Funny Undies

Our underwear bears a heavy burden. Supporting our bits and butts. Covering up our bits and butts. Trapping our stick. Well, call me crazy, but I think it's high time we give those undies an opportunity to make us laugh.

Hi, welcome to Funny Undies. How can I help you?

Hi, um, hmm. Hmm.

I guess I'm just here to browse. I know I'm going to find something I like, but I've never been in here before. People always do. Are you here out of curiosity? Have you always wanted Funny Undies, or have you never heard of anything

like this before? Oh, no, curiosity. I've been seeing the billboards for the last 80 miles. Every mile, you guys do a Funny Undies

billboard. That is just funny. And don't worry, for the next 80, we start doing that thing where it's like, if you missed it, turn around

one mile back. Yeah, it cost us a pretty penny, but I think it's worth it. Well, hey, I got Funny Undies on the brain. So what do you guys

have? I hope you'll have them on your butt, penis, and waist after you leave here.

Hey, me too. Me too, absolutely. Wow, that was really forward. Butt and waist. See, throwing in penis was a lot to hear, I'll be honest. We went from zero to 60 pretty quick.

Well, that's the Funny Undies way. If you don't like it, you can go. I don't

care. No, no, I'm not in a fight. It just sort of set me back a second.

Me neither. Can you show me like the most popular stuff? No problem, yeah. Just so I have a direction to go. Is this like for your friends to laugh at, for a partner to laugh at, or just for you to giggle around the house?

I guess it's for me to laugh at when I look in the mirror.

Great. I love what you're thinking. So over here, this section is all taking like real things, like other jokes, and using them for undies.

Oh, you guys have live models. That's cool.

Yes. So this is Steven and Brett. Hello.

Hey, guys.

Hello. So Steven is wearing our Big Dogs line of funny undies.

Yeah,

those are really big. Yeah, the joke on these is that they're not your size.

Okay. We figure out your size, then we up it by about 3X,

and then you're a crap. And then, of course, when I turn around, obviously you can see there's no joke on my penis or waistline, but on my butt, it says, whoa, these will fit soon the way I'm eaten.

That's good. How about that? Okay, that's funny. Thank you, Steven. That's our bestseller. Whoa! Little draft and they're gone.

Excuse me.

I just fell over there.

I hope you don't mind.

Just seeing

all of Steven. Oh, yes. No, no, no. I love how hard the AC is blowing in here. So

I'm happy to take the consequences. Awesome. And Steven knew when he got this job that this was going to happen possibly. I was

briefed.

And now I've been debriefed. Okay,

goodbye.

That's not the last you've seen of Steven. At least,

well, maybe you'll see him looking a little different, but.

I got to say, I love this shop.

Even if I don't buy anything, I'm having a blast. And that's the whole goal here.

Okay, well, let's see what Brad has to

that's okay. It's really okay. Brett's okay. Brett, is it okay with you? That's fine. Okay. It's

offer. Brett, but

fine. It's been happening all my life. So you can

tell. All right. So this one is kind of the age old joke. Do you know which one you're wearing, Brett? Or would you like me to describe it?

Yeah. No, you've often heard the phrase banana hammock, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. It's like a joke. Like people call Speedos banana hammocks because it's like a little sort of piece

that you can kind of imagine that it's a hammock for your banana. Yeah, so I get what you're not wearing.

So this, of course, is the meatball mattress.

Oh.

What about that idea?

I actually have to look at it for a minute here to really get it. So this is just a platform that hooks underneath your legs

and holds up

your meatballs

as if they were on a diving platform. Yeah. Yeah, pretty much exactly that. You'll see

where it attaches. I'll turn around here. Sorry. You might see my crack there. Oof. Jeez.

Brett, what are we talking about? Don't put meat in my underwear.

Oh, that's meat. Yeah.

keep my lunch in there. Well, then it actually smells good. It actually smells good. If I knew what it

I

was, it smells good. Sometimes smells just need to be

recontextualized. That's something you just need to learn. But yeah, you'll see sort of in the same way that suspenders will sort of clip into the

front and the back of your pants. The meatball mattress just clips into the front and the back of your underwear and just sort of rests gently below

your balls. And so we can do Tempur -Pedic. We can do a hybrid mattress.

We can do foam all. Well, let me just say, so far, I've loved what you guys are offering. Both models, fantastic. Thank you. But I'm looking for underwear that's going to cover my penis.

And the only things you've shown me so far do not cover any intimate areas. And so I want it to be

funny. Get ready!

I want it to be funny, but I also want it to serve, maybe I'm boring as a customer for you guys, but I do want it to be underwear.

And this one will be. So come back out, Stephen. Hello!

Or is it? Or is it? Same face.

