Zicken Zarmesan

Should we do this like Verite style, you know, like Anthony Bourdain, where it's just sort of fly on the wall, seeing how things are going at the restaurant. We don't do it the same way we did

Verite?

Yeah, like it's a, you know what I mean. I've been watching a lot of movies. Variety. No, Verite, like truth. Why don't they do Verite shows anymore?

I

don't know.

Even talk shows have less Verite than they used to.

So you knew what I was talking about with Verite. You obviously did.

Yeah, variety. You're saying it wrong. No. Okay. You're doing a little funny mispronounce. You're talking about a variety show. And yeah, I think we should do a variety show. I like those things back in the day. A little bit of comedy, a little bit of serious, a little bit of news, a little bit of music.

I love a little bit of serious.

When they get serious on the variety shows,

that's really fun. I mean, that's what half these talk shows are now. They're serious shows.

Well, life is not just

all funny. No. Why are we not doing

serious? Especially not late at night. How hard do I want to laugh right before bed? I'll be up all night. Not

at all.

No. Yeah, don't get me started before I hit the pillow.

I don't want to be R -O -T -F -L my bed. Yeah, I'm

rolling into bed sleeping is what I want to do. All right.

Ribs. Ribs. R -O -T

-F -L, no, I'd rather be

ribs. Rolling into bed sleeping.

Well, maybe you guys don't understand what I'm saying. I wasn't sure if we wanted to kind of like a... Right, right,

right. Right, sorry.

My bad, my bad. Do we want to maybe just record all the time? Or do we want to do a kind of sit -down show where we talk about what's going on at the restaurant?

Well, Todd, you apparently say that documentaries... Sometimes you start a documentary and you don't really know what it's about.

And then it becomes about another thing. You let it tell you what it's all about. That's the thing with any

storytelling. Right.

You can't control the story. You let the story control you. Right. Because you've been the subject of many documentaries and directed none.

Well, in my unfinished project, Finding the Wembleys, about the family that I allegedly killed

all the twins of, is still... I think they're in hiding. And it's still... I forgot that we're still in

progress. Yeah, my editor and I are in a bit of a dispute about financing stuff right now.

You guys

shot at each other in the middle of town the other day. Yeah, I was going to say.

Oh,

We're in it.

a duel.

It was a duel. You and your editor had a duel? That's right.

I saw your editor slap you in the face with his glove, and I said, this is getting

old It got really out of hand. Obviously, our ladies were very scared up high in the

severn. By the way, the way that guy edits, he does not need the gloves. He doesn't need the gloves. He doesn't need the hat. It's not an editor's

garb. It was interesting when the duel happened, there was two women, one seemingly with you, one seemingly with your editor,

and

your girl quickly changed sides.

She sided with him. She quickly came over to editor. I don't know if you've ever seen a duel between an editor and an old theater teacher,

but there were a lot of reloads.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Right.

But my editor right now can't edit because he has been stabbed in both hands from a duel.

Right. Right. And so I won the duel, but you could say lost because now he can't do anything. That's too bad. Yeah, it's going to be tough. I

know the artistic community has really been looking forward to seeing that film. Oh, thank you.

But at the end of the day, yes. A lot of it's like that saying, you shot yourself in the foot, but you stabbed your editor in the hand. So

you're... It's going to be tough to finish the project. Which has caught on. It's absolutely caught on where someone's been like, I yelled at my boss the other day thinking it would help get a raise and I ended up shooting my editor in the hand. Stabbing. Stabbing my editor

in the hand. Stabbing my editor in the hand. Well, welcome to the teacher's lounge. This used to be the first and best and only podcast pertaining to issues relevant to the Hamilton High School community. But of course, you know, like anyone, we want to branch out. We want to spread our creative wings.

Yeah. And after coming into a sum of money, we're doing just that, folks, because we're not in the teacher's lounge anymore. We're kind of in the

bar and lounge business, if you know what I mean. I like that. Bar and grill. You know, we're still working on it. We've got the building. We've got the inside is sort of finished. There is a kitchen in there. There

is a little dirty office in the back that has a security door and more papers and envelopes than you've ever seen.

Yeah. And it's got a got a direct it's got direct TV that's been cracked. So it gets all the pay -per -views for free. Right.

I mean, we're doing classic restaurant construction,

which takes anywhere from five to seven years.

When you see it start the construction, go ahead and put a five year timer on it. That's when it'll open.

Right. When everybody's

moved

out of that neighborhood, it's like, y 'all better hurry up. No, no, no. Yeah. But yeah, we we we got the building. We got the permits. We got the licenses are coming through the food and drink licenses.

We are about to have visited

and gave us a

resounding checkmark.

Yes.

A resounding checkmark, which means barely good enough to

go. Right.

It's out of the letter system and it's into the pass fail.

Yeah. It's like in college where you need to get through it, but you don't really care if you're good. Right. We just need to get it open. Yeah. And that's and well, then that's been our plan. We set an opening date before we had everything kind of ironed out. We know we're good at sort of working on our feet, flying by the seat of our pants. But we know we'll get there. We, of course, have an opening date just around the corner that we're ready for. Do we have a finalized name for the restaurant?

No, but the working title honestly could work. It's currently just called the restaurant. It's a food experience.

Yes. Restaurant. It's a food experience. And we're going to we're going to zoom in from there. That's that's the why we're letting the

food speak to us.

Exactly.

And

tell us the name when it gets delivered.

Yes. Oh, yeah. We're having some issues with the whole. I mean, you all know what's been happening. It's the supply chain. We think it's the world shut down

February 2020. We all remember where we are. It hasn't returned. That's why. And most of our food is stuck on barges in the Pacific

Ocean. Yeah. Lined up outside of Long Beach.

And and we're nice. It's fresh,

fresh frozen. And we're not going to watch it. Flash frozen fresh. The buns are frozen. The veggies are frozen.

The beef is frozen. Quickly frozen. It was it was like that. That a

wizard. Vesuvius. It's very similar to opposite Vesuvius. Our food was frozen in ash.

We're not

from

the people who brought you

Vesuvius. God.

That's right.

We're blessed.

We've got two cows on there that were frozen kind of holding each

other

lovingly. All of our food died in love. Well, because we were smart and we ordered two of everything.

A male and a

female. Yeah. And our our shipment that was coming in.

It's a bit of an arc. Yes. It is a bit of an arc.

Yes. It is a bit of an arc. We got two cows, two chickens. We're going to be more chickens, by the way.

Two fish, two celeries, two carrots.

Well, we'll just promote promiscuity between the animals.

Yeah. We want to see zebras, which we are serving, mating

with pigs. We want to see zork. We want to have zork,

which

is

zebra pork. Zebra pork.

