Ep 6: Mall Bathroom

knock knock hello

sorry someone's in this one too you

can just look

sorry excuse me I saw your eyes I just didn't want to embarrass you by opening the door and you being in there so I just wanted to make

sure

here we go found an

empty one here you don't know how long that J crew sail is going on for

I think it's through the spring so probably end of spring maybe beginning of summer

wow six months

it's a long sail

J crew's having trouble

fellas

fellas come on let's cut the chatter here

why you want it silent over there you shy

yeah I'm a little shy and you know I've been just talking to my family all day this is

kind of where I come to take a breather

yeah bathroom's a little bit of a respite you know everybody's asking for something dad give me 20 bucks dad give me 30 bucks dad I want Sbarro

I'm like hey I want to go sit in the bathroom for 45 minutes

well y 'all can probably tell what I'm supposed to be doing by the by my boots and yeah you're

supposed to be keeping us safe in here huh

yeah let me look all the way down

look at my boots and my pants security

guard

red

forgot they were doing that this year yeah we gotta keep everything safe and also kids can ask us what they want

damn or they can ask I always wondered I appreciate

your service

yeah

I wouldn't think that that would be a problem but when you you plop a kid up there it's going to push something out somewhere you should get colostomy look

they're running love in town it's like trying to find masks yeah my dad's been having trouble during COVID they were all gone colostomies I well I'm going to take part of the blame for that when I heard that there might be a shortage ooh I

cleaned up on them I got a you hoarding garage colostomy bags wow wow

this all good yeah I'll bring you one

lucky

I would love to shit without peeing

I know

I wouldn't even have come in here I would have just you know where I'd have gone I'd have gone on the exterior landing oh my god I'd never go out there oh my god you peer over you look at the

buca di beppo god that's the place to be it's like you're in Italy and you don't have to go anywhere

I don't even need to smoke a cigarette out there shit in my pants feels good enough and it's not your

pants

yeah you're always having to step outside I was having to step outside to use the

colostomy

bag it's

you

on

your phone yeah sorry looking at some TikToks

I

don't mean to be rude but I'd like people to be present with me if we're having a conversation sorry I

know yeah

didn't

oh yeah I'm looking at my I'm looking at my own TikToks

oh okay so you're working a little

bit yeah well just like checking on my views got got one

that's got 13

13 hundo this morning oh whoa y 'all seen Grape

Lady huh

Grape Lady yeah the oldest viral video

time

of all

Grape Lady

Grape Lady used to be my cell phone ring my ringtone

ow

ow ow that's crazy

that's crazy

not

for

me to

right oh I

love that one yeah hello that's weird that we all do that

Krispy Kreme

I got I have mine

no thank you

thank you please honey we need you out here

no

place me on the do not call list thank you you can

do that with your family

yeah a lot of people don't know that

that's all you gotta do is say that

and then if they call you it is

illegal it's illegal I can sue I can sue hey y 'all got any I mean not toilet paper but like any toilet paper alternatives over there I gotta

yeah

I just gotta blow my nose

yeah yeah yeah

you want aloe or not aloe would be great I bring a full fanny pack to the mall I appreciate

that sometimes I blow my nose in this ratty stuff yeah we all have handkerchiefs cause

we're old guys at the mall

yeah but I don't want to use that

yeah you don't want to use a paper towel that's been in my back right pocket all day for a week

no I forgot mine that's why I'm

asking something well yeah that's why I bring the fanny I can't tell based on the echo are you the stall next to me how many over are you

I'm on 3R 3R

I'm

boom

battleship gotcha

yeah got em gotcha stinky one stink bomb gotcha over there I thought that was you yep yep

you guys playing the install the install video

games I forgot we were still playing I shouldn't have admitted my position

I'm so glad they installed those it's

like on a plane no one will ever accept your invite you wouldn't believe how good we've gotten at this game when I come to the mall I bring three four pairs of shoes couple pairs of pants and I'm in every stall you don't know where you're hitting me because

I'm in all wait are those fake legs over there I'm not telling you you don't know where I am they're all kind of moving a little bit you technically got me in 3R but I ain't tell you where else I

am

those that that one legs they're dressed too broad I know that ain't you

what you don't think I wear hammer pants MC hammer that's me all this J crew stuff you guys are talking is the crazy stuff

seems like you needed big pants to fit too much stuffing

alright so I told you my lie right away

listen I'm playing Battleship give me a break alright well you want to pass over the top or under the bottom

what's a better pass for you you know what I'll just come out

alright me too

I'll just come

out you do an up or down oh down okay Sam yeah

pants

there you go

they just met up down out there keep some for later

thank you I will this is crazy what is you

so you make them with your niche is that what you were saying yeah make TikToks with your niche up to 1350 now it

makes you in your niche it's me in my niche yeah yeah

she's funny man she's funny

yeah what is a niche

hmm

my brother's daughter it's your brother's daughter yeah I see your sister's daughter's your niece your brother's daughter's your niche

