3. Bring Back the McStinky

Did you guys see? Henry Cavill was here earlier. No. Yeah. Superman was here? Was he dropping a kid off? I think he was coming to visit his nephew or something. Did you guys see him? Are you sure it was

Henry Cavill? Because I've been seeing a lot of guys like that. Well, I saw a bunch of kids going up to him and giving him little daps. Oh, yeah.

And being kind of like they knew him.

You got a dap

-esque man if you see him.

Yeah. What did you say, Sam? I'm sorry.

I just am seeing a lot of big, hunky, handsome guys like that on campus.

I'm sure it was Cavill. This school. I mean, if you're not, we get out lawn chairs and we look at the dads bringing their sons in.

It is just really something. I put big, fat zinc on the nose, huge visor on, and I'm having a

blast just watching

the parade.

Mirrored half moon. I've never been tanner underneath my chin.

It's my

best spot. Oh, look at it. Sam's been walking around chin to the sky to show off neck. Tan neck. Tan. Very tan neck. Tan neck. It's nice. But no, I'll tell you, this

year, it's really put into perspective how some men age well.

Rich guys really do age well, and it does feel like I've been

looking in the mirror recently. I was not talking about Utah. But I've been looking into the mirror and really seeing my age. I don't know if you guys have had this experience. Yeah.

But it's been really, really tough. And these kids seem so young. And so it's just, you're kind of constantly confronted with the fact that the march of time does not stop

for you. Yeah. Your mirror mirror on the wall is you, but worse looking.

Yeah. And also, big funny prank to everybody who lives on my hall. I know you guys hollowed out the wall behind my mirror, and every time I would go and talk to it, you would whisper little

voices from inside the wall. Yeah, we've been doing terrible impressions of you brushing your teeth to you with little

roasts. Very Marx Brothers.

Yeah, because I'll be honest. The first time it happened, I was convinced that I insulted myself under my breath.

That's the point. I was convinced. That is the point.

I was like, I didn't say

that.

Have you listened to your mirror self and killed Sleeping Beauty yet, or what?

We need her dead. Give her the apple.

You have to give that woman that apple. Kill

her.

I'm not going to kill her. Right now, she's just beauty. Why don't poisoned apples work anymore? I think it's such

bullshit. I can't get somebody

to go down. GMOs. GMOs. Yeah, I think that every time I douse the poison over all the skin, and I hand it to an enemy or somebody I'm jealous of, I think it's big corn, big corn syrup.

You

know, subsidies.

Monsanto.

I feel like it's not just apples. I feel like no secret poisons are working lately. I did the wine glass trick to this kid in my class who I really didn't like.

Uh -huh. He's fine. He loved it. He just got a little drunk. You did the Princess Bride.

Yeah, the wine glass trick. That's inconceivable. Yeah. I agree. Isn't the whole thing with that, that both of the glasses are poisoned, and

he's

developed a tolerance for it? You tried to do that. You were trying to develop a tolerance for poison?

Oh, yeah.

Well, I

I've been poisoning my

condoms? I'm down before I can even figure out if they worked on the other person.

Right. They are knocking me out. You're hitting the inside of the condom. You don't roll it right. It's all about the rolls.

Yes.

You know, you roll them back up.

Well, all the tutorials are on bananas and cucumbers, and they make sense there. But then when you're doing it on yourself, it gets

so much more confusing because it's so much bigger than a banana or a cucumber. You almost said the truth. Eyes to the rafters. Confused.

Thinking.

I don't know. I don't know.

And I don't know if this is true or not, but you accidentally roll yours like toilet paper, right? Not like... Yeah.

Are you guys for condoms? Are you over or under? Which one do you prefer?

You have to go over. If it's under, it just spins around all the time.

You can't... Yeah. It's a big bulk... You can't even put it in your pocket.

Like a big roll up. I'm also in a rush because I've got like eight seconds of stiffness before it goes away. Once I

start rolling.

So it's like, come on, come on, come on. And then if it stops, then you got to yell at the other person.

Yeah. Because why put you in that situation?

No, why put me in that situation?

Not nice. That's awful. But I didn't see cable to go all the way back to that.

Yeah. Henry Cavill.

I'm trying to picture him.

Superman. He had that moment in the... Yeah. In the... I was thinking of

the exact same

moment where he... In the trailer for that Mission Impossible movie, they timed his little preparation strikes with the music and everybody was like, oh my God, that was incredible. Guy from Nixon?

What?

think of the President Nixon.

Don't

James Carville? You

thinking of the Rage of Cajun? Was Carville and Nixon in the same universe?

I'm just trying to think of who you're thinking of that isn't Cavill.

You

know,

punk guy.

Mad

Cajun.

I mean, it sounds like

you're... I

think you're thinking of James Carville instead of Henry Cavill. Oh, okay. Have you guys been... You know the Froyo Place Carville's? Do you know Carville opened his own Froyo Place?

Oh, really? Yeah. Same name? Yeah. All Cajun. Because the other one's Carville's, I thought. No, it's... Yeah, well, this one's spelled the same and sometimes you go in... It's Carville's. Yeah. And you get shrimp flavor.

Spice. Yes. Jambalaya. Gumball. Old Bay flavor. Oh my God. I got an etouffee and a waffle cone the other day.

Unbelievable.

The Jardin Ar yogurt is

delicious.

Yeah. Oh my God. Jardin Ar is the spicy mixed peppers flavor.

And that's the place where if you tip, everybody pulls out horns and a big brass band plays like

a... Yeah. Yeah. Louisiana... It's got a lot of

overhead there.

Go tipping food.

Oh, so you've been... You've known... You know the song.

Yeah. I know what you're talking about. Todd, when you tip,

are you tipping the food or the people who...

When

you say

grace, what do you say grace for? The fucking barista who made you your coffee? I think you're saying it for the food,

but you are saying it to God, right? I was at least saying

grace when you

order

coffee.

Absolutely.

Why wouldn't you? And you typically go compliments to the creamed corn

at the end of your meal.

Well, the corn is what I ate. If I eat the chef, I'll compliment the chef.

Right. I saw Todd in a Starbucks the other day setting out a full 300 candle prayer session just to be grateful.

Yes. We

give thanks for our daily bean.

Give us this day, our daily bean.

say

Yes. You

talk to me until I've had my daily bean.

Lord.

And that can be coffee or refried, right? It's just like

something... Oh, mostly refried. That's what I've been putting in the Keurig.

Well, because you like a triple fried bean. You'll take a refried bean that's already been refried and then

roasted in the Keurig. But you took that... Yeah. You've been doing a lot of good work with coffee.

Thank

you.

And it's all locally sourced from my coffee. Yeah. Your

filters. It's locally sourced from my filter. I was wondering that you were extra roasting the beans, but you're grinding beans, running a pot of coffee, and then re -roasting the grounds afterwards? He's selling,

yeah. I'm roasting them. Yeah. So I'm putting the grounds back in the roaster.

Okay. And then I'm kind of giving them a little more of a burn on there. And then I'm putting them

out there. You're selling for... Which we love this coffee. It's just

light,

light,

It's going well. We figured out a way to crisp the bean on the outer side of it. So you've got crisp... The bite is crispy because you've got bean on the outside.

Yeah. Then you've got soft bean on the inside. Well, what are you... I love a crispy outside. That's... Yeah, yeah.