It's

Yeah, it's Stephen.

me. Yeah. So what do we think? Oh, okay. Now this is good. It definitely covers in the front,

which is good. Uh -huh. Big, chunky waistband, which I love. And can you see the pun? Can you see the pun on the penis? The picture on the penis. It looks like it's going underneath.

Mm -hmm.

No, I can't.

You can't.

All right. So let's get on your back and wide legs here, Stephen. You know, I think I'm

ready to see the next pair.

Okay, Stephen, go change on it. Oh, dang!

Goodbye! Okay, thanks, Stephen. They don't all work for your taste, you know what I mean?

Yeah, so that one said banana hole.

And do you see it?

I do get it. I just, yeah, I don't like

it. Yeah,

it's a hole for your banana. Well, it looks like it puts the banana into the hole.

Yeah, usually it's banana peel.

But this one's banana hole?

Right.

That one wasn't as funny for me.

Okay, that's fine. That was mine, to be

honest. And I apologize. That's

But it's got to be subjective, right? I'm not

fine.

saying it wasn't funny. I guess I wasn't able to find the humor. Absolutely. Absolutely. And this

is indicative of the type of stuff. This is a banana pointing into the butthole. So what's funny

about it? It's like a banana peel, but instead it's a hole.

We're going to go over. Have you had time to check? What does that have to do with anything?

Yeah, I'll be out in just a second. All right, Brett's a little slower on the

quick changes, which is a problem, but it gives you a chance. Well, he does have the more elaborate costumes. The first one was just a large pair of underwear that flew off. He had to put sauce and everything on his meatballs.

Yes, he did. Or he didn't have to. He chose to. That doesn't come with the product. Oh. While we're eating here, if you want some hummus in an underwear and some pitas in the

shape of underwear. This is nice. You got a little crudité.

Yeah, yeah, because

the changes take a while. And this is unused, right? These are unused sort of clean undies.

The hummus or the undies?

Hopefully both.

Everything's washed. Is the hummus washed or is the garbanzo beans washed before it's made into hummus?

Both. We'll wash the hummus afterwards. Really? I don't know. Can you wash hummus?

Yeah, you put it in a colander and you put the water on spray in the sink and you just shove it in there and you let it soak in the grain.

Okay.

you guys

Are

done eating out there?

No, just starting, but

you can come out while he's eating. Okay, cool. And here we go. These are, of course, an absolutely classic Tidy Whitey. Wow,

really tidy. Yeah, yeah.

Well, you will notice that there is something that's a little bit different. I know you didn't like the exposure of the penis. These Tidy Whiteys, actually, you'll see they have a waistband and a sort of front and two leg holes, but you'll see they're tiny, wrapped around my penis and balls, and my testicles are hanging out the leg holes.

Now,

so that's like your little junk area is a person, and it's wearing the underwear as kind of its own little suit.

Right. But it's kind of more of a bikini, I guess.

Right. Well, hey, guys, you're four for four. You're four for four on funny. These are great. I love all these. I'm just not interested in buying any of the ones I've seen yet.

That's fine. Can I give you

sort of what I was expecting

when I made the stop? I have a feeling it's exactly where we're going right now, but I

want to hear what you're expecting. I guess, and maybe I'm not in the game, so maybe I'm a little lowbrow when it comes to this stuff, but I was just thinking big regular pair of Tidy Whiteys, big fake brown printed right on the back, you

know, a fake poop underwear,

something like that.

Or a

pair of Tidy Whiteys with a big yellow, right?

nice

You know, a nice

peepee underwear, something that's like simple but funny. Okay. Well, I have one I could unveil. Come on

out, student.

Or

is it? Or is it? Yep, it's me.

So,

this, of course, you can see on the waist, it says, picture Brad Pitt in these. Oh,

funny. Okay, so funny.

And around the back, I'll show you. And that says banana hole. So, what do we think? That is actually really funny. That's really

funny, but I only know, I only think it's funny because I've seen the previous banana hole performance. Oh. Oh, yeah. I don't know that in the wild. So, those drawers too.

I see what you're trying to do. I see what

you're trying to do. It's a two for one day.

is. You can buy two pairs of underwear for your own. That was a fart. Well, you

It

do have a little horn back there as well. And that stinks, but it's not what you think. That is some hot dogs I'm making. That wasn't my fart. It does actually smell good. Okay, that was a good misdirect. No, I'm going to see the next one.

Oh, let's do a fast. Let's show him fast. That's fine. Let's show him six fast.

Quick one. Steven, come on out. This one's a quickie. Oh no, Brett, excuse me.

Oh my

God. Isn't it Brad? No, it's been Brett

since the beginning. Come on guys. This has been happening my whole freaking life.

