10. Ferris Wheel

All right, folks, step right up, two to a car, and you get five loops on the Ferris wheel here. So here you go, lovely couple. Why don't you step in there? Thank

you. I'm a little bit scared of heights.

That's okay. It doesn't fully stop, so keep hopping on there.

It doesn't fully stop. Okay.

All right. Thank you. All right. You, sir, come right on up. Hey. Hey there. Sorry, I just got really freaked out at the freak show, and I just need some time to think somewhere.

No problem. It doesn't quite stop. It just comes to a slow...

It was just really freakier than I

expected.

It's all right, sir. You guys have a lovely time. Wow. Wow. Look.

Look at that.

Oh, my God. We can see McAllister's barn. Yeah.

Oh.

Whoa. Wow. Yeah, and you can see downtown, the grocery store.

Look how pretty the grocery store is.

Wow.

It looks

I hope it's not

a problem that I'm just riding so low here. He kind of just pushed me onto this one. Oh, no. That's

okay. No, you're good. I got really freaked out by the freak show just now.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. We haven't done any of the sort of shows or anything. Don't do it.

No. Is there a freak show?

I

think... They don't really say that anymore. I don't know if

there's a freak show.

Who were you looking at? I know there was a... I think there was like a talent show for like middle school to high school kids.

Yeah. Or there's... There were some pretty young freaks. That's what freaked me out. I mean, there's like the livestock, you know...

Oh, that could maybe be freaky. Was it like animals and stuff? Or... No. There were... I went... There were some young... I think... I paid a guy $30. Okay. And he said, welcome to the show. And I went freak show. I imagined.

And that's one loop, guys. Four more for

you. We'll see you soon. Hey, man. Is there a freak show at this thing?

No.

Oh, I think he said no. I don't know what it was then. I don't want to interrupt your date.

No, it's okay. No, no, no. It's okay. It's actually... This isn't like a first date or anything. We've actually been together for a long time. Yeah,

yeah.

grocery store, actually. Yeah, we met at the grocery store. Yeah. Look at that.

It's beautiful. Doesn't it look

amazing? Excuse me. Hello. I'm just in the next car.

I'm currently above you guys.

Yeah, yeah.

Could you keep it down? Okay.

I'm just on a solo ride here. This is sort of my break for my kids. Are you reading? Yes, I'm reading. I mean, we'll try to keep it down.

War

and Peace.

Oh,

cool. Thick book for the Ferris wheel. I gave him 400 tickets. He's going to leave me on until it closes.

Oh,

wow.

You don't get motion sickness or anything, looking at something while moving?

A little.

Oh, no. Yeah.

Just a little.

Okay. It smells stinky. I think you've been sick up there.

Yeah, yeah. Just a couple times. Not like a ton, but a

couple times. Well,

there's your freak. I don't want to be rude, but it's kind of a public space, and we paid for the tickets for this, and we kind of want to have a fun time

down here. Yeah, we met on the Ferris wheel. But you're on a weird triple date. Sorry, at the grocery store.

You're on a weird triple date with some other guy. Just can it. No, he's a random man who was paired with us in our car because they didn't have space. So I understand that maybe you had an idea of what you wanted out of this experience, but we also had

an idea. Can I ask you a question, sir? Swallow it. It filled up your cheeks.

Just swallow it. Yeah, yeah. Hi, sorry.

Is there a freak show here? I don't think

so. A freak show? There's a kids' talent show. What were you near when you saw the freak show?

The freak show was right by all the kids' rides and where the kids' bands were playing.

Okay, so it's either the high school cantata. Yeah. Or

there's... It could also be that sort of play place where the toddlers go and

have the little kids'

rides. I don't know. I just know I'm freaked out. I do want to speak to something the gentleman above us was saying.

Okay.

About us being like a throuple or something like that. I am generally interested in that,

but not with you guys, just so you know. Okay, you didn't understand. The women I look for are usually a little younger and weirder and probably in the circus or something adjacent because those are just like kind of more open people.

Okay. And I find they don't ask me a lot of questions. Circus

adjacent.

So like

what does that mean? I was getting that vibe too, sir. They seem pretty closed off. Are you the person above me or the

ticket person? Above you, above you. Above, yeah. We are coming

back around,

though. We are

getting here at the

bottom. And

that's two loops, folks. We'll see you in three more. They've never counted. This guy's

such a... It's really

on it. It kind of makes me anxious. I mean, that guy down there, there's your freak. And that's two loops for you. And that's two loops

for

you. That's two loops for you. It's two

loops for you. Oh, now

he's on it.

Every car that's on

it. Every car that goes by, we just

hear it

time. Yeah. He's saying it to every single car. What an awful thing.

one

the

Oh, yeah. I think we missed each other there. That was just a misunderstanding. I would maybe be attracted to either of you

one -on -one, but as far as Polly, this wouldn't work for me. That's okay. We're not looking

for a third. We actually are. We have been looking for a third, but it's not another partner. We are adopting. And we actually just got the photo of who we are adopting

today. Congratulations.