We want to have zeep. And we want to have

zeep. We're keeping zeep. The zebra stays. The zebra stays. Before you cut me off, we also want zicken. We want zebra's chicken. And we know who's fucking

who. Yes. We want zish. We want zeep. We want zicken. We want.

Zestables. Zestables.

Zestables. Zunazar zar. We want it all. The zebra stays. I gotcha.

Zicken's arm is on.

Zicken's arm is on.

We're having a zebra fuck a batch of

Parmesan cheese. I cannot wait

for the zilk. Can I make a first name pitch? What if it's zestron?

Could be zestron.

A zoo experience. And it's all animals. It's a zoo experience. And it's all things that zebras have procreated with.

we're going to

Well, because

need more babies.

And are we thinking zoo, like Z -O -O, like

zoo and food? Well, every time I go to a zoo, I'm like, where are the zebras? Yes. Why are the zebras there? It's a

zoo, right? And then you go to the cafeteria at the zoo and you go, are we eating what we've just seen? Well, finally you can. We've just decided.

It's a zoo and then you eat what you've just seen.

Yes. It's so frustrating when you can't

eat what you've just seen. When I go to the zoo and the only thing offered is, you know, a fried pickle or a pickled corn dog

or whatever. Yes. What is this?

I didn't even see a pickle in the enclosure. I

have to eat one.

Why don't I have to? Pickle a flamingo for me. Yeah. Zottled water. Zottled water. We can charge a premium for that. That is zebra based water.

Zottled. Do you want zap or zarkling? Or zottled. Or zottled. No. Zoking or zonzoking? Let's just role play this for a second. I'm the customer. You ask me if I want zap or zottled. Yes. Yeah. Well, first we say zelcom in. Zelcom in. Zelcom. How many in your zarties? Zanku.

I guess I'll start off with a little zap water. Okay. So zap.

That's free, right?

Yes. Yay. Okay. Thank

God. Thank God. Oh, you must be zruggling right now.

I didn't want to get. I didn't want to zet into it right away. But yes,

I am a little bit. Well, zisten. I'm. Zemiel is on zow.

Zanku. Okay. So I think it's clear. We love how a restaurant is running

in our minds. So this is a great brainstorm. Yeah.

It's a great brainstorm. And I know what people are going to say. First of all, you can't even serve zebra. Not

in America.

Yeah. Right.

So we might have to walk this idea back. Is that true? Yeah. I don't think so. What the fuck? Well, you can't even serve whores.

We've been down that road. This is so frustrating. You can't serve any part of the horse. You can't even serve a hoof. Well, I think that. Not even a hoof? No. I like. Give me a hoof. Put it on a grill like it's an artichoke. Scrape it with your

teeth. It's the same deal. It's the same deal. But we. Yeah. I mean, we went down this a couple of weeks ago. Why do we have to stick to chicken, beef, fish?

And we were looking for alternative proteins. Yes. And we got a bunch of roadblocks from the powers that be. Yeah. Female. The powers that be

are our real enemy. They always are. And they always have been. You know? Because the powers that be. They. The powers that be. The powers that be are always above. They're

always above. Yes. They're always looking. They see us all. They're in

the

Right? So the powers that be control the shit. And it goes downhill right under your head.

It's just so frustrating. You know? But we. I'm very excited to finally get back on the grind with you guys and make a little cash.

This restaurant's going to be fun. We're all sort of playing to our strengths as

well at the restaurant. Of course. A lot of people are probably wondering who among you is the chef. Who among you is the best barman? I don't know. Right. And I mean that's. These are questions that need to be answered. These

are questions. And best barman is like best boy on a movie.

It's not the barman. But it's the person who runs the wires around the bar. Moves the heavy bottles around. When the bartender is backing up he clears a space.

He puts a hand right on his lower back and makes sure he doesn't

trip on anything.

Someone's watching through the room. He says drinks. Drinks. To make sure he

knows they're coming. And I think even before that some of you are probably wondering. Because this is the first time you've ever listened to this podcast. Maybe there's one or two of you out of there.

Who

we are. Who we

are. Right into it. I of course am Howard Levis. Used to be a biology teacher. Have had many

titles and hobbies over the years that I like to think are memorable.

I've died. I've come back to life. I have done many many things. And I'm here with my three best buds. And

we love you Howard. My name is of course Sam Weatherman. Sexy Sammy from the Hollywood years. You know and I'm here working on cleanliness. I am committed to the fact that our restaurant is going to be the cleanest restaurant that we have ever opened.

Now just a quick reminder that in our gym season you were working on COVID. It ended up kind of creating a COVID monster of some sort. Wasn't that

right? There was a towel. Oh my God the pandemic is

over. Yeah. That will not happen again. All right great. Yeah. I think you learned a lot from that. Now you know how to be clean in a new way.

Sometimes mistakes are our greatest teachers.

That's right.

If I wouldn't have gotten COVID 30 times in a week

I wouldn't have known how

to prevent that. A lot of people are arguing that you just had COVID for a week. And just because you test doesn't mean you contract it 30 times.

It's been proven. I've contracted a new stream of COVID

30 times in one week. Right. You were COVID stacking there for a minute. Yes. You were stacking it.

Well and I was supposed to be supplement stacking at the gym but I was accidentally COVID stacking.

Right. Did not get strong. Got very weak. Very dry. It happens all the time.

I know. It's disappointing.

Yeah.

But the

restaurant that won't happen here. It won't. It won't. Our chefs wear masks

all the way up.

And it's the masks are the same as chef hats.

It's the same design and it goes over their face, nose, eyes but it's the chef hat design over their face. We do cut out space for the lips and the nose in case you have to sneeze or anything like that. You don't want to sneeze into your

mask. Yeah because then the mask is dirty all day. It's dirty all day. Yeah you won't be able to like get what's inside of you out. Yeah.

So it's a chef's hat pulled forward with the lips and the nose cut out.

Pulled forward so it's tall out the

front. Yeah kind of like

a plague mask. A plague

Or like a

mask. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Right. I'm a Todd Padre. I guess I'm famous for my acting ability. I'm a theater teacher. And I'm looking here in the restaurant now to bring kind of the sensibilities of an artist. Because at the

end of the day food and art that's the same thing. Food and theater. Well and I've noticed that you are tortured just like every chef.

Very.

I don't know if you guys have noticed

but chefs are artists. And typically they're a little

left to center.

Yes. They're a little different. And Todd you're very different. I've been really able to embrace my shadow in the back of house. Talking to people really rudely. Yelling at people. Tripping on things.

Well you're so focused on your shadow that it's made you lose sense of your physical real being.

That's right. We've now had to light the whole kitchen where there are no shadows.

There's a light source from every

angle. Because I'm obsessed with of course my psychological shadow. But my literal shadow

is pacing me around. I was going to say the literal shadow has been the one that's caused the most problems. Exactly. I agree. Yeah.

