Krispy Kreme

In a lot of ways, the road is like a donut. It's... Um... Well, heck, I can't think of one way the road is like a donut, even. It, um... Well, yeehaw. Yeehaw. Look, this episode's at a donut place.

All right, everyone. Keep the, uh... Keep the line single file. I know the hot sign's on. We're gonna get everybody

in and out. What if we got a group? Can we be

clumped up? Try to... I understand if... I see some families back there. Hi, Jacobsons. Hey, hey. But, yeah, try to keep it... We're just having trouble people getting out,

okay? If we're in line and the hot sign is on, we're gonna get one, right? Because I'm pretty far back here. I don't want to get to the front and be like, oh, the sign's off, the donuts are gone.

We are running a finite amount of hot. We only have a certain amount of dough, and I hope to get everyone a hot donut.

But if you run out of hot, is there still colds?

Yes, we have room... I don't want colds. It's not cold. It's regular room

temp, okay? Can we turn up the thermostat then? Yeah. Just in case. We're not

gonna... Great idea.

You're not gonna heat up the inside of the Krispy Kreme so

much... Yeah, we're not gonna... They will mimic...

We're not gonna. You are. Go... Mark Jacobson. Don't you talk... I'll shut this Krispy Kreme down right

now. All right, all right, all right.

You'll go

No, it'll be just like high school. I'll wreck you. I'll put you in that rear naked choke and put you out just like I did in the state finals. You will not put me in that rear naked choke. Yes, I will. Just like state finals, I'll choke you out.

You gonna take your shirt off again? Yeah.

No. Yeah. Nobody's taking my

shirt off and humiliating me in front of a whole gym and giving me a wedgie. Wedgie.

And a titty twister and a swirly.

And who even installed that toilet at that school? There was a toilet right in the middle of the gym up too high and I got a swirly in it.

I heard that was P .E. Coach. Yes. He couldn't make it.

Yeah.

Yeah. Listen. What about your grandpa? Maybe you let him get a little

further up in line. Get out from behind the counter, grandpa.

What about your grandpa? Let me just make myself a little something and hit

the line. No, get in line.

Don't make me give you a naked rear spanking.

Don't

make me give you a naked spanking like I did in high

school. You're not gonna show up after I had just gotten a rear whatever that was.

Rear naked choke. Rear naked choke. And then also spanked me in front of the homecoming pep rally. That was a tough day for you, huh?

Yes. I've never recovered and I can't hold a job. Not that that's why you would work at Krispy Kreme. That's fine

to work at Krispy Kreme. That's a good job. This is good. I am valid.

Is it alright if I plug this in back here? I brought

a little space heater. No! Where are you going to have a vacuum?

I brought a space heater and a

vacuum. You're not gonna heat your room temp Krispy with a space heater. Well then you gotta ensure me

that I'm gonna get a hot one. Look how

much dough we have left. Where's the

guarantee?

Can I order? I've been politely standing at the front

of the line. Yes, please. Fuck you! Don't punch the new lady in town. I just moved here.

She's gotta learn the rules. No, our town is not like this normally, okay? It gets a little testy when the hot sign's on. What can I get you? We've got hot does. We've got everything you want.

Well... Oh, come on! Shh! Shh! Something for my husband. Who cares?

He likes...

Just order

the donut, ma 'am! Wow!

I'm gonna help her up. What is your husband like? He likes

sweet things.

Okay, so... Well, you're in the right place. Stop heckling

the new lady in town. I am gonna give you the rearest, nakedest leg lock. If you

don't...

I will call the police

if you guys don't stop this. So you mean Mark? Yes, I mean Mark. We all know what he did to you in high school, and he was wearing a mascot suit. Mark is not gonna show up after I call the police and give me a chipmunk chunk from the three -point line.

In cuffs.

He's not. He's not gonna cuff me and throw me dressed as a chipmunk into the goal.

Sometimes you gotta chunk a bitch. That's what he said.

I know, and that was

crazy rude.

I couldn't believe they counted it for the team. Yeah.

It won the game?

Yeah.

It was the game winner. The game wasn't... It didn't even start until a few hours later, and somehow they called it. The refs ran in and called it, and we won the homecoming game.

I'm sorry. I just... I'm in a bit of a rush here. I wanted to get my husband some donuts before...

Yes. He works the night shift. Okay, would you like glazed? Would you like me to just do an assortment? That might be easier.

Oh, yeah. So you have a little and everything. A dozen. Okay, I'm gonna give you a dozen sorted. But can you make sure that they are maple bars?

Okay, so you don't want assorted. You want all maple

bars. Oh, different sizes and shapes.

Ma 'am, can I give you a little pro tip?

The assorted donuts are not gonna be warm.

Oh. They're gonna be cold trash. Oh. They're not cold trash. They're room temp yummy. Okay? Yeah, right.

No such thing. Room temp yummy. Room temp yummy. Room temp yummy.

Okay? Well, I'll get you... We don't have different sized maple bars. They're all one size. You can cut them up if you want. Okay? I've got to get you in and out.