I don't know what I'm commenting on. I've got to get the video for this moment.

I don't know what exactly I'm commenting on. But just being really listening when you're about to

field a question. Well,

it's shocking when Todd locks

in. Yeah, yeah. It is

shocking. It is shocking. I thought I knew Todd, but then he locks in and actually gives you attention for a second. Now he's not paying attention at all. Yeah. Okay. So he lost him. He's demonstrably

drinking water over there. Todd is never... Is the most...

He does not think he has ADHD. He's like, that doesn't exist. I don't have it.

No. It's a bogus disease invented by TikTok and big pharma.

The thing with Todd is he's a great friend until you catch him.

Right.

And then he will run away so fast. Again, not paying attention while we're talking. He's very good at sort of like losing it when you need him to be locked in. Yeah.

Todd, don't read that. Wow. He will look at anything right now. Todd, you're on

air. Oh, excuse me. Speaking of on air, guys. You knew. You knew. Been a big week at the school. Big week.

You know, obviously we've been having a good time.

Oh, yeah. And classes are going really well. I would say, I don't know if you guys have had this experience, but this is probably the first time like actual sort of class for me has been pretty fun.

Really? Before the storm. Yeah. It feels really nice.

Yeah. So you're assuming a storm's coming.

I just get suspicious when lessons are going off without a hitch. Right.

Kids seem to be learning. Everybody's walking in a single file. But tell us about it. I will admit, now that you sort of frame it that way, I will say there has been this sort of like eerie sensation I've been getting in class where every student is sort of has their desk perfectly manicured. They're not necessarily talking to me or sort of raising their hand or anything like that. You're talking about Lake Erie, one of the great lakes. Well, I was saying

emotionally. Erie, Indiana. No, I was saying emotionally. My mistake. My mistake. Yeah. Fox Sundays. Erie, Indiana. Erie. Erie. Yes. That show. I remember that show. Yes. So

the kids are there. It's strange. I will admit, it is odd to do an entire lecture and then finish and then sort of pack up your stuff and all the kids are still kind of sitting there.

You know, now that I'm thinking about it, I haven't heard a peep. I'm wondering, actually, you know, I think maybe my kids have been doing mannequins. No. All 30?

Oh, this is really going around. Full mannequin replacement. Kids are learning that. These kids have a lot of resources.

Yeah. Now that I'm thinking about it.

Mannequin appropriation? These kids are busted in my

eyes. I've known a lot of good mannequins. Therapists, exes.

And if they're going to go around and do mannequin face in school, I think that this is going to be a

big problem. I mean, is that what's happening? Do any of these mannequins have features still or have they gone full?

I guess they're far away and my eyesight's going

in my old

age.

Are they stood up, don't have hands or feet, and they're in, like, nice pants suits? Do you kind of want to fuck them, but you won't tell any of your friends? Oh,

you

don't say?

Oh, when I walk by a hot mannequin,

I'm open.

If I see someone that's hot, I say it

to my partner pretty quickly. It's a compliment to your partner. It's like, look, I'm still with you, even though I got this one right here.

I'll just sort of dance up and see if there's a vibe, you

know?

It's okay

to be like, okay. Caught a vibe. Well, I'll say.

Wearing a turtleneck that's high. Sometimes you catch a vibe with a mannequin outside of a Nordstrom and you pack it in your car. You run out with it.

Well, that's so true. Security chasing you. You're trying to make it lighter. It's like the end of The Graduate.

Yeah. You maybe drop an arm. You know, like, I don't need that arm. Yours or the mannequin?

Well, yeah, you're trying to assimilate. You're trying to make it feel comfortable.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Drop off on your own. Yeah, I'm like, I'm not going to, like, I don't even need this

damn arm. Caught a

vibe. Boi. Beep. Anyway. Well, now that you mention it, Bill, if I'm really being honest with myself, you know, I wanted to believe that the kids were just so engaged in the class. But now that I'm thinking back on it, there was a couple kids who were sort of standing in like a sort of tennis serve position

for the whole class. And there was like a couple of guys who were just kind of like standing, standing with their hands in their pockets the whole time. Just sort of showing off their crossbody bag.

Yeah. And I guess also a few of them all had on the same outfit. So they didn't even dress the

mannequins. Howard, can I

have a question? Are you sure you were in the right classroom?

Are you sure you were on

campus? Well, I went. You weren't at Mannequin Factory again, were you?

Well,

I asked.

Well, I sent an email to the dean asking

for the address for my new classroom. People don't know that Hamilton owns the mannequin market.

Yeah. And there's a place in town called Mannequin Factory.

And Rob Dyrdek.

Him and Big are friends again. Big's still alive.

Me too.

No, I did. I emailed the dean asking for the new address because I got an email from an anonymous email saying that the address for my class had changed.

I emailed the dean. It was anonymous.

Yeah. You got an anonymous email saying

don't go to the classroom. Wait, so a mannequin wrote you a letter saying that it's changed to Mannequin Factory?

What do the mannequins want? That's a good question. To be educated. What everyone wants is access to a good education.

That really scared Bill. Because Bill is the kind of guy where he knows if people get too smart, he's in trouble.

Absolutely.

I am

Absolutely.

so dumb that when people talk about education, I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's

scary. I didn't get one. I don't have one. Of course. I don't think other people should be rushing past me. That's how I feel about everything. If I didn't get one and I don't have one, you don't get to go have one. Whether it's M &M's, a comfy seat. You think I'm just going to sit

here and let you get something I didn't have? No. That's not the balance. I don't

want better future generations. I want people worse than me behind me. 100%.

Unbelievable. Mannequins are writing you letters telling you to come to Mannequin Factory. I'm not going to say that that's the truth, but I will say the evidence is pointing in that direction

and we'll have to see what happens this week. I'm going to do some tests next week on my class and see if that is what I think. Where do you remember maybe leaving campus, going, teaching at a loud factory? Because Mannequin Factory is run by mannequins.

It's mannequins making other mannequins.

They boss

Deerdeck around.

Yeah. Well, it's animatronic mannequins work the line. They've sort of been

animated to

do specific

tasks. It's very robot. I did leave campus, so that evidence

points towards being at Mannequin Factory. Did you drive towards Mannequin Factory? I did drive in the direction of Mannequin Factory. What exit did you take off the freeway?

Mannequin Factory exit. Wow. Mannequin Factory Boulevard. And then

when you got off Mannequin Factory, I showed my badge at the security desk to a mannequin. You registered. I wrote my name on the visitor's log

at Mannequin Factory. But then I walked through the door, and I went past what I thought was Mannequin Factory

into a big thing that had scribbled on it. What's that? Fake Body Land? Fake Body Land. I walked to Fake Body Land. We're all aware of Fake Body Land. But I walked through double doors that had scrawl on them in really sort of rigid type classroom.

Huh.

So this does sound like a pretty

classic

We'll see. I think you could teach the mannequins a lot. We'll see. I don't know what your students are doing then. We're

asking questions

as well.

I mean, it's weird that obviously everybody now is talking about how AI is dangerous. It's taking over. And when I hear that, I don't really know what that means, but I picture mannequins come to life. That's what I

picture as well. And them killing us and taking over or something. Yeah. I don't think about just people losing their jobs, stuff like that. No. No. To computers. We think of the Terminator stuff,

not the

subtle stuff. Sharp hand

right through your heart. Yeah. And it's interesting, Todd. I feel like you have a really unique opportunity to comment on because AI has really, the mannequins have picked up and they're like, we want to be part of this and we want to also get educated. But you guys just want us to work, wear clothes, sometimes be stacked with our body parts just loosely in a bin.

