4. Crunchy Bunches of Bananas

Fellas, I feel bad.

What's going on, Hal?

Let us know

how. I mean, we know why you feel bad at lunch.

We saw you doubling over. Well, no, I did get food poisoning from lunch yesterday, but I actually feel bad. I had to discipline a couple of students this morning.

Oh.

This is a tough subject. How do you discipline?

You're going to spank your kids. How are you going to spank your students? I caught a couple of my students doing something they shouldn't have been doing in the book closet. Graffiti? Well, we'll call it physical graffiti. The Led

Zeppelin album?

Guys, I think he's talking about

tattoos. Wait, was that what Led Zeppelin was talking about?

Fucking?

Painting your partner? Robert Plant? Yeah,

No, I didn't see him doing the Led Zeppelin album in the book closet. I caught two kids having sex in the book closet.

he would never.

Whoa! As we both know, all three of you know, we're expected.

You were

jealous.

We all know that you're jealous. I'm

not jealous.

You said, what's going on in here? And you really meant it. The question.

The question. You said, what is this? Right.

I thought I was

hearing

something

else, but this is different.

Right. What are you? Why are you? Why are you so sweaty and touching?

You didn't know what it was? How could you do something like this?

Really? Literally? How could you do something like this? Yeah. How? Go step by step. Slowly. Slow down. Slow down. I'm writing.

Well, I know. And I actually, they wouldn't tell me. And that's why I wrote them up. They wrote them up. They had

to

write a thousand sentences on the board of how to have sex? Well, I said, you have to write a thousand different sentences about what you're doing in there.

Oh. And step by step? Yes. And they refused to do the sentences.

So your students wouldn't tell you what sex was. I

was thinking about Bart Simpson. Me too.

Some of our kids have some Bart energy.

Have you noticed that? That's Bart Simpson energy.

This is big. And they have to be punished like Bart. Right on the chalkboard. Like Bart. Choked by Bart's father.

Yeah. And the boy was the kid with the spiky hair.

Oh, yeah.

Well, if one more fucking kid steals my Butterfinger, I'm going

to lose my goddamn mind. I'm going to choke his head off.

He's not going to have a finger to lay on my Butterfinger. Especially my BBs. My Butterfinger BBs are my most prized possession. They're tiny Butterfingers that

I think have been updated. They're hard enough. And I'm going to save this for Kitchen Quarter. But there aren't enough spinoffs. We can

go to Kitchen Quarter right now. Of the thing we love.

Absolutely.

Right?

I want Pixie Twixies. But Nerd Gummy Clusters have become the new Nerd and Gummy

to me. And Oreo Thins should be the regular Oreo.

Right? No. I can't go through that. You're talking about decreaming the Oreo? No. De -cookifying and

decreaming. Thinning the cookie.

Yes. Inadvertently, you take out a little bit of the cream. Inadvertently. But the cookie, the cookie has been thin. You think they're

trimming the cookie? Have you had an Oreo thin?

If someone offered me an Oreo thin, I would put them in between the two cookies,

take a bite and say,

still not thick enough. Really? No. So

you

like double stuff? Double stuff is the originals. That's like eating a sandwich with too much avocado. It's shooting out the back. The bread's sliding all over the place. I'm with you on the avocado,

but I disagree on the cream. You disagree on the... I think you might be alone on me. I'm being ridiculous to prove a point. I actually really like this. If people can clip this conversation, which Oreo should be the best, title it that, and have the most interesting parts of our argument, and really get this popular on TikTok and stuff.

Oreo thin... Get

rid... We got better cameras.

Clip it. No excuse now. Well, the resolution's there, folks.

No, Oreo

thins... Oreo thins... Well, that's

just me. I think it's... And Butterfinger BBs... You know, like... Bunch of Crunch. Bunch of Crunch. What's the original Bunch of Crunch? Crunch. Crunch bar.

Simply Crunch. I thought it was Crunchy Bunches of Bananas.

Crunchy Bunches of Bananas.

That's a cereal you pitched, right? Well, yeah. That's why I thought they rejected it. Because it's not because it's bad. Crunchy Bunches of Bananas.

Crunchy Bunches. I think it was just a problem. Hard to keep it fresh. Like, what do you do with the banana and the cereal?

You gotta eat it before it gets

soft. So this is a homemade cereal that's sold in every

grocery store. It's sold in stores, and you just have to eat it before it

gets soft.

Which is usually before it shows up at the grocery store. Crunchy

Bunches of

Bananas. So are there, is there any granola in Crunchy Bunches of Bananas, or is it just bananas that

are somehow crunchy? I hate you guys. We don't remember. It's bunches of bananas when bananas are still in their Crunchy Bunches era

of their lives. Okay, so early, early banana tree. The greenest bananas you've

ever seen. Cut up into little smiley circle faces. Or no, they should be banana shaped. So it's early bananas

in the shape of bananas. I feel like you're inventing them right now, Todd.

How are we in trouble

for not knowing

People broke their tooth on them at the farmer's market. You would sneak them in to popular farmer's market bags.

Yeah.

Yeah. Like the bag of sourdough bagels. The bag of salted fish. You were splicing them open and putting in your Crunchy Bunches of Bananas

to try to get the word out. Right, and all of these, I don't know, I'll say it, privileged fucks that go to these farmer's

markets. Holy moly. Their teeth were too weak for the Crunchy Bunches of Bananas. I should have tested it on the wrong people. I should have tested it on salt of the earth people. That's who's there. Strong American teeth. People are bringing their produce. They're bringing their - Oh,

these farmers?

Yeah.

No. No,

I'm talking about real hardworking Americans.

Well, Todd, you go to the - The farmers. Yeah. They get subsidized by the government. You're talking like insurance brokers.

Yes. Stock brokers.

Yeah, like two -day -a

-week dentists. Yes. The people who keep this country moving like the train on the tracks.

Really? I think it is them. The people who have chickens. They're bringing chicken meat. They're bringing eggs.

You're talking about, that's like the Elon Musks of the world.

Those people are so privileged. They've got their little farms. Which is Elon Musk? Which of those groups does Elon Musk belong to? Is he salt of

the earth? No, he's not salt of the earth. I don't like Elon Musk. I'm talking about what Sam's talking about. Two -day -a -week dentist,

stockbroker, baseball players. Dentists who make so much money, they don't need to work every day.

They set up an expensive office and they charge you a lot. My dentist did quit after taking a look at my chompers. And he had only been in business for two days.

So

he was - He turned in his teeth scraper and badge, right? Yeah. He put it down. He walked out.