So I'll do that. I'll do a

dozen maple bars. The hot gos are piling up. And you can just cut them up for me. One in the shape of a triangle. No,

no. You have to cut them up. Ma 'am, you're new to town, okay? You're starting to get on my nerves.

Ma 'am, I'm three seconds away from shaving your head right now. Don't

do it.

shave. Don't

Don't do it. Well, it's either yours or mine. It's pretty much

It's pretty much shaved. And that's how I want to keep it. Okay? Pretty much shaved.

shaved.

Okay. It's how my hubby likes me. Okay. All right. So, okay. Just a 12 room temp yummy maple bar and a knife. Okay. Great. There's plastic knives right over there where

the creamer and the sugar is. All right. Here you go. That'll be 12 -14. Oh, and do you have whole milk?

Yes. Yes.

One whole milk? I'll do a gallon of whole milk. We don't have a gallon. The biggest we have is a quart. Okay. How many quarts in

a gallon? Ma 'am, move. Does anybody know how many quarts? I think four. I think four. Would you like four quarts?

I'll do four quarts. Okay. Here you go. Look at

them go by in the window. Look at the donuts.

Yeah. The donuts are piling up,

so we need to really hurry this. Okay. Thank you. Which one are you going to get?

This one.

Cash or card. I want that one. I

want

I'm

that one.

you. Don't ask me.

asking

Whatever you have.

Whatever you prefer. Cash

or card. I don't care. I'm trying to make your life a little easier. Why don't we do card? Because it'll be a little bit quicker. Okay.

Here you go. Tap it. Great. Do do.

Great. It's working. Did it

go through? It's working. Super declined, it says. Super declined. Can you just give us the sample donut?

Yeah. How about that? I know when the hot sign's on, usually they come in with one little plastic stick and they give out one free donut. The new lady in town just got super declined. And I've got a whole thing of maple bars here and four quarts of milk.

Do you have another card? I owe Bruce Wayne money.

Okay. Do you have cash? What? Do you have cash? Yeah. No, not coins. I can't do the two. One. Two. Come on. Two.

Oh, my hair.

No. Hey.

Oh, my hair. Well, it looks like you need to leave.

Josh.

Josh. Yes. No.

One less

customer

for life.

Let me put these milks back and dump the maple bars. We have to dump them. If we put them in a box, we can't just put them back in the display case.

It's not unusual for you to dump. It's a trash can right here. Grandpa, get out of the trash. It's a trash can right here. Grandpa, out of the

trash. You should be ready with that.

Grandpa, out of the trash. I can't believe you put a big trashed liner in your mouth.

Yeah. How do

you agree with that? Hey, did your manager

know about this? This seems pretty. Don't go. This seems

pretty unsanitary. I'm going to choke out your grandpa. Don't you do it. Yeah.

Okay. You want to go old man? Don't you do it.

He's

on

Put

death.

die. You're about to death's? You shouldn't even be out of hospice.

I'm so hungry.

Son, and I'm

talking to the guy who works here. Son. Yes. Don't call me son. Grandpa

and keep the line

moving. Okay. Josh, what do you want?

First, I want my free hot sample donut. I want

you to take the little plastic stick. Do you have the coupon?

There is no coupon.

I don't understand what you're talking about. A free hot sample. To make people excited while they're waiting. They give out one free donut if they're feeling generous. You have donuts backed up.

I'm not feeling generous. Okay? All right. Especially since you

pulled my pants to the ground and spanked me at the homecoming.

You know what? Give me all the hot donuts.

the hot donuts. Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no. Hey, it's okay. I'm going to be a reseller. I'm going to be a reseller. Give me all the hot

all

donuts. No, I was doing StubHub. You do DonutHub and you resell for too

much. Oh, that kind of hub. I'm bidding. I'm bidding on all the donuts. I'll buy them for $3 ,000 and I'm not going to resell them. They're all for me.

We're not

doing a triple resale. I know you're going to

resell them.

Okay? We have a 12, one dozen per customer policy. You all know that.

12, one dozen? Because of reselling.

No.

You said it. Donut.

Don't nitpick. I'll shut this place down right now. I dare you. And I'll turn it into a Dunkin' Donut. I

swear. And y 'all don't want that, do you? No. God, no.

Nobody wants this to turn into a Dunkin' and

I'll do it. I'll switch franchises in a second. No way.

I know we're not Funkin' on Dunkin', okay? Hey, Keith, we're really backed up. You want me to stop making hot donuts

no. We need the hot does,

okay? Just stack them up. They'll just

back up. They'll become room -timpin' yummy. It's all right. What'd you say? Room -timpin' yummy.

What'd you say with the

hot

All right, give me two dozen hot just

to - No. I said one dozen per

customer, Josh. Okay, give me one dozen hot

just to keep the line going. Okay, great. At this point, I'm freaking out about the experience of all the other customers. You're not - We just want a hot donut. No, you're not doing a freak out to get sympathy.

No, you're not getting sympathy from a freak out right

now. You're so sensitive. Listen,

here's a dozen. Cash your card.