Well, Todd, aren't these kind of the perfect, most directable actors possible? I mean, if these mannequins can dress how you want them to dress and move how you want them to move, I mean, it

might be your perfect dream. What a dream. The amount of times I've gotten in an argument with one of my actors because I'm moving their hand up in the middle of their seat

or cocking their knee a little

more

or taking their shirt off and putting a new shirt

on. Stand sexier. Stand sexier. And it's like,

that is something because collaborating is so hard when it's with other people.

Right. But I think I'm a great collaborator with mannequins.

Yeah.

That's it. Mannequins sell clothes and you can also have them sell ideas through your plays. Ideas that we need in society, it can push that. Play is sort of doing that in a way. It's pushing a new perspective to a stagnant population.

And I've got so much to say. And I do think I could teach so much better if it was mannequins instead of kids. I am really trying to prove this point that humans are better than AI. Right. But you are giving me a counter argument

here. But maybe you show humans, hey, they can take over for you and are better than you.

So you better show up. So catch up. Catch up. It's more of a motivator.

Yeah. It's like, here's what's coming after you. Here's what's possible. Here's who you're in competition with. Yes. Right. So step up your game. We've always loved the market. We've been big fans

of the market. The free market. The free market ever since this podcast started. And you want to just create competition. And that's what we're doing with AI. Even though it will crush us in all aspects and is way smarter than us and it will kill us. I think we do need to compete. We need to try.

You know, Howard, why don't you give me the address of Old Mannequin Factory? I have some ideas.

Are you at Old Mannequin Factory? Or

Mannequin Factory?

Oh, I was at New Mannequin

Factory. New Mannequin. Oh, yeah, that's fine. Old Mannequin Factory is the spaghetti

place, right? I was just talking colloquially. You know, the old

spaghetti factory. We're going to still go there for dinner tonight, right? Yeah, of course.

I hope so. Well,

they have to make it newer. Go ahead.

It's falling apart. I'm wondering, because there's two. Are we going to the Old Spaghetti Factory or the Old Spaghetti Factory?

Right. Well, do you guys want it constructed or

deconstructed? I didn't think I wanted my noodles aged. But there's something about it being in those, you know,

big blue plastic barrels. Well, it's such an interesting concept. Aged noodles and brand new wine. Fresh.

Fresh wine. And some of the most aged green noodles. And a nice 1962

facility. With a 2024 grape.

Non -alcoholic, non -turned grapes. Yeah. And ancient noodles. Why didn't we think of this when we had the best? Well, they

have ancient grains. And we've been out there.

We've been

out there trying to get ancient noodles. Are we in the kitchen nook right now? Are we taking them out of the kitchen corner? Are we in the kitchen nook? I think this is kitchen corner. Ding, ding, ding,

ding, ding.

That's me hitting stainless steel

with a

wood spoon.

Spoon. Ding, ding, ding. We

really need kitchen corner. We've all gotten more used to a complex carb.

Yes.

I'm eating everything I eat has sprout in it.

So I don't eat broccoli anymore. I eat broccoli sprouts. Yes. So good for you. I want to go ancient with everything. Not only grains. Ancient milk.

Ancient milk is actually delicious. I've had some of this ancient milk, and it is brown and good.

Brown, curdled,

stinky. A problem. A problem. Well, some people are saying that cheese doesn't go far enough. It's not cheesy

enough. So ancient milk kind of answers that. Yes. I actually, the only people I hang out with now are ones who say they like a stinky cheese. Absolutely. Like the stinkier, the better. Mold on it.

Let me get

something for the table here that no one wants. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an acquired taste. I punished, I'm an idiot, and I punished myself and ate terrible.

So you need to do it. You and I are different. When we go, we're always debating what's on the cheese tray. And I'm like, please, nothing so complex. I will take Kraft.

I will take little cup of cracker

with cheese

in corner. Cup of cracker, cheese, and corner. Why did food have to become like the gym? Like, oh, you just got to get used to it, and you're going to like it. Yes. No. I want it to, like, right here. I love it.

I love it. Right there. Like, and I love it. Yum. It doesn't have an aftertaste. You see

us out there, food scientists? I love it.

We love it. I love it. I love it. I want my tongue to love it immediately. I agree. What is food like that for you now?

American cheese in the plastic.

American cheese in the plastic. That's what we're talking about.

That's what. Cracker in can. Do you want to hear my

- Perfect.

Canned crackers and a piece of plastic cheese?

That's what the Romans were eating. When you take that boil and you pop it and you pull it back

and you roll

it back. You're going to slice your whole hand open the whole time. Oh, that's the cracker

I'm looking for. I want my cracker to sound like a space door opening. And you know

that.

Canned cracker. And then I want the cheese to live in my mouth for the next 10 hours.

I

Yeah. You should be able to pressure wash my mouth and the American cheese is still in there. We're different. I'm a little more refined. I've gone over to the other side. I'm eating the $29 tinned fish. I'm like, oh, I could get tuna from the supermarket. But there's actually a little bodega near me where I can get tinned fish for $35. It's four pieces of fish. Yes. And then I get a $32 piece of bread that goes bad tomorrow.

Might already be bad. Oh, they're lucky. Yeah,

it might already be bad. Very

lucky.

So we've gone opposite ways, I think, with our

dining. I just, I don't see these cheese people munching on old sour bread that's got green stuff all over

it. Yes. Let me see it all.

Can I change subjects just for a little second? Yes. Are we in the kitchen corner? No, I'm in the kitchen corner. Oh,

where do these ants come from? Where do the ants come from? My windows are closed. My doors are closed. There's not any food on there. Where are the ants coming from?

Let them cook. There's ants all over. Let them cook. Yes, I'm with you. And a lot of people are like, hey, don't get rid of that thing. The system is very delicate. If you get rid of one piece of it, they don't have a whatever

it's called. They can't follow their own trail. I read those tweets, and then I follow the Twitter of who's saying that. It's an ant. Yes. Every time. Every time.

It's an ant. It's a wasp. But if somebody doesn't teach me the exact order, I want that thing out of my house.

Yeah. What if you look into

it, and it's like, oh, ants get eaten by lizards, which get eaten by fish, which get eaten

by racists. Oh, I've tried this. I get rid of the racists. Yes. If we get rid of the ants and it kills the racists, why wouldn't we do that? I've tried this. I've tried to bring in a lizard, and then the lizard got huge. Then I had to bring in a fish. Then the fish got huge. Then I had to bring in a racist. He kicked me out of the house.

Right. I lost my deed. Bad guy.

It was horrible. That's a delicate part of the system. You have to be careful with the food. I guess you're right. If we get rid of the racists, then what? Everything falls apart. We think we hate them. But if you got rid of all the racists, everything would fall

apart. Who would kick Sam out of his house if you got rid of all of them?

Yeah.

I didn't like that house.

Yeah. I don't know. Kitchen Corner. We could go on for hours with Kitchen Corner.

We stumbled on it. You've had a...

Yeah, Howard. Sorry. Your mic is

kind of chopping out a little bit. This is interesting. You're teaching mannequins. They obviously have ideas. Yeah. And now your mic is a little bit on the fridge.