Split it over. He walked out of the precinct. That's where I get my teeth done. And he was like, I'm done. This place is too crooked. Hey, dad. Yeah.

Hey, dad. Hey,

dad.

All dentists

are dentists.

Yeah.

Yeah. Well, all dentists are dentists. Hey,

dad. Good.

I'm

disciplining

children

hard? I wouldn't call what I did to these kids successful. Oh.

Oh. By the end of it, I was hanging off the flagpole that's on the side of the

building by my underwear. Which, thankfully - Really buried the lead. And that's when the POWs were coming by and they gave you such a salute. Yeah.

Even though - Yeah. Yeah. They thought you were flying their flag high. Yeah.

Yeah. Let alone you were just wrapping your body - I was wrapping myself in the MIA POW flag to hope that people couldn't see me.

And they all got out and they saluted for 45

minutes straight. It was such a proud moment. I started making

to be really still. Yeah.

sounds - You had

a somber

was

to you and saluted. You didn't want to piss them off. Yeah. I started - Actually, it was really insensitive of me. I did start making war sounds to try to scare them away. Damn. Luckily, you're very bad at Foley.

everybody turned

I never

-

It sounded like a - Yeah. It sounded more like Wile E. Coyote getting lost

or something. Yeah. I did also - Or spinning around. I threw a couple boy -o -yoings in there. Yeah,

boy -o

-yoings. It's a spring

sound. Well, that does sound like a tough morning,

Howard. Howard, I'm sorry that you went through that, and I'm sorry that we weren't there to help you. I mean, if I would

have known, I absolutely would. I saw you guys

walk by. I saw you guys walk by. But I don't think I knew. Right. Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, I didn't know. I would have stopped. I didn't know.

I was like, what are all these saluters for? I better get out of here.

Todd's pretty anti - He lit the flag on fire that you were in.

That's right.

That's right.

You know what I'll do?

Fourth of July, I'll let you know. I don't celebrate it for the reasons you're celebrating it. Clip that - I will let you know. I don't celebrate it for the same reasons you're celebrating it. Right. All right? You're not going to hear politics from me 364 days a year. But on Fourth of July, I'm going to let you know I'm not celebrating it for the same reason as you. Right. And then I'll see you later. We'll go to a $19 bar and not think about how what we do in the world affects the rest of it at all. I don't think about it at all. I don't think about it at all. Spend $45 on a tiny plates

tapas. Is that what we're calling it now? A $19

bar? $19 bar. I've had it

with these $19 bars. They're horrible.

$19 looks normal now when I look at it. And I'm not getting on Kitchen Corner today. I'm not even opening it up. But $19 looks like a cheap cocktail now. Oh. Oh. And they got the discovery of Smash Burgers. Now they're popular. I can spend $16 for a smaller hamburger.

Yeah. Oh, cool. And what did you do? Burn it to a crisp? Thank you. People

are pushing Big Smash and also larger ice cube. Burgers get smaller. Ice cubes get bigger. Oh,

this is beautiful. A ginger beer with a little bit of alcohol for the price of what used to get me a huge plate of barbecue.

Wonderful.

Which now costs $900,

by the way, for barbecue. Barbecue, you can't get under $1 ,000

most of the time. It is now this gourmet meal. The worst cuts of meat. I forgot my meat in the oven for nine hours and slow roasted it. That was not worth $35. Barbecue costs five grand. The worst cut of meat cooked over a

tire.

It's just like, oh, okay,

great. My favorite thing about barbecue restaurants is how the menu shrinks as the day goes on. If you go out,

if you go there after seven o 'clock, you can only get a sausage.

Oh, don't worry. It's all horny. They're

closed. Their brains are wiped

at the end of every day. They get Mission Impossible and they don't know how much meat to buy.

Let me go to the kitchen and let you know. No, we're out of that too.

Yeah. Then you're closed.

You're actually closed if you don't have food. When you go back, check on everything that you're out of. Yeah. Don't just check piecemeal because I'll be here all day asking you

for something. By the way, do you do refills on the $6 can of soda? How does that work? $6 per can.

Yeah. Bring us the can. Leave the can. Yeah, leave it.

I know all of this because it's why I've been a worst friend, but I have been taking my new lady out on dates.

What are you talking about?

Right. It's hard to talk about because I don't trust it, but I'm happy for the first time since my

divorce.

Be careful.

Be

careful. It's been great. How is this different than previous relationships, Todd? Because you seemed like you were getting into something that was healthy before and then it fizzled or fell apart. You can feel it when you think it's healthy, but what you're excited about is the chaos.

Oh, this scarecrow. I'm fighting off a million crows to get to her.

That must have been so sexy. What a rush.

It was such a sexy rush. I mean, did you guys ever see Pearl? No.

What was that? They captured sex with a scarecrow perfectly.

But anyway, this one - Yeah, there's not a lot of representation for that in media. No. Yeah, they stole the idea from me. I could tell.

Yeah. Scarecrow's

must have been going finally.

I know the theater I went to, they were.

Well, there were so many crows seeing movies that the movie theater did bring in scarecrows to get them out of

there. They must have been so tired of seeing all this crow -based media. They were so excited when

it was falling for the scarecrows. The remake of The Crow just came out. How

up is that?

fucked

didn't

Yeah. They

Unbelievable. That's true. Crows are in there watching a lot of Pixar stuff. You know, crows actually have the intelligence of a seven -year -old.

Seven -year -old what? Idiot.

A dumb seven -year -old. Crows are as smart as the dumbest kid in your class. Yes. I'm definitely driving through big crowds of crows to get to work. Or seven -year -olds, I mean. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. I did that thing where I taught a seven -year -old to pick up cigarette butts and bring them to me.

Yeah. I did the same with

coins. Yeah. He

watched it on the street. Yeah. I got all these seven -year -olds bringing me cigarette butts and coins. Yeah. I trapped a seven -year -old in a little maze and I put a paperclip in there and there was a lock at the end that if it used the paperclip exactly the right way, it could open it and get out. And the seven -year -old did get out.

I was really hoping a seven -year -old would help me out with things like that, getting cigarette butts, coins, mazes, but it just shit on my head. Oh, yeah. I

confused a pro and a raven and I accidentally wrote a really beautiful poem about a seven -year -old.

Oh. Oh. We had some bit about Alan

Baker,

Alan Poe earlier. Yeah.

Yeah. Sort of a half

callback.

half. I was kind of embarrassed. I went to a trivia night and I was certain there was this question about Star Wars and I was certain the answer

was

Boz Nass, but then it ended up being Watto. And so I was certain I was arguing with everyone. The next day I

was eating seven -year -old. Yeah. Yeah. That was

horrible.