I 100 % agree. I wish you

could integrate your real shadow the way that you could integrate your spiritual shadow. Your shadow self was actually taking some money out of the register the other day.

Well and he beat the shit out of you the other day. You were fighting him. Your hands got

all bloody. You're

the only one that got hurt. I tried to stop him from robbing us and then we got into a tussle.

bars though. Your shadow

Luckily he's behind

Yeah. My shadow is

doing time. We had to build a tiny little jail right behind Todd's station.

Right. So that when Todd is cooking his shadow could be in jail and we

can all feel safe. That's true. I'll tell you I'm really excited Todd that you're sort of taking the reins on this sort of artistic and sort of creative sort of presentation for the restaurant because it feels like a brand new medium for you.

Oh it's a brand new idea. This idea of food being art. And for me it is a new medium. I've obviously worked with food on stage. I'm always eating in my shows, drinking in my shows.

That was never the plan initially. It's because you're always running late and you bring on fast food. Oh

yeah. I show up 20 minutes late with Starbucks and meal.

You make two snacks and meal. It was unavoidable. You get a Starbucks and a drive -thru?

That's right.

That's probably why you're late. The egg bites are to hold me over on the road from Starbucks. So you're eating a huge coffee, egg bites, and a burger, fries, and a shake.

Just usually only in the first act.

That's right.

in the first act.

Usually only

save snacks

for third act when he's getting tired.

Well we all do that.

He's hiding nuggets everywhere. You would think people hide their lines.

Right. On a vase. Where I've got nuggets on the inside of my glasses. I make my scene partner wear a Chick -fil -A on them.

Most of your plays. Or I mean

not Chick

nuggets. But it's obvious they're Chick -fil -A.

Yeah. Most of your plays should be whatever the play's title is colon nuggets.

Yeah.

Because it's a huge, I guess you could call it theme in all

of the plays. A lot

of nuggets, a lot of eating. The play colon nuggets colon too much honey used as dipping sauce. Things are sticking to the

maniac. Things are sticking to the maniac?

That's a great title. That's a fantastic

title. Somebody

else titled it and called you a

maniac? I think we need to do a new thing with titles where we describe as much as possible. Right. It's not about being succinct and giving you the idea. It's about giving you every piece of information. To me the title should be as long as the movie.

And the movie should be two and a half plus hours.

Two and a half plus.

Two and a half plus no intermission.

Hello. My name is Bill Cravey. But yeah. I am now kind of sort of floating around the restaurant trying to figure out what exactly I am doing. I think in the biz we call that assistant manager.

Yes.

Yeah. So let's give you a nice title. I used to coach basketball. And I think I have a knack for seeing what people's strengths are

and putting them at the positions where they are going

to succeed. And you'll do it to customers too. You'll move them to other tables if you feel like, oh, this vibe is off.

Yeah. I'll have a zone smoking section because I'll be like, this is not going. You guys came in here. We're doing man to man. Right. Let's break these tables up.

You guys are getting real. We'll do smoke.

Yeah. Exactly. And we'll do a full court press with the apps.

I'll just absolutely just everybody down. Everybody down there delivering. Until it creates a turnover where they turn

their place over. A popover. We're trying to create a popover, which we are. I am all about. I'm, of course, obsessed with breadsticks. I'm obsessed with popovers. I'm obsessed with

that. You've been trying to convince us to do 13 different free things before every meal. You want basket of chips. You want breadsticks. You want brown bread.

I want brown bread. A little salad. I

want a little salad. I want cheese bread. Big salad. Big salad. A little oil and vinegar dippy bread. Oh, balsamic thrown into the oil. Little things that don't mix.

Little things that I've got north and south.

Magnets. Magnets. On the tables. They're

pushing each other off. It's

really fun.

It's a great top of meal activity. Exactly. How many of these are we getting? What is it for? Am I even going to need to order food? Exactly. I'll have somebody who likes classic rock and somebody who likes electronica come in and fight at the top of

a

meal. It's the two most passionate people. It's someone who likes classic rock and someone who likes electronica. And

the classic rock

guys surprise you. They surprise you, the classic rock guys. More intense than you think they're going to. Yeah. It's like Clapton, Diplo, Clapton, Diplo. And then they're throwing bows.

They are throwing bows at each

other. I do want to talk a little bit about just where we are as a society with the pre -meal. And what is expected is free. And I think that's the thing that I like that you're bringing the shift is, you know, now you go to kind of a upscale, let's say, like Mexican fusion place, which is just a white guy's Mexican

restaurant. And they are charging you for chips at the beginning.

Right. And it's like $8 for the chips plus another $30 for salsa.

Yeah.

And there's some things that are expected to be free. Chips before the meal are free.

Yes. Bread before the meal is free. And now we're going above and beyond, you know, before the meal, people fighting because they like electronic or classic music is free. Any of that stuff. We've taken a real stand against this pre -charged bullshit. Every time I go to a restaurant where they charge for chips, I bring a lighter and a can of gasoline

and

I

Yeah. You show it.

sure about that? Yeah. Yeah. Right. I think that's great. But I do think eventually we need to get people addicted to these free things and then start pulling them away. Start

Are you

charging.

pulling away,

Yes. And I do think, you know, I know we weren't quite ready for it, but the medallion style system that I was pitching for our diners, how they enter the restaurant, who gets to come in first.

We've had a lot of taxi cab drivers in here with the medallion system.

Yes. They took it a little literal.

I have a taxi cab medallion, which we all know what that is. It costs apparently $500 billion to get one. To drive

a

little dirty

But I do, I appreciate, Bill, that you've kind of taken on the role of this sort of like big picture, stepping back, seeing where there's efficiencies and deficiencies.

Yeah. I just want to cut, absolutely streamline, cut anything that could be considered good and enjoyable and really just pare it down.

We're coming in as sort of like overlords to absolutely

pull any nonprofit

pieces out

of the restaurant. Well, that's business, unfortunately.

We're using the tech bubble system for the start of this restaurant.

We're putting in tons of money up front, trying to drive every restaurant around us out of business so that we're the only place people can eat.

Yeah,

exactly. And then start charging people more and more, paying our employees less and less, doing more and more drugs. And in five to ten years, some idiot will make a movie about us and make more money off of us. I want to have a Showtime show about us that sucks so bad. So bad. Do you think the production should be rushed? Yes.

Because you've got to get it out before someone else makes

it. Absolutely.

All the actors should be from other shows that they have, and the cast should be completely incoherent. I think they should throw Seth Rogen in the first episode so you think it might be good.

I want to be tricked. I want to be tricked so bad.

Here's what I'll say about all of your oversights at new rules, Bill. Yeah. You

are. New rules, Bill. Who are you,

Bill Barr? I don't hate it.