This might be some of that MI, some of that mannequin intelligence. Oh, my

gosh. Mannequin intelligence on the microphone. Check. Is it working now? Yeah, we're hearing you. You're back. Huh? You

think these guys are trying to

silence me? I think they might be trying to lull you into a false sense of security.

And then use me for some other nefarious purpose? You are clearly... Porpoise. A different porpoise. I think we don't quite know why you're chosen yet. Chosen? You have been chosen to bring to the factory. Clearly, they're using you for

something. Some sort of disciple.

I mean, it's interesting. I don't know. We'll see. I'm not that easily influenced. So if there's some kind of nefarious plot to use me to sort of further some kind of AI mannequin agenda, I'll tell you this. Good luck.

All I'm saying is... Weren't you at January 6th because an OnlyFans you were following said she would meet you there? That is true. And she was pretty cut, right?

Please don't say that on the show anymore. That was a thing I've been trying to... But just when you say you're not easily influenced, it is kind of like that was one of the

easiest influences I've ever seen. Tell

me. You met her. You got stood up by an OnlyFans girl clinging to the side of the Capitol. Well, she sent me a message. She said, meet me halfway up the wall. And you were there with the flowers just standing there. I sent her a message. Humiliating. Yes, I sent her a message. I said, are you sure here? And she said, yeah, climb up the side of the Capitol. I'm up by the door into

Pelosi's office. That was a mannequin. My special phrase, so I know it's you, is

hang Mike Pence. So when you want to hear you say that... And so I got up halfway up the wall and I just started shouting, hang Mike Pence. And everybody around me started chanting it with me. And I was like, no, no, no. She's going to be confused.

You started the joke. Yeah. She's going to be confused. She's going to be confused if everybody's saying it, please.

Let me be the only one who's screaming, hang Mike Pence. And at that point, I was just kind of swept up in the wave of the action. Someone tipped you off that she was in Pelosi's office

and all you had on you was a hammer? Yeah. And so I get kind of in.

It took a lot. I'm sorry to the officer.

I feel like this is relatable, though.

I want to say, speaking of getting tricked by women and also probably relatable.

This is relatable for at least 60 % of our audience. At

least. Our audience, 80%. I don't know if you guys have caught on to this thing that's happening, but I'm a little humiliated and I need to say it. I was really confident coming into here.

Yeah. At this new job. I actually met a student's mother

who was recently widowed. Oh. That stuff. And we were dating and really falling for each other. And then I get on her social media. And after we started dating, all of her posts were like, ladies, have you ever been dating a man with a porn addiction? And

she's tagging me. And she goes, here are the solutions to dating a man with a porn addiction. Oh, no. You got. You're in a thread. And I'm in a thread. On threads. And there's videos of us walking with big smiles, holding hands. And it's like how I trick my porn addicted boyfriend to look the other way sometimes. Wow. I have been fully sucked into her very popular Instagram.

Right. And I'm heartbroken because I don't have a porn addiction. You guys know me.

Sure. Well, you're not afforded anymore.

I couldn't afford to.

I

mean, we know you

disappear for hours.

Who doesn't? Who doesn't? Well, you don't want me watching my porn in front of you.

But that's what we're saying is that you can't not do it. And so it changes your behavior. No. The problem is her Instagram is what I'm saying. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. I get what you're saying. I think I get what you're saying. I think we just maybe feel differently about it.

So basically you got the opposite of I'll change their name for the story with it. People say sometimes when they

tell. She's like, I'm dating this guy. Let's call him Todd Padre.

Here's a picture of him. Here he's tag. She doesn't know how to maybe change the name for the

story. Here's me spying on him with a long lens while he watches porn in the other room.

Whoa. This is really pointed.

Well, I'm sorry about that. I don't know what to do about it. I'm thinking of suing. But of course, I'm not. I've

got three strikes and you're out suing thing. You're not allowed to sue

anymore. You've cried sue too many times. I'm sorry. You've cried sue.

Cried sue. Not the Johnny Cash one. And not whooping sue you,

which you also cried.

Well, I had an Arkansas Razorbacks game. Right. Well, why don't we go. Why don't we take a break and we report all those

tweets? We will

all separately report and make a case out of it. Thank you so much,

you guys.

And we'll try to get this thing banned.

We'll try to get Twitter banned. Yeah, because that's the kind of thing that I think this school would kind of frown upon if they found out that you were

sort of participating in sort of unsavory sort of online activity. Again, I'm

leaving the room for the porn stuff for hours at a time. Right, but now it's a pub. We're on the same page. Thank you. We're going to help you

out. Great. So let's take about a three -hour break.

Get right back into this. All right. Good.

I am, I don't know if we want to get into a segment, but I am sick of going out drinking and then getting accosted on the street by some TikTok interviewer trying to get

famous. Oh, right. We have all fell victim to a hot mic on the corner

of Santa Monica and Robertson. And it's the worst thing that could happen right now because our jobs are not the most secure. We're trying to be good. And I'll say this, Todd. The one of you that went viral was pretty tough to see.

Well, yeah, it was.

Well, it's fine when they do it. Why is it not fine when you do it? I'm on Todd's team.

I got famous for dog kick after Hawk Tua.

Fine when she

does it? It was like when a dog comes up to you, what do you do at a party? And I was like, a dog kicker that thing.

I was laughing

hard as hell. I

was laughing hard as hell in the background.

And it's like I'm driving a private day out. A guy asks me a question, I answer honestly. If a

to me at the party, I kick it at that thing.

dog comes up

And then it's all over the internet of like, this guy, there's something wrong with this

guy. Why would that be his first answer? I actually don't even think he was drunk, which is what he's blaming. I couldn't believe all those posts that say there's something wrong with this guy. What a takedown.

If you post another video of me, comments have to be off. That's the rules.

And you have to hide likes. You have to hide likes if you tag me in a picture. Oh, yeah. But you want to be tagged. You want to be tagged. But hide

likes, if I see eight likes for a picture and then I go back to all your other tags and there's like 400 likes, hide likes. Hide likes. Well, I'll say the real sort of probably

a tough thing for you to handle was probably seeing the type of person who came to your defense in that. You know, that's always this tough thing when you see when somebody gets called out.

The people who sort of come to their defense in the comments on social

media. I've got no problem with Russell Brand coming to my defense.

Well, the

two -hour episode that he recorded on you was pretty intense. You zoomed in. Well, it

was an hour

prayer.

And no religion can claim to understand any of what the prayers meant. But it is technically he says prayer. He's praying to something for sure. And then I zoomed in for the last, well, I zoomed in for the prayer, which was exhausting. And then I zoomed in for the last 12 minutes was just me asking about forgetting Sarah Marshall and just to play it fun on set and stuff like that. But you made him not a jerk. I like how he was like, just killed him with kindness in that movie.

I agree.

I do feel like there was a lot of people hock -toeing on you. Yeah, that's not what she was talking about in the video. In the video, she is talking about spitting on a male bleep. Well, yeah. Okay?

I am not that thing that you spit on.

Well, you are now. So stop hock -toeing on me. Unfortunately, Todd, everybody's aware of this. There's now a new viral trend online where if anybody sees Todd walking down the street, they

record themselves

spitting on them. And they say, hock -to -a, spit on that thing. Well, you did just get a full body wax and a bowl cut. So I get why people are a little bit confused.