Oh, if he's going to be crying, I don't want to see the next

make sense when you're crying. Oh yeah, this one makes sense actually. It's perfect that he's crying. Okay. Come on out bud.

one.

these underwear

Look, it's like a little

underwear or it's

a little umbrella for your

like

wiener.

it? Yeah.

And that's

The tears. So you're crying because the implication is you're crying because you don't like your wiener.

And so the umbrella is to cover the tears. Right. Okay, fine. Why don't we throw those in the maybe pile

because that doesn't seem like it would fit.

All

right.

I thought you'd have a fresh pair. I just meant

No, we were debriefed. We were briefed that we could get our undies ripped off at any time if the customer doesn't

that style.

like it. We were debriefed and they'd be debriefed. Okay. Okay.

All right. So it's me. Yep. Me the whole time. So this says fruit of the boom. And then on the back you can see the first ever atom bomb explosion

in the desert.

So what do we think about these? And then what does it say sort of at the bottom right? Banana holes.

Now you will want to wear

these to Oppenheimer. I guarantee it.

Show these in the theater for an extra ticket out of the

theater. Okay. Okay. Good. Yeah. I do want to be safe when I go watch that film. If

you show these in the theater I guarantee you'll get a ticket straight out of the theater.

Okay.

Good.

And it's

way.

one

Good.

What do you think? Christopher Nolan, Oppenheimer,

pretty cool. Pretty cool. Very of the moment. I think I'm going to pass on those ones but it's really cool.

All right. Here I come. You don't need to debrief so hard if I'm passing. Here I come. You do not need to flick their penises. You do not need I don't know if you did that for

me or what. We were debriefed. No but that's not it's not good for me. It's not fine

as in I'm getting anything out of it. Here I come. Here I come. Brett, take it easy. Come on,

Brett.

Okay, Brett. We're ready for you. Come on out, Brett. This one's a funny visual joke so you'll see it's a classic

All of them have been.

Yeah, but this is it's a classic sort of schoolyard prank that kids would play on the

front. Obviously, you see on the front it says guess what, chicken butt? and then you turn around and of course the butt is

banana hole.

Yeah.

Who among us didn't get pranked by the guess what chicken butt in school? Me, yeah.

Absolutely. Pranks after pranks after pranks and this one takes the power back from the

bullies. And what is the prank? Someone just says chicken butt to you? Oh

my God, I've been

thrown right back into middle school. I'm so sorry. You do seem you're sweating all of a sudden. Oh, your nose is bleeding.

I'm so sorry. You must have really been made fun of.

Jesus.

Yeah, but I've taken the power back, haven't I? Yeah, you opened funny

undies.

The only one 10 miles off the freeway. Somebody made fun of his undies early on

and he took the power back. Yes. What was wrong with your original undies? Not funny?

Or too funny? Too funny in the sense of what someone pantsed me in front of the whole school. I

was running for student body president

and

when I went up

not just somebody the principal pantsed me.

And you had on the most serious undies anyone

has

ever seen. Well, you know what that means.

That just means the principal's threatened by you. That just means you threatened that you're going to take their job. You sound just like my mom. Thank you. But, you know, I can know that now but as a kid that stuck with me. I wore two serious undies not knowing I was going to get pantsed by the principal that day. And so ever since my undies have always been funny, I won't be caught with my pants down.

Can I ask what was so serious about the undies? They have the constitution on them or something?

No. Okay. Is this okay?

yeah. Please tell me. To hear it? Because you're not going to be happy when I tell you.

Yeah,

I think I'm

ready. They said Schindler's piss on them. That's very serious.

That's very serious. And

I have

funny.

a child. And that's not

No.

I'm a

child of the early 90s. Right. And I was a fan of the movie. I was really moved by it. And so my mom made me undies that were kind of like

for the movie.

Right. But they can't be just Schindler's list. But you showed

them in the theater. You got to include underwear

nomenclature.

That's right. And so I showed them at the theater.

What happened?

Was it sold out?

Full packed.

Back house. Ruckus.

And this was at the Gromans.

Yeah.

Yes. The Wallace and Gromans. The Wallace and Gromans Theater. Okay. So not that big. It's all claymation filled with chicken.

And it was full and they gave me a ticket right out.

Wow.

Yeah. But anyway, so that's why

we're here. One way ticket. Now, here's what we're going to do.

You're going to get to put on and take off all of these for Stephen and Brett.

And that way you can see them as you're putting them on and off and see them on a body. Oh, and I can gauge the reaction of how they look on me.

Yes, exactly. Okay. So I'll stand in front of the mirror. You guys look beyond both sides of the mirror and I'll be sort of auditioning for all of us. Great. And so these are from our, there's the ones from our and one collection over here.

I love the size of them.