I don't hate it. Listen, sometimes you've got to pull from the goat. Yes. I think that you getting rid of napkins was such a great idea.

Why are we cleaning people at the restaurant? We're already feeding them. We got the hose. Oh, and I guess, you know, they can

themselves with the hose. Yeah, exactly. We

clean

got

rid of napkins. We brought in the hose, which is very dirty over there in the corner. I'm not against going back to napkins.

Well, we'll see how it goes.

It was a great idea. Yeah, I think we have to give it a few weeks. We have to give it a few weeks to see. Yeah, we don't know if napkins are a good idea unless we try it

for a few weeks.

Yeah. Come on. And look, I

think - I hate this.

Right.

A few people complain about the hose and you fully back out on it. And it's like, we really committed to the hose. We went on Craigslist every day until someone said free hose and we got

it and brought it in. Do you think a biker bar, which we're not at all, shuts down business because some Karen comes in and they don't have Lambrusco? No. They say, get out of here. We're trying to bring in the type of people that we want. Yeah. And we want people that eat so messily and are okay hosing themselves off.

That's what we want. That's our culture. What do you guys think about getting rid of all menus, going to keeping QR code and you go up to the front and order and there's no waiters?

QR code is

amazing. Well, now,

it's changed everything. It's changed everything. But this is a little too streamlined for me. I love what we're talking about. But could there be some sort of riddle in the

middle? What's cool about it is... Oh, QR riddle.

Yeah, QR riddle

or like an impossible game. Something that disconnects you from the people. A query riddle. So a

QR QR.

I do

just want to mention, if we do go to QR code menus, it kind of makes my job as sort of front of house a little less necessary. And so I don't want to be... That's interesting. I just think it's

fun now. That's really interesting. When you go to

a restaurant and there's no waiters. Right. And nobody tends to a single thing that you've ordered or anything. Somebody just throws it down there. And then it's like, oh, well, maybe I want to order one other thing. Let me get back out my phone and enter in my home address.

Click, unclick, subscribe

to newsletter. And then order

of Dr. Pepper.

Well, yeah. I just want to keep in mind, we're all necessary in

this venture. Sure. You know, no one

of us is more valuable than another. And, you know, I think we should all make sure that we're just making sure that we all feel sort of needed. You know what I mean? I think that that's something that I want us to all feel like ownership of the restaurant and not like, oh, we're making changes specifically to only one of our areas. You know, and so if we're going to make big front of house changes, which obviously I'm in charge of front of house hosts, waiters, et cetera, valet, all that kind of good stuff. I just want to make sure we're making those changes. It's a

conversation. You know, I got to say, you've been working really hard and I

appreciate that. I appreciate that. But I really think we need to get you some help because running around serving all the tables, seating all the tables and parking all the cars. Yeah, you don't know how to drive stick. But I will say we don't need to take the few soft

open nights we've done.

You're absolutely burning the hell out of everybody's clutch. We should not have put the valet on such a steep

hill. But I'm working on, I'm learning. I'm learning. Okay. And let's not

take

it. Are you learning? I am. And I just want to. How? You shouldn't be learning on customers' cars on the hill.

I'm not. I've watched a ton of YouTubes. I went to a go -kart place that is up the streets. Doesn't have clutches. I asked them to make some

modifications. Well, that explains why you drove everybody's car into a big thing of tires and fucking flipped over.

Well, look, I just want us to not take the.

I think you went to a bumper car place, not a. Well, no,

I know the difference between a go -kart

and a bumper

car. I think you just drove into a bunch of tires in a little cart. I think you better be trying to get all. Speaking of giving no napkins a chance, I would hope that we don't take the two soft open nights we've done already as an example of how good I will be at

the job. It was fun. Okay? I will do good

in this role. That's why it's a soft open.

mean, you know, and you're soft in bed. You're soft open. It's all the same, and we're just trying to get you hard. So we're trying to work on the open

I

you. We are going to have a hard opening. Oh,

for

yeah. Very

soon. Everybody's popping a blue pill, and then we open the door. It's absolutely. Absolutely.

Yes, Howard. I will say that I want you to take all this as just constructive. We're trying to

helpful

be

For example, after you valeted his car, Vin Diesel said he's not bringing his family back here again. And that's

terrible for us. Or doing the movies anymore. He said he'd stop doing movies. And do you know, that doesn't seem like a me. That seems like he was just looking for an excuse.

Well,

clutches.

You're just doing it. You're getting oil on the T -shirt. I don't know if

you're

under the car, what you're doing. But you're supposed to be the

host. Well,

you're trying to fix the

car and

deliver them unharmed.

I will say the tires. I thought it was just tires, but there was also concrete pole in there. There was some sort of crack in the oil pan underneath.

Right. I just want you to be at the host stand clean.

Yes. That's all.

valet. And that you can cut valet.

We can hire

I

mean, because. We can cut it. We have a full parking lot.

A huge parking lot. Yeah. That was the cell on the building.

We can cut

valeting into a wide open parking

valet. You were

lot.

There was a tumbleweed. Well, I don't want it to be small. There's so many tumblewees in that parking lot. It's just, it's vacant as hell. Well, I just don't want it to be small, you know. Well, given the limits of my skill set,

I needed a little bit of extra space. You're doing a great job.

I guess I'm trying to say that what I've learned from doing too much

is that it makes you worse at each little thing.

Sure. Sure. So pairing back again, getting a cleaner t -shirt, stuff like that will really be helpful. Yeah. We could just get you on Amazon basic and get you so many shirts for a very affordable price.

Yeah. Let's get you some t -shirts.

Let's get you some t -shirts. I think that this does help as far as like creating some rules I want to talk about on here. You know, at a lot of, I've worked in the service industry before as a secret shopper and there's steps of service

that we

want

to hit. Yes, of course. You know,

at a lot of restaurants, it's like greet the guests within two minutes. Make sure you've welcomed them. Make sure you've offered them alcohol drinks, stuff

like that. Special of the day. Special of the day. And I'm wondering if we can kind of talk through our steps of service just

so there's not confusion because some people's steps is hosing down too early. Some people are forgetting to offer

zap or zergling water. Right. Zergling. And that's a lot of it. Zergling water. Everybody's doing all the steps, but maybe not in the right order.

Right. You don't want to be soaking wet before you've had

the steps. So then

maybe that's - You don't want to eat your dessert before you're soaking wet dinner.

Then maybe that is a conversation.

Yeah. You know, maybe we should, should we take a break and come back and talk about steps of service? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes, we should.

Yes, we should take a break. We're all in agreement.

Yes.

Great. Good. Great. That's the thing with the show is we don't take a break if we don't all agree. Someone can veto one. Someone can

- I'm

in for break.