Yeah. Do you

want

to take a look?

Look at our new son.

He's old. Sorry. I was just looking

over the edge. He's old. I mean, he's four. He's not

like, you know, a baby baby. That's, I'm sorry. I'm just a little unsettled after the

freak show. Seeing another

maybe,

I

don't know a better word because you just said your son, but.

Don't call

this kid a freak. Not like the rest of

us. What's going on with you and children? Okay.

They're not freaks. They're not little lunatics. I went to the show and it was all, you know how we're kind of fully qualified. We're grown. We have facial hair. Whatever.

Yeah. There was just these little versions of us. Okay.

You know, you don't. Stinkier than ever. Okay.

Voices way higher. Okay. What were you doing at the freak show? You were sitting there? Were you audible? Were you saying anything? Well, you know, screaming, booing, whatever the freaks kind of brought out of me. I'm very in touch with my feelings.

Still on page two, huh? Up there. How could you see my book? How could you see that the

kid was old? Because I'm looking down. Yeah. You heard me turn one page. I just bought war and peace and I brought it here to stay away from my kids at the fair.

They're also here. Oh. They're down at the,

I'm not sure, somewhere with their mother. Oh, the cantata. Yeah. What is a cantata?

It's where people sing, I think.

It's like a little play. Like

a singing

recital kind of

thing. It's like not as good as a musical, but it's not a play.

You guys ever had a

cortato?

Yeah. What is that again?

I don't know. I went to a city once and I had a, I had a hot coffee drink that was a cortato.

Cortato. Yeah. It's definitely city. I'm curious to see if you can be more specific about your life once you're more well read. It seems like your grasp of the language is pretty minimal

right now. Well, I don't know. I haven't gotten one in this town. All we got is a Starbucks or whatever, but I,

when I went to a city, I went to a city and I was in this big place called Eataly

and I got

what they called was a cortato.

Okay. I

think you were, I think you were at a, like a, a market. Okay. That's, that's, uh, kind of based on Italy, but it's called Eataly. If anybody wants to get off now, you do have a chance. We're going to slow it down a little

bit. That's a really long

sentence for him to have to say. We're going to have to do five. And that's three loops. If anybody wants to get off, we're going to slow down a little bit. And that's three loops. If anybody wants to get off, we're going to have to slow down a

little bit. I got to ask you, what's your guys' kink? Telling everybody how the world

works?

You

just go

We met at the grocery store. Huge.

Okay.

We

Uh,

yes. Yeah. We were both. We both had full, full carts. Uh, I was trying to get into the, uh, the express checkout with 45 items.

We were both disguising. We get just enough items, but way over. And we try to do 45 items or less, which is the craziest express line.

Well, that's so many items.

Like 45, but, but they pushed us over to the 200 items or more.

Yeah. And we obviously, we both lost it. And we had way more than that, by the way. Yeah. We had upwards of 200 ,000 items

between the two of us.

Are you counting every Skittle in the bag? Yeah. Well,

we are

counting little pieces of Parmesan.

I had sugar. Yes. Sugar.

I had flour. Each

granule.

Each granule. Yeah.

Uh, grapes.

Sir, can you believe this up there? Reek! Eek! Eek! Eek! Don't be swinging too hard. Don't swing like

a swing, sir.

We're going to do a quick stop. Look, you got to stop. Whoa!

Oh, I hate that part. I hate that part.

He said

it

bored. There's your freak. You know, sir, I've been hearing you say that a lot. And I don't really think that's

nice. Well, I've said it twice about you, and I've said it

once about the man on the ground. Yeah, exactly.

And you're the one saying, there's not a freak show here. There's not a freak show here. And then you're calling everyone freaks. Look,

sometimes when you get a nice little roast, you can reuse it throughout the night, you know?

Yeah, but typically you

do it. You turn the page back to one? Why are you going back

to one? I have bad comprehension. It's war and peace. I can only remember the war stuff.

Oh, right. Brian

McKnight up there.

Back to

one.

Oh, that was beautiful. You nailed

that.

you ever had a Cortado? Wait, honey. I don't like kids either. He's starting his story over again. This

man's not okay. Call the Cortado.

You're not

okay, all right?

What are you talking about? My kids are not okay. They're not such my crazy wife.

Look at this. There's your freak. Okay, sir.

Sir. God, I

need a coffee with

ice cream in a minute.

It's like we're in a loop. You know what? How about this? Oh, my God. Good

observation.

How about this? Are

we in some sort of time warp on this thing?

How about everybody? We do just have some quiet time just to appease the

guy up there. It feels like we've kind of all kind of blown off the handle a little bit. Why don't we have some quiet time? Me and you two? Huh? Between me and you two?