You think that it's not because of my personality? They think I'm a big penis walking around? I think

it could be a little bit of both. I

of nasty women spitting on me. I

mean, there's a lot

will

say that. You did paint

your one arm blue so it looked like a big vein going down the side

of your body. So it looked like a

big vein. I

painted it blue because I wanted it to look buff. Why did you dye your hair a little bit darker than your skin? Because it makes

me look buff. And it's got nothing to do with all of the endorsements you're getting as that thing hock -to -a spits on? Yeah, you've been doing personal

appearances. There's been a bit of a windfall. Yeah. I did do a ribbon cutting as a big

penis recently, that thing. See, Alice is sponsoring you and saying he took one. That's why

he's so tall. You ribbon cut at a Ross dress for less as a big penis that

spits that thing. It was not a new Ross. It was not a new Ross. It had been open for years. You went in Rio a grand and the opposite of a grand reopening. It was just a grand. We

finally hung up some of the clothes again.

Well, it had taken him years. To them, that is a reopening or at least a big personality shift. It feels like Ross went to therapy. You know what I mean? Finally taking

care of himself. Really cleaning himself. Ross goes over the 50 minutes every time before my therapy. I'm like, Ross, let's go. And it's like, I'm a mess.

I'm a mess. One last question. One last admission right before he walks out the door.

I knew it's dirty. And then you get in there and it's like, why is there only one therapist? It is so busy here. Yes. Hire two more therapists. Yes. Oh, shit. The person that Ross in front of me at therapy is an old woman. It's going to take forever. Awful. What else with that? Hawk. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I mean, it's weird being at the school and feeling like you need to keep up with the trends, know what the kids are referencing,

know the words that they're saying. They've been in the classroom for a while. And so coming back to it, it has been a bit of a sort of culture shock with these kids.

It's like learning a new language. Have you guys learned any of these new terms? Did you know that riz?

Uh

-huh.

Riz means. Is residual. Residual.

Residual. Has to do with film work. I got that riz. And you keep asking people, where'd you get the job?

Where'd you get that acting job?

Who's your agent? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, what's been helpful for me is there's a type of Duolingo -style app that just teaches you the language of the kids

right now. And it

bullies you, too, right? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's very mean to you if you don't do it

well or enough. There's a Duolingo. Actually, it's one of our favorite pop stars. Duolingo. I

love her. She's amazing.

Owl

booty. Yeah. I'm learning how to conjugate sentences in Spanish, and I'm also getting a little bit turned on.

big

If you know what I mean. If you know what I mean. If you know what I mean. I

think everybody knows what you mean.

Yeah. If you know what I mean. You got to take a quick three -hour

break, actually.

Todd, we started recording at 11 today. It is now 7 p .m. because you've taken two

three -hour breaks. I don't want to be an addict, so I'm trying to look at my stuff outside of the room from you guys.

That makes you more of an addict, Todd. Do it in front of us.

How are you so frustrated? You've been jacking off for six hours today.

That's where everyone's wrong.

I'm almost never jacking

off. I'm just looking.

Everyone is wrong about that. But, Sam, you have been sort of... We've been having late -night meetings with you about... You've been casing headquarters, which we tell you to stop doing.

Sam, I don't want to cheat again at

this. I want to just put that on the record since people could clip this. And, by the way, continue clipping

this. I don't need you guys.

Subtitling it, putting out there, please, for our fans. I don't need you to cheat for me. I have everything I need. Well, then, Sam, stop telling us you want to talk and having us come over to your apartment and showing us the blueprints of HQ.

I would like your help. I would love

your help, but do I need it? No. Having me dress up like the receptionist's husband, getting his look right.

I mean, that took us hours last night. And you were like, it's a test, it's a test, it's a

test. It is a test. I'm not cheating. I'm not going in and tricking this woman. It is a test. That, like, honey, I need you to come back home for a second. We need to talk about the layout of the living room, which I don't think is going to get her to

leave her post. You think I really want to learn how to make you look like the receptionist's husband? You're a patsy. You're practice. You're not a blank slate.

I'm practicing on you.

And then

I'm going over to Old Mannequin. And I got a whole fleet of these guys. Sam. And I'm going to dress them up however I want. Every receptionist's husband. You know. Everyone with a starter pistol. Everyone with the flag at the end of the race.

The receptionist. Is going to be in my little pocket. That is the way into anywhere is the receptionist. We know this from movies

and from heists. Oh, yeah.

If you can get into the receptionist, you are in.

Right. I get that you're doing mannequins.

Do you get it? I get it. Is it clear?

I'm a little offended that I wasn't asked to be a part of Sam's 11.

Right. It would have made 12. It would have made 12. Well, you can't fit in that box, Todd. You can't fit that little.

Well, I tried to show you that I could. And if I'm being totally honest, it was a extra large refrigerator box. And I still couldn't make my way into it.

You can barely even bend your neck over. We need somebody. And

want to do it. Bill

I don't

told on himself, we're in cahoots. No.

He

needs someone in this plan that's not going to go up. I proposed last week. We're in cahoots. He did get down on the knee and asked me to be part of Sam's 11. And I said, no, get up. We're on the kiss cam. Kiss me.

I didn't remember

I don't even need you to touch my lips if I'm being honest. Make the sound as loud as you can into a microphone. That's love.

That's for you, audience.

If everyone can hear that Howard's not doing it, it's because he's the only one not wearing headphones and he can't tell

us. Come on. It sounds. Do one.

Oh, you missed out on that one. Oh, my God. That was Pucker City. I've never been so in love in my life. Wow. I think hearts lifted into the air after that. Cupid is. Cupid.

Cupid folks. Take a shower.

Beautiful kisses

is the name of this one. I'm just saying. Look, we could talk about kissing on Mike all day, but I think we do need to. We need to address something here, and that is that the four of us historically have always been on the same team. We've always been pushing in the same

direction. That's true. We've always been looking out for what's bad. We're all bad, but I don't know if we need to do that. This feels like a point of division in the group, and I'm just worried, Sam, if you keep pushing in this direction when we are so adamantly against cheating that it's going to cause a rift. You know? I don't

want to cheat, man. Aren't there big consequences to losing this? Don't we need to show this new high society school that we can do something? Aren't you guys tired of being the biggest fucking losers that make their own show about being losers? Let's

succeed for the first time in our lives. Let's succeed by cheating.

The system is rigged against us. Exactly. Well, okay. Look at us.

How can we get ahead in America? It is impossible. We have been just north of mediocrity our whole lives,

and all we've gotten is repeatedly rehired for every job we've ever wanted. Bullshit. But we have never grown to the top, other than the few times we did, and when we did something bad, we got fired for

it. And then immediately hired back the next

season.

I'm sick of it. We're in the cycle.

It's time that

... You ever see the movie Set It Off?

Yes. We're the characters from Set It Off. Boom, boom, boom, boom. So what are you saying, Todd? Are you saying you want to do this? I don't know if I want to cheat, but I am so easily convinced. So you're not sure about this at all? Not on

camera. Not on mic. But I want to be in Sam's 11. If I'm not in Sam's 11, then I might have to go ACAB. So you decide.

See you at the crossroads, Howard. That

song is from Sam's 11. Wait. We'll be lonely.

Wait. Bill's not in yet, either. No.

I'm going to be seven about it.

They

killed my

y 'all.

Howard, I'll kill you if you're not in. No.