I'm in

for break as well. All right. I'm going to use our beautiful new Zathrooms. Oh my God. I love the Zathrooms.

so Zy's. All right, folks. We're back from that break. And I think we ended off on a place that I think is really important for, especially for people who have not been to a restaurant run by us before, everybody, to know what they can expect when they step through the door. And for us to know what we should expect every time we show up to work here,

They're

giving people a behind the scenes of what

goes on. Exactly. It's such a unique perspective. Yes. Bear, a huge show about the back of a restaurant. Yeah. Now, we're kind of giving you the same sort of thing. So yeah, we should talk about steps of service, though, just to make sure that we are all on the same page. Well, I think it's important that they're specific. You know what I mean? We want to tell people exactly what they need to do.

Okay. I'm taking the note on that. Yeah. Great. Because I think you're saying that from the ones I emailed were a little nonspecific.

You're taking that very personally. I didn't say anything about you, but you're taking that very

personally. Yeah, I hear

it, though. It seemed like you wanted to send an email to seem like you had done something, but you said nothing. And it was like, please read, urgent.

Response required. Yeah. And it was nothing.

I thought

it was a pretty urgent message. And it was 8 .05 a .m.

Yeah. Yeah. I woke up in the morning. I was like, oh, I got it for steps of service. Like, I haven't, this chain's been going off. Everybody's

been suggesting things. I haven't said anything. And I've got it. It's urgent. And so I did my steps. One, everyone should have a really nice time. Yeah. Two,

food at a restaurant.

I don't

dislike

those ideas. I just don't know that they're technically steps of service. And how do we make sure that number one gets taken care of? Let's break

that down into four, maybe four

parts. That's what I was saying in my email, though, is why you're not getting me. One, everyone should have a nice time. I'm bringing up the conversation. Nobody answered my phone calls

at 8 .06.

Because I was expecting a response to the email promptly. Nobody answered my calls. First step. Sorry.

Is the steps of service are all about the customer experience,

right? Right. So let's talk about it as the customer enters the building. I'll play the customer. I walk in. Curb appeal. Curb

appeal. Curb appeal. First step. Curb appeal. We take your keys at the valet, and we say, thank you for allowing us to have your business

today.

Yes. Thank you for allowing us to have your business today.

Yeah. Yes.

And we're specific about the wording there. I'm receiving your specificity there. And it's like how Chick -fil -A is. Like everybody or wherever.

I've never been there. But they always say my pleasure. I heard that they say my pleasure. Yes. I heard that. Or like Burger King, where they're always like, I don't know what the stink in the bathroom is. I'm sorry. It's in the whole restaurant.

That's

part of Burger

King. And that's corporate culture. That's what they tell you to say there. That's corporate culture, which we're trying to set. We're trying to set our artistic corporate culture here. Yeah. So yes. Thank you for allowing me to take your car today. And then maybe we'll add the step in. We do not crash the car into tires. Pull. Other car. We just

park. We park it safely. Safely. That's a great second step. Or I would also say just for my sake, maybe we add a step there where we say, if you'd like, I can park your car. If not, I'll hand you your keys back and you go park it yourself.

like that. So they always stop.

I

I like that. We give them the option. You can either get out of your car, hand me your keys. I hand them back to you and you go park. Or you just leave me your keys. You go inside. I like that. But what if for the hour that they're here, they want to feel like they own a different vehicle? Why do they have to have their own keys? Why do you have to have their keys that they know they're getting back? What about a key switch

situation? Park anyone's car.

Park anyone's car.

That could be a step. Which car you

like here? Go ahead and park it.

We trade out their car.

They come in in a Corolla. We give them the keys to

a Lexus. We give them the valet shirt. We let them be valet for 30 to 45 minutes, hours,

whatever we like. Hey, it's a great thing for parents with young children. Hey, don't want to hire a babysitter? Come. Have your kid be the valet while you're here.

I'll keep an eye on him. All right. So step one, thank you for allowing me the pleasure of parking your car.

That's 1A. 1A, 1B. Step 1B, unless you don't want me to park your car, then you can park it. 1C, or you can park anybody's car

for 30 to 40 minutes. Tips are pooled at the end of the day. And given to the manager. And given to the manager. Great.

So that's the parking experience. Perfect step. Step two, I know at Trader Joe's, if they're helping you find

an item at Trader Joe's. Analogous business. They ask you.

We're doing the same thing as Trader Joe's. We ring a bell if you bring your own bag.

Is

more paperbacks. Three bells.

They

a bell when you bring your own bag? Yeah, I know you would have

ring

never heard

it before. I take other people's bags when they

bring them. I take other people's bags

when they're full

of food. I go rip bags out of hand. No, this is going to be terrible for you. They have paper bags right here. You can ask for as many as you want.

Why are you wearing this old crinkled up, dirty ass bag? Why are you holding that bag?

Yeah, because Bill, you said you thought it was when they needed more bags. Because that makes sense now how many times I've seen you just rip the bell yourself.

At Trader Joe's, they have to have a little conversation with you if they're walking you. How was your day? Got any plans today? If they're showing you an item. So maybe here on the

walk up from the valet, which is hefty and steep. It's hefty. It is a hefty walk. A

lot of loose gravel on an incline

makes it tough. A little bit of quicksand. A small amount of

quicksand.

I'm glad we put that.

Quicksand's back.

Quicksand is real,

then it's back.

If

you're a child, quicksand is back and scarier than ever. I'm glad we put up that caution falling boulders

sign. Because even if it just happened once, you've got to put the sign up afterwards.

Well, there's still rocks up there. One squish is enough.

Oh, yeah. Hefty walk.

Quicksand.

So I think on the way up,

we just make sure that they're accompanied by an employee. You want a nice little chat.

Not just a little. Because that's what I hate about Trader Joe's. How's your day? What's good?

Well, they don't go too deep enough. Dealing with anything intense right

now? You know? Therapeutic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're tired of just doing. We don't want to make people do small talk. Yeah,

no. How's the weather? How's your

day? That's nice. We want specific questions on the walk up to the restaurant. Anything happening in your - I noticed you're

alone tonight. Yes. Going through something?

That's a good one. That's very good. Are these your kids?

That's a good one. Both of them? They like that. Your kids look different. Two dads? Yeah.

adopted? Very

That one

prying question.

Your children look more like a litter of puppies than

children.

You dating anyone?

Would you like to be? What's that like?

Right. Yeah.

And maybe we should give them some brain teasers, too, because I like the physical exertion. I like the sort of emotional exertion. But shouldn't we be stimulating their

minds? Well, I pitched it a few times, but I do think having some sort of bridge troll or something. Yes!

I think that's a great

idea.

You gotta do a riddle.

Why everyone looked at me when you said bridge troll, I don't know.