Which one do you prefer?

I don't care.

Okay, how about - That's two cards because it'll be quicker. Slightly quicker. Do you take Scrip?

No. My son's school is doing Scrip right now. I

don't know what that is. Me either. No. I take Cash your card. I just know we buy it.

No, we're not

doing Scrip. All right, here's Cash.

Do -do -do. Super decline. Okay. You do. Do you

buy Cash's decline?

No. Yeah. Well, somehow, yes.

Jackson's giving me a no on the front. He's shaking his head no hologram. Card, card. Do -do -do. Super decline. What?

Andrew

Josh, go. Go.

No.

Go.

Don't. I'm angry, and you know what happens when I get angry.

He's turning

green. I will. Does the Hulk get a different?

better? We have to know the rules. I am a different

Does the Hulk

donuts. If

you are a superhero and emotions turn you into a new guy,

another.

you can't get

No. Is he doing it? No, Grandpa. Fox, are these here?

Grandpa, I'm not doing it. Fox, are these here? You're trying to get everybody to do his business. No. No. If you are a new guy, when you get angry, you can get an extra dozen.

Okay? I am different,

man. Here's a second dozen. Okay. Hulk, you need to carry your other guy's hot does to the car, because now you have two. All right?

Okay. You got to pay for both. Okay. Okay. Here's Hulk's card.

Here's the card. Okay. Authorizing.

Authorizing. Give it up, man. I know what it's going to say.

Declined. Wait, no.

Super

declined.

No. Yes, I've been sitting outside, and I've been thinking about it. Sitting on the ground. I hope this place turns to dust.

Do not. I hope this place. Don't curse this.

Yeah. Don't curse this Krispy Kreme like you did

the town barn. One, two, three,

four, five, six.

No. I hope that Krispy Kreme turns to sticks.

No. Nine, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. I hope that you are deader than a hen.

11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16. If a bomb comes, I will be at the Sistine Chapel.

No.

I'll be in Italy. I'll be in Italy. You're making yourself leave the country in your curse. That's how happy I am for this place to be dust. You shouldn't have pissed off Mr. Witch. Mr. Witch, please undo the curse,

okay? No.

I don't want to. Don't make me as dead as a hen. I'm going to Italy.

I'm

going

Only if this place gets

bombed,

though,

right? Oh, my God. Yeah, it gets bombed. Mr. Witch is going. Which I hope.

Mr. Witch is going to Terminal 4 and getting on a... Lufthansa flight. A Lufthansa broom. A Lufthansa broom. No. No. That's right. No. Mr. Witch. Shit. My life sucks. My life has sucked since day one. I keep getting fucked with at school. Now I got cursed by Mr.

Witch. God damn. Hello. What,

Grandpa? I want a donut.

Here, take it.

Take it. You're not supposed to eat fatty sweets. Just so you know, you're on hospice. Who are you calling fatty

sweets? Don't

try to kiss me, Grandpa.

Salty thin. Don't try to kiss me, Grandpa. Grandpa, stop.

I'm not your ex -wife. She's dead. I know. I know that. Don't try to say that I have dementia. I have all my wits about me. I just want one last kiss from

the sexiest person here before I

go.

No. And it happens

to be my grandson.

No. Sounds like he's

got his wits about him. We need to get out of here.

Mr.

Witch just cursed the person. He's weird, but he's

got his wits about him. Honey, did you see that? I think that old man has his wits about him.

He doesn't have his wits about him. We all need to get out of here. The Krispy Kreme is cursed. Mr. Witch just flew Lufthansa broom. Lululemon.

What is

that? Off in the distance there. Whoa, whoa. Give my donuts quick. Oh, hurry.

Give my donuts quick. Everyone grab a donut and get out of here. He's coming right for us. No,

no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I

think that sniper was just a

little too late.

No, be shocked, Grandpa. Grandpa's been in. Grandpa! Are you going to heaven?

Are you going to heaven? No, that sniper was U .S. Army. In World War II, I defected. I killed Americans. So they're killing you? So now the American Army's been chasing me for years and they found me right at the end.

And the Krispy Kreme exploded. We were all

inside and now we're outside. Grandpa, we're dying. I can't believe you defected.

I

had the

that? I can. I can. I feel like I've wanted to live better my whole life and I've searched for a better life.

It's sucked for you

since day one. How many times have you been pinned? It's been in the town newspaper hundreds of times. I'm getting

pinned constantly and getting three taps and I lose the match over and over again. Even when I'm not in a wrestling match, when I'm at the grocery store, I'm getting pinned. No, it's okay though.

Life's been beautiful. Do you need a hug?

Refer it up and

eat.

it

Refer

up

It's

me.

You were

guess I

I

Wimperto's here.

Italy gave us. Well, let's all share one of the hottest does we've

had because they're all on fire.

ever

Feet.

You ever had crispy feet before? No. Actually, that'd be a good idea for a new restaurant. Crispy feet. Let's get better and open it. Let's

ourselves back together. Yeah, let's get better. Let's get better and put ourselves back together and open

put