I don't want to do this. I just got in with Geppetto. He's an honest man. He's making the canoe. You know how

disappointed Geppetto would be if he found out that you were cheating? I've been convincing him that I was a good guy. He knows about our history. He knows about all the shit we've done. And I'll tell you this. He knows we've been to hell and back. Geppetto that's dealt with people who lied his whole life.

Yes. He would be pretty upset if he found out that his new best friend, Bill Cravey, was lying to his face every time he came over to make modifications to the rowing boat. Every time you guys hung out, had dinner, you were lying to him.

Yeah. It'd be devastating to Geppetto. He's not building a rowboat, is he? Just a regular old fat rowboat?

No.

This thing is slender. Geppetto knows what he's doing.

crew boat.

A slender

Yeah. Geppetto knows what he's doing. Geppetto knows what he's doing. So, I mean, this is interesting. No. Geppetto knows. Geppetto. Geppetto

knows. Geppetto knows. That's good.

Geppetto knows. He would love to hear you say that. Geppetto knows. Per Howard's kind of

meta analysis of the roles we each play, we've never done 1v2v1. That could be interesting.

What? Bill and Howard don't want to cheat.

Right.

Sam wants

to. Right. I want to be liked. So, I'm wherever that goes. And, like, let's just see how that

plays out. 1v2v1. Maybe we can juggle those three balls. 1v2v1. Because me and Bill don't want to do it for slightly different reasons.

That's right. For me, it's about honor and being the one person who always makes the right decision and

is always on the right side of history. Yes. Of the argument. And wanting to be liked as well, I guess. Why am I accidentally walking into the lake every day doing drone shots? If we don't want to cheat to win.

Well, I could answer that question, but I don't know if it's exactly the answer you want.

Why? It's because you're walking with the drone every time instead of sitting down or standing in place. Because I'm committed. I'm committed. That drone is in my blood. Wherever

it goes. You've got to be committed if you keep walking into the lake.

Oh, I can get out of those. It's fine. I've been in

and out a thousand times. Yeah, you are like Joker and Harley. I just don't. I just don't. I just can't. Wow.

I'm. Wow.

That's me leaving the asylum.

No, don't. That's what

they say. Don't. I'll kill Ratchet. I'm tired of starting over in new locations that offer the same type of storyline.

You're ready to. You're ready to. I

can't

do.

That's not a promise. Don't get excited about this. And it doesn't go crazy at eight. I would love that, Bill. I don't want things to go absolutely crazy. If things are

going really well with you at Geppetto's, stay there. You don't have to rob headquarters. Here. Here. I have the solution

to this problem. Here. Here. Here. I have the solution to this problem.

I think you guys feel free to cheat. We are not going to cheat. Okay. And how about this? We promise that it is only going to go about six or seven episodes and it's not going to go crazy at the end. I promise.

It's going to go well. It's going to go well. You guys aren't going to get us killed or exploded. You're not going to kill a lot of people. You're not going to get our famous friends involved. You're talking about this stuff like I've ever wanted to hurt us once. They're all accidents. I'm incompetent. It's not that I'm mean. I'm incompetent. Can I catch a break? So what if I refuse to learn even though they've given me classes to take and schools to go to? I don't want to be

in trouble. You're not trying to. Yeah. You're not trying to. And that's a great lesson. And I've been, here's the thing I've been working on is I think an issue for me is lack of focus in my life.

So I have, once we've been at the school, I really want to succeed. So I have given myself a regimented schedule every day that I really, really try to keep to.

I'm up at 7 a .m. That's the alarm at least. I'm up at 9 .30 out of bed.

And first thing

I do. You said you got up twice.

Sorry. The alarm goes off at 7.

Okay. Anybody in the same dorm as me knows that I snooze it every one minute for 90 minutes. But then at 9 .30, you do get out of bed. You start your day.

I get out of bed and I take what I call a long shower nap. But I'm getting clean in the shower.

You installed one of

those things on the shower that had, like when the car wash thing where the soap is in the head and it just kind of

shoots soapy water on you for an hour. And it's what our local ambulance is calling gonna be your death.

Well, then Todd has one of those really cool inversion boards where you hook your feet in and

then you let the

blood flow to your head and the water as well.

It's good for my back. The blood is flowing.

International criminals are studying your shower nap to help torture people.

That's right. I'm like, torture? You're going to put them in heaven? I get out of that shower. Literally. My head has never been

bigger. It's somehow filled with water. You look like one of those dolphins with a short nose and a big lump head.

Clean up on aisle three.

Damn. Then, because part of, you'll hear at the end of my day, but this is a spoiler alert, I have set out my outfit for the day. So then

it's ready for me. You wear the same thing

every day, Todd. What's that?

You wear the

same thing every day.

That's right. You know who else wears the same thing every day? George Bush. Osama bin Laden. Ah!

Hey, when the

setup is not good. Wow. You have to hit one.

I heard that George Bush, Osama bin Laden. Well, that was

why they didn't like each other. That's why they had beef. I

can't believe you're wearing what I'm wearing. And you wouldn't. It's not what you

would think. It wasn't. That

Bush dresses like Osama.

Wait.

So they stole each other's outfit? Yeah. And they were mad at each other? Yes.

And it escalated quickly. And we paid the price.

Osama was painting an oil painting when they busted into a bottom line.

We were saying he was painting.

The ugliest dog you ever saw. The guy had never heard of perspective.

The flatter than the 2D image. He couldn't shadow for

shit. Somehow it got down to one dimension.

Poor Laura Bush shaking her head in the corner. But anyway, I put on the clothes that I laid out for myself. And then, because I am an artist, I write. I sit down. Your morning pages. I haven't even checked my phone yet. Your morning

I write

pages.

The first

session. First page session. It's morning. It's the first thing I've done in the day other than my naps and my shower. Sometimes I'll go to Denny's at midnight just to be okay. This is breakfast.

This is breakfast for today. That's your breakfast. It's because they think it's breakfast. As far as they know, it's the first breakfast you've eaten all day.

That's right. So what if it's the 10th? It still feels like morning to me.

It's called moons over my hammy. That

has to happen at night.

So then I do my morning pages. And then for one hour, I call my ex -wife every day. You get dirty.

You repeatedly try to call your

ex -wife.

her.

You dial

ex -wife. You

call your ex -wife like it's a radio contest.

You sit by the phone smoking a cigarette as hard as you can. Calling is fast. To

be fair. Todd Padre has been number one. Yeah. Well, what I want from her is three tickets to see Third Eye Blind.

Well, and unfortunately, she's been married hundreds of times.

Yeah. So you have to be the exact right ex -wife to call her. You, her, and her new boyfriend to Third Eye Blind. You've won a ticket.

And you have to wear - Blindfold. It's third cuck blindfolded. Third guy blind. Well, you usually do go with them to every concert they go to because you're the one taxi driver in town. You do.

You are constantly taking your wife

on new dates. Well, every other taxi driver became an Uber driver. And I said, I'm sticking with the original way we did this. I

painted my car yellowish.

Let me -

Blue.

You

only have blue paint from your

arm? Yes. Makes my

car look tough. Well,

I say it is yellowish. If the light hits it right, it's yellowish.

Yeah.

Well, it's yellow or blue. It's the classic dress situation from the internet. Vibe. Dude, your car is such a vibe.

That's also another thing I've been learning from the students. Vibe is good. It's a vibe.

you.