Eating seven -year -old is so embarrassing.

It's embarrassing to eat seven -year -old. But you got to do it sometimes in the text

chain. Well, no. But then sometimes. That's what makes you a real man is when you eat seven -year -old and you know you were wrong. Yeah. And people are like, are you sure you don't want to be eating crow? And you're like, what's the difference?

I'm eating

seven

-year -old.

I'm eating humble pie and seven -year -old.

It's right into us how old pigs are in terms of human

person.

in your stomach. You go home after the date and you're right to the bathroom. You just feel it,

you know,

you know.

What are you feeling? Maybe get more specific. Like, are you feeling cramping? Are you feeling a tummy turn?

Yes, love. Butterflies cramping in my stomach.

Does it smell really bad? Where are you guys going? Who are you

with? Well,

I'm going with her. Her name's Irene. She's the first age -appropriate woman I've ever dated. Wow. What does that mean to you, Todd?

What's that? What does that mean to you? That her age is appropriate for me. Right.

No, yeah, she's around my

age.

I really want

know why, but

to put a

Okay.

job, Todd. She's a theater teacher at one of the schools nearby. Awesome. So we

Good

of art. And we'll go out and we'll do - We'll go out to Korean barbecue where you cook it yourselves. Yes. And then I'm so in love. Almost the second I eat the food that I go - I have to go right to the bathroom because I just feel the love. Yeah. Yeah. Because

share

you is really gastric. You really feel it in your tummy. This one is.

Right. Love for

So are you just not eating out? I got sweaty. My heart

hurts. Are you not

- Well, I'm - Are you just not eating - You haven't eaten out a bunch

or - No, you can say I'm eating out. Oh,

God. Todd.

Age appropriate, please.

You still have to talk. No, yeah. I think you

can say I'm eating out.

Really?

Todd. But I - You know what he's saying. You know what he's saying. Eating this woman's vagina. I think I - He's looking

out. You said it. What are you doing?

Oh, you guys were talking to each other, so I was just on and out.

I did not know that.

Yeah. No, me neither. What he was saying. Oh, you didn't. I did not know the term eating out. Right. What, he just can't - Why

is his mouth shaking like a cat?

Is there like prey on the ceiling?

You ever see that when there's like a mouse up there and a cat - Yeah. I don't know. He's eating - He wants to eat bugs or something? I don't know what that - What are you -

Let's just say he's eating bugs.

Huh? Why are you getting so sick and eating so

much meat?

Love.

Todd - Love, love, love conquers all. Todd, can I ask you a question? Maybe I'm connecting dots that don't need to be connected here, but it sounds like maybe you're just full for the first time in your life and you're getting confused that that's like

that you're in love with somebody, that you're eating the appropriate amount of food. It's like - No, it's not that. For the first time ever after a date, I'm not - I'm so in love, I don't even want dessert. I'm so in love. Sometimes the next morning, I don't even want breakfast yet. I'm still in love from the night before.

Are you going to all -you -can -eat places and really overdoing it?

Oh yeah, all -you -can -eat Korean barbecue. I don't know if we're overdoing it because you don't ever have to stop because you're cooking for yourself so the chef's not mad.

Wait. Are you bringing in little baggies of meat to Korean barbecue? Thank you.

Well, yeah, the stuff they got there is lower quality. What

are you bringing? You're bringing

in a big sack of meat.

Yeah, I go to the farmer's market. I drop some of my bunch of bananas, crunchy bananas. Crunchy bananas. And then while I'm there, the guy that sells chicken, he throws a bunch out at the end of the day. And that's free chicken.

No, he cuts all the meat off, cuts all the protein off, and he's throwing away

bones. Rotisserie man. Yeah, he gets rid of all of the bones and stuff. You're in there cooking rotisserie chicken carcasses? You were making me in

love. Rotisserie man, by the way, has a

very interesting cooking style. I'm surprised that he rides the rotisserie with the chickens to keep basting. That is an unbelievable feat. Todd, are you broke?

What? Are you broke? I'm in love. I'm bringing free meat to Korean barbecue with a woman that's my age. Let's just say we're eating

pussy afterwards.

Todd. How does she feel afterwards? She is.

You

both

feeling afterwards? She loves me. Why are you guys so dubious? This is true.

This is

true. It is the passion of two

theater teachers who have lived a life. We go home and we watch the Criterion channel. They put a long -came poly on there for Philip Seymour Hoffman once. Why'd you tap me? That would mean something

to me. Well, you love that movie. We know you

love that movie. I like that one scene where he's having issues in the Indian restaurant. That's even when he

falls

in love in the Indian

restaurant. It's part of it.

It's one

of the most romantic

scenes I've ever

seen.

Todd, do you think

being sick? I think butterflies.

Having butterflies. He's sick all the time at dinner with this woman. He's trying to figure out what exactly is going

on.

I'm in love!

Listen, I think we have all spent a lot of time together. We've spent a lot of years together. And we've obviously seen all of each other's mistakes.

Yeah.

It's

tough to give the benefit of the doubt when you've

failed in the same way so many times.

But I think you deserve it. Thank

you. We are having trouble. And I think that you deserve to be happy. And I think that you don't have to eat as much meat at those places if you don't want to feel bad afterwards.

No, no. It's all you can eat. So it's better if you eat more. And if you bring your own meat in, you can eat there all day.

You are so self -satisfied. Look at his fucking grin. Well, Todd, I'm happy for you.

I don't know how to help you. And I don't know how to even be friends with you sometimes. But I'm very happy

for you. I'm so happy for you. We have been missing you a little bit. You have been a little MIA. Yeah, sorry. I know that's hard for our friendships.

Have you been getting any inside intel on what the other schools' plays are about?

Oh, right. I wouldn't dare.

Why not? You don't like to watch other people's stuff and tell your friend and figure it out?

Just to me, that is such a breach of trust.

In the throes of intimacy, have you not overheard like, ah, you know? Oh, of

course. Oh. I mean, so much of our dirty talk is talking about what is going on at our schools, schemes, plans.

Wait, you haven't told her

art plans, have you? Oh, yeah. It's what gets her going.

Todd.

You guys, you're being so stupid. I'm in love. And I do think that I now know what was holding me back so much. It was the knowledge that the second I fell in love, you all would say she's using you to learn about these schemes. I know that's what you're getting at. You'd say you're making yourself sick at dinners. You're not in love with her. You'd say that you should be married and sign a contract before you have a joint bank account.

You started a bank account with this Irene lady?