yeah yeah yeah

I've been trying to make TikToks with my nest shoe

yeah right hey man that's too much that's too much nest shoes are

tough no I didn't

sneeze

it's tough

got an shoe I don't have one I'm trying to

get my brother to have one I need my brother to have his son

damn

so what do you and your niche make

we make you know kind of those videos that's like you know tips tips for like she's a big softball player she does that so we do kind of like

training the extra large ball

yeah yeah one of the kinds of

kickball size softball yeah yeah yeah

it's a

it's a regulation practice yeah

we do

practice ball content

I bet your niche and you have found

your niche yeah absolutely I'm searching it all

practice ball content you click that on tiktok you only get our video oh my god I'm seeing only you

yeah

I'm seeing only you guys

no overlap yet okay so three videos yeah 1350 on third video is

pretty good what's the 1350 when you got 50 views in the last minute what is it uh it's just big ball y 'all hitting it or yeah I'm just standing behind the sort of uh the net uh underhand tossing the big practice ball she's slamming it uh is it soft like and like a wiffle or or

or it's soft kind of like light or is it like a regulation softball just huge it's regulation softball with a with a lighter stuffing so that the ball is bigger but the same weight as a

regular softball those legs just floated up which one I know that ain't you

I'm in about to send a I'm in one of these

4b I knew it I

knew it I got your trawler yeah I'm looking at the comments here and it's all no wonder it's blown up thank god I've needed this for years finally practice ball content oh my god thank you so much I will be doing this with my niche soon

so much easier to hit is it okay if I do practice ball with my neshu what

is practice

ball that got into a huge argument

yeah yeah it felt like it was too close I gave him a thumbs down and then he he

fired 30 ,000 comments that says what is practice ball look

at this related video what is what is a neef what's a neef

what's that

go live respond to it I'll go live real quick I'll go live real quick I'm gonna go live let him go live hey everybody excuse

me turn it off turn it off quiet the whole time

no no it's okay we finally had one crack here we always been sitting there oh now the dams are open hey Cameron hey Tina hey hey

Michael

yeah we'll just wait for everybody to get in

here oh god oh fuck

my hole my asshole Jesus

Christ

yeah hey Stu how you doing man yeah we'll just wait for a couple more people

to

come in all right we see one of the comments

big ball yeah

yeah

what's practice ball I didn't know they could sound

off they were just like

sending those videos yeah yeah yeah

all right

sorry stop what was going on at Steak Escape out there Steak Escape I think they're changing the name oh is that what it was because it was

all

closed

down they wouldn't serve me it's Steak Prison now

oh no

they didn't want to encourage escaping anymore so it's a whole jail theme it's a whole jail

it's kind of pro prison

they got bought up by the prison industrial complex now you got to make your own well it's a bit because there was that big case hey Cliff how you doing there was that big case recently did you guys see that the guys got acquitted after they escaped prison

because they said they were inspired

by Steak

Escape

hey Monica how's your daughter

don't ask about her

what's you're building a real community that's awesome that's a real community you know Monica

yeah you're gonna have

to respond to this it's her it sure is you're ignoring the main thing you gotta comment on it

you can't pivot forever man

I can't believe she watches

that's awesome

that's awesome

that's

awesome people are on you dude they're so bad alright y 'all my surface is getting a little spotty my surface is getting a little spotty thanks everyone for joining just say what a neef is what's a neef

oh hey Phil good to see you man good to see you

yeah I'll be on later we know what a neef is we

know what a

is alright y

neef

steak

prison guys I hate to say it you know I've been having such a good time in here with y 'all I'm almost done

oh man

oh man

I don't know

that's how I feel

y 'all wanna all walk out

leave them down and say hey

one last time

let's do it one last time on

three so we go on pants down hands up pants down hands up

walk out okay and no stride can be bigger than six inches yeah

I'll put you down

so

there's no chance oh

yeah no I got a size 22 waist so this I'm barely getting any

distance

yeah jealous badass 22 inches up top I got a 36 waist and a 36 shoe so you know I got problems I'm sitting up tall

all right y 'all wanna go put somebody away from life for life and share a steak out there

I'd love to yeah I just gotta fire off a text to my family let them know I'm gonna be a little while longer

tell them do not contact list

I should I should yeah

there's so few families in town though I'm gonna put my family on the I have it just

written stop all caps whenever my

wife texts me

that's a good idea I might have to try that with

everybody it's legal yeah guys I am shaking with excitement I gotta see you

all the face to face all right all right ready let's unclick the

latch on two

one

two

and

let's open on one

and now let's run out

run run

oh my god huge

whoa

practice what is

practice ball hey Monica how you doing

what are what is

it I'm on live

no that was me I've been in the stall the whole time

this out who's

trying to figure

this bill guy in the

chat hitting on Monica

what's practice

ball what's practice ball Monica I agree oh now Hillary's in the chat

bill

uh

oh

gotta go

how'd they get voice access

I bring them on I bring them on kind of like when those like weird kids debate people

god you're awesome I love your content

really good stuff

yeah let's pull them up and then I'm gonna go find my family and try not to go to state jail all right

one two three

oh oh

quick two second hands under the water just for show

okay

I got close I got