Thank

Yes. What does it mean? Because when I think of vibe, I think of like vibrating chairs. I think of Brookstone.

When you think of vibe, you think Brookstone.

I'm just being

honest. No, I'm not challenging you. I'm hearing you. Yeah. Like that kind of vibe was like I went to Brookstone is what I thought that song was about. Yeah.

That's good. But what does it mean? It just means good. Vibe

means good. That's a good feeling. That's a good

vibration. That's how I feel at Brookstone. So

it's still accurate for me. That's true. That's where the confusion might have been.

Yeah. The weird thing about when you go to Brookstone is you don't really even sit in the massaging chair. You just lay down on those little steps for dogs to get up to the bed.

said it

You

decompresses your

spine or something? Well, it's the exact shape of my spine. So I get on that and then it's like finally I

get this air in there. Medically, they've diagnosed you with extremely thick

vertebrae,

right? Yeah. They're like tall vertebrae. You have like

giraffe neck

bones. Some people are calling it Stegosaurus back.

Some people. But I think he's a real dinosaur enthusiast.

I think he might be a good doctor but also like - Yeah. That young kid who's obsessed with dinosaurs in town who hangs out with train

He is. He's

kids. Yeah.

diagnosed. Yes. He's my doctor. Dinosaur kid. He said I have Stegosaurus back. But

yeah.

So vibe is one of them. I'm hearing the kids say this a lot. Loser. Is that a new word?

I think that's pretty old. I think

that was around when we were in school. Loser. Yeah. Because for me that always meant like somebody who is disrespected.

Right.

Who can't get ahead.

Who's like a dork. Uh -huh.

Yeah. Hopefully it means cool. It means awesome. It means helping me.

Yeah. Because it's what the kids have been saying to me. Like for example, I got stuck in the elevator doors recently.

In the doors?

Yes.

Could the elevator stop? Well, I was trying to hold the elevator for a beautiful woman.

And so I stood right in there. Because the guy had his arm in. And I was like,

I got this, bro. And I guess sideways I'm not thick enough. Yeah.

You saw a guy in an elevator hit the button for a woman. And you've been hanging out in the elevator trying to do small little tasks for women.

Yeah. I'll hit the button. I see you

out in

scooper. Chasing women in the cockpit. I'll scoop their poop if they need me to. It's just gentlemanly. Where'd you get that pooper scooper, by the way? It seems it's not one of those homemade milk cartons. But it does look somewhat, I'll say janky. It's

homemade.

Yeah, I made it. I guess why spend

money on a pooper scooper? I can't even believe. I thought there'd be better materials at your home.

It looks yard made.

Well, it's a shovel and a bunch of Pringles. What is the point of the Pringles? The Pringles help scoop their shape perfectly.

The shovel is shaped perfectly.

I only had one shovel.

But you made

nachos out of the Pringles and they were really sick. Yeah, like your shovel is also your chip and dip. It's really disgusting.

You can't eat the Pringles after that. You cannot eat that.

I don't know if anyone can relate to this. Do you ever feel like your friends think you can't do anything right?

You do these genius ideas.

You make nachos out of Pringles that you used in a shovel to make tongs to scoop up women's poop to talk to them outside of a building.

And you get made

fun of it for

it. You cannot. And I know how Nikolai Tesla felt. We just

Howard a break from Infrared Blast. We just got him out of his contract. And you're out there eating shit Pringles. We

got

can't be

doing this. This is a

sad day.

We can't be

doing this. Listen, I will say, Todd, I do appreciate your effort. When you want or need love, you go for it. Smart glasses. Smart.

Really smart glasses. Smart glasses. I respected you so much more after you tilted down

for me. I just had to listen to you more intently. But you're respecting my effort and you said something

else. I'm respecting your effort and I think that you are showing your enthusiasm, which is something I don't often see from you. I'm mostly seeing you judge other people or tell them why they're not good enough. I love you showing your affection for a woman like that.

For me, it's all about the routine. It's changed everything.

It's crazy how much you can change your brain by just

changing your behavior every day. You've been throwing all your clothes in mud puddles near women trying to get them to walk over.

Please, dear. I would hate to get such beautiful feet dirty.

She's wearing like tennis shoes, full high socks. You have no idea what her feet look like. She's prepared for the puddle. You voluntarily throw your jacket.

She's a puddle digger. She's hired by the city to clear out the puddle.

She's walking by in galoshes and you say, please, miss. You can't be doing that.

It's gentlemanly.

Chivalry is dead. At the very least, get your clothes dry cleaned before you put them back on and come to do the podcast. Dry

clean?

I saw a doorman yell at Todd for holding the door open for two hours while no women walked through the

other day. Dead of winter. That's my job. Dead of winter. Well, dress. Put more jackets on. Yeah. That doorman, it's fully competitive. He knows I'm going to get all the ladies from holding the door. That's why he got into that field. I was like, well, let me do the job. I'm wearing the same hat.

You already have that. Of course. I mean, it's homemade Pringles, but. You've been, when you're sitting down on the subway, a woman walks in, you jump up so quick. You go through the ceiling

and you end up on the tracks behind the train. Then when she's not interested, you get in a fight to take the seat back.

Well, if

I'm going to give it up. It was for her. Yeah. You were very specific about. You don't even sit down. You go in. You spot the seat. You stand near it. And you go, it's going to be for somebody.

Yeah. That's for somebody. Then when a woman gets on the

train, I'll sit right in it.

If you like them,

you usher them right over. And if not, you grab the seat real quick. Yeah. But I'm going so fast, sometimes I accidentally sit face first in the seat. So then the conversation is all muffled with the lady and they don't

even know what I'm offering. You don't switch? You don't flip over?

No, that would be a possibility

of admitting that I did it wrong. He gets too comfortable.

Every one of Todd's joints goes flamingo, so it can kind of go forward or backwards.

Oh, yeah.

You have been diagnosed with flamingo joints. Yes. Degosaurus back. Flamingo joints. Dinosaur. This is good. Kid is really, he's kind of branching out. Flamingo joints. Flamingo smell. Yeah. Well, and the color, of course, but that's just because you eat so much shrimp.

Yes. Yeah.

Which, I'll say this, it works for the way that you're looking these days

to be a little

pink. Yeah. Yeah, that's

true.

You're actually, you've been doing ads for iodine poisoning.

Yeah. I'm not even, I don't even know. I just needed the work, honestly. They were like, we need a guy who's willing to get painted pink. And I was like, I don't need that.

Right. I'll save

you

$400.

And I love this. You're just the after. So they'll get just a nice model or something for the before, and then they'll put you in totally pink as the after and go, whoa.

And apparently, iodine poisoning is extinct now. After one ad.

how bad it went. They saw me. Thank God.

People saw

Right.

McStinky.

McStinky. McStinky. Which I think they should bring back.

McDonald's. That was McStinky. Nobody is ever. No press is bad press.

You know

what I'm saying? I'm telling you. Everybody's like McRib. McChicken. Nobody's really clamoring for the McStinky, which I have been trying to get back at

McDonald's for years. I thought it was delicious. The Grimace shake was huge last

year. Yes. Bring back the McStinky.

McStinky.

a

second?

I mean, it was just old beef.

Yeah.

No.

No. All right. Never mind. But I know what they're like.