Yes, we're in love. Okay. You know, I'll just say I'm really glad this is all on video. This is going to be really helpful later.

Todd. Yeah. This will be

evidence.

You're

sick. You're sick.

You're sick. I'm love sick.

I'm love sick. Sure, sure. You guys. We can call it that. She's telling me their schemes too, but I refuse to tell you that. It's not

one way straight. You guys aren't sharing a car, are you? Did you move in?

Well, we're splitting a car right now. Yeah, that's why I kept asking for rides and stuff.

So you're not splitting a car. She's taking your car

everywhere you go.

She needs the car from 7 a .m. till 10 p

.m. So I

get the car after that.

She

can't use the car from 10 p .m. till 6 .30 a .m. I saw you. So she needs it from 6 .30 to 10 p .m. Well, she got to get somewhere at 7.

So she needs a car at 6 .30.

Yeah, go ahead. No, I was just saying I saw Todd just like riding around in town 10, 30, 11 o 'clock last night, just kind of doing laps

around. Yeah, I'm having anything to do, but I just don't have the car. So

once I get it, I'll get it so bad. He's just like,

I don't know.

There's really nothing. Yeah, I was dragging.

What I was going to say, I walked past your room the other night, and it feels like it has totally transformed into some awful, yucky art studio.

Oh, we've tried to meld our styles a little bit.

And Irene, she absolutely loves art. And she loves to paint the male figure, which is good for me. I don't know what you think is yucky. But obviously, she's painting me. She's painting a lot of other very handsome gentlemen. I swear to God, I thought she was doing some sort of piece on earthworms.

swear to God, I walked past and it looked like 50 pictures

I

Yeah, if this is a showing or something that she's working on, it's definitely cohesive.

We love going down to the gallery, the Hamilton Gallery.

It's kind of vile. It was grotesque. It was disgusting. And I guess that is the life of an earthworm. So she's bringing in you. She's bringing in other men to paint them and sculpt them.

Yes. So I don't know what the earthworm thing is. That must be something she's not showing me. But she's doing me next to videos of attractive younger men. I mean, not videos, but what's it called when it's not a video? And you do it with paint?

A

picture. A painting.

Yes. Thank you, both of

those. Okay. What's it called when it's not a video?

And someone's painting it. A

painting?

It sounds like what you're describing, it doesn't sound like there's much of you in there. It almost feels like you're just kind of giving her, turning your place into a studio for her. Do you have anything left in there that's reminiscent of you before you met her?

Yes. All I have to do, if I want to get, you know all the Kevin Smith shirts I have? Yeah. The hockey jerseys. The big hockey

jerseys that have characters' names from his movies.

Bob,

Steve, Dave, Jason Lee from Mallrats.

He's just got the actor's names on the show.

Well, that one's homemade by me.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh. All I have to do, if I want one of my shirts, is take the bus to the storage

facility and get one of my shirts right out of our shared storage unit. Okay.

What does she have in the storage unit? You got rid of your unit? That was your pride and joy. She

said - Your unit full of shit.

What?

She said that every time we had guests over and double dated, I would always bring them to my unit. I would talk about my unit, and she was embarrassed by my unit. And so I sold the storage unit. We cleared

out some of the stuff. She wasn't talking about your storage unit. You talk about your penis all the time, and it's embarrassing. I think that's

what she said. That's what I was saying. I was like, I never know if it was a storage unit. I don't know if it was a storage unit. I was talking about my penis for the whole date.

Well, Todd, I got to say, I'm worried about you, but I am very happy for you. I think sometimes it's

hard to

understand

it's just got to be one of those wait and see situations where we got to trust you at your word here and hope that this Irene lady is not trying to - She's so cool. And maybe we strap you with a GoPro. Maybe we strap you with a GoPro on your next date, and you go and you take a little tour of her theater, you see what the play's about.

Yes. We'll put a wire on you. And as long as nobody else is showing up to Geppetto's looking for the same planed cedarwood, we're good.

Oh, there's some things I won't even say in bed. Something's too secret and too dirty. I

haven't told her what we're doing in Geppetto's, that you've been planing cedarwood and turning all the guys' faces into Beetlejuice when they pull their heads.

Good. Good.

Good. Have you figured out, because I know you've been working with a lot of fashion designers for a new type of body spandex or lycra that is especially wind resistant, but still is flattering for everybody who's rowing. How has that been going?

It's hard. I mean, we're really worried about drag. We're worried about, it's going to be

hard out there. Thousands, hundreds of thousands of a

second, you told us.

Hundreds of thousands

of a second. And that's a slippery fabric. That's got to be tough to wear full body. Lycra? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm wanting everyone to go nude, because as you know, there's nothing better than shaved skin in terms of drag. Of course.

We want no extra weight, because if you've got four lycra suits in there, that's almost a pound of clothing. And if it gets wet,

we're talking about three, four, five pounds, and that's the difference between us and another winning team. Yes. But, you know, I don't know. I've, of course, already shaved. Gone full, full, full smooth. You're very committed. Very committed. I think you did go a little bit too tight on some of the spots. It looks like you took off a little more than hair. Yes. I did use one disposable razor to go whole body. Really?

Really? A new

one? A new one. A new one. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Good. Good. Good. Well, it was new at one point.

I found it in the trash can of an Ecorax.

But when they made it, it was brand new.

Well. Oh, it

was made old.

It was made old.

Was it recycled? Yeah. Did they get the blade out of a recycling? Yes. A recycle razor. It's one of those new recycled razors. You shaved

your whole body with a rusty one -blade razor.

Yeah. I mean, luckily it wasn't rusty. Okay. But it was a one

-blade. That's good to know. And it was used. I hope you used every man, Jack.

Oh, you know.

You know I went into Target and looked for the most masculine product I could find.

Oh, can we do men's product corner for a second? Absolutely. One thing about these men's products is I can afford them. I love that it's $80 for this much hair gel.

Oh, yeah. Big bearded guy on a brown bottle. Yeah.

I feel like I was in World War II. I love. And I love the difference between the vibe. Simply one aisle over between man's bathroom products and women's bathroom products.

I washed my hair with Dove. Not Dove for men.

Yeah.

The rest of the day, I was lactating. I

can't use soap. I need dude soap.

Okay? Yes. It goes everywhere. Some of these women's soaps won't really get under where I need them to get, if you know what I mean. Oh, and I've been using the lawnmower for my manscaping.

Yes. Because I didn't

realize I was just using a regular razor.

Yeah. This thing has been ripping everything right out. Right out.

No accuracy. I've been taking no new ideas vitamins, which

when you take them, they're for men and they keep your brain exactly where it is. And it's really black and white thinking. And you don't consider any new ideas.