They're huge

and shiny. They're like Allen Iverson's basketball shorts but underwear. And then we have over here, these are just straight funny. So South Park characters, family guy stuff. Okay. Really funny stuff. Okay.

Great. Great. And then some of these are puns.

Okay, great. Well, let me throw on the Iversons first. Okay. Okay. They're huge. They cover me. I like them. I like how they swing.

What do you think guys? I love them. I love

them. I really like how they look.

Yeah. I think they could be a little funnier.

I agree.

They feel more like shorts than they do undies. So we're going to pass on these. All right. Stripping these

off. No, I got it.

God.

Oh,

Ooh. Okay. I'm going to try on these next ones. These are some pun ones. You guys scream out what

they are when I put them on. Okay. These say Calvin Klein, but it's that little character pissing on the penis. Okay. These are yes. We

made a sale. We made a

sale.

Oh,

my

God. Okay.

Next one. Here we go. I'm going to squeeze these guys

on here.

Let's see. BVDs. BVDs. Okay. Beefy, very diaper.

Okay.

Beefy, very diaper. So this is a diaper that we've written the letters BVD on. It's a beefy, very diaper. I

got to say, I like these.

sale. We

We made a

made a sale. Put these in the yes pile. Okay. Let me try on the meatball platforms here. Oh,

nice.

Okay. Ooh, hot sauce.

Oh, yeah. Hot sauce. I would say that stinks,

but I like its smell because it's meat. Good smell for meat sauce, bad smell for if it's from your body.

Okay. I, you know, I'm more of a sausage ragu guy. So I'm going to say, I'm going to pass on

these. Oh. And can I do a quick shower before I try on the other one? Absolutely. Do you want the science shower or do you want to go to the back for the regular

show? I'll use the eyewash station. I'll use

the eyewash station.

If you put your foot up on there and you

up there. Just

lap it

lap it up.

Yeah.

Lap it up.

Ow, God, this is hot water.

Oh, Jesus, hurry up. A scientist is running in. It looks like his eyes are burning. Hurry up.

please, I'm using this. Oh, my God.

My junk has meatballs on it. Oh, I need it. My

eyes. Okay, fine, get in there. My eyes.

We have to figure out a way to pull that down. We're so sorry, fellas. Hot eyewash. Oh, I love these first atom bomb drawers.

Can I buy them? Absolutely. I'm a scientist. I like that stuff.

You fucking scientists have to wait your turn just like everybody else.

Come on. In front of the boom, please. Take a second, all right? Just because this man is blue collar and a loser doesn't mean you can go right ahead of him with your college job. No, I'm sorry. I own beakers. I'm going to break in front of this poor blue collar man. Okay, well, why don't you give me the second banana hole ones and yeah, that'll be it. Two for one.

Okay, great. This has been so wonderful for

us. It's honestly been really funny.

So it'll be $40 for the underwear,

$2 .75 for the try on experience. $2 .75.

I wish.

$275.

Sounds like I wish. We both wish

that. And of course, tips are graciously accepted. They are. It's not that gracious. I gotta be honest.

If you ask to

my face, it's not that much grace.

Tips all the time for a little rhyme. Oh,

so you want to be tipped

also?

each other back and forth. I wish I wasn't hungry because I tried on undies. So give me some money and I will be your honey. Okay. Okay, here's the first tip.

Yeah, we could tip

And now that's your honey. Steven's your honey. And

I'm your honey. And the second tip, thank you. And here's the third tip. What? I want to be your honey. I don't want that.

Well, you've tipped back and forth. So who came out on top in the aggregate there?

I lost. I gave him some money.

I gave him some of my money. Well, have a wonderful day, sir. And please post a picture of yourself in your funny

undies. You know I will. And tag us on Instagram at funny undies, please. Okay, great. And just to let you guys know, I do run a very successful Instagram and TikTok account. I have 900 ,000 followers.

Whoa. And it's called blue collar Billy.

Wow.

You're blue collar Billy. What? Shut up. You don't know. You are? Shut up. No, we all follow you. Oh my God. You do like Billy the Big Mouth Bass where you stand in people's houses

and when they walk by, you turn and sing to them. Yeah,

that's me. Yeah. I was wondering why you were nailed to a big oak backboard.

Hey, thanks for not asking any rude

questions. I should have recognized

that. Wow. Take me to the undies.

Whoa. I

want

see the

to

undies. It's fucking working.

Wow. I

get my

can't

camera

working. Keep going. I'm going to film. Hurry,

Just get it. Just go back to the camera app.

Why did you smile in your facial recognition? Smile, pick, don't frown. Did you

frown? Okay, bye. Do you not remember what makes you do? I can't remember what face I did every time I've got my phone. Damn it. All right, Mr. Scientist, come on through. Thank you. I'll take one fruit of the boom please.