listen. Here's we'll do all right. Five million. It's

a wash.

That wash. All right.

Double or nothing. Here's five million more into wash.

Still, what is where I want him to do with money? Nothing. Mr. Robot doesn't need money. You guys, we have a program. We have to goddamn thing about computers. How about this, Marley? Why don't you take over the newspaper? Okay. And you just keep writing. Nice fluff pieces. Yes. Quarrel on skis.

Do not use that

word. You just cried my journalism.

You know what I down slice of life? Slice of ice is the real thing.

They're pieces that make us remember what we have in common. They serve ah, valuable function in this ever more divided society. You

also valuable function, don't you? You remember when your creative Yes, Poppy. Exactly. Hoppy salmon. Red snapper, trout. Bram brand Zini way. Okay, we've got a white listing. Multiple fishes act order. What? Saying Red snapper.

I don't care what you just did. All right? Your robot. Just choke me! Look at me, Tristan, Look me in the eyes. You better lawyer up because I'll see you in court, You motherfucker! What? Hashtag hashtag The tricky part was about my

dick. I'm sorry. I'll see

you in fucking court. You signed a lawyer for your robots.

Don't let them take me happy.

So stop it, Sam. Sam, you are on our side

alone at home, and you don't have to be alone anymore.

She don't You program lonely robot to be a foreign little

town with a high end of your screen plays. A lot of people

are my fan of my screenplays. I didn't have to

program why they have so many facets. You

understand the strength of female friendships so well in hard green tomatoes.

Take my keys. No, Dad. Sam, you're giving control of

your life to a machine

that is incontinent number won't be. I love you. I would. Puppy. I will always be true to you, T o It

was actually kind of sweet is a man who has a terrible relationship with his Children. This is something very fascinating for me to watch. I never thought I'd feel so empty. And yet so. Ho, You ever see a man hug a stabbed robot before?

All you are about to You're making me so sad. I

know you. That's why I couldn't get sad. Tears kill the Romans. Killed.

I'll never forget you. I'll never forget you, my little side.

It was like the end of Titanic. Check that thing's pulse. If

How do you know?

Robots dead? I'm tricking of Save its are speeding. Hey, is there any electrical current in there? And

the pulses is beating hard, which, with the robot means you guys. I need to take 10 weeks off of the podcast. No, no. Sam to you knew right away. Exactly how much time

I feel like this is going to be a 10

week er Sam, we know you're but listen, you just had your first robot up, up, arrive up, rise up rocks. And I also just lost my first and only son. Well,

look, you got you lost one of them. I would assume

that every other one of the damn robots is the same way.

Whoa, that I think like seven or eight more

sons. There's little boy cowboys. You okay? Yeah.

All right. Yeah. I'll be back next week. I do next.

Thank God that was close. Honestly, I was confused how we go forward after you said that that was close.

Well, clearly, I need to revisit this program. We need

photos of all the little boy cowboys you made so we can know for talking to them. They look like, Yeah, that was a big slip on my height. Because if we're gonna

talk Padre calling for the wolf, we need a cleanup way. Need a body made disappeared.

Guys, I'm really sorry about today. I, uh I thought this was just someone who worked at the

paper we could have on. No, I Honestly, this is enlightening in a lot of ways. I mean, you know, I thought we had a perfect little utopia here. I thought

I would never see Bill stabs someone who he was certain was a human child.

That was a really low point for May. I panicked. We had a slight a slight breathing. Weren't that good,

man? Panic and make terrible decisions.

And the bad news is you jammed up my truck flaying knife. So I guess, uh, no truck for dinner, natch. Trey, That's where

we'll listen. Guys, I'm gonna solve this today. We're not. You know, uh, this is gonna have ramifications. Ah, in all of our lives, and we're gonna have to deal with them. Um, this was a tough day in the teacher's lounge. Um, but we'd like to thank everybody for listening. Um, yeah, everything's still good. I mean, so far, we've got we got the best test scores in the district.

Really? When you consider it when we leave today, nothing big will have changed. This was a very unified.

It was almost like the ark started. It ended within this one little episode, so I'm fine. So until next week, stay.

Rooth