Oh, that's important. Oh, that's important. Especially from like - I

need

those. While

thinking? Uh -uh.

That's for Flintstone vitamins. I've been using this body lotion that makes me just sit at home and watch the Reacher

movies over and over again. What's it called? What's the body lotion?

Is it full body? It's a full body lotion. It's by Nivea. It's just

Nivea Reacher. I love these male products.

I

love it.

I love it. I've been doing a - Sasquatch. I've been doing a delivery, a meal delivery service for men that gives you a voucher for fast food that you have to go buy and eat in your car to get away from your family. Good. Good. Yeah.

I like that. What's that called, by the way? I mean, some of the ones that exist are

HelloFresh,

Blue Apron. It's called

Moment of Peas. Moment of Peas. Moment of Peas. Moment of Peas. Moment of Peas. Yes.

Moment of Peas.

It's a Moment of Peas. That's really nice. I got, in the appliance section, they have male products.

Finally. They have male fridges. There's basically nothing in it. No more smeg. These are smugs. These are smugs. Really bare bones fridge. Old expired condiments.

It just feels nice to be catered to for once,

you know, because I'm doing oral health is a big

thing for me right now, and I'm doing motor oil pulling, and it has been fantastic. You chug motor oil, and you just swallow it. Right. Because some people are doing coconut oil

pulling, where they would chug coconut

oil, and what is it that pulls the toxins?

Coconut?

Whoa. No. And then when you do that, when you get really healthy because it is an oil product, you're able to overcharge people at gas stations and Jiffy Lubes and tell them things that are wrong with their car

that are lies? Absolutely. You can give car advice to anybody on the street after you

do it. That I like. That I really like.

Just - Oh,

go ahead.

No, just having people, just taking people for a ride.

Yeah. I've been helping Sam out because I'm good at changing oil and stuff. So I'll just roll in a little roller underneath Sam, and I'll change his oil 15 minutes, and

I do it for free. Yeah. Wow. It's awesome. It's really a great service.

Check out

Todd. And I like also

that they've gotten rid of everything that could possibly help you clean your butt.

It's called, basically, you just walk into the aisle where that would have been, and it goes, and they just, there are posters like, ignore

your butt. Yeah. Don't clean it. They're calling it poofas. Because of

poo and also poof, they disappeared.

They're gone. Yeah. I've got four

poofas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're ringing out on a tag. You pay $5, but nothing comes with you. And then it helps you because if anybody even goes near there, you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa.

Uh -uh.

It's

And also, I got a

tattoo. I got a tattoo. I got a tattoo right here below my sack that is, no, you can't go past it.

It's my property. It's like I'm calling it

my property line. Yeah. It's, I'm calling it my property line. And just so everyone knows, don't even,

nothing past there.

Yes. No. Hard for your doctor especially because you're getting a lot of pain down there. I think you have a hernia. Well,

he

sees

Don't touch my small as a

man. You knocked out a chiropractor the other day.

Yes.

Yes.

What are these chiropractors doing touching me?

Hey, crack my back. I don't want to feel your hands. No.

What is this? I don't need the intimacy. Crack me up. Fix me up. Make it so that I don't ever have to go to a real doctor or answer any questions.

Come in. Punish me. And make me healthy. Keep

your voice high. Don't whisper at me.

me while

Don't whisper at

cracking my back. Three things I'm looking for in a chiropractor. Buffen looks like a surfer. Yeah. Forces a microphone onto my body so that we can hear the cracks. Yeah. And most of his Instagram is women with big breasts and towels

you're

getting cracked. And I'll say I want to. I noticed a lot of women, a lot of disappointed women in the lobby that don't get the microphone.

Well, and I don't know about you guys, but I do not like to be cracked by the one doctor in the room. I have to be cracked by one of the model fake chiropractors. You can tell there's one guy who actually knows anything about chiropractory.

You know what I can tell is the hairline is long in the back, non on the front. But he does comb it forward. Long and non.

Wow.

Well, that was we're doing a lot of corners this year. What was that man's corner?

Yeah. It's nice to finally have your voice heard.

But all the point of that being, Bill, I would say after I think we should take a break. I love that this is happening for you. Yeah. I do want to check in, not just on you guys's work,

but what's going on in your

hearts

after this.

Well, I've been eating a lot of kava bowls. Okay. Okay.

No break yet. I want to dig in. I could go off on Marissa for about an hour. Hey, I just combed my hair. I do not want to get intimate right

now. Okay. All right.

All right. All right.

got so many

followers. We're gatekeeping kava.

We're

gatekeeping

kava. You can't have kava on the west side.

Well, I don't know about you guys, but I am really starting to get serious about this competition. And one of the things that I have done is started doing pushups. And I've thought about starting to do squats. Wow.

Okay. Pushups. Now, I had read, because I haven't seen the way you're doing it, that even if you just do like 10 before you shower every morning, that's 70 more pushups a week. How are you doing it?

I'm doing them in the quad, nude, at 6 a .m. to show everybody my commitment. Incredible. But

penis

down. I'm not doing penis up. I'm doing butt up. It would be tough to do a pushup

penis up. Penis up. That's what I'm saying. I'm not doing that. It's not gross or weird. That would be more of a dip. That would be more of a dip. I know. I'm not doing those. I'm doing naked penis down pushups in the quad so

that all the kids can understand that it's time to rise and shine. It's time to go to work. It's time to beat these other schools so that we can be happy.

It used to be. I've heard this on campus is they used to say, up with the cock's crow. Now, they're up with the cock's push. That's right. Which is your penis they're talking about.

That's absolutely right. And if you check the lawn, you'll see a bunch of little divots, very small little divots from you know what. My knees when I get tired. And I'd say they're big divots. I think you're pretty tired. Well,

they're not big, but there's a lot of them. They're not big, but there's a lot of them. That's what I'm saying. There's a lot of them.

And then how are you doing the dips after the pushups? I'm not doing any dips. I'm thinking about doing squats. Okay. And I'm only doing pushups right now. It's more the spectacle, to be honest. It's like in the military. They don't need them to get up at six o 'clock every morning. They need someone running around the base making noise. That's what

it's for. Yeah. I can tell that in your knees especially, you're getting a lot buffer.

Thank you. Sorry, you flexed your arms. In your knees, you're getting a lot buffer. I just had a noble thing. Yeah. Well, they're not buffer, but they're stronger.

They're bruised. What the doctors are calling sandpaper knees. And not just the doctors, but the carpenters are calling them those too.

They said they've never seen anything get ground down to a nub quicker than rubbing a two by four on my knee.