I know I do yell at people when they cross the

bridge, and I do make them answer a few questions. I would call them

riddles. Right.

You're a riddle. You're going to chase kids away and take their ball.

Again, Todd, I think you're taking some of this stuff more personally than it is meant. I think he just said we should have a troll.

Yeah. I felt like

everyone looked right at

the troll guy. No, it doesn't even have to

be a troll. It could be

just a person. You called yourself the troll guy. Well, we're all thinking it, aren't we? All right. All right. I think from the valet to the front door, we've got the steps of service nailed.

What if after they cross the egress, you know what I mean? Yeah.

They have to do shavasana or something like that because they're

going to be really hurt by the time they get to the front door. We've got to get their heart rate back down to a livable rate.

Yes. So right inside the front door, shavasana across.

Across. Shavasana across. Shavasana across.

And that way it's one at a time because

nobody can cross the door. You can't across enough. You've got to across enough if you're going to enter because we want you very chilled out.

Yes. That's a good idea. We have a

little woman in yoga pants. They're playing a tiny piano. And I think it's confusing.

She is a wealthy yoga teacher and a lounge piano player. And you can kind of take your pick of which version of her you'd like her to do.

Yeah. It's one of those pianos that has like 12 keys. You know which one. Yeah. Like one of the ones like Schroeder would play

or something like that. Exactly. Now I think it's time to seat them at their table. Right.

Yes.

Right? And

we're kind of locked into the architecture of the room. So the tables are kind of, they are what they are. Do we want to ask how many? I'm not sure. I mean, it feels important to know. I like to, if someone's coming into my house, I pretty immediately ask if they need to use the restroom.

That's a great first question. That's something that I don't think. Yeah, even before party size. I don't think any restaurant I've ever been to, the second I walk in the door, points to the bathroom. They should.

And every time I ever need to use the bathroom. I sometimes don't use the restroom in a restaurant because I don't know where the bathroom is. Well, speaking of front of house, most of our front of house is restroom. Do we need a front of bathroom? That's a great idea with

another host. Another host. Yeah.

Maybe

Well, because we know this about shoes.

They have to be off so no one can identify what you've been doing in there.

So you valet your shoes on the way in. Oh, yeah. We're getting rid of shoes. That sucks.

We're giving you blue bags for your socks. That way no one knows who did what anywhere.

And in our bathrooms,

you can do whatever you need to do. And our bathroom does have a giant hole in the ceiling with the most high -powered fan you've ever had. Yes. The door stays open so

out any

that it sucks

boxes outside of the bathroom. And you can valet your

hat if

you

could happen. It could burn right out the ceiling. Do you guys like my, we obviously have trough urinals. Do you like my trough toilets? I do. I

do.

Do we

Right. Yeah. The trough toilet is a little bit like, now I'm a full pig here. Well, but that's only if you're eating out of it. The pigs don't actually go into a trough. They eat out of a trough.

And we shouldn't do that. Should we get rid of the pigs?

In the bathroom? Yeah. Oh.

I don't think so. You can feel free to slop it up in there when the pigs are in

there. Yeah.

So

Yeah. Kind of like an old fashioned candy store with the taffy. We just have mounds. Well, they're pulling apart blue shoes

and making them really laffy. We

do.

Laffy chewies.

We do have an old Italian man with a mustache in there behind the window pulling apart the laffy chewies.

It is saltwater blue shoes to be fair. So yeah,

it's an erotic. Have we done too much with the restaurant? Just really quick. Well, this is

a soft opening. It's a rock hard opening. It's a rock hard opening. We'll pull out some of the things that aren't working. Yes, we will pull out. I

do think we moved the guy here from Italy from his laffy taffy factory. We do have to keep him.

taffy. We have to keep him. We can't send him

Laffy

back to Italy. He stays.

We flew him out here to make little laffy taffy erection pills behind a window of the bathroom of our

restaurant. It's classic.

Everything else is

malleable, but the Italian man making laffy blueys in the bathroom. Okay, laffy blueys is

there. I think

we make condoms. We let him make all that stuff you

buy in the bathroom. Yeah, stretch them out, fold them,

cut them the whole thing. I think we need to have a porn shop

in the bathroom.

Do we need them? It's fascinating. Because we started with a little machine where you can buy cherry condoms, you know, little nasty accoutrements. Can we fly out as brothers?

I don't know that we need to, but I'm sure he would love it. I've already done it.

Well,

we really separated up him and his brothers on bringing them over.

Yeah, we had them all do a little test for us, and then we went, you, you all are staying.

Well, they used to pull the taffy each one hand, so that was really sad.

Yeah. To see him getting used to doing it alone, he's very sad. He's very sad. We'll bring his brothers out and be happy

again. That's nice. And then

maybe a couple of

them will even behind the glass. I don't know if this is too gross, but they'll use some of the condoms and

stuff so you can see them all work. I made him stay up

late last night learning how to make fleshlights.

So he was making those in the bathroom today. Thank you.

Thank you for making those in the bathroom. Oh, no, absolutely. I thought you couldn't make adults stay up late anymore, but you proved me wrong.

And

was sleepy. I put on a pot, I gave him some Chinese food, and he stayed up late in fleshlights.

With a little accountant's visor, the whole thing. Oh, my God, yeah. I pumped in some

sunlight.

I mean, it's how they make the best fleshlights. It was day for night. It was night for day. It

was day for night. Yeah, we know about that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's the bathroom experience.

What about this? Now, to me, this is a really important but also really basic step of service. They're

in.

They're ready to go to their table. They're ready to start the meal, which

we haven't talked about.

They've been through so much. They're like,

start the meal. Do you know how good the food is going to taste after they've been through all of that? The hardest

please

hike they've ever been on.

Yeah.

Shavasana,

But then here's my step of service, and I think it's an important one. We seat them at the table that they desire. Important.

And we give them a napkin. We just

give them a napkin. Maybe

it's a napkin that has the name of the restaurant on it.

I'm open to this. Maybe it's just a little drink napkin. So. We have something to go, okay,

that's a gift.

get rid of home. It's even started. Well, listen.

So we

We give them a napkin.

We'll give them a napkin. I do like the idea that it's got the name of the restaurant. We'll have to print that fast when we pick a

name. That's right. That's right. We're sticking with restaurant of food experience or Zestron of Zoo

experience. I like a napkin. We're sticking with the name on there. And then we. Do we

kind of shove it into the top of their shirt for them? Right. I guess it depends on what they're going to order. If they're doing lobster, absolutely. Okay. If they're doing like a, you know, something more like a beef or something like that, we might want to tuck it into their bottom. Okay. But we are tucking it in either hand right into the other side of their pants or right into their shirt.

By request.