Yeah. Dry aged. They age their steak for two months before they even cook it. That's all they're doing with the Stinky. They just don't have a refrigerator for them. They just put them outside on top of the dumpster. But it's the same

process. And there's that art installation that I've heard about where somebody bought a McDonald's cheeseburger back in like 1989. And it's still in a case

right now. You can go and look at it. Yeah. That's

a

McStinky. And it still looks edible.

the Stinky?

That's a McStinky. Where's

I heard that's not a real

Wow.

burger anymore. Oh, no. It's burger -y.

Yeah.

Whoa. That's something. He burgerized them.

He burgerized them. How about this, Sam? I'm not going to break into HQ. I'm not going to dress up like the receptionist's husbands and then get also, which you were pitching, is me get in the vents because Todd can't fit in them. But I will take whatever reconnaissance you're getting. Any tips you have. I don't think that's really cheating. Like, hey, they're going to have Rachel McAdams' son in the boat. You know, they're going to have any tips you want to give,

I will

take. Well, I have all the formations. Again, Todd said it. They're all working on some sort of wave.

They're working on some sort of get out of here type of wave or something.

The more I thought about it, it seemed like

maybe they were just trying to get

the

Yeah. The rowers might just be waving the air.

Could be. If we could get some topics, some simple topics for the

public speaking portion. Here's what I like for you, Sam, in this. Again, I don't know what side I'm on here. It's 1v2v1. But you are, in your core, a gearhead. And I think there's nothing greater for a gearhead than a heist.

I have seen you on all of the forums looking up new ways to use your

gear. Night vision goggles,

droning. I'm not doing night vision or infrared ever again.

Okay. Well, you're going to be the guy that holds the big microphone with the bubble. Like on the side of an NFL game, you hold a big bubble with a microphone so that we have all the sound.

And for some reason, also like the side of an NFL game, your hair is going to be steaming.

Yep. You're going to be steaming. We're going to have a big fan blowing water at you the whole time. You're the diversion. Saying there's not a robbery happening here. There's an NFL game going. You know what I'm saying?

You're going to convince everyone there's an NFL football game. So at like midnight, that's what you're going to set up? Are you doing a daytime robbery

on NFL Sunday? We're not sure yet. We haven't done the schedule yet. We just know Howard's role. That's all we know so

far. I went out to my car and turned the lights on in my Pontiac egg. And little guns came out of the front of it. Which I feel like that's you,

Sam.

can't drive the car, but I can outfit it. Have you ever heard of

I

Yes. Q from James Bond?

Yes. Call me S.

Because I can make gadgets out of anything. Especially your little egg car. Are you telling me that that watch on your arm in the shape of a bomb is not a watch? Nope. It shoots little water out.

Clear wick coming out of a cartoon bomb that shoots

water. You thought you knew what this was, didn't you?

You thought it was a bomb watch. It is quite a misdirect,

I'll say.

It's less powerful than what it's...

Because this is one of my funny watches. This is a

clown watch. So it looks like a bomb. So S has

funny stuff? Hey, be careful around me next time you see me wearing something funny.

And you also have... Because next time you see me wearing something funny, it's going to be deadly as shit.

Well, I saw

you. I saw you. I'm assuming the big foam cowboy hat is dangerous that you're wearing. What do you think? Yes. Yeah. Yes, it is.

Well, look. I'll say this. As best as hat. I'm not going to get on...

Don't touch it. I wouldn't

touch

it. At

I'm not going to stand in your way while

you do it.

We've set that up. 1v2,

1v1. No, I know. But I'll let you do your thing. I'm not going to stand in the way. But I just want... Blind eyes. Well, Howard, how can I help you? If you're not going to cheat with me, is there a way above board that I can help you? Because I'm going to have plenty of time. I don't need to study. I'm cheating.

I think the thing that would make me feel supported is if everybody in the room just said, Howard, we support you doing things the right way. We will be there for you in the triumphs and the tribulations. So if it's tough while I'm studying and I'm trying to get these kids prepared, you'll be there if I need to vent. Blind eye.

That's all we need from you.

So you're on board now. I don't know.

I

don't know. This might be 1v1v1.

I

told him I would take

hints. But I'm not going to infiltrate and

help Steve. So 1v1v1v1. 1 and a half v1. Yes. We have. Howard, I will support you and all of the other stuff you said in all of your efforts to do things the right way.

Thank you. That's all I want. You know? And look, things are getting weird for me. You know? I don't even know if these kids are kids anymore.

They might be mannequins. You haven't been in a building that you've understood in three weeks. Yes. This is true. Your room has been altered. Outside of your room has been altered. Your classroom has been altered. You've been taken downtown to a warehouse that Rob Dyrdek runs full of mannequins. You have been thoroughly tricked. But your attitude is incredible. I'm trying to be optimistic, man. I love it. You

are kind of - You're in deeper than S.

Beep.

You're in deeper. How do you keep a good attitude, Howard? Here's the thing. We've learned so much. We never give advice to our audience.

This is a good thing to go out on. But you always keep a good attitude. This is a good thing to go out on. In spite of, I would say,

your life being something that I wouldn't have a good attitude about.

Yeah. A lot of people say

that.

Give our audience the key to happiness on your

own. Or whatever it is that you're feeling. Well, I'll say this, folks. If you've listened to this podcast since the beginning, you know that my life has been pretty challenging. And the thing that I have always reminded myself of is, at one point, you were dead for a year. And now you're not. And so things could always be worse. And so that's the way I wake up every morning. And I

thank my lucky stars. That's great. So you don't actually deal with the situation that you're in. You just say, it could be worse

than this. So accept everything without even auditing it. It could be much worse. It could always be much, much worse. Which is also how you are whenever I complain about something. That's your way of active listening. It's like, well, it could be worse, which is so helpful for me.

Right. It really contextualizes that my feelings don't matter. I love something like that that seems so high -minded but is actually the worst thing you can do.

Worse.

Just cheer up.

Right. I know it sucks. I know it's hard. It'll get better. Okay. Yeah, just change my mind when I'm having the hardest time

ever.

Just think about how, at some point in the future, you don't know the date, you don't know how long it's going to take,

you will feel better.

You are a fountain of wisdom, Howard. I have always appreciated that about you. I haven't

always shown you respect, but it has always been in there.

Thank you. And I apologize for not

being more effusive with my respect. I appreciate

that. Howard, we should all go to a movie together.

I

would love that. That would be fun. That would make me really, really happy.

remember

when they used to do

dollar

movies?

Oh,

yeah. That was the best. Yeah. The Edge. I saw The Edge in a dollar movie theater. Alec Baldwin. I saw The Birdcage in a dollar theater.

Wow. I saw it in a dollar theater, but I paid $50 out of support for the cause.

That's awesome. And that was the only gay movie you've ever seen. You walked

out,

right? It wasn't for me. You

out pretty early? It

walked

me. And did you

wasn't for

I didn't know you guys were going to say the second part. The

first line, you walked out and then pulled most of your money out of the jar you had put in. Yeah.

Unbelievable. I'm sorry. This actually wasn't for me. I didn't know what I was getting into there.

That's too bad. Well, why don't we go to the dollar movie theater tonight? They're showing Call Me By Your Name, and we'll see how you like it. Oh, there's some actors in there I really like. Yeah, you're a big fan of Armie Hammer, right?

Yeah. A

huge fan. Have you heard about him?

Well, not just that I heard. He played the Lone Ranger,

which

was, as you know, from