Yeah.

You have quite a, it's about a 10 grit.

Yeah.

be. Well, because

they don't know how to make it this dense. Like you've heard of 2000 grit. You've heard of 250 grit. You know, the more grit, the smoother

it is. So these are 10 grit. 10

grit.

Which can take a couple. It's basically like wearing a cheese grater on your knee. It's very cheese. And I mean, Geppetto.

It is very cheese. I don't want to get back into Kitchen Corner just yet, but my knees, they will grate cheese.

It's very cheese.

Don't get us started on graters. You could take a bit of edamame and rub it on my knee.

Or not edamame. What's the spicy stuff?

Wasabi? Wasabi. Yes. Oh, I accidentally did an appetizer of wasabi instead of edamame. I was like, let me get some garlic wasabi. And they brought out the beans. And I was like, no, garlic wasabi. Right. And so I ate a bunch of it. That's the story.

Smart. That's good. That's a good way to get going at the sushi place.

I will say arms wise, because again, it's been very knee focused. It's looking like that. Your knees are about a 10 to a, or like a 250 or whatever on that. What was the same paper?

It was a 10, a 10 grade, but your arms, your biceps are like about a thousand thread count. Very soft Egyptian looking cotton up there. You want to keep the part that people are going to touch soft.

You want to keep them supple

because, Hey, Hey, my knees are down here. Oh, you know what I mean? I make them look at the knees. My knees are like my tits.

And then, and then my arms are like a cuddly pillow. You know what I mean? Cause I'm not, I'm not doing it for the male gaze anymore. No.

That's what they say is when you look at how men dress and are, they don't do it for women. They do it for other

men. I don't need to be. I'm sick of doing it for other men. Women don't want me to be buff. They want to lay on my supple pillows arms.

Dad bod. Yeah. Dad bod. I did it for my own gaze

for a while.

You work

on your own body for your own gaze. Right. Yes. Right. Cause if you turn yourself on, now we're cooking. Oh yeah. I made

myself very gaze when I looked at myself in the mirror for a while and I was like, Oh, I like this.

Right.

Then I tried it with other men and I was like, Oh, I only like it when it's me.

Right. That kind of is. If you're dressing for your own gaze, you don't even need anybody else. You're like, I got everything I

need. That's true. That's a great lesson.

Right. Dress for your own gaze. I could really use your knees on some of the canoes we're working on right now.

Canoes. Pedo using

sandwiches. We have, well, skinnies. What are they

called? What are those things called? The rowboats. You know, I've never even thought about

that. I know what you're talking

about. There's a name for them. They're called long kayaks. They're kayaks. Puntoon. Dingies. Dingies.

Well, we were messing around with

dingies

for a

while. I had the boys in some

baths, bathtubs.

Uh -huh.

I tried out a bunch of different things.

But we landed on a very sleek, smooth. Geppetto's got us. He's really got us set up. I love that he's just really getting into the carpentry and away from the lying stuff and the nose stuff and all of that. I feel like that's the lane he should be in.

Like, that was a big moment of his life. Yeah. Wanting a real boy, making a boy. Boy becomes real. I don't know what happens at the end of it. But he was, first and foremost, a carpenter, a woodworker. Yes. And eventually, you have to come down from your Disney story and just start doing your job again.

The same thing as Jesus. He got so caught up with this other stuff from the Bible. But the other

day, he's

a carpenter. Yeah. And guess what happens when you get lost like that? You get hung up on your own works. I heard that Jesus wanted to make a really big mansion and he never got to.

No. Isn't that

so sad? Yeah. Like a gated

community. Jesus wanted to make a whole gated community and he never got to it. That's crazy.

Jesus wanted to live in a suburb like Phoenix, Arizona. He wanted to be in his own little

Scottsdale. Totally. I heard.

What did we all hear about Jesus? Because he's slightly more controversial than a lot of people think.

Well, people aren't gossiping about Jesus.

I mean, I know they were back then. They were trying to kill me shit.

But like I heard that he was so swamped when he had so many tables to make. He had so much shit to make. I relate. Yeah.

That's why he got

out.

That's why he wanted

out.

He wanted out. He

wanted

out. Oh my God. Does it?

Jesus.

I miss him

every day. I miss him every day. And you know what I really miss? Jesus. Oh.

I miss Jesus. I didn't even

know he was a server. A server. I didn't know he was a server at a restaurant. Right. I thought the last supper he was dining at. I didn't realize he was standing

up to do refills. That's

why they killed him because he got in the middle of their whole picture.

That's why they killed him.

Remember when they just quickly killed Jesus?

Oh, so Jesus was a kneeling waiter who gets a little bit too

comfortable with the table? Yes, he sat at the table and he was like,

why

should I take the photo? I could be in the photo.

Right. And they were like, the what? And he was like, you know the photo. It's not a movie. It's not a video. I've been around some of those guys lately, recently at a restaurant and I'd throw them to Pontius Pilate too.

Wow. Yeah. I'd tell the Romans about that. I heard it was

an Outback Steakhouse

that

Jesus worked at. Where did I supper at?

Yeah. Whoa.

I also heard that he

was set up in a pretty bad situation because there's this beautiful story about his parents sort of going to the inn and there not being room in the inn.

I actually heard that they got a room at the inn but they complained that they had a queen bed instead of a king bed and they said, we're about to have the son of God. We

need a king bed. That makes more sense. And then they made a big fuss. Joseph slapped the manager. Yeah. Mary threw the room service into the person's face. Wow. They

kicked him out. They kicked him out and they said, well, you don't want to stay here. Why don't you go sleep in the shitter is what somebody said. And they went out into the barn and they had Jesus in. And he was actually born in pig shit.

I can't believe that it was just like it is now back then. They say shitter. They go to

Outback Steakhouse.

They hang out in pig shit. It's crazy. Nothing's changed. Was Joseph or Mary's last name Christ? Christ.

I don't know that.

Like they're like, our son's first name is Jesus. Whose last name is he going to

tell? Or did they have a weird last name and they changed it?

I think they

changed it because Christ sounded

better.

why isn't it pronounced phonetically? Christian. Christian. If you follow him, it should be Christian, not Christian. Yes. Yes. Christian. I miss Jesus though. I miss him every day. I miss him. Damn. I miss him every day. Jesus. Because I think about it.

And

Oh. I wanted to check in with you guys just about some stuff that's happening at the school. Smart.

Yes. Obviously, as we continue to know, we are taking the big bucks to work here or eventually if

everything goes right.

Yeah.

After a break.