I would say that's a by request. By request. And of course, do you want tuck? Yes. Great. So that's step. So step one, of course, the three part steps of valeting, getting up the

hill. Yeah. Step two, conversation up the hill. Step three, shavasana. I don't want to go back to

like

furniture, really. But do we want all the seating to be stools?

With no back. It's got to be stools

or low back chairs where they gave up on the back in the middle. You know? I like. It's got to be. Yeah. I like the wicker stool. I think the wicker stool really works. Wicker stool, no back. And I think they're really easy to store at the end of the night. You know how we just take them and throw them in that back room and

we don't care about them and they get really dirty and have

oil and grease all over them?

I think that's fine.

What's great about those is somehow they're more expensive than a comfortable chair,

but the restaurants still go for them. Right. So I like going along with that. And you want everybody to be kind of like wanting to get the fuck out of here. Yeah. To put everyone at home at ease, we did get everything, everything for the restaurant at Uncomfortable Restaurant Supply Warehouse.

Yes. Yeah.

So

it's going to be what you expect.

Chairs that are three inches less wide than your bottom is. Yes. The hardest mahogany wood chairs you could possibly get. And when you slide them across the floor,

absolute eardrum bursting level screeches.

Plastic water cups that cannot get clean no matter how many times you - Scuffed. Yeah.

Scuffed.

Glassware. We got all our glass and plates from scuffed. Yes. Yeah. Scuffed

is the place to be, man. Scuffed.

So yeah, I do think that people - So we sit people down on these chairs where they look around kind of to see if there's got to be one with a cushion in the

building. There is one, but one of us is in it. Yeah.

And then they go, all right, we're in this chair. We stuff napkin if they want it. Yeah. And so then, now, do we tell them about the whole menu now, or do we give them a second to just process what they've been through?

I would love to make the menu experience a little bit more robust. Yeah, like a little more convoluted.

Yeah. I would love to, honestly, I would say put everything that's possible for us to make on the menu.

And have it be, let's do one of those menus that you look at it and you're like, there's no way this place makes all this stuff.

Right. You know how I love that, and I love the breadth of the menu, but I still feel like it needs more. Like, you know when you're at the gas station and out of nowhere Mario Lopez starts screaming at you while you pump your gas

because there's a little dirty screen? What if we put a little dirty screen in every menu? We do a little menu TV?

Yeah. Welcome back to menu TV.

Menu TV is the only job I can still get. That kind of thing. Yeah. I mean, I love that. And I mean, Todd, not to put anything on your plate, but I would do it. I'll start in those. I'll write

them. Yes, you know. We were talking

about like. Yeah. I was going to

say, I don't want to burst your bubble and sort of bring in somebody else who

has a little more star power. Here we go. My friend's using me for Fred Savage's phone number again.

No, no,

no. No, no, no. We wouldn't want Fred Savage. I'm thinking we could. I mean, I bet we have at least

Mario Lopez level

of no right. Jennifer Lopez.

I can get J -Lo. George

Lopez.

Who do you mean?

What? Who do you mean by J -Lo? Jeremy Lobo. Rebecca Lobo's untalented brother.

She

was a

of the Lobo fan. He's taller and

it was hard for

him.

You can't get to the Lobos. Oh, really? I

don't think so. I could hit up any member of the Lobo family. Listen, if we could get Lobo to be in the menu TV, that would be

huge. That would be huge. Nobody knows who he is. Nobody even remembers his sister from the WNBA 12 years ago. Do you play a game with him? Like, and he's an ignoramus? Like, is it Cracker Barrel style?

Oh, we need ignoramus. He is live somewhere in a room and he's running around from menu to menu trying to keep up with the games.

Whenever you get to page six, he comes over to the table.

He's playing like 20 simultaneous games where he's always an ignoramus. Yes, yes.

I like that because we want to make our customers feel confident. We want to make them feel smart

because

we know they're not if they're coming to our restaurant. Yeah,

no. The markups are

insane. Oh, yeah. I shouldn't say this on a podcast, but we're marking everything up just because it's the

only way to mark a part. Yes,

markup Rubio. Absolute markup Rubio. The best business consultant we have ever,

ever hired. We talked to markup Rubio. Well, not hired, but stiff. Markup.

Oh, yeah. Well, he upsold us for sure on his services. Of course. We should have seen it coming. Well, he was like, do you want my services? And we were like, yeah. And he's like, would you like that with avocado? We

were

like, I

think so. So he came in covered in guac. We paid out the ass.

Markup Rubio was

killer.

I feel so embarrassed that I asked for a cider ranch because he charged through the nose for that. Oh, my God. Yeah. And he got the papers all dirty. And his assistant side salad. We should have just went with them, but we went with fries.

We should have just let his assistant side salad take care

of it. Oh, this is, maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, but I just get so excited about stuff like that. Are you guys cool with the cantaloupe farm I went to for our fruit bowl?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I do love the fruit bowl that we have. It's mostly cantaloupe.

Well, the thing is, you get it way cheaper if you get it before or after it's ripe.

So we are getting this hard pre -ripened cantaloupe for scents on the dollar. Yeah, I thought we were having green melon, but that's cantaloupe. That's green, green, unripened

cantaloupe. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. That's why it's

so hard. Oh, yum. Yeah. Yeah, and it's that and a little center of a pineapple stalk.

Yes, so it's just in the middle because I'm in the kitchen eating the rest of the juicy parts

of it. You eat a pineapple like

an ear of corn. Like an ear of corn, yeah. I put two little things in it, and obviously it's hard to get through the shell, but once I'm through there.

But you don't have to eat. Well, I love how much butter you put on it. Oh,

yeah.

You always get the silks in your teeth. Salt. Yeah.

I've walked around with a full curtain in my teeth before, and

none of you told me. It looked like your beard. Your mouth looked like a grass skirt. It was crazy. I thought you were just kind of,

you know. Well, I was like, I gave you a lay. I know. I thought we were going to a luau.

didn't know we were

I

great. We

neither. It was

spent a week next to your mouth. Working with

you guys.

You charged us like hell.

Working with you guys feels like vacation every day.

I just want to say. No, it does. Opening this restaurant with you guys has been so inspiring. Well, you've needed it. You've been in a

really, really, really, I would say like crazy place. You've been going on like three dates a day with just whoever you meet. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. There's always someone there.

I sit at the counter. Usually you meet your lunch date at your breakfast date, and then you meet your dinner date at your lunch date.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh. Uh -huh. I sit at the counter really close to whoever else is stuck there, and then I go, you know what you're doing for your next

meal? Oh, yeah. You're going to see me

again. You always find the one top at the bar. Yeah, yeah. And you sit there. Mm -hmm. Right? And I leave the other seat very inviting with a single rose on it. Mm -hmm.

Oh, that is so cute.

Well, it never works. So I move to the

counter, and I order breakfast for dinner, and I say, you know what you're doing tomorrow?