I think everybody should talk. It's a nice date. Or whatever. If you think it should be quiet. What about the two weird guys be quiet and the couple has a nice time and we don't even remember it or think about it or talk about it? Okay. That'd be great. That would be great. Wait, what's going on over there at McAllister's barn? That

looks like... You all see that? Yeah, it looks like there's a bunch of emergency vehicles. Is it

ablaze? Oh, my God. Is that fully ablaze? Is the McAllister's barn on fire in an emergency vehicle? Okay. Are we doing

the silent thing or not?

Because I'm trying to be quiet, but you're asking me so many questions.

We're not asking you the questions. We're kind of just asking them in general because it looks like there's a big

emergency over at

McAllister's barn. Let's do the quiet thing.

Oh, my God.

Fire. He's dead. They're all dead.

It's not even worth going in. They're all deceased. They're all deceased. They've all been deceased for at least 10 minutes. It's not even worth going in.

Who cares if there was an emergency? Sergeant, we think it was

arson.

We've killed the arsonist.

The arsonist is down.

Don't go in. It's not worth going over there. There's a crowd

forming. Is this a show? The arsonist is deceased. Everybody step back. Oh, this is like a Universal Studios type

show. Oh, it's part of the

cantata.

It's not New Year's. What is this?

Why do they have all these little freaks singing this song? Noel. It's not Christmas

either.

I

guess God's up shooting. Shooting everybody who sings the wrong song. It's an

interesting thing for a show. I don't know. Oh, my God. Guy's shooting people? There's your freak. I swear I'm in a

loop. I'm in a loop. Okay, sir. I'm breaking my silence. If you say freak one more time, I'm jumping down there to hang out with you guys. And you don't want that. You

know that

it's a

I'm going to throw the book at you. Literally.

Don't. Then don't say freak

again. Okay. I'm very sensitive. Okay. I'm sorry. This is not who I normally am. I came here today so unsettled by what I saw before this. Little adults wearing Pikachu shirts and Baby Yoda backpacks.

So you know what a baby

is. So they were really dressed.

I don't know if he's a baby or not. And that also just kind of sounds like maybe you were walking around the fair.

No, that's his name.

I'm unsettled. All right? That's all I'm saying. And I'm going to be honest. I said some stuff about you guys before. And honestly, it was out of jealousy for your love.

I think I have a great idea. Okay. Why don't you climb up here? You obviously, this couple

doesn't want you with them. Okay, they

both

at

looked

dexterous or

strong. If anything, he might be able to jump, but he definitely won't be able to climb and pull

himself. Well, then why don't

we

wait until

it keeps going and you can jump down? Wait until we're on the other side of the loop and you're below us and you can

kind of jump in. Maybe you can't climb, but surely you can do a dead hang of your own whole weight. Oh, yeah. Just

my whole weight. Okay. So he's going to do a dead hang and we're going to wait until the angle's right and then he's going to

drop. I would wait to start the dead hang until the wheel starts going again, but that's fine.

So it'll definitely be on the way down. Oh my

God. Oh, he was shot

like ski. A mercy kill. He didn't have to land.

He didn't have to go through the suffering of landing on

the ground. I didn't know there was a mercy sniper. I heard that's a new employee

this year. Wow. I've heard that they've been doing a lot of new

employees. Well, because of all the stuff that's been going on at the fair for the last 20 years in a row.

That explains why a bullet whizzed by my head when I left the keys in the car. Because we were going to

argue so bad. Oh, did you park kind of far away?

Yeah. We were going to have such a bad fight. I was almost out dead. Why did it miss? What do you think? I think I just, I ducked in the last second.

Oh, it told me I had too much dairy. Oh. Is that a cow?

Wait, was that a cow?

Was that

dairy from another cow? They make dairy. Oh my God. I didn't know they could be lactose. That's honestly sick. I think that was the situation where he was

cannibalizing other cows. And so he wanted to be killed. Hey, if you guys are uncomfortable at all, don't say anything. Apparently this guy's got a

real, a real wire. Hot finger.

Hot finger.

Wait.

Easy. Oh my God. Look at the muscle

on that thing. Everything's fine. That kind of spotlight just hit that guy and now we can see him. He's over there in that tower.

Oh my God. This musical is amazing. He's giving us the hand.

Hey

man, take it easy. We're

not worth it. Your first shot was good. The rest of them have been bad.

Thank you. Good. Good. I see you. You're, we need you. We need

you. But maybe only two people falling off of rides or crushed by the weight of a ride, but still alive. Good. We need you.

We do need you. All right, folks. We're going to start up the wheel one more time.

Remember, you're going on your third revolution. Wow. Two more left. Oh, he miscounted. Did he miscount? We're going to get one extra one. We've already done that. Fuck! Fuck!

No! That was... No! Kill us!

Kill me! Kill me! You keep missing! Kill me! Oh,

no. The mercy

sniper. He was shot. He didn't kill us. He shot himself.

I think he felt

so bad about shooting somebody. He mercy'd himself.

He mercy'd himself before he could mercy. Oh, my gosh. Oh, we got flung

from there.