What that means is there have been some issues at the school with the allocation of funds. Right now, a lot of them are going to the men's football team. And there's been a lot of talk about splitting them a little more evenly. You know, not just Title IX where the women's teams get the same amount of money for sports, but also the theater program. Right.

The rowing program. Like the coaches get raises and

stuff. Yeah. I would like to see them use the money more fairly like that.

Yeah. Yeah.

I don't pay attention to politics. Yeah. Look at it.

That's a great choice.

I don't look at it. I

can't look at it.

You know what? That's the type of choice that I love because it's like saying I don't have a TV where it's like, oh, okay. Well, what would you like to talk about then for the rest of the day?

And also, why are you so rude? Yeah. You don't even know

anything. Why do you matter? You know, I just said I do have a TV. So what do you think

I would feel about that? Yeah. It's not rude.

It's not rude. I

guess I

am a fucking idiot.

Thanks.

Thank you. You are such an idiot for paying attention to things that affect you on a day -to -day basis. What are you doing?

I don't go to Marvel movies. Okay. So you're just not aware of them

at all? Have you seen Iron Man 2? Me? Of course. A hundred times.

So you love them, but you just won't go spend money on them. You

pirate. It's just when people bring them up, I say I don't go to them, I guess. Right. Yeah.

You lie to steal conversational real estate?

How many Marvel movies? It doesn't come 100 % about me when I make a big statement like that in the middle of a conversation somebody wanted to have openly.

I just love any time we're talking when someone slams on the brakes. The conversation comes to a

complete stop. Not me. I'm a vegan.

There we

I love that. Yeah. How many Marvel movies are there?

go. I love that.

A hundred.

A hundred? No. I mean, probably 35. 30, 40. Yeah. Probably.

What if you want to get into it right now? What do you do? No idea.

No idea. I would listen to newcomers with Warren Lapkus and Nicole

Byer. Okay. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, that's smart.

And just listen to them. Yeah, just listen to them. Yeah, don't even have to watch it.

Yeah, why not? Yeah, that's what I get. You know, Todd, you bringing up money does make me want to say something really quick. And I can, can we do a little off the record

moment? Yeah, let's

turn

the mic

down

real

quick.

Yeah, let's turn the mics down instead of pausing the recording. That'll be easier just so we have one full take here. Ever since the other week when I got roped into going to the mannequin factory, ever since then I've been feeling fucking freaked out because I've been walking around campus and I've been feeling like I've been watched. And so I don't want, I don't, don't tell the school or anything and don't tell anybody, but I

actually haven't,

I actually, I've embezzled a little bit of money. I won't call it embezzling. I've taken a little bit of money. Yeah. And I've hired some private security for me because I felt very unsafe. I showed up in my house the other day and the door was open and I walked inside and somebody had cooked themselves dinner in my house. No. Yeah. How'd they cook it? Huh? Exactly the way that I would do it. What? Microwaved. Everything. Whoa. Everything was microwaved.

The TV was on. You think this is like a doppelganger situation?

I don't know. You know, I don't want to think that that's true, but there's, I'm just feeling like.

Because they can do anything with these mannequins.

I mean, the whole thing is they're built to be disguised. I mean, I don't, I don't think it would be that

hard for the powers that be to make a Howard. The mannequins made you come there to Mannequin Factory and

teach

And now they're, I don't want to say that there's some trials out there in the world. I don't want to say that that's definitely what's happening, but I do. I will also say that the other day I sort of fell asleep and I woke up and I was standing, I was standing in the middle of the men's jean section at a Belks.

And I just had seemingly been there for

hours.

Wow.

I did think you were being a little weird. Like the morning after you and I, we went to, we went bowling together. And I was like, that was a lot of fun last night. And you're like, what are you talking about? And I was like, you and me, we went bowling. We had that great conversation about which outfits we like to wear in the store. And about, you were saying how much you love not having any hair, eyes, nose, mouth.

I remember that. You were telling me that Howard bowled a zero.

He bowled a zero. He has a single pin. Yeah. And it was like the first time I've ever lost bowling still.

Yeah. But he bowled a zero. I was like, Howard, he bowled a zero. What did you bow? You bowled a negative?

I bowled a negative 42 because on one of my gutters, I submitted a joke for the gutter ball screen. And they took away points for the quality of my joke.

That's really tough. That's really tough. I love that you're still submitting though. I mean, you have been turned down from every comedic rag in town.

But you're still submitting. Gutter like a fish.

I get it.

That's pretty

good. I get that. Yeah.

We can

get back

to the podcast.

I'm sorry. I know. I weirdly, I was at Tomatoes the other night. Delicious.

You guys know. Eating it up. Loving it down there.

We still got tomatoes and bikinis every night. Oh, yeah. Let's not forget. I take off

this

Oh, wow.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean? What do you mean? What? And I said, Howard Levis? And she was like, yeah. And I was like, he's never had sex before and doesn't know how to and can't. And he wouldn't. And I would know if

he tried. He wouldn't. Because that's the thing. He wouldn't. He wouldn't.

And there's nothing wrong with it. But he wouldn't. But we just know what kind of guy he wouldn't do that. He

wouldn't. And that could be a good thing. There's no shame in it.

No shame.

And I would, by the way. He can't. He doesn't know how he won't. Just so you guys know, I would. Completely theoretically, of course. Look, if there's some sort of way we can land on this where we can make a joke about it, but still not make anyone feel mad at us, that's where we are.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Being a virgin is funny unless it hurts your feelings, and then we don't talk about it on the podcast. Right. Yeah. So anyway,

and I said,

you're wrong, but I'm headed to Bikinis if you want to come with me, she said, no, thank you. Right. That place

is not what it used to be. That's

true. It's

changed. I agree with that. And that's what I tell them when I get to the back room. Yeah,

it's not what it used to be. That's the kind of conversation we have. It's like, everything's changed here.

Everything's

changed. I haven't, though, but

everything

else has. Everything else is changing

for the worse. I did not have sex with that woman. I

know. Okay, Bill. I know, Bill. Hey, Bill, give us one down

the middle. I did not have

sex

with that woman. Throw one out there down the middle. There you go. No, I'm not trying

to be Bill Clinton right now.

This is a scary thing for me, you guys. Do one right more than down the barrel.

Well, I'll do it, but I mean it. I did not have sexual relations with that

woman. I know, because you can't. You don't know how you can't. Can we not treat

this as just... He wouldn't.

But I just want you guys to treat this with the seriousness that it deserves. You just would not

do it. Like, I

just can't imagine why

or how you wouldn't. You just would not do it. Give us one clean down the barrel and let's just get a response. Just so we have. I

you

would

did not have sexual relations with that woman. And we know, because you can't. You won't. You haven't.