Dinner with me for breakfast. I eat dinner for breakfast. You'll take a lady out to a 9 a .m. steak and eggs? Not even a steak. No. I'm sorry about that. No. A blank and eggs. Yeah. She'll take the steak and eggs, no steak. That's what I typically do. Because it's still dinner then. But I do think that, like, I think that you will be so happy when you find the one. And you're doing the right thing. I know. You're taking those swings. I know. You're taking those swings outside. You have to date 21 people a week to find out who your love is. Yeah.

You're the real

right now.

And the restaurant has been a good focus for us. First, it was the students. We loved them so much. And we got no love back.

Yeah. And it was like, I give you everything. So unfair.

And then it was Hollywood. And that was no love back. And then it was hell and all that.

And then it was the

gym. But I think the restaurant, we can put our love into ourselves. Yes. That's been great for me, too. Because I've been obsessed with the idea of being lonely.

Right.

You're not lonely. You're just obsessed with the idea of being lonely. You're right. You're a thinking man. Yeah. But I said to myself,

you know what would make me not lonely?

You're obsessed with the idea of no one calling you back. Yeah. Love it. You like ruminating about that idea. But you're not lonely. No. Because I've decided. People don't not call

you back.

As a man in his mid -50s, I don't need to be looking for love

anymore. Okay.

Don't lie.

Yeah. You want to

end it. You're 59. Peaceful. 59. Well, that's in the middle of the

50s. Well, you're 59 and 8 -9. You're literally about to walk out to your 60th surprise party.

Shoot.

Dude. Fuck.

Wait.

Dude.

Our first big party at the restaurant.

Fuck. Wait. What do you mean there's a surprise party? Fuck. Howard,

listen.

Surprise.

Surprise.

You know how we haven't been responding to your texts or being kind of weird for the past 35,

40, 50 years? There's a zebra petting

ring outside for you. Are you planning your 60th surprise birthday party? Yes. There's zebras to pet. You can pet zebras. No

one else is

here.

We contacted literally everyone you know.

Let me just check my text real quick to see if.

Did anybody get.

People just

said all caps stop.

Well, hang on.

So you're saying. They thought it was a promo text. But we

did text them from a five -digit number.

Wait. So if I open the door. And we do talk a lot about Joe Biden. Hang on.

If I open the door out there, there's going to be zebras out there that I can pet.

There's zebras sitting upright in chairs with your family's clothes on them.

Wait. Look at them. Wow. Wow. You guys, honestly, that's really kind of you.

I'm sorry. Happy fucking

birthday, man.

Happy fucking birthday. You're just such a good fucking friend. We fucking

love you. Happy

fucking

birthday, dude.

We always got your back.

My brother from another. Like. I just. I can't believe we're still friends. Don't you just fucking love this guy?

Bro. This is like. How did we even get here?

It's crazy. I fucking love you. You know what? Think about it. Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead.

Go ahead. Think about it. Think about it. Like

where we. Hang on. Go ahead. Yeah. When we met.

Uh huh.

We were. We were hired as teachers at a school.

Oh my

God.

I know. I

know. I don't

so much better than that. I'll drink to just time and

I'm

grow. Yeah. Wow. Time only moves one direction. Love you, man. I love you guys. Time only moves one way. And we're. We're heading out into it.

You got to kind of

not say it

normal or it makes me feel like you actually mean it.

What do you grow out or shut

up? Grow out, dude.

Oh, come on. No, this is a great moment. You actually mean a lot to me. Oh my God. That was awesome how you said

that. Let me give you a little punch on the arm. I like you so much, dude. I fucking like you.

Honestly, dude. I'll give you a little nuggy. A little nuggy. I did it all for the nuggy. Not. Not Chick -fil -A nuggies. A little McDonald's nuggy. Well, guys,

I appreciate it. I'm going to give you a little

arm burn. Hold on. Hold on. Get him over here near this toilet. Get over here. Get over here. I'm going to go. I'm going to go throw some water from the toilet. Throw it to your face. Just because we fucking love you. What are you doing? Stop it, guys. What are you talking about?

Hang on. Hang on. Do we? Can we? Oh! Did I make it enough of the deal, though?

No. No. No. Keep working. Keep

pulling.

Keep going, man. Keep going, man. Hey, we got some good news. Your brother's got, well, it's a surprise, but something very

exciting. You think you're going to get moved over here from Italy and be done after one shift? You're working 24 -7.

Thank you, Johnny.

We love you. Howard, happy birthday, man. I hope that you

have to think about the idea of loneliness as a concept much

don't

Yeah, so you got a dog. That's going to be

a

lot of effort and

time. Yeah, he's a rescue. He's a rescue. He's

a... Oh, that's too bad. Is he gross?

No, no, no, no. He's a sweet... You know you can get a cute one that they've made on purpose? Like, for only a few grand. And they're, like, adorable and they behave better. Yeah, but this guy's great. He's two years old. Apparently, the home that he came from before wasn't the best place to live. So I'm just excited to sort of give him a loving home.

It looks a lot like the president's dog. It

does. Now that you say

that, dog. The more and more

famous dog. Like Joe Biden's German Shepherd? It looks like Joe Biden's German Shepherd that bit 12 people. Didn't he just go missing? Didn't that dog just go missing?

He did send him back to Delaware. This is not Champ or whatever his name is. That dog's name is not

Sergeant or whatever. That's actually kind of a

cool ring to it. Biden's bad dog. He has little dogs with him in, like, with earpieces and aviators. He has little dog.

There's no way that this is Joe Biden's

ex -Jerman Shepherd. This dog just forgave a bunch of people's student bones.

And it looks like this dog is digging holes to find weapons of mass destruction.

Okay, this dog is weird, dude.

Oh, this one's from the Bush

administration. My apologies.

Oh, I don't want this thing.

Dude, don't kick a dog, even if it's a Bush dog.

Bush

We like

Come back then. Come back

then.

Come back

then.

Come back then. I think we like Bush now.

It's okay. It's all right.

It's all right.

Well, Howard, I hope that this doesn't lead to you getting 50 more animals really fast.

No, no, no, no.

You just put your love into this one

dog. Yeah. That'll be nice. It's great.

It's a nice little... It's something that I know is going to love me no matter what. Aw. And this one is a Kamala Hairless?

Yeah, this is a kitty you brought in here. Yeah.

I just am fostering this cat, this Kamala Hairless. Uh -huh.

I'm not

choice. Well, if there's one thing I... I think it's a really brave choice to bring a hairless cat into the restaurant and let it walk around the hose stand on top. That

thing is wrinkly

as hell. It gives a nice vibe right after Shavasana Krasana between you've seen Goro.

Damn. And that's the host? That

hairless cat? Well,

did it,

We