You wouldn't. And you can't do it. I'm not sure you know what it is. Stop it. I need you guys to understand how serious this is.

You just told me this.

This isn't funny. Do one more down the barrel. I'm not doing it again, okay? I have nothing to prove here other than

I... Here, Howard, can you get in that camera just so we know we have it on both

cameras? Yeah,

get it over here. Get in this camera.

I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

Wouldn't have. Couldn't have. And didn't know how and can't.

Okay.

I think we need to be musicians. That was more musical than content, if you think about it. We're improvisational when it comes to that little bit.

Bop, bop, beep. Can you...

Can you... We can

do it a hundred times and

have it be funny

time, I think.

every

Howard, give us one more.

I

did not have sexual relations with that woman. You can't. You wouldn't. Wouldn't know how. You can't do it and

there's no way how. Wouldn't even come to your

thought process. And you can't. And you wouldn't. Now, we're hitting an area right now where we're slumping on the funny, but it's still there. It'll come back. It'll come back.

You have to power through the slump to find the answer. Yeah, we don't know yet. I think at home you're laughing about it. Even if in the room the

third one wasn't as surprising. So throw us one more down the barrel.

I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Which we expected. Because you can't. Because you don't know how.

We're back up. We told you to stick with it.

Most of the show from now on is going to be about how good the

show is.

We're back on top. Do we

get out now or do we slump again? All right, guys. Stay. Stay

flipping.

I was kidding. Should we keep going? False ending or should we keep or should we just keep it? One more. Let's just see how we do it.

Throw one more right down the barrel and let's see. I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

We know. Because you can't. Because you won't know how.

willing to even think about it. You're so scared. And you can't.

You're not

Fuck. I don't know if we can get out of this one. Of

course. No, we can. I think maybe you're just not going down the barrel enough. Did we get

a

clean in this camera? I already did. Did we get you in both cameras at the same time?

Yes,

that is the middle. Yeah,

can you split the

cams? There we go, Howard.

Okay, perfect.

I'll do the thumb for this one.

Don't worry about the thumb. Oh,

he's

Yeah, do it with the mic.

Sorry.

You can't. We know. You couldn't. Desperate.

Okay, so we had to play with frame to get it. We had to play with frame. That still won't work at home as well.

It won't work. It'll work

great. Yes.

Wow. Wow. Well, I mean, this is weird that these mannequins are out. They're being you. Yeah.

I'm just a little bit freaked out. They're having sexual relations with people as you.

I mean, honestly, these.

They're better than you.

Well, I'm just worried because I don't know what that could mean. I don't know why they'd want to do. I mean, they're stupid. Well, that's a dead giveaway. Okay, we're going to act all human. Let's have sex like Howard Levis. Okay.

Howard, how do we know this is you right now? Oh, I. Well, I. It's absolutely me. There's. There's only. There's. There's no way that I

can prove it. Look how good Howard's complexion is right now. I've never seen

a

smoother. I don't know. I

clothes fit him

Howard's

thought

particularly well during this

episode. And were expensive. Is this you? It's. Of course it's me. What's something.

If you stab me with

it. We can think of something.

What is hard now? Personal that we know that nobody else does about you. But like, what is Howard even like that?

What is it? What is it? It's a thing. Oh, oh, oh. What's the cereal that has a B in a lot of the commercials? What? Good for your heart. One of your

friends is

the

maker. Cheerios.

Okay. Would Howard. Would only Howard know that? No. Howard would know. No. Howard. Okay. But the mannequin would also maybe know that. Are you

saying?

I guess

whoever's. I feel like a mannequin could know that. Yeah.

Even if it doesn't know anything as Howard. It's my only Howard would know.

It has a base. It has a base knowledge. Who was the star of Seinfeld? B.

Also B. Also the writer, director of B movies, Jerry Seinfeld.

That's what happened.

What's it feel like to kiss someone on the lips? I don't.

I don't know.

This is Howard. Okay.

Howard.

Love to have you back,

brother. Hit us one down the barrel. Hit us one down the barrel

real quick to get us out of here.

We know you

can't. But wait. Stay.

Stay. Stay. Stay. Stay. No. What? What do we have? We have to do something else.

Yeah.

We have to do one little thing, right? We got to get something or it's midpoint.

What if we add something to the competition that only our school can be good at? Because why are we playing fair? Let's not even cheat.

Let's just add a thing. Oh, they do have submission. They do have a competition submission. Competition submission.

Oh. This year. What are the kids here? There's a wild card. We're good at it or do you think the students are good at?

I guess maybe a little above.

Or we're prepping them for. Right. What is something we're really good at? Reverse searing a steak.

Uh -huh. What about like ignoring weird adults? It seems like the kids at our school are really good at that.

They are. Well, I haven't noticed. I've noticed they're good at ignoring me, but I haven't seen them really ignoring any

weird adults. Shoot. You're

right.

We could have people invite their celebrity. Who can invite the most celebrities? Who knows the most celebrities? That's good because

our school is rich

We

and connected. That's good.

also know quite a few. You know? We could get Ribisi in here. We could get...

Ribisi.

Ribisi.

We

Oh. I'll play Paul Hollywood. We could do a Bake

Off, a polite Bake Off. Sam is Paul Hollywood.

I mean, I like... What is really cool right now is filmed things that have cooking in them.

Yes. Cooking. Quick cuts. Quick cuts.

Cooking. Close -ups. Very high -definition camera. Cooking. Yeah, like it makes you... So TV shows about chefs. Yeah, like

I feel like if we did cooking,

it could really work right now.

Well, you know me. I can cook. I can cook like a fucking storm.

I cooked up camp.

I mean, I'm upset

by most of what's in the kitchen. What? Evidence to prove we can do a restaurant. Oh, that is where we just came from. Just

came from

Yes. The next episode's going to have Hugh Jackman and Ryan Reynolds.

That's right. Hugh Jackman already did our podcast.

He did. That's right. Remember? Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Okay. We did. Wow, we don't have that many ideas.

We don't.

Maybe we just end up for

that first

day. What if we ate each other? Okay. We've done that. We've done

that a lot. Yep. What if we were bad teachers at a school? Well... Could we kind of change the school so it feels a little different than the other ones?

Yeah. That's a good idea. Yeah. I think if we just changed the one detail of the name of the school, we could kind of

get away. How about this? We submit something chill like, you know, dance or

plastic surgery. Chill. Or something easy that like... But we just let it happen.

I think I know what we're submitting.

Plastic